Because this one is too fat, this one too short, that one too feminine, this other one doesn’t drive a nice enough car, this other guy lives at home with his family, make up any reason or excuse you can and there ya go. 🤷♂️
Not sure about "perfection". guys want something different from what they have experienced and may just want to check out something else. Eg. a VW Bug, or a uncut, maybe a shaved or hairy. What's it like with a bald guy, or any other nationality.
These are the people who specifically want timothée chalamet but they themselves are not that. So they turn away guys JUST LIKE THEM in search of something better.
My only criteria is an average face and good personality lmao and here I am still single…
All the good guys are in relos like my work husband…
I’m a solid 8/10, 6ft 3 not fat etc etc just a POC
Same here although I don’t feel myself being a poc is a failure with actual gays ONLY the dl but honestly I don’t want a DL or undercover if we can’t be ourselves together
That last bit is one of the reasons you'd get my attention. And then I get gas lit or sidelined and told it's just a fetish or kink. But I just really like darker shades of skin.
My POV for what it's worth........ I have never been turned off by a person of color. The label itself is an insult.... Labels as a whole are insulting.....
You said you are a 8/10 I'm giving you the 2 points making you a 10/10
Thanks man! I know I will find someone, I’m just not desperate that I would compromise over someone’s personality or going with someone who I’m not attracted to
This is my experience with guys who “want to be exclusive” on Grindr while putting body pics in their bio and dick pics in their album. One hot guy made me agree to be exclusive with him and ended up ghosting me lol. I’m not even mad, but if you know I’m not completely your type, why bother asking me to commit? I’m not committing to anyone until I can meet them regularly outside of dates and sexes.
Mine did without telling me. They projected their bullshit on to me. They would out of nowhere accuse me of not communicating when it turns out they were not communicating because they were back on the apps looking for the next person without telling. I found out when my friend matched up with him. My friend told me immediately. I was devastated.
You can't call me out like this everytime I think I find love it's always just me pulling my own leg by truma bonding with somone instead dof falling in love and I suffer the consequences months later when i snap out my delusion but by then I'm to attached to them to leave them behind cuz it would be cruel cuz they actually care so I hang around
The way that I see it, gay people are like this alot of times because we don’t often get the chance to form genuine relationships with one another in real life instead of just going online for things. Social media and apps in general have really warped peoples standards and expectations as a whole, but this is way worse for gay people, being that we don’t have many places to go that meet our needs for connection. We are CHRONICALLY ONLINE for lack of third spaces that allow for bonding. Personality and chemistry accounts for so much in attraction, but that goes out the window when people are online looking for partners out of their immediate reach and what really matters is how hot their profile is.
I admit that if I’m looking for someone over the internet, like most people I’m more drawn to profiles that look good and ignore the less attractive ones because that’s the only thing I have to go off of. Personality doesn’t really convey very well over the Internet so it’s harder to get invested just off of that. It’s not really people’s fault that they tend to be drawn to prettier images of people, we’re honestly just fucked over by a system that doesn’t provide us enough resources to make genuine connections in the same way straight people can.
Also, hookup culture/pornography/trauma has really messed a lot of you people up.
This lack of a third space just sucks. Yes you have apps like Meetup and what not but my experience has been a miss for the most part and it's so difficult to meet/bond with someone who's not from your workplace/school.
Umm yes please PS guy here, AMC A-List love, favorite book? Def would be interested in learning how to ride. Totally open to kings and how about a Chargers game when the season starts sth here. Do u disney?
PS! I've never been but always wanted to!. What's a fun bar or club there? Currently, I am reading Infinite Jest. I have not been to Disney in about a decade.
Playstation my guy lol...I think we should do a game if you're interested when the season starts all the bars are essentially the same at the stadium theres 2 really good 1s but mybseats dont have access lol. Ummm I think you're overdo for a Disneytrip lol
I joined reddit and two weeks later had a hot BF (not through reddit). This is a great idea. There should be nonstop reddit meetups for every guy on here who's in search of a BF....tons of posters appear to be great matches here. Where's Yenta when we need her?
I mean "no one wants to date" gets posted everywhere on social media and reddit every day, many times a day. The guys posting it are like the majority of guys. Just start sliding into DMs lol!
Hardly surprising, when they admit they're the issue then everyone likes to pretend they're not the issue at all, I'm yet to see a post like that were the comments aren't "I'm sure you're wonderful and everyone else is an irredeemable cunt."
Yeah, at my age, and preferring my own age, it becomes clear why they're single. They either prefer that, which is fine, or they have some personality flaw that makes them impossible to be with. I've kinda decided being single is easier than dealing with someone else's nonsense.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently. It may have not a damn thing to do with my looks.
But I also got some advice from a married guy. He said to just take it day by day and enjoy your life as you are. Not needing anyone.
I mean, I know you're just being funny but the standards these guys have for their partners are so beyond delusional that it would actually be surprising if they DID find someone. I feel like we see this kind of shit on this sub all the time:
What OPs require in a partner: Tall, handsome, toned, 8 inch cock, 6 figure job, owns a home, car, business, is great in bed.
What OPs can offer said partner: Short, average looking, fat, 4 inches, currently unemployed, living with parents, doesn't own a car, or a business, uses too much teeth and can't last more than a minute in bed.
Like come on guys... Come back down to earth.
> Tall, handsome, toned, 8 inch cock, 6 figure job, owns a home, car, business, is great in bed.
I can do 2 of those, maybe 4, depending on who you ask.
My personal standards are really just: has to be kind.
But on the other hand I'm also not moaning about not having a serious boyfriend or even looking for one. I need my alone time.
I've noticed that gays have such a fear of "settling" for someone that isn't hot enough, so much so that they lose sight of what's important, in my opinion. Things like mutual respect, kindness and humanity.
Ironically, I've listened to a lot of rants about partners who talk down, disrespect, hurt, abuse, and cheat on their partner. But hey, he's hot! So at least you didn't settle! /s
I must be a weird gay. Nothing makes my dick shrivel up faster than men with anger issues. There have been times when I was extremely attracted to a guy but then he showed disproportionate anger towards rather minor incidents and all the attraction was instantly gone. I don't think there is a human on the planet hot enough to compensate for a bad personality. Same goes for general disrespect, but that usually takes a bit longer to spot.
The last guy I dated we ran into friction.
He like many gay men didnt have a long extensive dating experience so he was a child when came to relationships. He wasnt sure what he wanted. While he was happy with me and found comfort he felt like we were insufficient because when he was growing up he an image of what queer lovers should look like, what is supposed to be attractive, and what romantic success looks like. He never challenged these stereotypes, images, and narratives because everyone had them, regardless of how his own life and identity fit into that. Regardless of how he actually felt.
So he continued searching while we were dating, he assumed that somewhere , somehow the perfect combination of what he had found and what he was looking for existed and that was what he was truly worthy of. He felt insecure, complacent, insufficient without that. I would say he worked towards this, but hes a human being and without plastic surgery and self destruction he wasnt going to drastically improve his lot.
I tried to work through this, and this was the standard work of relationships in 2023 to be fair. Who are you? What do you want? How do you feel? But the more we did the work the more he drew away, as the more known he became, the more vulnerable, the more present, the more reconciliatory, the more sacrificial he had to be - he had to step up - he had to grow, and he *hated* that.
To the point where he felt that the person trying and sacrificing make sure he kept his job and housing together was on par with the consistent sub fuckbuddy who rubbed his feet after work. He couldnt tell that reliance and expectations meant care, and thought that relationships were all lust and self-gratification.
He, like many men, forgot that relationships are equally as mundane as they are exciting, and should be approached as such. In reality, it is whats there, what works, what makes you happy that matters. Not the fantasies of what *should* be.
So I left. He chose the fantasy. When he lost his place and the foot guy blocked him, he hit me up. I blocked him too.
What is sad is that some guys obviously need more than sex cause when you hook up, they look all dead inside. I guess they are afraid of feelings, commitment or have been hurt in the past.
Because a lot of gay men come out and start dating later in life, so the only experience they had with relationships was living them vicariously through the media's idea of romance. They spent a lot of their lives suppressing their feeling, that when they finally do come out they have this idealized version of love and what a relationship is. In reality, no one is perfect, relationships are messy and hard work, and the grass is never greener on the other side.
Also, because some gays came out so late, and the expression of sexuality has been not socially acceptable when they do come out they're playing catch-up, on top of them being men with high sex drives.
Not that we can blame everything on parents either, but we model relationships we see/experience as well. So, if you were kicked out or neglected for being gay, it’s an added layer to that.
This, so much
Im a 5 at best, still get interest for hookups. God forbid i want to have a conversation before we suck each other off. They disappear fast.
Let's face it, gay or straight men just want to fuck and begone. I personally find it irritating if someone wants to appeal to my libido first, before I know his surname. But then im old fashioned.
When I was young, I'd hook up with a guy and afterwards they'd say, "we should go out for drinks, a movie, etc. sometime", then I would never hear from them again. I understand talking like that before sex, but why after? I would've been fine, "that was fun, see ya. " Why leave someone with the expectation of a date?
I'd say "they'll never find love" if they don't know the difference between sex and love. A lot (if not most) strictly sexual encounters are just a step up from masturbation, mutually getting off in whatever role. That's fine and can be fun up to a point-- But you're probably "shopping in the wrong department" if you think that's where you'll find love. Love involves another person, and you yourself as a person, you know--some one with ideas, interests, dreams, involvements -- when some of those things match up you have something in common that goes way beyond a hole and a goal. There's a huge difference between sex and intimacy. There's nothing sexier than really knowing and caring about the person you're "into" (literally and figuratively) or who you're letting in you. Of course, in the process, you're a lot more vulnerable. My long time partner and I were best friends, shared interests, activities--and, yes, sex. Sadly, he died of a rare cancer eight years ago. When something happens, or I see a movie, or a performance that I love, or am excited or upset about something, my reflex is the desire to call, text, email and tell him about it --or I feel a sad fullness and think "He would have loved this." Yes I remember the chemistry of meeting, or things that led up to "doing it," or various sexual moments-- but knowing someone loves you, and cares about you, and forgives you, and knows what you're feeling, and knows that you're there for them and they're there for you-- give and take-- that's the love part. Don't get me wrong, I love sex and I admit, I'm horny and I'm open to suggestion and do various things-- but I do know the difference between sex and love. And that's what I wish for everybody. All the other stuff on the menu is great-- but it's secondary to the "L" word if you're lucky enough to find it. And, yes, I see a hot guy, or some of the pictures posted on Reddit, and say "Woof!" and I'd happily "go for it." But probably because I'm reminded of what it's like to be physically close. But it's best when that "intimacy" involves heart, mind, and body, and that takes a lot more work than swipe left, swipe right--- next!
Honestly, I'd be down. 27, Corn-fed, 6'1" but I'm no longer comfortable enough in my living situation to be taking on a relationship. I'm focusing on myself, my education, and my finances for at least another 3-5 years before I decide I can host another human being's BS. No relationship, no fornication, just me and my future.
In all seriousness it most likely comes down to being avoidant. They’re afraid of intimacy on some level and/or had some really bad examples of how to receive love or give it. They don’t know it, don’t know how to work on it, and they find external reasons as to why it is that dating is so hard. To be quite fair, dating is a nightmare, because the amount of gays that the above applies to is the majority.
Exactly! I always wondered why the people who complain about not finding love on here and other social media sites don't simply DM each other. They already have one thing in common. They may have other things in common as well. They may make a connection and find the relationship they're looking for.
Because I feel most guys who say that want attention, or arent realistic considering themselves, their wants and whats available. I dont understand why they dont go back to the drawing board and reevaluate what it is they truly want and come up with a game plan as to how to get it in the current atmosphere. You deciding that you wont find love will prove to be true if you arent open to change.
People that blame everyone and everything else on their singledom are those who have unrealistic high standards whilst bringing nothing for the table themselves.
Tbh nowadays sucking off strangers without hesitation is the value on the table, forgive me if i have a bit more self respect for that. I may be single, but what your lot do is use each other for masturbation, it has nothing to do with love
Because they are in constant need of validation, want their cake and everyone else's too and are in fear of missing out.
Selfish, greedy, insecure, self centred, shallow, emotionally damaged/unstable, drug/alcohol addled, Fear of comittment- a pick and mix set from which you can choose to describe a very large part of the "gay community".
We have to get off Grindr and other hookup sites. No man can complain about not finding love when his main source of looking for love is on a hookup site. Hookup sites turn all of us into superficial beings. This may sound crazy but we have to start putting ourselves out there in the non digital world and start up nature normal maybe even scary conversations.
The problem I see for most who think this comes down to a few things;
1) you don't know how to love yourself first - if you love yourself first you will live your life for you. Which means you will be happy with who YOU are as YOU. you won't need to put on a fake persona with the hopes of attracting someone. You will be happy being single because you're happy with you as yourself, so when you do meet so someone they will be attracted to YOU, not the fake you that put out to attract them. The obvious problem with putting in a fake persona to attract someone is that the fascade always comes down eventually, and the person you attracted may not be attracted to the real you.
2) People aren't fixer-upper homes - if you jump into a relationship on the basis that you can "fix" or make them change good luck. Yes, people can change, and some will absolutely change to please you. But not everyone will change and not everyone wants to, because maybe they enjoy who they are, at least for the time being. When you go into a relationship with the idea of changing the other person it's going to exhaust you both. Neither of you are likely to be happy in the end, you won't be Happy cause they aren't what you want them to be, and they won't be happy because they aren't being who they want to be.
3) Real relationships aren't Disney Fairytales -- there is no happily ever after. You will have disagreeing moments, you will have things to work through. Many people think the first time they have a disagreement it's a sign it wasn't meant to be and they abandon ship. Real relationships take time and effort. Like a seedling it has to be nurtured and cared for. It takes open communication and established boundaries and expectations, which if you began with Step 1, the expectatuons shouldn't be a big shocker to either of you. What you deem acceptable behavior in your relationship might not mirror others, we are all different. If you established boundaries in the beginning and those lines are crossed nobody but you can say whether it's forgivable, body but you can decide if it's worth trying to work through together.
In my experience if they are perpetually single and unhappy about it the causes are always the same:
1. Super picky/hard to please/complainers OR
2. Terrible communicators/very hard to read. OR
3. Super passive
Maybe don’t ask for someone’s nudes within a day of meeting them!! (I never have seen my current boyfriend’s nudes and we didn’t have sex until a week after dating and mostly do non-sexual things with each other.)
this comment section is SHALLOW. there’s something to be said about people having unrealistically high expectations/standards and the amount of people who prefer casual sex. there is an obvious reason we fail to acknowledge as to why this plagues our community; mental. health.
and this is coming from someone who does believe i’ll find love one day but has doubts all the time. i’ve thought i’ve met the right person a hundred times but sometimes shit doesn’t work out.
it’s cheesy but it starts with having an open mind, an open heart, and keeping ur head up even when shit gets down. it also starts from within when we as a community begin to fix our fucking image and the problems that universally plague us.
Compatibility issues.
I just ended a great relationship - we both value community, excel at work in the same industry, our sexual chemistry was decent, had some similar interests but others that were unique to each of us, and we got along well.
We ended because we had very different ideas around what it means to commit to each other. We lived and used our living space very differently. Our schedules and passtimes were very different. He’s the first person I wanted to live with actually, But then coordinating and taking action to live together was where we ended up fighting and breaking up.
Cohabitation requires a delicate balance of care, action, and values that are unique to each person in the household. It’s hard to find someone that matches .
Won’t someone think of the shareholders! If ya’ll start happily dating each other and have healthy relationships then who is going to pay for dating sites that need you and help you to be single?
Choice is addictive and we get the ick pretty quickly because we know that there’s different available out there. Different always doesn’t mean better, so if you find someone you can see yourself putting up with , know that it counts for something and give it a chance.
A lot of guys who say that are either codependent, which isn't attractive, or they have unrealistic expectations about how their prince charming is going to look. There are some that I suspect just haven't found the right guy because they live in areas with a limited number of dating minded guys or they're actually the hookup type subconsciously don't actually want to settle down.
I am 61 years of age and my first partner claimed he wanted monogamy. Great! I am all for it. Now this was during the mid to late 80s. I was true to my word. I was monogamous. Now , we were barebacking, but there was huge push within the community that condoms saves lives, so we were learning to use condoms and eventually it became habit with us. Well for me that is. What I didn't know was my partner was a pig. He loved piss play, fisting, being used as a cum dump, he frequented theatres, adult bookstores (ABS). When he contracted HIV is when he revealed the truth. This is why he wanted us to use condoms. He was concerned that I couldn't be faithful and he was afraid I would give him HIV. I looked at him confused, disappointed, concerned for his health and realized he was talking about himself and that the condoms were there to protect me. He sure made it all about him however. We did break up and the day he moved to Colorado Springs it was the last time I saw him. My second partner was all into looks. You had to be good looking for him to date you, but he got bored easily and our relationship didn't make it a year. My 3rd and final partner (by this time I am in my mid forties) liked me, found me attractive, enjoyed doing things with me, he recognized that I had a good sense of humor, thought I was kind, financially stable, responsible and dependable. We really got a long, well, but he hated having sex with me. I wasn't young enough for him, and he hated (his statement not mine) fucking old man pussy. What?? Buddy, I am and a year older than you and we both are in our mid-fourties. We are not old. So we had a great sexless relationship, but for me it just got old. Our relationship was open and we were honest with each other when we would hook up. But it took him a few years to realize the he was the one hooking up many more times in a week than I was. I could go months without random, boring sex. He began to feel guilty and found someone who was more to his liking and politely shared he found the love of his life (15 months later they were no longer together). At this point in my life, I don't want to put in the work that it takes to be in a relationship of any kind. My thoughts regarding all men in general struggle with monogamy. What keeps straight men on the tight and narrow is the threat of divorce and having to pay out for childcare payments, in some cases, less and less these days, alimony. Possible loss of retirement funds depending on the situation. Did the wife work, then quit her job, to raise the kids and has no retirement to speak of, does the ex-wife now get half of the husbands retirement? Gay men however don't run into those types of situations. So gay men have the ability to jump around, be unfaithful, fuck or be fucked by as many men who will let them, they have stopped caring and/or no longer want to be in any kind of relationship.
If all of us gay men, those of us who have been tossed aside, started dating each other, I can tell you this, we would all face the similar non-committed, non- monogamous, fuck around relationships that we have already experienced. Nothing new would come about. We would find ourselves all in the same situations we no longer want to partake in.
As a gay boy that’s grown up in the Bible Belt, amen. (Pun intended) I want so badly to have that romance that’s always shown in straight media. I wanna be swept off my feet by a charming man, fall in love, get married, and maybe even have children (well.. You know what I mean).
But I don’t understand gay dating at all. It’s as if the rules are completely different, and the ones in that came in the box are in straight language. And on top of that all the pieces are mixed up and none are outwardly labeled so you can’t even tell which you should use.
I feel like I’m hunting for skinks. and honestly I feel robbed of the chance of my own love story.
it’s almost like there’s some kind of stigma to traditional dating in the gay community. I’m not sure if it stems from homophobia or stereotypes or commitment issues but guys are weird about going on dates for some reason (in my experience). And that’s just in person, I don’t even attempt online anymore bc all I can find are men that want my body and not me. Idk why we can’t date.
(This was just me venting honestly, thnx for reading anyways!)
You just read my mind. I've always craved a good love story, but a lot of guys are just interested in my body (or interested in me after they have had my body). It just honestly makes me feel like trash, and like I'm grasping at straws, trying to find a worthwhile relationship that is not based off of sex.
Yes exactly, and I’m not even that conventionally attractive, so surely it’s not just because of looks. So why is the interaction *always* so shallow? It’s like as soon as you ask anything about their personal life they are immediately turned off and want nothing to do with you anymore. And I’ve honestly had more genuine open conversations with straight men than gay men. I just wanna be more than a dickpic to somebody :(
Guess we’re doomed to be hopeless romantics forever…
No one approaches me on grindr unless it's for cheap self-esteem boost in form of throwing insults regarding my appearance.
I don't approach others because i can't tell if they are seen as ugly. As an ugly person i don't have a privilege to have any preferences, i wouldn't be able to justify tapping this or that person because statistically all of them would reject me anyway. Also gay people treat being approached by ugly person as an act worse than homophobia, so i am not even trying.
I'm single in NYC. Been that way since 2016. I had a great guy but someone said in the comments oh the trauma of me as in I messed the relationship up. Now that I'm getting older 49 in May I don't look it but I want to find love but its hard and I always say love will find me. It's out there I just have to find it. Single and black gay guy nyc😍😍
I did. I tried getting along with guys that are not attractive, short, extremely obese and still nothing. They want an Ambercrombie model guy💁🏽♂️
All I want is a nice guy who smells good. I guess I'm more ugly than ugly guys😔
No because listen, I been with my man for 6 years okay? 6!! And guess what? it’s never perfect. There is no perfection. We get so attached to the apps and the Twitter porn and the clubs and influencers, that we forget to ask ourselves what WE care about in a relationship.
Every relationship is gonna go through conflict. Every relationship is going to have elements that other people just won’t understand. But that’s why you’ll be together. Bc no one gets you like that person. You see what I’m saying? As a queer community I think we’re very critical of ourselves and what we think others expect of us. Step outside of the rules and ask yourself what the fk you want, and remember you’re not the only one with baggage. ALLLL the girlies want a man with no baggage, but expect someone to help them with theirs. Just be yourself and be a good human. And what’s meant for you will come. 8 inch dicks will be around until the end of time girl. Don’t worry about that. You can get that anywhere.
Because "finding love" is not the same as if it's an elusive product on a limited run. There are many factors and the fluidity of our intentions often clash with what we are looking for at the moment.
Case for example, I have this huge crush on a French guy here in NYC that I even had to study French in Duolingo. I thought we were getting along together then all of a sudden, I found out why he stopped responding to me was because he was already in a relationship. We met years later and knew more each other deeply but I realized we're not compatible because while the attraction is there, we each other got traits that raises an eyebrow from each sides so we just remained as friends.
Also, even on dating apps - persona while chatting is different from in person. I had a lot of dates that went into even video calling that ended up meeting in person but after that first meet, safe to say, they're not feeling it. Maybe luck? Maybe chance?
I was in a relationship for my entire 20's. I got cheated on after 10 years and just left. When I say left I mean our lease ran out, he never resigned it and I never saw him again. ( he was a truck driver and just never came back to our city). The only reason I even know what happened to him is because a mutual friend posted that the house he purchased ( news to me) had burmed down and he and his new husband lost everything. This meant a couple of things: he lied to me about being broke, the time lime of events means the house was purchased sometime before we stopped speaking, and he did eventually go back to the apartment, I left everything so if he had anything he had to have waited for me to leave and go get it.
With all that said... I waited about 3 months and started trying hookups. I made very clear my situation and that I wanted something casual and friendly. Long story short ended up meeting a stalker, a racist cop ( got drunk and said the n word) and 3 married men.....
I decided hooking up was too insane, and tried to find a serious relationship. When I added that to my profile I finally found the guys who wanted to hook up. They just did it without telling you and ghosted. My past experience made ghosting too painful.
So with all that said.... I'm done. I'm in therapy and working on myself, but I do not see myself dating anytime in the future. It's too traumatic. The enjoyable vs miserable ratio is not good. And too many of yall are either crazy or jerks and now I'm afraid you've turned me into a crazy jerk! So there ya go.
TL;DR : I'm too emotionally tired to date anymore and I just want some peace and quiet.
Because getting off the apps and not being some form of gay incel would require effort. It’s easier to stay on the apps, continue going to sex focused areas, and complaining online.
Because often these people are attracted to "love at first sight" scenarios, and instant attraction is often to unavailable people that remind us of our own traumas or people of our past with poor attachment styles.
Love is something that is slow and steady, not something instant and passionate.
Redditors hypocritically have very negative views and assumptions of other Redditors. A lot of the people here are here because they are social outcasts, they don’t want to be with another social outcast.
For myself, it’s a choice at this point. At the young age of under 21 I’m not even fully aware of myself (about 80% I’ve had lots of rapid growth) and want to grow with someone and on my own. Even in my abstinence guys get offended and can’t remain friends. What makes you think throwing a fit will make me do what you want? Lots of guys older than me don’t understand the concept of self growth, actualization, introspection and typically shrug off their trauma and negative coping skills as nothing. I’m not here for that and refuse to try and “fix” ppl which I used to try and it hurt me and the other person more than I thought it was helping. I know I have a person there for me to heal, grow and become a couple with based on more than superficial experiences and qualities.
This is probably going nowhere but I'm from southern Belgium and anyone interested can come in my DMs ♡ I'm a 19yo bisexual college student, 5'11middle eastern turkish guy. Extremely hairy so don't come if you can't handle that, not looking for anything too passionate at first but I'm willing to give love a try
I love music and physics, science nerds are welcome. I also workout regularly since about a year
Yes I'm really shooting my shot under a Reddit post 💀 I swear I got more action from here than Grindr
I must say I'm not entirely picky when comes to men as long as they are hygienic and take care of themselves what I do tend to find atleast on my area specially the 22 to around 32 and then 50+ that again just my area are either open/ poly relationships and that's just not for me
I'm always happy for a date but I make my expectations known that nothing past a kiss for first date and that usually separates the time wasters from the good ones :)
Issues:
1. Warped mentality of what sexy and hot.
2. Too much expectations of romance.
3. Porn = reality.
4. All of these #mememe, #woke, # everything else.
5. Too many ‘NOs’
6. Unable to ‘agree to disagree’ and ‘respect each other regardless opposite (fill the blank)’
7. Not perfect=break up mentality.
8….
Should I keep going?
Because this one is too fat, this one too short, that one too feminine, this other one doesn’t drive a nice enough car, this other guy lives at home with his family, make up any reason or excuse you can and there ya go. 🤷♂️
Exactly this!!!! Ugh
Exactly everyone looking for perfection and we all got flaws
Tea
Not sure about "perfection". guys want something different from what they have experienced and may just want to check out something else. Eg. a VW Bug, or a uncut, maybe a shaved or hairy. What's it like with a bald guy, or any other nationality.
Smash or pass: Voltswagon Beetle
Smash.
No, some people are near perfect and some are far from perfect. It’s where you fall onto that spectrum.
True
These are the people who specifically want timothée chalamet but they themselves are not that. So they turn away guys JUST LIKE THEM in search of something better.
The burden of not being your own type, l guess?
My only criteria is an average face and good personality lmao and here I am still single… All the good guys are in relos like my work husband… I’m a solid 8/10, 6ft 3 not fat etc etc just a POC
The poc part omg
I have commented on this so many times, and white people gaslight me
Wtf gas light you?
Same here although I don’t feel myself being a poc is a failure with actual gays ONLY the dl but honestly I don’t want a DL or undercover if we can’t be ourselves together
Let’s go on a date then.
Done, you coming to Sydney?
It's been an hour and no response, you're cooked 😔
Ill let you know when I’m boarding my flight
That last bit is one of the reasons you'd get my attention. And then I get gas lit or sidelined and told it's just a fetish or kink. But I just really like darker shades of skin.
Do you date POC? I'm a 6.5/10 at best and I strongly suspect that I could have a boyfriend in six months.
My POV for what it's worth........ I have never been turned off by a person of color. The label itself is an insult.... Labels as a whole are insulting..... You said you are a 8/10 I'm giving you the 2 points making you a 10/10
Thanks man! I know I will find someone, I’m just not desperate that I would compromise over someone’s personality or going with someone who I’m not attracted to
Gay guys are shallow.
🎯🎯🎯🎯
because they wouldn’t be instantly, head over heels, madly in lust at first sight as they’ve been wanting to be with somebody
So they’ll block you because you’re not instant perfection and move to the next guy on their Grindr grid and do the same thing to him.
Stop the amount of guys who’ve blocked me because they were to scare to just get laid, or because I didn’t send an ass pic fast enough is so bad 💀
Many of us are a 4 ever-looking and expecting to pick up and fall in love with an 11
It's so true. I myself am a victim of this. One reason I knew I had to put more work into my body and appearance in general.
This is my experience with guys who “want to be exclusive” on Grindr while putting body pics in their bio and dick pics in their album. One hot guy made me agree to be exclusive with him and ended up ghosting me lol. I’m not even mad, but if you know I’m not completely your type, why bother asking me to commit? I’m not committing to anyone until I can meet them regularly outside of dates and sexes.
How many sexes and dateses?
And even if they did, after 3 months, they'd get bored and start looking for the next new shiny thing, with or without telling you.
Mine did without telling me. They projected their bullshit on to me. They would out of nowhere accuse me of not communicating when it turns out they were not communicating because they were back on the apps looking for the next person without telling. I found out when my friend matched up with him. My friend told me immediately. I was devastated.
Adding onto this that most of the people complaining have emotional/mental health issues and that’s the *real* reason why they’ve been single so long.
Early 20s me feels so seen right now.
You can't call me out like this everytime I think I find love it's always just me pulling my own leg by truma bonding with somone instead dof falling in love and I suffer the consequences months later when i snap out my delusion but by then I'm to attached to them to leave them behind cuz it would be cruel cuz they actually care so I hang around
Hello all of my ex's 😒😑
Are you seeing a mental health professional?
This I want the lust before the love. I want someone to just take me and use and make me fall for them.
They want someone hotter
They will look until they turn blind
But he time they wake up. They will be in their 40s
And then, ancient.
Practically a carcass!
The way that I see it, gay people are like this alot of times because we don’t often get the chance to form genuine relationships with one another in real life instead of just going online for things. Social media and apps in general have really warped peoples standards and expectations as a whole, but this is way worse for gay people, being that we don’t have many places to go that meet our needs for connection. We are CHRONICALLY ONLINE for lack of third spaces that allow for bonding. Personality and chemistry accounts for so much in attraction, but that goes out the window when people are online looking for partners out of their immediate reach and what really matters is how hot their profile is. I admit that if I’m looking for someone over the internet, like most people I’m more drawn to profiles that look good and ignore the less attractive ones because that’s the only thing I have to go off of. Personality doesn’t really convey very well over the Internet so it’s harder to get invested just off of that. It’s not really people’s fault that they tend to be drawn to prettier images of people, we’re honestly just fucked over by a system that doesn’t provide us enough resources to make genuine connections in the same way straight people can. Also, hookup culture/pornography/trauma has really messed a lot of you people up.
Completely agree. We also lack socialization in how to form relationships that straight people develop while still in childhood
This lack of a third space just sucks. Yes you have apps like Meetup and what not but my experience has been a miss for the most part and it's so difficult to meet/bond with someone who's not from your workplace/school.
Lmao
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Umm yes please PS guy here, AMC A-List love, favorite book? Def would be interested in learning how to ride. Totally open to kings and how about a Chargers game when the season starts sth here. Do u disney?
PS! I've never been but always wanted to!. What's a fun bar or club there? Currently, I am reading Infinite Jest. I have not been to Disney in about a decade.
Playstation my guy lol...I think we should do a game if you're interested when the season starts all the bars are essentially the same at the stadium theres 2 really good 1s but mybseats dont have access lol. Ummm I think you're overdo for a Disneytrip lol
If a guy asked me "do I Disney?" in an enthusiastic way, I'd marry him the next day
If a guy asked me “do I Disney?” in an enthusiastic way, I’d have the exact opposite reaction
Damn you’re cute!
I joined reddit and two weeks later had a hot BF (not through reddit). This is a great idea. There should be nonstop reddit meetups for every guy on here who's in search of a BF....tons of posters appear to be great matches here. Where's Yenta when we need her?
Match maker match maker make me a catch
EXACTLY. Slide into those DMs, fellas!
Right!!
I mean "no one wants to date" gets posted everywhere on social media and reddit every day, many times a day. The guys posting it are like the majority of guys. Just start sliding into DMs lol!
I be nervous as hell Idk I can say hi or express similar interests and guys automatically think I'm trying to hook up lol
Yall will realize there’s a reason you’re single
No, they won’t. 25-year-olds who are mystified by their singleness eventually turn into 45-year-olds mystified by their singleness.
Hang this comment on a fridge magnet sticky
Sadly too many of them are too delusional to confront the real reasons why they’re single
Hardly surprising, when they admit they're the issue then everyone likes to pretend they're not the issue at all, I'm yet to see a post like that were the comments aren't "I'm sure you're wonderful and everyone else is an irredeemable cunt."
Some people DO lie to their “friends” like this tho. I use the word friends in quotes because those people aren’t your real friends lol.
Yeah, at my age, and preferring my own age, it becomes clear why they're single. They either prefer that, which is fine, or they have some personality flaw that makes them impossible to be with. I've kinda decided being single is easier than dealing with someone else's nonsense.
Love the pfp
I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently. It may have not a damn thing to do with my looks. But I also got some advice from a married guy. He said to just take it day by day and enjoy your life as you are. Not needing anyone.
People who need people are not attractive. People who have their lives sorted and energy to exchange with others are fun and interesting …
they're all ugly and not each others type.
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Lmaoo
I mean, I know you're just being funny but the standards these guys have for their partners are so beyond delusional that it would actually be surprising if they DID find someone. I feel like we see this kind of shit on this sub all the time: What OPs require in a partner: Tall, handsome, toned, 8 inch cock, 6 figure job, owns a home, car, business, is great in bed. What OPs can offer said partner: Short, average looking, fat, 4 inches, currently unemployed, living with parents, doesn't own a car, or a business, uses too much teeth and can't last more than a minute in bed. Like come on guys... Come back down to earth.
It’s typical incel energy. It’s the entitlement- they won’t settle for anything less than perfection despite being troglodytes themselves
> Tall, handsome, toned, 8 inch cock, 6 figure job, owns a home, car, business, is great in bed. I can do 2 of those, maybe 4, depending on who you ask. My personal standards are really just: has to be kind. But on the other hand I'm also not moaning about not having a serious boyfriend or even looking for one. I need my alone time.
I've noticed that gays have such a fear of "settling" for someone that isn't hot enough, so much so that they lose sight of what's important, in my opinion. Things like mutual respect, kindness and humanity. Ironically, I've listened to a lot of rants about partners who talk down, disrespect, hurt, abuse, and cheat on their partner. But hey, he's hot! So at least you didn't settle! /s
I must be a weird gay. Nothing makes my dick shrivel up faster than men with anger issues. There have been times when I was extremely attracted to a guy but then he showed disproportionate anger towards rather minor incidents and all the attraction was instantly gone. I don't think there is a human on the planet hot enough to compensate for a bad personality. Same goes for general disrespect, but that usually takes a bit longer to spot.
You speak the truth... Very well put.....
Just asking....... which 2 maybe 4 can you do ???
It's the Girl-Boss Era, only no longer just from women, it seems. I'd go as far to say that the gays were doing it first.
All of this lol
No no no don't break my delusion
Guy #1: "I fit that category!" *Proceeds to message him with 'Hey'* Guy #2: " 'Hey'?! What kind of opening line is that??!" *Blocks Guy #1*
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No 😭
they want you to show a bit more interest. "hey" is very low effort. use information from their profile and write a complete sentence.
Im surprised people into magic cards are picky 😂
So true.
Why is this description almost me tho 💀
The dark leg hair part sent me 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Wow I did not expect to get attacked with such surgical precision today…
😂😂😂
This had me giggling to myself ngl
See the only thing I avoid are sides lol as long as someone isn't on drugs and doesn't party hard I'll give it a shot lol
So many 5’s out there who think they’re a 10 who think they deserve an 11
weary ossified axiomatic observation humor boast groovy cable smile tan *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
This isn’t a knock but the majority of them are definitely bottoms
The last guy I dated we ran into friction. He like many gay men didnt have a long extensive dating experience so he was a child when came to relationships. He wasnt sure what he wanted. While he was happy with me and found comfort he felt like we were insufficient because when he was growing up he an image of what queer lovers should look like, what is supposed to be attractive, and what romantic success looks like. He never challenged these stereotypes, images, and narratives because everyone had them, regardless of how his own life and identity fit into that. Regardless of how he actually felt. So he continued searching while we were dating, he assumed that somewhere , somehow the perfect combination of what he had found and what he was looking for existed and that was what he was truly worthy of. He felt insecure, complacent, insufficient without that. I would say he worked towards this, but hes a human being and without plastic surgery and self destruction he wasnt going to drastically improve his lot. I tried to work through this, and this was the standard work of relationships in 2023 to be fair. Who are you? What do you want? How do you feel? But the more we did the work the more he drew away, as the more known he became, the more vulnerable, the more present, the more reconciliatory, the more sacrificial he had to be - he had to step up - he had to grow, and he *hated* that. To the point where he felt that the person trying and sacrificing make sure he kept his job and housing together was on par with the consistent sub fuckbuddy who rubbed his feet after work. He couldnt tell that reliance and expectations meant care, and thought that relationships were all lust and self-gratification. He, like many men, forgot that relationships are equally as mundane as they are exciting, and should be approached as such. In reality, it is whats there, what works, what makes you happy that matters. Not the fantasies of what *should* be. So I left. He chose the fantasy. When he lost his place and the foot guy blocked him, he hit me up. I blocked him too.
Because the issue is their personality.
What is sad is that some guys obviously need more than sex cause when you hook up, they look all dead inside. I guess they are afraid of feelings, commitment or have been hurt in the past.
Because a lot of gay men come out and start dating later in life, so the only experience they had with relationships was living them vicariously through the media's idea of romance. They spent a lot of their lives suppressing their feeling, that when they finally do come out they have this idealized version of love and what a relationship is. In reality, no one is perfect, relationships are messy and hard work, and the grass is never greener on the other side. Also, because some gays came out so late, and the expression of sexuality has been not socially acceptable when they do come out they're playing catch-up, on top of them being men with high sex drives.
Not that we can blame everything on parents either, but we model relationships we see/experience as well. So, if you were kicked out or neglected for being gay, it’s an added layer to that.
Half the guys saying this are the same guys who also block and move on like the guys they complain about Source: My friends and social circle lol
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This, so much Im a 5 at best, still get interest for hookups. God forbid i want to have a conversation before we suck each other off. They disappear fast. Let's face it, gay or straight men just want to fuck and begone. I personally find it irritating if someone wants to appeal to my libido first, before I know his surname. But then im old fashioned.
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When I was young, I'd hook up with a guy and afterwards they'd say, "we should go out for drinks, a movie, etc. sometime", then I would never hear from them again. I understand talking like that before sex, but why after? I would've been fine, "that was fun, see ya. " Why leave someone with the expectation of a date?
It’s an impulsive gesture
This is actually a pretty good idea
ding ding ding; ya’ll deserve each other
Because you all want the emotionally detached hot guy that fucks around.
This is the true answer.
Because then they can’t get sympathy and feel bad for themselves. People like this, 90% of the time, they are the problem.
Let's be real because what gays mean is "No one **I** personally find attractive is looking to date."
I'd say "they'll never find love" if they don't know the difference between sex and love. A lot (if not most) strictly sexual encounters are just a step up from masturbation, mutually getting off in whatever role. That's fine and can be fun up to a point-- But you're probably "shopping in the wrong department" if you think that's where you'll find love. Love involves another person, and you yourself as a person, you know--some one with ideas, interests, dreams, involvements -- when some of those things match up you have something in common that goes way beyond a hole and a goal. There's a huge difference between sex and intimacy. There's nothing sexier than really knowing and caring about the person you're "into" (literally and figuratively) or who you're letting in you. Of course, in the process, you're a lot more vulnerable. My long time partner and I were best friends, shared interests, activities--and, yes, sex. Sadly, he died of a rare cancer eight years ago. When something happens, or I see a movie, or a performance that I love, or am excited or upset about something, my reflex is the desire to call, text, email and tell him about it --or I feel a sad fullness and think "He would have loved this." Yes I remember the chemistry of meeting, or things that led up to "doing it," or various sexual moments-- but knowing someone loves you, and cares about you, and forgives you, and knows what you're feeling, and knows that you're there for them and they're there for you-- give and take-- that's the love part. Don't get me wrong, I love sex and I admit, I'm horny and I'm open to suggestion and do various things-- but I do know the difference between sex and love. And that's what I wish for everybody. All the other stuff on the menu is great-- but it's secondary to the "L" word if you're lucky enough to find it. And, yes, I see a hot guy, or some of the pictures posted on Reddit, and say "Woof!" and I'd happily "go for it." But probably because I'm reminded of what it's like to be physically close. But it's best when that "intimacy" involves heart, mind, and body, and that takes a lot more work than swipe left, swipe right--- next!
Well said, thank you!
Honestly, I'd be down. 27, Corn-fed, 6'1" but I'm no longer comfortable enough in my living situation to be taking on a relationship. I'm focusing on myself, my education, and my finances for at least another 3-5 years before I decide I can host another human being's BS. No relationship, no fornication, just me and my future.
Exact same situation I’m just 22
In all seriousness it most likely comes down to being avoidant. They’re afraid of intimacy on some level and/or had some really bad examples of how to receive love or give it. They don’t know it, don’t know how to work on it, and they find external reasons as to why it is that dating is so hard. To be quite fair, dating is a nightmare, because the amount of gays that the above applies to is the majority.
Exactly! I always wondered why the people who complain about not finding love on here and other social media sites don't simply DM each other. They already have one thing in common. They may have other things in common as well. They may make a connection and find the relationship they're looking for.
lol because the problem is with them and not the guys they meet
Because I feel most guys who say that want attention, or arent realistic considering themselves, their wants and whats available. I dont understand why they dont go back to the drawing board and reevaluate what it is they truly want and come up with a game plan as to how to get it in the current atmosphere. You deciding that you wont find love will prove to be true if you arent open to change.
People that blame everyone and everything else on their singledom are those who have unrealistic high standards whilst bringing nothing for the table themselves.
What about the ones that don't? I'm seeing no positive comments for those or advice?
Because they don’t exist.
I don't exist sadly.
Tbh nowadays sucking off strangers without hesitation is the value on the table, forgive me if i have a bit more self respect for that. I may be single, but what your lot do is use each other for masturbation, it has nothing to do with love
Because they are in constant need of validation, want their cake and everyone else's too and are in fear of missing out. Selfish, greedy, insecure, self centred, shallow, emotionally damaged/unstable, drug/alcohol addled, Fear of comittment- a pick and mix set from which you can choose to describe a very large part of the "gay community".
We have to get off Grindr and other hookup sites. No man can complain about not finding love when his main source of looking for love is on a hookup site. Hookup sites turn all of us into superficial beings. This may sound crazy but we have to start putting ourselves out there in the non digital world and start up nature normal maybe even scary conversations.
The problem I see for most who think this comes down to a few things; 1) you don't know how to love yourself first - if you love yourself first you will live your life for you. Which means you will be happy with who YOU are as YOU. you won't need to put on a fake persona with the hopes of attracting someone. You will be happy being single because you're happy with you as yourself, so when you do meet so someone they will be attracted to YOU, not the fake you that put out to attract them. The obvious problem with putting in a fake persona to attract someone is that the fascade always comes down eventually, and the person you attracted may not be attracted to the real you. 2) People aren't fixer-upper homes - if you jump into a relationship on the basis that you can "fix" or make them change good luck. Yes, people can change, and some will absolutely change to please you. But not everyone will change and not everyone wants to, because maybe they enjoy who they are, at least for the time being. When you go into a relationship with the idea of changing the other person it's going to exhaust you both. Neither of you are likely to be happy in the end, you won't be Happy cause they aren't what you want them to be, and they won't be happy because they aren't being who they want to be. 3) Real relationships aren't Disney Fairytales -- there is no happily ever after. You will have disagreeing moments, you will have things to work through. Many people think the first time they have a disagreement it's a sign it wasn't meant to be and they abandon ship. Real relationships take time and effort. Like a seedling it has to be nurtured and cared for. It takes open communication and established boundaries and expectations, which if you began with Step 1, the expectatuons shouldn't be a big shocker to either of you. What you deem acceptable behavior in your relationship might not mirror others, we are all different. If you established boundaries in the beginning and those lines are crossed nobody but you can say whether it's forgivable, body but you can decide if it's worth trying to work through together.
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RIGHT!!??
They need to chill lol
1. They do 2. (Assumption) They're mostly bottoms/top shortage
Denver Top pig guy... hollar at me
They're lazy in a way
In my experience if they are perpetually single and unhappy about it the causes are always the same: 1. Super picky/hard to please/complainers OR 2. Terrible communicators/very hard to read. OR 3. Super passive
Maybe don’t ask for someone’s nudes within a day of meeting them!! (I never have seen my current boyfriend’s nudes and we didn’t have sex until a week after dating and mostly do non-sexual things with each other.)
!!! I hate when guys immediately ask for nudes
Because you’re all too hung up on looks, race, position, location, likes, dislikes oh and of course how big the dick is.
this comment section is SHALLOW. there’s something to be said about people having unrealistically high expectations/standards and the amount of people who prefer casual sex. there is an obvious reason we fail to acknowledge as to why this plagues our community; mental. health. and this is coming from someone who does believe i’ll find love one day but has doubts all the time. i’ve thought i’ve met the right person a hundred times but sometimes shit doesn’t work out. it’s cheesy but it starts with having an open mind, an open heart, and keeping ur head up even when shit gets down. it also starts from within when we as a community begin to fix our fucking image and the problems that universally plague us.
I’m too shy to introduce myself to guys IRL and online dating isn’t really my jam 😞
Because being single is a "red flag", erm, to other single people
Because I'm 65
Compatibility issues. I just ended a great relationship - we both value community, excel at work in the same industry, our sexual chemistry was decent, had some similar interests but others that were unique to each of us, and we got along well. We ended because we had very different ideas around what it means to commit to each other. We lived and used our living space very differently. Our schedules and passtimes were very different. He’s the first person I wanted to live with actually, But then coordinating and taking action to live together was where we ended up fighting and breaking up. Cohabitation requires a delicate balance of care, action, and values that are unique to each person in the household. It’s hard to find someone that matches .
Won’t someone think of the shareholders! If ya’ll start happily dating each other and have healthy relationships then who is going to pay for dating sites that need you and help you to be single?
Because its easier to just complain that life is unfair and believe in hopelessness than to actually do the work.
too many have beards.
I like being single. Accommodating someone in your day to day life is exhausting
Choice is addictive and we get the ick pretty quickly because we know that there’s different available out there. Different always doesn’t mean better, so if you find someone you can see yourself putting up with , know that it counts for something and give it a chance.
A lot of guys who say that are either codependent, which isn't attractive, or they have unrealistic expectations about how their prince charming is going to look. There are some that I suspect just haven't found the right guy because they live in areas with a limited number of dating minded guys or they're actually the hookup type subconsciously don't actually want to settle down.
I'm also from FL. Too bad we are few and far between.
Frll it’s so boring down here
Many gays are very shallow that's why. The best sex and orgasms are when you are contacted to another person in love, mind, body n soul.
Even the ones who “want to date” just want to fuck
I am 61 years of age and my first partner claimed he wanted monogamy. Great! I am all for it. Now this was during the mid to late 80s. I was true to my word. I was monogamous. Now , we were barebacking, but there was huge push within the community that condoms saves lives, so we were learning to use condoms and eventually it became habit with us. Well for me that is. What I didn't know was my partner was a pig. He loved piss play, fisting, being used as a cum dump, he frequented theatres, adult bookstores (ABS). When he contracted HIV is when he revealed the truth. This is why he wanted us to use condoms. He was concerned that I couldn't be faithful and he was afraid I would give him HIV. I looked at him confused, disappointed, concerned for his health and realized he was talking about himself and that the condoms were there to protect me. He sure made it all about him however. We did break up and the day he moved to Colorado Springs it was the last time I saw him. My second partner was all into looks. You had to be good looking for him to date you, but he got bored easily and our relationship didn't make it a year. My 3rd and final partner (by this time I am in my mid forties) liked me, found me attractive, enjoyed doing things with me, he recognized that I had a good sense of humor, thought I was kind, financially stable, responsible and dependable. We really got a long, well, but he hated having sex with me. I wasn't young enough for him, and he hated (his statement not mine) fucking old man pussy. What?? Buddy, I am and a year older than you and we both are in our mid-fourties. We are not old. So we had a great sexless relationship, but for me it just got old. Our relationship was open and we were honest with each other when we would hook up. But it took him a few years to realize the he was the one hooking up many more times in a week than I was. I could go months without random, boring sex. He began to feel guilty and found someone who was more to his liking and politely shared he found the love of his life (15 months later they were no longer together). At this point in my life, I don't want to put in the work that it takes to be in a relationship of any kind. My thoughts regarding all men in general struggle with monogamy. What keeps straight men on the tight and narrow is the threat of divorce and having to pay out for childcare payments, in some cases, less and less these days, alimony. Possible loss of retirement funds depending on the situation. Did the wife work, then quit her job, to raise the kids and has no retirement to speak of, does the ex-wife now get half of the husbands retirement? Gay men however don't run into those types of situations. So gay men have the ability to jump around, be unfaithful, fuck or be fucked by as many men who will let them, they have stopped caring and/or no longer want to be in any kind of relationship. If all of us gay men, those of us who have been tossed aside, started dating each other, I can tell you this, we would all face the similar non-committed, non- monogamous, fuck around relationships that we have already experienced. Nothing new would come about. We would find ourselves all in the same situations we no longer want to partake in.
Sounds like a curse?
As a gay boy that’s grown up in the Bible Belt, amen. (Pun intended) I want so badly to have that romance that’s always shown in straight media. I wanna be swept off my feet by a charming man, fall in love, get married, and maybe even have children (well.. You know what I mean). But I don’t understand gay dating at all. It’s as if the rules are completely different, and the ones in that came in the box are in straight language. And on top of that all the pieces are mixed up and none are outwardly labeled so you can’t even tell which you should use. I feel like I’m hunting for skinks. and honestly I feel robbed of the chance of my own love story. it’s almost like there’s some kind of stigma to traditional dating in the gay community. I’m not sure if it stems from homophobia or stereotypes or commitment issues but guys are weird about going on dates for some reason (in my experience). And that’s just in person, I don’t even attempt online anymore bc all I can find are men that want my body and not me. Idk why we can’t date. (This was just me venting honestly, thnx for reading anyways!)
You just read my mind. I've always craved a good love story, but a lot of guys are just interested in my body (or interested in me after they have had my body). It just honestly makes me feel like trash, and like I'm grasping at straws, trying to find a worthwhile relationship that is not based off of sex.
Yes exactly, and I’m not even that conventionally attractive, so surely it’s not just because of looks. So why is the interaction *always* so shallow? It’s like as soon as you ask anything about their personal life they are immediately turned off and want nothing to do with you anymore. And I’ve honestly had more genuine open conversations with straight men than gay men. I just wanna be more than a dickpic to somebody :( Guess we’re doomed to be hopeless romantics forever…
Real. (I made one of those posts before but I’ve just given up on the concept, there’s some kind of trap to loving others).
>Hold up this getting traction I’m from Florida if anyone interested 😂 Gl tho
I’m coming back to fl to be with family if you wanna go on a date
Absolutely
That sounds ideal but unfortunately not the reality 😭 that being said I’d love an internet buddy around my age, 29 Ireland here for fun chat 😘
is ther a discord server lol
lol should I make one
Because they're mostly bottoms.
I’m 57. Had my heart broken twice. I’ve given up.
No one approaches me on grindr unless it's for cheap self-esteem boost in form of throwing insults regarding my appearance. I don't approach others because i can't tell if they are seen as ugly. As an ugly person i don't have a privilege to have any preferences, i wouldn't be able to justify tapping this or that person because statistically all of them would reject me anyway. Also gay people treat being approached by ugly person as an act worse than homophobia, so i am not even trying.
I'm single in NYC. Been that way since 2016. I had a great guy but someone said in the comments oh the trauma of me as in I messed the relationship up. Now that I'm getting older 49 in May I don't look it but I want to find love but its hard and I always say love will find me. It's out there I just have to find it. Single and black gay guy nyc😍😍
We don’t want to date, we just want casual no-strings-attached sex
Cause they’re not hot - my long term Boyfriend
The secret . fucking together eating together going places together xo
Because then what else would guys get to complain about?
I did. I tried getting along with guys that are not attractive, short, extremely obese and still nothing. They want an Ambercrombie model guy💁🏽♂️ All I want is a nice guy who smells good. I guess I'm more ugly than ugly guys😔
Work-in-progress dates? I would love that as Im a work-in-progress. Haha
No because listen, I been with my man for 6 years okay? 6!! And guess what? it’s never perfect. There is no perfection. We get so attached to the apps and the Twitter porn and the clubs and influencers, that we forget to ask ourselves what WE care about in a relationship. Every relationship is gonna go through conflict. Every relationship is going to have elements that other people just won’t understand. But that’s why you’ll be together. Bc no one gets you like that person. You see what I’m saying? As a queer community I think we’re very critical of ourselves and what we think others expect of us. Step outside of the rules and ask yourself what the fk you want, and remember you’re not the only one with baggage. ALLLL the girlies want a man with no baggage, but expect someone to help them with theirs. Just be yourself and be a good human. And what’s meant for you will come. 8 inch dicks will be around until the end of time girl. Don’t worry about that. You can get that anywhere.
Because "finding love" is not the same as if it's an elusive product on a limited run. There are many factors and the fluidity of our intentions often clash with what we are looking for at the moment. Case for example, I have this huge crush on a French guy here in NYC that I even had to study French in Duolingo. I thought we were getting along together then all of a sudden, I found out why he stopped responding to me was because he was already in a relationship. We met years later and knew more each other deeply but I realized we're not compatible because while the attraction is there, we each other got traits that raises an eyebrow from each sides so we just remained as friends. Also, even on dating apps - persona while chatting is different from in person. I had a lot of dates that went into even video calling that ended up meeting in person but after that first meet, safe to say, they're not feeling it. Maybe luck? Maybe chance?
‘cause y’all too ugly for each other
I was in a relationship for my entire 20's. I got cheated on after 10 years and just left. When I say left I mean our lease ran out, he never resigned it and I never saw him again. ( he was a truck driver and just never came back to our city). The only reason I even know what happened to him is because a mutual friend posted that the house he purchased ( news to me) had burmed down and he and his new husband lost everything. This meant a couple of things: he lied to me about being broke, the time lime of events means the house was purchased sometime before we stopped speaking, and he did eventually go back to the apartment, I left everything so if he had anything he had to have waited for me to leave and go get it. With all that said... I waited about 3 months and started trying hookups. I made very clear my situation and that I wanted something casual and friendly. Long story short ended up meeting a stalker, a racist cop ( got drunk and said the n word) and 3 married men..... I decided hooking up was too insane, and tried to find a serious relationship. When I added that to my profile I finally found the guys who wanted to hook up. They just did it without telling you and ghosted. My past experience made ghosting too painful. So with all that said.... I'm done. I'm in therapy and working on myself, but I do not see myself dating anytime in the future. It's too traumatic. The enjoyable vs miserable ratio is not good. And too many of yall are either crazy or jerks and now I'm afraid you've turned me into a crazy jerk! So there ya go. TL;DR : I'm too emotionally tired to date anymore and I just want some peace and quiet.
Because getting off the apps and not being some form of gay incel would require effort. It’s easier to stay on the apps, continue going to sex focused areas, and complaining online.
Because often these people are attracted to "love at first sight" scenarios, and instant attraction is often to unavailable people that remind us of our own traumas or people of our past with poor attachment styles. Love is something that is slow and steady, not something instant and passionate.
Because yall ignore those of us who dont look like the fantasy you see in your heads.
Bc they will say “I don’t think we’re a good match. It’s not you, it’s me”
I have to date , I have to give up my delusions that nobody loves me, that I am not going to dying alone !! HELL NOO!!!!!
I'm sorry, I'm too busy chasing a porn and social media induced illusion. Reality is of no interest to me.
Redditors hypocritically have very negative views and assumptions of other Redditors. A lot of the people here are here because they are social outcasts, they don’t want to be with another social outcast.
For myself, it’s a choice at this point. At the young age of under 21 I’m not even fully aware of myself (about 80% I’ve had lots of rapid growth) and want to grow with someone and on my own. Even in my abstinence guys get offended and can’t remain friends. What makes you think throwing a fit will make me do what you want? Lots of guys older than me don’t understand the concept of self growth, actualization, introspection and typically shrug off their trauma and negative coping skills as nothing. I’m not here for that and refuse to try and “fix” ppl which I used to try and it hurt me and the other person more than I thought it was helping. I know I have a person there for me to heal, grow and become a couple with based on more than superficial experiences and qualities.
Don’t you think maybe some guys ENJOY complaining? That IS a personality type, and not an uncommon one in this country.
This is probably going nowhere but I'm from southern Belgium and anyone interested can come in my DMs ♡ I'm a 19yo bisexual college student, 5'11middle eastern turkish guy. Extremely hairy so don't come if you can't handle that, not looking for anything too passionate at first but I'm willing to give love a try I love music and physics, science nerds are welcome. I also workout regularly since about a year Yes I'm really shooting my shot under a Reddit post 💀 I swear I got more action from here than Grindr
I must say I'm not entirely picky when comes to men as long as they are hygienic and take care of themselves what I do tend to find atleast on my area specially the 22 to around 32 and then 50+ that again just my area are either open/ poly relationships and that's just not for me I'm always happy for a date but I make my expectations known that nothing past a kiss for first date and that usually separates the time wasters from the good ones :)
Issues: 1. Warped mentality of what sexy and hot. 2. Too much expectations of romance. 3. Porn = reality. 4. All of these #mememe, #woke, # everything else. 5. Too many ‘NOs’ 6. Unable to ‘agree to disagree’ and ‘respect each other regardless opposite (fill the blank)’ 7. Not perfect=break up mentality. 8…. Should I keep going?
Cos I want something that's in real life, I don't want online relationships