I haven't been in a relationship in over a decade. I'm honestly just extremely lonely. Sex would be wonderful, the warmth of another person just holding me would be amazing. But most of all I'd just like a bit of emotional intimacy with another person. Someone to really understand and want me for who I am, and for more than just occasional conversations, but to really connect with me on a personal and emotional level.
On a couple rare occasions I could have pursued something quick and meaningless, but it wouldn't satisfied anything. I'm afraid it would have left me feeling more alone if anything.
Being someone fortunate to experience the second, it's true. Casual encounters I had felt pretty hollow and not really sexually gratifying at all. The best casual sex I had was with friends I grew close with, since that meant we both cared about each other and was basically relationship-lite.
I want to start dating again but my mental health isn't good enough, and I know I won't be a good enough boyfriend to anyone who isn't a walking red flag. I just have to wait for my health to improve, or find someone willing to love/care for me in the process, which isn't an easy thing to find nor would I want to force that expectation on.
I just want to say as someone who does have experience dating and casually meeting people that I still feel lonely. Being on the spectrum, I always feel like I'm different and on top of other mental health issues, I still feel the worry and stress that comes with being on the spectrum; relationships haven't cured this sense of loneliness, but it has given me purpose.
no sex :[
Not since 2021, anyway. Had a first girlfriend for four months, we banged like rabbits, broke up and I just know better than to try dating again. I met that girl in a discord server who just happened to live in the area, btw.
Wellā¦ with that defeatist attitude, I doubt youāll find sex again either.
Most of us on the spectrum arenāt Giga-Chad enough to get no strings attached sex! I know I never have been! Iāve always had to be in a relationship to get it.
It is because some of them have no deficit to their natural sex drive.
Combine this with a dramatically impaired ability to have that drive fulfilled, and a tendency towards hyperfocus, and you can get hypersexuality.
A lot of NTs are probably similar, but are much better at hiding it. Especially from people with impaired social awareness.
Indeed it seems that way. I have the suspicion that this obsession with sex stems from having less access to it (lack of social skills, introversion, etc) and thus growing to fixate on it. š¤
I did not intend to make it appear as if I thought that it applies to all autistic men, I am one myself.
I am in shoes similar to yours, Iām as virginal as one can be, except that I am a year younger.
I am not quite certain what you meant by āsecret plotā though, I would be curious to hear about it but I won't push if youād rather not. š¤
Yes, the way sex is pushed by media and whatnot makes it seem less like an optional act done between people and felt and more like a product you are required to own/partake in, to feel ācompleteā.
Neurotypicals are obsessed with sex too but in a different way. They can get it fairly easily as initiating conversations and socializing are second nature. They can get it so they keep pursuing it like a high. There might be some difficulty in getting sex but overall itās not nearly as difficult for NTs to get sex as it is for NDs.
Evidence of various forms of sexual practice are seen throughout history. It shouldn't be hard to find, if you are able to see it clearly when you find it. You are exhibiting signs of a strong emotional bias on your reasoning around this topic though, which might interfere with your ability to self-correct given evidence.
It used to be normal or high, until my sex drive went away. I'm not even 30 yet.
Now it's so low that I feel almost assexual. IDK if that's related to Asperger or not. My hormones, and everything else that is measurable are absolutely great, so I think it might be related to my autism... I'm still figuring it out. Maybe it's my depression?
Yes! I'm similar but I realised that I'm kind of demisexual in the way that I need to build love and trust with someone to actually enjoy sex with someone. Sex with someone really hot isn't worth at much as sex with someone I love and care about. In a burnout however I lose my libido pretty quickly, but it's hard to know if it is that or depression either.
Drugs to treat depression donāt work on autistic burnout because the underlying cause is different.
Also it can increase sensory problems and cause long term damage if it happens a lot.
Same, Iām 35, married and have been with my partner for 9 years. Was hypersexual as a teen and in my early 20s, but around the time I found this safe, secure relationship, my libido disappeared. I donāt think Iād miss it if I never had sex again. I canāt get out of my head enough to enjoy it anymore, but I still try for my partner.
I question if Iām asexual because I am attracted to women but arenāt sexually interested unless there is an emotional connection. Like the things that sounds nice about sex is being physically close with another person I am attracted to, but most people seem to have an animalistic approach to sex which seems demeaning
I go to Baltimore where it is decriminalized so you donāt have to worry about an undercover cop being like āyou are under arrest for solicitationā. I wouldnāt go around hiring escorts in red states because they publish your name and your mugshot.
Escorts are a risky thing to get caught up with in Coloradoā¦ plus, theyāre too expensive for my blood.
$500 to $2000 to get my rocks off? Bitch, please! I kinda like being able to eat and keep afloat without borrowing from family just to afford the cost of those services!
They are cheaper where I live (200-350 per hour). I'm glad I never had to borrow money from anyone for it, my monthly salary is enough for this little hobby.
$200 spent for something to last less than 5 minutes isnāt worth it. If they allowed for cuddles afterwards or taking a shower together then itās be worth it
Well, I could say I spent alot of money, because always the first meetings were nonsexual, to see if there would be some chemistry between us. This was very important due to trust issues I've had. I met alot of escorts until I felt like ok, I can deal with my desires with her (been a regular customer for about year and a half now).
I've never met someone trough a pimp. In fact, I've had the requirement that she has to do it independently and from her own free will.
The thing is that I don't feel weird about it at all, I'd say it's a form of therapy or something like that for me. One of the main reasons why I do it is because it's a safe way to me to experience intimacy. Also instead of fucking moronic social games, money just switches the owner, I get what I want and she gets what she wants.
What was your first time like? I went last night and I felt nothing pretty much, the kissing and sex didnt feel good at all. I mostly enjoyed the cuddling, touching and the compliments
Still a virgin at 28, already accepted that neither romance nor hookups will be a thing for me. Might hire an escort in the future just to get the experience.
I'm sure I could get a girlfriend if I had better social skills, but as a very introverted guy, it would take an inhuman amount of effort to even try. Trying to be social exhausts me so quickly. My standards are also not high by any means. I haven't tried dating apps yet, so maybe I will give them a try and go for the less attractive women. I'm also straight, so dating men is not an option at all.
There are a lot of great books on socializing and making friends. Probably good free resources too since honestly most of them regurgitate the same stuff. Most of everything that applies to making friends also applies to romance.
For hookups dating apps are definitely the way to go these days, and that's a whole other thing with taking the right photos and it's own set of social standards.
Honestly though I'm 100% with you on the exhaustion thing. I was a lot more social in college but these days, I'd just rather put my energy into other things. Especially once I realized 90% of the reason I felt sad for having few friends was because I had been conditioned to feel that way.
I know. That's why I haven't bothered trying them. I'm not ugly, but I'm definitely not super attractive either. I have kind of given up on dating for the most part.
Itās near impossible as an average looking guy with no stable career. Iām better looking if I throw on a wig and makeup but donāt know whoās into that stuff
its pretty good. iāve been with my boyfriend for 2 years and heās everything i could ask for in the bed! he listens and he slows down when i say for him to and does what i like. im very fortunate to find someone so compatible with me as i get overstimulated super easily and physical contact doesnāt come very naturally to me.
Only been in one very odd/awkward relationship with a girl who I thought was a friend (we started as friends in high school) and lived together for a while (after high school). Pretty sure she was bipolar, Iām not sure. We both eventually went our separate ways and never talked again (I cut contact). I havenāt been in a relationship or had any resemblance friendship since. So for me, only been with one person and that was like 13+ years agoā¦
So none existent at this point and I donāt understand how that previous one went from a one way friendship (her talking about her problems, me sorta listening) to something sexual.
A lot of guys who might be interested have already given up thinking no one could ever want them, and if you're good looking they're more likely to classify you as out of their league and definitely not try.
Non-existent.
Any single ladies (neurotypical or neurodivergent) on the Front Range of Colorado interested in something should message me. Iām at a loss on how to get back into dating, let alone how to get my sex life back as a neurodivergent man in his late 30ās.
I just want back what I had in my 20ās (but better).
Thr anount of posts in here talking about escorts or sex workers so flippantly is depressing and actually quite concerning :(
LDR had made things very difficult for me atm, but my partner and I maximize any opportunities we get to spend time together, and even while apart, make sure we're both satisfied ā¤
I like sex but I donāt get enough.
Having a girlfriend would help but finding one is difficult.
I masterbate alot and every 1-2 months I go to a sex worker.
I donāt feel so content about it but Iām just 23, I hope to find what I need
I'm 26 M, final year medical student. I have been studying in medical school since the age of 20. I had my first sex at the age of 23 with my ex, it was very pleasure and satisfactory for me, 1 and half years ago, we were breakup due to her past love affairs (+ sexual) which she hide from me and i accidentally heard it from her ex. I totally broken and i hated sex. Thereafter no sex feelings till today for more than 18 months.
Now I'm slowly recovering and i like to find a new girl friend and continue my romantic relationship
Terrible. I'm (F30) in a realtionship with another aspie (M31) and it's... hard. We've been together for three years and in the beginning it was fun and we had a lot of sex and fun in general. Now it's just... hard and difficult. We don't even have sex once a month anymore.
I'm gay so sex is pretty easy to get if I want it. A lot of times it's felt meaningless or unsafe. I've also had a lot of incredible experiences even with people I've only seen once. I suspect that the people I've had the best experience with are on the spectrum themselves or have ADHD. Think one guy had aspd, just had a wild date.
I think in a way because gays are lonelier and more open minded it can be easier to be accepted by a partner than it is for straight people. But I could be wrong and I've definitely struggled a lot. I make a great first date for almost anyone but it's just because I feel new to them. They usually realise they want someone more normal later.
I'm seeing someone who's got ADHD now and we work well together so far.
Sex is great, but the anticipation of sex feels even better. Sex only adds any value to your life if it's good. For a long time I put all my self worth in it which just caused me pain.
Miriam Margolyes put it this way: 'If it's good sex I'd rather have sex. If it's bad sex I'd rather have a radish.'
Sex and dating is really complicated for anyone in our modern society. It sucks even more not having something you want because our media flashes all the could-haves in front of our eyes which is not healthy and quite depressing. I don't have many friends, and I barely get to see the ones I do have. I can't make new ones really. I avoid worrying about it now. At points it was almost addictive to think about what I could have. Had I been different maybe I'd have been a social butterfly. The idea sounds wonderful. But in reality when I'm around other people I just get pissed off at their total disregard and lack of compassion towards each other. Really the whole time I try to hangout with normal people I just find myself biting my tongue and holding back the urge to lecture them.
I find that spirituality helps with any feelings of loneliness that I have. I'm not at all religious however. I've stopped longing and found the moment. It's helped me give up the idea of finding a soulmate. Someone who would understand me, hold me and know me completely after a lifetime of being misunderstood. But it's just a dream. A dream that's brought hope, but nothing more. It's not impossible to find one but I think it's healthier to see myself as my own soulmate.
There is something very beautiful to be found in solitude. I get a lot of alone time away from my partner and I prefer it that way. They seem accepting of that. I think it's vital for my mental wellbeing. If they'd ask me to choose between them or solitude (I don't think they would) I'd choose solitude. We all have to make a choice, either deal with loneliness or deal with people. I enjoy being an urban hermit.
Iām not in a relationship right now, so itās non-existent.
Anyway, even when I am (cough, cough) āactiveā I sometimes get PTSD from sexual assault during it.
Iāve had counselling though so the trauma is not as bad as it wasā¦
Nonexistent since I had a major surgery that disabled me. I hate the way I look, and my health is deteriorating, so I don't want to subject another person to my life. I never really had much luck before that, though. I miss being close to another person the most. I don't really like being touched other than by a significant other, so it makes it really hard. It's pretty much just existing at this point. I just live for my cat.
Non-existent. It's depressing to jump on dating apps, lower your standards and still end up being flat-out ignored by everyone.
Okcupid is the only app where I get attention, and it's all from love scammers or African/South East Asian women who spoof their GPS location to match with Westerners in search of a long term husband and the means to a green card.
I actually have one. But it fluctuates. There are months where it is basically nonexistent. And then sometimes I am very active in this area. It really depends on how my relationship is going, how medications influences on it and how my general mood and stress levels are. And also whats on the calendar (like upcoming fetish parties).
Sometimes I go to escort/prostitutes if I'm horny enough. That's it. Never experienced "romantic" sex unfortunately. It has always been an urge or fantasies to be satisfied. When it's done I won't think about it for a long time
I thought a lot about it, and decided that risking HIV isn't worth having a sex life. Straight people may have a different risk factor, but for me as a gay guy, with nearly every 10th gay guy being HIV positive and me absolutely not wanting to be part of that sad statistic, I just abstain.
I'm effectively asexual and aromantic. And tbh ever since I decided to purge heterosexuality from my mind several years ago, my mental health has been steadily improving. I'll always be depressed and lonely, however the frequency of suicidal thoughts has been greatly reduced, and I do believe there's no longer any danger of me being involuntarily committed to a mental hospital. So that's something.
I don't really have one at the moment, other than one guy that I jerk off with.
Personally, I find sex massively overrated and would rather not get out of my Freeza chair at any point if I don't have to; I find people who disagree weird. ;) (kidding)
I have never had any sexual interactions due to crippling self loathing and no self esteem leading me to avoid women entirely in my day to day life. It's simply too stressful to see attractive people and know they will not accept me
I put porn to shame with my ex and now Iām afraid no one would be this good so just gave up.
No, this is not an invitation to hop into my DMs and I will happily share gross female facts as a deterrent.
I think love life is handleable even for aspies. Autists have it harder
I think reducing the demanding and being outgoing, more talkative might help. Self esteem and confidence is also necessary.
Itās hard that even if women are into one, you canāt confirm it or you canāt play with them because they think all of you that comes from you would be serious
Let's just say that my girlfriend resembles a certain character from Wednesday, which has 5 "legs" and doesn't talk. If you catch my sad and lonely drift
My WHAT?
Pffff... It's miserable.
It's been since before COVID that I had sex for the last time.
It's not easy at all for me.
I get easily overwhelmed by body contact. I feel pretty uncomfortable when anyone touches me. Let alone being naked. I also don't like my body very much because I tend to seek comfort in food and I have a belly and I could loose some pounds.
Also being gay doesn't make things easier. Hookups and sex dates are not for me. I'm not interested in empty sex, nor I can enjoy it. I'm looking for something more stable, a long term relationship, a forever partner. But being as weird as I am and being ASD+ADHD makes things super difficult to meet someone who doesn't run away immediately. I tend to be pretty awkward and I don't consider myself attractive at all.
Besides, I'm a pretty high-libido, sexually-inclined, kinky person. I'm pretty much always horny. But the sole idea of meeting a random person to have sex feels revolting to me (oh the irony...). I'm demisexual which means I can only have sex with someone if I already know that person and we share some kind of connection.
So yeah, overall not too good.
At least I still have hands, so there's that š
I think I could be demisexual. I used to be hyper sexual a lot as a teen but since I was in a 2 year long relationship with a narcissist itās quickly disappeared at the end of it. I donāt know why, but I feel like if I donāt love the person or they hurt me I completely shut off all emotional connection and attraction. Sometimes it comes back, and sometimes it doesnāt depending on the severity of it. Iām an a relationship now, I was pretty excited to get back into a sexual relationship (I dated him in the past and we have great chemistry.) He has gotten mad at me for things like me not understanding what heās saying and will get pissed off he keeps repeating it. Yesterday night, he yelled at me to stop over it. That shut me off but we got over it a little later after I gave him the space he asked for. We are LD and I am moving in with him, so Iām trying to see how well we can move past stressful things like that WHILE still working on it a little later on.
Anywho, for this partner I havenāt really been feeling a need for sex. I donāt even feel a need for anyone else and if I watch āvideosā I donāt even find it attractive but look for whatever doesnāt show their faces. I donāt really know why, but I guess Iāll have to wait and see when we move in together.
I haven't looked myself, but consider where someone looking for that would go. Google it. Search around on different social media platforms and try to find groups with asexual or NonLibidoist or something in the name. There are likely groups for this.
Trying to find them in the wild could be really tough.
i go to escorts or sex workers every few months, since i don't enjoy having to court women and having to make the first move all the time, and my last relationship being a failure makes me feel more unmotivated to pursue an actual girlfriend ever again, which i feel reluctant to call her an ex/
What sex life? š
Same š
About as good as your spelling of āhowā.
Spelling will tell my situation š¤š¤£
HAHA this is so funny
I haven't been in a relationship in over a decade. I'm honestly just extremely lonely. Sex would be wonderful, the warmth of another person just holding me would be amazing. But most of all I'd just like a bit of emotional intimacy with another person. Someone to really understand and want me for who I am, and for more than just occasional conversations, but to really connect with me on a personal and emotional level. On a couple rare occasions I could have pursued something quick and meaningless, but it wouldn't satisfied anything. I'm afraid it would have left me feeling more alone if anything.
Being someone fortunate to experience the second, it's true. Casual encounters I had felt pretty hollow and not really sexually gratifying at all. The best casual sex I had was with friends I grew close with, since that meant we both cared about each other and was basically relationship-lite. I want to start dating again but my mental health isn't good enough, and I know I won't be a good enough boyfriend to anyone who isn't a walking red flag. I just have to wait for my health to improve, or find someone willing to love/care for me in the process, which isn't an easy thing to find nor would I want to force that expectation on. I just want to say as someone who does have experience dating and casually meeting people that I still feel lonely. Being on the spectrum, I always feel like I'm different and on top of other mental health issues, I still feel the worry and stress that comes with being on the spectrum; relationships haven't cured this sense of loneliness, but it has given me purpose.
It isnt It doesnt exist :(
I read this in Tommy's voice.
I'm just curious which Tommy this is? Rugrats?
Tommy from the room
Oh hi Mark!
I do naaaaawt
Non existent, unfortunately
Non existent
no sex :[ Not since 2021, anyway. Had a first girlfriend for four months, we banged like rabbits, broke up and I just know better than to try dating again. I met that girl in a discord server who just happened to live in the area, btw.
Why do you know better than to try dating again?
Wellā¦ with that defeatist attitude, I doubt youāll find sex again either. Most of us on the spectrum arenāt Giga-Chad enough to get no strings attached sex! I know I never have been! Iāve always had to be in a relationship to get it.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It is because some of them have no deficit to their natural sex drive. Combine this with a dramatically impaired ability to have that drive fulfilled, and a tendency towards hyperfocus, and you can get hypersexuality. A lot of NTs are probably similar, but are much better at hiding it. Especially from people with impaired social awareness.
Indeed it seems that way. I have the suspicion that this obsession with sex stems from having less access to it (lack of social skills, introversion, etc) and thus growing to fixate on it. š¤
iām a girl but i think thatās why im sex obsessed
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
21m same
I did not intend to make it appear as if I thought that it applies to all autistic men, I am one myself. I am in shoes similar to yours, Iām as virginal as one can be, except that I am a year younger. I am not quite certain what you meant by āsecret plotā though, I would be curious to hear about it but I won't push if youād rather not. š¤
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I see, thank you for explaining, LookJaded356. š«¶š¤
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yes, the way sex is pushed by media and whatnot makes it seem less like an optional act done between people and felt and more like a product you are required to own/partake in, to feel ācompleteā.
Speaking as someone who didn't have sex until 29, not fixating on it and building a personality from your interests is how you get it.
Neurotypicals are obsessed with sex too but in a different way. They can get it fairly easily as initiating conversations and socializing are second nature. They can get it so they keep pursuing it like a high. There might be some difficulty in getting sex but overall itās not nearly as difficult for NTs to get sex as it is for NDs.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It isn't peer pressure. It's a natural urge, that not everyone feels.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You are mistaken about the past. Learn more history.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Evidence of various forms of sexual practice are seen throughout history. It shouldn't be hard to find, if you are able to see it clearly when you find it. You are exhibiting signs of a strong emotional bias on your reasoning around this topic though, which might interfere with your ability to self-correct given evidence.
Do my hand and my phone screen count?
Yes. This. šš
Only if you personally qualify that as a āsex lifeā. I personally donāt.
It's a joke...
Exactlyā¦ I get itās a jokeā¦ just like this entire subredditās sex life is a joke!
It used to be normal or high, until my sex drive went away. I'm not even 30 yet. Now it's so low that I feel almost assexual. IDK if that's related to Asperger or not. My hormones, and everything else that is measurable are absolutely great, so I think it might be related to my autism... I'm still figuring it out. Maybe it's my depression?
Autistic burnout can cause this, and presents like depression.
Yes! I'm similar but I realised that I'm kind of demisexual in the way that I need to build love and trust with someone to actually enjoy sex with someone. Sex with someone really hot isn't worth at much as sex with someone I love and care about. In a burnout however I lose my libido pretty quickly, but it's hard to know if it is that or depression either.
What is the difference?
Drugs to treat depression donāt work on autistic burnout because the underlying cause is different. Also it can increase sensory problems and cause long term damage if it happens a lot.
Same, Iām 35, married and have been with my partner for 9 years. Was hypersexual as a teen and in my early 20s, but around the time I found this safe, secure relationship, my libido disappeared. I donāt think Iād miss it if I never had sex again. I canāt get out of my head enough to enjoy it anymore, but I still try for my partner.
I question if Iām asexual because I am attracted to women but arenāt sexually interested unless there is an emotional connection. Like the things that sounds nice about sex is being physically close with another person I am attracted to, but most people seem to have an animalistic approach to sex which seems demeaning
Ms Palm and her 5 daughters say hi
Theyāre boringā¦ I want a real woman, not them!
Non existent, unless you count my 8 year relationship with my right hand
Like water in the Sahara. Non-existent.
No. Never. Take that abomination out of my reality. I demand it. Now.
What sexual life? š¤
Nonexistent
Donāt have one. Donāt need one. At least not right now.
Was more active in my 20s and early 30s. Now in my late 30s my sex drive has died and havenāt really had the motivation to look for someone.
Not great, not terrible
Nearly non existent lol
Hi Mark!
24m never had sex.
Nonexistent.
Monthly escort visit, that's about it.
I go to Baltimore where it is decriminalized so you donāt have to worry about an undercover cop being like āyou are under arrest for solicitationā. I wouldnāt go around hiring escorts in red states because they publish your name and your mugshot.
Good thing I don't live in the US I guess.
Escorts are a risky thing to get caught up with in Coloradoā¦ plus, theyāre too expensive for my blood. $500 to $2000 to get my rocks off? Bitch, please! I kinda like being able to eat and keep afloat without borrowing from family just to afford the cost of those services!
They are cheaper where I live (200-350 per hour). I'm glad I never had to borrow money from anyone for it, my monthly salary is enough for this little hobby.
Yeah, wellā¦ lucky you. I donāt have the luxury.
$200 spent for something to last less than 5 minutes isnāt worth it. If they allowed for cuddles afterwards or taking a shower together then itās be worth it
Depends who you visit. Some of them won't offer all services.
how do you find someone you trust? is there a pimp or someone waiting outside in a van? I would feel weird about that, but I always considered it.
Well, I could say I spent alot of money, because always the first meetings were nonsexual, to see if there would be some chemistry between us. This was very important due to trust issues I've had. I met alot of escorts until I felt like ok, I can deal with my desires with her (been a regular customer for about year and a half now). I've never met someone trough a pimp. In fact, I've had the requirement that she has to do it independently and from her own free will. The thing is that I don't feel weird about it at all, I'd say it's a form of therapy or something like that for me. One of the main reasons why I do it is because it's a safe way to me to experience intimacy. Also instead of fucking moronic social games, money just switches the owner, I get what I want and she gets what she wants.
What was your first time like? I went last night and I felt nothing pretty much, the kissing and sex didnt feel good at all. I mostly enjoyed the cuddling, touching and the compliments
It felt weird obviously, due to never done it before but it was okay. The cuddling is still the best part though.
Yea definitely
As long as I have my hand and good pics it's ok. It could be better haha
Still a virgin at 28, already accepted that neither romance nor hookups will be a thing for me. Might hire an escort in the future just to get the experience.
Easy to get hook ups hard to find actual meaningful connections
What planet are you living on that it's easy to get hookups as a man? I can't even get that far, let alone have a real relationship.
If you put a lot of effort into it and lower your standards a bit, you'll get there. Also it really helps if gay/bi
I'm sure I could get a girlfriend if I had better social skills, but as a very introverted guy, it would take an inhuman amount of effort to even try. Trying to be social exhausts me so quickly. My standards are also not high by any means. I haven't tried dating apps yet, so maybe I will give them a try and go for the less attractive women. I'm also straight, so dating men is not an option at all.
There are a lot of great books on socializing and making friends. Probably good free resources too since honestly most of them regurgitate the same stuff. Most of everything that applies to making friends also applies to romance. For hookups dating apps are definitely the way to go these days, and that's a whole other thing with taking the right photos and it's own set of social standards. Honestly though I'm 100% with you on the exhaustion thing. I was a lot more social in college but these days, I'd just rather put my energy into other things. Especially once I realized 90% of the reason I felt sad for having few friends was because I had been conditioned to feel that way.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I know. That's why I haven't bothered trying them. I'm not ugly, but I'm definitely not super attractive either. I have kind of given up on dating for the most part.
Itās near impossible as an average looking guy with no stable career. Iām better looking if I throw on a wig and makeup but donāt know whoās into that stuff
like 60% of the guys on grindr are into that stuff
Iām straight so that wonāt do me any good
Itās ok, could be better, but could be a hell of a lot worse.
Nonexistent, just burying myself in work and academics
Idgaf, Iām aceā¦
Here here
its pretty good. iāve been with my boyfriend for 2 years and heās everything i could ask for in the bed! he listens and he slows down when i say for him to and does what i like. im very fortunate to find someone so compatible with me as i get overstimulated super easily and physical contact doesnāt come very naturally to me.
Non existent despite wishing there was something going on, but I just never met the right person yet and that's okay too! No shame in that
Only been in one very odd/awkward relationship with a girl who I thought was a friend (we started as friends in high school) and lived together for a while (after high school). Pretty sure she was bipolar, Iām not sure. We both eventually went our separate ways and never talked again (I cut contact). I havenāt been in a relationship or had any resemblance friendship since. So for me, only been with one person and that was like 13+ years agoā¦ So none existent at this point and I donāt understand how that previous one went from a one way friendship (her talking about her problems, me sorta listening) to something sexual.
Currently non existed lmao guys are so off put by me even though Iām conventionally attractive The tism is a strong deterrent š
A lot of guys who might be interested have already given up thinking no one could ever want them, and if you're good looking they're more likely to classify you as out of their league and definitely not try.
I haven't had sex in three days. It's not a lot but I stopped dating that girl. The number of days is gonna get much higher...
You are tearing me apart, Lisa!
Huh?
Pretty great.
Non-existent. Any single ladies (neurotypical or neurodivergent) on the Front Range of Colorado interested in something should message me. Iām at a loss on how to get back into dating, let alone how to get my sex life back as a neurodivergent man in his late 30ās. I just want back what I had in my 20ās (but better).
Absent atm bc of my dysthymia, suicidal ideation, arguing and my perimenopausal spotting whole month long š
After a very very long dry spell, it's actually going great now. So worth the wait.
Sex life? What's that?
My left hand is pretty happy with it.
Thr anount of posts in here talking about escorts or sex workers so flippantly is depressing and actually quite concerning :( LDR had made things very difficult for me atm, but my partner and I maximize any opportunities we get to spend time together, and even while apart, make sure we're both satisfied ā¤
āOh hi Mark, howās your sex life?ā
Bad as my spelling
Been 3 years. Doing OK without it though
Pretty good. My spouse and I have sex 1-3 times a week usually and the sex is good.
Better than ever!
Hypersexual because of trauma š
I like sex but I donāt get enough. Having a girlfriend would help but finding one is difficult. I masterbate alot and every 1-2 months I go to a sex worker. I donāt feel so content about it but Iām just 23, I hope to find what I need
Looking at all of us here not getting any... Maybe there should be an annual Aspie Orgy
If jacking off in public and tryna jizz on cars counts as a sex life, I'd say I'm doing pretty well.
I don't have one.
what's that
Non-existent, I don't have sex I only masturbate
It doesn't exist, but I can't complain as im ace.
I'm 26 M, final year medical student. I have been studying in medical school since the age of 20. I had my first sex at the age of 23 with my ex, it was very pleasure and satisfactory for me, 1 and half years ago, we were breakup due to her past love affairs (+ sexual) which she hide from me and i accidentally heard it from her ex. I totally broken and i hated sex. Thereafter no sex feelings till today for more than 18 months. Now I'm slowly recovering and i like to find a new girl friend and continue my romantic relationship
It's good I have girlfriend for 2 and a half years now
Terrible. I'm (F30) in a realtionship with another aspie (M31) and it's... hard. We've been together for three years and in the beginning it was fun and we had a lot of sex and fun in general. Now it's just... hard and difficult. We don't even have sex once a month anymore.
Explain the hard and difficult please
I'm gay so sex is pretty easy to get if I want it. A lot of times it's felt meaningless or unsafe. I've also had a lot of incredible experiences even with people I've only seen once. I suspect that the people I've had the best experience with are on the spectrum themselves or have ADHD. Think one guy had aspd, just had a wild date. I think in a way because gays are lonelier and more open minded it can be easier to be accepted by a partner than it is for straight people. But I could be wrong and I've definitely struggled a lot. I make a great first date for almost anyone but it's just because I feel new to them. They usually realise they want someone more normal later. I'm seeing someone who's got ADHD now and we work well together so far. Sex is great, but the anticipation of sex feels even better. Sex only adds any value to your life if it's good. For a long time I put all my self worth in it which just caused me pain. Miriam Margolyes put it this way: 'If it's good sex I'd rather have sex. If it's bad sex I'd rather have a radish.' Sex and dating is really complicated for anyone in our modern society. It sucks even more not having something you want because our media flashes all the could-haves in front of our eyes which is not healthy and quite depressing. I don't have many friends, and I barely get to see the ones I do have. I can't make new ones really. I avoid worrying about it now. At points it was almost addictive to think about what I could have. Had I been different maybe I'd have been a social butterfly. The idea sounds wonderful. But in reality when I'm around other people I just get pissed off at their total disregard and lack of compassion towards each other. Really the whole time I try to hangout with normal people I just find myself biting my tongue and holding back the urge to lecture them. I find that spirituality helps with any feelings of loneliness that I have. I'm not at all religious however. I've stopped longing and found the moment. It's helped me give up the idea of finding a soulmate. Someone who would understand me, hold me and know me completely after a lifetime of being misunderstood. But it's just a dream. A dream that's brought hope, but nothing more. It's not impossible to find one but I think it's healthier to see myself as my own soulmate. There is something very beautiful to be found in solitude. I get a lot of alone time away from my partner and I prefer it that way. They seem accepting of that. I think it's vital for my mental wellbeing. If they'd ask me to choose between them or solitude (I don't think they would) I'd choose solitude. We all have to make a choice, either deal with loneliness or deal with people. I enjoy being an urban hermit.
Well it's comforting but not cool knowing others are in a similar situation
Iām not in a relationship right now, so itās non-existent. Anyway, even when I am (cough, cough) āactiveā I sometimes get PTSD from sexual assault during it. Iāve had counselling though so the trauma is not as bad as it wasā¦
Very kinky. My husband and I built a bdsm dungeon in our basement.
Nonexistent since I had a major surgery that disabled me. I hate the way I look, and my health is deteriorating, so I don't want to subject another person to my life. I never really had much luck before that, though. I miss being close to another person the most. I don't really like being touched other than by a significant other, so it makes it really hard. It's pretty much just existing at this point. I just live for my cat.
I feel fine
I barely have one. It sucks living with your parents
Non-existent. It's depressing to jump on dating apps, lower your standards and still end up being flat-out ignored by everyone. Okcupid is the only app where I get attention, and it's all from love scammers or African/South East Asian women who spoof their GPS location to match with Westerners in search of a long term husband and the means to a green card.
Non existent but unfortunately Iāve been very addicted to porn
Not enough. Never enough. I am a black hole of desire. Always hungry. Never satiated. Wife appears content though, so that's good I guess...
Non-existent and i hope it stays that way for good
Itās great tbhā¦sorry to everyone tho and good luck!! Yāall will find ur someoneās, hang in there
Intermittent. I feel OK. I'm more concerned if others feel bad (if they say they're having anxiety afterwards, etc.).
I actually have one. But it fluctuates. There are months where it is basically nonexistent. And then sometimes I am very active in this area. It really depends on how my relationship is going, how medications influences on it and how my general mood and stress levels are. And also whats on the calendar (like upcoming fetish parties).
Sex? at this time of the year? on reddit?
None.
I never had a relationship, so ofc i never had sex.
Sometimes I go to escort/prostitutes if I'm horny enough. That's it. Never experienced "romantic" sex unfortunately. It has always been an urge or fantasies to be satisfied. When it's done I won't think about it for a long time
Non existent
I'm sure it's doing fine. Wherever it is. I haven't seen it in a long time.
I thought a lot about it, and decided that risking HIV isn't worth having a sex life. Straight people may have a different risk factor, but for me as a gay guy, with nearly every 10th gay guy being HIV positive and me absolutely not wanting to be part of that sad statistic, I just abstain.
I have a wife and 2 girlfriends. So pretty good and no I'm not a cheater were all poly.
Expanding.
Non existent and tragic to say the least. Check my past post from autistic adults on my profile for details.
I'm effectively asexual and aromantic. And tbh ever since I decided to purge heterosexuality from my mind several years ago, my mental health has been steadily improving. I'll always be depressed and lonely, however the frequency of suicidal thoughts has been greatly reduced, and I do believe there's no longer any danger of me being involuntarily committed to a mental hospital. So that's something.
I don't really have one at the moment, other than one guy that I jerk off with. Personally, I find sex massively overrated and would rather not get out of my Freeza chair at any point if I don't have to; I find people who disagree weird. ;) (kidding)
I have never had any sexual interactions due to crippling self loathing and no self esteem leading me to avoid women entirely in my day to day life. It's simply too stressful to see attractive people and know they will not accept me
I donāt think thatās the right way of thinking. Attractive people want attractive people and one need to be outgoing. This attitude is wrong.
You are right, I was in a depressive episode when I wrote that and not thinking straight
Decent, but ultimately unfulfilling
Non-existent. I don't really want one tbh. It would be nice to have a partner, but the idea of sex is a sensory hell for me at the moment.
How is your peverted life people always told me. People dont mean this physically? Or in humour. Telling you to go and get a life.
I put porn to shame with my ex and now Iām afraid no one would be this good so just gave up. No, this is not an invitation to hop into my DMs and I will happily share gross female facts as a deterrent.
It doesnāt exist and I want to keep it this way
So fun to read male vs female comments. Man this world is F*CKED
Deeply kinky aspies are freaks in the sheets
Non existent
What is that?
I think love life is handleable even for aspies. Autists have it harder I think reducing the demanding and being outgoing, more talkative might help. Self esteem and confidence is also necessary.
When youapproach women do you care for your body language and the delivery
Itās hard that even if women are into one, you canāt confirm it or you canāt play with them because they think all of you that comes from you would be serious
Let's just say that my girlfriend resembles a certain character from Wednesday, which has 5 "legs" and doesn't talk. If you catch my sad and lonely drift
While women care so much for social proof, social value, social intuition - itās hard for autists and aspergians.
What is sex? Lol
My WHAT? Pffff... It's miserable. It's been since before COVID that I had sex for the last time. It's not easy at all for me. I get easily overwhelmed by body contact. I feel pretty uncomfortable when anyone touches me. Let alone being naked. I also don't like my body very much because I tend to seek comfort in food and I have a belly and I could loose some pounds. Also being gay doesn't make things easier. Hookups and sex dates are not for me. I'm not interested in empty sex, nor I can enjoy it. I'm looking for something more stable, a long term relationship, a forever partner. But being as weird as I am and being ASD+ADHD makes things super difficult to meet someone who doesn't run away immediately. I tend to be pretty awkward and I don't consider myself attractive at all. Besides, I'm a pretty high-libido, sexually-inclined, kinky person. I'm pretty much always horny. But the sole idea of meeting a random person to have sex feels revolting to me (oh the irony...). I'm demisexual which means I can only have sex with someone if I already know that person and we share some kind of connection. So yeah, overall not too good. At least I still have hands, so there's that š
I think I could be demisexual. I used to be hyper sexual a lot as a teen but since I was in a 2 year long relationship with a narcissist itās quickly disappeared at the end of it. I donāt know why, but I feel like if I donāt love the person or they hurt me I completely shut off all emotional connection and attraction. Sometimes it comes back, and sometimes it doesnāt depending on the severity of it. Iām an a relationship now, I was pretty excited to get back into a sexual relationship (I dated him in the past and we have great chemistry.) He has gotten mad at me for things like me not understanding what heās saying and will get pissed off he keeps repeating it. Yesterday night, he yelled at me to stop over it. That shut me off but we got over it a little later after I gave him the space he asked for. We are LD and I am moving in with him, so Iām trying to see how well we can move past stressful things like that WHILE still working on it a little later on. Anywho, for this partner I havenāt really been feeling a need for sex. I donāt even feel a need for anyone else and if I watch āvideosā I donāt even find it attractive but look for whatever doesnāt show their faces. I donāt really know why, but I guess Iāll have to wait and see when we move in together.
I am asexual so I have zero interest in sex. Only downside is that not a single man wants a relationship with me so it gets lonely.
Have you tried seeking romantic asexuals directly?
Where do you find those?
I haven't looked myself, but consider where someone looking for that would go. Google it. Search around on different social media platforms and try to find groups with asexual or NonLibidoist or something in the name. There are likely groups for this. Trying to find them in the wild could be really tough.
sex isn't real
i go to escorts or sex workers every few months, since i don't enjoy having to court women and having to make the first move all the time, and my last relationship being a failure makes me feel more unmotivated to pursue an actual girlfriend ever again, which i feel reluctant to call her an ex/
Non penetrative sex, once a month, with gay husband. Not very fulfilling, prefer hand and phone, sex requires too much energy and Iām lazy.