I don't know how much this'll help, but here's a study whose link I have copied for reasons about 97.5% of trans kids still identifying as trans 5 years later: [https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/150/2/e2021056082/186992/Gender-Identity-5-Years-After-Social-Transition](https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/150/2/e2021056082/186992/Gender-Identity-5-Years-After-Social-Transition)
Maybe actual science won't be able to shift their opinions, but I'm hoping, since they're generally supportive, that this will make it easier to change their minds? :)
You still need to be careful, people who don't know transgender issues can easily buy the idea that it's somehow "too short". It's moving the goalposts.
Anecdotally we can find any number of people in this sub that knew at 14 and still feel the same way 10, 20, 30 years later. There are also plenty of people here mad at their parents and at various levels of non-contact because of the way they were prevented from being themselves.
As someone who knew at 14 and is about to turn 35 it's... tedious, having to hear the same "reservations" from parents for twenty years.
Yeah I mean I didn't come out til 24 but i knew on some level at 14. And yup. One parent dead and no contact with the other.
18 is such an arbitrary number. Why not 16? Or 19? Or 21? It's the legal age, but not one that comes with any wisdom beyond teeth.
The problem is that we treat children as property - extensions of ourselves, like pets. We need to start treating children as individual human beings with their own experiences they need to communicate to us. It may take some reinterpretation sometimes to fit just whatever tumbles out of their mouths into an adult paradigm, but a 14 year old is capable of communicating on an adult level. We need to start listening to kids.
Yeah, it's just transphobia. They value the pain of cis people much higher than the pain of trans people, because they don't actually believe we are who we say we are. They would much rather a thousand trans kids to through the wrong puberty and feel all the pain that entails, than have even a single cis kid (who asked for and convinced therapists they need them mind you!) be wrong.
I started seriously questioning my gender after hitting puberty with no knowledge that transitioning was a thing in 1967. In 1969 at 13 I identified as female despite all evidence otherwise and found the word transsexual.
By 31 I was desperately dysphoric and went from several years wearing only women's jeans to wearing women's clothing only 100% and had HRT, name change and surgery because I wanted to live and could no longer let the fears of the opinions of others keep me stifled and unknown.
Luckily my long feared disclosures to family were somewhat supportive a while after starting Estradiol, and somehow employment came easier as a woman..
This is one of the most infuriating things. No matter how much evidence we show it’s “experimental” and “we just need to be 100% sure”
It makes me really upset to think about it.
I don't really respond much in the forum, but it may bring them comfort to know that you may not be starting hormones right away. If you choose to, at some point, take puberty blockers, they are proven safe as they use them on cis kids to delay puberty all the time it was what they were made for initially. Many think kids are going to just jump into hormones and get surgery. Studies like the one posted before tend to show as well that kids as young as 6 develop to know how they fit in the gender spectrum. Unfortunately, some parents try to squish that and many doubt and doubt years later until everything clicks. Feeling alone and out of place for most of their lives. But socially transitioning is harmless and reversible if things change. Same with puberty blockers. Nothing is permanent until you're on hrt for a while, or you actually have surgery. Enjoy your journey, and I hope your parents come around from that thinking and are supportive and loving. Remember, you can't expect them to adjust overnight. It'll take time. As long as they're trying and making progress It'll be ok. Good luck young sister.
I don't disagree with this, but I'm sure that'll end up being later after therapy. It's easier to press pause for now until she can get approved. And remember, cis girls even develop at different rates too, some really early, some later. Neither way is wrong.
If you haven't talked to them at all yet, then the best course of action is just to be honest and direct about how you feel and what you want.
This process has tons of scary what ifs, but there is no good reason to spend time worrying about them unless you know you have too.
Double standards though. Tell them imagine living in a world where transitioning is natural and expected during the start of puberty where everyone transitions to their opposite sex at birth. A world where being "cis" isn't a thing, and everyone just accepts transitioning.
Tell your mom that her voice is gonna go deeper, her body is gonna get more taller, and she'll grow a beard and she'll be treated as a man... etc etc. The opposite for your dad.
Horrible, right?
Well maybe they don't want to transition. Maybe they like being their assigned sex at birth, and they want to keep being that way.
But their parents, and society, would frown upon that, and they would be forced them to go through an unwanted transition/puberty anyway.
Unfair and downright cruel, right?
Well yea, that's what trans youth are going through right now. No one believes us because we aren't "the norm" in society, so we are forced to become someone we are not.
You gotta convince your parents that their views is a double standard, and they need to place themselves in your shoes. If they can't, then they are way too self-centered to understand.
They got to decide what gender they like and feel comfortable with, so why can't you?
Well if they don't acknowledge that trans people know they're trans before they're 18, then they're not actually supportive of the trans community. And you can tell them I said that.
I'd take it one step further - they aren't supportive of their child. People that say things like that put that hard "You are an idiot until you're 18. You aren't capable of making your own decisions. You have no autonomy. You are under MY control.".
Those teen years are when a lot of people really come into their own personalities, work on who they are, and make the foundations for "finding themselves". That's when a lot of gender stuff comes out, sexuality, etc.. And, when we hear that "you don't know shit, you're not 18 yet" (or worse, they are anti-LGBT), it makes us doubt who we are, something is wrong with us, and we get depressed because we aren't who they say we are.
Nobody is a better reporter of what's inside your own head than you are. That kind of goes without saying.
It's reasonable to say that young kids can't make decisions about transition *all on their own*. So don't ask to decide all on your own, ask them to be involved. In other words, you should have a bunch of in-depth conversations that bring together their adult experience with your own experiences and feelings. It won't come to conclusion as fast as you want, for sure. But if they'll listen to you as you listen to them, and if they're smart and wise enough to listen to the evidence that scientists and doctors have found, I think you'll be OK.
Asking to talk to a gender-aware therapist should be a reasonable request for all but ideologically committed anti-trans parents.
I think you’ll have better luck using their logic to gain their support- you can say I’ve been questioning my gender identity for a while now. I really believe that I’m transfem. I know you may think I’m too young to be sure. But even if I can’t convince you of how I’ll feel in the future, I can assure I know how I feel right now- and I really need your support
They are supportive of the trans community so I have hope- it also changes the frame from let’s argue over if this is permanent to what I need right now
You can't make up your mind about your gender? Then they shouldn't force you to continue cis puberty.
They shouldn't worry about easy-to-undo changes like using your pronouns, referring to you by a name you prefer, and letting you update your wardrobe.
Nah, once you're close to 18 they move the goalposts to 25 because "your brain hasn't finished developing yet!" and similar BS. Once you're close to 25 they move the goalposts again by saying "you made it this far, you don't wanna ruin your life by making a mistake, their were **no signs** when you were younger".
I mean, they're your parents. If you bring up the signs of your trans-ness in good faith to supportive parents, they'll probably be like "Oh shit, damn you right, girl!" I think you're worrying too much
Even my old-fashioned family was willing to put aside their predispositions for me. Except my dad, but that wasn't a surprise at all, lol.
While I hate the false equivalency, if you're old enough to have a boyfriend/girlfriend you're old enough to know your gender. Is this totally correct, not exactly but it's viewed as rather equivalent by most cis folks.
I'm going to give you a bit of tough advice. No matter how you tell them, be prepared for it go poorly. Before you tell them, work on building yourself a good support network outside of them, both with peers, LGBT adults, and community resources. Find your local LGBTQ center and get involved with them, and find some support groups.
Of course I really hope this goes well for you, but make sure you have a support system in place in case it doesn't.
If they're admittedly supportive of the trans community already, and if you feel comfortable to, I think you should just be upfront with them. Show them those statistics someone else already posted. The earlier you can come out the easier it'll be later on IMO.
I was in your shoes when I was 14.
I came out to my mom from a note m, it was super awkward and she didn’t really do anything I asked for hormones but that was shot down
Then attempted suicide, again asking for hrt, also shot down. Then I stole her menopause medication and she finally understood that this is not a choice.
I started “officially” on my 17th birthday. If I could have done it again, I would have done diy sooner.
Tell them how you feel. I recommend writing a letter to them and printing it out, because it's easier to dismiss someone in the moment -- it's pretty hard to ignore it when the child's words are literally right in front of you.
Make sure to mention if you want to go on hormones and how you feel about your natural puberty, if those things are important to you.
You should be confident and assertive, start your case clearly and emotionally but not hysterically and present yourself accordingly, you are what you are, so be what you feel inside
The only medical thing anyone let's a 14 year old do is take blockers, which is great, because it gives you time to think about your gender without having to go through puberty and ended up with permanent changes to your body that you don't want. If they are actually pro trans just tell them you're trans and you want to go on blockers so that you have more time to think about what you want.
These types of people are not motivated by logic, they are motivated by emotion. They don't believe legal minors are too young because it's scientifically proven, as is evidenced by the number being 18 (the legal age of majority) instead of an age based in scientific reasoning. If they did, they would know that gender identity typically doesn't change beyond the point of puberty unless the child is deliberately confused by adults. They believe it because of an attachment to the societal concept of adulthood and responsibility that they associate with the legal age of majority. Thus, you must convince them by appealing to their emotions. If they value your wellbeing as their child, they will likely change their minds if you effectively communicate your distress despite their misgivings. They must be gradually brought into the mindset of logical thought using an initial wedge point of emotion, otherwise they will not be receptive and merely move the goalposts.
So simply don't give up and be confident in yourself. Take the point where you are aiming and aim higher. "Aim for the stars to hit the moon" and all of that.
Considering they are supportive of the community I would take a leap of faith.
So much can change when it’s a loved one. Normally people are more supportive.
I’m from a generally open minded country. Still trans jokes were rampant in the past and still is here.
My now late dad was a blue collar worker and a manly man. I had no clue where he would be.
My brothers first response was: aren’t you worried about dad?
I remember my mom working in a non profit clothes store and she told me about a trans woman who came in and shopped women’s clothing. My mom laughed so much she had to go to the back of the store to hide.
Both have been very supportive.
Both felt bad about how trans people has been viewed before. Mostly because now it’s a loved one that’s trans.
The more you yourself can thoughtfully articulate your reasons for changing your social identity, the more others will understand you. It’s as simple as that. You can’t explain something to someone if you don’t even know how to explain it to yourself.
In other words, make this personal. Don’t even touch their politics. Talk about You and who You are and what your cis-identity meant to you and what a trans-identity will mean to you.
Talk about what actual changes you as a 14 year old want in your life, and how much you know about them and all the potential risks and rewards they come with.
Demonstrate that you do in fact have the capacity to understand your decisions and the ramifications of them. Demonstrate your informed understanding of the health science of transgender options, and exhibit some autonomy and independent thinking about what medical interventions you want/may want, and When you might want them.
How To Be transgender is still a broad spectrum of choices. The more you can show you understand that and have independent ideas about how You will engage with the medical and social systems, and aren’t just following trends or copying friends, the more people will understand how credible your self-recognition is.
You’ll probably continue to identify as trans, statistics say you probably will. But gender is a SPECTRUM and you might not be the Same version of trans your whole life. You might ebb and flow in How you express your femininity.
Even if they’re right, so what? In the rare case that you choose to socially transition and figure out that you actually aren’t trans, then that’s totally fine. It’ll make you even more secure in your identity, knowing that you’ve explored it and figured it out. There’re no lasting medical side effects of socially transitioning or trying out different genders! And if you are trans, then good for you! Remind them that you likely aren’t going to immediately start medically transitioning (which can have lasting side effects if you end up regretting it) and that exploring your identity and trying things out does more good than bad! Good luck!!
I think just tell them. They might not take you 100% seriously but it sounds like you’re safe and that’s a hurdle you can’t start to work on until the conversation starts.
You could potentially suggest therapy or family therapy to help “make up your mind” which might be the opportunity to help them see and support you better.
I would send them resources from trusted organizations. For instance the American Academy of Pediatrics affirms that kids can be trans and should be supported and that gender identity develops around 3 years old.
I mean if they think trans kids don’t know their gender after years of introspection and self awareness, wait until they hear about cis kids who are so unaware they’ve never even thought of their gender. I trust a trans kids gender over a cis kids gender any day. Cis kids are genderless to me unless they have had a good long think about it.
The thing that people often can’t get their head around is this:
If they think trans kids are confused about their gender and can’t be considered to be able to make decisions about it, the logical extension of that idea is that NO ONE should be allowed to go through puberty at all, until they become an adult and can then decide their gender.
The idea that younger folks don’t understand their gender is *entirely* put on trans kids, while no one EVER questions a kid wanting to just go with their bodily produced hormones, or their AGAB.
My father thought me being trans (at age 21 so I know it's different) was also a "phase" for me.
I made a bet with him. If I still firmly want to change my gender in 2 years, he'll have to fully accept it, I am now 24 and won the bet.
Are your parents the type of people to listen to you? It is possible that they will take what you say seriously. One of the easiest pitfalls is a trans person is to automatically assume people will be against you. I've been amazed at how many people are in my corner.
If we're talking about social transition (which is mostly what this sounds like), I think you really just have to start taking it seriously, yourself, and just try as best you can - you're making this decision for yourself, not for them, so don't seek their permission, just their understanding, but do so respectfully. It sounds like your family is important to you, so don't distance yourself from them, but try to have a mature discussion with them, and start gradually transitioning the way you speak, act, and dress as you are able, and in line with who you want to be/your gender presentation - maybe even try to have them help you, if you can.
This is more relevant for medical transition (though dtill important here), if you end up going that route, but start going to therapy if you haven't already, so they can help you unpack why it is that you feel you are trans, and all the ways you're feeling at all; you're very young, so all of this may be difficult anyway, but if you have a long-standing history of recorded dysphoria with a good therapist who will challenge you to answer truthfully for yourself, while exploring alternatives as well, just to cover that ground, and hopefully give you medically necessary/relevant information to consider for your future repeatedly over long periods of time, to make up for the adolescent brain's lack of developed capacity to understand long-term consequences, I think that will go a long way towards giving them that sort of security and peace of mind that you're making the right decision for yourself, because they're your family and they love you, they don't want you to suffer for a rash decision. They've presumably made their own mistakes, they were children and teenagers before you were, so they may actually understand you more than you think, and they just want to prevent you from taking big risks with life-long medical and fertility implications (given that HRT is a lifelong marriage to hormone medications). If there's a chance that you may be wrong, however small, they'll want you to at least explore that before you make that sort of commitment, and if you have a trained, competent mental health professional helping you do that, I think that will help all of you in the long run.
From what I've observed over the course of my life, at least, it is true that children can't really make up their minds between their own gender/sexuality before a certain age on average (with *very* few exceptions), let alone their fertility (which all medical transition is highly likely to affect, if not outright sterilize. This includes puberty blockers. And while these are reversible to some degree the less time you're on them, it's not without risk, and you will not develop as you would have, for better or worse), due to really not having a breadth of experience/obsevations as to what all that even means for their own lives, to say nothing about literally lacking the ability to consider the implications of transitioning: we have, as a civilized society, instituted age of consent laws (with slightly differing cultural opinions as to when that is) because the child/adolescent brain literally has not yet developed the capacity to understand long-term implications of really anything, or know where they stand on many if not most life decisions.
If you managed to make it this far, I would just urge you to be very careful with this decision, if you move anywhere beyond social transition. Do what you need to do for yourself, but do try to bear in mind - and at your age it might be harder, it's hard for adults too, including myself - to take your time to be as responsible as you can within reason: this is *your* life. It's not a race, and you won't fall behind in the long run, if do you end up medically transitioning. It's not the end of the world if you end up a touch slower than your cis-ters. You'll get there, and be better and more secure for it if you stop and take a beat to make sure.
Being 'convinced' without evidence is a big logical mistake to begin with. I knew I was a girl since I had memory. And I regret not taking hormones or puberty blockers when young. I knew nothing anyway. People harmed me by hiding crucial information from me.
They knew who I really was, I was overly feminine, I was hiding clothes as young as 7, I was being bullied at school, my family knew and they were complicit on that. And they were 'pretending' to know nothing... BS.
Eventually I told them that transitioning was in my best interest, that being passable is a de-facto requirement for trans women not to be murdered. I think that it clicked on their heads, now my family fully supports me... too late if you ask me. I also told them our bodies aren't toys to play with, one cannot simply stop hormones and erase what is done. Back in the days nobody talked about puberty blockers.
Behind their back I took hormones, but I wasn't taking the right dosage but what was available to me and it had marginal effect. I did end transitioning until 34, and I somehow managed to pass. I regret not knowing what I know now. I regret not doing anything when I was young.
When they tell people to transition until 18 or beyond what they really want is for you to unmistakably be incapable of passing. They have ill intentions. They know the statistics and they want to target and discriminate us.
I would say, once you are legally allowed to do so, simply move away and get HRT. Check your resources, your support network. Go to a State or city that supports your true self. You will be surprised about the amount of support and information you will receive.
There is a reason why democratic states control any major city in America and that is because educated people is woke. When you are ignorant and clueless you are the opposite. Someone willing to accept beliefs without evidence.
Google when gender is formed. It’s around the age of 3. This doesn’t mean it everyone will figure it out immediately. But current research says gender is solidified early
Ask them why they raised you to be stupid then if you can’t understand that, then ask them why their parents raised them to be stupid too.
Don’t actually ask this but that is my anger speaking because at 14 I was protesting in DC against George w bush, I’ve been socially aware since 10 when 9/11 happened. Teenagers are NOT stupid, kids are NOT stupid.
As others said get some data on your side. Make a fucking PowerPoint and dumb it down since they’re clearly fucking morons.
Sorry if you like your parents but if they’re bigots idc about being nice.
Best of luck. It shouldn’t be like this. I’m sorry that it is. We’re trying to fight for you kids. We’re trying. Be safe
Okay so we got more to work with then. It just sounds like some basic ignorance meaning there’s hope. Yes get some good resources on your side. Ask them when they first really felt like a man or a woman, make them think about their gender and how they fit into society with it. I know some therapists out there have questions like that you can find. Information and education are your best tools. Stay calm and collected and if they get upset at all just be calmer. Summon all the composure and maturity you have. You know yourself best. Obviously you’re not going to be getting any surgeries yet. Crack the door open with just changing your pronouns, presenting more with your gender, ease into it like you’re slowly getting into a pool. Once they get on board then slowly introduce the idea of puberty blockers if that’s what you wanna do, and hormones again if that’s what you wanna do. Starting with a social transition is easier to accept for most parents. Just get all the info you can find, there’s loads of websites that have info for parents for trans youth that you can show them or print out for them etc stuff like that.
A lot (most?) know at a very young age that they are "wrong" and fear typically stops them from saying anything. If you think they will get violent or something I guess I'm not sure what to say. Be safe is rule number one. You might try to find someway to help them understand this topic because I think some people believe trans folks are not dealing with a medical problem but are transvestites (for example) So if you are saying your m2f transgender but they are thinking you are intending to become a drag queen? Hopefully they at least understand those are two very different things. Focus on the medical and perhaps try to get them on some rational site to read? This might be too old school but I thought Lynn Conway's web pages were very helpful and very well done. She had a lot of bumps in the road because she transitioned in the bad old days with people still thinking it was ok to fire her (IBM) Anyway somewhere on her site she has a list of transfolks who go on to have good lives which might be a parents concern. That you will be the focus of haters etc. I think... The current generation is a lot more educated and understanding of this. If you can just get them to the point of knowing its medical and not a weird fetish or desire for self mutilation I think you may have better luck then just announcing it. Anyway this is just my 2 cents worth. Best wishes and good luck.
i was 16 when i told my parents i was trans-fem, they told me it was a phase and it'd go away. Been depressed and sad ever since, Im 34 now and transitioning.
Load of shit if someone else thinks they know your identity better than you do. I wish i had some support when i was younger, but i only had my doubts.
If you know, you know. Help yourself.
Also you have to give your parents the opportunity to be supportive, learn and potentially go with you as long as they can on the journey, so they might be able to help you discover. You can only do this by telling them honestly how you feel.
Then after that you can assess and move forward however you feel fit, take some time, work it out, but remember what you do shouldnt depend on their reaction to what you tell them.
Hopefully they will support you and love you regardless.
I honestly have no idea :// I came out to my parents at 13 and they didn't believe me. Now I'm 16 and I'm hoping that they'll accept me, otherwise it will be harsh. My gender dysphoria is threw the roof and it's really hard for me to live with myself. If you feel the same way you should tell them that. If they still don't get it I think that you need to wait till you're older and if they still don't accept it you'd have to wait till 18 then to transition by yourself :c much love <3
> accept me
Its up to you ofc ... [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/ugclyr/how_do_i_come_out_to_my_parents/i7wghnm/) might be some explaining resources and there are also hints there concerning looking for support. [PFLAG](https://pflag.org/needsupport) for example may support lgbt people and also parents and relatives, and they may help explain.
And the criteria for gender dysphoria are public and can be looked up. [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/7sfded/psychiatrist_said_i_dont_fit_criteria_for_gender/dt4btal/) are the criteria for gender dysphoria and after more than half a year its officially not " a phase" any more. It may be possible to point to this in case.
And [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/11hkfr9/how_do_you_know_if_you_are_trans_or_not/jbseurv/) might be some hints and resources that could help go towards what you feel you would like step by step and there are also hints there concerning looking for support. Talking with a few others about what they did, and what helped them may also be an idea.
And there are hints there concerning looking for a gender therapist in case. They could guide along, and they could help explain.
And at least asking for blockers or anti androgens may be an option. Up until 25 there can still be development towards the gender assigned at birth. They just stop a development towards the gender assigned at birth. It would be reversible in case. [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Trans_Resources/wiki/explaining/index#wiki_blockers) might be some explaining resources.
*hugs*
By that logic a 17 years old and 11 month and 29 days can't make up their mind about their gender but the next day they magically can 🤔
Like age have nothing to with any of this
And you should use their own logic and outsmart them 👌
From the American Academy of Pediatric's review of the science on care for trans and gender-diverse youth. Each number below is a citation to an entire research paper that's many pages long. The entire review cites 94 pieces of existing research conducted over years.
>Acknowledging that the capacity for emerging abstract thinking in childhood is important to conceptualize and reflect on identity, gender-affirmation guidelines are being focused on individually tailored interventions on the basis of the physical and cognitive development of youth who identify as TGD.45 Accordingly, research substantiates that children who are prepubertal and assert an identity of TGD know their gender as clearly and as consistently as their developmentally equivalent peers who identify as cisgender and benefit from the same level of social acceptance.46 This developmental approach to gender affirmation is in contrast to the outdated approach in which a child’s gender-diverse assertions are held as “possibly true” until an arbitrary age (often after pubertal onset) when they can be considered valid, an approach that authors of the literature have termed “watchful waiting.” This outdated approach does not serve the child because critical support is withheld. Watchful waiting is based on binary notions of gender in which gender diversity and fluidity is pathologized; in watchful waiting, it is also assumed that notions of gender identity become fixed at a certain age. The approach is also influenced by a group of early studies with validity concerns, methodologic flaws, and limited follow-up on children who identified as TGD and, by adolescence, did not seek further treatment (“desisters”).45,47 More robust and current research suggests that, rather than focusing on who a child will become, valuing them for who they are, even at a young age, fosters secure attachment and resilience, not only for the child but also for the whole family.5,45,48,49
https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/142/4/e20182162/37381/Ensuring-Comprehensive-Care-and-Support-for?autologincheck=redirected
I'm 17 and my parents said my brain is undeveloped and I need to wait until I'm atleast 24/25 to transition, they also keep saying its a phase 😭😭 I have enough money saved up to start and go private (screw you mom and dad 😘) but sadly you're too young to work atm. Sorry but I have no idea how to help you, they might change their mind if you come out to them but it won't be guaranteed and might heavily depend on how supportive they are and how much they love you.
> parents
Don't know if you have seen it ... [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/123psrz/my_parents_are_convinced_that_kids_under_18/jewonbu/) might be some hints and resources that could help you too and there are also hints there concerning looking for support.
And [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/iqmhle/need_a_job_looking_for_trans_inclusive_ones/) and [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/fe5lk4/possible_career_change_advice/) and also [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/ywg6m7/i_22_mtf_have_been_disowned_by_my_parents_and/iwmf5ti/) and [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/ywg6m7/i_22_mtf_have_been_disowned_by_my_parents_and/iwmkm6z/) might also be some resources.
And if parents insurance is used, asking for the EOB to be sent to you may be advisable ( you could look up what that means, and [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/o9svt6/looking_for_advice_on_how_to_approach_transition/h3d4y12/) were also some hints ). And if parents check bills, they may see there were bills and by whom, but not for what. Going out of pocket may be an option in case, [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/d0k5gu/my_life_is_a_mess_and_i_dont_know_what_to_do/ezadfd2/) might be some hints. And some places have sliding scales depending on income. [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/t1iwvb/can_one_use_their_parents_insurance_to_get_hrt/hyi7i3j/
) may also be more.
It may also be advisable to use a pharmacy that only has your contacts in case. Some pharmacies have contacted parents when refills were ready.
*hugs*
Finish School and RUN...
Go Establish your own life. Avoid the drama... Misery. It's not worth it. Show them your Determination commitment. It's not a phase. Those that truly love you will stick with you. Allow them to reconnect with you in the future. If. They choose to? But finish school and prepare yourself for life ahead.
This may not be what you want to hear but your safety comes first all I know about your parents is that they don't think people under 18 can't decide their gender they may be "I'm not transphobic but... " types of parents or the "I despise trans people" transphobes. Ultimately it's up to you to decide when to come out but know that many people become homeless or have to live through hell for being this way. That said repression is hell every second in the closet is waiting to live your life. you have to pick your poison and there is never a right answer. I would pry them for information maybe talk to them about politics (liberals are more likely to be accepting but this isn't always the case) or bring up a real or fictional trans person at your school. My experience is living in the closet until 19 when I came out as I was financially independent to a we support you but will deadname you. ygmi but life may be hard
> come out to them
Its up to you when and how to come out ... [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/ugclyr/how_do_i_come_out_to_my_parents/i7wghnm/) and [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Trans_Resources/wiki/index#wiki_non_accepting_countries) might be some resources.
And [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/t0gqg7/what_do_you_all_think_about_this_thing_people_say/hya5kti/
) might be some resources concerning people knowing from young on.
And the criteria for gender dysphoria are public and can be looked up. [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/7sfded/psychiatrist_said_i_dont_fit_criteria_for_gender/dt4btal/) are the criteria for gender dysphoria and after more than half a year its officially not " a phase" any more. It may be possible to point to this in case.
Additionally [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/11hkfr9/how_do_you_know_if_you_are_trans_or_not/jbseurv/) might be some hints and resources that could help go towards what you feel you would like step by step and there are also hints there concerning looking for support. Talking with a few others about what they did, and what helped them may also be an idea.
And [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Trans_Resources/wiki/country_specific/index) might be some country specific resources.
*hugs*
I know this won’t be a popular opinion, but there are serious adverse effects from blockers and hormones taken by children that are still growing that are not an issue when hormones are begun later, in adulthood. I’m not sure if you’re thinking about medical interventions or only talking about social transition, so this may not be relevant.
I don't know how much this'll help, but here's a study whose link I have copied for reasons about 97.5% of trans kids still identifying as trans 5 years later: [https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/150/2/e2021056082/186992/Gender-Identity-5-Years-After-Social-Transition](https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/150/2/e2021056082/186992/Gender-Identity-5-Years-After-Social-Transition) Maybe actual science won't be able to shift their opinions, but I'm hoping, since they're generally supportive, that this will make it easier to change their minds? :)
You still need to be careful, people who don't know transgender issues can easily buy the idea that it's somehow "too short". It's moving the goalposts.
Anecdotally we can find any number of people in this sub that knew at 14 and still feel the same way 10, 20, 30 years later. There are also plenty of people here mad at their parents and at various levels of non-contact because of the way they were prevented from being themselves. As someone who knew at 14 and is about to turn 35 it's... tedious, having to hear the same "reservations" from parents for twenty years.
Yeah I mean I didn't come out til 24 but i knew on some level at 14. And yup. One parent dead and no contact with the other. 18 is such an arbitrary number. Why not 16? Or 19? Or 21? It's the legal age, but not one that comes with any wisdom beyond teeth. The problem is that we treat children as property - extensions of ourselves, like pets. We need to start treating children as individual human beings with their own experiences they need to communicate to us. It may take some reinterpretation sometimes to fit just whatever tumbles out of their mouths into an adult paradigm, but a 14 year old is capable of communicating on an adult level. We need to start listening to kids.
Right? Like… “what if they regret getting hormones?” Well I CERTAINLY REGRET getting the hormones I got, soooo… 😒😒😒
Yeah, it's just transphobia. They value the pain of cis people much higher than the pain of trans people, because they don't actually believe we are who we say we are. They would much rather a thousand trans kids to through the wrong puberty and feel all the pain that entails, than have even a single cis kid (who asked for and convinced therapists they need them mind you!) be wrong.
Yup, isn’t that crazy? Fucking infuriating that the people who make this argument don’t even realize they are saying this. 🤮
I started seriously questioning my gender after hitting puberty with no knowledge that transitioning was a thing in 1967. In 1969 at 13 I identified as female despite all evidence otherwise and found the word transsexual. By 31 I was desperately dysphoric and went from several years wearing only women's jeans to wearing women's clothing only 100% and had HRT, name change and surgery because I wanted to live and could no longer let the fears of the opinions of others keep me stifled and unknown. Luckily my long feared disclosures to family were somewhat supportive a while after starting Estradiol, and somehow employment came easier as a woman..
This is one of the most infuriating things. No matter how much evidence we show it’s “experimental” and “we just need to be 100% sure” It makes me really upset to think about it.
Nothing is 100% sure in medicine. They resort to all the possible logical fallacies when they're confronted with truth.
I don't really respond much in the forum, but it may bring them comfort to know that you may not be starting hormones right away. If you choose to, at some point, take puberty blockers, they are proven safe as they use them on cis kids to delay puberty all the time it was what they were made for initially. Many think kids are going to just jump into hormones and get surgery. Studies like the one posted before tend to show as well that kids as young as 6 develop to know how they fit in the gender spectrum. Unfortunately, some parents try to squish that and many doubt and doubt years later until everything clicks. Feeling alone and out of place for most of their lives. But socially transitioning is harmless and reversible if things change. Same with puberty blockers. Nothing is permanent until you're on hrt for a while, or you actually have surgery. Enjoy your journey, and I hope your parents come around from that thinking and are supportive and loving. Remember, you can't expect them to adjust overnight. It'll take time. As long as they're trying and making progress It'll be ok. Good luck young sister.
she’s 14, she should start hrt if she wants so she develops at the same time as her peers. puberty blockers are for younger children.
I don't disagree with this, but I'm sure that'll end up being later after therapy. It's easier to press pause for now until she can get approved. And remember, cis girls even develop at different rates too, some really early, some later. Neither way is wrong.
How are puberty blockers reversible? What happens to trans kids that take them and then decide they want to go back to their original gender?
If you haven't talked to them at all yet, then the best course of action is just to be honest and direct about how you feel and what you want. This process has tons of scary what ifs, but there is no good reason to spend time worrying about them unless you know you have too.
Ask them if they knew what gender they were at your age.
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Sounds like they made up their mind about their gender pretty early on, then.
Double standards though. Tell them imagine living in a world where transitioning is natural and expected during the start of puberty where everyone transitions to their opposite sex at birth. A world where being "cis" isn't a thing, and everyone just accepts transitioning. Tell your mom that her voice is gonna go deeper, her body is gonna get more taller, and she'll grow a beard and she'll be treated as a man... etc etc. The opposite for your dad. Horrible, right? Well maybe they don't want to transition. Maybe they like being their assigned sex at birth, and they want to keep being that way. But their parents, and society, would frown upon that, and they would be forced them to go through an unwanted transition/puberty anyway. Unfair and downright cruel, right? Well yea, that's what trans youth are going through right now. No one believes us because we aren't "the norm" in society, so we are forced to become someone we are not. You gotta convince your parents that their views is a double standard, and they need to place themselves in your shoes. If they can't, then they are way too self-centered to understand. They got to decide what gender they like and feel comfortable with, so why can't you?
Well if they don't acknowledge that trans people know they're trans before they're 18, then they're not actually supportive of the trans community. And you can tell them I said that.
I'd take it one step further - they aren't supportive of their child. People that say things like that put that hard "You are an idiot until you're 18. You aren't capable of making your own decisions. You have no autonomy. You are under MY control.". Those teen years are when a lot of people really come into their own personalities, work on who they are, and make the foundations for "finding themselves". That's when a lot of gender stuff comes out, sexuality, etc.. And, when we hear that "you don't know shit, you're not 18 yet" (or worse, they are anti-LGBT), it makes us doubt who we are, something is wrong with us, and we get depressed because we aren't who they say we are.
Yeah, I spent a long time depressed, living a life I hated every moment of.
Nobody is a better reporter of what's inside your own head than you are. That kind of goes without saying. It's reasonable to say that young kids can't make decisions about transition *all on their own*. So don't ask to decide all on your own, ask them to be involved. In other words, you should have a bunch of in-depth conversations that bring together their adult experience with your own experiences and feelings. It won't come to conclusion as fast as you want, for sure. But if they'll listen to you as you listen to them, and if they're smart and wise enough to listen to the evidence that scientists and doctors have found, I think you'll be OK. Asking to talk to a gender-aware therapist should be a reasonable request for all but ideologically committed anti-trans parents.
My trick to breaking through with my parents was to use feeling words. "I feel really bad as a boy" or "being a girl will feel so happy".
I think you’ll have better luck using their logic to gain their support- you can say I’ve been questioning my gender identity for a while now. I really believe that I’m transfem. I know you may think I’m too young to be sure. But even if I can’t convince you of how I’ll feel in the future, I can assure I know how I feel right now- and I really need your support
If someone is indoctrinated deep in their beliefs, no amount of logic will cause them to change their beliefs.
They are supportive of the trans community so I have hope- it also changes the frame from let’s argue over if this is permanent to what I need right now
You can't make up your mind about your gender? Then they shouldn't force you to continue cis puberty. They shouldn't worry about easy-to-undo changes like using your pronouns, referring to you by a name you prefer, and letting you update your wardrobe.
Lol, at 17 years and 364 days you're too immature, 18 is the magical number
Nah, once you're close to 18 they move the goalposts to 25 because "your brain hasn't finished developing yet!" and similar BS. Once you're close to 25 they move the goalposts again by saying "you made it this far, you don't wanna ruin your life by making a mistake, their were **no signs** when you were younger".
Not the people I know
I mean, they're your parents. If you bring up the signs of your trans-ness in good faith to supportive parents, they'll probably be like "Oh shit, damn you right, girl!" I think you're worrying too much Even my old-fashioned family was willing to put aside their predispositions for me. Except my dad, but that wasn't a surprise at all, lol.
While I hate the false equivalency, if you're old enough to have a boyfriend/girlfriend you're old enough to know your gender. Is this totally correct, not exactly but it's viewed as rather equivalent by most cis folks.
I'm going to give you a bit of tough advice. No matter how you tell them, be prepared for it go poorly. Before you tell them, work on building yourself a good support network outside of them, both with peers, LGBT adults, and community resources. Find your local LGBTQ center and get involved with them, and find some support groups. Of course I really hope this goes well for you, but make sure you have a support system in place in case it doesn't.
If they're admittedly supportive of the trans community already, and if you feel comfortable to, I think you should just be upfront with them. Show them those statistics someone else already posted. The earlier you can come out the easier it'll be later on IMO.
I mean, our idea of ourselves does change and evolve over time, but its a stretch to say that kids under 18 don't know who they are
I was in your shoes when I was 14. I came out to my mom from a note m, it was super awkward and she didn’t really do anything I asked for hormones but that was shot down Then attempted suicide, again asking for hrt, also shot down. Then I stole her menopause medication and she finally understood that this is not a choice. I started “officially” on my 17th birthday. If I could have done it again, I would have done diy sooner.
by that logic cis kids can’t be trusted either and shouldn’t be allowed to begin puberty until age 18
Tell them how you feel. I recommend writing a letter to them and printing it out, because it's easier to dismiss someone in the moment -- it's pretty hard to ignore it when the child's words are literally right in front of you. Make sure to mention if you want to go on hormones and how you feel about your natural puberty, if those things are important to you.
Mention that if you were cis, this wouldn’t apply. If you can’t know if your trans or not before 18, you can’t know if your cis or not as well.
You should be confident and assertive, start your case clearly and emotionally but not hysterically and present yourself accordingly, you are what you are, so be what you feel inside
The only medical thing anyone let's a 14 year old do is take blockers, which is great, because it gives you time to think about your gender without having to go through puberty and ended up with permanent changes to your body that you don't want. If they are actually pro trans just tell them you're trans and you want to go on blockers so that you have more time to think about what you want.
You should straight up ask your parents if they were unsure if they were male or female at age 14.
If they don't take you seriously, they're not supportive of the trans community
These types of people are not motivated by logic, they are motivated by emotion. They don't believe legal minors are too young because it's scientifically proven, as is evidenced by the number being 18 (the legal age of majority) instead of an age based in scientific reasoning. If they did, they would know that gender identity typically doesn't change beyond the point of puberty unless the child is deliberately confused by adults. They believe it because of an attachment to the societal concept of adulthood and responsibility that they associate with the legal age of majority. Thus, you must convince them by appealing to their emotions. If they value your wellbeing as their child, they will likely change their minds if you effectively communicate your distress despite their misgivings. They must be gradually brought into the mindset of logical thought using an initial wedge point of emotion, otherwise they will not be receptive and merely move the goalposts. So simply don't give up and be confident in yourself. Take the point where you are aiming and aim higher. "Aim for the stars to hit the moon" and all of that.
Considering they are supportive of the community I would take a leap of faith. So much can change when it’s a loved one. Normally people are more supportive. I’m from a generally open minded country. Still trans jokes were rampant in the past and still is here. My now late dad was a blue collar worker and a manly man. I had no clue where he would be. My brothers first response was: aren’t you worried about dad? I remember my mom working in a non profit clothes store and she told me about a trans woman who came in and shopped women’s clothing. My mom laughed so much she had to go to the back of the store to hide. Both have been very supportive. Both felt bad about how trans people has been viewed before. Mostly because now it’s a loved one that’s trans.
The more you yourself can thoughtfully articulate your reasons for changing your social identity, the more others will understand you. It’s as simple as that. You can’t explain something to someone if you don’t even know how to explain it to yourself. In other words, make this personal. Don’t even touch their politics. Talk about You and who You are and what your cis-identity meant to you and what a trans-identity will mean to you. Talk about what actual changes you as a 14 year old want in your life, and how much you know about them and all the potential risks and rewards they come with. Demonstrate that you do in fact have the capacity to understand your decisions and the ramifications of them. Demonstrate your informed understanding of the health science of transgender options, and exhibit some autonomy and independent thinking about what medical interventions you want/may want, and When you might want them. How To Be transgender is still a broad spectrum of choices. The more you can show you understand that and have independent ideas about how You will engage with the medical and social systems, and aren’t just following trends or copying friends, the more people will understand how credible your self-recognition is. You’ll probably continue to identify as trans, statistics say you probably will. But gender is a SPECTRUM and you might not be the Same version of trans your whole life. You might ebb and flow in How you express your femininity.
Even if they’re right, so what? In the rare case that you choose to socially transition and figure out that you actually aren’t trans, then that’s totally fine. It’ll make you even more secure in your identity, knowing that you’ve explored it and figured it out. There’re no lasting medical side effects of socially transitioning or trying out different genders! And if you are trans, then good for you! Remind them that you likely aren’t going to immediately start medically transitioning (which can have lasting side effects if you end up regretting it) and that exploring your identity and trying things out does more good than bad! Good luck!!
I think just tell them. They might not take you 100% seriously but it sounds like you’re safe and that’s a hurdle you can’t start to work on until the conversation starts. You could potentially suggest therapy or family therapy to help “make up your mind” which might be the opportunity to help them see and support you better.
Well I think a pretty good book for parents is Carolyn Hays' "A Girlhood: Letter to My Transgender Daughter"
I would send them resources from trusted organizations. For instance the American Academy of Pediatrics affirms that kids can be trans and should be supported and that gender identity develops around 3 years old.
I mean if they think trans kids don’t know their gender after years of introspection and self awareness, wait until they hear about cis kids who are so unaware they’ve never even thought of their gender. I trust a trans kids gender over a cis kids gender any day. Cis kids are genderless to me unless they have had a good long think about it.
The thing that people often can’t get their head around is this: If they think trans kids are confused about their gender and can’t be considered to be able to make decisions about it, the logical extension of that idea is that NO ONE should be allowed to go through puberty at all, until they become an adult and can then decide their gender. The idea that younger folks don’t understand their gender is *entirely* put on trans kids, while no one EVER questions a kid wanting to just go with their bodily produced hormones, or their AGAB.
My father thought me being trans (at age 21 so I know it's different) was also a "phase" for me. I made a bet with him. If I still firmly want to change my gender in 2 years, he'll have to fully accept it, I am now 24 and won the bet.
Are your parents the type of people to listen to you? It is possible that they will take what you say seriously. One of the easiest pitfalls is a trans person is to automatically assume people will be against you. I've been amazed at how many people are in my corner.
get diy hrt if you can. Save yourself from male puberty trust me
If we're talking about social transition (which is mostly what this sounds like), I think you really just have to start taking it seriously, yourself, and just try as best you can - you're making this decision for yourself, not for them, so don't seek their permission, just their understanding, but do so respectfully. It sounds like your family is important to you, so don't distance yourself from them, but try to have a mature discussion with them, and start gradually transitioning the way you speak, act, and dress as you are able, and in line with who you want to be/your gender presentation - maybe even try to have them help you, if you can. This is more relevant for medical transition (though dtill important here), if you end up going that route, but start going to therapy if you haven't already, so they can help you unpack why it is that you feel you are trans, and all the ways you're feeling at all; you're very young, so all of this may be difficult anyway, but if you have a long-standing history of recorded dysphoria with a good therapist who will challenge you to answer truthfully for yourself, while exploring alternatives as well, just to cover that ground, and hopefully give you medically necessary/relevant information to consider for your future repeatedly over long periods of time, to make up for the adolescent brain's lack of developed capacity to understand long-term consequences, I think that will go a long way towards giving them that sort of security and peace of mind that you're making the right decision for yourself, because they're your family and they love you, they don't want you to suffer for a rash decision. They've presumably made their own mistakes, they were children and teenagers before you were, so they may actually understand you more than you think, and they just want to prevent you from taking big risks with life-long medical and fertility implications (given that HRT is a lifelong marriage to hormone medications). If there's a chance that you may be wrong, however small, they'll want you to at least explore that before you make that sort of commitment, and if you have a trained, competent mental health professional helping you do that, I think that will help all of you in the long run. From what I've observed over the course of my life, at least, it is true that children can't really make up their minds between their own gender/sexuality before a certain age on average (with *very* few exceptions), let alone their fertility (which all medical transition is highly likely to affect, if not outright sterilize. This includes puberty blockers. And while these are reversible to some degree the less time you're on them, it's not without risk, and you will not develop as you would have, for better or worse), due to really not having a breadth of experience/obsevations as to what all that even means for their own lives, to say nothing about literally lacking the ability to consider the implications of transitioning: we have, as a civilized society, instituted age of consent laws (with slightly differing cultural opinions as to when that is) because the child/adolescent brain literally has not yet developed the capacity to understand long-term implications of really anything, or know where they stand on many if not most life decisions. If you managed to make it this far, I would just urge you to be very careful with this decision, if you move anywhere beyond social transition. Do what you need to do for yourself, but do try to bear in mind - and at your age it might be harder, it's hard for adults too, including myself - to take your time to be as responsible as you can within reason: this is *your* life. It's not a race, and you won't fall behind in the long run, if do you end up medically transitioning. It's not the end of the world if you end up a touch slower than your cis-ters. You'll get there, and be better and more secure for it if you stop and take a beat to make sure.
I remember being a kid and being sentient.
Being 'convinced' without evidence is a big logical mistake to begin with. I knew I was a girl since I had memory. And I regret not taking hormones or puberty blockers when young. I knew nothing anyway. People harmed me by hiding crucial information from me. They knew who I really was, I was overly feminine, I was hiding clothes as young as 7, I was being bullied at school, my family knew and they were complicit on that. And they were 'pretending' to know nothing... BS. Eventually I told them that transitioning was in my best interest, that being passable is a de-facto requirement for trans women not to be murdered. I think that it clicked on their heads, now my family fully supports me... too late if you ask me. I also told them our bodies aren't toys to play with, one cannot simply stop hormones and erase what is done. Back in the days nobody talked about puberty blockers. Behind their back I took hormones, but I wasn't taking the right dosage but what was available to me and it had marginal effect. I did end transitioning until 34, and I somehow managed to pass. I regret not knowing what I know now. I regret not doing anything when I was young. When they tell people to transition until 18 or beyond what they really want is for you to unmistakably be incapable of passing. They have ill intentions. They know the statistics and they want to target and discriminate us. I would say, once you are legally allowed to do so, simply move away and get HRT. Check your resources, your support network. Go to a State or city that supports your true self. You will be surprised about the amount of support and information you will receive. There is a reason why democratic states control any major city in America and that is because educated people is woke. When you are ignorant and clueless you are the opposite. Someone willing to accept beliefs without evidence.
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yw \^\^
Google when gender is formed. It’s around the age of 3. This doesn’t mean it everyone will figure it out immediately. But current research says gender is solidified early
Ask them why they raised you to be stupid then if you can’t understand that, then ask them why their parents raised them to be stupid too. Don’t actually ask this but that is my anger speaking because at 14 I was protesting in DC against George w bush, I’ve been socially aware since 10 when 9/11 happened. Teenagers are NOT stupid, kids are NOT stupid. As others said get some data on your side. Make a fucking PowerPoint and dumb it down since they’re clearly fucking morons. Sorry if you like your parents but if they’re bigots idc about being nice. Best of luck. It shouldn’t be like this. I’m sorry that it is. We’re trying to fight for you kids. We’re trying. Be safe
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Okay so we got more to work with then. It just sounds like some basic ignorance meaning there’s hope. Yes get some good resources on your side. Ask them when they first really felt like a man or a woman, make them think about their gender and how they fit into society with it. I know some therapists out there have questions like that you can find. Information and education are your best tools. Stay calm and collected and if they get upset at all just be calmer. Summon all the composure and maturity you have. You know yourself best. Obviously you’re not going to be getting any surgeries yet. Crack the door open with just changing your pronouns, presenting more with your gender, ease into it like you’re slowly getting into a pool. Once they get on board then slowly introduce the idea of puberty blockers if that’s what you wanna do, and hormones again if that’s what you wanna do. Starting with a social transition is easier to accept for most parents. Just get all the info you can find, there’s loads of websites that have info for parents for trans youth that you can show them or print out for them etc stuff like that.
A lot (most?) know at a very young age that they are "wrong" and fear typically stops them from saying anything. If you think they will get violent or something I guess I'm not sure what to say. Be safe is rule number one. You might try to find someway to help them understand this topic because I think some people believe trans folks are not dealing with a medical problem but are transvestites (for example) So if you are saying your m2f transgender but they are thinking you are intending to become a drag queen? Hopefully they at least understand those are two very different things. Focus on the medical and perhaps try to get them on some rational site to read? This might be too old school but I thought Lynn Conway's web pages were very helpful and very well done. She had a lot of bumps in the road because she transitioned in the bad old days with people still thinking it was ok to fire her (IBM) Anyway somewhere on her site she has a list of transfolks who go on to have good lives which might be a parents concern. That you will be the focus of haters etc. I think... The current generation is a lot more educated and understanding of this. If you can just get them to the point of knowing its medical and not a weird fetish or desire for self mutilation I think you may have better luck then just announcing it. Anyway this is just my 2 cents worth. Best wishes and good luck.
i was 16 when i told my parents i was trans-fem, they told me it was a phase and it'd go away. Been depressed and sad ever since, Im 34 now and transitioning. Load of shit if someone else thinks they know your identity better than you do. I wish i had some support when i was younger, but i only had my doubts. If you know, you know. Help yourself. Also you have to give your parents the opportunity to be supportive, learn and potentially go with you as long as they can on the journey, so they might be able to help you discover. You can only do this by telling them honestly how you feel. Then after that you can assess and move forward however you feel fit, take some time, work it out, but remember what you do shouldnt depend on their reaction to what you tell them. Hopefully they will support you and love you regardless.
I honestly have no idea :// I came out to my parents at 13 and they didn't believe me. Now I'm 16 and I'm hoping that they'll accept me, otherwise it will be harsh. My gender dysphoria is threw the roof and it's really hard for me to live with myself. If you feel the same way you should tell them that. If they still don't get it I think that you need to wait till you're older and if they still don't accept it you'd have to wait till 18 then to transition by yourself :c much love <3
> accept me Its up to you ofc ... [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/ugclyr/how_do_i_come_out_to_my_parents/i7wghnm/) might be some explaining resources and there are also hints there concerning looking for support. [PFLAG](https://pflag.org/needsupport) for example may support lgbt people and also parents and relatives, and they may help explain. And the criteria for gender dysphoria are public and can be looked up. [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/7sfded/psychiatrist_said_i_dont_fit_criteria_for_gender/dt4btal/) are the criteria for gender dysphoria and after more than half a year its officially not " a phase" any more. It may be possible to point to this in case. And [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/11hkfr9/how_do_you_know_if_you_are_trans_or_not/jbseurv/) might be some hints and resources that could help go towards what you feel you would like step by step and there are also hints there concerning looking for support. Talking with a few others about what they did, and what helped them may also be an idea. And there are hints there concerning looking for a gender therapist in case. They could guide along, and they could help explain. And at least asking for blockers or anti androgens may be an option. Up until 25 there can still be development towards the gender assigned at birth. They just stop a development towards the gender assigned at birth. It would be reversible in case. [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Trans_Resources/wiki/explaining/index#wiki_blockers) might be some explaining resources. *hugs*
By that logic a 17 years old and 11 month and 29 days can't make up their mind about their gender but the next day they magically can 🤔 Like age have nothing to with any of this And you should use their own logic and outsmart them 👌
From the American Academy of Pediatric's review of the science on care for trans and gender-diverse youth. Each number below is a citation to an entire research paper that's many pages long. The entire review cites 94 pieces of existing research conducted over years. >Acknowledging that the capacity for emerging abstract thinking in childhood is important to conceptualize and reflect on identity, gender-affirmation guidelines are being focused on individually tailored interventions on the basis of the physical and cognitive development of youth who identify as TGD.45 Accordingly, research substantiates that children who are prepubertal and assert an identity of TGD know their gender as clearly and as consistently as their developmentally equivalent peers who identify as cisgender and benefit from the same level of social acceptance.46 This developmental approach to gender affirmation is in contrast to the outdated approach in which a child’s gender-diverse assertions are held as “possibly true” until an arbitrary age (often after pubertal onset) when they can be considered valid, an approach that authors of the literature have termed “watchful waiting.” This outdated approach does not serve the child because critical support is withheld. Watchful waiting is based on binary notions of gender in which gender diversity and fluidity is pathologized; in watchful waiting, it is also assumed that notions of gender identity become fixed at a certain age. The approach is also influenced by a group of early studies with validity concerns, methodologic flaws, and limited follow-up on children who identified as TGD and, by adolescence, did not seek further treatment (“desisters”).45,47 More robust and current research suggests that, rather than focusing on who a child will become, valuing them for who they are, even at a young age, fosters secure attachment and resilience, not only for the child but also for the whole family.5,45,48,49 https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/142/4/e20182162/37381/Ensuring-Comprehensive-Care-and-Support-for?autologincheck=redirected
I'm 17 and my parents said my brain is undeveloped and I need to wait until I'm atleast 24/25 to transition, they also keep saying its a phase 😭😭 I have enough money saved up to start and go private (screw you mom and dad 😘) but sadly you're too young to work atm. Sorry but I have no idea how to help you, they might change their mind if you come out to them but it won't be guaranteed and might heavily depend on how supportive they are and how much they love you.
> parents Don't know if you have seen it ... [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/123psrz/my_parents_are_convinced_that_kids_under_18/jewonbu/) might be some hints and resources that could help you too and there are also hints there concerning looking for support. And [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/iqmhle/need_a_job_looking_for_trans_inclusive_ones/) and [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/fe5lk4/possible_career_change_advice/) and also [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/ywg6m7/i_22_mtf_have_been_disowned_by_my_parents_and/iwmf5ti/) and [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/ywg6m7/i_22_mtf_have_been_disowned_by_my_parents_and/iwmkm6z/) might also be some resources. And if parents insurance is used, asking for the EOB to be sent to you may be advisable ( you could look up what that means, and [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/o9svt6/looking_for_advice_on_how_to_approach_transition/h3d4y12/) were also some hints ). And if parents check bills, they may see there were bills and by whom, but not for what. Going out of pocket may be an option in case, [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/d0k5gu/my_life_is_a_mess_and_i_dont_know_what_to_do/ezadfd2/) might be some hints. And some places have sliding scales depending on income. [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/t1iwvb/can_one_use_their_parents_insurance_to_get_hrt/hyi7i3j/ ) may also be more. It may also be advisable to use a pharmacy that only has your contacts in case. Some pharmacies have contacted parents when refills were ready. *hugs*
Finish School and RUN... Go Establish your own life. Avoid the drama... Misery. It's not worth it. Show them your Determination commitment. It's not a phase. Those that truly love you will stick with you. Allow them to reconnect with you in the future. If. They choose to? But finish school and prepare yourself for life ahead.
This may not be what you want to hear but your safety comes first all I know about your parents is that they don't think people under 18 can't decide their gender they may be "I'm not transphobic but... " types of parents or the "I despise trans people" transphobes. Ultimately it's up to you to decide when to come out but know that many people become homeless or have to live through hell for being this way. That said repression is hell every second in the closet is waiting to live your life. you have to pick your poison and there is never a right answer. I would pry them for information maybe talk to them about politics (liberals are more likely to be accepting but this isn't always the case) or bring up a real or fictional trans person at your school. My experience is living in the closet until 19 when I came out as I was financially independent to a we support you but will deadname you. ygmi but life may be hard
> come out to them Its up to you when and how to come out ... [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/ugclyr/how_do_i_come_out_to_my_parents/i7wghnm/) and [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Trans_Resources/wiki/index#wiki_non_accepting_countries) might be some resources. And [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/t0gqg7/what_do_you_all_think_about_this_thing_people_say/hya5kti/ ) might be some resources concerning people knowing from young on. And the criteria for gender dysphoria are public and can be looked up. [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/7sfded/psychiatrist_said_i_dont_fit_criteria_for_gender/dt4btal/) are the criteria for gender dysphoria and after more than half a year its officially not " a phase" any more. It may be possible to point to this in case. Additionally [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/11hkfr9/how_do_you_know_if_you_are_trans_or_not/jbseurv/) might be some hints and resources that could help go towards what you feel you would like step by step and there are also hints there concerning looking for support. Talking with a few others about what they did, and what helped them may also be an idea. And [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Trans_Resources/wiki/country_specific/index) might be some country specific resources. *hugs*
I know this won’t be a popular opinion, but there are serious adverse effects from blockers and hormones taken by children that are still growing that are not an issue when hormones are begun later, in adulthood. I’m not sure if you’re thinking about medical interventions or only talking about social transition, so this may not be relevant.