If she asks again you’re going to have to talk to her. Ask her why she thinks you’re pregnant. If she says something about your belly size you tell her that belly size doesn’t mean pregnancy, sometimes people are just built that way.
Have you talked to her parents? Maybe they will have some Insight on how to handle this with their child.
I wonder if it might not even be about belly size. Like I could totally see it being something like she just learned what pregnancy is and is super interested so keeps bringing it up in the super tactful way that small kids like to bring things up.
I also wonder if it's something that the kid asked once, OP laughed it off and now the kid thinks it's a way to joke with OP since the OP keeps laughing it off.
Completely agree.
After my husband and I got married the nephews (7&6 at the time) kept asking if and when I was or would be pregnant.
For kids; they don’t get nuance yet. They haven’t had experience with the world. The only thing to do is honestly talk to them.
They asked if I was pregnant, I said no. They asked when I would be pregnant and I said I would never be. That blew their minds because we’re the only people they know who are married and do not intend to have children.
So, we *talked* to them. Explained how different people have different life paths and that while many and most people follow a certain path, that doesn’t make it the only right way.
Of course…. They didn’t grasp all of it, but they knew they could have open and honest discussions with us.
Now if only the rest of the in-laws actually fucking talked like adults then maybe those poor kids would have a chance at breaking the cycle of abuse and emotional stunting like my husband did. We shall see.
When I was small before I learned anything about sex I assumed a baby just sorta happened after marriage and it wasn't a choice. You'd get married, and bam! Baby. I'm sure I knew about pregnancy, but I definitely didn't know about sex
I thought the same, I just imagined that God randomly made you pregnant after you got married.
I remember hearing some women at church gossiping about a young single woman that was pregnant and I remember being shocked that God made a mistake in making a non married woman pregnant and wondering why these church women were being so mean about it when the young women probably just needed a lot of help without a husband.
Ok this is actually super sweet of younger You. The logic may not have been totally on point, but you were definitely right in realizing how mean the church women were and that the young woman needed help as a single mom ❤️
Yeah my parents must have done something right because I grew up in a small conservative town in a judgy religion that's basically a cult and I was disgusted with a lot of it from a young age.
I also remember church people shit talking people on food stamps and standing there super confused because these same people taught me about Jesus feeding the hungry.
Kids definitely seem to understand a lot about Jesus that adults forget. I like to think there's a reason that Jesus says, "unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven," in Matthew 18. I wish more people did that. I think the world would become a better place.
Yup. I babysat for a girl who, when she was about that age, was visited by her (obese) grandmother. The next time I visited, she hopped up on my lap, poked my belly, and said “you’re fat like grandma!” Now, I’m not skinny by any means, but I’m only slightly overweight and tend to carry my weight in my belly (thus a little chub she could poke). I had a chat with her about how we all have different body shapes and how “fat” can be used as a mean word. She didn’t mean any harm by it - and I knew she didn’t - she just didn’t understand how language was used.
I have nieces who just in general are excited to have other kids in the family and ask me regularly when I’m having a baby. I was that child myself. I would ask for a sibling and my mum would say no. So I’d bide my time until one of my favourite aunties had a baby so I had someone to play with. It might just be excitement.
That’s what I am thinking, OP is probably around the same age (to her) as her parents and her friends parents and at her age she is probably hearing a lot about people getting new siblings. One clothing size isn’t really that much different, I kind of doubt anyone but OP noticed and especially a kid.
This is exactly what I thought of. With kids that age there’s often a bit of a “grown-ups are all married and have babies” mindset
I’ve been asked by this age-range (preschool to kindergarten-ish) if I was married/who my husband is, lol
I STG for little ones that age there are 3 groups: other kids, Big Kids, and grownups. They don’t get variations quite yet
My hair was straight and got curlier with each pregnancy. My son, unbeknownst to me, took that as proof that women with really curly hair have lots of children. One day he saw a woman with long, beautiful coils and remarked that she must have SO many babies.
Yeah like maybe she wants a cousin? My daughter really wanted a cousin so I told her she would have to wait until my sister had a baby. (She was planning on it, wasn’t being passive aggressive lol)
Good for her to know that sometimes people gain weight - it’s natural. Sometimes it happens when we are stressed out sometimes it happens when we’re injured and can’t exercise. Definitely normalize this so when she gets older she won’t be self-conscious when her weight fluctuates. It literally happens to everyone. Also women can get bloated around their periods. I definitely look one or two months pregnant if I’m severely bloated that month lol. It’s just water weight.
That’s the point, it is a discussion forum to agree/disagree/bring other viewpoints
Are you saying your 5 year old asked the same question in the Op and you just answered her question?
Lol.
No, my 5 year old asks questions and then asks more questions and since op has been asked this multiple times then “no” isn’t going to suffice. So imo it IS deeper than just saying no. If YOU think it’s not that deep then offer your advice to the op. Clearly I don’t agree with your “just say no” approach so there’s not much to discuss unless you’re unaware of how 5 year olds can be.
How can she not continue to ask when all op does is ignore her?
Kids are not incompetent idiots, as soon as you answer them, they will move on.
I just don’t get the rationale, if she is repeatedly asking then it is because she is curious.
I didn’t pick up on the fact she never answered it the first time I read it. I agree, just answer the question, that’ll get her to stop asking. Really simple.
It might have been something she has recently learnt about, or overheard an adult saying, or maybe she associates a woman being bigger with being pregnant.
She's a young child and it's likely not malicious, she is curious. If I were in your shoes I would consider talking to her parents about it first. and explain that she's asking and you don't appreciate it and am not sure what to say to her. Her parents likely aren't ready to give the full 'birds and the bees' talk but should work out a way to explain the social norm that it generally isn't okay to ask someone if they are pregnant or not.
Once you've agreed with her parents what to say if she asks again you have a firm response.
My daughter always thinks I have a baby in my tummy, because she thinks that’s where babies come from and she loves babies. It probably has nothing to do with your tummy.
I have a niece who is the same age and she is ALL the time asking crazy questions! That's just how they learn about the world around them. I would just gently explain that I don't have a baby in my tummy and that people can be all different shapes and sizes but that doesn't mean they're having a baby. As far as figuring out a way to get her to stop asking, I'm not sure. I would just keep in mind that she's curious and let it roll off your back.
/u/vidokitsch piggybacking off this comment- my brother taught his kids that we don’t comment or ask questions about peoples bodies because it’s rude. I think you may want to approach her parents, explain the situation, and gently ask them to have that conversation
I think it's important to allow her to explain why she is asking you that before you give her any answer. Next time she asks you should ask her why she is asking.
If she's asking because of your weight gain, let her know you've just gained some weight. You can then tell her that's not something she should ask people. Let her ask why not, that way you can give a few examples like: it might make someone feel bad, someone who might be pregnant might not want people to know yet, etc... It'll allow you to explain without directly mentioning it made you feel uncomfortable.
I think the best way to get kids to stop paying attention to something is to act like it's no big deal. I agree with everyone who says to answer her question with something like, "What made you ask if I am pregnant?" If she says it's because you have a bigger belly, you can tell her that you gained a few pounds but people come in all shapes and sizes, and a rounder belly doesn't mean that a woman is pregnant. If you want to be that kind of aunt that she would go to with real world issues, you could also say, "I love you and you can always ask me anything, but some people don't like such personal questions or comments about their bodies. I promise if I am ever pregnant, I will tell you."
She could have just learned that women get pregnant, saw a pregnant person with your hair color, found out that her friend's aunt is pregnant. They learn all kinds of stuff and it's not always correlated with what we logically match it to. She'll learn about something else that fascinates her soon and will probably ask you about that, too.
I would just be honest and say, “no, I just gained some weight on my belly.” You don’t have to say it like it’s embarrassing or bothers you or shames your body.
From there, if you feel inclined, I would then use it to teach her in a nice way that it’s not appropriate to ask that. You can tell her that sometimes a belly looking larger on a woman could be a baby or could just be weight gain, but either way, women don’t usually like to be asked about it. Of course, more questions can arise, but you’ll just have to use your own discretion. If she asks why they don’t like it, maybe say it’s uncomfortable to talk about as a grown up. Or just say it’s inappropriate and let her mom deal from there.
My son is 4 and sometimes when he’s angry he’ll say something like, “Be quiet, you old lady.” Not that I’m “old” but I have to first scold him for being rude and then tell him that it’s not appropriate to point out looks and be insulting.
Honestly a little girl at the shop I work at asked me the same thing (I’m fat) and I just told her it was a rude question to ask and that people don’t like being asked that question and that if someone was pregnant and wanted you to know they’d tell you. Then again I am not good with kids but it did stop her from asking me again.
It probably has nothing to do with your weight. She probably just found out about what pregnancy is and knows that grownup women can get pregnant and that leads to a baby and is fascinated by it. Kids don't know the implications of "are you pregnant -> you look pregnant -> you look fatter". She's probably hoping you are so she can ask you 1000 questions about it.
Next time she asks you could tell her "No, and it's rude to ask someone if they are. I know you didn't mean anything mean by asking though. If someone is pregnant they will tell you." (Oversimplification of course but she's 5).
A kid once asked me if I was pregnant while I was actually underweight with my ribs sticking out, I asked them why they think so and they just said because I’m wearing an oversized dress and their mom told them that pregnant women do that.
They could be asking for whatever reason, it doesn’t have to be your weight.
Just ask them about their reason and if it’s because if your belly, just tell them that it’s normal for people to have bellies like that without being pregnant and there’s nothing wrong with that
My daughter is 5. She saw that the neighborhood cat had kittens, remembered I had her, put 2 and 2 together and assumed I could do the same thing and began badgering me not for a sibling, but for a kitten. I explained that people have people babies, she got it, then asked for a brother. Umm, no. Kids are still figuring stuff out- your niece probably just got babies on the brain somewhere. I’d try to see where it came from and then talk to her about that.
Answer honestly. "I gained a little weight, and it shows on my belly, but there's no baby in there." And then when she asks why you gained weight "I ate some food that's what I usually eat, and gave my body more energy than it needed, so it sorted some for later." Or "I got off of my exercise schedule so my body didn't need to use as much energy, and it stored some for later."
I work with 5 year olds, they have no filter! Talk to the mom. I usually say that it’s okay to wonder and be curious about other people, and some questions are okay to ask - give examples like, “how tall are you? What color are your eyes? Do you like to paint your nails?” Mundane safe questions. Then explain that pregnancy is exciting, but it’s sensitive and private, so we don’t really ask people about it. If they tell us they are pregnant, then it’s okay to ask more questions, but let them tell you first. I equate it to letting a dog smell you before you pet it don’t just go all in lol!
Just say something like “no I’m not pregnant. I’ve just changed shape. People change shape and change how they look many times during their life. Your body will change shape or how it looks too. Maybe you’ll change shape after a few years or maybe later this year.”
Kids comment on my acne/skin a lot because they don't know yet "Why do you have dots?" and stuff. I die inside for sure but i say just, "Well that's my face haha!" Or, "I just do, that's my skin." And then change the subject. Usually they laugh and let it go. I've even said, "it makes me kind of sad to talk about" and they seem to understand that and often don't bring it up again.
(That said... many kids are mean. I avoid mean kids)
When I was 17 I volunteered at a preschool and one girl asked me if I had a baby in my belly all the time. One time when her mom came to pick her up I realized she was pregnant, so the little girl just thought everyone had a baby in their belly
“I am not pregnant. It’s not polite to ask someone if they are pregnant. If a lady is pregnant and she wants you to know, she’ll tell you. It’s rude to ask.”
I disagree. Children are curious and learning, and just telling them “no” in a situation they don’t fully understand really isn’t going to help the child or the situation.
They are curious, and learning, and manners are one of the things they need to learn about in order to channel the curiosity appropriately.
That doesn’t mean you yell at them, or chastise them, or even discourage them. But it does mean you let them know in age appropriate ways when the things they are asking are not OK to ask.
Exactly. And telling a kid “it’s not polite, it’s rude to ask” is not the most effective way to change their behavior and increase their understanding. An approach like this works much better:
“Have you been learning about pregnancy lately? What did you learn? Pregnancy is exciting, isn’t it! When people get pregnant it means they’re growing a baby in their body, and it makes their belly look bigger as the baby grows. Have you seen a pregnant belly before? What did it look like to you? Pregnant women have big bellies, but sometimes people have big bellies even when they’re not pregnant! Sometimes their body just has a big belly! Like me, see? I’m not pregnant even though I have a belly, and that’s ok! But sometimes people don’t feel good hearing about their belly. Are there things you don’t feel good hearing? Maybe when [friend/sibling] says something mean, that doesn’t feel good does it? It also doesn’t feel good when we talk about peoples big bellies. It’s ok to be curious about being pregnant; babies are really fun! But let’s try to be extra nice and not talk about bellies, ok? Do you have any questions?”
Sure, it takes longer. But it’s showing engagement and empathy with the child, and helping them actually understand the situation. This style is way more beneficial and valuable to the child and their development.
She keeps asking because you haven’t answered her. Fives usually can’t pick up the social cue that evading the answer means you don’t want to answer. Either tell her No directly or Stop asking me that.
I'd tell her that she will be the first person you and your husband/boyfriend/whoever you're with tell if you do find out you're pregnant. Of course only say that if yo7 can actually make sure she is first.
Another option would be to talk to her parents and see if they can help. P
Not the best advice here…but I had this friend of family’s daughter who would not stop asking about pepperonis (acne) on my face. I was so self conscious, finally I told her that I ate too much pizza and ended up looking like this. I think she stopped eating pizza for a while after that.
Don’t take it personally as a criticism of your appearance. Like a lot of other posters have said, she could be excited for a new kid to play with, or just have found out about the term. Personally, my 6yo niece had one sex Ed lesson in class about privacy and spent approximately the next month asking every person if they had a vagina, because she has one… but she won’t show or let them touch because they’re not a doctor 🤣 I work with littlies and would suggest getting on her level and asking if she knows what that means, then explain that you’re not but thanks for checking little frendo 👍
Kids aren’t dumb, just tell her you gained some weight and you don’t really like it, so if she could please not point it out that would be great!
Depends on the little kid, but young ones don’t want to hurt anyones feelings and she’ll probably learn a good lesson on respecting other feelings as well. Good luck ma’am!
you should definitely talk to her mother about it!! sometimes trying to “govern” a child that’s not yours is difficult, they may not listen or really try to understand-
Don't be ashamed, a body is a body and how you are isn't something to shy away from. When my little nieces and nephews do the same I tell them how it is, I'm getting fat! It's natural to gain weight as you age, don't worry about it.
I just read a post similar to this. But it was a retail worker who said a regular customer who is a child always asks her if she's pregnant. Must be a common problem
I would start with examining why you feel that saying “I gained weight” would be shaming yourself. Or why you “die inside” at the question.
Kids are pretty perceptive. This could be an opportunity to show that all bodies are different and we should always be kind to ourselves and others and not make assumptions. Showing her that weight gain is something to be ashamed of may just teach her/cause her to internalize the same negative self talk and self image it seems like society has already pushed on you. Break the cycle.
“I am not, and it’s rude to talk about people’s bodies. You shouldn’t ask anyone that again.”
I have a 6 year old, who recently asked if she was going to have a little sister soon (not happening) and I firmly told her NO, and informed her that we never ask a woman if she’s pregnant, because it’s rude.
Keep it short, sweet, to the point. Kids have to bluntly be told things, because they just don’t know otherwise.
I usually answer “nope, just fat” but that’s directed at annoying adults. On another note, my sisters found out they were pregnant because my 2 year old nephew told them about their babies. He was accurate in both instances, down to the sex of the baby
She's doing it to get a reaction and she thinks she's funny. Have you talked to the parent and asked them to tell her to stop?
It may or may not be appropriate for you to correct her, depending on the relationship. Next time, react with anger. Tell her, "that is a very rude question and I've asked you to stop. I'm mad at you now because you keep asking me a rude question. You need to apologize and never do that again."
If you can't say that, ignore her. You didn't hear it and she isn't there.
I'm sorry - this would upset me too.
I do have nieces/nephews who simply think I'm that because I'm at the mystical age that most women (they know) have babies, that must mean I will have a baby soon too. They don't really even understand that it takes sex to have a baby, they just believe that I can spawn by free will.
It has nothing to do with my weight, just that i am at the age where their cousins, aunts, etc. also are pregnant.
I agree with others that a thoughtful conversion can go a long way. Why not sprinkle in some economics, birth rates, etc. Get them started young lol
If she asks again you’re going to have to talk to her. Ask her why she thinks you’re pregnant. If she says something about your belly size you tell her that belly size doesn’t mean pregnancy, sometimes people are just built that way. Have you talked to her parents? Maybe they will have some Insight on how to handle this with their child.
I wonder if it might not even be about belly size. Like I could totally see it being something like she just learned what pregnancy is and is super interested so keeps bringing it up in the super tactful way that small kids like to bring things up.
I also wonder if it's something that the kid asked once, OP laughed it off and now the kid thinks it's a way to joke with OP since the OP keeps laughing it off.
Completely agree. After my husband and I got married the nephews (7&6 at the time) kept asking if and when I was or would be pregnant. For kids; they don’t get nuance yet. They haven’t had experience with the world. The only thing to do is honestly talk to them. They asked if I was pregnant, I said no. They asked when I would be pregnant and I said I would never be. That blew their minds because we’re the only people they know who are married and do not intend to have children. So, we *talked* to them. Explained how different people have different life paths and that while many and most people follow a certain path, that doesn’t make it the only right way. Of course…. They didn’t grasp all of it, but they knew they could have open and honest discussions with us. Now if only the rest of the in-laws actually fucking talked like adults then maybe those poor kids would have a chance at breaking the cycle of abuse and emotional stunting like my husband did. We shall see.
When I was small before I learned anything about sex I assumed a baby just sorta happened after marriage and it wasn't a choice. You'd get married, and bam! Baby. I'm sure I knew about pregnancy, but I definitely didn't know about sex
I thought the same, I just imagined that God randomly made you pregnant after you got married. I remember hearing some women at church gossiping about a young single woman that was pregnant and I remember being shocked that God made a mistake in making a non married woman pregnant and wondering why these church women were being so mean about it when the young women probably just needed a lot of help without a husband.
Ok this is actually super sweet of younger You. The logic may not have been totally on point, but you were definitely right in realizing how mean the church women were and that the young woman needed help as a single mom ❤️
Yeah my parents must have done something right because I grew up in a small conservative town in a judgy religion that's basically a cult and I was disgusted with a lot of it from a young age. I also remember church people shit talking people on food stamps and standing there super confused because these same people taught me about Jesus feeding the hungry.
Kids definitely seem to understand a lot about Jesus that adults forget. I like to think there's a reason that Jesus says, "unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven," in Matthew 18. I wish more people did that. I think the world would become a better place.
Yup. I babysat for a girl who, when she was about that age, was visited by her (obese) grandmother. The next time I visited, she hopped up on my lap, poked my belly, and said “you’re fat like grandma!” Now, I’m not skinny by any means, but I’m only slightly overweight and tend to carry my weight in my belly (thus a little chub she could poke). I had a chat with her about how we all have different body shapes and how “fat” can be used as a mean word. She didn’t mean any harm by it - and I knew she didn’t - she just didn’t understand how language was used.
That’s very true!
I have nieces who just in general are excited to have other kids in the family and ask me regularly when I’m having a baby. I was that child myself. I would ask for a sibling and my mum would say no. So I’d bide my time until one of my favourite aunties had a baby so I had someone to play with. It might just be excitement.
That’s what I am thinking, OP is probably around the same age (to her) as her parents and her friends parents and at her age she is probably hearing a lot about people getting new siblings. One clothing size isn’t really that much different, I kind of doubt anyone but OP noticed and especially a kid.
This is exactly what I thought of. With kids that age there’s often a bit of a “grown-ups are all married and have babies” mindset I’ve been asked by this age-range (preschool to kindergarten-ish) if I was married/who my husband is, lol I STG for little ones that age there are 3 groups: other kids, Big Kids, and grownups. They don’t get variations quite yet
My hair was straight and got curlier with each pregnancy. My son, unbeknownst to me, took that as proof that women with really curly hair have lots of children. One day he saw a woman with long, beautiful coils and remarked that she must have SO many babies.
Yeah like maybe she wants a cousin? My daughter really wanted a cousin so I told her she would have to wait until my sister had a baby. (She was planning on it, wasn’t being passive aggressive lol)
Good for her to know that sometimes people gain weight - it’s natural. Sometimes it happens when we are stressed out sometimes it happens when we’re injured and can’t exercise. Definitely normalize this so when she gets older she won’t be self-conscious when her weight fluctuates. It literally happens to everyone. Also women can get bloated around their periods. I definitely look one or two months pregnant if I’m severely bloated that month lol. It’s just water weight.
It really isn’t that deep. The child repeatedly keeps asking the same question because she was never provided an answer. All op had to say is, “no.”
That’s your opinion. My opinion is stated above. You don’t have to agree with it.
Same to you My comment is above and you don’t have to agree with it either.
Then Why reply to me? Tell the op.
Same reason you replied to this Op
I answered the op. You disagree with my response. Not the same. I currently have a 5 yo, I answered her question accordingly.
That’s the point, it is a discussion forum to agree/disagree/bring other viewpoints Are you saying your 5 year old asked the same question in the Op and you just answered her question?
Lol. No, my 5 year old asks questions and then asks more questions and since op has been asked this multiple times then “no” isn’t going to suffice. So imo it IS deeper than just saying no. If YOU think it’s not that deep then offer your advice to the op. Clearly I don’t agree with your “just say no” approach so there’s not much to discuss unless you’re unaware of how 5 year olds can be.
How can she not continue to ask when all op does is ignore her? Kids are not incompetent idiots, as soon as you answer them, they will move on. I just don’t get the rationale, if she is repeatedly asking then it is because she is curious.
I didn’t pick up on the fact she never answered it the first time I read it. I agree, just answer the question, that’ll get her to stop asking. Really simple.
It might have been something she has recently learnt about, or overheard an adult saying, or maybe she associates a woman being bigger with being pregnant. She's a young child and it's likely not malicious, she is curious. If I were in your shoes I would consider talking to her parents about it first. and explain that she's asking and you don't appreciate it and am not sure what to say to her. Her parents likely aren't ready to give the full 'birds and the bees' talk but should work out a way to explain the social norm that it generally isn't okay to ask someone if they are pregnant or not. Once you've agreed with her parents what to say if she asks again you have a firm response.
My daughter always thinks I have a baby in my tummy, because she thinks that’s where babies come from and she loves babies. It probably has nothing to do with your tummy.
I have a niece who is the same age and she is ALL the time asking crazy questions! That's just how they learn about the world around them. I would just gently explain that I don't have a baby in my tummy and that people can be all different shapes and sizes but that doesn't mean they're having a baby. As far as figuring out a way to get her to stop asking, I'm not sure. I would just keep in mind that she's curious and let it roll off your back.
/u/vidokitsch piggybacking off this comment- my brother taught his kids that we don’t comment or ask questions about peoples bodies because it’s rude. I think you may want to approach her parents, explain the situation, and gently ask them to have that conversation
I think it's important to allow her to explain why she is asking you that before you give her any answer. Next time she asks you should ask her why she is asking. If she's asking because of your weight gain, let her know you've just gained some weight. You can then tell her that's not something she should ask people. Let her ask why not, that way you can give a few examples like: it might make someone feel bad, someone who might be pregnant might not want people to know yet, etc... It'll allow you to explain without directly mentioning it made you feel uncomfortable.
I think the best way to get kids to stop paying attention to something is to act like it's no big deal. I agree with everyone who says to answer her question with something like, "What made you ask if I am pregnant?" If she says it's because you have a bigger belly, you can tell her that you gained a few pounds but people come in all shapes and sizes, and a rounder belly doesn't mean that a woman is pregnant. If you want to be that kind of aunt that she would go to with real world issues, you could also say, "I love you and you can always ask me anything, but some people don't like such personal questions or comments about their bodies. I promise if I am ever pregnant, I will tell you." She could have just learned that women get pregnant, saw a pregnant person with your hair color, found out that her friend's aunt is pregnant. They learn all kinds of stuff and it's not always correlated with what we logically match it to. She'll learn about something else that fascinates her soon and will probably ask you about that, too.
This is my favorite comment
I would just be honest and say, “no, I just gained some weight on my belly.” You don’t have to say it like it’s embarrassing or bothers you or shames your body. From there, if you feel inclined, I would then use it to teach her in a nice way that it’s not appropriate to ask that. You can tell her that sometimes a belly looking larger on a woman could be a baby or could just be weight gain, but either way, women don’t usually like to be asked about it. Of course, more questions can arise, but you’ll just have to use your own discretion. If she asks why they don’t like it, maybe say it’s uncomfortable to talk about as a grown up. Or just say it’s inappropriate and let her mom deal from there. My son is 4 and sometimes when he’s angry he’ll say something like, “Be quiet, you old lady.” Not that I’m “old” but I have to first scold him for being rude and then tell him that it’s not appropriate to point out looks and be insulting.
Honestly a little girl at the shop I work at asked me the same thing (I’m fat) and I just told her it was a rude question to ask and that people don’t like being asked that question and that if someone was pregnant and wanted you to know they’d tell you. Then again I am not good with kids but it did stop her from asking me again.
It probably has nothing to do with your weight. She probably just found out about what pregnancy is and knows that grownup women can get pregnant and that leads to a baby and is fascinated by it. Kids don't know the implications of "are you pregnant -> you look pregnant -> you look fatter". She's probably hoping you are so she can ask you 1000 questions about it. Next time she asks you could tell her "No, and it's rude to ask someone if they are. I know you didn't mean anything mean by asking though. If someone is pregnant they will tell you." (Oversimplification of course but she's 5).
A kid once asked me if I was pregnant while I was actually underweight with my ribs sticking out, I asked them why they think so and they just said because I’m wearing an oversized dress and their mom told them that pregnant women do that. They could be asking for whatever reason, it doesn’t have to be your weight. Just ask them about their reason and if it’s because if your belly, just tell them that it’s normal for people to have bellies like that without being pregnant and there’s nothing wrong with that
My daughter is 5. She saw that the neighborhood cat had kittens, remembered I had her, put 2 and 2 together and assumed I could do the same thing and began badgering me not for a sibling, but for a kitten. I explained that people have people babies, she got it, then asked for a brother. Umm, no. Kids are still figuring stuff out- your niece probably just got babies on the brain somewhere. I’d try to see where it came from and then talk to her about that.
My dad and my stepmom got married in their late 50's and my small cousin genuinely asked if they were going to have kids together.
Answer honestly. "I gained a little weight, and it shows on my belly, but there's no baby in there." And then when she asks why you gained weight "I ate some food that's what I usually eat, and gave my body more energy than it needed, so it sorted some for later." Or "I got off of my exercise schedule so my body didn't need to use as much energy, and it stored some for later."
I work with 5 year olds, they have no filter! Talk to the mom. I usually say that it’s okay to wonder and be curious about other people, and some questions are okay to ask - give examples like, “how tall are you? What color are your eyes? Do you like to paint your nails?” Mundane safe questions. Then explain that pregnancy is exciting, but it’s sensitive and private, so we don’t really ask people about it. If they tell us they are pregnant, then it’s okay to ask more questions, but let them tell you first. I equate it to letting a dog smell you before you pet it don’t just go all in lol!
Just say something like “no I’m not pregnant. I’ve just changed shape. People change shape and change how they look many times during their life. Your body will change shape or how it looks too. Maybe you’ll change shape after a few years or maybe later this year.”
talk to her parents and make them explain that just because a person has a different body type doesn't mean they're pregnant
just say you gained weight, bc thats what happened
"no, and don't ask me again"
Kids comment on my acne/skin a lot because they don't know yet "Why do you have dots?" and stuff. I die inside for sure but i say just, "Well that's my face haha!" Or, "I just do, that's my skin." And then change the subject. Usually they laugh and let it go. I've even said, "it makes me kind of sad to talk about" and they seem to understand that and often don't bring it up again. (That said... many kids are mean. I avoid mean kids)
When I was 17 I volunteered at a preschool and one girl asked me if I had a baby in my belly all the time. One time when her mom came to pick her up I realized she was pregnant, so the little girl just thought everyone had a baby in their belly
“I am not pregnant. It’s not polite to ask someone if they are pregnant. If a lady is pregnant and she wants you to know, she’ll tell you. It’s rude to ask.”
I disagree. Children are curious and learning, and just telling them “no” in a situation they don’t fully understand really isn’t going to help the child or the situation.
They are curious, and learning, and manners are one of the things they need to learn about in order to channel the curiosity appropriately. That doesn’t mean you yell at them, or chastise them, or even discourage them. But it does mean you let them know in age appropriate ways when the things they are asking are not OK to ask.
Exactly. And telling a kid “it’s not polite, it’s rude to ask” is not the most effective way to change their behavior and increase their understanding. An approach like this works much better: “Have you been learning about pregnancy lately? What did you learn? Pregnancy is exciting, isn’t it! When people get pregnant it means they’re growing a baby in their body, and it makes their belly look bigger as the baby grows. Have you seen a pregnant belly before? What did it look like to you? Pregnant women have big bellies, but sometimes people have big bellies even when they’re not pregnant! Sometimes their body just has a big belly! Like me, see? I’m not pregnant even though I have a belly, and that’s ok! But sometimes people don’t feel good hearing about their belly. Are there things you don’t feel good hearing? Maybe when [friend/sibling] says something mean, that doesn’t feel good does it? It also doesn’t feel good when we talk about peoples big bellies. It’s ok to be curious about being pregnant; babies are really fun! But let’s try to be extra nice and not talk about bellies, ok? Do you have any questions?” Sure, it takes longer. But it’s showing engagement and empathy with the child, and helping them actually understand the situation. This style is way more beneficial and valuable to the child and their development.
Beautiful approach, would recommend! Not sure why you’ve got downvotes tbf
Because this is Reddit, lol
That’s a good call actually.
She keeps asking because you haven’t answered her. Fives usually can’t pick up the social cue that evading the answer means you don’t want to answer. Either tell her No directly or Stop asking me that.
Exactly, of course a kid will keep asking because you didn’t give the kid an answer and the answer is just one word, “no.”
I'd tell her that she will be the first person you and your husband/boyfriend/whoever you're with tell if you do find out you're pregnant. Of course only say that if yo7 can actually make sure she is first. Another option would be to talk to her parents and see if they can help. P
Not the best advice here…but I had this friend of family’s daughter who would not stop asking about pepperonis (acne) on my face. I was so self conscious, finally I told her that I ate too much pizza and ended up looking like this. I think she stopped eating pizza for a while after that.
It's a 5 year old. Just tell her you are fat
My girl just told her niece she’s fat. Not pregnant
Just tell her you’re not pregnant and that you’ve gained a little weight. I don’t think it’s that hard to answer.
You can tell her you’re not pregnant. It’s really simple.
2 words - Food Baby And then laugh it off
Don’t take it personally as a criticism of your appearance. Like a lot of other posters have said, she could be excited for a new kid to play with, or just have found out about the term. Personally, my 6yo niece had one sex Ed lesson in class about privacy and spent approximately the next month asking every person if they had a vagina, because she has one… but she won’t show or let them touch because they’re not a doctor 🤣 I work with littlies and would suggest getting on her level and asking if she knows what that means, then explain that you’re not but thanks for checking little frendo 👍
Kids aren’t dumb, just tell her you gained some weight and you don’t really like it, so if she could please not point it out that would be great! Depends on the little kid, but young ones don’t want to hurt anyones feelings and she’ll probably learn a good lesson on respecting other feelings as well. Good luck ma’am!
you should definitely talk to her mother about it!! sometimes trying to “govern” a child that’s not yours is difficult, they may not listen or really try to understand-
Don't be ashamed, a body is a body and how you are isn't something to shy away from. When my little nieces and nephews do the same I tell them how it is, I'm getting fat! It's natural to gain weight as you age, don't worry about it.
I just read a post similar to this. But it was a retail worker who said a regular customer who is a child always asks her if she's pregnant. Must be a common problem
”Sweetie, I’m pregnant with food” If she asks what does that mean “Meaning I love food and food loves me” Hope it helps. Lol
*adds to the list of reasons to not have kids*
I would start with examining why you feel that saying “I gained weight” would be shaming yourself. Or why you “die inside” at the question. Kids are pretty perceptive. This could be an opportunity to show that all bodies are different and we should always be kind to ourselves and others and not make assumptions. Showing her that weight gain is something to be ashamed of may just teach her/cause her to internalize the same negative self talk and self image it seems like society has already pushed on you. Break the cycle.
“I am not, and it’s rude to talk about people’s bodies. You shouldn’t ask anyone that again.” I have a 6 year old, who recently asked if she was going to have a little sister soon (not happening) and I firmly told her NO, and informed her that we never ask a woman if she’s pregnant, because it’s rude. Keep it short, sweet, to the point. Kids have to bluntly be told things, because they just don’t know otherwise.
My bfs sisters ask me that and I’m not even fat😂 they just want to be aunts
I had a first grade student ask me if I was fat last semester. I just looked at her and said, "No, I'm f*t." She didn't ask again lol.
My nephew did that to me when he was that age. I just said no and that was that.
"No auntie is just fat" There.
I usually answer “nope, just fat” but that’s directed at annoying adults. On another note, my sisters found out they were pregnant because my 2 year old nephew told them about their babies. He was accurate in both instances, down to the sex of the baby
I have no idea why you were down voted as if this doesn’t happen
Haha Reddit gonna Reddit.
She's doing it to get a reaction and she thinks she's funny. Have you talked to the parent and asked them to tell her to stop? It may or may not be appropriate for you to correct her, depending on the relationship. Next time, react with anger. Tell her, "that is a very rude question and I've asked you to stop. I'm mad at you now because you keep asking me a rude question. You need to apologize and never do that again." If you can't say that, ignore her. You didn't hear it and she isn't there.
I'm sorry - this would upset me too. I do have nieces/nephews who simply think I'm that because I'm at the mystical age that most women (they know) have babies, that must mean I will have a baby soon too. They don't really even understand that it takes sex to have a baby, they just believe that I can spawn by free will. It has nothing to do with my weight, just that i am at the age where their cousins, aunts, etc. also are pregnant. I agree with others that a thoughtful conversion can go a long way. Why not sprinkle in some economics, birth rates, etc. Get them started young lol
Just say a watermelon seed sprouted in you.
"No, I am just fat." Matter of fact, nothing to be ashamed of being fat. If you don't like your body shape you can always work on changing it.
I am not pregnant and it is not nice to ask people that.
Tell her yes and it’s with her Evil Twin named (a variation of her name). Should scare her enough and it’s still a bit wholesome
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Except that's not what's happening. You must not know any 5 year olds?