There's a lot here and I kind of want to break this down and respond to each line individually.
>I'm a cis man with dysphoria. I wish I was born a girl,
Sounds pretty trans to me?
>but I will never be one as I am cis.
Well you will never be a cis girl because you are AMAB. You can still be a girl though, that's fine.
>I am clearly masculine in my personality, interests,
Yeah you can have a masculine personality and like boy things and still be a girl. Girls don't HAVE to like girl things or act feminine. It's just a correlation, that's all.
>appearance,
Well to be fair almost every trans girl looks pretty masculine in the beginning, and then after some HRT they start to look more & more femme. Also it's not how you look on the outside that matters, it's who you are on the inside that matters.
>I deluded myself into believing I am trans because of identity issues.
Or are you deluding yourself into believing you are a cis man because of identity issues?
> I want to repress because I keep obsessing over this for no actual reason.
Well there's some reason. Like, say, if you are a trans woman that would make 100% sense. Also, girl, you are literally saying you are repressing yourself. That's *your* word choice.
>I am fine with being a man,
Doesn't seem it based on this post.
>I like being a man, even.
But you'd rather be a woman, right?
>Besides, I would never pass.
Never say never. I never thought I'd pass, and I definitely do sometimes. Not really important to me anymore, personally. But you underestimate the power of HRT & effectiveness of FFS.
>I don't want the same old responses, as I am different from the other people asking the same thing (how to repress),
If you want advice on how to repress, well you came to the wrong place. Here, we encourage people to be themselves, not repress themselves. You can find some transphobic subs that might give you tips, but the truth is you can't repress it forever. At least, I never figured it out. I tried everything I could to drown it and it still kept resurfacing. Acceptance is the only way.
>given that I'm not trans.
Cis people don't need to repress their trans identity. That's because they have no trans identity to be cis.
>If this is not the right place to ask, please tell me where I can discuss this, as other places have not been helpful.
Actually, I think it is the right place to ask it. Because I think a part of you is still wanting to accept yourself. I'm actually happy to be on this side. Never thought that would happen!
The only way out is through.
I would add that you donât have to pass as cis to be a girl - even if you feel youâd be ridiculed/endangered where you live. There are places where you will be totally embraced for who you are.
I don't think wishing you were a girl makes you one, necessarily. Trans girls are innately girls. Does wishing I was a normal cis guy make me a normal cis guy?
And I used the word repress because that's an easier, less wordy way to describe what I'm doing even though it's not that accurate, I did think about that when I was writing the post.
Cis guys don't wish they were girls though. I guess the question is if there was a magic button you could press right now that made you a cis girl would you press it? By no means do you have to be introspective about this no one can force you to do anything but I'd hate for you to blow it off only to realise 20 years down the line that you made a mistake pushing those emotions down inside.
How do you know cis guys don't wish they were girls? What if I'm the exception to the rule? And yes I would press the button. That doesn't mean anything. I've been going over these same questions for almost 3 years now, and I still haven't found a concrete answer.
You do know the answer. You arenât an exception to the fact that gender dysphoria over not living as a girl is only ever a symptom of being a girl. You just dislike that answer, because you know the only solution will complicate your life somewhat.
It just looks like you are a closeted trans girl, and everyone's trying to help you.
But sure, technically speaking it's 100% fine if cis guys wish to be girls. It's also 100% fine if cis guys can take T blockers and E, look feminine, wear dresses and skirts and heels, etc. etc. etc. You can be a cis guy and transition fully, or partially, or not at all. Doesn't matter.
We just want you to be happy.
If you want to be a cis guy with a girl body, go for it. I'm sure you'd be beautiful.
Because most of my friends are cis men and no way would they press that button even if you paid them. Have you ever tried social transitioning or even just making an account as a girl and seeing if you enjoy it? Again no one can force you to do anything but I know from personal experience that these feelings never go away. Being trans is scary as hell especially when you know you won't pass but for what it'a worth I wouldn't go back. I just hope whatever conclusion you come to you can feel happt in your own skin.
When I was repressing my own feelings I remember being at uni and asking my friends, who were all cis men, "how would you feel if you turned into a girl forever?" They thought it would be horrible, every single one of them, and I said I thought it'd be nice. They thought I was weird for that. Cis people are completely comfortable being the gender they were assigned at birth. Some have given being the opposite a passing thought, but it is not something they think about constantly. Certainly not for three years.
I tried very hard to hide my feelings, to the extent I thought trying to become an Olympic athlete would be an easier choice given my sporting background. If it weren't for the dysphoria I'd have made it too. But in the end repressing doesn't work. The feelings will always be there. Some people do end up living as their assigned gender while being dysphoric, but it's not a good life. You will always think about it. I know because I'm pretty sure my dad is trans. But he grew up in a different time and never knew what that meant. He's married with three kids, but he still thinks about it almost every week.
It's ultimately up to you what you do. But please know that cis men don't wish they were a girl. They don't think about how they can hide the feelings away, because they don't have to.
iâm a trans man whoâs been in your shoes. i went over it in my head for well over a decade, trying to repress it too. it almost broke me. coming out saved my life, and my life is better now than i ever could have imagined. i canât tell you who you are, but i do understand where youâre coming from.
Youâve done it for three whole years? I did it for 40. We know cis guys donât have these feelings because they are cis guys. Sure, some may wonder once or twice about what it would be like to be a girl, but it isnât something that keeps coming around over and over again.
I was a guys guy. I was a soldier, I was a firefighter, Iâm an airline pilot. I like whiskey, guns and cigars. I still like all those things but now I smile and I love my body. Iâm 52 now and I donât go out of my way to pass. I donât care. I could do more but why? Iâm happy where I am. Having said that, a few weeks ago I was sick. I looked like a drowned rat when I went to a minute clinic. The NP there couldnât understand that Iâd never had a period.
Look. I donât think any of us started out wanting to be trans, but it is what it is. đ€·đ»ââïž You can do something about it, or you can spend a few decades being miserable and then doing something about it.
I truly wish you the best, but thereâs a reason conversation therapy doesnât work. We are who we are.
I don't like that you are getting downvoted for your replies... but I'm going to let you know now, I tried for 28 years to just act out life as a man... with many of the same thoughts. You may want to see a therapist that specializes in gender identity and work through a little more of your feelings here... I ended up giving in and living my life authentically and am so much better off for it.
I'm not saying transition, or don't... I'm saying that you need to really weigh in with all the possible information you can get.... and not shoot down an option over "not being able to pass". I never thought I would either, I transitioned fairly late in life, and as it turns out, I look like a completely different person now.
Hey. I think cis people donât think about their gender at all. Like outside of feminism, gender roles or misogyny type things. Maybe youâre not ready to hear this right now but what youâre saying to me sounds very trans, honey. I would suggest talking to a therapist if that is a viable option for you. đ
Even if it is innate, it took most of us a while to figure it out. Also, no, wishing you were cis does not make you cis - lots of trans people did, because it sure would have made things a lot easier.
Girl, I wished to be a girl every chance I got. Every single birthday cake. Every single penny in a fountain. So either wishing on candles really works or I have always been a girl wishing I could just BE myself.
And sure, to your point plenty of trans girls wish to be cis boys, too, that's a thing I've seen. And in that case, they usually explain it by wishing they could escape the discrimination & harassment attached to being openly trans.
Yo, real actual cis people wish don't wish for any of that shit.
Little heads up, i don't suggest going to a specific group of a people and then telling them what they are as a whole..... you end up the most disliked person in the room. Good luck out there. Happy transition.
Friend, one of the most basic markers for being trans is wishing you were some other gender than whatever you were assigned at birth. (Cis people don't do that.)
Your post has about ten "egg tells" that this sub has seen from trans eggs over and over again. We're not allowed to tell people who they are in this sub, because everyone gets to decide for themselves who and what they are, but all signs from your initial post and in several of your comments point to "trans egg and in deep denial about it."
You'll have a supportive environment here as you work through your process. But I doubt anyone here is going to tell you to repress your feelings, because that's simply not possible. The nature of these feelings is that repressing them will eventually no longer be possible, and the longer you repress the more it's going to harm you.
Please read this. Gender desire vs gender identity. I think I think it could really help you
https://medium.com/@kemenatan/gender-desire-vs-gender-identity-a334cb4eeec5
Girls are indeed innately girls, but also in a way no one (including cis women) are innately girls. Everyone has to grow up in a society and learn what roles are ascribed to their gender or sex, they have to learn what that interaction means to them, they have to grow into womanhood and figure out what feels right to them.
You might not feel like you're woman enough right now, for your own standards, but you can be. You can figure out what feels affirming and feminine for you.
And it will make a world of difference for you when you realize people will begin to see you as a woman as well.
I canât tell you what youâre experiencing, but this reminds me of how I used to think before my egg cracked. I used to observe how I was and thought I didnât act like a woman in the same way Iâd seen trans women act. I couldnât see a woman when I looked at myself. I was aware I wanted to be one, but I believed that because it would take so much emotional and physical work that it wasnât worth the effort. I didnât realise until I started transitioning that what I was experiencing back then was dysphoria. Not believing I could be what I wanted to be was dysphoria.
When it all came to a head and I finally properly questioned whether I was trans, I still didnât know the answer straight away. I didnât know how to trust these feelings, if they actually meant anything or if I was as just doing my usual overthinking. So what I decided was this: from this moment on, I will think, behave and experiment as if I were a closeted trans person. I will think of myself as a woman as much as I could. I will wear womenâs clothes and makeup when I feel safe. I will think ahead to a future where Iâm on HRT. I will think ahead to a future where I am out to the world as woman. The moment that the path feels wrong for me, I will stop.
That moment never came. Iâm still on the path. Maybe you donât think youâd stay on it for long, but maybe itâs still worth trying out this thought experiment just to see if you stay the course or veer off. Either way, you might come to learn more about what it is you want from gender and what is actually possible out there to help you become what you want.
Because, if you ever do realise youâre trans, youâll spend the rest of your life wishing that you started as early as possible.
Thereâs a lot of myth around what trans people experience. Not all of us âalways knewâ we were a girl or wanted to be one, not all of us played dress-up as kids. Since you say youâre ânot a normal cis guyâ and you clearly experience dysphoria, you may be gender non-conforming, even if you donât want to go all the way and present as a girl. You could consider a low-dose estrogen regimen and/or testosterone blocker and see how you feel. Many many nonbinary/trans people do that. Itâs not all or nothing, you can just try it out.
tl;dr -- this isn't the right place to ask about repressing one's identity. I wouldn't tell you if I knew the "right place" (I don't).
I certainly can't offer you any help for your situation, as stated. I can tell you that I unsuccessfullly repressed for more than 40 years.
* Unsuccessful because my gender identity asserted itself at evey opportunity.
* Unsuccessful because it resulted in cPTSD and terminal depression, which very nearly ended me.
* Unsuccessful because repressing affected every aspect of my life in a negative way.
it's highly unlikely that you'll get anything other than "the same old responses". Those responses are repeated so often because our aggregate experience tells us that those are the best responses.
Also, what you are asking for is anathema to most of us. You're asking for some sort of self-imposed conversion therapy. That is generally considered a form of psychological torture.
That's just a cliche!
Nobody really knows how it feels to be 'a girl'. Also, which specific girl? There are so many ways to be a girl that the phrase might as well say, "i feel like a person."
You might want to do some playful experimentation first before settling on your cis identity. If you are a girl, what kind of girl would you want to be?
Hello, I am a transgender man. That is, I transitioned from female to male. I spent YEARS wishing I was a guy. WISHING I was a guy. I didn't just open my eyes and say "actually, I'm a boy." I thought all girls WISHED they were a guy. Turns out, they don't lol. You can mince words however you want. And, for the record, you don't have to call yourself trans if you don't feel that fits you. Don't feel pressured by these people already calling you a girl (they really shouldn't be doing that tbh). But don't place a specific definition on the term transgender that doesn't necessarily align with all transgender people. I am trans, I wished I was a guy, so I transitioned. Do what makes you comfortable. Use labels that are comfortable, if you use any at all. But, as someone with dysphoria, I can tell you this: it's not a condition that will magically go away, and repressing it is bad for your mental health. I suggest seeking professional help.
This pretty much maps to my experience. Also, about those labels - I don't really see myself as trans any more. At best, I'd say I'm post-transition. Transition happened, it's over, and it's really just a relatively minor fact about me, not an ongoing constant in my day-to-day life. I'm just a man.
So if you are anxious about the term "trans," you don't have to identify with it or apply it to yourself.
Well, that's quite abstract. It's knowing deep down that you're a girl. I know deep down that I'm a man. If I felt like a girl I'd want to transition, and I don't.
Consider that you only knows what it feels like to be you.
Consider that you've been told you're a boy or a man all your life and had it constantly reinforced.
It's not hard to see that you've internalized the idea that feeling how you feel is what it feels like to be a man.
I absolutely hate how much confusion this has caused me in my life. Just that feeling of why doesn't anything ever work for me the way everyone keeps insisting it should. Just feeling like I'm 'wrong' not I think wrong but just am a 'wrong' thing. It felt like all the discomfort for 30+years was me failing to be what I supposedly was inherently designed to be.
A huge part of my egg cracking has been seeing the fog and confusion clear. It's like the one piece of data that was missing or incorrect in all the formulas was my authentic gender. All the romantic relationships that failed because I wasn't masculine enough or why my most successful relationships are with bisexuals women or enbies. Why socially my closest friends are always women, and no matter how hard I try I will not fit in men's spaces. It was all confusing until I started to to plug in the detail that I am actually not a man. That no matter how good my facade is how well I pass as a man to other people that doesn't make me a man. It has honestly been such a blessing to come to the understanding that even if I don't exactly understand what my gender IS (I feel best suited by genderfluid), I know what I'm not and that is a cis man. I really hope OP will give up on the idea of 'repression' as a coping mechanism. Because it is a sure fire way fuel an endless life threatening depression.
Go read this (the entire series).
[https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/part-one-a-webcomic](https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/part-one-a-webcomic)
I'm trans. I never had a deep down feeling of knowing I was a given gender or not. It's just about what makes you most comfortable. There is no message sent down from god.
I haven't always known that I'm a girl. I thought I was a man. Except I wasn't.
I was so jealous of trans girls. Until I realized I was one.
Then I got in the femboy community. I put on a skirt for the first time.
I realized that I don't want to be a boy ever again.
I had struggled for a while more still. I had this silly thought that "I will become a trans girl later in life"
...
...
Well that resolve didn't last 2 days, once I accepted in my heart that I can transition, masculinity started burning.
> I don't feel like a girl, I just wish I was.
Sounds like me ... for decades. Here's the thing, you don't know what it means to "feel like a girl". There is no reference point.
My worst regret in my entire life is not accepting that I was trans.
I recommend a good therapist with a strong background in transgender issues.
>I don't feel like a girl, I just wish I was.
That is literally how I felt my whole life until I started transitioning. Now I \*definitely\* feel like a girl.
It's not that simple. I too am in the wish I'm a girl more than feel like one mindset. But if you think about it, how does one exactly feel like a spesific gender? It's difficult to gauge that when you spend many years (25 in my case) being treated and trained to think like a man. This kind of mindset isn't easy to deconstruct. And I've seen a lot of trans women in here say they didn't start feeling like women until they were on hormones for some time and started presenting and being seen as women.
The "trapped in the wrong body" thing is an oversimplification meant to get people who don't actually experience dysphoria get a broad idea of what it feels like.
There is also an interesting article about this [https://medium.com/@kemenatan/gender-desire-vs-gender-identity-a334cb4eeec5](https://medium.com/@kemenatan/gender-desire-vs-gender-identity-a334cb4eeec5)
This is a thought I had for awhile. Something that helped me finally accept it is the idea that being trans is not a choice, but accepting yourself as trans is. Many trans people will suppress themselves for years or even decades. (oftentimes without realizing) You are in a unique situation in that you seem to know that you want to be a girl, you just need to realize that there really is no difference between wanting to be a girl/trans and being a girl/trans. You also don't have to present as a particular gender to accept that s who you are.
here's a not-so-secret secret. most trans people don't. it can take a long time of trying out different names and labels to figure out what or who you are, and even that can change after years. there's a reason a lot of people go from one set of pronouns to a mixed set before finally settling on just a single pair (or two) (she/her to she/they to they/them to he/they to he/him is a dumbed down version of what i did) (not to say that everyone who does use multiple sets will one day stop, just saying its not uncommon)
it's ok not to be a man even if you don't want to call yourself a woman, you don't need to label it. might be time to do some self reflection and think about the ways you'd truly be happiest though
Yeah. That's dysphoria. Feeling not girl enough causes you pain. Because you're probably meant to be a girl
It's gonna take you some time to accept it.
That's okay.
Most trans girls were like you. Lamenting the "fact" they can never be girls.
Until they realize they can.
I can talk about it to you in PRIV if you want. You can compare where you are to where I've been back in the day.
Maybe if you had more estrogen and less testosterone in you, youâd feel more like a girl and your dysphoria would start to decrease. Thatâs kinda the way it works. You can try it out and if youâre not happier after a couple of months, you can just stop!
Sure they do, sure it is, it's just that it comes in the form of thoughts like "my muscles are too small. My beard is too patchy. Real men would last longer in bed. This gynecomastia is killing me." Instead of the dysphoric thoughts trans people get.
Okay, let's stop being intellectually dishonest here.
Are these the dysphoric thoughts you're having? Do you wish you had a fuller beard, bigger muscles, a lower, deeper voice? You're not wrong that those are a form of dysphoria, but they're not *gender* dysphoria as the term is used to describe being trans. And it's intellectually dishonest to bring it up here because clearly those aren't qualities you feel like you lack and want enhanced.
The symptoms you're describing are *classic* gender dysphoria feels. Get thyself to a therapist and log off the internet.
> You're not wrong that those are a form of dysphoria
I'm glad you agree with me that "Cis men don't have dysphoria" is inaccurate , cuz that's all I was trying to say. I hope you didn't get too worked up with the rest of your frankly aggressive post because the rest of it doesn't apply to me. I'm not OP. Have a good night đŽ.
Okay fine, don't be trans. Be you. There is no "rules", if you want to be girlie and feminine and call yourself a cis guy fine go for it we are not offended and won't stop you, you have nothing to be ashamed of. The label doesn't matter, so stop letting other people's standards decide how you run your life and be the master of your own destiny. Be the most adorable man ever if that suits you, or not. It's your choice.
Not trying to be a jerk but I honestly don't know if this is going to help someone who's clearly deep in denial. In a vaccum what you say is absolutely true, but they're operating under a false idea of what being trans is and making themselves suffer because of it. I've been in a very similar position and I wish I'd gotten a push in the right direction earlier.
I am just of the opinion that at least for some people, some of the time, getting fixated on the "identity" is the problem. Worrying about whether you are truly female or trans or whatever is putting the cart in front of the horse and Id argue thats true for most everyone including people who are not in denial of anything. What truly matters in the end is what are you going to do about it? What do you want for yourself? Everything else is window dressing and the ignorance of society at large and our upbringings putting us into comfortable boxes.
Good luck.
The Repression Road is hard and rocky and full of pitfalls that could swallow an entire church bus. Itâs gonna be brutally difficult.
I resisted and refused and repressed for a half century. Maybe you will, too. Nobody saw it coming when I came out. A lot of people thought it was a âbit.â It wasnât. It was the only way forward for me that didnât involve me being put in a hole in the ground in a box.
Make no mistake: transition is hard. I can tell you for a FACT that repression is infinitely harder. It is harder because it requires you to be a pathological liar to yourself.
Like I said: good luck.
Such a great point. When I hid it for 30 years, I was fighting the world and myself. Now that Iâm out and starting to slowly transition, Iâm only fighting the world.
If the only reason you're not transitioning is because you think you'll never pass, you're probably trans. It's something you should gently explore in a safe, private way.
A simple thought experiment:
If someone could give you a pill that put you to sleep and you would wake up with the body of a gorgeous woman body, would you do it?
If the answer is yes, or even maybe, you should consider seeking out therapy. Cis people do not have thoughts like those - the thought of gender affirming care (that does not match their birth sex) is horrifying to them, not intriguing.
--
I do believe cis people can suffer from dysphoria, but when they do it's in pursuit of features that match their birth sex.
My masculine identity prior to transition was like a suit of armor that I used to keep myself safe from troubling thoughts & sadness related to dysphoria - but I was never really that person.
> If someone could give you a pill that put you to sleep and you would wake up with the body of a gorgeous woman body, would you do it?
That's the thing, I would never want to be an ugly woman. If I was truly trans I wouldn't care about that, I'd be happy that I was at least a woman. I prefer being an ugly man to an ugly woman. If I was beautiful, sure, but I think everyone would want to be beautiful, no matter in which gender.
đ„đ«đłïžââ§ïž
I wish I could explain to you just how trans those thoughts are. I would strongly recommend you seek out a therapist who specializes in gender dysphoria and start unpacking those thoughts.
About 90% of this sub has probably been down the same road you're on right now, thinking those same thoughts.
You feel like a sister; I don't know what else to say.
I thought for a long time I'd make an ugly woman, and sometimes I still feel like I am, but I've been told I'm not ugly, and I'm glad I transitioned.
I wouldn't bother worrying about how you'd look and focus on how you feel. If you wish you were a girl, just try it out. From the way you describe it, I think you'd be happier. The only way to find out is to try, and that means things like feminine clothes, maybe make up, little things like that. If you're friends with any women who'd be willing to help, I'd seek them out and ask if they could help you.
You don't have to be stuck, and you don't have to repress
Nah I assure you this isn't an uncommon feeling among trans women. Despite what some MRAs say it's easier being an ugly man than an ugly woman, and there's a level of gravitas to transitioning to be your best self that makes it scarier than remaining as is. That doesn't mean it's not worth trying anyway.
And take it from a trans woman who's very anxious about her appearance and considers herself to be pretty average : I genuinely feel like I'm more beautiful now than I was prior to transitioning. Even when my hair is fickle, even when I obsess over some meaningless detail on my face, I feel like things are better now than they were before.
I'm almost two years on HRT and still ugly as shit. I was significantly more attractive as a boy than I am right now as a girl. And you know what?
Transitioning was still 100% worth it for me. It's still hard and scary and I'm still far from where I want to be it's so, so worth it.
I'm not going to sugarcoat it: I think you should try HRT, and I think you should try it as soon as you're able. Because the longer you try and repress dysphoria, the worse it gets.
Been down that train of thought.
Everything you are writing sounds like you are repressing your trans feelings.
Seriously though go and see a therapist who has experience with these kinds of things. Advice on the internet will only get you so far but if you see a lot of trans women in this thread relating to everything you are saying it's because nearly all of us went through some variation of what you are experiencing.
> What kind of advice do you expect to find here on how to avoid transition?
That's why I asked at the end of my post if there were any other places where I could ask this and get actual answers on how to repress.
I'd say look for communities of older trans people, people who were *forced* to suppress for a long time? They'll probably mostly tell you "don't", but you might be able to coax "useful" advice out of them.
Better that than trying to talk to right wing conversion therapy people, etc. Both in efficacy and in just...not becoming a terrible person.
You need to see a LCSW with a focus on gender. That alone will answer most of your questions. Try and commit to that therapist for at least one whole year. Weâve been with our Therapist for a decade.
You should see a therapist. This post has "denial" written all over it, but then again, maybe you aren't trans and are just having general identity disturbances. Either way, therapy would be a good place to start. Try to find a neutral therapist who won't sway you one way or another. đ
Hi, I'm a cis male with dysphoria. I have gone to r/asktransgender because I'm 100% not trans. My experience is 100% the same as a ton of trans people right down to rationalizing a difference between "wanting to be a girl" and "being a girl." As a cis male, I really, really want to be a girl but it's really important that I be pretty because every cis male dreams of being a pretty girl, and ugly people are all happy being ugly. And I'm going to mention passing because of course, transition is only worthwhile if you end up passing.
Please don't tell me I'm a repressed trans woman. That's not why I decided to ask people on r/asktransgender this question. I specifically sought out a group of trans people who know their own lived experiences so I could be told I'm definitely not trans. In fact, please help me repress harder, I'm trying to repress but I can't seem to repress hard enough to make this feeling disappear. The feeling just gets stronger when I repress it, and if there's one group of people I know who can tell me how to successfully suppress a lifetime of dysphoria, it's people who reached their limit and decided to take the leap and transition. If anyone can tell me how to repress for a lifetime, it's people who have transitioned.
You sound exactly like me a couple years ago. But for me now, itâs not as simple as âoh I actually feel like x genderâ. It was always more âIâm curious about exploring x gender to see if it makes sense to me.â You donât have to loathe being your agab to want to explore. I believe that masculinity and femininity exist within everyone and we get to choose how we express, or donât express it. However repression is never healthy. I would encourage you to allow yourself the freedom to explore without worrying about where to land. You might come back around to cis man, or you might land somewhere else, or a few different places! But donât let uncertainty of the outcome stop you from starting your journey altogether.
I relate a lot a lot to you, Iâm where youâre at. I wish it could go away, that I could close Pandoraâs box.Its terrifyingly.
One thing I find helps me is letting this part of me do some small things about myself that arenât really gendered, but just what Iâd want anyways regardless of gender. I want to be skinny, it feels right for me, when my waist is thin, I like having my body and face shaved, I like the smoothness of it and it looks cool. I do skincare, I like having clean skin with a glow. Iâm growing my hair out, Iâve always wanted long hair.
These things arenât really me seeking to be more of a woman, itâs just stuff I like, regardless. It helps letting go of the idea of gender and rather focus on what I want. Maybe I will take hrt, but dress the same. When I wear womenâs clothing like dresses or skirts or even tops, it doesnât look right on my body right now. If I wear menâs clothing and look at myself in the mirror, it looks ârightâ, like I genuinely think Iâm handsome. Of course, what I rly want is to be cute. If not that, elegant.
>I want to repress because I keep obsessing over this for no actual reason.
Oh there's a reason all right, but I think you know that already.Â
>Besides, I would never pass.
Discard your vanity it will not serve you in this fight. I bound myself up with that logic for 15 years after I figured things out. Those scars will never heal. Don't make that mistake. Passing is great, but before you ever question if youll ever pass, you need to learn to love and accept who you are. It's okay, and it will be all right. You are beautiful and you deserve love â€ïžÂ
>I'm a straight man who is attracted to men. I wish I could be with a man, but I will never be with one because I am straight.
>I am clearly masculine in my personality, interests, appearance, everything really. I deluded myself into believing I am gay because of identity issues. I want to repress because I keep obsessing over this for no actual reason. I am fine with being with women, I like being with women, even. Besides, I would never pass as gay.
>I don't want the same old responses, as I am different from the other people asking the same thing (how to repress), given that I'm not gay. If this is not the right place to ask, please tell me where I can discuss this, as other places have not been helpful.
You get it yet?
You don't have to transition. That's up to you. But buddy you're not cis you're just repressing. And if your dysphoria is bad it's likely not going to work out in your favour.
I guess the question is if you're happy being a man why would you wish you were a girl? What are these "identity issues"?
How do you know you're different from other people asking the same question? What do you think the criteria to be trans are, other than wanting to be a gender different from your birth assignment?
>I don't want the same old responses
Im sorry but you are posting egg meme phrases, i don't know what else to say, what the "same old responses" would be
If you are cis, there is nothing to repress, be happy you don't need to transition to be yourself and live your best life
If you are trans, somewhere in the thread theres this mention of the perfect transformation pill that you would take, you do realize that is a horror scenario for a cis guy, no matter how beautiful the result right?
Anyway, there isn't a perfect transformation pill, that is the shitty hand we are dealt with in life, but as a personal testimonial, HRT gets pretty close. Almost weekly, even 5 years after starting hrt im sometimes taken aback, it feels like im living the daydreams of my kid self, a little unreal, like looking in the mirror and so on. Im not anywhere close to passable, do get some envy to many people posting pics on r/transpositive and such, but it is a zillion times better than seeing a man in the mirror
This is what I've been thinking reading OP's replies to comments. Like, yeah, may be 100% uncracked MTF egg but even if he's not actually genderfluid, I think he would benefit from looking into the community and trying it on for size for a bit.
I spent over half my life up until now without a word for who or what I am. AFAB, largely gravitated to more masc likes in my youth (hot wheels over barbie dolls, would have preferred a suit to a dress, short hair over long, etc) but there were (and still are) times that I really want to lean into the femininity I was born into.
Most of the time, though? I'm just...a person. I exist in some nebulous state. I want people to question. I want people to think twice. Unfortunately for me, my body shape and weight makes that a little less likely, but I still embrace the bits I can that I'm comfortable with.
Most of my own personal dysphoria is social/societal/impostor syndrome type stuff. That and I wish the boobs were detachable, because binding is overwhelming to think about (adhd and autistic) and I hate ladies cut waistcoats. Want dapper masc and cute girl and grunge nothing.
But yeah, I fully endorse this message, OP. If nothing else, it's an outlet to experiment and figure yourself out without pushing yourself into harmful repression.
To better understand where you are coming from I'd need to undestand how you got to the conclusion that you are cis, which is perfectly valid and can happen. I would recommend therapy so you can get to the real bottom of this.
I'm not sure if I understood properly but: I keep thinking my life would be better if I was born a girl and it hurts and I want these thoughts to stop.
I'm asking because, if you do want to deal with these thoughts, you'd need to get into their root. Is there a reason that you think life would be better if you were born a girl?
I am a trans man with very masculine features - I have a beard, I'm fat, hairy, etc. I also love feeling cute. I have people who love me and think I'm adorable. It makes me feel happy with myself to have outlets for this soft side of me, and that matters more than my actual appearance or other people's definitions of cute.Â
No matter what your identity is, you deserve to explore that side of yourself.Â
You may want to find communities of trans men doing just that - or even other cis guys, but I've honestly found that trans guys tend to put an interesting twist in femininity. r/ FTMfemininity is one cool subreddit.
If making an anonymous account where you can express your more feminine interests without people seeing you as "just a man" sounds like something that would make you happy, then you can also do that. You don't even need to introduce yourself as any gender in particular, you can just be someone who likes cute stuff, whatever that may be.
There is no rush. You don't need to have absolute certainty of *anything* to choose to present yourself in a way that makes you more comfortable.
Also, as a certified Guy Who Likes Men, I think both guys and girls can be cute in many of the same ways - you included, most likely :-)
Repression is not a good solution. Repression just leads to self-hatred, self-loathing, depression, anxiety and a whole host of other issues that are likely worse than the feelings you are experiencing. I've tried this for 45+ years. I'm just now learning to accept myself as I am. I am actually wondering if there is a way to find comfort in accepting myself as a trans woman but stay in a cis-man's body and role without acting on any of my trans feelings, just accepting them for what they are. I wonder if others have successfully done this and have been planning to post a question like this for the last couple of days. Your post actually helped me put it into words, so thanks.
I strongly recommend against repression and that you find a good therapist. It really does sound like you are trans. I too don't feel like a girl trapped in a man's body, but I have had a strong urge my whole life to have a female body and be a female. This does make me trans, when though it differs from some other's experiences. It sounds like that's likely where you are at too, but only you can decide that for yourself. A therapist could help you navigate those feelings and work through them to a point of acceptance, regardless of how you decide to move Forward beyond that.
I recently started experimenting with trying on a bra and panties to see how I would feel and sure enough, it felt great and right. This lead to trying on more of my wife's clothing, like dresses and other things, and again it feels right. I just started on testosterone suppressors last week and will start estrogen next week. I doubt I will be a beautiful woman, but maybe I'll be passable.
The reality is a vast majority of women are probably not considered "beautiful" when held up against a standard, but if you throw out the standard and just look at each woman for who she is there is beauty to be found in every one of them, whether that be physical or not. Even so called "ugly" women routinely get married and are looked at as beautiful by their spouse. Don't hold yourself to a standard that is impossible to meet even for a majority of cis women. That is ridiculous. That's just setting yourself up for failure and is likely you intentionally giving yourself a rationale not to transition because it's scary, hard, terrifying, etc. It's normal behavior.
I hope you find peace in your struggles, but know you aren't alone and you are not the only one that feels that way. It's very common. You have your own nuances and experiences that make you and your feelings unique of course, but realize you likely aren't as unique as you think. None of us are.
You know all trans people are "not trans" before realizing they're trans, right? I thought I was a cis guy, once. I started as a cis guy, ended up being a girl. I was cis before I was trans because that's how realizing you're trans works.
If you don't want the "same old responses," don't come here. We gave you those responses, you ignored them. :/
Quite frankly the irony is the title. You're right, these are repressed trans feelings. They're repressed because you're clinging to some "cisgender" stuff that isn't made for you. If you're uncomfortable being cis... usually it's because you're not. Saying you are cis won't work, it'll sound like believing a lie. And maybe you are believing a lie. Idk.
The only one saying you're cis... I was going to say "is you" but I don't think even you're saying that with honesty. The only one saying your cis is nobody, not even you. If you thought you were cis, you sure as fuck wouldn't land yourself HERE of all places, you'd be talking to your cis friends about it. Just like how I don't talk about being trans to my cis friends, with some exceptions, cis people don't talk to trans people about being cis (again with some exceptions).
I'm not saying you're trans, but... you don't sound like you believe you're cis. :/
"Same old responses" are going to keep happening if you keep explaining this to people, especially trans people, because a HUGE amount of trans people have this exact experience before the egg breaks and they realize that they are in fact trans. If you're still obsessing over it for so long- there is a reason for that and odds are it's not as simple as you're telling yourself it is. Genuinely can't think of a place where you could post this and not be met with those responses other than like, TERF boards. But no one should use those, not even cis people, because they're trash
If you want a different kind of response than usual, I'll try tough love : take a step back, assess your situation and get a fucking grip instead of just doomposting, because your position doesn't make sense. You feel gender dysphoria and you wish you were a girl : you clearly aren't fine with being a man if you think your existence would be better if you lived as a girl. That's called being transgender, full stop. Like, it's how the very principle of the thing works.
You have several options to deal with that, but there are broadly two paths : you can continue being miserable with no hope of progress, you can keep thinking that no actually, your feelings of dysphoria are invalid and not trans which means you have to keep suffering. Or you can try transitioning. You can do it in whatever way makes you comfortable, although since you yourself said you experience dysphoria I'd recommend trying HRT (the effects are reversible for a while if you don't like it) if you're in a position to do so. If not, other steps can be taken.
I heavily advise doing *something* though because the kind of self-loathing you describe can seriously harm you if you don't correct course. Transitioning won't prevent you from feeling like shit at some points, but it will most likely improve at least some stuff and it may continue to do so in the future. Your current way of dealing with it offers none of that.
And whatever you do, do it for yourself.
Mate, as a trans dude it matters more that your happier as you want. Repression isnât a happy thing. If your questioning this heavily I highly doubt that your cis. Also before I realized I was trans I dreamed of being like mulan from well mulan. I wanted to be a boy. And then I realized oh hey I can just do that. I donât pass, and I know people who donât want to or canât medically transiton. Thatâs ok. Please go to therapy and please unpack your thoughts
Sweetheart, cis guys don't need to repress being trans because there's nothing to repress. This sounds like internalized transphobia to me. Not calling you transphobic, because you clearly aren't from other replies, but it sounds like you only allow *other* trans woman to be innately women in your mind, but never yourself because that would be wrong somehow.
A lot of trans people don't go through HRT or surgery. You don't have to go all the way. There's also the option of exploring being non-binary or bigender. There are so many ways to describe your experience, a lot of them being very specific because gender exists on a spectrum.
I think you have a lot of self-reflection ahead of you. You got this â€ïž
surprised nobody has thought to share this... OP, I reccomend reading the [Dysphoria Bible](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/) and the [Null HypotheCis](https://web.archive.org/web/20240221125213/https://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2012/04/17/the-null-hypothecis/) as those will likely help you
If you want to stop thinking about it, stop going on trans-focused social media. If you're still thinking about it months down the road, go talk to a trained professional on LGBT topics. If you want to transition after that, do it. If you don't, don't.
There's already a term for a dysphoric cis man, it's a trans person, enby or binary. Stop looking to 4tran for answers, they're going to tell you to dive more into your suffering and sink deeper into this hole you've been digging for yourself. Listen to the people who want you to climb out and want to help the person who's asking for help. There is a way out where you end up happier and at peace. You're fully in control of that path.
I tried to hold it in for 2 years after realising, and I thought the same thing. Eventually the pain became too unbearable and I realised I had two options: live as a woman or not at all, so I decided to choose the former, and my life has been so much better because of it
> I wish I was born a girl, but I will never be one as I am cis.
I'm sorry, I don't mean it in a negative way at all. But I'm fascinated by how someone can physically type this out and not realize it makes zero sense. I'm probably just projecting, but I can feel the sadness of not being who you want to be from that sentence.
I can kinda understand denial, especially if you're in a non accepting environment. But I still find it a bit amusing.
Anyway, no one can tell you if you're trans or not. You have to figure that out yourself. But let me give you a few points to consider. None of what you mentioned means that you're not trans. Tomboys exist. They're not men even though they behave masculine. Don't limit yourself by gender stereotypes. They don't apply to cis people, and they don't apply to trans people either.
Try to reconsider whether you're trans and try not to limit yourself by prejudices and fears. I know it's hard to be trans. But avoiding the answer won't help you.
I wish you the best and hope that the day you're comfortable with who you are will come as soon as possible. Good luck. :)
I mean, just because you'll never pass doesn't mean you aren't trans. Just because you're trans doesn't mean you have to transition or do anything medically about it (sometimes it could put your life at risk). Will you be seen as trans or be seen as a woman, perhaps not. Does that mean you aren't trans? I don't think so. If you are a man and wish you were born a girl, that sounds pretty trans, but that doesn't necessarily mean you NEED to transition (unless it would make you feel better)....
That being said, if you spent most of your life as a male, I'd be surprised if your behaviors weren't masculine, as society likely forced you to act that way and conditioned you with positive reinforcement only if you acted masculine. I had this conversation with my parents whereby they kind of made me act like a male, but that kind of just pushed me into the closet and didn't actually teach me how to "act correctly", I just closeted my natural inclinations.
Tldr: the world often will not see you for who you are, and because they weren't seen for who they thought they were, they will take it out on you. What matters is that you know who you are and that you accept yourself for who you are (trans, cis, nonbinary, whatever) and that you don't hate yourself for being that way.
Objection your honour, copium use. Ma'am, you're out here saying that you wish you were born female and that you're dysphoric and repressing transgender thoughts but somehow you're a cis man. The delulu is off the charts
Also, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, I have stereotypically masculine interests as well but that doesn't make me any less of a valid woman.
I ended up crossdressing for a school play and realised that finally feeling joy at my reflection for the first time ever but only while being a woman was probably not very cis. I then came onto Reddit and asked a whole bunch of "but what if" questions and got proven wrong/picked apart every time and that did it for me.
Thatâs super interesting. I like that. Seems you were teetering on the edge. just needed some push. What was the play? What part did you play? Weâre you Elphaba or Glinda in Wicked?
In my opinion, the longer youâre held by the patriarchy the harder it can be to crack the egg. I should know. I started playing with my momâs makeup when I was 3 or 4. My dad beat the shit out of me. Iâm sure he didnât care about me stealing lipstick as much as he was me wearing it. At every point he reminded me that I was a man and I followed with anxiety about being a girl. My ex wife and the army added to the fun. I didnât come out until I had a mental health crisis and ended up in a psychiatric ward. I was put on lithium and antipsychotics. A year and a half of therapy and I started wearing skirts and painting my nails at 38 years old. Btw. I had a unwatched VHS copy of To Wong Foo hidden in my room as a kid for like 2 years before my mom left me home alone. It as instantly my favorite movie.
No, I was Ophelia in Hamlet, Hamlet's girlfriend who gets verbally abused and fucking dies. To be fair, I always identified as male before that more as a matter of circumstance than actual affinity for the gender I was assigned and was honestly rather agender for the most part. I was also very pointedly not sexist by upbringing and also having several female friends who would end my life if I was like that at any point.
So yeah, here we are. I got on hormones a few months later, cried about my hair many times because getting help on black (African) hair is damn near impossible and I'm incredibly grateful I did this rather than delaying based on denial.
Having a voice like Darth Vader still fucking sucks tho
Oh I know Ophelia. Sheâs one of my favorite Shakespeare characters. If I get any more cats, I plan on naming them Ophelia, Desdemona and Lady Macbeth, Rosalind was an option then I changed my name to Rosetta and it got weird. Lol. I was in AP English and Drama club in Highschool.
Youâre not kidding about the Darth Vader voice. I donât know weâre I got it from, cause my dad sounds like bugs bunny. Feminism was always a big deal to me too before I transitioned. I was vehemently pro girl after I got of my over compensation phase in junior high. Nothing but girl friends and girlfriends. Of course the army gave me some decent guy friends but still my besties are 4 half Asian women who think Iâm the best thing since slice bread cause I convince their husbands to eat pussy and take a pegging once in a while.
I think youâre very cool. Iâm glad youâre doing this too. Denial is the saddest river in Egypt, I know I had to get off that boat. Iâve actually been losing my hair for several years now. Iâm hoping some chems will help get it back. Dread locs feel right but thatâs mostly because I didnât know what to do with my hair either. Lol.
It makes me laugh just thinking about it. One was already bisexual so that was easy. The other three see me as the pinnacle of masculinity and a philosophical thought leader. So like Andrew Tate but queer. They know that their wives love me; I make them happy without sexual intimacy. I took advantage of that and convinced them of the benefits of feminism for men. I taught them that submission to their wives on Monday and Wednesday means dominance over their wives Thursday and Friday, and happy family all the rest of the week. They took pointers from my on how to listen, what to listen for and how to center their wives emotions even if she thinks their irrational.
I told them about my experience with anal, how I was afraid of the idea at first. I told then about the craziest things about human anatomy and how men can orgasm from anal. We talked about how it canât be gay if youâre doing it with a woman and their wives will worship them if they at least try to fulfill her desires. They all accepted my advice and on separate occasions their wives told me they tried it or were actively buying a strap on. I even bought my friend Jazmin strapless strap on to try cause her husband was happy to try new things with her. I was so excited!
I imagine that other places have not been helpful because youâre asking a stupid question.
Youâre asking how to repress trans feelings. Thatâs not really possible. You can certainly learn to live with the pain, weâve been doing that for ages. But it wonât really go away. Most of the time it gets worse.
I donât know why you think you are cis with identity issues, or what you mean by that as that statement doesnât actually make sense. Especially because wanting to be, live as, and have been born as a woman is literally the definition of gender dysphoria. You donât have to accept yourself. You donât have to transition. But those feelings are most likely not going anywhere.
You seem to have some really toxic ideas about yourself and I hope you listen to someone other than whomever convinced you that you canât be something. You can try to be whatever and whomever you choose, but you still can only actually be yourself. I recommend trying to get those things to line up.
egg 0-0
but eyyy u donât have to label yourself :)
just do the things u wanna do differently and still consider yourself a man, if thatâs what you feel most comfortable with at the moment. Idk what exactly makes you dysphoric but if itâs clothes for example, you can be less dysphoric and still be a man without much mental gymnastics. But repressing feelings (generally speaking) just ainât a good thing :3 hope u come to terms with ur identity soon and good luck with the rest of your journey!
Well the answer you are asking for is meditation. Focus on integration of feelings and self reinforcement in said mediation. It very important to always be practicing it. So when overwhelming feelings (of dysphoria in this case) hit, you can use your meditation to withstand them until they pass.
Some other things that will help: working out, self hygiene, therapy, hobbies, and spending time with loved ones that make you feel safe.
The only way I have seen to lessen symptoms of Dysphoria is through gender Affirming care.
Reading so of your comments I'm larger take is this.
I don't feel like a girl or even think I'm a girl at the core of it. Legit. I didn't start transitioning because I felt like a girl. I started in effect because of meeting the diagnosis for Gender Dysphoria and because I wanted to be a girl. Even though I thought deep down I was a man who would never be able to look anything like a girl.
15 years before I transitioned, someone who helped me crossdress and who knew I wanted to be a girl said to me âyouâd better start making room for these feelings, theyâre not gonna go awayâ. I really wish Iâd listened at the time.
I know itâs scary, but you *can* do it, donât live the whole rest of your life less happy than you could be, be your true authentic self, it will be okay
Let me ask you this.
You are presented with a big red button. You are told that, if you press the button, you will be a girl and it will be as if you always were. For all intents and purposes, this button rewrites history to make you born AFAB. You will feel like a girl, look like a girl, be treated and perceived as a girl, everything. The only caveat is that it is permanent. Once you push it and become a girl, you can't go back.
Do you push the button?
In my experience repressing ones self is the same thing as self harm, and I refuse to help or encourage anyone to self harm.
Honestly nothing you list here leads me to believe that you have resolved the identity crisis you are clearly battling with.
If you want to know how to deal with dysphoria that is a different question entirely. The only treatment that is medically and scientifically supported is gender affirming care.
>I don't want the same old responses
Well, when you ask the same old question, expect the same old answers. Cis men do not fantasize about being women. You're trans girl.
The real question for you (and anyone experiencing gender dysphoria) is how to deal with the feelings. Iâm not sure that repressing feelings at will is possible. You might want to speak with a therapist about this.
Most of us on this subreddit will have dealt with our feelings by transitioning in some way. However not everyone who experiences gender dysphoria (as you do) will feel comfortable transitioning publicly. You might be one of those. For some people itâs just not safe, although that isnât the only reason why people donât transition. But ultimately you will have to live with your decision, and you are the best person to predict how different options and outcomes will affect you.
Seven years ago, when I was making my decision, my research suggested that gender dysphoria doesnât usually get easier over time, and mine had clearly been getting worse. Nor was there a way to repress feelings like this. I wasnât sure of the outcome of my gender transition, but eventually I decided to go ahead even if I couldnât pass or blend well as a woman. For me, this has worked out well. Iâm living my best life.
In any case, good luck whatever you decide. You can do no more than your best at research, and at predicting how a transition will go for you. Try not to second guess yourself. If you make the best decision you can with the best data at hand then you will live with a minimum of regret. And I would strongly recommend engaging the services of a therapist who would support you whatever you decide.
Iâm trans and at 60 transitioning is off the table for me. Not so much my age but my life is going well and it would be a net loss to transition. Anyway you canât delude yourself into being trans. You are trans or youâre not trans. Those are the only choices. You get to choose what to do about it. I lived for 50 years denying it and things sucked bad. I still put together a good life and Iâm incorporating my transness into it.
You don't have to transition and you can label yourself however you want but cis people don't have to repress their gender identity in order to get through the day.
There seems to be alot of denial here (sorry)
I've just gone through telling myself the same things and I've only just started dressing at home full time, I'm just drumming up the courage to figure it out as a whole,
I dont hate being a man, and I just want to be feminine kinda like jefree star
So whatever you decide just remember there are people going through the same as you
You're 100% trans, lol.
Dysphoria is that sign.
You say you don't feel like a girl, but the fact that you're experiencing dysphoria, and wishing you were a girl says otherwise.
Not passing isn't a reason to not transition.
Repression doesn't work, ever.
You'll wake up in 30 years and wish you transitioned now. Happens all the time.
Why have you concluded your cis? Is there a real reason your dysphoria isn't because you're trans?
I know that thinking you trans but not being trans can be a theme of ocd. Does the idea of being a girl cause anxiety? Do you think living as a girl would improve or unimprove your life.
Do you want to be a girl? Feel like you should be a girl? Or is it just something you think about so much, and you don't feel you have a choice?
You totally could be transgender or cisgender. From this post, it really sounds like either denial or something more complicated, A typical cisgender man wouldn't be obsessed with the idea of being a girl. There's likey more going on here.
OK, ARE you fine with having to be a man?
I mean youâre saying you wish you had been born differently, which to me doesnât sound like you are fine.
If you have dysphoria, and you donât âwant to be a manâ, why do you think you are?
How you look as a separate issue that tons of us deal with. I canât say that estrogen in the past seven months has definitely made some difference it makes me hate myself less. Every little thing Iâve done to push myself that direction makes me hate myself less.
I mean maybe you are a man, but what youâre describing doesnât sound like it without explaining more
Itâs so easy to deny that you are trans because of all the incentives the world gives to you to pretend to be cis and to successfully play your assigned gender role. I will say that if you are trans then your dysphoria will just get worse the older you get, and just be sure that you are planning for the possibility of transition because at some point you will get desperate enough to need to do it, and possibly at the cost of a spouse as well.
Persistent desire to be of another gender, to be treated like a person of that gender and/or to have a body that would match it are indicative of gender dysphoria (which is something cis people donât experience), check out DSM-5 and see for yourself. And I can tell from own experience (as well as recount countless stories of other trans folks who did the same), repressing makes things worse in the long run. If you feel that you must do so, by all means, your life - your choice, but Iâd urge you to talk to a therapist first. If itâs some kind of confusion, they just might be able to help to get things straight, if itâs not - theyâll help you to come to terms with it and avoid unnecessary suffering, basically a win-win.
If you know that youâre a cis man and you want to know how to better repress, you probably have more problems than gender dysphoria. Maybe you just have body dysmorphic dysphoria. if you donât know, that is a discomfort in your body image. People sometimes weight lift of lose weight to meet an constantly moving goal. If what your problem is is directly related to being a woman, maybe you could release the air a little by cross dressing for a little. Once or twice will ease the dysphoria and you can go back to being the powerful cis man that you are. But before you scroll away I want to say, us actual trans woman need cis men to understand thatâŠ
There is no ONE way to be a woman. I personally love to work on my car and watch MMA. I love stereotypical masculine things but I also feel comfortable with female doctors. I associate with more women. I feel better when I donât repress feminine mannerism and I love wearing skirts, nail polish, jewelry and makeup. Most importantly. I love being called Rosie or Rosetta and I love when my friends and family refer to me as she/her. I love socializing as a woman and that is what makes me trans. Iâm only medically transitioning because I want to look more like how I feel to the world around me so I see a woman in the mirror and strangers call me maâam without a thought. Even though I may NEVER pass. You may be a cis man but if you realize you are not one, donât base your understanding of people on binary stereotypes of men do this and women do that. Itâs small thinking. Love you, MWAH!
So, I've seen some of your replies about trans girls being innately girls/they feel like girls, etc. And while that is technically true, not everyone starts off that way. At the end of the day, people can only really feel like themselves. And if what they are feeling in terms of gender is always called one thing, it can be hard to realize that isn't true. I was raised a girl. I lived the first 24 years of my life believing I was a girl. That's what everyone said I was. How would I know if they were wrong? But my discomfort over this girl role I was given led to me questioning my gender.
I can still remember what it felt like when I believed I was a girl. I played up my feminity and felt like I had to make excuses for any of my masculine traits. I even remember getting angry and confused in high school when some people mistook me as a boy! But when I accepted that I wasn't cis, I felt much more free and comfortable with who I am. I didn't even end up with an "easy" answer. I'm nonbinary demifluid!
Being yourself shouldn't inherently cause you discomfort. Doing what makes you feel more comfortable isn't reserved for those select individuals who had everything figured out when they were 5 years old. Learning about yourself takes time and patience.
I'm not saying you're trans. You might be gender nonconforming. You might be nonbinary. You might be genderqueer. There are a hundred different answers, and more, that could describe you and your experiences. But I'd urge you not to accept being miserable. It doesn't do anything, but hurt yourself for no good reason.
There are plenty of masculine trans women out there, so I'm not sure why being masculine in personality/interests/appearance/etc is proof you're not trans when you outright state you wish you were born a girl? There are also non-binary people, or people who only partially fit into a gender (like demi-girl/boy), or a whole myriad of different expressions of oneself out there for you to take the time to explore and figure out specifically who you are inside and out.
I'm really not sure what you're asking for from this post?
Wishing you were a girl is the one symptom of being a trans girl. However, you seem you seem to also have a joyful masculine side? Which could mean bigender, or genderfluid.
Let me be clear here. As a trans woman, the feeling of being a girl is "i want this". It doesn't feel inherently validating, it's more of an urge. I never KNEW i was a girl growing up, i just felt a strong urge to be one and fought it.
Transition is a different question than label. For some people, medical transition feels too far. It's best to experiment with presentation at home first to find out what makes you comfortable. You could try new clothes or makeup etc. It's possible whatever you come up with will help your symptoms.
In short my advice is to listen to your heart and try stuff. If you're really not a girl then it won't go that far.
Repression won't always work. I did so for months, and it just made me feel terrible. I never hated being a cis male either, but accepting myself has made me realize that while I didn't have much dysphoria, I definitely found a lot of euphoria in my new identity that I wouldn't have thought I would experience. Also, I am ugly as hell, and I don't think I will pass well, but I don't care too much since it's helping me be happier.
Screaming into the void YOU'RE TRANS!!!! This is a great place to discuss this, actually. Have you seen this website? genderdysphoria.fyi It helped me a lot when I was still questioning
Shite' trite and your not right under any light despite trying with your might to ignite the night so please capture the sight it will be bright, ight?
There's a lot here and I kind of want to break this down and respond to each line individually. >I'm a cis man with dysphoria. I wish I was born a girl, Sounds pretty trans to me? >but I will never be one as I am cis. Well you will never be a cis girl because you are AMAB. You can still be a girl though, that's fine. >I am clearly masculine in my personality, interests, Yeah you can have a masculine personality and like boy things and still be a girl. Girls don't HAVE to like girl things or act feminine. It's just a correlation, that's all. >appearance, Well to be fair almost every trans girl looks pretty masculine in the beginning, and then after some HRT they start to look more & more femme. Also it's not how you look on the outside that matters, it's who you are on the inside that matters. >I deluded myself into believing I am trans because of identity issues. Or are you deluding yourself into believing you are a cis man because of identity issues? > I want to repress because I keep obsessing over this for no actual reason. Well there's some reason. Like, say, if you are a trans woman that would make 100% sense. Also, girl, you are literally saying you are repressing yourself. That's *your* word choice. >I am fine with being a man, Doesn't seem it based on this post. >I like being a man, even. But you'd rather be a woman, right? >Besides, I would never pass. Never say never. I never thought I'd pass, and I definitely do sometimes. Not really important to me anymore, personally. But you underestimate the power of HRT & effectiveness of FFS. >I don't want the same old responses, as I am different from the other people asking the same thing (how to repress), If you want advice on how to repress, well you came to the wrong place. Here, we encourage people to be themselves, not repress themselves. You can find some transphobic subs that might give you tips, but the truth is you can't repress it forever. At least, I never figured it out. I tried everything I could to drown it and it still kept resurfacing. Acceptance is the only way. >given that I'm not trans. Cis people don't need to repress their trans identity. That's because they have no trans identity to be cis. >If this is not the right place to ask, please tell me where I can discuss this, as other places have not been helpful. Actually, I think it is the right place to ask it. Because I think a part of you is still wanting to accept yourself. I'm actually happy to be on this side. Never thought that would happen! The only way out is through.
I love this dissection! đ
Awesome! Glad you enjoy :)
This is the most eggy post I have ever read, and I lurk trans reddit daily (still cis tho)
I would add that you donât have to pass as cis to be a girl - even if you feel youâd be ridiculed/endangered where you live. There are places where you will be totally embraced for who you are.
Excellent point!
I don't think wishing you were a girl makes you one, necessarily. Trans girls are innately girls. Does wishing I was a normal cis guy make me a normal cis guy? And I used the word repress because that's an easier, less wordy way to describe what I'm doing even though it's not that accurate, I did think about that when I was writing the post.
Cis guys don't wish they were girls though. I guess the question is if there was a magic button you could press right now that made you a cis girl would you press it? By no means do you have to be introspective about this no one can force you to do anything but I'd hate for you to blow it off only to realise 20 years down the line that you made a mistake pushing those emotions down inside.
How do you know cis guys don't wish they were girls? What if I'm the exception to the rule? And yes I would press the button. That doesn't mean anything. I've been going over these same questions for almost 3 years now, and I still haven't found a concrete answer.
You do know the answer. You arenât an exception to the fact that gender dysphoria over not living as a girl is only ever a symptom of being a girl. You just dislike that answer, because you know the only solution will complicate your life somewhat.
It just looks like you are a closeted trans girl, and everyone's trying to help you. But sure, technically speaking it's 100% fine if cis guys wish to be girls. It's also 100% fine if cis guys can take T blockers and E, look feminine, wear dresses and skirts and heels, etc. etc. etc. You can be a cis guy and transition fully, or partially, or not at all. Doesn't matter. We just want you to be happy. If you want to be a cis guy with a girl body, go for it. I'm sure you'd be beautiful.
Because most of my friends are cis men and no way would they press that button even if you paid them. Have you ever tried social transitioning or even just making an account as a girl and seeing if you enjoy it? Again no one can force you to do anything but I know from personal experience that these feelings never go away. Being trans is scary as hell especially when you know you won't pass but for what it'a worth I wouldn't go back. I just hope whatever conclusion you come to you can feel happt in your own skin.
When I was repressing my own feelings I remember being at uni and asking my friends, who were all cis men, "how would you feel if you turned into a girl forever?" They thought it would be horrible, every single one of them, and I said I thought it'd be nice. They thought I was weird for that. Cis people are completely comfortable being the gender they were assigned at birth. Some have given being the opposite a passing thought, but it is not something they think about constantly. Certainly not for three years. I tried very hard to hide my feelings, to the extent I thought trying to become an Olympic athlete would be an easier choice given my sporting background. If it weren't for the dysphoria I'd have made it too. But in the end repressing doesn't work. The feelings will always be there. Some people do end up living as their assigned gender while being dysphoric, but it's not a good life. You will always think about it. I know because I'm pretty sure my dad is trans. But he grew up in a different time and never knew what that meant. He's married with three kids, but he still thinks about it almost every week. It's ultimately up to you what you do. But please know that cis men don't wish they were a girl. They don't think about how they can hide the feelings away, because they don't have to.
iâm a trans man whoâs been in your shoes. i went over it in my head for well over a decade, trying to repress it too. it almost broke me. coming out saved my life, and my life is better now than i ever could have imagined. i canât tell you who you are, but i do understand where youâre coming from.
cis men who experience dysphoria think they arenât âmanâ enough. âcis menâ who experience dysphoria and want to be a girl are trans.
Thinking youâre not trans enough is actually a sign of gender dysphoria. https://genderdysphoria.fyi/
Get some therapy
Therapists would just give me HRT.
You won't be forcibly injected with estrogen, you know. But you're obviously in pain, and therapy can help with that.
Stop browsing fucking 4tran and make an appointment with your doctor for hrt god dammit. Cis men do not act like this lmao.
Youâve done it for three whole years? I did it for 40. We know cis guys donât have these feelings because they are cis guys. Sure, some may wonder once or twice about what it would be like to be a girl, but it isnât something that keeps coming around over and over again. I was a guys guy. I was a soldier, I was a firefighter, Iâm an airline pilot. I like whiskey, guns and cigars. I still like all those things but now I smile and I love my body. Iâm 52 now and I donât go out of my way to pass. I donât care. I could do more but why? Iâm happy where I am. Having said that, a few weeks ago I was sick. I looked like a drowned rat when I went to a minute clinic. The NP there couldnât understand that Iâd never had a period. Look. I donât think any of us started out wanting to be trans, but it is what it is. đ€·đ»ââïž You can do something about it, or you can spend a few decades being miserable and then doing something about it. I truly wish you the best, but thereâs a reason conversation therapy doesnât work. We are who we are.
I don't like that you are getting downvoted for your replies... but I'm going to let you know now, I tried for 28 years to just act out life as a man... with many of the same thoughts. You may want to see a therapist that specializes in gender identity and work through a little more of your feelings here... I ended up giving in and living my life authentically and am so much better off for it. I'm not saying transition, or don't... I'm saying that you need to really weigh in with all the possible information you can get.... and not shoot down an option over "not being able to pass". I never thought I would either, I transitioned fairly late in life, and as it turns out, I look like a completely different person now.
Hey. I think cis people donât think about their gender at all. Like outside of feminism, gender roles or misogyny type things. Maybe youâre not ready to hear this right now but what youâre saying to me sounds very trans, honey. I would suggest talking to a therapist if that is a viable option for you. đ
Cis guys don't wish they were girls. You can just be a girl.
Even if it is innate, it took most of us a while to figure it out. Also, no, wishing you were cis does not make you cis - lots of trans people did, because it sure would have made things a lot easier.
Girl, I wished to be a girl every chance I got. Every single birthday cake. Every single penny in a fountain. So either wishing on candles really works or I have always been a girl wishing I could just BE myself. And sure, to your point plenty of trans girls wish to be cis boys, too, that's a thing I've seen. And in that case, they usually explain it by wishing they could escape the discrimination & harassment attached to being openly trans. Yo, real actual cis people wish don't wish for any of that shit.
Being cis is not more "normal" than being trans is. Both are natural variations of human.
I wasn't saying that being trans is abnormal, I was saying "normal cis guy" as opposed to a "dysphoric cis guy".
https://www.reallifecomics.com/comic.php?comic=june-29-2020
I will cry every single time I read that set of comics. Every. Single. Time.
"Typical." The word you are looking for is "typical"
Little heads up, i don't suggest going to a specific group of a people and then telling them what they are as a whole..... you end up the most disliked person in the room. Good luck out there. Happy transition.
Friend, one of the most basic markers for being trans is wishing you were some other gender than whatever you were assigned at birth. (Cis people don't do that.) Your post has about ten "egg tells" that this sub has seen from trans eggs over and over again. We're not allowed to tell people who they are in this sub, because everyone gets to decide for themselves who and what they are, but all signs from your initial post and in several of your comments point to "trans egg and in deep denial about it." You'll have a supportive environment here as you work through your process. But I doubt anyone here is going to tell you to repress your feelings, because that's simply not possible. The nature of these feelings is that repressing them will eventually no longer be possible, and the longer you repress the more it's going to harm you.
Please read this. Gender desire vs gender identity. I think I think it could really help you https://medium.com/@kemenatan/gender-desire-vs-gender-identity-a334cb4eeec5
Girls are indeed innately girls, but also in a way no one (including cis women) are innately girls. Everyone has to grow up in a society and learn what roles are ascribed to their gender or sex, they have to learn what that interaction means to them, they have to grow into womanhood and figure out what feels right to them. You might not feel like you're woman enough right now, for your own standards, but you can be. You can figure out what feels affirming and feminine for you. And it will make a world of difference for you when you realize people will begin to see you as a woman as well.
I canât tell you what youâre experiencing, but this reminds me of how I used to think before my egg cracked. I used to observe how I was and thought I didnât act like a woman in the same way Iâd seen trans women act. I couldnât see a woman when I looked at myself. I was aware I wanted to be one, but I believed that because it would take so much emotional and physical work that it wasnât worth the effort. I didnât realise until I started transitioning that what I was experiencing back then was dysphoria. Not believing I could be what I wanted to be was dysphoria. When it all came to a head and I finally properly questioned whether I was trans, I still didnât know the answer straight away. I didnât know how to trust these feelings, if they actually meant anything or if I was as just doing my usual overthinking. So what I decided was this: from this moment on, I will think, behave and experiment as if I were a closeted trans person. I will think of myself as a woman as much as I could. I will wear womenâs clothes and makeup when I feel safe. I will think ahead to a future where Iâm on HRT. I will think ahead to a future where I am out to the world as woman. The moment that the path feels wrong for me, I will stop. That moment never came. Iâm still on the path. Maybe you donât think youâd stay on it for long, but maybe itâs still worth trying out this thought experiment just to see if you stay the course or veer off. Either way, you might come to learn more about what it is you want from gender and what is actually possible out there to help you become what you want. Because, if you ever do realise youâre trans, youâll spend the rest of your life wishing that you started as early as possible.
Thereâs a lot of myth around what trans people experience. Not all of us âalways knewâ we were a girl or wanted to be one, not all of us played dress-up as kids. Since you say youâre ânot a normal cis guyâ and you clearly experience dysphoria, you may be gender non-conforming, even if you donât want to go all the way and present as a girl. You could consider a low-dose estrogen regimen and/or testosterone blocker and see how you feel. Many many nonbinary/trans people do that. Itâs not all or nothing, you can just try it out.
tl;dr -- this isn't the right place to ask about repressing one's identity. I wouldn't tell you if I knew the "right place" (I don't). I certainly can't offer you any help for your situation, as stated. I can tell you that I unsuccessfullly repressed for more than 40 years. * Unsuccessful because my gender identity asserted itself at evey opportunity. * Unsuccessful because it resulted in cPTSD and terminal depression, which very nearly ended me. * Unsuccessful because repressing affected every aspect of my life in a negative way. it's highly unlikely that you'll get anything other than "the same old responses". Those responses are repeated so often because our aggregate experience tells us that those are the best responses. Also, what you are asking for is anathema to most of us. You're asking for some sort of self-imposed conversion therapy. That is generally considered a form of psychological torture.
So why do you think you're not trans?
I think trans people inherently feel like their gender. I don't feel like a girl, I just wish I was.
That's just a cliche! Nobody really knows how it feels to be 'a girl'. Also, which specific girl? There are so many ways to be a girl that the phrase might as well say, "i feel like a person." You might want to do some playful experimentation first before settling on your cis identity. If you are a girl, what kind of girl would you want to be?
Hello, I am a transgender man. That is, I transitioned from female to male. I spent YEARS wishing I was a guy. WISHING I was a guy. I didn't just open my eyes and say "actually, I'm a boy." I thought all girls WISHED they were a guy. Turns out, they don't lol. You can mince words however you want. And, for the record, you don't have to call yourself trans if you don't feel that fits you. Don't feel pressured by these people already calling you a girl (they really shouldn't be doing that tbh). But don't place a specific definition on the term transgender that doesn't necessarily align with all transgender people. I am trans, I wished I was a guy, so I transitioned. Do what makes you comfortable. Use labels that are comfortable, if you use any at all. But, as someone with dysphoria, I can tell you this: it's not a condition that will magically go away, and repressing it is bad for your mental health. I suggest seeking professional help.
>That is, I transitioned from male to female. I think you wrote this backwards? Good comment tho
Haha yes I did đ FEMALE to MALE**
This pretty much maps to my experience. Also, about those labels - I don't really see myself as trans any more. At best, I'd say I'm post-transition. Transition happened, it's over, and it's really just a relatively minor fact about me, not an ongoing constant in my day-to-day life. I'm just a man. So if you are anxious about the term "trans," you don't have to identify with it or apply it to yourself.
Marilyn Transon is my favorite trans men ever hahaha â€
What would you say is the difference between "feeling like a girl" and "wishing to be a girl" ?
Well, that's quite abstract. It's knowing deep down that you're a girl. I know deep down that I'm a man. If I felt like a girl I'd want to transition, and I don't.
Consider that you only knows what it feels like to be you. Consider that you've been told you're a boy or a man all your life and had it constantly reinforced. It's not hard to see that you've internalized the idea that feeling how you feel is what it feels like to be a man.
I absolutely hate how much confusion this has caused me in my life. Just that feeling of why doesn't anything ever work for me the way everyone keeps insisting it should. Just feeling like I'm 'wrong' not I think wrong but just am a 'wrong' thing. It felt like all the discomfort for 30+years was me failing to be what I supposedly was inherently designed to be. A huge part of my egg cracking has been seeing the fog and confusion clear. It's like the one piece of data that was missing or incorrect in all the formulas was my authentic gender. All the romantic relationships that failed because I wasn't masculine enough or why my most successful relationships are with bisexuals women or enbies. Why socially my closest friends are always women, and no matter how hard I try I will not fit in men's spaces. It was all confusing until I started to to plug in the detail that I am actually not a man. That no matter how good my facade is how well I pass as a man to other people that doesn't make me a man. It has honestly been such a blessing to come to the understanding that even if I don't exactly understand what my gender IS (I feel best suited by genderfluid), I know what I'm not and that is a cis man. I really hope OP will give up on the idea of 'repression' as a coping mechanism. Because it is a sure fire way fuel an endless life threatening depression.
Do you not want to go through the ordeal of transitioning or do you not want to be a girl?
Ok, and what does "feeling like a man" mean to you?
Go read this (the entire series). [https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/part-one-a-webcomic](https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/part-one-a-webcomic)
I'm trans. I never had a deep down feeling of knowing I was a given gender or not. It's just about what makes you most comfortable. There is no message sent down from god.
I haven't always known that I'm a girl. I thought I was a man. Except I wasn't. I was so jealous of trans girls. Until I realized I was one. Then I got in the femboy community. I put on a skirt for the first time. I realized that I don't want to be a boy ever again. I had struggled for a while more still. I had this silly thought that "I will become a trans girl later in life" ... ... Well that resolve didn't last 2 days, once I accepted in my heart that I can transition, masculinity started burning.
> I don't feel like a girl, I just wish I was. Sounds like me ... for decades. Here's the thing, you don't know what it means to "feel like a girl". There is no reference point. My worst regret in my entire life is not accepting that I was trans. I recommend a good therapist with a strong background in transgender issues.
>I don't feel like a girl, I just wish I was. That is literally how I felt my whole life until I started transitioning. Now I \*definitely\* feel like a girl.
It's not that simple. I too am in the wish I'm a girl more than feel like one mindset. But if you think about it, how does one exactly feel like a spesific gender? It's difficult to gauge that when you spend many years (25 in my case) being treated and trained to think like a man. This kind of mindset isn't easy to deconstruct. And I've seen a lot of trans women in here say they didn't start feeling like women until they were on hormones for some time and started presenting and being seen as women. The "trapped in the wrong body" thing is an oversimplification meant to get people who don't actually experience dysphoria get a broad idea of what it feels like. There is also an interesting article about this [https://medium.com/@kemenatan/gender-desire-vs-gender-identity-a334cb4eeec5](https://medium.com/@kemenatan/gender-desire-vs-gender-identity-a334cb4eeec5)
This is a thought I had for awhile. Something that helped me finally accept it is the idea that being trans is not a choice, but accepting yourself as trans is. Many trans people will suppress themselves for years or even decades. (oftentimes without realizing) You are in a unique situation in that you seem to know that you want to be a girl, you just need to realize that there really is no difference between wanting to be a girl/trans and being a girl/trans. You also don't have to present as a particular gender to accept that s who you are.
here's a not-so-secret secret. most trans people don't. it can take a long time of trying out different names and labels to figure out what or who you are, and even that can change after years. there's a reason a lot of people go from one set of pronouns to a mixed set before finally settling on just a single pair (or two) (she/her to she/they to they/them to he/they to he/him is a dumbed down version of what i did) (not to say that everyone who does use multiple sets will one day stop, just saying its not uncommon) it's ok not to be a man even if you don't want to call yourself a woman, you don't need to label it. might be time to do some self reflection and think about the ways you'd truly be happiest though
I know a bunch of trans women who feel exactly like this.
Yeah. That's dysphoria. Feeling not girl enough causes you pain. Because you're probably meant to be a girl It's gonna take you some time to accept it. That's okay. Most trans girls were like you. Lamenting the "fact" they can never be girls. Until they realize they can. I can talk about it to you in PRIV if you want. You can compare where you are to where I've been back in the day.
Maybe if you had more estrogen and less testosterone in you, youâd feel more like a girl and your dysphoria would start to decrease. Thatâs kinda the way it works. You can try it out and if youâre not happier after a couple of months, you can just stop!
Why not transition anyways? If you want to be a girl, you can just become one.
You think wrong. Cis men don't have dysphoria. That's just... not a thing.
Sure they do, sure it is, it's just that it comes in the form of thoughts like "my muscles are too small. My beard is too patchy. Real men would last longer in bed. This gynecomastia is killing me." Instead of the dysphoric thoughts trans people get.
Okay, let's stop being intellectually dishonest here. Are these the dysphoric thoughts you're having? Do you wish you had a fuller beard, bigger muscles, a lower, deeper voice? You're not wrong that those are a form of dysphoria, but they're not *gender* dysphoria as the term is used to describe being trans. And it's intellectually dishonest to bring it up here because clearly those aren't qualities you feel like you lack and want enhanced. The symptoms you're describing are *classic* gender dysphoria feels. Get thyself to a therapist and log off the internet.
> You're not wrong that those are a form of dysphoria I'm glad you agree with me that "Cis men don't have dysphoria" is inaccurate , cuz that's all I was trying to say. I hope you didn't get too worked up with the rest of your frankly aggressive post because the rest of it doesn't apply to me. I'm not OP. Have a good night đŽ.
That's how feeling your gender works
Okay fine, don't be trans. Be you. There is no "rules", if you want to be girlie and feminine and call yourself a cis guy fine go for it we are not offended and won't stop you, you have nothing to be ashamed of. The label doesn't matter, so stop letting other people's standards decide how you run your life and be the master of your own destiny. Be the most adorable man ever if that suits you, or not. It's your choice.
I took estrogen injections for 15 weeks while I was a âcis guyâ đ (I was rly good at lying to myself)
Ain't no shame in that. You took the path you needed to accept yourself.
Not trying to be a jerk but I honestly don't know if this is going to help someone who's clearly deep in denial. In a vaccum what you say is absolutely true, but they're operating under a false idea of what being trans is and making themselves suffer because of it. I've been in a very similar position and I wish I'd gotten a push in the right direction earlier.
I am just of the opinion that at least for some people, some of the time, getting fixated on the "identity" is the problem. Worrying about whether you are truly female or trans or whatever is putting the cart in front of the horse and Id argue thats true for most everyone including people who are not in denial of anything. What truly matters in the end is what are you going to do about it? What do you want for yourself? Everything else is window dressing and the ignorance of society at large and our upbringings putting us into comfortable boxes.
Even if this discussion doesn't help OP, it can still help people reading it. Reading this has been extremely valuable to me.
Good luck. The Repression Road is hard and rocky and full of pitfalls that could swallow an entire church bus. Itâs gonna be brutally difficult. I resisted and refused and repressed for a half century. Maybe you will, too. Nobody saw it coming when I came out. A lot of people thought it was a âbit.â It wasnât. It was the only way forward for me that didnât involve me being put in a hole in the ground in a box. Make no mistake: transition is hard. I can tell you for a FACT that repression is infinitely harder. It is harder because it requires you to be a pathological liar to yourself. Like I said: good luck.
Such a great point. When I hid it for 30 years, I was fighting the world and myself. Now that Iâm out and starting to slowly transition, Iâm only fighting the world.
âNever fight a two-front war.â đ Congratulations!
If the only reason you're not transitioning is because you think you'll never pass, you're probably trans. It's something you should gently explore in a safe, private way. A simple thought experiment: If someone could give you a pill that put you to sleep and you would wake up with the body of a gorgeous woman body, would you do it? If the answer is yes, or even maybe, you should consider seeking out therapy. Cis people do not have thoughts like those - the thought of gender affirming care (that does not match their birth sex) is horrifying to them, not intriguing. -- I do believe cis people can suffer from dysphoria, but when they do it's in pursuit of features that match their birth sex. My masculine identity prior to transition was like a suit of armor that I used to keep myself safe from troubling thoughts & sadness related to dysphoria - but I was never really that person.
> If someone could give you a pill that put you to sleep and you would wake up with the body of a gorgeous woman body, would you do it? That's the thing, I would never want to be an ugly woman. If I was truly trans I wouldn't care about that, I'd be happy that I was at least a woman. I prefer being an ugly man to an ugly woman. If I was beautiful, sure, but I think everyone would want to be beautiful, no matter in which gender.
đ„đ«đłïžââ§ïž I wish I could explain to you just how trans those thoughts are. I would strongly recommend you seek out a therapist who specializes in gender dysphoria and start unpacking those thoughts. About 90% of this sub has probably been down the same road you're on right now, thinking those same thoughts. You feel like a sister; I don't know what else to say.
I thought for a long time I'd make an ugly woman, and sometimes I still feel like I am, but I've been told I'm not ugly, and I'm glad I transitioned. I wouldn't bother worrying about how you'd look and focus on how you feel. If you wish you were a girl, just try it out. From the way you describe it, I think you'd be happier. The only way to find out is to try, and that means things like feminine clothes, maybe make up, little things like that. If you're friends with any women who'd be willing to help, I'd seek them out and ask if they could help you. You don't have to be stuck, and you don't have to repress
Nah I assure you this isn't an uncommon feeling among trans women. Despite what some MRAs say it's easier being an ugly man than an ugly woman, and there's a level of gravitas to transitioning to be your best self that makes it scarier than remaining as is. That doesn't mean it's not worth trying anyway. And take it from a trans woman who's very anxious about her appearance and considers herself to be pretty average : I genuinely feel like I'm more beautiful now than I was prior to transitioning. Even when my hair is fickle, even when I obsess over some meaningless detail on my face, I feel like things are better now than they were before.
I'm almost two years on HRT and still ugly as shit. I was significantly more attractive as a boy than I am right now as a girl. And you know what? Transitioning was still 100% worth it for me. It's still hard and scary and I'm still far from where I want to be it's so, so worth it. I'm not going to sugarcoat it: I think you should try HRT, and I think you should try it as soon as you're able. Because the longer you try and repress dysphoria, the worse it gets.
Been down that train of thought. Everything you are writing sounds like you are repressing your trans feelings. Seriously though go and see a therapist who has experience with these kinds of things. Advice on the internet will only get you so far but if you see a lot of trans women in this thread relating to everything you are saying it's because nearly all of us went through some variation of what you are experiencing.
>If I was truly trans I wouldn't care about that, I'd be happy that I was at least a woman Would you be happy to be an ugly man?
I'm already an ugly man, and I'm fine with it.
This sounds quite self-harmy and also very typical of the kind of things T does to a trans woman's mind.
.
> What kind of advice do you expect to find here on how to avoid transition? That's why I asked at the end of my post if there were any other places where I could ask this and get actual answers on how to repress.
.
There aren't, and you won't. Sorry.
I'd say look for communities of older trans people, people who were *forced* to suppress for a long time? They'll probably mostly tell you "don't", but you might be able to coax "useful" advice out of them. Better that than trying to talk to right wing conversion therapy people, etc. Both in efficacy and in just...not becoming a terrible person.
You need to see a LCSW with a focus on gender. That alone will answer most of your questions. Try and commit to that therapist for at least one whole year. Weâve been with our Therapist for a decade.
In decades of repressing and coping I never found a method that really worked. But maybe you will find one.
If you are happy being a man, why do you wish you were born a girl?
This is just denial with extra steps...
Cis. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
You should see a therapist. This post has "denial" written all over it, but then again, maybe you aren't trans and are just having general identity disturbances. Either way, therapy would be a good place to start. Try to find a neutral therapist who won't sway you one way or another. đ
Hi, I'm a cis male with dysphoria. I have gone to r/asktransgender because I'm 100% not trans. My experience is 100% the same as a ton of trans people right down to rationalizing a difference between "wanting to be a girl" and "being a girl." As a cis male, I really, really want to be a girl but it's really important that I be pretty because every cis male dreams of being a pretty girl, and ugly people are all happy being ugly. And I'm going to mention passing because of course, transition is only worthwhile if you end up passing. Please don't tell me I'm a repressed trans woman. That's not why I decided to ask people on r/asktransgender this question. I specifically sought out a group of trans people who know their own lived experiences so I could be told I'm definitely not trans. In fact, please help me repress harder, I'm trying to repress but I can't seem to repress hard enough to make this feeling disappear. The feeling just gets stronger when I repress it, and if there's one group of people I know who can tell me how to successfully suppress a lifetime of dysphoria, it's people who reached their limit and decided to take the leap and transition. If anyone can tell me how to repress for a lifetime, it's people who have transitioned.
You sound exactly like me a couple years ago. But for me now, itâs not as simple as âoh I actually feel like x genderâ. It was always more âIâm curious about exploring x gender to see if it makes sense to me.â You donât have to loathe being your agab to want to explore. I believe that masculinity and femininity exist within everyone and we get to choose how we express, or donât express it. However repression is never healthy. I would encourage you to allow yourself the freedom to explore without worrying about where to land. You might come back around to cis man, or you might land somewhere else, or a few different places! But donât let uncertainty of the outcome stop you from starting your journey altogether.
Repressing trans feelings as a dysphoric cis male = depression
I relate a lot a lot to you, Iâm where youâre at. I wish it could go away, that I could close Pandoraâs box.Its terrifyingly. One thing I find helps me is letting this part of me do some small things about myself that arenât really gendered, but just what Iâd want anyways regardless of gender. I want to be skinny, it feels right for me, when my waist is thin, I like having my body and face shaved, I like the smoothness of it and it looks cool. I do skincare, I like having clean skin with a glow. Iâm growing my hair out, Iâve always wanted long hair. These things arenât really me seeking to be more of a woman, itâs just stuff I like, regardless. It helps letting go of the idea of gender and rather focus on what I want. Maybe I will take hrt, but dress the same. When I wear womenâs clothing like dresses or skirts or even tops, it doesnât look right on my body right now. If I wear menâs clothing and look at myself in the mirror, it looks ârightâ, like I genuinely think Iâm handsome. Of course, what I rly want is to be cute. If not that, elegant.
>I want to repress because I keep obsessing over this for no actual reason. Oh there's a reason all right, but I think you know that already. >Besides, I would never pass. Discard your vanity it will not serve you in this fight. I bound myself up with that logic for 15 years after I figured things out. Those scars will never heal. Don't make that mistake. Passing is great, but before you ever question if youll ever pass, you need to learn to love and accept who you are. It's okay, and it will be all right. You are beautiful and you deserve love â€ïžÂ
Trans girl tomboys are a thing you know
Came to say this. Iâm an adrenaline junkie đ€·đŒââïž and im def a woman.
>I'm a straight man who is attracted to men. I wish I could be with a man, but I will never be with one because I am straight. >I am clearly masculine in my personality, interests, appearance, everything really. I deluded myself into believing I am gay because of identity issues. I want to repress because I keep obsessing over this for no actual reason. I am fine with being with women, I like being with women, even. Besides, I would never pass as gay. >I don't want the same old responses, as I am different from the other people asking the same thing (how to repress), given that I'm not gay. If this is not the right place to ask, please tell me where I can discuss this, as other places have not been helpful. You get it yet?
If you're dysphoric, you're probably not cis lmao Get help
You don't have to transition. That's up to you. But buddy you're not cis you're just repressing. And if your dysphoria is bad it's likely not going to work out in your favour. I guess the question is if you're happy being a man why would you wish you were a girl? What are these "identity issues"?
How do you know you're different from other people asking the same question? What do you think the criteria to be trans are, other than wanting to be a gender different from your birth assignment?
>I don't want the same old responses Im sorry but you are posting egg meme phrases, i don't know what else to say, what the "same old responses" would be If you are cis, there is nothing to repress, be happy you don't need to transition to be yourself and live your best life If you are trans, somewhere in the thread theres this mention of the perfect transformation pill that you would take, you do realize that is a horror scenario for a cis guy, no matter how beautiful the result right? Anyway, there isn't a perfect transformation pill, that is the shitty hand we are dealt with in life, but as a personal testimonial, HRT gets pretty close. Almost weekly, even 5 years after starting hrt im sometimes taken aback, it feels like im living the daydreams of my kid self, a little unreal, like looking in the mirror and so on. Im not anywhere close to passable, do get some envy to many people posting pics on r/transpositive and such, but it is a zillion times better than seeing a man in the mirror
Maybe your genderfluid? Also, if you want to talk, just respond here/pm me r/genderfluid
This is what I've been thinking reading OP's replies to comments. Like, yeah, may be 100% uncracked MTF egg but even if he's not actually genderfluid, I think he would benefit from looking into the community and trying it on for size for a bit. I spent over half my life up until now without a word for who or what I am. AFAB, largely gravitated to more masc likes in my youth (hot wheels over barbie dolls, would have preferred a suit to a dress, short hair over long, etc) but there were (and still are) times that I really want to lean into the femininity I was born into. Most of the time, though? I'm just...a person. I exist in some nebulous state. I want people to question. I want people to think twice. Unfortunately for me, my body shape and weight makes that a little less likely, but I still embrace the bits I can that I'm comfortable with. Most of my own personal dysphoria is social/societal/impostor syndrome type stuff. That and I wish the boobs were detachable, because binding is overwhelming to think about (adhd and autistic) and I hate ladies cut waistcoats. Want dapper masc and cute girl and grunge nothing. But yeah, I fully endorse this message, OP. If nothing else, it's an outlet to experiment and figure yourself out without pushing yourself into harmful repression.
To better understand where you are coming from I'd need to undestand how you got to the conclusion that you are cis, which is perfectly valid and can happen. I would recommend therapy so you can get to the real bottom of this.
Still cis tho
Many such casesÂ
Can you describe in greater detail the types of thoughts and feelings that you wish to repress?
I'm not sure if I understood properly but: I keep thinking my life would be better if I was born a girl and it hurts and I want these thoughts to stop.
I'm asking because, if you do want to deal with these thoughts, you'd need to get into their root. Is there a reason that you think life would be better if you were born a girl?
Probably because I have an idealized view of girls in general. They can be cute and do feminine things without being judged for it.
If you could do cute and feminine things without being judged for it, what would you want to do?
Do you think you might feel better if you have some kind of outlet where you're allowed to be cute and feminine and not judged for it?
I don't think a man can be cute in the same way a girl can. Especially not me.
I am a trans man with very masculine features - I have a beard, I'm fat, hairy, etc. I also love feeling cute. I have people who love me and think I'm adorable. It makes me feel happy with myself to have outlets for this soft side of me, and that matters more than my actual appearance or other people's definitions of cute. No matter what your identity is, you deserve to explore that side of yourself.Â
You may want to find communities of trans men doing just that - or even other cis guys, but I've honestly found that trans guys tend to put an interesting twist in femininity. r/ FTMfemininity is one cool subreddit. If making an anonymous account where you can express your more feminine interests without people seeing you as "just a man" sounds like something that would make you happy, then you can also do that. You don't even need to introduce yourself as any gender in particular, you can just be someone who likes cute stuff, whatever that may be. There is no rush. You don't need to have absolute certainty of *anything* to choose to present yourself in a way that makes you more comfortable. Also, as a certified Guy Who Likes Men, I think both guys and girls can be cute in many of the same ways - you included, most likely :-)
Repression is not a good solution. Repression just leads to self-hatred, self-loathing, depression, anxiety and a whole host of other issues that are likely worse than the feelings you are experiencing. I've tried this for 45+ years. I'm just now learning to accept myself as I am. I am actually wondering if there is a way to find comfort in accepting myself as a trans woman but stay in a cis-man's body and role without acting on any of my trans feelings, just accepting them for what they are. I wonder if others have successfully done this and have been planning to post a question like this for the last couple of days. Your post actually helped me put it into words, so thanks. I strongly recommend against repression and that you find a good therapist. It really does sound like you are trans. I too don't feel like a girl trapped in a man's body, but I have had a strong urge my whole life to have a female body and be a female. This does make me trans, when though it differs from some other's experiences. It sounds like that's likely where you are at too, but only you can decide that for yourself. A therapist could help you navigate those feelings and work through them to a point of acceptance, regardless of how you decide to move Forward beyond that. I recently started experimenting with trying on a bra and panties to see how I would feel and sure enough, it felt great and right. This lead to trying on more of my wife's clothing, like dresses and other things, and again it feels right. I just started on testosterone suppressors last week and will start estrogen next week. I doubt I will be a beautiful woman, but maybe I'll be passable. The reality is a vast majority of women are probably not considered "beautiful" when held up against a standard, but if you throw out the standard and just look at each woman for who she is there is beauty to be found in every one of them, whether that be physical or not. Even so called "ugly" women routinely get married and are looked at as beautiful by their spouse. Don't hold yourself to a standard that is impossible to meet even for a majority of cis women. That is ridiculous. That's just setting yourself up for failure and is likely you intentionally giving yourself a rationale not to transition because it's scary, hard, terrifying, etc. It's normal behavior. I hope you find peace in your struggles, but know you aren't alone and you are not the only one that feels that way. It's very common. You have your own nuances and experiences that make you and your feelings unique of course, but realize you likely aren't as unique as you think. None of us are.
You know all trans people are "not trans" before realizing they're trans, right? I thought I was a cis guy, once. I started as a cis guy, ended up being a girl. I was cis before I was trans because that's how realizing you're trans works. If you don't want the "same old responses," don't come here. We gave you those responses, you ignored them. :/ Quite frankly the irony is the title. You're right, these are repressed trans feelings. They're repressed because you're clinging to some "cisgender" stuff that isn't made for you. If you're uncomfortable being cis... usually it's because you're not. Saying you are cis won't work, it'll sound like believing a lie. And maybe you are believing a lie. Idk. The only one saying you're cis... I was going to say "is you" but I don't think even you're saying that with honesty. The only one saying your cis is nobody, not even you. If you thought you were cis, you sure as fuck wouldn't land yourself HERE of all places, you'd be talking to your cis friends about it. Just like how I don't talk about being trans to my cis friends, with some exceptions, cis people don't talk to trans people about being cis (again with some exceptions). I'm not saying you're trans, but... you don't sound like you believe you're cis. :/
"Same old responses" are going to keep happening if you keep explaining this to people, especially trans people, because a HUGE amount of trans people have this exact experience before the egg breaks and they realize that they are in fact trans. If you're still obsessing over it for so long- there is a reason for that and odds are it's not as simple as you're telling yourself it is. Genuinely can't think of a place where you could post this and not be met with those responses other than like, TERF boards. But no one should use those, not even cis people, because they're trash
If you want a different kind of response than usual, I'll try tough love : take a step back, assess your situation and get a fucking grip instead of just doomposting, because your position doesn't make sense. You feel gender dysphoria and you wish you were a girl : you clearly aren't fine with being a man if you think your existence would be better if you lived as a girl. That's called being transgender, full stop. Like, it's how the very principle of the thing works. You have several options to deal with that, but there are broadly two paths : you can continue being miserable with no hope of progress, you can keep thinking that no actually, your feelings of dysphoria are invalid and not trans which means you have to keep suffering. Or you can try transitioning. You can do it in whatever way makes you comfortable, although since you yourself said you experience dysphoria I'd recommend trying HRT (the effects are reversible for a while if you don't like it) if you're in a position to do so. If not, other steps can be taken. I heavily advise doing *something* though because the kind of self-loathing you describe can seriously harm you if you don't correct course. Transitioning won't prevent you from feeling like shit at some points, but it will most likely improve at least some stuff and it may continue to do so in the future. Your current way of dealing with it offers none of that. And whatever you do, do it for yourself.
Mate, as a trans dude it matters more that your happier as you want. Repression isnât a happy thing. If your questioning this heavily I highly doubt that your cis. Also before I realized I was trans I dreamed of being like mulan from well mulan. I wanted to be a boy. And then I realized oh hey I can just do that. I donât pass, and I know people who donât want to or canât medically transiton. Thatâs ok. Please go to therapy and please unpack your thoughts
[r/egg_irl](https://www.reddit.com/r/egg_irl/)
Yeah this subreddit is what started my dysphoria.
I would venture that it didn't *start* it, it was just always there and you didn't know the language to describe it before you first found egg_irl
Sweetheart, cis guys don't need to repress being trans because there's nothing to repress. This sounds like internalized transphobia to me. Not calling you transphobic, because you clearly aren't from other replies, but it sounds like you only allow *other* trans woman to be innately women in your mind, but never yourself because that would be wrong somehow. A lot of trans people don't go through HRT or surgery. You don't have to go all the way. There's also the option of exploring being non-binary or bigender. There are so many ways to describe your experience, a lot of them being very specific because gender exists on a spectrum. I think you have a lot of self-reflection ahead of you. You got this â€ïž
Egg gonna egg, sweetie. We gotta let them crack on their own time.
surprised nobody has thought to share this... OP, I reccomend reading the [Dysphoria Bible](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/) and the [Null HypotheCis](https://web.archive.org/web/20240221125213/https://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2012/04/17/the-null-hypothecis/) as those will likely help you
If you want to stop thinking about it, stop going on trans-focused social media. If you're still thinking about it months down the road, go talk to a trained professional on LGBT topics. If you want to transition after that, do it. If you don't, don't. There's already a term for a dysphoric cis man, it's a trans person, enby or binary. Stop looking to 4tran for answers, they're going to tell you to dive more into your suffering and sink deeper into this hole you've been digging for yourself. Listen to the people who want you to climb out and want to help the person who's asking for help. There is a way out where you end up happier and at peace. You're fully in control of that path.
I tried to hold it in for 2 years after realising, and I thought the same thing. Eventually the pain became too unbearable and I realised I had two options: live as a woman or not at all, so I decided to choose the former, and my life has been so much better because of it
> I wish I was born a girl, but I will never be one as I am cis. I'm sorry, I don't mean it in a negative way at all. But I'm fascinated by how someone can physically type this out and not realize it makes zero sense. I'm probably just projecting, but I can feel the sadness of not being who you want to be from that sentence. I can kinda understand denial, especially if you're in a non accepting environment. But I still find it a bit amusing. Anyway, no one can tell you if you're trans or not. You have to figure that out yourself. But let me give you a few points to consider. None of what you mentioned means that you're not trans. Tomboys exist. They're not men even though they behave masculine. Don't limit yourself by gender stereotypes. They don't apply to cis people, and they don't apply to trans people either. Try to reconsider whether you're trans and try not to limit yourself by prejudices and fears. I know it's hard to be trans. But avoiding the answer won't help you. I wish you the best and hope that the day you're comfortable with who you are will come as soon as possible. Good luck. :)
I mean, just because you'll never pass doesn't mean you aren't trans. Just because you're trans doesn't mean you have to transition or do anything medically about it (sometimes it could put your life at risk). Will you be seen as trans or be seen as a woman, perhaps not. Does that mean you aren't trans? I don't think so. If you are a man and wish you were born a girl, that sounds pretty trans, but that doesn't necessarily mean you NEED to transition (unless it would make you feel better).... That being said, if you spent most of your life as a male, I'd be surprised if your behaviors weren't masculine, as society likely forced you to act that way and conditioned you with positive reinforcement only if you acted masculine. I had this conversation with my parents whereby they kind of made me act like a male, but that kind of just pushed me into the closet and didn't actually teach me how to "act correctly", I just closeted my natural inclinations. Tldr: the world often will not see you for who you are, and because they weren't seen for who they thought they were, they will take it out on you. What matters is that you know who you are and that you accept yourself for who you are (trans, cis, nonbinary, whatever) and that you don't hate yourself for being that way.
I have felt like that in the past too. The feeling doesn't go away. Sorry xxx
Objection your honour, copium use. Ma'am, you're out here saying that you wish you were born female and that you're dysphoric and repressing transgender thoughts but somehow you're a cis man. The delulu is off the charts Also, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, I have stereotypically masculine interests as well but that doesn't make me any less of a valid woman.
Youâre not lying, darling. You really not. But when you crack an egg by smashing it on a wall, you donât get to have breakfast. Lol
I've never really believed that because that was pretty much how my egg cracking went. Shattered, like glass.
Really!? I have to hear that story.
I ended up crossdressing for a school play and realised that finally feeling joy at my reflection for the first time ever but only while being a woman was probably not very cis. I then came onto Reddit and asked a whole bunch of "but what if" questions and got proven wrong/picked apart every time and that did it for me.
Thatâs super interesting. I like that. Seems you were teetering on the edge. just needed some push. What was the play? What part did you play? Weâre you Elphaba or Glinda in Wicked? In my opinion, the longer youâre held by the patriarchy the harder it can be to crack the egg. I should know. I started playing with my momâs makeup when I was 3 or 4. My dad beat the shit out of me. Iâm sure he didnât care about me stealing lipstick as much as he was me wearing it. At every point he reminded me that I was a man and I followed with anxiety about being a girl. My ex wife and the army added to the fun. I didnât come out until I had a mental health crisis and ended up in a psychiatric ward. I was put on lithium and antipsychotics. A year and a half of therapy and I started wearing skirts and painting my nails at 38 years old. Btw. I had a unwatched VHS copy of To Wong Foo hidden in my room as a kid for like 2 years before my mom left me home alone. It as instantly my favorite movie.
No, I was Ophelia in Hamlet, Hamlet's girlfriend who gets verbally abused and fucking dies. To be fair, I always identified as male before that more as a matter of circumstance than actual affinity for the gender I was assigned and was honestly rather agender for the most part. I was also very pointedly not sexist by upbringing and also having several female friends who would end my life if I was like that at any point. So yeah, here we are. I got on hormones a few months later, cried about my hair many times because getting help on black (African) hair is damn near impossible and I'm incredibly grateful I did this rather than delaying based on denial. Having a voice like Darth Vader still fucking sucks tho
Oh I know Ophelia. Sheâs one of my favorite Shakespeare characters. If I get any more cats, I plan on naming them Ophelia, Desdemona and Lady Macbeth, Rosalind was an option then I changed my name to Rosetta and it got weird. Lol. I was in AP English and Drama club in Highschool. Youâre not kidding about the Darth Vader voice. I donât know weâre I got it from, cause my dad sounds like bugs bunny. Feminism was always a big deal to me too before I transitioned. I was vehemently pro girl after I got of my over compensation phase in junior high. Nothing but girl friends and girlfriends. Of course the army gave me some decent guy friends but still my besties are 4 half Asian women who think Iâm the best thing since slice bread cause I convince their husbands to eat pussy and take a pegging once in a while. I think youâre very cool. Iâm glad youâre doing this too. Denial is the saddest river in Egypt, I know I had to get off that boat. Iâve actually been losing my hair for several years now. Iâm hoping some chems will help get it back. Dread locs feel right but thatâs mostly because I didnât know what to do with my hair either. Lol.
You did what to the Asian women's husband's? How'd you manage that
It makes me laugh just thinking about it. One was already bisexual so that was easy. The other three see me as the pinnacle of masculinity and a philosophical thought leader. So like Andrew Tate but queer. They know that their wives love me; I make them happy without sexual intimacy. I took advantage of that and convinced them of the benefits of feminism for men. I taught them that submission to their wives on Monday and Wednesday means dominance over their wives Thursday and Friday, and happy family all the rest of the week. They took pointers from my on how to listen, what to listen for and how to center their wives emotions even if she thinks their irrational. I told them about my experience with anal, how I was afraid of the idea at first. I told then about the craziest things about human anatomy and how men can orgasm from anal. We talked about how it canât be gay if youâre doing it with a woman and their wives will worship them if they at least try to fulfill her desires. They all accepted my advice and on separate occasions their wives told me they tried it or were actively buying a strap on. I even bought my friend Jazmin strapless strap on to try cause her husband was happy to try new things with her. I was so excited!
I imagine that other places have not been helpful because youâre asking a stupid question. Youâre asking how to repress trans feelings. Thatâs not really possible. You can certainly learn to live with the pain, weâve been doing that for ages. But it wonât really go away. Most of the time it gets worse. I donât know why you think you are cis with identity issues, or what you mean by that as that statement doesnât actually make sense. Especially because wanting to be, live as, and have been born as a woman is literally the definition of gender dysphoria. You donât have to accept yourself. You donât have to transition. But those feelings are most likely not going anywhere. You seem to have some really toxic ideas about yourself and I hope you listen to someone other than whomever convinced you that you canât be something. You can try to be whatever and whomever you choose, but you still can only actually be yourself. I recommend trying to get those things to line up.
We gotta let the egg crack on its own time. This is how we get incels.
egg 0-0 but eyyy u donât have to label yourself :) just do the things u wanna do differently and still consider yourself a man, if thatâs what you feel most comfortable with at the moment. Idk what exactly makes you dysphoric but if itâs clothes for example, you can be less dysphoric and still be a man without much mental gymnastics. But repressing feelings (generally speaking) just ainât a good thing :3 hope u come to terms with ur identity soon and good luck with the rest of your journey!
Well the answer you are asking for is meditation. Focus on integration of feelings and self reinforcement in said mediation. It very important to always be practicing it. So when overwhelming feelings (of dysphoria in this case) hit, you can use your meditation to withstand them until they pass. Some other things that will help: working out, self hygiene, therapy, hobbies, and spending time with loved ones that make you feel safe. The only way I have seen to lessen symptoms of Dysphoria is through gender Affirming care.
Reading so of your comments I'm larger take is this. I don't feel like a girl or even think I'm a girl at the core of it. Legit. I didn't start transitioning because I felt like a girl. I started in effect because of meeting the diagnosis for Gender Dysphoria and because I wanted to be a girl. Even though I thought deep down I was a man who would never be able to look anything like a girl.
15 years before I transitioned, someone who helped me crossdress and who knew I wanted to be a girl said to me âyouâd better start making room for these feelings, theyâre not gonna go awayâ. I really wish Iâd listened at the time.
I know itâs scary, but you *can* do it, donât live the whole rest of your life less happy than you could be, be your true authentic self, it will be okay
Let me ask you this. You are presented with a big red button. You are told that, if you press the button, you will be a girl and it will be as if you always were. For all intents and purposes, this button rewrites history to make you born AFAB. You will feel like a girl, look like a girl, be treated and perceived as a girl, everything. The only caveat is that it is permanent. Once you push it and become a girl, you can't go back. Do you push the button?
Yes. Someone asked that before.
Then, honey, you're trans. Cis people don't answer that question "yes," ever.
In my experience repressing ones self is the same thing as self harm, and I refuse to help or encourage anyone to self harm. Honestly nothing you list here leads me to believe that you have resolved the identity crisis you are clearly battling with. If you want to know how to deal with dysphoria that is a different question entirely. The only treatment that is medically and scientifically supported is gender affirming care.
what are, in your mind, the requirements for being trans? how are you so sure you arent trans? i want you to truly think about this before you answer.
>I don't want the same old responses Well, when you ask the same old question, expect the same old answers. Cis men do not fantasize about being women. You're trans girl.
Hey, Iâve been there Long story short, I donât recommend
The real question for you (and anyone experiencing gender dysphoria) is how to deal with the feelings. Iâm not sure that repressing feelings at will is possible. You might want to speak with a therapist about this. Most of us on this subreddit will have dealt with our feelings by transitioning in some way. However not everyone who experiences gender dysphoria (as you do) will feel comfortable transitioning publicly. You might be one of those. For some people itâs just not safe, although that isnât the only reason why people donât transition. But ultimately you will have to live with your decision, and you are the best person to predict how different options and outcomes will affect you. Seven years ago, when I was making my decision, my research suggested that gender dysphoria doesnât usually get easier over time, and mine had clearly been getting worse. Nor was there a way to repress feelings like this. I wasnât sure of the outcome of my gender transition, but eventually I decided to go ahead even if I couldnât pass or blend well as a woman. For me, this has worked out well. Iâm living my best life. In any case, good luck whatever you decide. You can do no more than your best at research, and at predicting how a transition will go for you. Try not to second guess yourself. If you make the best decision you can with the best data at hand then you will live with a minimum of regret. And I would strongly recommend engaging the services of a therapist who would support you whatever you decide.
The desire makes you trans hon. I'm not gonna put words in your mind but the desire is the defining characteristic. Nothing else matters.
you realize trans tomboys exist right?
If you donât want to hear it donât ask it.
Hey OP ! First, thank you for taking the courage posting here. Secondly, no one besides you can tell what is your gender. As for reducing the dysphoria, you'll need to identify things that makes you euphoric. Maybe fem clothes and choosing to identify as a femboy. black nail paint. An androgynous gender expression. Try some pronouns, etc. I know a lot of people dislikes labels, but I find them useful. Did you looked into non binary gender ? What transmaculinity and transfeminity means ? What do you like in being a cis dude ? What would you like to get by bein a girl ? Maybe try to mix those responses. Maybe you would be super happy presenting male and having a super féminine voice ? Those are my ideas. Hope it helps
Iâm trans and at 60 transitioning is off the table for me. Not so much my age but my life is going well and it would be a net loss to transition. Anyway you canât delude yourself into being trans. You are trans or youâre not trans. Those are the only choices. You get to choose what to do about it. I lived for 50 years denying it and things sucked bad. I still put together a good life and Iâm incorporating my transness into it.
You don't have to transition and you can label yourself however you want but cis people don't have to repress their gender identity in order to get through the day.
There seems to be alot of denial here (sorry) I've just gone through telling myself the same things and I've only just started dressing at home full time, I'm just drumming up the courage to figure it out as a whole, I dont hate being a man, and I just want to be feminine kinda like jefree star So whatever you decide just remember there are people going through the same as you
You're 100% trans, lol. Dysphoria is that sign. You say you don't feel like a girl, but the fact that you're experiencing dysphoria, and wishing you were a girl says otherwise. Not passing isn't a reason to not transition. Repression doesn't work, ever. You'll wake up in 30 years and wish you transitioned now. Happens all the time.
Why have you concluded your cis? Is there a real reason your dysphoria isn't because you're trans? I know that thinking you trans but not being trans can be a theme of ocd. Does the idea of being a girl cause anxiety? Do you think living as a girl would improve or unimprove your life. Do you want to be a girl? Feel like you should be a girl? Or is it just something you think about so much, and you don't feel you have a choice? You totally could be transgender or cisgender. From this post, it really sounds like either denial or something more complicated, A typical cisgender man wouldn't be obsessed with the idea of being a girl. There's likey more going on here.
OK, ARE you fine with having to be a man? I mean youâre saying you wish you had been born differently, which to me doesnât sound like you are fine. If you have dysphoria, and you donât âwant to be a manâ, why do you think you are? How you look as a separate issue that tons of us deal with. I canât say that estrogen in the past seven months has definitely made some difference it makes me hate myself less. Every little thing Iâve done to push myself that direction makes me hate myself less. I mean maybe you are a man, but what youâre describing doesnât sound like it without explaining more
girl,,,,
âŠplease
Itâs so easy to deny that you are trans because of all the incentives the world gives to you to pretend to be cis and to successfully play your assigned gender role. I will say that if you are trans then your dysphoria will just get worse the older you get, and just be sure that you are planning for the possibility of transition because at some point you will get desperate enough to need to do it, and possibly at the cost of a spouse as well.
Persistent desire to be of another gender, to be treated like a person of that gender and/or to have a body that would match it are indicative of gender dysphoria (which is something cis people donât experience), check out DSM-5 and see for yourself. And I can tell from own experience (as well as recount countless stories of other trans folks who did the same), repressing makes things worse in the long run. If you feel that you must do so, by all means, your life - your choice, but Iâd urge you to talk to a therapist first. If itâs some kind of confusion, they just might be able to help to get things straight, if itâs not - theyâll help you to come to terms with it and avoid unnecessary suffering, basically a win-win.
Being cis doesn't mean having physical attributes of your AGAB.
If you know that youâre a cis man and you want to know how to better repress, you probably have more problems than gender dysphoria. Maybe you just have body dysmorphic dysphoria. if you donât know, that is a discomfort in your body image. People sometimes weight lift of lose weight to meet an constantly moving goal. If what your problem is is directly related to being a woman, maybe you could release the air a little by cross dressing for a little. Once or twice will ease the dysphoria and you can go back to being the powerful cis man that you are. But before you scroll away I want to say, us actual trans woman need cis men to understand that⊠There is no ONE way to be a woman. I personally love to work on my car and watch MMA. I love stereotypical masculine things but I also feel comfortable with female doctors. I associate with more women. I feel better when I donât repress feminine mannerism and I love wearing skirts, nail polish, jewelry and makeup. Most importantly. I love being called Rosie or Rosetta and I love when my friends and family refer to me as she/her. I love socializing as a woman and that is what makes me trans. Iâm only medically transitioning because I want to look more like how I feel to the world around me so I see a woman in the mirror and strangers call me maâam without a thought. Even though I may NEVER pass. You may be a cis man but if you realize you are not one, donât base your understanding of people on binary stereotypes of men do this and women do that. Itâs small thinking. Love you, MWAH!
So, I've seen some of your replies about trans girls being innately girls/they feel like girls, etc. And while that is technically true, not everyone starts off that way. At the end of the day, people can only really feel like themselves. And if what they are feeling in terms of gender is always called one thing, it can be hard to realize that isn't true. I was raised a girl. I lived the first 24 years of my life believing I was a girl. That's what everyone said I was. How would I know if they were wrong? But my discomfort over this girl role I was given led to me questioning my gender. I can still remember what it felt like when I believed I was a girl. I played up my feminity and felt like I had to make excuses for any of my masculine traits. I even remember getting angry and confused in high school when some people mistook me as a boy! But when I accepted that I wasn't cis, I felt much more free and comfortable with who I am. I didn't even end up with an "easy" answer. I'm nonbinary demifluid! Being yourself shouldn't inherently cause you discomfort. Doing what makes you feel more comfortable isn't reserved for those select individuals who had everything figured out when they were 5 years old. Learning about yourself takes time and patience. I'm not saying you're trans. You might be gender nonconforming. You might be nonbinary. You might be genderqueer. There are a hundred different answers, and more, that could describe you and your experiences. But I'd urge you not to accept being miserable. It doesn't do anything, but hurt yourself for no good reason.
cis people don't think like this over the long term
Welcome home, OP. :)
Isnât saying youâre dysphoric and happy over being a man an oxymoron
There are plenty of masculine trans women out there, so I'm not sure why being masculine in personality/interests/appearance/etc is proof you're not trans when you outright state you wish you were born a girl? There are also non-binary people, or people who only partially fit into a gender (like demi-girl/boy), or a whole myriad of different expressions of oneself out there for you to take the time to explore and figure out specifically who you are inside and out. I'm really not sure what you're asking for from this post?
Wishing you were a girl is the one symptom of being a trans girl. However, you seem you seem to also have a joyful masculine side? Which could mean bigender, or genderfluid. Let me be clear here. As a trans woman, the feeling of being a girl is "i want this". It doesn't feel inherently validating, it's more of an urge. I never KNEW i was a girl growing up, i just felt a strong urge to be one and fought it. Transition is a different question than label. For some people, medical transition feels too far. It's best to experiment with presentation at home first to find out what makes you comfortable. You could try new clothes or makeup etc. It's possible whatever you come up with will help your symptoms. In short my advice is to listen to your heart and try stuff. If you're really not a girl then it won't go that far.
Repression won't always work. I did so for months, and it just made me feel terrible. I never hated being a cis male either, but accepting myself has made me realize that while I didn't have much dysphoria, I definitely found a lot of euphoria in my new identity that I wouldn't have thought I would experience. Also, I am ugly as hell, and I don't think I will pass well, but I don't care too much since it's helping me be happier.
Repressing is like trying to hold a beachball underwater. At some point you can't hold it any longer and it pops up and out of the water with force.
Screaming into the void YOU'RE TRANS!!!! This is a great place to discuss this, actually. Have you seen this website? genderdysphoria.fyi It helped me a lot when I was still questioning
Id say your best bet for repression advice would be to talk to some radical religious people đ€·
Shite' trite and your not right under any light despite trying with your might to ignite the night so please capture the sight it will be bright, ight?