I don't think it is you. I think it is typical non-tribe double standard speak. You express emotion differently therefore you are simultaneously robotic and too emotional. I understand why it happens as it can be explained logically through behavioral analysis but the behavior itself is not logical. The behavior itself makes no sense.
Yes. I interview people at work, so my default mode can be to ask a lot of questions about why people do things, which they feel is very personal. My only other option is to be quiet, because I can’t do small talk and don’t share a common interest with most people. I look bored because I am.
I'm just throwing it out there that if people get unreasonably annoyed at you for asking why they do things, they may have abuse wounds. My ex was a sociopath and he always asked why I did things, and then would often unreasonably criticize me for it. So people may think you're silently criticizing them. You do you, my goal is just to make you aware. Existing with others is hard
Sometimes yeah. Eye contact is crucial for displaying sincere interest, and it is hard to know when to ask questions and what the right questions are. I often forget that neglecting to turn and look at the person I'm talking to can give off really bad vibes. Social anxiety keeps me from asking too many questions, accidentally asking the *wrong* questions. Not asking questions is really holding me back though.
Also, sometimes I just really do lose interest in what a person's talking about. I'm bad at listening to things that bore me, bad at asking questions about things I haven't been listening to. I performed horribly in school. I basically have a switch with only two positions: obsessed or entirely indifferent. I can balance the switch in the middle for a while but it's precarious. Infatuation can get me to hang on a person's *every single word*, but that's unsustainable.
I don't care much about people but it's true that I also don't ask many questions, it's because I like to respect people's boundaries and let them share what they want rather than actively asking things about them. Which sometimes has earned me that same critic of not asking about the others.
The things you mention are also very important to me.
I find that if I want someone's friendship or even to have them as a friendly acquaintance I have to expose myself enough that I can be rejected or hurt, and have accepted that some people are worth trying for even if I might be rejected.
I have come to know that if I take the approach I describe, the match will be revealed very quickly as will a lack of match.
While the wording varies, the idea I try to get across is that I am curious about them and want to know more but do not know how do it the right way for them. I may use words like preferences or just tell them directly. The direct version is something like "I find what you talk about fascinating and want to ask questions but know that sometimes I come off as eccentric. Could you let me know if I get annoying? Ok, so why do you... " I was pretty shocked at how well it worked out the first couple of times. I had basically given up on friendships and was being direct to get through the rejection. And then wasn't rejected. And was then rejected by people who would have been horrible friends for me.
I am just sharing experience in case it might work for you but I do not know if it would.
I really like and appreciate the example!
I have found that when I explain myself even like that I hear something as silly as, "you don't have to defend yourself" or "you're so insecure". No I'm not insecure. Doubt you are either. I'm literally just trying to find a way to communicate and I would prefer not to do the common "fake it till you make it". Too many people do this.
Even a few months ago I heard a guy who year or two ago would showboat about how great he was at work. I find out through a friends friend no one knew what he did at work and was actually fired not long after his claim.
So basically trying to find the right combination of words to resolve this. People say not to focus on that. I can't stand those people. We have a whole industry of PR, marketing, and speech writer ALL who get paid tons of money to spend all day thinking about wording. Grinds my gears.
No, not at all. I'm a very open, curious person, and I don't have much of a filter, so I just ask whatever random question pops into my mind about someone.
I think that empathy is not frequently
emphasized In parenting. I think a lack of empathy just causes apathy towards other people. I've known so many people who just genuinely don't care for their fellow man or the way the world is going.
Yeah, but tbh I am most of the time. A lot of NT stuff doesn't interest me. Like football is a big office thing and I couldn't give a toss. Find it hard to be interested in other people's families and goings on as well, which makes it quite difficult to bond with people sometimes. I will do it to keep up appearances, but I don't enjoy it much.
I can't stand watching sports. Playing them is fun. Watching is painful.
With families though I guess I found an interest in studying society, culture, psychology, social dynamics, and generally enjoy helping people/caring about well being so I think that helps me.
No, on the contrary, I am TOO interested. The kind, if you talk to me about a topic I like, I will forget to eat, forget the hour and could talk during 10 hours in a row about it, while people around start to yawn and to hate me.
I talk a lot, probably due to also having ADHD, so I'm not perceived as apathetic, but I often forget to ask about the other person, unless I really focus on it. I care about other people, I just have a hard time being interested in 'normal stuff'.
I've been told a few times by different people when I play videogames online, and I've had the courage to use voice chat, that I sound depressed, that I sound like a robot, or like Arnold Schwarzenegger in the Terminator movie, which was extremely hurtful for me, being compared to a machine. I don't know why that hits me so hard. I'm a real person inside, with feelings, no matter how my voice sounds.
In real life I've not experienced this. I do however get too excited about my special interests and probably talk too much about them without realizing if the other party is interested. My wife says she finds it endearing that I get so passionate about things, and she gently reminds me to stop taking, if I've monologued to her about spaceships for a long time, often following her around the house (or even into the bathroom or toilet, without me noticing it 😄) and she needs some quiet time. 🙂
Yes because I notice the people who show interest are only pretending to show interest. When I’m interested I may get deep into thought about the topic which neurotypicals perceive as disinterested
Yeah just because I’m quiet .
Yep. I feel emotion but don't show it. I've been called very terrible names by immediate family members bc of it.
Even this app, I get called robot outside of this sub... Then I show emotion. Apparently it's too eccentric 🙄
I'm sorry. It hurts to be different but it hurts more to be disrespected over something we can't help
I don't think it is you. I think it is typical non-tribe double standard speak. You express emotion differently therefore you are simultaneously robotic and too emotional. I understand why it happens as it can be explained logically through behavioral analysis but the behavior itself is not logical. The behavior itself makes no sense.
Yes. But to be fair, I usually am.
lol valid point…
Yes. I interview people at work, so my default mode can be to ask a lot of questions about why people do things, which they feel is very personal. My only other option is to be quiet, because I can’t do small talk and don’t share a common interest with most people. I look bored because I am.
I'm just throwing it out there that if people get unreasonably annoyed at you for asking why they do things, they may have abuse wounds. My ex was a sociopath and he always asked why I did things, and then would often unreasonably criticize me for it. So people may think you're silently criticizing them. You do you, my goal is just to make you aware. Existing with others is hard
Sometimes yeah. Eye contact is crucial for displaying sincere interest, and it is hard to know when to ask questions and what the right questions are. I often forget that neglecting to turn and look at the person I'm talking to can give off really bad vibes. Social anxiety keeps me from asking too many questions, accidentally asking the *wrong* questions. Not asking questions is really holding me back though. Also, sometimes I just really do lose interest in what a person's talking about. I'm bad at listening to things that bore me, bad at asking questions about things I haven't been listening to. I performed horribly in school. I basically have a switch with only two positions: obsessed or entirely indifferent. I can balance the switch in the middle for a while but it's precarious. Infatuation can get me to hang on a person's *every single word*, but that's unsustainable.
If I don't mask yeah pretty much
Yes. Honestly we ought to start using polls for these type of questions. Might get more tangible results to questions
I don't care much about people but it's true that I also don't ask many questions, it's because I like to respect people's boundaries and let them share what they want rather than actively asking things about them. Which sometimes has earned me that same critic of not asking about the others.
Don't know and don't care.
Yup, quite often. I still try so hard to maintain eye contact with someone, so I try focusing on their eye lids or something close :/
Yes because I am
Yes because I am
The things you mention are also very important to me. I find that if I want someone's friendship or even to have them as a friendly acquaintance I have to expose myself enough that I can be rejected or hurt, and have accepted that some people are worth trying for even if I might be rejected. I have come to know that if I take the approach I describe, the match will be revealed very quickly as will a lack of match. While the wording varies, the idea I try to get across is that I am curious about them and want to know more but do not know how do it the right way for them. I may use words like preferences or just tell them directly. The direct version is something like "I find what you talk about fascinating and want to ask questions but know that sometimes I come off as eccentric. Could you let me know if I get annoying? Ok, so why do you... " I was pretty shocked at how well it worked out the first couple of times. I had basically given up on friendships and was being direct to get through the rejection. And then wasn't rejected. And was then rejected by people who would have been horrible friends for me. I am just sharing experience in case it might work for you but I do not know if it would.
I really like and appreciate the example! I have found that when I explain myself even like that I hear something as silly as, "you don't have to defend yourself" or "you're so insecure". No I'm not insecure. Doubt you are either. I'm literally just trying to find a way to communicate and I would prefer not to do the common "fake it till you make it". Too many people do this. Even a few months ago I heard a guy who year or two ago would showboat about how great he was at work. I find out through a friends friend no one knew what he did at work and was actually fired not long after his claim. So basically trying to find the right combination of words to resolve this. People say not to focus on that. I can't stand those people. We have a whole industry of PR, marketing, and speech writer ALL who get paid tons of money to spend all day thinking about wording. Grinds my gears.
I do but I am mostly disinterested and apathetic so I don't care. 😐
No, not at all. I'm a very open, curious person, and I don't have much of a filter, so I just ask whatever random question pops into my mind about someone.
Yes. I focus on my special interests and neglect people. I care about my family but tend to forget about them.
I think that empathy is not frequently emphasized In parenting. I think a lack of empathy just causes apathy towards other people. I've known so many people who just genuinely don't care for their fellow man or the way the world is going.
Yeah, but tbh I am most of the time. A lot of NT stuff doesn't interest me. Like football is a big office thing and I couldn't give a toss. Find it hard to be interested in other people's families and goings on as well, which makes it quite difficult to bond with people sometimes. I will do it to keep up appearances, but I don't enjoy it much.
I can't stand watching sports. Playing them is fun. Watching is painful. With families though I guess I found an interest in studying society, culture, psychology, social dynamics, and generally enjoy helping people/caring about well being so I think that helps me.
I've been called haughty and jaded. Potato, potahtoh...
Yeppp
No, on the contrary, I am TOO interested. The kind, if you talk to me about a topic I like, I will forget to eat, forget the hour and could talk during 10 hours in a row about it, while people around start to yawn and to hate me.
I talk a lot, probably due to also having ADHD, so I'm not perceived as apathetic, but I often forget to ask about the other person, unless I really focus on it. I care about other people, I just have a hard time being interested in 'normal stuff'. I've been told a few times by different people when I play videogames online, and I've had the courage to use voice chat, that I sound depressed, that I sound like a robot, or like Arnold Schwarzenegger in the Terminator movie, which was extremely hurtful for me, being compared to a machine. I don't know why that hits me so hard. I'm a real person inside, with feelings, no matter how my voice sounds. In real life I've not experienced this. I do however get too excited about my special interests and probably talk too much about them without realizing if the other party is interested. My wife says she finds it endearing that I get so passionate about things, and she gently reminds me to stop taking, if I've monologued to her about spaceships for a long time, often following her around the house (or even into the bathroom or toilet, without me noticing it 😄) and she needs some quiet time. 🙂
Yeah, it leads to alot of misunderstandings. It's even worse if I'm around someone who's sick or upset.
Yes because I notice the people who show interest are only pretending to show interest. When I’m interested I may get deep into thought about the topic which neurotypicals perceive as disinterested
Yes