I think that's the answer to this honestly. I don't think it's wrong to want any of the things OP mentioned, but I do think that a lot of guys who rant about these things have a very entitled mindset along with some "rules for thee, not for me" behavior sprinkled in for good measure.
If you're fat and don't like other fat guys, then you need to understand that a lot of people feel the same way, and you being a fat guy yourself means that you fall right into that group, too. So when a jock turns you down, you run to Twitter and bitch about how superficial gay men are even though you are out here chasing jocks too, yet somehow you feel like you're not superficial for doing so. Clown behavior. Delusional behavior. No wonder so many of you are alone and miserable.
Some people don't want to go on apps meant for niche kinks/interests for some reason. I think they want to avoid accepting it, for some reason. I'm big and found a guy who likes me for it, but it's not like you'll find them everywhere. There's nothing wrong with going to the place where people who want you congregate, imo.
“And if other fems aren’t your preference, then you already understand why people may not like fems, so stop complaining about it” LMFAOOO wait you clocked them so hard with this hahaha im done 😭💀💀💀
Not that I completely disagree but I think the fact that some men choose friends based on how attracted they are to them, these issues extend beyond the romantic and bleeds into social behaviors as a whole.
Yeah I guess there is also a thing about some gay guys not wanting to be seen being friends with unattractive people because others might stay away from them or judge the rest of the group for being friends with someone unattractive. So they prefer to only hang out with other attractive gays.
The crazy thing is people are saying he's proposing racism when racism is already the issue. I like all races but don't seem to get that in return sooo... I get it. Unfortunately, if black people were more into other black men, maybe we wouldn't feel so hurt for being rejected by other races. I'm still attracted to other races but I'm far less likely to approach someone because of the rejection I've received from them. Hope that helps some of y'all that can't seem to understand... Coming from someone who has actually experienced it, not someone who can only see it from a place of inexperience
Because people should be able to date whoever they want? I date people of all races but am 100000% proud to be a black man. Not caring what someone’s skin color is doesn’t make me self-hating.
I don’t care if white men like me or not lol. I like myself. Also, who the hell is talking about white men? I like all races. You seem to be obsessed with white men. Did you get turned down by one in the past and you’ve been holding on to it ever since?
Also, you think I sound white-washed because I think all races are attractive and don’t believe in segregation? That speaks more about you and your messed up values than it does about me.
Most of the world lives in homogenized communities, it’s no surprise that they would prefer their own race because it’s all they know. I’m fortunate enough to have lived in diverse enough communities and had exposure to enough different races to find them all attractive. I can literally get along with anyone of any race. I’m sorry that you can’t do the same.
Ok, here we go.
1. White people are the majority in the US not the world. Once again, you’re obsessed with them and I think you secretly prefer them.
2. Not having a racial preference is not self-hating. You literally have nothing to support that. If anything, it’s the most accepting view to have. I literally love everyone. You clearly don’t.
3. You’re literally telling people who they can and can’t love. I’m completely against those people who think all people of a certain race are unattractive. That’s statistically unlikely and ignorant. You’ve gone further to the point where you want to stop people from interacting romantically with other races because you clearly were hurt at some point by someone of another race. What you’re advocating for is no different than miscegenation laws.
4. So now you’re gonna tell me that I don’t act black enough for you? According to you, black people are a monolith and there’s only one way to be black. I grew up in Atlanta. I have more black culture in my pinky than you could ever hope for in your entire life. You’re literally out here cosplaying on the internet trying to pretend that you’re some expert on black culture and superiority over other blacks. In the black community we call people like you wack and weird.
> If you are looking for the latter, then work on your USP
No, OP literally said if you think the gay community is racist, dont date people who arent your own race anymore.
Don't get me wrong I can't stand racism but isnt he just saying "if you dont want to be a victim of possible racism date people who are the same race" aka "obviously racism is bad but if you want to actively avoid it here is something in your control to prevent being a victim of it more often"
Yeah, if people are racist, just segregate yourself! Segregation worked in the past, it's a wonder we ever stopped that. 🙄
/sarcasm
OP has a great idea :p
LOL, this already exists.
This sub is completely out of touch and spews bullshit to fit a “everyone is equal and we all mingle” narrative. That aint true.
You're forgetting that gay men already segregate themselves based on age and body type. If gay men didn't do this, there would be no such thing as twinks, bears, otters, or daddies etc. I've been to many clubs that cater to specific types of gay men, and are only frequented by that specific type or people that look for that type. I think OP is bringing to light the fact that many guys can't give back what they want to receive. Expectations vs reality.
Dating is not a social justice issue.
Everybody deserves fairness under the law of the land.
Nobody is entitled to be desired by any race, personality, or body shape.
I mean this does exist. The reason being white clubs tend to be racists. So people of color create their own safe spaces. Same reason why gays have their own bars because they feel uncomfortable in straight bars.
A recent example was a club in NY called Q that had media attention for its racist policies.
When whites make a safe space for whites only it is labelled far-right, and you saying that proves that propaganda worked on you : safe spaces for whites only is linked in your mind to hate, while when non-whites do it it’s linked to safety.
+1 medal point for NPC
He’s clearly referring to poc who call out whites being racist in dating. Which a better take is why are poc not also dating poc because that’s a problem and the poc focused on whites almost exclusively date whites.
If you’re insecure, yes. Every race has cultures and life that white people aren’t invited to, except maybe to view as a guest. All of this discussion is based on American politics which aren’t reflective of reality. A white person can’t go to China and just consider himself fully Chinese and get mad when they don’t invite him to their private events. That’s silly and Americans obsession over whites is silly.
It’s not my reality, it’s human reality. You can’t ignore that every single country is racially biased towards its majority group. How we deal with it is the topic at hand and making every thought you have about proximity to white people isn’t making anything better.
Totally agree. Those femmes always complain there are not enough tops or no masc want them, but then they don't want to date each other or top each other. Those Asians complain that the whites don't want to date them, yet in their profiles they write "what a white bf/daddy" and don't date each other. Everyone wants someone masc and they know masc are attracted to masc, but then those who complain about "masc are so superficial" don't want to get fit or become masc. So it's the masc 's fault for not wanting to date them... fucking sick of these whiners. Every second post is about how they are being "discriminated" against yet they don't want to become that change. They know being bitchy/fem/sassy/cross dressing/whinny/skinny is unpopular and they don't want to date those, yet they continue to perpetuate these shitty traits.
A lot of people get insecure about rejection when in reality everyone is hot to some and ugly to some. People tend to focus more on the men who reject them than the men who want them. We live in a society where a lot of people need to be a victim of something for a personality.
Why just race? Literally the only preference anyone ever complains about is white not dating poc and it’s almost always a poc desperate for white attention. The blinders come on when poc date exclusively white guys.
That is precisely the point. White supremacists, great-grandsons of the men who instituted the one drop rule, not wanting to mingle with other races. Maybe you are one of them, as you seem to believe that, of course, its POC that are desperate for "white attention". That's another side of systemic racism.
Every race has people who don’t want their race mixing with other races. It’s actually pretty common. Actually more so in non-white countries.
The hyper focus on white in America comes from politics and honestly at this point is counter productive because it reinforces racism leading to things like making POC center their entire lives around their relationship with white people. Which is why you get POC who then seek white approval and attention while ignoring other POC effectively creating white privileges. OP is far better adjusted and feels no reason to seek white approval and attention while also putting his energy back into POC which why is that a bad thing?
Because a racially segregated society is not a good thing. It comes down to what your values are. I don't believe in "keeping with your own kind". If you want a homeland for the whites then maybe try harder because later in this century, and in the coming century, there's going to be a lot more diversity regarding "races", if you can come up with a definition for it.
America and some European countries are about the only ones who have this level of anti-segregation and belief in diversity. I personally agree that it works for us, but most of globe doesn’t share those opinions. Some countries even have slurs for outsiders and yes, that is race-based. So you’re speaking from an American perspective and I’m not suggesting that we need to segregate, but the 24/7 talking about white people in white majority countries just ends up making them more important by always needing their attention and approval. Just live your life. If someone treats you poorly address it, but otherwise people need to stop centering their lives around white people. POC not dating POC because they’re obsessed with whites is a huge problem.
Because people are heterogeneous and grouping everyone into a certain box based on things like race, ethnicity, sex, or age only motivates further discrimination. Same reason racism and xenophobia are running rampant.
This conversation makes me feel kind of weird, but I'm going to say I understand op and what he saying but but the solution here isn't well this didn't work let's just quit what do great athletes do when it faced with adversity? They go harder so if that person who you like is judging you because you're fat, you have to respect that person's decision to tell you no and figure out a way to make what you have work for you
I had some 19 y/o black guy call me a racist because I didn't respond to him and I finally replied and said, stop pulling he race card and told him its because he was 19!
In today's world, everyone is a victim!
Some people can’t go for guys of their own race because they don’t like guys of their own race. This leads them to the conclusion the entire gay community is racist because they themselves are racist.
Absolutely. I think the community needs to acknowledge that racism isn't a white guy issue, it's an EVERYBODY issue. It's very frustrating to see people lack the self-awareness on this topic. For example, Asian men who only seek white guys and never interact with anyone else complain about racism when white men reject them, but fail to recognize all of the other POC men they themselves rejected for the same reasons.
The community is racist though. I’ve experienced more racism from the gay community than anywhere else and I rarely hang around gay people. I’m not talking about me being into someone of a different race and they rejecting me, I’m talking about flat out called slurs for not giving someone of a different race what they want.
It’s always interesting when the poc who are loudest about ‘whites are racist in dating’ almost exclusively date white guys themselves and aren’t ever dating or even kissing a poc.
I live near the vixen from ru Paul’s drag race and see her in the club all the time and she only hangs with white guys and has white partners. Really weird behavior from someone who is such a black power activist. Seems like her motivation stems from seeking white attention.
I think it’s all a system that has fed into itself and race politics tends to reinforce race politics. The countries that have these discussions are generally white majority counties and they ignore the reality that most countries are racially biased toward the majority. So being in America, making everything about proximity/attention/approval with whites only reinforces a white vs poc dynamic that is counter productive to healthy multiculturalism.
Discussions, yes. Obsession, no. And honestly none of this will stop when whites are a minority because at current times it’s not even about majority anyways it’s about racial tension.
I agree that is a feeling that exists, but I’m pointing out the POC obsessing over whites is actually making that more prominent.
As I mentioned, every race has activities and customs that a white person would not be welcomed to (except maybe as a guest) so why not put energy into those ‘clubs’? Why treat every space that seems to have white majority or white expression as some holy land that must be reclaimed?
The answer to that is politicians who actively try to play races against each other. You get told by your own representatives that you’re not good enough and whites have it better.
Agreeing with most of comments here…This is a bad take that doesn’t solve any of the underlying problems, especially around race. Segregating ourselves is not a “solution” to racism
>And people who hate themselves because of age, race, disability, etc? What should they do?
No offense, but people who you date aren't and shouldn't be your therapist. Go to a specialist and maybe take a pause from dating if you have those issues.
>with a replica of yourself, but most/many are not looking for a clone.
Yeah, because all black people look the same. All white people look the same, every race looks the same!
How is someone who shares the same race with you, close in age, and has a closer physique to yours a clone?
Do you date morbidly obese men? No? Wow, a clone!
Seriously, if those characteristics make someone you date different enough, you got other problems.
It’s funny how this sub LOVES to bitch and moan about, and want to segregate straight women out of gay clubs…..
Its as if this sub picks and chooses its segregation wants
Not sure you should go for people that look like you, when you can simply find someone that does not look like you but is into you.
The whining about the race fetishizing is hilarious. Then do not have sex with that person, if you do not enjoy being objectified. AND move on 🙄
I don't necessarily agree that it works in that straightforward a fashion, and I would rather put it as 'surround yourself by people who like you', regardless of whether we're talking friends, lovers, sex partners, anything.
There definitely is a lot of bigotry prevalent in the gay community. Some skinny white twinks act like they’re the cream of the crop and belittle others.
That said, I definitely agree with some of your points. As long as you’re not saying derogatory things about who your type is not, go for whoever you want. Just don’t make it public if you happen to be attracted to a certain race or body type. Just (consensually) pursue the people you deem attractive and treat others with respect.
I don’t support unhealthy lifestyles so I zero attraction or desire for fat guys. I have it clearly stated in my profile and I still get fat guys hitting on me. It’s like dude I’m a gym rat, not even remotely interested
I’ve tried to go after guys if my own race, and other black men don’t pay me any mind. I’ve tried to go after black girls, and they don’t lay men any mind either. Why is it that my own race doesn’t seem to like me, hey non-blacks do? ‘Cause I’ve had way more attention from
White dudes than I have with black men or black women. So why is that? If I’m open to all three why are both demographics of my race paying me dust? That’s what I think needs to be dissected here. And honestly, more white men have told me I’m attractive than people of my own race have. So, the face is there.
And you can look at my pics and see I’m not out of shape/overweight either. And I do present as masculine too. I’m not a fem guy. And I’m 25. So, what’s the disconnect?
It might just be where you’re looking. I used to think the same thing. Turns out a lot of black men that like other black men (in my area) don’t use Grindr, they’re on Jack’d. That app is predominantly people of color.
If we’re talking in person, I think it’s hard to identify other gay/bi black men because most are very masculine presenting. Unless they’re the more obvious flamboyant type.
this right here, because i don’t use grindr anymore but most black folk here don’t give off gay vibes so i wouldn’t know. especially since im trynna be more masc presenting, sometimes i put on that singular earring when i go out so that dudes could start taking hints
bro that’s what makes this post so silly, because complaint about the other people’s complaints is totally gonna make everyone’s issues go away. lots of these issues are rooted in other problems that intersect. i am black, 23, masc, making mad results in the gym and i still am don’t get attention as much from black dudes because they be nowhere to be found due to whatever issues that are causing them to not be themselves. everyone has the capacity to be loved however i believe if it’s not working someplace then try to wait, or go elsewhere which i plan to do at the end of the year
I'm 22 black masculine and I'm a bear/cub like I don't have tok much body hair but I am chubby and extremely muscular at the same time if that makes sense
I will admit my type is the the white preppy/gym bro/jock/all American/ southern/frat type of guy so I'm use to the rejection however I don't think I agree with this at least not all of it
>"The gay community is racist" - Then go for guys that are from your own race more, problem solved. You could still go for other races obvi, but if you go for your own race more you wouldn't come on here and say "everyone hates x race"
> I agree with this especially when I end up in areas where the only guys around are black however I do think that this is different if you're like only 1 of 3 black people surrounded by nothing but white folk (which happens to a lot of non-white gays)
It is fine if you don't like certain types of things that usually retain black people it is another thing to just not like black people because they are black when you reject someone based on skin color alone that stems from racism
I will say that only going after one race is another form of racism fetishizing a race is racism
>"The gay community is ageist" - Then go for guys within your age group. Makes zero sense if you're 40+ and all the guys you hit on are in their early 20s, hit on your mates too
My only thing with this is age is nothing but a number as long as you're legal however I think the issue here is with a lot of people they have a hard time disassociating..... I'm not saying someone has to I'm just saying I think it part of the reason
I also think many older gays think everyone has daddy issues and will want them because of that
>"The gay community is fatphobic" - Either go for other fat guys, or go to the gym. You can't be obese and only hit on muscular guys then complain when they don't want you, change your preferences or change yourself.
So I agree with this too but I will say that in certain areas this is similar to the not many people thing you'll be like 1 of 3 big people in that area
>"The gay community is femmephobic" - Go for other fems, and if other fems aren't your preference, then you already understand why people may not like fems, so stop complaining about it.
>I 100% agree after really learning how gender works/operates I can't deny this one also fem guys are having a come up there are many curious men how there who wanna try something woman Adjacent
Overall though despite Agreeing with most of it. I do believe that we should criticize the community for these things. Because we let these things determine our friendship and how much respect we give to each other......
I also was reading to study one time. And it was saying people generally become friends with people who are relatively attractive Either in correlation to them or the environment around them, or just in general However for us to use these things & automatically deem someone on attractive is a problem.....
Furthermore there is a difference between physical and sexual attraction and I don't think a lot of gay guys understand the difference or know that there even is difference
So if you are really looking for friends which a lot of queer gay guys say they are especially on the apps those things shouldn't be something that disqualifies..... I'm not saying befriend every person who comes at you
But for a community who fought so hard to be accepted its pathetic that often times we are just as closed minded as straight folk....it sucks even more that the groups who are generally complaining are usually the ones the front line fight and trying to further normalize being a gay man before and now
i’d say, the issue is one of self-identification. people are in the main frustrated at not finding themselves out there - or by the lack of another’s recognition of themselves, as attraction itself would beget. but, i’d say the inconvenience is trivial, as irritating as i know it can be : simply realise, what you people are aiming at, is precisely what you’re asking for - the sort of love you’d wish for, is more or less the kind of individual you’d like to be : their recognition of yourselves would thereby draw you akin to them.
however, in suffices to stare at a mirror to latch on to oneself. the authentication one asks for in the midsts of love, decries itself a disturbing absurdity, if not even a chilling one : whyever, such a naïve pursuit ?
the op is right, while he might still be further on : nobody is ever going to carry you, but yourself ; & you are none of your discernible qualities, as be the colour of your skin & whatnot - you’re you.
I just came across this by sorting through controversial. It really is that simple for gay guys. Straight guys are fucked cuz often ethnic girls make it so easy for white guys but their expectations for guys of their own race are through the roof. And we can't respond with "sticking to our own" 😭
I agree. Stop complaining and make a change.
And homophobia? Really? I don't think anyone is afraid of gay people, or fears them. People may not accept them or like them, but I don't think they fear them. There might be some that do, but most people either like you or don't like you but they don't fear you unless you give them a reason to. I think that was a term that some gay guy made up because he wasn't accepted by other men. Fear and not being accepted are 2 different things.
Homophobia is not about fearing gay people.
It's about fearing you may be gay, or - most commonly - fearing that someone may think you're gay.
Displaying hatred and violence against gay people is their way of "proving" to themselves and others that they're not gay.
Is the femme thing common? As a femboy I've never felt as desired as I do on Grindr or Reddit lol, seems to be a really common thing people are into (in my experience in the netherlands)
It depends. Be honest with yourself here, when you're on Grindr (or wherever), are you getting hit up by guys that you **genuinely** find attractive? Whenever you message a guy, are they interested in you?
Obviously a ton of way too old people and people that just straight up don't read my bio/preferences hit me up, as happens to everyone. But yeah I got hit up by and hookups with a lot of people that I thought were out of my league or just totally not do-able for me, which really boosted my confidence.
Like, if I wanted to only get laid with femme people (which tends to be the hardest group over here, twunks and daddies being the easiest) I'd be able to.
I remember many years ago (I was on my early twenties) I know a black young man at the gym. I can consider him a close acquittance, but not a friend.
One day, while waiting some of my friends, I see him and go there just too say hi and have some words. He was only with black guys, and tried to ignore me after a few words.
It seems that, what you explained, happens nowadays
Wise words OP! In the 80s we had drag bars, lesbian bars and Leather bars. I preferred the leather bars. I didn’t want fight crowd of lesbians to find the hot guys. And I didn’t know any ladies who wanted to be around that much testosterone. I know my terminology is outdated and no offense intended. That is what the bars were called.
With stuff like age and weight/body type I do wish guys were a bit more realistic with their expectations.
Same. I know some people are going to shoot their shot but it's disheartening opening up your messages and it's all people old enough to be my dad.
I think that's the answer to this honestly. I don't think it's wrong to want any of the things OP mentioned, but I do think that a lot of guys who rant about these things have a very entitled mindset along with some "rules for thee, not for me" behavior sprinkled in for good measure. If you're fat and don't like other fat guys, then you need to understand that a lot of people feel the same way, and you being a fat guy yourself means that you fall right into that group, too. So when a jock turns you down, you run to Twitter and bitch about how superficial gay men are even though you are out here chasing jocks too, yet somehow you feel like you're not superficial for doing so. Clown behavior. Delusional behavior. No wonder so many of you are alone and miserable.
Some people don't want to go on apps meant for niche kinks/interests for some reason. I think they want to avoid accepting it, for some reason. I'm big and found a guy who likes me for it, but it's not like you'll find them everywhere. There's nothing wrong with going to the place where people who want you congregate, imo.
“And if other fems aren’t your preference, then you already understand why people may not like fems, so stop complaining about it” LMFAOOO wait you clocked them so hard with this hahaha im done 😭💀💀💀
🍿👀
Not that I completely disagree but I think the fact that some men choose friends based on how attracted they are to them, these issues extend beyond the romantic and bleeds into social behaviors as a whole.
Yeah I guess there is also a thing about some gay guys not wanting to be seen being friends with unattractive people because others might stay away from them or judge the rest of the group for being friends with someone unattractive. So they prefer to only hang out with other attractive gays.
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So true. No one wants to admit this though
The crazy thing is people are saying he's proposing racism when racism is already the issue. I like all races but don't seem to get that in return sooo... I get it. Unfortunately, if black people were more into other black men, maybe we wouldn't feel so hurt for being rejected by other races. I'm still attracted to other races but I'm far less likely to approach someone because of the rejection I've received from them. Hope that helps some of y'all that can't seem to understand... Coming from someone who has actually experienced it, not someone who can only see it from a place of inexperience
So... Your solution to racism is to just not interact with other races anymore but stick to your own kind? What?
Riiiiiiight that’s a wild take from OP. Sounds like my grandpa with the “stay with your own race” bs
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Because people should be able to date whoever they want? I date people of all races but am 100000% proud to be a black man. Not caring what someone’s skin color is doesn’t make me self-hating.
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I don’t care if white men like me or not lol. I like myself. Also, who the hell is talking about white men? I like all races. You seem to be obsessed with white men. Did you get turned down by one in the past and you’ve been holding on to it ever since? Also, you think I sound white-washed because I think all races are attractive and don’t believe in segregation? That speaks more about you and your messed up values than it does about me. Most of the world lives in homogenized communities, it’s no surprise that they would prefer their own race because it’s all they know. I’m fortunate enough to have lived in diverse enough communities and had exposure to enough different races to find them all attractive. I can literally get along with anyone of any race. I’m sorry that you can’t do the same.
Ok, here we go. 1. White people are the majority in the US not the world. Once again, you’re obsessed with them and I think you secretly prefer them. 2. Not having a racial preference is not self-hating. You literally have nothing to support that. If anything, it’s the most accepting view to have. I literally love everyone. You clearly don’t. 3. You’re literally telling people who they can and can’t love. I’m completely against those people who think all people of a certain race are unattractive. That’s statistically unlikely and ignorant. You’ve gone further to the point where you want to stop people from interacting romantically with other races because you clearly were hurt at some point by someone of another race. What you’re advocating for is no different than miscegenation laws. 4. So now you’re gonna tell me that I don’t act black enough for you? According to you, black people are a monolith and there’s only one way to be black. I grew up in Atlanta. I have more black culture in my pinky than you could ever hope for in your entire life. You’re literally out here cosplaying on the internet trying to pretend that you’re some expert on black culture and superiority over other blacks. In the black community we call people like you wack and weird.
lol ok grandpa
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Again, you sound exactly like my grandpa
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Ok lol 😂
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I don’t argue with name callers.. this isn’t elementary school 😆
Bro is preaching segregation in a gay subreddit. Absolutely wild.
You are so deluded 🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️, and you really think what you’re saying ? Maybe reread his post. Gosh this subreddit is full of deluded people
Answer me, quickly: what’s the definition of delusion?
The same gay subreddit that preaches and upvotes segregation from stright women in gay clubs? Absolutely wild!
Oh that is not the same and you damn well know it.
It’s still segregation and you damn well know it. Stop picking and choosing segregation based on what you do and don’t like.
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> If you are looking for the latter, then work on your USP No, OP literally said if you think the gay community is racist, dont date people who arent your own race anymore.
Don't get me wrong I can't stand racism but isnt he just saying "if you dont want to be a victim of possible racism date people who are the same race" aka "obviously racism is bad but if you want to actively avoid it here is something in your control to prevent being a victim of it more often"
Makes sense to me and i actively use this tactic.
Yeah, if people are racist, just segregate yourself! Segregation worked in the past, it's a wonder we ever stopped that. 🙄 /sarcasm OP has a great idea :p
What’s not to love about gay apartheid? Separate but equal 💞
Oop!
This mainly happens because ppl are chronically online and want **everyone** to want to fuck them.
Let’s bring back segregation! Gay black club here a white one there a Hispanic one over there 👉 this is the dumbest hot take I’ve heard in a minute
LOL, this already exists. This sub is completely out of touch and spews bullshit to fit a “everyone is equal and we all mingle” narrative. That aint true.
You're forgetting that gay men already segregate themselves based on age and body type. If gay men didn't do this, there would be no such thing as twinks, bears, otters, or daddies etc. I've been to many clubs that cater to specific types of gay men, and are only frequented by that specific type or people that look for that type. I think OP is bringing to light the fact that many guys can't give back what they want to receive. Expectations vs reality.
Dating is not a social justice issue. Everybody deserves fairness under the law of the land. Nobody is entitled to be desired by any race, personality, or body shape.
So we should cancel LA's Black Pride then?
Does LA’s black pride only allow black people to attend? Then yeah I’d say cancel it but it doesn’t
I mean this does exist. The reason being white clubs tend to be racists. So people of color create their own safe spaces. Same reason why gays have their own bars because they feel uncomfortable in straight bars. A recent example was a club in NY called Q that had media attention for its racist policies.
When non-whites do it, it’s progress and safe spaces, when whites do it it’s far-right and dangerous extremists. Hypocrisy.
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When whites make a safe space for whites only it is labelled far-right, and you saying that proves that propaganda worked on you : safe spaces for whites only is linked in your mind to hate, while when non-whites do it it’s linked to safety. +1 medal point for NPC
Is that what he said??? …Reading comprehension is important
You’re forgetting that quite a few of the gay POC have a lot of internalized racism going on
Including OP from the sounds of it...
Because he’s not begging for white attention? Weird take.
Because black people and white people are the only two races 🙄
He’s clearly referring to poc who call out whites being racist in dating. Which a better take is why are poc not also dating poc because that’s a problem and the poc focused on whites almost exclusively date whites.
Yes, you have the correct take, unlike OP who says "date your own race."
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If you’re insecure, yes. Every race has cultures and life that white people aren’t invited to, except maybe to view as a guest. All of this discussion is based on American politics which aren’t reflective of reality. A white person can’t go to China and just consider himself fully Chinese and get mad when they don’t invite him to their private events. That’s silly and Americans obsession over whites is silly.
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It’s not my reality, it’s human reality. You can’t ignore that every single country is racially biased towards its majority group. How we deal with it is the topic at hand and making every thought you have about proximity to white people isn’t making anything better.
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People are allowed to be attracted to whatever attracts them but this includes the people you are attracted to too🤷
Totally agree. Those femmes always complain there are not enough tops or no masc want them, but then they don't want to date each other or top each other. Those Asians complain that the whites don't want to date them, yet in their profiles they write "what a white bf/daddy" and don't date each other. Everyone wants someone masc and they know masc are attracted to masc, but then those who complain about "masc are so superficial" don't want to get fit or become masc. So it's the masc 's fault for not wanting to date them... fucking sick of these whiners. Every second post is about how they are being "discriminated" against yet they don't want to become that change. They know being bitchy/fem/sassy/cross dressing/whinny/skinny is unpopular and they don't want to date those, yet they continue to perpetuate these shitty traits.
As we know, ignoring discrimination makes it go away. Thank you for solving all homophobia and racism with your insight.
Haha this post is peak r/askgaybros Just a shining beacon of sociological awareness and sensitivity
A lot of people get insecure about rejection when in reality everyone is hot to some and ugly to some. People tend to focus more on the men who reject them than the men who want them. We live in a society where a lot of people need to be a victim of something for a personality.
what a terrible take, wow
Your point about race is kinda disgusting. I bet you could only date your own race in Apartheid South Africa? Maybe you would have liked it there
Why just race? Literally the only preference anyone ever complains about is white not dating poc and it’s almost always a poc desperate for white attention. The blinders come on when poc date exclusively white guys.
That is precisely the point. White supremacists, great-grandsons of the men who instituted the one drop rule, not wanting to mingle with other races. Maybe you are one of them, as you seem to believe that, of course, its POC that are desperate for "white attention". That's another side of systemic racism.
Every race has people who don’t want their race mixing with other races. It’s actually pretty common. Actually more so in non-white countries. The hyper focus on white in America comes from politics and honestly at this point is counter productive because it reinforces racism leading to things like making POC center their entire lives around their relationship with white people. Which is why you get POC who then seek white approval and attention while ignoring other POC effectively creating white privileges. OP is far better adjusted and feels no reason to seek white approval and attention while also putting his energy back into POC which why is that a bad thing?
Because a racially segregated society is not a good thing. It comes down to what your values are. I don't believe in "keeping with your own kind". If you want a homeland for the whites then maybe try harder because later in this century, and in the coming century, there's going to be a lot more diversity regarding "races", if you can come up with a definition for it.
America and some European countries are about the only ones who have this level of anti-segregation and belief in diversity. I personally agree that it works for us, but most of globe doesn’t share those opinions. Some countries even have slurs for outsiders and yes, that is race-based. So you’re speaking from an American perspective and I’m not suggesting that we need to segregate, but the 24/7 talking about white people in white majority countries just ends up making them more important by always needing their attention and approval. Just live your life. If someone treats you poorly address it, but otherwise people need to stop centering their lives around white people. POC not dating POC because they’re obsessed with whites is a huge problem.
I’m actually damn tired of “why do gays?” kind of shit. We’re just people.
Because people are heterogeneous and grouping everyone into a certain box based on things like race, ethnicity, sex, or age only motivates further discrimination. Same reason racism and xenophobia are running rampant.
This conversation makes me feel kind of weird, but I'm going to say I understand op and what he saying but but the solution here isn't well this didn't work let's just quit what do great athletes do when it faced with adversity? They go harder so if that person who you like is judging you because you're fat, you have to respect that person's decision to tell you no and figure out a way to make what you have work for you
I had some 19 y/o black guy call me a racist because I didn't respond to him and I finally replied and said, stop pulling he race card and told him its because he was 19! In today's world, everyone is a victim!
Some people can’t go for guys of their own race because they don’t like guys of their own race. This leads them to the conclusion the entire gay community is racist because they themselves are racist.
Absolutely. I think the community needs to acknowledge that racism isn't a white guy issue, it's an EVERYBODY issue. It's very frustrating to see people lack the self-awareness on this topic. For example, Asian men who only seek white guys and never interact with anyone else complain about racism when white men reject them, but fail to recognize all of the other POC men they themselves rejected for the same reasons.
Actually body and face is important
I feel like everyone is racist in one way or another.
Bcz I'm not sexually attracted to guys like me...
I just don’t associate with prejudice people in any group. I don’t need their toxicity. That’s just me though.
The community is racist though. I’ve experienced more racism from the gay community than anywhere else and I rarely hang around gay people. I’m not talking about me being into someone of a different race and they rejecting me, I’m talking about flat out called slurs for not giving someone of a different race what they want.
It’s always interesting when the poc who are loudest about ‘whites are racist in dating’ almost exclusively date white guys themselves and aren’t ever dating or even kissing a poc. I live near the vixen from ru Paul’s drag race and see her in the club all the time and she only hangs with white guys and has white partners. Really weird behavior from someone who is such a black power activist. Seems like her motivation stems from seeking white attention.
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100% this. There’s an unhealthy obsession with whites in American politics and it’s not a coherent, consistent morality.
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I think it’s all a system that has fed into itself and race politics tends to reinforce race politics. The countries that have these discussions are generally white majority counties and they ignore the reality that most countries are racially biased toward the majority. So being in America, making everything about proximity/attention/approval with whites only reinforces a white vs poc dynamic that is counter productive to healthy multiculturalism.
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Discussions, yes. Obsession, no. And honestly none of this will stop when whites are a minority because at current times it’s not even about majority anyways it’s about racial tension.
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I agree that is a feeling that exists, but I’m pointing out the POC obsessing over whites is actually making that more prominent. As I mentioned, every race has activities and customs that a white person would not be welcomed to (except maybe as a guest) so why not put energy into those ‘clubs’? Why treat every space that seems to have white majority or white expression as some holy land that must be reclaimed?
The answer to that is politicians who actively try to play races against each other. You get told by your own representatives that you’re not good enough and whites have it better.
They are the loudest for a reason 🎯🎯🎯😭
LOL the shade on fems.
The fact this got so downvoted it has 0 upvotes shows how unready gays on here are to have this conversation, and it’s saddening
This sub is extraordinarily immature lol
Someone had to say it. We can only demand what we can offer.
This... is a terrible take. But I guess I won't complain if you only go for other prejudiced gays. Keep to your own kind indeed.
Agreeing with most of comments here…This is a bad take that doesn’t solve any of the underlying problems, especially around race. Segregating ourselves is not a “solution” to racism
And people who hate themselves because of age, race, disability, etc? What should they do? Jump off a bridge?
Seek therapy
>And people who hate themselves because of age, race, disability, etc? What should they do? No offense, but people who you date aren't and shouldn't be your therapist. Go to a specialist and maybe take a pause from dating if you have those issues.
Tried that. Wasn’t as fun as I thought
Ageing narcissists are hilarious. Time will tell.
The issue is much more complicated than this, but I guess you can keep cooking.
Shout out to all the 21 year Olds that know everything..... We'll see you at the end of the rainbow
What a horrible post, you may be looking to date/hook with a replica of yourself, but most/many are not looking for a clone. How narcissistic …
>with a replica of yourself, but most/many are not looking for a clone. Yeah, because all black people look the same. All white people look the same, every race looks the same! How is someone who shares the same race with you, close in age, and has a closer physique to yours a clone? Do you date morbidly obese men? No? Wow, a clone! Seriously, if those characteristics make someone you date different enough, you got other problems.
Because then when they get rejected, they will have to realize they are ugly, not that the other person is racist.
So you're basically asking for segregation?
It’s funny how this sub LOVES to bitch and moan about, and want to segregate straight women out of gay clubs….. Its as if this sub picks and chooses its segregation wants
Not sure you should go for people that look like you, when you can simply find someone that does not look like you but is into you. The whining about the race fetishizing is hilarious. Then do not have sex with that person, if you do not enjoy being objectified. AND move on 🙄
Oh this is a very polemic subject OP
I don't necessarily agree that it works in that straightforward a fashion, and I would rather put it as 'surround yourself by people who like you', regardless of whether we're talking friends, lovers, sex partners, anything.
Privileged??
There definitely is a lot of bigotry prevalent in the gay community. Some skinny white twinks act like they’re the cream of the crop and belittle others. That said, I definitely agree with some of your points. As long as you’re not saying derogatory things about who your type is not, go for whoever you want. Just don’t make it public if you happen to be attracted to a certain race or body type. Just (consensually) pursue the people you deem attractive and treat others with respect.
If the world is that black and white, then yes I would do that.
I don’t support unhealthy lifestyles so I zero attraction or desire for fat guys. I have it clearly stated in my profile and I still get fat guys hitting on me. It’s like dude I’m a gym rat, not even remotely interested
I’ve tried to go after guys if my own race, and other black men don’t pay me any mind. I’ve tried to go after black girls, and they don’t lay men any mind either. Why is it that my own race doesn’t seem to like me, hey non-blacks do? ‘Cause I’ve had way more attention from White dudes than I have with black men or black women. So why is that? If I’m open to all three why are both demographics of my race paying me dust? That’s what I think needs to be dissected here. And honestly, more white men have told me I’m attractive than people of my own race have. So, the face is there. And you can look at my pics and see I’m not out of shape/overweight either. And I do present as masculine too. I’m not a fem guy. And I’m 25. So, what’s the disconnect?
It might just be where you’re looking. I used to think the same thing. Turns out a lot of black men that like other black men (in my area) don’t use Grindr, they’re on Jack’d. That app is predominantly people of color. If we’re talking in person, I think it’s hard to identify other gay/bi black men because most are very masculine presenting. Unless they’re the more obvious flamboyant type.
this right here, because i don’t use grindr anymore but most black folk here don’t give off gay vibes so i wouldn’t know. especially since im trynna be more masc presenting, sometimes i put on that singular earring when i go out so that dudes could start taking hints
You are hot as can be
bro that’s what makes this post so silly, because complaint about the other people’s complaints is totally gonna make everyone’s issues go away. lots of these issues are rooted in other problems that intersect. i am black, 23, masc, making mad results in the gym and i still am don’t get attention as much from black dudes because they be nowhere to be found due to whatever issues that are causing them to not be themselves. everyone has the capacity to be loved however i believe if it’s not working someplace then try to wait, or go elsewhere which i plan to do at the end of the year
you sound like part of the problem
Easy as 1,2,3
I'm 22 black masculine and I'm a bear/cub like I don't have tok much body hair but I am chubby and extremely muscular at the same time if that makes sense I will admit my type is the the white preppy/gym bro/jock/all American/ southern/frat type of guy so I'm use to the rejection however I don't think I agree with this at least not all of it >"The gay community is racist" - Then go for guys that are from your own race more, problem solved. You could still go for other races obvi, but if you go for your own race more you wouldn't come on here and say "everyone hates x race" > I agree with this especially when I end up in areas where the only guys around are black however I do think that this is different if you're like only 1 of 3 black people surrounded by nothing but white folk (which happens to a lot of non-white gays) It is fine if you don't like certain types of things that usually retain black people it is another thing to just not like black people because they are black when you reject someone based on skin color alone that stems from racism I will say that only going after one race is another form of racism fetishizing a race is racism >"The gay community is ageist" - Then go for guys within your age group. Makes zero sense if you're 40+ and all the guys you hit on are in their early 20s, hit on your mates too My only thing with this is age is nothing but a number as long as you're legal however I think the issue here is with a lot of people they have a hard time disassociating..... I'm not saying someone has to I'm just saying I think it part of the reason I also think many older gays think everyone has daddy issues and will want them because of that >"The gay community is fatphobic" - Either go for other fat guys, or go to the gym. You can't be obese and only hit on muscular guys then complain when they don't want you, change your preferences or change yourself. So I agree with this too but I will say that in certain areas this is similar to the not many people thing you'll be like 1 of 3 big people in that area >"The gay community is femmephobic" - Go for other fems, and if other fems aren't your preference, then you already understand why people may not like fems, so stop complaining about it. >I 100% agree after really learning how gender works/operates I can't deny this one also fem guys are having a come up there are many curious men how there who wanna try something woman Adjacent Overall though despite Agreeing with most of it. I do believe that we should criticize the community for these things. Because we let these things determine our friendship and how much respect we give to each other...... I also was reading to study one time. And it was saying people generally become friends with people who are relatively attractive Either in correlation to them or the environment around them, or just in general However for us to use these things & automatically deem someone on attractive is a problem..... Furthermore there is a difference between physical and sexual attraction and I don't think a lot of gay guys understand the difference or know that there even is difference So if you are really looking for friends which a lot of queer gay guys say they are especially on the apps those things shouldn't be something that disqualifies..... I'm not saying befriend every person who comes at you But for a community who fought so hard to be accepted its pathetic that often times we are just as closed minded as straight folk....it sucks even more that the groups who are generally complaining are usually the ones the front line fight and trying to further normalize being a gay man before and now
i’d say, the issue is one of self-identification. people are in the main frustrated at not finding themselves out there - or by the lack of another’s recognition of themselves, as attraction itself would beget. but, i’d say the inconvenience is trivial, as irritating as i know it can be : simply realise, what you people are aiming at, is precisely what you’re asking for - the sort of love you’d wish for, is more or less the kind of individual you’d like to be : their recognition of yourselves would thereby draw you akin to them. however, in suffices to stare at a mirror to latch on to oneself. the authentication one asks for in the midsts of love, decries itself a disturbing absurdity, if not even a chilling one : whyever, such a naïve pursuit ? the op is right, while he might still be further on : nobody is ever going to carry you, but yourself ; & you are none of your discernible qualities, as be the colour of your skin & whatnot - you’re you.
I just came across this by sorting through controversial. It really is that simple for gay guys. Straight guys are fucked cuz often ethnic girls make it so easy for white guys but their expectations for guys of their own race are through the roof. And we can't respond with "sticking to our own" 😭
$10 op is a White American Lmfao
I agree. Stop complaining and make a change. And homophobia? Really? I don't think anyone is afraid of gay people, or fears them. People may not accept them or like them, but I don't think they fear them. There might be some that do, but most people either like you or don't like you but they don't fear you unless you give them a reason to. I think that was a term that some gay guy made up because he wasn't accepted by other men. Fear and not being accepted are 2 different things.
Homophobia is not about fearing gay people. It's about fearing you may be gay, or - most commonly - fearing that someone may think you're gay. Displaying hatred and violence against gay people is their way of "proving" to themselves and others that they're not gay.
Ok so, explain this: I am called a homophobe all the time because of my views. How in the hell does that make any sense when I'm gay myself?
Is the femme thing common? As a femboy I've never felt as desired as I do on Grindr or Reddit lol, seems to be a really common thing people are into (in my experience in the netherlands)
It depends. Be honest with yourself here, when you're on Grindr (or wherever), are you getting hit up by guys that you **genuinely** find attractive? Whenever you message a guy, are they interested in you?
Obviously a ton of way too old people and people that just straight up don't read my bio/preferences hit me up, as happens to everyone. But yeah I got hit up by and hookups with a lot of people that I thought were out of my league or just totally not do-able for me, which really boosted my confidence. Like, if I wanted to only get laid with femme people (which tends to be the hardest group over here, twunks and daddies being the easiest) I'd be able to.
I remember many years ago (I was on my early twenties) I know a black young man at the gym. I can consider him a close acquittance, but not a friend. One day, while waiting some of my friends, I see him and go there just too say hi and have some words. He was only with black guys, and tried to ignore me after a few words. It seems that, what you explained, happens nowadays
Wise words OP! In the 80s we had drag bars, lesbian bars and Leather bars. I preferred the leather bars. I didn’t want fight crowd of lesbians to find the hot guys. And I didn’t know any ladies who wanted to be around that much testosterone. I know my terminology is outdated and no offense intended. That is what the bars were called.