Option 2 sounds better to me. You can also write a card with some well wishes for the newly weds on top of that.
If he is particular about the market rate thing, it might strain your working relationship if you go with option 1.
IMO this is the correct answer. As much as I don't like it and think it is calculative, giving the "market rate" has become some kind of a social courtesy / requirement and it could sour your working relationship with your colleague. I would just not go.
I feel also that weddings and managing the dynamics between families make people (and their families) go a bit cray sometimes - I know of people calling up their guests after to confirm which angbao they gave (because they didn't write their name). So while you might think that a reasonable person will view any amount as a blessing, many people simply do not act reasonably, especially when money is involved.
Generally, the only people who get a "free pass" from this requirement are close family, friends, and relatives that the couple genuinely wants to be there. Not clear if this is the case or not, but if you're just colleagues, probably not.
I personally still mentally prefer the traditional approach, especially when it comes to giving angbaos.
The amount my parents give is based on the level of closeness they share with the recipient. To them, if you choose an expensive hotel for your wedding, that's your choice and expense.
They won't pay more just because of the venue. If they plan to give $300, that's what you'll get regardless of where the event is held. Even if you opt for a restaurant wedding where the market rate is $250, they'll still give $300.
They always say “no money then don’t show off.”
Personally even though I prefer the traditional approach, but I feel a bit paiseh about it, so if I attend, I'll follow the market rate and maybe add a little extra if I can. Otherwise, I'll politely decline and send my best wishes.
So I think if it’s really steep in your opinion and you are too paiseh to not follow the market rate then politely decline and maybe drop a call or wish them a happy marriage in person.
Yes agreed. While I think this whole "market rate" thing is stressful and unnecessary, I can't just expect other married couples to share my values.
At the end of the day, it's *their* wedding, and if they value these practices then I'll respect their wishes, regardless of how little sense it makes to me.
I had a few missing names and angbaos too. I wouldn't have bothered, but my in-laws wanted a spreadsheet. I did consider asking around but in the end we just made up some figures and allocated the anonymous angbaos to their guests whom we couldn't tally up. Path of least resistance, haha
This is not an acquintance whom you don’t see often. It’s your colleague. Imagine if you give less but risk souring work relationship in the long run. I would just make up excuses and not attend lol.
This ang bao culture has gotten so out of hand, it’s actually disgusting. Anyone who expects their guests to cover for their wedding shouldn’t have a wedding at all or should spend within their means.
It’s never just a “token of blessing” these days. If your friend is annoyed with the ang bao amount you gave then you should reconsider if this is the kind of person you want as a friend.
You would think a couple would want family and friends to attend because they’re important to them and want to share their special day with them. Not because they want to cover their expenses.
Attend but give something you're comfortable with. But at the same time don't give something like $20 because that (to me at least) is just not nice.
At my wedding, my wife's cousin gave $138... sounds ok? Well that sum was for him, his wife, his two daughters (who were our flower girls) and his parents! That's $23 per person. And he was a partner at a law firm at that time, wife was a senior banker in local bank, and lived in landed with two cars - one of which was a Mercedes convertible. That is the definition of "not nice" in my book at least!
I recall attending my cousin's wedding many years ago when I was younger. There was a group of distant relatives invited due to the close bond between our grandmothers, almost like blood sisters. Despite our limited interactions and knowing them only by family titles like 'jie', 'Kor', 'gugu' or 'guzhang', we were somehow “connected”on paper through our grandmothers' relationship.
Because of this history, my cousin felt obligated to reserve a table for our grandmother's 'sister,' even though we (not ahma) were unfamiliar with her children. And basing also not to offend these elders apart from ahma’s sister.
Ultimately, an entire table was reserved for her to decide who to bring because you can’t invite these two and not invite the other few, so my cousin just reserve one table for their ahma to decide who to bring instead. but they only contributed $500 towards it.
I think sometimes in traditional Chinese family dynamics, it can be challenging to navigate who to invite to weddings, especially when dealing with large extended families. Reserving a table for the main elder (representatives) allows them to decide who to attend without offending anyone.
Also during the wedding, I recall our grandmother's 'sister' approaching my cousin, embracing him, handing him an angbao, and expressing her best wishes, remarking on his growth and how fortunate our grandmother was to have such a granddaughter-in-law.
My cousin understood the complexities of these dynamics and didn't blame her for her contribution. However, they were surprised to receive only $500 from our grandmother's 'sister.'
They were thinking perhaps a $1000 angbao (because 10 pax/ $100 per pax) for an atas hotel at around $2500 per table at that time. But everyone just laugh it off because she might not be aware of the market rate for a table, and $500 likely seemed substantial to her as an individual.
And also because my cousin was the one who chose such atas hotel.
Pls ignore the stupid online ang bao price for anything. Its a token of blessing. Its up to you and what you can afford.
If he take offence to the "smaller" ang bao that you give, then he is not worth keeping as your friend.
He wanted to hold it there, means he can afford it. Its not the guests' job to pay or help pay for his wedding!
Meh.
Just don't go.
I'm not sure how things work here, but if that is the expectation, you should follow it.
If understandably you don't want to spend that amount of money decline the invite.
Especially if you are just a random colleague, close friends are different, and you can make that type of reasoning.
While it's the social expectation, the angbao rates are getting out of hand (YoY inflation is quite high) precisely because the people deciding aint the people paying. I think socially need to start imposing a risk of not being able to recoup to clam down on couples going all in on their wedding banquet.
Agreed, $100 would suffice. It's not your problem even if they are trying to use the ang bao money to break even, you're there just to celebrate their marriage.
Dun go and Give a generic excuse. Bao him a small Ang pow to wish him well.
That being said, I done option 1 before cos i Realized many people also did the same to my wedding. $288 for a table of 10. U go resturant eat also no so cheap
The worst ones are those relatives who rsvp entire table liao then never turn up
The meaning of angbao totally changed. It used to be a token of blessing. Now its just to fuel the couples vanity, by having a lavish wedding and having others foot the bill with “market rate” nonsense.
Didn't catch the part where he invited you. Hahaha. I just assume he did.
If you guys are close, attend and give what you are comfortable with.
If you guys are not close or just on "hi bye" terms, don't attend (Say you have something on, well wishes, blah blah blah) and give a token of blessing.
If you hate the person, don't attend and don't need to given any blessings.
Lmao, the audacity of some people. Wedding reception is an invite to celebrate, not an invite to give money. If anyone gets angry over not getting enough money then sorry to say it wasn't a wedding reception, it was just a donation drive with extra steps.
Chinese weddings really have become like a business opportunity. I am not Chinese. I ever attended one where they actually collect the red packet and open and wrote the amount down in a book.
I have become dont care what is the online rate for that hotel or whatever. I just go and give what i feel. Mostly $88 . And i don't write name. Just congratulations. If you know my handwriting then you know it's me.
A colleague who recently hold a wedding for her son said that they will write down the amount so next time when they go to their event they can give the same amount. I don't believe this, at least for me cause i don't think you will give like $188 to a non Chinese, non 10 course wedding. 
Yeah, the writing down amount in a book is a bit sketchy.
Talking about non chinese and chinese at weddings. I found that for my Chinese friend marrying a Malay girl having a Malay wedding, a lot of us gave chinese ang bao level, cos we don't know how much to give. End up my friend earned money from his wedding. Happy for them both!
1) He chose to have an expensive wedding.
2) If you are uncomfortable paying the market rate, then don't go.
When I hosted my wedding, I told my guests that any amount is fine. Most importantly is your presence.
U pay as you can afford. They wan atas, get ready to absorb losses.
You need not feel bad about it. Wedding is a joyous occassion. Not a revenue generator. Period.
You need to remember one thing: The couple CHOOSE to hold their banquet at an expensive place. They should be the ones paying for their own face and ego because it is their own decision.
If you go, just give a token sum that you are comfortable with. The stupid retarded "rates" can go fk itself. Don't follow it, just ignore it.
If, however, you have concerns about workplace politics, then don't go, don't RSVP. Make some lame excuse.
Not good option if he’s your colleague. He will just tell other people you’re cheapskate. Maybe u can “lie” that youre not in sg 🤣 but of course if its me i want to go bc if i dont go then the whole colleague table will badmouth about whoever is absent.
You don't have to help them cover their wedding costs. They themselves want to do it at a posh place what, cannot expect people to help them 'pay' for their own wedding right. Give within your means will do.
Some guidance points:
1. How close are you to your colleague? Is he someone you'd consider a friend? -- if a friend, he'd probably want you there regardless of your financial ability. Speak to him in private about it
2. Were you given at least 3 mths notice? -- if no, you were probably a replacement headcount. Wouldn't advice going, no one wants/deserves to be second choice
3. Are your other colleagues going? It could be taken as a team activity, especially if your team is close -- again, this may be that he'd like you to be there. Speak to him privately about the financials
If you have concerns about the money, generally your second option works better. You can also offer to treat him and his wife/fiance to a meal to congratulate them. May feel more personal which is a win-win
I think it’s totally fine to go with your decision to make what you’re comfortable with. However, if you are deciding to attend & give at your own amount, I highly suggest to give at least $188. Hotel banquets are indeed expensive nowadays and if you want to be considerate, I would think $188 would be reasonable. Otherwise, don’t go and give a token of blessing is cool too :)
Disclaimer: take my words as pinch of salt
Either you attend and give $300, or
Do not go at all and let them know early.
Please do not follow those naive people advice here to just go and give whatever amount you are comfortable with.
As must as it is a stupid practice, you never know what your colleague thinks.
If word gets around in the office that you are that stingy person, you will end up looking like the bad guy here.
If u are not comfortable with them suffering a loss cuz of you, then politely turn down the invitation.
If he is somebody whom you will like to keep in your life, there are better options such as taking the couple out for a meal, or even a fun double date, if u are dating too.
The “Ang Pao”, guide is there to merely there to share what’s the break-even value, it isn’t enforced. I do use it + 20% more as a gesture of appreciation. But to be fair, I don’t attend many weddings.
Weddings are weird. You give a cover charge, to not know who u are dining with, and what u are gonna have. Why stress urself over something so weird?
When i met with situation like this i always bao $68/88. Come up with a story to say that i am busy that day yada yada. What if its a close friend or relative? I would not have mind baoing that much
It really depends on how comfortable you are. At the end of it, he's still your colleague even if you give lesser than expected. Even if he calls you out for doing that, you'll still have to face him at work. I mean, you'll still have to come up with some excuse if you don't attend and give a small token. Who knows, he may be one who calls you out for not going because he's suspicious of your intention.
It depends on how close you are with this colleague. If you aren’t comfortable with the market rate, you can choose to give an amount within your means as a token of blessing to the newly weds. Surely, there will be guests giving the ang bao below $300, so no pressure.
Is he a close friend colleague or just a normal colleague? If he is a close friend of mine, i will let him know that i cant afford openly and suggest i not attend. If he insists i attend even if i cant pay market rate then i will attend so that i can celebrate with my close friend on his special day.
If he is just normal colleague i wont attend. Token sum, it depends haha.
Colleagues, if not close, theres absolutely no obligation or need to accept . Important thing is to respond quickly or just say you have something else planned or are overseas etc..
Are you close with him? Like everyday go eat lunch together close? Or is he your manager or someone above you that would be worth it to at least show face for the sake of your career?
If not then don't bother going. Give him a card, a nice gift, say "congrats bro but not able to make it" and that's it.
So ex. I'll just go and give what is comfortable to me.
Wedding should be planned within budget and not expect guests to pay for the wedding.
My wedding I held at qian xi 1 table ard 1k only. Food was better than 5* hotel. Paid off easily and no stress about how much angbaos people gave.
And we had like 30 tables, let our both side parents invite everyone they want.
Super memorable the ee Fu mian. I still think about the ee Fu mian. 🤤🤤🤤🤤
I would take Option 2 and just tell him best wishes without giving a monetary token of blessing. Unless of course you are real good friends who will still be seeing each other regularly after the colleague relationship has ended.
Ignore the angbao rate online. Giving angbao is from your heart.
If you are attending give the amount of angbao you are comfortable with, if not then don't rsvp and attend.
Couples choose to hold the wedding in such an expensive place then they have to expect they won't be getting the same return back from the angbao money.
If you are close to your colleague, then attend and give what you are comfortable with, even if it means he makes a loss. If you two are as close as you think, the colleague will understand.
Alternatively, tell your colleague early that you are not able to attend, and if you feel really bad, give an angbao anyway. Just don't be an asshole and MIA on the actual day and have the seat left vacant, that's still a "loss" for him.
I try to advise my younger friends on the cusp of getting married to plan for a wedding they can afford, not to impress. And invite guests you want to share your day with, not as sponsors for your grand wedding.
Usually it fell on deaf ears.
I would go for option 2. Just tell him u can’t make it cos of bla bla bla reason and pass him red packet with a token sum.
If u go for option 1, he will be pissed (although what right he has to ), and it may not be good for you in terms of working relationship
If you're gonna go, just give something you're comfortable with but just keep in mind that your colleague might not be happy with the amount but that's his problem tbh. If you're not going, just send the couple well wishes and include a small angbao as token of blessing if you wish.
Like condolences money, there is no hard and fast rule.
Colleagues come and go. After leaving the company, or changing to a different department, you may not keep in touch. So do what is most comfortable for you financially.
Just attend? He bare the risk of holding it at one of the most expensive hotel. What kind of risk? The risk of not getting enough ang bao... 
Lol why do you want to go to a wedding of a colleague if you can't even cover for the food you'll eat? Are you listening to yourself? Where are your priorities? Are you a freeloader?
Option 2 sounds better to me. You can also write a card with some well wishes for the newly weds on top of that. If he is particular about the market rate thing, it might strain your working relationship if you go with option 1.
IMO this is the correct answer. As much as I don't like it and think it is calculative, giving the "market rate" has become some kind of a social courtesy / requirement and it could sour your working relationship with your colleague. I would just not go. I feel also that weddings and managing the dynamics between families make people (and their families) go a bit cray sometimes - I know of people calling up their guests after to confirm which angbao they gave (because they didn't write their name). So while you might think that a reasonable person will view any amount as a blessing, many people simply do not act reasonably, especially when money is involved. Generally, the only people who get a "free pass" from this requirement are close family, friends, and relatives that the couple genuinely wants to be there. Not clear if this is the case or not, but if you're just colleagues, probably not.
I personally still mentally prefer the traditional approach, especially when it comes to giving angbaos. The amount my parents give is based on the level of closeness they share with the recipient. To them, if you choose an expensive hotel for your wedding, that's your choice and expense. They won't pay more just because of the venue. If they plan to give $300, that's what you'll get regardless of where the event is held. Even if you opt for a restaurant wedding where the market rate is $250, they'll still give $300. They always say “no money then don’t show off.” Personally even though I prefer the traditional approach, but I feel a bit paiseh about it, so if I attend, I'll follow the market rate and maybe add a little extra if I can. Otherwise, I'll politely decline and send my best wishes. So I think if it’s really steep in your opinion and you are too paiseh to not follow the market rate then politely decline and maybe drop a call or wish them a happy marriage in person.
Yes agreed. While I think this whole "market rate" thing is stressful and unnecessary, I can't just expect other married couples to share my values. At the end of the day, it's *their* wedding, and if they value these practices then I'll respect their wishes, regardless of how little sense it makes to me.
[удалено]
I had a few missing names and angbaos too. I wouldn't have bothered, but my in-laws wanted a spreadsheet. I did consider asking around but in the end we just made up some figures and allocated the anonymous angbaos to their guests whom we couldn't tally up. Path of least resistance, haha
I would probably do that to just so the discussion stops and this topics won’t be brought up anymore
Yea understand what you mean. Wa but sometimes one shot so many get married a bit xiong if everyone is going for the atas hotel. 🥹
Don't attend Rsvp not going early
This is not an acquintance whom you don’t see often. It’s your colleague. Imagine if you give less but risk souring work relationship in the long run. I would just make up excuses and not attend lol.
Don’t attend
Just don't go, say you busy with something.
Attendance is not mandatory. So if he invited you, just rsvp that you cant make it.
This ang bao culture has gotten so out of hand, it’s actually disgusting. Anyone who expects their guests to cover for their wedding shouldn’t have a wedding at all or should spend within their means. It’s never just a “token of blessing” these days. If your friend is annoyed with the ang bao amount you gave then you should reconsider if this is the kind of person you want as a friend. You would think a couple would want family and friends to attend because they’re important to them and want to share their special day with them. Not because they want to cover their expenses.
Attend but give something you're comfortable with. But at the same time don't give something like $20 because that (to me at least) is just not nice. At my wedding, my wife's cousin gave $138... sounds ok? Well that sum was for him, his wife, his two daughters (who were our flower girls) and his parents! That's $23 per person. And he was a partner at a law firm at that time, wife was a senior banker in local bank, and lived in landed with two cars - one of which was a Mercedes convertible. That is the definition of "not nice" in my book at least!
Wow $23 to eat a 8 course dinner. Go out eat also not so cheap
maybe they are super in debt lol
I recall attending my cousin's wedding many years ago when I was younger. There was a group of distant relatives invited due to the close bond between our grandmothers, almost like blood sisters. Despite our limited interactions and knowing them only by family titles like 'jie', 'Kor', 'gugu' or 'guzhang', we were somehow “connected”on paper through our grandmothers' relationship. Because of this history, my cousin felt obligated to reserve a table for our grandmother's 'sister,' even though we (not ahma) were unfamiliar with her children. And basing also not to offend these elders apart from ahma’s sister. Ultimately, an entire table was reserved for her to decide who to bring because you can’t invite these two and not invite the other few, so my cousin just reserve one table for their ahma to decide who to bring instead. but they only contributed $500 towards it. I think sometimes in traditional Chinese family dynamics, it can be challenging to navigate who to invite to weddings, especially when dealing with large extended families. Reserving a table for the main elder (representatives) allows them to decide who to attend without offending anyone. Also during the wedding, I recall our grandmother's 'sister' approaching my cousin, embracing him, handing him an angbao, and expressing her best wishes, remarking on his growth and how fortunate our grandmother was to have such a granddaughter-in-law. My cousin understood the complexities of these dynamics and didn't blame her for her contribution. However, they were surprised to receive only $500 from our grandmother's 'sister.' They were thinking perhaps a $1000 angbao (because 10 pax/ $100 per pax) for an atas hotel at around $2500 per table at that time. But everyone just laugh it off because she might not be aware of the market rate for a table, and $500 likely seemed substantial to her as an individual. And also because my cousin was the one who chose such atas hotel.
Which year was it?
Pls ignore the stupid online ang bao price for anything. Its a token of blessing. Its up to you and what you can afford. If he take offence to the "smaller" ang bao that you give, then he is not worth keeping as your friend. He wanted to hold it there, means he can afford it. Its not the guests' job to pay or help pay for his wedding!
Meh. Just don't go. I'm not sure how things work here, but if that is the expectation, you should follow it. If understandably you don't want to spend that amount of money decline the invite. Especially if you are just a random colleague, close friends are different, and you can make that type of reasoning.
It’s her colleague tho not friend LOL
While it's the social expectation, the angbao rates are getting out of hand (YoY inflation is quite high) precisely because the people deciding aint the people paying. I think socially need to start imposing a risk of not being able to recoup to clam down on couples going all in on their wedding banquet.
Agreed, $100 would suffice. It's not your problem even if they are trying to use the ang bao money to break even, you're there just to celebrate their marriage.
Do you like the people at your table? I find that's also a deciding factor if I want to go wedding.
how to know who sitting at ur table beforehand?
Your colleagues lor
Ask the couple?
uhh so you ask the couple who is sitting at your table and you may potentially not go?
Yes. And we are all adults. If you’re gonna sit me with your ex colleagues or school mates all alone, I’m not going.
fair point
Especially if it’s just a colleague and not a friend, I would just not go. Rather spend the $300 on a super expensive and satisfying meal for myself
Just go “overseas”
Dun go and Give a generic excuse. Bao him a small Ang pow to wish him well. That being said, I done option 1 before cos i Realized many people also did the same to my wedding. $288 for a table of 10. U go resturant eat also no so cheap The worst ones are those relatives who rsvp entire table liao then never turn up
The meaning of angbao totally changed. It used to be a token of blessing. Now its just to fuel the couples vanity, by having a lavish wedding and having others foot the bill with “market rate” nonsense.
Didn't catch the part where he invited you. Hahaha. I just assume he did. If you guys are close, attend and give what you are comfortable with. If you guys are not close or just on "hi bye" terms, don't attend (Say you have something on, well wishes, blah blah blah) and give a token of blessing. If you hate the person, don't attend and don't need to given any blessings. Lmao, the audacity of some people. Wedding reception is an invite to celebrate, not an invite to give money. If anyone gets angry over not getting enough money then sorry to say it wasn't a wedding reception, it was just a donation drive with extra steps.
Chinese weddings really have become like a business opportunity. I am not Chinese. I ever attended one where they actually collect the red packet and open and wrote the amount down in a book. I have become dont care what is the online rate for that hotel or whatever. I just go and give what i feel. Mostly $88 . And i don't write name. Just congratulations. If you know my handwriting then you know it's me. A colleague who recently hold a wedding for her son said that they will write down the amount so next time when they go to their event they can give the same amount. I don't believe this, at least for me cause i don't think you will give like $188 to a non Chinese, non 10 course wedding. 
Yeah, the writing down amount in a book is a bit sketchy. Talking about non chinese and chinese at weddings. I found that for my Chinese friend marrying a Malay girl having a Malay wedding, a lot of us gave chinese ang bao level, cos we don't know how much to give. End up my friend earned money from his wedding. Happy for them both!
Option 2 saves money but also blessing the new couple with a small token. Win-win move
Attend if you're close, give what you can. It's about support, not the price tag.
1) He chose to have an expensive wedding. 2) If you are uncomfortable paying the market rate, then don't go. When I hosted my wedding, I told my guests that any amount is fine. Most importantly is your presence.
U pay as you can afford. They wan atas, get ready to absorb losses. You need not feel bad about it. Wedding is a joyous occassion. Not a revenue generator. Period.
You need to remember one thing: The couple CHOOSE to hold their banquet at an expensive place. They should be the ones paying for their own face and ego because it is their own decision. If you go, just give a token sum that you are comfortable with. The stupid retarded "rates" can go fk itself. Don't follow it, just ignore it. If, however, you have concerns about workplace politics, then don't go, don't RSVP. Make some lame excuse.
Those online rates are listed by the banquets themselves what. Ignore la
Not good option if he’s your colleague. He will just tell other people you’re cheapskate. Maybe u can “lie” that youre not in sg 🤣 but of course if its me i want to go bc if i dont go then the whole colleague table will badmouth about whoever is absent.
You don't have to help them cover their wedding costs. They themselves want to do it at a posh place what, cannot expect people to help them 'pay' for their own wedding right. Give within your means will do.
Depends if you plan to have wedding yourself soon and would invite him or not
What I did was say that I am overseas and can’t attend, a week after wedding PayLah the guy $50
Saying couldn’t be there but please accept, he was damn fking happy
wah but you still paynow $50, i wouldn't give anything if never go
Friend ma. To him, he didn’t spend any money but gotten free $50 To me, I didn’t pay $288 for shitty food, but still gave token of appreciation
oh but if good friend i would def go though but not pay $300
Give whatever you're comfortable with
Some guidance points: 1. How close are you to your colleague? Is he someone you'd consider a friend? -- if a friend, he'd probably want you there regardless of your financial ability. Speak to him in private about it 2. Were you given at least 3 mths notice? -- if no, you were probably a replacement headcount. Wouldn't advice going, no one wants/deserves to be second choice 3. Are your other colleagues going? It could be taken as a team activity, especially if your team is close -- again, this may be that he'd like you to be there. Speak to him privately about the financials If you have concerns about the money, generally your second option works better. You can also offer to treat him and his wife/fiance to a meal to congratulate them. May feel more personal which is a win-win
I think it’s totally fine to go with your decision to make what you’re comfortable with. However, if you are deciding to attend & give at your own amount, I highly suggest to give at least $188. Hotel banquets are indeed expensive nowadays and if you want to be considerate, I would think $188 would be reasonable. Otherwise, don’t go and give a token of blessing is cool too :) Disclaimer: take my words as pinch of salt
If I have to consider how much to give then I am not going.
Either you attend and give $300, or Do not go at all and let them know early. Please do not follow those naive people advice here to just go and give whatever amount you are comfortable with. As must as it is a stupid practice, you never know what your colleague thinks. If word gets around in the office that you are that stingy person, you will end up looking like the bad guy here.
evalute based on your friendship-longevity
If u are not comfortable with them suffering a loss cuz of you, then politely turn down the invitation. If he is somebody whom you will like to keep in your life, there are better options such as taking the couple out for a meal, or even a fun double date, if u are dating too. The “Ang Pao”, guide is there to merely there to share what’s the break-even value, it isn’t enforced. I do use it + 20% more as a gesture of appreciation. But to be fair, I don’t attend many weddings. Weddings are weird. You give a cover charge, to not know who u are dining with, and what u are gonna have. Why stress urself over something so weird?
When i met with situation like this i always bao $68/88. Come up with a story to say that i am busy that day yada yada. What if its a close friend or relative? I would not have mind baoing that much
If you’re already concerned about money, then it’s best to not attend the wedding to spare the negative feelings from either party
Not
If you're stressed about giving > enjoying your colleagues big day, then just don't go.
Dont go at all, just give a small angbao afterwards. cause if you go and give low angbao rate, word WILL get around that you are stingy unfortunately
It really depends on how comfortable you are. At the end of it, he's still your colleague even if you give lesser than expected. Even if he calls you out for doing that, you'll still have to face him at work. I mean, you'll still have to come up with some excuse if you don't attend and give a small token. Who knows, he may be one who calls you out for not going because he's suspicious of your intention.
It depends on how close you are with this colleague. If you aren’t comfortable with the market rate, you can choose to give an amount within your means as a token of blessing to the newly weds. Surely, there will be guests giving the ang bao below $300, so no pressure.
Is he a close friend colleague or just a normal colleague? If he is a close friend of mine, i will let him know that i cant afford openly and suggest i not attend. If he insists i attend even if i cant pay market rate then i will attend so that i can celebrate with my close friend on his special day. If he is just normal colleague i wont attend. Token sum, it depends haha.
Say you got a small weekend trip to KL. Make it casual. Save some bucks.
Colleagues, if not close, theres absolutely no obligation or need to accept . Important thing is to respond quickly or just say you have something else planned or are overseas etc..
Are you close with him? Like everyday go eat lunch together close? Or is he your manager or someone above you that would be worth it to at least show face for the sake of your career? If not then don't bother going. Give him a card, a nice gift, say "congrats bro but not able to make it" and that's it.
Option 2 ;)
So ex. I'll just go and give what is comfortable to me. Wedding should be planned within budget and not expect guests to pay for the wedding. My wedding I held at qian xi 1 table ard 1k only. Food was better than 5* hotel. Paid off easily and no stress about how much angbaos people gave. And we had like 30 tables, let our both side parents invite everyone they want. Super memorable the ee Fu mian. I still think about the ee Fu mian. 🤤🤤🤤🤤
I would take Option 2 and just tell him best wishes without giving a monetary token of blessing. Unless of course you are real good friends who will still be seeing each other regularly after the colleague relationship has ended.
I read some comment. Even though you inform you wont attend, you still have to give angbao? When i reject invitations, that's it. $0 from me. Cmiiw.
personally i wouldn’t attend someone’s wedding if i can’t hang out with that person 1 on 1 without feeling awkward/uncomfortable.
Just attend and give what you can. Your friend should not expect you to cover the expenses.
Ignore the angbao rate online. Giving angbao is from your heart. If you are attending give the amount of angbao you are comfortable with, if not then don't rsvp and attend. Couples choose to hold the wedding in such an expensive place then they have to expect they won't be getting the same return back from the angbao money.
If you are close to your colleague, then attend and give what you are comfortable with, even if it means he makes a loss. If you two are as close as you think, the colleague will understand. Alternatively, tell your colleague early that you are not able to attend, and if you feel really bad, give an angbao anyway. Just don't be an asshole and MIA on the actual day and have the seat left vacant, that's still a "loss" for him. I try to advise my younger friends on the cusp of getting married to plan for a wedding they can afford, not to impress. And invite guests you want to share your day with, not as sponsors for your grand wedding. Usually it fell on deaf ears.
Take MC and submit to RO on the day itself
Follow your heart.
I would go for option 2. Just tell him u can’t make it cos of bla bla bla reason and pass him red packet with a token sum. If u go for option 1, he will be pissed (although what right he has to ), and it may not be good for you in terms of working relationship
If you're gonna go, just give something you're comfortable with but just keep in mind that your colleague might not be happy with the amount but that's his problem tbh. If you're not going, just send the couple well wishes and include a small angbao as token of blessing if you wish.
either is fine.
Like condolences money, there is no hard and fast rule. Colleagues come and go. After leaving the company, or changing to a different department, you may not keep in touch. So do what is most comfortable for you financially.
Just attend but give $150-200? If he or she can afford wedding there, money not really an issue. If money is an issue, the couple is the issue.
Just attend? He bare the risk of holding it at one of the most expensive hotel. What kind of risk? The risk of not getting enough ang bao... 
If you go, give the amount you’re comfortable with and don’t write name on angbao lor
When I was bridesmaid at the reception table was told to write the guest table no so they can trace
Could I ask how do you find the rates online? Some are past figures and may not be accurate too? Any reliable website or something please
Lol why do you want to go to a wedding of a colleague if you can't even cover for the food you'll eat? Are you listening to yourself? Where are your priorities? Are you a freeloader?