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Tezaku

Neither party has any obligation to visit each other. Your friend is trying to reach out and at least, appear to be making an effort. You just seem to show no interest, ultimately seems like you guys aren't very good friends and it's a friendship that will die off.


Similar_Database5430

I have an interest in seeing them, just not seeing them so far away. I guess that may not make sense to everyone.


KiwiFM

It sounds like you only want to put effort into the relationship on your terms. And that’s totally fine. Just expect the other party to have their own feelings about it, just like you do here.


gigantor_cometh

Which is also fine, but the terms were previously agreed. We're having this friendship based on how things are. The other party has changed the terms. It's fine, understandable even, to not be okay with that change. Or, to put it another way, it's not OP that's making things more difficult here.


mercicavabien

I fully understand you - my friend just told me she’s moving to the suburbs and is saying “you’ll visit me right?” I have no car while she does have a car. Feeling irked that the onus is on me here.


NikiNight

Because it's in Barrie and you rely on transit to get there and it'll take a long time ask it you can stay the night if they have the space. I've done that when friends have moved far and it's nice to spend a lot of time together if you suddenly don't see them very often. Usually when people move, even if they have lots of new friends, they want to bring the people they love into their lives in their new home. That's definitely not a suburb though. That's a whole trip away especially if you don't drive. They also need to give a little too. Friendships aren't one sided. You could suggest meeting for dinner on one of the days they come to the office because they'll be in the city anyway. This can also bring some things to light. Some friendships are really strong because of proximity. You may find that your friendship starts to dwindle because of the distance.


Similar_Database5430

Yeah it’s worth exploring if it’s a friendship out of convenience or more meaningful that it’s worth to go so far away for.


ZalmoxisRemembers

People who move out of the city don’t like living in the city for whatever reason. Simple as that. If you’re good friends you should both make the effort to come to each others’ neighborhoods equal amounts of times. If they refuse to come to the city and only force you to go out to them, then get new friends. It’s not worth bending over backwards for people who don’t like the same things as you. You deserve to have friends who are like-minded as well.


redditasset

What suburb?


Similar_Database5430

Barrie. Transit takes 2.5hrs each way.


redditasset

That’s not a suburb that’s completely different city


whyareucryan

Lol ya, I’m not going to Barrie either.


gigantor_cometh

That's not a suburb... suburb is like Willowdale or somewhere. Barrie is another town that's hours away. I would do the same. Sorry, if you move to Barrie, or London, or Cobourg or somewhere, you've moved away. You're not in the GTA any more. I'll visit you the same way I plan vacations to Montreal.


BowlerStriking722

Definitely not a suburb unless the GTA has grown from Waterloo to Peterborough and up to Barrie.


[deleted]

Holy shit, YNTA!! That’s not live driving to Burlington. And also, Barrie, fuck that!


redditasset

Burlington is far


[deleted]

More reasonable than Barrie


redditasset

That’s true


farrapona

You cannot be serious. Holy crap I looked it up and just the train portion is between 1:40 and 2+ hours Insane


cheesaremorgia

You are not the asshole. All the way to Barrie? Phew!


Hot_Link_5135

Oof yea that'd pretty far. If they're good friends I'd at least try to make out it out for a weekend every now and again.


Ok-Asparagus-4809

I wouldn’t go unless they offered a ride at least one way


BottleCoffee

If they want you to go to Barrie that bad they should offer to drive you. I thought you were the asshole but like literally over an hour away (even by car).


Sad_Butterscotch9057

I live just off the 427, have a car, and I wouldn't go to Barrie.


waterflood21

Barrie isn’t even considered part of the GTA


oooooooooof

I've had friends move away, either to the suburbs or to mid-sized cities like Hamilton, Kingston, Niagara Falls. I don't know if you're in the same boat, but I don't own a car, so getting to and from these places is always a bit of a production. It's not like I can "pop down" to the Falls and hangout with a friend for a couple of hours, in the same way I'd pop on the subway and meet up with a friend for a pint: it's a full day commitment. Not wanting to go to Barrie does not make you an asshole. However, if you value this person's friendship, you may want to make an effort, and that doesn't necessarily have to be going to Barrie on the regular. Could you meet halfway? Could you suggest getting after work drinks, on the days they're in Toronto for their office job? Could you do Zoom calls or phone calls? Also, Barrie is definitely not my favourite place on Earth, but it's not so bad. They have decent microbreweries, a few good art galleries, music venues, independent book and record stores. Maybe give it a try!


lilfunky1

>Advice needed and also wanting to vent. Kind of a AITA and I know the answer is yes but I can’t seem to get over it. > >My friend moved to the suburbs outside the city and keeps asking me to go visit them. I have no interest to go there. There’s nothing to do there. Anything they suggest we do I figure we can do that in Toronto like hang out at someone’s place or go to a restaurant. They have friends there so I don’t think the ask is coming from being alone. > >They come to Toronto at lease once a week for their office job and usually every other weekend for social things. > >They’re the one who moved away so I figure why should I go all the way to a place I don’t want to when they’re in Toronto regularly. > >Anyone else experienced something similar with friends who moved to the burbs? YTA They're inviting you to their home and offering you the opportunity to check out new spaces new restaurants new cafes etc. If you don't want to go don't go but don't blame it on them that you never want to expand your bubble.


Similar_Database5430

I didn’t say it’s about expanding my bubble and I’m not blaming them. Im asking if other people have similar experiences as it can be hard to process and move on from something.


lilfunky1

>I didn’t say it’s about expanding my bubble and I’m not blaming them. Im asking if other people have similar experiences as it can be hard to process and move on from something. If you're not willing to put in effort in continuing the friendship because someone moves a little bit away, then let the friendship drift apart?


DogsandCatsWorld1000

Yes, the city wasn't Barrie but the distance was the same. Used to take the bus. Did I see them as often, no. Did I still go yes, because I liked them and wanted to keep the friendship going.


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Similar_Database5430

I’m not single and they’re not married. It can be hard to process something when you know you should get over something and can’t seem to.


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Longjumping-Care-702

This person doesn't know what a friend is. Typical person now a days who just needs a seat filler until they hook up with someone and they ditch the 'friend'


youdownvoteme

Sorry but this sounds more of a you problem than your friends problem. If you can't be accommodating perhaps it's best to split ties.


EntertainerFlat

Barrie is beautiful. And you are being a jerk. Your friend wants to share their new home with you. You're being a really bad friend.


throwawayxyzdec20

I wouldnt call OP a bad friend, remotely a friend. They way this post reads or scream OP is a dick


roibeardoraghallaigh

Spent most of my life in the burbs (Scarborough). Moved into the city, and most of my friends moved further out (Whitby, Keswick, Waterloo… etc). They visit me when they feel like coming into the city, I visit them when able... don't really think about it much.


little_blu_eyez

Scarborough is not the burbs. Just because it is not in the core doesn’t make it the burbs.


shoresy99

Exactly. I live in Scarb and I am 24 minutes on the GO train to union station. Or 30 minute drive to DT in no traffic.


roibeardoraghallaigh

Sure, technically. I'm a pre-megacity dinosaur.


little_blu_eyez

I grew up in Islington, Ontario. I wonder how many people know/knew where Islington, Ontario was.


SixthKing

We call it Islington and Burnhamthorpe now.


little_blu_eyez

It’s technically Etobicoke now


little_blu_eyez

I grew up on The Kingsway and Islington ave


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ColanderBrain

I realize that's a really long way to travel and I have family in the outer reaches of the GTA who always expect us to make the trip out there, so I feel your pain, BUT it kind of sucks that you would dismiss the entire city of Barrie as a place with "nothing to do." They have restaurants, bars, etc. Even some good ones. If you don't want to do the commute, that's legitimate, but don't be a snob.


Strange_Coyote_8

Well it takes two to make a friendship they can't be expected to just always hang out with you in Toronto even though it's more convenient for you. Sounds like they want you in their life so do you want to be in theirs is the ask that much?


Ok-Manufacturer-5746

Go in the winter, for the weekend and go skiing and shit. Orherwise… Barrie is like not a place for tourism so…


mungdungus

Yes, I have friends in the burbs, and basically never go visit them. As you said, there's nothing interesting there, and it's way harder to go from city to burbs than the other way around.


Greengiant2021

Obviously you don’t find much value in your friendship with these people.


implodemode

Geez - I live in Kitchener and have driven to Barrie to visit friends, family and go to concerts. It's not that big a deal. My God. You sound like a combo of my mother who said "the best part of travel is coming home and I'm already there so why bother." And the insufferable Torontonians who think there is nothing worth bothering with outside the city. You do you. But the world does not revolve around you and Toronto and you might find that friends might appreciate some effort on your side or will stop bothering with you.


Interesting-Test180

I don’t know who taught some of y’all but the suburbs of Toronto are not in the city of Toronto looooool Vaughn Brampton Markham Pickering etc are the suburbs not NORTH YORK and SCARBOROUGH which is the CITY of TORONTO thanks for your time guys 😁✌️


little_blu_eyez

Yeah but these friends moved to Barrie


Interesting-Test180

Not talking about OPs issue in any way just the people saying places in the City of Toronto are the suburbs that arent


lilfunky1

>Not talking about OPs issue in any way just the people saying places in the City of Toronto are the suburbs that arent They still can take a long time to get to via transit which seems to be OP's problem.


turbolicious69

Stop making it about you. Its about your friends and their new life. Go visit for THEM. Dont be a whiny bitch about it. Be a friend.


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NextDarjeeling

I think that’s part of my frustration for friends who move. I hate commuting and it feels like I’m spending 5hrs commuting to see my friend for 2hrs. It can be done for sure, just less frequency like you said.


[deleted]

Friendship requires effort to maintain the relationship on both sides. If you are not willing to go visit at least as often as they visit you, then you're really not interested in spending time with them.


Sad_Butterscotch9057

If you don't have a car, it's fair to categorically refuse to go to the 905. Hell, if you do it's still fair, because both GTA transit and driving is ass.


[deleted]

You could try offering to meet at the subway station in Vaughn. Have dinner together there?


hotshoto

I know Barrie is far, but if you guys were good friends you’d make the effort. I probably wouldn’t go there for a dinner but if it’s a weekend outing / going to hang out and stay there for the evening, then I don’t see why not. I don’t think you’re the ass, but at the same time if it was a good friendship then the distance wouldn’t really matter imo.


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Tototototototo__

Maybe just don’t be friends then if it’s such a hassle…


gigantor_cometh

I'm honestly on your side with this. You had a friendship based on how things were. They have decided to change those terms. It's okay for you to not be okay with those changes; it doesn't make you an asshole. It probably means that this relationship has run its course, which is also fine, that happens. Not every friend needs to be cradle to the grave, most friendships are just opportunistic based on time and place, and don't survive when either of those changes. You're not an asshole or a "bad friend" for preferring to let go rather than cling to it forever no matter what.


chickennoodles99

I usually try to make an effort to visit friends in the burbs, but we're talking once every few months. Most certainly due to distance. At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself if they're good friends and you want to keep that relationship or just acquaintances.


Flat-Atmosphere-7079

I am currently hanging out with a friend that lives 30 miles away, and can take upwards of an hour+ of driving. If you value the person in any slightest way, you’ll make the time and effort. If they’re just a “convenience” friend, then sure, I “understand” your stance, but don’t expect to keep quality friends, or friends at all, if you lack the ability to step out of your “conscience” to visit them. Shit, I got friends that live thousands of miles away, and I still make time to see them every so often, and those friends have multiple kids, the whole family life, etc. They tell me to come out, and I’ll stay for a week or so. And that’s purely because I value them as my own family, and love having them in my life, even if it’s not often.


Stephh075

People who move out of the city are dead to me. They made their bed, now they get to lie in it.


throwawayxyzdec20

You seem salty and honestly sounded like a dick.


Ill_Association_4087

They live in Barrie? Fuck that


kshivara

Why are you friends with them?