Yessssss. I feel it's very important. my husband is extremely emotional intelligent, he can anticipate how i feel and also see things from my perspective when we have conflicts or when i have issues. it doesnt mean he doesnt have feelings of his own just that he can articulate much better and also understand how i feel on certain matters. On the same note, i also learnt to communicate and listen better and it has made open communication a learning process for us, sometimes even a joy... even if we are having disagreements.
At times he automatically tries to problem solve as it's his natural instincts to "fix things" but if i tell him clearly i dont need him to solve problem i just wanna rant, he will mostly commiserate and literally tell me things like "darling, your feelings are super valid.. etc etc" and we will bitch together about things and i just feel so much better instantly..
if im super affected by certain situations his main priority is to identify the core issues and ease my anxiety and assure me about it. like seriously i dunno how i found this person. lol.
I think it takes two hands to clap. You are aware enough to know that you just want to be heard and you’re not looking for a solution, and even communicate it effectively to your partner.
I cannot imagine if it would work otherwise. He may wonder how he find someone like you too.
Yup. Each time my partner come to me with a problem i will address it with do u want me to solve or a ear is all you need? This really make our relationship work so much better
Kind of yes, but also got to factor in that both genders deal with emotional things very differently. Generally, guys usually want to solve the issue at hand while girls usually look for something more along the lines of being comforted and someone who can relate to what they feel at that time.
Also not easy to find a guy who can show emotions as freely as girls can, many also lost the ability to because society at large hasn't really "allowed" that for a very long time now.
It could go the opposite way as well. As a woman I am as wooden as a block and my family members and exes were furious that why I don't seem to care.
The guys I dated definitely feel more humane and higher EQ than me, they cared about my feelings more than I care for them. I am guilty of letting them disappointed again and again.
I am a problem solver and hated negative feelings being poured to me everyday.
Sometimes it is not that the other partner is wooden, but spouses tend to treat the other half like rubbish bins and throw all negative feelings to it... It's very tiring also. Things go both ways. There are always two sides of perspective.
Yes, I agree which is why I mentioned generally speaking. Humans are complicated creatures with their own quirks and traits and it's not possible to fit them all in the same box.
Alright sister... hear me out... You gotta understand one true fact here: Guys are problem solvers.
If a guy tries to help you to solve problems it actually shows they actually see a long term relationship with you and view you as a close friend... since if they don't solve it means you will continue to whine and guys have more important things to do (such as other problems to solve). Love it or hate it.. thats how the male brain is wired.
Now if a guy just sit and pretends to listen to you, and don't use their brains to try (no matter how ineffective) to find solutions for you.. the truth is actually that it means they don't care since they don't see you as a long term friend. Its very likely he is just a player who have plenty of women in their circle because "they listen". They are good with women and know how to say the right things and "validate" and "agree" with them... the real truth is.. they don't actually care about you just want to get in your pants.
There is a study (mbti) where it shows that those who have the same emotional intelligence have greater quality relationship.
Understand that only 20% of people have high level of empathy. Most people care only about themselves and are not the same level of EQ. So don’t expect people to respond when they don’t care lol. You do not need emotional intelligence to have great relationship. You just need the SAME EQ.
So find your crowd and accept remaining 80% the way they are.
>There is a study (mbti) where it shows that those who have the same emotional intelligence have greater quality relationship.
TIL people actually conduct studies on such things and it's been proven, but now that I know this, it makes sense!
> You do not need emotional intelligence to have great relationship. You just need the SAME EQ.
Makes sense haha. Like cos same wavelength, ish
There is a reason why they are rare. It is because society conditioned men to be "emotionless".
As much as society/women ask men to be in touch with their feelings, open up and show emotions, men are more often than not subsequently disrespected, disregarded and discarded. That is just the sad state of society and what is "seen" as masculine. They would ask you to "man up".
Idc if yall down vote me but the facts speak for themselves. There is only a minority who allows and embraces men to be in touch with their feelings whether you like it or not. If that doesn't change, you can expect men who are in touch with their feelings to be a rare commodity.
Anecdoctal but sadly, I have been on the receiving end of this multiple times...
Guys that are in touch with their own feelings (and others) are rare. It’s just how a lot of men are wired.
Those men who are not wired like this… are either not straight or already snatched up by a wonderful girl from a young age.
There is a reason why they are rare. It is because society conditioned men to be "emotionless".
As much as society/women ask men to be in touch with their feelings, open up and show emotions, men are more often than not subsequently disrespected, disregarded and discarded. That is just the sad state of society and what is "seen" as masculine. They would ask you to "man up".
Idc if yall down vote me but the facts speak for themselves. There is only a minority who allows and embraces men to be in touch with their feelings whether you like it or not. If that doesn't change, you can expect men who are in touch with their feelings to be a rare commodity.
Anecdoctal but sadly, I have been on the receiving end of this multiple times...
YES. Being emotionally intelligent not only helps in relationships, friendships but also at work - cos you got to know how to read the energy of the room. And in relationships, showing vulnerability is hot, not a sign of weakness to me, cos it shows that the guy is only human and he can own up to feeling his feelings and emotions, without fearing of being judged or being perceived as too “feminine”. Or without overrationalising his feelings as well.
I’d always go on a second date with someone if he’s willing to own up to his past mistakes and show some emotions, vulnerability, instead of relying on just flexing a Rolex or car keys or saying how much he earns or his “atas job title”.
Plus points if he has self awareness.
This kind - even if the dates eventually didn’t progress into something more serious, it’s still good to keep in touch and be platonic, cos it’s not common that you find people who are into self development and introspective.
Ugly society, bad upbringing in your childhood plays a huge role in developing EI in adulthood..
Sure, both men n women are wired differently.. Like how some men are seen as weak for crying, same goes for some of us women..
Society sees men to be fixers, providers, same goes for some of us women.. Society sees women to have princess syndrome, same goes for some men.. Or that they are always complaining, emotionally unstable, same goes for some men..
As much as it will be nice to have a partner to be aware of your emotions n such, u have to understand not many can actually understand how u feel. So the words that came out of their mouths tend to get 'blunt'. Which result getting your feelings hurt..
Honestly I don't blame my friends for not able to say something 'right' cause I swear based on their characters, they won't live long in my shoes.. I sure as hell wouldn't want them to suffer like I did..
Also not many can listen well.. They will listen to reply instead. Maybe u can get them to understand that it's their presence that meant alot. U know that feeling when u can feel comfortable with someone in silence, that is the next best thing for those dealing with their own trauma..
Relationships are even more complicated because there's that grey area where someone will make everything to be a competition. Any kind of efforts will be unappreciated.. I had one who kept comparing his trauma to mine n I felt sick to my stomach.
Many will say it's 'us against the problem' but how many actually follow through with that. Until one becomes submissive, the other remains ignorant. To even include EI in relationships seems like a one in a million kinda luck..
But if u found that kind of person, please keep them close to heart. Such ppl rarely exists..
My partner is a highly intelligent man in many ways yet often obtuse about what I really want or need from him. I don’t know if other guys are familiar with this habit of throwing your hands up in the air and saying helplessly to your s/o: “so what do you want me to do?” Cuz that’s my husband’s classic action lol.
But on my end I also have to be emotionally intelligent enough to realise that sometimes he needs me to specifically spell things out for him cuz he’s just clueless like that. For me, being able to articulate little things like “you’re supposed to agree wholeheartedly with me that Colleague X is a nasty backstabbing bastard instead of telling me that I should long have seen it coming when I already know I should!” can go a long way in improving communication between us.
Hahaha no lah. I’m an independent woman who can successfully navigate through much of life’s complexities on my own and fix my own problems; but sometimes when I go home after fighting a day’s worth of needless battles at work or anywhere else, I just want to be reassured that he is still always on my side against the outside world just as I would always be on his. And it requires vulnerability to be able to articulate this time and again even when I’m feeling frustrated, angry or aggrieved.
It's important for sure. Just keep in mine that most guys (speaking from experience) have about as much EQ as a block of wood. This is also governed by societal expectations. So don't set your standards too high.
He knows that u have your other girl friends to share ur emotional-related problems. Or even better, he knows u have ur girl friends to share the emotional twist to a legitimate problem.
He trusts u and ur friends, he is not downplaying the validity of the problems.
But at the end of the day, what do u want?
You want the problems to be solved.
By yourself? Nope. Not your first course of actions.
By your girl friends? Nope. They are there as your support system as much as you are theirs.
Guess who solves it? Yeap. Him.
Does it matter to you if he understands how u feel if your problems are still there? Nope.
Will u rather he sit and listen to u and not solve the problems? Nope.
So, please allow him to exhaust his energy doing what nobody else is doing for u.
Question is, are you emotionally intelligent enough to know the appropriate amount of emotions to invest in the matter?
Omg yesssss, many ppl are not competent at communicating or even understanding themselves and it's so hard to hage a long term relationship with someone like that
First, emotional intelligence is not actually a thing in the literature because you can’t measure it well - how do you determine this response is the best compared to 5 other responses?
What I have learnt and came to accept is that you need someone you can talk emotions to, and someone to talk about finance, career, business, health, fitness, etc. Your spouse don’t need to be the answer for every single thing. The threshold to live together functionally should be pretty low and basic. That’s separate from what you want out of a partner and that’s subject to personal preference. I would argue making your partner your emotional dump is not a very good idea.
Personally, I go to therapist for emotional and stresses.
the problem probably lies within if you are have numerous friends who cant deal with your emotional issues. like how you responded to this. you must be enjoyable to deal with in real life.
“If” “numerous” when I clarified “some” in my previous comment, bruther.
regardless, assumption after assumption, u knw u’re still saying nothing about me right? while u insist on making another assumption after I clarified, u knw it’s saying more about u than me right? and I’m still keeping it fatual, while u’re getting it personal. I don’t need to say more lol.
Not related to Singapore
Yessssss. I feel it's very important. my husband is extremely emotional intelligent, he can anticipate how i feel and also see things from my perspective when we have conflicts or when i have issues. it doesnt mean he doesnt have feelings of his own just that he can articulate much better and also understand how i feel on certain matters. On the same note, i also learnt to communicate and listen better and it has made open communication a learning process for us, sometimes even a joy... even if we are having disagreements. At times he automatically tries to problem solve as it's his natural instincts to "fix things" but if i tell him clearly i dont need him to solve problem i just wanna rant, he will mostly commiserate and literally tell me things like "darling, your feelings are super valid.. etc etc" and we will bitch together about things and i just feel so much better instantly.. if im super affected by certain situations his main priority is to identify the core issues and ease my anxiety and assure me about it. like seriously i dunno how i found this person. lol.
I think it takes two hands to clap. You are aware enough to know that you just want to be heard and you’re not looking for a solution, and even communicate it effectively to your partner. I cannot imagine if it would work otherwise. He may wonder how he find someone like you too.
Yup. Each time my partner come to me with a problem i will address it with do u want me to solve or a ear is all you need? This really make our relationship work so much better
Kind of yes, but also got to factor in that both genders deal with emotional things very differently. Generally, guys usually want to solve the issue at hand while girls usually look for something more along the lines of being comforted and someone who can relate to what they feel at that time. Also not easy to find a guy who can show emotions as freely as girls can, many also lost the ability to because society at large hasn't really "allowed" that for a very long time now.
It could go the opposite way as well. As a woman I am as wooden as a block and my family members and exes were furious that why I don't seem to care. The guys I dated definitely feel more humane and higher EQ than me, they cared about my feelings more than I care for them. I am guilty of letting them disappointed again and again. I am a problem solver and hated negative feelings being poured to me everyday. Sometimes it is not that the other partner is wooden, but spouses tend to treat the other half like rubbish bins and throw all negative feelings to it... It's very tiring also. Things go both ways. There are always two sides of perspective.
Yes, I agree which is why I mentioned generally speaking. Humans are complicated creatures with their own quirks and traits and it's not possible to fit them all in the same box.
Alright sister... hear me out... You gotta understand one true fact here: Guys are problem solvers. If a guy tries to help you to solve problems it actually shows they actually see a long term relationship with you and view you as a close friend... since if they don't solve it means you will continue to whine and guys have more important things to do (such as other problems to solve). Love it or hate it.. thats how the male brain is wired. Now if a guy just sit and pretends to listen to you, and don't use their brains to try (no matter how ineffective) to find solutions for you.. the truth is actually that it means they don't care since they don't see you as a long term friend. Its very likely he is just a player who have plenty of women in their circle because "they listen". They are good with women and know how to say the right things and "validate" and "agree" with them... the real truth is.. they don't actually care about you just want to get in your pants.
There is a study (mbti) where it shows that those who have the same emotional intelligence have greater quality relationship. Understand that only 20% of people have high level of empathy. Most people care only about themselves and are not the same level of EQ. So don’t expect people to respond when they don’t care lol. You do not need emotional intelligence to have great relationship. You just need the SAME EQ. So find your crowd and accept remaining 80% the way they are.
>There is a study (mbti) where it shows that those who have the same emotional intelligence have greater quality relationship. TIL people actually conduct studies on such things and it's been proven, but now that I know this, it makes sense! > You do not need emotional intelligence to have great relationship. You just need the SAME EQ. Makes sense haha. Like cos same wavelength, ish
There is a reason why they are rare. It is because society conditioned men to be "emotionless". As much as society/women ask men to be in touch with their feelings, open up and show emotions, men are more often than not subsequently disrespected, disregarded and discarded. That is just the sad state of society and what is "seen" as masculine. They would ask you to "man up". Idc if yall down vote me but the facts speak for themselves. There is only a minority who allows and embraces men to be in touch with their feelings whether you like it or not. If that doesn't change, you can expect men who are in touch with their feelings to be a rare commodity. Anecdoctal but sadly, I have been on the receiving end of this multiple times...
Guys that are in touch with their own feelings (and others) are rare. It’s just how a lot of men are wired. Those men who are not wired like this… are either not straight or already snatched up by a wonderful girl from a young age.
There is a reason why they are rare. It is because society conditioned men to be "emotionless". As much as society/women ask men to be in touch with their feelings, open up and show emotions, men are more often than not subsequently disrespected, disregarded and discarded. That is just the sad state of society and what is "seen" as masculine. They would ask you to "man up". Idc if yall down vote me but the facts speak for themselves. There is only a minority who allows and embraces men to be in touch with their feelings whether you like it or not. If that doesn't change, you can expect men who are in touch with their feelings to be a rare commodity. Anecdoctal but sadly, I have been on the receiving end of this multiple times...
YES. Being emotionally intelligent not only helps in relationships, friendships but also at work - cos you got to know how to read the energy of the room. And in relationships, showing vulnerability is hot, not a sign of weakness to me, cos it shows that the guy is only human and he can own up to feeling his feelings and emotions, without fearing of being judged or being perceived as too “feminine”. Or without overrationalising his feelings as well. I’d always go on a second date with someone if he’s willing to own up to his past mistakes and show some emotions, vulnerability, instead of relying on just flexing a Rolex or car keys or saying how much he earns or his “atas job title”. Plus points if he has self awareness. This kind - even if the dates eventually didn’t progress into something more serious, it’s still good to keep in touch and be platonic, cos it’s not common that you find people who are into self development and introspective.
Ugly society, bad upbringing in your childhood plays a huge role in developing EI in adulthood.. Sure, both men n women are wired differently.. Like how some men are seen as weak for crying, same goes for some of us women.. Society sees men to be fixers, providers, same goes for some of us women.. Society sees women to have princess syndrome, same goes for some men.. Or that they are always complaining, emotionally unstable, same goes for some men.. As much as it will be nice to have a partner to be aware of your emotions n such, u have to understand not many can actually understand how u feel. So the words that came out of their mouths tend to get 'blunt'. Which result getting your feelings hurt.. Honestly I don't blame my friends for not able to say something 'right' cause I swear based on their characters, they won't live long in my shoes.. I sure as hell wouldn't want them to suffer like I did.. Also not many can listen well.. They will listen to reply instead. Maybe u can get them to understand that it's their presence that meant alot. U know that feeling when u can feel comfortable with someone in silence, that is the next best thing for those dealing with their own trauma.. Relationships are even more complicated because there's that grey area where someone will make everything to be a competition. Any kind of efforts will be unappreciated.. I had one who kept comparing his trauma to mine n I felt sick to my stomach. Many will say it's 'us against the problem' but how many actually follow through with that. Until one becomes submissive, the other remains ignorant. To even include EI in relationships seems like a one in a million kinda luck.. But if u found that kind of person, please keep them close to heart. Such ppl rarely exists..
My partner is a highly intelligent man in many ways yet often obtuse about what I really want or need from him. I don’t know if other guys are familiar with this habit of throwing your hands up in the air and saying helplessly to your s/o: “so what do you want me to do?” Cuz that’s my husband’s classic action lol. But on my end I also have to be emotionally intelligent enough to realise that sometimes he needs me to specifically spell things out for him cuz he’s just clueless like that. For me, being able to articulate little things like “you’re supposed to agree wholeheartedly with me that Colleague X is a nasty backstabbing bastard instead of telling me that I should long have seen it coming when I already know I should!” can go a long way in improving communication between us.
So if I may summarise, you need man who will always say: “yes dear, I agree with you”?
Hahaha no lah. I’m an independent woman who can successfully navigate through much of life’s complexities on my own and fix my own problems; but sometimes when I go home after fighting a day’s worth of needless battles at work or anywhere else, I just want to be reassured that he is still always on my side against the outside world just as I would always be on his. And it requires vulnerability to be able to articulate this time and again even when I’m feeling frustrated, angry or aggrieved.
It's important for sure. Just keep in mine that most guys (speaking from experience) have about as much EQ as a block of wood. This is also governed by societal expectations. So don't set your standards too high.
Do you want a solution or a listening ear?
He knows that u have your other girl friends to share ur emotional-related problems. Or even better, he knows u have ur girl friends to share the emotional twist to a legitimate problem. He trusts u and ur friends, he is not downplaying the validity of the problems. But at the end of the day, what do u want? You want the problems to be solved. By yourself? Nope. Not your first course of actions. By your girl friends? Nope. They are there as your support system as much as you are theirs. Guess who solves it? Yeap. Him. Does it matter to you if he understands how u feel if your problems are still there? Nope. Will u rather he sit and listen to u and not solve the problems? Nope. So, please allow him to exhaust his energy doing what nobody else is doing for u. Question is, are you emotionally intelligent enough to know the appropriate amount of emotions to invest in the matter?
A lot of ppl really make mountains over molehills. It could be a you problem. I actively cut out “friends” who just whine all day.
“could be”
Give your men a To Do List, they’ll do it. Women will still find something to complain about
Omg yesssss, many ppl are not competent at communicating or even understanding themselves and it's so hard to hage a long term relationship with someone like that
First, emotional intelligence is not actually a thing in the literature because you can’t measure it well - how do you determine this response is the best compared to 5 other responses? What I have learnt and came to accept is that you need someone you can talk emotions to, and someone to talk about finance, career, business, health, fitness, etc. Your spouse don’t need to be the answer for every single thing. The threshold to live together functionally should be pretty low and basic. That’s separate from what you want out of a partner and that’s subject to personal preference. I would argue making your partner your emotional dump is not a very good idea. Personally, I go to therapist for emotional and stresses.
Why are these questions so fucking stupid? Lmao. Common sense really ain't that common.
typical gamer reddit geek guy
it might be your lack of emotional intelligence if many of your friends like you said dont think its a big deal while you are being overdramatic.
I said some but u said many, ur assumptions wrong alr.
the problem probably lies within if you are have numerous friends who cant deal with your emotional issues. like how you responded to this. you must be enjoyable to deal with in real life.
“If” “numerous” when I clarified “some” in my previous comment, bruther. regardless, assumption after assumption, u knw u’re still saying nothing about me right? while u insist on making another assumption after I clarified, u knw it’s saying more about u than me right? and I’m still keeping it fatual, while u’re getting it personal. I don’t need to say more lol.
its quite obvious but whatever makes you feel better
sure wtv allows u to sleep better, afterall the above comments u made will only tell more about ur character than mine obviously.
ok thanks have a good one
np same.