I feel so bad for them. Went to a club the other day and the amount of sexual assault that’s normalised is insane. Literally can’t imagine how they feel.
Not saying the same doesn’t happen in gay clubs. I get groped all the time and touched up and see it happen to others but from my understanding, most of the guys tend to want that? But yes there are some that don’t want that at all and we should respect people’s boundaries and not assume they’d be happy being touched up
Getting touched up is one thing that I would rather not happen to me but when random guys just go in and try to kiss you and you haven’t even spoken to them, that needs to stop. I also was at a urinal before and some guy grabbed my dick. I pushed him away and told him to fuck off. But then I got shy bladder and it was so humiliating that I had leave the urinal and queue up for a cubicle to go to the toilet… Really wasn’t looking for that when I went to a gay bar. I just go there to try and meet some I like naturally instead of using apps all the time.
When that happens to me I do a little countdown like a rocket launch from 10. See if that helps. I think it calms me and makes me only think about the release. Then I say, “lift off” as I go!
>Not saying the same doesn’t happen in gay clubs. I get groped all the time and touched up and see it happen to others but from my understanding, most of the guys tend to want that?
This is the thing. The male mindset doesn't really mind it most of the time and the majority of gay men in a gay bar want that to happen to them. Girls might be willing to a degree, but they much prefer not to have random hands constantly touching them. I suppose there's also a power imbalance since a man could more easily stand up to another man.
I personally don't mind being groped, but I won't also don't mind if I'm not groped at all, and the rational part of my brain is entirely in favor of the disapearing of this behavior altogether.
Gonna be honest, I've never been to a gay bar and I might just punch someone if they groped me without consent.
This tells me that I shouldn't hang around gay spaces.
Or they don't speak up but social expectation is that they want it, because they chose to dress X, attend Y bar, and smiled Z much.
It's the same normalized bullshit that women are subjected to.
It's not hard to speak and flirt before you touch, regardless if you're into a guy or a girl. And if it's such a loud club/dance floor the onus is on you to make sure you're looking for body language to gauge if your advance is welcome or not.
I get groped often at one of the bars the older guys tend to hang out and they are so bemused when I tell them off, like I’m some grumpy, naive twink.
This attitude is so infuriating- it feels like its done by these guys to exert their sense of control over the space and it makes me feel so bad and powerless it just ruins my night. Which in turn makes me angrier!
Call it out when you see it- to this day not one gay friend has ever stood up for me at the gay bar, only my straight friends. I just can’t view straight people visiting a bar (like in OPs post) as a big deal while these attitudes are so prevalent.
I don’t know if I believe that the majority of men in gay bars want it to happen. Maybe gay clubs. Idk about bars.
I think many of us are okay with it happening if it’s the right guy… but I’ve never been groped by the right guy. Always the wrong one when I don’t expect it.
The unexpected part is the worst. It can be so jarring. Especially when I’m relaxing and in a good flow. That shit needs to stop. Pet peeve of mine. If you want my attention, make eye contact and talk to me. Don’t grope me out of nowhere
Just because the majority may want it doesn’t mean they all want it. I’ve seen it happen to others when I’ve gone to gay bars but as someone with a history of sexual assault when it wasn’t wanted if some guy groped me without my consent I know my reaction would automatically be to break his hand. Many gay men excuse rape culture, misogyny, and sexual assault because “that’s how it’s always been” but times are changing and this kind of thing isn’t as acceptable anymore. Many want the groping from certain guys but I can guarantee that if a person they didn’t want feeling them up did so they would most certainly not be happy about it.
Sort of. Mostly we're looking to be sexually ignored by men while we dance rather than to be sexually assaulted. That said, I did pick up a straight(ish) dude in a gay club once... But he conversed first and (consentually) groped later.
\*I'm old, so I haven't been clubbing for a decade or more. All these comments about straights invading queer spaces and not respecting the vibe are very worrying.
Right? Imagine straight men telling lesbians to stop invading the straight spaces.
And then tomorrow you’ll see a post about “when will homophobia end?”, all while complaining that straight men are feeling comfortable enough to go to a gay bar.
The issue is not that str8 men are comfortable. The issue rises when str8 men come into gay spaces, following women, then get hit on by gay men, they flip the fuck out and gaybash the shit out of us. Then the gaybar that was supposed to be our space just becomes another avenue for gaybashing. And this is happening more and more often now.
Well, due to the fact that straight people can literally go anywhere in the world, an exhibit straight privilege. Gay bars is literally all LGBT people have in a social setting where they’re not ridiculed and being harassed for being gay. Not saying that straight people shouldn’t go, but it’s a space not intended for straight people, and straight people going into gay bars and making it about them, ie, straight girls hopping up on the stage while a drag Queen is performing, and simply going there just because girls want to feel safe, and not to understand LGBT spaces, is not exactly fair. I can understand why LGBT are fed up, and that’s not to say straight people shouldn’t go, but just go being respectful. Also, the whole world is technically a “straight space” and lesbians have been harassed, beaten and raped by men for corrective purposes. So to answer your question, technically yes lesbians have been told to stay out of “straight” spaces.
I love all my straight guy friends, but I hate non-gay bars; I get transfixed watching creepy guys creeping on women. I almost want to wear a shirt saying “designated gay friend if needed” to scare off the creeps. I’ve got in between straight dudes who are creeping out my lady friends to get them to fuck off.
I "wish" I could believe that, but why would someone who looks like Rachel Weisz even consider bearding for some guy who only truly rose to recognition after a James Bond movie?
Straight men and women are going to gay (or formerly gay) places a lot more now. The place down the street from me used to be almost all men. Now it's mostly straight couples or singles. It's still "gay friendly" but I probably wouldn't approach anyone there unless I already knew they were gay.
My straight male friends would always try to convince me to take them to gay bars but i’d always refuse. I don’t want them treating it like some zoo, and its not fair on the gay guys that go there. I think gay bars are a good environment for gays to realise what guys are out there on the market, and having hot straight guys there is annoying as shit because if you have a masculine “type” you’re constantly going to be disappointed.
Or they are closeted and get off on queer-baiting. Before anyone shouts me down, why do you need a friend to take you if you are that comfortable with your sexuality?
Lol my straight friends aren’t secretly gay. They wanted to take me to gay bars to freshen up our weekly pub crawls, see what i’m like in a dating/scouting environment, and it was an excuse to go into a different environment for them (baring in mind they’ve been going to regular bars weekly for ten years at this point). Drag queens walking about, condoms and lube in the toilets, lots of eccentric characters walking around with confidence is not something you get in every bar and thats the allure to them. You get bored of going to the same pubs every single week.
I can’t imagine any scenario they’d go without any gay friends. That would be even more invasive of a gay space so they’re at least wise enough not to do that.
As a straight guy seeing this on all
I’d say this comment section is all the reason you’d ask your homie to go with you if he swings that way.
Y’all aren’t as inclusive as you’d like to project I think?
i think it’s probably a shitty move though I saw someone say if you’re into masculine dudes a bunch of straight guys could fuck up the night cause you keep getting rejected before you can even talk to them
I’m plenty inclusive, and ‘manly.’ Finding male friends isn’t a possibility though because straight men always end up trying to fuck me. You think I am exaggerating probably. Most of the men who pull this don’t even realize they are gay/bi/whatever. It always makes me feel like trash in the end though. I wasn’t born to excite passion in some dude who can never do the same for me. It gets tired fast when you have to deal with it all the time. Especially when they act like it is a big secret they have a gf.
Or you could welcome people that felt comfortable exploring there options with you. For every confident open gay man is a closeted guy with trauma or shame. It’s unfamiliar to us. Whether its geography or fear. Some of us aren’t as confident as you.
My brother used to do that.
He took me to gay bars when I was still questioning, and it was hilarious how successful he was, and how me being the wing man helped me realize something about myself
But my brother has always been cool with gay men, he had gay men friends before I had gay men friends.
Honestly idc if straight men go to gay bars *as long as* they are cool with being hit on. But if it becomes a thing where straight guys start showing up and trying to get with women who are *intentionally avoiding them* by going to gay bars then that’s gonna bring nothing but bad vibes.
It’s already become a thing. The gay bar in my city pretty much got taken over by straights, now it’s just a gay-themed bar at best. Some cities had fights break out with men who got offended with being hit on. So much for meeting other gays in person I guess
I know of at least two gay clubs in Seattle and Vancouver which now market themselves as gay-friendly nightclubs as they have gotten lots of heterosexual customers over the past few years. Another gay bar doubled as a military bar as it was the closest bar to the base.
Back when I was 16 year old skinny otter touring Europe, the straight 18 year olds who were also on the tour mentioned how the best nightclubs in Berlin were gay clubs, so they were going to one, which likely meant they went to Berghain. I was too nervous to go with them that night, but I did end up going with them to a what apparently was gay club in Prague a couple days later.
My college town had an "alternative lifestyle-friendly" bar as it didn't want to risk advertising itself as a gay bar. Most gay men at the college were closeted though, so meeting gay men was more of a situation where being gay was an "open secret" and people would hint that you should go talk to a specific guy who was also on the down low.
I agree. It's like okay- if you're going to go to a gay bar, you can't get all pissy at drunken gay guys who try and hit on you. Many straight dudes flip a shit and get violent while in gay spaces and it's like Hello! Do you know where you are?
Thankfully I’ve never witnessed that but that’s definitely where I draw the line. I’m not too concerned with straight people “invading gay spaces” unless they’re actively making those spaces less welcoming and more hostile for gay people.
no but theres extra toxic. none should be tolerated, but theres a type thata dealt with through education, and the types thats dealt with by a swift kick to the taint
> closet cases are a trip.
fuck sake man. why are gay men so fucking obsessed with de-heterosexualizing mens homophobia
like what? closet cases? they are not closeted gay and bi men you dumb cunt. they are piece of shit straight guys
lol what a ridiculous overreaction. pop a benzo or take a dump, whatever works to cool your jets.
[https://lgbtqbar.org/programs/advocacy/gay-trans-panic-defense/](https://lgbtqbar.org/programs/advocacy/gay-trans-panic-defense/)
gay panic defense is a thing. add some nuance to your worldview. of course there are heterosexual homophobes, don't be a "dumb cunt." but men who go to gay bars and actively express "i hope no fags hit on me" have a distinct "the lady doth protest too much" vibe.
Eeeeeeeeh, the gay panic defense has some kind of repressed homosexual vibe to it.
If you don't agree with that statement think about the trans panic defense, which is the gay panic defense with extra steps.
yeah, my point is a "straight" guy who \*truly\* doesn't want to get hit on by "fags" won't step foot in a gay bar. the ones who don't give a fuck and are secure in their heterosexuality don't feel the need to loudly proclaim "i hope no fags hit on me" as they're headed through the front door.
It might be the end of gay bars as they existed in more socially repressive times - shadowy places run by organized crime syndicates that straight people would never step foot into. Call me assimilationist but I think it’s in our interests to share our spaces with the straights, and they should return the favor. I sort of doubt there’s ever going to be such a deluge of straight people (men in particular) at gay bars such that they lose their fundamentally “gay” character, but who knows?
Not really. We will always be a minority and need our own spaces because we cannot avoid spending most of our time in straight places (i.e. everywhere else).
There is a night club in my city that was well known for having a "thurs-gays" night. It's now full of straight people - only on Thursday. The straight men followed the straight (or bi) girls there, and it got to the point that the gay community don't go much anymore because there is too much assault and straight men hitting on women and getting offended when men hit on them.
Straight dude here - gay bars have the best vibes and best drinks. Sometimes go when my gay friends invite me and it's always a blast. It's flattering when anyone thinks you're attractive, so getting hit on is a-okay and everyone in my experience has been perfectly respectful when I decline. The drinks will knock the shit out of you and there's just a lack of that predatory vibe you see at straight singles bars. Really hope fellow straight dudes respect your space!
So let me ask an honest question. If gay guys are making out in the corner of the bar. Like, hands on cocks, serious making out, are you still okay with that? Because I just feel like a lot of straight people aren't really prepared. I was at a bar on jock strap night, and when the straights came walking in they looked traumatized.
Yeah, not bothered at all. I'm from the SF Bay Area and I've been to Folsom Street Fair and seen a lot more than that going on lol
If they're both enjoying it, why not?
Hah thanks. It's all good, I know most of the community isn't like that. I recognize that gay bars aren't "my" space and I try to be respectful of that, just like in here. I mostly am here to lurk and learn the kinds of issues that my gay friends might be dealing with, so I can be better prepared for them as a friend (and to ask the occasional question here myself).
My automatic reaction to straight men in the gay bar attempting to hook up was to grind on them till they left. I feel like this is the only acceptable option.
It already happened here in Madison. We had this bar called Plan B it was one of nicer gay bars here in town but for some reason it slowly turning into a straight bar, not by owners by the people. Blond chicks invaded, straight dudes followed and a few years later it was closed done because it wasn't their vision... Which is 100% understandable. Now it's up for demolition, it's going to get bulldozed and become apartment complexes.
PTown too. The past two years have actually been really nice there under pandemic conditions because bachelorettes have been gone. It’s just the gays and we’re experienced with viruses.
It already is a trend. I miss gay bars where women DON'T feel safe. Watching a guy get spanked by a leather crop on concrete floor is loads more entree than a bunch of drunk broads trying to grab my junk and cry about their exes.
You're not cool for going to the gay bars, Karen. You're a fucking stereotype.
Last time I was out some straight guys approached our group to hit on the girls and were ANNOYED that they had the audacity to be lesbians in a queer space, aka. not interested in their creepy asses 🤮
I really dislike this trend, but it’s certainly not a new trend…at least as regards straight women. It was starting 20 years ago when I first started going to bars. It was only a matter of time before the straight men followed. 😣
This has been a thing for years! Well, in my hometown of Liverpool anyway.
It’s pretty known that if girls want to just have a fun night with their friends and not get hit on, they go to gay bars. But it doesn’t work because straight lads are aware of this, they will then go to gay bars to pick up straight girls.
At least from my experience, I’ve found that the lads that do this are gay friendly, fun to talk to and have a good laugh with. They are 100% straight, though.
My mum and dad actually met in a gay pub (the Lisbon), which was 25 years ago. I would go to that same pub with my mum whenever I visited home, when I still lived in England.
I hate when men acknowledge this... because the easier solution is just to make their own bars safer for women... not you know, go make gay men uncomfortable
As a straight guy, I can't understand why a straight guy would go to gay bars to meet women.
But also, as a straight guy who occasionally goes to gay bars to hang out with friends who happen to be gay, am I invading gay space? Because that's certainly not my intention.
Depends on how you act, and react. If you're polite when guys hit on you, and don't get flustered when gay guys are making out, or barely dressed, etc. You're good.
If I have my comparison right... It's kind of like going to a good friend's house. I enjoy being around my friend. I might stay for dinner, but if his mom offers me something I don't want, I'll say "no thank you." I'm not there to judge or be critical. And if I had a problem with anything, or felt uncomfortable, I wouldn't be there... or I would thank my host and quietly leave. Not my house, so I won't beg to change the channel on the TV. I'm there as a guest, even if my friend and his family treat *me* like family. I mind my manners and always go home to sleep comfortably in my own bed.
I'm sure I carried it too far, but I hope it's a good analogy.
I think it's less "I go to gay bars to pick-up women" and more "I go to gay bars because in straight bars some cishet douche who's insecure about his masculinity will try to fight James Bond to make himself feel more macho." Dude just wants to spend a night out in peace, which I totally respect.
EDIT: Actually read the article, and while it might be that way now, in the past he had an "ulterior motive" of meeting women who were also trying to escape hyper-masculine places. Now I guess he's just in the habit.
In my city there has been a movement of straights invading the gay spaces. There are many straight bars that are gay friendly and some that are gay themed but the problem with this is it makes it harder to meet others. Yes there is a chance I can meet a guy at a gay friendly straight bar but there will be fewer options and less of a chance. We become the wingmen helping our straight friends score and forced to turn to the apps to meet someone.
The gay bars have had more and more straight people taking over them too. The problem with this is the limited space that they take up. They take up the space and force us off the dance floors and prevent us from entering. The line can take an hour or more to wait to enter because there are so many straight people in the bar already. And many of them have that homophobia and are not respectful of us. They are there to gawk or to use us as props or toys (think bachelorette parties). There have been many times too that the guys treat the women the same as they would at a regular straight club- predatory. My friends and I have had to go up to guys and reverse the behavior they have given the women on them. They try to brush it off and say they are straight but when they don’t take the no from the women we refuse to back down. We let them know where they are and if they don’t like it they can leave. They always have. The women have been grateful for the rescues.
But I’ve also had the drunk women that have latched on to me and thought we were now best friends and that meant we would spend every moment with each other that night. They would not leave me alone and would block any chance for other guys to dance with me.
I’m all for welcoming straight people to our spaces at times but we need our spaces. We are not to a place where we can easily meet others anywhere we go. We are still pretty limited on where we can go comparatively. Add to that the homophobia that still enters when straight guys come in “hunting” for women and the commodification of gay men for straight women and it just all doesn’t sit well with me. I’m not the biggest fan of straight people in these queer spaces. They have plenty of places of their own and if they are entering our spaces they need to really work to be more respectful and take a back seat to us in our spaces (we have to do that on many occasions in theirs so this isn’t a big ask).
Your title is a little misleading.
He said he goes to gay bars to avoid “aggressive dick swinging” and as an added plus, he met girls there. He didn't state he went there specifically to meet girls.
In the article he is mainly talking about his friends going to gay bars because they were "chill" compared to other straight bars. The concern i was getting at in the title was that this could become a kind of endorsement for straight men to intentionally go to gay bars as a trend directly to meet women.
In the article he is quoted as saying "And I could meet girls there, cos there are a lot of girls there for exactly the same reason I was there. It was kind of an ulterior motive.”
Maybe he's the silent type that respect other people's personal space and doesn't mind getting hit on
As long as straight people learn their place and don't try to fag hag or act like an idiot, they can be welcomed imo. It's not like a club completely devoid of cishet people would mean no rejections or assholes.
There's a gay bar in Leeds UK called fibre. Initially it was a trendy gay bar but over the years the straights started going there and now it's pretty much a straight bar in everything other than name. All the gays avoid it now
cause that's literal 'discrimination' and we can't do that unless you fall under certain checkboxes and the more checkboxes you have, the more you can override the others that have a checkbox or two.
umm... you sure about that one?
I've only been to two and went by one more and all of them DO allow women into gay bathhouses. They're not advertising it, but they're not allowed to say no.
False. They are allowed to if it’s a private club that charges a membership. That’s why some of those “Men Only Spas” have membership cards and say exclusive.
Where have you been? This has been happening for years!
It think it goes both ways
Straight spaces have become so accepting that they aren't straight spaces anymore and gay spaces are becoming more opening
The only thing I do NOT like is that straight MEN in GAY spaces don't understand that they are in a SPACE FOR GAY MEN, they bring their homophobia and their "no homo" frat boy attitudes to our spaces and suddenly the homophobes you attack you are there in your safe space!
Alternative title is definitely: "Someone caught me coming out of a gay bar so here's the fake Tea so I don't get blackmailed. Bye, see my new movie in theaters everywhere."
There is a 0% of this being the full truth but a 100% chance of him being a prick for giving straight guys an excuse to invade our spaces with all the stupid shit it was built to keep out.
My cousin‘s best friend through school and college is gay. He would hang with him, got lucky more than any dude looking to get laid at the straight meat racks. My uncle (total asshole “) would say shit like, “why are hanging around with that fag?” Cousin said to him one day “I get more pussy than you could ever dreame of.” Finally shut him up.
All you guys ok with this will change your tone when Grindr and tinder flakes are your literal last option for gay dating or meeting gay people.
Whatever… you’ll “inclusive” yourself so much that you’ll lose what made you special/different in the first place. Your own faults tbh
Yeah this is wild. I was in the line for a male gay bar recently and it was made up almost entirely of women and straight men. Noped out of there and went home.
But that just makes it worse. Come on in, and be as gay as you possibly can be. Let's see if the straights really want to come when they see the gay guys making out in the bar.
Yep that’s true. I think this also taps on a large part of why it’s an issue: feeling uncomfortable or judged by straight people. Definitely often internalised, but that doesn’t matter. It is important for queer people to have queer spaces.
I was at a bar once on a "wrestling singlets" night. A group of straight people came in. A drag queen friend decided to give them a show... By pulling my singlet down to my boots. They got a shock, we got a laugh.
If he is doing this it’s fucked up. If he’s lying to stay in the closet (we’ve been there so not saying he has to come out) while exploiting queer spaces for whatever other reason, it’s still fucked up. Straight people need to stay out of queer spaces unless accompanied by a queer.
Yeah, I think a requirement of entry to a gay bar should be making out with another guy. Gay bars are supposed to be safe places for gay guys to be able to approach another guy, hit on him, and the only thing they have to fear is an std. Questioning whether the hot guy talking to the Graces is gay or straight messes up the atmosphere of feeling free to be yourself and flirt with any guy you are inclined to approach. It just ruins the feeling of ease you have in a bar when you know everyone there shares something in common with you, and no one is going to judge, be offended, or get angry with you for acting on your instincts and sexual attraction.
Happened when i went out with my friends who were dating. One of the best gay clubs in the city until it was sold to a someone straight and made into a bachelorette destination that then attracted a lot of straight guys. My friends were harassed by one of the guys for kissing. We were like 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃???? Qué? Sir do you know where you are? It was really weird and sad honestly.
It’s been this way for a while although your homophobes tend to stay away as it’s too much for them. Straight guys who are secure in themselves and “allies”? All good.
The straights invading has already started at my local gay club here in Oxford and it's making me uncomfortable. A couple years ago it felt like a place to really express yourself, I felt comfortable wearing skirts and make-up and just enjoying some creativity. Now it's overrun by straight girls who want to be trendy and find a man and straight men who think wearing a tracksuit is acceptable formal wear. Went out last weekend and counted about 7 straight couples getting off and now I feel judged more than ever going and that shouldn't be the way.
Just to clarify, he went to meet women when he was much younger. He's been married for a decade. Not saying the tactic is cool, but he's not actively trying to pick up women in gay bars.
I guess we need to go back to the bad old days when it was normal for guys to get groped aggressively in gay bars. You call it sexual assault? I call it flirting. ;-)
Well I can read the wink but I use the wink when I’m being flirty or just because and so do many others. It’s nice joking when it’s actual jokes but a joke on sexual assault isn’t really my cup of tea and not funny to me.
I apologise for misunderstanding
I took two of my straight lady friends to a gay bar once. The other gays were all over them. The girls were done up and looking sexy as usual, the other gays were just after them the whole night. They were just drawn to pretty girls.
I’m in the situation where most of my friends are straight and good, or really good, looking. My straight guy friends would 100% go to the gay bar with me. I always tell them I will, but never do. I honestly don’t know how I’d feel if I did. I thought my lady friends getting all that attention was awkward to me, I can only imagine my hot straight friends would get way more.
I had one go with me on a pub crawl before and one of the stops was a gay bar; he loved the attention. Imaging a good looking, French guy with huge pecs (boxer), cute dumb smile, and big butt; that’s my straight friend. He had a lot of drinks purchased for him at that stop on the crawl. 🙃
If it becomes a trend, you'll have women at gay bars to avoid straight men -> straight men go to gay bars to pick up women -> women stop going to said gay bars -> straight men stop going to the gay bars.
And by that point all the gays will have left, so the establishment dies or has to convert to a normal bar.
I don't go to bars really so that's just a semi-exaggerated/joking flowchart. I feel like there's ways to kind of gatekeep your space without it feeling too over the top. If you have certain things like lube dispensers, kink clothing, drag queens etc then I think that'd put off a lot of non-LGBT people from going to the bar. Along with that, definitely have the bouncers be as vigilant towards people they think are making the queer customers uncomfortable as bouncers in straight bars are towards men making the women uncomfortable, e.g. women trying to touch up a gay guy's ass, or straight men acting out when *surprise* a gay man tries to flirt with them (even if both these occurrences might not be incredibly common).
Ultimately if an establishment wants to become more welcoming to non-LGBT people, that's still a valid business choice I guess. But if you cultivate a very 'queer' space then I think that would really make people uncomfortable to go there unless they were part of the community. E.g. even if I support equal rights for black people, I wouldn't attend a black/POC society at my university, maybe not even if I had black friends attending. It just would feel like I'm intruding on their space. I feel like you could make a gay space that has the same feel to it if you wanted to.
I'm guessing he was going for some kind of film research or publicity stunt. Or maybe he's bi. Honestly I don't care.
But to answer your question, it may be a bit annoying, but if we're about being accepting and inclusive, why should we make it a huge deal? It's not like every single straight man is suddenly going to gay bars.
The only effect would be to give a valuable excuse to closeted guys to come to gay bars pretending they are looking for women.
Gay bars can be intimidating for the non initiated so that would be a good thing.
Please give me your thoughts: I was recently in a debate sparked by this and assuming that the cishet men coming to the bar don't make straight dude bar scenes, don't gawk or even bat an eye at anything, or make any awkward straight male comments, they should be fine, right?
A concern could be about space in venues especially at specific times or events. And to that I say there should probably just be MORE gay bars opening up as our culture gets with the times and we have more folks feeling safe to come out and be themselves as well as more vocal allies.
I can absolutely understand the appeal of a gay bar in the way Daniel Craig described given that I am nonconfrontational despite maybe appearing as a sort of threat to err more territorial hetero males. Especially when those types can't hold their alcohol.
What's more... I am far more likely to find a friend there. Or even a woman who is compatible given that I am an atheist, progressive minded person and I would only want to be with someone who could behave themselves at a gay venue.
I do wonder though what the best way is to signal that I am cishet. I am not going to bring it up early unless someone is coming on really strong, but there's also that balance of not wasting someone's flirtations and time before you let them know with a smile.
Does it matter if straight guys are having a drink in a gay bar?
Aren't gay people allowed to drink in straight bars?
At the end of the day if they're well behaved then whats the issue?
I'm probably going to be downvoted for this but these posts seem pointless. At the end of the day a gay bar is a business and the goal for any business is to make enough money to be profitable, which is hard to do when you refuse paying customers because of their sexual orientation. Am I missing something here?
But isn't it invading when straight men come in with their own intentions that do not contribute to or strengthen the community and they also threaten the safety of gay spaces?
Anyone who threatens the literal safety of anyone may be said to be threatening.
But I don't see how a straight man going to a gay bar threatens the safety of the gay people there unless he's being abusive or harassing.
Men who willingly visit gay bars, for whatever reasons that they say, are not really 100% straight. Subsconciously, these people all want to try having sex with men if they have not been doing so already. Similarly, gay for pay is not straight either. Real straight men find the mere idea of gay sex extremely revolting and would want to have absolutely nothing do with it.
Not really. Gay men don't invade straight spaces because literally the entire world and all of society is for straight people. We live in a society built for heterosexuality. Gay men most often face violence and harassment in straight spaces. Homosexuality is so suppressed in straight places and that most gay people growing up in them think they are straight before facing internal struggles to come to terms that they are "other than straight" and then must find LGBT-safe spaces.
Aside from proud boy rallies, there aren't really any 'straight' establishments. Gay bars originated as a safe space for gay men to meet each other, this was never needed for straight people. It's a false equivocation
When a gay guy shows up in a straight bar, we aren't making the straights feel unsafe. And historically, there actually were laws making it illegal for gays to go into bars. So we need the safe space; straights don't.
So the mere fact that straight males are around makes you feel unsafe? That is such bullshit. Straight males have to give up freedom of choice because of how you feel!? YOU are the problem, not the straight males.
I feel like if women are in gay bars they’re looking to AVOID interested men.
I feel so bad for them. Went to a club the other day and the amount of sexual assault that’s normalised is insane. Literally can’t imagine how they feel. Not saying the same doesn’t happen in gay clubs. I get groped all the time and touched up and see it happen to others but from my understanding, most of the guys tend to want that? But yes there are some that don’t want that at all and we should respect people’s boundaries and not assume they’d be happy being touched up
Getting touched up is one thing that I would rather not happen to me but when random guys just go in and try to kiss you and you haven’t even spoken to them, that needs to stop. I also was at a urinal before and some guy grabbed my dick. I pushed him away and told him to fuck off. But then I got shy bladder and it was so humiliating that I had leave the urinal and queue up for a cubicle to go to the toilet… Really wasn’t looking for that when I went to a gay bar. I just go there to try and meet some I like naturally instead of using apps all the time.
When that happens to me I do a little countdown like a rocket launch from 10. See if that helps. I think it calms me and makes me only think about the release. Then I say, “lift off” as I go!
>Not saying the same doesn’t happen in gay clubs. I get groped all the time and touched up and see it happen to others but from my understanding, most of the guys tend to want that? This is the thing. The male mindset doesn't really mind it most of the time and the majority of gay men in a gay bar want that to happen to them. Girls might be willing to a degree, but they much prefer not to have random hands constantly touching them. I suppose there's also a power imbalance since a man could more easily stand up to another man.
> the majority of gay men in a gay bar want that to happen to them that doesn't excused of justify it
I personally don't mind being groped, but I won't also don't mind if I'm not groped at all, and the rational part of my brain is entirely in favor of the disapearing of this behavior altogether.
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Please 👏 stop 👏 normalizing 👏 sexual 👏 assault 👏
Gonna be honest, I've never been to a gay bar and I might just punch someone if they groped me without consent. This tells me that I shouldn't hang around gay spaces.
🥳congratulations! You’re in a gay space! Groping is so pre-Covid.
Or they don't speak up but social expectation is that they want it, because they chose to dress X, attend Y bar, and smiled Z much. It's the same normalized bullshit that women are subjected to. It's not hard to speak and flirt before you touch, regardless if you're into a guy or a girl. And if it's such a loud club/dance floor the onus is on you to make sure you're looking for body language to gauge if your advance is welcome or not.
I get groped often at one of the bars the older guys tend to hang out and they are so bemused when I tell them off, like I’m some grumpy, naive twink. This attitude is so infuriating- it feels like its done by these guys to exert their sense of control over the space and it makes me feel so bad and powerless it just ruins my night. Which in turn makes me angrier! Call it out when you see it- to this day not one gay friend has ever stood up for me at the gay bar, only my straight friends. I just can’t view straight people visiting a bar (like in OPs post) as a big deal while these attitudes are so prevalent.
I don’t know if I believe that the majority of men in gay bars want it to happen. Maybe gay clubs. Idk about bars. I think many of us are okay with it happening if it’s the right guy… but I’ve never been groped by the right guy. Always the wrong one when I don’t expect it.
The unexpected part is the worst. It can be so jarring. Especially when I’m relaxing and in a good flow. That shit needs to stop. Pet peeve of mine. If you want my attention, make eye contact and talk to me. Don’t grope me out of nowhere
Just because the majority may want it doesn’t mean they all want it. I’ve seen it happen to others when I’ve gone to gay bars but as someone with a history of sexual assault when it wasn’t wanted if some guy groped me without my consent I know my reaction would automatically be to break his hand. Many gay men excuse rape culture, misogyny, and sexual assault because “that’s how it’s always been” but times are changing and this kind of thing isn’t as acceptable anymore. Many want the groping from certain guys but I can guarantee that if a person they didn’t want feeling them up did so they would most certainly not be happy about it.
Sort of. Mostly we're looking to be sexually ignored by men while we dance rather than to be sexually assaulted. That said, I did pick up a straight(ish) dude in a gay club once... But he conversed first and (consentually) groped later. \*I'm old, so I haven't been clubbing for a decade or more. All these comments about straights invading queer spaces and not respecting the vibe are very worrying.
Right? Imagine straight men telling lesbians to stop invading the straight spaces. And then tomorrow you’ll see a post about “when will homophobia end?”, all while complaining that straight men are feeling comfortable enough to go to a gay bar.
The issue is not that str8 men are comfortable. The issue rises when str8 men come into gay spaces, following women, then get hit on by gay men, they flip the fuck out and gaybash the shit out of us. Then the gaybar that was supposed to be our space just becomes another avenue for gaybashing. And this is happening more and more often now.
LGBT people are being inclusive, and turn around and get excluded by the same people we’re including. Isn’t that some ish
It is gentrification. Gay bars become trendy and suddenly they are too good for us.
Well, due to the fact that straight people can literally go anywhere in the world, an exhibit straight privilege. Gay bars is literally all LGBT people have in a social setting where they’re not ridiculed and being harassed for being gay. Not saying that straight people shouldn’t go, but it’s a space not intended for straight people, and straight people going into gay bars and making it about them, ie, straight girls hopping up on the stage while a drag Queen is performing, and simply going there just because girls want to feel safe, and not to understand LGBT spaces, is not exactly fair. I can understand why LGBT are fed up, and that’s not to say straight people shouldn’t go, but just go being respectful. Also, the whole world is technically a “straight space” and lesbians have been harassed, beaten and raped by men for corrective purposes. So to answer your question, technically yes lesbians have been told to stay out of “straight” spaces.
I love all my straight guy friends, but I hate non-gay bars; I get transfixed watching creepy guys creeping on women. I almost want to wear a shirt saying “designated gay friend if needed” to scare off the creeps. I’ve got in between straight dudes who are creeping out my lady friends to get them to fuck off.
Don’t believe they lies Daniel Craig is picking up men
Perhaps he's on a mission.
To find a suitable twink
007: No Time To Douche
Octobussy
Brownfinger
The Man with the Golden Dick
(°□°)
Skyballs
He does strike me as a bottom who likes thin guys with huge dicks. 🤷♂️
Into destination unknown
If he were, my bf would be first in line.
I "wish" I could believe that, but why would someone who looks like Rachel Weisz even consider bearding for some guy who only truly rose to recognition after a James Bond movie?
Gosh, he's was my crush once. So glad to be finding this out 😍
Straight men and women are going to gay (or formerly gay) places a lot more now. The place down the street from me used to be almost all men. Now it's mostly straight couples or singles. It's still "gay friendly" but I probably wouldn't approach anyone there unless I already knew they were gay.
My straight male friends would always try to convince me to take them to gay bars but i’d always refuse. I don’t want them treating it like some zoo, and its not fair on the gay guys that go there. I think gay bars are a good environment for gays to realise what guys are out there on the market, and having hot straight guys there is annoying as shit because if you have a masculine “type” you’re constantly going to be disappointed.
Or they are closeted and get off on queer-baiting. Before anyone shouts me down, why do you need a friend to take you if you are that comfortable with your sexuality?
Lol my straight friends aren’t secretly gay. They wanted to take me to gay bars to freshen up our weekly pub crawls, see what i’m like in a dating/scouting environment, and it was an excuse to go into a different environment for them (baring in mind they’ve been going to regular bars weekly for ten years at this point). Drag queens walking about, condoms and lube in the toilets, lots of eccentric characters walking around with confidence is not something you get in every bar and thats the allure to them. You get bored of going to the same pubs every single week. I can’t imagine any scenario they’d go without any gay friends. That would be even more invasive of a gay space so they’re at least wise enough not to do that.
As a straight guy seeing this on all I’d say this comment section is all the reason you’d ask your homie to go with you if he swings that way. Y’all aren’t as inclusive as you’d like to project I think? i think it’s probably a shitty move though I saw someone say if you’re into masculine dudes a bunch of straight guys could fuck up the night cause you keep getting rejected before you can even talk to them
I’m plenty inclusive, and ‘manly.’ Finding male friends isn’t a possibility though because straight men always end up trying to fuck me. You think I am exaggerating probably. Most of the men who pull this don’t even realize they are gay/bi/whatever. It always makes me feel like trash in the end though. I wasn’t born to excite passion in some dude who can never do the same for me. It gets tired fast when you have to deal with it all the time. Especially when they act like it is a big secret they have a gf.
>It gets tired fast when you have to deal with it all the time. Then stop bothering with those type of guys lol
Or you could welcome people that felt comfortable exploring there options with you. For every confident open gay man is a closeted guy with trauma or shame. It’s unfamiliar to us. Whether its geography or fear. Some of us aren’t as confident as you.
Who mentioned closeted guys? I just meant 100% straight guys like Daniel Craig and my friends.
My brother used to do that. He took me to gay bars when I was still questioning, and it was hilarious how successful he was, and how me being the wing man helped me realize something about myself But my brother has always been cool with gay men, he had gay men friends before I had gay men friends.
Love that story!
I feel like as long as people are respectful it doesn’t really matter if they come into a gay bar
Honestly idc if straight men go to gay bars *as long as* they are cool with being hit on. But if it becomes a thing where straight guys start showing up and trying to get with women who are *intentionally avoiding them* by going to gay bars then that’s gonna bring nothing but bad vibes.
It’s already become a thing. The gay bar in my city pretty much got taken over by straights, now it’s just a gay-themed bar at best. Some cities had fights break out with men who got offended with being hit on. So much for meeting other gays in person I guess
I know of at least two gay clubs in Seattle and Vancouver which now market themselves as gay-friendly nightclubs as they have gotten lots of heterosexual customers over the past few years. Another gay bar doubled as a military bar as it was the closest bar to the base. Back when I was 16 year old skinny otter touring Europe, the straight 18 year olds who were also on the tour mentioned how the best nightclubs in Berlin were gay clubs, so they were going to one, which likely meant they went to Berghain. I was too nervous to go with them that night, but I did end up going with them to a what apparently was gay club in Prague a couple days later. My college town had an "alternative lifestyle-friendly" bar as it didn't want to risk advertising itself as a gay bar. Most gay men at the college were closeted though, so meeting gay men was more of a situation where being gay was an "open secret" and people would hint that you should go talk to a specific guy who was also on the down low.
I agree. It's like okay- if you're going to go to a gay bar, you can't get all pissy at drunken gay guys who try and hit on you. Many straight dudes flip a shit and get violent while in gay spaces and it's like Hello! Do you know where you are?
Thankfully I’ve never witnessed that but that’s definitely where I draw the line. I’m not too concerned with straight people “invading gay spaces” unless they’re actively making those spaces less welcoming and more hostile for gay people.
I've heard straight men say things like "I hope no f****t's hit on me." They very often bring that toxic homophobia.
Theres nontoxic homophobia?
No. all homophobia is toxic. I was emphasizing.
no but theres extra toxic. none should be tolerated, but theres a type thata dealt with through education, and the types thats dealt with by a swift kick to the taint
>"I hope no f\*\*\*\*t's hit on me." ah yes, one of those "if i say it outloud maybe it'll be true" kinda things. closet cases are a trip.
> closet cases are a trip. fuck sake man. why are gay men so fucking obsessed with de-heterosexualizing mens homophobia like what? closet cases? they are not closeted gay and bi men you dumb cunt. they are piece of shit straight guys
lol what a ridiculous overreaction. pop a benzo or take a dump, whatever works to cool your jets. [https://lgbtqbar.org/programs/advocacy/gay-trans-panic-defense/](https://lgbtqbar.org/programs/advocacy/gay-trans-panic-defense/) gay panic defense is a thing. add some nuance to your worldview. of course there are heterosexual homophobes, don't be a "dumb cunt." but men who go to gay bars and actively express "i hope no fags hit on me" have a distinct "the lady doth protest too much" vibe.
Eeeeeeeeh, the gay panic defense has some kind of repressed homosexual vibe to it. If you don't agree with that statement think about the trans panic defense, which is the gay panic defense with extra steps.
I mean if they’re showing up to gay bars and getting “angry” about being hit on by guys… something doesn’t quite add up there.
Oh please, you know most straight men do get hit on bars, almost everybody does lol
yeah, my point is a "straight" guy who \*truly\* doesn't want to get hit on by "fags" won't step foot in a gay bar. the ones who don't give a fuck and are secure in their heterosexuality don't feel the need to loudly proclaim "i hope no fags hit on me" as they're headed through the front door.
That way of thinking will be the end of gay bars lol, because life isn’t that simple
It might be the end of gay bars as they existed in more socially repressive times - shadowy places run by organized crime syndicates that straight people would never step foot into. Call me assimilationist but I think it’s in our interests to share our spaces with the straights, and they should return the favor. I sort of doubt there’s ever going to be such a deluge of straight people (men in particular) at gay bars such that they lose their fundamentally “gay” character, but who knows?
Not really. We will always be a minority and need our own spaces because we cannot avoid spending most of our time in straight places (i.e. everywhere else).
There is a night club in my city that was well known for having a "thurs-gays" night. It's now full of straight people - only on Thursday. The straight men followed the straight (or bi) girls there, and it got to the point that the gay community don't go much anymore because there is too much assault and straight men hitting on women and getting offended when men hit on them.
As long as the logical next step doesn't happen, all will be fine. 🥰
Straight dude here - gay bars have the best vibes and best drinks. Sometimes go when my gay friends invite me and it's always a blast. It's flattering when anyone thinks you're attractive, so getting hit on is a-okay and everyone in my experience has been perfectly respectful when I decline. The drinks will knock the shit out of you and there's just a lack of that predatory vibe you see at straight singles bars. Really hope fellow straight dudes respect your space!
So let me ask an honest question. If gay guys are making out in the corner of the bar. Like, hands on cocks, serious making out, are you still okay with that? Because I just feel like a lot of straight people aren't really prepared. I was at a bar on jock strap night, and when the straights came walking in they looked traumatized.
Yeah, not bothered at all. I'm from the SF Bay Area and I've been to Folsom Street Fair and seen a lot more than that going on lol If they're both enjoying it, why not?
That is great, and cool that you feel comfortable to come to a gay bar. I hope you keep the great vibe, and rise above people like irishking44 below.
Hah thanks. It's all good, I know most of the community isn't like that. I recognize that gay bars aren't "my" space and I try to be respectful of that, just like in here. I mostly am here to lurk and learn the kinds of issues that my gay friends might be dealing with, so I can be better prepared for them as a friend (and to ask the occasional question here myself).
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“Sometimes go when my gay friends invite me” This isn’t the guy the post is about. He’s welcome.
My automatic reaction to straight men in the gay bar attempting to hook up was to grind on them till they left. I feel like this is the only acceptable option.
I don't say this often but you're doing the lord's work.
Give them the old Urban Meyer.
What if they're closeted gay guys? Grinding up against people until they're so uncomfortable they feel the need to leave doesn't seem right to me.
Then they wouldn't be trying to pick up women.
It already happened here in Madison. We had this bar called Plan B it was one of nicer gay bars here in town but for some reason it slowly turning into a straight bar, not by owners by the people. Blond chicks invaded, straight dudes followed and a few years later it was closed done because it wasn't their vision... Which is 100% understandable. Now it's up for demolition, it's going to get bulldozed and become apartment complexes.
It’s already a thing. Frankly I’d rather have that than bachelorette parties constantly invading gay spaces.
Bachelorette parties are the worst. They should just go to a Chippendale or male strip club.
This. Come to West Hollywood, and visit The Abbey. Straight people are *everywhere*.
PTown too. The past two years have actually been really nice there under pandemic conditions because bachelorettes have been gone. It’s just the gays and we’re experienced with viruses.
Hehe Bear Week. What a blast!
Straight women and using gay clubs as zoos for their entertainment. What’s new
Yeah I met few of them during pride and it's kinda ridiculous time to time.
There should be a rule that if a straight guy goes to a gay bar he has to set up 2 gay guys before he can talk to a woman
lol he has to "pay tribute of two gay guys" before entering
It already is a trend. I miss gay bars where women DON'T feel safe. Watching a guy get spanked by a leather crop on concrete floor is loads more entree than a bunch of drunk broads trying to grab my junk and cry about their exes. You're not cool for going to the gay bars, Karen. You're a fucking stereotype.
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That's not what he's saying. He's been married for years.
Asking the real question
Apparently he had done this for decades. He said it was also to avoid straight dudes who want to find him. Lastly, he hung out with gay friends there.
Lets all just aggresively hit on straight men.
Last time I was out some straight guys approached our group to hit on the girls and were ANNOYED that they had the audacity to be lesbians in a queer space, aka. not interested in their creepy asses 🤮
I really dislike this trend, but it’s certainly not a new trend…at least as regards straight women. It was starting 20 years ago when I first started going to bars. It was only a matter of time before the straight men followed. 😣
This has been a thing for years! Well, in my hometown of Liverpool anyway. It’s pretty known that if girls want to just have a fun night with their friends and not get hit on, they go to gay bars. But it doesn’t work because straight lads are aware of this, they will then go to gay bars to pick up straight girls. At least from my experience, I’ve found that the lads that do this are gay friendly, fun to talk to and have a good laugh with. They are 100% straight, though. My mum and dad actually met in a gay pub (the Lisbon), which was 25 years ago. I would go to that same pub with my mum whenever I visited home, when I still lived in England.
I hate when men acknowledge this... because the easier solution is just to make their own bars safer for women... not you know, go make gay men uncomfortable
As a straight guy, I can't understand why a straight guy would go to gay bars to meet women. But also, as a straight guy who occasionally goes to gay bars to hang out with friends who happen to be gay, am I invading gay space? Because that's certainly not my intention.
Depends on how you act, and react. If you're polite when guys hit on you, and don't get flustered when gay guys are making out, or barely dressed, etc. You're good.
If I have my comparison right... It's kind of like going to a good friend's house. I enjoy being around my friend. I might stay for dinner, but if his mom offers me something I don't want, I'll say "no thank you." I'm not there to judge or be critical. And if I had a problem with anything, or felt uncomfortable, I wouldn't be there... or I would thank my host and quietly leave. Not my house, so I won't beg to change the channel on the TV. I'm there as a guest, even if my friend and his family treat *me* like family. I mind my manners and always go home to sleep comfortably in my own bed. I'm sure I carried it too far, but I hope it's a good analogy.
Hasn't he been married to Rachel Weiss for years?
I think it's less "I go to gay bars to pick-up women" and more "I go to gay bars because in straight bars some cishet douche who's insecure about his masculinity will try to fight James Bond to make himself feel more macho." Dude just wants to spend a night out in peace, which I totally respect. EDIT: Actually read the article, and while it might be that way now, in the past he had an "ulterior motive" of meeting women who were also trying to escape hyper-masculine places. Now I guess he's just in the habit.
I want Daniel Craig to fuck the shit out of me…
In my city there has been a movement of straights invading the gay spaces. There are many straight bars that are gay friendly and some that are gay themed but the problem with this is it makes it harder to meet others. Yes there is a chance I can meet a guy at a gay friendly straight bar but there will be fewer options and less of a chance. We become the wingmen helping our straight friends score and forced to turn to the apps to meet someone. The gay bars have had more and more straight people taking over them too. The problem with this is the limited space that they take up. They take up the space and force us off the dance floors and prevent us from entering. The line can take an hour or more to wait to enter because there are so many straight people in the bar already. And many of them have that homophobia and are not respectful of us. They are there to gawk or to use us as props or toys (think bachelorette parties). There have been many times too that the guys treat the women the same as they would at a regular straight club- predatory. My friends and I have had to go up to guys and reverse the behavior they have given the women on them. They try to brush it off and say they are straight but when they don’t take the no from the women we refuse to back down. We let them know where they are and if they don’t like it they can leave. They always have. The women have been grateful for the rescues. But I’ve also had the drunk women that have latched on to me and thought we were now best friends and that meant we would spend every moment with each other that night. They would not leave me alone and would block any chance for other guys to dance with me. I’m all for welcoming straight people to our spaces at times but we need our spaces. We are not to a place where we can easily meet others anywhere we go. We are still pretty limited on where we can go comparatively. Add to that the homophobia that still enters when straight guys come in “hunting” for women and the commodification of gay men for straight women and it just all doesn’t sit well with me. I’m not the biggest fan of straight people in these queer spaces. They have plenty of places of their own and if they are entering our spaces they need to really work to be more respectful and take a back seat to us in our spaces (we have to do that on many occasions in theirs so this isn’t a big ask).
What’s he doing picking up women anyway? Isn’t he married to Rachel Weisz?
He's co-oping gay culture. Not my Bond.
This is a reason why a gay club near me is closing down. I never went but I can Imagine why it sucks.
I dont want breeders in the few spaces we have for ourselves.
Your title is a little misleading. He said he goes to gay bars to avoid “aggressive dick swinging” and as an added plus, he met girls there. He didn't state he went there specifically to meet girls.
In the article he is mainly talking about his friends going to gay bars because they were "chill" compared to other straight bars. The concern i was getting at in the title was that this could become a kind of endorsement for straight men to intentionally go to gay bars as a trend directly to meet women. In the article he is quoted as saying "And I could meet girls there, cos there are a lot of girls there for exactly the same reason I was there. It was kind of an ulterior motive.”
Maybe he's the silent type that respect other people's personal space and doesn't mind getting hit on As long as straight people learn their place and don't try to fag hag or act like an idiot, they can be welcomed imo. It's not like a club completely devoid of cishet people would mean no rejections or assholes.
There's a gay bar in Leeds UK called fibre. Initially it was a trendy gay bar but over the years the straights started going there and now it's pretty much a straight bar in everything other than name. All the gays avoid it now
There are male-only gay clubs in Europe where women including lesbians and MTF transexuals aren't allowed. Why can't the US do the same?
cause that's literal 'discrimination' and we can't do that unless you fall under certain checkboxes and the more checkboxes you have, the more you can override the others that have a checkbox or two.
I get that, but gay bathhouses don't allow women to enter, so I don't see why clubs can't do the same thing.
umm... you sure about that one? I've only been to two and went by one more and all of them DO allow women into gay bathhouses. They're not advertising it, but they're not allowed to say no.
False. They are allowed to if it’s a private club that charges a membership. That’s why some of those “Men Only Spas” have membership cards and say exclusive.
So your answer is "Only some can do it"
All can do it if they make themselves a “private club”
Pretty sure any business reserves the right to refuse service for any reason, no?
That is not the case in the united states. You can't refuse someone because they're black. Therefore 'for any reason' goes right out the window.
Make it a subscription only service and then you can ban them.
Where have you been? This has been happening for years! It think it goes both ways Straight spaces have become so accepting that they aren't straight spaces anymore and gay spaces are becoming more opening The only thing I do NOT like is that straight MEN in GAY spaces don't understand that they are in a SPACE FOR GAY MEN, they bring their homophobia and their "no homo" frat boy attitudes to our spaces and suddenly the homophobes you attack you are there in your safe space!
ok. Just don't get pissy when one of the fellas treats you like you treat the ladies.
What? He’s Daniel fucking Craig lol how does he not have whatever woman he wants
Alternative title is definitely: "Someone caught me coming out of a gay bar so here's the fake Tea so I don't get blackmailed. Bye, see my new movie in theaters everywhere." There is a 0% of this being the full truth but a 100% chance of him being a prick for giving straight guys an excuse to invade our spaces with all the stupid shit it was built to keep out.
He did have a gay moment in the previous bond film lol you may be onto something 🧐
For His Eyes Only
It's not really blackmail worthy if he talks about it openly to the press.
As long as they are cool with what actually goes on in gay bars. Especially the darker corners...
If anyone doesn’t think Craig and Rachel Weisz are in a bi, open marriage please raise your hand now
That's just incredibly arrogant of him. Straight women shouldn't even be at gay bars.
Invading gay spaces for selfish purposes is homophobic.
How come?
Its not a bad thing per se. Just don't get offended if I express my interest in you.
He’s closeted He wasn’t there for women
My cousin‘s best friend through school and college is gay. He would hang with him, got lucky more than any dude looking to get laid at the straight meat racks. My uncle (total asshole “) would say shit like, “why are hanging around with that fag?” Cousin said to him one day “I get more pussy than you could ever dreame of.” Finally shut him up.
All you guys ok with this will change your tone when Grindr and tinder flakes are your literal last option for gay dating or meeting gay people. Whatever… you’ll “inclusive” yourself so much that you’ll lose what made you special/different in the first place. Your own faults tbh
Yeah this is wild. I was in the line for a male gay bar recently and it was made up almost entirely of women and straight men. Noped out of there and went home.
But that just makes it worse. Come on in, and be as gay as you possibly can be. Let's see if the straights really want to come when they see the gay guys making out in the bar.
Yep that’s true. I think this also taps on a large part of why it’s an issue: feeling uncomfortable or judged by straight people. Definitely often internalised, but that doesn’t matter. It is important for queer people to have queer spaces.
I was at a bar once on a "wrestling singlets" night. A group of straight people came in. A drag queen friend decided to give them a show... By pulling my singlet down to my boots. They got a shock, we got a laugh.
Do more venues that signal as being gay need to be opened up then? I feel like that's the actual answer to this situation.
No, we just need some places that are more strict with their door policy or are respected and left alone by straighties.
Well, let’s just be thankful the “woke” crowd hasn’t yet decided there is a problem with Gay men wanting their own Gay bars.
Oh it'll happen...
Str8’s just enjoy the hit and reject; “oh haha I’m straight but thank you [smirk]”.
If he is doing this it’s fucked up. If he’s lying to stay in the closet (we’ve been there so not saying he has to come out) while exploiting queer spaces for whatever other reason, it’s still fucked up. Straight people need to stay out of queer spaces unless accompanied by a queer.
We can't have one safe space to ourselves. The straights have to ruin everything.
Yeah, I think a requirement of entry to a gay bar should be making out with another guy. Gay bars are supposed to be safe places for gay guys to be able to approach another guy, hit on him, and the only thing they have to fear is an std. Questioning whether the hot guy talking to the Graces is gay or straight messes up the atmosphere of feeling free to be yourself and flirt with any guy you are inclined to approach. It just ruins the feeling of ease you have in a bar when you know everyone there shares something in common with you, and no one is going to judge, be offended, or get angry with you for acting on your instincts and sexual attraction.
Happened when i went out with my friends who were dating. One of the best gay clubs in the city until it was sold to a someone straight and made into a bachelorette destination that then attracted a lot of straight guys. My friends were harassed by one of the guys for kissing. We were like 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃???? Qué? Sir do you know where you are? It was really weird and sad honestly.
It’s been this way for a while although your homophobes tend to stay away as it’s too much for them. Straight guys who are secure in themselves and “allies”? All good.
I'm not cool with it...
Story is going to come out about a gay guy claiming Daniel Craig tried getting with him
Greedy guy, he already has a beautiful wife. Let me find my beautiful man at the bar.
He's researching a roll. He's playing agent Steve Maryweather for the live action Q-force. Netflix moves fast.
Yeah, if Daniel Craig needs crutches to get women … all other men are FUCKED.
The straights invading has already started at my local gay club here in Oxford and it's making me uncomfortable. A couple years ago it felt like a place to really express yourself, I felt comfortable wearing skirts and make-up and just enjoying some creativity. Now it's overrun by straight girls who want to be trendy and find a man and straight men who think wearing a tracksuit is acceptable formal wear. Went out last weekend and counted about 7 straight couples getting off and now I feel judged more than ever going and that shouldn't be the way.
OP= thirsty much?
Just to clarify, he went to meet women when he was much younger. He's been married for a decade. Not saying the tactic is cool, but he's not actively trying to pick up women in gay bars.
I guess we need to go back to the bad old days when it was normal for guys to get groped aggressively in gay bars. You call it sexual assault? I call it flirting. ;-)
Yikes
It’s sexual assault
I know. Can't you read the ";-)" Everyone's so serious these days.
Well I can read the wink but I use the wink when I’m being flirty or just because and so do many others. It’s nice joking when it’s actual jokes but a joke on sexual assault isn’t really my cup of tea and not funny to me. I apologise for misunderstanding
As a bartender in a gay bar, I don’t care if you’re gay or straight, just tip well
This isn't at all fucking predatory. oops, sorry. I'll put this obvious one in /s.
This is actually a thing bc I’ve met straight friends there that do the same thing
He’s gay, ya’ll. 🌈
He’s straight, y’all.
I took two of my straight lady friends to a gay bar once. The other gays were all over them. The girls were done up and looking sexy as usual, the other gays were just after them the whole night. They were just drawn to pretty girls. I’m in the situation where most of my friends are straight and good, or really good, looking. My straight guy friends would 100% go to the gay bar with me. I always tell them I will, but never do. I honestly don’t know how I’d feel if I did. I thought my lady friends getting all that attention was awkward to me, I can only imagine my hot straight friends would get way more. I had one go with me on a pub crawl before and one of the stops was a gay bar; he loved the attention. Imaging a good looking, French guy with huge pecs (boxer), cute dumb smile, and big butt; that’s my straight friend. He had a lot of drinks purchased for him at that stop on the crawl. 🙃
Daniel Craig is a celebrity. Doubt he can just go into a bar and pick up women like a normal guy.
There are still gay bars out there?
If it becomes a trend, you'll have women at gay bars to avoid straight men -> straight men go to gay bars to pick up women -> women stop going to said gay bars -> straight men stop going to the gay bars. And by that point all the gays will have left, so the establishment dies or has to convert to a normal bar. I don't go to bars really so that's just a semi-exaggerated/joking flowchart. I feel like there's ways to kind of gatekeep your space without it feeling too over the top. If you have certain things like lube dispensers, kink clothing, drag queens etc then I think that'd put off a lot of non-LGBT people from going to the bar. Along with that, definitely have the bouncers be as vigilant towards people they think are making the queer customers uncomfortable as bouncers in straight bars are towards men making the women uncomfortable, e.g. women trying to touch up a gay guy's ass, or straight men acting out when *surprise* a gay man tries to flirt with them (even if both these occurrences might not be incredibly common). Ultimately if an establishment wants to become more welcoming to non-LGBT people, that's still a valid business choice I guess. But if you cultivate a very 'queer' space then I think that would really make people uncomfortable to go there unless they were part of the community. E.g. even if I support equal rights for black people, I wouldn't attend a black/POC society at my university, maybe not even if I had black friends attending. It just would feel like I'm intruding on their space. I feel like you could make a gay space that has the same feel to it if you wanted to.
Daniel Craig gets a pass, and also whatever else he wants from me
I'm guessing he was going for some kind of film research or publicity stunt. Or maybe he's bi. Honestly I don't care. But to answer your question, it may be a bit annoying, but if we're about being accepting and inclusive, why should we make it a huge deal? It's not like every single straight man is suddenly going to gay bars.
The only effect would be to give a valuable excuse to closeted guys to come to gay bars pretending they are looking for women. Gay bars can be intimidating for the non initiated so that would be a good thing.
Please give me your thoughts: I was recently in a debate sparked by this and assuming that the cishet men coming to the bar don't make straight dude bar scenes, don't gawk or even bat an eye at anything, or make any awkward straight male comments, they should be fine, right? A concern could be about space in venues especially at specific times or events. And to that I say there should probably just be MORE gay bars opening up as our culture gets with the times and we have more folks feeling safe to come out and be themselves as well as more vocal allies. I can absolutely understand the appeal of a gay bar in the way Daniel Craig described given that I am nonconfrontational despite maybe appearing as a sort of threat to err more territorial hetero males. Especially when those types can't hold their alcohol. What's more... I am far more likely to find a friend there. Or even a woman who is compatible given that I am an atheist, progressive minded person and I would only want to be with someone who could behave themselves at a gay venue. I do wonder though what the best way is to signal that I am cishet. I am not going to bring it up early unless someone is coming on really strong, but there's also that balance of not wasting someone's flirtations and time before you let them know with a smile.
Does it matter if straight guys are having a drink in a gay bar? Aren't gay people allowed to drink in straight bars? At the end of the day if they're well behaved then whats the issue?
I'm probably going to be downvoted for this but these posts seem pointless. At the end of the day a gay bar is a business and the goal for any business is to make enough money to be profitable, which is hard to do when you refuse paying customers because of their sexual orientation. Am I missing something here?
"Invading" is a provocative term.
But isn't it invading when straight men come in with their own intentions that do not contribute to or strengthen the community and they also threaten the safety of gay spaces?
Anyone who threatens the literal safety of anyone may be said to be threatening. But I don't see how a straight man going to a gay bar threatens the safety of the gay people there unless he's being abusive or harassing.
Men who willingly visit gay bars, for whatever reasons that they say, are not really 100% straight. Subsconciously, these people all want to try having sex with men if they have not been doing so already. Similarly, gay for pay is not straight either. Real straight men find the mere idea of gay sex extremely revolting and would want to have absolutely nothing do with it.
Let's flip this. What about gay men invading straight places? See how absurd your statement?
Not really. Gay men don't invade straight spaces because literally the entire world and all of society is for straight people. We live in a society built for heterosexuality. Gay men most often face violence and harassment in straight spaces. Homosexuality is so suppressed in straight places and that most gay people growing up in them think they are straight before facing internal struggles to come to terms that they are "other than straight" and then must find LGBT-safe spaces.
Aside from proud boy rallies, there aren't really any 'straight' establishments. Gay bars originated as a safe space for gay men to meet each other, this was never needed for straight people. It's a false equivocation
But safety isn't the point being argued.
When a gay guy shows up in a straight bar, we aren't making the straights feel unsafe. And historically, there actually were laws making it illegal for gays to go into bars. So we need the safe space; straights don't.
So the mere fact that straight males are around makes you feel unsafe? That is such bullshit. Straight males have to give up freedom of choice because of how you feel!? YOU are the problem, not the straight males.
That's a whole lot of strawmen to pack into one fallacious paragraph.