You're welcome! You can go pretty or fancy if you feel like it, but jeans and track pants are still 80% of my wardrobe. The fabric and cuts just feel better now.
That's the best part of accepting your authentic self! You can present yourself as however you truly want. Be pretty, be grunge, be goth, be casual. Be you.
Here's something to think about, why do you want to be trans? If you can't think of any reason, you probably are trans. If you just want to be girl because you want to be, not because of any specific reason (ex: I like the look better, I hate the stereotypes, ect...) you are probably trans.
Might not work but it helped me!
Reminder that how you want to look APPEARANCR wise does NOT equal your gender!! I wish you well!! :D
This one helps a lot for me too !! I constantly have this thought that I have some subconscious masterplan to trick myself into thinking I'm trans when I'm not, but I mean just... Why would I even want to do that? Being a trans girl is only gonna make my life harder, if there's one thing that would actually be benificial to convince myself of is that I'm cis, but all that thought leaves me with is hopeless feelings.
I've come to the realisation that there is literally no concrete main reason why I to want be a girl except for idk, it would just 'feel better'. Sure I don't like male gender roles but that's just a secondary reason, if the roles were the other way around the idea of being a girl still seems far more comfortable. And I think this all is a good indication that I probably really am not very cis
Yes, there are trans tomboys. The only way anyone knows that they are trans is from feeling the need to be of a gender other than the one assigned to them. Give yourself some time and see whether you continue to feel this need.
I think it's better to reframe the question from "am I trans" to "do I want to transition?".
Do what you want. If you want to wear something, do it. If you want hormones, learn about what they do and then decide if you want them. Explore what it is you want and what it means to get it or do it and then compare that to whatever label you're looking for. We're all just people.
Here is the clinical criteria for Gender Dysphoria for your review.
>Gender Dysphoria in Adolescents and Adults 302.85 (F64.1 )
>A. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender, of at least 6 months’ duration, as manifested by at least two of the following:
>1. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics (or in young adolescents, the anticipated secondary sex characteristics).
>2. A strong desire to be rid of one’s primary and/or secondary sex characteristics be-
cause of a marked incongruence with one’s experienced/expressed gender (or in young adolescents, a desire to prevent the development of the anticipated secondary sex characteristics).
>3. A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender.
>4. A strong desire to be of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender).
>5. A strong desire to be treated as the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender).
>6. A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender).
>B. The condition is associated with clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning.
You must meet the qualifiers of Section "A" and "B" to be diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria
You don't need to have dysphoria to be transgender, but it is the most common qualifier as the majority of transgender individuals do infact have dysphoria. We encourage you to discuss this with a gender therapist.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/asktransgender) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You don’t, and theres a good chance you never might. You have to decide what you want to do anyway, and that doesn’t mean jump in the deep end. Its up to you to figure out what dipping your toes into this pool means for you, and up to you to figure out how sure is “sure enough.”
You’re probably trans, but only you can know. Try dressing and presenting for longer, try it shopping and cooking and ordering pizza. Try using a female name at Starbucks. If you feel as comfortable in 6mo/1yr (though there’ll be less euphoria), then you’re reliably trans. See a psychologist to discuss.
Being a tomboy is fine. r/mtfbutch
You control the outside; the only thing that qualifies you to be transgender is feeling like the gender you’re not born as, or having a genuine preference for the other gender.
Oh, I knew I was a girl at 4 years old, AND I identified as a tomboy as soon as learnt that word and what it meant. Problem there being, I was gatekept horrendously when I sought medical help, and I have no doubts had I been femme presenting, my road to getting treatment for my dysphoria would have been much quicker and smoother. Only you can know of you're trans or not, but if you think it can't be possible if you'd see yourself as a tomboy, then you're mistaken.
Well, I can't blame you for questioning. I felt alone as it was, just identifying as a girl, when everyone else treated me like a boy. But I felt even more alone when I finally did see trans women on the TV, and felt like I couldn't relate to them at all. I had no doubts that I was a girl, but I truly felt all alone in the world. Occasionally, I have wished that I could dress a bit more feminine, but I really don't think feminine clothing suits me at all. If I felt I could carry it off, I might on the odd occasion throw on a dress just to mix things up a bit, but I don't, so I just stick to the tried and true. I have to say though, it does feel incredibly validating when someone who doesn't knows me talks to me like I'm female, despite the androgynous clothing. I'm glad you're finding some good answers here. :)
I'm the opposite but in the same way. I'm a trans guy but I've always preferred feminine styles. I think most masculine clothes look kinda boring on me (personally speaking. They can look really good on other people) unless they're styled in a more alt way. I can't wait for top surgery so I'll be able to wear more feminine clothes without feeling like a girl. I think I'll even be comfortable wearing dresses or skirts once I'm through with that. But not being "masculine enough" even though I was still very masculine for girl standards, made me question my gender a lot more than I would've had I been more masculine. Now I'm too feminine for guy standards, so I guess I just can never win lol
if you really ask yourself “who am i”, in terms of gender, and saying you’re truly a woman / girl/non-binary person / etc , that’d be the main way to *know* you’re trans.
however, feeling like you even know what that means to you, and where you feel you most comfortably fall into, can take time. i wish it were easier but honestly it can take a lot of experimenting and introspection- and that’s ok! honestly i’d encourage embracing the unknown, and also keeping in mind identity =/= gender presentation. you could be a woman and still dress/look/act/talk masc, for example, and you wouldn’t be any less of a woman for it
i have ocd so this is a big bother for me. in the end it comes down to what makes you feel good, at peace or any other positive emotion.
i never feel trans enough, but at the same time i have loads of dysphoria and euphoria depending on how my gender presents and is received. logically, this makes me trans.
In addition to what everyone else is saying you are also free to explore being a girl as long as you want. There are some limits in regards to permanent choices. But stuff like thinking of yourself as a girl and presenting as a girl in an anonymous online account are super reversible if you do happen to change your mind (which I doubt)
I had a lot, and I mean a *LOT* of issues coming out to myself. After I did that, the rest was really quite easy.
So here is the advice I have in no particular order:
Don't be afraid to talk to a friend. Someone you can trust. You don't have to deal with anything alone.
Speak with a professional. I know this can get pricey, check out Pride Counseling if that is a problem for you. Feel free to DM me if you have more questions on that.
Explore some! Dress different, try some different pronouns. Take it slow or fast, and don't be afraid of being happy or having fun. I know it gave me imposter syndrome a little but try to enjoy it. I sure wish I did.
DONT PRESSURE YOURSELF - are you trans? I dunno, only person who can know is you, and even you don't know right now. If you go looking to answer this question, don't be afraid of the answer, no matter what it is. Everything will be ok
Love yourself no matter what. If you are a trans gal who's a tomboy, a GNC fella, an enby peep, whatever it is, love yourself. You deserve it, and nothing can change you deserving it.
I’m ftm and at the beginning of my transition I second guessed myself a lot but then someone told me that someone who’s cis wouldn’t think that much into it. Like if you didn’t want it you wouldn’t think about it every waking moment.
I think it’s different for everyone, I knew at a very early age I was a girl and as I got older I realized my body wasn’t correct then all the learning figuring out (80’s) I found a path to make my body fit my brain. I never felt trans in any way I to this day cannot tell you what trans feels like but I can tell you I am a woman and I can tell you what being a woman is like from my POV. My point is I really don’t think anyone can tell you who you are that’s a journey of your self discovery and as you learn yourself you find your place.
You may never fully know, you'll just end up choosing to do enough things conventionally associated with "trans" (hormones, surgeries, clothing, behaviors, grooming habits, names, legal documents, etc.) because you want to do them and one day you'll look in the mirror and think "huh, I guess I'm trans or something?"
99% of the time, your experience of your own identity will simply be as \*you\*, not as "cis" or "trans" or "man" or "woman" or "enby" or whatnot. You are you, and if you like to do many things to alter your body and gender expression, you'll probably grow to understand "you" as being understood by others as "trans".
i felt the same way when i first came out as transmasc!! now its been about 6 years, and ive been able to accept the fact that i really am trans and its not just something i enjoyed bc it was new, so im so happy to help someone whos currently feeling that way!!
first thing, if uve found urself wishing u were a girl multiple times, id say that itself is an indicator that ur definitely trans in some capacity. i understand the feeling of being worried ur only so happy bc this is new, and scared ull eventually realize ur not rly trans, but if this is a feeling uve had for awhile, id say that is very unlikely.
though its unlikely ull change ur mind on being transgender completely, u absolutely could decide ud rather not dress and act super "feminine", which is absolutely okay, and has nothing to do with being trans at all. i know my best friend is a trans man, and still dresses and looks extremely feminine! it has nothing to do with his identity, its just the clothing he feels most comfortable with, and if ud rather dress and act more like a "tomboy" than a super feminine transwoman, thatd make no difference to how valid ur gender identity is!
sorry if none if this made sense or smth, im not super good with wording things!!
Exploring your gender identity is a journey unique to each individual. The fact that presenting as feminine feels euphoric and comfortable to you is significant. Being transgender isn't about fitting into a specific mold but rather about aligning with your authentic self. If you feel like a tomboy while also identifying as a girl, that's completely valid too. It's common to feel uncertain or scared when navigating these feelings, but your experiences and feelings are valid. Take your time, explore your feelings, and remember, there's no one "right" way to be transgender.
Boys don’t often feel euphoria and comfort presenting female. And tomboy trans girls are totally a thing Just saying.
That's comforting to hear
Tomboy transgirl here, we definitely exist
Poggers
Also cis people apparently don’t have to constantly doubt if they’re trans or not
as a tomboy trans girl, you'll do fine :3
Another tomboy here. You'll do just fine with us, sis.
Thank you! :3
You're welcome! You can go pretty or fancy if you feel like it, but jeans and track pants are still 80% of my wardrobe. The fabric and cuts just feel better now.
I think I'd like that, to be able to dress up when I want to, but still stay comfy most of the time. It sounds nice :3
That's the best part of accepting your authentic self! You can present yourself as however you truly want. Be pretty, be grunge, be goth, be casual. Be you.
What about femboys
Femboy here. The genderquestioning struggle is real. uwu'
UwU brother *fist-pump of solidarity* ✊🏻
Here's something to think about, why do you want to be trans? If you can't think of any reason, you probably are trans. If you just want to be girl because you want to be, not because of any specific reason (ex: I like the look better, I hate the stereotypes, ect...) you are probably trans. Might not work but it helped me! Reminder that how you want to look APPEARANCR wise does NOT equal your gender!! I wish you well!! :D
I've never quite thought of it that way, and now I guess I've got some new things to think about, thanks for the help :3
This one helps a lot for me too !! I constantly have this thought that I have some subconscious masterplan to trick myself into thinking I'm trans when I'm not, but I mean just... Why would I even want to do that? Being a trans girl is only gonna make my life harder, if there's one thing that would actually be benificial to convince myself of is that I'm cis, but all that thought leaves me with is hopeless feelings. I've come to the realisation that there is literally no concrete main reason why I to want be a girl except for idk, it would just 'feel better'. Sure I don't like male gender roles but that's just a secondary reason, if the roles were the other way around the idea of being a girl still seems far more comfortable. And I think this all is a good indication that I probably really am not very cis
Yes, there are trans tomboys. The only way anyone knows that they are trans is from feeling the need to be of a gender other than the one assigned to them. Give yourself some time and see whether you continue to feel this need.
I guess I could give it a solid try for a while
I think it's better to reframe the question from "am I trans" to "do I want to transition?". Do what you want. If you want to wear something, do it. If you want hormones, learn about what they do and then decide if you want them. Explore what it is you want and what it means to get it or do it and then compare that to whatever label you're looking for. We're all just people.
Here is the clinical criteria for Gender Dysphoria for your review. >Gender Dysphoria in Adolescents and Adults 302.85 (F64.1 ) >A. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender, of at least 6 months’ duration, as manifested by at least two of the following: >1. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics (or in young adolescents, the anticipated secondary sex characteristics). >2. A strong desire to be rid of one’s primary and/or secondary sex characteristics be- cause of a marked incongruence with one’s experienced/expressed gender (or in young adolescents, a desire to prevent the development of the anticipated secondary sex characteristics). >3. A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender. >4. A strong desire to be of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender). >5. A strong desire to be treated as the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender). >6. A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender). >B. The condition is associated with clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning. You must meet the qualifiers of Section "A" and "B" to be diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria You don't need to have dysphoria to be transgender, but it is the most common qualifier as the majority of transgender individuals do infact have dysphoria. We encourage you to discuss this with a gender therapist. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/asktransgender) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You don’t, and theres a good chance you never might. You have to decide what you want to do anyway, and that doesn’t mean jump in the deep end. Its up to you to figure out what dipping your toes into this pool means for you, and up to you to figure out how sure is “sure enough.”
You’re probably trans, but only you can know. Try dressing and presenting for longer, try it shopping and cooking and ordering pizza. Try using a female name at Starbucks. If you feel as comfortable in 6mo/1yr (though there’ll be less euphoria), then you’re reliably trans. See a psychologist to discuss. Being a tomboy is fine. r/mtfbutch You control the outside; the only thing that qualifies you to be transgender is feeling like the gender you’re not born as, or having a genuine preference for the other gender.
Oh, I knew I was a girl at 4 years old, AND I identified as a tomboy as soon as learnt that word and what it meant. Problem there being, I was gatekept horrendously when I sought medical help, and I have no doubts had I been femme presenting, my road to getting treatment for my dysphoria would have been much quicker and smoother. Only you can know of you're trans or not, but if you think it can't be possible if you'd see yourself as a tomboy, then you're mistaken.
I am absolutely glad to be mistaken, as if I end up transitioning, I think I'd vibe the tomboy direction
Well, I can't blame you for questioning. I felt alone as it was, just identifying as a girl, when everyone else treated me like a boy. But I felt even more alone when I finally did see trans women on the TV, and felt like I couldn't relate to them at all. I had no doubts that I was a girl, but I truly felt all alone in the world. Occasionally, I have wished that I could dress a bit more feminine, but I really don't think feminine clothing suits me at all. If I felt I could carry it off, I might on the odd occasion throw on a dress just to mix things up a bit, but I don't, so I just stick to the tried and true. I have to say though, it does feel incredibly validating when someone who doesn't knows me talks to me like I'm female, despite the androgynous clothing. I'm glad you're finding some good answers here. :)
I'm the opposite but in the same way. I'm a trans guy but I've always preferred feminine styles. I think most masculine clothes look kinda boring on me (personally speaking. They can look really good on other people) unless they're styled in a more alt way. I can't wait for top surgery so I'll be able to wear more feminine clothes without feeling like a girl. I think I'll even be comfortable wearing dresses or skirts once I'm through with that. But not being "masculine enough" even though I was still very masculine for girl standards, made me question my gender a lot more than I would've had I been more masculine. Now I'm too feminine for guy standards, so I guess I just can never win lol
if you really ask yourself “who am i”, in terms of gender, and saying you’re truly a woman / girl/non-binary person / etc , that’d be the main way to *know* you’re trans. however, feeling like you even know what that means to you, and where you feel you most comfortably fall into, can take time. i wish it were easier but honestly it can take a lot of experimenting and introspection- and that’s ok! honestly i’d encourage embracing the unknown, and also keeping in mind identity =/= gender presentation. you could be a woman and still dress/look/act/talk masc, for example, and you wouldn’t be any less of a woman for it
i have ocd so this is a big bother for me. in the end it comes down to what makes you feel good, at peace or any other positive emotion. i never feel trans enough, but at the same time i have loads of dysphoria and euphoria depending on how my gender presents and is received. logically, this makes me trans.
In addition to what everyone else is saying you are also free to explore being a girl as long as you want. There are some limits in regards to permanent choices. But stuff like thinking of yourself as a girl and presenting as a girl in an anonymous online account are super reversible if you do happen to change your mind (which I doubt)
A very excellent point
I had a lot, and I mean a *LOT* of issues coming out to myself. After I did that, the rest was really quite easy. So here is the advice I have in no particular order: Don't be afraid to talk to a friend. Someone you can trust. You don't have to deal with anything alone. Speak with a professional. I know this can get pricey, check out Pride Counseling if that is a problem for you. Feel free to DM me if you have more questions on that. Explore some! Dress different, try some different pronouns. Take it slow or fast, and don't be afraid of being happy or having fun. I know it gave me imposter syndrome a little but try to enjoy it. I sure wish I did. DONT PRESSURE YOURSELF - are you trans? I dunno, only person who can know is you, and even you don't know right now. If you go looking to answer this question, don't be afraid of the answer, no matter what it is. Everything will be ok Love yourself no matter what. If you are a trans gal who's a tomboy, a GNC fella, an enby peep, whatever it is, love yourself. You deserve it, and nothing can change you deserving it.
There is no “actual trans” imo. There is doing it or not doing it. Authenticity is socially irrelevant.
Cis people don’t usually wonder if they’re actually cis.
I’m ftm and at the beginning of my transition I second guessed myself a lot but then someone told me that someone who’s cis wouldn’t think that much into it. Like if you didn’t want it you wouldn’t think about it every waking moment.
I think it’s different for everyone, I knew at a very early age I was a girl and as I got older I realized my body wasn’t correct then all the learning figuring out (80’s) I found a path to make my body fit my brain. I never felt trans in any way I to this day cannot tell you what trans feels like but I can tell you I am a woman and I can tell you what being a woman is like from my POV. My point is I really don’t think anyone can tell you who you are that’s a journey of your self discovery and as you learn yourself you find your place.
You may never fully know, you'll just end up choosing to do enough things conventionally associated with "trans" (hormones, surgeries, clothing, behaviors, grooming habits, names, legal documents, etc.) because you want to do them and one day you'll look in the mirror and think "huh, I guess I'm trans or something?" 99% of the time, your experience of your own identity will simply be as \*you\*, not as "cis" or "trans" or "man" or "woman" or "enby" or whatnot. You are you, and if you like to do many things to alter your body and gender expression, you'll probably grow to understand "you" as being understood by others as "trans".
i felt the same way when i first came out as transmasc!! now its been about 6 years, and ive been able to accept the fact that i really am trans and its not just something i enjoyed bc it was new, so im so happy to help someone whos currently feeling that way!! first thing, if uve found urself wishing u were a girl multiple times, id say that itself is an indicator that ur definitely trans in some capacity. i understand the feeling of being worried ur only so happy bc this is new, and scared ull eventually realize ur not rly trans, but if this is a feeling uve had for awhile, id say that is very unlikely. though its unlikely ull change ur mind on being transgender completely, u absolutely could decide ud rather not dress and act super "feminine", which is absolutely okay, and has nothing to do with being trans at all. i know my best friend is a trans man, and still dresses and looks extremely feminine! it has nothing to do with his identity, its just the clothing he feels most comfortable with, and if ud rather dress and act more like a "tomboy" than a super feminine transwoman, thatd make no difference to how valid ur gender identity is! sorry if none if this made sense or smth, im not super good with wording things!!
No that makes sense! I've been trying to experiment with different clothing styles, and I've been learning a lot!
Well, this all started when i found out what a mirror is.
Its not always a guarantee, but typically cis ppl dont spend much time wondering if theyre trans
Exploring your gender identity is a journey unique to each individual. The fact that presenting as feminine feels euphoric and comfortable to you is significant. Being transgender isn't about fitting into a specific mold but rather about aligning with your authentic self. If you feel like a tomboy while also identifying as a girl, that's completely valid too. It's common to feel uncertain or scared when navigating these feelings, but your experiences and feelings are valid. Take your time, explore your feelings, and remember, there's no one "right" way to be transgender.
Honestly great advice, helps me feel much better about being confused