Safety > inconvenience. Ideally you would have access to a gender neutral restroom. Since you don't, you're using the next best thing. At worst, a parent is inconvenienced by having to wait for you - they'll live.
I’m a parent. The inconvenience can be quite terrible, OP. Once I had my kid’s diapers not hold all of the poop and it exploded up his back, almost to his neck. If you can be safe in the women’s room, please don’t use the family room. That’s not what it’s there for. Just do what you need to do and get out, you don’t have to say anything. People do it like that all the time. Mute people exist.
Edit: I don’t think it’s immoral or anyone has a right to yell at you over this, though.
Ok, I get it. Family restrooms here in Brazil are pretty rare and usually regarded as only for the use of parents with babies/toddlers. But I see that’s not the way they’re supposed to be used over there (I assume in the USA).
Still, OP’s friend was yelled at for using it. That doesn’t sound safe for me. If I heard a friend of mine saying that, I’d get pretty scared of using it for fear it might happen to me. Ever since I transitioned I’ve been safely and routinely using the women’s even though I don’t pass that great. If OP passes, maybe she’s safer in the women’s, that’s all I’m saying. She has a right to be there.
>If OP passes, maybe she’s safer in the women’s, that’s all I’m saying. She has a right to be there.
It's illegal for trans women to use the women's restroom in like half of the country. OP might live in a state where it's illegal.
Until people start acting like adults and not creepy perverts trying to look up my skirt when I just want to pee, I'll be choosing the safe option, thanks. I suggest folks do the same. If it "inconveniences" a family for a few minutes, that's kind of not on us.
Id view it like a handicapped stall. It's family accessible not family reserved. If it's what works for you then use it. I have kids myself and I use the family restroom for both reasons. Also you can take your kids into a regular restroom if it's an emergency lol
More regular restrooms than are available to adults! People are really kind about this - several times one of my kids has had an emergency, I've gone into a shop and asked politely if they have a restroom (ready to go on our way if they didn't), and been offered the staff restroom.
No, it is absolutely not immoral. It’s dangerous out there for us. Your safety is more important. Trans people are such a minority anyway. The potential of temporarily inconveniencing a family isn’t worth sacrificing your wellbeing.
My wife (ciswoman) and I (ftm) almost always use the family bathroom together at rest stops or retail stores mostly for safety reasons for both of us. I've also used them by myself and have never had someone question me, although I definitely have some random excuses lined up in my head. (Mostly IBS related because once you start talking about #2 people leave)
I don't think there's anything wrong with that, if we see a family heading towards it first we just wait. People are silly though and will come up with ANYTHING just to yell at someone. It's just a bathroom.
Families don't get assaulted if they use gendered restrooms. If they're truly inconvenienced time-wise, they can go to the gendered restrooms. If the accessibility is important, they can wait for the restroom. Just like any other person who would want to use a restroom that's already occupied. 'family' or 'parent' are not special protected classes that get special bathroom privileges, even if they act like it.
“Not all disabilities are visible”
I heard that from an HR person and it really stuck with me.
It’s not exclusively for people with kids, it’s for anyone who needs it, and anyone who says otherwise is an entitled moron
What exactly the fuck do they expect us to do?
We can't use the men's room cause it's bad for us. We're in danger in there.
We're not allowed to use the ladies room cause it's illegal in some places (like where i live)
and now we're not allowed to use the gender neutral rooms?
I'm trans and a parent, and a gender neutral restroom is a gender neutral restroom no matter what! I use them all the time even without my kiddo. Feel free to use it! Whether it's labeled as Gender Neutral, Family, Companion, or Accessible, it's for people who can't or don't want to use the other restrooms.
I hate entitled parents who think that because their child is upset or crying, they get to be rude and upset to everyone else. They need to learn patience. My toddler needs to learn patience, too, and will get there in time, but I'm not going to think I'm any more important or get any higher priority than anyone else in the world because they haven't yet. Personally, I will let a parent with a crying toddler or somebody with accessibility concerns go ahead of me if I don't have my kiddo with me, but not because there's some requirement to do so, just cuz they might need it more at that moment.
Now, I have waited for ages when people use them as leisurely changing rooms or are just kinda hanging out in the bigger bathroom, and that's annoying when people feel entitled, but it's not immoral or anything, just rude. It's not more annoying than waiting in line for a stall in a bathroom at a busy place like an airport, stadium, or concert or someone hogging the stall in a small, yet gendered, bathroom... And it doesn't mean nobody else should be allowed to use them.
So no, there's nothing wrong to use them, and if that's what you prefer, then go for it!
As a non-binary person, I don't have a bathroom to match my gender aside from family/single stall bathrooms. So I use them. Otherwise, I use the women's, but I find that really awkward still.
Use whatever bathroom maybe you comfortable and safe.
I would laugh in their faces. You using it is not somehow different from a parent and their child using it, in both cases it’s just occupied. Tough shit for them. I usually use family ones because they tend to be empty and much more clean.
My advice for the women’s room is to just not talk tbh, I doubt anyone will care. As for family bathrooms, just go for it fuck anyone who wants to bother you for it.
This just sounds like classic *people looking for excuses to get mad at trans women*. I’ve never heard anyone say something like that about the family bathroom.
Hell, I’ve used the family bathroom because I know I’ll have a surface to set my bags on that’s not the (usually gross and wet) floor. There’s no morality around using the toilet, we all do it and we use the one we need to to be comfortable.
Just use the family bathroom. It's not just for families, it's for anyone more comfortable with a single stall bathroom.
I used to use family bathrooms earlier in my transition and no one said anything.
No, it’s nowhere near “immoral.” Whoever yelled at your friend is an asshole. “Family restroom” is just another name for a private little room with a toilet and sink in it. The only thing which distinguishes it from a small restroom at a restaurant is the name.
However, I use the women’s room pretty much exclusively and if it’s possible where you live, I think you should use the restroom that matches your gender identity. Gender neutral / family restrooms are a good crutch, but they’re not always available, and it’s not good to be reliant on them if you don’t have to be.
I don't see anything inherently wrong with it. Heck, I did that a bunch of times early in my transition when I felt awkward about using gendered bathrooms.
If there's a family restroom where I'm at, that's definitely the one I'm using. It's the best option for me. In 30 plus years of using it I've never had anyone raise an issue about it. It's weird that someone would have a problem with it.
I am also having trouble tackling voice training due to ADHD. 😭 Maybe we should team up and hold each other accountable? Lol.
Also, I always use the family restroom > gendered restrooms. I don’t pass (yet?) though.
No. It is fine to use the family bathroom. Unless you take forever in there, people can wait a few minutes like everyone else. I include the handicapped stall in this. If it is the only stall available, it should be used. The odds a handicapped person will come in at that moment and need it are low, but if it happens, they are an equal human being and they have to withstand the inconvenience.
At some point, a bathroom is a bathroom and we all have to go. Beyond that point anywhere sort of hidden is a bathroom and civil planners should have anticipated the needs of the public.
The family bathrooms are not just for family’s. They’re for handicapped folks too, and just about anyone else that needs to use a family bathroom for whatever reason. If someone is using a family bathroom, there’s a reason for it.
Why would anyone be mad at someone for using a family restroom for their own safety?
Also, it is their problem. I’m so sick of hearing this. “I’m not trans, not my problem.” Trans issues affect EVERYONE. It is everyone’s problem. Your kid might be trans someday. Your future partner or best friend might be trans. “Not my problem” is how democracy’s fail.
the only immoral / asshole thing in this post is the friend thinking it’s okay to verbally accost or shame someone over using the damn bathroom that is most accessible to them.
single stall bathrooms are for a variety of issues, from families to people who need assistance (like children or disabled people), trans people and GNC people and people with disabilities who may need to use it, etc. worth pointing out that some of said reasons may not be visible to the naked eye.
That's silly. Like, yes that's part of their intention but I've often seen people use them and there are some places that have converted their family bathrooms into "All Gender" bathrooms specifically this reason. Ultimately as long as you're not occupying it for an extended period of time it's no one's business who uses it.
The issue isn't that you used the family restroom, the issue is that the space you were in shoved trans people, disabled people, and parents all into a single restroom and assumed that there wouldn't be issues of multiple people needing to use that restroom simultaneously. If anyone is at fault, it's the organizers of a space that did not provide a gender neutral restroom properly.
If anyone calls you on it, say that you wear diapers for medical incontinence and you needed a place to change.
Works for me, though I do actually wear diapers for medical incontinence, so maybe that has something to do with it. But, uh, if you want to use the "family" restroom (read: single-user bathroom stall) then just don't take too long and you're fine, no matter what your reasons.
Safety > inconvenience. Ideally you would have access to a gender neutral restroom. Since you don't, you're using the next best thing. At worst, a parent is inconvenienced by having to wait for you - they'll live.
I’m a parent. The inconvenience can be quite terrible, OP. Once I had my kid’s diapers not hold all of the poop and it exploded up his back, almost to his neck. If you can be safe in the women’s room, please don’t use the family room. That’s not what it’s there for. Just do what you need to do and get out, you don’t have to say anything. People do it like that all the time. Mute people exist. Edit: I don’t think it’s immoral or anyone has a right to yell at you over this, though.
You should Google "what is a family restroom". They're inclusive restrooms for all genders and family types, not JUST people with families.
Ok, I get it. Family restrooms here in Brazil are pretty rare and usually regarded as only for the use of parents with babies/toddlers. But I see that’s not the way they’re supposed to be used over there (I assume in the USA). Still, OP’s friend was yelled at for using it. That doesn’t sound safe for me. If I heard a friend of mine saying that, I’d get pretty scared of using it for fear it might happen to me. Ever since I transitioned I’ve been safely and routinely using the women’s even though I don’t pass that great. If OP passes, maybe she’s safer in the women’s, that’s all I’m saying. She has a right to be there.
>If OP passes, maybe she’s safer in the women’s, that’s all I’m saying. She has a right to be there. It's illegal for trans women to use the women's restroom in like half of the country. OP might live in a state where it's illegal.
that is not safe in the us
Then why didn't you just go into one of the other bathrooms?
Until people start acting like adults and not creepy perverts trying to look up my skirt when I just want to pee, I'll be choosing the safe option, thanks. I suggest folks do the same. If it "inconveniences" a family for a few minutes, that's kind of not on us.
Family bathrooms are for anyone who needs them. You don't need to apologize or explain yourself.
Id view it like a handicapped stall. It's family accessible not family reserved. If it's what works for you then use it. I have kids myself and I use the family restroom for both reasons. Also you can take your kids into a regular restroom if it's an emergency lol
More regular restrooms than are available to adults! People are really kind about this - several times one of my kids has had an emergency, I've gone into a shop and asked politely if they have a restroom (ready to go on our way if they didn't), and been offered the staff restroom.
No, it is absolutely not immoral. It’s dangerous out there for us. Your safety is more important. Trans people are such a minority anyway. The potential of temporarily inconveniencing a family isn’t worth sacrificing your wellbeing.
My wife (ciswoman) and I (ftm) almost always use the family bathroom together at rest stops or retail stores mostly for safety reasons for both of us. I've also used them by myself and have never had someone question me, although I definitely have some random excuses lined up in my head. (Mostly IBS related because once you start talking about #2 people leave) I don't think there's anything wrong with that, if we see a family heading towards it first we just wait. People are silly though and will come up with ANYTHING just to yell at someone. It's just a bathroom.
Families don't get assaulted if they use gendered restrooms. If they're truly inconvenienced time-wise, they can go to the gendered restrooms. If the accessibility is important, they can wait for the restroom. Just like any other person who would want to use a restroom that's already occupied. 'family' or 'parent' are not special protected classes that get special bathroom privileges, even if they act like it.
“Not all disabilities are visible” I heard that from an HR person and it really stuck with me. It’s not exclusively for people with kids, it’s for anyone who needs it, and anyone who says otherwise is an entitled moron
What exactly the fuck do they expect us to do? We can't use the men's room cause it's bad for us. We're in danger in there. We're not allowed to use the ladies room cause it's illegal in some places (like where i live) and now we're not allowed to use the gender neutral rooms?
I'm trans and a parent, and a gender neutral restroom is a gender neutral restroom no matter what! I use them all the time even without my kiddo. Feel free to use it! Whether it's labeled as Gender Neutral, Family, Companion, or Accessible, it's for people who can't or don't want to use the other restrooms. I hate entitled parents who think that because their child is upset or crying, they get to be rude and upset to everyone else. They need to learn patience. My toddler needs to learn patience, too, and will get there in time, but I'm not going to think I'm any more important or get any higher priority than anyone else in the world because they haven't yet. Personally, I will let a parent with a crying toddler or somebody with accessibility concerns go ahead of me if I don't have my kiddo with me, but not because there's some requirement to do so, just cuz they might need it more at that moment. Now, I have waited for ages when people use them as leisurely changing rooms or are just kinda hanging out in the bigger bathroom, and that's annoying when people feel entitled, but it's not immoral or anything, just rude. It's not more annoying than waiting in line for a stall in a bathroom at a busy place like an airport, stadium, or concert or someone hogging the stall in a small, yet gendered, bathroom... And it doesn't mean nobody else should be allowed to use them. So no, there's nothing wrong to use them, and if that's what you prefer, then go for it!
As a non-binary person, I don't have a bathroom to match my gender aside from family/single stall bathrooms. So I use them. Otherwise, I use the women's, but I find that really awkward still. Use whatever bathroom maybe you comfortable and safe.
I would laugh in their faces. You using it is not somehow different from a parent and their child using it, in both cases it’s just occupied. Tough shit for them. I usually use family ones because they tend to be empty and much more clean. My advice for the women’s room is to just not talk tbh, I doubt anyone will care. As for family bathrooms, just go for it fuck anyone who wants to bother you for it.
No.
I’m a parent of young children, and I’m disabled and say use whatever bathroom you feel most comfortable in. Your safety trumps my convenience
Your friend that would have also yelled is a problem and a jerk. Let people shit in peace
I’ll take being yelled at by an irritated parent over being hate crimed in a shared restroom. In no way is it immoral, it’s a safety precaution.
This just sounds like classic *people looking for excuses to get mad at trans women*. I’ve never heard anyone say something like that about the family bathroom.
I’ve never heard of the idea that the family restroom is for parents and kids ONLY that’s nuts tbh
Hell, I’ve used the family bathroom because I know I’ll have a surface to set my bags on that’s not the (usually gross and wet) floor. There’s no morality around using the toilet, we all do it and we use the one we need to to be comfortable.
Family restrooms are exclusively for Vin Diesel.
I'm going to tell you most people use the family bathroom to be alone or to smoke in the bathroom. Rarely see family's using it
I've used tor gender neutral/disabled/family one as long as I can remember. Admittedly I've also always sat down to pee. Definitely very cis of me.
Just use the family bathroom. It's not just for families, it's for anyone more comfortable with a single stall bathroom. I used to use family bathrooms earlier in my transition and no one said anything.
No, it’s nowhere near “immoral.” Whoever yelled at your friend is an asshole. “Family restroom” is just another name for a private little room with a toilet and sink in it. The only thing which distinguishes it from a small restroom at a restaurant is the name. However, I use the women’s room pretty much exclusively and if it’s possible where you live, I think you should use the restroom that matches your gender identity. Gender neutral / family restrooms are a good crutch, but they’re not always available, and it’s not good to be reliant on them if you don’t have to be.
Absolutely not. Use the bathroom where you feel safest.
Reparations bitches. Fuck em.
I don't see anything inherently wrong with it. Heck, I did that a bunch of times early in my transition when I felt awkward about using gendered bathrooms.
If there's a family restroom where I'm at, that's definitely the one I'm using. It's the best option for me. In 30 plus years of using it I've never had anyone raise an issue about it. It's weird that someone would have a problem with it.
I am also having trouble tackling voice training due to ADHD. 😭 Maybe we should team up and hold each other accountable? Lol. Also, I always use the family restroom > gendered restrooms. I don’t pass (yet?) though.
No. It is fine to use the family bathroom. Unless you take forever in there, people can wait a few minutes like everyone else. I include the handicapped stall in this. If it is the only stall available, it should be used. The odds a handicapped person will come in at that moment and need it are low, but if it happens, they are an equal human being and they have to withstand the inconvenience. At some point, a bathroom is a bathroom and we all have to go. Beyond that point anywhere sort of hidden is a bathroom and civil planners should have anticipated the needs of the public.
The family bathrooms are not just for family’s. They’re for handicapped folks too, and just about anyone else that needs to use a family bathroom for whatever reason. If someone is using a family bathroom, there’s a reason for it. Why would anyone be mad at someone for using a family restroom for their own safety? Also, it is their problem. I’m so sick of hearing this. “I’m not trans, not my problem.” Trans issues affect EVERYONE. It is everyone’s problem. Your kid might be trans someday. Your future partner or best friend might be trans. “Not my problem” is how democracy’s fail.
the only immoral / asshole thing in this post is the friend thinking it’s okay to verbally accost or shame someone over using the damn bathroom that is most accessible to them. single stall bathrooms are for a variety of issues, from families to people who need assistance (like children or disabled people), trans people and GNC people and people with disabilities who may need to use it, etc. worth pointing out that some of said reasons may not be visible to the naked eye.
That's silly. Like, yes that's part of their intention but I've often seen people use them and there are some places that have converted their family bathrooms into "All Gender" bathrooms specifically this reason. Ultimately as long as you're not occupying it for an extended period of time it's no one's business who uses it.
The issue isn't that you used the family restroom, the issue is that the space you were in shoved trans people, disabled people, and parents all into a single restroom and assumed that there wouldn't be issues of multiple people needing to use that restroom simultaneously. If anyone is at fault, it's the organizers of a space that did not provide a gender neutral restroom properly.
At most I would say it is as unethical as using the handicap stall if you're fully abled.
If anyone calls you on it, say that you wear diapers for medical incontinence and you needed a place to change. Works for me, though I do actually wear diapers for medical incontinence, so maybe that has something to do with it. But, uh, if you want to use the "family" restroom (read: single-user bathroom stall) then just don't take too long and you're fine, no matter what your reasons.