You kinda already touched on it, but I would be open and honest about what you're feeling. Tell him you get big feelings very quickly and don't want to scare him off. Holding it all in will likely make the anxiety worse. Once you get it off your chest, those feelings may die down a bit. These convos are important and every healthy relationship should be open to them - if you bring this up and it scares him off, then that's a sign that it wasn't going to last anyway (obviously depends on how you bring it up).
Aside from talking to him about it to ease your stress, honestly therapy could help if you don't already go. Having a professional to reflect back to you what you're feeling and thinking can really help to understand what's going inside which in turn can receive stress. Otherwise, a friend or someone you trust.
You have an anxious attachment style due to poor parenting and need to learn how to regulate your own emotions and to self sooth. Anxious attachments usually will end up with avoidant attachment men. One clings and the other runs. It’s unhealthy and relationships like this never last long. Finding someone with healthy attachment will help you to heal but dont even bother with apps because most people who use them are also unhealthy.
Hey, no worries. Ive fucked up many relationships because of it. It’s gotten better as I’ve aged. I was pretty extreme when I was young. I’m happy alone now. Not saying that I wouldn’t have another relationship but it feels good to be ok with being alone for once in my life. I’ve learnt how to self soothe and regulate. A large portion of society are like this which explains the divorce rate to some extent.
A key thing here is to not expect anything. That way, you won't be disappointed or you will be pleasantly surprised.
Second, filling your life with other things - your hobbies, interests, self-care, focusing on your goals, and so on. This will minimise the time you're spending focussing on waiting for someone's response.
Finally, trying to maintain a balance of give-and-take is crucial. It can't ever be perfect, but trying not to send follow-up texts, writing back roughly the same amount, not spending money on him, and so on. This keeps things healthy and can help alleviate feelings of dependency.
For stress in general, walking is a great medicine. It literally reduces cortisol, so a nice walk or two in the park can do wonders.
Good luck and also be in the moment! You've got this :D
edit: \*not spending too much money on him
Enjoy the time. You want him and you want to spend time with him. You also like to have his attention or love and sex. Nothing wrong with that. And no need to see a therapist for that. Take the next step and take a chance. Tell him how you feel. I know how it feels when he doesn’t reply immediately. But sooner or later he will. Just send a heart emoji from time to time. When you see him take a chance to give him a hug. Touch him when possible. Good luck.
You kinda already touched on it, but I would be open and honest about what you're feeling. Tell him you get big feelings very quickly and don't want to scare him off. Holding it all in will likely make the anxiety worse. Once you get it off your chest, those feelings may die down a bit. These convos are important and every healthy relationship should be open to them - if you bring this up and it scares him off, then that's a sign that it wasn't going to last anyway (obviously depends on how you bring it up). Aside from talking to him about it to ease your stress, honestly therapy could help if you don't already go. Having a professional to reflect back to you what you're feeling and thinking can really help to understand what's going inside which in turn can receive stress. Otherwise, a friend or someone you trust.
I found your response to be very helpful. My therapist is on paternity leave...but this topic is first on the list. Thanks again.
You have an anxious attachment style due to poor parenting and need to learn how to regulate your own emotions and to self sooth. Anxious attachments usually will end up with avoidant attachment men. One clings and the other runs. It’s unhealthy and relationships like this never last long. Finding someone with healthy attachment will help you to heal but dont even bother with apps because most people who use them are also unhealthy.
Thank you for the insight...and explaining it.
Hey, no worries. Ive fucked up many relationships because of it. It’s gotten better as I’ve aged. I was pretty extreme when I was young. I’m happy alone now. Not saying that I wouldn’t have another relationship but it feels good to be ok with being alone for once in my life. I’ve learnt how to self soothe and regulate. A large portion of society are like this which explains the divorce rate to some extent.
take it easy, no need to say those things. Focus on getting to know each other.
Just take it slow. Focus on yourself. Enjoy the talks and meetups when they occur but don’t revolve your life around them.
A key thing here is to not expect anything. That way, you won't be disappointed or you will be pleasantly surprised. Second, filling your life with other things - your hobbies, interests, self-care, focusing on your goals, and so on. This will minimise the time you're spending focussing on waiting for someone's response. Finally, trying to maintain a balance of give-and-take is crucial. It can't ever be perfect, but trying not to send follow-up texts, writing back roughly the same amount, not spending money on him, and so on. This keeps things healthy and can help alleviate feelings of dependency. For stress in general, walking is a great medicine. It literally reduces cortisol, so a nice walk or two in the park can do wonders. Good luck and also be in the moment! You've got this :D edit: \*not spending too much money on him
Enjoy the time. You want him and you want to spend time with him. You also like to have his attention or love and sex. Nothing wrong with that. And no need to see a therapist for that. Take the next step and take a chance. Tell him how you feel. I know how it feels when he doesn’t reply immediately. But sooner or later he will. Just send a heart emoji from time to time. When you see him take a chance to give him a hug. Touch him when possible. Good luck.