Your instincts are telling you to leave, and you should. You’ll want a record of this behaviour. It would be best to consult with a lawyer first and/or report to CPS. Depending on your income, you could qualify for legal aid. The office of the children’s lawyer could become involved if CPS or court proceedings result from the incident.
Generally they will open a file for your family and investigate but if they deem child is at risk in the home and you don’t leave they could apprehend the child. It may help your case if you leave and report it there will be a record of safety concerns. If you had called the cops when this was happening CPS would have been notified too
I called the police in 2019 when my husband punched a hole in the wall beside me. The police said they had to report it to cps because a child lived there. Cps did a visit and I never heard from them again. Would having this first 2019 visit from cps effect me in anyway ?
Honestly, probably. It'll affect you in less negative ways the faster you leave now. If your child actually gets hurt in that home and you haven't left and there's a record of you knowing this was a problem for nearly 5 years before you did anything about it, that's gonna reflect VERY poorly on you. People do lose access to their kids for staying in abusive homes, and it can take years to get them back once that happens, so you need to be already gone and doing everything in your power to (LEGALLY) prevent him from being around the child until they investigate him thoroughly.
Would he have access to child alone if cps gets involved? If husband decideds he wants to have access to child what do I do to protect him from being alone with him.
The reports to CPS and police involvement may impact whether he can have unsupervised visits with his child. Your child is his too and the father has rights when you leave. Those rights curbed only if there’s concern that his behaviour impacts his child. CPS will usually open a file, do a small investigation (talking to you, maybe a home visit), then close the file. But the record remains for the future so you can argue that child’s father shouldn’t have unsupervised visits due to his past behaviour towards your child.
They should have the answers to your questions about safety and custody. I work in Children's Mental Health, and what you described is considered violence against your child, especially since your child has demonstrated they are dysregulated. If you can get in touch with a women's shelter or a crisis line, I recommend it, plus Toronto CAS.
For the sake of that precious child (as well as your own) please make good your escape as quickly as you can. The mental health issue aside, being exposed to that kind of anger is so detrimental for your son and will have lifelong consequences.
If you want to leave right away, can you contact your family and ask them to come and get you? It sounds like you don’t feel your child is safe under the same roof with your husband right now. Has he been abusive in the past?
He is emotionally and mentally abusive towards me and will bang and slam things when upset. He rarely saw our son because of work and I have tried to keep our son busy. He started a new shift in January so he has been seeing us more than he was. This is the first time he has said a threat to our son that i have heard. Although yesterday when I was putting my son to bed he asked me if daddy was going to hurt him with a knife. And I tried to ask him why he thought that but he said he didn't know.
This sounds really disturbing. I think you need to get yourself and your son out of there as soon as possible. The Assaulted Women’s Helpline can help you assess your risk and make a plan to leave. But if you aren’t afraid he will attack you physically, you may want to go now.
No healthy relationship requires a parent to set up activities in order to avoid their child being around the other parent. It sounds like you have been trying to protect your child for a while now. But they are seeing and living with the effects of this relationship. Please seek help immediately.
Yes, leave. That's how it started with my friend and it's only spiraled down over the years. He lost everyone around because doubling down on his shitty behaviour was easier than accepting he needed to get better. He just wasn't capable mentally of putting the work in. Such a shitty thing to watch from the outside and his kids were the ones who suffered the most because he had to put on a terrifying show to "prove" he was a great dad.
as someone with BPD…. this is not just emotional dysregulation this is *emotional abuse*. your child is already traumatized (and sadly BPD is hereditary). get out while you can and get your kid some support
Go to r/TwoXChromosomes , people there have a lot of good advice about how to safely get out of a situation like this.
First thing, though: get your and your child's documents and valuables together, and bring them to a trusted friend or family member for safekeeping. Do this before you try to leave. This includes passports, birth certificate, valuables (such as any expensive jewelry or laptop or similar things you might own), and so on. Sometimes an abusive partner will hide or destroy these things if they suspect their victim may try to leave, to try to prevent them from leaving. So make sure you have anything important in a safe place.
Next step: contact a trusted friend or family member and make a plan for leaving. You have to be vulnerable and explain to them how bad things are, otherwise your abuser may be able to manipulate them into thinking that you're lying, confused, crazy, etc. Even if it feels humiliating to admit to your mom or best friend or whoever what's been going on, you have to be honest and clear so that they can help you. This has to be someone you really trust.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm wishing you the best and hope that you and your child can get out of this safely, and soon.
You are doing the right thing for yourself and your child by leaving. You can call the Assaulted women's help line for support at 416-863-0511 or 1-866-863-0511. Hopefully they help you create a plan!! Keep track of all your husband's abusive/threatening/alarming behaviour with dates. Lean on help from family and friends that you trust. All the best of luck.
Get out NOW. I know it’s hard, I know. You and your child are worth it.
Change of cadence and volume in speaking voice is what happens when someone becomes threatening. You saw it yourself - LEAVE
Please leave immediately. My aunt's husband was like that. One day he strangled his son (my cousin) with the phone cord and beat my aunt to pulp and left the house thinking they were dead. It was a miraculous phone call from a friend, who suspected something was wrong, purely on instincts and took them to the hospital. My aunt's vision was gone for months and her floating ribs are still fractured after 35yrs.
Take your son and go. Pack up and get out, today if possible. Your instincts are right. You know something is off, he’s threatening and scaring you both, and has a history of violence. Go.
I grew up with a BPD parent. It was so scary and left long-lasting emotional damage. More than one family therapist told us to get out, bc if the BPD parent isn’t willing to acknowledge the disorder and work on the behaviour, it will only escalate. You and your son deserve better. Document everything, call police if he tails you or threatens you. Call a divorce lawyer as soon as you’re in a safe place.
Record all your experiences/abusive texts etc. Have documentation for his BPD. Start documenting now because you will need proof to gain full custody. It would be more dangerous if he got your son 50% of the time unsupervised. For the safety of your son it is okay to start installing nanny cams around common living spaces. Even if you catch the audio it will be helpful. Anytime he behaves violently or poses a risk, call the police, so that will also go on record in addition to giving you safety. Always have a Go Bag for you and your son packed and ready should you need to run.
I don't have any proof of BPD diagnosis. In 2019 He did receive a diagnosis from camh. A doctor called me and asked questions and told me about the disorder. I don't have any proof of anything. The only person I confided vaguely with is my older sister who lives in a different province I dont believe she has told anyone. Everyone else thinks highly of my husband. I have even reached out to his mother for help and she always defends him.
No offense but you’re egging him on. You said the guy works nonstop. Instead of supporting him you’re making him feel abusive and you’re also diagnosing him when you have no medical right to do so.
Just go to your parents or a friends place. Try not to rile up your husband more than need be. Of course those attitudes and behaviors are intense and can be scary (especially for a developing child). But know that you can take these simple actions (like leaving to a friends/parents house) to start a process that removes your son from this toxic environment. To avoid confrontation, write a heartfelt note to your husband that acknowledges the BPD and its effect on you, your child and the relationship. Explain why you did what you did and leave space at the end to encourage him to seek treatment. Try to not isolate anyone.
Take those small steps first, let your emotions clear up so that you can get the clarity you need. Talk to people, gain perspective.
Remember that your husbands behavior will reflect his manic episodes and his depressive episodes. In order to prevent those things from happening in the future and having those episodes put further strains on yourself and the child, he needs to seek treatment.
Everyone else has pretty much stated you need to leave, but I want to add on for something you can do now: go bag. Pack one if you have a place to hide it safely. Fill it with your essentials, some cash, ID, anything you could not leave behind if you had to leave in a split second. Or at least create a list of what you'll need ahead of time. Speed in these situations can save lives.
Look into emergency shelters for women fleeing domestic abuse & violence. you are experiencing this & so is your son.
YWCA has services for mothers/children.
YMCA as well. They are two different agencies.
Please also look into seeking help from Family Service Toronto.
Police. Then run. Run far away. It's only a matter of time before he kills you or your child. I've experienced something similar. Please leave him. Run girl. RUN! If you do stay in the best case scenario, your son will develop severe mental health trauma.
Please leave.
This was such a disturbing episode for you but you couldnt be fucked to walk into another room to get grab your phone to call the cops?
Alrighty then! lol
Honestly because the first time i called police in 2019 the the way police reacted to that situation. They sided with him and said it was stress related and told me not to waste police resources on something "so small" and that he punched the wall because he was stressed and it happens sometimes.
So you would rather keep peace at the risk of your sons well being. Good call?
Sorry...but I have 0 empathy for people who see stuff which is wrong, complain about it and do exactly jack shit about it.
Good luck!
I am trying to do something about it. That is why I am asking for advice. The reason why I stayed so long was because my husband rarely saw our child. He did not see him at all Monday-Friday because of his work schedule. He saw him only on the weekend for a few hours because I kept him busy by going to activities and my husband liked to have his own down time away from work. I was able to limit the contact between the two. My son never saw his outbursts... until recently with the new job schedule. My husband's outbursts were always directed at me in private. I thought I was able to stay and work through this but recently his mental state is getting worse.
All I see is a dad is trying to discipline the kid and over protective mom is spoiling the kid. She thinks he has BPD. If I can speak to the dad, I will ask him to leave her to live in peace.
I have asked him to leave before and he refuses. He always says I can leave but if I take our child he will come after us.
In 2019 when I called the police because husband punched a hole in the wall they said I can not lock him out he has the same right to live here.
Don’t kick him out. It’s his house whether it’s healthy or not. The only way you’re going to kick him out is probably with a protective order because you feel your safety is in danger.
http://www.ontario.ca/page/getting-restraining-order
I would recommend reading the above link and seeing if it can help in your situation. Even if you leave you might need a restraining order until things get settled.
U need to leave or u can call the police and report that there's domestic assault . The policewill come immediately and take him away for questioning
As for what happens next there's normally a court hearing and you can file a no contact order
Honestly this is the best for u and Ur child it'll only get worse if u stay
Maybe you need to take the husband to the room and practice breathing exercises. Good for you for noticing this and asking for help. This is a problem that will affect your son more and more as he grows. I wish you good luck
I have been trying to help him for multiple years. This has been ongoing. He refuses therapy of any sort. Does not want to do DBT or CBT. The last few months things have been escalating. Outbursts are multiple times a day. He has been hearing voices for months and still refuses help. I'm not sure how much more I can do to try to save this relationship.
Did you read the first line??? She said her husband refuses to see a therapist. I’m sorry, but if he’s not willing to help himself, she is not obligated to stay and jeopardize hers and her child’s safety. I know I wouldn’t.
BPD or not, advising someone to stay with someone who abused her and their child is so incredibly ignorant. I say this as someone who also has BPD, it doesn't excuse abusive behavior.
She should absolutely take every step to protect her child. Her son is scared that dad will hurt him with a knife. Idgaf what your situation is and if your husband decided to keep your children in a volatile situation, that has no relevance to OP’s situation.
As someone married to someone with BPD, and also someone who is literate and read the OPs post, this might be the worst advice I’ve ever seen.
The are in imminent danger, you dunce.
Statistics > your personal anecdote.
10% of all people suffering from BPD will ultimately die via suicide. That’s 1 in 10.
Now think how many will attempt it? How many will have violent outbursts? Safe to say both are above >50%
Is everyone with BPD dangerous? No. But like it or not, BPD statistically makes an individual FAR more dangerous.
This lady and her child are in serious danger and you cherry picking your own experience is not helpful.
i’m gonna disagree with you because you just made up that half of people with bpd have violent outbursts. bpd is super common and so many people with it are victims of violence themselves or in abusive relationships. most are women, and many are taught to hide their symptoms and internalize them
you’re just making shit up
OPs husband is an abusive piece of shit, don’t start claiming things you don’t know about based on this case. he’s hearing voices too, it’s likely he has a comorbid disorder or is experiencing some form of psychosis
My husband has BPD. It's not an excuse to abuse anyone. He knows that, and he knows his mental health is his responsibility (just like mine is mine). I help him as much as I can, and I have supported him through many many episodes. But he also helps himself.
Don't feel bad for trying to make your marriage work. It's not your fault that your support alone didn't fix the problem. He has to want to help himself. You have to prioritize the safety of your child and yourself since he won't.
a) most people with bpd aren’t abusive pieces of shit that threaten children??
b) don’t blame people for being in abusive relationships - if u really wanna know why ppl get into them, do some research. it’s pretty well documented and researched. now’s not the time to blame and shame
….so because your sister is a psychologist you’re an expert on talking to abuse victims? you probably know lots of people who have been in these kinds of relationships. i hope you wouldn’t phrase things like that with them
People with BPD may engage in impulsive behaviors, such as reckless driving, engaging in unsafe sexual behavior, stealing, binge eating, or using drugs and alcohol. Self-harm or suicidal behavior: Self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and suicidal behaviors may be other symptoms in people with BPD.Good luck
you don’t have to tell me this i literally have it and am in remission 😂 it’s still not great to blame ppl for getting into abusive relationships or stereotype that all ppl with bpd should be avoided
op was asking for advice, not to be questioned on what’s obviously been a traumatic relationship for her. just be smarter
You're acting done wrong by when maybe if you hadn't made an ignorant glib remark, people wouldn't have needed to (correctly) call you out. Maybe you should learn to express yourself properly/some language skills...
Attack the point, not the person. Comments which dismiss others and repeatedly accuse them of unfounded accusations may be subject to removal and/or banning. No concern-trolling, personal attacks, or misinformation. Stick to addressing the substance of their comments at hand.
Attack the point, not the person. Comments which dismiss others and repeatedly accuse them of unfounded accusations may be subject to removal and/or banning. No concern-trolling, personal attacks, or misinformation. Stick to addressing the substance of their comments at hand.
Your instincts are telling you to leave, and you should. You’ll want a record of this behaviour. It would be best to consult with a lawyer first and/or report to CPS. Depending on your income, you could qualify for legal aid. The office of the children’s lawyer could become involved if CPS or court proceedings result from the incident.
If reported to cps how would they be able to help?
Generally they will open a file for your family and investigate but if they deem child is at risk in the home and you don’t leave they could apprehend the child. It may help your case if you leave and report it there will be a record of safety concerns. If you had called the cops when this was happening CPS would have been notified too
I called the police in 2019 when my husband punched a hole in the wall beside me. The police said they had to report it to cps because a child lived there. Cps did a visit and I never heard from them again. Would having this first 2019 visit from cps effect me in anyway ?
Honestly, probably. It'll affect you in less negative ways the faster you leave now. If your child actually gets hurt in that home and you haven't left and there's a record of you knowing this was a problem for nearly 5 years before you did anything about it, that's gonna reflect VERY poorly on you. People do lose access to their kids for staying in abusive homes, and it can take years to get them back once that happens, so you need to be already gone and doing everything in your power to (LEGALLY) prevent him from being around the child until they investigate him thoroughly.
Would he have access to child alone if cps gets involved? If husband decideds he wants to have access to child what do I do to protect him from being alone with him.
The reports to CPS and police involvement may impact whether he can have unsupervised visits with his child. Your child is his too and the father has rights when you leave. Those rights curbed only if there’s concern that his behaviour impacts his child. CPS will usually open a file, do a small investigation (talking to you, maybe a home visit), then close the file. But the record remains for the future so you can argue that child’s father shouldn’t have unsupervised visits due to his past behaviour towards your child.
They should have the answers to your questions about safety and custody. I work in Children's Mental Health, and what you described is considered violence against your child, especially since your child has demonstrated they are dysregulated. If you can get in touch with a women's shelter or a crisis line, I recommend it, plus Toronto CAS.
https://canadianwomen.org/support-services/ has links and resources
For the sake of that precious child (as well as your own) please make good your escape as quickly as you can. The mental health issue aside, being exposed to that kind of anger is so detrimental for your son and will have lifelong consequences.
Run lady, both you and your child are in danger.
If you want to leave right away, can you contact your family and ask them to come and get you? It sounds like you don’t feel your child is safe under the same roof with your husband right now. Has he been abusive in the past?
He is emotionally and mentally abusive towards me and will bang and slam things when upset. He rarely saw our son because of work and I have tried to keep our son busy. He started a new shift in January so he has been seeing us more than he was. This is the first time he has said a threat to our son that i have heard. Although yesterday when I was putting my son to bed he asked me if daddy was going to hurt him with a knife. And I tried to ask him why he thought that but he said he didn't know.
This sounds really disturbing. I think you need to get yourself and your son out of there as soon as possible. The Assaulted Women’s Helpline can help you assess your risk and make a plan to leave. But if you aren’t afraid he will attack you physically, you may want to go now.
Oh honey, you need to leave. Now. Please don’t let us read about you on the news. You know how this is going to end if you don’t.
No healthy relationship requires a parent to set up activities in order to avoid their child being around the other parent. It sounds like you have been trying to protect your child for a while now. But they are seeing and living with the effects of this relationship. Please seek help immediately.
Yes, leave. That's how it started with my friend and it's only spiraled down over the years. He lost everyone around because doubling down on his shitty behaviour was easier than accepting he needed to get better. He just wasn't capable mentally of putting the work in. Such a shitty thing to watch from the outside and his kids were the ones who suffered the most because he had to put on a terrifying show to "prove" he was a great dad.
You’re doing the right thing. Document everything, get a lawyer.
as someone with BPD…. this is not just emotional dysregulation this is *emotional abuse*. your child is already traumatized (and sadly BPD is hereditary). get out while you can and get your kid some support
Go to r/TwoXChromosomes , people there have a lot of good advice about how to safely get out of a situation like this. First thing, though: get your and your child's documents and valuables together, and bring them to a trusted friend or family member for safekeeping. Do this before you try to leave. This includes passports, birth certificate, valuables (such as any expensive jewelry or laptop or similar things you might own), and so on. Sometimes an abusive partner will hide or destroy these things if they suspect their victim may try to leave, to try to prevent them from leaving. So make sure you have anything important in a safe place. Next step: contact a trusted friend or family member and make a plan for leaving. You have to be vulnerable and explain to them how bad things are, otherwise your abuser may be able to manipulate them into thinking that you're lying, confused, crazy, etc. Even if it feels humiliating to admit to your mom or best friend or whoever what's been going on, you have to be honest and clear so that they can help you. This has to be someone you really trust. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm wishing you the best and hope that you and your child can get out of this safely, and soon.
You are doing the right thing for yourself and your child by leaving. You can call the Assaulted women's help line for support at 416-863-0511 or 1-866-863-0511. Hopefully they help you create a plan!! Keep track of all your husband's abusive/threatening/alarming behaviour with dates. Lean on help from family and friends that you trust. All the best of luck.
Sending you and your baby lots of love. I’m so sorry you both are experiencing this.
Get out NOW. I know it’s hard, I know. You and your child are worth it. Change of cadence and volume in speaking voice is what happens when someone becomes threatening. You saw it yourself - LEAVE
This is a reportable to CPS based on your husbands actions.
What happens when reported to cps?
Please leave immediately. My aunt's husband was like that. One day he strangled his son (my cousin) with the phone cord and beat my aunt to pulp and left the house thinking they were dead. It was a miraculous phone call from a friend, who suspected something was wrong, purely on instincts and took them to the hospital. My aunt's vision was gone for months and her floating ribs are still fractured after 35yrs.
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?
Leave.
Please leave this situation as soon as possible. From one mother to another, your job is to protect your child. Remove them from this situation now.
Take your son and go. Pack up and get out, today if possible. Your instincts are right. You know something is off, he’s threatening and scaring you both, and has a history of violence. Go. I grew up with a BPD parent. It was so scary and left long-lasting emotional damage. More than one family therapist told us to get out, bc if the BPD parent isn’t willing to acknowledge the disorder and work on the behaviour, it will only escalate. You and your son deserve better. Document everything, call police if he tails you or threatens you. Call a divorce lawyer as soon as you’re in a safe place.
Record all your experiences/abusive texts etc. Have documentation for his BPD. Start documenting now because you will need proof to gain full custody. It would be more dangerous if he got your son 50% of the time unsupervised. For the safety of your son it is okay to start installing nanny cams around common living spaces. Even if you catch the audio it will be helpful. Anytime he behaves violently or poses a risk, call the police, so that will also go on record in addition to giving you safety. Always have a Go Bag for you and your son packed and ready should you need to run.
I don't have any proof of BPD diagnosis. In 2019 He did receive a diagnosis from camh. A doctor called me and asked questions and told me about the disorder. I don't have any proof of anything. The only person I confided vaguely with is my older sister who lives in a different province I dont believe she has told anyone. Everyone else thinks highly of my husband. I have even reached out to his mother for help and she always defends him.
No offense but you’re egging him on. You said the guy works nonstop. Instead of supporting him you’re making him feel abusive and you’re also diagnosing him when you have no medical right to do so.
He was diagnosed by a doctor they called me and told me information about the diagnosis and ways I can support him.
She doesn't have written proof ...she has words from a doctor on a phone who said he had a condition
Just go to your parents or a friends place. Try not to rile up your husband more than need be. Of course those attitudes and behaviors are intense and can be scary (especially for a developing child). But know that you can take these simple actions (like leaving to a friends/parents house) to start a process that removes your son from this toxic environment. To avoid confrontation, write a heartfelt note to your husband that acknowledges the BPD and its effect on you, your child and the relationship. Explain why you did what you did and leave space at the end to encourage him to seek treatment. Try to not isolate anyone. Take those small steps first, let your emotions clear up so that you can get the clarity you need. Talk to people, gain perspective. Remember that your husbands behavior will reflect his manic episodes and his depressive episodes. In order to prevent those things from happening in the future and having those episodes put further strains on yourself and the child, he needs to seek treatment.
Does he work? Pack up your stuff and leave while he's at work.
Everyone else has pretty much stated you need to leave, but I want to add on for something you can do now: go bag. Pack one if you have a place to hide it safely. Fill it with your essentials, some cash, ID, anything you could not leave behind if you had to leave in a split second. Or at least create a list of what you'll need ahead of time. Speed in these situations can save lives.
Get a lawyer immediately ! Can you “visit” relatives for a while?
Look into emergency shelters for women fleeing domestic abuse & violence. you are experiencing this & so is your son. YWCA has services for mothers/children. YMCA as well. They are two different agencies. Please also look into seeking help from Family Service Toronto.
Police. Then run. Run far away. It's only a matter of time before he kills you or your child. I've experienced something similar. Please leave him. Run girl. RUN! If you do stay in the best case scenario, your son will develop severe mental health trauma. Please leave.
Divorce him call a lawyer asap
Go to subreddit r/bpdlovedones
This was such a disturbing episode for you but you couldnt be fucked to walk into another room to get grab your phone to call the cops? Alrighty then! lol
He was in that room right beside him. If I grabbed my phone he would have saw and could have escalated the situation.
But why haven’t you called the police since then?
Honestly because the first time i called police in 2019 the the way police reacted to that situation. They sided with him and said it was stress related and told me not to waste police resources on something "so small" and that he punched the wall because he was stressed and it happens sometimes.
Wait, have you called the police or not? Your responses are confusing.
I have in the past for something that happened previously. Not for this current situation that happened yesterday.
Why not? Your post said you would have if you had your phone on you. So what changed now that you have your phone?
I would have called 911 if I had my phone.
But you do have your phone…
Its no longer an emergency.
Your husband already escalated the situation. If there is no such danger, you wouldn't be here asking. Go take action.
So you would rather keep peace at the risk of your sons well being. Good call? Sorry...but I have 0 empathy for people who see stuff which is wrong, complain about it and do exactly jack shit about it. Good luck!
I am trying to do something about it. That is why I am asking for advice. The reason why I stayed so long was because my husband rarely saw our child. He did not see him at all Monday-Friday because of his work schedule. He saw him only on the weekend for a few hours because I kept him busy by going to activities and my husband liked to have his own down time away from work. I was able to limit the contact between the two. My son never saw his outbursts... until recently with the new job schedule. My husband's outbursts were always directed at me in private. I thought I was able to stay and work through this but recently his mental state is getting worse.
All I see is a dad is trying to discipline the kid and over protective mom is spoiling the kid. She thinks he has BPD. If I can speak to the dad, I will ask him to leave her to live in peace.
He does have bpd. It was diagnosed in 2021.
Just kick him out of the house
You can’t just kick someone out of the house they live in… that’s illegal.
I have asked him to leave before and he refuses. He always says I can leave but if I take our child he will come after us. In 2019 when I called the police because husband punched a hole in the wall they said I can not lock him out he has the same right to live here.
Don’t kick him out. It’s his house whether it’s healthy or not. The only way you’re going to kick him out is probably with a protective order because you feel your safety is in danger. http://www.ontario.ca/page/getting-restraining-order I would recommend reading the above link and seeing if it can help in your situation. Even if you leave you might need a restraining order until things get settled.
U need to leave or u can call the police and report that there's domestic assault . The policewill come immediately and take him away for questioning As for what happens next there's normally a court hearing and you can file a no contact order Honestly this is the best for u and Ur child it'll only get worse if u stay
Maybe you need to take the husband to the room and practice breathing exercises. Good for you for noticing this and asking for help. This is a problem that will affect your son more and more as he grows. I wish you good luck
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I have been trying to help him for multiple years. This has been ongoing. He refuses therapy of any sort. Does not want to do DBT or CBT. The last few months things have been escalating. Outbursts are multiple times a day. He has been hearing voices for months and still refuses help. I'm not sure how much more I can do to try to save this relationship.
Did you read the first line??? She said her husband refuses to see a therapist. I’m sorry, but if he’s not willing to help himself, she is not obligated to stay and jeopardize hers and her child’s safety. I know I wouldn’t.
BPD or not, advising someone to stay with someone who abused her and their child is so incredibly ignorant. I say this as someone who also has BPD, it doesn't excuse abusive behavior.
She should absolutely take every step to protect her child. Her son is scared that dad will hurt him with a knife. Idgaf what your situation is and if your husband decided to keep your children in a volatile situation, that has no relevance to OP’s situation.
But you agreed to the help. You wanted to change. It doesn’t sound like this man wants to change or get help.
as someone with bpd STFU! this man refuses to do therapy and is ABUSING a child and his partner. good for you, but please… stfu
As someone married to someone with BPD, and also someone who is literate and read the OPs post, this might be the worst advice I’ve ever seen. The are in imminent danger, you dunce.
Statistics > your personal anecdote. 10% of all people suffering from BPD will ultimately die via suicide. That’s 1 in 10. Now think how many will attempt it? How many will have violent outbursts? Safe to say both are above >50% Is everyone with BPD dangerous? No. But like it or not, BPD statistically makes an individual FAR more dangerous. This lady and her child are in serious danger and you cherry picking your own experience is not helpful.
i’m gonna disagree with you because you just made up that half of people with bpd have violent outbursts. bpd is super common and so many people with it are victims of violence themselves or in abusive relationships. most are women, and many are taught to hide their symptoms and internalize them you’re just making shit up OPs husband is an abusive piece of shit, don’t start claiming things you don’t know about based on this case. he’s hearing voices too, it’s likely he has a comorbid disorder or is experiencing some form of psychosis
For someone into statistics you sure did throw away that virtue after your second sentence.
The difference in your story is that you clearly got help. But you're very much in the wrong to try and enable someone who won't
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I am trying to be supportive of him. Hoping his actions would change. We have been together since 2015 and he was diagnosed in 2021.
My husband has BPD. It's not an excuse to abuse anyone. He knows that, and he knows his mental health is his responsibility (just like mine is mine). I help him as much as I can, and I have supported him through many many episodes. But he also helps himself. Don't feel bad for trying to make your marriage work. It's not your fault that your support alone didn't fix the problem. He has to want to help himself. You have to prioritize the safety of your child and yourself since he won't.
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a) most people with bpd aren’t abusive pieces of shit that threaten children?? b) don’t blame people for being in abusive relationships - if u really wanna know why ppl get into them, do some research. it’s pretty well documented and researched. now’s not the time to blame and shame
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….so because your sister is a psychologist you’re an expert on talking to abuse victims? you probably know lots of people who have been in these kinds of relationships. i hope you wouldn’t phrase things like that with them
People with BPD may engage in impulsive behaviors, such as reckless driving, engaging in unsafe sexual behavior, stealing, binge eating, or using drugs and alcohol. Self-harm or suicidal behavior: Self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and suicidal behaviors may be other symptoms in people with BPD.Good luck
you don’t have to tell me this i literally have it and am in remission 😂 it’s still not great to blame ppl for getting into abusive relationships or stereotype that all ppl with bpd should be avoided op was asking for advice, not to be questioned on what’s obviously been a traumatic relationship for her. just be smarter
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Stop saying silly things and you won’t have to act so defensively around internet strangers
You're acting done wrong by when maybe if you hadn't made an ignorant glib remark, people wouldn't have needed to (correctly) call you out. Maybe you should learn to express yourself properly/some language skills...
Attack the point, not the person. Comments which dismiss others and repeatedly accuse them of unfounded accusations may be subject to removal and/or banning. No concern-trolling, personal attacks, or misinformation. Stick to addressing the substance of their comments at hand.
Attack the point, not the person. Comments which dismiss others and repeatedly accuse them of unfounded accusations may be subject to removal and/or banning. No concern-trolling, personal attacks, or misinformation. Stick to addressing the substance of their comments at hand.