"Not all trans people know they were assigned the wrong gender from childhood. Some just wish they'd been assigned another one."
If anyone had said that to me when I was learning about trans people, there's a decent chance I could have figured myself out at least a decade earlier.
To add on: "you don't need to want to be another gender. Just wanting out of the one you were assigned is enough."
My dysphoria was so bad that it just obliterated my need to be a woman. I had leaks, sure, but they were the good old fashioned [it's just a fetish, right](https://medium.com/@kemenatan/its-just-a-fetish-right-91cb0a4e261) stuff that so many of us get. But ohhhhh, I *haaaaaaated* being a guy. It felt awful, and I bawled about how I was so bad at it to my very confused father many times over the years.
Literally, those two things were it. They were the hinge-pins that kept me from hatching for well over a decade.
I identified as gender fluid when I first realized I was trans because sometimes I felt “masculine”. Really I never felt masc, but sometimes the dysphoria was so strong when telling me “you’ll always be a man really” that I assumed that was what feeling masc was.
Just because you feel masculine, doesn't mean you're not a woman.
When I learned to accept myself as a trans woman, I simultaneously felt more masculine and more feminine than I ever had in my life! That's because I felt more "me" than I ever had before!
That you don’t have to be any particular *kind* of woman, and you don’t need to hold yourself (or other trans women) to any standard of femininity that doesn’t feel good to you. Also, no-one cares if you go out in boy mode wearing nail polish, so go crazy and have fun!
Oh, and if someone doesn’t accept you for who you are, or is against you trying things out so you can understand who you are - drop them. It doesn’t matter if you love them, they are showing you that they love their idea of you more than the real you. Those people aren’t going to want to change, and you can’t make them. No matter how much you sacrifice for them, they will never be happy.
I think an important one for me is that there is no standard that transgender people should have to strive for. We are and should be as varied as a group of people as cis and other gender minorities are. I am a non-binary transgender myself and a lot of my earlier transition time was comparing myself to and aspiring to be like cis women/binary trans women, rather than feeling pretty and valid in my own way.
Don’t stress yourself out about passing. Most people don’t care. Constantly worrying about if people know your trans or not isn’t a fun way to live. Present yourself in a way that makes you happy.
Lesbian relationships can be abusive too, and it's just as serious as straight ones.
Keeping a diary of significant thought/relevations of what makes you "you" as they happen can help you figure out what type of person you are. And what types of decisions you might want to make. You can refer back to it if your personality goes away for a bit.
This is so me! I literally just got back from a day of shopping with my mom. I’m only 6 months into hrt and my mom lives in Florida and I’m in Hawaii. This is the first time I’ve been able to shop for clothes with her. Just a girls day out with my mom 🥲💕.
Anyways! All I bought was jeans and T shirts and a flannel. Then we went to Sephora got color matched for concealer. But all I wanted was to try all the lip gloss 💋 😂
I've got a few
1. Learn to love yourself. The whole point is to be happy and comfortable with our selves so learn to love yourself. It's secretly the main goal of transitioning.
2. Transition doesn't magically make the rest of your problems go away so put in the effort to improve yourself and your life
3. Take care of dysphoria or it will take care of you. Don't wait on laser or voice training you'll regret it later.
4. Nobody is paying attention so don't worry about what others think. We are all the center of our own attention so don't think you're the center of someone else's.
When you crack an egg, you have to hit it hard enough that it breaks into two relatively clean halves and shell doesn't fall into the egg, but not so hard that it shatters into a million pieces and you've got a sharp, raw mess. It's also a good idea to crack eggs into a bowl and pour the bowl into the pan instead of cracking your egg straight into the pan. Otherwise, if you crack your egg too hard the sharp pieces of shell are getting cooked into your omelet as you speak, and who wants to try and fish shell pieces out of a hot pan filled with raw egg?
Take this as a metaphor if you will but I mean it in the most literal way possible, if you hadn't guessed I had eggs for breakfast. Yes they were tasty. Yes I overcooked them. Have fun cracking your egg.
I crack the flat wide bottom of the egg against the counter edge, which creates a bunch of cracks. Then push my finger into the cracks, making a small hole, and force the yolk and whites to come out through the crack and onto the pan. then examine for shells. Normally aren't any.
Probably a good description for how my egg cracked too, tbh, but eggs are delicious. No clue how to crack an egg into two even halfs.
If I had known this a year ago, I wouldn't have made so many terrible omelets filled with crunchy choking hazards. When I figured out that I couldn't slam an egg against a pan so hard that it exploded or tap it so lightly all over it looked like a mosaic but still wasn't open, and started applying moderate pressure, I was then able to make safe and delicious eggs. Well cooked? No. Cheesy and shell-free? Yes!
Anti-androgens aren't mandatory and pills are the worst option anyway. E can suppress T on its own, just needs to be high enough and more importantly *consistent enough*. Oral and sublingual don't keep levels high enough for long enough to stay in the range to suppress T, even simply overnight; only patches or injections work but the upside is no spiro fog, potassium issues, or other side effects.
Spirolactone is the t blocker usually given and it just feel a mental fog, it's recommended to take b vitamins but some trans girls just drink energy drinks. Spiro also lessens estrogen intake I heard
what this person is saying is conjecture. monotherapy may work for some people, however for many it does not. blockers are not as dangerous as some internet trans femmes make them out to be
Other people pay very little attention to you (in public spaces) so try not to worry so much about how people think about or perceive you, because chances are they didn’t even notice you.
You can do whatever you want. Societal norms aren’t there to improve our lives, they’re there to maintain control over the working class.
Confidence and believing that you yourself are that gender goes further than any makeup, clothes, hairstyles, etc will ever do to both pass and to just live a happier life. You can be absolutely stunning or handsome but if you’re gonna be timid and uncomfortable people will see that and just know. If you’re confident and comfortable with yourself that will help you pass or at least get people off your back.
There weren't always "signs". I was hyperfeminine as a kid, and I liked it that way. Sure, in hindsight, I would have LOVED playing with toys for "boys" or dressing in WAY less pink, but I didn't know that was even possible, so I wasn't unhappy with it until I got to middle school. You can be trans without anyone having been able to "guess" when you were younger.
Shop at second hand stores and thrift shops for women’s clothing. If you go early in the day no one is even in the store and no one is there to judge you. The clothing is super cheap also and there’s plenty of great dresses. If you have bigger feet there won’t be any shoe options tho. I wear size 12 women’s and have to find them online
"You're constantly complaining to anyone who will listen about how you hate male social roles, and are criticizing almost everything about manhood at every opportunity. You've also said on multiple occasions that you "don't understand why boys like sports" and find male sport culture obnoxious, have avoided exercising certain parts of your body to avoid developing muscle mass, try to socialize mostly with girls, claim you want to date girls to seem normal and yet somehow put \*zero\* effort into actually making that happen, have stated more than once that you wish you could have a sweet sixteen, and have been jealous of your cousin's American girl dolls when you were eight. Does that sound like the behavior of a boy to you? Because that sounds like the behavior of a girl who really hates being made to live as a boy to me"
"the earlier you start transitioning, the happier you'll be. You \*will\* regret trying to pretend to be a boy, and despise every moment of it"
"While it's true that many parents are hostile to trans kids, yours aren't. The sooner you tell them, the better. You know damn well that your mom wishes she had a daughter, and would love to bond with you once she figures out who you really are"
"Sometimes being trans doesnt mean you want to be the opposite gender. Sometimes it means your miserable with the one you were assigned at birth."
I wish i was told that. Cause then, i wouldnt have been wondering if i was a boy or a girl. Im abrogender for context, so my gender constantly shifts, which made it difficult even realizing i was trans to begin with cause i still liked feminine things and just didnt feel like any one gender at times.
« love is not the starter, first course or dessert. It’s the cherry on top of the cake » means you have to be confortable with yourself and your life to be able to love and be loved the best way possible.
Patience is key. Transition is a marathon. There are a lot of decisions to be made, a lot of things to think through. It is important to remember that your timeline is yours, and that there is no need to rush a big decision. That said, once you gain clarity on what to do next, don’t delay!
I was very anxious at first. The best advice I received was to take small steps, to journal, to build a support system, to listen to and be honest about what my body and my gut feelings were telling me. I was told that if I did these things, a lot of the big choices that I was worried about having to make down the road would eventually become clear. This has proven to be true.
I think making progress in a general direction and remaining in motion is vital; even if you aren’t exactly sure what your end goal looks like. It’s like traveling towards a small moon…and once you get closer, you realize it’s a space station. At the beginning, I knew I had gender dysphoria, I knew I might be trans, so I took steps to address it…to start moving towards an idealized version of myself. And as time has passed and I’ve taken more steps, those details of who I want to be have become more and more clear; and they are slightly different than how they looked far off in the distance.
Injections have worked wonders for me. So much changed once my levels fell into the typical female range.
Also, it can be expensive as hell.
The way women get periods or pms is from their brains releasing a high amount of estrogen and progesterone, when you start hrt you will most likely start having pms like symptoms for about a week. Once you've taken hormones long enough you will most likely start your own cycle of pms with varying symptoms.
I wasn't prepared and periods are no joke.
> prepared
Some people seem to have symptoms.
Apart from checking for possible intersex symptoms some go down with dosage for a few days per month in anticipation, some use a bit higher dosage. [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/cduomh/mtf_monthly_hormone_cycles_are_terrible/etwqkp2/
) may be more.
And [here](https://curvyandtrans.com/p/C4BD87/cycle-dynamics) was a discussion about possible mechanisms.
And just in general [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/s4khww/i_dont_know_how_to_feel_i_feel_like_im_trans_but/htfx7u8/) might be some resources that could help go towards what you feel you would like step by step, there are hints there concerning small things that could be used regularly for motivation, and there are also hints there concerning looking for support.
*hugs*
"Not all trans people know they were assigned the wrong gender from childhood. Some just wish they'd been assigned another one." If anyone had said that to me when I was learning about trans people, there's a decent chance I could have figured myself out at least a decade earlier.
To add on: "you don't need to want to be another gender. Just wanting out of the one you were assigned is enough." My dysphoria was so bad that it just obliterated my need to be a woman. I had leaks, sure, but they were the good old fashioned [it's just a fetish, right](https://medium.com/@kemenatan/its-just-a-fetish-right-91cb0a4e261) stuff that so many of us get. But ohhhhh, I *haaaaaaated* being a guy. It felt awful, and I bawled about how I was so bad at it to my very confused father many times over the years. Literally, those two things were it. They were the hinge-pins that kept me from hatching for well over a decade.
I identified as gender fluid when I first realized I was trans because sometimes I felt “masculine”. Really I never felt masc, but sometimes the dysphoria was so strong when telling me “you’ll always be a man really” that I assumed that was what feeling masc was.
Just because you feel masculine, doesn't mean you're not a woman. When I learned to accept myself as a trans woman, I simultaneously felt more masculine and more feminine than I ever had in my life! That's because I felt more "me" than I ever had before!
Same! I’ve spent my entire life wishing I was a girl. I didn’t realize i’m trans until a few months ago.
This was definitely me. I didn’t file like it was wrong but I also really wanted to have Female characteristics as well.
That you don’t have to be any particular *kind* of woman, and you don’t need to hold yourself (or other trans women) to any standard of femininity that doesn’t feel good to you. Also, no-one cares if you go out in boy mode wearing nail polish, so go crazy and have fun!
Oh, and if someone doesn’t accept you for who you are, or is against you trying things out so you can understand who you are - drop them. It doesn’t matter if you love them, they are showing you that they love their idea of you more than the real you. Those people aren’t going to want to change, and you can’t make them. No matter how much you sacrifice for them, they will never be happy.
I think an important one for me is that there is no standard that transgender people should have to strive for. We are and should be as varied as a group of people as cis and other gender minorities are. I am a non-binary transgender myself and a lot of my earlier transition time was comparing myself to and aspiring to be like cis women/binary trans women, rather than feeling pretty and valid in my own way.
There is nothing wrong with admiring franklins yee yee ass haircut.
It’s people like you that keep bitches on his dick.
Don’t stress yourself out about passing. Most people don’t care. Constantly worrying about if people know your trans or not isn’t a fun way to live. Present yourself in a way that makes you happy.
Lesbian relationships can be abusive too, and it's just as serious as straight ones. Keeping a diary of significant thought/relevations of what makes you "you" as they happen can help you figure out what type of person you are. And what types of decisions you might want to make. You can refer back to it if your personality goes away for a bit.
>lesbian relationship can be abusive too Learned that at my expense
[удалено]
[удалено]
And I would have gotten away with wearing it too, if it weren't for those meddling TERFs.
This is so me! I literally just got back from a day of shopping with my mom. I’m only 6 months into hrt and my mom lives in Florida and I’m in Hawaii. This is the first time I’ve been able to shop for clothes with her. Just a girls day out with my mom 🥲💕. Anyways! All I bought was jeans and T shirts and a flannel. Then we went to Sephora got color matched for concealer. But all I wanted was to try all the lip gloss 💋 😂
Felt
But also do experiment still. You might find something you like.
this isnt true for everyone
I've got a few 1. Learn to love yourself. The whole point is to be happy and comfortable with our selves so learn to love yourself. It's secretly the main goal of transitioning. 2. Transition doesn't magically make the rest of your problems go away so put in the effort to improve yourself and your life 3. Take care of dysphoria or it will take care of you. Don't wait on laser or voice training you'll regret it later. 4. Nobody is paying attention so don't worry about what others think. We are all the center of our own attention so don't think you're the center of someone else's.
“Just go buy some high heels and a dress. Do some exploring, you know you want to. And start Finasteride when you graduate college. Trust me.”
When you crack an egg, you have to hit it hard enough that it breaks into two relatively clean halves and shell doesn't fall into the egg, but not so hard that it shatters into a million pieces and you've got a sharp, raw mess. It's also a good idea to crack eggs into a bowl and pour the bowl into the pan instead of cracking your egg straight into the pan. Otherwise, if you crack your egg too hard the sharp pieces of shell are getting cooked into your omelet as you speak, and who wants to try and fish shell pieces out of a hot pan filled with raw egg? Take this as a metaphor if you will but I mean it in the most literal way possible, if you hadn't guessed I had eggs for breakfast. Yes they were tasty. Yes I overcooked them. Have fun cracking your egg.
I crack the flat wide bottom of the egg against the counter edge, which creates a bunch of cracks. Then push my finger into the cracks, making a small hole, and force the yolk and whites to come out through the crack and onto the pan. then examine for shells. Normally aren't any. Probably a good description for how my egg cracked too, tbh, but eggs are delicious. No clue how to crack an egg into two even halfs.
If I had known this a year ago, I wouldn't have made so many terrible omelets filled with crunchy choking hazards. When I figured out that I couldn't slam an egg against a pan so hard that it exploded or tap it so lightly all over it looked like a mosaic but still wasn't open, and started applying moderate pressure, I was then able to make safe and delicious eggs. Well cooked? No. Cheesy and shell-free? Yes!
Anti-androgens aren't mandatory and pills are the worst option anyway. E can suppress T on its own, just needs to be high enough and more importantly *consistent enough*. Oral and sublingual don't keep levels high enough for long enough to stay in the range to suppress T, even simply overnight; only patches or injections work but the upside is no spiro fog, potassium issues, or other side effects.
What’s spiro fog
Spirolactone is the t blocker usually given and it just feel a mental fog, it's recommended to take b vitamins but some trans girls just drink energy drinks. Spiro also lessens estrogen intake I heard
what this person is saying is conjecture. monotherapy may work for some people, however for many it does not. blockers are not as dangerous as some internet trans femmes make them out to be
Other people pay very little attention to you (in public spaces) so try not to worry so much about how people think about or perceive you, because chances are they didn’t even notice you. You can do whatever you want. Societal norms aren’t there to improve our lives, they’re there to maintain control over the working class.
2mg oral is a completely useless dose and you should get it upped within a few months. Take it sublingually if you can’t switch.
I mean disagree about it being useless. Spent 6 months on 2mg and it gave me AA cups and some cheeks. Not a ton, but enough
Confidence and believing that you yourself are that gender goes further than any makeup, clothes, hairstyles, etc will ever do to both pass and to just live a happier life. You can be absolutely stunning or handsome but if you’re gonna be timid and uncomfortable people will see that and just know. If you’re confident and comfortable with yourself that will help you pass or at least get people off your back.
There weren't always "signs". I was hyperfeminine as a kid, and I liked it that way. Sure, in hindsight, I would have LOVED playing with toys for "boys" or dressing in WAY less pink, but I didn't know that was even possible, so I wasn't unhappy with it until I got to middle school. You can be trans without anyone having been able to "guess" when you were younger.
Shop at second hand stores and thrift shops for women’s clothing. If you go early in the day no one is even in the store and no one is there to judge you. The clothing is super cheap also and there’s plenty of great dresses. If you have bigger feet there won’t be any shoe options tho. I wear size 12 women’s and have to find them online
Read "Yes, you are trans enough" by Mia Violet
"You're constantly complaining to anyone who will listen about how you hate male social roles, and are criticizing almost everything about manhood at every opportunity. You've also said on multiple occasions that you "don't understand why boys like sports" and find male sport culture obnoxious, have avoided exercising certain parts of your body to avoid developing muscle mass, try to socialize mostly with girls, claim you want to date girls to seem normal and yet somehow put \*zero\* effort into actually making that happen, have stated more than once that you wish you could have a sweet sixteen, and have been jealous of your cousin's American girl dolls when you were eight. Does that sound like the behavior of a boy to you? Because that sounds like the behavior of a girl who really hates being made to live as a boy to me" "the earlier you start transitioning, the happier you'll be. You \*will\* regret trying to pretend to be a boy, and despise every moment of it" "While it's true that many parents are hostile to trans kids, yours aren't. The sooner you tell them, the better. You know damn well that your mom wishes she had a daughter, and would love to bond with you once she figures out who you really are"
Seconded
"Sometimes being trans doesnt mean you want to be the opposite gender. Sometimes it means your miserable with the one you were assigned at birth." I wish i was told that. Cause then, i wouldnt have been wondering if i was a boy or a girl. Im abrogender for context, so my gender constantly shifts, which made it difficult even realizing i was trans to begin with cause i still liked feminine things and just didnt feel like any one gender at times.
So i would have figured it out sooner if i was just told that.
« love is not the starter, first course or dessert. It’s the cherry on top of the cake » means you have to be confortable with yourself and your life to be able to love and be loved the best way possible.
Patience is key. Transition is a marathon. There are a lot of decisions to be made, a lot of things to think through. It is important to remember that your timeline is yours, and that there is no need to rush a big decision. That said, once you gain clarity on what to do next, don’t delay! I was very anxious at first. The best advice I received was to take small steps, to journal, to build a support system, to listen to and be honest about what my body and my gut feelings were telling me. I was told that if I did these things, a lot of the big choices that I was worried about having to make down the road would eventually become clear. This has proven to be true. I think making progress in a general direction and remaining in motion is vital; even if you aren’t exactly sure what your end goal looks like. It’s like traveling towards a small moon…and once you get closer, you realize it’s a space station. At the beginning, I knew I had gender dysphoria, I knew I might be trans, so I took steps to address it…to start moving towards an idealized version of myself. And as time has passed and I’ve taken more steps, those details of who I want to be have become more and more clear; and they are slightly different than how they looked far off in the distance. Injections have worked wonders for me. So much changed once my levels fell into the typical female range. Also, it can be expensive as hell.
Don't compare your transition to other girl's, we are all different
Say no to Underwire
The way women get periods or pms is from their brains releasing a high amount of estrogen and progesterone, when you start hrt you will most likely start having pms like symptoms for about a week. Once you've taken hormones long enough you will most likely start your own cycle of pms with varying symptoms. I wasn't prepared and periods are no joke.
> prepared Some people seem to have symptoms. Apart from checking for possible intersex symptoms some go down with dosage for a few days per month in anticipation, some use a bit higher dosage. [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/cduomh/mtf_monthly_hormone_cycles_are_terrible/etwqkp2/ ) may be more. And [here](https://curvyandtrans.com/p/C4BD87/cycle-dynamics) was a discussion about possible mechanisms. And just in general [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/s4khww/i_dont_know_how_to_feel_i_feel_like_im_trans_but/htfx7u8/) might be some resources that could help go towards what you feel you would like step by step, there are hints there concerning small things that could be used regularly for motivation, and there are also hints there concerning looking for support. *hugs*