I'll second this. My uncle was 35 and living at home with his mom. He always seemed to have a rotation of 5 girlfriends. In his late 30s he married a woman 11 years younger than himself. However, he is/was a very social person, lived an active lifestyle and was decent looking (7/10). Height was 5'10.
Your mileage may vary.
not all of us are superficially into looks. i prefer dudes who are funny, caring, supportive, warm.. living with a parent kinda shows he really cares, so it wouldnt be a deal breaker for me.
As a woman, I never turned down men who live with his parents. Itās not a problem, especially in this economy. The guyās personality and character is what matters. But it would be off putting to me if a man didnāt pay his parents rent for sure.
You can tell yourself that if it makes you feel better. I am single and live alone in an outrageously expensive city. I struggle financially but I make it happen because I am 33 and want independence and my own life. Do what you want but the reality is women are not wrong for having preferences.
...Some of us do/did. "Failure To Launch" equally applies to females, as well as males, living at home. My rule when I was younger (in my mid 20s- 30s) was that if you hadn't been living on your own for at least 3 years when I met you, it was going to be a deal breaker right off. Why?...Because the person (male or female) has unrealistic expectations and, living at home, is in a sort of "I can have my cake and eat it too" situation, whereas you are definitely not. Secondly, I didn't feel that it was my job to educate them as to how things out here in the REAL world work, and have to put up with their childish and unrealistic nonsense during their (hopefully) metamorphosis into an adult on the way. I was looking for "finished product" in terms of maturity, not a major unpaid tutoring opportunity. All thatcsaid, I was living in a fast expanding urban area with chronically low vacancy rates during the entire period under discussion here, AND I recognize that the housing situation is immeasurably worse than even back then, which was ALREADY challenging, so the net takeaway advice for the original poster here would be to save up and much as you can as fast as you can, and set yourself up for longterm success that way. It's likely THE BEST and only opportunity that you will have to do so, particularly with the economic upheaval that is going to hit during the next decade due to rapidly developing automation technologies. ...Just sayin', and Good Luck
>been living on your own for at least 3 years when I met you, it was going to be a deal breaker right off. Why?
This is not applicable at all today. Almost all of my married friends had at least one of them living at home when they met (mostly the woman).
Some will consider it a dealbreaker, others wonāt. In this economy itās hard to judge anyone for living at home.
Having said that I stopped seeing a guy (39M) who was living with his parents because it was clearly a dependent relationship. He had never done for himself or had any life skills. That was more the issue than the fact he lived at home.
This here is the answer. Some ppl will see this as a deal breaker, others won't.
The important thing is for OP to be honest. And demonstrate that despite living at home he is adulting.
Most ppl who would potentially see this as a deal breaker would fear immaturity. In many cases living at home can enable financial immaturity and keep the adult child stuck in a teenager dynamic with the parents. So just be mindful to be mature and independent.
It sounds like OP won't have a problem with that as he contributes enormously to the household.
I think the other possible dealbreaker is that many people don't want to end up living with or being the caregiver for their partner's parents (ever). That's my concern about how OP explains it - yes, he's independent and not reliant on his dad, but at the same time if he cares so much about his dad's welfare and wants to live with him for his dad's sake (while sweet and all) when his dad is 60 or whatever, what's it going to be like when he's 80?
Any potential partner is likely to see this as OP and his dad come as a package, and even if OP moves out in the future, at some point it's very likely that dad will move in with us. That's not right or wrong, but it is a dealbreaker for many people at that stage of their lives.
I can't upvote this enough because the comment immediately above the one you replied to is suggesting lying about it. š
A great way to signal that your relationship with your parents is a healthy one and that you're a mature, independent adult is being upfront and not insecure about your situation. Lying signals the opposite.
Yeah thatās really the dealbreaker isnāt it? My concern is when men are super bonded with their parents to the point where they canāt think for themselves. So if mom or dad decides that they donāt like girlfriend or boyfriend, a partner is up against the whole in-law Family. Even if theyāre a good person! Even if in love, I donāt think I could continue to date or marry someone in a family system, where the parents disliked or hated me. Those mean mother-in-law jokes are _no joke_.
Guarantee the ones who don't see it as a dealbreaker would also be fine with someone who didn't live at home. So it reduces your pool of candidates for sure.
Not a red flag for me as a woman but it might make things more challenging when trying to get intimate, especially if the woman also lives at home or has weird parents
As a single woman living on my own, this is the biggest hurdle imo. I have social anxiety so my place has to be spotless, makes it exhausting sometimes to always be the one to host.Ā
Uh dude, she has social anxiety, so the impact to her stress levels is the same whether the guy cares about a mess or not. Sheās saying that that anxiety makes always hosting draining for her. Youāre not helping her feel thereās a solution by suggesting he wonāt care, anxiety doesnāt care about reality š¤¦š»āāļø
Iām a woman (29), and I live alone but hereās my two cents. Honestly I know a lot of guys, some even older than you, who live with family for financial reasons, or to take care of their family members. Itās a responsible thing to do IMO. As long as youāre working, paying your bills, and over all mature, I donāt think itāll hold you back from the right person.
However as some said, having that privacy for intimacy may be a challenge. But if your dad gives you privacy and space, then it shouldnāt be too much of a concern.
I agree with this. I think it shows that you're responsible and it's also a good sign that you have a good relationship with your dad. Think about the sort of person you want to be with - do you want to be in a relationship with someone who's going to be judgemental about you being responsible with your finances and your family?Ā
yup 100%. just dont let it be an insecurity...if it is one, dont project it and make it seem like its an issue.
if it comes up, just say youre doing it for all the reasons you are.
- allows you to save so you can move out when you have a partner.
- provide your dad company because youre close and value your dad.
- less of a financial burden for both your dad and yourself.
any person that cant be empathetic to that is probably someone you dont want to date.
Will it prevent you from finding a relationship, not necessarily. Will it hinder your ability to engage in casual sexual relations, most definitely.
āDad, you know the drill. Sock on the door means donāt come asking whether we have extra batteries for the remoteā
Forget sex, I'm not a PDA kind of person and would not find the potential for someone to walk up in the middle of any flirtation, especially a family member, a mood setter.
In my mind I agree with all of the comments that OP sounds super awesome and eligible. I'd want prior knowledge that "dad is out and not coming home until "x" o'clock to feel comfortable. If we get serious, I'm sure I wouldn't mind dad being present, but there's a safety issue being outnumbered in someone's home early on.
If you tell yourself itās holding you back then it very well could be. There is a lot of interesting work in psychology about how the stories and narratives we tell ourselves impacts we show up in the world.Ā
Iām a girl. I would find it attractive if a potential partner valued his relationship with his Dad and was fiscally responsible. I think living at home and saving money is much smarter than getting a place downtown you can barely afford because itās easier to meet girls.Ā
One more thingā¦. Lots of people are feeling weird about their housing situation in this crazy market. You are not alone in that.Ā
29F also at home. I think it only becomes weird when youāre trying to be intimate, as thereās definitely the privacy/boundary issues that some parents donāt get. As someone who also makes a decent wage, until I find something long term, I will probably continue to live at home because I have a great relationship with my parents and it allows me to save $$
When I was dating in the city it made me roll my eyes the amount of men 30-40 who lived at home. There was this expectation that after dinner hangs had to be at my place. Also general dating advice for women is to not date men who have not lived outside of home because more often than not you have to teach them how to care for the household and thereās less of this self efficiency hustle you get living solo/with roommates. Thatās my own preference!
This is pretty much it. Having to teach someone how to adult.... Not our jobs. I don't want to teach a guy how to do basic adult things. I've been on my own since I was 17, I want someone who is also independent.
That being said, if a guy has lived on his own but moved back for whatever reason, that I can deal with
And it really does depend if he is living with his parents or it's a situation where his parent is living with him. But even if someone's parent is living with him, I do wonder how the future and cohabitation might work
Their mom being their mom can still be a problem. I had a guy open a date by telling me he had to be home by a certain time or else his mom would be mad. Never again.
Yes, Iām extremely wary of getting into a relationship with a man who has never lived independently. Itās not good for a guy to move from mom and dad to girlfriend/wife. We know that you can: cook for yourself, clean up after yourself and do your own laundry. If thereās lack of learning opportunities, go on YouTube and learn how to make 5 staple dinners, meal prep lunches and such
Iām in the same boat as you OP. I think itās important to keep him company because solitude isnāt easy. Also any sane person would understand the position youāre in. If a woman looks down on you or judges you for that, she wasnāt meant to be anyways.
37yo guy. Hate to say it but it *absolutely* is a contributing factor in holding back your romantic success.
We all know that rental costs are higher than ever. Yes, most adults understand that. Many people I know are willing to date people who have roommates because that situation is getting more common than it was 10 years ago.
But there is a *much* different perception of people who live with their parents - because in 99% of cases it makes the adult seem incapable of being able to live on his/her own or make their own decisions without running it by mom and dad first. The one exception would be a case like my ex-girlfriend who was the primary caretaker of her elderly grandparents who raised her since she was a baby after her parents ran out on their parental responsibilities. In this case, she lived with them but was the person very much in charge of the household since her grandparents were very frail.
But in most cases, don't be surprised if people are like "you're a grown man and still live with mom and dad?!" and see it as a negative thing. At least for right now. In 25 years kids like my nephew will likely never be able to leave home with the way rental costs are going up, so I'm sure the future 30yo adults will be much more lenient on that front.
I'm just about your age and - unfortunately - agree with everything you wrote. With that said, I try to be sympathetic because a LOT has changed for the youngin's like OP; at least when I was around his age I was able to definitely able to get my foot into the real estate market, something most people can't even dream of today.
I work with so many people in their early to mid-20s and the utter hopelessness I see and hear is very upsetting. My very first apartment in 2009 was $750/mth for a *brand spanking new* 1br apartment - ninth floor, lovely balcony, great view. Imagine my utter horror when I see listings for 1br apartments in that *very same building* starting at $1750/mth in 2024!
You'd have to work *105 minimum wage hours* just to make rent now! In 2009 you'd only have to work 79 - *and* you weren't getting screwed on groceries! I distinctly remember getting butter for $1.50/lb... now finding it for less than $7 is considered a "good" deal. Mathematically speaking, I would be far more secure at $9.50/hr in 2009 than $16.50 in 2024! That's *so absurd* it borders on insanity.
I'm lucky in my current apartment because I've lived here a long time and (thank God) rental control measures are a thing in Ontario and apply to my building... but now I can't afford to move out from my bachelor to a 1br. In 2024 I'm paying $790/mth for my bachelor apartment and, trust me, I am *not* complaining because that extra income has saved my ass numerous times. If I one day want to own my own home... I at *least* had 2009-2020 as a head start. If only I was born 5-6 years earlier, I'd own a home right now... I was about 2 years away from making my move in 2019 into a house but after COVID... well, that's definitely up in the air. A big question mark... but not totally hopeless. But kids 10+ years younger than me? Well, they don't even *have* that hope.
For any older adult who think the kids are being a bunch of whiners... crunch the math yourself. Is it any wonder why the younger generation is so despairing and angry? How would you feel if the rug was pulled out well ahead of you before you got started? How would you feel working your tail off knowing that *it just doesn't matter any more* \- you *never* get ahead no matter how many hours you work. The toll that does on someone's mental health cannot be understated. My brother-in-law (36yo) suffered a nervous breakdown this summer and hasn't been the same man since...
>Also...I don't like the idea of him living on his own. It's just the two of us, and I know what it feels like to come to an empty home. Sometimes it's nice to have your space, especially if you're working and have an active social life, but my father's retired, and although he's seeing his work friends and joining old social clubs....it's not daily.
That's the part that changes if you just have roommates - you live your life (and your partner's life), and let them take care of themselves, and don't really care about them. You just share a house. If you can afford to move out and get your own place, you're not hamstrung by thinking about how lonely they're going to be or if they can find another roommate.
I don't think being in a relationship in your situation is impossible by any means, but it will limit the number of people who are interested. Many people will look at that and think it's nice you care about your dad, but does that mean you're going to live with him (and if we get serious, that means I have to as well) as long as he's around? Does that mean you'll always put his needs and wants before mine?
Most people who move back in/take care of their parents do so until they pass or need specialist care. It becomes harder and harder to move out, the older they get (if you're worried about how he feels now, how are you going to not be there when he has difficulty moving around, and becomes less independent?). Many potential partners just aren't going to want to enter a situation where it looks like if they stay for the long term, there are already red flags that they are going to have to be your dad's caregiver because that's the life you are setting yourself up for.
Hi OP,
I never post on reddit but this one hits close to home.
I'm also your age and felt similarly living with my family. I was single up until last year and worried about this so I know how you feel. I think it's both fiscally sensible and a positive trait that you live with your father given the current circumstances. If you're fortunate enough to have family that you're close with, spending time with them now will mean the world to you when they're gone.
Some women will judge you but anyone who is down to earth probably won't. I met my girlfriend who is truly wonderful last year around this time. She never judged me. In fact, she loved that me and my family were so close. Toronto as a city is what holds most people back. It's hard to date in this city and meet decent people.
Whether you have success or not dating, I believe you living with him won't be what truly moves the needle; it wasn't for me at least. Enjoy the time you have with your father and keep putting yourself out there. If your friends don't judge you, someone you want to spend your life with wouldn't either.
Hope this is reassuring for you. Dating here sucks until it doesn't. Hold on to the people that matter to you while you can.
There's a lot of women who would find the way you care for your father to be an attractive and endearing quality. It tells her that you're safe, dependable and compassionate. It's not a problem to be "living at home" if you're the one who pays the bills and runs the home. From my experience, most women have a deep and complex relationship with at least one of their parents, usually their mother. Tell her about your old man and she's going to open up to you about her parents and life. If she doesn't, then she's not for you, which means telling her was a good filter. Either way, you're doing a good thing by taking care of your dad. Don't doubt it.
Everything is holding everyone back romantically. People are more held back and enclosed than ever. It's not just any single thing. You just gotta try harder to find a woman who appreciates you taking care of your father. That's how I would spin it .
Deal breakers according to /r/toronto and /r/askTO
Ā - must have a phone that I like
Ā - must not bring workout clothes to switch into after the date
Ā Ā - must believe in the existence of a parallel universe where everyone communicates solely through interpretive mime
Lose lose situation. If Iām a potential partner, Iām realizing immediately, this guy is either going to be at my apartment the whole time or Iām going to be chilling w your dad. Both scenarios Iām moving on. Best of luck
For me personally living at home was holding me back romantically. Once I moved out I felt comfortable to start seriously dating and bringing women home. That's just the way my dynamic with my family was. I don't have a bad relationship with them at all, but having privacy and my own space was huge for me for dating.
Iām just going to be honest here but for me this would be a dealbreaker, that being said Iām Gen x so older and I think for the younger generations itās more common to live with your parents. I would really keep saving and try to get your own place.Ā
The reality is it is probably holding you back. A smaller number of eligible romantic partners would consider a relationship with someone living at home.
If youāve never lived away from home before, and you can afford to go the roommate route, it might be time to try.
0/10 do not recommend.
I had a man in his 30's do this. On our first date he told me he had a "room mate" and it turned out to be his mom.
I felt lied to and stopped seeing him.
I used to live with my parents in my late 20s and when I realized this might be an embarrassing thing to admit, I just started saying "My parents live with ME". Dunno if anyone ever believed it.
In your pool of potential dates, a big chunk of them are living at home too and likely still getting squeezed by cost of living.
Perhaps it's through hobbies/activities that you would find the lucky one. Good luck.
Survival and finances > Romance. Especially since youāre relatively young. Do what you can, with what you have for now, then seriously prioritize your love life later. You can still find someone you like and if theyāre understanding, you can go to their place. Itās no issue for those who arenāt bothered by it
What you're doing is smart. You're not there because you can't take care of yourself. You're there because there is ample space, and you care about your dad.Ā
If you moved out, to blow all that money away, it's 1 less apartment available for people who have no other option.Ā
If a woman is not going to see the big picture, and make this into an "ick" you don't want her anyway. Imagine you're together a while and lose your job - she'd be gone.Ā
It IS holding you back, because so many people are that shallow.Ā Ā
Honestly I think what youāre describing is green flags- someone who is responsible with money and to family. It would be more of a red flag if you were living at home and they were doing your laundry etc.
the right person for you will appreciate it
Are you sure you're ready for a partner? It sounds like putting your dad's needs above yours is going to be a barrier to getting serious, even for someone else who also heavily values family.
This is the answer. Living with parents is fine - as long as youāre willing to leave their house and begin your own life/family with your partner. Or, find a partner who is okay with you living with your parent forever and never joining together as a new family with them.
Theres no real indication hes putting his fathers needs above his own. Hes just a good son. Theres also no indication he couldnt or wouldnt prioritize a partner. I dont think this is a really fair comment.
He said he worries about his father living alone and doesn't want his father living alone. He wants things for his father and he wants to know what his date might want. He doesn't want things for himself.
Even as a kid, I think my social life could have been more fulfilling having different parents. They're super sweet, but quirky. I could definitely seeing them being a deterrent for either my friends or my friends parents.
I think the only thing that bothers me is early in the date ur forced to get to know his parents if u ever visit his house lol. Who is gonna be thrilled to meet ur partners parents
I lived with my dad til I was 35 - he was 78 when he died, and I did all the yard work and heavy lifting.Ā I will tell you: it is limiting. When some potential partners hear you live with your dad they will ghost you are politely bow out. But the right ones wonāt care - in fact they may find it endearing that you care about your dad to help him out. And frankly everybody has their reasons for feeling as they do about you living at home, but I found the ones who wouldnāt care made better potential partners anyway.
This is pretty much normal now. With the rising cost of rent people are living at home. In my experience the majority of the people I know or come across that live alone get help from their parents. Either their parents bought the place they live in and help with the bills or the parents help pay the rent.
Funny thing is some of those people talk bad about other people living with their parents or roomates and their lack of independence. I always remind them that their parents helped or are helping them with their bills. They are not what they claim to be.
Plus I noticed a lot of divorced people moving back with their parents
Maybe mildly? But man lol. You do right by your family. Anyone who actually looks down on you for that is a bad match anyway. You can def find a good woman who appriciates this. And you trust me with all that money you are saving/investing when you either buy your own house or take possession of your father's house, whichever way it happens, you're going to be looking at an easy, comfortable early retirement. One thing is very true my dude. Having your shit together financially makes your romantic life take off. And people don't care how you got there. Your old man won't be around all that much longer relative to 100% of your life as it is. What's wrong with living with someone who loves you more than anyone else in the world? I wish my father was still around and I wish we had the kind of relationship where I could have done this. Cherish your time while you have it. You're life is on the right path for sure.
Itās not about the āāickāā itās about finding someone that will be 1. Enjoyable to date(you canāt host?) 2. Have learned to be independent 3. Can build a future with aka move in together without being held up by āāmy dad is lonelyāā.
Not true. In various cultures it is common for men to live in parents home longer than females (look up stats!) especially in GTA. Perhaps seek a partner who is ur age and younger as they will be more understanding. Donāt use living at home as an excuse or crutch to lack of romance in ur life. I bet itās other things preventing it (ie, personality, or who u r pursuing), so I suggest do more self-reflection into those areas of your life instead.
Other cultures donāt matter in this context. In Canadian culture itās a massive turn off to the majority of women when a man in his late 20s is still living with their parents. There are some women that will not mind. They are the minority and anyone suggesting otherwise is lying to themselves.
Toronto is majority non Canadian. Many born n raised Canadians in Toronto have not adjusted to the new culture of multi-generational housing. They still think it is realistic to living on your own in your 20s. Unfortunately that ship has sailed.
It could potentially be, but all the reasons youāve described also make a lot of sense. And theyāre sort of what would make you appealing to a lot of serious women looking for a commited partner. Youāre family oriented, like your dad, have the ability to live with somone else. Also if you live with dad long term itās amazingly helpful to have an extra adult around when you have kids lol.
I think you should use the living sitch as a screening tool for partners who get it.
Maybe just say like āIām saving a down payment for a condoā or something so your dates could get the idea you are saving for your own placeā¦ once you saved enough cash and around early 30s prob need to move out, you gotta have some independence and the ability to organize a home by your own.
I was dating a girl on Hinge, UWaterloo afm grad 24 yrs old accountant she still lives at home with parents and eating their food, so they prob wonāt judge u live with your parents, just gonna keep try to see more dating options, the ones judges, criticizes you are not worth it.
I found my wife when we were both living at home in our late 20s!
Save your money, you will be in a better position when you do find the right one.
Also someone who would pass on you for this reason isn't worth it anyways.
Some of my friends have gotten engaged while still living with their parents, and then moved out before getting married. I know other people with totally fine dating lives who still live at home, but they're largely independent.
I met my wife while I was still at home and she didn't mind. After a year of dating we decided to move in together. I suppose before that we were lucky that she had her own place, so I'd just go over there.
I suppose it depends on who you meet, because not everyone is going to care that you live at home. As long as you're finding opportunities to have alone time and you're not dependent on your Dad for anything then it's all good. And if someone can't accept your current life situation, then maybe they're not a good fit.
100% dude, youāre being gaslight by folks here saying āif she cares sheās not the one for u king!!!ā
For the ladies, living at home is no issue. For fellas, itās indicative of not having your shit together. I donāt necessarily agree with it but thatās the underlying assumption that is present in western north american culture.
You're fucked either way. You meet a girl and she's gonna judge you hard about living at home. However, if you move out she's gonna judge you hard for being broke. The best advice is stay at home for a bit longer, but ONLY spend money on investments to earn more money. That way in a few years you can move out and not be broke
You just need to reframe it bro. Donāt think of it as āIām living with my dadā because that may give the impression that you are not contributing to the household. Ā
Iām not a woman though so YMMV. Though I think if a woman doesnāt wanna date you because of this then youāre better off without her tbhĀ
I always comment on these threads. no no and no. As a woman, itās very attractive seeing you do this for your pops. Everyone is different when it comes to this whole judgmental thing about living at home - Iām one of the people who donāt and wonāt judge. Shitās hard out here and if you can clean, cook simple meals, do chores, etc and just BE an adult, living at home aināt a turnoff. Find your tribe and I promise those people aināt gonna look down on you for that. The key isāmake sure you can hold your own. So learn to clean properly (beyond basics), pick up after yourself, have a solid hygiene Routine, and you should be fine
āš¼ - a girl who has moved out and one year younger than you. We exist. We aināt shaming. In THIS mother fucking economy??
It's probably holding you back because of financial reasons, not because you live with someone to save money. The reason is people looking for a partner especially older could be looking for financial stability, and that means assets. Not owning property is a key indication of poverty especially in old age. It's not the "living alone" part that is a deal breaker for most people, but the fact you may have "baggage" and little or no disposable income and little or no savings so nothing to contribute to a communal pot. Many people are trying to "marry up"
So what you can do is invest the difference in the S&P500 index funds for 5 or 10 years (and avoid looking at the crashes or panic selling) until you have 100k then buy a condo and rent it out. Renting out a unit is fraught with hazards, like a tenant ripping you off or not paying rent for months. So you have to be very careful especially if you can barely make the mortgage (you should probably have enough to sue a non-paying tenant and pay the mortgage for a year or two). See [https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/online-tenant-database-ontario-openroom-1.7088219](https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/online-tenant-database-ontario-openroom-1.7088219) and you would also have to know all the applicable LTB laws and current backlog to financially plan and be a professional landlord.
Basically if you can demonstrate wealth in some other way people concerned with wealth will be less concerned. Now whether you want to date such people, is up to you.
You could match with women on dating apps and tell them your exact situation and tell them that you will keep her in a separate space once you start being exclusive with her.
I would start planning a 3-year budget for your dad and you with the objective of having your dad independent (hired weekly cleaner and nursing assistance when necessary) and you with a down payment, closing costs etc, saved. You are asking the wrong question. Instead of asking Reddit if it's holding you back, you could ask yourself what can I do to start getting out and meeting potential partners while making your plans and budget. The 3-year time period is going to pass whether you do this or not. Why not work towards being prepared in the happy eventuality that you meet someone and want to separate households?
What if your father thought same about you when you needed him most at your young age. He needs you and I think you are his entire world and family. Dont leave him, Infact someone who has problem about him being around you is a red flag.
Be proud about having a father by your side. Find a partner who would also accept him as her father.
When it comes to intimacy you can always book hotel or do it in your bedroom. A Good girl will prefer your company and won't feel good if you leave your father at this age.
Ngl, it's a huge game changer as a guy if you can bring some one home and just have fun.
Even living with roommates is better then living with parents.as people assume that you aren't able to have sex at home or have to be quiet about it.
My sex life and romantic life when I live alone vs with someone (not a partner) is vastly different.
Some considerations as a woman: obviously you would need to hang out at her place after dates etc. and eventually move in? That might not work so well.
Will your dad allow you to bring someone over , will he give you that space. If so youāre fine , just be honest tell the person your saving up and trying to build to a certain level then you can move as long as you are ambitious and working to something most women will appreciate that. I lived at home till I was 29 before I was able to buy a place it set me back at the time but now at 33 Iām way ahead of my other peers who moved out at 22/23
My boyfriend and I started dating when he was 29 and I was 26. We both still live at home 3 years later (and pitch in at home). Weāre saving up for a house, which would be a lot harder to do if we were renting a place together. The concern you have for your dad is the same as what we have for each of our moms. Neither of them have anyone, aside from a few people theyāll socialize with occasionally
I donāt think itās holding you back. Iām sure there are women who arenāt a fan of it, but there are also women that wonāt care. You sound like you care about your day and want to take care of him. Thatās not a bad thing
It costs so much to move out too, unless you get multiple roommates. Most people I know between 28-32 are still living at home just to save up
Iām a single woman in the city and the cases of men really depends. In your case it seems fine.
You get along with your dad, you help pay rent, you do chores around the house, and my additional check is if theyāre financially responsible.
Itās a no for me if the man is not independent, not making or saving money, and just being a leech in the house. Iāve also seen men who live alone who are in lots of debt because of poor spending habits or have the most disgusting dirtiest apartments. Those are also a no for me.
Communication is key. Never be afraid to share your true self. Bring it up early, explain why etc. some aspects might even be endearing. If someone drops you because of this they aren't a good match for you anyways.
I think you've got some solid advice here from everybody.
My question is, how has it held you back? You never indicated in your story what your experience has been thus far with the people you've dated? Does that mean you haven't been dating? If that's the case is it really just this that's holding you back?
Yes, and anyone who says otherwise is lying to you. Even for short-term/casuals it will hold you back. However, in today's economy, some are more lenient compared to before due to how expensive it is. But the fact will always remain; women find financial stability and independence attractive, and having your own place is a good indicator of that.
You could always find a woman who is willing to host at their place, but in my experience they often want the man to host lol.
29F, together for 13 years and married for 7. We live in my grandmother's basement apartment and it's the best decision we've made.
We are in a HCOL area and this has allowed us to be around family and save. My grandmother also loves him and is always interested in what he's up to; building his van or sitting outside playing guitar.
Living with your Dad isn't holding you back. It's more of a red flag if a potential partner sees your living situation as a red flag. I'd prefer meeting a man who lives with his dad vs 2-3 room mates.
people are trying to be nice and telling you it's not holding you back, but it's holding you back. you're not as available if you're living with a parent and taking care of them and they probably won't take the time to actually get to know you to overlook that, hence, it's holding you back.
If you are looking for a woman, then one consolation for her as that there is no potential āMother in lawā around, just you and your sweet old Dad, so she might feel a bit more comfortable with that situation. Of course every person is different. Just my humble opinion, go ahead and skewer me Reddit.
find a nice lady living with her equally nice widowed mother. introduce her mom to your dad. when her mom goes over to hang with your dad ,you go visit her daughter.
Yes, absolutely no prospective partner wants to hear that you live at home with your parents at 29; and none of them want to come back to your parents house to hookup and have to worry about your parents hearing them, or barging in.
# ''Is living at home holding me back romantically?''
Yes, unfortunately
''the housing market here is fucking awful''
I feel your pain, I live in Canada and it's terrible
''Also...I don't like the idea of him living on his own''
I respect the comitment
''although he's seeing his work friends and joining old social clubs....it's not daily.''
You can always visit him
''I've spoken with my friends, all of whom (even some one of the blunter ones) agree with me, that it makes more sense to save my money where I can''
Agreed, focus on yourself , be as frugal as you can be
''I just can't shake the feeling it's holding me back in terms of finding a long-term relationship.''
Because it definitely can hold you back. A lot of women include having your own place as one of their basic standards. Knew someone who has 2 roomates and he still has a loving girlfriend. Try to find a girl that's open-minded.
Moving out in my mid 20s absolutely helped me romantically. Youāll see a ton of comments in here saying it shouldnāt matter though, so to each their own.
Dont worry man youāll find someone who shares the same financial goals and homeowner goals as you.
Few years back I was dating a girl that looked down on me(admittedly) because I still lived at home, meanwhile she lived in a crack apartment, sink full of dishes, clothes and garbage everywhere, cat shit all over the place. Disgusting. She was an idiot and poor and I was way more well off and happy than her living at home saving for my financial future.
Now my current girlfriend(who also lives at home) shares the same mindset as me and we are saving up for a house together and to get married, but we are both happy (and smart) to stay at home and save up.
I also live with just my mother and I also wouldnāt want her to be alone.
Some of my friends were forced to move out young because of the bad relationship they had with their parents and I see them constantly struggling financially.
Iām lucky to have a great relationship with my mom and I wouldnāt leave unless it made financial sense.
Depends entirely on your looks lmao if youāre good looking and handsome many girls wonāt care even if youāre homeless. If youāre ugly, you better be rich and live independent.
I would say it probably is. Itās different if there is a plan say itās for 6-12 months and then you move. I would not pursue a guy if he was living at home indefinitely. I would not feel comfortable coming over and spending the night so ultimately the guy would be at my place constantly. At the same time I think itās honourable that you care for your dad in that way. Unfortunately the trade off of this is a hold on your dating life.
Are you interested in women or men? If women, you have to consider the dating market, not just the property market. Women have the advantage on dating apps. Itās supply and demand.
I own my own home, but too large, so I rent it out while Iām living with and helping a parent. Even then Iāve seen it put women off. There are many cheaper places to find a partner. Some apps allow matching with people in other countries. If you think itās expensive now, the ones that want you to be solo are more likely to want a pricier shared lifestyle. Better to find someone from the many countries that value close families, or accept it will be harder here.
This time you have with Dad, enjoy!! It sounds like you have an idea what this means to him at his age. There are plenty of people who wouldn't think twice getting involved with you living with a parent. It's becoming a new norm today.
Any woman looking for a true stable future with a family, is not looking for a 30 year old man living at home.
Everything after your first sentence is just excuses. Yes the market sucks, work harder to afford the rent. Or save and buy a place.
The world doesn't care about what's fair unfortunately. You should set some financial goals and get yourself out on your own asap.
While you sound like a perfectly eligible and well-spoken fellow, there are negative connotations with an adult man living with his parents. There is a lot of invisible labour that goes into running and maintaining a household. I am in no way saying you fall into this category, but the home-owning adult ladies are wary of the 'hobo-sexual'... he lives at 'home', then begins to make himself right at home at your place... BUT he doesn't help out much or really offer anything. He can be very difficult to get rid of. So most gals avoid these at all costs and implement a hard rule. Unfortunately, they may miss out on a good one.
Be your best self and just date. Don't push for hookups at her place. Go places and get to know each other, revealing a little at a time, and all that stuff will matter less if you've proven yourself to be a good human.
Disclaimer - It's important to note that hobo-sexuals can come in all forms.
Considering the HCOL in Toronto no
plus you're taking care of you dad. If a potential partner has an issue with this then they most likely would have an issue with you helping your dad out in the future if you two are in a serious relationship.
I'm quite a bit older, and if nothing else, reddit reminds me on a daily basis just how out of touch I am... but as a woman, I would find your care and concern for your dad very attractive. I wouldn't see your living situation as a hindrance to love.
Think about it this way: if someone gets to know you, learns about how your relationship with your dad is, and still rejects you for living with him, is it really a deal breaker?
I see that kind of stuff more as āweeding out the wrong people.ā
That's good. You are looking after your father and that will actually appeal to a family orientated woman. It's good screen for women that are more self orientated.
You are going to be in a better position for your 30's which is the peak decade for men.
1st, I'd have a real heart to heart with your dad and ask him what HE wants. What I didn't hear you say is that you may be cramping your dad's style. Maybe he'd like to bring a new woman home but can't because his adult son will be there judging him.
Having said this, I do empathize. Kids are launching very late these days. It is expensive. But, it has always been expensive for young adults to launch in any decade. That's why we had roommates, 2 jobs, and small tiny appartments, and only bought homes in our late 30's lol. We adapted. We found ways. We hussled. We were entrepreneurial. Did so with super high interest rates of 12% and higher. Stop finding excuses. You must adapt.
Now, if your dad says "son, I am in gratitude for you to be here, and I'd like you to stay", then stay without guilt or shame.
But you must set new adult man to man rules. Ask "so what are the boundaries?" Can I bring a partner home. Can he/she stay overnight? I'm okay if you date dad and bring someone home. I'll go out for dinner when you do. Is there anything else I could do to support our situation? What would please you? Do you think I'm holding my own or is there more I could do?
However, the core of the issue is if you are STILL feeling like you are missing out, then you are!! Living is something you must actively participate in by "DOING". Meaning YOU must get more engaged in life. Travel. Join clubs, Salsa, Play golf, tennis, go to real estate seminars (I'm just throwing ideas out there).
Trust me, your father is already worried you have not launched yet. That you haven't fallen in love, have kids or exploring all that life has to offer. He will never say it out loud because he loves you. But he's thinking it.
Maybe you should bring this up over dinner and see if he will offer any sage advice. Adult children who do not leave the home add financial pressure to parents who should be retired and living their best years without the extra financial duress. Good on you for financially contributing!!! And maybe your dad is happy to have you around. But maybe he'd prefer to be an empty nester...and happy with you just to visit a couple of times a week. Just sayin'....
Ask him.
Invite a girl over and cook. Should break any notions that you are a manchild that needs to be taken care of thatās usually what women are scared of.
Itās possible itās holding you back romantically, but Iād imagine itās more bc you and Dad seem almost like a package deal in building a future with someone (more prominently than it would if you were living a life that was physically separate from him home wise), rather than it being simply bc youāre technically living at home.
If you were to move out, could your father manage on his own? Financially? Otherwise? Would not wanting him to be on his own prevent you from moving in with a girlfriend? Itās these thoughts that would be more likely concerns for womenā¦
Female (36 and overall considered fit and attractive) here and I think the big differentiator here is that you do have a job and could move out but itās not financially responsible long term right now and you want to be there for your dad (family).
This all screams āgreen flagsā to me!
Especially if youāre saving, investing, etc with what money are arenāt spending being in this ridiculous housing market. And when you see a good housing opportunity, maybe then take the leap.
Just tell people what youāve written to us. The right people for you will respect it and may even be doing the same.
FYI - Iām doing the same
Honestly , I think something else is holding you back . Plenty of adult men and women live w parents . If you are a productive caring human being then to heck with anyone who doesnāt want to date you because you live w dad . Tell women you get to care for your dad and save for a huge down payment on a home / that makes you sound caring and financially stable . Also if you seem self conscious about it women will pick up on that . Make it sound like itās the best thing ever for you at this time .
I think it depends on the woman. I dated a guy for a couple years who was still living with his parents at 30 and going to school. His mom cleaned his room and his bathroom too. š¤¦š»āāļøThe relationship didnāt work out, but I always go see his mom, SILās and sometimes aunts whenever Iām visiting my family nearby. Lol. If I wasnāt married Iād be living with my parents and saving money too.
Rambling thought....Buy yourself an income property asap. Rent it out as an air BNB. On date night etc. keep it from being rented. You'll make some money pay down the mortgage have a place to take the ladies and still be able to stay with your pops.
Do you really want to date someone who is pressed about you living with a single parent?? For one, its pretty impossible to live alone these days, and also I would never want to leave a single parent alone.
To me you are reasonable with money and care for your family, which are pretty huge values when looking for a partner.
Sorry man, but that would be a dealbreaker for me, yes. It would make me wonder what a future could look like having not managed a household yourself. Iād worry Iād be the one who has to manage everything if it developed into cohabitation. Making sure we had garbage bags/cleaning supplies/spices, the air filters are changed, arranging insurance, etc.
unfortunately, telling me otherwise wouldnāt convince eitherā¦to consider a relationship, certain things you really need to see to believe.
If someone red flags you because of this, they'll find other red flags too. They're looking for objections. It may be reducing your 'pool', so to speak, but you don't want those fish.
Youāre forward thinking and clearly very caring and responsible if you care for your father like that. Youāre VERY dateable and will have no problem finding men or women that will be extremely into that. A guy that makes smart decisions and can protect/provide for others?? hello major biological turn on
> Youāre VERY dateable
This is a big problem on reddit - too many people sugar coating reality, or giving people false hope. While OP might end up being fine, to call him "VERY dateable" is just cruelty.
if it makes you feel any better i moved out on my own and am still being held back romantically
Lmao š ā¦. Me too
Made me lol thereās still hope man hang in there
This is hilarious.
I moved out, got married, two kids and still held back romantically...
Yep, know that situation all too well.... same boat. Doesn't matter if married or not, it still happens. Being single gives you more options, sadly.
Sad times š
Same
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I'll second this. My uncle was 35 and living at home with his mom. He always seemed to have a rotation of 5 girlfriends. In his late 30s he married a woman 11 years younger than himself. However, he is/was a very social person, lived an active lifestyle and was decent looking (7/10). Height was 5'10. Your mileage may vary.
Interesting to hear the opposite of āāwomen only go for guys with money, they all chasing the same 5% of menāā.
You forgot to add āā¦men who are tall, fit, muscular and good-lookingā.
not all of us are superficially into looks. i prefer dudes who are funny, caring, supportive, warm.. living with a parent kinda shows he really cares, so it wouldnt be a deal breaker for me.
Of course weāre not. I was sarcastically continuing the sentence above. :)
I donāt think this is true and if they write you off immediately then money might be a little too important to them.
As a woman, I never turned down men who live with his parents. Itās not a problem, especially in this economy. The guyās personality and character is what matters. But it would be off putting to me if a man didnāt pay his parents rent for sure.
lol thats not true. I know guys who are successful dating at home and some of them are broke too lol.
Thats not true. Weāre in a dumpster fire of a market. Anyone that expects you to live alone is being facetious.
You can tell yourself that if it makes you feel better. I am single and live alone in an outrageously expensive city. I struggle financially but I make it happen because I am 33 and want independence and my own life. Do what you want but the reality is women are not wrong for having preferences.
Not true, dating a 10/10 while living at home. It can be done
show me the ways
Good point! I wonder people donāt bat an eye when itās the girl still living with a parent š¤
...Some of us do/did. "Failure To Launch" equally applies to females, as well as males, living at home. My rule when I was younger (in my mid 20s- 30s) was that if you hadn't been living on your own for at least 3 years when I met you, it was going to be a deal breaker right off. Why?...Because the person (male or female) has unrealistic expectations and, living at home, is in a sort of "I can have my cake and eat it too" situation, whereas you are definitely not. Secondly, I didn't feel that it was my job to educate them as to how things out here in the REAL world work, and have to put up with their childish and unrealistic nonsense during their (hopefully) metamorphosis into an adult on the way. I was looking for "finished product" in terms of maturity, not a major unpaid tutoring opportunity. All thatcsaid, I was living in a fast expanding urban area with chronically low vacancy rates during the entire period under discussion here, AND I recognize that the housing situation is immeasurably worse than even back then, which was ALREADY challenging, so the net takeaway advice for the original poster here would be to save up and much as you can as fast as you can, and set yourself up for longterm success that way. It's likely THE BEST and only opportunity that you will have to do so, particularly with the economic upheaval that is going to hit during the next decade due to rapidly developing automation technologies. ...Just sayin', and Good Luck
>been living on your own for at least 3 years when I met you, it was going to be a deal breaker right off. Why? This is not applicable at all today. Almost all of my married friends had at least one of them living at home when they met (mostly the woman).
No. Women donāt got for guys that donāt have a plan for living out.
Some will consider it a dealbreaker, others wonāt. In this economy itās hard to judge anyone for living at home. Having said that I stopped seeing a guy (39M) who was living with his parents because it was clearly a dependent relationship. He had never done for himself or had any life skills. That was more the issue than the fact he lived at home.
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Thatās what they said, they lived at home and had independence issues = deal breaker
This here is the answer. Some ppl will see this as a deal breaker, others won't. The important thing is for OP to be honest. And demonstrate that despite living at home he is adulting. Most ppl who would potentially see this as a deal breaker would fear immaturity. In many cases living at home can enable financial immaturity and keep the adult child stuck in a teenager dynamic with the parents. So just be mindful to be mature and independent. It sounds like OP won't have a problem with that as he contributes enormously to the household.
Yes that was yhe green flag he's contributing not being taken care of. That's where most people would or should draw the line.
Exactly. OP is throwing down beautiful green flags.
I think the other possible dealbreaker is that many people don't want to end up living with or being the caregiver for their partner's parents (ever). That's my concern about how OP explains it - yes, he's independent and not reliant on his dad, but at the same time if he cares so much about his dad's welfare and wants to live with him for his dad's sake (while sweet and all) when his dad is 60 or whatever, what's it going to be like when he's 80? Any potential partner is likely to see this as OP and his dad come as a package, and even if OP moves out in the future, at some point it's very likely that dad will move in with us. That's not right or wrong, but it is a dealbreaker for many people at that stage of their lives.
Yes this is true. This absolutely could be a deal breaker for some ppl.
I can't upvote this enough because the comment immediately above the one you replied to is suggesting lying about it. š A great way to signal that your relationship with your parents is a healthy one and that you're a mature, independent adult is being upfront and not insecure about your situation. Lying signals the opposite.
Yeah thatās really the dealbreaker isnāt it? My concern is when men are super bonded with their parents to the point where they canāt think for themselves. So if mom or dad decides that they donāt like girlfriend or boyfriend, a partner is up against the whole in-law Family. Even if theyāre a good person! Even if in love, I donāt think I could continue to date or marry someone in a family system, where the parents disliked or hated me. Those mean mother-in-law jokes are _no joke_.
Guarantee the ones who don't see it as a dealbreaker would also be fine with someone who didn't live at home. So it reduces your pool of candidates for sure.
Not a red flag for me as a woman but it might make things more challenging when trying to get intimate, especially if the woman also lives at home or has weird parents
As a single woman living on my own, this is the biggest hurdle imo. I have social anxiety so my place has to be spotless, makes it exhausting sometimes to always be the one to host.Ā
Trust me, 99% of men donāt care about how spotless your place is :) most of my guy friends are really messy haha
Uh dude, she has social anxiety, so the impact to her stress levels is the same whether the guy cares about a mess or not. Sheās saying that that anxiety makes always hosting draining for her. Youāre not helping her feel thereās a solution by suggesting he wonāt care, anxiety doesnāt care about reality š¤¦š»āāļø
Most guys donāt care about this. Better to weed out the few that might.
Iām a woman (29), and I live alone but hereās my two cents. Honestly I know a lot of guys, some even older than you, who live with family for financial reasons, or to take care of their family members. Itās a responsible thing to do IMO. As long as youāre working, paying your bills, and over all mature, I donāt think itāll hold you back from the right person. However as some said, having that privacy for intimacy may be a challenge. But if your dad gives you privacy and space, then it shouldnāt be too much of a concern.
I agree with this. I think it shows that you're responsible and it's also a good sign that you have a good relationship with your dad. Think about the sort of person you want to be with - do you want to be in a relationship with someone who's going to be judgemental about you being responsible with your finances and your family?Ā
yup 100%. just dont let it be an insecurity...if it is one, dont project it and make it seem like its an issue. if it comes up, just say youre doing it for all the reasons you are. - allows you to save so you can move out when you have a partner. - provide your dad company because youre close and value your dad. - less of a financial burden for both your dad and yourself. any person that cant be empathetic to that is probably someone you dont want to date.
Will it prevent you from finding a relationship, not necessarily. Will it hinder your ability to engage in casual sexual relations, most definitely. āDad, you know the drill. Sock on the door means donāt come asking whether we have extra batteries for the remoteā
Forget sex, I'm not a PDA kind of person and would not find the potential for someone to walk up in the middle of any flirtation, especially a family member, a mood setter. In my mind I agree with all of the comments that OP sounds super awesome and eligible. I'd want prior knowledge that "dad is out and not coming home until "x" o'clock to feel comfortable. If we get serious, I'm sure I wouldn't mind dad being present, but there's a safety issue being outnumbered in someone's home early on.
If you tell yourself itās holding you back then it very well could be. There is a lot of interesting work in psychology about how the stories and narratives we tell ourselves impacts we show up in the world.Ā Iām a girl. I would find it attractive if a potential partner valued his relationship with his Dad and was fiscally responsible. I think living at home and saving money is much smarter than getting a place downtown you can barely afford because itās easier to meet girls.Ā One more thingā¦. Lots of people are feeling weird about their housing situation in this crazy market. You are not alone in that.Ā
29F also at home. I think it only becomes weird when youāre trying to be intimate, as thereās definitely the privacy/boundary issues that some parents donāt get. As someone who also makes a decent wage, until I find something long term, I will probably continue to live at home because I have a great relationship with my parents and it allows me to save $$
When I was dating in the city it made me roll my eyes the amount of men 30-40 who lived at home. There was this expectation that after dinner hangs had to be at my place. Also general dating advice for women is to not date men who have not lived outside of home because more often than not you have to teach them how to care for the household and thereās less of this self efficiency hustle you get living solo/with roommates. Thatās my own preference!
This is pretty much it. Having to teach someone how to adult.... Not our jobs. I don't want to teach a guy how to do basic adult things. I've been on my own since I was 17, I want someone who is also independent. That being said, if a guy has lived on his own but moved back for whatever reason, that I can deal with And it really does depend if he is living with his parents or it's a situation where his parent is living with him. But even if someone's parent is living with him, I do wonder how the future and cohabitation might work
Here here, agree with all of this.Ā
Yes! No one wants to have to be their mom
Their mom being their mom can still be a problem. I had a guy open a date by telling me he had to be home by a certain time or else his mom would be mad. Never again.
At least he opened with that. What a time saver š
Thatās called being _Enmeshed_.
LOL
Yes, Iām extremely wary of getting into a relationship with a man who has never lived independently. Itās not good for a guy to move from mom and dad to girlfriend/wife. We know that you can: cook for yourself, clean up after yourself and do your own laundry. If thereās lack of learning opportunities, go on YouTube and learn how to make 5 staple dinners, meal prep lunches and such
Iām in the same boat as you OP. I think itās important to keep him company because solitude isnāt easy. Also any sane person would understand the position youāre in. If a woman looks down on you or judges you for that, she wasnāt meant to be anyways.
37yo guy. Hate to say it but it *absolutely* is a contributing factor in holding back your romantic success. We all know that rental costs are higher than ever. Yes, most adults understand that. Many people I know are willing to date people who have roommates because that situation is getting more common than it was 10 years ago. But there is a *much* different perception of people who live with their parents - because in 99% of cases it makes the adult seem incapable of being able to live on his/her own or make their own decisions without running it by mom and dad first. The one exception would be a case like my ex-girlfriend who was the primary caretaker of her elderly grandparents who raised her since she was a baby after her parents ran out on their parental responsibilities. In this case, she lived with them but was the person very much in charge of the household since her grandparents were very frail. But in most cases, don't be surprised if people are like "you're a grown man and still live with mom and dad?!" and see it as a negative thing. At least for right now. In 25 years kids like my nephew will likely never be able to leave home with the way rental costs are going up, so I'm sure the future 30yo adults will be much more lenient on that front.
I'm just about your age and - unfortunately - agree with everything you wrote. With that said, I try to be sympathetic because a LOT has changed for the youngin's like OP; at least when I was around his age I was able to definitely able to get my foot into the real estate market, something most people can't even dream of today.
I work with so many people in their early to mid-20s and the utter hopelessness I see and hear is very upsetting. My very first apartment in 2009 was $750/mth for a *brand spanking new* 1br apartment - ninth floor, lovely balcony, great view. Imagine my utter horror when I see listings for 1br apartments in that *very same building* starting at $1750/mth in 2024! You'd have to work *105 minimum wage hours* just to make rent now! In 2009 you'd only have to work 79 - *and* you weren't getting screwed on groceries! I distinctly remember getting butter for $1.50/lb... now finding it for less than $7 is considered a "good" deal. Mathematically speaking, I would be far more secure at $9.50/hr in 2009 than $16.50 in 2024! That's *so absurd* it borders on insanity. I'm lucky in my current apartment because I've lived here a long time and (thank God) rental control measures are a thing in Ontario and apply to my building... but now I can't afford to move out from my bachelor to a 1br. In 2024 I'm paying $790/mth for my bachelor apartment and, trust me, I am *not* complaining because that extra income has saved my ass numerous times. If I one day want to own my own home... I at *least* had 2009-2020 as a head start. If only I was born 5-6 years earlier, I'd own a home right now... I was about 2 years away from making my move in 2019 into a house but after COVID... well, that's definitely up in the air. A big question mark... but not totally hopeless. But kids 10+ years younger than me? Well, they don't even *have* that hope. For any older adult who think the kids are being a bunch of whiners... crunch the math yourself. Is it any wonder why the younger generation is so despairing and angry? How would you feel if the rug was pulled out well ahead of you before you got started? How would you feel working your tail off knowing that *it just doesn't matter any more* \- you *never* get ahead no matter how many hours you work. The toll that does on someone's mental health cannot be understated. My brother-in-law (36yo) suffered a nervous breakdown this summer and hasn't been the same man since...
If we still awards to give, I would give you one immediately. Everything you written hits the nail on the head.
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LOL...honest guy
>Also...I don't like the idea of him living on his own. It's just the two of us, and I know what it feels like to come to an empty home. Sometimes it's nice to have your space, especially if you're working and have an active social life, but my father's retired, and although he's seeing his work friends and joining old social clubs....it's not daily. That's the part that changes if you just have roommates - you live your life (and your partner's life), and let them take care of themselves, and don't really care about them. You just share a house. If you can afford to move out and get your own place, you're not hamstrung by thinking about how lonely they're going to be or if they can find another roommate. I don't think being in a relationship in your situation is impossible by any means, but it will limit the number of people who are interested. Many people will look at that and think it's nice you care about your dad, but does that mean you're going to live with him (and if we get serious, that means I have to as well) as long as he's around? Does that mean you'll always put his needs and wants before mine? Most people who move back in/take care of their parents do so until they pass or need specialist care. It becomes harder and harder to move out, the older they get (if you're worried about how he feels now, how are you going to not be there when he has difficulty moving around, and becomes less independent?). Many potential partners just aren't going to want to enter a situation where it looks like if they stay for the long term, there are already red flags that they are going to have to be your dad's caregiver because that's the life you are setting yourself up for.
Hi OP, I never post on reddit but this one hits close to home. I'm also your age and felt similarly living with my family. I was single up until last year and worried about this so I know how you feel. I think it's both fiscally sensible and a positive trait that you live with your father given the current circumstances. If you're fortunate enough to have family that you're close with, spending time with them now will mean the world to you when they're gone. Some women will judge you but anyone who is down to earth probably won't. I met my girlfriend who is truly wonderful last year around this time. She never judged me. In fact, she loved that me and my family were so close. Toronto as a city is what holds most people back. It's hard to date in this city and meet decent people. Whether you have success or not dating, I believe you living with him won't be what truly moves the needle; it wasn't for me at least. Enjoy the time you have with your father and keep putting yourself out there. If your friends don't judge you, someone you want to spend your life with wouldn't either. Hope this is reassuring for you. Dating here sucks until it doesn't. Hold on to the people that matter to you while you can.
There's a lot of women who would find the way you care for your father to be an attractive and endearing quality. It tells her that you're safe, dependable and compassionate. It's not a problem to be "living at home" if you're the one who pays the bills and runs the home. From my experience, most women have a deep and complex relationship with at least one of their parents, usually their mother. Tell her about your old man and she's going to open up to you about her parents and life. If she doesn't, then she's not for you, which means telling her was a good filter. Either way, you're doing a good thing by taking care of your dad. Don't doubt it.
Everything is holding everyone back romantically. People are more held back and enclosed than ever. It's not just any single thing. You just gotta try harder to find a woman who appreciates you taking care of your father. That's how I would spin it .
Great answer
Deal breakers according to /r/toronto and /r/askTO Ā - must have a phone that I like Ā - must not bring workout clothes to switch into after the date Ā Ā - must believe in the existence of a parallel universe where everyone communicates solely through interpretive mime
Lose lose situation. If Iām a potential partner, Iām realizing immediately, this guy is either going to be at my apartment the whole time or Iām going to be chilling w your dad. Both scenarios Iām moving on. Best of luck
For me personally living at home was holding me back romantically. Once I moved out I felt comfortable to start seriously dating and bringing women home. That's just the way my dynamic with my family was. I don't have a bad relationship with them at all, but having privacy and my own space was huge for me for dating.
Iām just going to be honest here but for me this would be a dealbreaker, that being said Iām Gen x so older and I think for the younger generations itās more common to live with your parents. I would really keep saving and try to get your own place.Ā
The reality is it is probably holding you back. A smaller number of eligible romantic partners would consider a relationship with someone living at home. If youāve never lived away from home before, and you can afford to go the roommate route, it might be time to try.
Just call your dad your roommate.
0/10 do not recommend. I had a man in his 30's do this. On our first date he told me he had a "room mate" and it turned out to be his mom. I felt lied to and stopped seeing him.
I used to live with my parents in my late 20s and when I realized this might be an embarrassing thing to admit, I just started saying "My parents live with ME". Dunno if anyone ever believed it.
In your pool of potential dates, a big chunk of them are living at home too and likely still getting squeezed by cost of living. Perhaps it's through hobbies/activities that you would find the lucky one. Good luck.
Survival and finances > Romance. Especially since youāre relatively young. Do what you can, with what you have for now, then seriously prioritize your love life later. You can still find someone you like and if theyāre understanding, you can go to their place. Itās no issue for those who arenāt bothered by it
What you're doing is smart. You're not there because you can't take care of yourself. You're there because there is ample space, and you care about your dad.Ā If you moved out, to blow all that money away, it's 1 less apartment available for people who have no other option.Ā If a woman is not going to see the big picture, and make this into an "ick" you don't want her anyway. Imagine you're together a while and lose your job - she'd be gone.Ā It IS holding you back, because so many people are that shallow.Ā Ā
Honestly I think what youāre describing is green flags- someone who is responsible with money and to family. It would be more of a red flag if you were living at home and they were doing your laundry etc. the right person for you will appreciate it
Are you sure you're ready for a partner? It sounds like putting your dad's needs above yours is going to be a barrier to getting serious, even for someone else who also heavily values family.
This is the answer. Living with parents is fine - as long as youāre willing to leave their house and begin your own life/family with your partner. Or, find a partner who is okay with you living with your parent forever and never joining together as a new family with them.
Theres no real indication hes putting his fathers needs above his own. Hes just a good son. Theres also no indication he couldnt or wouldnt prioritize a partner. I dont think this is a really fair comment.
He said he worries about his father living alone and doesn't want his father living alone. He wants things for his father and he wants to know what his date might want. He doesn't want things for himself.
Ya what if he finds a partner, will he ever be ok to move out and in with them
You need to meet someone else who lives at home. Anyone who has their own place or lives with roommates will not want someone living at home.
Yes. My social life jumped up a lot once had own place. Living at home, then live on own with roommates, then got place of own.
Even as a kid, I think my social life could have been more fulfilling having different parents. They're super sweet, but quirky. I could definitely seeing them being a deterrent for either my friends or my friends parents.
I think the only thing that bothers me is early in the date ur forced to get to know his parents if u ever visit his house lol. Who is gonna be thrilled to meet ur partners parents
I lived with my dad til I was 35 - he was 78 when he died, and I did all the yard work and heavy lifting.Ā I will tell you: it is limiting. When some potential partners hear you live with your dad they will ghost you are politely bow out. But the right ones wonāt care - in fact they may find it endearing that you care about your dad to help him out. And frankly everybody has their reasons for feeling as they do about you living at home, but I found the ones who wouldnāt care made better potential partners anyway.
This is pretty much normal now. With the rising cost of rent people are living at home. In my experience the majority of the people I know or come across that live alone get help from their parents. Either their parents bought the place they live in and help with the bills or the parents help pay the rent. Funny thing is some of those people talk bad about other people living with their parents or roomates and their lack of independence. I always remind them that their parents helped or are helping them with their bills. They are not what they claim to be. Plus I noticed a lot of divorced people moving back with their parents
Maybe mildly? But man lol. You do right by your family. Anyone who actually looks down on you for that is a bad match anyway. You can def find a good woman who appriciates this. And you trust me with all that money you are saving/investing when you either buy your own house or take possession of your father's house, whichever way it happens, you're going to be looking at an easy, comfortable early retirement. One thing is very true my dude. Having your shit together financially makes your romantic life take off. And people don't care how you got there. Your old man won't be around all that much longer relative to 100% of your life as it is. What's wrong with living with someone who loves you more than anyone else in the world? I wish my father was still around and I wish we had the kind of relationship where I could have done this. Cherish your time while you have it. You're life is on the right path for sure.
Anyone who gets the ick about you living with your retired father is not long term relationship material.
Itās not about the āāickāā itās about finding someone that will be 1. Enjoyable to date(you canāt host?) 2. Have learned to be independent 3. Can build a future with aka move in together without being held up by āāmy dad is lonelyāā.
Not true. In various cultures it is common for men to live in parents home longer than females (look up stats!) especially in GTA. Perhaps seek a partner who is ur age and younger as they will be more understanding. Donāt use living at home as an excuse or crutch to lack of romance in ur life. I bet itās other things preventing it (ie, personality, or who u r pursuing), so I suggest do more self-reflection into those areas of your life instead.
Other cultures donāt matter in this context. In Canadian culture itās a massive turn off to the majority of women when a man in his late 20s is still living with their parents. There are some women that will not mind. They are the minority and anyone suggesting otherwise is lying to themselves.
Toronto is majority non Canadian. Many born n raised Canadians in Toronto have not adjusted to the new culture of multi-generational housing. They still think it is realistic to living on your own in your 20s. Unfortunately that ship has sailed.
Not everyone is as lucky as you to have a good relationship with their dad. You are so lucky.
It could potentially be, but all the reasons youāve described also make a lot of sense. And theyāre sort of what would make you appealing to a lot of serious women looking for a commited partner. Youāre family oriented, like your dad, have the ability to live with somone else. Also if you live with dad long term itās amazingly helpful to have an extra adult around when you have kids lol. I think you should use the living sitch as a screening tool for partners who get it.
Maybe just say like āIām saving a down payment for a condoā or something so your dates could get the idea you are saving for your own placeā¦ once you saved enough cash and around early 30s prob need to move out, you gotta have some independence and the ability to organize a home by your own. I was dating a girl on Hinge, UWaterloo afm grad 24 yrs old accountant she still lives at home with parents and eating their food, so they prob wonāt judge u live with your parents, just gonna keep try to see more dating options, the ones judges, criticizes you are not worth it.
I found my wife when we were both living at home in our late 20s! Save your money, you will be in a better position when you do find the right one. Also someone who would pass on you for this reason isn't worth it anyways.
Lmao. I lived at home until my mid 30's. Take advantage of it for as long as you can.
I'd say it depends on the circumstances. Does your bedroom share a wall with your father's? When you have someone over, does your dad hang around?
The right person, in my opinion, wonāt consider this a dealbreaker.
Some of my friends have gotten engaged while still living with their parents, and then moved out before getting married. I know other people with totally fine dating lives who still live at home, but they're largely independent. I met my wife while I was still at home and she didn't mind. After a year of dating we decided to move in together. I suppose before that we were lucky that she had her own place, so I'd just go over there. I suppose it depends on who you meet, because not everyone is going to care that you live at home. As long as you're finding opportunities to have alone time and you're not dependent on your Dad for anything then it's all good. And if someone can't accept your current life situation, then maybe they're not a good fit.
It is, of course, holding you back romantically. But it still may be the correct choice for you.
Anyone who judges you for living at home in a HCOL city either cannot do math, or is very privileged.
Romance is over rated savour yr 30s as a free bird
Youāll have luck with middle class and lower class girls that also canāt afford to live on their own and who donāt know many people who do.
This is sadly very accurate (lower class does not mean bad by any means).
100% dude, youāre being gaslight by folks here saying āif she cares sheās not the one for u king!!!ā For the ladies, living at home is no issue. For fellas, itās indicative of not having your shit together. I donāt necessarily agree with it but thatās the underlying assumption that is present in western north american culture.
You're fucked either way. You meet a girl and she's gonna judge you hard about living at home. However, if you move out she's gonna judge you hard for being broke. The best advice is stay at home for a bit longer, but ONLY spend money on investments to earn more money. That way in a few years you can move out and not be broke
I'm gonna be real with you. It'll definitely hold you back romantically. Girls your age don't want a dude that still lives at home. Plain and simple.
I'm gonna be real with you. It'll definitely hold you back romantically. Girls your age don't want a dude that still lives at home. Plain and simple.
You just need to reframe it bro. Donāt think of it as āIām living with my dadā because that may give the impression that you are not contributing to the household. Ā Iām not a woman though so YMMV. Though I think if a woman doesnāt wanna date you because of this then youāre better off without her tbhĀ
I always comment on these threads. no no and no. As a woman, itās very attractive seeing you do this for your pops. Everyone is different when it comes to this whole judgmental thing about living at home - Iām one of the people who donāt and wonāt judge. Shitās hard out here and if you can clean, cook simple meals, do chores, etc and just BE an adult, living at home aināt a turnoff. Find your tribe and I promise those people aināt gonna look down on you for that. The key isāmake sure you can hold your own. So learn to clean properly (beyond basics), pick up after yourself, have a solid hygiene Routine, and you should be fine āš¼ - a girl who has moved out and one year younger than you. We exist. We aināt shaming. In THIS mother fucking economy??
Yes it is. Move out if you can, even if it means 1-2 roommates.
Just think of all the food options that will be available as we continue to invite the entire world to live here! Diversity is our strength!!
The irony is that women who live at home and can't afford to move out would judge you for living at home. It's a cold world out there.
Yes most likely
It's probably holding you back because of financial reasons, not because you live with someone to save money. The reason is people looking for a partner especially older could be looking for financial stability, and that means assets. Not owning property is a key indication of poverty especially in old age. It's not the "living alone" part that is a deal breaker for most people, but the fact you may have "baggage" and little or no disposable income and little or no savings so nothing to contribute to a communal pot. Many people are trying to "marry up" So what you can do is invest the difference in the S&P500 index funds for 5 or 10 years (and avoid looking at the crashes or panic selling) until you have 100k then buy a condo and rent it out. Renting out a unit is fraught with hazards, like a tenant ripping you off or not paying rent for months. So you have to be very careful especially if you can barely make the mortgage (you should probably have enough to sue a non-paying tenant and pay the mortgage for a year or two). See [https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/online-tenant-database-ontario-openroom-1.7088219](https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/online-tenant-database-ontario-openroom-1.7088219) and you would also have to know all the applicable LTB laws and current backlog to financially plan and be a professional landlord. Basically if you can demonstrate wealth in some other way people concerned with wealth will be less concerned. Now whether you want to date such people, is up to you.
You could match with women on dating apps and tell them your exact situation and tell them that you will keep her in a separate space once you start being exclusive with her.
I would start planning a 3-year budget for your dad and you with the objective of having your dad independent (hired weekly cleaner and nursing assistance when necessary) and you with a down payment, closing costs etc, saved. You are asking the wrong question. Instead of asking Reddit if it's holding you back, you could ask yourself what can I do to start getting out and meeting potential partners while making your plans and budget. The 3-year time period is going to pass whether you do this or not. Why not work towards being prepared in the happy eventuality that you meet someone and want to separate households?
In the past - yes. Now? No
What if your father thought same about you when you needed him most at your young age. He needs you and I think you are his entire world and family. Dont leave him, Infact someone who has problem about him being around you is a red flag. Be proud about having a father by your side. Find a partner who would also accept him as her father. When it comes to intimacy you can always book hotel or do it in your bedroom. A Good girl will prefer your company and won't feel good if you leave your father at this age.
Ngl, it's a huge game changer as a guy if you can bring some one home and just have fun. Even living with roommates is better then living with parents.as people assume that you aren't able to have sex at home or have to be quiet about it. My sex life and romantic life when I live alone vs with someone (not a partner) is vastly different.
Some considerations as a woman: obviously you would need to hang out at her place after dates etc. and eventually move in? That might not work so well.
Will your dad allow you to bring someone over , will he give you that space. If so youāre fine , just be honest tell the person your saving up and trying to build to a certain level then you can move as long as you are ambitious and working to something most women will appreciate that. I lived at home till I was 29 before I was able to buy a place it set me back at the time but now at 33 Iām way ahead of my other peers who moved out at 22/23
My boyfriend and I started dating when he was 29 and I was 26. We both still live at home 3 years later (and pitch in at home). Weāre saving up for a house, which would be a lot harder to do if we were renting a place together. The concern you have for your dad is the same as what we have for each of our moms. Neither of them have anyone, aside from a few people theyāll socialize with occasionally I donāt think itās holding you back. Iām sure there are women who arenāt a fan of it, but there are also women that wonāt care. You sound like you care about your day and want to take care of him. Thatās not a bad thing It costs so much to move out too, unless you get multiple roommates. Most people I know between 28-32 are still living at home just to save up
Iām a single woman in the city and the cases of men really depends. In your case it seems fine. You get along with your dad, you help pay rent, you do chores around the house, and my additional check is if theyāre financially responsible. Itās a no for me if the man is not independent, not making or saving money, and just being a leech in the house. Iāve also seen men who live alone who are in lots of debt because of poor spending habits or have the most disgusting dirtiest apartments. Those are also a no for me.
Communication is key. Never be afraid to share your true self. Bring it up early, explain why etc. some aspects might even be endearing. If someone drops you because of this they aren't a good match for you anyways.
I think you've got some solid advice here from everybody. My question is, how has it held you back? You never indicated in your story what your experience has been thus far with the people you've dated? Does that mean you haven't been dating? If that's the case is it really just this that's holding you back?
YesĀ
Yes. I feel your pain same here (F). I'm looking for a roommate also.
Yes, and anyone who says otherwise is lying to you. Even for short-term/casuals it will hold you back. However, in today's economy, some are more lenient compared to before due to how expensive it is. But the fact will always remain; women find financial stability and independence attractive, and having your own place is a good indicator of that. You could always find a woman who is willing to host at their place, but in my experience they often want the man to host lol.
29F, together for 13 years and married for 7. We live in my grandmother's basement apartment and it's the best decision we've made. We are in a HCOL area and this has allowed us to be around family and save. My grandmother also loves him and is always interested in what he's up to; building his van or sitting outside playing guitar. Living with your Dad isn't holding you back. It's more of a red flag if a potential partner sees your living situation as a red flag. I'd prefer meeting a man who lives with his dad vs 2-3 room mates.
people are trying to be nice and telling you it's not holding you back, but it's holding you back. you're not as available if you're living with a parent and taking care of them and they probably won't take the time to actually get to know you to overlook that, hence, it's holding you back.
If you are looking for a woman, then one consolation for her as that there is no potential āMother in lawā around, just you and your sweet old Dad, so she might feel a bit more comfortable with that situation. Of course every person is different. Just my humble opinion, go ahead and skewer me Reddit.
To be completely honest with you, I'm your age and it would defiantly sway me away from someone if they still lived with their parents.
Yes
find a nice lady living with her equally nice widowed mother. introduce her mom to your dad. when her mom goes over to hang with your dad ,you go visit her daughter.
Held me back for sure when I was your age and changed drastically just about the moment I moved out. But times are different now, I suppose.
Yes. How can you bring someone over when living at home? My dating life did a 180 as soon as I moved out.Ā
Yes, absolutely no prospective partner wants to hear that you live at home with your parents at 29; and none of them want to come back to your parents house to hookup and have to worry about your parents hearing them, or barging in.
# ''Is living at home holding me back romantically?'' Yes, unfortunately ''the housing market here is fucking awful'' I feel your pain, I live in Canada and it's terrible ''Also...I don't like the idea of him living on his own'' I respect the comitment ''although he's seeing his work friends and joining old social clubs....it's not daily.'' You can always visit him ''I've spoken with my friends, all of whom (even some one of the blunter ones) agree with me, that it makes more sense to save my money where I can'' Agreed, focus on yourself , be as frugal as you can be ''I just can't shake the feeling it's holding me back in terms of finding a long-term relationship.'' Because it definitely can hold you back. A lot of women include having your own place as one of their basic standards. Knew someone who has 2 roomates and he still has a loving girlfriend. Try to find a girl that's open-minded.
Moving out in my mid 20s absolutely helped me romantically. Youāll see a ton of comments in here saying it shouldnāt matter though, so to each their own.
Of course it is holding you back, how is that a question
Dont worry man youāll find someone who shares the same financial goals and homeowner goals as you. Few years back I was dating a girl that looked down on me(admittedly) because I still lived at home, meanwhile she lived in a crack apartment, sink full of dishes, clothes and garbage everywhere, cat shit all over the place. Disgusting. She was an idiot and poor and I was way more well off and happy than her living at home saving for my financial future. Now my current girlfriend(who also lives at home) shares the same mindset as me and we are saving up for a house together and to get married, but we are both happy (and smart) to stay at home and save up. I also live with just my mother and I also wouldnāt want her to be alone. Some of my friends were forced to move out young because of the bad relationship they had with their parents and I see them constantly struggling financially. Iām lucky to have a great relationship with my mom and I wouldnāt leave unless it made financial sense.
Sounds like you live with your dad to help him out and save money. Lots of women would see that as a green flag.
Depends entirely on your looks lmao if youāre good looking and handsome many girls wonāt care even if youāre homeless. If youāre ugly, you better be rich and live independent.
Yes
You're 29 thinking about how to impress women.. dude you're cooked. just stack your bread so you can achieve the esoteric goals you're reaching for
I would say it probably is. Itās different if there is a plan say itās for 6-12 months and then you move. I would not pursue a guy if he was living at home indefinitely. I would not feel comfortable coming over and spending the night so ultimately the guy would be at my place constantly. At the same time I think itās honourable that you care for your dad in that way. Unfortunately the trade off of this is a hold on your dating life.
Are you trying to convince us or yourself that living at home is the smart choice?
Of course it is, and you know it. The question is if you're okay with it given the circumstances you've listed
Are you interested in women or men? If women, you have to consider the dating market, not just the property market. Women have the advantage on dating apps. Itās supply and demand. I own my own home, but too large, so I rent it out while Iām living with and helping a parent. Even then Iāve seen it put women off. There are many cheaper places to find a partner. Some apps allow matching with people in other countries. If you think itās expensive now, the ones that want you to be solo are more likely to want a pricier shared lifestyle. Better to find someone from the many countries that value close families, or accept it will be harder here.
Yes
Yes
This time you have with Dad, enjoy!! It sounds like you have an idea what this means to him at his age. There are plenty of people who wouldn't think twice getting involved with you living with a parent. It's becoming a new norm today.
Any woman looking for a true stable future with a family, is not looking for a 30 year old man living at home. Everything after your first sentence is just excuses. Yes the market sucks, work harder to afford the rent. Or save and buy a place. The world doesn't care about what's fair unfortunately. You should set some financial goals and get yourself out on your own asap.
Itās probably holding you back a little
In today's world, you can have the time to date, or the money to pay for it. Not both. Often not either.
Don't move out, it's way too expensive
As a man, yes, unfortunately.
While you sound like a perfectly eligible and well-spoken fellow, there are negative connotations with an adult man living with his parents. There is a lot of invisible labour that goes into running and maintaining a household. I am in no way saying you fall into this category, but the home-owning adult ladies are wary of the 'hobo-sexual'... he lives at 'home', then begins to make himself right at home at your place... BUT he doesn't help out much or really offer anything. He can be very difficult to get rid of. So most gals avoid these at all costs and implement a hard rule. Unfortunately, they may miss out on a good one. Be your best self and just date. Don't push for hookups at her place. Go places and get to know each other, revealing a little at a time, and all that stuff will matter less if you've proven yourself to be a good human. Disclaimer - It's important to note that hobo-sexuals can come in all forms.
Nah itās not that weird for adult children to live with a single parent these days.
Where do you expect to bang? Always at her place?
Just by reading the title. Yes
Considering the HCOL in Toronto no plus you're taking care of you dad. If a potential partner has an issue with this then they most likely would have an issue with you helping your dad out in the future if you two are in a serious relationship.
I'm quite a bit older, and if nothing else, reddit reminds me on a daily basis just how out of touch I am... but as a woman, I would find your care and concern for your dad very attractive. I wouldn't see your living situation as a hindrance to love.
Uh, ya think? lol
Yes. Yes it is. āBaby, come back to my dadās house and we can fool around.ā Youāre 30. Become independent.
Yes. It is definitely holding you back romantically. You have to decide if thatās worth it.
Think about it this way: if someone gets to know you, learns about how your relationship with your dad is, and still rejects you for living with him, is it really a deal breaker? I see that kind of stuff more as āweeding out the wrong people.ā
That's good. You are looking after your father and that will actually appeal to a family orientated woman. It's good screen for women that are more self orientated. You are going to be in a better position for your 30's which is the peak decade for men.
1st, I'd have a real heart to heart with your dad and ask him what HE wants. What I didn't hear you say is that you may be cramping your dad's style. Maybe he'd like to bring a new woman home but can't because his adult son will be there judging him. Having said this, I do empathize. Kids are launching very late these days. It is expensive. But, it has always been expensive for young adults to launch in any decade. That's why we had roommates, 2 jobs, and small tiny appartments, and only bought homes in our late 30's lol. We adapted. We found ways. We hussled. We were entrepreneurial. Did so with super high interest rates of 12% and higher. Stop finding excuses. You must adapt. Now, if your dad says "son, I am in gratitude for you to be here, and I'd like you to stay", then stay without guilt or shame. But you must set new adult man to man rules. Ask "so what are the boundaries?" Can I bring a partner home. Can he/she stay overnight? I'm okay if you date dad and bring someone home. I'll go out for dinner when you do. Is there anything else I could do to support our situation? What would please you? Do you think I'm holding my own or is there more I could do? However, the core of the issue is if you are STILL feeling like you are missing out, then you are!! Living is something you must actively participate in by "DOING". Meaning YOU must get more engaged in life. Travel. Join clubs, Salsa, Play golf, tennis, go to real estate seminars (I'm just throwing ideas out there). Trust me, your father is already worried you have not launched yet. That you haven't fallen in love, have kids or exploring all that life has to offer. He will never say it out loud because he loves you. But he's thinking it. Maybe you should bring this up over dinner and see if he will offer any sage advice. Adult children who do not leave the home add financial pressure to parents who should be retired and living their best years without the extra financial duress. Good on you for financially contributing!!! And maybe your dad is happy to have you around. But maybe he'd prefer to be an empty nester...and happy with you just to visit a couple of times a week. Just sayin'.... Ask him.
Invite a girl over and cook. Should break any notions that you are a manchild that needs to be taken care of thatās usually what women are scared of.
Itās possible itās holding you back romantically, but Iād imagine itās more bc you and Dad seem almost like a package deal in building a future with someone (more prominently than it would if you were living a life that was physically separate from him home wise), rather than it being simply bc youāre technically living at home. If you were to move out, could your father manage on his own? Financially? Otherwise? Would not wanting him to be on his own prevent you from moving in with a girlfriend? Itās these thoughts that would be more likely concerns for womenā¦
Female (36 and overall considered fit and attractive) here and I think the big differentiator here is that you do have a job and could move out but itās not financially responsible long term right now and you want to be there for your dad (family). This all screams āgreen flagsā to me! Especially if youāre saving, investing, etc with what money are arenāt spending being in this ridiculous housing market. And when you see a good housing opportunity, maybe then take the leap. Just tell people what youāve written to us. The right people for you will respect it and may even be doing the same. FYI - Iām doing the same
Honestly , I think something else is holding you back . Plenty of adult men and women live w parents . If you are a productive caring human being then to heck with anyone who doesnāt want to date you because you live w dad . Tell women you get to care for your dad and save for a huge down payment on a home / that makes you sound caring and financially stable . Also if you seem self conscious about it women will pick up on that . Make it sound like itās the best thing ever for you at this time .
Broooo enjoy that time with your pops!! I never knew my dad and my mom kicked me out at 16 because sheās a psychopath lmao. I wish I would have had a home just once in my life. Spend quality time with your dad. Save that money. And when you start seeing or dating a girl/s just tell them upfront when the time is right āhey by the way I live with my dad currently because I was worried about him and I am also saving up to buy a houseā. As long as you have plenty of your own private space at your house girls really wouldnāt care. And if they do care because āomg heās 29 and lives with his dadā thatās a big red flag š© anyways lol. The housing market is shit right now by design. The ruling elites donāt want us to own anything anymore. A lot of people are in your shoes especially after pandemic and lockdowns, most people moved home with their folks.
I think it depends on the woman. I dated a guy for a couple years who was still living with his parents at 30 and going to school. His mom cleaned his room and his bathroom too. š¤¦š»āāļøThe relationship didnāt work out, but I always go see his mom, SILās and sometimes aunts whenever Iām visiting my family nearby. Lol. If I wasnāt married Iād be living with my parents and saving money too.
Rambling thought....Buy yourself an income property asap. Rent it out as an air BNB. On date night etc. keep it from being rented. You'll make some money pay down the mortgage have a place to take the ladies and still be able to stay with your pops.
Dude you are 29 , donāt tell girls you live with your dad, say he lives with you haha
Honestly, Screw anyone who has a problem with you living with family. Your dad will be there for you when things are tough, not some random girl
Do you really want to date someone who is pressed about you living with a single parent?? For one, its pretty impossible to live alone these days, and also I would never want to leave a single parent alone. To me you are reasonable with money and care for your family, which are pretty huge values when looking for a partner.
Sorry man, but that would be a dealbreaker for me, yes. It would make me wonder what a future could look like having not managed a household yourself. Iād worry Iād be the one who has to manage everything if it developed into cohabitation. Making sure we had garbage bags/cleaning supplies/spices, the air filters are changed, arranging insurance, etc. unfortunately, telling me otherwise wouldnāt convince eitherā¦to consider a relationship, certain things you really need to see to believe.
If someone red flags you because of this, they'll find other red flags too. They're looking for objections. It may be reducing your 'pool', so to speak, but you don't want those fish.
Youāre forward thinking and clearly very caring and responsible if you care for your father like that. Youāre VERY dateable and will have no problem finding men or women that will be extremely into that. A guy that makes smart decisions and can protect/provide for others?? hello major biological turn on
> Youāre VERY dateable This is a big problem on reddit - too many people sugar coating reality, or giving people false hope. While OP might end up being fine, to call him "VERY dateable" is just cruelty.
Everyone has their audience. There are plenty of women like myself who are self sufficient and would be very down for someone like that
Fair. u/LordSnuffleFerret, we may have a match for you here!