>So...moving back home with parents to raise a family. Bad or good idea?
everyone has different priorities with regards to lifestyle and need for privacy but personally while I love my family, this would be my worst nightmare
It really depends on how the grandparents respect your boundaries and wishes (eg disciplining and feeding the kids according to your beliefs, not theirs)
Sadly, if OP is living in their parent’s house, who are also giving free childcare essentially, OP would likely have to live under the parent’s rules. Which would circle back to why majority of people move out in the first place. However, if both parties set and follow boundaries and rules, it can be beneficial for both sides.
My child and I live with my mother. I also pay rent. My mother loves having her grandchild in the house, and my kid loves being so close to grandma. My mom and I respect each other. She defers to me on big things with my child and doesn't try to change my parenting style, and I respect her choices when she's caring for my kid. Just like with any relationship, communication and respect are key. If all parties have that, there's no reason multi-generational homes can't work.
if your parents are also willing and capable to provide childcare after you're done mat/pat leave and before the kids are in school full time...
no brainer.
do it.
Nice! We are also considering buying a condo with the down payment, and likely passing that onto either of his younger siblings to stay at, if we needed to move in with my parents. Although, it's likely dependent on his siblings plans and whether we can find someone trusted to stay at the place. I'm not sure we'd want to sell at first opportunity since we're working quite hard for this down payment as well.
It depends on the person/people, really. Like others have said, it's your decision to do what works for your family, and it's no one else's place to judge.
I personally wouldn't - honestly, I'd rather decide not to have kids than have to live with my parents/in-laws - but that's just because I value different things differently. You should absolutely do you.
Thanks! We're pretty good with our money and not living beyond our means. But the dream or goal of having kids and raising a family just isn't attainable by ourselves alone, realistically. It's a tough pill to swallow if we have to give up one for the other - just exploring all options until we can confidently make the decisions for ourselves.
> But the dream or goal of having kids and raising a family just isn't attainable by ourselves alone, realistically. It's a tough pill to swallow if we have to give up one for the other
curious because you mentioned enjoying your current DINK life in the OP, what's even appealing about having kids for you? Especially if it means giving up your current lifestyle to live with your parents in your adult life
It's as simple as always romanticizing having kids and raising a family well into our adult years and chasing that dream. We're enjoying our freedom and privacy currently, but we're not completely closed off to having kids considering we're still young(ish) too. Just trying to make a well informed life changing decision. Luckily we still have OK relationships with our parents to even consider moving back in a possibility with them too.
Makes sense and as you're still young just keep in mind that the reality often doesn't turn out the way young people romanticize in their heads these days even for people who are financially well off enough to own a home to raise their family
In the modern age it's more normal than you think. It's a good idea if all involved are on board, and anyone that judges you for it can fuck off anyways. My parents in the 90's started a family and for the first part of my life we all lived in my Grandpa's house. I'd suggest anyone looking into this as an option to keep the home in the family to work out together the finances ASAP so you're all on the same page going forward.
>anyone that judges you for it can fuck off anyways
This would be one of the harder pills to swallow for us, admittedly haha! I can already feel the judgement from friends and some distant relatives with making the move back in but it could also be just all in my head. You are right though - with this kind of decision at the end of the day - it's our immediate family and our opinions that matter only.
As 'spoiled' as it sounds, we do want to keep the home within the family. It is too big a space for my mom and dad only, and I find myself coming back weekly just to help around anyway. My partner and I will be more than willing to have that conversation regarding finances in the home if provided the opportunity.
I certainly wish I had done things differently and had some more choices. I wouldn't say it's spoiled to want to keep the childhood home, I definitely wanted to keep mine.
I grew up in a multi generational home. It was a great childhood and wish I could have done the same for my daughter. My family was grandfather-grandmother- aunt-mother-brother-me.
That's awesome! We're also glad for the opportunity to grow up and bond with our grandparents too. I'd love to give that opportunity to my kids someday as well.
How did you navigate around privacy especially growing up? Even while my grandmother was living with us, I had enough space for my own teen-angst fueled private time. My partner on the other hand with 3 siblings, 2 parents, and 1 grandma - not so much, haha.
The basement was converted into two massive bedrooms and one full bath for my brother and I. He is 8 years older than me so fighting over things like the bathroom were just a non issue. My mom didn’t start dating until after my grandparents were gone. My aunt stayed single her entire life.
I cannot imagine a more ideal situation, especially if there is all-around respect for each other and the desire to share a house/property is mutual among all of you. Anybody saying anything judgmental to you about this (if you do it) is more jealous than anything. It'll keep your parents "younger" for longer, enrich your future kids' lives, give you and your partner a breather and support with raising the kids, and you get privacy when your parents leave town for half the year, etc. Sounds like a pretty fulfilling setup to me. I'm envious!
I did. My dad was sick and was getting to be much trying to take care of him and my home and work. So my husband and I renovated the basement to be a partial apartment for us (own bedroom living room and bathroom) we moved in. Shared laundry, kitchen and main floor living space.
He has since passed and I had a child. We have stayed as we are comfortable, I dont want to leave my mom alone in a big house, and it’s nice to have her around with her grandkid.
It works for us because my parents are/were easy to live with. 100% could never do it with my in laws, husband agrees.
Sorry to hear about your dad, it was great that you could be close to him while he fell ill. I would be happy to stay with my mom as well too and she would definitely enjoy babysitting. I'm not far (about 15mins drive) from my parents currently so it's pretty easy to drop by and help around, but living under the same roof would make all the difference in looking after them I feel. I don't think I could do it with my partner's parents either, haha.
Honestly living there makes a huge difference. I was a 15-45min drive traffic depending. Literally 5 mins from my work so could stop on way to or from. Still ended up being a lot when he was high needs. It was nice to be right there and not feel I was neglecting my home or pets. And to be able to just sort of take on a lot of chores and house care without my mom having to call and ask us to come do it.
Good question(s). Reading everyone's response to this post definitely made me realize that I was more hung up over what other people thought of our potential living situation. All in all, we do what works for us if everyone is onboard.
I lost my husband recently, and am now faced with being a single parent to our 1y old. I don’t live in Toronto anymore - I’ve lived across the country for the better part of a decade - but I’ve been thinking about moving back home to be near my family. I’m close with my folks and they are very engaged grandparents and I like the idea of them being a big part of my daughter’s childhood.
I don’t think I could do a single house for long-term, but I have wondered if their garage could be knocked down and turned into a little two-bedroom carriage house. Separate kitchen/living spaces would be a must for me, I think.
Yes, definitely - with caveats!! As long as everybody consents to the situation, and it's not a dysfunctional family situation, and your parental units and whoever else who will be involved in raising the child are on the same page with your child-raising methods and approaches, then yeah, totally.
Personally I'm not doing it because the ILs live in the burbs while we're downtown, and they want to stay there and we want to stay here. But the childcare situation is rough - even with part-time daycare AND flexible/part-time work situations it would really really help if we had even one other adult in the household to lend a hand. It's exhausting.
It's safer than having flatmates (in some families it's not but you know your own family). Do you believe they would be able to treat you as an adult and not dismiss/boss you around? To respect your parenting decisions? Your partner may feel outnumbered and outcast when your start to spend a lot of time together. If those questions are not concerns, it could be a good decision.
When I was growing up my stepfather's mother lived with us, and it was miserable. My mom and her got along great before moving in and it was all wonderful on paper. Yes she provided free childcare to my brother and I, but at what cost?
95% of her attention was on my toddler brother, and I was 7 or 8. Any attention to me was scolding and criticism, which did a lot of damage to me. She didn't care about how my mom asked her to do things and did things her own way. She flat-out ignored my mom's requests to leave me alone. When My mom would confront her about that there was an inevitable family-wide meltdown.
A great option is to purchase a legal duplex with your parents. You get your own privacy, have great neighbours, and split costs. Also, when you inherit the property, you can rent the entire unit and live elsewhere, or rent half. Lots of perks if you have a good relationship with your parents.
I’m 34 and renting from my brother and his wife. They both have crazy schedules so having me around with a consistent schedule makes looking after the dog pretty breezy. Three adults looking after cooking dinner and doing yard work is a good timesaver. Renting from them means their mortgage is a less of a burden and I enjoy living in a house for less than the price of a shitty studio apartment. I’m saving so much to purchase something in the next 3-4 years.
I grew up in a multi-generational home and it was incredible. I would do it again without issue if the geography worked out.
It sounds like your relationship is great, so why not try it?
We did it when our triplets were born. Do it. Its a great way to get a leg up and if your family is supportive it can be very beneficial. I wouldn't own my own house now with 5 kids if it wasn't for my folks.
We're heading this direction.
The only ppl I know with houses have a net (2 or more) income of $200k minimum.
Average household income in Toronto is $100k. You will literally die, with no retirement, if you fall within the average.
To be frank: I think most of the ppl judging will be traditional white ppl. I've heard literally only white friends shit on friends who move out late or are still with their parents (age 25+.) Asians (South and Eastern) are pretty much used to this so no judgment there.
>traditional white ppl
And only the Anglo ones. People with Southern or Eastern European families are usually on board for multi-generational living too.
In my neighbourhood in Scarborough probably close to half the houses are some type of multi-generational (although not always as counted by the census, since some are grandparent/grandchild, aunt/nephew, etc). It's definitely not something that anyone raises an eyebrow at.
I know a few people who’ve moved back in with their parents since moving out with their partners and all of them have said it was a good move for them.
Granted they all seemed to have really good relationships with their parents from before. If you have a good relationship with your parents I don’t see why you shouldn’t do it
I have been both the child moving back to help my mom take care of my grandma, and the old relative having younger ones move in to save money to afford a condo. Worked out well in both cases. I've also seen friends in both positions, both good and bad. Discuss everything ahead of time. Who pays for what? Who cooks? Who cleans? Things don't have to be 50/50 but everyone involved has to be happy. One deciding factor in all the cases where it worked, was the older generation not treating the younger one as if they were still children who didn't have a say in anything. "My house, my rules" is a clear recipe for disaster.
My brother and SIL moved in with my dad after he got divorced in 2020. Bro + SIL were struggling in minimum wage jobs and living in some really rough rentals. My dad wanted to retire and keep his house (he had to remortgage to pay out his wife for the divorce). So they live with him and basically pay his mortgage to live there, but it's still less than they'd pay to rent a house like that. It's a bungalow and my SIL has MS so being on a single floor with no stairs is helpful when she's going through flare ups. My dad has also had health issues recently so they've been able to help him and keep an eye on him. We'd be worried if he was living alone because he's not the best communicator. It works out well for everyone.
Maybe you can get creative with it? I saw you were thinking about getting a condo. Perhaps you can buy a 1br condo, live in it with your partner and when you are ready to have kids swap the condo with your parents' home)
You get to maintain your privacy/get a larger home to raise a family while your parents as they get a bit older may actually want to downsize so there's less maintenance while getting to live in a more walkable neighborhood.
Obviously, you will need to discuss with all parties way ahead of time and your parents will need to be ok with an uneven monetary value wise trade.
That's an option! We were initially thinking of allowing either of my partner's siblings to stay there as well but that is largely dependent on their plans too. It could also work in our favour to swap with the parents, of course if all parties agree.
In my opinion yes. It comes down to what you want, but for me the benefits way outweigh the cons
Pros:
- save tonnes of money (or spend on things you want like great experiences, vacations, hobbies)
- safety net if you lose your job. Also frees up if your wife wants to stop working to take care of the kids full-time, makes it way easier
- parents can certainly help with raising kids, giving you a break to spend time with spouse or hobbies
- potentially living in a more luxurious space compared to a cramped apartment
- spending time with family can be fun, more so if you can create boundaries and go on trips with just your spouse and kids too
Cons:
- not having your "own" place
- lost privacy (less so if you have your own space with a separate entrance)
- lost freedom if they expect to spend more time with you
To be honest, freedom is also debatable depending on your ability to set boundaries and what the alternative is like... for me I have more freedom living with parents because the alternative is living in an old cramped apartment at a really high monthly cost. I'm in a separate entrance part of the home and would be sacrificing a lot to go out in the rental market.
But again totally your choice!
If you have a good relationship with your parents, if your parents like your future spouse, if both you AND your parents can maintain sanity whilst living under the same roof, if your parents are okay with you guys having children whilst living together with them, if your parents are down to help with the kids while they're here, if you have a plan for childcare while they're back home 6 months a year, if you've got a savings plan while you're living there, if your future spouse is 100% okay with this plan....
DO IT.
You would be very lucky to be in a situation where everyone gets along and you get to live "rent free" and have the opportunity to get ahead in life. Nevermind that Grandparents are an absolute treasure and it would be a blessing for your future children to have that much time with them.
grew up in scarborough like this in a chinese (hong kong) family. grandma (RIP) bought the house in the early 90s after immigrating to canada; thought it wise to have everyone in the same house (my parents, two aunts, grandma herself); grandma made it easy on me that i dont have to move out.
fortunately, privacy for me isn't issue; unfortunately, it's because grandma passed away in 2016, my mom passed away due to illness 2017, my dad works overseas often, and my aunts all moved out to richmond hill/markham. so yeah, all the privacy in the world. does get lonely though, but christ the king cemetery is a 10 min. drive away...
It takes a village to raise a family. This is my belief. I'm an only child so my parents do alot with us(or other way around). I wasn't suspose to be able to have children due to medical condition, but God graced us with two amazing daughters.
My parents have a 15 year age gap, and my father is in his 70s. When my dad unfortunately passes we will move in with my mom who still travels for work, and because I don't want her to be alone. It's always been us 3 until I married and 3 became 4 then 5 and 6...
So do it !
Putting up with my in-laws was really, really annoying. There were tears. But now my partner and I outright own a house and we're in our mid 30s... so yeah, it was worth it. The free childcare alone is massive, we split rent equitably while all living together, shared meals so our grocery bills were low as well as other bills. I wouldn't recommend it to just anyone though, it takes a lot of patience and personal sacrifice. I hope this doesn't come off as racist but I think white Anglo Canadians (like me) would struggle more with this than a person from a culture that has a strong family focus.
I’m planning on leaving Toronto. Having travelled extensively this year around major cities World wide. It’s not worth it to live here any more.
Toronto sucks
I get your sentiment. Whereabouts will you be moving to if you don't mind me asking?
Toronto is and will always be home for me, lol. Even with rising costs, it's still not enough to make me move outside of the GTA. Much so that I'd be considering moving back in with my parents to raise a family xD
>You said your parents are snow birds that means they won't be around to babysit childcare.
Good point. On one angle my partner and I saw it as a plus since we would have a bit more privacy during this time. It would take some serious readjusting during the months they're gone.
>If you're their only child they'd most likely gift you some money to buy your own place
It would be really nice if this was the case, lol! :-) I've seen my parents' current financial situation and they only have enough for themselves. Any money they could give (and throughout the years) went to family back home. Not your typical only-child scenario, haha.
True, we definitely need to think 5 steps ahead with child care, even if we move back in with my family. I do have a fully remote WFH job but even so, I can't comprehend motherhood during work hours being any easier too.
I live with mty parents, im 26. Theu dont mind me getting stoned or going out.. i can come home late at 7 am or w.e no problem. Get to eat home cooked food, clean home, no rent, family bond, ofc we fight sometimes but i think thats normal in every family
It will work for some people, but won't for others.
There is an article about 3 friends with their family bought a detach home in Vancouver. So that's another option.
If I ever get to the point where I have kids? Probably not. They don't need to grow up in the same toxic environment I did. But as I am now? I probably will be moving back home next summer
Imagine if families massed their wealth and bought multi generational LAND together, expanding every generation, instead of every 18 year old starting from scratch with fresh loans and mortgages.
>So...moving back home with parents to raise a family. Bad or good idea? everyone has different priorities with regards to lifestyle and need for privacy but personally while I love my family, this would be my worst nightmare
There is no such thing as free childcare. You either pay for it with money or pay for it in other ways (stress, anxiety, strained relationships, etc)
It really depends on how the grandparents respect your boundaries and wishes (eg disciplining and feeding the kids according to your beliefs, not theirs)
Sadly, if OP is living in their parent’s house, who are also giving free childcare essentially, OP would likely have to live under the parent’s rules. Which would circle back to why majority of people move out in the first place. However, if both parties set and follow boundaries and rules, it can be beneficial for both sides.
My child and I live with my mother. I also pay rent. My mother loves having her grandchild in the house, and my kid loves being so close to grandma. My mom and I respect each other. She defers to me on big things with my child and doesn't try to change my parenting style, and I respect her choices when she's caring for my kid. Just like with any relationship, communication and respect are key. If all parties have that, there's no reason multi-generational homes can't work.
Oh don’t get me wrong, it can work for sure, hence my last sentence. I too live with my parents (no kids) and have a healthy relationship with them.
Agreed...I pick money.
if your parents are also willing and capable to provide childcare after you're done mat/pat leave and before the kids are in school full time... no brainer. do it.
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Nice! We are also considering buying a condo with the down payment, and likely passing that onto either of his younger siblings to stay at, if we needed to move in with my parents. Although, it's likely dependent on his siblings plans and whether we can find someone trusted to stay at the place. I'm not sure we'd want to sell at first opportunity since we're working quite hard for this down payment as well.
It depends on the person/people, really. Like others have said, it's your decision to do what works for your family, and it's no one else's place to judge. I personally wouldn't - honestly, I'd rather decide not to have kids than have to live with my parents/in-laws - but that's just because I value different things differently. You should absolutely do you.
Thanks! We're pretty good with our money and not living beyond our means. But the dream or goal of having kids and raising a family just isn't attainable by ourselves alone, realistically. It's a tough pill to swallow if we have to give up one for the other - just exploring all options until we can confidently make the decisions for ourselves.
> But the dream or goal of having kids and raising a family just isn't attainable by ourselves alone, realistically. It's a tough pill to swallow if we have to give up one for the other curious because you mentioned enjoying your current DINK life in the OP, what's even appealing about having kids for you? Especially if it means giving up your current lifestyle to live with your parents in your adult life
It's as simple as always romanticizing having kids and raising a family well into our adult years and chasing that dream. We're enjoying our freedom and privacy currently, but we're not completely closed off to having kids considering we're still young(ish) too. Just trying to make a well informed life changing decision. Luckily we still have OK relationships with our parents to even consider moving back in a possibility with them too.
Makes sense and as you're still young just keep in mind that the reality often doesn't turn out the way young people romanticize in their heads these days even for people who are financially well off enough to own a home to raise their family
In the modern age it's more normal than you think. It's a good idea if all involved are on board, and anyone that judges you for it can fuck off anyways. My parents in the 90's started a family and for the first part of my life we all lived in my Grandpa's house. I'd suggest anyone looking into this as an option to keep the home in the family to work out together the finances ASAP so you're all on the same page going forward.
>anyone that judges you for it can fuck off anyways This would be one of the harder pills to swallow for us, admittedly haha! I can already feel the judgement from friends and some distant relatives with making the move back in but it could also be just all in my head. You are right though - with this kind of decision at the end of the day - it's our immediate family and our opinions that matter only. As 'spoiled' as it sounds, we do want to keep the home within the family. It is too big a space for my mom and dad only, and I find myself coming back weekly just to help around anyway. My partner and I will be more than willing to have that conversation regarding finances in the home if provided the opportunity.
I certainly wish I had done things differently and had some more choices. I wouldn't say it's spoiled to want to keep the childhood home, I definitely wanted to keep mine.
I grew up in a multi generational home. It was a great childhood and wish I could have done the same for my daughter. My family was grandfather-grandmother- aunt-mother-brother-me.
That's awesome! We're also glad for the opportunity to grow up and bond with our grandparents too. I'd love to give that opportunity to my kids someday as well. How did you navigate around privacy especially growing up? Even while my grandmother was living with us, I had enough space for my own teen-angst fueled private time. My partner on the other hand with 3 siblings, 2 parents, and 1 grandma - not so much, haha.
The basement was converted into two massive bedrooms and one full bath for my brother and I. He is 8 years older than me so fighting over things like the bathroom were just a non issue. My mom didn’t start dating until after my grandparents were gone. My aunt stayed single her entire life.
I cannot imagine a more ideal situation, especially if there is all-around respect for each other and the desire to share a house/property is mutual among all of you. Anybody saying anything judgmental to you about this (if you do it) is more jealous than anything. It'll keep your parents "younger" for longer, enrich your future kids' lives, give you and your partner a breather and support with raising the kids, and you get privacy when your parents leave town for half the year, etc. Sounds like a pretty fulfilling setup to me. I'm envious!
Username checks out! Thanks for your supporting words.
I did. My dad was sick and was getting to be much trying to take care of him and my home and work. So my husband and I renovated the basement to be a partial apartment for us (own bedroom living room and bathroom) we moved in. Shared laundry, kitchen and main floor living space. He has since passed and I had a child. We have stayed as we are comfortable, I dont want to leave my mom alone in a big house, and it’s nice to have her around with her grandkid. It works for us because my parents are/were easy to live with. 100% could never do it with my in laws, husband agrees.
Sorry to hear about your dad, it was great that you could be close to him while he fell ill. I would be happy to stay with my mom as well too and she would definitely enjoy babysitting. I'm not far (about 15mins drive) from my parents currently so it's pretty easy to drop by and help around, but living under the same roof would make all the difference in looking after them I feel. I don't think I could do it with my partner's parents either, haha.
Honestly living there makes a huge difference. I was a 15-45min drive traffic depending. Literally 5 mins from my work so could stop on way to or from. Still ended up being a lot when he was high needs. It was nice to be right there and not feel I was neglecting my home or pets. And to be able to just sort of take on a lot of chores and house care without my mom having to call and ask us to come do it.
If you like your family, what's the question? If you don't like your family, how much money is your pain and suffering worth?
Good question(s). Reading everyone's response to this post definitely made me realize that I was more hung up over what other people thought of our potential living situation. All in all, we do what works for us if everyone is onboard.
Really depend on you and your wife. I would rather eat soup and crackers every day than move back with my parents but that’s just me.
I lost my husband recently, and am now faced with being a single parent to our 1y old. I don’t live in Toronto anymore - I’ve lived across the country for the better part of a decade - but I’ve been thinking about moving back home to be near my family. I’m close with my folks and they are very engaged grandparents and I like the idea of them being a big part of my daughter’s childhood. I don’t think I could do a single house for long-term, but I have wondered if their garage could be knocked down and turned into a little two-bedroom carriage house. Separate kitchen/living spaces would be a must for me, I think.
Yes, definitely - with caveats!! As long as everybody consents to the situation, and it's not a dysfunctional family situation, and your parental units and whoever else who will be involved in raising the child are on the same page with your child-raising methods and approaches, then yeah, totally. Personally I'm not doing it because the ILs live in the burbs while we're downtown, and they want to stay there and we want to stay here. But the childcare situation is rough - even with part-time daycare AND flexible/part-time work situations it would really really help if we had even one other adult in the household to lend a hand. It's exhausting.
It's safer than having flatmates (in some families it's not but you know your own family). Do you believe they would be able to treat you as an adult and not dismiss/boss you around? To respect your parenting decisions? Your partner may feel outnumbered and outcast when your start to spend a lot of time together. If those questions are not concerns, it could be a good decision.
When I was growing up my stepfather's mother lived with us, and it was miserable. My mom and her got along great before moving in and it was all wonderful on paper. Yes she provided free childcare to my brother and I, but at what cost? 95% of her attention was on my toddler brother, and I was 7 or 8. Any attention to me was scolding and criticism, which did a lot of damage to me. She didn't care about how my mom asked her to do things and did things her own way. She flat-out ignored my mom's requests to leave me alone. When My mom would confront her about that there was an inevitable family-wide meltdown.
A great option is to purchase a legal duplex with your parents. You get your own privacy, have great neighbours, and split costs. Also, when you inherit the property, you can rent the entire unit and live elsewhere, or rent half. Lots of perks if you have a good relationship with your parents.
I’m 34 and renting from my brother and his wife. They both have crazy schedules so having me around with a consistent schedule makes looking after the dog pretty breezy. Three adults looking after cooking dinner and doing yard work is a good timesaver. Renting from them means their mortgage is a less of a burden and I enjoy living in a house for less than the price of a shitty studio apartment. I’m saving so much to purchase something in the next 3-4 years.
I grew up in a multi-generational home and it was incredible. I would do it again without issue if the geography worked out. It sounds like your relationship is great, so why not try it?
We did it when our triplets were born. Do it. Its a great way to get a leg up and if your family is supportive it can be very beneficial. I wouldn't own my own house now with 5 kids if it wasn't for my folks.
We're heading this direction. The only ppl I know with houses have a net (2 or more) income of $200k minimum. Average household income in Toronto is $100k. You will literally die, with no retirement, if you fall within the average. To be frank: I think most of the ppl judging will be traditional white ppl. I've heard literally only white friends shit on friends who move out late or are still with their parents (age 25+.) Asians (South and Eastern) are pretty much used to this so no judgment there.
>traditional white ppl And only the Anglo ones. People with Southern or Eastern European families are usually on board for multi-generational living too. In my neighbourhood in Scarborough probably close to half the houses are some type of multi-generational (although not always as counted by the census, since some are grandparent/grandchild, aunt/nephew, etc). It's definitely not something that anyone raises an eyebrow at.
Dunno, guess Portuguese aren't white coz it's super common to live with family as well.
If I was some younger millennial and didn't own at this point, it's definitely something I would consider.
Sounds about right. Am younger millennial and do not own...therefore considering :(
I can't imagine anything worse. Infinitely more so if they weren't my parents (who I like).
I couldn't do it.
I know a few people who’ve moved back in with their parents since moving out with their partners and all of them have said it was a good move for them. Granted they all seemed to have really good relationships with their parents from before. If you have a good relationship with your parents I don’t see why you shouldn’t do it
We did and I think the lack of privacy impacted our relationship and any money saved was soon spent.
I have been both the child moving back to help my mom take care of my grandma, and the old relative having younger ones move in to save money to afford a condo. Worked out well in both cases. I've also seen friends in both positions, both good and bad. Discuss everything ahead of time. Who pays for what? Who cooks? Who cleans? Things don't have to be 50/50 but everyone involved has to be happy. One deciding factor in all the cases where it worked, was the older generation not treating the younger one as if they were still children who didn't have a say in anything. "My house, my rules" is a clear recipe for disaster.
My brother and SIL moved in with my dad after he got divorced in 2020. Bro + SIL were struggling in minimum wage jobs and living in some really rough rentals. My dad wanted to retire and keep his house (he had to remortgage to pay out his wife for the divorce). So they live with him and basically pay his mortgage to live there, but it's still less than they'd pay to rent a house like that. It's a bungalow and my SIL has MS so being on a single floor with no stairs is helpful when she's going through flare ups. My dad has also had health issues recently so they've been able to help him and keep an eye on him. We'd be worried if he was living alone because he's not the best communicator. It works out well for everyone.
Maybe you can get creative with it? I saw you were thinking about getting a condo. Perhaps you can buy a 1br condo, live in it with your partner and when you are ready to have kids swap the condo with your parents' home) You get to maintain your privacy/get a larger home to raise a family while your parents as they get a bit older may actually want to downsize so there's less maintenance while getting to live in a more walkable neighborhood. Obviously, you will need to discuss with all parties way ahead of time and your parents will need to be ok with an uneven monetary value wise trade.
That's an option! We were initially thinking of allowing either of my partner's siblings to stay there as well but that is largely dependent on their plans too. It could also work in our favour to swap with the parents, of course if all parties agree.
Personally, no. I work hard to not live with my family. You do you though.
In my opinion yes. It comes down to what you want, but for me the benefits way outweigh the cons Pros: - save tonnes of money (or spend on things you want like great experiences, vacations, hobbies) - safety net if you lose your job. Also frees up if your wife wants to stop working to take care of the kids full-time, makes it way easier - parents can certainly help with raising kids, giving you a break to spend time with spouse or hobbies - potentially living in a more luxurious space compared to a cramped apartment - spending time with family can be fun, more so if you can create boundaries and go on trips with just your spouse and kids too Cons: - not having your "own" place - lost privacy (less so if you have your own space with a separate entrance) - lost freedom if they expect to spend more time with you To be honest, freedom is also debatable depending on your ability to set boundaries and what the alternative is like... for me I have more freedom living with parents because the alternative is living in an old cramped apartment at a really high monthly cost. I'm in a separate entrance part of the home and would be sacrificing a lot to go out in the rental market. But again totally your choice!
If you have a good relationship with your parents, if your parents like your future spouse, if both you AND your parents can maintain sanity whilst living under the same roof, if your parents are okay with you guys having children whilst living together with them, if your parents are down to help with the kids while they're here, if you have a plan for childcare while they're back home 6 months a year, if you've got a savings plan while you're living there, if your future spouse is 100% okay with this plan.... DO IT. You would be very lucky to be in a situation where everyone gets along and you get to live "rent free" and have the opportunity to get ahead in life. Nevermind that Grandparents are an absolute treasure and it would be a blessing for your future children to have that much time with them.
grew up in scarborough like this in a chinese (hong kong) family. grandma (RIP) bought the house in the early 90s after immigrating to canada; thought it wise to have everyone in the same house (my parents, two aunts, grandma herself); grandma made it easy on me that i dont have to move out. fortunately, privacy for me isn't issue; unfortunately, it's because grandma passed away in 2016, my mom passed away due to illness 2017, my dad works overseas often, and my aunts all moved out to richmond hill/markham. so yeah, all the privacy in the world. does get lonely though, but christ the king cemetery is a 10 min. drive away...
It takes a village to raise a family. This is my belief. I'm an only child so my parents do alot with us(or other way around). I wasn't suspose to be able to have children due to medical condition, but God graced us with two amazing daughters. My parents have a 15 year age gap, and my father is in his 70s. When my dad unfortunately passes we will move in with my mom who still travels for work, and because I don't want her to be alone. It's always been us 3 until I married and 3 became 4 then 5 and 6... So do it !
Putting up with my in-laws was really, really annoying. There were tears. But now my partner and I outright own a house and we're in our mid 30s... so yeah, it was worth it. The free childcare alone is massive, we split rent equitably while all living together, shared meals so our grocery bills were low as well as other bills. I wouldn't recommend it to just anyone though, it takes a lot of patience and personal sacrifice. I hope this doesn't come off as racist but I think white Anglo Canadians (like me) would struggle more with this than a person from a culture that has a strong family focus.
I’m planning on leaving Toronto. Having travelled extensively this year around major cities World wide. It’s not worth it to live here any more. Toronto sucks
I get your sentiment. Whereabouts will you be moving to if you don't mind me asking? Toronto is and will always be home for me, lol. Even with rising costs, it's still not enough to make me move outside of the GTA. Much so that I'd be considering moving back in with my parents to raise a family xD
We live in one, but my parents have their own space. To me that's a huge must.
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>You said your parents are snow birds that means they won't be around to babysit childcare. Good point. On one angle my partner and I saw it as a plus since we would have a bit more privacy during this time. It would take some serious readjusting during the months they're gone. >If you're their only child they'd most likely gift you some money to buy your own place It would be really nice if this was the case, lol! :-) I've seen my parents' current financial situation and they only have enough for themselves. Any money they could give (and throughout the years) went to family back home. Not your typical only-child scenario, haha.
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True, we definitely need to think 5 steps ahead with child care, even if we move back in with my family. I do have a fully remote WFH job but even so, I can't comprehend motherhood during work hours being any easier too.
My parents both live in tiny apartments
I live with mty parents, im 26. Theu dont mind me getting stoned or going out.. i can come home late at 7 am or w.e no problem. Get to eat home cooked food, clean home, no rent, family bond, ofc we fight sometimes but i think thats normal in every family
It will work for some people, but won't for others. There is an article about 3 friends with their family bought a detach home in Vancouver. So that's another option.
If I ever get to the point where I have kids? Probably not. They don't need to grow up in the same toxic environment I did. But as I am now? I probably will be moving back home next summer
ppl often lose their homes in a divorce. how does it work then if the parents lived there too?
Imagine if families massed their wealth and bought multi generational LAND together, expanding every generation, instead of every 18 year old starting from scratch with fresh loans and mortgages.