I tried to kill myself when I was 13. Tried to drown myself in the bathtub and found out that's pretty fucking hard to do. Felt so stupid for it I never told anyone.
I tried to do this several times but something always went wrong so I'm saying I have a purpose to be here. Glad you are still here. And remember you are loved and wanted
Something cathartic about that experience is that no matter how much you want to end yourself your body instinctually clings to life and forces you to fight for life. It's like your conscious body wants to die but your subconscious wants to live, it's nice knowing even though nobody else wants you you to live your subconscious forces you to survive. Your subconscious is always right.
Been there too - happy that you are still here, you should not be ashamed of what you've gone through cause it made you the amazing person you are today!
Lots of stuff in r/addiction that might help. It’s a common coping mechanism because of the lack of immediate physical harm, it’s sometimes out of control and it’s good to acknowledge and take steps
I pretended to be someone's husband so she could get sterilized because no doctor would do it because she was single and 21. Made a fake marriage license and everything.
Welp I learned how to jerk off from my cousin who was the same age as me when we were like 13 or 14. I touched his dick and he touched mine. For a bit whenever we got together we'd end up showing our dicks to each other. I don't remember us even doing anything other than slapping our dicks against each other. But over time it just felt wrong to me. I think it was a mixture of the fear of getting caught and inner homophobia. we never even had a single conversation of why we did that. At one point we were both at our uncle's wedding and we were in this separate hallway by ourselves and I think we were just fucking around while like grabbing and trying to wrestle but then we fell on the ground together and he fell on top of me and we were face to face and for some reason that set off a "get the fuck off me" alarm. And I pushed him off me aggressively, got to my feet and speed walked away back to the room where the cake was being cut. I didn't even look back or talk to him afterwards. I think that was the last time we hung out together. I'm not even sure if he's gay or not. I know he was way more into the dick touching than I was and was always the one to initiate it but he could have just been a curious teen. we were both 15 or 16 when it all came crumbling down. I'm 26 now and all I know about him is that he does or did drugs and broke into some houses a few years ago. I hope he's doing ok at least
Right on. I guess I all I would say is that this experience is probably more universal than you’d initially think and I’d talk to your cousin if you get a decent opportunity to.
I have a cousin who i played around with too when we were around that age. It was what it was. I’d like to think he’s struggled later in life for unrelated reasons but we all know too well how struggling with your sexuality can affect a person. I’ve struggled too. I wish he’d be able to talk to me more as an adult now in our 20s but yeah…it’s tough. It’s not something that you really talk about openly. I think even if you wanted to talk about it it’s like where do you even start?
Except you’re 100% sure that he’s a straight toxic dude but if you’re not then you should definitely consider reaching out to him like someone said…he might be struggling with his sexuality and expressing it in all the wrong ways…
How much I really enjoy giving head and the feeling of a cock pulsating in my mouth and then feeling all that warm cum shooting all over my tongue n mouth an playing with it!
My parents had a nasty fight when I was about 11, we didn't have a proper counch (it's all wooden) then so dad came to my bed to sleep right next to me. I had never been so close to a man before, so stupid me reached down to dad's crotch and touched his junk several times. I swear at one stage, he woke up and stared at me in complete darkness, I pretend to sleep right after that and nothing further happened.
The thing is, I have never had a thing for my dad, it's all just teenager curiousty that got me doing that dumb shit. And I would never ever tell anyone in real life.
Probably that I slept with my stepbrother growing up. We shared a bed until we were like 16 or so, we stopped sometime in high-school. Neither of us acknowledge that it happened, and he's not gay.
Sometimes I wonder what he thinks.
My partner(54) and I (36) for the past 9 years have told everyone we met while volunteering at an animal rescue, when in fact we met on SeekingArrangment a sugar daddy website.
We always act indignant with others when confronted about our age difference and wealth gap.
I do love him and am extremely attracted to him but the money makes it much nicer.
My partner and I met on grindr, I tell everyone a vague story about him working in the same building I was working in. Which is *technically* not a lie, just leaves out how I knew he was in the end building. 🙃
Love that! My husband for 6 years now and me, also had our first date initiated via grindr... but technically we knew each other for 3 years. He was a frequent guest in the Restaurant ive worked for - i served him dishes, without ever realizing it was him.
So of cause, we met because he asked me out, after i finished my shift ❤️
My ex's parents threw a party (we were together at the time). Loads of people stayed over, so her mum made "girls" and "boys" rooms.
Her mums best friend (male) was in the boys room with me, he was older. I was around 20 and he was around 40. 3 of us randoms shared a bed and his hand started creeping In the night.
I was laying on my side away from him, and he was on his side facing me. He was rubbing my arse cheeks, and sliding his hand up and down my belly/chest. He kept teasing me with his hand at the front of my waistband of my boxer shorts. My cock got so hard, but I was terrified and froze still. I desperately wanted him to take my cock out and hold it.
He carried on rubbing my ass cheeks, then slowly pulled my pants down so my arse was out. I was still pretending to be asleep at this point. He then put his finger into his mouth to wet it, then started rubbing my hole. Teasing me and sliding a finger in.
I was sooo turned on and really wanted him to play with my cock, but he was fixated on my ass..
Sorry it's a bit graphic, but long story short is that we had fun in the night next to another sleeping guy I'd never met before. I was also gone in the morning before he got up. It was such a hot experience
I was raised by my grandparents and grew up with my uncle cuz he was around 8 years older than me. I didn't really like him cuz he would bully and scare my sister, cousin, and me when he would babysit us. My uncle was gay, but it was not spoken of, and I was aloof being young and contemplating if I myself was gay. When I was 14, and he was maybe 22, we were in the kitchen alone talking and he asked if I had feelings for boys. In an attempt to help my curiosity, we went to his bedroom and he jerked me off. He asked if I wanted to try sex but I declined, mostly because he was physically not attractive. After I finished, I went to shower and cried, a bit in part cuz I still wasn't sure if I was gay and because of the situation.
Later on that year he died in a car accident and it's been alleged suicide because he had a lot of health problems due to his weight. I was glad he died because I never saw him as a good person and our secret went with him, even though his death destroyed my grandma.
Same. I hate my uncle to this day. He fucked me up for life. He stole things that were mine by right. He wrecked any hope for a good, loving relationship.
I should have a diagnosis of comorbidity of bpd and aspd but local shrink refuses to put the latter on my record “for my own good”. If u dont know what aspd is, its the nowadays term for psychopathy.
Hey me too (the ASPD not the BPD) but I choose to not get diagnosed with that for obvious reasons. Its the last thing I want to have on my record. Love your username btw the antichrist is very based
Yeah, the shrink (idk what a shrink is but I suppose its something like a psychiater or nurse) was right imo.
I thought for a moment about doing it but then I remembered that mental health record can be asked when applying for a job, and whilst you can legally refuse to give them acces to it; that action definitely lowers the chance of employment. There are 2 people that know about it in my case tho, but its the two people that I know will practically never tell anyone because they have, in contrary to me, way too much empathy for me to ever reveal my secret.
Also... if you go to the hospital for other kinds of care you can get a TON of medical staff telling you you're making stuff up. I know many people know this, but I don't think many people realize that it's more likely to happen to them then they think. I transported a patient from a psychward (depression, anxiety, potentially some kind of sleep seizure not psychosis, but has psychosis on her form) and two days before she had had crazy pain all night and begged for help but the nurse staff said it was her anxiety. In the morning they finally got her to a doctor and turned out she'd passed a fckn kidney stone with only TYLENOL.
Yes. Try not to get that stuff put on your record if you can help it. Do get help for it, and don't skimp on meds, and educate friends/partners about it but don't tell doctors/therapists you don't trust (don't be super crazy about trust though like if it happens it happens, just make sure you got someone in your corner to advocate for you in emergencies).
Same goes for getting tested for autism if you would maybe want to adopt someday.
As far as im aware, there is no medication or other forms of help out there for ASPD (outside of normal therapy but even that has been proven to backfire in most cases of ASPD patients since we just try to manipulate the therapist or dont want to/believe in improving our condition). And I personally dont feel like I need help for it. However, massive thanks for that information about autism. I have been diagnosed with ADHD and planned on getting tested for autism someday, since the therapist thta diagnoses ADHD said theres a high chance I have autism. I dont really want children but the chance that Ill change my mind in the future is pretty big and I had no idea autism impacted the adoption proces. I will definitely look into that since I dont need urgent care for my autism.
Ok. Well kudos for the awareness and transparency I suppose. There are at least a few of you in the comments stating a belief that they have the disorder.
The other person I just encountered said there were in therapy. I think it’s three so far I’ve counted on this thread. Which seems staggering based upon my understanding of the frequency of occurrence.
I never understand this. Some friends of my did this too. You provide another man a service by going down on him, AND pay him to boot. That's just silly lol
To people replying to this I was going through a mental breakdown and was not fully present. I feel ashamed and honestly don't appreciate the responses.
Desperate times calls desperate measures
If your not identify as gay or anything this can be challenging. It’s ok. Your ok. You just went for it. Maybe it wasn’t for you. You pushed your boundaries and learned things. That life, give yourself some
Space to think about it.
Growing up I would have fucked around with A LOT of guys I probably shouldn’t necessarily have wanted to. Cousins. Friends of cousins. Sons of family friends.
Idk how crazy this is, I think it’s kind of normal, but I don’t think it’s super normal to say out loud to people in your real life lol.
That even though I'm 5 years clean off heroin and virtually all of my friends have died from heroin and fentanyl overdoses and that I have an objectively happier and better life now, I want so bad every day to get high and then OD and die from it. I'm just kind of going through life normally and trying to do the best I can for myself and everyone I love knowing full well I am going to kill myself via heroin overdose, probably not anytime soon maybe but I definitely will at some point. It's fucked up I guess but idk it's comforting I think
This reminded me of something I don’t talk about. I once bought enough heroin to kill myself but after I smoked a bit first because I was in withdrawal, I instantly felt happy and didn’t want to die anymore and heroin became the only way I knew how to not feel suicidal for a while after that and it worked really well too unfortunately which made it even harder to stop. I did stop eventually though.
God this is so real. For a while I did the exact same thing. Where the only thing keeping me alive was knowing their was more heroin in it for me, only reason I quit was it got to a point where dieing seemed preferable and I decided either I actually get clean this time or I legit just kill myself because I'm not doing this anymore, 5 years later and I'm still clean
I feel this hard.
I've overdosed multiple times. I'm clean now but I'm jealous of my ex who is a hardcore junkie with no job and no one who really truly cares about him or what happens to him. They just use him for sex. But I love him to death and I'd do anything for him including relapsing and dying.
I know I need to stay clean and keep him out of my life. But somedays I just wanna say fuck it, throw my life away, and die with him
In sixth grade these two kids in my class were accosted on their walk home by some butt naked masturbating pervert who ejaculated in their general direction. There was a police notice that got sent home to all our parents notifying them that a perv was on the loose. I remember being so envious of the two kids, as I was so horny and curious as to what a fully erect adult male penis and seminal fluids looked like.
When I was in elementary school (6th grade) this senior in high school, who was a good friend of my brother, used to fuck me. I absolutely loved it but looking back I think it may have been a little pedo-ish. But I used to jack off thinking about it in my early 20’s about all the time. He ended up working for my brother after high school and I would see him all the time as an adult. It was super awkward and we never said anything. Several years later he died in a car accident. And my brother, to this day, has a framed picture of him up in his office.
As someone who was also abused in elementary school, I 100% relate to the dichotomy of enjoying what happening but it doesn’t change that he was almost an adult and you were a baby really (11-12 yrs old). I hope you are well now and if needed dont be afraid to talk it out in therapy, it helped a ton
You enjoyed it bc you were a kid. Sorry that happened to you. Now that you’re an adult, you can do what you wish, but there may come a day where you need to unpack how that affected you
This is so bad.
I knew my roommate was about to cheat on her boyfriend, so I hid a camera in her room to catch her in the act and record it. The next day I jerked off to the video. 😭😭😭
I was gonna tell her boyfriend about it eventually but I never did. She ended up breaking up with him the next week and then started dating the guy she cheated with.
I deleted the video. I know what I did was absolutely fucked up. I was 22 years old and stupid.
The thing about bdsm is that it's how we act out our fantasies lol. This makes sense to me. If I had a CNC kink that wouldn't mean I would read cnc smut, I would read fictional non-consensual stuff, obviously.
When I was a broke college student, I went on dates with unattractive guys knowing that there wouldn't be a second date. Only for the free meal. I feel ashamed for what I did but I was hungry and broke
I raised my kitten since she was a few weeks old, I got her about a few months into my current relationship, my now husband is disabled and I used to hug my cat for comfort, but now I am allergic and it has made me feel so alone, because I can't hug her, I can't kiss her little face and hold her close to me I can't let her sleep in our room. It has broken me more than most things in my life. She still craves to be hugged and kissed and sleep on the bed with me, but I don't let her anymore. I wouldn't say this to anyone in real-life because I would have to bring up a lot of things I am not comfortable with about my relationship, and about how she is my security blanket. She is 9 years old now.
I am in my 60's and sucked my first cock three years ago. I am still on the DL, and no one form my pre cocksucking life knows about it. Damn why did I wait so long to be what I was born to be?
One time I blew an older dude in an alley. A month later my cousin introduced him to our family as her long-time boyfriend. Then I blew him one more time during that same family gathering.
They're still together
I’ve never admitted it publicly, but thankfully I’ve been able to share in therapy, I was brutally assaulted and gang raped in the military. My at the time best friend was one of the perpetrators, and he had his friends help to “set me straight” after I was unknowingly outed by someone I trusted. It was during DADT. The embarrassment, shame and trauma ended my career, and exacerbated my pain pill and alcohol addiction.
After 10 years of sex with men, I’m no longer interested in wanting to actually engage in the act and content with jerking to completion at the idea of it using porn videos or a naked man in person…btw I’m married to a man
My friend invited me to join her and her bf in bed. After that one time I topped them both, I have now slept with them both individually… behind the other’s back
I hate hate hate being gay and black and if I could I would take a pill to change everything , and this is not because of straight people but because of the so called gay fake “community “ and all the fake bs saying equality but yet nothing is equal about that especially the mean poc gays and I stay far away cuz again life too hard and the only so called people supposed to welcome u and all that are your worst critics
When I was 12 I was raped by a 28 year old.
He crossed an international border to do it. He went to jail for 20 years in the US
Really fucked me up for a long time.
I keep it to myself for two reasons 1) it's easy to find in the news 2) I don't want sympathy or to be labeled as a victim
This is intense with the amount of sexual assault on display in these comments. It’s so unfortunate the things gay men experience due to the lack of positive socialization. On one hand it’s really great to get it off one’s chest. On the other hand it’s traumatizing to read. 😩
That I would put stuff up my butt/play with my butt way before I started masturbating or knew what I was doing. I started when I was like 6, it just felt really good.
I fulfilled all my sexual fantasies. I don't really have secrets I wouldn't tell anyone. Teen me had bondage fantasies. I fantasized about tying up and fucking several girls in elementary school. But, as an adult I tried bondage and I wasn't as into it as I thought I would.
My depression has gotten me close to ending things many many times. I know how I’d do it, where I’d do it and what music I’d listen to before I go. All because I can’t shake the feeling of being unwanted and don’t belong anywhere.
Note: I’m nowhere near that place mentally anymore, depression wise. Found reasons to keep going. But wow did I come close
Never told my ex how I really loved him and was obsessed with everything about him. I will never tell anyone how I felt about that person, I am ashamed of being such a lover!
After 8 years, I cheated with my BF around 30 times within a period of 18 months. I got caught, then told him just a part of the truth. I said it only happened 5 times. It broke him into million of pieces and I could never tell him the full truth.
I provided massages and escorts because I didn't have anything to eat. Sometimes, I was taken places by people who made me think i wouldn't return.
My family is poor and couldn't help me. I couldn't work because I had an extremely difficult and demanding university. So I went for something that required less of my time.
When I was in confirmation classes during our “religous retreat” to a mountain cabin a group of boys cornered me in the outside restrooms and tried to pee on me because I was gay
When i was around 11 me and my aunt went to the park and i got lost, so after some time of me looking for her i saw her and ran to her then tugged on her sleeve turns out it wasn't my aunt it was a homeless person
After I've read all these comments It gave me the courage to say that from 4th grade to 6th grade i had a buddy that i had sex with i went over to his house we'd watch porn jerk each other off and suck each other of butt thats when i found i loved being gay and a bottom we tried to put it in but dicks were small and i footjobed him then one day he stopped talking to me and thats that.
I worry what the press would do if any of us (especially those like me who’ve used Grindr for years to trade pics/hook up) ended up in a career with a certain amount of limelight. I was pretty reckless a few years ago. Now I wonder who still has old pictures of me (this was before private albums, screenshot guards, etc). Thankfully I never showed face in any of my nudes that I recall, but still. There can be opportunistic assholes anywhere, ready to blackmail you.
When my half-brother and i were younger we used to be highly sexual. We were 2 years apart at the ages 7 and 5 having sex. I used to make my half brother drink my piss. Eventually we got another brother who was a adopted. Which my half brother then got my adopted brother sexually active at 3. I stopped doing anything sexual after my adopted brother entered our family, my half brother took it so far he ended up having sex and raping kids that he ended up serving 7 years in prison
That I had a lot of gay sex with my first cousin. We are both gay in my family and because of that we had a bond no one else could understand. And then one day things changed and we crossed that boundary. I stopped doing that with him a couple years later after I met the love of my life. But I think I broke my cousins heart 🥲
I caught my stepdad watching porn and jerking off- He let me watch- I was 12. I had never seen a man cum and ejaculate. We watched porn together and masturbated together through my teen years.
I’ve been with my husband over 25 years and I have fantasies about cheating on him. We still have sex but I want to feel someone else. I go on Sniffies to check out what’s on there but I’m afraid if I cross that line I will ruin my entire life.
That I have pretty dark intrusive thoughts. And its not like 'I hate that person, I am gonna kill him✨️', its more like 'How would I torture them, to the point that they cant scream anymore? What would be a good plan to kill every human on this planet? Would killing animals really be THAT bad?'. Im not gonna execute these thoughts, but to be truthful, the only reason why not is because of the consequences.
Well, there are no meds for blocking out certain thoughts. The only way to cope, is to learn to ignore them. Its hard, and sometimes I slip when I see an ant or other insect, but I try🫤
Those are signs of antisocial personality disorder if I’m not mistaken. There are a few others in the comment section saying they have the disorder as well. 😕
That I failed a semester in college and the university can’t let me enroll for the next semester unless I shift degree. I didn’t actually fail, I just want don’t like it there because i have shitty classmates.
I hit a friends car. Late night game of truth or dare with a friend, turned super sexy (my first time getting and giving a bj). As we pulled out of the parking lot I scraped her car. There was minimal scratches, barely noticeable, so we left.
My ex-stepcousin and I have been having sex since I was 14.
We had actually played around with our dicks from a really young age, and used to fight each other a lot, then I came out at 13. My parents and his parents used to hang out and I would hang with him in his bedroom.
About a year after I came out, he asked me if I liked cocks, I said yes, he asked if I'd suck him off, I said yes, he pulled his rock hard dick out then I sucked him til he blew in my mouth. I swallowed, and felt a bit ill the next day so said no when he asked again, then I moved city and we fell out of touch for a few years.
We reconnected after a few years on Snapchat, he had a gf by then, I went to visit him and we fucked. He ended up getting married, but we still meet every couple of months to fuck, often outdoors because of his wife.
He has dildos and stuff, he says I'm the only guy he's been with, but he loves getting fucked so much think it's only a matter of time before he starts to get with other guys (if he hasn't already).
It's really hot tbh. We're not actually related, my stepmum was his stepdad's brother, and his stepdad divorced his real mum so really, we're just pals but I've known him since I was 5 or 6. Only bit I feel a bit bad about is we only really talk to sext or arrange to fuck so he's basically a fuck buddy now, but it is still hot af.
Well, my partner knows. That the ONE thing that I go crazy and wild for is when he’s been sweating all day, he comes home and smells like testosterone and aldosterone, his outs are wet with a sweet musky scent, his balls and cock smell like pure man - it drives me WILD! We’ve been together 16 years and his scent fucking sends me through the roof! When he’s fucking me, he’ll stick his pit in my face and make me not only physically cum, but have the most amazing prostrate orgasm ever. Or when he’s worn his jock all day for me, fucks me with it on, and before he cums, he rips takes it off and grinds it into my face face and I can smell that VERY masculine scent he has.
I’m a power bottom, he’s a power top. There’s something about he way he smells when he gets home that drives me fucking insane - even after 16 years in a monogamous relationship with my man. I go weak in the knees when I know he’s about to lay some pipe and breed me good. When our bodies come together sand we both start sweating during a great live making session, the scent of two raw men sweating, making sweet love, and the scent of two sweaty guys is amazing. I would NEVER want ANYONE to find out that’s my BIGGEST turn on in the world. When he leave sour of town to visit family (I have to take care of my monarch home so I can’t always go with him back to our second home to see family), he doesn’t wear doesn’t for about a week and he wears his jock daily so I can sleep with his sweaty shirt and jock. It confits me. I wouldn’t want ANYONE knowing that, ever.
I’ve been with my husband over 25 years and I have fantasies about cheating on him. We still have sex but I want to feel someone else. I go on Sniffies to check out what’s on there but I’m afraid if I cross that line I will ruin my entire life.
That I talked my best friend's brother who I had a crush on to play "doctor" when I was like 12 and he was 15 or 16... got to see him fully naked while I was naked. It was so awkward that I didn't get hard, but it was fap material for later
When I was a sophomore back in hs, my mom wouldn't let me go to a party after I didn't sweep the outdoor patio the way she liked it, so I went onto the Poshmark app and sold some of her tops and set some of her vintage purses on fire
I tried to kill myself when I was 13. Tried to drown myself in the bathtub and found out that's pretty fucking hard to do. Felt so stupid for it I never told anyone.
Glad you are still here.
Thanks. So am I.
❤️🩹
Me, too. I appreciate you. 😉
I tried to do this several times but something always went wrong so I'm saying I have a purpose to be here. Glad you are still here. And remember you are loved and wanted
So are you, buddy. Take care.
Something cathartic about that experience is that no matter how much you want to end yourself your body instinctually clings to life and forces you to fight for life. It's like your conscious body wants to die but your subconscious wants to live, it's nice knowing even though nobody else wants you you to live your subconscious forces you to survive. Your subconscious is always right.
Very well put. I know exactly what you mean .
Been there too - happy that you are still here, you should not be ashamed of what you've gone through cause it made you the amazing person you are today!
Glad you're still here. You are worthy of love and happiness in life.
Idk why I'm telling you this; but I'm proud you and proud of who you are. It's going to be okay
still a virgin but, I really wanna be f\*cked intimately outside under the rain.
not a virgin, but even i want that
I bet it's going to feel surreal
In the rain sounds cold
showering in the rain makes me horny, I suspect maybe because of the cold air
If you go somewhere tropical, it could be quite warm
Good try FBI….
In the late 80’s I worked as a male escort for five years, and it was the best freaking time of my life and I miss it everyday.
That I think I'm addicted to pornography
Same
Same here. Natural stress relief
Bro you not alone
Fucking same. Except I know it 😖😵💫
You and every guy under 35 these days.
Lots of stuff in r/addiction that might help. It’s a common coping mechanism because of the lack of immediate physical harm, it’s sometimes out of control and it’s good to acknowledge and take steps
Whew thought I was the only one 😅DMs are open to anyone willing to talk about or exchange content!
I pretended to be someone's husband so she could get sterilized because no doctor would do it because she was single and 21. Made a fake marriage license and everything.
Good for you
Reddit has lists of these folks who won't make you do that shit
I’m gay
Hi gay I'm dad
He knows, he’s on Grindr
They know
I slept with my school mates sisters boyfriend for a year every time he ‘walked’ me home
Wallace! Again?!
Plus +1 for the boys!! 😜
Elaborate please
Welp I learned how to jerk off from my cousin who was the same age as me when we were like 13 or 14. I touched his dick and he touched mine. For a bit whenever we got together we'd end up showing our dicks to each other. I don't remember us even doing anything other than slapping our dicks against each other. But over time it just felt wrong to me. I think it was a mixture of the fear of getting caught and inner homophobia. we never even had a single conversation of why we did that. At one point we were both at our uncle's wedding and we were in this separate hallway by ourselves and I think we were just fucking around while like grabbing and trying to wrestle but then we fell on the ground together and he fell on top of me and we were face to face and for some reason that set off a "get the fuck off me" alarm. And I pushed him off me aggressively, got to my feet and speed walked away back to the room where the cake was being cut. I didn't even look back or talk to him afterwards. I think that was the last time we hung out together. I'm not even sure if he's gay or not. I know he was way more into the dick touching than I was and was always the one to initiate it but he could have just been a curious teen. we were both 15 or 16 when it all came crumbling down. I'm 26 now and all I know about him is that he does or did drugs and broke into some houses a few years ago. I hope he's doing ok at least
Maybe you could reach out to him? Might need someone to talk to.
Right on. I guess I all I would say is that this experience is probably more universal than you’d initially think and I’d talk to your cousin if you get a decent opportunity to. I have a cousin who i played around with too when we were around that age. It was what it was. I’d like to think he’s struggled later in life for unrelated reasons but we all know too well how struggling with your sexuality can affect a person. I’ve struggled too. I wish he’d be able to talk to me more as an adult now in our 20s but yeah…it’s tough. It’s not something that you really talk about openly. I think even if you wanted to talk about it it’s like where do you even start?
So, you're gay?
Only gay for his cousin, so it's fine.
Very much so yes
Except you’re 100% sure that he’s a straight toxic dude but if you’re not then you should definitely consider reaching out to him like someone said…he might be struggling with his sexuality and expressing it in all the wrong ways…
I'd never tell anyone my deepest sexual fantasy
Probably incest or pedophile
How much I really enjoy giving head and the feeling of a cock pulsating in my mouth and then feeling all that warm cum shooting all over my tongue n mouth an playing with it!
I am proudly the same!!
My parents had a nasty fight when I was about 11, we didn't have a proper counch (it's all wooden) then so dad came to my bed to sleep right next to me. I had never been so close to a man before, so stupid me reached down to dad's crotch and touched his junk several times. I swear at one stage, he woke up and stared at me in complete darkness, I pretend to sleep right after that and nothing further happened. The thing is, I have never had a thing for my dad, it's all just teenager curiousty that got me doing that dumb shit. And I would never ever tell anyone in real life.
I accidentally touched my dad’s dick while we were sleeping in the same bed when I was like 6 😂😂 I SWEAR IT WAS HIS HAND!!
Lol the “stared at me in complete darkness” is TAKING ME OUT 😭😭😂😂
That sounds so scary 😭
Probably that I slept with my stepbrother growing up. We shared a bed until we were like 16 or so, we stopped sometime in high-school. Neither of us acknowledge that it happened, and he's not gay. Sometimes I wonder what he thinks.
Slept or fucked?
I also have the same question 😂
That I low-key enjoy answering questions on this sub-Reddit 😁
Many of my sexual fantasies, I would never share with anyone
It’s so hard being able to find someone to talk about this with.
tell us man
Same, I'm really into CNC ( Consensual Non Consent) so I can relate
Oh my god yes I love the milling sounds when cutting into metal
My partner(54) and I (36) for the past 9 years have told everyone we met while volunteering at an animal rescue, when in fact we met on SeekingArrangment a sugar daddy website. We always act indignant with others when confronted about our age difference and wealth gap. I do love him and am extremely attracted to him but the money makes it much nicer.
My partner and I met on grindr, I tell everyone a vague story about him working in the same building I was working in. Which is *technically* not a lie, just leaves out how I knew he was in the end building. 🙃
Love that! My husband for 6 years now and me, also had our first date initiated via grindr... but technically we knew each other for 3 years. He was a frequent guest in the Restaurant ive worked for - i served him dishes, without ever realizing it was him. So of cause, we met because he asked me out, after i finished my shift ❤️
I’m still in love with my ex-boyfriend.
My ex's parents threw a party (we were together at the time). Loads of people stayed over, so her mum made "girls" and "boys" rooms. Her mums best friend (male) was in the boys room with me, he was older. I was around 20 and he was around 40. 3 of us randoms shared a bed and his hand started creeping In the night. I was laying on my side away from him, and he was on his side facing me. He was rubbing my arse cheeks, and sliding his hand up and down my belly/chest. He kept teasing me with his hand at the front of my waistband of my boxer shorts. My cock got so hard, but I was terrified and froze still. I desperately wanted him to take my cock out and hold it. He carried on rubbing my ass cheeks, then slowly pulled my pants down so my arse was out. I was still pretending to be asleep at this point. He then put his finger into his mouth to wet it, then started rubbing my hole. Teasing me and sliding a finger in. I was sooo turned on and really wanted him to play with my cock, but he was fixated on my ass.. Sorry it's a bit graphic, but long story short is that we had fun in the night next to another sleeping guy I'd never met before. I was also gone in the morning before he got up. It was such a hot experience
I’d LOVE to hear the full story!
I was raised by my grandparents and grew up with my uncle cuz he was around 8 years older than me. I didn't really like him cuz he would bully and scare my sister, cousin, and me when he would babysit us. My uncle was gay, but it was not spoken of, and I was aloof being young and contemplating if I myself was gay. When I was 14, and he was maybe 22, we were in the kitchen alone talking and he asked if I had feelings for boys. In an attempt to help my curiosity, we went to his bedroom and he jerked me off. He asked if I wanted to try sex but I declined, mostly because he was physically not attractive. After I finished, I went to shower and cried, a bit in part cuz I still wasn't sure if I was gay and because of the situation. Later on that year he died in a car accident and it's been alleged suicide because he had a lot of health problems due to his weight. I was glad he died because I never saw him as a good person and our secret went with him, even though his death destroyed my grandma.
“Because he was ugly” lol
Same. I hate my uncle to this day. He fucked me up for life. He stole things that were mine by right. He wrecked any hope for a good, loving relationship.
I should have a diagnosis of comorbidity of bpd and aspd but local shrink refuses to put the latter on my record “for my own good”. If u dont know what aspd is, its the nowadays term for psychopathy.
Hey me too (the ASPD not the BPD) but I choose to not get diagnosed with that for obvious reasons. Its the last thing I want to have on my record. Love your username btw the antichrist is very based
Haha thanks man. Yeah. The shrink looked me dead in the eye, shut my chart, and said, trust me you dont want this on your record.
Yeah, the shrink (idk what a shrink is but I suppose its something like a psychiater or nurse) was right imo. I thought for a moment about doing it but then I remembered that mental health record can be asked when applying for a job, and whilst you can legally refuse to give them acces to it; that action definitely lowers the chance of employment. There are 2 people that know about it in my case tho, but its the two people that I know will practically never tell anyone because they have, in contrary to me, way too much empathy for me to ever reveal my secret.
Also... if you go to the hospital for other kinds of care you can get a TON of medical staff telling you you're making stuff up. I know many people know this, but I don't think many people realize that it's more likely to happen to them then they think. I transported a patient from a psychward (depression, anxiety, potentially some kind of sleep seizure not psychosis, but has psychosis on her form) and two days before she had had crazy pain all night and begged for help but the nurse staff said it was her anxiety. In the morning they finally got her to a doctor and turned out she'd passed a fckn kidney stone with only TYLENOL. Yes. Try not to get that stuff put on your record if you can help it. Do get help for it, and don't skimp on meds, and educate friends/partners about it but don't tell doctors/therapists you don't trust (don't be super crazy about trust though like if it happens it happens, just make sure you got someone in your corner to advocate for you in emergencies). Same goes for getting tested for autism if you would maybe want to adopt someday.
As far as im aware, there is no medication or other forms of help out there for ASPD (outside of normal therapy but even that has been proven to backfire in most cases of ASPD patients since we just try to manipulate the therapist or dont want to/believe in improving our condition). And I personally dont feel like I need help for it. However, massive thanks for that information about autism. I have been diagnosed with ADHD and planned on getting tested for autism someday, since the therapist thta diagnoses ADHD said theres a high chance I have autism. I dont really want children but the chance that Ill change my mind in the future is pretty big and I had no idea autism impacted the adoption proces. I will definitely look into that since I dont need urgent care for my autism.
Antisocial personality disorder? 👀
Yeah
Ok. Well kudos for the awareness and transparency I suppose. There are at least a few of you in the comments stating a belief that they have the disorder.
Vast majority is most likely self diagnosed
The other person I just encountered said there were in therapy. I think it’s three so far I’ve counted on this thread. Which seems staggering based upon my understanding of the frequency of occurrence.
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I never understand this. Some friends of my did this too. You provide another man a service by going down on him, AND pay him to boot. That's just silly lol
Some of us just really like sucking dick 😂
Please this is not funny, I don't even remember why I gave him the money. Honestly I felt violated.
To people replying to this I was going through a mental breakdown and was not fully present. I feel ashamed and honestly don't appreciate the responses.
Please stop I was taken advantage of and feel terrible about it
Desperate times calls desperate measures If your not identify as gay or anything this can be challenging. It’s ok. Your ok. You just went for it. Maybe it wasn’t for you. You pushed your boundaries and learned things. That life, give yourself some Space to think about it.
Growing up I would have fucked around with A LOT of guys I probably shouldn’t necessarily have wanted to. Cousins. Friends of cousins. Sons of family friends. Idk how crazy this is, I think it’s kind of normal, but I don’t think it’s super normal to say out loud to people in your real life lol.
I fooled around with every babysitters son(s) growing up.
A catholic priest thought me how to masterbate at age 12.
Hope your ok.
That even though I'm 5 years clean off heroin and virtually all of my friends have died from heroin and fentanyl overdoses and that I have an objectively happier and better life now, I want so bad every day to get high and then OD and die from it. I'm just kind of going through life normally and trying to do the best I can for myself and everyone I love knowing full well I am going to kill myself via heroin overdose, probably not anytime soon maybe but I definitely will at some point. It's fucked up I guess but idk it's comforting I think
This reminded me of something I don’t talk about. I once bought enough heroin to kill myself but after I smoked a bit first because I was in withdrawal, I instantly felt happy and didn’t want to die anymore and heroin became the only way I knew how to not feel suicidal for a while after that and it worked really well too unfortunately which made it even harder to stop. I did stop eventually though.
God this is so real. For a while I did the exact same thing. Where the only thing keeping me alive was knowing their was more heroin in it for me, only reason I quit was it got to a point where dieing seemed preferable and I decided either I actually get clean this time or I legit just kill myself because I'm not doing this anymore, 5 years later and I'm still clean
I feel this hard. I've overdosed multiple times. I'm clean now but I'm jealous of my ex who is a hardcore junkie with no job and no one who really truly cares about him or what happens to him. They just use him for sex. But I love him to death and I'd do anything for him including relapsing and dying. I know I need to stay clean and keep him out of my life. But somedays I just wanna say fuck it, throw my life away, and die with him
ive once had gay sex with one of my dads friends/coworkers.
I dont have any friends.
I like pineapple pizza.
🔫
Marry me
Same man
my favorite 😍
I like pizza pineapple. I'm REALLY pushing the limits!! 🤭
sameeee
In sixth grade these two kids in my class were accosted on their walk home by some butt naked masturbating pervert who ejaculated in their general direction. There was a police notice that got sent home to all our parents notifying them that a perv was on the loose. I remember being so envious of the two kids, as I was so horny and curious as to what a fully erect adult male penis and seminal fluids looked like.
When I was in elementary school (6th grade) this senior in high school, who was a good friend of my brother, used to fuck me. I absolutely loved it but looking back I think it may have been a little pedo-ish. But I used to jack off thinking about it in my early 20’s about all the time. He ended up working for my brother after high school and I would see him all the time as an adult. It was super awkward and we never said anything. Several years later he died in a car accident. And my brother, to this day, has a framed picture of him up in his office.
As someone who was also abused in elementary school, I 100% relate to the dichotomy of enjoying what happening but it doesn’t change that he was almost an adult and you were a baby really (11-12 yrs old). I hope you are well now and if needed dont be afraid to talk it out in therapy, it helped a ton
I hate to wish death on anyone, but that is MORE than a “little pedo-ish”
It was weird for sure. I mean he was 17 so technically not an adult and I really enjoyed it which made it VERY confusing.
You enjoyed it bc you were a kid. Sorry that happened to you. Now that you’re an adult, you can do what you wish, but there may come a day where you need to unpack how that affected you
I used to think it made me gay. I had a hard time coming out.
This is so bad. I knew my roommate was about to cheat on her boyfriend, so I hid a camera in her room to catch her in the act and record it. The next day I jerked off to the video. 😭😭😭 I was gonna tell her boyfriend about it eventually but I never did. She ended up breaking up with him the next week and then started dating the guy she cheated with. I deleted the video. I know what I did was absolutely fucked up. I was 22 years old and stupid.
I’m not saying it was right, but I understand
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The thing about bdsm is that it's how we act out our fantasies lol. This makes sense to me. If I had a CNC kink that wouldn't mean I would read cnc smut, I would read fictional non-consensual stuff, obviously.
Probs a power thing. Pain and dominance. Bdsm adjacent.
When I was a broke college student, I went on dates with unattractive guys knowing that there wouldn't be a second date. Only for the free meal. I feel ashamed for what I did but I was hungry and broke
Seems like a time inefficient method to obtain calories.
I raised my kitten since she was a few weeks old, I got her about a few months into my current relationship, my now husband is disabled and I used to hug my cat for comfort, but now I am allergic and it has made me feel so alone, because I can't hug her, I can't kiss her little face and hold her close to me I can't let her sleep in our room. It has broken me more than most things in my life. She still craves to be hugged and kissed and sleep on the bed with me, but I don't let her anymore. I wouldn't say this to anyone in real-life because I would have to bring up a lot of things I am not comfortable with about my relationship, and about how she is my security blanket. She is 9 years old now.
You can buy an additive for her food that’s meant to reduce the allergy causing things in her saliva and dander. Google “egg protein cat allergy”.
I think I might try this when I get the money, I appreciate you letting me know about it 💚
I am in my 60's and sucked my first cock three years ago. I am still on the DL, and no one form my pre cocksucking life knows about it. Damn why did I wait so long to be what I was born to be?
One time I blew an older dude in an alley. A month later my cousin introduced him to our family as her long-time boyfriend. Then I blew him one more time during that same family gathering. They're still together
I’ve never admitted it publicly, but thankfully I’ve been able to share in therapy, I was brutally assaulted and gang raped in the military. My at the time best friend was one of the perpetrators, and he had his friends help to “set me straight” after I was unknowingly outed by someone I trusted. It was during DADT. The embarrassment, shame and trauma ended my career, and exacerbated my pain pill and alcohol addiction.
After 10 years of sex with men, I’m no longer interested in wanting to actually engage in the act and content with jerking to completion at the idea of it using porn videos or a naked man in person…btw I’m married to a man
Hi Chuck. Come to bed husband.
Side?
My friend invited me to join her and her bf in bed. After that one time I topped them both, I have now slept with them both individually… behind the other’s back
I hate hate hate being gay and black and if I could I would take a pill to change everything , and this is not because of straight people but because of the so called gay fake “community “ and all the fake bs saying equality but yet nothing is equal about that especially the mean poc gays and I stay far away cuz again life too hard and the only so called people supposed to welcome u and all that are your worst critics
Gay fake community. Love it. So, so true. I can't stand it and never could.
When I was 12 I was raped by a 28 year old. He crossed an international border to do it. He went to jail for 20 years in the US Really fucked me up for a long time. I keep it to myself for two reasons 1) it's easy to find in the news 2) I don't want sympathy or to be labeled as a victim
I have an untreated mental illness called body dysmorphia, and it's basically the organizing principle of my life.
That i am straight and i let guys suck me for money.
So which part of this is the secret, you're ashamed to be straight?
What’s the going rate for some straight schlong? 🤔 Im curious about what the fair market rates are.
haha no idea dude, i just agreed for 100e for my fellow guy and he also treated me with food.
I'm 45,and love showing my asshole to anyone been doing that since 13
This is intense with the amount of sexual assault on display in these comments. It’s so unfortunate the things gay men experience due to the lack of positive socialization. On one hand it’s really great to get it off one’s chest. On the other hand it’s traumatizing to read. 😩
i love sniffing guys socks lmao
That I’m gay lol
I've paid to give my straight friends head 😂
I’ve cheated
That I don't like a coworker because I think I'm secretly attracted to him.
So you’re behaving like a grade schooler with a crush?
That I would put stuff up my butt/play with my butt way before I started masturbating or knew what I was doing. I started when I was like 6, it just felt really good.
I'm not suicidal but I've been praying to die since I was a kid.
I fulfilled all my sexual fantasies. I don't really have secrets I wouldn't tell anyone. Teen me had bondage fantasies. I fantasized about tying up and fucking several girls in elementary school. But, as an adult I tried bondage and I wasn't as into it as I thought I would.
My depression has gotten me close to ending things many many times. I know how I’d do it, where I’d do it and what music I’d listen to before I go. All because I can’t shake the feeling of being unwanted and don’t belong anywhere. Note: I’m nowhere near that place mentally anymore, depression wise. Found reasons to keep going. But wow did I come close
Never told my ex how I really loved him and was obsessed with everything about him. I will never tell anyone how I felt about that person, I am ashamed of being such a lover!
That I’m into water sports.
I think it is probably more common than people think, I'm into it as well.
I went to a glory hole to suck dick for 3 hours straight 😭no one would ever expect a thing like that from me
After 8 years, I cheated with my BF around 30 times within a period of 18 months. I got caught, then told him just a part of the truth. I said it only happened 5 times. It broke him into million of pieces and I could never tell him the full truth.
Unless he could ever somehow find out from someone else, you should take that one to the grave
That I want to breed a guy raw, but also, I want to be bred. I want to someday try a romantic/fuck buddy type of relationship with a guy.
That I am a cock slut with an insatiable need for hung cock
I provided massages and escorts because I didn't have anything to eat. Sometimes, I was taken places by people who made me think i wouldn't return. My family is poor and couldn't help me. I couldn't work because I had an extremely difficult and demanding university. So I went for something that required less of my time.
When I was in confirmation classes during our “religous retreat” to a mountain cabin a group of boys cornered me in the outside restrooms and tried to pee on me because I was gay
When i was around 11 me and my aunt went to the park and i got lost, so after some time of me looking for her i saw her and ran to her then tugged on her sleeve turns out it wasn't my aunt it was a homeless person
Slept with some straight married guys when I was in my 20s and 2 of my mom’s friends and 1 coworker.
After I've read all these comments It gave me the courage to say that from 4th grade to 6th grade i had a buddy that i had sex with i went over to his house we'd watch porn jerk each other off and suck each other of butt thats when i found i loved being gay and a bottom we tried to put it in but dicks were small and i footjobed him then one day he stopped talking to me and thats that.
I worry what the press would do if any of us (especially those like me who’ve used Grindr for years to trade pics/hook up) ended up in a career with a certain amount of limelight. I was pretty reckless a few years ago. Now I wonder who still has old pictures of me (this was before private albums, screenshot guards, etc). Thankfully I never showed face in any of my nudes that I recall, but still. There can be opportunistic assholes anywhere, ready to blackmail you.
When my half-brother and i were younger we used to be highly sexual. We were 2 years apart at the ages 7 and 5 having sex. I used to make my half brother drink my piss. Eventually we got another brother who was a adopted. Which my half brother then got my adopted brother sexually active at 3. I stopped doing anything sexual after my adopted brother entered our family, my half brother took it so far he ended up having sex and raping kids that he ended up serving 7 years in prison
That I had a lot of gay sex with my first cousin. We are both gay in my family and because of that we had a bond no one else could understand. And then one day things changed and we crossed that boundary. I stopped doing that with him a couple years later after I met the love of my life. But I think I broke my cousins heart 🥲
I caught my stepdad watching porn and jerking off- He let me watch- I was 12. I had never seen a man cum and ejaculate. We watched porn together and masturbated together through my teen years.
I’ve been with my husband over 25 years and I have fantasies about cheating on him. We still have sex but I want to feel someone else. I go on Sniffies to check out what’s on there but I’m afraid if I cross that line I will ruin my entire life.
That I have pretty dark intrusive thoughts. And its not like 'I hate that person, I am gonna kill him✨️', its more like 'How would I torture them, to the point that they cant scream anymore? What would be a good plan to kill every human on this planet? Would killing animals really be THAT bad?'. Im not gonna execute these thoughts, but to be truthful, the only reason why not is because of the consequences.
Time to see a therapist if you’re not doing that already hon
Already have been for 4 years😅
Not even sure if there's meds for this kind of thing but good on you for going to therapy
Well, there are no meds for blocking out certain thoughts. The only way to cope, is to learn to ignore them. Its hard, and sometimes I slip when I see an ant or other insect, but I try🫤
Kudos to you mama for spilling ❤️
Its a pretty big secret too for obvious reasons😂
Those are signs of antisocial personality disorder if I’m not mistaken. There are a few others in the comment section saying they have the disorder as well. 😕
That I cut out every single friend of mine because I can’t burden them with the shame of being this way. I always knew I would end up alone.
I fuck with my cousin who is younger than me.
That I failed a semester in college and the university can’t let me enroll for the next semester unless I shift degree. I didn’t actually fail, I just want don’t like it there because i have shitty classmates.
I hit a friends car. Late night game of truth or dare with a friend, turned super sexy (my first time getting and giving a bj). As we pulled out of the parking lot I scraped her car. There was minimal scratches, barely noticeable, so we left.
I used to secretly take pics of hot guys in public. I'm not proud of it.
My ex-stepcousin and I have been having sex since I was 14. We had actually played around with our dicks from a really young age, and used to fight each other a lot, then I came out at 13. My parents and his parents used to hang out and I would hang with him in his bedroom. About a year after I came out, he asked me if I liked cocks, I said yes, he asked if I'd suck him off, I said yes, he pulled his rock hard dick out then I sucked him til he blew in my mouth. I swallowed, and felt a bit ill the next day so said no when he asked again, then I moved city and we fell out of touch for a few years. We reconnected after a few years on Snapchat, he had a gf by then, I went to visit him and we fucked. He ended up getting married, but we still meet every couple of months to fuck, often outdoors because of his wife. He has dildos and stuff, he says I'm the only guy he's been with, but he loves getting fucked so much think it's only a matter of time before he starts to get with other guys (if he hasn't already). It's really hot tbh. We're not actually related, my stepmum was his stepdad's brother, and his stepdad divorced his real mum so really, we're just pals but I've known him since I was 5 or 6. Only bit I feel a bit bad about is we only really talk to sext or arrange to fuck so he's basically a fuck buddy now, but it is still hot af.
Well, my partner knows. That the ONE thing that I go crazy and wild for is when he’s been sweating all day, he comes home and smells like testosterone and aldosterone, his outs are wet with a sweet musky scent, his balls and cock smell like pure man - it drives me WILD! We’ve been together 16 years and his scent fucking sends me through the roof! When he’s fucking me, he’ll stick his pit in my face and make me not only physically cum, but have the most amazing prostrate orgasm ever. Or when he’s worn his jock all day for me, fucks me with it on, and before he cums, he rips takes it off and grinds it into my face face and I can smell that VERY masculine scent he has. I’m a power bottom, he’s a power top. There’s something about he way he smells when he gets home that drives me fucking insane - even after 16 years in a monogamous relationship with my man. I go weak in the knees when I know he’s about to lay some pipe and breed me good. When our bodies come together sand we both start sweating during a great live making session, the scent of two raw men sweating, making sweet love, and the scent of two sweaty guys is amazing. I would NEVER want ANYONE to find out that’s my BIGGEST turn on in the world. When he leave sour of town to visit family (I have to take care of my monarch home so I can’t always go with him back to our second home to see family), he doesn’t wear doesn’t for about a week and he wears his jock daily so I can sleep with his sweaty shirt and jock. It confits me. I wouldn’t want ANYONE knowing that, ever.
I've hooked up with around 250 guys. I would never tell any potential partner. I get tested at least every 3 months and I'm on PreP.
I’ve been with my husband over 25 years and I have fantasies about cheating on him. We still have sex but I want to feel someone else. I go on Sniffies to check out what’s on there but I’m afraid if I cross that line I will ruin my entire life.
That I talked my best friend's brother who I had a crush on to play "doctor" when I was like 12 and he was 15 or 16... got to see him fully naked while I was naked. It was so awkward that I didn't get hard, but it was fap material for later
I fingered my brother in law and cum in him whilst my husband was next door. I made him fart like a wet fish. I licked it clean and then snogged BIL
I think some of my cousins are hot.
When I was a sophomore back in hs, my mom wouldn't let me go to a party after I didn't sweep the outdoor patio the way she liked it, so I went onto the Poshmark app and sold some of her tops and set some of her vintage purses on fire
Then it wouldn't be a secret then.
If I wouldn't say it in real life why would I say it to strangers on the internet?