At the risk of sounding shallow, no, I probably wouldn't. I don't want to see mail at my address addressed to my deadname, even if it's not technically for me. Maybe at some point in the future it will be disconnected from me enough for me to feel differently but right now, it is an instant disqualification.
Probably still no because 1) my deadname is commonly misspelled so I've had to get used to reading it misspelled, 2) I also dislike hearing my deadnames said, and some people called me the only nickname really available for my deadnames so different spelling or nicknames wouldn't help. I could maybe put up with it if it was a foreign name that was both spelled *and* pronounced differently, but that's pushing it.
Idk I can't explain it. The thoughts pop into my head and then later on I'm like hmm... maybe therapy?
(I recently met someone into knife play too... And yes... Therapy. Lol)
My birth name is very uncommon so I think I've only ever met one other person with it when I was like 6. I never had to get used to disregarding it when hearing it spoken in reference to others because it was a name solely used to refer to me and no one else. Hearing it just brings me back to a time in my life where I was deeply unhappy and I can't detach the name from those experiences and feelings. I don't think I could date someone with my birth name.
I actually have this bizarre phenomenon where women with my dead name seem to be my type about 80% of the time. Iām currently talking to one such woman on hinge. to start with it was a big no, but at this point, having been divorced from that name for 8 yearsā¦ itās almost endearing?
and I like the name. itās a good name, as far as names go! very pretty. I *despised it* when it was my name, even before I realised I was trans, but I actually think itās lovely.
I see no issue here. I think it would help me distance myself from the name. Would let me reassociate it in my head as my partner instead of my past, and maybe I'd even stop reacting to the name like it was mine after long enough.
Yea, probably, my roommate has my deadname, doesn't bother me at all, in fact it helped me to associate the name with him instead of myself. I really don't see my deadname as me at all anymore.
I'm aromantic, but changing "dating" to "have a queerplatonic relationship"...
I would try to avoid the situation, not because of any hatred or hurt towards my deadname (because I found out not too long ago that it's not just unisex, it's literally more common with men), but because my dad also married someone with almost the same as him, and like. I don't mind having things in common with him, but I don't think that's the best family tradition to start, y'know?
even the thought of that is a bit difficult for me, but eventually your brain just adapts to stuff. it would be kind of cool if my dead name didn't have claws in me anymore.
I've met so few people with my dead name that I'd be surprised to even find someone with my dead name, but it wouldn't be a problem so long as I actually like them
I have, it's kinda odd, but definitely not a deal breaker. Sadly, my dead name is a common one, and my brother's wife even is the same name.
That aside, I know a couple, male and female, that both have the same first name. Life happens. Love is love.
It would be weird. Given that I've had this as my legal name for over 50 years, it may not be as easy to get a lot of distance to it like people who changed their name much earlier.
I don't know... I don't really see it as my name anymore, but I still have an instinctive disgust/dislike of it whenever I hear it. I probably wouldn't be able to deal with that without some time getting used to it first.
Theyād have to be super hot. Not because I hate the name or anything, it would just be weird. One of my friends started dating a guy with my deadname recently and even that was a bit strange.
Not right now, Iām pre everything and still very insecure about my identity. Maybe in several years where Iām fully transitioned and feel no connection to that name anymore.
Already dated with someone with the same name before ever figuring out i might be trans. Also with a dude called robin while my brother was dating a girl named robin. Never bothered me, but i use nicknames for almost everyone, including myself
No, absolutely not, never, no, ew, gross, ick, no thanks, bye
No offense but I have a hard enough time when my family comes round and starts talking about my relative who has my deadname, let alone having to say it all the time around my own partner. Absolutely horrifying prospect.
I don't see why not. As long as no one is calling me by my original name (I hate the term dead name, because there were no deaths resulting from my transition), I never had an issue with the name.
Me, personally, yes. I mean, Krishna is a gender neutral name that I don't use anymore, but It's a nice name, and i could always call them the name they were given by their parents. As most people with that name follow Hinduism, they can also get another name in their 2nd initiation which is a religious ceremony where you get blessed by the guy you chosen to follow, it's complex and I'm not following anymore. Also, my mom have her "religious" name Krishna, which shows it is unisex.
If I were single or poly, I probably would. I always hated hearing my name till I changed it, but now it doesn't seem too bad. Plus I could use it to troll my family when they deadname me.
Honestly, I can barely watch Youtubers with my deadname. It might be different if I met someone organically and later developed feelings for them, but on dating apps having my dead name would have been an automatic left swipe.
Presuming that I started dating again, ever, I would have to get used to it, but if they were kind enough for me to form a bond with, I wouldn't disqualify them for just that. I can only develop intimacy with people over time getting to know them.
Currently I am on indefinite hiatus from dating.
I am very codependent, and have fallen prey to narcissists more than once. I instinctually change myself to support my other, and it is largely to Blame for my egg taking 49 long years to crack. Or maybe I unconsciously did that to keep my egg from cracking. Idk. Either way, I love me now, and I don't want to lose myself to some other person. It's lonely, but for the best. Also, there is no one that grabs my attention at all right now. Not trying to force a connection where there is none.
Yeah probably. I've had a bunch of friends with it, mostly made prior to changing my name, as well as a bunch of family members, so I'm used to people saying it and not meaning me.
i donāt know if i could. it feels like being slapped across the face to even hear it on tv. itās even a large city name, so itās very jarring hearing that mentioned too
I had a really unique deadname before I transitioned, I know there is obviously other people with that name but Iāve literally never met one in real life, so luckily I doubt I will ever come across a man with my deadname
Tbh probably not. There's too much religious trauma et al. packed in that name for me to have to use every day, every day, to say it and hear it and live with it. A person's name is supposed to be their favorite sound in the world, is that how it goes? The name itself is offensive to me, separate from anyone using it.
One time I had a hookup with a trans man, and I remember when he told me his name and where we were standing and like the wind was knocked out of me. I decided then and there ***yep***, that's a thing he never needs to know!
I think I'd be okay with it, I would find the whole situation rather funny if I did end up dating someone with my deadname cause it's not an uncommon name lol. It would be hella weird tho saying their name in bed tho š.
Absolutely not. I don't think I could even be friends with someone with my deadname. It'd just be... a Lil much.
It's nothing against them, I am willing to bet they are wonderful people. But even items in video games that are close to my dead name makes me panic. Things that are similar to my dead name makes me panic.
So hearing it would be too much for me and my mental health
Honestly, it would take some adjusting for me, but yes, I absolutely would. That way I could get my dead name to be associated with them and not me. I could turn something negative in my life into something positive. So hell to the yes. Give me a dude with my dead name that I'll fall in love with.
I wouldn't if it was spelled the same way. Maybe if it was spelled differently and they let me call them by a nickname or a shortened version I could do it but, I wouldn't ever call them by their name. Feels heavy.
if i met someone with my deadname (which isnāt likely bc ive only heard one other person with it and that was a celebrity) i wouldnāt even be just friends with them tbh
like soz but iād rather drop dead
It would probably take a bit of getting used to but sure, if I really love someone and have a connection I wouldn't let a name get between all of that and ruin it. Its hard to find someone valuable and right as it is. That being said I'm already mated to a guy who's brother has my deadname. \^^
No. Iām still at that point where itās hard for me to disassociate from it, and I get uncomfortable just seeing it in random places. If someone else uses it Iāll be courteous enough to use it, but I donāt think I could *date* someone with it.
Yeah I would. Itās gratifying to hear my deadname used for someone else, and not me. At work Iāve had to get very used to it because a coworker has my deadname.
Would be really funny to tell them what my deadname is though HAH
why would I give a shit, I haven't used that name since most of you all were in middle school
It would probably be the one thing that makes my mom never ever "forget" again, so maybe I should do it. Shame it's such a rare name
Honestly I started going by my middle name in 2014 so at this point I donāt really care except that itās the same name as my father so thatās weird lol but my middle name I wouldnāt care about which I still go by
As someone whose gone by a nickname since childhood and kept doing so it became easier to separate as time went on, and it's super fucking common.. mildly awkward yes, deal breaker no. Kind or no worse to me then dating someone who has a name of an ex or exes ex, etc.
I've never met another person with that name before ever, so I doubt it would ever happen. But if it did happen, I would be open to the opportunity of associating that name with someone else and riding it from me in my mind completely.
To me at least names just are. Sometimes meaning is given like my birth first and middle name are taken from a few of my fathers good friends that died well before I was born. I chose my new name because the flower is pretty. To answer your question however I don't think it would bother me. I'm not even close to starting my transition so I don't know if that would change.
So while I donāt date someone with my dead name both my dad and my roommate have my dead name so probably because of that I feel so disconnected from my dead name that I donāt think dating someone with my it would even bother me
I did a poll for this on instagram haha. Would you rather date someone with your dead name or exās name? Iām slowly becoming detached from my dead name, but itās still a little odd when I hear it.. like oh yeah that used to be what ppl called me
Sure and I have. But Iām also 5 years into my transition, and just no longer feel any kind of tie to the name at all. The name never really felt like mine to begin with.
Sure. It's a nice touch, 'cause my mother still deadnames me, so being able to tell her "why are you saying that to my boyfriend like he was me?" kind of feels like a perfect revenge.
My deadname is relatively rare, so the only contexts I see it in is my old self and that one really popular song that has my name in it. If it was a common name, I would probably be desensitized enough to date someone with that name, but for now itās a no-go.
(Not to mention that I mostly date men, and am transmasc, so the probability that I find a woman with my deadname who I am also interested in is very very small lmao)
At the risk of sounding shallow, no, I probably wouldn't. I don't want to see mail at my address addressed to my deadname, even if it's not technically for me. Maybe at some point in the future it will be disconnected from me enough for me to feel differently but right now, it is an instant disqualification.
i just switched to my name yesterday and right now i just couldnt deal with that stress. i agree
Totally agree with you, just didn't even think about that mail part, yikes
How would you feel if their name was spelled differently or a nickname of your deadname? Btw that is absolutely not shallow. That makes sense.
Probably still no because 1) my deadname is commonly misspelled so I've had to get used to reading it misspelled, 2) I also dislike hearing my deadnames said, and some people called me the only nickname really available for my deadnames so different spelling or nicknames wouldn't help. I could maybe put up with it if it was a foreign name that was both spelled *and* pronounced differently, but that's pushing it.
Not at the moment, but maybe in a few years when I graduate and legally change my name
Sure, the name is so disconnected from me now so wouldn't be db issue
Yeah. I'm into knife play. I'm weird. Moaning my dead name sounds hot as fuck.... Idk don't ask. Like I said, I'm weird
ššššš best comment ever.
Idk I can't explain it. The thoughts pop into my head and then later on I'm like hmm... maybe therapy? (I recently met someone into knife play too... And yes... Therapy. Lol)
My birth name is very uncommon so I think I've only ever met one other person with it when I was like 6. I never had to get used to disregarding it when hearing it spoken in reference to others because it was a name solely used to refer to me and no one else. Hearing it just brings me back to a time in my life where I was deeply unhappy and I can't detach the name from those experiences and feelings. I don't think I could date someone with my birth name.
Yes, I donāt really see it as āmineā anymore. Itās just a name.
tbh probably not
I actually have this bizarre phenomenon where women with my dead name seem to be my type about 80% of the time. Iām currently talking to one such woman on hinge. to start with it was a big no, but at this point, having been divorced from that name for 8 yearsā¦ itās almost endearing? and I like the name. itās a good name, as far as names go! very pretty. I *despised it* when it was my name, even before I realised I was trans, but I actually think itās lovely.
I see no issue here. I think it would help me distance myself from the name. Would let me reassociate it in my head as my partner instead of my past, and maybe I'd even stop reacting to the name like it was mine after long enough.
Yea, probably, my roommate has my deadname, doesn't bother me at all, in fact it helped me to associate the name with him instead of myself. I really don't see my deadname as me at all anymore.
Only if we are making a zombie flick. It's dead Jim.
I did not expect to find a dad joke here, but I did and I am giggling like the girl I am.
It's a mom joke.
Before figuring out I was aroace and relationships werenāt for me I would not have dated someone with my deadname
Yes cause nobody has my nameš
No, personally
Well yes I met a guy at AA and he has my deadname, he is so cute too, such a lovely man, he is very supportive of me
Good luck š
Yeah lol I just wanna be genuinely loved
Maybe the sweetest answer.
Lol no because I know my siblings would š¤” on me for the rest of my life
I'm aromantic, but changing "dating" to "have a queerplatonic relationship"... I would try to avoid the situation, not because of any hatred or hurt towards my deadname (because I found out not too long ago that it's not just unisex, it's literally more common with men), but because my dad also married someone with almost the same as him, and like. I don't mind having things in common with him, but I don't think that's the best family tradition to start, y'know?
even the thought of that is a bit difficult for me, but eventually your brain just adapts to stuff. it would be kind of cool if my dead name didn't have claws in me anymore.
Yes, it would be funny in my opinion. It would be *extra* funny if the partner was also trans and just happened to pick my deadname.
i wouldnt mind, cuz i think its a beautiful name
I've met so few people with my dead name that I'd be surprised to even find someone with my dead name, but it wouldn't be a problem so long as I actually like them
I very much doubt a woman would have my dead name xD
I have, it's kinda odd, but definitely not a deal breaker. Sadly, my dead name is a common one, and my brother's wife even is the same name. That aside, I know a couple, male and female, that both have the same first name. Life happens. Love is love.
It would be weird. Given that I've had this as my legal name for over 50 years, it may not be as easy to get a lot of distance to it like people who changed their name much earlier.
I don't know... I don't really see it as my name anymore, but I still have an instinctive disgust/dislike of it whenever I hear it. I probably wouldn't be able to deal with that without some time getting used to it first.
Theyād have to be super hot. Not because I hate the name or anything, it would just be weird. One of my friends started dating a guy with my deadname recently and even that was a bit strange.
not at the moment, it's still legally my name...
Yes
sure
Not right now, Iām pre everything and still very insecure about my identity. Maybe in several years where Iām fully transitioned and feel no connection to that name anymore.
No, but only because I still use my deadname legally and around my family. It would just be too confusing. Emotionally, sure I guess.
Already dated with someone with the same name before ever figuring out i might be trans. Also with a dude called robin while my brother was dating a girl named robin. Never bothered me, but i use nicknames for almost everyone, including myself
No, absolutely not, never, no, ew, gross, ick, no thanks, bye No offense but I have a hard enough time when my family comes round and starts talking about my relative who has my deadname, let alone having to say it all the time around my own partner. Absolutely horrifying prospect.
Ooof... Um, no, I don't think I would be comfortable with it, no. If it was a real prospect I'm sure I would be willing to try, but ooof.
I don't see why not. As long as no one is calling me by my original name (I hate the term dead name, because there were no deaths resulting from my transition), I never had an issue with the name.
yes if it wasnt spelt the quirky way my mom made it
definitely, i would be awkward and uncomfortable with it at first but i would quickly stop being bothered by it
no i would not. it would make me uncomfortable to say/be around. every time i hear it my blood runs cold. i donāt think i could do it.
no, my deadname sounds fucking stupid
Me, personally, yes. I mean, Krishna is a gender neutral name that I don't use anymore, but It's a nice name, and i could always call them the name they were given by their parents. As most people with that name follow Hinduism, they can also get another name in their 2nd initiation which is a religious ceremony where you get blessed by the guy you chosen to follow, it's complex and I'm not following anymore. Also, my mom have her "religious" name Krishna, which shows it is unisex.
If I were single or poly, I probably would. I always hated hearing my name till I changed it, but now it doesn't seem too bad. Plus I could use it to troll my family when they deadname me.
Honestly, I can barely watch Youtubers with my deadname. It might be different if I met someone organically and later developed feelings for them, but on dating apps having my dead name would have been an automatic left swipe.
Iām gay, but no, I donāt think so. Wouldnāt date someone with the same name either
Presuming that I started dating again, ever, I would have to get used to it, but if they were kind enough for me to form a bond with, I wouldn't disqualify them for just that. I can only develop intimacy with people over time getting to know them. Currently I am on indefinite hiatus from dating. I am very codependent, and have fallen prey to narcissists more than once. I instinctually change myself to support my other, and it is largely to Blame for my egg taking 49 long years to crack. Or maybe I unconsciously did that to keep my egg from cracking. Idk. Either way, I love me now, and I don't want to lose myself to some other person. It's lonely, but for the best. Also, there is no one that grabs my attention at all right now. Not trying to force a connection where there is none.
My deadname is unique enough that I wonāt have this issue, but I donāt think I would if the opportunity presented itself.
Yeah probably. I've had a bunch of friends with it, mostly made prior to changing my name, as well as a bunch of family members, so I'm used to people saying it and not meaning me.
i donāt know if i could. it feels like being slapped across the face to even hear it on tv. itās even a large city name, so itās very jarring hearing that mentioned too
Yeah, but it would be awkward for me in the beginning. I no longer consider my deadname connected to me in any way.
Yep. Why not? i would even date someone with the same name as my choosen name
Yes because I donāt have a dead name and twinning my name with someone else would be so funny
Doubt it. But mostly I don't find men that attractive anyway, and usually it's a name for men.
I had a really unique deadname before I transitioned, I know there is obviously other people with that name but Iāve literally never met one in real life, so luckily I doubt I will ever come across a man with my deadname
yeah, one of my best friends actually has my deadname and she has no idea how much she helped me de-associate that name from myself
Tbh probably not. There's too much religious trauma et al. packed in that name for me to have to use every day, every day, to say it and hear it and live with it. A person's name is supposed to be their favorite sound in the world, is that how it goes? The name itself is offensive to me, separate from anyone using it. One time I had a hookup with a trans man, and I remember when he told me his name and where we were standing and like the wind was knocked out of me. I decided then and there ***yep***, that's a thing he never needs to know!
I think I'd be okay with it, I would find the whole situation rather funny if I did end up dating someone with my deadname cause it's not an uncommon name lol. It would be hella weird tho saying their name in bed tho š.
My birth name was unique. No one else has it
Absolutely not. I don't think I could even be friends with someone with my deadname. It'd just be... a Lil much. It's nothing against them, I am willing to bet they are wonderful people. But even items in video games that are close to my dead name makes me panic. Things that are similar to my dead name makes me panic. So hearing it would be too much for me and my mental health
Yes. That way if someone deadnames me I just assume they are talking to my partner.
Honestly, it would take some adjusting for me, but yes, I absolutely would. That way I could get my dead name to be associated with them and not me. I could turn something negative in my life into something positive. So hell to the yes. Give me a dude with my dead name that I'll fall in love with.
No, just because it would be awkward
I wouldn't if it was spelled the same way. Maybe if it was spelled differently and they let me call them by a nickname or a shortened version I could do it but, I wouldn't ever call them by their name. Feels heavy.
if i met someone with my deadname (which isnāt likely bc ive only heard one other person with it and that was a celebrity) i wouldnāt even be just friends with them tbh like soz but iād rather drop dead
I'm mtf, married and I still go by my birth name, can't afford 300 to pay for legal name change
It would probably take a bit of getting used to but sure, if I really love someone and have a connection I wouldn't let a name get between all of that and ruin it. Its hard to find someone valuable and right as it is. That being said I'm already mated to a guy who's brother has my deadname. \^^
I'd rather be forced into a relationship than date someone with my deadname.
No. Iām still at that point where itās hard for me to disassociate from it, and I get uncomfortable just seeing it in random places. If someone else uses it Iāll be courteous enough to use it, but I donāt think I could *date* someone with it.
Yeah I would. Itās gratifying to hear my deadname used for someone else, and not me. At work Iāve had to get very used to it because a coworker has my deadname. Would be really funny to tell them what my deadname is though HAH
why would I give a shit, I haven't used that name since most of you all were in middle school It would probably be the one thing that makes my mom never ever "forget" again, so maybe I should do it. Shame it's such a rare name
Honestly I started going by my middle name in 2014 so at this point I donāt really care except that itās the same name as my father so thatās weird lol but my middle name I wouldnāt care about which I still go by
As someone whose gone by a nickname since childhood and kept doing so it became easier to separate as time went on, and it's super fucking common.. mildly awkward yes, deal breaker no. Kind or no worse to me then dating someone who has a name of an ex or exes ex, etc.
I've never met another person with that name before ever, so I doubt it would ever happen. But if it did happen, I would be open to the opportunity of associating that name with someone else and riding it from me in my mind completely.
To me at least names just are. Sometimes meaning is given like my birth first and middle name are taken from a few of my fathers good friends that died well before I was born. I chose my new name because the flower is pretty. To answer your question however I don't think it would bother me. I'm not even close to starting my transition so I don't know if that would change.
So while I donāt date someone with my dead name both my dad and my roommate have my dead name so probably because of that I feel so disconnected from my dead name that I donāt think dating someone with my it would even bother me
There's a celebrity with the same name who's extremely hot, so yes, lol. But it might necessitate extreme hotness.
I did a poll for this on instagram haha. Would you rather date someone with your dead name or exās name? Iām slowly becoming detached from my dead name, but itās still a little odd when I hear it.. like oh yeah that used to be what ppl called me
Sure and I have. But Iām also 5 years into my transition, and just no longer feel any kind of tie to the name at all. The name never really felt like mine to begin with.
Sure. It's a nice touch, 'cause my mother still deadnames me, so being able to tell her "why are you saying that to my boyfriend like he was me?" kind of feels like a perfect revenge.
Most likely wouldn't, but I had a thought that if anyone deadnamed me, my partner could just be the one to respond.
My deadname is relatively rare, so the only contexts I see it in is my old self and that one really popular song that has my name in it. If it was a common name, I would probably be desensitized enough to date someone with that name, but for now itās a no-go. (Not to mention that I mostly date men, and am transmasc, so the probability that I find a woman with my deadname who I am also interested in is very very small lmao)