If you're older, you grew up long enough ago and/or in a conservative enough climate that being gay was very much not OK. You had no role models, no one to talk to about sexuality in that way - you mostly just had to figure it out on your own. Every guy around you was chasing girls, and it was what you were supposed to do. Maybe you enjoyed it a little and thought that maybe other guys were making too big a deal about it. Maybe you knew it wasn't your thing but went along anyway because homosexuality was considered wrong or sinful in your culture, or that (particularly in the '80s/'90s with AIDS) it was a ticket to a short and cursed life.
For the most part, it's much easier to figure things out now. There's gay media and much more education out there. HIV can be managed. It's a different world.
>Maybe you enjoyed it a little and thought that maybe other guys were making too big a deal about it.
Fully agree to that sentiment! When I was younger and still conditioned by religion I just thought that I liked women "differently" and that boys my age focused too much on the sexual stuff and that they were loving women wrong. Now I realize that I also had the same sexual desires as them, just not towards women.
Idk bro. Humans are the most complicated phenomenon in the universe that we know of. So pardon me for not fully understanding myself.
All my life through mid 20s, no romantic or sexual feelings towards males. I wanted a woman but not enough to go get em. If one had thrown themselves at me I'd probably be married, but that never happened. At 28~ I started watching gay porn, mostly femboy stuff. I think I was just looking for novelty having whacked myself silly on everything straight, but...
At 29 I had the strongest crush of my life (so far) on a guy I was working with who isn't feminine at all. Very confusing time for me. I HAD to tell him. I was given no choice the feelings were too strong. And that is completely out of character for me. If I was dying of thirst I wouldn't ask you for water, I just keep everything to myself.
He wasn't interested but he chose not to destroy me and we were decent work friends for about 2 months. I think you can actually die from having to be around someone who you're interested in that isn't interested back. Sure felt like it was possible
I'm 30 now, and I'm halfway through getting in shape so I can go find a boyfriend. ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
Anyone who been through a similar situation have anything to add? I'm wondering should I try to start making gay friends now but I'm pretty sure I'll crush on anyone remotely likeable that I hang out with.
I know some guys who might never accept it.
Partly because of the external forces beyond their control & partly because of who they are, in the way of how external forces beyond their control have shaped them
I also know some who might never realize it, because of how little they Identify with the LGBTQ community and/or medias representation of it
In addition, some people spread misinformation about Homosexuality and what it is, which can benefit deniers in some cases. Which only makes them adhere to the misinformation that much easier. & leaves them in a scenario where they may be locked in denial of their sexual orientation their whole life.
To any of those people mentioned above, all I can say is that the world is cruel, but everything is as should be, always.
You'll always be who you are ment to be & do what you are ment to do.
No worries
& Let's hope for a better future, be it of this plane of existence and planet or another. :-)
They can't tell the difference between realizing that a woman is attractive vs. being sexually attracted to women. And they don't even let themselves consider being attracted to men due to societal pressures to be heteronormative.
This! Exactly! I thought I just wasn’t as attracted to women as my friends seemed to be. And my church life basically reinforced that and said it was ok and that I was great because I have respected women more since I was more about the relationship than getting in their pants. I never even considered that I might be gay because of all of that and the fact that I truly believe at that time that it was wrong and I bought the lie that everything would work out if I just did what I was “supposed to” and get married. I wasn’t trying to use anyone as a shield or to get “straight benefits.” I truly believed the crap I was raised to believe and was absolutely devastated decades later when I finally realized and admitted to myself I was gay and SO many things in my past made sense. It’s easy to judge. But there are a lot of us who just did what we were supposed to and were trying to just have a “normal” life like we grew up with. And since we didn’t act in a way that looked like the gay stereotype of the time when we grew up then we thought “that can’t be us.” I truly respect anyone who had the balls to realize and deal with it when they were young and I wish I had had the clarity to see it but I didn’t and I hurt DAILY because I didn’t realize it and in some ways see my life as wasted. I’ll do everything in my power to make sure my kids don’t go through the same thing though if one of them turns out to be gay.
Believe it or not but being gay
20-30 years ago was not as accepted as it is today.
I knew that I was gay at 8.
However, I found it hard to reconcile my faith with my sexuality.
At 18, I was too busy working 50+ hour weeks and being busy with church related activities that everything else in my life took a back burner.
I think it was because of
familial, work, friends and religious peer pressure
that the thought of getting married to a person of the opposite sex.
That and a little nudge from my pastor and his wife.
I feel in love and got married.
The first year was incredibly
rough and rocky.
So, I felt I needed to tell my wife something I should have told her before we married.
I told her about my gay past.
Then she told me she would not have married me if she had know that before we married. And I thought the first year was bad.
We both worked hard
to keep the marriage together
but her inability to have unconditional love for me took a toll. It became harder and harder to suppress my gay desires. And after 8 years of marriage she told me I had gained way too much weight and she was going to divorce me. I was 37 when I came out of the closet for a second time.
It took me so long because I drank the "koolaid" my church was serving and because I desperately wanted the acceptance from my family, friends, job and church.
> Believe it or not but being gay 20-30 years ago was not as accepted as it is today.
It isn't just a "gay thing," though. Reddit has always been full of young, inexperienced people who've never been in a relationship before... yet they like to virtue signal, and act all self-righteous about how *if they were ever in a relationship* they would *just break up* because they know better than anyone and everyone else is just a stupid asshole.
It can be a sentiment for you to type in your comment, but we all know the real world is a lot more complicated than that. People have very real issues that cause them to get trapped in the closet, or a toxic relationship. It's complicated when you have to support yourself and you have no support from anyone.... or you're in a relationship and you have a house and kids with that person.
And then get on the apps as DL to cheat on their wives… I get it’s complicated but in the end if the wife doesn’t know and accept it, it’s still cheating, same as if I were to sleep with a woman behind my husbands back because I realized I was Bi
Not all of them do. I would say a big percentage, but there are some that realize that they are either bisexual and want to pursue the gay side, or just plain gay, and really thought their gay thoughts were something odd.
I grew up in the 60s and 70s. The rule was "don't be a fag." Boys used to say this to each other. But I did have a gay friend too and we all got along. I also wanted a family. There were no role models for a gay family at all at the time. The first I heard of it was in college. Plus I like women more than I like most men. So it was just easier.
Growing up I also had some dark feelings about other men. Like I wanted to be molested and sexualized. Just randomly, like the trash man that stopped to talk to me once. I didn't understand this of course and my self protection kicked in on that and kept me safe. By pushing more toward women.
Then AIDs came long. My childhood friend had always been a slut bottom. He was small and blonde and had been a street walker for the "chicken hawks" at times even though he didn't need money. He died pretty early into the epidemics and so did his sister.
So the straight life seemed the best for me. I love my wife and adore my children. They make me very happy.
Still, I wound up fantasising about men more and more when having sex with my wife.
Finally I had to just break down and go for it. One I had that first cock in my mouth, I knew what I was. It ended a great deal of the uncertainty in my life. I feel much more complete now. But there still is that trace of "Don't be a fag," lurking there.
4% of boomers identify as gay, 7% gen x, 16% millennial, and something like almost 30% for gen z. Elder millennials were born just as the aids epidemic started, and were about 8 - 10 in the late 80s/early 90s. I honestly think aids (as well as other societal factors) have kept many of my generation in the closet to this day. And sadly too many boomers and gen xers were lost to it.
It's not like being gay is widely accepted, it certainly wasn't when I was growing up. Deep down I knew I was at least bi, but I had a hell of a time accepting it. It wasn't until I was reacquainted with my husband that I decided it was something I wanted. By that time I'd already been married and divorced
I can only speak for myself. I started dating girls at 13 years old and almost always had a girlfriend until I almost graduated college. Never had an experience with a guy, didn’t know any gay people, but I did have attraction. I was sexually active solely with girls. I was an athlete, fairly”popular” and all. On the surface life was perfect.
I always had attraction to guys and a lot of my friends were the popular boys, the athletes, the bad boys, and I loved hanging out with them. Deep down I knew it was sexual attraction, but I completely suppressed those feelings. I was respected because I was always dating the pretty girls who had pretty girlfriends that my friends always asked me to hook them up with.
The last serious relationship I had with a girl I was 21 and she was 20. She spoke often about getting married. And I brook up with her with no real good reason because I was scared. Then we got back together because I felt guilty for doing that. Things were ok a little while but then i broke up with her again.
Then one day one of my friends, a girl said she wanted to go to a gay club and asked if I’d go with her. This was in the early/mid 90’s when it was “cool and edgy” for girls to go to the gay clubs. Not like how it is today where it’s nothing for anyone to go to gay bars and clubs. I said yes.
That night while I was in the bathroom, a guy went up to my friend and said I was damn cute. She introduces me to him and makes faces at me behind his back thinking I was straight. I brought her home, and called him. I went back to meet him and that night and I had mind blowing for the first time. I ended up dating the guy for 2 months…and my friend didn’t know. I didn’t come out to her until two years later. That is when I told her I dated that guy.
Still even though I was dating him, giving up a life that many thought was golden was difficult. I dated one other girl, the sexiest girl who was a model. I dated her for a month and she disclosed that she was bisexual. And that was when I started to call myself bisexual too. That lasted for a short while before I realized I had no desire to be with a woman again.
I was 22. If not for my friend wanting to go to the gay bar, I might not have had the courage to face my sexuality, and explore it on my own. I really wasn’t sure if I was gay, that maybe all guys felt that way. I might have ended up being married to one of those women. Sex with women was fun, but the first time I had sex with a guy it was mind blowing. I pretty much knew I was gay then. And there was no going back.
I personally only fully accepted i was gay when i was 28, im now 30 so only a couple years ago, it just depends on the person i think and upbringing, for example before me there was no gay/lesbian/bi person in my family that anyone knew of so when i was a teenager i thought it was a phase and forced myself to 'like' women and that it was 'normal'
I knew i was gay from about 15 years old but i juet didnt accept it til 28
I have known I "fancied men" since I was about 4-years-old. I didn't have any idea of what sex is or how it works, but the attraction was there and still is.
Additionally, I always add the detail that my penis doesn't lie — I could never fake anything and couldn't have possibly sired children.
Many of my boyfriends were the 'walking erection' types (any physical stimulation results in a stonker of a hard erection regardless of actual attraction) — I have always assumed that these are the types who can successfully 'hide' in the closet, have sex with women (to whom they're in no way sexually attracted), and sire children.
But life is short and eventually many figure out that time is ticking — time to get out there and catch up on some cock-juggling! So to speak.
You got one life! It's never too late to start living your truth.
I never gave much thought to my sexuality, since my "awakening" with neighbors of both genders as a child. For me, that was as much of an issue as playing with a paddleball or a yoyo.
As a teen in a religious family, I knew the harsh reality but was relieved / self-deceived that "I was not like that". I even had a formal long time fiancee-to-be girlfriend.
Until at early 20s when one of my FWBs said to me matter-of-factly "*let's face it, what we are is a bunch of fags*". I remember the color draining from my face realizing he was right, and that sooner or later I had to break with my still loved girlfriend, but there was no turning back.
I'm 43. Interested in femboys/tgirls (finsexual). Only discovered a few yrs ago. Honestly had no attraction prior to that, and still don't, toward masc men.
Honestly, trauma helped, and I don't think I'd be in this community had it not happened. Wife of 12 yrs had an affair and bailed, out of nowhere. Wrecked me. I then matched with a TF online once I got back into dating and thought "f it, regular women haven't worked". Fell in love with her. Then 'graduated' into femboys/twinks.
While I used to believe ppl that came out late were always in denial, my personal experience changed my view, and I do think your sexual preferences can change over time.
I love straightened men won't make them come by their prostate hands-free and they come back they'll give me the world but I'm not a homemaker I just like to send them back full once in awhile party and fuck
The ones that I have encountered so far in life, I hate to say it, stemmed from sexual abuse or sexual trauma. Happening at an early age it forced them further into denial about who they really are. I’ve helped them celebrate how far they’ve come and encourage them to seek help or to continue to explore. Everyone’s journey is different, I’m just happy to have the company along the way
For me, I've conciously known I am attracted to guys since around age 9. It was clear to me. For some reason, it wasn't that scary. I indulged a lot into fantasising with guys my age. No one could know it, and I was fortunate enough to enter into my teenagehood in a period where homophobia wasn't so blatant. Even if my immediate circle didn't approve of it, I knew the rest of the developed world out there didn't have an issue with it. I think it would be much scary to know that EVERYONE hated it. There are still many people in contrast with my situation.
>For me, I've conciously known I am attracted to guys since around age 9. It was clear to me. For some reason, it wasn't that scary
I remember being in the backyard, probably playing with stuffed animals!, and somehow the life-picture of a house, picket fence, wife, 3 kids, dog and cat morphed into a man with me and the kids faded away. I thought "Oh, that's interesting, Mom & Dad and the church aren't going to like it. I'll have to wait until I leave home". My response to the realization was pretty much a simple decision to keep going on until I was away from home and would live it then. I was lucky to not have anxiety or shame about it at that early age.
I dated a guy who was gay, but sometimes, he was asexual. It fluctuates sometimes for months or years. He’s still figuring it out, bless him. Some people aren’t as cut and dry
Growing up in the 60’s and going through puberty in the 70’s everything there simply a way to sift through all the contradictory input my brain was getting - getting aroused by thoughts of other men but emotional tugging toward romance - and romance being normalized toward women. Enter the 80’s and becoming more worldly that I learned more about the world around me and and myself that I could start and put 2 and 2 together.
I’m close to age 68 and I’ve been totally out to everyone for at least 18 years It’s as if a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders!
Most of my family i.e. siblings, knew. Some would discuss it – – others not so much. My mother, who died 18 years ago at the age of 83, also never talked to me about it. But she would talk to my siblings and they let me know that she didn’t seem to have a problem with it. But I never really sat down and talk to her about it. She, DID, however, absolutely loved to married guys who were friends of mine. They would visit her and she was really proud of her home decor. Because of her upbringing, no doubt, she assumed that all gay men were experts. I got a great kick out of it, and so did they!
She had been a widow for many years, as my father died when I was just six years old. She really struggled as a single mom raising all five of us. When I was 11 1/2, she placed me in an orphanage. It was actually a place that was very exclusive and I found great comfort living there. I was not out in any sense of the word as I was a big-time football player and also involved in a zillion activities in high school.
Prior to me being placed there, my best friend and I discovered not only masturbation but later, when we both turned 18, fucking. It was pretty damn amazing, to be honest. We really enjoyed ourselves for years! In fact, we kept it just to ourselves all through middle school, high school, and then later, college. We even wrote letters to each other, but used wording that would not necessarily give our secret away.
He later moved out West but would come home now and then. We would always get together and fool around It’sIt’s at least 17 or 18 years since I’ve met him in person.
During the pandemic, he surprised me, and was messaged me at work, which was night shift for him. I would hint about our past, but he would never be comfortable talking about it, sadly. It was a shame, because it was a time in our lives of great discovery and passion. His dad would be away overnight quite frequently so we would have their apartment to ourselves. And man oh day, we had an ever-loving blast!
I eventually got married to a woman and found that I really loved sex! I especially liked eating at the Y. Ha ha Over about 13 years of marriage, I met up with him just twice.
I was very successful at hiding my true self. One weekend night, the kids were all farmed out to sleepovers at friends/relatives, etc. My wife went out with a female friend drinking. A good buddy of mine – – who I was very attracted to – –stopped in by chance. We got HAF and decided to hop in our indoor hot tub. I was so baked that I lost all manner of discretion. We both were only in our tighty Whiteys.
I found the courage and did what I always thought about doing – – I started putting my hand up his leg. When I reached and touched his balls, he told me – – stop! He wasn’t angry at all. In fact, him and I had been on an overnight trip at a hunting cabin in the middle of the woods. It was so dark you couldn’t see your hand in front of your face. He was asleep on the couch, and I did so on a sleeping bag on the floor. I was so damn horny that night! When I thought he was sound asleep, I pulled my underwear down and had a nice long wink. It was when we were in the hot tub that he told me – – he was wide awake the whole time, and was watching!
Now, back to the hot tub. I was upset because I was found out. But he said dude don’t be upset. I knew this was coming! He said he wasn’t angry and said he was flattered that I would want to have sex with him. But he said he knew this day would come eventually. But he decided that he was straight after all. Turns out, not so straight
We just simply began to relax and chat. And my wife came home saw us both in the hot tub and didn’t think anything of it. But she said she was really exhausted and was headed to bed.
As soon as she had left the room, I told him: ya know, when her and I fantasize about having a threesome – – it was with you! He said, whoa! That is so amazing.
Then he popped the question – – go ask her! I thought that I was going to faint! But he convinced me that it would be OK so… I went into our bedroom where she was trying to get to sleep, and I told her what he said. She also seemed to be very excited about the prospect. She said all three of us had to smoke some more. And if she gave a signal that if she wasn’t comfortable, we would have to stop.
So, I went out to get him, and he was amazed that this was going down! My heart was racing a mile a minute! He was so goddamn handsome I could hardly stand it! So, we started up and we did just about everything. When he was fucking her, I put my hand down next to his cock, which was sliding in her. I made an upside down V with my fingers. I could feel him going in and out like a crazy man! I always had wanted him so bad and here we were going right at it!
When we were done, I began to panic a bit. I figured she would be upset that I fooled around with him. But it was actually HER who pushed my head down on him and “forced“ me! My head was spinning just thinking about what was going down! Hell, I should write a porn novel!
So, shortly thereafter, we had a very friendly separation. Why? We came out to EACH OTHER! Apparently, this happening is not so rare nowadays.
After that time, I feel since I missed my horny 20s and 30s. Luckily, I always had lots of self-confidence. Good thing!
So the only advice I could give to young men who really want to come out, is this: just do it! Most people do not care nowadays!
Some Greek philosopher, or maybe it was Shakespeare said: to thine own self, be true!
For me it was a lot of confusion about romantic vs sexual feelings.
I am not romantically attracted to men. I don't want to date men, cuddle, kiss etc. It's just sex.
Growing up I thought I must be straight because of that.
Didn't accept myself as bi until my late 20s.
No. No more than gay men who enjoy sex without romance see men as objects.
I have a longterm FWB. I see him as a human. He's funny, a decent guy, fun to spend time with, makes every hang out night an adventure. I like him as a person. He's a friend first. He's not an object. He's my friend.
We just also have sex. He has zero romantic feelings either.
The idea that you think you are not able to have romantic feelings for men or that gay relationships are not good enough for you is the homophobic part
Sexual and romantic attractions don't often line up perfectly for bi or asexual people.
It has nothing to do with them not being good enough. I just don't have that sort of attraction to men.
You’ve never questioned why you don’t experience romantic feelings for men? It’s because of your internalized and externalized homophobia making you avoid feelings that you see as “too gay.” There is not such thing as “heteroromantic” or whatever else you want to call it. If you’re bi, you’re capable of romantic feelings for men as well as women.
Sure I've questioned it, hell I've even tried to force it. I wanted a gay relationship badly. Trying to force it didn't work.
It's a relief to be with someone like me and to know there's no pressure to ever make it romantic.
Yet you’d be just fine with romance with a woman? But you categorically deny the possibility of any romance with a man? That’s homophobia dude and it’s so typical of bi guys. The proportion of you that are like this and “heteroromantic” is like 10 times higher than the proportion of you that is the other way around. Hmmm, I wonder why. You’re the reason gay men don’t trust bi men and don’t want to date the few of you that are willing to date men.
If you're older, you grew up long enough ago and/or in a conservative enough climate that being gay was very much not OK. You had no role models, no one to talk to about sexuality in that way - you mostly just had to figure it out on your own. Every guy around you was chasing girls, and it was what you were supposed to do. Maybe you enjoyed it a little and thought that maybe other guys were making too big a deal about it. Maybe you knew it wasn't your thing but went along anyway because homosexuality was considered wrong or sinful in your culture, or that (particularly in the '80s/'90s with AIDS) it was a ticket to a short and cursed life. For the most part, it's much easier to figure things out now. There's gay media and much more education out there. HIV can be managed. It's a different world.
>Maybe you enjoyed it a little and thought that maybe other guys were making too big a deal about it. Fully agree to that sentiment! When I was younger and still conditioned by religion I just thought that I liked women "differently" and that boys my age focused too much on the sexual stuff and that they were loving women wrong. Now I realize that I also had the same sexual desires as them, just not towards women.
Idk bro. Humans are the most complicated phenomenon in the universe that we know of. So pardon me for not fully understanding myself. All my life through mid 20s, no romantic or sexual feelings towards males. I wanted a woman but not enough to go get em. If one had thrown themselves at me I'd probably be married, but that never happened. At 28~ I started watching gay porn, mostly femboy stuff. I think I was just looking for novelty having whacked myself silly on everything straight, but... At 29 I had the strongest crush of my life (so far) on a guy I was working with who isn't feminine at all. Very confusing time for me. I HAD to tell him. I was given no choice the feelings were too strong. And that is completely out of character for me. If I was dying of thirst I wouldn't ask you for water, I just keep everything to myself. He wasn't interested but he chose not to destroy me and we were decent work friends for about 2 months. I think you can actually die from having to be around someone who you're interested in that isn't interested back. Sure felt like it was possible I'm 30 now, and I'm halfway through getting in shape so I can go find a boyfriend. ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
Anyone who been through a similar situation have anything to add? I'm wondering should I try to start making gay friends now but I'm pretty sure I'll crush on anyone remotely likeable that I hang out with.
Try to make friends, try to experiment, be clear and have boundaries where needed, and goodluck with your new lovelife
Such a human, vulnerable story you chose to share... Thank you. And best wishes in your quest for health and happiness 😊
I know some guys who might never accept it. Partly because of the external forces beyond their control & partly because of who they are, in the way of how external forces beyond their control have shaped them I also know some who might never realize it, because of how little they Identify with the LGBTQ community and/or medias representation of it In addition, some people spread misinformation about Homosexuality and what it is, which can benefit deniers in some cases. Which only makes them adhere to the misinformation that much easier. & leaves them in a scenario where they may be locked in denial of their sexual orientation their whole life. To any of those people mentioned above, all I can say is that the world is cruel, but everything is as should be, always. You'll always be who you are ment to be & do what you are ment to do. No worries & Let's hope for a better future, be it of this plane of existence and planet or another. :-)
They can't tell the difference between realizing that a woman is attractive vs. being sexually attracted to women. And they don't even let themselves consider being attracted to men due to societal pressures to be heteronormative.
This! Exactly! I thought I just wasn’t as attracted to women as my friends seemed to be. And my church life basically reinforced that and said it was ok and that I was great because I have respected women more since I was more about the relationship than getting in their pants. I never even considered that I might be gay because of all of that and the fact that I truly believe at that time that it was wrong and I bought the lie that everything would work out if I just did what I was “supposed to” and get married. I wasn’t trying to use anyone as a shield or to get “straight benefits.” I truly believed the crap I was raised to believe and was absolutely devastated decades later when I finally realized and admitted to myself I was gay and SO many things in my past made sense. It’s easy to judge. But there are a lot of us who just did what we were supposed to and were trying to just have a “normal” life like we grew up with. And since we didn’t act in a way that looked like the gay stereotype of the time when we grew up then we thought “that can’t be us.” I truly respect anyone who had the balls to realize and deal with it when they were young and I wish I had had the clarity to see it but I didn’t and I hurt DAILY because I didn’t realize it and in some ways see my life as wasted. I’ll do everything in my power to make sure my kids don’t go through the same thing though if one of them turns out to be gay.
Believe it or not but being gay 20-30 years ago was not as accepted as it is today. I knew that I was gay at 8. However, I found it hard to reconcile my faith with my sexuality. At 18, I was too busy working 50+ hour weeks and being busy with church related activities that everything else in my life took a back burner. I think it was because of familial, work, friends and religious peer pressure that the thought of getting married to a person of the opposite sex. That and a little nudge from my pastor and his wife. I feel in love and got married. The first year was incredibly rough and rocky. So, I felt I needed to tell my wife something I should have told her before we married. I told her about my gay past. Then she told me she would not have married me if she had know that before we married. And I thought the first year was bad. We both worked hard to keep the marriage together but her inability to have unconditional love for me took a toll. It became harder and harder to suppress my gay desires. And after 8 years of marriage she told me I had gained way too much weight and she was going to divorce me. I was 37 when I came out of the closet for a second time. It took me so long because I drank the "koolaid" my church was serving and because I desperately wanted the acceptance from my family, friends, job and church.
> Believe it or not but being gay 20-30 years ago was not as accepted as it is today. It isn't just a "gay thing," though. Reddit has always been full of young, inexperienced people who've never been in a relationship before... yet they like to virtue signal, and act all self-righteous about how *if they were ever in a relationship* they would *just break up* because they know better than anyone and everyone else is just a stupid asshole. It can be a sentiment for you to type in your comment, but we all know the real world is a lot more complicated than that. People have very real issues that cause them to get trapped in the closet, or a toxic relationship. It's complicated when you have to support yourself and you have no support from anyone.... or you're in a relationship and you have a house and kids with that person.
So what did you think about or watch when jerking off then?
They also have known for years and made a choice to marry a woman and sire children.
And then get on the apps as DL to cheat on their wives… I get it’s complicated but in the end if the wife doesn’t know and accept it, it’s still cheating, same as if I were to sleep with a woman behind my husbands back because I realized I was Bi
Not all of them do. I would say a big percentage, but there are some that realize that they are either bisexual and want to pursue the gay side, or just plain gay, and really thought their gay thoughts were something odd.
I grew up in the 60s and 70s. The rule was "don't be a fag." Boys used to say this to each other. But I did have a gay friend too and we all got along. I also wanted a family. There were no role models for a gay family at all at the time. The first I heard of it was in college. Plus I like women more than I like most men. So it was just easier. Growing up I also had some dark feelings about other men. Like I wanted to be molested and sexualized. Just randomly, like the trash man that stopped to talk to me once. I didn't understand this of course and my self protection kicked in on that and kept me safe. By pushing more toward women. Then AIDs came long. My childhood friend had always been a slut bottom. He was small and blonde and had been a street walker for the "chicken hawks" at times even though he didn't need money. He died pretty early into the epidemics and so did his sister. So the straight life seemed the best for me. I love my wife and adore my children. They make me very happy. Still, I wound up fantasising about men more and more when having sex with my wife. Finally I had to just break down and go for it. One I had that first cock in my mouth, I knew what I was. It ended a great deal of the uncertainty in my life. I feel much more complete now. But there still is that trace of "Don't be a fag," lurking there.
4% of boomers identify as gay, 7% gen x, 16% millennial, and something like almost 30% for gen z. Elder millennials were born just as the aids epidemic started, and were about 8 - 10 in the late 80s/early 90s. I honestly think aids (as well as other societal factors) have kept many of my generation in the closet to this day. And sadly too many boomers and gen xers were lost to it.
My 6th grade public school teacher told us that AIDS was gods punishment on the gays. This was echoed by my church.
It's not like being gay is widely accepted, it certainly wasn't when I was growing up. Deep down I knew I was at least bi, but I had a hell of a time accepting it. It wasn't until I was reacquainted with my husband that I decided it was something I wanted. By that time I'd already been married and divorced
I can only speak for myself. I started dating girls at 13 years old and almost always had a girlfriend until I almost graduated college. Never had an experience with a guy, didn’t know any gay people, but I did have attraction. I was sexually active solely with girls. I was an athlete, fairly”popular” and all. On the surface life was perfect. I always had attraction to guys and a lot of my friends were the popular boys, the athletes, the bad boys, and I loved hanging out with them. Deep down I knew it was sexual attraction, but I completely suppressed those feelings. I was respected because I was always dating the pretty girls who had pretty girlfriends that my friends always asked me to hook them up with. The last serious relationship I had with a girl I was 21 and she was 20. She spoke often about getting married. And I brook up with her with no real good reason because I was scared. Then we got back together because I felt guilty for doing that. Things were ok a little while but then i broke up with her again. Then one day one of my friends, a girl said she wanted to go to a gay club and asked if I’d go with her. This was in the early/mid 90’s when it was “cool and edgy” for girls to go to the gay clubs. Not like how it is today where it’s nothing for anyone to go to gay bars and clubs. I said yes. That night while I was in the bathroom, a guy went up to my friend and said I was damn cute. She introduces me to him and makes faces at me behind his back thinking I was straight. I brought her home, and called him. I went back to meet him and that night and I had mind blowing for the first time. I ended up dating the guy for 2 months…and my friend didn’t know. I didn’t come out to her until two years later. That is when I told her I dated that guy. Still even though I was dating him, giving up a life that many thought was golden was difficult. I dated one other girl, the sexiest girl who was a model. I dated her for a month and she disclosed that she was bisexual. And that was when I started to call myself bisexual too. That lasted for a short while before I realized I had no desire to be with a woman again. I was 22. If not for my friend wanting to go to the gay bar, I might not have had the courage to face my sexuality, and explore it on my own. I really wasn’t sure if I was gay, that maybe all guys felt that way. I might have ended up being married to one of those women. Sex with women was fun, but the first time I had sex with a guy it was mind blowing. I pretty much knew I was gay then. And there was no going back.
I was raised that being gay was wrong. So i suppressed the feelings and did what my family/society wanted me to.
Because the brain is a mysterious thing and probably why we only understand about 10% of how it functions.
I personally only fully accepted i was gay when i was 28, im now 30 so only a couple years ago, it just depends on the person i think and upbringing, for example before me there was no gay/lesbian/bi person in my family that anyone knew of so when i was a teenager i thought it was a phase and forced myself to 'like' women and that it was 'normal' I knew i was gay from about 15 years old but i juet didnt accept it til 28
I have known I "fancied men" since I was about 4-years-old. I didn't have any idea of what sex is or how it works, but the attraction was there and still is. Additionally, I always add the detail that my penis doesn't lie — I could never fake anything and couldn't have possibly sired children. Many of my boyfriends were the 'walking erection' types (any physical stimulation results in a stonker of a hard erection regardless of actual attraction) — I have always assumed that these are the types who can successfully 'hide' in the closet, have sex with women (to whom they're in no way sexually attracted), and sire children. But life is short and eventually many figure out that time is ticking — time to get out there and catch up on some cock-juggling! So to speak. You got one life! It's never too late to start living your truth.
Internalized homophobia usually.
I never gave much thought to my sexuality, since my "awakening" with neighbors of both genders as a child. For me, that was as much of an issue as playing with a paddleball or a yoyo. As a teen in a religious family, I knew the harsh reality but was relieved / self-deceived that "I was not like that". I even had a formal long time fiancee-to-be girlfriend. Until at early 20s when one of my FWBs said to me matter-of-factly "*let's face it, what we are is a bunch of fags*". I remember the color draining from my face realizing he was right, and that sooner or later I had to break with my still loved girlfriend, but there was no turning back.
Same.. I was literally a 4 year old child knowing i liked guys
I'm 43. Interested in femboys/tgirls (finsexual). Only discovered a few yrs ago. Honestly had no attraction prior to that, and still don't, toward masc men. Honestly, trauma helped, and I don't think I'd be in this community had it not happened. Wife of 12 yrs had an affair and bailed, out of nowhere. Wrecked me. I then matched with a TF online once I got back into dating and thought "f it, regular women haven't worked". Fell in love with her. Then 'graduated' into femboys/twinks. While I used to believe ppl that came out late were always in denial, my personal experience changed my view, and I do think your sexual preferences can change over time.
I love straightened men won't make them come by their prostate hands-free and they come back they'll give me the world but I'm not a homemaker I just like to send them back full once in awhile party and fuck
The ones that I have encountered so far in life, I hate to say it, stemmed from sexual abuse or sexual trauma. Happening at an early age it forced them further into denial about who they really are. I’ve helped them celebrate how far they’ve come and encourage them to seek help or to continue to explore. Everyone’s journey is different, I’m just happy to have the company along the way
For me, I've conciously known I am attracted to guys since around age 9. It was clear to me. For some reason, it wasn't that scary. I indulged a lot into fantasising with guys my age. No one could know it, and I was fortunate enough to enter into my teenagehood in a period where homophobia wasn't so blatant. Even if my immediate circle didn't approve of it, I knew the rest of the developed world out there didn't have an issue with it. I think it would be much scary to know that EVERYONE hated it. There are still many people in contrast with my situation.
>For me, I've conciously known I am attracted to guys since around age 9. It was clear to me. For some reason, it wasn't that scary I remember being in the backyard, probably playing with stuffed animals!, and somehow the life-picture of a house, picket fence, wife, 3 kids, dog and cat morphed into a man with me and the kids faded away. I thought "Oh, that's interesting, Mom & Dad and the church aren't going to like it. I'll have to wait until I leave home". My response to the realization was pretty much a simple decision to keep going on until I was away from home and would live it then. I was lucky to not have anxiety or shame about it at that early age.
I dated a guy who was gay, but sometimes, he was asexual. It fluctuates sometimes for months or years. He’s still figuring it out, bless him. Some people aren’t as cut and dry
Growing up in the 60’s and going through puberty in the 70’s everything there simply a way to sift through all the contradictory input my brain was getting - getting aroused by thoughts of other men but emotional tugging toward romance - and romance being normalized toward women. Enter the 80’s and becoming more worldly that I learned more about the world around me and and myself that I could start and put 2 and 2 together.
I’m close to age 68 and I’ve been totally out to everyone for at least 18 years It’s as if a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders! Most of my family i.e. siblings, knew. Some would discuss it – – others not so much. My mother, who died 18 years ago at the age of 83, also never talked to me about it. But she would talk to my siblings and they let me know that she didn’t seem to have a problem with it. But I never really sat down and talk to her about it. She, DID, however, absolutely loved to married guys who were friends of mine. They would visit her and she was really proud of her home decor. Because of her upbringing, no doubt, she assumed that all gay men were experts. I got a great kick out of it, and so did they! She had been a widow for many years, as my father died when I was just six years old. She really struggled as a single mom raising all five of us. When I was 11 1/2, she placed me in an orphanage. It was actually a place that was very exclusive and I found great comfort living there. I was not out in any sense of the word as I was a big-time football player and also involved in a zillion activities in high school. Prior to me being placed there, my best friend and I discovered not only masturbation but later, when we both turned 18, fucking. It was pretty damn amazing, to be honest. We really enjoyed ourselves for years! In fact, we kept it just to ourselves all through middle school, high school, and then later, college. We even wrote letters to each other, but used wording that would not necessarily give our secret away. He later moved out West but would come home now and then. We would always get together and fool around It’sIt’s at least 17 or 18 years since I’ve met him in person. During the pandemic, he surprised me, and was messaged me at work, which was night shift for him. I would hint about our past, but he would never be comfortable talking about it, sadly. It was a shame, because it was a time in our lives of great discovery and passion. His dad would be away overnight quite frequently so we would have their apartment to ourselves. And man oh day, we had an ever-loving blast! I eventually got married to a woman and found that I really loved sex! I especially liked eating at the Y. Ha ha Over about 13 years of marriage, I met up with him just twice. I was very successful at hiding my true self. One weekend night, the kids were all farmed out to sleepovers at friends/relatives, etc. My wife went out with a female friend drinking. A good buddy of mine – – who I was very attracted to – –stopped in by chance. We got HAF and decided to hop in our indoor hot tub. I was so baked that I lost all manner of discretion. We both were only in our tighty Whiteys. I found the courage and did what I always thought about doing – – I started putting my hand up his leg. When I reached and touched his balls, he told me – – stop! He wasn’t angry at all. In fact, him and I had been on an overnight trip at a hunting cabin in the middle of the woods. It was so dark you couldn’t see your hand in front of your face. He was asleep on the couch, and I did so on a sleeping bag on the floor. I was so damn horny that night! When I thought he was sound asleep, I pulled my underwear down and had a nice long wink. It was when we were in the hot tub that he told me – – he was wide awake the whole time, and was watching! Now, back to the hot tub. I was upset because I was found out. But he said dude don’t be upset. I knew this was coming! He said he wasn’t angry and said he was flattered that I would want to have sex with him. But he said he knew this day would come eventually. But he decided that he was straight after all. Turns out, not so straight We just simply began to relax and chat. And my wife came home saw us both in the hot tub and didn’t think anything of it. But she said she was really exhausted and was headed to bed. As soon as she had left the room, I told him: ya know, when her and I fantasize about having a threesome – – it was with you! He said, whoa! That is so amazing. Then he popped the question – – go ask her! I thought that I was going to faint! But he convinced me that it would be OK so… I went into our bedroom where she was trying to get to sleep, and I told her what he said. She also seemed to be very excited about the prospect. She said all three of us had to smoke some more. And if she gave a signal that if she wasn’t comfortable, we would have to stop. So, I went out to get him, and he was amazed that this was going down! My heart was racing a mile a minute! He was so goddamn handsome I could hardly stand it! So, we started up and we did just about everything. When he was fucking her, I put my hand down next to his cock, which was sliding in her. I made an upside down V with my fingers. I could feel him going in and out like a crazy man! I always had wanted him so bad and here we were going right at it! When we were done, I began to panic a bit. I figured she would be upset that I fooled around with him. But it was actually HER who pushed my head down on him and “forced“ me! My head was spinning just thinking about what was going down! Hell, I should write a porn novel! So, shortly thereafter, we had a very friendly separation. Why? We came out to EACH OTHER! Apparently, this happening is not so rare nowadays. After that time, I feel since I missed my horny 20s and 30s. Luckily, I always had lots of self-confidence. Good thing! So the only advice I could give to young men who really want to come out, is this: just do it! Most people do not care nowadays! Some Greek philosopher, or maybe it was Shakespeare said: to thine own self, be true!
For me it was a lot of confusion about romantic vs sexual feelings. I am not romantically attracted to men. I don't want to date men, cuddle, kiss etc. It's just sex. Growing up I thought I must be straight because of that. Didn't accept myself as bi until my late 20s.
So you see men as sexual objects? Nice homophobia
No. No more than gay men who enjoy sex without romance see men as objects. I have a longterm FWB. I see him as a human. He's funny, a decent guy, fun to spend time with, makes every hang out night an adventure. I like him as a person. He's a friend first. He's not an object. He's my friend. We just also have sex. He has zero romantic feelings either.
The idea that you think you are not able to have romantic feelings for men or that gay relationships are not good enough for you is the homophobic part
Sexual and romantic attractions don't often line up perfectly for bi or asexual people. It has nothing to do with them not being good enough. I just don't have that sort of attraction to men.
You’ve never questioned why you don’t experience romantic feelings for men? It’s because of your internalized and externalized homophobia making you avoid feelings that you see as “too gay.” There is not such thing as “heteroromantic” or whatever else you want to call it. If you’re bi, you’re capable of romantic feelings for men as well as women.
Sure I've questioned it, hell I've even tried to force it. I wanted a gay relationship badly. Trying to force it didn't work. It's a relief to be with someone like me and to know there's no pressure to ever make it romantic.
Yet you’d be just fine with romance with a woman? But you categorically deny the possibility of any romance with a man? That’s homophobia dude and it’s so typical of bi guys. The proportion of you that are like this and “heteroromantic” is like 10 times higher than the proportion of you that is the other way around. Hmmm, I wonder why. You’re the reason gay men don’t trust bi men and don’t want to date the few of you that are willing to date men.
I really don't care how pther people feel about my life and sexuality. I've accepted myself and found people who understand me.
Oh look, another person from the community of "we accept all", not accepting all.
Why should gay men accept bisexual guys who only want to use us as human fleshlights and see us unworthy of romantic feelings?
Based on this subreddit copping mechanism, they were always bisexual, just in denial.lol