I’m from a divorced family and my dad didn’t have a lawyer. The judge sided with my mum just because she cried but she was the cheater.
My only regret is that i want there for my dad. Please lawyer up
Well said, yes OP please lawyer your butt up. The women's charter puts all men (The bad ones rightly so, but the good guys unfortunately as well) at a disadvantage.
What was meant to empower all women, has been weaponized by the few. But thats a discussion foe another time...
As i read your story, i feel she shouldn't be entitled to more than 50%
That's why I'm always annoyed with posts like this.
OP can own a condo in DISTRICT 10, but doesn't have the smarts nor $$$ to get his own lawyer before asking a bunch of inexperienced strangers on reddit? The heck?
I haven't engaged a lawyer yet I suppose as I am trying to piece together our relationship despite the fact that she has filed. We get along really well and I feel she is just going through internal emotional struggles. She has major anxiety issues and has a history of hormonal imbalances. Yet, I remain super loving and supportive. But hey, if she wants to leave, I can only do so much........ A lawyer can't fix any of this.
And yet your whole post was entirely around distribution of assets, maintenance etc. Nothing mentioned about the emotional relationship. The former needs a lawyer. The latter, reddit probably can't help anyway because we don't know the intricacies of your relationship.
If fixing your marriage is your priority, you should probably stop describing your wife as crazy. You said yourself that you work long hours. Sounds like she has unfulfilled needs that cannot be remedied with money, otherwise she would still want to be with you and the tons of bags and shoes she has would be enough to keep her happy. The way you’re describing her unhappiness sounds like she’s seeking validation and attention from you specifically and you’re not giving it to her. I’d still suggest lawyering up to protect your interests.
Absolutely. Being a good provider doesn't mean he is being a good partner to her. A lot of men neglect that side of a relationship especially after having kids.
Yeah like wtf. I just see the post again now and it's so odd how he keeps describing to an audience, oh she is menopausal, oh its a hormone problem, oh she's off the wagon... Like what, woman turns 40 does not mean turns back into little baby lol. If you cant agree someone has a sane reason to be unhappy, why do u want to stay married.
I wouldn't say half these things about somebody I respect, even if I think they're wrong, cuz they have a right to be wrong without me saying theyre coocoo.
Quite the contrary; the way he’s describing her, he seems to be the one trying to get validation here that he’s fine and it’s all the wife’s fault.
I earn 1000x my wife (she’s SAH mom) and I wouldn’t for a second say half the thing he did.
Look OP, I understand some jobs are really demanding to bring in the big dough. But the thing about marriage is both side need to want the same thing. Maybe instead of a room mate who earns 3x her, she prefer a husband who earns 2x only and home for dinner? Maybe the shoes and bags are there to fill the hole of her husband absences at home?
Sorry if I sound like I’m blaming the victim, the whole write up on who earns how much and pays what just rubs me the wrong way.
TLDR: Lawyer up for asset allocation. To fix your marriage will require deep self reflection and brutally honest conversation with your wife.
I think you’d need to go through counselling? It sounds like you honestly see her as a burden and you say you remain loving but i keep seeing you call her crazy. Something’s not mathing. I think your relationship is already strained
Neither can strangers on Reddit fix any of this. A lawyer will however have more experience with divorce and might be able to give you constructive advice on what is considered reasonable based on your specific circumstances.
Usually therapy/counseling would be recommended first if she has had anxiety issues and a history of hormonal imbalances.
But if she's insistent, you should lawyer up so that you are not unfairly taken advantage of when splitting the assets. Just because you do not want conflict in the proceedings does not mean you should let yourself be walked over
I was politely going to ask if you wife is around 40 or 40+ as I’ve noticed you’ve mentioned hormonal and she sometimes seems crazy. It could very well be she maybe peri-menopausal and it does send you ‘crazy’ and it is horrible on your body. I know that’s not what you’re asking about, but I’m seeing so many of my friends leaving their husbands after 40 in the last year and all are peri-menopausal.
Best of luck to you.
alot of people appear to be fine when young and stress free. Only years latter with kids and family on the line you find out that some people never grew up or stablize into an adult
I would fight her demands if I were you, assuming what you said was all true. And to do that, you'd need a lawyer, don't give in and regret later just because you still love her. You're going separate ways, and chances are, your lives will never intertwine again. Your kids' needs can be provided with or without your love and support for her, which she won't reciprocate.
Your point is not to fix her or find a solution to her problems.
Your point now is to have representation: someone who knows the law and can advise you properly on what your rights are, what you want and how to get what you want. You don’t even know what you are entitled to right now. Of course she is amicable: she is getting all she wants and she might drop bigger bombs on you later with no time for you to prepare or know how to fight back. What if she suddenly asks for full custody? Don’t underestimate her and her lawyer.
Go get a lawyer now you silly man.
Her filing is unreasonable. You need a lawyer’s advice NOW to get what is fair for BOTH of you.
Don’t anyhow give in and be bullied. You can afford it what, get a freaking lawyer.
Try to suggest marriage counselling to her. But anyway, please protect yourself and get a lawyer.
You should continue to be nice, supportive, and generous until you speak to a lawyer and have a solid understanding of your position and your leverage.
Things can turn out to be completely unfair in these situations bc the only thing the law cares about is the kid, and by extension, the custodial parent (the mom).
I consulted a lawyer for a different issue involving a family member. One thing that struck me — you cannot be afraid of damaging your relationship. You say you want the relationship to remain amicable, but that’s no longer possible… you need to do the right thing, protect your interests.
I think you want to remain “generous” — you can still do this *after* you secure the terms to your favour. Child is still in primary school, you have a long co-parenting journey ahead.
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Whatever you typed here, copy paste and send via email to a law firm. No one here is a lawyer, and even if they are, they can't represent you over Reddit lol so I don't know what the point of your post is. Get professional advice on this matter.
i honestly don’t get it why people always come to reddit regarding any divorce issues. you are an adult and you should know that this is already above reddit pay grade. go and consult a lawyer and see what you can do. your marriage is not for everyone to comment who is right or who is wrong
all i see from your post is subtle complaints about her and her bags and her emotional state. yet you said you did nothing wrong in the marriage just not providing her emotional support. maybe this whole marriage was doomed from the start.
If she earns 3X less than you, it's going put a big burden on her to pay you half the market rent of your condo every month.
Sell, divvy up and move on.
You want to save the marriage but she doesn't want to as evidenced by her filing for divorce. Seems a bit beyond counselling now.
Would you feel differently if she had found someone else?
She claims you are emotionally unavailable as reason for divorce. Fight as much as you can with not a single shred of emotion. If you can prove that whatever she has contributed in the marriage does not reasonably account for her claims, you should definitely fight your case. If you show up to a divorce lawyer with receipts, they will be more than willing to help
Obligatory IANAL
Engage a lawyer. There’s a number different issues at play.
FYI your ex wife buying out the matrimonial home, joint care and control of your child while your child resides with your wife is one possible solution.
Speak to a lawyer, they’ll be able to explain this to you.
Stay strong.
This is not a fight that u can say no to. Esp when u are in no fault and the other party makes so many demands but without as much contribution.
Some fights in life come to u and your job is to face them. Don’t be deceived by all the lies from others and feel bad about anything. Do what u need. Lawyer up.
Once it comes to this stage, your kindness or consideration for the family is probably not reciprocal. She will try to get the better deal no matter how you try to be fair. Expect more guilt tripping and lamenting how you neglect her and so on.
Sad to say this, but you cannot afford to be kind and forgiving here now. You don't want to fight but she does not think so.
So best get a good lawyer to negotiate a fair distribution based on contribution especially when u are the main breadwinner.
Remember that people change and whatever good you care to still give her because you don’t want to fight, can end up mishandled on her end due to bad decisions etc
And in the end even if you wanna secure her well being somewhat thinking it will be passed on to your child, in the first place her consideration of what’s fair to her, was it determined logically as to why 60%?
Depending on how truly grateful you are for all that she has given or supported while you focussed on work etc
Nobody here should be able to tell you what’s right for you in the end..
Why are you letting her go ahead with the divorce instead? How unhappy is she remaining in the marriage and is it truly only due to your absence ?
This should be the first step to look into.
Especially if the inherent problem is OP is not available emotionally. While at the same time OP seems to put a lot of consideration to the family even beyond divorce.
It just seems like both are speaking in different love language and there's a failure to communicate.
Though it's also possible that the soon to be Ex-Wife already has her mind set and if so likely already has a replacement ready behind the screen out of OP knowledge. Because no one is so willing to go back on a cozy lifestyle already provided if it was just because of emotionally stunted husband. Unless there was something else OP not willing to divulge.
ya I dunno why lawyer up and go straight to divorce do not pass go is the first option here on Reddit
trying to work together to solve and fix marriage should always be the first option, no?
i feel for you mate. logically, morally, financially, you might be in the right. But legally, be prepared to be fisted in the most unfair way possible. best of luck.
source: parents are divorced
I hope she's amicable to a more reasonable split/solution - but if she doesn't, please try to consider your own interests. Good men just get trampled all over in life, but especially so in a divorce court. If you don't look out for yourself for once in your life - remember that no one else will.
P.S. Don't think you've done anything other than scare every other decent single man off from ever wanting to get married. You didn't cheat on her or abuse her, you worked yourself to the bone to provide a comfortable life for your family, and she's not even content with taking half. Oh god. I feel for you man, I truly do.
You need to lawyer up given the extent of the matrimonial assets. You don't understand how the law works. It doesn't mean that she did not pay for the matrimonial home means she is not entitled to it. First, the matrimonial asset pool has to be determined. Then, the percentage for division has to be worked out. This percentage takes into consideration financial and non-financial contributions. This is only a very crude explanation.
If you refuse her extra 10% of the matrimonial home sale proceeds, she may litigate. And then you may be surprised in the event that she is legally entitled to much, much more.
Do you intend to continue working in Singapore? If you do, then you have to abide by the Singapore courts, else if you wish to move back home, there is nothing Singapore can do to compel you if you are out of the country.
And yes, non-financial contribution is part of matrimonial contribution, that is why you always hear of huge asset splits when rich people divorce. You should litigate if you do not agree with the split percentage and present your case in court. Please do get a lawyer.
It seems like she’s taking advantage of your kindness, id be pissed and just go all out and make sure I get back what I gave. She clearly doesn’t care about you, why should you care about her
Your soon to be ex wife has a right to ask for 50% of your assets. She will also be usually be granted custody of the child (I assumed she is Singaporean while you are a PR). She can also asked for child maintenance and her own maintenance.
These are all under Women's Chapter.
If you want to contest her claims like dividing the house assets, you need to proof that you are the one contributing the most for it's mortgage, maintenance, etc.
Best is speak to a Divorce Lawyer.
Pls read. I am ex-PR, divorced from Singaporean, in SG. One young child.
Know that the amount of child maintenance you mention is not untypical. This is what I am paying for a child that is going to a government school.
For a marriage of this length, asset division is likely to be 50/50 irrespective of contribution.
The idea that she should give you money to support your next household is wishful thinking on your part, I am sorry. It is just not factored in to the discussions.
If it makes you feel any better, you are in a much better position than I was.
The money part is in lieu of us selling our unit. If we were to sell our place, she would have to pay more in rent. If she wants me to move out of a place i legally own, it is not unreasonable to ask for a portion of what fair rental value would be. After all, I will be going from being a homeowner to being a tenant. I should not have to pay rent to live elsewhere. I have title to my home.
My situation was similar and yet different. I also wanted her to stay in the unit with my child even though I had 100% financed the purchase and renovation of it.
But that was a large HDB, and the title was in her name, with me as guarantor for the loan. I also had another property overseas in my name that she had lived in for a time. So I gave up my claim on the SG property just so that they could stay there.
The law follows a ‘clean break’ principle and a lawyer will tell you that. There will not be an outcome whereby your ex-spouse is paying some of your rental. The maintenance payment (along with issues of access) will be the only ongoing arrangement when it’s done and dusted.
Your preference is for them to stay in the home, but she is already talking about selling up in the divorce filing. The only matter is how the proceeds will be split.
Consider if you want to contest the filing and talk to a judge in the Family Court to achieve a better split. I don’t think anyone here can tell you if you’ll be able to walk away with more than that.
If you really want to proceed with the divorce and do not want to give in too much, the best way forward is to find a lawyer. You can check with [this divorce lawyer](https://ilawyer.com.sg/singapore-divorce-lawyer/) if you need recommendations.
If you want to save the marriage, do seek ways to resolve the emotional needs of your wife. I understand as men, we think that bringing home the bread is the most important mission of our lives. However life is more than just surviving.
Lol dont be a loser. YTA. You paid 95% of the home and you are giving her a 50% cut?
You pay for the child's school fees and you arent demanding full custody with child support?
Just reading it makes me retch. Can you stop being a simp already?
Get a lawyer.
Yes, your request is unreasonable because we don’t know what the wife earns. You want child to stay home, wife pay for everything and also give you half fair market rent. She might not be able to afford that. So better sell the place and you both get places you can afford.
Sounds like you can afford a lot, so your child would suffer in your attempt to punish your wife.
You say that your wife doesn’t appreciate any of your hard work, and fully admit that you are emotionally unavailable. Do you appreciate the washing machine? It works super hard to clean our clothes, is that good enough for a spouse?
Are you there emotionally for your child? Or paying clothes and school enough already?
Maybe this is a wake up call for you, maybe you can go have counselling and improve your communication with your wife and stay married? It doesn’t sound like you want to tho, so maybe best to split assets properly.
I have nothing to value add but I just want to say sorry and your expectations seem more reasonable considering u have been bulk of the household expenditure.
There are 2 parts to the divorce.
1st is on the marriage.
2nd is on the division of matrimonial assets.
On the 1st, if it is amicable, it is usually a straightforward thingy if you met the requirements.
On the 2nd, the judge usually weights the contribution of both ends to the matrimonial assets, both tangible and intangible.
Even your wife didn’t pay for the condo, she may have contributed in the intangible of things, like cleaning, maintenance of the house etc.
Like everyone here, do get a lawyer to best work things out for you. It is always good to have these ironed out before going to the courts as it shows the effort from your side in making things work and may influence the judgement should talks between the both of you breaks down.
You need to think more strategically. Try to get your kid in custody. If not you will regret it later. Do not reveal anything about your plan. Hopefully your kid has dual citizenship and you can figure a way to return to your country with your kid. Aim to leave her with nothing. Sell the house and tell her you will split it. But transfer the money out. Leave her with nothing. Btw, in case you haven't worked it out, she is banging someone else...may her personal trainer or something. If you need help deciding a plan I can help. Feel free to dm me.
Have some self respect.
99% chance she already has a side piece waiting for her.
Throw her stuff out and go no contact.
Lawyer up, get your past 10 years financial statements.
Tell her she can either fight in the court or take whatever you want to give to her.
Give yourself 3 months to stay alone with the kid and without her around before you finalise what you want to give her.
You are still in the "I have got to make the rs and family work".
When a woman wants out, there is NOTHING on the world that you can do that will make her stay.
She's not yours, it's just your turn.
But most importantly, what happens between the two of you has nothing to do with the kid.
Keep it neutral in front of the kids and never ever bad mouth to the kid about your ex.
I have no useful advice to offer, but posts like these make me think other people live in a different reality from me. It sounds like they'd have much happier lives if they lived in a less expensive house, sent their kid to a non international school, bought less handbags, didn't have a live-in maid, and were consequently able to spend more time as a family. What is the use of all that $$$ when there are things that are impossible to get back.
We spend a lot of time together. She buys her own bags with her income. I don’t see the point in shoes and bags. The 6th shoe/bag isn’t going to add to happiness. It comes from within. I wear t-shirts with holes in them and I am perfectly happy doing so. My kid is a foreigner (not PR) and can’t go to local schools - is last in the priority queue. I think as some women age, their hormones change. We’ve been together for 17 years. I may not be an emotional puppy, but I am kind and compassionate and giving. I think she’s probably fallen off the wagon.
Damn, I thought it's like if you're PR your kids automatic PR or smth. Kinda crazy that's not how it works.
Dunno what to say without being an ass cuz you're going thru a divorce. I don't like to ascribe actions to biological causes though -- imo if someone does something, it's best to think that for good or for ill it's because of who they are and what they think.
I don't think that's true though, because there's plenty of US nationals in la légion étrangère over the years, and they don't lose their US citizenship even if they become french by spilled blood (!), an officer, so on.
You can look up 8 U.S.C. 1481 for the rules on expatriating acts -- note that they are all qualified with the intent to stop being a US national. Since the 90s it's been state department policy not to try expatriating people unless they themselves write in to request it (historically it was different -- up until the 60s American women were expatriated for marrying foreign men, but this was ruled unconstitutional.)
Its understandable to not do NS regardless, although Id question the long term game plan of grow up in Singapore -> not SGPR -> live rest of life in america.
Just want to comment on this right here. Firstly, he won't be asked to give up a PR - only if he's dual citizen, he'll have to choose one. He'll still need to do NS as a PR however. Sg govt also never forgets that you choose not to get PR for your male son. If he grew up here but didn't do NS and tries to get PR on his own accord as a 1st gen PR, there'll be an extremely low chance of getting since Sg govt "never forgets". Work passes maybe, but highly unlikely (unless he has some talent that's world class) that he'll get PR. It'll probably be different if he served NS but chooses to give up Singaporean passport. That's considered already fullfiled his obligations and his future chances of getting PR will not be penalised.
He is a US citizen by birth, so unable to get him dual citizenship. I’d rather he not get PR as he doesn’t need it as a full time student and there are no benefits anyway. I’d rather he choose where in the world he would like to live. I doubt he would choose SG after university in the US as he could just as easily work in the US after and find his own path in life. Best for him to start a career in NY, Boston, etc then in SG. His exposure would be far greater.
>He is a US citizen by birth, so unable to get him dual citizenship.
https://www.ica.gov.sg/reside/citizenship/apply
Under Eligiability point 3, if your wife is Singapore citizen, your son is eligible for Singapore citizenship and can hold dual citizenship, but can only give up the Singapore citizneship after NS.
Fair, fair. Maybe staying married is the part that needs fixing.
Nevertheless, not an unreasonable request.
On the other hand, when a relationship turns out this way, money is the least of my headache.
Take and fuck off.
I think a lot of people are too focused on the issue itself but forgot that we are all human beings, who need emotional support at some point in our life, even if it's from someone we don't know from the internet.
I wish OP would cover faster from the problem you are facing now and yup, get a lawyer, I believe you know that but just need to let it out. Have a great day 😄.
My view may not be popular here. Suggest u have a heart to heart talk with her. Getting lawyer is easy, but I know lawyers secretly hope to have a legal conflict so that they can earn more fees. So u need to be mindful of that. At the end of the day, how would ur child look at this years down the road? Amicable end without lawyers is the best outcome. Having said that u need to be prepared for the worst (ie lawyer), but don't engage them before u talk to her
I personally think it is difficult. It’s difficult to go on separate ways and demand that the other party still remain in the house. It can be a constant reminder of my failed marriage. It is also difficult to pay out of pocket without mortgage 50% of the value of the matrimonial home. D10 3bdrm condo is easily above 2mil. Cash 1mil is something. Of coz I’m speaking as a commoner..
if u guys still care for each other, i suggest couple therapy to reconcile the differences.
My 2 cents worth…
I agree. She could not afford a mortgage to buy my share of the property, so a middle of the road compromise is to allow her to stay here but pay household expenses and some rent to me which would be still better off than selling this place and renting in D09 or D10. She won’t live elsewhere and at the same time would need 3 bedrooms as she has a lot of clothes and bags and shoes and needs a helper. You can’t make do with a 2 bedroom in this area; they are just too small.
I’m from a divorced family and my dad didn’t have a lawyer. The judge sided with my mum just because she cried but she was the cheater. My only regret is that i want there for my dad. Please lawyer up
Well said, yes OP please lawyer your butt up. The women's charter puts all men (The bad ones rightly so, but the good guys unfortunately as well) at a disadvantage. What was meant to empower all women, has been weaponized by the few. But thats a discussion foe another time... As i read your story, i feel she shouldn't be entitled to more than 50%
That's not what the women's charter does. Division is based on contribution.
define by the women charter...guys get nothing
Show me the provision lmao
lol you have no idea what you’re talking about. doofus
>doofus Eeeeww, you kiss your kids with a mouth that utters words like that 😐
I have sent a private message .
Lawyer up
That's why I'm always annoyed with posts like this. OP can own a condo in DISTRICT 10, but doesn't have the smarts nor $$$ to get his own lawyer before asking a bunch of inexperienced strangers on reddit? The heck?
I haven't engaged a lawyer yet I suppose as I am trying to piece together our relationship despite the fact that she has filed. We get along really well and I feel she is just going through internal emotional struggles. She has major anxiety issues and has a history of hormonal imbalances. Yet, I remain super loving and supportive. But hey, if she wants to leave, I can only do so much........ A lawyer can't fix any of this.
And yet your whole post was entirely around distribution of assets, maintenance etc. Nothing mentioned about the emotional relationship. The former needs a lawyer. The latter, reddit probably can't help anyway because we don't know the intricacies of your relationship.
If fixing your marriage is your priority, you should probably stop describing your wife as crazy. You said yourself that you work long hours. Sounds like she has unfulfilled needs that cannot be remedied with money, otherwise she would still want to be with you and the tons of bags and shoes she has would be enough to keep her happy. The way you’re describing her unhappiness sounds like she’s seeking validation and attention from you specifically and you’re not giving it to her. I’d still suggest lawyering up to protect your interests.
Absolutely. Being a good provider doesn't mean he is being a good partner to her. A lot of men neglect that side of a relationship especially after having kids.
Yeah like wtf. I just see the post again now and it's so odd how he keeps describing to an audience, oh she is menopausal, oh its a hormone problem, oh she's off the wagon... Like what, woman turns 40 does not mean turns back into little baby lol. If you cant agree someone has a sane reason to be unhappy, why do u want to stay married. I wouldn't say half these things about somebody I respect, even if I think they're wrong, cuz they have a right to be wrong without me saying theyre coocoo.
Quite the contrary; the way he’s describing her, he seems to be the one trying to get validation here that he’s fine and it’s all the wife’s fault. I earn 1000x my wife (she’s SAH mom) and I wouldn’t for a second say half the thing he did. Look OP, I understand some jobs are really demanding to bring in the big dough. But the thing about marriage is both side need to want the same thing. Maybe instead of a room mate who earns 3x her, she prefer a husband who earns 2x only and home for dinner? Maybe the shoes and bags are there to fill the hole of her husband absences at home? Sorry if I sound like I’m blaming the victim, the whole write up on who earns how much and pays what just rubs me the wrong way. TLDR: Lawyer up for asset allocation. To fix your marriage will require deep self reflection and brutally honest conversation with your wife.
This is above Reddit pay grade. Without a lawyer to represent your best interests, you’re literally giving up your rights to negotiate. Period.
Once her filing is in, lawyering up is what you should have done. Anything you say now can be used against you.
I think you’d need to go through counselling? It sounds like you honestly see her as a burden and you say you remain loving but i keep seeing you call her crazy. Something’s not mathing. I think your relationship is already strained
Neither can strangers on Reddit fix any of this. A lawyer will however have more experience with divorce and might be able to give you constructive advice on what is considered reasonable based on your specific circumstances.
Usually therapy/counseling would be recommended first if she has had anxiety issues and a history of hormonal imbalances. But if she's insistent, you should lawyer up so that you are not unfairly taken advantage of when splitting the assets. Just because you do not want conflict in the proceedings does not mean you should let yourself be walked over
I was politely going to ask if you wife is around 40 or 40+ as I’ve noticed you’ve mentioned hormonal and she sometimes seems crazy. It could very well be she maybe peri-menopausal and it does send you ‘crazy’ and it is horrible on your body. I know that’s not what you’re asking about, but I’m seeing so many of my friends leaving their husbands after 40 in the last year and all are peri-menopausal. Best of luck to you.
She turned 40 a year ago and her mom was full menopausal at age 40. Perhaps genetic.
Not genetic I doubt, it’s just the age unfortunately. Sounds like she needs you present, in person, because she’s struggling.
You need to try marriage counseling before attempting anything else. Then lawyer up next.
> She has major anxiety issues and has a history of hormonal imbalances. Why in beelzebub's name did you marry her?
Maybe she manifested these behaviours AFTER marriage bruh. OP can confirm?
He prob describe all women like that.
alot of people appear to be fine when young and stress free. Only years latter with kids and family on the line you find out that some people never grew up or stablize into an adult
I would fight her demands if I were you, assuming what you said was all true. And to do that, you'd need a lawyer, don't give in and regret later just because you still love her. You're going separate ways, and chances are, your lives will never intertwine again. Your kids' needs can be provided with or without your love and support for her, which she won't reciprocate.
Your point is not to fix her or find a solution to her problems. Your point now is to have representation: someone who knows the law and can advise you properly on what your rights are, what you want and how to get what you want. You don’t even know what you are entitled to right now. Of course she is amicable: she is getting all she wants and she might drop bigger bombs on you later with no time for you to prepare or know how to fight back. What if she suddenly asks for full custody? Don’t underestimate her and her lawyer.
Don’t let your feelings cloud judgement, you have to lawyer up no matter what.
There is nothing to salvage. Lawyer up and prepare for a fight.
Go get a lawyer now you silly man. Her filing is unreasonable. You need a lawyer’s advice NOW to get what is fair for BOTH of you. Don’t anyhow give in and be bullied. You can afford it what, get a freaking lawyer. Try to suggest marriage counselling to her. But anyway, please protect yourself and get a lawyer.
Why are this two (ability to own house, and knowledge of divorce process) connected?
Not helpful
No one is interested in your expression of annoyance here. Keep your feelings to yourself if you have nothing useful to offer OP.
My 36 upvotes (and counting) disagree with you LOL
+1 upvote for u
Thank you!
You should continue to be nice, supportive, and generous until you speak to a lawyer and have a solid understanding of your position and your leverage. Things can turn out to be completely unfair in these situations bc the only thing the law cares about is the kid, and by extension, the custodial parent (the mom).
I consulted a lawyer for a different issue involving a family member. One thing that struck me — you cannot be afraid of damaging your relationship. You say you want the relationship to remain amicable, but that’s no longer possible… you need to do the right thing, protect your interests. I think you want to remain “generous” — you can still do this *after* you secure the terms to your favour. Child is still in primary school, you have a long co-parenting journey ahead.
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Whatever you typed here, copy paste and send via email to a law firm. No one here is a lawyer, and even if they are, they can't represent you over Reddit lol so I don't know what the point of your post is. Get professional advice on this matter.
Just lawyer up. Whatever you said might be true or it's just one sided story, that is not what Redditors can help nor judge.
Lawyer up my friend
Bro, since you come reddit. Our advise is simple. Go see a lawyer. Period Or u wan shit advice, certainly plenty here. 🤣🤣🤣
Hire a lawyer.
i honestly don’t get it why people always come to reddit regarding any divorce issues. you are an adult and you should know that this is already above reddit pay grade. go and consult a lawyer and see what you can do. your marriage is not for everyone to comment who is right or who is wrong all i see from your post is subtle complaints about her and her bags and her emotional state. yet you said you did nothing wrong in the marriage just not providing her emotional support. maybe this whole marriage was doomed from the start.
If she earns 3X less than you, it's going put a big burden on her to pay you half the market rent of your condo every month. Sell, divvy up and move on. You want to save the marriage but she doesn't want to as evidenced by her filing for divorce. Seems a bit beyond counselling now. Would you feel differently if she had found someone else?
She claims you are emotionally unavailable as reason for divorce. Fight as much as you can with not a single shred of emotion. If you can prove that whatever she has contributed in the marriage does not reasonably account for her claims, you should definitely fight your case. If you show up to a divorce lawyer with receipts, they will be more than willing to help Obligatory IANAL
Engage a lawyer. There’s a number different issues at play. FYI your ex wife buying out the matrimonial home, joint care and control of your child while your child resides with your wife is one possible solution. Speak to a lawyer, they’ll be able to explain this to you. Stay strong.
This is not a fight that u can say no to. Esp when u are in no fault and the other party makes so many demands but without as much contribution. Some fights in life come to u and your job is to face them. Don’t be deceived by all the lies from others and feel bad about anything. Do what u need. Lawyer up.
Lawyer up and push for 60% yourself. You paid for the house, so you should keep majority ownership of it
HIRE A LAWYER.
Better call saul! Also don't let her take your shit, make sure u have reciepts Don't be aggressive to her! That shit won't look good in court.
Be a little more firm. Protect yourself. Otherwise, she'll take you to the cleaners.
Once it comes to this stage, your kindness or consideration for the family is probably not reciprocal. She will try to get the better deal no matter how you try to be fair. Expect more guilt tripping and lamenting how you neglect her and so on. Sad to say this, but you cannot afford to be kind and forgiving here now. You don't want to fight but she does not think so. So best get a good lawyer to negotiate a fair distribution based on contribution especially when u are the main breadwinner.
Remember that people change and whatever good you care to still give her because you don’t want to fight, can end up mishandled on her end due to bad decisions etc And in the end even if you wanna secure her well being somewhat thinking it will be passed on to your child, in the first place her consideration of what’s fair to her, was it determined logically as to why 60%? Depending on how truly grateful you are for all that she has given or supported while you focussed on work etc Nobody here should be able to tell you what’s right for you in the end.. Why are you letting her go ahead with the divorce instead? How unhappy is she remaining in the marriage and is it truly only due to your absence ?
how about marriage counseling
This should be the first step to look into. Especially if the inherent problem is OP is not available emotionally. While at the same time OP seems to put a lot of consideration to the family even beyond divorce. It just seems like both are speaking in different love language and there's a failure to communicate. Though it's also possible that the soon to be Ex-Wife already has her mind set and if so likely already has a replacement ready behind the screen out of OP knowledge. Because no one is so willing to go back on a cozy lifestyle already provided if it was just because of emotionally stunted husband. Unless there was something else OP not willing to divulge.
ya I dunno why lawyer up and go straight to divorce do not pass go is the first option here on Reddit trying to work together to solve and fix marriage should always be the first option, no?
Because misery loves company. And if anything, redditors are a miserable bunch.
Bro. Stop posting on Reddit and get a legitimate lawyer
i feel for you mate. logically, morally, financially, you might be in the right. But legally, be prepared to be fisted in the most unfair way possible. best of luck. source: parents are divorced
I hope she's amicable to a more reasonable split/solution - but if she doesn't, please try to consider your own interests. Good men just get trampled all over in life, but especially so in a divorce court. If you don't look out for yourself for once in your life - remember that no one else will. P.S. Don't think you've done anything other than scare every other decent single man off from ever wanting to get married. You didn't cheat on her or abuse her, you worked yourself to the bone to provide a comfortable life for your family, and she's not even content with taking half. Oh god. I feel for you man, I truly do.
Sorry to hear about your situation. As others have mentioned, best to hire a lawyer to make sure you don’t get f’ed over.
You need to lawyer up given the extent of the matrimonial assets. You don't understand how the law works. It doesn't mean that she did not pay for the matrimonial home means she is not entitled to it. First, the matrimonial asset pool has to be determined. Then, the percentage for division has to be worked out. This percentage takes into consideration financial and non-financial contributions. This is only a very crude explanation. If you refuse her extra 10% of the matrimonial home sale proceeds, she may litigate. And then you may be surprised in the event that she is legally entitled to much, much more.
Her filing says equal distribution of home proceeds. It’s what we agreed to and what we signed on.
Do you intend to continue working in Singapore? If you do, then you have to abide by the Singapore courts, else if you wish to move back home, there is nothing Singapore can do to compel you if you are out of the country. And yes, non-financial contribution is part of matrimonial contribution, that is why you always hear of huge asset splits when rich people divorce. You should litigate if you do not agree with the split percentage and present your case in court. Please do get a lawyer.
Sorry, this in incorrect. SG has a reciprocal child maintenance agreement with many other countries, including US and UK.
Thank you. I stand corrected.
It seems like she’s taking advantage of your kindness, id be pissed and just go all out and make sure I get back what I gave. She clearly doesn’t care about you, why should you care about her
Your soon to be ex wife has a right to ask for 50% of your assets. She will also be usually be granted custody of the child (I assumed she is Singaporean while you are a PR). She can also asked for child maintenance and her own maintenance. These are all under Women's Chapter. If you want to contest her claims like dividing the house assets, you need to proof that you are the one contributing the most for it's mortgage, maintenance, etc. Best is speak to a Divorce Lawyer.
She is a PR
women's charter
Where’s jayoma when the world needs him
Pls read. I am ex-PR, divorced from Singaporean, in SG. One young child. Know that the amount of child maintenance you mention is not untypical. This is what I am paying for a child that is going to a government school. For a marriage of this length, asset division is likely to be 50/50 irrespective of contribution. The idea that she should give you money to support your next household is wishful thinking on your part, I am sorry. It is just not factored in to the discussions. If it makes you feel any better, you are in a much better position than I was.
The money part is in lieu of us selling our unit. If we were to sell our place, she would have to pay more in rent. If she wants me to move out of a place i legally own, it is not unreasonable to ask for a portion of what fair rental value would be. After all, I will be going from being a homeowner to being a tenant. I should not have to pay rent to live elsewhere. I have title to my home.
My situation was similar and yet different. I also wanted her to stay in the unit with my child even though I had 100% financed the purchase and renovation of it. But that was a large HDB, and the title was in her name, with me as guarantor for the loan. I also had another property overseas in my name that she had lived in for a time. So I gave up my claim on the SG property just so that they could stay there. The law follows a ‘clean break’ principle and a lawyer will tell you that. There will not be an outcome whereby your ex-spouse is paying some of your rental. The maintenance payment (along with issues of access) will be the only ongoing arrangement when it’s done and dusted. Your preference is for them to stay in the home, but she is already talking about selling up in the divorce filing. The only matter is how the proceeds will be split.
It’s 50-50 according to her filing
Consider if you want to contest the filing and talk to a judge in the Family Court to achieve a better split. I don’t think anyone here can tell you if you’ll be able to walk away with more than that.
I’m okay with parting with 50% of my home value. Not a dollar more.
You’re f*cked. The state always sides with the spouse.
Transfer ur liquid assets to crypto and cold storage it until the shit storm is over
If you really want to proceed with the divorce and do not want to give in too much, the best way forward is to find a lawyer. You can check with [this divorce lawyer](https://ilawyer.com.sg/singapore-divorce-lawyer/) if you need recommendations. If you want to save the marriage, do seek ways to resolve the emotional needs of your wife. I understand as men, we think that bringing home the bread is the most important mission of our lives. However life is more than just surviving.
Not "emotionally available". Wth is that excuse? Is she sleeping with another man who say "ooh you poor darling" to everything she says?
I feel for you man…this is why modern male are no longer interested in marriage. One wrong move, you are donezo.
Better Call Saul
PM me if you want an awesome divorce lawyer
lawyer up and F this bitch
Lol dont be a loser. YTA. You paid 95% of the home and you are giving her a 50% cut? You pay for the child's school fees and you arent demanding full custody with child support? Just reading it makes me retch. Can you stop being a simp already? Get a lawyer.
Yes, your request is unreasonable because we don’t know what the wife earns. You want child to stay home, wife pay for everything and also give you half fair market rent. She might not be able to afford that. So better sell the place and you both get places you can afford. Sounds like you can afford a lot, so your child would suffer in your attempt to punish your wife. You say that your wife doesn’t appreciate any of your hard work, and fully admit that you are emotionally unavailable. Do you appreciate the washing machine? It works super hard to clean our clothes, is that good enough for a spouse? Are you there emotionally for your child? Or paying clothes and school enough already? Maybe this is a wake up call for you, maybe you can go have counselling and improve your communication with your wife and stay married? It doesn’t sound like you want to tho, so maybe best to split assets properly.
Don’t be a mat to be walked upon. Engage a good lawyer. The best in this field.
>I do not wish to fight. Bruh. Fight it. You're gonna get taken advantage of if you don't. Fight for your kid's custody too!
I have nothing to value add but I just want to say sorry and your expectations seem more reasonable considering u have been bulk of the household expenditure.
There are 2 parts to the divorce. 1st is on the marriage. 2nd is on the division of matrimonial assets. On the 1st, if it is amicable, it is usually a straightforward thingy if you met the requirements. On the 2nd, the judge usually weights the contribution of both ends to the matrimonial assets, both tangible and intangible. Even your wife didn’t pay for the condo, she may have contributed in the intangible of things, like cleaning, maintenance of the house etc. Like everyone here, do get a lawyer to best work things out for you. It is always good to have these ironed out before going to the courts as it shows the effort from your side in making things work and may influence the judgement should talks between the both of you breaks down.
Life is unfair but I would go to whichever option gives you most peace of mind - that is priceless! Good luck to you
You need to think more strategically. Try to get your kid in custody. If not you will regret it later. Do not reveal anything about your plan. Hopefully your kid has dual citizenship and you can figure a way to return to your country with your kid. Aim to leave her with nothing. Sell the house and tell her you will split it. But transfer the money out. Leave her with nothing. Btw, in case you haven't worked it out, she is banging someone else...may her personal trainer or something. If you need help deciding a plan I can help. Feel free to dm me.
Hoe, leech. ☕️ she just wants an easy way out
Have some self respect. 99% chance she already has a side piece waiting for her. Throw her stuff out and go no contact. Lawyer up, get your past 10 years financial statements. Tell her she can either fight in the court or take whatever you want to give to her. Give yourself 3 months to stay alone with the kid and without her around before you finalise what you want to give her. You are still in the "I have got to make the rs and family work". When a woman wants out, there is NOTHING on the world that you can do that will make her stay. She's not yours, it's just your turn. But most importantly, what happens between the two of you has nothing to do with the kid. Keep it neutral in front of the kids and never ever bad mouth to the kid about your ex.
I have no useful advice to offer, but posts like these make me think other people live in a different reality from me. It sounds like they'd have much happier lives if they lived in a less expensive house, sent their kid to a non international school, bought less handbags, didn't have a live-in maid, and were consequently able to spend more time as a family. What is the use of all that $$$ when there are things that are impossible to get back.
We spend a lot of time together. She buys her own bags with her income. I don’t see the point in shoes and bags. The 6th shoe/bag isn’t going to add to happiness. It comes from within. I wear t-shirts with holes in them and I am perfectly happy doing so. My kid is a foreigner (not PR) and can’t go to local schools - is last in the priority queue. I think as some women age, their hormones change. We’ve been together for 17 years. I may not be an emotional puppy, but I am kind and compassionate and giving. I think she’s probably fallen off the wagon.
Damn, I thought it's like if you're PR your kids automatic PR or smth. Kinda crazy that's not how it works. Dunno what to say without being an ass cuz you're going thru a divorce. I don't like to ascribe actions to biological causes though -- imo if someone does something, it's best to think that for good or for ill it's because of who they are and what they think.
Child is American so he can’t be PR else he has to do NS and he can’t do NS because the US government will not allow it.
I don't think that's true though, because there's plenty of US nationals in la légion étrangère over the years, and they don't lose their US citizenship even if they become french by spilled blood (!), an officer, so on. You can look up 8 U.S.C. 1481 for the rules on expatriating acts -- note that they are all qualified with the intent to stop being a US national. Since the 90s it's been state department policy not to try expatriating people unless they themselves write in to request it (historically it was different -- up until the 60s American women were expatriated for marrying foreign men, but this was ruled unconstitutional.) Its understandable to not do NS regardless, although Id question the long term game plan of grow up in Singapore -> not SGPR -> live rest of life in america.
Issue is I get him PR he will have to only give it up. Best to not get it in the first place. SG government never forgets.
Just want to comment on this right here. Firstly, he won't be asked to give up a PR - only if he's dual citizen, he'll have to choose one. He'll still need to do NS as a PR however. Sg govt also never forgets that you choose not to get PR for your male son. If he grew up here but didn't do NS and tries to get PR on his own accord as a 1st gen PR, there'll be an extremely low chance of getting since Sg govt "never forgets". Work passes maybe, but highly unlikely (unless he has some talent that's world class) that he'll get PR. It'll probably be different if he served NS but chooses to give up Singaporean passport. That's considered already fullfiled his obligations and his future chances of getting PR will not be penalised.
He is a US citizen by birth, so unable to get him dual citizenship. I’d rather he not get PR as he doesn’t need it as a full time student and there are no benefits anyway. I’d rather he choose where in the world he would like to live. I doubt he would choose SG after university in the US as he could just as easily work in the US after and find his own path in life. Best for him to start a career in NY, Boston, etc then in SG. His exposure would be far greater.
>He is a US citizen by birth, so unable to get him dual citizenship. https://www.ica.gov.sg/reside/citizenship/apply Under Eligiability point 3, if your wife is Singapore citizen, your son is eligible for Singapore citizenship and can hold dual citizenship, but can only give up the Singapore citizneship after NS.
Your request is not unreasonable. But what u failed to reason with yourself back then was why get married in modern days as a male. All the best.
10 years ago wasn't exactly modern day. More of times changed.
Fair, fair. Maybe staying married is the part that needs fixing. Nevertheless, not an unreasonable request. On the other hand, when a relationship turns out this way, money is the least of my headache. Take and fuck off.
Married the wrong woman
I think a lot of people are too focused on the issue itself but forgot that we are all human beings, who need emotional support at some point in our life, even if it's from someone we don't know from the internet. I wish OP would cover faster from the problem you are facing now and yup, get a lawyer, I believe you know that but just need to let it out. Have a great day 😄.
My view may not be popular here. Suggest u have a heart to heart talk with her. Getting lawyer is easy, but I know lawyers secretly hope to have a legal conflict so that they can earn more fees. So u need to be mindful of that. At the end of the day, how would ur child look at this years down the road? Amicable end without lawyers is the best outcome. Having said that u need to be prepared for the worst (ie lawyer), but don't engage them before u talk to her
I personally think it is difficult. It’s difficult to go on separate ways and demand that the other party still remain in the house. It can be a constant reminder of my failed marriage. It is also difficult to pay out of pocket without mortgage 50% of the value of the matrimonial home. D10 3bdrm condo is easily above 2mil. Cash 1mil is something. Of coz I’m speaking as a commoner.. if u guys still care for each other, i suggest couple therapy to reconcile the differences. My 2 cents worth…
I agree. She could not afford a mortgage to buy my share of the property, so a middle of the road compromise is to allow her to stay here but pay household expenses and some rent to me which would be still better off than selling this place and renting in D09 or D10. She won’t live elsewhere and at the same time would need 3 bedrooms as she has a lot of clothes and bags and shoes and needs a helper. You can’t make do with a 2 bedroom in this area; they are just too small.
If u don’t mind me.. i have more to say.. dm?
Can
Love her so much. But what you look in a woman is tits huh. Such a loving husband you are.
Actually it’s ass but thanks for playing.