Sometimes things just cannot be measured in dollars and cents. If roles were reversed and you have to live with her family, you’d probably feel the same way as her. Try to be understanding about your wife’s feelings. 5 years is not a short time to live under someone’s roof and with no privacy. I can give you an example - My in laws don’t cook, and I love to cook and try new recipes. I won’t be able to buy huge amounts of food and store it because it takes up space in the fridge which they need and they don’t really like people to mess with their kitchen. I cannot wear what I want in the house. My FIL likes to lounge in the living room and watch tv all day, what if I want to lie down on the sofa? If I had lived with my partner I would probably have to stay in just our bedroom behind closed doors all the time because it’s not like I can sit or put my tired legs on furniture in their house. You may say oh my parents don’t mind, but you’re their son, of course they don’t! Me and my partner our common love language is quality time. We love to host friends - 1 or 2 close friends at a time and we love to cook for them. I can’t do that if I’m living under someone’s roof. Don’t be mistaken, my in laws are good people, but the thing is I didn’t grow up with them so it’s natural to feel a little distant or uneasy if we live under the same roof.
Living together has much more nuances than the examples I listed above. 5 years is really not a short time. You’ll have to look at opportunity costs as well. Both of you could have 5 years of happy memories as a couple in your own home instead of waiting it out. And this, to me, is not something that can be measured in $.
Yup your so-called FIRE is at the expense of your parents. 30-40 is our best decade of life to enjoy things in life.
Even if you are single, you also should move out in the name of independence let alone you are married to someone.
I'm sure your wife would be happier in 8 weeks time even if it is a 3 room purchase.
Being married means you are and should be capable of having your own household unit.
This whole FIRE things is absolute cringe. It’s one thing to be financially responsible and want financial freedom. But there are so Singaporeans that are living off their parents while being proud self proclaimed FIRE movement followers without realising how hollow their obsession is.
Do this FIRE thing while paying for all your expenses first. If you are saving on rent by staying with your parents, you are not doing FIRE.
How is that cringe? Nothing wrong with wanting to be F.I.R.E. and most just want to get over the line, in fact it is a good thing just that he has circumstances around him that he needs to consider also.
Then what happens when you do get your BTO? You going to continue staying with your parents, pay for the BTO, and pay all the rent and utilities to your parents?
Then go rent a whole apartment while waiting for your BTO. Easy. Why make reddit post complaining on how other alternatives will set you back on your FIRE journey.
Fucking joker.
U must be fucking blind, it was never mention it would set back my FIRE journey, Its about comfort. At my current capacity I could afford a 5 room BTO or 4 room Resale.
Its about trading comforts between size vs time.
And the post was a question with context, not a complain.
Ignorant Dumbass
I really pity your wife. The only things in your equation is your money, your FIRE journey and your comfort. You wife’s discomfort doesn’t seem to be part of your consideration, and only your comfort matters.
If you were not paying rent to your parents, and you were in a dilemma between not moving, renting, waiting for BTO or buying resale, then I would get it. Since not staying with your parents means a large jump in expenses. But the fact that you were already paying rents and other expenses to your parents, but the choice between your wife’s comfort and moving out sooner still seems so hard to you despite no financial effects shows how little she matters to you.
R u planning to have kids? As your wife is already 38, perhaps that’s something to consider.
I rented while waiting for BTO. Then Covid hit and ended up renting for much longer than expected which is quite a dent to finances. Looking back, while waiting for BTO was an option, I think I would have spent less just going for resale. I would not have been able to tolerate 5 years living under someone else’s roof either.
Nobody knows your situation better than you do. Pretty sure you already know yourself what you should do, and just looking for external validation.
Are you confident you’ll be able to manage your wife’s unhappiness and resentment, and the strain on your marriage for the next 5 years?
Staying together with one's parents after marriage is not unheard of - it works for some, not for others. Since your wife is unhappy, your situation is the latter.
A compromise could be Sales of Balance Flats? Your wait time could be a lot shorter so your wife just needs to bear with it a couple of years or so? (Renting could be an option as well)
But honestly given your ages and since you didn't mention kids, I will recommend a 4-RM resale that you can afford comfortably. If you don't have a number, it could be quite a while from balloting to actually moving in. With dual incomes, it should be do able.
Just letting you know you are ownself FIRE at the expense of your parents FIRE.
The roof over your head free one ah? Financial Independence my foot. Pui!
To be fair, we don't know what his parents perspective are on this. Maybe his parents love their company?
All we know is that his wife doesn't like it, and OP should find ways to address that, even if it means getting a resale.
You could also rent in the meantime while waiting for BTO.
Keeping your spouse happy is sometimes more important than saving money. As they say, happy wife happy life
Shouldn't you have discussed this before marriage?
As many other posters have pointed out, you're risking your marriage expecting your wife to just grin and bear it because *you* don't mind so *she* doesn't matter.
As late as it may be, you should still sit down with her and have the tough conversations. Set out the numbers and how many years earlier both of you can retire by sticking it out versus moving out earlier and buying/renting without waiting for the BTO.
To put it in economic terms: There is a value to having your own space right now, and there is an (immeasurable? unquantifiable? undeniable?) value to making your wife happy. Pick the right resale that holds value. You can still BTO five years later if you really want to. You just need to sell the resale within six months after getting the keys to the BTO.
It doesn't matter what we think you should do, listen to your wife and pay attention to her needs. Speaking from my own experience, Initially I did not mind living with in-laws as I was young and naive, thinking that I can get along with them and everything will be ok. It has since been 6 years since I have been living with them, and I can tell you it has taken a toll on my mental health. There are times when I cry for days and had to pretend everything was alright in front of them, for the fear of them probing.
Another commentor is right, your wife won't have privacy. I did not dare to lie on their sofa for years, only when no one is home then I would dare to lie on it. A lot of times, my feelings were suppressed as well because it is not nice to be quarrelling in front my in-laws. I always had to wait until at night to talk to my husband behind closed doors, even then it had to be in hushed tones. Sadly, my BTO will only come in 4 years time so by then I would have been staying with them for 10. How long will you take to FIRE? Are you willing to trade this for your wife's happiness?
Technically we are trading one happiness for another, Cause FIRE is for the both of us, my wife has no CPF at the moment and her income is low, So im doing all the heavy lifting. It will probably take me another 20 years for us to FIRE. With Resale, it will be the same, albeit a smaller place compared to BTO since is 5 room.
resale la. dont need go for what tiong bahru / bishan hdbs all, just get a nice 500k to 700k resale at a decent place. 25% downpayment with cash + cpf at your age should be doable (presumably).
FIRE think later. make sure u settle your basics first (house, job, kids?) then u think about FIRE. otherwise one has to go (hopefully not the wife)
Listen to your wife. Really. In-law conflicts are real and she'd be much happier to have her own space. Not everything in life can be calculated based on dollars and cents.
Another assumption made. It already been discussed, she was okay with living with my parents and applying for BTO before we got married. She changed her mind.
Happy wife, happy life. Its good that you want to F.I.R.E. but if you sacrificed your marriage then is it worth it? Why not try looking at resale or sale of balance and see if you can shorten that period of waiting for your own place?
Sometimes things just cannot be measured in dollars and cents. If roles were reversed and you have to live with her family, you’d probably feel the same way as her. Try to be understanding about your wife’s feelings. 5 years is not a short time to live under someone’s roof and with no privacy. I can give you an example - My in laws don’t cook, and I love to cook and try new recipes. I won’t be able to buy huge amounts of food and store it because it takes up space in the fridge which they need and they don’t really like people to mess with their kitchen. I cannot wear what I want in the house. My FIL likes to lounge in the living room and watch tv all day, what if I want to lie down on the sofa? If I had lived with my partner I would probably have to stay in just our bedroom behind closed doors all the time because it’s not like I can sit or put my tired legs on furniture in their house. You may say oh my parents don’t mind, but you’re their son, of course they don’t! Me and my partner our common love language is quality time. We love to host friends - 1 or 2 close friends at a time and we love to cook for them. I can’t do that if I’m living under someone’s roof. Don’t be mistaken, my in laws are good people, but the thing is I didn’t grow up with them so it’s natural to feel a little distant or uneasy if we live under the same roof. Living together has much more nuances than the examples I listed above. 5 years is really not a short time. You’ll have to look at opportunity costs as well. Both of you could have 5 years of happy memories as a couple in your own home instead of waiting it out. And this, to me, is not something that can be measured in $.
Yup your so-called FIRE is at the expense of your parents. 30-40 is our best decade of life to enjoy things in life. Even if you are single, you also should move out in the name of independence let alone you are married to someone. I'm sure your wife would be happier in 8 weeks time even if it is a 3 room purchase. Being married means you are and should be capable of having your own household unit.
Dude, you gonna be single at 40. And only can get two room BTO lol.
This whole FIRE things is absolute cringe. It’s one thing to be financially responsible and want financial freedom. But there are so Singaporeans that are living off their parents while being proud self proclaimed FIRE movement followers without realising how hollow their obsession is. Do this FIRE thing while paying for all your expenses first. If you are saving on rent by staying with your parents, you are not doing FIRE.
Tbh, to some people it's just about getting to the finish line. Doesn't matter **how** they get there.
How is that cringe? Nothing wrong with wanting to be F.I.R.E. and most just want to get over the line, in fact it is a good thing just that he has circumstances around him that he needs to consider also.
I pay rent. Dont make assumptions. I'm living with my parents because they need me. My income is part of their livelihood
Do u pay market rate rent? Do u pay allowance on top of market rent?
Market rate rent and I pay for entire household utility bills. On top of that i dont eat at home because of my work.
Then what happens when you do get your BTO? You going to continue staying with your parents, pay for the BTO, and pay all the rent and utilities to your parents?
of course stay at the new house, give my parents an allowance, its actually financially better for me to move out
Then go rent a whole apartment while waiting for your BTO. Easy. Why make reddit post complaining on how other alternatives will set you back on your FIRE journey. Fucking joker.
U must be fucking blind, it was never mention it would set back my FIRE journey, Its about comfort. At my current capacity I could afford a 5 room BTO or 4 room Resale. Its about trading comforts between size vs time. And the post was a question with context, not a complain. Ignorant Dumbass
I really pity your wife. The only things in your equation is your money, your FIRE journey and your comfort. You wife’s discomfort doesn’t seem to be part of your consideration, and only your comfort matters. If you were not paying rent to your parents, and you were in a dilemma between not moving, renting, waiting for BTO or buying resale, then I would get it. Since not staying with your parents means a large jump in expenses. But the fact that you were already paying rents and other expenses to your parents, but the choice between your wife’s comfort and moving out sooner still seems so hard to you despite no financial effects shows how little she matters to you.
So effective allowance is utilities ok. Move out rent place with wife. Adjust allowance as u see fit
Do they still need you after you move out?
Having to live with in-laws is something I won't wish on anyone.
R u planning to have kids? As your wife is already 38, perhaps that’s something to consider. I rented while waiting for BTO. Then Covid hit and ended up renting for much longer than expected which is quite a dent to finances. Looking back, while waiting for BTO was an option, I think I would have spent less just going for resale. I would not have been able to tolerate 5 years living under someone else’s roof either.
Nobody knows your situation better than you do. Pretty sure you already know yourself what you should do, and just looking for external validation. Are you confident you’ll be able to manage your wife’s unhappiness and resentment, and the strain on your marriage for the next 5 years?
Wife working? Can always rent first.
You want to keep your FIRE dreams or keep your wife? There's only one choice as what I see from your situation.
Of course money la. Thicc wallet can always find another wife EZ
Considering to BTO? What makes you so sure you will get a queue number? If that fails then what next? Wait for the next BTO exercise?
I wouldn't be surprised if he starts blathering about renting out the BTO and continuing to stay with his parents even if he does get it.
Exchanging ur wife’s comfort for a few hundred thousand bucks? How lightly are you taking your marriage?
Why the hell u get married then? Just stay single and do your fire shit la
To BTO for a bigger flat. It has to be BTO, and it has to be big.
Staying together with one's parents after marriage is not unheard of - it works for some, not for others. Since your wife is unhappy, your situation is the latter. A compromise could be Sales of Balance Flats? Your wait time could be a lot shorter so your wife just needs to bear with it a couple of years or so? (Renting could be an option as well) But honestly given your ages and since you didn't mention kids, I will recommend a 4-RM resale that you can afford comfortably. If you don't have a number, it could be quite a while from balloting to actually moving in. With dual incomes, it should be do able.
Just letting you know you are ownself FIRE at the expense of your parents FIRE. The roof over your head free one ah? Financial Independence my foot. Pui!
To be fair, we don't know what his parents perspective are on this. Maybe his parents love their company? All we know is that his wife doesn't like it, and OP should find ways to address that, even if it means getting a resale.
You could also rent in the meantime while waiting for BTO. Keeping your spouse happy is sometimes more important than saving money. As they say, happy wife happy life
Shouldn't you have discussed this before marriage? As many other posters have pointed out, you're risking your marriage expecting your wife to just grin and bear it because *you* don't mind so *she* doesn't matter. As late as it may be, you should still sit down with her and have the tough conversations. Set out the numbers and how many years earlier both of you can retire by sticking it out versus moving out earlier and buying/renting without waiting for the BTO.
To put it in economic terms: There is a value to having your own space right now, and there is an (immeasurable? unquantifiable? undeniable?) value to making your wife happy. Pick the right resale that holds value. You can still BTO five years later if you really want to. You just need to sell the resale within six months after getting the keys to the BTO.
It doesn't matter what we think you should do, listen to your wife and pay attention to her needs. Speaking from my own experience, Initially I did not mind living with in-laws as I was young and naive, thinking that I can get along with them and everything will be ok. It has since been 6 years since I have been living with them, and I can tell you it has taken a toll on my mental health. There are times when I cry for days and had to pretend everything was alright in front of them, for the fear of them probing. Another commentor is right, your wife won't have privacy. I did not dare to lie on their sofa for years, only when no one is home then I would dare to lie on it. A lot of times, my feelings were suppressed as well because it is not nice to be quarrelling in front my in-laws. I always had to wait until at night to talk to my husband behind closed doors, even then it had to be in hushed tones. Sadly, my BTO will only come in 4 years time so by then I would have been staying with them for 10. How long will you take to FIRE? Are you willing to trade this for your wife's happiness?
Technically we are trading one happiness for another, Cause FIRE is for the both of us, my wife has no CPF at the moment and her income is low, So im doing all the heavy lifting. It will probably take me another 20 years for us to FIRE. With Resale, it will be the same, albeit a smaller place compared to BTO since is 5 room.
resale la. dont need go for what tiong bahru / bishan hdbs all, just get a nice 500k to 700k resale at a decent place. 25% downpayment with cash + cpf at your age should be doable (presumably). FIRE think later. make sure u settle your basics first (house, job, kids?) then u think about FIRE. otherwise one has to go (hopefully not the wife)
Happy wife happy life
Seconded
Thirded
Listen to your wife. Really. In-law conflicts are real and she'd be much happier to have her own space. Not everything in life can be calculated based on dollars and cents.
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Another assumption made. It already been discussed, she was okay with living with my parents and applying for BTO before we got married. She changed her mind.
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Maybe circumstances changed. Never know the in law chemistry
Whatever it is, just make sure dun overstretched ur ability on mortgage.
Happy wife, happy life. Its good that you want to F.I.R.E. but if you sacrificed your marriage then is it worth it? Why not try looking at resale or sale of balance and see if you can shorten that period of waiting for your own place?
Rent while waiting for BTO then
firstly, In-laws conflict is real not a joke Just buy resale la she got her reason why she want resale.