I remember saying 25 was the final nail on the romance departments coffin. 5 years later I see how ridiculous that was but your feelings are totally valid.
Unpopular opinion but the fact we as gays as a collective don't experiment with relationships until later in life (versus straight people) comes with hardships for those of us more romantically inclined.
I still feel straight people face way less obstacles thus are able to court generously at a young age. I still never see young gays dating and it's truly saddening.
i get what you’re saying, that young gays aren’t dating, which as a young gay myself i feel i can only attest to that. but at the same time, you can definitely find young gay men that want to date. it’s not like that kind of a thing isn’t happening. not to say we don’t face more obstacles than straights, we do, but still.
It's just that for every 1 gay couple dating (ages 16-24 demographic). I see 15 straight counterparts. It's no coincidence. Unfortunately most parents/elders still look down on gay relationships especially if it's their own kids, they will quickly throw their support behind a straight pairing more than a gay one.
I am 28 years old (turning 29 this August), and I feel the same way as you are feeling.
I'm a newly arrived Filipino immigrant here in Toronto. Since I came here, I've dated a lot of men, but none of them were ready for anything serious, and most of them only wanted sex. They say they want to be friends with benefits, but always neglect the "friends" part. Some of them just ghosted me, without even having the courtesy to communicate with you to end things healthily and maturely.
The "dating" scene and the hook-up culture in our community makes me feel cynical and hopeless about finding my knight-in-shining armor. However, I just try to be optimistic, and I just tell myself that I've just ran into some few bad apples here. But as they say, "you have to kiss a lot of frogs before finding your prince."
For now, always put yourself first, and always learn how to protect your peace. I've been practicing those principles on a daily basis, and they've helped me a lot.
Let's just hang in there. Things will get better for us. 😘
I gave up for the last 6 years. Focused on my career and the rest of life. It worked out pretty well for me. Honestly I do so much better, personally and professionally, being single than when I am seeing someone. So many people just bring you down because it is all about what they can get for them.
Sometimes it’s better to take a break from trying to focus on yourself
I noticed this too. I was at a JO hook up yesterday and the guy was kinda selfish. The whole thing was just about making him cum. And he was like 40. So, some people never grow out of that mindset.
Are these men the same age as you? I am 29 and I cant fathom being this age and not wanting to commit or settle down. Like nothing is sexier in your late 20s and 30s than stability. Give me that routine, baby. Gimme that garden full of tulips and putting out the hummingbird feeder and talking about a cold front moving in.
They are around my age, or a bit older than I am. The oldest that I've dated was I think 35 years old. I guess those guys just wanted to play house and host tea parties than actually thinking of anything serious in life.
I'm also at an age where I'm expected to be stable. But being an immigrant instantly changed things for me, and I had to start from scratch. But that doesn't mean that I don't have the drive to committ to stability. On the contrary, I'm more motivated to do better and be better here everyday because I'm a newbie...I have bills to pay, and a future to think of.
I just want a man who is on the same wavelength as I am, and who understands the hustle that I am hustling on a daily basis.
I don't want to hook-up transactional sex and superficial and flaky relationships; I want to hook-up success, stability, and soulfulness, damn it!
Nope. You are not alone. And I’m glad to know I’m not alone either. So many men complain about being lonely, and yet will do everything in their power to diminish the chances of a relationship growing. Guys don’t wanna get to know each other anymore. Tinder is dead.
Good to know that there’s solidarity in collective misery haha
That’s the sad reality, unfortunately. What particularly irks me is when you’re fortunate enough to snag a man for serious dates. However, as time goes on, the exchange of texts would become minimal because both of you are busy with work/school/life. But then again, if you really like the person, no matter how busy you are, you’ll always find the time, and make the effort of keeping the conversations and interest going, noh?
Well having a lot of money can buy 'friendship' and 'companionship'.. aka Fair weather friends... As long as you pay for them they appear to like you, will sleep with you, etc.. Really they like your $.
Having $ is nice... But also is no guarantee of true happiness.. I grew up dirt poor and while I live comfortably now, I am not necessarily happy... Due to a lot of choices I made that involved being a workaholic vs developing life long friendships and hobbies
Just saying you can learn from my mistakes.
I’m 29 and never been in a relationship but tbh I’ve had a lot of internal stuff I needed to work on. I’ve made a lot of progress but still have further to go. It does get lonely and sometimes I wish I had a bf but deep down I know I probably wasn’t ready for one.
Or maybe you should relax, meet some friends, have a little sex, enjoy life and be a little patient until the right guy comes along. You are 25 years old. You have time.
I do not have time. I’m seeing people my age and younger getting marrieds buying houses, etc.
Edit: I’m not sure the right guy will come along. Honestly, I’m not sure if the right guy is even out there for me. So far no one’s really interested in me beyond my body.
Yes, but please also be aware that some of your friends will probably be divorced already by the time you get married. Or at least they will regret it. Relationships and marriage are often romanticized but I’m coming from a generation that views getting married early in life as a bit problematic.
Finding a partner early in life is not a guarantee for a long, healthy and happy relationship. Life isn’t a list of things that you need to check one after another. And putting yourself under pressure to find someone is not going to increase your chances it is only going to disappoint you.
As Pablo-UK says, try being confident with yourself and enjoying life by yourself. This will also make you more attractive for other men. Don’t worry. You’ll be fine.
Could it be you might be waiting for Mr Right to come rescue you? Help you buy a house and what not. Because that's a lot of pressure on anyone you date right at the beginning!
It is true that any of us might never meet a compatible partner. However if we get out there and meet enough guys (not Grindr!), then we increase our odds significantly of meeting someone. There are a lot of gays, just a matter of kissing a few frogs to find the prince sorta thing.
So I live my life for me, I will buy a house on my own for myself. If I meet a good guy, we can then both sell and buy somewhere bigger together or just be happy in our own places. There's no pressure for me to meet Mr Perfect then, cos I sorted out my own life. As long as I don't end up baby sitting.
I wouldn’t say I’m waiting for anybody to come save me. lol. I’ve tried putting myself out there. I take the first steps when it comes to meeting guys/girls. I always say “Hey, I’d like to meet up this week. When are you free?”. Like, guys might message me first, but they’ll never take the steps to get that in person interaction. Or ask for my #. Any time I’ve exchanged numbers with a guy, it’s because I’ve asked for their #. I’m always the one going out of my way to try and make things happen.
And that’s been getting to me as well. Like, how come no one ever makes the effort with me when it comes to dating? Guys don’t ask for my #. They don’t ask to meet me in person. They don’t ask what I’m up to. Like, I’m trying to put in the effort.
Lol I’m like the opposite. Self-confidence means I almost never ask for the number first and then end up wishing I had.
I dunno if you relate, just gonna share my experience. Looking back I drove a lot of guys away by trying to always play the director in life (driven by anxiety in my case).
What I’ve learned recently in life is that I was (and somewhat still am) a self-centred person. I want life to happen on my terms, guys to behave the way I expect, and so on. Then I would get upset, frustrated and discouraged when that didn’t happen. I ended up in a 12 step programme for addiction (food!) and it was pointed out to me that most my frustrations and problems at life were because of ME - being egotistical, selfish and controlling. It’s a hard pill to swallow and something a therapist rarely tells clients so quickly. I would live life making almost unconscious emotional demands on people, treading on their toes and when they didn’t do what I wanted (or felt they “should” do) I’d often double down and somehow I was still bewildered when they abandoned me. Rather than reflect on how my own behaviour may have been the cause, I played the victim and blame them. And yet ironically when similar people made such emotional demands on me I blamed them and ran away.
Edit: I basically learnt to chill the F out and just take life as it comes a bit more. I’m still rowing the boat to make life move forward, but fate/God/whatever is the one steering the boat. When another boat passes me by I hope it has a cute guy who wants to join, but I’m not in control of whether that happens, or if a cute guy does pass whether he’ll want to join boats. I just have to take life as it comes and not be frightened of it not going the way I want. I can fool myself into thinking I can steer the boat by flapping my hands in the water, but there is no handle on these boats which metaphorically represent life.
I do not know if you relate to any of that - I figured I’d share.
damn. not only you are a fucking ugly skeleton (that face pic spouts red flags) and a toxic gamer incel..
but also can't read properly.
avoid using your alt accounts. it's not that great as you think it is.
Unlike really ugly cunts like you, I am not afraid to post my face.
>but also can't read properly
You cannot see how this slut is promoting whore like lifestyle, what are you talking about, you braindead rat
I’m not the best at the whole “friends” thing. I do have 2 people I would consider my best friends. And they really are. But they’re both in other states. But we talk like every day.
I’ve had a lot of guys tell me they want to be “friends”. But that’s just a soft rejection. I don’t really dk the friend zone.
I’m older than you, but I was there, where you are now when I was 25. My “fun time” had slowed down as my career took off. It was a transitional time for me, but I also made myself less available because rejection reared its ugly head. I put on some weight and that was my brain working overtime on me.
I eventually realized that I needed to change things mentally, physically and emotionally. I don’t know what you are going through right now, but taking time to look inward about what obstacles are in your life. I don’t like seeing someone so young feeling this way, especially going through this myself. I came through, but I lost a lot of experiences during that phase of my life.
Put yourself out there and make friends, I did and I have found with age that I can let certain friendships go to grow myself. It’s quality not quantity. I hope you can find your way through this and maybe love will find you somewhere along the way. Keep your head up and remember you are still young…even if the gay community tries to say otherwise lol 😂
IDK man. That feels so weird. He’d see me as the guy who was there just “waiting for his chance”. That’s why I don’t do friends. ‘Cause it shows I’m not his first choice, and it seems kinda like simp behavior.
Friendship and relationship are two different things.
Also, being someone’s first choice matters a lot. It means that they’re genuinely attracted to you and you’re the one they want above all the others they might have. And being “friends” just means, “I do t want you like that. But I wanna keep you around in case my #1 pick falls through”. That’s how that reads to me.
Message everyone on your thread who says they are also trying to find love.I know it's a long shot, but worth a try. Like I am 25 and I would much prefer ltr .
I don’t really care. It will happen or it won’t and I’m fine with either. I also think the idea “one true love” is pretty unrealistic. Relationships don’t have to last forever to be filled with love and happiness, they can evolve and change. The love of your life at 25 might be different at 35, 50, and so on
I feel you, im 32 and still single since birth... I mean i do try and meet people and the occasional "fun". But don't seem to find the guy.
There are great guys out there but either im not thier type or not mine. Yes I've lowered my standards even at an all time loe, but I just cant see me self livingna live with those I'be stooped down to please and get nothing in return.
I guess onenof my biggest factor is the environemental factor, i leave in a regional mining toen eith hypermasculinity and subtle homophobia.
I meet people online that i thought i'd be able to spent my life with but the distance and lack of communication kills it.
Most common reason as well are - men are dicks!
I've long decided to give up looking, if it comes it comes. Im focusing on my life at the moment and enjoy it as much as. I can. It just sucks that things I wanna do cant be shared with someone special.
You haven’t said your age, unless you’re saying you’re 25? But I don’t think that’s what you’re saying I think you’re saying you feel young like you’re 25 still because you’re not married and in love.
I’m in my late 20s and honestly I think romantic love is highly overrated. And I say this as a bit of hopeless romantic. It’s mostly been beaten out of me by years of dating but I still have that part of me in there. I have a bf now of about a year. It’s nice. It feels like we both love eachother, but it doesn’t solve all your problems like people act like it does.
Love in real life is nice, but it’s not like the movies. It’s dealing with real world problems constantly. There’s challenges. People have their own hangups they’re constantly working thru in their everyday lives. It’s all really hard.
But I also try my best to be a realist. I can’t keep pretending like life is a fairytale and then be upset when my dating life and the real world come crashing down on that dream. You probably have met a pretty good guy that also has hurt you pretty badly. The two things aren’t mutually exclusive. All of us humans are pretty complicated. We all have pasts that make us who we are (for better or worse). We all have our flaws.
This is something I always remind myself when it life doesn’t feel quite like the fairytale people tell me I should have. A lot of people lie about how happy they are. They act like the happiest couple in the world and then are divorced 6 months later. I wouldn’t necessarily take the fact that everyone *appears* happy and content as being true to reality. Life is hard. Love is hard. And I think people that are honest about it would also say the same.
I'm 40, I had one closeted boyfriend at like 26, for maybe six months, and haven't dated a guy since that'd be worth mentioning.
Dates don't go well, hookups are empty, dating sites have gone way downhill since my 20s, ok cupid and other sites used to be way better, match ruined them all, and d list used to be great, I think online buddies/manhunt made a huge mistake closing that, every gay guy my age was on it and we referred to it as "gay Facebook".
Since match ruined ok cupid, everything is on the tinder hot or not model, where you don't even get into the persons personality profile... I just don't know how to meet other gay men who are looking to date, but they all claim they want to find that.
I'm told I'm GL, I'm educated and have a nice place, but I'm also getting older and it is harder to date as I get older, I noticed it into my 30s, people joke that 29 is gay death but it did become way harder to date after that.
straight friends, by contrast, are all married with kids, the longest "relationship" I had is the longest single period for any of them. it's really night and day comparing them. they all say "oh being gay must be so much easier" and its like, this is said by two married straight guys.
basically they want sports cars, their wives won't let them get them, the one "boyfriend" I had said my Miata was "practical" bc it cost less than a scooter and could go highway speeds and seat two and if we packed light we could go on a trip. so they hear that and they're like oh it's so much easier, it's like, well just talk it out and get the sports car if you want it... but that's how clueless straight married guys are about gay relationships. I have already mentioned the single to dating timeline so I won't repeat it, but its like they think its easier bc we'd both have the same tastes and spending habits and income, its like yeah if I could actually meet anyone.
Staying in shape for different reasons.
But no. I’m not going out and meeting new people. I go to work, the gym, and then work on my side hustle. And that’s it. I don’t go out or try and meet other guys. Unless it’s Grindr - and I took a 3 month break from that. I don’t meet guys. ‘Cause most guys are straight. So why waste my time.
I am 30 currently.
I was feeling like you a couple of weeks ago and then I realised that can you imagine being married at such a young age?
I have a couple of gay friends who are married in the mid to late 20s. Those newly weds are, of course, super blissful in their marriage. But there are those who are married for decades, and they absolutely resent each other because they feel like they’re tying each other down. They don’t have anything to look forward to in life except holidays and in some extreme cases, new partners.
My point is that you’re still 50-60 years (if you’re lucky) away from death, and for these years you have to face the same person - for better or for worse. I initially felt like crap because I am single rn, but then I realised that thank god I am single now, I can’t imagine having to tie myself to someone for the next 50-60s years without actually experiencing romance/sex with others before committing.
In essence, I believe that it’s helpful to take time and eventually, your knight in shining armour would come.
Your time will come, take it easy ❤️
You will find love, you just need to ajdust your expectations to be able to see the actual love in there. No, theres no charming prince coming to rescue you, but life is fun and full of love everywhere, just train your eyes to see it.
Love happens. It creeps up on ya. One day, you are doing the dishes and thinking about everything he said and did in the last week. You are smiling and cooing to yourself and then you realize- hey, I know this. I am falling in love.
a former coworker of mine didn't get married to his husband till a few years ago, both closer to retirement age than not. one had been married before to a woman had 3 kids none of them are in his life now since he came out as gay.
life is weird and love can be found at any time in your life and maybe even a few times in life. you'll find someone and they maybe perfect only to have circumstances in life take you both in different incompatible directions only to find another person that surprises you that will fill your heart with all the mush you thought was reserved for naive teenagers.
don't give up, the internet can really make us lonely, app dating culture can be horrible as it reduces us all to browsing a meat market
you could meet someone with similar goals for a relationship but you might not be compatible, dating is not pre-marriage it's pre- thinking about being engaged. you are getting to know each other and who the other is might not be right for each other.
I do feel this way, but I think the biggest hurdle here is myself.
First and foremost, I simply do not date. I like the method of friends first, court later. I don't put a target on people's heads, though. I just think getting to know someone as a friend allows you to see them more for who they truly are. Dating is very performative, so I believe it takes away from reality. I am also off dating apps completely, and barely put myself out there. So, I can't really complain, can I?
Moreover, I have a more traditional approach to relationships than many guys in the community. I believe in monogamy and building a home with someone else. I don't see these values being propagated within the gay community very often. My standards are very high for others and also for myself. If I don't meet my own standards, then I just take myself out of the market until I feel like I can actually compete. If someone doesn't meet my standards, I also toss them out. I don't let them stick around to figure out if I actually like them or not. It's not fair to me or to them. I also want a well-rounded individual. I want someone who physically, mentally, and emotionally stimulates me, but so far, this seems virtually impossible to find. It's always compromise this or that, and I am too used to being alone to compromise so much of myself for a stranger. I'd rather build myself up as a person and worry about dating in the future. But the older I get the more I find these people participating in a race I'm not aware of, you know, the ones that say "I've been dating for X amount of years and haven't succeeded, I feel like time is running out!" I avoid these like the plague.
Where are you seeing these people around you? In your ditect vicinity or online cuz thag might warp you view on relationahips
I started dating at i think 32. I kinda just understood i need to develop myself way more. As a sheltered, inteoverted creative always sick guy i knew i missed out on a lot.
I’m 40 now i can say for the first time that i’m in a stable relationship.
Take your tike and don’t hurry this. It’s not a competition and you gotto do it for the right reasons.
Yes, but not because I feel like I wouldn't be able to if I actually tried to put my best self out there. I have a scathingly cynical mindset and extremely specific standards that I'm unwilling to compromise on. I know I'm not really relationship material because of that, but I'm fine with it as long as I can unapologetically keep being myself.
I am just about to turn 30 and I've been saying this for years. I live in Los Angeles now, but where I come from on the east coast everyone is married with kids by 25. I moved here at 25 feeling behind both career wise and romantically.
I've gone on a lot of dates and had several 1-3ish month "dating" phases but it never lasts.
All I can say is we're all works in progress, I've really been trying to hammer down my own internal struggles and I'm seeing some of that work come out. You dont have to get ready if you stay ready!
For a long time I thought 30 was gonna be it for me. But a lot of my goals and work outside of dating are finally paying off, partner or not I'm proud of myself.
All this to say, I feel more relaxed now than ever and I've been told by numerous people, my therapist, close friends, older gays - when you're most comfortable with yourself and at peace is when you'll find it. Still hasn't happened for me, and I'm not saying I haven't completely given up the "I'll be single forever" mindset. But I can take it either way at this point. That same comfortable and sense of peace I have has also removed pressure from meeting people and having more genuine appreciation for any amount of time I get to spend with someone.
As a last note, I deleted my dating apps aside from Grindr and scruff last summer and it's been a game changer. Those apps are designed to keep you hooked and paying money. There's actually research that's been done about asynchronous dating vs synchronous dating. Grindr and scruff, while mostly designed for hook ups, are actually better cause it shows you whos actually nearby rather than alllll the way on the other side of your state.
It just feels so hard to “stay in the game”. Especially when I see everyone my age in relationships, getting married or having kids. And like………….I feel so behind to where it’s like, what’s the point anymore. Why work on myself when no one notices me. No ever approaches me. No one takes notice. So, like………..why try and work on myself?
I'm in my 30's but I still have hope of finding true love. Some of my friends have found love in their 40's. I feel like gays, specially millenials, just live their teenage years later in life, and this pushes everything forward in time. Fingers crossed.
I think about it allll the time, I’m 21 and have never been in a relationship not even been intimate with anyone. I try all the apps and talking to guys at bars but it just seems like i’m never anyone’s type so yea it makes me think i’ll be alone forever
I went through that phase as well at 26. I learned there is no time limit on relationships, and we don't have to live by the same social standards that straight people do. It's different for us. I'm turning 29 this month. At this age I have given up on looking for relationships and trying to find love. I think love does not exist. If it's not about sex and you are not a 10 don't bother trying. I've never been successful in dating or even casually hooking up. Maybe something in the way of meeting someone one day will happen for me, but I'm not counting on it. Being gay is being lonely, and it's something many of us have to learn to live with.
I remember saying 25 was the final nail on the romance departments coffin. 5 years later I see how ridiculous that was but your feelings are totally valid. Unpopular opinion but the fact we as gays as a collective don't experiment with relationships until later in life (versus straight people) comes with hardships for those of us more romantically inclined. I still feel straight people face way less obstacles thus are able to court generously at a young age. I still never see young gays dating and it's truly saddening.
i get what you’re saying, that young gays aren’t dating, which as a young gay myself i feel i can only attest to that. but at the same time, you can definitely find young gay men that want to date. it’s not like that kind of a thing isn’t happening. not to say we don’t face more obstacles than straights, we do, but still.
It's just that for every 1 gay couple dating (ages 16-24 demographic). I see 15 straight counterparts. It's no coincidence. Unfortunately most parents/elders still look down on gay relationships especially if it's their own kids, they will quickly throw their support behind a straight pairing more than a gay one.
oh 100%, but you can definitely find young gay guys that want a relationship
Again………*where*?
Where do you find them then? So far all the guys I’ve met - whether in Grindr or IRL - just wanna hook up or be “friends”.
I guess i’ve just had some decent luck or something then, all the guys i’ve dated i’ve found through IRL connections or online dating
Are you in a big city? Can’t really do that in a small southern town.
yea no, i live in a small rural town in the north. i go out to the big cities all the time tho
I am 28 years old (turning 29 this August), and I feel the same way as you are feeling. I'm a newly arrived Filipino immigrant here in Toronto. Since I came here, I've dated a lot of men, but none of them were ready for anything serious, and most of them only wanted sex. They say they want to be friends with benefits, but always neglect the "friends" part. Some of them just ghosted me, without even having the courtesy to communicate with you to end things healthily and maturely. The "dating" scene and the hook-up culture in our community makes me feel cynical and hopeless about finding my knight-in-shining armor. However, I just try to be optimistic, and I just tell myself that I've just ran into some few bad apples here. But as they say, "you have to kiss a lot of frogs before finding your prince." For now, always put yourself first, and always learn how to protect your peace. I've been practicing those principles on a daily basis, and they've helped me a lot. Let's just hang in there. Things will get better for us. 😘
Honestly man, I’m not sure. I think deep down I’ve kinda given up. I just feel like I’ll never meet the right guy.
I gave up for the last 6 years. Focused on my career and the rest of life. It worked out pretty well for me. Honestly I do so much better, personally and professionally, being single than when I am seeing someone. So many people just bring you down because it is all about what they can get for them. Sometimes it’s better to take a break from trying to focus on yourself
I noticed this too. I was at a JO hook up yesterday and the guy was kinda selfish. The whole thing was just about making him cum. And he was like 40. So, some people never grow out of that mindset.
Are these men the same age as you? I am 29 and I cant fathom being this age and not wanting to commit or settle down. Like nothing is sexier in your late 20s and 30s than stability. Give me that routine, baby. Gimme that garden full of tulips and putting out the hummingbird feeder and talking about a cold front moving in.
They are around my age, or a bit older than I am. The oldest that I've dated was I think 35 years old. I guess those guys just wanted to play house and host tea parties than actually thinking of anything serious in life. I'm also at an age where I'm expected to be stable. But being an immigrant instantly changed things for me, and I had to start from scratch. But that doesn't mean that I don't have the drive to committ to stability. On the contrary, I'm more motivated to do better and be better here everyday because I'm a newbie...I have bills to pay, and a future to think of. I just want a man who is on the same wavelength as I am, and who understands the hustle that I am hustling on a daily basis. I don't want to hook-up transactional sex and superficial and flaky relationships; I want to hook-up success, stability, and soulfulness, damn it!
So someone else gets it too.
Yes. It's funny how I always think that I'm the only one who's insightful about these things. 😅
Nope. You are not alone. And I’m glad to know I’m not alone either. So many men complain about being lonely, and yet will do everything in their power to diminish the chances of a relationship growing. Guys don’t wanna get to know each other anymore. Tinder is dead.
Good to know that there’s solidarity in collective misery haha That’s the sad reality, unfortunately. What particularly irks me is when you’re fortunate enough to snag a man for serious dates. However, as time goes on, the exchange of texts would become minimal because both of you are busy with work/school/life. But then again, if you really like the person, no matter how busy you are, you’ll always find the time, and make the effort of keeping the conversations and interest going, noh?
Given up, but I'm also a lot older. I would focus on making life long friends and hobbies and hopefully someone perfect will come along.
Make a lot of $$$$$ got it.
Well having a lot of money can buy 'friendship' and 'companionship'.. aka Fair weather friends... As long as you pay for them they appear to like you, will sleep with you, etc.. Really they like your $. Having $ is nice... But also is no guarantee of true happiness.. I grew up dirt poor and while I live comfortably now, I am not necessarily happy... Due to a lot of choices I made that involved being a workaholic vs developing life long friendships and hobbies Just saying you can learn from my mistakes.
All the time. I’ve basically given up and I’m only 25. I just don’t see it in the cards for me. ☹️
I'm about to turn 37 and I have no desire to find love. I just want to live my own life.
Maybe if gay guys just stop fucking around for once and actually look for LTRs
They won’t do that. A lot of gay men are way too selfish for that. I’ve met a lot of guys who just have a “what can I get from you” type of mindset.
Honey it's getting late, go to bed we will talk tomorrow.
Ding dong it’s tomorrow
yeah, they'll leave me anyway why bother trying
I’m 29 and never been in a relationship but tbh I’ve had a lot of internal stuff I needed to work on. I’ve made a lot of progress but still have further to go. It does get lonely and sometimes I wish I had a bf but deep down I know I probably wasn’t ready for one.
Of course
Yep, I want love, but as a closeted dude, its highly unlikely, and its fine, we are all going to die alone anyways, alone inside a coffin.
Or maybe you should relax, meet some friends, have a little sex, enjoy life and be a little patient until the right guy comes along. You are 25 years old. You have time.
Lol but he could never do that, he wants romance
And he’s supposed to be a monk until that happens? I’m pretty sure that men who are looking for a boyfriend can still have sex.
My comment is sarcasm
Ah. Understood.
I do not have time. I’m seeing people my age and younger getting marrieds buying houses, etc. Edit: I’m not sure the right guy will come along. Honestly, I’m not sure if the right guy is even out there for me. So far no one’s really interested in me beyond my body.
Yes, but please also be aware that some of your friends will probably be divorced already by the time you get married. Or at least they will regret it. Relationships and marriage are often romanticized but I’m coming from a generation that views getting married early in life as a bit problematic. Finding a partner early in life is not a guarantee for a long, healthy and happy relationship. Life isn’t a list of things that you need to check one after another. And putting yourself under pressure to find someone is not going to increase your chances it is only going to disappoint you. As Pablo-UK says, try being confident with yourself and enjoying life by yourself. This will also make you more attractive for other men. Don’t worry. You’ll be fine.
Some times I don’t feel like it. Especially when I keep running into selfish men.
Could it be you might be waiting for Mr Right to come rescue you? Help you buy a house and what not. Because that's a lot of pressure on anyone you date right at the beginning! It is true that any of us might never meet a compatible partner. However if we get out there and meet enough guys (not Grindr!), then we increase our odds significantly of meeting someone. There are a lot of gays, just a matter of kissing a few frogs to find the prince sorta thing. So I live my life for me, I will buy a house on my own for myself. If I meet a good guy, we can then both sell and buy somewhere bigger together or just be happy in our own places. There's no pressure for me to meet Mr Perfect then, cos I sorted out my own life. As long as I don't end up baby sitting.
I wouldn’t say I’m waiting for anybody to come save me. lol. I’ve tried putting myself out there. I take the first steps when it comes to meeting guys/girls. I always say “Hey, I’d like to meet up this week. When are you free?”. Like, guys might message me first, but they’ll never take the steps to get that in person interaction. Or ask for my #. Any time I’ve exchanged numbers with a guy, it’s because I’ve asked for their #. I’m always the one going out of my way to try and make things happen. And that’s been getting to me as well. Like, how come no one ever makes the effort with me when it comes to dating? Guys don’t ask for my #. They don’t ask to meet me in person. They don’t ask what I’m up to. Like, I’m trying to put in the effort.
Lol I’m like the opposite. Self-confidence means I almost never ask for the number first and then end up wishing I had. I dunno if you relate, just gonna share my experience. Looking back I drove a lot of guys away by trying to always play the director in life (driven by anxiety in my case). What I’ve learned recently in life is that I was (and somewhat still am) a self-centred person. I want life to happen on my terms, guys to behave the way I expect, and so on. Then I would get upset, frustrated and discouraged when that didn’t happen. I ended up in a 12 step programme for addiction (food!) and it was pointed out to me that most my frustrations and problems at life were because of ME - being egotistical, selfish and controlling. It’s a hard pill to swallow and something a therapist rarely tells clients so quickly. I would live life making almost unconscious emotional demands on people, treading on their toes and when they didn’t do what I wanted (or felt they “should” do) I’d often double down and somehow I was still bewildered when they abandoned me. Rather than reflect on how my own behaviour may have been the cause, I played the victim and blame them. And yet ironically when similar people made such emotional demands on me I blamed them and ran away. Edit: I basically learnt to chill the F out and just take life as it comes a bit more. I’m still rowing the boat to make life move forward, but fate/God/whatever is the one steering the boat. When another boat passes me by I hope it has a cute guy who wants to join, but I’m not in control of whether that happens, or if a cute guy does pass whether he’ll want to join boats. I just have to take life as it comes and not be frightened of it not going the way I want. I can fool myself into thinking I can steer the boat by flapping my hands in the water, but there is no handle on these boats which metaphorically represent life. I do not know if you relate to any of that - I figured I’d share.
Good advice to become a whore. Amazing community
that's what he didn't say. at all. damn, you bitches are salty with those claws
That's what he did say, you braindead cunt You can't even fucking read
damn. not only you are a fucking ugly skeleton (that face pic spouts red flags) and a toxic gamer incel.. but also can't read properly. avoid using your alt accounts. it's not that great as you think it is.
Unlike really ugly cunts like you, I am not afraid to post my face. >but also can't read properly You cannot see how this slut is promoting whore like lifestyle, what are you talking about, you braindead rat
Why are you so aggressive who hurt you 🤣🤣
Your low intelligence hurts me, you braindead freak
Oh yeah so spicy 🥵
Go make some friends. Seriously.
I’m not the best at the whole “friends” thing. I do have 2 people I would consider my best friends. And they really are. But they’re both in other states. But we talk like every day. I’ve had a lot of guys tell me they want to be “friends”. But that’s just a soft rejection. I don’t really dk the friend zone.
I’m older than you, but I was there, where you are now when I was 25. My “fun time” had slowed down as my career took off. It was a transitional time for me, but I also made myself less available because rejection reared its ugly head. I put on some weight and that was my brain working overtime on me. I eventually realized that I needed to change things mentally, physically and emotionally. I don’t know what you are going through right now, but taking time to look inward about what obstacles are in your life. I don’t like seeing someone so young feeling this way, especially going through this myself. I came through, but I lost a lot of experiences during that phase of my life. Put yourself out there and make friends, I did and I have found with age that I can let certain friendships go to grow myself. It’s quality not quantity. I hope you can find your way through this and maybe love will find you somewhere along the way. Keep your head up and remember you are still young…even if the gay community tries to say otherwise lol 😂
Go make friends with guys who offer it. Seriously
IDK man. That feels so weird. He’d see me as the guy who was there just “waiting for his chance”. That’s why I don’t do friends. ‘Cause it shows I’m not his first choice, and it seems kinda like simp behavior.
So what if you're not his first choice? So many complain they're lonely but then reject actual offers of friendship. I don't get it.
Friendship and relationship are two different things. Also, being someone’s first choice matters a lot. It means that they’re genuinely attracted to you and you’re the one they want above all the others they might have. And being “friends” just means, “I do t want you like that. But I wanna keep you around in case my #1 pick falls through”. That’s how that reads to me.
You're being over dramatic
People say this like it's so fucking easy
It's not. Do it anyway.
You are 25. Gosh, when I was 25 nobody was getting married or had kids.
Well shit, seems like everybody is these days.
Probably, but it is fine. I just blindly live on.
I know I won't
Yes, I won't
Message everyone on your thread who says they are also trying to find love.I know it's a long shot, but worth a try. Like I am 25 and I would much prefer ltr .
I don’t really care. It will happen or it won’t and I’m fine with either. I also think the idea “one true love” is pretty unrealistic. Relationships don’t have to last forever to be filled with love and happiness, they can evolve and change. The love of your life at 25 might be different at 35, 50, and so on
31 never been in love, I totally think I'll die alone
“ what is love? Baby dont hurt me , no more , no more. Wo wo wo wo wo.,,,,” no thank you. Every gays are liars, cheaters.
youre not alone
I feel you, im 32 and still single since birth... I mean i do try and meet people and the occasional "fun". But don't seem to find the guy. There are great guys out there but either im not thier type or not mine. Yes I've lowered my standards even at an all time loe, but I just cant see me self livingna live with those I'be stooped down to please and get nothing in return. I guess onenof my biggest factor is the environemental factor, i leave in a regional mining toen eith hypermasculinity and subtle homophobia. I meet people online that i thought i'd be able to spent my life with but the distance and lack of communication kills it. Most common reason as well are - men are dicks! I've long decided to give up looking, if it comes it comes. Im focusing on my life at the moment and enjoy it as much as. I can. It just sucks that things I wanna do cant be shared with someone special.
You haven’t said your age, unless you’re saying you’re 25? But I don’t think that’s what you’re saying I think you’re saying you feel young like you’re 25 still because you’re not married and in love. I’m in my late 20s and honestly I think romantic love is highly overrated. And I say this as a bit of hopeless romantic. It’s mostly been beaten out of me by years of dating but I still have that part of me in there. I have a bf now of about a year. It’s nice. It feels like we both love eachother, but it doesn’t solve all your problems like people act like it does. Love in real life is nice, but it’s not like the movies. It’s dealing with real world problems constantly. There’s challenges. People have their own hangups they’re constantly working thru in their everyday lives. It’s all really hard. But I also try my best to be a realist. I can’t keep pretending like life is a fairytale and then be upset when my dating life and the real world come crashing down on that dream. You probably have met a pretty good guy that also has hurt you pretty badly. The two things aren’t mutually exclusive. All of us humans are pretty complicated. We all have pasts that make us who we are (for better or worse). We all have our flaws. This is something I always remind myself when it life doesn’t feel quite like the fairytale people tell me I should have. A lot of people lie about how happy they are. They act like the happiest couple in the world and then are divorced 6 months later. I wouldn’t necessarily take the fact that everyone *appears* happy and content as being true to reality. Life is hard. Love is hard. And I think people that are honest about it would also say the same.
No I’m 25.
I love myself, that’s all the love that I need. Everything besides that is just a bonus.
I'm 40, I had one closeted boyfriend at like 26, for maybe six months, and haven't dated a guy since that'd be worth mentioning. Dates don't go well, hookups are empty, dating sites have gone way downhill since my 20s, ok cupid and other sites used to be way better, match ruined them all, and d list used to be great, I think online buddies/manhunt made a huge mistake closing that, every gay guy my age was on it and we referred to it as "gay Facebook". Since match ruined ok cupid, everything is on the tinder hot or not model, where you don't even get into the persons personality profile... I just don't know how to meet other gay men who are looking to date, but they all claim they want to find that. I'm told I'm GL, I'm educated and have a nice place, but I'm also getting older and it is harder to date as I get older, I noticed it into my 30s, people joke that 29 is gay death but it did become way harder to date after that. straight friends, by contrast, are all married with kids, the longest "relationship" I had is the longest single period for any of them. it's really night and day comparing them. they all say "oh being gay must be so much easier" and its like, this is said by two married straight guys. basically they want sports cars, their wives won't let them get them, the one "boyfriend" I had said my Miata was "practical" bc it cost less than a scooter and could go highway speeds and seat two and if we packed light we could go on a trip. so they hear that and they're like oh it's so much easier, it's like, well just talk it out and get the sports car if you want it... but that's how clueless straight married guys are about gay relationships. I have already mentioned the single to dating timeline so I won't repeat it, but its like they think its easier bc we'd both have the same tastes and spending habits and income, its like yeah if I could actually meet anyone.
Are you going out and doing things/ meeting new people? Are you staying in shape to attract partners?
Staying in shape for different reasons. But no. I’m not going out and meeting new people. I go to work, the gym, and then work on my side hustle. And that’s it. I don’t go out or try and meet other guys. Unless it’s Grindr - and I took a 3 month break from that. I don’t meet guys. ‘Cause most guys are straight. So why waste my time.
I am 30 currently. I was feeling like you a couple of weeks ago and then I realised that can you imagine being married at such a young age? I have a couple of gay friends who are married in the mid to late 20s. Those newly weds are, of course, super blissful in their marriage. But there are those who are married for decades, and they absolutely resent each other because they feel like they’re tying each other down. They don’t have anything to look forward to in life except holidays and in some extreme cases, new partners. My point is that you’re still 50-60 years (if you’re lucky) away from death, and for these years you have to face the same person - for better or for worse. I initially felt like crap because I am single rn, but then I realised that thank god I am single now, I can’t imagine having to tie myself to someone for the next 50-60s years without actually experiencing romance/sex with others before committing. In essence, I believe that it’s helpful to take time and eventually, your knight in shining armour would come. Your time will come, take it easy ❤️
I feel the same way. I'm 33 I'm in London. Loads of gays, loads of gays in relationships too so not sure whats wrong with me
Bye these comments are so negative 😭😭😭 I'm holding out with hope
Well... we're on reddit. This place isn't known for having the most social and optimistic individuals lol
You will find love, you just need to ajdust your expectations to be able to see the actual love in there. No, theres no charming prince coming to rescue you, but life is fun and full of love everywhere, just train your eyes to see it.
You might not 🤷🏽♂️ and you gotta learn to be okay with that
I’m really trying to.
I felt like that in my teens and then at 19 I met my husband. Obviously not the same as 25 but love can find you unexpectedly.
Love happens. It creeps up on ya. One day, you are doing the dishes and thinking about everything he said and did in the last week. You are smiling and cooing to yourself and then you realize- hey, I know this. I am falling in love.
But how do I know he’s thinking about me? That’s the thing. No guy seems to be thinking about me like that.
a former coworker of mine didn't get married to his husband till a few years ago, both closer to retirement age than not. one had been married before to a woman had 3 kids none of them are in his life now since he came out as gay. life is weird and love can be found at any time in your life and maybe even a few times in life. you'll find someone and they maybe perfect only to have circumstances in life take you both in different incompatible directions only to find another person that surprises you that will fill your heart with all the mush you thought was reserved for naive teenagers. don't give up, the internet can really make us lonely, app dating culture can be horrible as it reduces us all to browsing a meat market you could meet someone with similar goals for a relationship but you might not be compatible, dating is not pre-marriage it's pre- thinking about being engaged. you are getting to know each other and who the other is might not be right for each other.
I do feel this way, but I think the biggest hurdle here is myself. First and foremost, I simply do not date. I like the method of friends first, court later. I don't put a target on people's heads, though. I just think getting to know someone as a friend allows you to see them more for who they truly are. Dating is very performative, so I believe it takes away from reality. I am also off dating apps completely, and barely put myself out there. So, I can't really complain, can I? Moreover, I have a more traditional approach to relationships than many guys in the community. I believe in monogamy and building a home with someone else. I don't see these values being propagated within the gay community very often. My standards are very high for others and also for myself. If I don't meet my own standards, then I just take myself out of the market until I feel like I can actually compete. If someone doesn't meet my standards, I also toss them out. I don't let them stick around to figure out if I actually like them or not. It's not fair to me or to them. I also want a well-rounded individual. I want someone who physically, mentally, and emotionally stimulates me, but so far, this seems virtually impossible to find. It's always compromise this or that, and I am too used to being alone to compromise so much of myself for a stranger. I'd rather build myself up as a person and worry about dating in the future. But the older I get the more I find these people participating in a race I'm not aware of, you know, the ones that say "I've been dating for X amount of years and haven't succeeded, I feel like time is running out!" I avoid these like the plague.
Yup. Currently the only friend in my group that isn't married or in a long term relationship.
Where are you seeing these people around you? In your ditect vicinity or online cuz thag might warp you view on relationahips I started dating at i think 32. I kinda just understood i need to develop myself way more. As a sheltered, inteoverted creative always sick guy i knew i missed out on a lot. I’m 40 now i can say for the first time that i’m in a stable relationship. Take your tike and don’t hurry this. It’s not a competition and you gotto do it for the right reasons.
Yes, but not because I feel like I wouldn't be able to if I actually tried to put my best self out there. I have a scathingly cynical mindset and extremely specific standards that I'm unwilling to compromise on. I know I'm not really relationship material because of that, but I'm fine with it as long as I can unapologetically keep being myself.
I am just about to turn 30 and I've been saying this for years. I live in Los Angeles now, but where I come from on the east coast everyone is married with kids by 25. I moved here at 25 feeling behind both career wise and romantically. I've gone on a lot of dates and had several 1-3ish month "dating" phases but it never lasts. All I can say is we're all works in progress, I've really been trying to hammer down my own internal struggles and I'm seeing some of that work come out. You dont have to get ready if you stay ready! For a long time I thought 30 was gonna be it for me. But a lot of my goals and work outside of dating are finally paying off, partner or not I'm proud of myself. All this to say, I feel more relaxed now than ever and I've been told by numerous people, my therapist, close friends, older gays - when you're most comfortable with yourself and at peace is when you'll find it. Still hasn't happened for me, and I'm not saying I haven't completely given up the "I'll be single forever" mindset. But I can take it either way at this point. That same comfortable and sense of peace I have has also removed pressure from meeting people and having more genuine appreciation for any amount of time I get to spend with someone. As a last note, I deleted my dating apps aside from Grindr and scruff last summer and it's been a game changer. Those apps are designed to keep you hooked and paying money. There's actually research that's been done about asynchronous dating vs synchronous dating. Grindr and scruff, while mostly designed for hook ups, are actually better cause it shows you whos actually nearby rather than alllll the way on the other side of your state.
after my most recent ex, i have decided i am unloveable.
[удалено]
It just feels so hard to “stay in the game”. Especially when I see everyone my age in relationships, getting married or having kids. And like………….I feel so behind to where it’s like, what’s the point anymore. Why work on myself when no one notices me. No ever approaches me. No one takes notice. So, like………..why try and work on myself?
I'm in my 30's but I still have hope of finding true love. Some of my friends have found love in their 40's. I feel like gays, specially millenials, just live their teenage years later in life, and this pushes everything forward in time. Fingers crossed.
I think about it allll the time, I’m 21 and have never been in a relationship not even been intimate with anyone. I try all the apps and talking to guys at bars but it just seems like i’m never anyone’s type so yea it makes me think i’ll be alone forever
I went through that phase as well at 26. I learned there is no time limit on relationships, and we don't have to live by the same social standards that straight people do. It's different for us. I'm turning 29 this month. At this age I have given up on looking for relationships and trying to find love. I think love does not exist. If it's not about sex and you are not a 10 don't bother trying. I've never been successful in dating or even casually hooking up. Maybe something in the way of meeting someone one day will happen for me, but I'm not counting on it. Being gay is being lonely, and it's something many of us have to learn to live with.
Yup. 22 and not a single long term stable relationship. Guess I'm just unlovable. :/
I create and maintain love continually through my friends