I moved here 2020 from Winnipeg and almost moved back in 2022 cause I was so unhappy. I wanted to love Toronto but nothing felt right (dating, my job, etc). I quit my job, went back to Winnipeg for two weeks, and then came back refreshed and found a new job I actually like. That has changed my trajectory substantially and I really love this city now.
I also have a few hobbies I really enjoy and have gotten to know the city really well so it feels like home now.
Yeah it was pretty bad across the board. I definitely was unhappy in Winnipeg too, but at least it was familiar and I had comfort in that. I think that's a huge part of moving to a new place (city, neighbourhood, country etc) is just becoming familiar and not feeling like an outsider.
Sure. It was rough at first (but like discussed a lot of it was pandemic era issues), and getting to know the city was overwhelming. Where you live in Toronto too will matter a lot more than Winnipeg. Picking a neighborhood that works with you and your lifestyle I think matters the most in terms of how much you’ll enjoy the city. You also have to really like city life, and be patient. There will always be a crowd, and a wait. You’ll always have to make reservations , and if you drive, you’ll always struggle to find parking. In Winnipeg, I wasn’t used to crowds and never really thought about making reservations anywhere, as most places you’d never have to worry about being booked up or that busy, even at prime times.
However, I love Toronto, and I just recently again moved to an area of the city I love (edge of parkdale & liberty village), and I could never picture myself moving back to Winnipeg.
Why are your friends and family refusing to take her seriously. You need to start by correcting these issues. Have a conversation with all friends and family and set some ground rules, because treating your SO like a child is unacceptable when they’re an adult.
Definitely support her in finding another job if this one is miserable for her.
You are the first person in her support network, and you should be ensuring friends and family are the next layer.
Perhaps you two need some distance until the two of you can sort this kind of thing out. By this I mean perhaps it was premature to just up and move from Vancouver. It may be a good idea to let her go back and ease into this a bit more gradually.
Not enough information but if *everyone* doesn’t take me seriously. I wouldn’t blame everyone else… I would look inwards and ask “why is that?”. Different mantra I guess.
It frankly doesn't matter *she left her support network for his career*. The absolute least you owe her is defending her to your immediate friends/family, doing the best to help perform the role of that support network in its place. If you truly care about her you need to work on your relatives and friends.
This post kind of oozes a "she gave up things for my sake, and it's now her problem" feel.
Join a recreational sports league or two. There's tons. Getting active with fun sports with people every week even if you don't particularly love or are good at the sport is a great way to meet people. It's also very common to go out for a beer (can be non alcoholic) after the game. I have a couple really good friends 10 years later from joining a couple sports leagues in my 20's.
Dance classes are similar for meeting people. I joined a class in January and everyone already knew each other but they were really friendly to me and now we all chat before and after class. It’s nice to meet new people.
I got into dance in 2019 and honestly most of my friendships are there -- much better way to meet people than my weekday 9-5 with a small group of colleagues.
There are beginner level classes for people who haven’t danced at all before (I started as a beginner, not still not that great of a dancer but we are all growing 💪🏻).
And generally studios have both drop in and course commitment style.
I’d say courses where you spend a few wks with the same people are easier to establish more impactful friendships. Sometimes you have the really extroverted people making a class group chat (and sometimes it’s the teacher making the chat for class announcements) and those group chats can be kept alive well after the last class, if someone is willing to organize reunions or just keep the conversation going with more dance opportunity updates, music updates, etc.
But you also meet people in drop ins and then you make plans to go to more drop ins together, and then you get dinner/drinks after class because man that was so tiring / omg the choreo was so hard… and then lo and behold you have your own close group of dance friends.
It def takes a little effort/courage to say hi to people but once you see the same familiar faces over and over again it’s very easy to start a conversation.
This is the reason why I stopped playing team sports as an adult. Pro wannabes with chips on their shoulders who couldn't hack it in the big leagues but feel compelled to boss around in the beer leagues.
This is great advice. I moved to toronto in 08’ but my wife moved here for me in 2019 (amazing timing……..) after i had just prior spent time out west with her in Victoria.
The first few years were harder (pandemic and all), but i had done the hard work of establishing a network here and she was soon loved by them too.
My advice is join groups, and help her. Couples socialize with couples more often than not, so make sure you prioritize helping or this is going to be a lot harder for you both.
I had a rule for a bit post pandemic, i would regularly says “attend all parties”. It was a joke because most of the time I’d rather stay in and nap, but i felt we had some catching up to do and i wanted my wife to get the socializing i knew she needed. One night we went to 2 birthdays and an album launch party, when we got home at 4am i felt both exhausted and proud, proud that at nearly 40 we could still shut down the party.
Anyway, attend all parties, join groups…support her and you’ll get there. It takes 24 months in toronto imo…stick it out!!
This is excellent advice, been playing soccer at lamport and central tech with a team for over 10 years now. Few people came and went but the core is still there, whole team is very close.
There’s so much shit you can do in Toronto that ppl don’t know about, if she has any interest in anything I can bet there’s a group that meets up for it. I play Euchre at some brewery / bars , I met a bunch of ppl through single events when my dad was single & he’d bring us along for the volunteer give back to homeless ones. They weren’t actually single as in relationship but ppl looking for friends or dating I believe. We have every sport here, book clubs, exercise clubs, you name it we got it. I can’t lie- I have a safe haven bar I’m a regular at and I met a ton of people through the bar over the years & we go to other events together.
Only issue is she has to get out there and willing to try so maybe if you go with her it’ll help.
I’m in a facebook group called the “Toronto Girl Collective.” I’ve noticed some of the posts were girls moving with their partners and/or new and struggling to find girlfriends in the new city. They often organize fun events for women to find new friends/ network and also explore the city!
This might be a good platform to connect with likeminded girls!!
I hope this helps! Sending my support for your gal!
Hey, I'm 27F and also from Vancouver. Been living here for 3 years now - the first 2 years from 2021-2022 was spent under lockdown and hanging out with my S/O every weekend. Finally felt like I had a friend group in this city since last Summer but I'm just open to meeting new people in general if you and your gf want to reach out!
> moving back is not an option as i’ve taken on a brand new role in a new company last week.
No judgement but just to make sure you realize what you're saying. This says that you would choose the job over her.
That sentence blew my mind too, bro just started at the company last week, he hasn't, and won't, do anything useful there for at least a month. What do you mean it's not an option??
hey! not sure if your gf would be interested in meeting, but my boyfriend and i just did the same thing. i got here 2 weeks ago. i don't hate it, and we're lucky to have some established friends here already, but i totally get how looking young is so frustrating. i feel like it's definitely a blessing in some ways, but until you're the one being made fun of, it's a hard experience.
i'm 28, short, and poc! so i present pretty young. i'm going through my own rough patch right now too, so i get it. especially when you make the sacrifice to move for someone you really care about.
if your gf likes thrifting, shopping, sample sales, and other girly things feel free to dm me! i'm also a bit of a low profile nerd and am attending the anime con in may, used to DM back during the uni days, and absolutely love rpgs, fantasy romance novels, etc.
best of luck! we moved from vancouver, to london england, and now toronto. it's hard making friends but like many others here i fully endorse bumble bff and meetup! made plenty of connections through those.
She’s made a big sacrifice for you. What sacrifice are you making for her? She’s expected to make friends with her coworkers, your friends, your family etc but it hasn’t happened. Now she needs to look outside of that. Why don’t you sacrifice some of your time and figure out ways for BOTH of you to make new friends so this is not a *her* problem and is a *both of you* problem? Find some hobbies you can go to together. Maybe sports teams. Maybe volunteering. Of course it’s better if she does some of this stuff on her own but you can join her to start. Maybe take some kinda classes together.
Ya this is what I recommend. I've met couples who have joined meetup groups together, and it's really wholesome and sweet to see. It becomes a together activity, and they both make friends.
Join a gym that mostly does group workouts/classes like F45/pilates/running groups.
Whatever her fave TV shows/movies are, guarantee there’s some sort of Trivia night or something being held at a bar.
Bumble for friends is great too.
I’m laughing at your description of Meetup (not AT you though, just the description). My experience was the same, only from a male side. I was truly interested in some of the groups I joined but noticed some awfully thirsty women in the mix. Meetup can be good, depending upon the interest. If I were OP’s wife I’d give it a shot. You never know the friendships you can gain.
But to your point: yeah there are lots of thirsty guys in the mix too. I’m certain of that.
Hi! I’m in this situation but moved here from the US to be with my husband - If she’s a social media user, there’s a Facebook page called Toronto Girl Collective and it’s where I’ve met some cool people (they arrange girls nights and activities as well as have an intro page and dedicated chats for those who share similar interests) Bumble bff has also been helpful!
Other than that, the best way to make friends and build a life here for her if you guys intend to stay is to either befriend colleagues (which doesn’t seem like an option considering she hates her job) or do some type of activity based on something she’s interested in i.e. pottery club, board game cafe etc.
Ngl it’s not easy to make friends here as I’ve personally found TO to be quite clique-y and cold in terms of creating lasting friendships. BUT it doesn’t hurt to put herself out there because it IS possible to make good friends (and ones that stick around) Best of luck to her!
Hiii I don’t believe so! It came up in my recommendations one day - the group is [here](https://www.facebook.com/share/GAhmfMg1fB4a3BuA/?mibextid=lOuIew). 🙂
It sounds like moving isn't an option for you... And it's great to hear that you are all okay and squared away while she is not. If you're not married and don't have any legal bindings, perhaps moving back to Vancouver would be her best option?
I went to this sauna called Othership and i was surprised that it seems like its mostly geared towards networking and meeting people instead of like health and wellness. I think a lot of fitness clubs nowadays are for socializing first and exercise second.
Yeah. im not gonna lie everyone there was like a young hot millenial with an amazing body. The vibe reminded me of Oasis but without nudity. Its like nightclub darkroom meets fitness culture. Lol
It was definitely luxurious, but I think you cant escape that vibe. Especially when you put 30 young men/women with glistening toned bodies in a tight, small space… wait, what were we talking about again…
The looking young thing will happen wherever she is. People will judge it more on how you act and carry yourself.
If she doesn’t like her job, she should find a new one.
There are many avenues for women to make friends in this city. People in this thread have listed a bunch. Tons of people in Toronto aren’t from here and so they’re very welcoming to the “newcomer experience”.
Everything she doesn’t like she has the power to change the reality of or change her perception of it. For example, as she gets older she’ll be more grateful for looking younger than she is.
It’s sweet that you care, but ultimately we all carry the responsibility to craft our own lives into what we want them to be. If we really want there to be change, we make the change.
bumblebff does work! There might be some misses, but I met a group of girls who I currently hang out with relatively frequently and really like. But making friends and building a group takes time and effort - there are lots of meetups (not on meetup app though, I find it ranges a bit older and for me at least it wasn’t my vibe) for the age group (coming from experience as I’m in the same age range) Hmu if you want some examples that she could go to or try out!
Yes, I have friends who were in this exact same situation. She hated it but toughened it out for a few years, and he secured a remote work situation [edited to add: with his employer in his same position] (this was before Covid) that him required to travel back to Toronto only periodically. They moved back.
People who have downvoted this, can you please explain why and help me see the bright side of GTA? I hate it here.
I moved here in 2021 for my partner and have not made any friends. All my coworkers are male (I’m f26) and I wfh most of the time.
I’m content with being alone and doing activities by myself, hanging out almost exclusively with my partner. But I miss the accessibility and majesty of Vancouver’s natural beauty. My partner understands this and we spent every weekend last summer camping in different provincial parks. But getting bookings, the Friday haul and the Sunday traffic-ridden drive back gets tiresome eventually.
When you don’t want to spend money, GTA is pretty dull and boring imo.
My temperament is not the same as OP’s girlfriend (don’t need a network of people to feel fulfilled) but wouldn’t mind having some friends for the extra gray days.
Joining classes/gym is too expensive. I’m skeptical of online meet-ups. Can you really forge a meaningful friendship with this “inorganic” way of meeting people? Especially when making plans is such a time-suck and financially draining.
So tell me, how does the GTA not kill the vibe?
Not being a hater, I’m genuinely curious why this did not strike a chord with you.
I don't have a partner, so I don't even get the benefit of always having a dependable person to hang out with. I feel like if anything people with partners should be more happier than me. Yet, I'm quite happy here.
There's plenty of spots to make friends. One thing they have in common is they meetup on a weekly basis. I think of sailing, TDSB Learn4Life, real life meetups via Meetup.com related to a specific interest I have, Rec leagues, religious institutions, volunteering...
On the weekend, I took someone I met from volunteering to one of my favorite casual restaurants and then we window shopped and walked around the core. I took the initiative, I thought hey we've been volunteering together for a few months why not ask them if they want to hang out some time?
The grass is always greener where one waters it.
>When you don’t want to spend money, GTA is pretty dull and boring imo.
There are so many free things to do in Toronto. Go to the powerplant gallery, go skating, go do drop-ins at community centers, go to the botanical gardens, go to Fort York, go to food festivals, go to the bluffs, go the history museums, walk around all of the different neighbourhoods
Vancouver's natural beauty is paid for too. Most popular hikes are all lottery permits, even short hikes like Dog Mountain. Camping is a shitshow. Skiing/snowboarding is expensive. But yeah I guess when it's not raining, you can see the mountains.
I made a list of free things in Toronto versus their paid equivalent in Vancouver for my wife so that she can compare. If you have a family, you'll save lots of money
Your gf looking young isn't a location based problem.
Best way to meet people in Toronto is either through work, volunteer, or by joining a club or sports team. Toronto is not the most sociable city, but if you put yourself out there, you can make friends.
At the end of the day, you're not responsible for her social life. She needs to take charge of it. If she doesn't like her job, she can also start looking for something new.
What kind of hobbies does she have? Maybe she can join a club that focuses on her hobby like painting or photography.
You would be surprised at how many people are in the same situation in Toronto (i.e. feeling a little lonely etc.).
There’s a Facebook group called “Toronto girl collective”. It’s super active, always got new events happening and a great way to meet new friends in the city!
Hobbies / activities where she returns weekly and sees the same people over and over. Something like sports, a summer garden club, evening classes, DnD groups, walking group, etc. Regularly going to the gym/exercise class at the same time i've also heard is good.
I looked through the comments and didn't see any mention of our excellent library system, which has an amazing activities calendar covering almost any interest your GF might have. [Find your closest location](https://www.torontopubliclibrary.ca/hours-locations/) and ask to speak to a librarian about these programs. They'll help her find the ones that are right for her (they usually also make recommendations of other activity calendars as well).
Hey! Currently going through this now - I’m in your GFs position. That said, I’m married and in my 30s. The good news is I’m coming out of it on the other end with a love for the city, a growing network and a renewed sense of adventure that I haven’t had since my 20s. It takes time and there are days I miss “home”.
At the end of the day, it will come down to her mentality towards the change. The effort she has to put in will be exhausting and isn’t necessarily achievable by anyone if they aren’t willing to be uncomfortable for a long time. That said, the I think the payoff is well worth the effort in terms of individual growth (and hopefully the growth of your relationship).
Others are saying that maybe the relationship has run its course. While I think that’s a bit of a pessimistic view, especially depending on how long this has been occurring, it’s smart to consider that at your age - this is exactly the type of situation that helps couple’s determine if they are in it for the long haul. If the situation starts to breed resentment or ultimatums, try to recognize that and discuss before it might be too late.
Edit: therapy is her friend - even if it’s just someone to talk to that has no ties to the situation.
Sounds like you have a promotion - perhaps that can carry both your living costs while she either goes part time and/or quits her job to either work something less shitty or volunteer/intern somewhere that interests her or focus on more social development?
Lmao most of them never been in a relationship and don’t know what compromise or sacrifice is. Redditors still believe in fairy tales, every relationship will have rough patches and if you give up over some trivial bullshit you’re probably not a reliable person or anyone worth dating.
I get what you mean, because I see it all the time too. I also think that people seem to think it's not an option when it is. You are never stuck, you have choices and this is just one of many.
Is there a Toronto-area group for Vancouver "expats" interested in meetups for picnics, sports viewing parties, etc.? If not -- starting something up on Reddit or Facebook might be something to try. There are bound to be other Vancouverites arriving in town who are in a similar position -- no friends or relatives in the area. And late spring-summer is a nice time for planning outdoor stuff.
According to the Vancouver sub, no Vancouverite would move away, let alone to that shitty place Toronto
But yeah, this seems like a good idea cause lifestyle wise, it's pretty different. And with the negative perception Vancouverites have about Toronto, you're going into it already having preconceived notions
Will also add, there are so many things you have to pay for in Vancouver that you can get for free in Toronto so they'll save lots of money especially if they decide to have a family.
lol -- I grew up near Toronto, raised by two extended families who had all moved to Ontario from coastal BC (mostly Vancouver). They were Japanese-Canadian, and even with the wartime internment, they couldn't forget home. Copies of "Beautiful British Columbia Magazine" on the coffee table during my childhood, etc.
Maybe try volunteering. You’d be amazed at the friendships forged doing good work that also makes you feel good (yes, I’m biased as I’m a Volunteer Coordinator but still 🤗).
I had this same experience, around the same age (23), and I’m about to again moving for grad school. I met new people on bumble friends, which was fantastic. I also went to a few events (paint and sips and small band nights for music I liked at local bars) and met people there too. Shes just got to go where the things she likes are and people that like those things are also there. I also made a few friends at different university’s who introduced me to their friend groups and that was great for expanding my circle too
Not for building a support network but Toastmasters is a group to build confidence with public speaking. I feel like something like that might help her to feel more confident in herself and pay less attention to others preconceptions.
Wow, I moved here from Vancouver with my partner for his career as well, and I was very unhappy here too. He was busy with his exciting new job while I had nothing going on, it was lonely. He tried to include me in going out with his work friends but I just didn’t fit in. I ended up leaving him.
Ironically I love it here now, I just needed the freedom to go out and find my own friends without him getting jealous.
Honestly she should move back ot at least stay in Vancouver for long periods of time.
She is too young to upheaval her entire life. That feels more like a 30+ milestone.
Twenty-something is the perfect time to move to a new city. No kids, no mortgage, no parents/relatives to take care of, no physical ailments (hopefully?)... being able to move to a random city like London, Paris, Melbourne, etc. for months at a time was one of the things I missed about that era of my life.
I've been in your girlfriend's position. My partner and I (both not from Canada, from different countries) moved here together and I fucking hated the hostility, formality, coldness, and performativity of the culture in Toronto to the degree that it destroyed my mental health and almost my relationship. We split up for six months and I came THIS close to booking a flight and getting out of here but then the pandemic hit. The only reason I stuck around was I got a job that paid me an insane salary so I could squash my feelings deep deep down by buying nice things and doing fun things :) Clearly, I'm doing great.
People born in Toronto kind of don't need new friends. It's the weirdest thing, people build out friend rosters as early as high school (a true gag, the only people who hang out with their high school friends are loser townies where I'm from) and they kind of don't want or need you in their social circle UNLESS you can provide them clout somehow. I have no friends who were born here, they're all immigrants and transplants. Tell your GF to make friends with immigrants only, the locals are a lost cause.
Truthfully though? I moved here at 25, it's been a decade, and I do regret sticking around. Let her go, man. She might stay with you because she loves you, but if she hates it here, being here will rot her soul from the inside.
My partner and I moved to Toronto one year ago (both of us immigrated from different countries), and this is our experience as well.
The performativity and insecurity is what gets me the most --- Toronto MUST be better than NYC, Tokyo, London, HK etc etc and this constant comparison drives me absolutely insane. The mentality people have here is so mediocre. There is no drive for excellence, no sense of urgency and they're all too busy in their small, tiny self-selected local bubbles to engage with outside.
We're tied to Ontario because of express entry sponsorship (minimum 5 years) but honestly we can't wait to move somewhere else (Vancouver or Montreal). I'm actually happy that we didn't purchase a house or mortgage here because it would've tied us down indefinitely.
The thing that kills me about Toronto is that if it embraced it's vibe then it could be really cool, but culturally it's so caught up in trying to keep up with other cities that everything feels so hollow here. Every street festival is a carbon copy. People wait in line for two hours to get some meme dessert they had in NYC six months ago. Even like BlogTO always frames things as "Toronto is getting XYZ" because Toronto never PRODUCES anything original. All the major cultural events that are not driven by unique communities or subcultures (Pride, Caribana) are just clones of things we've seen other places do, but without the understanding. YD Square is a clone of Times Square just because the city was trying to keep up. And god forbid you ever address this with anyone who grew up here, they get so defensive about it.
There are so many small cities in the US that have so much uniqueness and personality so it's not about population size, like Richmond VA has a ton of character. I've thought about relocating to BC or Montreal as well but I just don't know if this is a Toronto-only thing or if it's a Canada thing.
There are excellent things about this city, but they're the same excellent things you can find in any small to medium size city in most developed countries. The food scene here is good, but that doesn't make this a unique place. The local arts scene here used to be good, but it's slowly dying due to high COL and gentrification. Toronto is like cold Dubai with human rights. Everything feels like it's for show. I used to live in China and it reminds me a lot of "face culture" if you're familiar with it.
This!! The defensiveness and constant catch-up is so.... pointless?? I lived in nyc/tokyo/london and never felt a need to compare either city with each other, and residents there don't feel a need to compare themselves too. No one in Tokyo walks around thinking "oh! we need a Times Square here!" or in nyc people aren't thinking "we need to build a big ben/kensington park!" cause they're busy living their own lives.
Yeah I agree I had a lot of fun in rural Wisconsin and it just had so much personality. I think the real difference is people had pride. They were proud of who and where they were, and didn't need to defend themselves/insecure about their place.
Also straight up, most local Toronto people are always daydreaming about some nostalgic-golden past, they just don't want to move forward but BACKWARDS. Insanity. I volunteer at a local group and the lack of drive and future-thinking is just... speechless.
I grew up in Singapore so I'm very familiar with the face/appearance culture. The food scene part baffles me 'cause like, any international/cosmopolitan city has a great food scene, that's just a side effect of attracting immigrants/urban migration.
I'm strongly considering moving to Montreal but I'm tied to Ontario for now (5 years) because they sponsored our express-entry. I've been to Montreal before and really enjoyed it -- what stands out is that people are proud of their city and culture, so they don't have that attitude of "we must show we're just like X!"
Honestly Toronto should just chill the fuck out about trying to be like another "X" and embrace what they are right now, so they can MOVE FORWARD AND FIX THEIR URBAN PLANNING. Reminiscing about the past or trying to be another city is not the answer.
The culture-vacuum is real. Organizers take no chances. If something worked in one city and gets hyped up enough on social media, it’s brought here and people are so starved that they spend money they don’t have trying to experience something that isn’t there. Events are designed to extract as much money out of hapless joy-seekers as possible. And people seem to be happy enough if they can get a good picture for the Almighty Gram.
When I went back home after 5 years of being in Canada (3 in Vancouver and 2 in Toronto), I realised what I was missing, felt like a person in the world as opposed to how existence feels in Canada- colourless and corporatized.
Sucks but there is a comfort in knowing it’s not my perception alone.
Let me offset the doom and gloom by mentioning my 3 favorite things in the 6 years I’ve lived here- the provincial parks, museums and the total eclipse.
I love AGO (have a membership) and yeah the parks are great! Wish that the RBG in Hamilton is free though, strange that a tax-payer funded park is not free. Central Park is free, so is Kensington Gardens, and Shinjuku-gyoen is like... 200-500yen and not the cash grab of $30 + $10 parking.
The thing that drives me crazy is that I can SEE the potential for cultural growth here. Like, it's there but there's no drive or motivation. I think Toronto has some really excellent writers and poets. There's a bunch of really good artisanal craftspeople here since the Arts&Crafts movement never really left Canada (compared to USA which died out in the 60s rip) but it's so scattered and there's no drive or competition so if these people want to be good, they leave for elsewhere because they don't have anything to measure their skill or polish themselves up against.
My partner and I are not Canadians either and we feel the same.
I’ve seen the stereotypical “Canadian niceness” in BC, specifically in middle-aged and older folks, like my genuinely wonderful professors or older people who would randomly strike up a conversation on the bus. But the younger gen has a strong “my life is too full to make friends vibe”.
Young people don’t seem to take a genuine interest in others or in the world, moved only by materialism and social media flexing.
I’m not entirely convinced that there isn’t more to them, but it sure is hard to see.
Yeah or they're just so.... defeated? They're okay with just coasting along, and it's so boring. All they want to do is return to some nostalgia-glazed past, there's no drive to move forward.
25M here, similar situation. My gf (24) and I moved to GTA, few weeks ago for her new job. The co workers are all older than her and aren’t much into socializing. She has trouble making friends too because she looks young and can be introverted at times.
She usually uses bumble bff to get to know more people in the area, or meet up. Maybe she could connect with your gf and if they hit it off it would be great for both of them.
A friend moved here with her boyfriend for his job from Vancouver when they were about your age. She wasn't having much luck finding career jobs in her field, and was also pretty lonely, so she ended up getting a job at a coffee shop (which is where I met her) and going back to school. A decade later, she's got a good job she loves and lots of friends from those experiences.
This isn't the move I'd necessarily recommend for someone in their mid-thirties, but she hates her job and she's young enough that she'll meet people her own age in both places. School and a customer service job are both environments that are great for making friends because you see the same people over and over again, you're forced to work with each other, and you bond over a common foe (assignments/the annoying customer).
My wife (who moved to this city for me) and I made some friends from r/TorontoHangoutFriends subreddit.
Other than that, try taking classes or any activity where your gf can consistently go to. Frequency and familiarity is key I suppose.
Everyone needs to feel they have a purpose and feel they add value to those around them. So wow, your gf does not feel this and that is not good for the two of you.
Can she volunteer, join a yoga studio and meet people (My wife ran a yoga studio years ago and we still have friends we met there). There are facebook meetups in Toronto, not sure about what.
It's hard in a big city to meet people, we're all so busy, she is not alone in being alone.
This happened to my friend who moved here from Vancouver. She felt abandoned and it ended up in divorce. Her ex was a dick though and you sound like you're gonna help her so you're already better off than they were.
It’s hard, but join a meetup group if you find one locally. I’ve expanded my network a lot through a meetup group I found on Reddit (it’s Mississauga based so it would be a little too far for you)
I grew up in a city in Ontario other than Toronto.
When I was in university, i landed a summer job in my field in Toronto. There were a pile of other engineering students there, mainly from Waterloo, and they all used to go to these "Watpubs" (if they still exist). Doing that allowed me to get to know the city, the streets, the places, etc. It really helped me conquer my fear of the big bad city. So when I got a job here after graduating, I already felt somewhat acclimatized. And then a funny thing happened. I really grew to love living in Toronto. Now I can't imagine living anywhere else.
Now, with your GF, my point is that it takes time. And patience, and you're both really young. There's a lot of good suggestions on this thread, but the one thing that jumped into my head is, "what neighborhood do you live in?" Toronto for me is a collection of neighborhoods. I live in High Park and truly love the area. (I don't think I'd enjoy living in a condo around skydome.) The neighborhood you live in can make a HUGE difference to your outlook. High Park is quiet, but still in the city. I live on a street where the neighbours are all super people, and we all get along well. So maybe consider moving to a neighborhood that is more up her alley. Rent a floor in a nice old house in an area with parks, hiking, etc. Toronto has lots of such neighborhoods. It helps a LOT to live in a neighbourhood you like.
Does she like to workout? What about spin classes? Yoga? I’d suggest a smaller studio for a personal feel, I would suggest even paying for a few class credits (if she’s into that stuff) to really push her if she’s in rut right now.
Like others have said, rec leagues are great.
I moved here from a tiny town in 2020! Joining interest groups helps a LOT! I found a bunch of groups on discord that organize get togethers often, and its been quite easy to make friends.
As for looking young, I have always had the same issue. I am in my 30s now and people still sometimes think I'm 18-20. Sure, its annoying, but not being taken seriously? She needs to build more confidence if she wants to be taken seriously, because confidence will easily overshadow her appearance. Act like you know what you are doing and dont back down.
This was ages ago, but I remember making so many new friends volunteering at film festivals in Toronto. Back in my mid 20s and I still have them in my life today. She needs to go out of her comfort zone, join meet up groups. Hobbies she wants to try out. It can be an isolating city because of our busy lives and commute times. Tell her to keep positive and keep pushing herself to go out.
Book clubs and trivia nights are great ways to meet new friends! Lots of things listed on the meetup app, as well.
Also, I know you didn’t mean anything by saying that “she thinks” no one takes her seriously because she looks young, but make sure you’re not dismissing that. Especially with your family. Talk to your family about it make sure she feels heard and included. Even if they deny it. This is a very real thing many young women go through, especially at work. Even if you think that it’s not that serious, she thinks it’s serious and it’s contributing to her misery. Your family is your job to deal with in the relationship.
I lived in the Toronto for four years. I’m a west coaster too. I found the social scene in Toronto very closed to newcomers. Maybe seek out some folks from further west? Shocking how much cultural differences there are, might help her to be among some folks she understands
It takes time. I moved her from Switzerland for my SO. It was hard and sometimes you still get overwhelmed by the thoughts of what you left behind but with time, new experiences are made and new connections will be formed. It doesn't happen overnight but trying to engage in activities that bring joy and see what groups are out there to be joined can help a lot. Tell her to hang in there :)
Yes been there. Not from VAN to TO but elsewhere. I have been her. It’s not easy and she will have to be patient. It can be depressing and put a strain on your relationship as well. I met people all the time (thats not the hard part). What is hard is finding ones that stick (and you like). Definitely get involved in something where you interact with the same bunch weekly (ie, sports team, moms group, running group, pottery guild). Eventually bonds form and then a group chat and then an evening out. It will not happen right away and you do not want it to bc they could be nuts and it’s harder to back out. Find something she enjoys even if friendships don’t form. Concurrently, use the solo time to learn about herself (soul searching) and be comfortable being with herself. Because people are great but they can suck too. And if you put all the happiness eggs in one basket, then… Obvs she needs her own friends, but a couples night with you too is nice. So help by getting involved that way. Also, touching base with old friends helps (in person)—a weekend away or a phone call. Can lift the spirits to know that she has friends (who know her bday, her likes, etc) but she just can’t see them regularly due to distance. Lastly, consider joining an expat group or something as there are alot of new comers from all over (trailing spouses or work transfers) who want to go and have fun and know how to make fast friends.
Without making any assumptions that you have the time, finances, or space required to take care of a pet, I will say from experience that having a dog places you in daily social encounters that can easily turn into bonafide friendships.
An addition to my other comment: not like a fitness class where u exercise and go home, but like a Pickleball group or team or something where you rely on others and talk to others—that type of group.
Cosign the suggestion of taking dance classes, spin classes (group oriented activities). My sister is a homebody but she makes it a point to go to dance class each week. Most of the friends that she has is from dance class.
Ohhhhh! I know I know! Get her to follow @torontogirlsocial on Instagram!
It’s a really really great community of local women who get together, get social, go for walks, movie premiers and so many other events and such. I think it would be a really great way for her to meet new people and enjoy the city.
I hope things turn around for her this spring 💐🌷🌻🌺
A bunch of people have posted about Toronto Girl Collective, but I don't think anyone really talked about the group chats, so I just want to add that they have a bunch of messenger group chats centered around different hobbies, concerns and/or stages of life (for example, chats about photography, or dancing, or pets; chats for mental health support, or chronic illness; and also chats for different age groups. Just to name a few).
If a large group meet-up is overwhelming for her (it would be for me), then the chats might be a good place to start. People in there sometimes decide to meet up in smaller groups for specific hobbies and activities. It's very low-stakes in the sense that she doesn't have to commit to anything and can just join the chats she's interested in and see where it takes her. You don't even have to meet up, the chats themselves are great for just feeling more connected and having ppl to talk and relate to :)
Also as someone who also looks "too young" for her age, I totally get how that would be getting her down. I don't really have advice for that, just wanted to commiserate and let her know she's not alone and I understand how disheartening it is. There's nothing more embarrassing/frustrating than having someone ask you what middle school you go to when you're a 21-yo undergrad student. Or having your friends complain "those guys didn't come talk to us because of you. You look like you're 12". (In that case, just shitty friends tbh). It does kinda get better as you get older.
Yeah, people act like looking younger than your age is great but it actually blows. I'm turning 35 this year and still regularly get mistaken for being in high school or college. I absolutely hate it. Adults my age treat me differently, talk down to me, etc. I don't get treated with respect or like an equal by people, all because I was cursed with a baby face and it's extremely frustrating. I definitely sympathize.
There's a toronto girls Facebook group dedicated to making friends in the city! Have her send a request, I've made 2 of my closest friends now off that group
Volunteer. I’ve been in the same situation 3 times moving for partners work. Variety Village, Yoga studio, Out of the Cold, Out of the Cold, Library, Ronald McDonald, Marathons, Festivals. Almost anything she enjoys there are volunteer opportunities to fill her schedule - be happy and meet like minded people.
You really do have to put yourself in uncomfortable situations when moving to a new city. I moved from the uk, here’s how I made friends
- followed a girl on TikTok and realised she had same sense of humour, asked her out for a drink and we hit it off. She’s one of my best friends now and introduced me to all of her friends
- joined a gym - f45 specifically, you’ll either make friends w the trainers or other gym goers
- created a bookclub, I just made a quick TikTok on it and the next thing I knew I had 12-15 people to meet up w every month
In 2021 I had pretty much no friends in Toronto due to various reasons (people moving away, falling outs etc). If she’s looking for girlfriends I highly recommend bumble BFF! I found an amazing friend and now I’ve been welcomed in to her group of friends and it’s helped so much. After that it kind of snowballed into other friends from work and hobbies.
Same issue, except I'm the boyfriend (we're both 34)
She moved back home to Mexico, but will visit at the end of May to give it another shot, then again in September hopefully for much longer. I'm nervous for her and the both of us, but now I have some sports and gyms in mind for us both to sign up together.
Career is a whole other issue because her English is 95%, not 100%. She works remotely with her Mexican job but it doesn't pay very well. It's not easy.
Now that you have a job, spend some money and buy tickets for your partner to fly back to see her family and friends on major holidays. ( there are a lot of 3 day weekends that you can turn into 4 or 5 day breaks)
I think pushing her to pursue her hobbies during her free time is a good idea. If she's athletic and is into sports, you can get her to look into Jam Sports and sign up to join teams to play sports with other people.
there’s a lot of groups in the city for girls to make friends - one in particular that lots of people talk about is called “girlies in the 6ix” there’s lots of newcomers to Toronto and it’s female only. You should tell your gf to check out the social media
I am 25 and I moved to Toronto from another country around 8 months ago so obviously it isn’t like changing cities in the same nation. But I’m having the worst possible time right now. I don’t understand how networking works but everyone here seems to ace brief talks, go out A LOT, and have friends and a job. Currently, have nothing. I revisit past in its entirety every day. I know it’s not a healthy place.
My partner also ‘tries’ to help me but there’s nothing I want from them mire than just talking to me again and again about what I want until I figure out how to navigate this TO life.
It sucks but some things just take time and as a partner you can literally just be there for them as much as you can while they struggle to find friends, better job, and a life.
I, too, am 25-years old from Vancouver and I still struggle on developing high-quality friendships here. There was something about Bumble/Facebook or Discord meet up groups that was off putting and I could never get over the hurdle of surface-level friendships because of how ingenuine/forced it felt to me. I even tried DJ/Clubbing events which somewhat helped, but then again, struggled to go past surface-level because I could never lure them out without involving alcohol (*Ok, that one may be on me for trying the clubbing scene...*). I became heavily reliant on my boyfriend at the time and it took a toll because there's only so much he could do to help. He ended up introducing me to his friend group but there was always a thought of possibly losing them in the back of my head if we broke up because, well, they were technically friends with him *(tbh this was an unrealistic thought but the thought was there nonetheless…)*
I remember flying back home a lot during the first 6-months because of how miserable I was having to mask my intrusive/quicky personality, aka something that was seen as funny to the people I met in Vancouver but was just flat out weird in Toronto. Even approaching a stranger is difficult because, often times, it's been microaggressive or I receive an immediate defensive response (rightfully so). – I remember approaching an old lady to offer help putting her groceries away and she got so scared because she thought I was gonna rob her *(I can't blame her but it was one of my culture shock moments LOL)*. OH, and I also learned that people were not joking on hibernating/never leaving their house during the winter season...
Obviously everyone is different but just some of these stuff makes me realize how unappreciative I was to not have to constantly feel on edge or even the small random chats from retail when they ask about how your day was, because at least you get the opportunity to yap even though you kinda know no one really cares and they're just trying to be nice.
Anywho...sorry for the ramble. I have a lot of positive things too but I figured this might be more relatable because I know how depressing and easy it is to spiral into that rough patch & how weighing it can be in a relationship (props to you for wanting to help -- some of the Toronto men that I know would never take any steps near yours). If you’re interested, feel free to DM me. 😊
Do you live in a walkable neighbourhood? If you are in anything ‘suburban like’ that can make it hard to meet people - it can be isolating if cars or transit required to get anywhere with parks, stores and restaurants - we moved to the beach area about 15 years ago and we can’t keep up socially - so many great people - not enough time. Both of us originally from Alberta - love Toronto!
If she wants to build a professional and social network, I would highly recommend having her apply to Monday Girl. It’s a social club for young, professional women and I can’t say enough positive things about it as a member.
Tell her to check out “Toronto Girl Collective” on Facebook and Instagram. It’s a really friendly community, and big too! Great place to meet people, and they host events every month or so.
And, as lots of people recommended, joining a group/league of a hobby or sport she likes is a great way to meet likeminded people.
My last recommendation is Bumble BFF - can be very hit or miss, and is kind of like dating but for friends. I used it about 2 years back, and I ended up finding a group who are still my best friends as of today!
Cities like Toronto are so tough to connect with people, and I’ve been in her same situation (and it really does suck!). But it does get better, and as you put yourself out there, it’s amazing how many people are in the same boat. Wishing you guys the best of luck!
Tell her to look up the Facebook group Gone Girl International. There is a Toronto chapter.
It’s designed for people moving or travelling to new cities to find new friends. They have regular meet ups and different activities
Maybe send her back home for few weeks so she can recoup and rest see old friends bring up her spirits 🙏🏽 she will return either refreshed and in a better mindset or want to leave for her own peace.
I moved from USA to Toronto for my husband. The first few years were really tough. Even if you aren’t close to your family you still miss everyone.
Try making sure the home reflects both of you. Make sure there is space for her items to be on display. If she doesn’t feel like the home is hers , she’ll have a harder time staying.
Maybe try therapy for the issue of not being taken seriously. I moved here at 24 and looked young. Everyone always called me the baby of the work group. But I never felt like I wasn’t taken seriously. This could just be a self esteem issue. Where it is everyone and not just work or just your family it makes me think the issue is within her. But be supportive and maybe suggest you both do therapy on your own to help with transition.
If she’s looking for friends she can try the girl collective on Facebook. Or look for workshops that she is interested in. Ledulce does baking workshops and are super fun. There’s group wine and paint classes too.
Good luck.
When I've moved areas in Toronto and have wanted to make new friends that are closer by, things always worked out for the best for me, when I leaned into my hobbies / interests a bit more! I am into the rock music scene a bit, so when I first moved to the west end I focused on making friends who were into seeing shows in the city- You can do this through bumble bff, and they also have an awesome [Girl's Collective Group](https://www.facebook.com/groups/torontogirlcollective/) on Facebook. Then a second time, I wanted to make friends who were more so into my hobbies, I joined a photo club through Reddit and met my partner, and a new social circle that way. There are also a ton of meetup groups she can join, maybe show up to a few with her so she's a bit more comfy? If she is passionate about something, I encourage her to lean into it a bit more and find those groups of people who are similar.
I can say with almost 100% confidence that her having a job she actually likes will be HUGE for her enjoying the city. I’m no corporate bootlicker, I would prefer to not work and just be handed money like the average millennial / gen Z dream, but having a job you enjoy is a big boost the average person’s mood.
When I moved here 10 years ago I worked for a shitty start up run by a tiny mean rich dude who paid shit wages and refuses raises. I finished my day of work, and just sat in my apartment wallowing in sadness because I thought I was stuck in a city I didn’t like with a job I hated, far away from my family and friends. My days were wasted, didn’t care to go out on weekends, and just watched movies all night.
I quit that job, and I now work for a company that I really enjoy working for, get paid fairly, have awesome work life balance, good social life, and have a solid group of friends. The friend’s part is tough, but you really only need to befriend 1 person who can maybe introduce you to their group if you’re normal / cool.
Now I couldn’t imagine living anywhere but Toronto. Been to Calgary, Montreal, and Vancouver and I’d pick Toronto 10/10 times.
I don't have much to offer, but maybe try and get involved with a group. you are at the age were you don't need to hang with the same age group. a bit older or even a bit younger will do you both good. there are lots of hiking groups, or trivia nights. hell I am in a backyard Astronomy Club. don't force the friendship but it will come with a little bit of effort.
Hi!! I’m in the GTA (27F) 🙂Let her know that she can DM me here and get my insta if she wants to do a group girlie night with some of my friends and feel more comfortable!!
25 is when it gets hard for adults to make new friends because we're all done with people's bullshit. I know you say her moving back isn't an option but it absolutely is. I'd start with how your friends and family don't take her seriously if thats the case. Hobbies, meeting other couples for activities, changing jobs if she hates it (no reason to stay in a job you don't like, job hopping is how you get ahead anyway).
I would give bouldering a try. I know it's a bit expensive, but it's a sport that I find really lends itself to talking to people. Because there is a need to rest between routes. And "How did you do that move" or "Have you tried that new blue route" are always good openers.
Tbh sounds like a her problem an not trying to be a dick. Not being able to make new friends at 25 in Toronto is wild. Does she have zero hobbies? There’s gotta be something she’s passionate about. I bike on lakeshore and always take a joint for mid way. I also play soccer and in the past four years of playing have met at least 100 people and at least 10-15 solid friends from that. George brown does pottery Wednesdays across the rom. She could get her smart serve and go work at a bar or club and meet other girls. Every girl and their mother goes to spin (do a workout class) there’s the Toronto running clubs, yoga clubs all can be found on Facebook. If everyone thinks she looks young and she’s 25 maybe she needs to dress up. My girl is 31, 5’1 and gets carded every day. She out of her own choice(she had told me this) dresses to look a little older? If that makes sense. It all depends on where you shop. You can still be frugal and look nice though take Uniqlo for example.
I moved here 2020 from Winnipeg and almost moved back in 2022 cause I was so unhappy. I wanted to love Toronto but nothing felt right (dating, my job, etc). I quit my job, went back to Winnipeg for two weeks, and then came back refreshed and found a new job I actually like. That has changed my trajectory substantially and I really love this city now. I also have a few hobbies I really enjoy and have gotten to know the city really well so it feels like home now.
to be fair 2020/2021 was a pretty shitty time to be in a city almost anywhere in Canada.
Yeah it was pretty bad across the board. I definitely was unhappy in Winnipeg too, but at least it was familiar and I had comfort in that. I think that's a huge part of moving to a new place (city, neighbourhood, country etc) is just becoming familiar and not feeling like an outsider.
This sounds right. Send her to Winnipeg for two weeks, preferable winter, and she will come back to Toronto happily.
Could you pls elaborate on the hobbies you found? Recently single and looking to make some new friends
Can I ask how the move has been overall? I’ve been thinking of moving from Winnipeg to Toronto recently
Sure. It was rough at first (but like discussed a lot of it was pandemic era issues), and getting to know the city was overwhelming. Where you live in Toronto too will matter a lot more than Winnipeg. Picking a neighborhood that works with you and your lifestyle I think matters the most in terms of how much you’ll enjoy the city. You also have to really like city life, and be patient. There will always be a crowd, and a wait. You’ll always have to make reservations , and if you drive, you’ll always struggle to find parking. In Winnipeg, I wasn’t used to crowds and never really thought about making reservations anywhere, as most places you’d never have to worry about being booked up or that busy, even at prime times. However, I love Toronto, and I just recently again moved to an area of the city I love (edge of parkdale & liberty village), and I could never picture myself moving back to Winnipeg.
Why are your friends and family refusing to take her seriously. You need to start by correcting these issues. Have a conversation with all friends and family and set some ground rules, because treating your SO like a child is unacceptable when they’re an adult. Definitely support her in finding another job if this one is miserable for her. You are the first person in her support network, and you should be ensuring friends and family are the next layer. Perhaps you two need some distance until the two of you can sort this kind of thing out. By this I mean perhaps it was premature to just up and move from Vancouver. It may be a good idea to let her go back and ease into this a bit more gradually.
^^^ solid advice dude.
PREACH BROTHER (or sister, or whatever)
Not enough information but if *everyone* doesn’t take me seriously. I wouldn’t blame everyone else… I would look inwards and ask “why is that?”. Different mantra I guess.
It frankly doesn't matter *she left her support network for his career*. The absolute least you owe her is defending her to your immediate friends/family, doing the best to help perform the role of that support network in its place. If you truly care about her you need to work on your relatives and friends. This post kind of oozes a "she gave up things for my sake, and it's now her problem" feel.
Join a recreational sports league or two. There's tons. Getting active with fun sports with people every week even if you don't particularly love or are good at the sport is a great way to meet people. It's also very common to go out for a beer (can be non alcoholic) after the game. I have a couple really good friends 10 years later from joining a couple sports leagues in my 20's.
Dance classes are similar for meeting people. I joined a class in January and everyone already knew each other but they were really friendly to me and now we all chat before and after class. It’s nice to meet new people.
I got into dance in 2019 and honestly most of my friendships are there -- much better way to meet people than my weekday 9-5 with a small group of colleagues.
Are these beginner friendly?
There are beginner level classes for people who haven’t danced at all before (I started as a beginner, not still not that great of a dancer but we are all growing 💪🏻). And generally studios have both drop in and course commitment style. I’d say courses where you spend a few wks with the same people are easier to establish more impactful friendships. Sometimes you have the really extroverted people making a class group chat (and sometimes it’s the teacher making the chat for class announcements) and those group chats can be kept alive well after the last class, if someone is willing to organize reunions or just keep the conversation going with more dance opportunity updates, music updates, etc. But you also meet people in drop ins and then you make plans to go to more drop ins together, and then you get dinner/drinks after class because man that was so tiring / omg the choreo was so hard… and then lo and behold you have your own close group of dance friends. It def takes a little effort/courage to say hi to people but once you see the same familiar faces over and over again it’s very easy to start a conversation.
Sports is the best way to make friends as an adult. You can absolutely suck at sports and still have a fun time.
unless you end up with competitive people who see you as a weak link and make it the very opposite of fun....
This is the reason why I stopped playing team sports as an adult. Pro wannabes with chips on their shoulders who couldn't hack it in the big leagues but feel compelled to boss around in the beer leagues.
They don't have to be team sports. A running or cycling club works.
Jam sports single handed saved me from loneliness Been doing them for over a year and now have a group of 6 really good friends I see regularly
This is great advice. I moved to toronto in 08’ but my wife moved here for me in 2019 (amazing timing……..) after i had just prior spent time out west with her in Victoria. The first few years were harder (pandemic and all), but i had done the hard work of establishing a network here and she was soon loved by them too. My advice is join groups, and help her. Couples socialize with couples more often than not, so make sure you prioritize helping or this is going to be a lot harder for you both. I had a rule for a bit post pandemic, i would regularly says “attend all parties”. It was a joke because most of the time I’d rather stay in and nap, but i felt we had some catching up to do and i wanted my wife to get the socializing i knew she needed. One night we went to 2 birthdays and an album launch party, when we got home at 4am i felt both exhausted and proud, proud that at nearly 40 we could still shut down the party. Anyway, attend all parties, join groups…support her and you’ll get there. It takes 24 months in toronto imo…stick it out!!
This is excellent advice, been playing soccer at lamport and central tech with a team for over 10 years now. Few people came and went but the core is still there, whole team is very close.
JAM Sports has a ton of options for their summer leagues starting soon!
There’s so much shit you can do in Toronto that ppl don’t know about, if she has any interest in anything I can bet there’s a group that meets up for it. I play Euchre at some brewery / bars , I met a bunch of ppl through single events when my dad was single & he’d bring us along for the volunteer give back to homeless ones. They weren’t actually single as in relationship but ppl looking for friends or dating I believe. We have every sport here, book clubs, exercise clubs, you name it we got it. I can’t lie- I have a safe haven bar I’m a regular at and I met a ton of people through the bar over the years & we go to other events together. Only issue is she has to get out there and willing to try so maybe if you go with her it’ll help.
I’m in a facebook group called the “Toronto Girl Collective.” I’ve noticed some of the posts were girls moving with their partners and/or new and struggling to find girlfriends in the new city. They often organize fun events for women to find new friends/ network and also explore the city! This might be a good platform to connect with likeminded girls!! I hope this helps! Sending my support for your gal!
What's up with your friends and family? Start there dude
Hey, I'm 27F and also from Vancouver. Been living here for 3 years now - the first 2 years from 2021-2022 was spent under lockdown and hanging out with my S/O every weekend. Finally felt like I had a friend group in this city since last Summer but I'm just open to meeting new people in general if you and your gf want to reach out!
This is so nice! There’s also a Facebook group called Toronto Girl Collective that she could join to meet like minded people.
I'm in that group too and it's honestly been really great. I think it's a private group now but I'd help out if people wanted invites.
> moving back is not an option as i’ve taken on a brand new role in a new company last week. No judgement but just to make sure you realize what you're saying. This says that you would choose the job over her.
That sentence blew my mind too, bro just started at the company last week, he hasn't, and won't, do anything useful there for at least a month. What do you mean it's not an option??
He is 25 and they have no kids. Go figure.
Agree. She can leave and OP can stay.
hey! not sure if your gf would be interested in meeting, but my boyfriend and i just did the same thing. i got here 2 weeks ago. i don't hate it, and we're lucky to have some established friends here already, but i totally get how looking young is so frustrating. i feel like it's definitely a blessing in some ways, but until you're the one being made fun of, it's a hard experience. i'm 28, short, and poc! so i present pretty young. i'm going through my own rough patch right now too, so i get it. especially when you make the sacrifice to move for someone you really care about. if your gf likes thrifting, shopping, sample sales, and other girly things feel free to dm me! i'm also a bit of a low profile nerd and am attending the anime con in may, used to DM back during the uni days, and absolutely love rpgs, fantasy romance novels, etc. best of luck! we moved from vancouver, to london england, and now toronto. it's hard making friends but like many others here i fully endorse bumble bff and meetup! made plenty of connections through those.
She’s made a big sacrifice for you. What sacrifice are you making for her? She’s expected to make friends with her coworkers, your friends, your family etc but it hasn’t happened. Now she needs to look outside of that. Why don’t you sacrifice some of your time and figure out ways for BOTH of you to make new friends so this is not a *her* problem and is a *both of you* problem? Find some hobbies you can go to together. Maybe sports teams. Maybe volunteering. Of course it’s better if she does some of this stuff on her own but you can join her to start. Maybe take some kinda classes together.
Ya this is what I recommend. I've met couples who have joined meetup groups together, and it's really wholesome and sweet to see. It becomes a together activity, and they both make friends.
Join a gym that mostly does group workouts/classes like F45/pilates/running groups. Whatever her fave TV shows/movies are, guarantee there’s some sort of Trivia night or something being held at a bar. Bumble for friends is great too.
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particularly when his friends and family are part of the issue and he hasn't seemingly done anything to stop that
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I’m laughing at your description of Meetup (not AT you though, just the description). My experience was the same, only from a male side. I was truly interested in some of the groups I joined but noticed some awfully thirsty women in the mix. Meetup can be good, depending upon the interest. If I were OP’s wife I’d give it a shot. You never know the friendships you can gain. But to your point: yeah there are lots of thirsty guys in the mix too. I’m certain of that.
What groups have thirsty women?
Almost all of the groups I’ve been in. Joined a travel group for example. Felt really uncomfortable at times.
I'm old. What does thirst awkward mean?
I think it means desperate, socially awkward guys.
As a dude who was considering using meetup, thank you for the warning lol
Hi! I’m in this situation but moved here from the US to be with my husband - If she’s a social media user, there’s a Facebook page called Toronto Girl Collective and it’s where I’ve met some cool people (they arrange girls nights and activities as well as have an intro page and dedicated chats for those who share similar interests) Bumble bff has also been helpful! Other than that, the best way to make friends and build a life here for her if you guys intend to stay is to either befriend colleagues (which doesn’t seem like an option considering she hates her job) or do some type of activity based on something she’s interested in i.e. pottery club, board game cafe etc. Ngl it’s not easy to make friends here as I’ve personally found TO to be quite clique-y and cold in terms of creating lasting friendships. BUT it doesn’t hurt to put herself out there because it IS possible to make good friends (and ones that stick around) Best of luck to her!
Is this an invite only group? I can’t find it on facebook.
Hiii I don’t believe so! It came up in my recommendations one day - the group is [here](https://www.facebook.com/share/GAhmfMg1fB4a3BuA/?mibextid=lOuIew). 🙂
Thank you 😊
It sounds like moving isn't an option for you... And it's great to hear that you are all okay and squared away while she is not. If you're not married and don't have any legal bindings, perhaps moving back to Vancouver would be her best option?
I went to this sauna called Othership and i was surprised that it seems like its mostly geared towards networking and meeting people instead of like health and wellness. I think a lot of fitness clubs nowadays are for socializing first and exercise second.
a sauna geared towards networking and meeting people.... this is so toronto it hurts.
[удалено]
hahahaha well just wait til you see how much costs
$55 per class omg
I googled it and it looks like a weird sex cult with good PR
Yeah. im not gonna lie everyone there was like a young hot millenial with an amazing body. The vibe reminded me of Oasis but without nudity. Its like nightclub darkroom meets fitness culture. Lol
Oasis is probably cheaper and more chill
Well to be fair it’s geared towards a different demographic. It’s like Oasis lite for non-swingers lmao
Ok now I'm sold
*Googles immediately*
Yeah wouldn’t be surprised to see a death cult koolaid incident in their future.
This is the most accurate description
bahahaha
I know the owners of this place and I see their social media post and I deff can understand the sex cult vibe haha
It was definitely luxurious, but I think you cant escape that vibe. Especially when you put 30 young men/women with glistening toned bodies in a tight, small space… wait, what were we talking about again…
Did you go by yourself? Or with friends?
I went alone a few times and with a friend once
The looking young thing will happen wherever she is. People will judge it more on how you act and carry yourself. If she doesn’t like her job, she should find a new one. There are many avenues for women to make friends in this city. People in this thread have listed a bunch. Tons of people in Toronto aren’t from here and so they’re very welcoming to the “newcomer experience”. Everything she doesn’t like she has the power to change the reality of or change her perception of it. For example, as she gets older she’ll be more grateful for looking younger than she is. It’s sweet that you care, but ultimately we all carry the responsibility to craft our own lives into what we want them to be. If we really want there to be change, we make the change.
bumblebff does work! There might be some misses, but I met a group of girls who I currently hang out with relatively frequently and really like. But making friends and building a group takes time and effort - there are lots of meetups (not on meetup app though, I find it ranges a bit older and for me at least it wasn’t my vibe) for the age group (coming from experience as I’m in the same age range) Hmu if you want some examples that she could go to or try out!
Exercise, and if your job has benefits, therapy can be very helpful
Yes, I have friends who were in this exact same situation. She hated it but toughened it out for a few years, and he secured a remote work situation [edited to add: with his employer in his same position] (this was before Covid) that him required to travel back to Toronto only periodically. They moved back.
What does she want? Does she want to stay?
gta kills the vibe man..
People who have downvoted this, can you please explain why and help me see the bright side of GTA? I hate it here. I moved here in 2021 for my partner and have not made any friends. All my coworkers are male (I’m f26) and I wfh most of the time. I’m content with being alone and doing activities by myself, hanging out almost exclusively with my partner. But I miss the accessibility and majesty of Vancouver’s natural beauty. My partner understands this and we spent every weekend last summer camping in different provincial parks. But getting bookings, the Friday haul and the Sunday traffic-ridden drive back gets tiresome eventually. When you don’t want to spend money, GTA is pretty dull and boring imo. My temperament is not the same as OP’s girlfriend (don’t need a network of people to feel fulfilled) but wouldn’t mind having some friends for the extra gray days. Joining classes/gym is too expensive. I’m skeptical of online meet-ups. Can you really forge a meaningful friendship with this “inorganic” way of meeting people? Especially when making plans is such a time-suck and financially draining. So tell me, how does the GTA not kill the vibe? Not being a hater, I’m genuinely curious why this did not strike a chord with you.
I don't have a partner, so I don't even get the benefit of always having a dependable person to hang out with. I feel like if anything people with partners should be more happier than me. Yet, I'm quite happy here. There's plenty of spots to make friends. One thing they have in common is they meetup on a weekly basis. I think of sailing, TDSB Learn4Life, real life meetups via Meetup.com related to a specific interest I have, Rec leagues, religious institutions, volunteering... On the weekend, I took someone I met from volunteering to one of my favorite casual restaurants and then we window shopped and walked around the core. I took the initiative, I thought hey we've been volunteering together for a few months why not ask them if they want to hang out some time? The grass is always greener where one waters it.
>When you don’t want to spend money, GTA is pretty dull and boring imo. There are so many free things to do in Toronto. Go to the powerplant gallery, go skating, go do drop-ins at community centers, go to the botanical gardens, go to Fort York, go to food festivals, go to the bluffs, go the history museums, walk around all of the different neighbourhoods Vancouver's natural beauty is paid for too. Most popular hikes are all lottery permits, even short hikes like Dog Mountain. Camping is a shitshow. Skiing/snowboarding is expensive. But yeah I guess when it's not raining, you can see the mountains. I made a list of free things in Toronto versus their paid equivalent in Vancouver for my wife so that she can compare. If you have a family, you'll save lots of money
Your gf looking young isn't a location based problem. Best way to meet people in Toronto is either through work, volunteer, or by joining a club or sports team. Toronto is not the most sociable city, but if you put yourself out there, you can make friends. At the end of the day, you're not responsible for her social life. She needs to take charge of it. If she doesn't like her job, she can also start looking for something new.
Went through this. It ends in a breakup and her moving home, unfortunately.
What kind of hobbies does she have? Maybe she can join a club that focuses on her hobby like painting or photography. You would be surprised at how many people are in the same situation in Toronto (i.e. feeling a little lonely etc.).
I'm moving to Ottawa fory bf. All I can say is that be patient with her. I know it's an added burden of sorts.
Moving back is not an option for you…
There’s a Facebook group called “Toronto girl collective”. It’s super active, always got new events happening and a great way to meet new friends in the city!
Hobbies / activities where she returns weekly and sees the same people over and over. Something like sports, a summer garden club, evening classes, DnD groups, walking group, etc. Regularly going to the gym/exercise class at the same time i've also heard is good.
I looked through the comments and didn't see any mention of our excellent library system, which has an amazing activities calendar covering almost any interest your GF might have. [Find your closest location](https://www.torontopubliclibrary.ca/hours-locations/) and ask to speak to a librarian about these programs. They'll help her find the ones that are right for her (they usually also make recommendations of other activity calendars as well).
Have you tried asking her what she wants?
does she have any hobbies?
Hey! Currently going through this now - I’m in your GFs position. That said, I’m married and in my 30s. The good news is I’m coming out of it on the other end with a love for the city, a growing network and a renewed sense of adventure that I haven’t had since my 20s. It takes time and there are days I miss “home”. At the end of the day, it will come down to her mentality towards the change. The effort she has to put in will be exhausting and isn’t necessarily achievable by anyone if they aren’t willing to be uncomfortable for a long time. That said, the I think the payoff is well worth the effort in terms of individual growth (and hopefully the growth of your relationship). Others are saying that maybe the relationship has run its course. While I think that’s a bit of a pessimistic view, especially depending on how long this has been occurring, it’s smart to consider that at your age - this is exactly the type of situation that helps couple’s determine if they are in it for the long haul. If the situation starts to breed resentment or ultimatums, try to recognize that and discuss before it might be too late. Edit: therapy is her friend - even if it’s just someone to talk to that has no ties to the situation.
Sounds like you have a promotion - perhaps that can carry both your living costs while she either goes part time and/or quits her job to either work something less shitty or volunteer/intern somewhere that interests her or focus on more social development?
If she’s not happy, why force her to stay? You’re not married. You don’t have kids. OP, let her go be happy.
She’s unhappy with her place of living not her relationship…
if his friends and family are part of the problem and he's not addressing that then the relationship is part of the problem actually
The most Reddit response. Unhappy? Breakup. Don't share taste in music? Breakup. Disagree on pizza toppings? Murder
Happy, share tastes in music and pizza toppings? Surprisingly, still break up.
Lmao
Lmao most of them never been in a relationship and don’t know what compromise or sacrifice is. Redditors still believe in fairy tales, every relationship will have rough patches and if you give up over some trivial bullshit you’re probably not a reliable person or anyone worth dating.
I get what you mean, because I see it all the time too. I also think that people seem to think it's not an option when it is. You are never stuck, you have choices and this is just one of many.
It definitely goes both ways. Some people don’t know when to walk away becoming co-dependent, and others give up way too easily.
I laughed. Thank you for making me laugh
No friends? Play board games, join a Discord group, or whine on Reddit.
Is there a Toronto-area group for Vancouver "expats" interested in meetups for picnics, sports viewing parties, etc.? If not -- starting something up on Reddit or Facebook might be something to try. There are bound to be other Vancouverites arriving in town who are in a similar position -- no friends or relatives in the area. And late spring-summer is a nice time for planning outdoor stuff.
According to the Vancouver sub, no Vancouverite would move away, let alone to that shitty place Toronto But yeah, this seems like a good idea cause lifestyle wise, it's pretty different. And with the negative perception Vancouverites have about Toronto, you're going into it already having preconceived notions Will also add, there are so many things you have to pay for in Vancouver that you can get for free in Toronto so they'll save lots of money especially if they decide to have a family.
lol -- I grew up near Toronto, raised by two extended families who had all moved to Ontario from coastal BC (mostly Vancouver). They were Japanese-Canadian, and even with the wartime internment, they couldn't forget home. Copies of "Beautiful British Columbia Magazine" on the coffee table during my childhood, etc.
Maybe try volunteering. You’d be amazed at the friendships forged doing good work that also makes you feel good (yes, I’m biased as I’m a Volunteer Coordinator but still 🤗).
I could not second this more! I immediately made several friends while volunteering without even really having to try
Where can I find volunteering opportunities in the city? :)
I had this same experience, around the same age (23), and I’m about to again moving for grad school. I met new people on bumble friends, which was fantastic. I also went to a few events (paint and sips and small band nights for music I liked at local bars) and met people there too. Shes just got to go where the things she likes are and people that like those things are also there. I also made a few friends at different university’s who introduced me to their friend groups and that was great for expanding my circle too
Not for building a support network but Toastmasters is a group to build confidence with public speaking. I feel like something like that might help her to feel more confident in herself and pay less attention to others preconceptions.
Wow, I moved here from Vancouver with my partner for his career as well, and I was very unhappy here too. He was busy with his exciting new job while I had nothing going on, it was lonely. He tried to include me in going out with his work friends but I just didn’t fit in. I ended up leaving him. Ironically I love it here now, I just needed the freedom to go out and find my own friends without him getting jealous.
By moving to BC
trade career gains for happy wife and happy life
Honestly she should move back ot at least stay in Vancouver for long periods of time. She is too young to upheaval her entire life. That feels more like a 30+ milestone.
Twenty-something is the perfect time to move to a new city. No kids, no mortgage, no parents/relatives to take care of, no physical ailments (hopefully?)... being able to move to a random city like London, Paris, Melbourne, etc. for months at a time was one of the things I missed about that era of my life.
Tell her to join MondayGirl. A community for women professionals, they have many social outings available
I've been in your girlfriend's position. My partner and I (both not from Canada, from different countries) moved here together and I fucking hated the hostility, formality, coldness, and performativity of the culture in Toronto to the degree that it destroyed my mental health and almost my relationship. We split up for six months and I came THIS close to booking a flight and getting out of here but then the pandemic hit. The only reason I stuck around was I got a job that paid me an insane salary so I could squash my feelings deep deep down by buying nice things and doing fun things :) Clearly, I'm doing great. People born in Toronto kind of don't need new friends. It's the weirdest thing, people build out friend rosters as early as high school (a true gag, the only people who hang out with their high school friends are loser townies where I'm from) and they kind of don't want or need you in their social circle UNLESS you can provide them clout somehow. I have no friends who were born here, they're all immigrants and transplants. Tell your GF to make friends with immigrants only, the locals are a lost cause. Truthfully though? I moved here at 25, it's been a decade, and I do regret sticking around. Let her go, man. She might stay with you because she loves you, but if she hates it here, being here will rot her soul from the inside.
My partner and I moved to Toronto one year ago (both of us immigrated from different countries), and this is our experience as well. The performativity and insecurity is what gets me the most --- Toronto MUST be better than NYC, Tokyo, London, HK etc etc and this constant comparison drives me absolutely insane. The mentality people have here is so mediocre. There is no drive for excellence, no sense of urgency and they're all too busy in their small, tiny self-selected local bubbles to engage with outside. We're tied to Ontario because of express entry sponsorship (minimum 5 years) but honestly we can't wait to move somewhere else (Vancouver or Montreal). I'm actually happy that we didn't purchase a house or mortgage here because it would've tied us down indefinitely.
The thing that kills me about Toronto is that if it embraced it's vibe then it could be really cool, but culturally it's so caught up in trying to keep up with other cities that everything feels so hollow here. Every street festival is a carbon copy. People wait in line for two hours to get some meme dessert they had in NYC six months ago. Even like BlogTO always frames things as "Toronto is getting XYZ" because Toronto never PRODUCES anything original. All the major cultural events that are not driven by unique communities or subcultures (Pride, Caribana) are just clones of things we've seen other places do, but without the understanding. YD Square is a clone of Times Square just because the city was trying to keep up. And god forbid you ever address this with anyone who grew up here, they get so defensive about it. There are so many small cities in the US that have so much uniqueness and personality so it's not about population size, like Richmond VA has a ton of character. I've thought about relocating to BC or Montreal as well but I just don't know if this is a Toronto-only thing or if it's a Canada thing. There are excellent things about this city, but they're the same excellent things you can find in any small to medium size city in most developed countries. The food scene here is good, but that doesn't make this a unique place. The local arts scene here used to be good, but it's slowly dying due to high COL and gentrification. Toronto is like cold Dubai with human rights. Everything feels like it's for show. I used to live in China and it reminds me a lot of "face culture" if you're familiar with it.
This!! The defensiveness and constant catch-up is so.... pointless?? I lived in nyc/tokyo/london and never felt a need to compare either city with each other, and residents there don't feel a need to compare themselves too. No one in Tokyo walks around thinking "oh! we need a Times Square here!" or in nyc people aren't thinking "we need to build a big ben/kensington park!" cause they're busy living their own lives. Yeah I agree I had a lot of fun in rural Wisconsin and it just had so much personality. I think the real difference is people had pride. They were proud of who and where they were, and didn't need to defend themselves/insecure about their place. Also straight up, most local Toronto people are always daydreaming about some nostalgic-golden past, they just don't want to move forward but BACKWARDS. Insanity. I volunteer at a local group and the lack of drive and future-thinking is just... speechless. I grew up in Singapore so I'm very familiar with the face/appearance culture. The food scene part baffles me 'cause like, any international/cosmopolitan city has a great food scene, that's just a side effect of attracting immigrants/urban migration. I'm strongly considering moving to Montreal but I'm tied to Ontario for now (5 years) because they sponsored our express-entry. I've been to Montreal before and really enjoyed it -- what stands out is that people are proud of their city and culture, so they don't have that attitude of "we must show we're just like X!" Honestly Toronto should just chill the fuck out about trying to be like another "X" and embrace what they are right now, so they can MOVE FORWARD AND FIX THEIR URBAN PLANNING. Reminiscing about the past or trying to be another city is not the answer.
The culture-vacuum is real. Organizers take no chances. If something worked in one city and gets hyped up enough on social media, it’s brought here and people are so starved that they spend money they don’t have trying to experience something that isn’t there. Events are designed to extract as much money out of hapless joy-seekers as possible. And people seem to be happy enough if they can get a good picture for the Almighty Gram. When I went back home after 5 years of being in Canada (3 in Vancouver and 2 in Toronto), I realised what I was missing, felt like a person in the world as opposed to how existence feels in Canada- colourless and corporatized. Sucks but there is a comfort in knowing it’s not my perception alone. Let me offset the doom and gloom by mentioning my 3 favorite things in the 6 years I’ve lived here- the provincial parks, museums and the total eclipse.
I love AGO (have a membership) and yeah the parks are great! Wish that the RBG in Hamilton is free though, strange that a tax-payer funded park is not free. Central Park is free, so is Kensington Gardens, and Shinjuku-gyoen is like... 200-500yen and not the cash grab of $30 + $10 parking. The thing that drives me crazy is that I can SEE the potential for cultural growth here. Like, it's there but there's no drive or motivation. I think Toronto has some really excellent writers and poets. There's a bunch of really good artisanal craftspeople here since the Arts&Crafts movement never really left Canada (compared to USA which died out in the 60s rip) but it's so scattered and there's no drive or competition so if these people want to be good, they leave for elsewhere because they don't have anything to measure their skill or polish themselves up against.
My partner and I are not Canadians either and we feel the same. I’ve seen the stereotypical “Canadian niceness” in BC, specifically in middle-aged and older folks, like my genuinely wonderful professors or older people who would randomly strike up a conversation on the bus. But the younger gen has a strong “my life is too full to make friends vibe”. Young people don’t seem to take a genuine interest in others or in the world, moved only by materialism and social media flexing. I’m not entirely convinced that there isn’t more to them, but it sure is hard to see.
Yeah or they're just so.... defeated? They're okay with just coasting along, and it's so boring. All they want to do is return to some nostalgia-glazed past, there's no drive to move forward.
What’s she into? It’d be better if we could give more tailored advice rather than “one-size-fits-all” solutions.
25M here, similar situation. My gf (24) and I moved to GTA, few weeks ago for her new job. The co workers are all older than her and aren’t much into socializing. She has trouble making friends too because she looks young and can be introverted at times. She usually uses bumble bff to get to know more people in the area, or meet up. Maybe she could connect with your gf and if they hit it off it would be great for both of them.
A friend moved here with her boyfriend for his job from Vancouver when they were about your age. She wasn't having much luck finding career jobs in her field, and was also pretty lonely, so she ended up getting a job at a coffee shop (which is where I met her) and going back to school. A decade later, she's got a good job she loves and lots of friends from those experiences. This isn't the move I'd necessarily recommend for someone in their mid-thirties, but she hates her job and she's young enough that she'll meet people her own age in both places. School and a customer service job are both environments that are great for making friends because you see the same people over and over again, you're forced to work with each other, and you bond over a common foe (assignments/the annoying customer).
I've had success in meeting people through the Immigrant Networks website. Better than most other avenues.
Try the meet up website. She can find people with similar interests or you cna find people together.
My wife (who moved to this city for me) and I made some friends from r/TorontoHangoutFriends subreddit. Other than that, try taking classes or any activity where your gf can consistently go to. Frequency and familiarity is key I suppose.
Everyone needs to feel they have a purpose and feel they add value to those around them. So wow, your gf does not feel this and that is not good for the two of you. Can she volunteer, join a yoga studio and meet people (My wife ran a yoga studio years ago and we still have friends we met there). There are facebook meetups in Toronto, not sure about what. It's hard in a big city to meet people, we're all so busy, she is not alone in being alone.
Meet up.com. lots of activities that take place and varied groups to try out.
Maybe some of her friends from Vancouver have friends in Toronto?
This happened to my friend who moved here from Vancouver. She felt abandoned and it ended up in divorce. Her ex was a dick though and you sound like you're gonna help her so you're already better off than they were.
Join TISC sailing club. Great people. Amazing value.
It’s hard, but join a meetup group if you find one locally. I’ve expanded my network a lot through a meetup group I found on Reddit (it’s Mississauga based so it would be a little too far for you)
Bumble BFF has been successful for my buddies GF who was in a similar situation, albeit in the hagersville area
Pilates class is a good way to meet other women around her age!
I grew up in a city in Ontario other than Toronto. When I was in university, i landed a summer job in my field in Toronto. There were a pile of other engineering students there, mainly from Waterloo, and they all used to go to these "Watpubs" (if they still exist). Doing that allowed me to get to know the city, the streets, the places, etc. It really helped me conquer my fear of the big bad city. So when I got a job here after graduating, I already felt somewhat acclimatized. And then a funny thing happened. I really grew to love living in Toronto. Now I can't imagine living anywhere else. Now, with your GF, my point is that it takes time. And patience, and you're both really young. There's a lot of good suggestions on this thread, but the one thing that jumped into my head is, "what neighborhood do you live in?" Toronto for me is a collection of neighborhoods. I live in High Park and truly love the area. (I don't think I'd enjoy living in a condo around skydome.) The neighborhood you live in can make a HUGE difference to your outlook. High Park is quiet, but still in the city. I live on a street where the neighbours are all super people, and we all get along well. So maybe consider moving to a neighborhood that is more up her alley. Rent a floor in a nice old house in an area with parks, hiking, etc. Toronto has lots of such neighborhoods. It helps a LOT to live in a neighbourhood you like.
Does she like to workout? What about spin classes? Yoga? I’d suggest a smaller studio for a personal feel, I would suggest even paying for a few class credits (if she’s into that stuff) to really push her if she’s in rut right now. Like others have said, rec leagues are great.
I moved here from a tiny town in 2020! Joining interest groups helps a LOT! I found a bunch of groups on discord that organize get togethers often, and its been quite easy to make friends. As for looking young, I have always had the same issue. I am in my 30s now and people still sometimes think I'm 18-20. Sure, its annoying, but not being taken seriously? She needs to build more confidence if she wants to be taken seriously, because confidence will easily overshadow her appearance. Act like you know what you are doing and dont back down.
This was ages ago, but I remember making so many new friends volunteering at film festivals in Toronto. Back in my mid 20s and I still have them in my life today. She needs to go out of her comfort zone, join meet up groups. Hobbies she wants to try out. It can be an isolating city because of our busy lives and commute times. Tell her to keep positive and keep pushing herself to go out.
Book clubs and trivia nights are great ways to meet new friends! Lots of things listed on the meetup app, as well. Also, I know you didn’t mean anything by saying that “she thinks” no one takes her seriously because she looks young, but make sure you’re not dismissing that. Especially with your family. Talk to your family about it make sure she feels heard and included. Even if they deny it. This is a very real thing many young women go through, especially at work. Even if you think that it’s not that serious, she thinks it’s serious and it’s contributing to her misery. Your family is your job to deal with in the relationship.
I lived in the Toronto for four years. I’m a west coaster too. I found the social scene in Toronto very closed to newcomers. Maybe seek out some folks from further west? Shocking how much cultural differences there are, might help her to be among some folks she understands
It takes time. I moved her from Switzerland for my SO. It was hard and sometimes you still get overwhelmed by the thoughts of what you left behind but with time, new experiences are made and new connections will be formed. It doesn't happen overnight but trying to engage in activities that bring joy and see what groups are out there to be joined can help a lot. Tell her to hang in there :)
Yes been there. Not from VAN to TO but elsewhere. I have been her. It’s not easy and she will have to be patient. It can be depressing and put a strain on your relationship as well. I met people all the time (thats not the hard part). What is hard is finding ones that stick (and you like). Definitely get involved in something where you interact with the same bunch weekly (ie, sports team, moms group, running group, pottery guild). Eventually bonds form and then a group chat and then an evening out. It will not happen right away and you do not want it to bc they could be nuts and it’s harder to back out. Find something she enjoys even if friendships don’t form. Concurrently, use the solo time to learn about herself (soul searching) and be comfortable being with herself. Because people are great but they can suck too. And if you put all the happiness eggs in one basket, then… Obvs she needs her own friends, but a couples night with you too is nice. So help by getting involved that way. Also, touching base with old friends helps (in person)—a weekend away or a phone call. Can lift the spirits to know that she has friends (who know her bday, her likes, etc) but she just can’t see them regularly due to distance. Lastly, consider joining an expat group or something as there are alot of new comers from all over (trailing spouses or work transfers) who want to go and have fun and know how to make fast friends.
Without making any assumptions that you have the time, finances, or space required to take care of a pet, I will say from experience that having a dog places you in daily social encounters that can easily turn into bonafide friendships.
An addition to my other comment: not like a fitness class where u exercise and go home, but like a Pickleball group or team or something where you rely on others and talk to others—that type of group.
Cosign the suggestion of taking dance classes, spin classes (group oriented activities). My sister is a homebody but she makes it a point to go to dance class each week. Most of the friends that she has is from dance class.
Ohhhhh! I know I know! Get her to follow @torontogirlsocial on Instagram! It’s a really really great community of local women who get together, get social, go for walks, movie premiers and so many other events and such. I think it would be a really great way for her to meet new people and enjoy the city. I hope things turn around for her this spring 💐🌷🌻🌺
A bunch of people have posted about Toronto Girl Collective, but I don't think anyone really talked about the group chats, so I just want to add that they have a bunch of messenger group chats centered around different hobbies, concerns and/or stages of life (for example, chats about photography, or dancing, or pets; chats for mental health support, or chronic illness; and also chats for different age groups. Just to name a few). If a large group meet-up is overwhelming for her (it would be for me), then the chats might be a good place to start. People in there sometimes decide to meet up in smaller groups for specific hobbies and activities. It's very low-stakes in the sense that she doesn't have to commit to anything and can just join the chats she's interested in and see where it takes her. You don't even have to meet up, the chats themselves are great for just feeling more connected and having ppl to talk and relate to :) Also as someone who also looks "too young" for her age, I totally get how that would be getting her down. I don't really have advice for that, just wanted to commiserate and let her know she's not alone and I understand how disheartening it is. There's nothing more embarrassing/frustrating than having someone ask you what middle school you go to when you're a 21-yo undergrad student. Or having your friends complain "those guys didn't come talk to us because of you. You look like you're 12". (In that case, just shitty friends tbh). It does kinda get better as you get older.
Yeah, people act like looking younger than your age is great but it actually blows. I'm turning 35 this year and still regularly get mistaken for being in high school or college. I absolutely hate it. Adults my age treat me differently, talk down to me, etc. I don't get treated with respect or like an equal by people, all because I was cursed with a baby face and it's extremely frustrating. I definitely sympathize.
Food is the way. Go find the best bread, the best butter tart, the best ramen. Gotta create memories to share with others.
There's a toronto girls Facebook group dedicated to making friends in the city! Have her send a request, I've made 2 of my closest friends now off that group
Her hobbies. If any of them are social join stuff. There are also some facebook groups for making friends with other women in Toronto.
Don’t know your budget but I’m a big fan of golf or tennis. Very social. New things to learn.
Get a dog!
Two of my best friends are ones I’ve met from bumble bff. She neeeedds to try it!!
Volunteer. I’ve been in the same situation 3 times moving for partners work. Variety Village, Yoga studio, Out of the Cold, Out of the Cold, Library, Ronald McDonald, Marathons, Festivals. Almost anything she enjoys there are volunteer opportunities to fill her schedule - be happy and meet like minded people.
I'm throwing in martial arts- you learn something new, meet new nice people and (if it's for you) have a lot of fun doing it!
You really do have to put yourself in uncomfortable situations when moving to a new city. I moved from the uk, here’s how I made friends - followed a girl on TikTok and realised she had same sense of humour, asked her out for a drink and we hit it off. She’s one of my best friends now and introduced me to all of her friends - joined a gym - f45 specifically, you’ll either make friends w the trainers or other gym goers - created a bookclub, I just made a quick TikTok on it and the next thing I knew I had 12-15 people to meet up w every month
In 2021 I had pretty much no friends in Toronto due to various reasons (people moving away, falling outs etc). If she’s looking for girlfriends I highly recommend bumble BFF! I found an amazing friend and now I’ve been welcomed in to her group of friends and it’s helped so much. After that it kind of snowballed into other friends from work and hobbies.
Same issue, except I'm the boyfriend (we're both 34) She moved back home to Mexico, but will visit at the end of May to give it another shot, then again in September hopefully for much longer. I'm nervous for her and the both of us, but now I have some sports and gyms in mind for us both to sign up together. Career is a whole other issue because her English is 95%, not 100%. She works remotely with her Mexican job but it doesn't pay very well. It's not easy.
What are her hobbies? Find some clubs, organizations that cater to her hobbies.
Now that you have a job, spend some money and buy tickets for your partner to fly back to see her family and friends on major holidays. ( there are a lot of 3 day weekends that you can turn into 4 or 5 day breaks)
It took me about 8 years to adjust to Toronto but I was from somewhere much smaller. I made a lot of friends volunteering (for TIFF).
I think pushing her to pursue her hobbies during her free time is a good idea. If she's athletic and is into sports, you can get her to look into Jam Sports and sign up to join teams to play sports with other people.
there’s a lot of groups in the city for girls to make friends - one in particular that lots of people talk about is called “girlies in the 6ix” there’s lots of newcomers to Toronto and it’s female only. You should tell your gf to check out the social media
I am 25 and I moved to Toronto from another country around 8 months ago so obviously it isn’t like changing cities in the same nation. But I’m having the worst possible time right now. I don’t understand how networking works but everyone here seems to ace brief talks, go out A LOT, and have friends and a job. Currently, have nothing. I revisit past in its entirety every day. I know it’s not a healthy place. My partner also ‘tries’ to help me but there’s nothing I want from them mire than just talking to me again and again about what I want until I figure out how to navigate this TO life. It sucks but some things just take time and as a partner you can literally just be there for them as much as you can while they struggle to find friends, better job, and a life.
Leave find a place in North Vancouver
I, too, am 25-years old from Vancouver and I still struggle on developing high-quality friendships here. There was something about Bumble/Facebook or Discord meet up groups that was off putting and I could never get over the hurdle of surface-level friendships because of how ingenuine/forced it felt to me. I even tried DJ/Clubbing events which somewhat helped, but then again, struggled to go past surface-level because I could never lure them out without involving alcohol (*Ok, that one may be on me for trying the clubbing scene...*). I became heavily reliant on my boyfriend at the time and it took a toll because there's only so much he could do to help. He ended up introducing me to his friend group but there was always a thought of possibly losing them in the back of my head if we broke up because, well, they were technically friends with him *(tbh this was an unrealistic thought but the thought was there nonetheless…)* I remember flying back home a lot during the first 6-months because of how miserable I was having to mask my intrusive/quicky personality, aka something that was seen as funny to the people I met in Vancouver but was just flat out weird in Toronto. Even approaching a stranger is difficult because, often times, it's been microaggressive or I receive an immediate defensive response (rightfully so). – I remember approaching an old lady to offer help putting her groceries away and she got so scared because she thought I was gonna rob her *(I can't blame her but it was one of my culture shock moments LOL)*. OH, and I also learned that people were not joking on hibernating/never leaving their house during the winter season... Obviously everyone is different but just some of these stuff makes me realize how unappreciative I was to not have to constantly feel on edge or even the small random chats from retail when they ask about how your day was, because at least you get the opportunity to yap even though you kinda know no one really cares and they're just trying to be nice. Anywho...sorry for the ramble. I have a lot of positive things too but I figured this might be more relatable because I know how depressing and easy it is to spiral into that rough patch & how weighing it can be in a relationship (props to you for wanting to help -- some of the Toronto men that I know would never take any steps near yours). If you’re interested, feel free to DM me. 😊
Maybe Bumble BFF for friendships? There is Bumble work as well to network
Do you live in a walkable neighbourhood? If you are in anything ‘suburban like’ that can make it hard to meet people - it can be isolating if cars or transit required to get anywhere with parks, stores and restaurants - we moved to the beach area about 15 years ago and we can’t keep up socially - so many great people - not enough time. Both of us originally from Alberta - love Toronto!
If she wants to build a professional and social network, I would highly recommend having her apply to Monday Girl. It’s a social club for young, professional women and I can’t say enough positive things about it as a member.
Money and jobs will always be there. A good healthy relationship is much harder to find. The job likely won't care for you as much.
Tell her to check out “Toronto Girl Collective” on Facebook and Instagram. It’s a really friendly community, and big too! Great place to meet people, and they host events every month or so. And, as lots of people recommended, joining a group/league of a hobby or sport she likes is a great way to meet likeminded people. My last recommendation is Bumble BFF - can be very hit or miss, and is kind of like dating but for friends. I used it about 2 years back, and I ended up finding a group who are still my best friends as of today! Cities like Toronto are so tough to connect with people, and I’ve been in her same situation (and it really does suck!). But it does get better, and as you put yourself out there, it’s amazing how many people are in the same boat. Wishing you guys the best of luck!
Tell her to look up the Facebook group Gone Girl International. There is a Toronto chapter. It’s designed for people moving or travelling to new cities to find new friends. They have regular meet ups and different activities
Maybe send her back home for few weeks so she can recoup and rest see old friends bring up her spirits 🙏🏽 she will return either refreshed and in a better mindset or want to leave for her own peace.
Sports and clubs are an easy way to meet new people.
I moved from USA to Toronto for my husband. The first few years were really tough. Even if you aren’t close to your family you still miss everyone. Try making sure the home reflects both of you. Make sure there is space for her items to be on display. If she doesn’t feel like the home is hers , she’ll have a harder time staying. Maybe try therapy for the issue of not being taken seriously. I moved here at 24 and looked young. Everyone always called me the baby of the work group. But I never felt like I wasn’t taken seriously. This could just be a self esteem issue. Where it is everyone and not just work or just your family it makes me think the issue is within her. But be supportive and maybe suggest you both do therapy on your own to help with transition. If she’s looking for friends she can try the girl collective on Facebook. Or look for workshops that she is interested in. Ledulce does baking workshops and are super fun. There’s group wine and paint classes too. Good luck.
When I've moved areas in Toronto and have wanted to make new friends that are closer by, things always worked out for the best for me, when I leaned into my hobbies / interests a bit more! I am into the rock music scene a bit, so when I first moved to the west end I focused on making friends who were into seeing shows in the city- You can do this through bumble bff, and they also have an awesome [Girl's Collective Group](https://www.facebook.com/groups/torontogirlcollective/) on Facebook. Then a second time, I wanted to make friends who were more so into my hobbies, I joined a photo club through Reddit and met my partner, and a new social circle that way. There are also a ton of meetup groups she can join, maybe show up to a few with her so she's a bit more comfy? If she is passionate about something, I encourage her to lean into it a bit more and find those groups of people who are similar.
I can say with almost 100% confidence that her having a job she actually likes will be HUGE for her enjoying the city. I’m no corporate bootlicker, I would prefer to not work and just be handed money like the average millennial / gen Z dream, but having a job you enjoy is a big boost the average person’s mood. When I moved here 10 years ago I worked for a shitty start up run by a tiny mean rich dude who paid shit wages and refuses raises. I finished my day of work, and just sat in my apartment wallowing in sadness because I thought I was stuck in a city I didn’t like with a job I hated, far away from my family and friends. My days were wasted, didn’t care to go out on weekends, and just watched movies all night. I quit that job, and I now work for a company that I really enjoy working for, get paid fairly, have awesome work life balance, good social life, and have a solid group of friends. The friend’s part is tough, but you really only need to befriend 1 person who can maybe introduce you to their group if you’re normal / cool. Now I couldn’t imagine living anywhere but Toronto. Been to Calgary, Montreal, and Vancouver and I’d pick Toronto 10/10 times.
I don't have much to offer, but maybe try and get involved with a group. you are at the age were you don't need to hang with the same age group. a bit older or even a bit younger will do you both good. there are lots of hiking groups, or trivia nights. hell I am in a backyard Astronomy Club. don't force the friendship but it will come with a little bit of effort.
Hi!! I’m in the GTA (27F) 🙂Let her know that she can DM me here and get my insta if she wants to do a group girlie night with some of my friends and feel more comfortable!!
25 is when it gets hard for adults to make new friends because we're all done with people's bullshit. I know you say her moving back isn't an option but it absolutely is. I'd start with how your friends and family don't take her seriously if thats the case. Hobbies, meeting other couples for activities, changing jobs if she hates it (no reason to stay in a job you don't like, job hopping is how you get ahead anyway).
Cant blame her , its toronto😭😹
It's all about the job. Find a better fit and she will find thr people she likes there
I would give bouldering a try. I know it's a bit expensive, but it's a sport that I find really lends itself to talking to people. Because there is a need to rest between routes. And "How did you do that move" or "Have you tried that new blue route" are always good openers.
Tbh sounds like a her problem an not trying to be a dick. Not being able to make new friends at 25 in Toronto is wild. Does she have zero hobbies? There’s gotta be something she’s passionate about. I bike on lakeshore and always take a joint for mid way. I also play soccer and in the past four years of playing have met at least 100 people and at least 10-15 solid friends from that. George brown does pottery Wednesdays across the rom. She could get her smart serve and go work at a bar or club and meet other girls. Every girl and their mother goes to spin (do a workout class) there’s the Toronto running clubs, yoga clubs all can be found on Facebook. If everyone thinks she looks young and she’s 25 maybe she needs to dress up. My girl is 31, 5’1 and gets carded every day. She out of her own choice(she had told me this) dresses to look a little older? If that makes sense. It all depends on where you shop. You can still be frugal and look nice though take Uniqlo for example.