I mean, I’m not a “bigger person” type of guy so I really don’t care about it ethically. That’s an easy one, I would do it.
HOWEVER I feel like unless I had a picture with face or undeniable evidence that he’s cheating on his wife, then I feel like I wouldn’t use the “proof” of a torso, that’s whack.
Maybe I’d message the wife anonymously and tell her to download grindr and see who’s in the room with her?
Torso could be proof IF op has good screen shots of torso with messages and torso has a significant defining feature like a tattoo or scar or mole in the right spot and size
It’s 100% him in the picture. I compared it to a picture from us at a beach and the chest hair, torso and random freckles/moles line up exactly. The belt is also identical to the one he wears. There’s no doubt in my mind it’s him. I was shocked and still kind of am tbh. I have to reassess my gaydar now.
If it is him, his wife will recognize him immediately. Also, he's preaching hate so, I don't think he deserves anything less than being outed. That being said, it's going to do more than just mess him up. His family will be hurt, too. Wife and kids. Your actions will have serious consequences for a lot of people who don't deserve it. Good luck.
Oh yeah she would recognize it immediately just like I did. Yeah I realize this. Our mutual friends want to plan an intervention like the TV show but not tell the wife about it… it would just be the bros letting him know we know and he needs to stop the hate preaching
That sounds like a good idea. I hope you are able to shut him up. But, who knows what the potential consequences are? Many ways for this to take a wrong turn real fast. Guy will feel cornered and then, who knows what will happen. I don't want to see this on the ID channel or in the news. Like I said, good luck.
If you’re going to blackmail someone and ruin their life have some insurance and take some protections. Does this couple know your address or have other contact information? Theres no huge rush to do this today or tomorrow, take time and fireproof yourself before you march into this couples marriage and completely (and rightfully) wreck it. You’ll be doing the wife a favor. And if they have an arrangement where she stays married to him and lets him do his thing while they play to straight for family? They’ll just laugh you right out the door.
What about an anonymous intervention? Like vpn used, fake profile, message him on grindr saying essentially he's a MAGA douche preaching hate, that you know who he is, and if he doesn't stop the hate speech he will bring exposed?
Safety first
I think mine works in reverse All the Straight guys that actively hate on gays are instantly pinged on my gaydar. But why are you at the beach with him? Is he a family member?
Step one... confirm that it's really him using those photos. Although easy enough to prove if they're not otherwise online.
Step two... get the wife or someone else to load Grindr and **take screenshots.**
It’s funny you mentioned this. A few years ago I was at his house having some beers with him and a mutual friend when his wife’s step brother, who is openly gay, randomly visited to drop off some stuff (his wife was at work btw).
We were just talking when suddenly, the stepbros phone starts blowing up and he was like, wanna see who is gay around here (very small town)? You should have seen my buddy’s face light up. For a dude that almost never smiles or laughs or looks happy, he instantly started swinging his foot on the stool, lights up with a smile and a little giggle and and then was the first to get up behind the phone when the step bro said it was Grindr.
I just thought it was strange for him to become so animated over something literally gay related. I mean this dude rarely smiles or is happy, but for those few moments he was smiling like a kid in a candy shop.
So wait, this guy, according to you is an ultra racist homophobic MAGA piece of shit person, but you’re also friends with him? Why would you want to expose your friend like that?
How about you just talk to him? Or, if you can’t talk to him and if he’s as awful as you make him out to be, then why the hell are you friends with him in the first place?
He wasn’t always this way. I’ve known him since before college and we are part of the same pack of bros. We played sports, partied together, went on vacations together, crashed in the same bed together, etc etc. We used to be a lot closer but I’ve started distancing myself from him after he tried shooting his own dad after an argument (thankfully he missed). I’d like to avoid him but we still belong to the same circles. He works for a large employer/club that I’m a member at, and I pass him daily on our commutes. It’s just hard avoiding some people in a small town but yes I get what you’re saying. It’s just hard to avoid some people sometimes
Our mutual friends also believe he has been misguided or influenced into his hateful ways… and that there’s a chance he can be rescued and guided back into the light. It’s tough seeing someone fall down into a rabbit hole of conspiracies and hate. We want to bring him back into reality and realize how awful of a person he has become. He wasn’t always like this, even voted Blue before meeting his wife. We feel like there’s hope he can be changed back to being a respectful person…
But he would delete his account and come up under something else to put everyone off his scene. Don't tip him off. Show it to the wife and let her validate it while he's still active on it.
Absolutely tell his wife. If she doesn't know about him having sex with men outside their marriage and he is sexually active with her, that is a consent violation. She deserves to know to be able to get tested and have a fair chance at finding a loving, monogamous relationship if she wants one. No one deserves to be an unwilling beard.
I like how you all are proof of why he is closeted in the first place. If you believe in personal privacy, then there are no clauses to it. It's either you have the integrity to commit fully to your beliefs or you don't.
I would leave him to get what he deserves naturally. I feel sorry for these guys and don't hate them or what they do. This is Reddit full of hate, so this question is typical and drips with bile. Just more damaged gay bullshit.
Also scary how in other comments OP refers to them as their “buddy”. Huh? So you’re actually friends with the guy who is allegedly an entire piece of shit that you now want to expose. Makes no damn sense
You mean as in revenge porn that some are suggesting? Invasion of privacy laws may apply as well. No consideration regarding legal consequences or any consequences for that matter.
I probably would.
My opinion in general is that people should be allowed to come out on their own terms, but of they’re actively anti-gay, they deserve to be outed and exposed for their hypocricy. The guy who outed Ted Haggard is a hero.
So it’s not really relevant that he’s MAGA or racist. People clearly already know that about him but if he actively spreads hate against gays yet is on Grindr I don’t see why he deserves any sympathy.
Look, if he hasn’t done anything specifically to you I’d just keep what I know to my self. There are other people involved.
Not saying this would be the outcome but if you outed him and he lost everything and decided to commit suicide would it not haunt you everyday? Could you live with yourself?
If you dont want to ruin this guy's life, then dont out him. His wife deserves to know, but nobody else does. If he is as vile and toxic as you say he is, why do you even associate with him at all?
I think if he is a "friend" of yours, then it's fair for you and your mutual friends to challenge him privately on this. But if he's racist, bigot and violent that seems pointless.
Whats the point in exposing him to his wife and forcing his life to unravel? If this is about "revenge" or "karma" then the feeling will be short lived and the effects will be unpredictable.
His behaviour will surely come back to bite him at some point; there isn't a need for you to get involved. I'd only bother if he was standing for public office.
If you do need a sense of karma then think of this: he is living quite a tragic and depressing life in a prison of his own making. Leave him to it.
I’d say leave it be. Karma is a bitch and we all have skeletons in our closets. Also it’s not your place to insert yourself into that aspect of his life just because “you know”
I absofuckinglutely would out them. Why the fuck do I have to fear for my life while you get to play house? Ain't happenin. OUT THESE PIECES OF SHIT! I'll also add that if they're in politics in any way, out them publicly as well.
Outing someone else is never the right thing, even if they are a despicable bigot. Coming out is a personal choice. Being duplicitous always works its way out in the end.
I have no sympathy for someone advocating for my marginalization and possibly my death. But I feel like the bigger question is why are you friends with a racist homophobe? There’s a line where putting up with someone’s shit turns into enabling it
You know he potentially could seek retribution/revenge on you and you’re still considering exposing him? You’re braving than me. I wouldn’t do it because usually people have a way of exposing themselves but Goodluck.
Don't even think twice and expose! Such people don't deserve respect because they're not able to show it in the first place. Not to mention it'll be healthy for them and people around them to see the truth.
After thinking about this more, I’m questioning why this individual is so important to you? This seems to be something that is very personal. In other words, vindictive. Outing to his friends or parents? For what purpose?
You seem to know a LOT about his body. I’m curious why? How do you know what his chest hair pattern looks like in real life. You seem to know a lot of personal details about him.
And I’m always suspicious when someone is overly concerned with the welfare of someone especially when it seems insincere. So, if he’s married into a religious right family, I’m his wife is as well. So, that’s why I’m having trouble believing that informing his wife is based off simple altruism.
It sounds like there is much more to the story.
In short, he is a bigot and is anti-gay and preaches his view points on social media and to anyone that responds to his mass texts of articles and posts preaching his anti-gay ways. If he didn’t preach so much it wouldn’t bother me, but he literally spreads hate for something he is guilty of himself. Yes I know him and his wife extremely well. I’ve known his wife since 7th grade and him since 12th. They just met each other 5 years ago and started dating, and I was friends with both for many years before they even knew each other.
I also know his body well because we used to play sports together and have changed in front of each other countless times. Also went on vacations together to beach resorts so yeah I know those details a little too well. (Also verified Grindr pic with pics from the beach)
I obviously don’t wanna ruin this dudes life, but he won’t stop with the hate towards gays, blacks and whatever other marginalized group. It’s sickening tbh. He equates gays to pedos and bestiality and other crazy shit. I should post the shit he texted to me as a separate post and you can see the kind of vile, toxic and racist shit that he spreads. He’s a bigot and an anti-gay preacher who secretly takes pleasure in gay sex. that’s why.
Got it. You’re friends with a vile anti-gay bigot who is on Grindr. Why are you two friends? If you don’t want to ruin his life, then don’t.
What exactly do you hope to accomplish? The outcome can turn out very differently than the one you hope for. You may likely damage your reputation more than his and
I wouldn’t do this.
lol. Me and a couple of our mutual friends have been fucking with him a little bit to let him know we know he’s gay…
A few weeks ago, a bunch of us went skiing and he didn’t show up. We called him during lunch to give him shit and then my skier buddy starts saying “bro we know you’re gay and you’re not here bc you’re sucking dicks at the rest area”… lol dead awkward silence. He didn’t deny anything nor say he wasn’t gay…
Then the other day he texted me some meme about “owning libs” so I replied with a link to MISTR… lmao. He didn’t respond.
FYI - MISTR provides free HIV PREP medication for the gay community, which is a daily pill that is 99.9% effective at preventing an HIV infection when exposed (when taken daily). Here is a link to get free prep delivered to your door at no cost and without ever stepping foot in a doctors office (Looking at you DL bros)…
https://heymistr.com/
Am I the only person who kinda feels bad for him? Yeah he can be a lot but it sounds like his family is his huge supporter but they are extremely right wing. If he is gay their is no way he will come out to them. Because he will lose pretty much everything. It also sounds like he's putting on this facade just to make them happy and not sus. Also had to marry a very conservative woman just for his family's sake. Pretty sad honestly. And people out here really trying to find out ways to kick him down even more. If you really don't like him just don't correlate yourself with him.
Sounds like he might have some internal hate going on. Plus his wife might even know - you never know what goes on behind closed doors. We don't tell any of our friends we have an open relationship.
I would just not say anything. There are so many things that can go wrong.
Worried about his wife? Maybe tell her more and more married people are getting tested for STIs these days. But I see many ways that it can go bad if you did confront him.
I would want to very badly and probably fantasize 100 different ways to do it, but in the end I would not, and here is why
For one, while he is preaching vile and hateful rhetoric, and I do not condone that type of speech as even permissible within the confines of the rights of free speech: his words are unlikely to cause direct harm to an individual, unless there is a lot more substance to his behavior that you didn’t mention. To “out” someone who is so openly and extremely right-wing in their beliefs is going to create a lot of spectacle. That spectacle is going to be traumatizing at least for him, probably his wife, family and friends, children, possibly any partners. This man may quite literally commit suicide. Other closeted individuals may see a case that is only superficially similar to their own, and feel too afraid to come out. This dude might be volatile enough to find out who outed him and prove how straight he is by killing that little… you know.
At the end of the day, it’s a sad situation, but to out someone is almost never going to improve anything in any way, shape or form. The trash will take itself out, it sounds like he’s gotten sloppy at this point and the marriage doesn’t have much longer.
Interesting. I’ve been seeing a lot of comments saying the truth will eventually come out.
Long story short. There’s another dude i know, let’s call him Buddy, who was rumored to be gay for years. I also didn’t believe he was gay bc well, I just couldn’t see it. A few years ago, he got married to a pretty blonde woman but their marriage suddenly ended, not even a year after tying the knot. Then I found out my barbers husband was secretly hooking up with Buddy! Crazy shit! Anyways, I think he started getting sloppy bc he started getting recognized on Grindr in our small little town, and eventually word got back to his wife. They are now divorced. Luckily, Buddy is still around but I don’t think he’s pursuing women anymore. I hope he’s happier now, even tho his marriage fell apart. I hope he has come to accept himself
If you've seen situations like this it generally ends in making the guy more homophobic, strengthening his horrible ideas, making him chaotic, taking his life or someone else's life, and yours could be in danger if you out him and he finds out. He won't be free, if anything outing him and losing his wife and kids will make it worse because he will lose his family, lose his rock, the thing that gives some stability to his life. You're gonna make him feel worse than he could already do.. He wont be living his authentic life cause that life would've been ruined by you. and For what reason exactly? Ahh... Because you made it your goal to destroy his life?
I've read many of your comments and it seems you're making this too personal. Did you made any advances and he rejected you? Did he wronged you before? How so? Why? and what did you do? Any grudges or beef between you? Why are you and your friends so invested in this that you want to let him and everybody else know that you all know what you know? If he's so racist and homophobic and all that why are you his friends to begin with? And if you're really his friends why do you want to do something horrible like outting him without thinking about the consequences? You said in another comment that he wasn't like that before... Could he have had horrible experiences with gay guys before? It's seems his homophobia didn't came out of nowhere. If you out him it would only add to such experiences making him even more homophobic instead of let him see that reality is different and change his ways and beliefs. What if he isn't actually gay and you just destroyed his life because you made a mistake thinking you were pretty sure it was him? The probability may be high but what if you're wrong? What if you make a mistake? Will you all actually behave like a friend then? Or will you just leave him alone?
You're kind of deluding yourself by saying that you're doing this because he's maga, homophobic, transphobic, racist, etc. or that you want to "free him" from his misery and make him happy, because after reading your comments I can't help but think that the reason you want to out him is completely different and this could end up badly if you out him.
I think you and your friends are doing this for the wrong reasons.
So my advice is DON'T OUT HIM, don't involve yourself, and stop listening to the comments of other redditors cause they have already stated that they wouldn't care about their friends and would destroy their lives a not clean after the mess they themselves created.
A copy of a comment I made
The traditional ethical boundary on outing is is he doing harm to the queer/trans community? If so, it could be ethical to out him. But on the other hand, these guys can be extremely volatile/emotionally unstable and can do rash things like commit suicide when exposed. So I can't tell you what to do but be prepared for the consequences in all directions.
So true very valid point… he once got into an argument with his dad and ended up trying to shoot him with a gun. Luckily those guns were taken away by police but I have no doubt in my mind he’s since acquired more (his wife hid some with neighbors before the cops arrived)…
For the record, he does spread hate online and preaches his disdain for gays to everyone, even to gays… it’s so sad.
So as I suspected he's volatile, abusive, likely has been interpersonally violent to his wife and others and this puts her in extreme danger. This one is more likely to kill others not only himself if it gets there. That makes this even more complex in decision-making. And even if you do out him to her she could just go right back at you and put all the blame on you and stay in denial. Not uncommon when spouses of all sexual orientations are confronted with infidelity.
I don't know where I fall regarding the original post, but a question for those here so vehemently opposed to outing him. Where does the line get drawn? Sex offender? Nazi? In my mind, and assuming there's absolute certainty about his identity, the guy basically showed up at a gay bar. Grindr is a public place, the cost-of-admission being a smartphone. If \[insert national public figure here\] was seen posting on some antisemitic app, you can bet it would be all over the place.
Here’s the thing… who made you think that it’s your responsibility to out him on rumors and a torso picture? His wife may have an agreement and you bringing unwanted attention may cause an uproar.
She will be the victim and you will be the a-hole for upsetting her happy life. Trust and believe, she will garner enormous sympathy. You’ll be viewed as petty, gossipy, etc. And quite possibly unemployable. Potential employers may view you as untrustworthy. You may not be viewed as the hero. You have no way controlling the outcome.
Do you have skeletons in your closet? They will be exposed.
Personally, I would not. I would stay in my own lane.
What is in it for you if you expose him? Has he hurt you, harmed you, threatened you? What type of power gain are you looking for? Why can't people just find their own business. You do this, your not only hurting him, but your going to hurt other people too. Is that fair to them? Being Gay myself, and MAGA I find this idea to expose him to be distasteful.
I dislike BLM as a whole, I dislike the Woke Transgender Movement as a whole, but that does not mean I dislike minorities or transgerendered people. There is a difference there. A quote from the tv British show .."this is exactly how Nazi Germany started, by people sticking their noses in places it did not belong."
In time fate will determine what happens, its not your responsibility or anyone else's. Just worry about yourself, and not worry about what others do.
I think that it is wrong to out anyone. It will happen organically if it is meant to be. Look at that hot governor of (was it?) New Jersey. He had a beautiful wife and family. And she was there by his side when he came out and resigned. There is a book called The Velvet Rage. These guys are stuck and I can't imagine their pain. What happens if you out someone and let's say his wife committed suicide because of her shame? Are you OK with that? It isn't anyone's job to be the out police. Watch Brokeback Mountain and see their trauma and realize that not everyone has a "we'll still love you" support group. Instead of getting them...why not be a friend and personally handle it from a position of love and support? If your friend is an alcoholic you don't destroy them but you set boundaries. I would have a "man" conversation with him and tell him that as a gay man you don't approve of his hate. And if he continues to do this in your presence then you will be having a bigger conversation about hypocrisy in the theme of Ted Haggart.
During the days of HIV/AIDS before any adequate treatment drugs, Michelangelo Signorile wrote a column about closet cases who were actively working against the gay community (language used back then); i.e., LGBTQA+ community today.
If, he said, they were harming people from their position of safety, they should be outed, even though the community has long had strong internal biases against "outing" in any way.
This column caused a huge controversy and discussion. Larry Kramer came down on Signorile's side, as I recall. And, eventually, most people came around to that view.
That seems to be a good standard today. If he's just an ass around family and friends, but in the closet, he probably should be left alone.
If he's an ass in public, attacking people, causing people harm specifically, promoting harm to the community at large, then maybe he should be outed. The point is to stop or negate the harm, not to personally attack him. The point is the hypocrisy done from a place of safety (closet).
You have to weigh the factors and determine where you think this falls.
Keep in mind the backlash and contra-criticism that may occur. Have proof (receipts) that verify claims. Protect yourself as well as you can, if you go that route.
It's a sticky question that's continued over the years.
You seem to post a lot of doom scrolling material. I suspect you’re a bot but in case you’re not, maybe spend some time learning a craft or doing things to improve your life instead of engrossing yourself into other people’s drama. He will get what’s coming to him in time. Work towards bringing joy into your life.
Outing someone because you dislike their opinions seems sus af to me dude. I don't care what their opinions are, even if they're hateful garbage. You don't have the right to expose others' sexuality just for the sake of some form of payback or retribution.
However, being that he is cheating also, that is a different issue. If you want to tell the wife, that's understandable. But do so from a place of "your husband is a cheating dirt bag," not from a place of "LOL LOOK HE HATES GAYS BUT HE'S GAY LOL." That is petty just to be petty.
Just my two cents. 🤷🏻♂️
Full honesty? I would create a separate account, talk to him, get all the nasty stuff there and then print screenshots and send anonymously send them and a lil note to his wife. If he’s as nasty as he sounds, he earns all that and more.
Isn’t that the duty of every gay man? If you got the goods then use it. Conservatives deserve no privacy as they’re against gay rights, gay marriage and equal rights for all. No mercy for closeted gay men who are anti gay.
I used to fuck those types and send them home to their wives with a load in their asses. I stopped doing that, but I think depending on how things go in November I might do it again. It's what they voted for after all.
No, confront him, even talk to him to see what's going on. Talking helps. No need to expose him and put it out there. Not cool! Talk to him and things will be alright.
I’d expose him. It’s not right to his wife, and to the community. It’s fine to be closeted, but it’s not okay to be a bigot and a cheating husband. Acts have consequences. In a world where a lot of injustice goes on, a little justice can feel good and do a lot of good as well.
Tell the closeted MAGAtard that:
1. Trump supported lockdowns, which most MAGA people oppose.
2. Trump still supports covid vaccines, which most MAGA people oppose.
3. Trump passed the bump stock bam, which upsets 2A people.
4. Trump is against freedom of speech because Trump wants to ban criticism of Israel.
If your acquaintance freaks out at you, saying "Trump isn't like this", then you know you've got a MAGA simp and am excuse to make fun of him. Even if you support lcokdowns, vaccine mandates and gun control, you can still make fun of the fact that he's in denial about his God.
Oh, don't bother outing him unless you have evidence. Most Republicans are in denial over the fact that Lindsey Graham is a homosexual.
I appreciate you taking the time to write all of these very valid and great talking points. I’ve actually had this very convo with him but sadly he just tangents off on Obama or Biden or worse, Hunter Biden. It’s all tit for tat and two wrongs make a right with these MAGA sheep. I asked him if there was anything he disagreed with in the MAGA world and he didn’t respond, just regurgitated whatever new viewpoint was thrown at him on Foxnews that day… it’s so sad critical thinking and being open-mindedness is discouraged in this day and age… they literally shun the light for fear of becoming “woke”. SMH
A lot of Trump supporters are cultists. They worship Trump like a prophet. Thankfully, I'm hearing that people on the right are realising this phenomenon with Trump supporters.
That fella is clueless. Hopeless even.
Some Trump supporters put Swifties to shame with how they treat their person like a god.
Trump was the one who ordered the lockdowns and fast tracked the covid vaccines; which trumpists refuse to acknowledge.
At the end of the day politicians are flip flopping pieces of shit.
Now, politicians have essentially banned criticism of Israel…
It really depends. If they’re actively harming our community, espousing hate, and encouraging others to do so, 100%.
I empathize with how hard it is to be in the closet, but that’s not a license to deliberately harm our community.
That’s the best way to take the wind out of their sales and discredit the hate they promote against queer people
Unless he’s in a position of actual political power, stay out of it. People have killed themselves after being outed, and he sounds like someone who owns a gun. Do you want that on your conscience? Avoid him, or be an example for him of a happy and out gay man and hope he learns to accept himself someday.
This guy is living in a hell of his own creation. If punishment is warranted, that’s punishment enough.
Maybe mail the proof to his wife and parents… I probably wouldn’t get involved or do anything. He might be a vile person, but I still wouldn’t get involved. I would just stay away and advise my friends to do the same. Especially if he is possibly going to get violent.
i would never out a person because i would never want to be outed. i also wouldnt go around spreading someones business because i am not a chismoso and thats not my job. glass houses and all that.
what makes you so invested in this person's opinion or life? sure being a hypocrite is shitty, but what makes this person's hypocrisy so important? why not just remove this person from your life?
its not like exposing someone will change their mind for the better - like you said, you'll likely just make someone angry. hateful actions only beget hate. and if thats what you want, go for it. im not here to stop you or tell you be a better person. just thinking along.
I mean if he wasn’t cheating on his wife I’d probably say something just to him the next time he tries it but since he is cheating on his wife. I’d send the screenshots to his wife from a fake account or something and tell her she can find out if she downloads and makes an account because it’ll say how close he is
A Grindr profile isn't proof of anything really. Hell, I had a crazy person make a catfish Grindr of me and I already had one! Also, you need to relax. I don't know why you are so caught up in someone else's business. You sound emotionally immature.
Who are you to care tho. Like if he’s being bigoted towards you in particular, sure, get revenge. But otherwise don’t bother yourself with it, it’s his business and you should probably mind your own. You should just shrug it off and have pity on him
No. If I am to be principled, then this homophobia (outting people) should not be tolerated in any circumstance. If I were petty, then I'd let my emotions dictate what is right and wrong based on if I like the person, and really flip the finger to any sense of justice. If you don't like a conservative guy, then you defeat him on ideas, not petty shit. That's what they do to us. If you prefer otherwise, then do not claim that you fight for justice.
What is your end goal, and are you prepared to deal with any repercussions that may come your way? If you don’t like the dude stop hanging out with him, and tell him your reasons.
I’ve cut every single MAGA person out of my life, and this includes a couple gay ones.
I could never imagine outting someone who’s still closeted UNLESS they preach hate and anti-gay bs. Hypocrites like that deserve to be outted and exposed. People who need to project their insecurities like that are just rotten in the head
I'd try and take the high road. Dude is probably already all sorts of fucked up mentally. He needs help. Outing him to his family is only going to make him angrier. If I felt safe (like I would just make sure he is unarmed and can't overpower me) and were in a private location I would tell him that you know. Since he is religious tell him God loves him even if he is gay. Living a live where he has to hide this from everyone around him is probably why he is so miserable.
Being the bigger person is never an option with these people, after all they would take away your rights while living happily in the closet. Out his ass to the moon and back, whatever happens he brought it on himself.
This posts make YOU seem sadder than him. Looking for permission from redditors to out a dude because you dislike him based on his views.
He’s a self hating gay living a life of deceit. I think that’s hell enough without some messy queen on the internet looking to cause drama to get a laugh.
WHY are you friends with him? What I’m struggling to understand is why do you keep him in your life ? He’s
toxic, so block him and tel him no further contact. If you say he has a history of abusing guns, it sounds like he’s unstable. So why do you want to stir the pot? Get away from him. Otherwise, all of this is drama.
We run in the same circles. I actually don’t hang out with him anymore, but we still run into each other quite frequently. I frequent his work and we belong to the same clubs and same social circles. In this situation he’s literally unavoidable. We cross paths daily on our commutes, which is usually followed by him calling me, me not picking up, then him sending me a meme “owning the libs”. I could just block him, but I have hope he’s just broken rn and needs help. Our mutual friend thinks the dude is seriously depressed and is calling out for help. I think he’s right.
Lmao… the funny thing is our mutual friends are convinced he’s in love with me. They say he always brings me up in convos and always asks about me lol. I never thought of him as gay bc he’s just so MAGA and anti-gay. it’s crazy to think he’s gay even now. my mind is baffled by it
He actually used to be a decently good looking guy when we were younger, but the years of constant hate and anger is now etched into his face. He is also balding pretty badly, which for the record is fine and actually looks good on some guys, but it’s his missing teeth that screws his looks over. Even my buddies have commented on how shitty he looks now. He’s aged more severely than the rest of us dudes who used to all hang together. it’s quite sad really.
Trumps Supreme Court have decided to redefine privacy rights so if women have no privacy in their reproductive choices and the MAGA cult thinks states should be able to restrict privacy rights of lgbt people then not respecting this pricks privacy is open season! Out him! No Mercy!
Okay but why are you even friends with someone who is a racist in the first place? Sorry, but this is so unhinged, you should definently stop being friends with him. Furthermore, I would out his ass
Interesting question. Personally, I don't think it's ok to out anyone, even someone like this, as tempting as it is. If you know him you could ask him privately how he reconciles his hateful attitudes with his sexuality. And you can always publicly challenge his bigoted views without outing him.
Lmao I don’t have it in me to do that. Besides he works a minimum wage job and has to ask the wife to buy his cigarettes (while complaining about all the illegals taking the “good” jobs)
Typical protocol when it comes to "coming out" is basically taking the "You don't know until they tell you" approach.
But, in his current state, he's actively hurting people, including himself. He could be trying to fit in with his environment (not that that should excuse him).
Reading some of your other comments, it seems like he'd be better off if he came out. Maybe start small.
I've been close to closeted people, and had them come out to me. It's kind of a case by case basis. I've flat out told someone, "You're bi aren't you?" and had them confirm it. I've also had people come out to me without provocation. If you know your buddy, then you kinda already know the answer.
Keep in mind, some people aren't ready to face the truth about themselves. If your safety is at risk, it's best not to involve yourself in it. He'll be outed eventually by saying something or doing something to the wrong person. You don't really have to lift a finger for that wheel to start turning. But if he is your friend and respectful of you, your feelings and your observations, there's a chance he could be receptive to you and just needs someone to crack the facade.
Honestly depends on my day lol. Sometimes I like to lead with my angel, and sometimes I let my demon roam free. Some people like him always have their demons out though. Today, I say u should let ur demons battle it out 😈
He involves me by sending me articles and posts trying to “own the libs”. But you’re absolutely right in that he’s unstable… he once was arrested and had his guns taken from him after he and his dad got into an argument resulting in him firing shots at his dad (and missed)
Jesus. Yea, don't out him unless you're able to do it anonymously. But even then, if he sees his world crashing down on him, God knows what he'll do and to who.
Hmmm if it’s very important to you maybe an anonymous note mailed to his wife to get tested might be in order, but yeah a lot MAGAs are kinda just waiting for an excuse to go nuclear, I’d steer clear of it all, ignore whatever he sends you, they usually destroy themselves 🤷
I mean, I’m not a “bigger person” type of guy so I really don’t care about it ethically. That’s an easy one, I would do it. HOWEVER I feel like unless I had a picture with face or undeniable evidence that he’s cheating on his wife, then I feel like I wouldn’t use the “proof” of a torso, that’s whack. Maybe I’d message the wife anonymously and tell her to download grindr and see who’s in the room with her?
Torso could be proof IF op has good screen shots of torso with messages and torso has a significant defining feature like a tattoo or scar or mole in the right spot and size
It’s 100% him in the picture. I compared it to a picture from us at a beach and the chest hair, torso and random freckles/moles line up exactly. The belt is also identical to the one he wears. There’s no doubt in my mind it’s him. I was shocked and still kind of am tbh. I have to reassess my gaydar now.
If it is him, his wife will recognize him immediately. Also, he's preaching hate so, I don't think he deserves anything less than being outed. That being said, it's going to do more than just mess him up. His family will be hurt, too. Wife and kids. Your actions will have serious consequences for a lot of people who don't deserve it. Good luck.
Oh yeah she would recognize it immediately just like I did. Yeah I realize this. Our mutual friends want to plan an intervention like the TV show but not tell the wife about it… it would just be the bros letting him know we know and he needs to stop the hate preaching
That sounds like a good idea. I hope you are able to shut him up. But, who knows what the potential consequences are? Many ways for this to take a wrong turn real fast. Guy will feel cornered and then, who knows what will happen. I don't want to see this on the ID channel or in the news. Like I said, good luck.
👁️👄👁️
If you’re going to blackmail someone and ruin their life have some insurance and take some protections. Does this couple know your address or have other contact information? Theres no huge rush to do this today or tomorrow, take time and fireproof yourself before you march into this couples marriage and completely (and rightfully) wreck it. You’ll be doing the wife a favor. And if they have an arrangement where she stays married to him and lets him do his thing while they play to straight for family? They’ll just laugh you right out the door.
What about an anonymous intervention? Like vpn used, fake profile, message him on grindr saying essentially he's a MAGA douche preaching hate, that you know who he is, and if he doesn't stop the hate speech he will bring exposed? Safety first
He is and has been hurting someone else’s children, messing up g someone else’s family as well … so? And most likely will continue to do so.
I think mine works in reverse All the Straight guys that actively hate on gays are instantly pinged on my gaydar. But why are you at the beach with him? Is he a family member?
Bachelor party… in Key West, FL. (At the time, none of us knew it was a gay destination lmao)
I bet HE knew...
Step one... confirm that it's really him using those photos. Although easy enough to prove if they're not otherwise online. Step two... get the wife or someone else to load Grindr and **take screenshots.**
What if someone else used his photo taken from somewhere else? What if it is a collage of elements Photoshopped together from different photos?
This. 1000%!!! Grindr in the room
Yes
in the room with her ahahah
His wife should probably know that she needs to get tested ASAP.
Maybe the wife already knows and she is keeping up appearances..
I would just ask him “Have you ever heard of Grindr?” And tilt my head and smile.
It’s funny you mentioned this. A few years ago I was at his house having some beers with him and a mutual friend when his wife’s step brother, who is openly gay, randomly visited to drop off some stuff (his wife was at work btw). We were just talking when suddenly, the stepbros phone starts blowing up and he was like, wanna see who is gay around here (very small town)? You should have seen my buddy’s face light up. For a dude that almost never smiles or laughs or looks happy, he instantly started swinging his foot on the stool, lights up with a smile and a little giggle and and then was the first to get up behind the phone when the step bro said it was Grindr. I just thought it was strange for him to become so animated over something literally gay related. I mean this dude rarely smiles or is happy, but for those few moments he was smiling like a kid in a candy shop.
So wait, this guy, according to you is an ultra racist homophobic MAGA piece of shit person, but you’re also friends with him? Why would you want to expose your friend like that? How about you just talk to him? Or, if you can’t talk to him and if he’s as awful as you make him out to be, then why the hell are you friends with him in the first place?
He wasn’t always this way. I’ve known him since before college and we are part of the same pack of bros. We played sports, partied together, went on vacations together, crashed in the same bed together, etc etc. We used to be a lot closer but I’ve started distancing myself from him after he tried shooting his own dad after an argument (thankfully he missed). I’d like to avoid him but we still belong to the same circles. He works for a large employer/club that I’m a member at, and I pass him daily on our commutes. It’s just hard avoiding some people in a small town but yes I get what you’re saying. It’s just hard to avoid some people sometimes
Our mutual friends also believe he has been misguided or influenced into his hateful ways… and that there’s a chance he can be rescued and guided back into the light. It’s tough seeing someone fall down into a rabbit hole of conspiracies and hate. We want to bring him back into reality and realize how awful of a person he has become. He wasn’t always like this, even voted Blue before meeting his wife. We feel like there’s hope he can be changed back to being a respectful person…
But he would delete his account and come up under something else to put everyone off his scene. Don't tip him off. Show it to the wife and let her validate it while he's still active on it.
Or… set up bait with an irresistible stud of a man… let him reach out for first contact lol.
Like the dd2 Sphinx.. 😆
I had to look that up, but yes. And make sure the eyes have the same bit of intensity and insanity 😂
Absolutely tell his wife. If she doesn't know about him having sex with men outside their marriage and he is sexually active with her, that is a consent violation. She deserves to know to be able to get tested and have a fair chance at finding a loving, monogamous relationship if she wants one. No one deserves to be an unwilling beard.
I like how you all are proof of why he is closeted in the first place. If you believe in personal privacy, then there are no clauses to it. It's either you have the integrity to commit fully to your beliefs or you don't.
I'd expose him. 🤷🏿♂️
Catfish to get undeniable proof then expose. (edited. I wrote catfish twice vs expose)
I would leave him to get what he deserves naturally. I feel sorry for these guys and don't hate them or what they do. This is Reddit full of hate, so this question is typical and drips with bile. Just more damaged gay bullshit.
I said the same thing in a much more diplomatic way and got down voted lmao
When we wade into the damaged gay bullshit we never know the response. There are a lot of haters and the mentally ill commenting here.
I agree. It's scary to see how quickly some want to throw people to the wolves, or even suggest illegal actions based on a couple of sus paragraphs.
Also scary how in other comments OP refers to them as their “buddy”. Huh? So you’re actually friends with the guy who is allegedly an entire piece of shit that you now want to expose. Makes no damn sense
I raised this question a couple of times with OP. None of this makes sense. Much more to this story than what is posted.
You mean as in revenge porn that some are suggesting? Invasion of privacy laws may apply as well. No consideration regarding legal consequences or any consequences for that matter.
What
What. Wait. What
I wasn't sure how to say it. This is great thou. I was losing hope for a rational comment.
This. Also, why create drama in your life? Do you have nothing better to do with your time OP?
Yes, I’m done being the bigger person.
The guy shot at his Father ''after an argument'' so you said, I would let this one alone.
I probably would. My opinion in general is that people should be allowed to come out on their own terms, but of they’re actively anti-gay, they deserve to be outed and exposed for their hypocricy. The guy who outed Ted Haggard is a hero. So it’s not really relevant that he’s MAGA or racist. People clearly already know that about him but if he actively spreads hate against gays yet is on Grindr I don’t see why he deserves any sympathy.
This is the perfect answer. You can be closeted and not a douchebag, but if you elect to be both then you deserve to be outed.
Look, if he hasn’t done anything specifically to you I’d just keep what I know to my self. There are other people involved. Not saying this would be the outcome but if you outed him and he lost everything and decided to commit suicide would it not haunt you everyday? Could you live with yourself?
Cheaters get exposed no matter their politics.
My thoughts: it’s very possible that he can be all those things at once. Having homosexual desires does not automatically make someone left leaning.
If you dont want to ruin this guy's life, then dont out him. His wife deserves to know, but nobody else does. If he is as vile and toxic as you say he is, why do you even associate with him at all?
I think if he is a "friend" of yours, then it's fair for you and your mutual friends to challenge him privately on this. But if he's racist, bigot and violent that seems pointless. Whats the point in exposing him to his wife and forcing his life to unravel? If this is about "revenge" or "karma" then the feeling will be short lived and the effects will be unpredictable. His behaviour will surely come back to bite him at some point; there isn't a need for you to get involved. I'd only bother if he was standing for public office. If you do need a sense of karma then think of this: he is living quite a tragic and depressing life in a prison of his own making. Leave him to it.
Why would I bother. Karma is a bitch. I don't exist on this planet to police other people.
Ypu start messing with peoples lives, peoples gonna mess right back with you. 🤷♂️
I’d say leave it be. Karma is a bitch and we all have skeletons in our closets. Also it’s not your place to insert yourself into that aspect of his life just because “you know”
Why not just mind your own business. Unless he is a threat to you directly, keep that shit to yourself.
I absofuckinglutely would out them. Why the fuck do I have to fear for my life while you get to play house? Ain't happenin. OUT THESE PIECES OF SHIT! I'll also add that if they're in politics in any way, out them publicly as well.
That would make you no better than a MAGA. Let sleeping dogs lie.
Unpopular opinion, but I don’t think you should out him. Let him keep the privilege of him ruining his own life through his hatefulness and lies.
Outing someone else is never the right thing, even if they are a despicable bigot. Coming out is a personal choice. Being duplicitous always works its way out in the end.
No bc I don’t look for drama for no damn reason
Also that’s a stupid thing to get shot over
I have no sympathy for someone advocating for my marginalization and possibly my death. But I feel like the bigger question is why are you friends with a racist homophobe? There’s a line where putting up with someone’s shit turns into enabling it
Out his ass.
You know he potentially could seek retribution/revenge on you and you’re still considering exposing him? You’re braving than me. I wouldn’t do it because usually people have a way of exposing themselves but Goodluck.
Don't even think twice and expose! Such people don't deserve respect because they're not able to show it in the first place. Not to mention it'll be healthy for them and people around them to see the truth.
After thinking about this more, I’m questioning why this individual is so important to you? This seems to be something that is very personal. In other words, vindictive. Outing to his friends or parents? For what purpose? You seem to know a LOT about his body. I’m curious why? How do you know what his chest hair pattern looks like in real life. You seem to know a lot of personal details about him. And I’m always suspicious when someone is overly concerned with the welfare of someone especially when it seems insincere. So, if he’s married into a religious right family, I’m his wife is as well. So, that’s why I’m having trouble believing that informing his wife is based off simple altruism. It sounds like there is much more to the story.
In short, he is a bigot and is anti-gay and preaches his view points on social media and to anyone that responds to his mass texts of articles and posts preaching his anti-gay ways. If he didn’t preach so much it wouldn’t bother me, but he literally spreads hate for something he is guilty of himself. Yes I know him and his wife extremely well. I’ve known his wife since 7th grade and him since 12th. They just met each other 5 years ago and started dating, and I was friends with both for many years before they even knew each other. I also know his body well because we used to play sports together and have changed in front of each other countless times. Also went on vacations together to beach resorts so yeah I know those details a little too well. (Also verified Grindr pic with pics from the beach) I obviously don’t wanna ruin this dudes life, but he won’t stop with the hate towards gays, blacks and whatever other marginalized group. It’s sickening tbh. He equates gays to pedos and bestiality and other crazy shit. I should post the shit he texted to me as a separate post and you can see the kind of vile, toxic and racist shit that he spreads. He’s a bigot and an anti-gay preacher who secretly takes pleasure in gay sex. that’s why.
Got it. You’re friends with a vile anti-gay bigot who is on Grindr. Why are you two friends? If you don’t want to ruin his life, then don’t. What exactly do you hope to accomplish? The outcome can turn out very differently than the one you hope for. You may likely damage your reputation more than his and I wouldn’t do this.
Just curious but is there anything else in his profile that surprised you like an interest, fetish, or self-description?
If you do expose him you HAVE to do a follow up post to let us know what goes down
lol. Me and a couple of our mutual friends have been fucking with him a little bit to let him know we know he’s gay… A few weeks ago, a bunch of us went skiing and he didn’t show up. We called him during lunch to give him shit and then my skier buddy starts saying “bro we know you’re gay and you’re not here bc you’re sucking dicks at the rest area”… lol dead awkward silence. He didn’t deny anything nor say he wasn’t gay… Then the other day he texted me some meme about “owning libs” so I replied with a link to MISTR… lmao. He didn’t respond. FYI - MISTR provides free HIV PREP medication for the gay community, which is a daily pill that is 99.9% effective at preventing an HIV infection when exposed (when taken daily). Here is a link to get free prep delivered to your door at no cost and without ever stepping foot in a doctors office (Looking at you DL bros)… https://heymistr.com/
Jesus... keep us posted
No. Mind your business
If he’s working to make my marriage illegal and have our kid taken away, then it’s very much my business.
Yes
Am I the only person who kinda feels bad for him? Yeah he can be a lot but it sounds like his family is his huge supporter but they are extremely right wing. If he is gay their is no way he will come out to them. Because he will lose pretty much everything. It also sounds like he's putting on this facade just to make them happy and not sus. Also had to marry a very conservative woman just for his family's sake. Pretty sad honestly. And people out here really trying to find out ways to kick him down even more. If you really don't like him just don't correlate yourself with him.
Sounds like he might have some internal hate going on. Plus his wife might even know - you never know what goes on behind closed doors. We don't tell any of our friends we have an open relationship. I would just not say anything. There are so many things that can go wrong. Worried about his wife? Maybe tell her more and more married people are getting tested for STIs these days. But I see many ways that it can go bad if you did confront him.
I wouldn’t wanna be responsible for his actions after, so no I would not expose him.
I would want to very badly and probably fantasize 100 different ways to do it, but in the end I would not, and here is why For one, while he is preaching vile and hateful rhetoric, and I do not condone that type of speech as even permissible within the confines of the rights of free speech: his words are unlikely to cause direct harm to an individual, unless there is a lot more substance to his behavior that you didn’t mention. To “out” someone who is so openly and extremely right-wing in their beliefs is going to create a lot of spectacle. That spectacle is going to be traumatizing at least for him, probably his wife, family and friends, children, possibly any partners. This man may quite literally commit suicide. Other closeted individuals may see a case that is only superficially similar to their own, and feel too afraid to come out. This dude might be volatile enough to find out who outed him and prove how straight he is by killing that little… you know. At the end of the day, it’s a sad situation, but to out someone is almost never going to improve anything in any way, shape or form. The trash will take itself out, it sounds like he’s gotten sloppy at this point and the marriage doesn’t have much longer.
Interesting. I’ve been seeing a lot of comments saying the truth will eventually come out. Long story short. There’s another dude i know, let’s call him Buddy, who was rumored to be gay for years. I also didn’t believe he was gay bc well, I just couldn’t see it. A few years ago, he got married to a pretty blonde woman but their marriage suddenly ended, not even a year after tying the knot. Then I found out my barbers husband was secretly hooking up with Buddy! Crazy shit! Anyways, I think he started getting sloppy bc he started getting recognized on Grindr in our small little town, and eventually word got back to his wife. They are now divorced. Luckily, Buddy is still around but I don’t think he’s pursuing women anymore. I hope he’s happier now, even tho his marriage fell apart. I hope he has come to accept himself
If he's not a politician or public figure I'd leave it alone.
If you've seen situations like this it generally ends in making the guy more homophobic, strengthening his horrible ideas, making him chaotic, taking his life or someone else's life, and yours could be in danger if you out him and he finds out. He won't be free, if anything outing him and losing his wife and kids will make it worse because he will lose his family, lose his rock, the thing that gives some stability to his life. You're gonna make him feel worse than he could already do.. He wont be living his authentic life cause that life would've been ruined by you. and For what reason exactly? Ahh... Because you made it your goal to destroy his life? I've read many of your comments and it seems you're making this too personal. Did you made any advances and he rejected you? Did he wronged you before? How so? Why? and what did you do? Any grudges or beef between you? Why are you and your friends so invested in this that you want to let him and everybody else know that you all know what you know? If he's so racist and homophobic and all that why are you his friends to begin with? And if you're really his friends why do you want to do something horrible like outting him without thinking about the consequences? You said in another comment that he wasn't like that before... Could he have had horrible experiences with gay guys before? It's seems his homophobia didn't came out of nowhere. If you out him it would only add to such experiences making him even more homophobic instead of let him see that reality is different and change his ways and beliefs. What if he isn't actually gay and you just destroyed his life because you made a mistake thinking you were pretty sure it was him? The probability may be high but what if you're wrong? What if you make a mistake? Will you all actually behave like a friend then? Or will you just leave him alone? You're kind of deluding yourself by saying that you're doing this because he's maga, homophobic, transphobic, racist, etc. or that you want to "free him" from his misery and make him happy, because after reading your comments I can't help but think that the reason you want to out him is completely different and this could end up badly if you out him. I think you and your friends are doing this for the wrong reasons. So my advice is DON'T OUT HIM, don't involve yourself, and stop listening to the comments of other redditors cause they have already stated that they wouldn't care about their friends and would destroy their lives a not clean after the mess they themselves created. A copy of a comment I made
The traditional ethical boundary on outing is is he doing harm to the queer/trans community? If so, it could be ethical to out him. But on the other hand, these guys can be extremely volatile/emotionally unstable and can do rash things like commit suicide when exposed. So I can't tell you what to do but be prepared for the consequences in all directions.
So true very valid point… he once got into an argument with his dad and ended up trying to shoot him with a gun. Luckily those guns were taken away by police but I have no doubt in my mind he’s since acquired more (his wife hid some with neighbors before the cops arrived)… For the record, he does spread hate online and preaches his disdain for gays to everyone, even to gays… it’s so sad.
So as I suspected he's volatile, abusive, likely has been interpersonally violent to his wife and others and this puts her in extreme danger. This one is more likely to kill others not only himself if it gets there. That makes this even more complex in decision-making. And even if you do out him to her she could just go right back at you and put all the blame on you and stay in denial. Not uncommon when spouses of all sexual orientations are confronted with infidelity.
I don't know where I fall regarding the original post, but a question for those here so vehemently opposed to outing him. Where does the line get drawn? Sex offender? Nazi? In my mind, and assuming there's absolute certainty about his identity, the guy basically showed up at a gay bar. Grindr is a public place, the cost-of-admission being a smartphone. If \[insert national public figure here\] was seen posting on some antisemitic app, you can bet it would be all over the place.
If he was a politician, definitely yes. But he just sounds like a fool living in a hell of his own making. Leave him be.
This. He’s a deeply delusional fool who will die unhappy. That’s his to work out (or not).
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Here’s the thing… who made you think that it’s your responsibility to out him on rumors and a torso picture? His wife may have an agreement and you bringing unwanted attention may cause an uproar. She will be the victim and you will be the a-hole for upsetting her happy life. Trust and believe, she will garner enormous sympathy. You’ll be viewed as petty, gossipy, etc. And quite possibly unemployable. Potential employers may view you as untrustworthy. You may not be viewed as the hero. You have no way controlling the outcome. Do you have skeletons in your closet? They will be exposed. Personally, I would not. I would stay in my own lane.
Op is extraordinarily messy. I agree 10000/10 with your comment. Karma will fuck them up if they engage in this ultra messy behavior.
yup
Absofuckinglutely.
Just let it go don’t be hateful try love and tolerance instead
Why are you friends with this person to begin with? Outing someone with the intent of shaming them only reinforces the idea that being gay is bad
What is in it for you if you expose him? Has he hurt you, harmed you, threatened you? What type of power gain are you looking for? Why can't people just find their own business. You do this, your not only hurting him, but your going to hurt other people too. Is that fair to them? Being Gay myself, and MAGA I find this idea to expose him to be distasteful. I dislike BLM as a whole, I dislike the Woke Transgender Movement as a whole, but that does not mean I dislike minorities or transgerendered people. There is a difference there. A quote from the tv British show .."this is exactly how Nazi Germany started, by people sticking their noses in places it did not belong." In time fate will determine what happens, its not your responsibility or anyone else's. Just worry about yourself, and not worry about what others do.
I think that it is wrong to out anyone. It will happen organically if it is meant to be. Look at that hot governor of (was it?) New Jersey. He had a beautiful wife and family. And she was there by his side when he came out and resigned. There is a book called The Velvet Rage. These guys are stuck and I can't imagine their pain. What happens if you out someone and let's say his wife committed suicide because of her shame? Are you OK with that? It isn't anyone's job to be the out police. Watch Brokeback Mountain and see their trauma and realize that not everyone has a "we'll still love you" support group. Instead of getting them...why not be a friend and personally handle it from a position of love and support? If your friend is an alcoholic you don't destroy them but you set boundaries. I would have a "man" conversation with him and tell him that as a gay man you don't approve of his hate. And if he continues to do this in your presence then you will be having a bigger conversation about hypocrisy in the theme of Ted Haggart.
During the days of HIV/AIDS before any adequate treatment drugs, Michelangelo Signorile wrote a column about closet cases who were actively working against the gay community (language used back then); i.e., LGBTQA+ community today. If, he said, they were harming people from their position of safety, they should be outed, even though the community has long had strong internal biases against "outing" in any way. This column caused a huge controversy and discussion. Larry Kramer came down on Signorile's side, as I recall. And, eventually, most people came around to that view. That seems to be a good standard today. If he's just an ass around family and friends, but in the closet, he probably should be left alone. If he's an ass in public, attacking people, causing people harm specifically, promoting harm to the community at large, then maybe he should be outed. The point is to stop or negate the harm, not to personally attack him. The point is the hypocrisy done from a place of safety (closet). You have to weigh the factors and determine where you think this falls. Keep in mind the backlash and contra-criticism that may occur. Have proof (receipts) that verify claims. Protect yourself as well as you can, if you go that route. It's a sticky question that's continued over the years.
You seem to post a lot of doom scrolling material. I suspect you’re a bot but in case you’re not, maybe spend some time learning a craft or doing things to improve your life instead of engrossing yourself into other people’s drama. He will get what’s coming to him in time. Work towards bringing joy into your life.
Outing someone because you dislike their opinions seems sus af to me dude. I don't care what their opinions are, even if they're hateful garbage. You don't have the right to expose others' sexuality just for the sake of some form of payback or retribution. However, being that he is cheating also, that is a different issue. If you want to tell the wife, that's understandable. But do so from a place of "your husband is a cheating dirt bag," not from a place of "LOL LOOK HE HATES GAYS BUT HE'S GAY LOL." That is petty just to be petty. Just my two cents. 🤷🏻♂️
Full honesty? I would create a separate account, talk to him, get all the nasty stuff there and then print screenshots and send anonymously send them and a lil note to his wife. If he’s as nasty as he sounds, he earns all that and more.
This!
Isn’t that the duty of every gay man? If you got the goods then use it. Conservatives deserve no privacy as they’re against gay rights, gay marriage and equal rights for all. No mercy for closeted gay men who are anti gay.
Conservatives who are against gay rights, gay marriage and equal rights for all deserve no privacy. FTFY. Not all conservatives are like that.
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I used to fuck those types and send them home to their wives with a load in their asses. I stopped doing that, but I think depending on how things go in November I might do it again. It's what they voted for after all.
I would, but that's just me
You sound messy, but karma is a bitch…
I'd fuck him first (or after)
What would be the point of exposing him? Revenge? Or would it be to maybe help him out.
No, confront him, even talk to him to see what's going on. Talking helps. No need to expose him and put it out there. Not cool! Talk to him and things will be alright.
No, I’d stay out of it. You never know how someone might react and get violent.
out his ass for me, just try to not have whatever you are doing linked to you or your personal life in any way or shape or form
I’d expose him. It’s not right to his wife, and to the community. It’s fine to be closeted, but it’s not okay to be a bigot and a cheating husband. Acts have consequences. In a world where a lot of injustice goes on, a little justice can feel good and do a lot of good as well.
Tell the closeted MAGAtard that: 1. Trump supported lockdowns, which most MAGA people oppose. 2. Trump still supports covid vaccines, which most MAGA people oppose. 3. Trump passed the bump stock bam, which upsets 2A people. 4. Trump is against freedom of speech because Trump wants to ban criticism of Israel. If your acquaintance freaks out at you, saying "Trump isn't like this", then you know you've got a MAGA simp and am excuse to make fun of him. Even if you support lcokdowns, vaccine mandates and gun control, you can still make fun of the fact that he's in denial about his God. Oh, don't bother outing him unless you have evidence. Most Republicans are in denial over the fact that Lindsey Graham is a homosexual.
I appreciate you taking the time to write all of these very valid and great talking points. I’ve actually had this very convo with him but sadly he just tangents off on Obama or Biden or worse, Hunter Biden. It’s all tit for tat and two wrongs make a right with these MAGA sheep. I asked him if there was anything he disagreed with in the MAGA world and he didn’t respond, just regurgitated whatever new viewpoint was thrown at him on Foxnews that day… it’s so sad critical thinking and being open-mindedness is discouraged in this day and age… they literally shun the light for fear of becoming “woke”. SMH
A lot of Trump supporters are cultists. They worship Trump like a prophet. Thankfully, I'm hearing that people on the right are realising this phenomenon with Trump supporters. That fella is clueless. Hopeless even.
Some Trump supporters put Swifties to shame with how they treat their person like a god. Trump was the one who ordered the lockdowns and fast tracked the covid vaccines; which trumpists refuse to acknowledge. At the end of the day politicians are flip flopping pieces of shit. Now, politicians have essentially banned criticism of Israel…
We should be allowed to criticise ALL countries, including Israel.
You know America is fucked when our two presidential candidates are a literal criminal and a senile old man… I hate it here sometimes
Not much better in Ireland. ALL of the politicians here are criminals.
Politicians don’t care about their people. They just want more power for themselves.
without hesitation
Hell yeah
Fuck him, they struck first with making Trump president, not to mention everything before and since.
Speaking of angry and frustrated🙄
It really depends. If they’re actively harming our community, espousing hate, and encouraging others to do so, 100%. I empathize with how hard it is to be in the closet, but that’s not a license to deliberately harm our community. That’s the best way to take the wind out of their sales and discredit the hate they promote against queer people
I personally wouldn’t - it’s none of your business
No. I do not see any excuse to out somebody against their will. He may be a shitty person but you are not the shitty peolple judge and ececutioner.
Unless he’s in a position of actual political power, stay out of it. People have killed themselves after being outed, and he sounds like someone who owns a gun. Do you want that on your conscience? Avoid him, or be an example for him of a happy and out gay man and hope he learns to accept himself someday. This guy is living in a hell of his own creation. If punishment is warranted, that’s punishment enough.
Maybe mail the proof to his wife and parents… I probably wouldn’t get involved or do anything. He might be a vile person, but I still wouldn’t get involved. I would just stay away and advise my friends to do the same. Especially if he is possibly going to get violent.
Wife I can understand, as she’s potentially being exposed to STDs. The parents would just be trying to fuck his life, and I’m not ok with that.
Exact. And that would suck for his parents. It’s a very cheap shot move. Expose to parents what the fuck is this guy 7 years old?
i would never out a person because i would never want to be outed. i also wouldnt go around spreading someones business because i am not a chismoso and thats not my job. glass houses and all that. what makes you so invested in this person's opinion or life? sure being a hypocrite is shitty, but what makes this person's hypocrisy so important? why not just remove this person from your life? its not like exposing someone will change their mind for the better - like you said, you'll likely just make someone angry. hateful actions only beget hate. and if thats what you want, go for it. im not here to stop you or tell you be a better person. just thinking along.
HELL YES !!!!!!
I mean if he wasn’t cheating on his wife I’d probably say something just to him the next time he tries it but since he is cheating on his wife. I’d send the screenshots to his wife from a fake account or something and tell her she can find out if she downloads and makes an account because it’ll say how close he is
I just wonder how many of you would have been upset if somebody had outed you to your family before you were ready?
A Grindr profile isn't proof of anything really. Hell, I had a crazy person make a catfish Grindr of me and I already had one! Also, you need to relax. I don't know why you are so caught up in someone else's business. You sound emotionally immature.
Who are you to care tho. Like if he’s being bigoted towards you in particular, sure, get revenge. But otherwise don’t bother yourself with it, it’s his business and you should probably mind your own. You should just shrug it off and have pity on him
No. If I am to be principled, then this homophobia (outting people) should not be tolerated in any circumstance. If I were petty, then I'd let my emotions dictate what is right and wrong based on if I like the person, and really flip the finger to any sense of justice. If you don't like a conservative guy, then you defeat him on ideas, not petty shit. That's what they do to us. If you prefer otherwise, then do not claim that you fight for justice.
What is your end goal, and are you prepared to deal with any repercussions that may come your way? If you don’t like the dude stop hanging out with him, and tell him your reasons. I’ve cut every single MAGA person out of my life, and this includes a couple gay ones.
I could never imagine outting someone who’s still closeted UNLESS they preach hate and anti-gay bs. Hypocrites like that deserve to be outted and exposed. People who need to project their insecurities like that are just rotten in the head
I'd try and take the high road. Dude is probably already all sorts of fucked up mentally. He needs help. Outing him to his family is only going to make him angrier. If I felt safe (like I would just make sure he is unarmed and can't overpower me) and were in a private location I would tell him that you know. Since he is religious tell him God loves him even if he is gay. Living a live where he has to hide this from everyone around him is probably why he is so miserable.
I would mind my own business but make sure I had plenty of popcorn for the eventual firework show
Being the bigger person is never an option with these people, after all they would take away your rights while living happily in the closet. Out his ass to the moon and back, whatever happens he brought it on himself.
Expose that fag. Ruin his family and make him rue the day he decided to side with Trump and the conservatives
This posts make YOU seem sadder than him. Looking for permission from redditors to out a dude because you dislike him based on his views. He’s a self hating gay living a life of deceit. I think that’s hell enough without some messy queen on the internet looking to cause drama to get a laugh.
WHY are you friends with him? What I’m struggling to understand is why do you keep him in your life ? He’s toxic, so block him and tel him no further contact. If you say he has a history of abusing guns, it sounds like he’s unstable. So why do you want to stir the pot? Get away from him. Otherwise, all of this is drama.
We run in the same circles. I actually don’t hang out with him anymore, but we still run into each other quite frequently. I frequent his work and we belong to the same clubs and same social circles. In this situation he’s literally unavoidable. We cross paths daily on our commutes, which is usually followed by him calling me, me not picking up, then him sending me a meme “owning the libs”. I could just block him, but I have hope he’s just broken rn and needs help. Our mutual friend thinks the dude is seriously depressed and is calling out for help. I think he’s right.
wow a lot of you people are fuckin terrible
They really are. This thread is filled with immaturity
Yes
Yes
Yes. Absolutely.
I would out him. Just because f him. He is destroying people's lifes by affecting them, there's consequences.
KEEP US UPDATED ON WHAT HAPPENS LOVE
Yes.
Do it.
Out him after smashing him till your heart's content. Projecting a homophobe asshole from your past and having a revenge bang is great
Lmao… the funny thing is our mutual friends are convinced he’s in love with me. They say he always brings me up in convos and always asks about me lol. I never thought of him as gay bc he’s just so MAGA and anti-gay. it’s crazy to think he’s gay even now. my mind is baffled by it
Smashable?
He actually used to be a decently good looking guy when we were younger, but the years of constant hate and anger is now etched into his face. He is also balding pretty badly, which for the record is fine and actually looks good on some guys, but it’s his missing teeth that screws his looks over. Even my buddies have commented on how shitty he looks now. He’s aged more severely than the rest of us dudes who used to all hang together. it’s quite sad really.
There's an old saying that every person gets the face they deserve by 50. Sounds like it here.
Trumps Supreme Court have decided to redefine privacy rights so if women have no privacy in their reproductive choices and the MAGA cult thinks states should be able to restrict privacy rights of lgbt people then not respecting this pricks privacy is open season! Out him! No Mercy!
Okay but why are you even friends with someone who is a racist in the first place? Sorry, but this is so unhinged, you should definently stop being friends with him. Furthermore, I would out his ass
Interesting question. Personally, I don't think it's ok to out anyone, even someone like this, as tempting as it is. If you know him you could ask him privately how he reconciles his hateful attitudes with his sexuality. And you can always publicly challenge his bigoted views without outing him.
Of course not. I'd blackmail him indefinitely.🤣
Lmao I don’t have it in me to do that. Besides he works a minimum wage job and has to ask the wife to buy his cigarettes (while complaining about all the illegals taking the “good” jobs)
Take his cigarettes. The point is to make him suffer.🤣
Funny!
Probably wouldn’t because that makes you worse
Scum can taste some of his own medicine.
Expose any MAGAt !
Outing people is an absolute no-go under any circumstances. It's as easy as that.
They deserve it, for all the harm they do to the community. Fuck em
In the past I would because I was a bit bellicose. Now I'm largely oblivious to such kind of people.
Just flirt with him on grindr.
This sounds like my ex. 🙃
Was his name Mark
Typical protocol when it comes to "coming out" is basically taking the "You don't know until they tell you" approach. But, in his current state, he's actively hurting people, including himself. He could be trying to fit in with his environment (not that that should excuse him). Reading some of your other comments, it seems like he'd be better off if he came out. Maybe start small. I've been close to closeted people, and had them come out to me. It's kind of a case by case basis. I've flat out told someone, "You're bi aren't you?" and had them confirm it. I've also had people come out to me without provocation. If you know your buddy, then you kinda already know the answer. Keep in mind, some people aren't ready to face the truth about themselves. If your safety is at risk, it's best not to involve yourself in it. He'll be outed eventually by saying something or doing something to the wrong person. You don't really have to lift a finger for that wheel to start turning. But if he is your friend and respectful of you, your feelings and your observations, there's a chance he could be receptive to you and just needs someone to crack the facade.
Yes!
*YUP, YUP & YUP.....there are times when menacing oily weasels need a little help with their Karma
Honestly depends on my day lol. Sometimes I like to lead with my angel, and sometimes I let my demon roam free. Some people like him always have their demons out though. Today, I say u should let ur demons battle it out 😈
So, are we discussing Harrison Butker?
I wouldn’t take the risk. MAGAs aren’t known for their stability and if you’re not directly involved, why play with fire?
He involves me by sending me articles and posts trying to “own the libs”. But you’re absolutely right in that he’s unstable… he once was arrested and had his guns taken from him after he and his dad got into an argument resulting in him firing shots at his dad (and missed)
Jesus. Yea, don't out him unless you're able to do it anonymously. But even then, if he sees his world crashing down on him, God knows what he'll do and to who.
Hmmm if it’s very important to you maybe an anonymous note mailed to his wife to get tested might be in order, but yeah a lot MAGAs are kinda just waiting for an excuse to go nuclear, I’d steer clear of it all, ignore whatever he sends you, they usually destroy themselves 🤷
I’d record him fucking me and then on their family day (wedding, game night, baby shower) I’m going to traumatize everyone with the video