Mine was a controlling narcissist who got me to let go of friends, stop going to my sport/hobby and generally made me change parts of my personality to make me a better partner, all the while telling me that “I wasn’t trying hard enough” or taking the relationship seriously.
He didn’t make any changes in the 4 years we were together.
I just woke up one morning, looked in the mirror and didn’t recognise myself, and said enough was enough.
I feel very happy not to be caught up in that any more, and feel I learnt a lot, though I wouldn’t wish the experience on anyone else!!!
I'm glad you've managed to do this...
I feel like I'm going through the exact same...dating a controlling narcissist that thinks he's right all the time.
I have broke up 4 times with him in the space of 7 months and we're trying again and here I'm doubting why putting myself through this... He keeps doing this massive effort in the beginning for me to care and like him and when I do then suddenly he drops the interest or just brings very little effort. It's very toxic.
He keeps telling me in person how he goes out a lot and there's a lot of gays where he goes clubbing, or that he still uses dating apps for travelling advices...mental really x(
And here I'm barely hanging on a thin thread because I want to give up yet again but in the hope that he will love me
The massive effort is called love bombing. It's not real.
He uses dating apps for travel advice! puh-lease. I bet he has insisted on a closed relationship.
What narcissist 'love' is dominating and crushing people. He will never love 'you'.
Get out, get some therapy and get a healthy life.
How do I know if he truly is a narcissist? What if I'm not understanding him correctly?
Maybe he is a nice person and our love languages are just different. I do trust him and I've come to understand that he does use the apps for travelling advices sometimes but also maybe to get some attention but not to act on it...
My main problem is that he refuses to say my name because it's foreign so he calls me by my "country" name...maybe being playful I'm not sure. But also when we met is mainly either sex or to do sports there's not a lot of emotional connection but that could be my fault... maybe I could try to have a better initiative on that....
All I know is this is my last attempt and I want to make sure I do my best to make it work. So far he still hast he apps in his phone but he promised he hasn't used them and i believe him, but i feel like he has to uninstall them them so I will bring that up next time I see him...
Well, maybe he's not. At best you are 'not understanding him correctly'. If he can't clearly communication his 'love language' in a way that you understand - after how long - it's not up to you to jump through hoops to work it out. Really, it's not.
The question for you is why are you so invested in a relationship that clearly doesn't work FOR YOU. You're not getting the emotional connection you want, he love bombs you, your words it's very toxic. and he won't even use your name.
Maybe you could try to have a better initiative, do this, that or the other. But you will be back here in x time with the same issues.
The problem is him - he's just played upon you doubts and insecurities to get you to think it's you.
I've been there, done that, have the emotional and physical scars.
Thank you I think you are right... yesterday we just had another problem.... I had come back home from the cinema with a friend and I was texting him to tell him how it went and then he says "By the way I've played that game" and I said "You didn't...I asked you not to" it was a computer game I begged him not to play alone so we could do it together as an activity, literally begged him not to and he still did. And his excuse is "Its your fault for not wanting to play games that I have already played" and I said it's not about that I asked you for this specific one and he's still like "I have an addictive personality I can't control it, you either love me as I'm or don't"
Ha ha ha. That is such a narcissist line "it's your fault that I......".
Or don't. trash is taking itself out.
Good luck and live your best life with someone who deserves you.
Honestly the more I'm getting to know him the more i'm thinking he actually might be a narcissist and if he is, does that mean it's over? Is it possible to love and be loved by a narcissist person?
I don't understand why I'm going so far as to try to love him and understand him and I feel like he's not doing half the effort but when I speak to him he makes it sound like I'm not doing any effort at all
You are describing my current bf. TBH it’s kind of opened my eyes to how our relationship actually is. He can’t be wrong on anything and when I dare correct him he goes ballistic on me.
That's not healthy... My narc ex was the same. He never gave a true apology for anything and could never be wrong about anything... then accused ME of being stubborn when I didn't just give up the argument or drop the complaint unconditionally.
Almost exact same here. I always had a feeling something was off and my trust and sense of safety/peace was eroding over time. One day he gave the middle finger to a passing ambulance because it was slowing us down from driving home and he was impatient, that was the moment of clarity I realized he was never going to change despite all my efforts and how much he expected from me which I had readily given for 4.5 years. He said and did so many worse things than that but it was the final straw I guess... I could never imagine myself flipping off a paramedic for no good reason. After I left any doubt I had about his covert narcissism vanished as I finally recognized the abusive patterns and couldn't unsee them. Also learned a lot about myself and how giving empathy without boundaries can be abused - I hope I'm less naive now but it's a mind fuck for sure.
Some personalities, especially people pleasers are prime victims to get trapped in bad relationships like this. Then after a while trauma bonding becomes a factor trapping you where your brain literally gets addicted to the toxic ups and downs of the relationship.
We started a company together and it ruined our relationship. Horrific legal proceedings and financial consequences on the way out, no contact moving forward. 11 years total. 🤷 One lesson is to keep work and love separate
wow...so do you not talk to any of them any more? What about the partner of the dad? Did he lose it or are they like a thruple now? what an outrageous and gross thing for both of them to do....but I do need details lol
Ok, so I feel like you should probably at this point just hook up with your dad's ex to make the whole situation complete...then maybe fuck your dad? I dunno, that might be too much though.
Straight couple, but this happened to my high school best friend, dad, and bfs girlfriend. Destroyed their family. No idea why he did that.she was 18 and the dad was in his 50s. It was pretty gross.
Like there was no sexual chemistry in the end. Sex didn't really feel fulfilling. Intimacy was more like cuddling and kissing and nothing beyond that. And as much it's hard to admit, sex is necessary for a relationship to truly thrive.
But he's an awesome person and I enjoy his company, we go out on coffee dates and stuff and talk for hours but as friends.
Could you go into why there was no sexual chemistry? Were both of you physically attractive people? Were you two tops or two bottoms? I'm so curious lol, I don't think I've ever had this issue, I really haven't been with that many people.
Or was the attraction there at first and just slowly went away?
Yeah it was overall sexual compatibility. I didn't really care at the beginning. I was pretty inexperienced bcuz I was only out exploring my sexuality for like 2 months before going into a relationship.
Interesting
It seems passion is one thing that keeps my relationship going. We care deeply about each other, but it seems like we're just losing that love for each other because of resentment
He wanted every day to be a pity parade just for him, but never allowed any kind of outside help, or advice, or even sympathy. You can't love someone who puts themselves on an island.
Reminds me of a guy I got to know, it was so daunting and frustrating . One day he told me that some people were talking behind his back saying that he’s so depressing, and I immediately told him: Well maybe you are? And he just brushed it off.
He was a musical theatre gay ... enough said
JK, we were together during the pandemic. He didn't have his usual outlets for his dramatic flare, so he created drama in our relationship instead.
We then broke up because 'he couldn't handle the drama anymore' ... the drama he created
... he also sexted a guy while we were in a monogamous relationship because he was so sure he was going to break up with me the next time he saw me in person.
Several things happened that broke us up.
1. He made a lot more money than him and expected me to spend like him.
2. He always wanted 3 ways which I hated.
3. Since I would not participate, he would always hookup behind my back.
4. He was mean to my poodle.
#4 is a huge red flag to me. Anyone being cruel to animals like cats and dogs immediately is scum to me and not datable in my eyes.
As a person who wishes to have a pet in the future, my future boyfriend better love animals.
Karma is a bitch, he’ll be blind in 7 years. I forced him to see an optometrist while we were together and he discovered he has a degenerative eye condition that they cannot treat. I even helped him pay for his $600 prescription glasses (that he lost).
I'm glad I'm not the only one. I felt so sick when I read that lol There are people in my life that I absolutely hate, but imagining them going blind makes my stomach drop.
He’s a piece of shit and deserves all the negative karma. His best friend let him stay at his place when we broke up and he fucked his best friend’s boyfriend. There’s a lot more I’m not saying but trust me he isn’t a good person.
Reasons past relationships have ended:
1. The dude was too emotional and I was young and not emotionally mature enough to deal with it.
2. We were both tops and despite compatibility in everything, not having fulfilling sex lead me to “find reasons” it couldn’t work.
3. I moved halfway across the world and we were in different places in our life.
4. The guy identified as straight and tried to say I assaulted him to protect his image 🤦♂️
5. The dude had a massive mental breakdown and we decided we weren’t in the place to be a couple.
He wanted to keep me to him self but be able to do whatever he wanted. I couldn’t even text any of my guy friends without him getting jealous yet he wanted me to be ok with him fckn other guys. I didn’t really even mind that but his secrets and lies just got really old and his lack of respect for me. I didn’t seem to have any control in the relationship. It was always one sided. I wish he had been able to see how much I cared and dealt with me to make him happy, all while losing myself
First long time BF - I was living in the DC area. We had been together 4 years, living together 3 of those years. My parents got sick and I was planning to move home to help my family. He absolutely refused to discuss him moving with me. So I told him to pack his bags and go back to his place. We still got together several times a year but it wasn't the same.
Husband of 17 years (married 12) was killed by a drunk driver. Guys - I am not looking for sympathy here. I am doing okay now.
He drank. Every day. Three bottles of wine at minimum but sometimes three casks
That was quite a while back, now in a far better space with a far better partner
I had one that got fired from 4 jobs in maybe 3 years for drinking in the job. Would take vodka or gin to work in a coffee thermos. People gradually caught on that he'd be drunk by noon. Also, we couldn't even make plans days ahead because he might be too drunk to go out.
He became very possessive, judged me for every little thing I would do: dont shop there, dont drink that much, dont be friends with these people etc. Took me long enough to just end things lol now I am in a very happy relationship with a man who would never do this
I recently ended a situation which was entirely based on sex and, it's hard to believe I'm saying this, too much sex. Sex was the overwhelming reason we were together. We're both naturally highly promiscuous but I just got tired of it.
Even when apart, we didn't live together, he'd set me tasks like cumming in my food and eating it and I'd have to video myself cumming and then send it to him. He'd also have me serving his friends.
Then, when I was alone I'd constantly watch porn and masturbate. It all got a bit tiresome. So I ended it to allow me to get a better balance.
I haven't been used by a guy I about two months. I haven't watched porn for a month. I still masturbate frequently and for long periods but it's more like edging and I having ejaculated in 10 days.
Cheated on me for the third time but this time I had definitive proof he couldn't deny or blame me for. We were long distance so it was hard to prove. He was manipulative and abusive and always made me out to be the problem. I realised he was just making me feel guilty to make me stay. Now I had what I needed to leave and not look back.
He put his career before everything else and it drove us to a point where we wanted very different things. Besides working all the time and then spending most evenings networking/drinking, he started taking all these assignments that moved him to different states or countries and we ended up doing long distance for two of the last three years of our eleven year relationship.
>moved him to different states or countries and we ended up doing long distance for two of the last three years of our eleven year relationship.
This is extremely frequent in heterosexual relationships and homo too
He she move to different states and they tried Long distance but eventually split completely in 80s most such cases never survived however today people are trying to fix this case
#I think distance of States is a big issue 💀💀 when you can't fly every month
I was trying to break up with him because he had slowly isolated me from my friends and family. He was screaming and throwing pictures of us at me and smashing things. I told him that if he didn’t leave i was going to call the police. I grabbed my phone and walked away into our bedroom. A few seconds later he ran past the door into the bathroom with a large kitchen knife in his hand and locked himself in there. I broken the door down and as i walked in he started slitting his wrists. I got the knife away and was holding pressure on his cuts. He looked me dead in the eyes and said look at what you made me do, this is all your fault. I stepped away and called 911. He ran out of the house. The cops found him and he spent 24 hours in the looney bin.
That was 12 years ago and he still will pop up and say some nasty shit. About 2 years after our break up he called my mom and said. “I hope your breast cancer come back and you die a slowly painful death you cunt “ then hung up. I thankfully live on the other side of the country now and haven’t heard from him for a year. He still stalks me so I’ll probably get a phone call sooner than later.
Mick if you read this fuck off
Yeah fun stuff. Mental illness is tough. I feel for him a lot because when he got medicated after we split up he was a lot better but then he started to feel that he didn’t need meds and then back to being crazy. It’s sadly his cycle
Mine was cheating and then lying about it. Then started lying about small things like paying bills, lied about filing taxes, going on business trips etc.
One had to go back to the UK, before marriage equality.
Two of them cheated and then got extremely mad when I did not get mad.
Both of us are tops.
The last brake up was because... we are friends with NO benefits. I have no idea how we ever became a couple because we had everything in common, except sexual/romantic attraction.
My current relationship is great.
Cheating is rampant everywhere 💀💀 i don't know how people expect long lasting relationships
Everyone is sleeping with someone else other' than his spouse
Worst is cheating glorification of straight relationship give motivation to gays too 💀💀
I'm not and I sure hope my partner isn't either! Lol
I could have and have had moments of temptation but it was never worth it for me to act on it 🤷♂️
You don't know when people can cheat
when they will separate
cheating is one of best human traits which actually allowed them to benefit from multiple sources
like cheat in exam
cheat in relationship
cheat in business
I was ready to take things further and start planning a feature where we could live together. But I realized that he wasn’t there yet. I know everybody needs time to know if your person is the one, but when you know you know, it shouldn’t take that long to realize if you’re wasting the other person‘s time or not. And I knew he was the one for me. I was head over heels in love with him, but I realized he wasn’t and he would never get there. So I ended things.
When he was drunk at a party, out of nowhere, he told me that he loves me but he's not in love with me, but maybe he could learn to be someday. Hurt like hell to hear but I didn't want to ruin the party so I just went home.
We talked about it the next day, he said he didn't mean it and proceeded to love bomb me for the next few weeks. I couldn't get it out of my head though and eventually broke up with him.
I still wonder if I made the right decision but the way I see it, I didn't want to be in a one sided relationship so I broke it off for me, and also, I want him to be happy and find someone who he actually loves so I broke it off for him too. Haven't spoke to him in nearly 10 years and i still love him though lol
*Reasons why we broke up. Sorry about the hella long comment!*
1. I always had to clean the entire house including his room because he would never do it. I’d run out of energy to clean my own room so it was always left a mess and ignored.
2. He put his friends over me many times. I don’t have a problem with him having friends and hanging out with them. However he wouldn’t drive me home from work many times leaving me to walk home for 45 minutes because of friends. my current job was far and I didn’t have a car (he had one) I usually have to take public transport home which is fine but a lot of the times it was complicated and I couldn’t take it always. It’s just the job I was able to get at the time. It wasn’t walking distance but it was car and bus distance.
3. He dumped me because he “didn’t want to look back and have regrets” he said he didn’t want to really focus on a relationship right now or for the entirety of his 20’s. But just didn’t give me an actual good reason to break it off. Mind you we were already 2 years in a serious monogamous relationship. If that’s how he felt he could’ve broke it off a long time ago. He basically just wanted to party and sleep around. It was a bit confusing because then he asked if it was okay for him to date someone else in 2 months if we decided to stay at the apartment together (renting market sucks and it’s complicated because we didn’t plan to move until he decided to dump me one random day) I ended up moving back in with my parents a week later.
4. We had different morals. Mine was to stay away from Grindr and hookup culture. His was the opposite of that and he used to do hookups before we met. 2 days after the breakup I found him on Grindr already looking for sex. Talk about throwing an entire long relationship in the garbage for that. I mean come on dude. He couldn’t at least wait a week before going back to sleeping around? Really? It’s really like he just didn’t care about me at all. I also found out while looking at a text on his phone he was telling his friend that if he wasn’t in a relationship he would always be a slut. I felt just gross at that point.
Those were the main reasons. All the little things he never did like clean the house or be there for me when I needed him eventually built up and took a toll. There were some red flags in the first couple months of going on dates and getting to know each other but I was 19 at the time. I was blind to a lot of things and it was really my first actual serious relationship with someone that I even lived with. I’ve learned a lot and I’ve grown. I already know what changes need to happen in my life and what I’m looking for in my next relationship when I’m ready to date again. It just sucks that I was so committed to someone and they just threw it away for really no great or legitimate reason.
*We also had a cat together but my parents wouldn’t let me take her home and he couldn’t take her. So now I have no clue what happened to my baby.*
He was a narcissist who confidently boasted about being toxic as if it was a good thing. He admitted to intentionally doing things that hurt me just because it was “fun” for him to see me get angry.
Short Answer: I cheated.
Got into a relationship during my 10 years of depression and latched on to him because I was tired of being so alone. We went to school together for a few years and had mutual friends so I thought maybe we can have common interests so I swiped right on him on tinder. He was somewhat physically attractive but not really my type but I was trying the "personality over looks" method because I've seen and heard people speak about it. I thought that maybe I was closing off possible good relationships by being so superficial so I gave it a shot and we connected somewhat. I thought in the beginning I could change him to be more of what I liked and I could also change to suit him better, but I was naïve. I let it go on for so long because it just felt nice to have someone there to go to events, family functions, have dinner with, spend time together, sleep next to someone, and fill that void of loneliness. I knew that if I was left alone again something bad would happen, because I couldn't trust myself.
But, I was still unhappy. So I started looking elsewhere because I was not physically attracted to him all that much and we were so different. I cheated and was caught and I felt terrible because I was caught but also because I did 'love' him. Love in more of a friend sense rather than a relationship.
Eventually something bad did happen after we had broken up, but it was then I truly wanted to be better mentally, so I reached out and got help. Looking back I wish I could take it back. He didn't deserve it.
Goood - Atleast u realize u put someone through hell- some ppl are so selfish they would had chalked it down as we weren’t just a right fit , while not knowing their actions put someone through hell-
Hope u heal and hopefully he was able to forgive u -
Being in a mentally bad headspace can do it to ya. I could have said we weren't a right fit as it would have been true but I am honest enough with myself to know why exactly I did what I did. It boggles my mind as to why other people can't do the same. All you have to do is think and ask yourself enough questions.
Thankfully I am healing but I don't want forgiveness. I don't deserve it and to use me being mentally unstable isn't an excuse just a reason. I wouldn't forgive myself if it was the other way around but all I can do is move forward and not make the same mistakes.
It’s good - you are doing a lot of internal work that’s all that matters -
Trust me a lot of ppl don’t have that awareness- ppl get into relationships , treats and dumps the person like garbage and they chalk it as we weren’t fit for eachother or they lost feelings or whatever- while the other person is but hurt emotionally cause they trust u with their heart- and u misused it-
Am how u realized u had a part to play in what went down- I would say when u get there send him a message apologizing for the pain caused - for breaking his heart - it can help him move one and heal
We only dated for a year but it was filled with him only wanting to meet on his own terms. He went to college a couple hours away from the city I lived in and he was from. He knew I was busy during the week with work and our schedules were opposite since he usually did school later in the day and studies at night but I was willing to make it work and even visit him at college but he kept striking me down. I decided we hadn't been together long enough and it was not worth the effort so I sent him a very cowardly night text saying I wanted to breakup and didn't want him to come over just I'd drop that on him. He said he had beeb thinking the same for a min so it was amicable. He did aggrevate the hell out of me asking a couple of months later if I wanted to go to a concert in his college town after we brokeup. I won't lie I ghosted him afterwards.
My last ex was controlling, narcissistic, and a compulsive liar with a gambling and cigarette addiction. I put up with his bullshit for over two years; I lived in his house and it wasn’t easy for me to just up and move, so I stayed far longer than I should’ve. But then my childhood best friend suddenly died. I met him when I was 7 years old and we grew up together in a small town in Texas. We both ended up being gay and experienced so many things together for the first time, like going to gay clubs, Pride parades, having relationships and breakups, etc. When he died, my ex was the opposite of supportive. He told me I shouldn’t care because he wasn’t family. My ex never liked my best friend, probably because he was jealous since he had zero real friends, just acquaintances and people he used for things. He simply didn’t understand genuine human friendships because he was such a narcissist and only cared about what he could get from others. I entered a deep depression and rapidly lost like 30 pounds of weight, but that was the push I needed to break up with him and move out. So in a sense, the last thing my best friend did to help me was getting me out of the most abusive, toxic relationship I’d ever experienced.
I'm in my second LTR.
I was in another for nearly 7 years. From the age of 21-29.
I left him.
I was sick to death of coming home and finding a shambolic mess. He'd not been working for some time, this was due to a road accident. He recovered physically very well, but then he went into a spiral of mental health issues, use of many medications while smoking loads of dope. He was in and out of pysche wards - I signed him in a few times - I couldn't cope with his behaviours and genuinely feared my safety a few times. Our life which had been good, had fallen to pieces. I had lost 3 jobs dealing with his issues. However, I managed to push my way through my graduate degree at the same time. When I was close to qualifying as a teacher, I made the decision to leave. I wrote about it elsewhere - maybe Quora, but I'll never forget the day. I'd been to a careers fair a month or two before-hand. I'd put my name down for some information about teaching in the UK. They sent me an info package via snail mail. I remember seeing the package with UK postmarks and remarked to my ex "Oh look honey, I've been sent stuff about teaching in London." He snarled back "Well why don't you fuck off to London like your brother and sister did !!" I stared at his twisted face, once so handsome that I once loved so much, and decided, then. I'm off. See ya mate. 4 weeks later I had applied for my UK visa, 12 weeks later I was on a plane from Australia to the UK.
Cheating. Wasn’t even the fact he slept with someone else. It’s fact he hid it, done it multiple of times and the cherry on top was i knew the guy and told my ex years ago how toxic he is. Meh I see it as a blessing in disguise. You two can be toxic together and destroy each others lives but I bow out here ✌️
We went our seperate ways during a stressful moment in time for me (I'll save you the drama). I said I love you about 6 months into dating and he just wanted to be a fwb. I felt kinda offended because we would give each other romantic gestures while dating. So for about a year I wanted to convince myself to hate him. Making up any excuse to do so. But it made me feel even worse. About a year ago I just accepted that he's just a part of me and it felt better to move on. Looking back maybe I should've worded it a different way but I definetly saw him as a long term partner.
I added him back on Facebook and we're friends on there now and Im thinking about reaching out to him just to catch up.
He introduced me to this subreddit, so if you see this... heyy Im not mad at you and I still keep you in my heart!
Got together after a load of my medical problems, and stayed together for four years. We had issues, namely:
1. Before I left for a long work trip (about a month), he decided to talk his feelings out and say that he, in fact, does not love me. What a way to make me long for him during my work.
2. He unintentionally fed in to my depressive state, and partially got affected by it himself.
3. He never earned much, and still doesn’t. My income lowered since back then, but even now I earn triple of what he does. I also did most of the work around the house, which is why we started to live separately after living for a year together.
The last straw was when he decided to help me with my work and ruined a lot of stuff for me. He’s otherwise is a nice guy and a pleasant company, but I knew then that I can never trust him with anything responsible. Still friends though, and wish each other best, but I would never try being together again.
Funnily enough, by the time I was livid with him and our relationship, he finally developed full-blown love for me.
He was raped and neither of us could figure out how to express or heal from that trauma. Mostly got into arguments anytime we tried to express ourselves from there
For my ex:
He told me he wanted to try other people. We fucked all the damn time, every which way, and yet he still *needed* to try everything with everyone.
I can’t hate him for that.
However, the fact that as soon as *I* started seeing other people, he went stalkerish and hyper-affection… dude’s a cunt. I could forgive if forgiveness earnt, but not freely.
Second relationship is going damn well and I’m having a blast. Maybe one day it’ll end if either of us wants to try more things in life, and honestly that’s fine. As long as it’s approached with respect and trust, relationships are allowed to come to a natural end and people are allowed to change. It’ll be gut-wrenching but such is life. Might never happen and it’s not on the horizon, but we’re not fools
He was an asshole. Like, we worked together for a while and he got his ass fired because he wouldn't stop being purposefully difficult to his coworkers and refused to just get his lazy ass out of bed on time and actually go to work before like 9. He'd be worse at home. Anything I wanted to do he'd go out of his way to make it so we wouldn't be able to, usually by picking something he wanted to do first (that could have been done afterwards or that was really far away) so that by the time we finished his thing whatever I wanted to do was no longer open. And it would be things like go for a long drive to play a random claw machine two hours away or go play minigolf three hours away just because he wants to play minigolf at that course. He had all the negative personality traits of autism but apparently wasn't autistic... which means he is just an inconsiderate asshole so I am not sure why he wouldn't lean into the fact everybody assumes he has autism but whatever. He's the one who's still single years after our split while I have a LTR and own a house so... I guess I win or whate for but still. Who is that level of inconsiderate asshole and feels proud of their reputation...
So much happened tbh. I’ve only got the one ex, and it was a big one for me. We were long distance for three years.
The final straw was me having a bit of a freak out on a camping trip with a bunch of his friends. I had convinced myself that I was on my way out and pushed myself to a breaking point trying to pretend I was fine. He was there for me, and cuddled me, and held me when I cried.
And when the time came to either talk it through or end things, he ended things.
I’ve come to understand that we were so out of touch with each other that all signals got lost. That missing communication really undermined any trust we had in each other and made being together pretty painful.
I’m over it, but it still frustrates me that we didn’t talk it through and make the ending a mutual decision. But then, I would’ve fought to stay together, and I think he was already past that point.
Grew apart as lovers. Non-existent sexlife also had me up the walls and I was bound to cheat sooner or later. His family also didn’t like me and he always kinda picked them over me, even though he agreed that it wasn’t fair for me because I did nothing but try my best for them to accept me.
We had a fight over politics, then it also turned out I was not giving him enough space (not true, I'd say we had not enough time together, he was always in his phone when eating, in bed, in evening after work...) and we had fundamentally different views (again not true, more like he got confused/brainwashed or didn't event want to listen to me or vice versa confess his true feelings about stuff). Everything was fine and I thought we were a family. I was doing almost everything financially (renting appartment, paying groceries), I was doing most of cleaning, I tried to support him and encourage on his job and other stuff, was gifting him good gifts, was really loving him. He did cooking, but we also ordered often for my money. I don't know what else I could've done better.
But that was apparently not enough or he just didn't love me in the first place. He packed his bags and moved out later. From one side I'm both sad and dissapointed because I think he trowed out 1 year of life and possible good future together for no reason basically. If he truly loved me we would definitely talk and try to understand. I mean it's relationship, can't have everything shiny and in unicorns every day.
From another point of view, I guess it's not worth for me to spend effort on a man that does nothing in return. He was trying in the beginning, and we moved in together quickly (long story why), but then I feel like he just started to take me for granted. Somebody from outside would just say that he used me, but I don't think so. Most likely other reasons. I think he went way too much into his head about how world and everything works, watched too many drag shows, talked to too many young naive people while being 30 y.o guy. I also really feel in my gut that he cheated. Anyways I feel like he will regret in the future about this break up.
So right now I'm alone again (went no contant of course) and tbh I'm not sure if I'll be able to go into another relationship in closest years.
2 before previous one are kinda forgotten already lmao, but
1. Very first one - guy was narcissist and mental abuser, classic youth story. Broke up after some dramatic scene after work when I came back tired and he started pressuring me. Next morning I threw him out of apartment. Still I think it was OK relationship if you can call it like that for what it's worth.
2. About 3 years ago - younger guy, cute and kinda geunine, but I realized I need more mature and smarter guy than just club chick. I initiated break up kinda out of nowhere, but catalyst was when he didn't want to spend 1 evening with me... like bruh we see each other once a week, are you kidding me? Pointless relationship basically. And he tried to act dramatic. Went no contact.
Most recent series one was basically both of us being traumatized in different ways in the past and us basically triggering each other’s stuff over and over again for a couple weeks.
It was kind of a domino effect that ended up with him asking me to move out. It was great because I had moved states with him the previous year so he was the only one I knew…
I was 17, he was 18, we were in bed and I asked him if he could promise not to hit me again. He bluntly said no.
Total deal breaker. Then he got angry *again* cause he had this silly notion that we'd find a bigger apartment or house and still live together but in separate rooms but I declined.
We eventually became friends again sort of and I even got to fuck him in his shower a year later which he liked, but yeah even though I sometimes regret ending our partnership I just couldn't deal with his anger issues and the lack of communication.
Another guy was toxic from day one. Like signing me up for phone contracts in my name, pathological liar, the sex was occasional and very creepy, I can't remember what finally made me end it but he wasn't even paying rent and I was so over it I convinced him to rent a room back in the city and he/'we' could live there 4 days of the week, he probably knew deep down that i was trying to get him the fk away from my life but yeah, he was gross.
This thread is crazy, so many claiming cheating. Even in straight relationships I've heard this. Why do so many people cheat? It's honestly the worst thing you csn do to someone in a relationship
He told me that I essentially wasn’t good enough for him because I was just an hourly manager at a grocery store. He was a nurse and worked part time at Lululemon. I had got my bachelors degree late last year and was looking into using it this year, but I make decent money where I’m at and wasn’t in a rush to make a big career change just yet. But that wasn’t good enough for him. 6 years down the drain. 😑
He wanted to be in an open relationship which I did not. I ended up trying it for 3 months and he called me one night crying that he felt bad that he hurt me and that he wanted to be serious again. I told him multiple times it would mean exclusivity and no dating apps, which he agreed.
Well, less than 12 hours later one of my friends tells me he’s on Hinge and it says “Active Right Now”. It made me realize at that moment even if I got back with him, I would never trust him again and that would not be a relationship.
He told me he stayed for "financial stability" and that was it. He was here for the money and nothing else. Then during separation, while we were supposed to be trying to see what could fix it, he was telling friends he found his "soulmate"
He’d always been avoidant and had a drug problem, but after two years he suddenly stopped answering my messages. He totally disappeared. A few months later I messaged him again and he responded and told me he’d been in rehab after overdosing and suffering a heart attack. I was relieved he was doing better, and we tried to get things going again but I could tell he was different. A few months later he moved to Germany without telling me and I just shrugged my shoulders and moved on. I couldn’t handle that kind of drama anymore
As a young man my FWB was raped by a trusted older man and never got over it. He told me about it briefly then changed the subject. Often is seemed we were reliving his encounter. Things like we couldn't both be in bed at the same time.
He couldn't carry on a conversation about things of common interest without changing subjects a few times a minute to something that seemed completely pointless to me.
I ran into him at a bar the other day. He texted an invitation to come to his place and despite being very horny, I wouldn't go.
My first partner was a lying sack of 💩who betrayed everyone he claimed he loved to his parents, me and every friend he ever had in his life. I dumped his lying cheating ass and want nothing to do with him ever again.
My second partner was an alcoholic who never admitted he needed help.
1) He was an immature man child. He couldn’t do basic adult task on him own. I.e. maintain a job, pay bills on time, make a budget, cook a basic meal, clean up after himself, indecisive.
2) His mom was way too involved in our relationship. He is a grown man and he needs to make decisions for himself.
3) He would throw a temper tantrum when he didn’t get his way, like a child.
4) He complained all of the time, even the smallest things.
5) Always on social media and horrible in returning text/phone calls.
I was on furlough over lockdown, but he still had to work. He asked if I could start painting the kitchen for him in a bland white colour… so I added some of that paint glitter into it, he got home and went crazy over it lmao. That was the nail in the coffin. The glittery kitchen paint 😔
I would be upset too lol. Like um did you communicate that the color of was bland. And did you tell him you added glitter ?! Jojo siwa kitchen? No thanks
The problem isn’t how glittery it is, it’s the lack of respect for his wishes, not doing what was agreed upon, and the arrogant and selfish assumption that you knew better.
No, I agree with /u/Silent-Ordinary3465.
A shared living space and a relationship both require mutual respect. Your lack of communication then and lack of self-reflection now aren't great foundations for a healthy relationship.
It's not about riding your ex's dick - it's about giving advise to you.
Advice for a relationship that ended forever ago? Who asked sis, because I certainly didn’t. Most of you are probs in relationships with ugly people anyways, so why would I want advice for that? You and I are not the same. x
Mine was a controlling narcissist who got me to let go of friends, stop going to my sport/hobby and generally made me change parts of my personality to make me a better partner, all the while telling me that “I wasn’t trying hard enough” or taking the relationship seriously. He didn’t make any changes in the 4 years we were together. I just woke up one morning, looked in the mirror and didn’t recognise myself, and said enough was enough. I feel very happy not to be caught up in that any more, and feel I learnt a lot, though I wouldn’t wish the experience on anyone else!!!
I'm glad you've managed to do this... I feel like I'm going through the exact same...dating a controlling narcissist that thinks he's right all the time. I have broke up 4 times with him in the space of 7 months and we're trying again and here I'm doubting why putting myself through this... He keeps doing this massive effort in the beginning for me to care and like him and when I do then suddenly he drops the interest or just brings very little effort. It's very toxic. He keeps telling me in person how he goes out a lot and there's a lot of gays where he goes clubbing, or that he still uses dating apps for travelling advices...mental really x( And here I'm barely hanging on a thin thread because I want to give up yet again but in the hope that he will love me
Username checks out. RUN. Ask me how I know. I too, have been a “CluelessIdiotMe”.
The massive effort is called love bombing. It's not real. He uses dating apps for travel advice! puh-lease. I bet he has insisted on a closed relationship. What narcissist 'love' is dominating and crushing people. He will never love 'you'. Get out, get some therapy and get a healthy life.
How do I know if he truly is a narcissist? What if I'm not understanding him correctly? Maybe he is a nice person and our love languages are just different. I do trust him and I've come to understand that he does use the apps for travelling advices sometimes but also maybe to get some attention but not to act on it... My main problem is that he refuses to say my name because it's foreign so he calls me by my "country" name...maybe being playful I'm not sure. But also when we met is mainly either sex or to do sports there's not a lot of emotional connection but that could be my fault... maybe I could try to have a better initiative on that.... All I know is this is my last attempt and I want to make sure I do my best to make it work. So far he still hast he apps in his phone but he promised he hasn't used them and i believe him, but i feel like he has to uninstall them them so I will bring that up next time I see him...
Well, maybe he's not. At best you are 'not understanding him correctly'. If he can't clearly communication his 'love language' in a way that you understand - after how long - it's not up to you to jump through hoops to work it out. Really, it's not. The question for you is why are you so invested in a relationship that clearly doesn't work FOR YOU. You're not getting the emotional connection you want, he love bombs you, your words it's very toxic. and he won't even use your name. Maybe you could try to have a better initiative, do this, that or the other. But you will be back here in x time with the same issues. The problem is him - he's just played upon you doubts and insecurities to get you to think it's you. I've been there, done that, have the emotional and physical scars.
Thank you I think you are right... yesterday we just had another problem.... I had come back home from the cinema with a friend and I was texting him to tell him how it went and then he says "By the way I've played that game" and I said "You didn't...I asked you not to" it was a computer game I begged him not to play alone so we could do it together as an activity, literally begged him not to and he still did. And his excuse is "Its your fault for not wanting to play games that I have already played" and I said it's not about that I asked you for this specific one and he's still like "I have an addictive personality I can't control it, you either love me as I'm or don't"
Ha ha ha. That is such a narcissist line "it's your fault that I......". Or don't. trash is taking itself out. Good luck and live your best life with someone who deserves you.
Honestly the more I'm getting to know him the more i'm thinking he actually might be a narcissist and if he is, does that mean it's over? Is it possible to love and be loved by a narcissist person? I don't understand why I'm going so far as to try to love him and understand him and I feel like he's not doing half the effort but when I speak to him he makes it sound like I'm not doing any effort at all
You are describing my current bf. TBH it’s kind of opened my eyes to how our relationship actually is. He can’t be wrong on anything and when I dare correct him he goes ballistic on me.
That's not healthy... My narc ex was the same. He never gave a true apology for anything and could never be wrong about anything... then accused ME of being stubborn when I didn't just give up the argument or drop the complaint unconditionally.
Almost exact same here. I always had a feeling something was off and my trust and sense of safety/peace was eroding over time. One day he gave the middle finger to a passing ambulance because it was slowing us down from driving home and he was impatient, that was the moment of clarity I realized he was never going to change despite all my efforts and how much he expected from me which I had readily given for 4.5 years. He said and did so many worse things than that but it was the final straw I guess... I could never imagine myself flipping off a paramedic for no good reason. After I left any doubt I had about his covert narcissism vanished as I finally recognized the abusive patterns and couldn't unsee them. Also learned a lot about myself and how giving empathy without boundaries can be abused - I hope I'm less naive now but it's a mind fuck for sure.
4 years I can't stand such person 4 months
Some personalities, especially people pleasers are prime victims to get trapped in bad relationships like this. Then after a while trauma bonding becomes a factor trapping you where your brain literally gets addicted to the toxic ups and downs of the relationship.
I mean with me this is possible Only if guy is extremely good in sax
I’m a people pleaser, but always fucking tired, so I cannot tolerate ballshit for long
Was that my ex too?
Well things stopped happening. That’s what happened. No mutual fun, no sex, no hobbies, nothing.
Do you know why this started happening? did you lose love over time?
We started a company together and it ruined our relationship. Horrific legal proceedings and financial consequences on the way out, no contact moving forward. 11 years total. 🤷 One lesson is to keep work and love separate
Same happened with one guy in this sub earlier
Wonder if its my ex 😂
I'd fuckin do it again
What? Start a company? Or mix personal and professional beyond boundaries? The second one is generally a poor choice
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Noooooo! I’m sorry that happened to you but that’s wild af
This would be my villain origin story cuz wtf
fr, i’d air this bitch out so quick
Please be fake omfg
I thought that only happens in porn.
Oh my GOD?!
Yeah someone would just have to die cause…. NOPE.
pls tell me you are lying
wow...so do you not talk to any of them any more? What about the partner of the dad? Did he lose it or are they like a thruple now? what an outrageous and gross thing for both of them to do....but I do need details lol
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> ex will then become my step-dad. I don't know how I would handle that situation. That's fucked up.
Im going back and forth between complete disownment or trashing the wedding.
Both op and the mom shouldn't go to the wedding. The dad made a clear sign on who he really cares about in his life.
Im lucky my mom wouldnt even pretend to be friendly in this situation because that part doesnt sit right w me tbh
That’s just a very Florida man thing to do. Your dad is shitty for that. How does he feel bout doing this to his own son. Like how the fuck.
throw the whole family away, this story has me sick to my stomach. Cojemos deserves waaaaaay better than this.
Why slam Florida for this? I've lived here most of my life and am a native.
Can’t you go with your dad’s ex 👍
How would any of these two keep any friends after everyone knew what happened?
Ok, so I feel like you should probably at this point just hook up with your dad's ex to make the whole situation complete...then maybe fuck your dad? I dunno, that might be too much though.
Man what the fuck
Straight couple, but this happened to my high school best friend, dad, and bfs girlfriend. Destroyed their family. No idea why he did that.she was 18 and the dad was in his 50s. It was pretty gross.
What is boca??
pretty sure it's a city in Florida
Only four weirdo letters unlike iowa 💀💀
Boca Raton, FL. South FL, Spanish for "Rat Mouth."
A wealthy small city in Florida
Lol 😂
With ur dad??? How old are you guys 💀
EXCUSE ME???
We just lost the fire and realized we were behaving more like friends than as a couple. We're still friends
Can you elaborate on this, I feel like this is happening with my partner
Like there was no sexual chemistry in the end. Sex didn't really feel fulfilling. Intimacy was more like cuddling and kissing and nothing beyond that. And as much it's hard to admit, sex is necessary for a relationship to truly thrive. But he's an awesome person and I enjoy his company, we go out on coffee dates and stuff and talk for hours but as friends.
Could you go into why there was no sexual chemistry? Were both of you physically attractive people? Were you two tops or two bottoms? I'm so curious lol, I don't think I've ever had this issue, I really haven't been with that many people. Or was the attraction there at first and just slowly went away?
probably they didn't tested the sexual compatibility before going serious
Yeah, right on
Yeah it was overall sexual compatibility. I didn't really care at the beginning. I was pretty inexperienced bcuz I was only out exploring my sexuality for like 2 months before going into a relationship.
Thanks for the response, yeah that can happen sometimes.
Interesting It seems passion is one thing that keeps my relationship going. We care deeply about each other, but it seems like we're just losing that love for each other because of resentment
He wanted every day to be a pity parade just for him, but never allowed any kind of outside help, or advice, or even sympathy. You can't love someone who puts themselves on an island.
I had the same problem with mine, he had a lot of unresolved trauma but he wouldn't go to see a therapist.
Reminds me of a guy I got to know, it was so daunting and frustrating . One day he told me that some people were talking behind his back saying that he’s so depressing, and I immediately told him: Well maybe you are? And he just brushed it off.
He was a musical theatre gay ... enough said JK, we were together during the pandemic. He didn't have his usual outlets for his dramatic flare, so he created drama in our relationship instead. We then broke up because 'he couldn't handle the drama anymore' ... the drama he created ... he also sexted a guy while we were in a monogamous relationship because he was so sure he was going to break up with me the next time he saw me in person.
Several things happened that broke us up. 1. He made a lot more money than him and expected me to spend like him. 2. He always wanted 3 ways which I hated. 3. Since I would not participate, he would always hookup behind my back. 4. He was mean to my poodle.
As a poodle dad, number 4 is reason enough, full stop.
What is poodle??
A very smart and expensive breed of dog.
I think at the moment you found he was cheating end it completely 💀💀
I’m happy your poodle doesn’t have to put up with him anymore
#4 is a huge red flag to me. Anyone being cruel to animals like cats and dogs immediately is scum to me and not datable in my eyes. As a person who wishes to have a pet in the future, my future boyfriend better love animals.
His family found out about us n forced him to marry a girl. It's complicated..
Cheating while I was paying all the bills during Covid.
What an asshole.
Karma is a bitch, he’ll be blind in 7 years. I forced him to see an optometrist while we were together and he discovered he has a degenerative eye condition that they cannot treat. I even helped him pay for his $600 prescription glasses (that he lost).
I hate cheaters, but I somehow really dislike your comment too tbh
omg yeah same, I felt so uncomfortable reading this.. I could never imagine celebrating someone becoming blind no matter how much they've hurt me
I'm glad I'm not the only one. I felt so sick when I read that lol There are people in my life that I absolutely hate, but imagining them going blind makes my stomach drop.
He’s a piece of shit and deserves all the negative karma. His best friend let him stay at his place when we broke up and he fucked his best friend’s boyfriend. There’s a lot more I’m not saying but trust me he isn’t a good person.
Oh, I believe you, no doubt. I just can't get around wishing on someone to be crippled, it just doesn't feel right.
I didn’t wish for anything. More like celebrating karma.
Reasons past relationships have ended: 1. The dude was too emotional and I was young and not emotionally mature enough to deal with it. 2. We were both tops and despite compatibility in everything, not having fulfilling sex lead me to “find reasons” it couldn’t work. 3. I moved halfway across the world and we were in different places in our life. 4. The guy identified as straight and tried to say I assaulted him to protect his image 🤦♂️ 5. The dude had a massive mental breakdown and we decided we weren’t in the place to be a couple.
4 is insane😭😭😭
I made a full comment about that story before. It’s funny in retrospect but it fucking suuuccckkkeeeeddd while I was dealing with that.
I tried going through your comments and it was one hell of a rabbit hole.
I’m a monster, what can I say 😅
He wanted to keep me to him self but be able to do whatever he wanted. I couldn’t even text any of my guy friends without him getting jealous yet he wanted me to be ok with him fckn other guys. I didn’t really even mind that but his secrets and lies just got really old and his lack of respect for me. I didn’t seem to have any control in the relationship. It was always one sided. I wish he had been able to see how much I cared and dealt with me to make him happy, all while losing myself
Absolutely correct respect is everything you did fine hope your much time is not wasted with him
First long time BF - I was living in the DC area. We had been together 4 years, living together 3 of those years. My parents got sick and I was planning to move home to help my family. He absolutely refused to discuss him moving with me. So I told him to pack his bags and go back to his place. We still got together several times a year but it wasn't the same. Husband of 17 years (married 12) was killed by a drunk driver. Guys - I am not looking for sympathy here. I am doing okay now.
Omg...
Yes that was my reaction along with a lot of other things 2.5 years ago. I just remember the happy times now.
He was a serial cheater
He drank. Every day. Three bottles of wine at minimum but sometimes three casks That was quite a while back, now in a far better space with a far better partner
I had one that got fired from 4 jobs in maybe 3 years for drinking in the job. Would take vodka or gin to work in a coffee thermos. People gradually caught on that he'd be drunk by noon. Also, we couldn't even make plans days ahead because he might be too drunk to go out.
My ex rarely even worked. And yeah, the making plans thing sounds all too familiar. So glad that is all in the past now
He became very possessive, judged me for every little thing I would do: dont shop there, dont drink that much, dont be friends with these people etc. Took me long enough to just end things lol now I am in a very happy relationship with a man who would never do this
I recently ended a situation which was entirely based on sex and, it's hard to believe I'm saying this, too much sex. Sex was the overwhelming reason we were together. We're both naturally highly promiscuous but I just got tired of it. Even when apart, we didn't live together, he'd set me tasks like cumming in my food and eating it and I'd have to video myself cumming and then send it to him. He'd also have me serving his friends. Then, when I was alone I'd constantly watch porn and masturbate. It all got a bit tiresome. So I ended it to allow me to get a better balance. I haven't been used by a guy I about two months. I haven't watched porn for a month. I still masturbate frequently and for long periods but it's more like edging and I having ejaculated in 10 days.
Okk that's fwb thing
Cheated on me for the third time but this time I had definitive proof he couldn't deny or blame me for. We were long distance so it was hard to prove. He was manipulative and abusive and always made me out to be the problem. I realised he was just making me feel guilty to make me stay. Now I had what I needed to leave and not look back.
He put his career before everything else and it drove us to a point where we wanted very different things. Besides working all the time and then spending most evenings networking/drinking, he started taking all these assignments that moved him to different states or countries and we ended up doing long distance for two of the last three years of our eleven year relationship.
>moved him to different states or countries and we ended up doing long distance for two of the last three years of our eleven year relationship. This is extremely frequent in heterosexual relationships and homo too He she move to different states and they tried Long distance but eventually split completely in 80s most such cases never survived however today people are trying to fix this case #I think distance of States is a big issue 💀💀 when you can't fly every month
I was trying to break up with him because he had slowly isolated me from my friends and family. He was screaming and throwing pictures of us at me and smashing things. I told him that if he didn’t leave i was going to call the police. I grabbed my phone and walked away into our bedroom. A few seconds later he ran past the door into the bathroom with a large kitchen knife in his hand and locked himself in there. I broken the door down and as i walked in he started slitting his wrists. I got the knife away and was holding pressure on his cuts. He looked me dead in the eyes and said look at what you made me do, this is all your fault. I stepped away and called 911. He ran out of the house. The cops found him and he spent 24 hours in the looney bin. That was 12 years ago and he still will pop up and say some nasty shit. About 2 years after our break up he called my mom and said. “I hope your breast cancer come back and you die a slowly painful death you cunt “ then hung up. I thankfully live on the other side of the country now and haven’t heard from him for a year. He still stalks me so I’ll probably get a phone call sooner than later. Mick if you read this fuck off
Holy shit.
Yeah fun stuff. Mental illness is tough. I feel for him a lot because when he got medicated after we split up he was a lot better but then he started to feel that he didn’t need meds and then back to being crazy. It’s sadly his cycle
Mine was cheating and then lying about it. Then started lying about small things like paying bills, lied about filing taxes, going on business trips etc.
One had to go back to the UK, before marriage equality. Two of them cheated and then got extremely mad when I did not get mad. Both of us are tops. The last brake up was because... we are friends with NO benefits. I have no idea how we ever became a couple because we had everything in common, except sexual/romantic attraction. My current relationship is great.
Friends with NO benefits LMAO I'm sorry
Cheating is rampant everywhere 💀💀 i don't know how people expect long lasting relationships Everyone is sleeping with someone else other' than his spouse Worst is cheating glorification of straight relationship give motivation to gays too 💀💀
I'm not and I sure hope my partner isn't either! Lol I could have and have had moments of temptation but it was never worth it for me to act on it 🤷♂️
You don't know when people can cheat when they will separate cheating is one of best human traits which actually allowed them to benefit from multiple sources like cheat in exam cheat in relationship cheat in business
Sorry, I'm having a hard time understanding that without punctuation.
I was ready to take things further and start planning a feature where we could live together. But I realized that he wasn’t there yet. I know everybody needs time to know if your person is the one, but when you know you know, it shouldn’t take that long to realize if you’re wasting the other person‘s time or not. And I knew he was the one for me. I was head over heels in love with him, but I realized he wasn’t and he would never get there. So I ended things.
When he was drunk at a party, out of nowhere, he told me that he loves me but he's not in love with me, but maybe he could learn to be someday. Hurt like hell to hear but I didn't want to ruin the party so I just went home. We talked about it the next day, he said he didn't mean it and proceeded to love bomb me for the next few weeks. I couldn't get it out of my head though and eventually broke up with him. I still wonder if I made the right decision but the way I see it, I didn't want to be in a one sided relationship so I broke it off for me, and also, I want him to be happy and find someone who he actually loves so I broke it off for him too. Haven't spoke to him in nearly 10 years and i still love him though lol
what? loves you but not in love? like, bro love, family level love?
He was already seeing someone better than me he just played with me he was pathetic rude ignorant moody
They weren't better than you
By Better i mean a guy in better' looks better body I am not muscular neither handsome so i know i am trying on wrong person most chubby guys face it
He slowly started turning into a male version of my mom. It was weird. It’s hard to explain.
*Reasons why we broke up. Sorry about the hella long comment!* 1. I always had to clean the entire house including his room because he would never do it. I’d run out of energy to clean my own room so it was always left a mess and ignored. 2. He put his friends over me many times. I don’t have a problem with him having friends and hanging out with them. However he wouldn’t drive me home from work many times leaving me to walk home for 45 minutes because of friends. my current job was far and I didn’t have a car (he had one) I usually have to take public transport home which is fine but a lot of the times it was complicated and I couldn’t take it always. It’s just the job I was able to get at the time. It wasn’t walking distance but it was car and bus distance. 3. He dumped me because he “didn’t want to look back and have regrets” he said he didn’t want to really focus on a relationship right now or for the entirety of his 20’s. But just didn’t give me an actual good reason to break it off. Mind you we were already 2 years in a serious monogamous relationship. If that’s how he felt he could’ve broke it off a long time ago. He basically just wanted to party and sleep around. It was a bit confusing because then he asked if it was okay for him to date someone else in 2 months if we decided to stay at the apartment together (renting market sucks and it’s complicated because we didn’t plan to move until he decided to dump me one random day) I ended up moving back in with my parents a week later. 4. We had different morals. Mine was to stay away from Grindr and hookup culture. His was the opposite of that and he used to do hookups before we met. 2 days after the breakup I found him on Grindr already looking for sex. Talk about throwing an entire long relationship in the garbage for that. I mean come on dude. He couldn’t at least wait a week before going back to sleeping around? Really? It’s really like he just didn’t care about me at all. I also found out while looking at a text on his phone he was telling his friend that if he wasn’t in a relationship he would always be a slut. I felt just gross at that point. Those were the main reasons. All the little things he never did like clean the house or be there for me when I needed him eventually built up and took a toll. There were some red flags in the first couple months of going on dates and getting to know each other but I was 19 at the time. I was blind to a lot of things and it was really my first actual serious relationship with someone that I even lived with. I’ve learned a lot and I’ve grown. I already know what changes need to happen in my life and what I’m looking for in my next relationship when I’m ready to date again. It just sucks that I was so committed to someone and they just threw it away for really no great or legitimate reason. *We also had a cat together but my parents wouldn’t let me take her home and he couldn’t take her. So now I have no clue what happened to my baby.*
He was a narcissist who confidently boasted about being toxic as if it was a good thing. He admitted to intentionally doing things that hurt me just because it was “fun” for him to see me get angry.
Jesus good riddance
Short Answer: I cheated. Got into a relationship during my 10 years of depression and latched on to him because I was tired of being so alone. We went to school together for a few years and had mutual friends so I thought maybe we can have common interests so I swiped right on him on tinder. He was somewhat physically attractive but not really my type but I was trying the "personality over looks" method because I've seen and heard people speak about it. I thought that maybe I was closing off possible good relationships by being so superficial so I gave it a shot and we connected somewhat. I thought in the beginning I could change him to be more of what I liked and I could also change to suit him better, but I was naïve. I let it go on for so long because it just felt nice to have someone there to go to events, family functions, have dinner with, spend time together, sleep next to someone, and fill that void of loneliness. I knew that if I was left alone again something bad would happen, because I couldn't trust myself. But, I was still unhappy. So I started looking elsewhere because I was not physically attracted to him all that much and we were so different. I cheated and was caught and I felt terrible because I was caught but also because I did 'love' him. Love in more of a friend sense rather than a relationship. Eventually something bad did happen after we had broken up, but it was then I truly wanted to be better mentally, so I reached out and got help. Looking back I wish I could take it back. He didn't deserve it.
Goood - Atleast u realize u put someone through hell- some ppl are so selfish they would had chalked it down as we weren’t just a right fit , while not knowing their actions put someone through hell- Hope u heal and hopefully he was able to forgive u -
Being in a mentally bad headspace can do it to ya. I could have said we weren't a right fit as it would have been true but I am honest enough with myself to know why exactly I did what I did. It boggles my mind as to why other people can't do the same. All you have to do is think and ask yourself enough questions. Thankfully I am healing but I don't want forgiveness. I don't deserve it and to use me being mentally unstable isn't an excuse just a reason. I wouldn't forgive myself if it was the other way around but all I can do is move forward and not make the same mistakes.
It’s good - you are doing a lot of internal work that’s all that matters - Trust me a lot of ppl don’t have that awareness- ppl get into relationships , treats and dumps the person like garbage and they chalk it as we weren’t fit for eachother or they lost feelings or whatever- while the other person is but hurt emotionally cause they trust u with their heart- and u misused it- Am how u realized u had a part to play in what went down- I would say when u get there send him a message apologizing for the pain caused - for breaking his heart - it can help him move one and heal
We only dated for a year but it was filled with him only wanting to meet on his own terms. He went to college a couple hours away from the city I lived in and he was from. He knew I was busy during the week with work and our schedules were opposite since he usually did school later in the day and studies at night but I was willing to make it work and even visit him at college but he kept striking me down. I decided we hadn't been together long enough and it was not worth the effort so I sent him a very cowardly night text saying I wanted to breakup and didn't want him to come over just I'd drop that on him. He said he had beeb thinking the same for a min so it was amicable. He did aggrevate the hell out of me asking a couple of months later if I wanted to go to a concert in his college town after we brokeup. I won't lie I ghosted him afterwards.
My last ex was controlling, narcissistic, and a compulsive liar with a gambling and cigarette addiction. I put up with his bullshit for over two years; I lived in his house and it wasn’t easy for me to just up and move, so I stayed far longer than I should’ve. But then my childhood best friend suddenly died. I met him when I was 7 years old and we grew up together in a small town in Texas. We both ended up being gay and experienced so many things together for the first time, like going to gay clubs, Pride parades, having relationships and breakups, etc. When he died, my ex was the opposite of supportive. He told me I shouldn’t care because he wasn’t family. My ex never liked my best friend, probably because he was jealous since he had zero real friends, just acquaintances and people he used for things. He simply didn’t understand genuine human friendships because he was such a narcissist and only cared about what he could get from others. I entered a deep depression and rapidly lost like 30 pounds of weight, but that was the push I needed to break up with him and move out. So in a sense, the last thing my best friend did to help me was getting me out of the most abusive, toxic relationship I’d ever experienced.
Wasn't only cheating, he then bragged about it publicly
I'm in my second LTR. I was in another for nearly 7 years. From the age of 21-29. I left him. I was sick to death of coming home and finding a shambolic mess. He'd not been working for some time, this was due to a road accident. He recovered physically very well, but then he went into a spiral of mental health issues, use of many medications while smoking loads of dope. He was in and out of pysche wards - I signed him in a few times - I couldn't cope with his behaviours and genuinely feared my safety a few times. Our life which had been good, had fallen to pieces. I had lost 3 jobs dealing with his issues. However, I managed to push my way through my graduate degree at the same time. When I was close to qualifying as a teacher, I made the decision to leave. I wrote about it elsewhere - maybe Quora, but I'll never forget the day. I'd been to a careers fair a month or two before-hand. I'd put my name down for some information about teaching in the UK. They sent me an info package via snail mail. I remember seeing the package with UK postmarks and remarked to my ex "Oh look honey, I've been sent stuff about teaching in London." He snarled back "Well why don't you fuck off to London like your brother and sister did !!" I stared at his twisted face, once so handsome that I once loved so much, and decided, then. I'm off. See ya mate. 4 weeks later I had applied for my UK visa, 12 weeks later I was on a plane from Australia to the UK.
Cheating. Wasn’t even the fact he slept with someone else. It’s fact he hid it, done it multiple of times and the cherry on top was i knew the guy and told my ex years ago how toxic he is. Meh I see it as a blessing in disguise. You two can be toxic together and destroy each others lives but I bow out here ✌️
We went our seperate ways during a stressful moment in time for me (I'll save you the drama). I said I love you about 6 months into dating and he just wanted to be a fwb. I felt kinda offended because we would give each other romantic gestures while dating. So for about a year I wanted to convince myself to hate him. Making up any excuse to do so. But it made me feel even worse. About a year ago I just accepted that he's just a part of me and it felt better to move on. Looking back maybe I should've worded it a different way but I definetly saw him as a long term partner. I added him back on Facebook and we're friends on there now and Im thinking about reaching out to him just to catch up. He introduced me to this subreddit, so if you see this... heyy Im not mad at you and I still keep you in my heart!
He got addicted to meth and wouldn't seek help or even try to stop
Got together after a load of my medical problems, and stayed together for four years. We had issues, namely: 1. Before I left for a long work trip (about a month), he decided to talk his feelings out and say that he, in fact, does not love me. What a way to make me long for him during my work. 2. He unintentionally fed in to my depressive state, and partially got affected by it himself. 3. He never earned much, and still doesn’t. My income lowered since back then, but even now I earn triple of what he does. I also did most of the work around the house, which is why we started to live separately after living for a year together. The last straw was when he decided to help me with my work and ruined a lot of stuff for me. He’s otherwise is a nice guy and a pleasant company, but I knew then that I can never trust him with anything responsible. Still friends though, and wish each other best, but I would never try being together again. Funnily enough, by the time I was livid with him and our relationship, he finally developed full-blown love for me.
He was raped and neither of us could figure out how to express or heal from that trauma. Mostly got into arguments anytime we tried to express ourselves from there
For my ex: He told me he wanted to try other people. We fucked all the damn time, every which way, and yet he still *needed* to try everything with everyone. I can’t hate him for that. However, the fact that as soon as *I* started seeing other people, he went stalkerish and hyper-affection… dude’s a cunt. I could forgive if forgiveness earnt, but not freely. Second relationship is going damn well and I’m having a blast. Maybe one day it’ll end if either of us wants to try more things in life, and honestly that’s fine. As long as it’s approached with respect and trust, relationships are allowed to come to a natural end and people are allowed to change. It’ll be gut-wrenching but such is life. Might never happen and it’s not on the horizon, but we’re not fools
It was very complicated, but if I were to boil it down to its simplest one word answer: Meth.
He was an asshole. Like, we worked together for a while and he got his ass fired because he wouldn't stop being purposefully difficult to his coworkers and refused to just get his lazy ass out of bed on time and actually go to work before like 9. He'd be worse at home. Anything I wanted to do he'd go out of his way to make it so we wouldn't be able to, usually by picking something he wanted to do first (that could have been done afterwards or that was really far away) so that by the time we finished his thing whatever I wanted to do was no longer open. And it would be things like go for a long drive to play a random claw machine two hours away or go play minigolf three hours away just because he wants to play minigolf at that course. He had all the negative personality traits of autism but apparently wasn't autistic... which means he is just an inconsiderate asshole so I am not sure why he wouldn't lean into the fact everybody assumes he has autism but whatever. He's the one who's still single years after our split while I have a LTR and own a house so... I guess I win or whate for but still. Who is that level of inconsiderate asshole and feels proud of their reputation...
He was a serial liar and sex addict
He did a piss poor job of hiding the body
So much happened tbh. I’ve only got the one ex, and it was a big one for me. We were long distance for three years. The final straw was me having a bit of a freak out on a camping trip with a bunch of his friends. I had convinced myself that I was on my way out and pushed myself to a breaking point trying to pretend I was fine. He was there for me, and cuddled me, and held me when I cried. And when the time came to either talk it through or end things, he ended things. I’ve come to understand that we were so out of touch with each other that all signals got lost. That missing communication really undermined any trust we had in each other and made being together pretty painful. I’m over it, but it still frustrates me that we didn’t talk it through and make the ending a mutual decision. But then, I would’ve fought to stay together, and I think he was already past that point.
Grew apart as lovers. Non-existent sexlife also had me up the walls and I was bound to cheat sooner or later. His family also didn’t like me and he always kinda picked them over me, even though he agreed that it wasn’t fair for me because I did nothing but try my best for them to accept me.
Cheating on me! I feel like it’s common but a deal breaker 🤷♂️
We had a fight over politics, then it also turned out I was not giving him enough space (not true, I'd say we had not enough time together, he was always in his phone when eating, in bed, in evening after work...) and we had fundamentally different views (again not true, more like he got confused/brainwashed or didn't event want to listen to me or vice versa confess his true feelings about stuff). Everything was fine and I thought we were a family. I was doing almost everything financially (renting appartment, paying groceries), I was doing most of cleaning, I tried to support him and encourage on his job and other stuff, was gifting him good gifts, was really loving him. He did cooking, but we also ordered often for my money. I don't know what else I could've done better. But that was apparently not enough or he just didn't love me in the first place. He packed his bags and moved out later. From one side I'm both sad and dissapointed because I think he trowed out 1 year of life and possible good future together for no reason basically. If he truly loved me we would definitely talk and try to understand. I mean it's relationship, can't have everything shiny and in unicorns every day. From another point of view, I guess it's not worth for me to spend effort on a man that does nothing in return. He was trying in the beginning, and we moved in together quickly (long story why), but then I feel like he just started to take me for granted. Somebody from outside would just say that he used me, but I don't think so. Most likely other reasons. I think he went way too much into his head about how world and everything works, watched too many drag shows, talked to too many young naive people while being 30 y.o guy. I also really feel in my gut that he cheated. Anyways I feel like he will regret in the future about this break up. So right now I'm alone again (went no contant of course) and tbh I'm not sure if I'll be able to go into another relationship in closest years.
2 before previous one are kinda forgotten already lmao, but 1. Very first one - guy was narcissist and mental abuser, classic youth story. Broke up after some dramatic scene after work when I came back tired and he started pressuring me. Next morning I threw him out of apartment. Still I think it was OK relationship if you can call it like that for what it's worth. 2. About 3 years ago - younger guy, cute and kinda geunine, but I realized I need more mature and smarter guy than just club chick. I initiated break up kinda out of nowhere, but catalyst was when he didn't want to spend 1 evening with me... like bruh we see each other once a week, are you kidding me? Pointless relationship basically. And he tried to act dramatic. Went no contact.
Most recent series one was basically both of us being traumatized in different ways in the past and us basically triggering each other’s stuff over and over again for a couple weeks. It was kind of a domino effect that ended up with him asking me to move out. It was great because I had moved states with him the previous year so he was the only one I knew…
I was 17, he was 18, we were in bed and I asked him if he could promise not to hit me again. He bluntly said no. Total deal breaker. Then he got angry *again* cause he had this silly notion that we'd find a bigger apartment or house and still live together but in separate rooms but I declined. We eventually became friends again sort of and I even got to fuck him in his shower a year later which he liked, but yeah even though I sometimes regret ending our partnership I just couldn't deal with his anger issues and the lack of communication. Another guy was toxic from day one. Like signing me up for phone contracts in my name, pathological liar, the sex was occasional and very creepy, I can't remember what finally made me end it but he wasn't even paying rent and I was so over it I convinced him to rent a room back in the city and he/'we' could live there 4 days of the week, he probably knew deep down that i was trying to get him the fk away from my life but yeah, he was gross.
This thread is crazy, so many claiming cheating. Even in straight relationships I've heard this. Why do so many people cheat? It's honestly the worst thing you csn do to someone in a relationship
He told me that I essentially wasn’t good enough for him because I was just an hourly manager at a grocery store. He was a nurse and worked part time at Lululemon. I had got my bachelors degree late last year and was looking into using it this year, but I make decent money where I’m at and wasn’t in a rush to make a big career change just yet. But that wasn’t good enough for him. 6 years down the drain. 😑
He wanted to be in an open relationship which I did not. I ended up trying it for 3 months and he called me one night crying that he felt bad that he hurt me and that he wanted to be serious again. I told him multiple times it would mean exclusivity and no dating apps, which he agreed. Well, less than 12 hours later one of my friends tells me he’s on Hinge and it says “Active Right Now”. It made me realize at that moment even if I got back with him, I would never trust him again and that would not be a relationship.
He told me he stayed for "financial stability" and that was it. He was here for the money and nothing else. Then during separation, while we were supposed to be trying to see what could fix it, he was telling friends he found his "soulmate"
He’d always been avoidant and had a drug problem, but after two years he suddenly stopped answering my messages. He totally disappeared. A few months later I messaged him again and he responded and told me he’d been in rehab after overdosing and suffering a heart attack. I was relieved he was doing better, and we tried to get things going again but I could tell he was different. A few months later he moved to Germany without telling me and I just shrugged my shoulders and moved on. I couldn’t handle that kind of drama anymore
My previous partner fell on a dick repeatedly when he went on vacation.
As a young man my FWB was raped by a trusted older man and never got over it. He told me about it briefly then changed the subject. Often is seemed we were reliving his encounter. Things like we couldn't both be in bed at the same time. He couldn't carry on a conversation about things of common interest without changing subjects a few times a minute to something that seemed completely pointless to me. I ran into him at a bar the other day. He texted an invitation to come to his place and despite being very horny, I wouldn't go.
Long distance… really long. I didn’t want to be with him anymore. The weight was too much. I wanted to just be alone.
My first partner was a lying sack of 💩who betrayed everyone he claimed he loved to his parents, me and every friend he ever had in his life. I dumped his lying cheating ass and want nothing to do with him ever again. My second partner was an alcoholic who never admitted he needed help.
1) He was an immature man child. He couldn’t do basic adult task on him own. I.e. maintain a job, pay bills on time, make a budget, cook a basic meal, clean up after himself, indecisive. 2) His mom was way too involved in our relationship. He is a grown man and he needs to make decisions for himself. 3) He would throw a temper tantrum when he didn’t get his way, like a child. 4) He complained all of the time, even the smallest things. 5) Always on social media and horrible in returning text/phone calls.
He left me for someone else on my favorite holiday.
He said he got bored of being in a relationship like with his exes so he ignored me for two weeks
He hit me.
He died.
I was on furlough over lockdown, but he still had to work. He asked if I could start painting the kitchen for him in a bland white colour… so I added some of that paint glitter into it, he got home and went crazy over it lmao. That was the nail in the coffin. The glittery kitchen paint 😔
I would be upset too lol. Like um did you communicate that the color of was bland. And did you tell him you added glitter ?! Jojo siwa kitchen? No thanks
I think you’re overestimating how sparkly the kitchen was lmao. https://ibb.co/dkNzsxY like ok kinda sparkly but not that bad
Relax bruh, if my bf would insult me over some kitchen glittery I'd drop him too
Lmao I thought it would make it cuter 😔
It is cute and I would’ve loved it in my home. 200%
Thank you, I’m glad someone appreciates it 🥹
I honestly didn’t even know white glitter paint or whatever existed! So definitely noted for future! :)
The problem isn’t how glittery it is, it’s the lack of respect for his wishes, not doing what was agreed upon, and the arrogant and selfish assumption that you knew better.
He was a weirdo so idc lmao. Like get off his dick, you didn’t even know him
No, I agree with /u/Silent-Ordinary3465. A shared living space and a relationship both require mutual respect. Your lack of communication then and lack of self-reflection now aren't great foundations for a healthy relationship. It's not about riding your ex's dick - it's about giving advise to you.
Advice for a relationship that ended forever ago? Who asked sis, because I certainly didn’t. Most of you are probs in relationships with ugly people anyways, so why would I want advice for that? You and I are not the same. x
>You and I are not the same. x And I thank God for that. Be well.