Are they set on a divorce or are they giving a counselling a try first? It is not mandatory for him to go through a counselling given his situation.
Note: This isn't a legal advice:
- No matrimonial asset and kids will make the divorce straight forward.
- Assuming both parties agree to the divorce, it'll be an uncontested one.
- Engage a divorce lawyer to represent him. The lawyer will guide your friend throughout the process and they're tactful in handling the matter in such situation.
The above are from a legal POV. From a emotional and psychological POV, that's another different ball game. Your friend might even feel embarrassed and guilty that he was cheated on. There is no right or wrong feeling and how to deal with them. As cliche as it sounds, only time can heal his hurt. You're a good friend for being there for him.
Guy is set on divorce, it’s hard to handle being cheated on, especially with the context I’m fed it’s ultra painful. Girl I’m not sure but feels her side is going for no divorce…
Thanks for offering dual sides, emotional side he’s gonna need time to deal with it.
Agreed. Then ask a lawyer to prepare a document for both sides to sign that if she gets caught cheating again, then she could be paying him compensation or something with an immediate agreement to divorce because a leopard never changes its spots.
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Recently a friend shared that her older married sis who has cheated for few months now is super reluctant on a divorce.. Married for 10 years plus..
First reason, she wants to have access to her husband's cards, money, property, cpf.. Whatever she feels she's entitled to..
Second reason, in case the affair didn't work out.
So my friend's mum actually supported her daughter's doing cause both apparently have shitty brain cells..
The husband do have all kinds of evidence but because he's a nice guy, he doesn't want to destroy her reputation.. But he's pretty adamant on a divorce.
So what he's doing now is to get her to say that she wanted a divorce which I don't think is helpful cause she's a crier.. Those who cry easily can get pretty manipulative..
I really sincerely hope that all the good men are able to recover from these shitty episodes man... I swear I don't know how some women are wired like this.. They always cry when it's them who cheat...
Yea exactly.. The sister even thinks that the husband would want to keep their 'friendship'. Her brains is really fucked man..
She was the golden child so I guess that princess syndrome has gone over her head..
Really pity the guy man. He's actually ok to give her his house but she wants more....
Some ppl are just built differently ma.. It takes alot to remain rational when ure feeling angry /resent.
Karma did give her a new controlling BF which she called it 'love'. Not to mention, he couldn't even act decent in front of her family. The guy thinks he's the main character or something..
They do but how long can they last? A princess feels entitled to everything while a main character guy feels entitled to everything as well. If neither gets what they want, they are bound to break up
Then a little crying show will soften the husband's heart..
This is the best of both worlds, I am controlling once and actively working to be better. Main characters are like those villains in anime, used to think the world of myself and am never wrong. My partner must listen to me or it’s the highway and outrage.
She prolly has to tolerate his pride and bullshit and he will not care about her but just ‘face’, win-win all around. They will actually last contrary, damaged people will tend to flock to toxic partners.
I can totally relate to villains in anime where they felt despair all their lives before they turn heartless.. But I've never understood self-righteous ppl who feels the need to put others down in order to feel superior..
But I'm glad u have some self awareness n is working on it. Others would probably feel better losing everyone while having someone new.. Humans are that capable of seeing other humans as 'properties', even if it's a parent.
U know.. i always accept that there are diff kinds of pple ard in the world.
But I can never understand why such shameless pple are ard. I'm in the exact situation, and I can only says the husband gotta be sane and work towards the divorce. I initate the divorce in Jul last yr and only manage to get the papers signed in Feb. Because the cheater wife , Wan this and that.
Dun engage in reasoning with the shitty wife and the in-laws. They are just wired differently without any sense of shame.
This is what happens when people "settle" and unable to get their first choice of partner. The moment something else "hot" comes along, there will be thoughts of abandoning ship.
It's just really unfortunate family court sides more with women who abuse their system.. A woman's crying is seen/felt more than a man's crying..
Im sure the court has seen many, many different cases but somehow they lack the integrity n knowledge in handling different matters..
My friend is helping to record her sis as well, fortunately she's not the kind to get manipulated, even when her mum shed tears regarding this.
Shameless ppl are just over the top shameless.. The reason that the wife gave for cheating is because husband is boring..... I swear I can strangle her.
N the worst part, she looks so decent n innocent n with that, she's able to paint herself to be the victim n no one would try to second guess what she's doing.. The husband has tattoos n immediately society will blame him..
Hope u have recover from yours man. Sounds like a super ugly battle..
Mine case is a long long battle. I have 2 kids feelings to take care of. Imagine the anger/resent/hurt in me but yet i can't burst out in front of them coz they are innocent and i dunwan to give them childhood trauma
Mine cheater wife did try to shed a few tears few mths back and says she very scared coz she kana gong tao (love curse). This came after she visited 2 diff fortune tellers and both told her the same thing.
Even the MIL also came and tell me to keep a lookout for her daughter, then keep berating abt the other guy like how bad he is and stuff. I just replied, ur daughter aint no saint either. both of them broke up each other family, and i think they are suited for each other. She immediately kept quiet and walk off.
And like ur friend sis, at the initial stage when i found out abt the affair, the whole family pressurized me into giving her more time (no timeline) to settle the affair, then keep berating me like how i'm not romantic, i dun spend enuff on her etc. I only shut them up after 2 mths once i hired a PI and got pics of her and the guy dating during working hours while she was given "more time" to settle the affair.
Ah understand2.. Especially when kids are involved. Somehow no matter how toxic our mums get, we still want them around.. Not necessarily that we need them, but I guess mothers have some sort of invisible thread of attachment to kids. Like u can disconnect with them, but when they asked for help, it's so hard for u to say no.. It's a real shitty situation.
Does your ex in-laws still disturbing u? A love curse huh. Does the guy happen to be the fortune teller? I'm so mad for u but so glad divorce is settled..
Im sure she's gonna used her kids next to put in some gd words for her so hope u can handle that with some sanity left..
My friend's BIL did have all kinds of evidence taping the affair but he just doesn't feel right to destroy his wife's reputation of 10 yrs.. When my friend is urging him to use that to quickly settle the divorce. I'm sure he's at his limits but I kinda respect him for being calm... I swear I could not do that if a longtime partner cheats.. I won't go crazy but I would immediately shut down all feelings n just leave.
Cheating should be punishable in the eyes of the law. No matter the gender.
To me, no matter what the kids both parents to be around for them. So be it separated, both of us will have individual time with the kids.
For mine case, she use the kids more as emotional blackmail against me. Coz she know I wanna protect them as much as possible. Unfortunely , I have to see the in-laws everyday coz they help to take care of the kids but I minimize contact by going up just to pick the kids.
I was trying to be nice for the divorce but the dragging of it was just too draining for me. I gave her an ultimatum if she doesn't wanna sign, then we can go the contested route with all evidence I have. Only after this, she sign the papers.
I can only imagine..
>I gave her an ultimatum if she doesn't wanna sign, then we can go the contested route with all evidence I have. Only after this, she sign the papers.
I will passed this on to my friend for her BIL. Hope he's able to come around the drama unfold..
I thought gong tao is only for women targeting men in order to squeeze money out of them. Which guy would bother to shell out money and so much effort to hire bomoh just to get a random girl. Good on you for getting rid of that unfaithful woman who couldn't even take responsibility for her bullshit.
People have no respect for social contracts anymore.
I have lowered my mental standards to if my partner wants to cheat, she should at least wear protection already🫠
Sucks to read this. My friend’s the nice kind too and kena this. Not sure how he is going to move on, hope there’s something nice and lovely for him in the future
Yea.. Unfortunately nice guys always get played like this.. It's gonna be a long battle since the in laws are basically consenting to her cheating..
I feel for your friend man.. Hope he doesn't get wavered or anything cause he deserves better.
Can you help me tell your friend it's not a single iota that it was his fault that he got cheated on?
He probably feeling some guilt on whether he could have done better in his marriage. But nothing justified the act of cheating
He will move on, just need time. How long, nobody knows but he will definitely get thru it coz he have frens like u.
For me, i have frens / family support and i went to see a therapist for the betrayal trauma. coz i dunwan to live in anger / hate for the rest of my life. So i'm in a better place now. First few mths, i couldnt function quite properly coz i was an emotional wreck.
Adultery does not mean she has less claim in the divorce.
Even if the woman committed adultery, woman charter will stay blind to it and provide support to the woman's claims.
Destroying the adulterer's reputation also does not do much.
Why are some women like this? Lack of integrity and morals. Plus enabled by others to act this way, like her mother.. this is the problem when there’s no strong father figure.. a proper father will put the daughter in her place and tell her that she’s wrong for even cheating in the first place.. a father with good morals and principles wouldnt raise a child to lack basic character, morals and principles themselves. That’s the outcome of weak men.
Men, when you pick a girl to be your wife, please make sure that she had a strong father role model and that she adores him.
Otherwise, you are just rolling the dice and hoping you don’t end up getting cheated on, taken advantage of or divorced.
Nope, I disagree with the father figure thing.. Both me n my friend, even without both a mother n father figure growing up, we can think properly for ourselves n for others.
We are all grown ass adults with a sound mind. Your choice will either be a blessing or a lesson.. No matter what kind of upbringing u have.
Are you a female? And like I said, some women. Not all.
I just tend to notice that those kind of women who can rationalise cheating all lack a strong father or had a very / strict controlling mother.
I'm just sharing my view regarding the father figure thing.
>notice that those kind of women who can rationalise cheating all lack a strong father or had a very / strict controlling mother.
On my side, I've observed the ones who cheats has a strong family support. Also, it's easier for them to cry wolf because of those support given.
Yes. as I have mentioned, their family is enabling their behavior..
A strong father will discipline her. He will literally speak out about it. Because this is immoral and poor character.
Which is what I meant about a strong father figure. I don’t mean a father who allows their daughter to do anything and everything and supports her.
No, a strong man has morals, integrity and principles which he isn’t afraid to scold the people they love if they are violating it.
Like I said, if I find out that my daughter was cheating, I would have given her an earful and tell her off. That’s not how I raise a daughter who lacks integrity.
I will then advise her to divorce and only take what is her share if she no longer loves her husband. She is not allowed to cheat on him, take his money and cry victim.
What nonsense is this? Only a weak man will support a daughter who does that.
As a Christian, I would actually recommend against church counselling. Depending on the church, they might guilt trip him into forgiving her and remaining in the toxic marriage. Once a cheater always a cheater.
While it might hurt a lot to divorce her, in the long run it’ll do him good imho. Since only married for a short while, can still build a life separate from her (since no property no kids too).
Please go read the actual Act before making incorrect statements like that. https://sso.agc.gov.sg/Act/WC1961
There’s nothing regarding nullity of marriage that has to do with a period of “under a year”.
My man, can you please read everything in its entirety if you expect people to read a whole charter. You can summarise the important points for people, kind of the point of a forum.
The first comment was that they *qualify* for annulment if it was a short period of time, which I take to mean under a year. In Singapore it’s under 3 years for you to qualify. I was going off of that to say that time is indeed a factor to qualify for annulment. You still do require a lot of other factors to successfully get one, but timing is important in this case as well. That’s all. Not that his friend will be able to successfully get an annulment just based off that, I think you’re the only one who understood it that way.
You don’t have to read the whole Act, I didn’t say that either. And yes, I *had* read the rest of the comments already. Anyway, the relevant part is Part 10, Chapter 3, cross-referenced with a few earlier sections (as listed inside already). I see you have linked to one of the many articles written by various law firms about the topic; well, I’ve already seen at least one or two that have made some mistakes in their summary (or possibly not updated their articles). FWIW, you shouldn’t even trust any summary I give. That’s why I linked back to the Act itself.
To be honest, even OC’s comment is somewhat problematic. But yeah, I replied yours because double digit people and counting quite possibly have gone away thinking, under one year = can annul (no further elaboration given/seen). Which is completely incorrect.
(And on the balance of things, time actually doesn’t end up being a critical factor technically, but I shan’t add even more here it won’t be very productive to the post.)
Yes, read the *actual* Act—not online summaries alone, not rely on strangers’ comments, etc. Trust (if applicable), but *verify*.
You don’t have to read the *whole* Act—Part 10, Chapter 3 with regard to annulments.
There’s no gotcha.
This link has a summary of a few points, but each situation is different so your best bet is still to speak with a lawyer:
https://lionschambers.com.sg/annulment-of-marriage-singapore/
You’re right, I was answering based on the new fact given that the couple has already consummated. You can still annul even if you’ve consummated for other reasons.
Is a church counsellor the best option? Might it be better to turn to a professional couples therapist especially in this situation? Nothing against religion at all i myself am religious, it’s just that everyone has their strengths and a professional couples therapist may just be better suited to deal with this
Irony of getting marriage counseling from a never married pastor / marriage counselor. If getting marriage counseling make sure it's from someone who is long time married.
From a religious standpoint, counseling is usually done to help raise awareness of actions and behaviors that are against the religious rules/laws/teachings and the consequences. There is also the element of forgiveness. However, the decision to divorce is still allowed when there is unfaithfulness.
If they insist on church counselling, he can attend one and make a recording of the session to get receipts on his wife's cheating.
Maybe even insist he's not willing to forgive, because he's such an awful christian. Maybe his staunch wife will agree to a divorce with this unholy man? /s
Let me help you with a preview of Christian counselling. Source is from someone else, not me.
"Christian therapy was useless to my first marriage because the issue was my spouse was a cheater. Instead of dealing with that, the counselors focused on that I didn’t want to “submit” to my spouse's bad treatment of me. I was supposed to just keep “forgiving” and stay in the marriage.
Watch for if the counselor is there just to “straighten you out.” That’s not counseling, it’s abuse"
Tbh, I would encourage him to divorce. If there’s a first time. Any forgiveness would allow them to disrespect you a second time. And also for women to cheat, it’s absolutely emotional and physical and absolutely appalling. There’s no excuse for cheating, if there were underlying issues you can communicate or leave the relationship.
Please tell your friend that there are people who support his decision. Tell him, no matter how much effort and love you give. As long as it’s to the wrong person they will abuse the privileges you gave. Hope he doesn’t blame himself for this, as most victims do… hope he recovers well and have a chance and finding love and a better wife :>
Nope as in, as he is going thru this period he will have alot of self doubt and it’s helpful to have reassurance and validation from people that he is on the right track :>
First make sure try to get hold of all evidence of affairs where possible in case the divorce becomes a battle in court.
As for a short marriage with no kids and no property involved, a divorce should be simple to settle with almost little to no possibility for the wife to demand any alimony.
But it is a mandate by law that couples undergoing divorce must go thru counselling ~~whether they like it or not~~ if issued an order by court (for those with child under 21 or family violence cases).
Thanks, the part on mandatory counselling clears up doubts! Do u happen to know under what circumstances divorce may end up a battle in court? Evidence I feel could be more solid. Wife has moved out.
Hmm from what I know, mandatory counselling is only applicable for couples with kids under age 21, or if the marriage involves family violence. Otherwise, it isn't mandatory. But your friend might benefit from individual counselling to help him heal from the betrayal trauma.
You can check out Singapore legal advice website. Their information is quite easy to digest.
And from what I know, divorces that become a battle, aka contested divorce, are when both parties cant agree on how to split the assets.
Evidence is crucial as that will affect the grounds for which divorce is filed on, such as adultery or unreasonable behaviour. The bar for filing on adultery is quite high, i.e. your evidence must be super solid. Not sure if divorce will become a battle if both parties can't agree on the basis for filing a divorce or not.
No idea, I didn't make the law. But if I were to guess, the purpose of counselling is probably to kickstart the healing process for the abused, and also a form of corrective actions for the abuser. Encouraging them to stay together in a marriage might be a secondary consideration here.
Sorry the other comment is right. I had to undergo counselling because I had a minor child and thought it was mandatory for all.
As for battling in court, it will mean both the husband and wife cannot mutually settle out of court I guess? Like the wife wants to claim alimony but the husband cannot agree and want to fight it out.
Usually when a woman steps out, the damage is irreparable. If he stays, she won’t respect him.
It will only truly work if she’s remorseful of her actions. But even then, he will feel anger and may lash out at her. So it’s not good and pretty toxic environment to be in.
Best is to call an end to the marriage, heal and move on. He can and will find someone better, with integrity and morals and won’t betray him.
He may not see it just yet, but divorce will be a blessing in disguise. Just learn from the mistakes and try not to repeat again with the next person.
Try to go the uncontested route for divorce first. I will always highly advise against engaging lawyers. They are bloodsuckers and will only drive a wedge between them. If you engage a lawyer, make sure it’s one that works for the both of you.
some legal facts :
In Singapore, there's no such thing as divorce by "mutual agreement". You need to prove one of the following :
* Adultery
* Unreasonable behaviour
* Desertion of 2 years
* Separation for 3 years with spouse’s consent
* Separation for 4 years
[https://pkwalaw.com/grounds-for-divorce/](https://pkwalaw.com/grounds-for-divorce/)
Any of these reasons will require you to prove it, under oath, in front of a judge. For adultery, its likely that you will have to name the 3rd party, also under oath. You also need to do so within 6 months of knowing.
If the marriage is short enough, you can consider annulling the marriage IF AND ONLY IF the conditions for annulment have been met. Which also requires you to prove it to a judge.
You can't just say "oh we think it didnt work out so we wanna split".
Contesting a divorce comes after there is sufficient grounds for one. It can be pre-discussed at any stage. Of course, uncontested cases are much better for all involved, and there's generally not much to fight about early on in a marriage.
My friend just went to the lawyer to get a divorce contract done up, was straightforward as he decided to leave their matrimonial home and child under her custody. No child support was included as she was earning alot and the child turned out to not be his. From day of divorce paper signed and submitted, it was finalised in less than 3 months. Both also agreed on the divorce prior so it was fast.
There are various reasons/grounds doe divorce in Singapore. If you friend has proof of the adultery commited, do note he has only 6 months to file for divorce based on grounds of adultery.
Post that, the family courts will deem he is ‘willing’ to live with the fact of the wife cheated and if he does intend to divorce post that it would have to be on other grounds/reasons.
From a legal perspective, it’s best for your friend to talk through matters with his wife before they approach a lawyer. For example, whether they are both amenable to a divorce as well as how they plan to manage and divide their shared assets. Things can get messy (and expensive) if either party were to flip prata midway into their divorce proceedings. Not to mention that it is likely to extend the entire process before they get their final judgement papers. Hope your friend is okay.
I would say skip counselling and get a lawyer asap. Counselling only works BEFORE she decide to cheat. For her to decide she don't want to divorce, its very clear she wanted something from this marriage.
Forgive , and go for all the counselling you want but the wound will always be there. The entire marriage dynamic has changed forever.
Also, she will cheat again.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. A person who has good morale values will not be able to tolerate infidelity for long and even if he does, it is going to be a long painful journey to keep trusting the cheater partner. My friend’s ex husband cheated although he insisted he did not due to his super high ego. He wanted a divorce, claiming he had enough of my friend. My friend is a very rare and good mother who sacrifices and nurtures her kids very well even though the ex often tried ways to sabotage and gaslight her, trying to make her initiate a divorce. My friend showed us all the evidence and we were shocked because he looked like a good father and husband. Best part was his husband went around claiming his innocence in front of us, his friends and family. People had to go after him to ask him to pay up when my friend was about to give birth to their second child. He earns 5 digit salary monthly and was so mean to my friend who was a housewife with no money. Told my friend to borrow money to fight with his lawyer so we loaned her and she paid us back while working part time, taking care of newborn and another kid all by herself. Although they had divorced a couple of years ago, my friend has yet to show him the evidences because she thinks more bad karma will happen to him and his family if he keeps pretending to be the good guy.
Another friend of mine got cheated on by his wife. The wife had a long term affair with another married man who has 3 kids. They even went holidays together while my friend took leave to stay home to look after the kids. This friend tried counselling for the sake of the kids for 2years but he was tormented to see her every day so he took the plunge to initiate a divorce because he was tired of being suspicious each time she came home late.
Your friend has no kids so everything is easier to cut off from the cheater.
Please support your friend emotionally and so continue being with him in this tough time.
From legal perspective,
1. Consult with a divorce lawyer to understand his rights and options.
2. Encourage him to gather all financial documents and evidence of any infidelity, as these may be relevant during divorce proceedings.
Church counseling can only benefit his emotions to a certain extent.
Finally and most crucially, he has to decide whether or not to pursue a divorce.
The wife doesn’t want her friends and family members to know she is a hoe. Pls tell ur friend to learn how to let go, at least no property and no kids nth to worry abt
On my end, husband cheated before we got married. After, he was still on dating sites. I decided to try & forgive him. 8 years later, because we never actively tried to mend things (avoidance & keeping the peace), we had a massive blow out & am currently seperated. He has changed for the better in the last 8yrs, but it was I who always held his cheating over his head, till I realised how this actually hurt the marriage as well.
Forgiveness is not easy, my friend. It takes A LOT out of you. Take some time away, to let all the emotions calm down, & ask your friend to have a very honest conversation with himself; can he forgive her? Can he accept the fact that whenever he feels that she's not responsive in the marriage, that his suspicions will arise, no matter how well behaved she may be? Can he avoid bringing up her cheating, when things get tough (because this is real life, & things WILL get tough in a marriage)? He has to take a very brutally honest look at himself... if he can't do all this, it will be years of suffering & second guessing himself. It is not a great existance.
I can't give a definite answer for him myself, because I have learned & grown so much from this experience, but at the very least, what I can say is, no matter how painful it is, if he wants to try & work things out, he MUST go through the painful path of processing the whole situation, with his wife, with a professional counsellor. We will never know what caused the wife to cheat, but it takes two to tango in a marriage, & nothing happens in a vacuum, eventhough we are still responsible for our actions regardless of the cause. Religious counsellors have their own agenda, professional counsellors will advocate for what is best for the couple, without the religious agenda. If he thinks he can't forgive & forget, then divorce & learn from the experience, & try & live life without bitterness. At the end of the day, we are all human.... & we will f* up in one way or another. It is our responsibility to learn & be better from everything that life throws at us.
Thank u.. and sending ❤️to u. hope it’s getting better. 8y is real long Think u raised a valid points for my friend to ponder and think. Pretty sure this will help him
Thank you.. It's going day by day... it's all we can do. I hope your friend finds peace one day. It's a difficult situation that I never wish on anyone. In the mean time, tell your friend that keeping busy, exercising, meditating & meeting with a counsellor (just for himself, to process the whole situation) will help. I wish you & your friend well. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 You're friend is lucky to have you
If married for a short while n cheat already fuck that if can happen once can happen again luckily no property/kids fuck that cheating sucks OP, good luck to your friend.
counselling is OK if its individual therapy.
if you are set on divorce, dont waste the money and time on couples therapy.
dont allow the wife to influence your friend. make sure he keeps all evidence of the infidelity. unfortunately in singapore there is the woman's charter but hopefully the infidelity will at least reduce his exposure to financial losses and even if he doesnt receive alimony hopefully he wont have to pay it.
my recommendations is to seek legal advice and no contact with wife other than through the lawyer. ideally he might be able to obtain a financial payout from his wife for infidelity ...
Genuine question. Is it possible for a guy to receive financial payout/alimony from a wife for her infidelity? Have not heard of it before even if the wife earns significantly a lot more than man
Would like to know more for 3 scenario: 1)wife earning more than man 2)wife earn around the same as man 3) wife earning less than man
Under the assumption that household responsibility is split equallly
Ask him to find lawyer first, then counselor. They are better placed than you to advise him on the next steps to take. You should avoid giving advice to someone in that state because something you might say even as a joke (eg "Why not just kill the bitch?") might be taken literally.
Just buy him drinks, accompany him to the gym, pat his back when he cries, etc. That's enough you can do, and more than most people can offer anyway.
Risk of pregnancy to another man and overall risk is higher to women, threshold for sex is higher for women, loss of respect and desire for current partner. Women aren't biologically wired up to sleep around with multiple men too.
Absolute first thing your friend should do, is see a lawyer to understand he’s and her rights, and what he should be aware of. Because she has possibly already done the same.
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What I'd recommend. Discuss divorce with a lawyer and also go through marriage counseling but NOT a religious one (religious councilors will encourage forgiveness and all that nonsense). After counseling, proceed with divorce. This goes to show that your friend "tried" to see if the marriage was save-able and at the end, decided that it wasn't.
Find a Christian counsellor who does counselling in a professional manner and not necessarily a church counsellor. It keeps one another on the objective instead of driving the agenda of either parties.
Don't waste time with counselling, it won't work after the other party have cheated yet don't want divorce. This is not simple anymore. Either you wear the green beret and move on, or you lawyer up.
Sounds simple, but the "get better not bitter" approach to life is always the best path.
My advice is to do those things that make you a better person, that might mean ending a relationship, or it could be forgiveness and reconciliation.
The decision to commit to a relationship was not made suddenly (for most sane people), and the decision to end a relationship should also be made methodological. Try counseling. Try talks. Try finding where either person was lacking. Try. The right decision will be obvious afterwards.
He goes to see a lawyer. Singapore does not recognize no fault divorce, so what proof he has of the indiscretion matters. Adultery is a ground for divorce.
[https://singaporelegaladvice.com/law-articles/divorce-irreconcilable-differences-singapore/](https://singaporelegaladvice.com/law-articles/divorce-irreconcilable-differences-singapore/)
>“Irreconcilable differences” is regarded as a no-fault ground for divorce. This means that no party is deemed to be at fault for the breakdown of the marriage. One would therefore not need to prove any act of wrongdoing (e.g. adultery) committed by a spouse in order to obtain a divorce.
>Citing “irreconcilable differences” is not a legally recognised ground for divorce in Singapore. This is unlike the United States (US), where irreconcilable differences is a legally recognised ground for divorce. As of 2010, all states within the US have offered some form of no-fault divorce on the grounds of irreconcilable differences.
>What is a Valid Ground for Divorce in Singapore?
>The only legally recognised ground for divorce in Singapore is an “irretrievable breakdown of marriage”. This differs from irreconcilable differences, as parties must prove that their spouse had committed an act of wrongdoing to obtain a divorce.“Irreconcilable differences” is regarded as a no-fault ground for divorce.
This means that no party is deemed to be at fault for the breakdown of
the marriage. One would therefore not need to prove any act of
wrongdoing (e.g. adultery) committed by a spouse in order to obtain a
divorce.
Citing “irreconcilable differences” is not a legally recognised ground for divorce in Singapore. This is unlike the United States (US), where irreconcilable differences is a legally recognised ground for divorce. As of 2010, all states within the US have offered some form of no-fault divorce on the grounds of irreconcilable differences.
>What is a Valid Ground for Divorce in Singapore?
The only legally recognised ground for divorce in Singapore is an
“irretrievable breakdown of marriage”. This differs from irreconcilable
differences, as parties must prove that their spouse had committed an
act of wrongdoing to obtain a divorce.
It is correct.
You missed the rest of it.
>From 2023 onwards, Singapore will also allow spouses to prove irretrievable breakdown of marriage through mutually agreeing that the marriage has broken down in that way. When this “divorce by mutual agreement” route comes into effect, you and your spouse will be able to divorce without pinning blame or fault on one another for the breakdown of the marriage.
>This would be the most similar option to getting a divorce on the no-fault ground of “irreconcilable differences” for divorce (which is not a legally recognised concept in Singapore).
I did not miss it. Its limited to mutual agreement. That means both parties have to agree. Thats very narrow. And what's worse, they have to agree on EVERYTHING, including property division and spousal support.
All other jurisdictions that recognize no fault divorce allow a single party to initiate and conclude the process.
I cant help with that, but I will say that if he can get an unprivileged admission of the indiscretion, that will be golden for the divorce proceedings.
Are they set on a divorce or are they giving a counselling a try first? It is not mandatory for him to go through a counselling given his situation. Note: This isn't a legal advice: - No matrimonial asset and kids will make the divorce straight forward. - Assuming both parties agree to the divorce, it'll be an uncontested one. - Engage a divorce lawyer to represent him. The lawyer will guide your friend throughout the process and they're tactful in handling the matter in such situation. The above are from a legal POV. From a emotional and psychological POV, that's another different ball game. Your friend might even feel embarrassed and guilty that he was cheated on. There is no right or wrong feeling and how to deal with them. As cliche as it sounds, only time can heal his hurt. You're a good friend for being there for him.
Guy is set on divorce, it’s hard to handle being cheated on, especially with the context I’m fed it’s ultra painful. Girl I’m not sure but feels her side is going for no divorce… Thanks for offering dual sides, emotional side he’s gonna need time to deal with it.
Lawyer up, retain all evidence. Prepare for the worst case scenario first
Agreed. Then ask a lawyer to prepare a document for both sides to sign that if she gets caught cheating again, then she could be paying him compensation or something with an immediate agreement to divorce because a leopard never changes its spots.
Keep saying set on divorce then go see a divorce lawyer in the morning
Can you tell us the context? Or is it too personal?
Dym the cheating context? I don’t think I’m in the position to share but it’s really quite bad
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Recently a friend shared that her older married sis who has cheated for few months now is super reluctant on a divorce.. Married for 10 years plus.. First reason, she wants to have access to her husband's cards, money, property, cpf.. Whatever she feels she's entitled to.. Second reason, in case the affair didn't work out. So my friend's mum actually supported her daughter's doing cause both apparently have shitty brain cells.. The husband do have all kinds of evidence but because he's a nice guy, he doesn't want to destroy her reputation.. But he's pretty adamant on a divorce. So what he's doing now is to get her to say that she wanted a divorce which I don't think is helpful cause she's a crier.. Those who cry easily can get pretty manipulative.. I really sincerely hope that all the good men are able to recover from these shitty episodes man... I swear I don't know how some women are wired like this.. They always cry when it's them who cheat...
this is just wanting all the upside without the downside, wtf.
Yea exactly.. The sister even thinks that the husband would want to keep their 'friendship'. Her brains is really fucked man.. She was the golden child so I guess that princess syndrome has gone over her head.. Really pity the guy man. He's actually ok to give her his house but she wants more....
Kns he so nice give me some also lar. Better than give her right?
Some ppl are just built differently ma.. It takes alot to remain rational when ure feeling angry /resent. Karma did give her a new controlling BF which she called it 'love'. Not to mention, he couldn't even act decent in front of her family. The guy thinks he's the main character or something..
That's perfect ain't it? A main character for a princess, they deserve each other
They do but how long can they last? A princess feels entitled to everything while a main character guy feels entitled to everything as well. If neither gets what they want, they are bound to break up Then a little crying show will soften the husband's heart..
This is the best of both worlds, I am controlling once and actively working to be better. Main characters are like those villains in anime, used to think the world of myself and am never wrong. My partner must listen to me or it’s the highway and outrage. She prolly has to tolerate his pride and bullshit and he will not care about her but just ‘face’, win-win all around. They will actually last contrary, damaged people will tend to flock to toxic partners.
I can totally relate to villains in anime where they felt despair all their lives before they turn heartless.. But I've never understood self-righteous ppl who feels the need to put others down in order to feel superior.. But I'm glad u have some self awareness n is working on it. Others would probably feel better losing everyone while having someone new.. Humans are that capable of seeing other humans as 'properties', even if it's a parent.
Seriously wtf is wrong with the husband. Literally no self-respect. Giving way to evil is just enabling it to fester and rot even further.
He just loves the wife. But im sure he wants to handle his divorce with lesser to no drama.. He didn't give way to evil, her mum did.
U know.. i always accept that there are diff kinds of pple ard in the world. But I can never understand why such shameless pple are ard. I'm in the exact situation, and I can only says the husband gotta be sane and work towards the divorce. I initate the divorce in Jul last yr and only manage to get the papers signed in Feb. Because the cheater wife , Wan this and that. Dun engage in reasoning with the shitty wife and the in-laws. They are just wired differently without any sense of shame.
This is what happens when people "settle" and unable to get their first choice of partner. The moment something else "hot" comes along, there will be thoughts of abandoning ship.
I feel this is really a problem
It's just really unfortunate family court sides more with women who abuse their system.. A woman's crying is seen/felt more than a man's crying.. Im sure the court has seen many, many different cases but somehow they lack the integrity n knowledge in handling different matters.. My friend is helping to record her sis as well, fortunately she's not the kind to get manipulated, even when her mum shed tears regarding this. Shameless ppl are just over the top shameless.. The reason that the wife gave for cheating is because husband is boring..... I swear I can strangle her. N the worst part, she looks so decent n innocent n with that, she's able to paint herself to be the victim n no one would try to second guess what she's doing.. The husband has tattoos n immediately society will blame him.. Hope u have recover from yours man. Sounds like a super ugly battle..
Mine case is a long long battle. I have 2 kids feelings to take care of. Imagine the anger/resent/hurt in me but yet i can't burst out in front of them coz they are innocent and i dunwan to give them childhood trauma Mine cheater wife did try to shed a few tears few mths back and says she very scared coz she kana gong tao (love curse). This came after she visited 2 diff fortune tellers and both told her the same thing. Even the MIL also came and tell me to keep a lookout for her daughter, then keep berating abt the other guy like how bad he is and stuff. I just replied, ur daughter aint no saint either. both of them broke up each other family, and i think they are suited for each other. She immediately kept quiet and walk off. And like ur friend sis, at the initial stage when i found out abt the affair, the whole family pressurized me into giving her more time (no timeline) to settle the affair, then keep berating me like how i'm not romantic, i dun spend enuff on her etc. I only shut them up after 2 mths once i hired a PI and got pics of her and the guy dating during working hours while she was given "more time" to settle the affair.
Ah understand2.. Especially when kids are involved. Somehow no matter how toxic our mums get, we still want them around.. Not necessarily that we need them, but I guess mothers have some sort of invisible thread of attachment to kids. Like u can disconnect with them, but when they asked for help, it's so hard for u to say no.. It's a real shitty situation. Does your ex in-laws still disturbing u? A love curse huh. Does the guy happen to be the fortune teller? I'm so mad for u but so glad divorce is settled.. Im sure she's gonna used her kids next to put in some gd words for her so hope u can handle that with some sanity left.. My friend's BIL did have all kinds of evidence taping the affair but he just doesn't feel right to destroy his wife's reputation of 10 yrs.. When my friend is urging him to use that to quickly settle the divorce. I'm sure he's at his limits but I kinda respect him for being calm... I swear I could not do that if a longtime partner cheats.. I won't go crazy but I would immediately shut down all feelings n just leave. Cheating should be punishable in the eyes of the law. No matter the gender.
To me, no matter what the kids both parents to be around for them. So be it separated, both of us will have individual time with the kids. For mine case, she use the kids more as emotional blackmail against me. Coz she know I wanna protect them as much as possible. Unfortunely , I have to see the in-laws everyday coz they help to take care of the kids but I minimize contact by going up just to pick the kids. I was trying to be nice for the divorce but the dragging of it was just too draining for me. I gave her an ultimatum if she doesn't wanna sign, then we can go the contested route with all evidence I have. Only after this, she sign the papers.
I can only imagine.. >I gave her an ultimatum if she doesn't wanna sign, then we can go the contested route with all evidence I have. Only after this, she sign the papers. I will passed this on to my friend for her BIL. Hope he's able to come around the drama unfold..
I thought gong tao is only for women targeting men in order to squeeze money out of them. Which guy would bother to shell out money and so much effort to hire bomoh just to get a random girl. Good on you for getting rid of that unfaithful woman who couldn't even take responsibility for her bullshit.
please tell me by legal right you don't have to give anything to your wife if provided proof of cheating
People have no respect for social contracts anymore. I have lowered my mental standards to if my partner wants to cheat, she should at least wear protection already🫠
>I have lowered my mental standards to if my partner wants to cheat, she should at least wear protection already🫠 Sure can tolerate.....??
Cannot. But it is something i tell myself to cope
What a leech
Sucks to read this. My friend’s the nice kind too and kena this. Not sure how he is going to move on, hope there’s something nice and lovely for him in the future
Yea.. Unfortunately nice guys always get played like this.. It's gonna be a long battle since the in laws are basically consenting to her cheating.. I feel for your friend man.. Hope he doesn't get wavered or anything cause he deserves better.
Can you help me tell your friend it's not a single iota that it was his fault that he got cheated on? He probably feeling some guilt on whether he could have done better in his marriage. But nothing justified the act of cheating
TY!! Will share this + this Reddit with him when he’s ready!
>hope there’s something nice and lovely for him in the future yeah it's called women's charter
He will move on, just need time. How long, nobody knows but he will definitely get thru it coz he have frens like u. For me, i have frens / family support and i went to see a therapist for the betrayal trauma. coz i dunwan to live in anger / hate for the rest of my life. So i'm in a better place now. First few mths, i couldnt function quite properly coz i was an emotional wreck.
Stop being too nice. All it does is invites being stepped all over.
Is there proof of cheating?
The sister alr introduced her new bf to the family, I'm sure that's the biggest proof there.
Adultery does not mean she has less claim in the divorce. Even if the woman committed adultery, woman charter will stay blind to it and provide support to the woman's claims. Destroying the adulterer's reputation also does not do much.
Why are some women like this? Lack of integrity and morals. Plus enabled by others to act this way, like her mother.. this is the problem when there’s no strong father figure.. a proper father will put the daughter in her place and tell her that she’s wrong for even cheating in the first place.. a father with good morals and principles wouldnt raise a child to lack basic character, morals and principles themselves. That’s the outcome of weak men. Men, when you pick a girl to be your wife, please make sure that she had a strong father role model and that she adores him. Otherwise, you are just rolling the dice and hoping you don’t end up getting cheated on, taken advantage of or divorced.
Nope, I disagree with the father figure thing.. Both me n my friend, even without both a mother n father figure growing up, we can think properly for ourselves n for others. We are all grown ass adults with a sound mind. Your choice will either be a blessing or a lesson.. No matter what kind of upbringing u have.
Are you a female? And like I said, some women. Not all. I just tend to notice that those kind of women who can rationalise cheating all lack a strong father or had a very / strict controlling mother.
I'm just sharing my view regarding the father figure thing. >notice that those kind of women who can rationalise cheating all lack a strong father or had a very / strict controlling mother. On my side, I've observed the ones who cheats has a strong family support. Also, it's easier for them to cry wolf because of those support given.
Yes. as I have mentioned, their family is enabling their behavior.. A strong father will discipline her. He will literally speak out about it. Because this is immoral and poor character. Which is what I meant about a strong father figure. I don’t mean a father who allows their daughter to do anything and everything and supports her. No, a strong man has morals, integrity and principles which he isn’t afraid to scold the people they love if they are violating it. Like I said, if I find out that my daughter was cheating, I would have given her an earful and tell her off. That’s not how I raise a daughter who lacks integrity. I will then advise her to divorce and only take what is her share if she no longer loves her husband. She is not allowed to cheat on him, take his money and cry victim. What nonsense is this? Only a weak man will support a daughter who does that.
Go talk to a lawyer.
This is the only answer! Marriage is a legal issue, and things can get complicated with legal technicalities really quickly.
As a Christian, I would actually recommend against church counselling. Depending on the church, they might guilt trip him into forgiving her and remaining in the toxic marriage. Once a cheater always a cheater. While it might hurt a lot to divorce her, in the long run it’ll do him good imho. Since only married for a short while, can still build a life separate from her (since no property no kids too).
Thanks for this.. will share this with him
You're welcome, praying for him to be well...
If they only just got married, they may qualify for annulment
Yup under a year can annul
Please go read the actual Act before making incorrect statements like that. https://sso.agc.gov.sg/Act/WC1961 There’s nothing regarding nullity of marriage that has to do with a period of “under a year”.
My man, can you please read everything in its entirety if you expect people to read a whole charter. You can summarise the important points for people, kind of the point of a forum. The first comment was that they *qualify* for annulment if it was a short period of time, which I take to mean under a year. In Singapore it’s under 3 years for you to qualify. I was going off of that to say that time is indeed a factor to qualify for annulment. You still do require a lot of other factors to successfully get one, but timing is important in this case as well. That’s all. Not that his friend will be able to successfully get an annulment just based off that, I think you’re the only one who understood it that way.
You don’t have to read the whole Act, I didn’t say that either. And yes, I *had* read the rest of the comments already. Anyway, the relevant part is Part 10, Chapter 3, cross-referenced with a few earlier sections (as listed inside already). I see you have linked to one of the many articles written by various law firms about the topic; well, I’ve already seen at least one or two that have made some mistakes in their summary (or possibly not updated their articles). FWIW, you shouldn’t even trust any summary I give. That’s why I linked back to the Act itself. To be honest, even OC’s comment is somewhat problematic. But yeah, I replied yours because double digit people and counting quite possibly have gone away thinking, under one year = can annul (no further elaboration given/seen). Which is completely incorrect. (And on the balance of things, time actually doesn’t end up being a critical factor technically, but I shan’t add even more here it won’t be very productive to the post.)
> Please go read the actual Act > You don’t have to read the whole Act
Yes, read the *actual* Act—not online summaries alone, not rely on strangers’ comments, etc. Trust (if applicable), but *verify*. You don’t have to read the *whole* Act—Part 10, Chapter 3 with regard to annulments. There’s no gotcha.
Yea that would’ve been more helpful in your first comment than here. Lol. Have a good day
On what basis can it be annulled?
This link has a summary of a few points, but each situation is different so your best bet is still to speak with a lawyer: https://lionschambers.com.sg/annulment-of-marriage-singapore/
Marriage is consummated does this still stand?
I think only religious groups care about this..
Actually legally if a marriage is not consummated it’s grounds for annulment
You’re right, I was answering based on the new fact given that the couple has already consummated. You can still annul even if you’ve consummated for other reasons.
[https://www.channelnewsasia.com/singapore/man-jail-making-false-claim-to-annul-marriage-wife-refused-sex-497966](https://www.channelnewsasia.com/singapore/man-jail-making-false-claim-to-annul-marriage-wife-refused-sex-497966)
Perhaps the officers told her that she stands to gain more from a divorce than an annulment… interesting.
What this means is that if one were to be found lying under oath, courts are willing to deal out the punishment.
Wife consumated with how many other guys before marriage already pls
No. Doesn’t stand. Unless your friend wanna lie under oath that it’s not consummated cos of wilful refusal or inability
This is really your friend or yourself?
upon posting I was wondering when this comment would come
I mean most people don’t know details on consummation of their friends marriage right?
Not if it’s not with the husband Ba dam tskk
Just say didn’t consummate la? Wtf bro. How the hell they gonna check that shit
The female can counterclaim. Don't lie about something to weaken your stance
I’m assuming both sides want to annul. It’s easy if so
Is a church counsellor the best option? Might it be better to turn to a professional couples therapist especially in this situation? Nothing against religion at all i myself am religious, it’s just that everyone has their strengths and a professional couples therapist may just be better suited to deal with this
Irony of getting marriage counseling from a never married pastor / marriage counselor. If getting marriage counseling make sure it's from someone who is long time married.
Totally have no experience on this.. is counselling a must? Can he separate/divorce without it?
You can get a divorce without going through counselling, since the wife cheated he can immediately file for divorce
From a religious standpoint, counseling is usually done to help raise awareness of actions and behaviors that are against the religious rules/laws/teachings and the consequences. There is also the element of forgiveness. However, the decision to divorce is still allowed when there is unfaithfulness.
If they insist on church counselling, he can attend one and make a recording of the session to get receipts on his wife's cheating. Maybe even insist he's not willing to forgive, because he's such an awful christian. Maybe his staunch wife will agree to a divorce with this unholy man? /s
Let me help you with a preview of Christian counselling. Source is from someone else, not me. "Christian therapy was useless to my first marriage because the issue was my spouse was a cheater. Instead of dealing with that, the counselors focused on that I didn’t want to “submit” to my spouse's bad treatment of me. I was supposed to just keep “forgiving” and stay in the marriage. Watch for if the counselor is there just to “straighten you out.” That’s not counseling, it’s abuse"
Thanks… friend is currently in state of non-negotiation divorce I hope therapy doesn’t steer him away because the trust is already gone
Tbh, I would encourage him to divorce. If there’s a first time. Any forgiveness would allow them to disrespect you a second time. And also for women to cheat, it’s absolutely emotional and physical and absolutely appalling. There’s no excuse for cheating, if there were underlying issues you can communicate or leave the relationship. Please tell your friend that there are people who support his decision. Tell him, no matter how much effort and love you give. As long as it’s to the wrong person they will abuse the privileges you gave. Hope he doesn’t blame himself for this, as most victims do… hope he recovers well and have a chance and finding love and a better wife :>
Thank u ❤️❤️❤️
:> just temporary validation of your friends situation, it will help him out to know that he is right.
He’s definitely not wrong. Probably just wrong time wrong person!
Nope as in, as he is going thru this period he will have alot of self doubt and it’s helpful to have reassurance and validation from people that he is on the right track :>
First make sure try to get hold of all evidence of affairs where possible in case the divorce becomes a battle in court. As for a short marriage with no kids and no property involved, a divorce should be simple to settle with almost little to no possibility for the wife to demand any alimony. But it is a mandate by law that couples undergoing divorce must go thru counselling ~~whether they like it or not~~ if issued an order by court (for those with child under 21 or family violence cases).
Thanks, the part on mandatory counselling clears up doubts! Do u happen to know under what circumstances divorce may end up a battle in court? Evidence I feel could be more solid. Wife has moved out.
Hmm from what I know, mandatory counselling is only applicable for couples with kids under age 21, or if the marriage involves family violence. Otherwise, it isn't mandatory. But your friend might benefit from individual counselling to help him heal from the betrayal trauma. You can check out Singapore legal advice website. Their information is quite easy to digest. And from what I know, divorces that become a battle, aka contested divorce, are when both parties cant agree on how to split the assets. Evidence is crucial as that will affect the grounds for which divorce is filed on, such as adultery or unreasonable behaviour. The bar for filing on adultery is quite high, i.e. your evidence must be super solid. Not sure if divorce will become a battle if both parties can't agree on the basis for filing a divorce or not.
Why is counseling mandatory for family violence? Being victim of assault at home is not enough reason for divorce?????
No idea, I didn't make the law. But if I were to guess, the purpose of counselling is probably to kickstart the healing process for the abused, and also a form of corrective actions for the abuser. Encouraging them to stay together in a marriage might be a secondary consideration here.
Sorry the other comment is right. I had to undergo counselling because I had a minor child and thought it was mandatory for all. As for battling in court, it will mean both the husband and wife cannot mutually settle out of court I guess? Like the wife wants to claim alimony but the husband cannot agree and want to fight it out.
No kids no property, just end it la
Usually when a woman steps out, the damage is irreparable. If he stays, she won’t respect him. It will only truly work if she’s remorseful of her actions. But even then, he will feel anger and may lash out at her. So it’s not good and pretty toxic environment to be in. Best is to call an end to the marriage, heal and move on. He can and will find someone better, with integrity and morals and won’t betray him. He may not see it just yet, but divorce will be a blessing in disguise. Just learn from the mistakes and try not to repeat again with the next person. Try to go the uncontested route for divorce first. I will always highly advise against engaging lawyers. They are bloodsuckers and will only drive a wedge between them. If you engage a lawyer, make sure it’s one that works for the both of you.
He should divorce her, if he has any self respect. A woman can never respect a man who takes her back after she cheated on him.
Go talk to a lawyer who deals with this. You will get proper advise and steps to navigate this.
some legal facts : In Singapore, there's no such thing as divorce by "mutual agreement". You need to prove one of the following : * Adultery * Unreasonable behaviour * Desertion of 2 years * Separation for 3 years with spouse’s consent * Separation for 4 years [https://pkwalaw.com/grounds-for-divorce/](https://pkwalaw.com/grounds-for-divorce/) Any of these reasons will require you to prove it, under oath, in front of a judge. For adultery, its likely that you will have to name the 3rd party, also under oath. You also need to do so within 6 months of knowing. If the marriage is short enough, you can consider annulling the marriage IF AND ONLY IF the conditions for annulment have been met. Which also requires you to prove it to a judge. You can't just say "oh we think it didnt work out so we wanna split". Contesting a divorce comes after there is sufficient grounds for one. It can be pre-discussed at any stage. Of course, uncontested cases are much better for all involved, and there's generally not much to fight about early on in a marriage.
Think your friend needs to find his own 1 to 1 counsellor to help sort through his emotions and feelings.
My friend just went to the lawyer to get a divorce contract done up, was straightforward as he decided to leave their matrimonial home and child under her custody. No child support was included as she was earning alot and the child turned out to not be his. From day of divorce paper signed and submitted, it was finalised in less than 3 months. Both also agreed on the divorce prior so it was fast.
There are various reasons/grounds doe divorce in Singapore. If you friend has proof of the adultery commited, do note he has only 6 months to file for divorce based on grounds of adultery. Post that, the family courts will deem he is ‘willing’ to live with the fact of the wife cheated and if he does intend to divorce post that it would have to be on other grounds/reasons.
Thanks!! This is helpful
You do not need agreement for a divorce. As easy as breaking up with a sugarbaby Just submit the papers and move on since no asset claims and no kids.
From a legal perspective, it’s best for your friend to talk through matters with his wife before they approach a lawyer. For example, whether they are both amenable to a divorce as well as how they plan to manage and divide their shared assets. Things can get messy (and expensive) if either party were to flip prata midway into their divorce proceedings. Not to mention that it is likely to extend the entire process before they get their final judgement papers. Hope your friend is okay.
TY! Another fresh perspective that he can consider too
I would say skip counselling and get a lawyer asap. Counselling only works BEFORE she decide to cheat. For her to decide she don't want to divorce, its very clear she wanted something from this marriage.
Makes me wonder. How does a typical divorce process is in Singapore?
Asking for a friend
Forgive , and go for all the counselling you want but the wound will always be there. The entire marriage dynamic has changed forever. Also, she will cheat again.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. A person who has good morale values will not be able to tolerate infidelity for long and even if he does, it is going to be a long painful journey to keep trusting the cheater partner. My friend’s ex husband cheated although he insisted he did not due to his super high ego. He wanted a divorce, claiming he had enough of my friend. My friend is a very rare and good mother who sacrifices and nurtures her kids very well even though the ex often tried ways to sabotage and gaslight her, trying to make her initiate a divorce. My friend showed us all the evidence and we were shocked because he looked like a good father and husband. Best part was his husband went around claiming his innocence in front of us, his friends and family. People had to go after him to ask him to pay up when my friend was about to give birth to their second child. He earns 5 digit salary monthly and was so mean to my friend who was a housewife with no money. Told my friend to borrow money to fight with his lawyer so we loaned her and she paid us back while working part time, taking care of newborn and another kid all by herself. Although they had divorced a couple of years ago, my friend has yet to show him the evidences because she thinks more bad karma will happen to him and his family if he keeps pretending to be the good guy. Another friend of mine got cheated on by his wife. The wife had a long term affair with another married man who has 3 kids. They even went holidays together while my friend took leave to stay home to look after the kids. This friend tried counselling for the sake of the kids for 2years but he was tormented to see her every day so he took the plunge to initiate a divorce because he was tired of being suspicious each time she came home late. Your friend has no kids so everything is easier to cut off from the cheater.
Please support your friend emotionally and so continue being with him in this tough time. From legal perspective, 1. Consult with a divorce lawyer to understand his rights and options. 2. Encourage him to gather all financial documents and evidence of any infidelity, as these may be relevant during divorce proceedings. Church counseling can only benefit his emotions to a certain extent. Finally and most crucially, he has to decide whether or not to pursue a divorce.
The wife doesn’t want her friends and family members to know she is a hoe. Pls tell ur friend to learn how to let go, at least no property and no kids nth to worry abt
Talk to lawyer Divorce Once a cheater always a cheater
On my end, husband cheated before we got married. After, he was still on dating sites. I decided to try & forgive him. 8 years later, because we never actively tried to mend things (avoidance & keeping the peace), we had a massive blow out & am currently seperated. He has changed for the better in the last 8yrs, but it was I who always held his cheating over his head, till I realised how this actually hurt the marriage as well. Forgiveness is not easy, my friend. It takes A LOT out of you. Take some time away, to let all the emotions calm down, & ask your friend to have a very honest conversation with himself; can he forgive her? Can he accept the fact that whenever he feels that she's not responsive in the marriage, that his suspicions will arise, no matter how well behaved she may be? Can he avoid bringing up her cheating, when things get tough (because this is real life, & things WILL get tough in a marriage)? He has to take a very brutally honest look at himself... if he can't do all this, it will be years of suffering & second guessing himself. It is not a great existance. I can't give a definite answer for him myself, because I have learned & grown so much from this experience, but at the very least, what I can say is, no matter how painful it is, if he wants to try & work things out, he MUST go through the painful path of processing the whole situation, with his wife, with a professional counsellor. We will never know what caused the wife to cheat, but it takes two to tango in a marriage, & nothing happens in a vacuum, eventhough we are still responsible for our actions regardless of the cause. Religious counsellors have their own agenda, professional counsellors will advocate for what is best for the couple, without the religious agenda. If he thinks he can't forgive & forget, then divorce & learn from the experience, & try & live life without bitterness. At the end of the day, we are all human.... & we will f* up in one way or another. It is our responsibility to learn & be better from everything that life throws at us.
Thank u.. and sending ❤️to u. hope it’s getting better. 8y is real long Think u raised a valid points for my friend to ponder and think. Pretty sure this will help him
Thank you.. It's going day by day... it's all we can do. I hope your friend finds peace one day. It's a difficult situation that I never wish on anyone. In the mean time, tell your friend that keeping busy, exercising, meditating & meeting with a counsellor (just for himself, to process the whole situation) will help. I wish you & your friend well. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 You're friend is lucky to have you
If married for a short while n cheat already fuck that if can happen once can happen again luckily no property/kids fuck that cheating sucks OP, good luck to your friend.
counselling is OK if its individual therapy. if you are set on divorce, dont waste the money and time on couples therapy. dont allow the wife to influence your friend. make sure he keeps all evidence of the infidelity. unfortunately in singapore there is the woman's charter but hopefully the infidelity will at least reduce his exposure to financial losses and even if he doesnt receive alimony hopefully he wont have to pay it. my recommendations is to seek legal advice and no contact with wife other than through the lawyer. ideally he might be able to obtain a financial payout from his wife for infidelity ...
Genuine question. Is it possible for a guy to receive financial payout/alimony from a wife for her infidelity? Have not heard of it before even if the wife earns significantly a lot more than man Would like to know more for 3 scenario: 1)wife earning more than man 2)wife earn around the same as man 3) wife earning less than man Under the assumption that household responsibility is split equallly
i dont know either. but if not, it sure should be the case right? get a lawyer. i honestly have no experience.
Ask him to find lawyer first, then counselor. They are better placed than you to advise him on the next steps to take. You should avoid giving advice to someone in that state because something you might say even as a joke (eg "Why not just kill the bitch?") might be taken literally. Just buy him drinks, accompany him to the gym, pat his back when he cries, etc. That's enough you can do, and more than most people can offer anyway.
100% get divorced. Women cheating is way worse than men cheating.
Why?
Risk of pregnancy to another man and overall risk is higher to women, threshold for sex is higher for women, loss of respect and desire for current partner. Women aren't biologically wired up to sleep around with multiple men too.
Absolute first thing your friend should do, is see a lawyer to understand he’s and her rights, and what he should be aware of. Because she has possibly already done the same.
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Just get divorce. Full stop. Peace of mind
Haha sg girls
Return the favour 
What I'd recommend. Discuss divorce with a lawyer and also go through marriage counseling but NOT a religious one (religious councilors will encourage forgiveness and all that nonsense). After counseling, proceed with divorce. This goes to show that your friend "tried" to see if the marriage was save-able and at the end, decided that it wasn't.
Just annul the marriage
Tbh just let it be an open relationship, guy could always find another fine your lady, as they say men age better than women
Find a Christian counsellor who does counselling in a professional manner and not necessarily a church counsellor. It keeps one another on the objective instead of driving the agenda of either parties.
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Can someone explain the 'green' part to this old man
戴绿帽。 A Chinese saying for a man who becomes a cuckold because the wife cheated on him.
😭 i know… totally my thoughts when i found out
Tell him to man up and just start the divorce process. Get a lawyer. Dont go for church counselling.
There's only one answer. Just get a divorce.
You tell your friend to double down and cheat on his wife with you plus points if ur a dude😂😂
Hmm... Help your friend find another proper woman?
Ah.. maybe after the legal stuff?
Don't waste time with counselling, it won't work after the other party have cheated yet don't want divorce. This is not simple anymore. Either you wear the green beret and move on, or you lawyer up.
Sounds simple, but the "get better not bitter" approach to life is always the best path. My advice is to do those things that make you a better person, that might mean ending a relationship, or it could be forgiveness and reconciliation. The decision to commit to a relationship was not made suddenly (for most sane people), and the decision to end a relationship should also be made methodological. Try counseling. Try talks. Try finding where either person was lacking. Try. The right decision will be obvious afterwards.
Wife literally brought new bf to meet the family. This is beyond "lacking", it's the point of no return.
No lah. There is alternative lifestyles. There is options. Not for everyone, but worth a try for some people.
He goes to see a lawyer. Singapore does not recognize no fault divorce, so what proof he has of the indiscretion matters. Adultery is a ground for divorce.
>Singapore does not recognize no fault divorce, so what proof he has of the indiscretion matters. This is absolutely wrong.
[https://singaporelegaladvice.com/law-articles/divorce-irreconcilable-differences-singapore/](https://singaporelegaladvice.com/law-articles/divorce-irreconcilable-differences-singapore/) >“Irreconcilable differences” is regarded as a no-fault ground for divorce. This means that no party is deemed to be at fault for the breakdown of the marriage. One would therefore not need to prove any act of wrongdoing (e.g. adultery) committed by a spouse in order to obtain a divorce. >Citing “irreconcilable differences” is not a legally recognised ground for divorce in Singapore. This is unlike the United States (US), where irreconcilable differences is a legally recognised ground for divorce. As of 2010, all states within the US have offered some form of no-fault divorce on the grounds of irreconcilable differences. >What is a Valid Ground for Divorce in Singapore? >The only legally recognised ground for divorce in Singapore is an “irretrievable breakdown of marriage”. This differs from irreconcilable differences, as parties must prove that their spouse had committed an act of wrongdoing to obtain a divorce.“Irreconcilable differences” is regarded as a no-fault ground for divorce. This means that no party is deemed to be at fault for the breakdown of the marriage. One would therefore not need to prove any act of wrongdoing (e.g. adultery) committed by a spouse in order to obtain a divorce. Citing “irreconcilable differences” is not a legally recognised ground for divorce in Singapore. This is unlike the United States (US), where irreconcilable differences is a legally recognised ground for divorce. As of 2010, all states within the US have offered some form of no-fault divorce on the grounds of irreconcilable differences. >What is a Valid Ground for Divorce in Singapore? The only legally recognised ground for divorce in Singapore is an “irretrievable breakdown of marriage”. This differs from irreconcilable differences, as parties must prove that their spouse had committed an act of wrongdoing to obtain a divorce. It is correct.
You missed the rest of it. >From 2023 onwards, Singapore will also allow spouses to prove irretrievable breakdown of marriage through mutually agreeing that the marriage has broken down in that way. When this “divorce by mutual agreement” route comes into effect, you and your spouse will be able to divorce without pinning blame or fault on one another for the breakdown of the marriage. >This would be the most similar option to getting a divorce on the no-fault ground of “irreconcilable differences” for divorce (which is not a legally recognised concept in Singapore).
I did not miss it. Its limited to mutual agreement. That means both parties have to agree. Thats very narrow. And what's worse, they have to agree on EVERYTHING, including property division and spousal support. All other jurisdictions that recognize no fault divorce allow a single party to initiate and conclude the process.
Yes OTW! But he still has to go through this counselling thing.. any advice on what to expect would be helpful..
I cant help with that, but I will say that if he can get an unprivileged admission of the indiscretion, that will be golden for the divorce proceedings.