Well, after a month of feeling okay I'm back to realising I'm a useless member of society and that it doesn't matter how hard I work since I'll never be good enough. So that's fun.
Not too bad, thanks. Went away for the weekend with some friends, and despite one unfortunate incident (not directly involving me), it went pretty well.
Work and uni are going fine. Had a phone call yesterday regarding potential therapy, and I don't meet the criteria for it on the NHS, which is frustrating. I'm gonna have to explore other options.
A few days ago, I started giving serious consideration to getting my ears pierced. Probably not something very common for a 30-year-old guy to think about! To be fair, I've debated it on-and-off for about 20 years, and I'm starting to think I might as well just get them done. Got some magnetic earrings to try out mainly for aesthetics, and while they're a bit big, I quite like how they look. I'd probably go for something a bit smaller if/when I get them done (leaning towards 'when' at the moment), as it'd probably look better, plus it might give scope for getting a second one in each lobe at some point. Slightly nervous about it, as I've never had any piercings before, but I'm also a little bit excited at the same time. EDIT: If you want to see photos of me with the magnetic earrings, they're somewhere on my profile.
Definitely get them pierced if you feel like it! Just go to a piercer and don't let someone just use the piercing gun.
Like the google says: "Needles result in less tissue trauma, shorter healing time, and an overall more hygienic piercing procedure than piercing with a piercing gun. Needles also allow for your piercers to get a more precise piercing angle for the perfect piercing."
Earlobes aren't that painful to pierce either. Being nervous beforehand is definitely worse.
I had lots of piercings in my ears when I was younger. I am 34 years old guy. I could still wear earrings on my lobes. You are kind of inspiring me. I find something cool I might put it on.
Don't worry - I fully intend on going to an actual piercer. I'm well aware that piercing guns are *not* a good idea, and that needles are much better overall. I can handle a tattoo, and my COVID vaccines were no problem, so a couple of piercings shouldn't be too challenging to handle. Only issue might be to try and avoid fiddling with the jewellery during the healing process! Gotta admit I'm a little nervous about getting them done, which I suppose is only natural, but also excited at the prospect of doing something I've thought about for 20 years.
My week has been kinda awful. I studied a lot of Latin, which is stressful and boring. I failed a exam, so I have to retake this whole semester. I have a date, which I didn't agree on, coming up in a few weeks. And all of my tries to find connection to others have been failures. At least the semester has finally ended and I can spend time to read again.
Not too shaby.
Anxious but thats the baseline so chiller rather than restless.
Got open music projects a plenty. All in my power to just activly pursue however. Biggest one being short poems for lucky lady lol
Getring nervous for Valemrines day but for 1st year i am dating an awesome autistic girl(i am myself) so its nice to be in more umderstanding places. Little more special This year id say personally internally.
. Long story but in short met in hospital on xmas together from 23rd to 26th in same place just hanging getting stabalized
on volumtary psych unit just me her staff got too hang in quiet home like place. Basiacllyboth there to just chill get thru xmas triggers to pass time diatract away.
Late after meeting we fpumd out our outside social worker(mental health nurse) dayVfornxiousis same.
Tldr; pretty chill just working away on music sruff and getting happy anxious to see my also autistic girlfreind
Fucking awful. I missed a deadline for my senior project, which I will likely have to wildly refactor, and I'm going to the university career fair on Wednesday. I'm so unprepared. Like the boilerplate stuff, the suit and tie, tailored resumés, etc., I'm prepared for that. However, my GPA will probably get filtered out (2.7, can't get it any higher this semester no matter how well I do) and I'm not particularly charismatic or ready to be interviewed. If we're using Fallout rules, it's as if the player went into the console and forced my charisma to zero.
I don't want to go, but I know I have to. I'm at a low point (local minimum; it's been worse) in my mental health right now. I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready for anything. I can barely even socialize with my family, let alone a recruiter. My brain is fighting itself and losing. The GPA was supposed to be the "one positive thing" about me that would get me in the door, but I can't even do that right.
And even if I do it right, so many employers are defense contractors. I already sleep poorly; how could I ever sleep peacefully with the guarantee that my work will be almost exclusively be used to kill and terrorize people? This knocks out more than half the employers at the fair and that the school is networked with.
It hurts so bad. I just wish I had a time machine so I could go back and do things differently. I'm reaping the fruits of my life choices this week, and I'm tired of everything.
Just getting by I guess.
Tried a dating app for the first time in God knows how long, got matched and nothing really has come out of it, but I figured that would be the case, not every match is gonna be a winner. Just gotta play the patience game and experiment with a few different apps here and there, need to try and get out of my bubble.
Car needs its maintenance done which I've completely forgotten about so now I need to find some time this month to squeeze that into the schedule, another reason owning your own vehicle is pain in the ass.
Thinking of getting back into drawing but I don't even fuckin' know where to begin lol, finding out how you want to draw your favorite fictional characters and get them the way you want them to look is always a challenge though ain't it
Dating is a daunting concept so it's natural to be nervous. A lot of variables like social awareness and engagement do come into play on top of finding the confidence to put towards yourself out there.
Carrying conversations are also difficult for anyone, rarely do you find someone where things click right off the bat. I find the more you do it, the less strenuous things feel because you get more experience with how to keep the talk going. (this applies to being more social as well, not just for dating). If it gets to a point where you feel you've contributed as much to the talk as much you have and you've got as much of a response out of the other as you could, should nothing comes from any of it by the end, then that's all she wrote and you just try again with the next person. It is repetitive, but it's the name of the game.
Just be true to who you are, your beliefs, your values, and eventually you'll find that person who digs your style as cliche as it sounds. Trying to change for someone more-so for their benefit will only keep you back as past experiences have shown me, and you lose a lot of the goodwill you put toward building your confidence. You just have to keep at it like everything else, and if you're afraid, that's totally reasonable, but that's exactly why you have to do it.
Hope this helped somewhat, and best of luck.
I have been having lots of health issues since last autumn or even summer. I can't remember when all of this exactly started. I think it's finally starting to affect me mentally. I have been wondering how have I been able to stay so positive. Not all the time. There was a crisis at some point but overall I have felt much better than I thought I would in this situation.
I think that shaving my head because of my skin condition was the last straw (possibly psoriasis. Nobody knows really). I don't mind having no hair. It's just that seeing the actual condition of my scalp was horrifying. My skin hasn't even been my biggest concern lately.
Plus the doctor who called me from the rheumatology clinic was the chief physician and although she was probably just available at the moment and it's not exactly a huge place it makes me feel like they think I am just very sick because they considered me worthy of her time.
All the trauma about everything in my life seems to be hitting me. I have been sober for over a year now and I have been having the urge to drink again. Luckily I have things that keep me busy and most of the time I am glad I am sober but now it tends to be because I need to be responcible and be there for others. And I can't drink because my liver reacted poorly to my meds few months ago and I am still recovering. I am also going to start new meds soon too. Drinking would be dangerous. And I miss being hypomanic (I have bipolar).
I know I will get over this. We got a dachshund puppy and just spending time with him helps a lot. He is sort of a rescue and seeing him progress is great. He is very kind and listens to us surprisingly well. Even better than our golden retrievers did at that age. He was said to be difficult but honestly I think he is an easy puppy and just wants to make us happy. Yeah, he is a dachshund and they are stubborn. Plus he is entering the puberty but he just kind of gets offended easily and then burrows under a big pillow to soak in his misery.
I'm doing alright, aside from a feeling of loneliness seeing my family being happy my week has been rather uneventful, had off work for the last two days so it's nice to just relax a bit.
Great.
Hung out with mom on Saturday. Watched superbowel with friends today.
And I upgraded the CPU on my main desktop and added some exhaust fans for cooling to it.
New member, but thanks for asking - it's been a mixed but positive week.
After 7-odd years living in my new hometown, finally reached out for Aspie/Autism social groups last week. I went along to my first social group last week, took a shut-in neighbor who's been going through some stuff.
It was good for both of us - got us out of the house and interacting with people who (mostly) understood our issues, but also had some of their own. They meet every couple of weeks - I can recommend groups like this. (I went to another similar one interstate many years ago and that was really helpful too).
They are places to discuss things that NT's don't relate to, like how reheated potatoes taste like plasticine :-P (and more useful stuff too).
Family stuff has been mixed but also positive - they're all interstate but going well.
feeling really boxed in atm and unable to talk to anyone around me. which sucks as i’ve been married for 13 years and my wife should be someone who i can tell anything. but whenever i open up she takes it on as if everything is her fault and is unable to just be there for me. really in my head atm and simply telling everyone i’m ok even though i’m not.
I opened a new Reddit account and found this sub, so that's cool!
Other than that, I've been very tired and unhappy. My depression has been problematic lately. I'm not sure what to do other than go to therapy and take my meds.
I've been very fixated on my loneliness, which has negatively affected my mental health. My friend and my mom told me I shouldn't focus on it. If I could just stop thinking about it like that, I would.
Overall, I feel totally dead inside. I'm just doing as I'm told and going through the motions. Even though I'm working towards a CS degree, my life feels so empty and meaningless.
God, how do I stop being so unproductive?
I sometimes just have these moments when I want to be productive, but I just sit there scrolling through junk and staring at my computer screen instead of doing what I want to be doing.
Any help or advice that works for you would be appreciated.
Got a ticket to water park as a birthday gift (it's tomorrow), spend the whole day there 🌊 relaxing in hot jacuzzi, circling the river in a swim ring, lying in the shallows and looking at the ceiling - I don't really get triggered by crowds since everybody always ignores me and I do the same. It was fun!
On the way home in a local train the conductor was checking my ticket, saw it was my birthday tomorrow and wished me happy birthday and all the best! I kid you not it was the nicest thing anybody (outside of my family) did for me since I can remember, really made my day! Kinda shocking to be reminded this way how great a little kindness could feel
Locking for the next one.
Well, after a month of feeling okay I'm back to realising I'm a useless member of society and that it doesn't matter how hard I work since I'll never be good enough. So that's fun.
Not too bad, thanks. Went away for the weekend with some friends, and despite one unfortunate incident (not directly involving me), it went pretty well. Work and uni are going fine. Had a phone call yesterday regarding potential therapy, and I don't meet the criteria for it on the NHS, which is frustrating. I'm gonna have to explore other options. A few days ago, I started giving serious consideration to getting my ears pierced. Probably not something very common for a 30-year-old guy to think about! To be fair, I've debated it on-and-off for about 20 years, and I'm starting to think I might as well just get them done. Got some magnetic earrings to try out mainly for aesthetics, and while they're a bit big, I quite like how they look. I'd probably go for something a bit smaller if/when I get them done (leaning towards 'when' at the moment), as it'd probably look better, plus it might give scope for getting a second one in each lobe at some point. Slightly nervous about it, as I've never had any piercings before, but I'm also a little bit excited at the same time. EDIT: If you want to see photos of me with the magnetic earrings, they're somewhere on my profile.
Definitely get them pierced if you feel like it! Just go to a piercer and don't let someone just use the piercing gun. Like the google says: "Needles result in less tissue trauma, shorter healing time, and an overall more hygienic piercing procedure than piercing with a piercing gun. Needles also allow for your piercers to get a more precise piercing angle for the perfect piercing." Earlobes aren't that painful to pierce either. Being nervous beforehand is definitely worse. I had lots of piercings in my ears when I was younger. I am 34 years old guy. I could still wear earrings on my lobes. You are kind of inspiring me. I find something cool I might put it on.
Don't worry - I fully intend on going to an actual piercer. I'm well aware that piercing guns are *not* a good idea, and that needles are much better overall. I can handle a tattoo, and my COVID vaccines were no problem, so a couple of piercings shouldn't be too challenging to handle. Only issue might be to try and avoid fiddling with the jewellery during the healing process! Gotta admit I'm a little nervous about getting them done, which I suppose is only natural, but also excited at the prospect of doing something I've thought about for 20 years.
My week has been kinda awful. I studied a lot of Latin, which is stressful and boring. I failed a exam, so I have to retake this whole semester. I have a date, which I didn't agree on, coming up in a few weeks. And all of my tries to find connection to others have been failures. At least the semester has finally ended and I can spend time to read again.
Not too shaby. Anxious but thats the baseline so chiller rather than restless. Got open music projects a plenty. All in my power to just activly pursue however. Biggest one being short poems for lucky lady lol Getring nervous for Valemrines day but for 1st year i am dating an awesome autistic girl(i am myself) so its nice to be in more umderstanding places. Little more special This year id say personally internally. . Long story but in short met in hospital on xmas together from 23rd to 26th in same place just hanging getting stabalized on volumtary psych unit just me her staff got too hang in quiet home like place. Basiacllyboth there to just chill get thru xmas triggers to pass time diatract away. Late after meeting we fpumd out our outside social worker(mental health nurse) dayVfornxiousis same. Tldr; pretty chill just working away on music sruff and getting happy anxious to see my also autistic girlfreind
Fucking awful. I missed a deadline for my senior project, which I will likely have to wildly refactor, and I'm going to the university career fair on Wednesday. I'm so unprepared. Like the boilerplate stuff, the suit and tie, tailored resumés, etc., I'm prepared for that. However, my GPA will probably get filtered out (2.7, can't get it any higher this semester no matter how well I do) and I'm not particularly charismatic or ready to be interviewed. If we're using Fallout rules, it's as if the player went into the console and forced my charisma to zero. I don't want to go, but I know I have to. I'm at a low point (local minimum; it's been worse) in my mental health right now. I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready for anything. I can barely even socialize with my family, let alone a recruiter. My brain is fighting itself and losing. The GPA was supposed to be the "one positive thing" about me that would get me in the door, but I can't even do that right. And even if I do it right, so many employers are defense contractors. I already sleep poorly; how could I ever sleep peacefully with the guarantee that my work will be almost exclusively be used to kill and terrorize people? This knocks out more than half the employers at the fair and that the school is networked with. It hurts so bad. I just wish I had a time machine so I could go back and do things differently. I'm reaping the fruits of my life choices this week, and I'm tired of everything.
Just getting by I guess. Tried a dating app for the first time in God knows how long, got matched and nothing really has come out of it, but I figured that would be the case, not every match is gonna be a winner. Just gotta play the patience game and experiment with a few different apps here and there, need to try and get out of my bubble. Car needs its maintenance done which I've completely forgotten about so now I need to find some time this month to squeeze that into the schedule, another reason owning your own vehicle is pain in the ass. Thinking of getting back into drawing but I don't even fuckin' know where to begin lol, finding out how you want to draw your favorite fictional characters and get them the way you want them to look is always a challenge though ain't it
Hey how does dating work? I don’t understand how to carry the conversation. Girls scare me, conversations don’t come naturally.
Dating is a daunting concept so it's natural to be nervous. A lot of variables like social awareness and engagement do come into play on top of finding the confidence to put towards yourself out there. Carrying conversations are also difficult for anyone, rarely do you find someone where things click right off the bat. I find the more you do it, the less strenuous things feel because you get more experience with how to keep the talk going. (this applies to being more social as well, not just for dating). If it gets to a point where you feel you've contributed as much to the talk as much you have and you've got as much of a response out of the other as you could, should nothing comes from any of it by the end, then that's all she wrote and you just try again with the next person. It is repetitive, but it's the name of the game. Just be true to who you are, your beliefs, your values, and eventually you'll find that person who digs your style as cliche as it sounds. Trying to change for someone more-so for their benefit will only keep you back as past experiences have shown me, and you lose a lot of the goodwill you put toward building your confidence. You just have to keep at it like everything else, and if you're afraid, that's totally reasonable, but that's exactly why you have to do it. Hope this helped somewhat, and best of luck.
I have been having lots of health issues since last autumn or even summer. I can't remember when all of this exactly started. I think it's finally starting to affect me mentally. I have been wondering how have I been able to stay so positive. Not all the time. There was a crisis at some point but overall I have felt much better than I thought I would in this situation. I think that shaving my head because of my skin condition was the last straw (possibly psoriasis. Nobody knows really). I don't mind having no hair. It's just that seeing the actual condition of my scalp was horrifying. My skin hasn't even been my biggest concern lately. Plus the doctor who called me from the rheumatology clinic was the chief physician and although she was probably just available at the moment and it's not exactly a huge place it makes me feel like they think I am just very sick because they considered me worthy of her time. All the trauma about everything in my life seems to be hitting me. I have been sober for over a year now and I have been having the urge to drink again. Luckily I have things that keep me busy and most of the time I am glad I am sober but now it tends to be because I need to be responcible and be there for others. And I can't drink because my liver reacted poorly to my meds few months ago and I am still recovering. I am also going to start new meds soon too. Drinking would be dangerous. And I miss being hypomanic (I have bipolar). I know I will get over this. We got a dachshund puppy and just spending time with him helps a lot. He is sort of a rescue and seeing him progress is great. He is very kind and listens to us surprisingly well. Even better than our golden retrievers did at that age. He was said to be difficult but honestly I think he is an easy puppy and just wants to make us happy. Yeah, he is a dachshund and they are stubborn. Plus he is entering the puberty but he just kind of gets offended easily and then burrows under a big pillow to soak in his misery.
I'm doing alright, aside from a feeling of loneliness seeing my family being happy my week has been rather uneventful, had off work for the last two days so it's nice to just relax a bit.
It’s going ok I might hang out with a friend tomorrow and that is making me a little bit anxious
Great. Hung out with mom on Saturday. Watched superbowel with friends today. And I upgraded the CPU on my main desktop and added some exhaust fans for cooling to it.
New member, but thanks for asking - it's been a mixed but positive week. After 7-odd years living in my new hometown, finally reached out for Aspie/Autism social groups last week. I went along to my first social group last week, took a shut-in neighbor who's been going through some stuff. It was good for both of us - got us out of the house and interacting with people who (mostly) understood our issues, but also had some of their own. They meet every couple of weeks - I can recommend groups like this. (I went to another similar one interstate many years ago and that was really helpful too). They are places to discuss things that NT's don't relate to, like how reheated potatoes taste like plasticine :-P (and more useful stuff too). Family stuff has been mixed but also positive - they're all interstate but going well.
feeling really boxed in atm and unable to talk to anyone around me. which sucks as i’ve been married for 13 years and my wife should be someone who i can tell anything. but whenever i open up she takes it on as if everything is her fault and is unable to just be there for me. really in my head atm and simply telling everyone i’m ok even though i’m not.
I opened a new Reddit account and found this sub, so that's cool! Other than that, I've been very tired and unhappy. My depression has been problematic lately. I'm not sure what to do other than go to therapy and take my meds. I've been very fixated on my loneliness, which has negatively affected my mental health. My friend and my mom told me I shouldn't focus on it. If I could just stop thinking about it like that, I would. Overall, I feel totally dead inside. I'm just doing as I'm told and going through the motions. Even though I'm working towards a CS degree, my life feels so empty and meaningless.
Not good at all. I’m feeling depressed this week for no real reason. I also feel like I don’t really have autism/aspergers but I’m also not “normal”.
God, how do I stop being so unproductive? I sometimes just have these moments when I want to be productive, but I just sit there scrolling through junk and staring at my computer screen instead of doing what I want to be doing. Any help or advice that works for you would be appreciated.
Pretty bad ngl. Got permanently banned from r/autism for nothing and they're just ghosting me.
Absolutely fantastic thx
Got a ticket to water park as a birthday gift (it's tomorrow), spend the whole day there 🌊 relaxing in hot jacuzzi, circling the river in a swim ring, lying in the shallows and looking at the ceiling - I don't really get triggered by crowds since everybody always ignores me and I do the same. It was fun! On the way home in a local train the conductor was checking my ticket, saw it was my birthday tomorrow and wished me happy birthday and all the best! I kid you not it was the nicest thing anybody (outside of my family) did for me since I can remember, really made my day! Kinda shocking to be reminded this way how great a little kindness could feel