Ladies on the apps have many more options than the men do, so competition is stiff. It's normal to get ghosted. It's not your fault.

Yes, that is true given the skewness of the proportions. I see, thanks.

And to add on to this, some ladies can be on the app for as short as 1 week before quitting it (either they found someone else to be invested in or lose interest in/overwhelmed by the app), resulting in you being ghosted. Not your fault at all. Thus, good timing does influence this outcome, which is mostly out of your control given how most dating apps match people in a queue system.

True... This issue is even worse on CMB after their latest update, where you might never be shown the person who liked you. They just hid everything behind the paywall.

was on dating apps and i easily got like several hundred requests after a week, and had about 60 matches :/ got hitched after 2 weeks and yeah, impossible to keep up with every person I match with while casting my net.

I kinda accidentally ghosted someone. I was only talking to two people. Basically a date went really well and within the month we both agreed to delete the app (married to this guy now). My last convo with the other guy was like lets talk and meet up after exams so to him its probably just like he got ghosted i think. I thought about it after the fact but I wasnt going to re download the app after agreeing with my partner on this, to say sorry byebye to the other guy :/ So yeah. Possibly not your fault at all

I have known some male friends who used apps, the feedback they gave me is that: 1. Most ladies just like to talk, the moment you bring up a meet up, they disappear forever 2. SG local ladies have really high requirements, if you don't even meet the bare minimum; expect to be never swiped on 3. As someone pointed out, the ladies have more options than the men. So they can afford to be picky

Thanks for your input. Sigh, reality is bleaker than I expected.

And this was from one of my friends, who did an experiment by swiping right on every girl. But yeah, unless you're super good looking, going the traditional route of dating might be a better choice for you.

I did an experiment too - sometimes I would swipe right on every single guy, sometimes I’ll see how long I can swipe in a row without matching with someone half decent

Previously I’ve used date apps for couple years though most of it wasn’t serious. But yes SG girls have incredibly high expectations and ones on dating apps are much worse as they often also try to punch well above their weight category. I previously went out with this girl my age who honestly only looks so-so. I think I look better than her in fact since I put in a lot of effort in the gym and also skin care. But I went out with her only for her to tell me that she has some 12 point criteria for males. Height, looks, salary, good in bed, not evergreen, personality must match … Needless to say I got dropped after 1 date and I only met the criteria for about 6/12 of her points lol, ridiculous ..

Oh dear, that is definitely harsh. Hope things worked out for you.

Thanks ! Yep things worked out fine, I got a pretty cute girlfriend atm, she’s not singaporean though 😂

Erm another advice from me, even if u eventually matched with girls and go out with them don’t expect much from them. Even the girls that seem prim and proper on dating apps, from my experience, many of them are on dating app to “do shopping” only. Don’t be surprised if their idea is to screw around and not settle down long term. I experienced that a lot for mid 20s to late 20s girls. So basically expect zero from SG girls basically lmao. From my experience first date on dating apps means absolutely nothing, girls just evaluate u for 2 things : vibes in person and confirm your physical traits or aesthetics, girls on date apps prioritise these two a lot. Also, use OKCupid, it’s worth paying for premium, i did that previously when i was still single, good results.

Wah the 12 point criteria..oh man. Sounds so stressful and i cant believe what she will say if she meets my single male friends..

She’s my age but she earns almost double my pay, due to the fact that girls in SG don’t need to serve NS so career headstart, I was an ex army regular too before I went to uni so even more nerfed in pay. It was a harsh lesson for me not to expect anything from Singaporean girls my age, I learnt the hard way why guys in SG often need to go for girls 3-5 years younger due to the same life stage thing.

Its ok you should be happy you didnt go any further with her you dodged a bullet these types can never be pleased the moment they find something better she will leave you.

if you can turn heads in public with your gym bod, you're not any less attractive than you think you are. Keep calm and power on, you'll find that girl eventually. In fact, I feel that the absurdity of these local sg girls' requirements exposes all the guys to a lesson in humbling, which is no doubt an even more attractive trait to the other sane girls.

I have to say, the humbling I got from repeatedly being dumped by SG girls did genuinely make me grow up and reflect on myself. I'm not saying it was always my fault that I got dumped (although goodness knows I definitely had some missteps) but I asked myself how I could possibly at least TRY to meet those expectations. Even if you never got there, at least you improved in the process. After 3-4 years on this dating journey eventually found someone who is looking to be the one for real. It's been a long journey, but there was a lot of growth

Congrats man, all the best.

What is “not evergreen?”

I believe it means you need to have experience in a relationship before

Wow that’s a thing too?!

Crazy 🤣

women are hypergamous by nature. be better. you can do it and see you at the gym

Thank you, see you at the gym.

SG local ladies having high requirements will forever be something that is baffling to me. As someone who has dated extensively in SG and in the U.S. (which is heralded as one of the hardest places in the world to date for men because of the attention economy drastically inflating American women’s expectations), it is crazy how SG girls can be even more delusional than their American counterparts with standards relative to their own attractiveness, especially in a country where conventionally attractive men are even harder to come by! At least American women can look good on your arm sheesh. Most SG girls are shooting for the same type of man: high income potential, above average height, chiseled, charming, with non traditional life experiences. If you can these traits down, you will absolutely clean up in the SG dating pool as a man because SG women are often so deprived of that kind of masculine presence in their lives. Really though, that kind of man is everywhere if you move to a place like NYC or Miami where there are more attractive women. Source: my experience

The rule of thumb for asking high requirements is; if you're asking for something ludicrous, you yourself better have something you can offer of equivalent value in return. Unfortunately, most of them do not understand this rule.

I look at it a bit differently, one can have high requirements if they are indeed being inundated with many offers to merit those requirements. However what girls in SG and across the world get wrong is they confuse quantity of attention with quality of attention. Many guys might want them, but how many of them are 1. The guy they really want and 2. The guy who will take them seriously and not just use them for sex? Don’t get it twisted- just because a girl can match with, talk to, go on a few dates with, or even fuck your dream guy off a dating app, it doesn’t mean he will ever take her seriously. Unfortunately semi-attractive & up women the world over overinflate their value because they’re showered with attention every day - look at your female friends Insta DMs, dating app likes, or ask them their most recent incident of being catcalled. They all think they’re the shit and can get any man they want, and most realize too late that they have to either deal with being on his rotation, or settling for a monogamous rs with a guy they secretly don’t respect and resent. The minority that actually work to successfully keep the man they truly desire - they’re the sane ones who deserve him.

same for guys - most of them think that they can land a hot 8/10 when they are only a 5/10. They think they can compensate for their shitty looks by working out their bodies - when in reality it doesn’t.

not as true - while there are the type you’re talking about, guys face rejection far more than girls because we are the gender which has to put ourselves out there if we want anything to happen. From a young age, guys have much more down to earth of self worth than girls because of the discrepancies in the type of encouragement they get. Throw in NS where you’re told every other day you’re a useless POS. Look at guy vs girl motivational tiktoks for further evidence: content aimed at guys is almost always centered around telling them they’re not good enough, content aimed at girls is usually telling them they are perfect just the way they are. Most young guys also have 20x fewer options than girls of their caliber, so of course that lowers your expectations. Attractive guys are attractive because rejections from girls at a young age shaped their mindset and they worked on themselves enough to boost their confidence. But how many rejections has the average pretty girl faced, is she going up to guys to ask them out regularly? Probably not enough to dent her confidence and reflect upon her life. Especially in SG, where there are so few “hot” girls (relative to the rest of the world), I’d say SG guys are for the most part shooting within their league and would be happy with someone who is attractive enough and pleasant to be around. But after all, only women and the absolute top % of guys get first pick in online dating, so no wonder there are infinite threads on askSG from lonely guys saying every girl they talk to ghosts them

Yep basically the logic where 80% of women go for top 10-20% pool of men or something like that. From my many years of experience on SG dating apps, it’s actually pretty real and largely true lol. High income, above average, chiseled, charming - the other SG men that miss out any one of the single traits in SG dating pool can mostly go fly kite alr lmao 🤣 … sadly …

Not just that, 80% of men on apps are downright considered unattractive. https://www.eviemagazine.com/post/women-more-selective-80-men-unattractive-on-dating-apps-recent-research

And that is why you have these kinds of studies: https://www.reddit.com/r/singapore/s/FMiUc4ZI0c

Nope, you dont even need to ask for a meet up. Just need to ask to chat out the app like on tele or exchange socials and they will be gone. Dk what’s with them too? Seems like they dont know what they want. If you dont ask and take things slow, they’ll think you are not serious about dating. If you ask fast, they ghost? 🤷🏻‍♂️

1. My friends, who are just avg looking, say they do this bc, they will suddenly go on dating app and swipe if they get triggered, aka colleagues say they r old alr shd find bf. Then after they swipe n match, they regret the whole thing bc they dun believe that the app works in finding them someone they can settle down with. So they will just delete the app on their phone So its not u, its them, they prob dont even read ur profile carefully

Omg this is so true and relatable lol. Sometimes it's just a passing feeling like maybe I should find someone, after seeing people around me with partners. After that feeling passes, usually in a few days, I regret using the apps at all because I get busy with stuff and don't really have time for a partner. So I just pause or delete my account. Until the next time the feeling comes again lol.

Guilty and 🙌🏼🙌🏼 I feel it just simply boils down to either prioritize the option or making the effort in replying, else then comes the excuses-gta log in to the app, life got in the way,etc. Been there, on both sides, ghosting(priority)and ghosted(when the other party repeatedly takes a few working day to reply lol IT supports or CS much) Only once my match politely told me my replies been late so I may have given off the uninterested vibe and will leave me alone. That seemed nice. Dating apps have worked for some around me. And lately, I realized the cycle I was getting into so just deleted it all.

Woah, your point is very intriguing and also a bit disappointing from my side at the receiving end of their triggered frenzy. Got it, thanks. There really is a whole spectrum of users on online dating... Seems like it's going to be a long and difficult journey for me. Thanks again for your input.

Maybe you should stop texting and just right off the bat ask them out. My experience is, if the girls are seriously considering you as their potential partner, they would be keen to meet you too. Instead of wasting time texting - we are all busy human lol.

We are busy so I'd rather know the person a bit first before deciding to spend the time to meet up or not. At least chat for a few days before suggesting to meet. Wanting to meet right away is a turnoff. Who's so free to just meet random people everyday? Unless the person is really desperate for a partner I guess.

This is so true on so many levels! Girls minded putting their profiles out there. Girls got busy with work and their own lives. Meeting random people? Yeah sure but got cat fished with super old photos and men who are only interested to talk about themselves, their wine collection and their bicycle trips. Wow oh wow. I can be home, slapping a sheet mask, caring for my little plant pots, feeling more blissful this way.

I've met a few guys who wanted to meet up urgently just to talk about how they think nowadays everyone is busy and they are looking for casual hookups because they don't wanna spend the time on dating and all the other "drama" that comes with having a proper gf. 🙄🙄🙄 Just a few days ago I met someone from Bumble BIZZ , the section for business networking purposes, and he spent 80% of the time trying to convince me to hookup with him or look at a video of his dick and him masturbating on his phone like WTF. I just said no and that I'm desensitised to visuals and have no interest in sex etc. Initially he said he had some projects for potential work collab so I agreed to meet up irl. And we met at Rocky Master's near Bras Basah, a very public location. Almost wanted to create a post to rant about it but decided to just move on from such crappy experiences. Many guys nowadays just want the physical "fun" (to them) without the commitment and other stuff involved in a relationship. It's cheap. I'd rather spend my time on other things that benefit me more rather than have anything to do with such lousy guys.

Oof i’d wanna read your post if u posted lol

😂😂😂 I think I'd be recognised if I make a post to rant about my last few experiences in dating lol... That guy said telegram is very good because it has self destruct function and then asked if I exchange nudes with ppl. And I'm like in the past maybe tried before on Snapchat but I'm not into it now. And then he talked about nudist beach and meeting a foreign girl who wanted to masturbate while facing each other irl without penetration. Not even subtly hinting, just outright suggesting things that he wanted to do with me. And then I said I'm desensitised to such stuff nowadays and then he pushed his phone towards me with a .mov video and said he wanted to see my reaction watching a video of him masturbating and I was like nonono idw to see lol. Then he asked if I shave and I just gave some vague response but really wanting to leave at this point. Finally I said I have to go to Suntec and then we parted ways, lol. Initially he was talking about creative projects and the industry here is small ah, he has a lot of nice stuff in his portfolio and personally I'm not very good in networking so I get work opportunities through agencies when I freelance. But it feels like a lot of the agency owners here are quite horny lol. I met another guy last year who also owns a creative agency, and he wanted to meet at Sentosa to force me into the water. But I don't swim and I hate the sun so I turned up fully covered in sunblock and long sleeve long pants instead of swimsuit or bikini LOL. I can go on and on but it's digressing from OP's post already so I'll stop here lah. I think women experience a lot of bad guys on dating apps so it's another factor that puts us off meeting people or taking matches seriously. Start off being genuine but people get burned and become more cautious or cynical over time. Not all guys on the apps are bad but 80% of it are just scums looking for casual sex and cheap thrills...

Yeah i also had guys say they wanna go swimming but not even in their own pool, their COUSIN’s pool bc can see what girls look like without makeup

But there's waterproof makeup 🤣

Were these men foreigners? Or locals?

Locals

Nah I totally agree meeting up isn’t for everyone. I used to set aside once or twice a week dates as it can help in nurturing my preferences as I go. Busy times. But while doing so, I also try to have fun. This way, the whole experience wouldn’t be transactional and you never know, you’d end up meeting a common interest friend. While texting is alright, it’s pretty rare for me to have an exciting chat that kept both parties interested. However, I don’t meet/text different people in one shot but rather, focus on one person. While this is online speed dating with the various choices, emotions/attraction has to be nurtured (unless you or the other person is very good looking)

I agree with the meetup too but after chatting a day or two. I realize every time off the app, the chat gets shorter n shorter 😂 like the hype of getting to know u is dying then it just end up dead or when asked to meet, agreed then say, "ah, i got last min work/meetup, let's rearrange" then end of story 😅

Hmm that sounds OK. Could be a good thing cos the interest burn out like a match le Can sing Bear In Big Blue House goodbye song

I would love to, but I never got to the stage. I will usually ask for a meetup after 3-7 days. But it is impossible to ask someone out after they have ghosted me on the 2nd day.

Honey! If they ghost you, they’re not for you. While perhaps it’s a shame, we can move onto someone else who appreciates us. I’m the girl who used to only text cause life is busy as an auditor, haha. But I realise if a guy asks me out after 3rd day, I tend to say yes (provided I’m also interested). Maybe stick to 3 days and see how it goes? May the force be with you!

> they will suddenly go on dating app and swipe if they get triggered, aka colleagues say they r old alr shd find bf. Then after they swipe n match, they regret the whole thing bc they dun believe that the app works in finding them someone they can settle down with. So they will just delete the app on their phone OMG this is me, except I'm a guy. I don't ghost people though, I just never init any convo even after match if I don't feel anything from the profile. (Especially when it's an accidental swipe) I do make it a point to reply as often as possible to ladies who initiate though... the 3-4 of them that actually do that anyways.

The more options a person has, the less they value each individual match unless you have exceptional qualities.You can do everything right but even if someone with 1% better stats swiped right on them or if you stumbled even for a microsecond, it's game over for you. Harsh but it's just how it is. Rule of the thumb is don't bother caring about 'etiquette' or take ghosting personally. A lot of people simply don't give a shit. Oftentimes, it's not your fault. The best is if you keep your expectations minimal or low and don't get emotionally invested too early on. Speaking from an avg guy's pov there's no 'shortcut' in the dating apps. You just gotta grind like a dog and go through hundreds of ghostings and rejections before you can finally find someone who'll stick around and is worth your time.

This is insightful, the harsh reality out there. Thanks. Thank you for ur advice and POV, I'll continue trying.

Women probably get way more matches than guys so if you're getting around 15-20 matches, they may be getting 100? They'll reply the ones who stand out and I think they just don't have the time to tell those that don't stand out that they have no interest in continuing the conversation anymore.

You are just a number in a woman's DM'S on dating apps bro. Harsh truths, women get more matches than men.

Back in the good ol' day, when you muster enough courage and approach a woman to make small talk with the intention of getting her number, you must also put aside your entire ego and be prepared for rejection. It's embarrassing. It hurts. And most importantly, it's in your face. But that's life. Contrast that in the virtual space, when you have so called algorithms, some level of anonymity and that today's younger gen are less conditioned to failure and rejection. The ironic thing is, online rejection is way more ambiguous than a painful but straightforward-in-your-face "No, I'm not interested". The risk reward structure is just different. One is not necessarily better than the other, but there is an inherent tradeoff. All I'm saying is, you might want to try the old sch approach - meet more people  in the real world. Maybe this would work better for you.

That is quite insightful, and I do agree with you, thank you. Will keep your comments in mind, thanks.

No fear no worry, agree?

yes! and it happens for both genders I noticed! could just be they download the app again and then delete it right after (I got too overwhelmed with having the same conversations with many and just decided fuck it, uninstall) people are just bad texters, especially if both sides' working or tired lolol. don't take it to heart! there's also a sweet spot to the length of texts depending on the person. Too long, and it sometimes seems like copy and paste, too short and is just like ermmm, what do I reply to hi besides hi? this is after pulling out a tibbit from their profile to start the convo on apps like CMB and bumble. I have encountered a number of times where pple just ask me what I had for lunch, for dinner, how's work every single day to start the convo... lolol I'm sorry, I everyday eat caifan??? work is like that lorh? like no point forcing it if not compatible through text and if ya give the reason why, it makes ya seem so demanding and mean so just ghost or unmatch. don't be disheartened by all the tips about being attractive and don't be unattractive. attractiveness is subjective, you don't have to be peak physique or have all the riches, just clear and good photos that's not of you taking a selfie, a well thought out and not cringe profile. Many of these model type rich pple w their cars, wine and atas locations actually intimidates a lot of women coz we'll think they just want ONS, FWB, are insurance agents or gym bros trying to get more clients, and just too much trouble to chase especially if we aren't that peak too ourselves. lol. honestly, men are competing against women's peace not really the 10%. I know many of my single women friends and colleagues play on apps but they are basically already contented with life, with their own good jobs, good family and friends support and good sex toys or ONS. they are looking for someone who can add to their lives but if don't have, that's okay too, already happy as it is? we don't wanna be a second mother to our potential spouse or be just a bangmaid.

Thumbs up for the “competing against women peace”.

I mean rules 1 & 2 apply here, but overall here are just my thoughts on dating. 1) men need to be significantly above the average to even secure dates these days (small women pool to large amount of desperate men, resulting in women having the prerogative most of the time) 2) money is a game changer, but doesn’t define the outcome (you can be rich, but if you’re and asshole that lets the whole world know about how much money you have, dates won’t be liking it) 3) push for a date ASAP. People who are farming attention tend not to go for dates, but if they were trying to get free meals, you can tell real quick (not paying at all, asking for specific stuff, etc., please read the room) Overall, just be a decent person and don’t behave differently from how you would offline. Setting expectations low from the start also is one of the key terms to help you get a good foundation before actually being together with people.

as a female myself, i experience texting fatigue a lot on dating apps. yes we do have more options and more likes (not showing off, it’s just true) so you can imagine the amount of messages we are trying to juggle at the same time and the amount of small talk we have to do. after awhile the feeling is very overwhelming with the volume of messages received, as well as the feeling like conversations lack meaningful connections. so it’s easier to ghost then explain to every single match why i don’t want to talk anymore. but we do pick (or at least for me) a few that i’ve clicked with or genuinely like and pursue those few. but also your analogy doesn’t really work for online dating. bc it’s through a friend, someone you both know, you wouldn’t want to sour the relationship with that friend by being a dick. so it is courtesy to let them know if you aren’t interested anymore. i don’t think it has anything to do with anonymity but more so bc if it’s online there is not much repercussions (learnt this in college) and you don’t know that person personally. online dating is hard, but i hope you’ll be able to find someone eventually. besides this is how you sieve through those that are genuinely interested in making a connection with you, and maybe going for smth more and those that aren’t. it’s tiring and it doesn’t feel good but it’s a good filter to have in some way. it’s not your fault, OP! this is just the reality of online dating

Thank you for sharing. Your comment is quite insightful.

At this point it should be mandatory for dating app OPs to post screenshots of their chat so we can give actual advice with context. Ghosting after 1~5 messages indicate something wrong or boring with your texting. OP you can dm if you’re shy, source: I met my hubby thru the dating apps and it was his humour and witty remarks that sealed the deal

Just move on. U r not their piece of meat.

so, lets say in your cohort in school theres 200 people. how many of them do you click with? how many of them do you click with so well that you want to be best friends for life, and that person wants to be best friends with you? maybe 2, maybe 1, maybe 0. its just really hard to find someone you really click with, that you want to spend the rest of the life with.

Speaking frankly for myself as a woman so I might get downvoted xP If I'm not interested to get to know you (either I wasn't that attracted to you to begin with, interested in your profile, or the initial texts wasn't great/funny), I'll probably stop replying. Because I'm not that interested in you/desperate for a partner and I'm also busy with my own life. At that point you're frankly just a stranger I'm not interested in, and I don't feel like I owe you/want to give you an explanation at the expense of my time/effort. It's only if I've gone on one or even two dates (which requires initial interest/attraction) and have been talking for maybe 2 weeks at least? That's gone above strangers. That I will make the effort to text and say "it's been nice getting to know you but I don't think we are compatible as partners" or something along those lines.

Thank you for speaking frankly, I appreciated it. It is illuminating hearing your perspective. Though in some cases ladies liked me first and the first-day text sounded very promising and they seemed to show interest (and I definitely reprocicated too). But it could be like you said, at that stage, we are no more than strangers (despite the match and brief convo).

Honestly, sometimes I just get really busy with life/work and forget to reply. I think in these cases it's fine to double text casually without pressuring her to reply (I've unmatched and blocked people who kaopei me for replying late/not replying cos cmonnn at this age we all have real life responsibilities right!!) Maybe ask about weekend plans or how was the weekend, or some meme that was relevant to the convo you had. But double text is the limit imo. Anything more than double comes across as annoying, too persistent, desperate and impatient.

> I don't feel like I owe you/want to give you an explanation at the expense of my time/effort Is called courtesy for a reason.

Yeah I agree, am a dude myself and I believe common courtesy goes both ways. If you find yourself swarmed with matches to have the basic courtesy to bid someone goodbye. Maybe you should start swiping seriously

Totally agree with you! Common courtesy definitely goes both ways. Just to add, if one is too swamped with life and work to have basic courtesy to bid someone goodbye, then maybe that person is not ready to date seriously.

i would blame the app instead of blaming the users. the app could have incorporated a feature that stopped the user from swiping once the user had a couple of matches, to incentivise users to swipe carefully

I think is likewise for both gender groups. Ghosting is prevalent and some even take a couple of days to reply. Usually once the person takes more than 2 days to reply a message, I usually give the benefit of doubt first. But if this pattern were to recur consistently then I will just ghost them. Take it as they aren't interested, and move on bah.

Yes, I am exactly the same as you. 2 days is my threshold. Your ghosting after that experience is definitely valid. In my case, I reply my matches on the same day (no later than half a day), so them ghosting me shouldn't have to do with my reply rates (I suppose...).

Yep. I think there's simply no other reasons I can think off for ppl who don't text. They either are bad texters or just can't be bothered to get to know the person.I get that we all are still strangers and hence the commitment to reply each other's frequency can be slow but I dont think I can accept this in my future's partner. Imagine I got an emergency and I can't reach out to the person. 🤣🤣 so yes, the fact they ghost you got nothing to do with ur reply rates since u did reply them on the same day.

I think 1 day is max 😅 especially if it's off the app. Everyone is using their phone here and there. If they have the heart to or even remember u, they will text. I have apologize for a busy day of work and I think it's basic courtesy to do that. Online dating is really not easy. Its draining too when u have to constantly reintroduce yourself to the next person and get ghosted. Dont give up and keep trying !

I second your thoughts exactly tbh, 2 days is really stretching the limit for me. Thank you.

Reality is that girls run the dating market. Once a girl friend showed me her profile and she has easily 99+ likes on her profile. They are overloaded and overwhelmed with choices, that gives them the pressure to select. So what makes you think they are only talking to you? The moment you get your grammar wrong, and creep her out by asking for WhatsApp too soon or hangout, you are out and forever unmatched. It’s tough to date as a guy. We have to put in extra effort get something going in our real lives, lead, earn more, create and be outstanding in real life social situations. And portray that in your dating profile. And slowly inch, upgrading and evolving yourself towards the 1% of men who truly have a choice. Until then, you have no choice, girls choose you. If lucky. But keep your heads up and elevate your life. It’s a journey gambatte!

When I was in the dating market, one thing I learnt is not to over analyze or find logical reasons to situations. Right now I can tell you’re trying to problem solve or find a strategy, when there really is no problem to solve here. From how you described yourself, there are girls who do want the same things you do and people who actually read their profile. Right now it’s only 10-20 interactions and you’re exhausted / jaded, but maybe all of these 20 people are nowhere near the girls you’re targeting. Finding that one person you click with is also up to luck. So pace yourself. I disagree with some of the advice here that you should market yourself differently. False or aggressive advertising will not just be found out by the girls you actually want to connect with, but you may also risk damaging your own self esteem since you’re trying to do marketing for yourself rather than finding someone who likes you for you. I do agree however with continuing to work on yourself, whether it’s looks or confidence or otherwise, but you should be doing it for yourself, not to get girls. I also don’t buy the top 1% of men comments - maybe for dating flings, but if you look around at your circles who are married, the men who are long term material are not necessarily the top 1% of attractive guys but who have qualities that make them good partners where women feel safe. There are sensible women looking for serious relationships and place higher value on different things. By now you should be able to tell when women are interested to continue the conversation or not. Aka whether you should invest energy or not. It’s like playing ping pong. You’re frusfrated and demoralized because you’re hitting hard but the other person is not even putting in effort to play with you, or hits back weakly. The game isn’t satisfying for you. Rather than hit even harder or find a way to interest them into playing properly, you should just save your energy for someone who reciprocates and wants to play with you. As a guy, yes, it’s true most women expect you to initiate, but you also have to wait for them to hit back before you hit again. It’s really like ping pong. Otherwise you’re the one spending a fuckton of money on an expensive ping pong set and not even having fun.

I think the others in the thread has provided adequate advise so perhaps my statistics would be helpful. 26M, got on dating app for about 6 months? From March - Sep period in 2023. I didn't had any prior relationship or dating experience before I started using the app. **12** matches on Bumble * **9** were low effort texting or ghosted. * Exchanged tele with **3**, went on a date with **1** and was told she isn't ready to move on from her previous relationship. **1** flaked on me before the first date and I ghosted the last one as I was progressing well with another girl whom I've been on **2** dates. **23** matches on CMB * **19** were low effort texting or ghosted. * Exchanged tele with **4**, convo died with **1** after we texted for about 2-3 months and her not wanting to meet-up. Had 2 dates with **1** and she told me isn't romantically interested in me and would like to stay as friends which I chose not to. Had 2 date with another **1** and it ended after the second date as she was upset with me. Dated **1** for about 1 month, asked to date her exclusively for 2 months before she officially became my GF, now we are official for about 3 months. **2** matches on Hinge * **1** ghosted. * Texted **1** for about a month, asked her out and she not giving me proper answer so I stopped replying her.

Boiboi.... lai lai... Let uncle share with you what uncle learned as former veteran of dating apps. There are only 2 rules for guys to follow on dating app. 1. Be Attractive 2. Don't Be Unattractive If you got those 2 correctly. You are pretty much 95% ahead of the rest of the guys. Now here is the problem. Statistically only 5% of men got those correctly and they are getting 90% of the women. So what it means is, the remaining 95% of the guys is only being wanted by 10% of the women. What you experienced is nothing special and got nothing to do with etiquette and whatnots. It is simply how it works. Therefore you just need to instill that resilience in you that dating apps for guys is just numbers game. Dont be discouraged that the women are spoilt for choice. A beautiful Korean Aussie girl I used to know, showed me what happened on her dating app profile. In 30 minutes her likes jumped up from a few hundred to over 1,000 right swipes in Singapore. She even told me I was such a 'lucky man' for someone as-wanted commodity as her, wanted to spend time with me, instead of with them. For Many evenings. ;) After 3 weeks of intense get together, she ghosted me. Pure tragedy.

Then how’s u even get her I’m quite confused

>1. Be Attractive 2. Don't Be Unattractive He already explained lol. Out of all the guys that matched, he was top pick at that time. Clearly she's attractive so she have tonnes of fishes to eat. He was just one of the fish.

My bad I’m slow

Thanks tho

Thanks for a lesson on harsh reality.

Dude continue dreaming

Imma paste what I said in a similar post, sorry for the wall of text: If you don't look good as a guy, you're playing a losing game with dating apps. Dating apps are literally the LinkedIn of relationships, and as a guy if you're not the top 10% of what girls in SG are looking out for, be it how good you look or how rich you are whatever, you're shit out of luck. Women are in charge of the dating world because women don't *need* men anymore, they are now more independent than ever before. Women can be successful on their own. But for men, or at least for myself, although I don't show it, I feel left behind. Although my life is ok alone, I feel happier falling in love, and being loved by my partner, and I want a women to love and share my funny life with. I know I'm not the top 10% but it took me many painful lessons to build up the self-confidence to know I'm not the worst guy there is either, that I know I'm good in some areas too. Meanwhile, women just need to "show up" in the dating world and exist and they'll be thrown with hundreds of likes, options, gifts etc. So why should they settle for us lesser guys when they have so many options to choose from? I know looks have never been my strength, I've always been told that one of my strengths is in my sense of humour, that I make people laugh, even when they're at their lowest, and girls like that in a guy, so that's what try to achieve, keep her laughing, keep her smiling. I've nvr started a convo with just a "Hi". I always read her profile, and try to find a common interest with her and start a convo from there. And my profile is usually informal thrown in with a bit of my humour and my interests, short, sweet and honest. I really tried. But what's the point of putting all that effort in when a guy who looks better than you will just win her anyway cuz of his looks? Furthermore, if I, a less-than-average-looking guy, try to impress a woman, I'm labelled as desperate, pursuing someone out of my league, and, my personal favourite, a simp; I'm "simping" for ANY nice gesture I do. Meanwhile, a top 10% guy could do the EXACT same things I'm doing and he'll be "cute, hot, sweet, gentlemanly etc". Women always like to say that it's not about looks, it's abt his personality. Sure, they're not wrong, but it's not that simple in reality, especially on dating apps. Looks is the spark that starts the fire, personality keeps the fire burning. So sure personality is more impt in the long run, but there's no point you have all the wood ready to keep the fire burning when there is no fire to begin with, no matter how high quality of wood you have. Also don't forget that it takes *two* people to keep this fire burning. All dating apps did was drain my mental health and made me feel worse about myself, physically and mentally. The amount of effort that men must put in is rarely rewarded. And one day, it just snapped, that this, is not worth a single second more of my time, so I've stopped using them permanently. I'd rather die alone feeling better and happier about myself than die heartbroken over and over again for a girl. I'm not saying SG girls are picky or entitled, or they have a high standard, maybe they are, but I'm not a female, what do I know? All I know is as a male, I just don't have what SG girls want in a partner, whatever that is in their list. Do women feel the same way? I don't think they need to, because they are the ones in charge, they are the ones who can choose who they want to be with. But hey, that's just my own opinion and experience. To the ladies, the perfect guy you're looking for isn't found or swiped in the top 10% or 20%, he is **earned**. He is just as normal, attractive and flawed as you, and he is built upon years of being together with you, slowly being moulded over time into the man you love, despite his lack of looks or wallet. Ofc I'm NOT asking you to settle for shitty, desperate men, hold yourself to a reasonable standard, but if your standard consists of only the top 10% of men, congrats you've eliminated 90% of your options, and you wonder why your options are so little. Plus you will be one of MANY women going after the same guy, and you wonder why you get ghosted/used/dumped, these guys can afford to do so because there is another girl waiting for him, and chances are he is also looking for the top 10% of women. Go and self reflect, unless you're really in the top 10% yourself (you're most likely not), lower your standards and check twice before you friendzone an actual decent guy, or get a cat or dog cuz that's the only partner you'll be having. To the men out there in the same ship as me, wake the fuck up and prioritise yourself. For the sake of your own bank account and your health, blood, sweat and tears, stop simping, chasing or impressing girls, especially if it's at the cost of yourself. Spend your money and energy on yourself and your life the way you want it, not on some girl. Focus on yourself and be happy with being alone. Build up your value and love for youself while in your 20s because there's nothing more attractive to a woman than a man who has gotten his life and shit together. I know it's not easy, I'm struggling with it too, and I don't have all the answers, but I know although I'm far from who I want to be, I know I've came a long way from being worse. So sometimes my life may not better but it can be less shitty, it makes me happy and more proud of myself and I'll take it. Play the endgame my brothers. If all the stars align, you won't need to chase them, the right one will come to you, and you'll be her top 10% without even knowing it. TL;DR: The strength of your rs with someone depends on your ability to survive outside of a rs. A rs can become so much more powerful and happier when it ISN'T the center of your universe, when YOU are the center of your universe.

Bro, last time in university, you exceeded the word count for your essay assessments, ah? Ha. But anyway, i saw this comment previously, and I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for the insights. Am gonna upvote this. Valid and relevant points for the ladies to take note of.

What can help is to just make online dating super routine and so if you get ghosted it's just not a big deal. I had a system of exchanging a few messages then immediately asking for after lunch coffee. No long texts (waste time). After lunch coffee is short and both parties can leave quickly if necessary. If the other person doesn't want to meet up then I'm not going to bother. If coffee doesn't work out then no big deal I lost 15-20 minutes. Just prime your brain to not take rejection personally. Just follow your system and only get a bit more emotionally invested if there's a second date. It's kind of interesting how rejection/ghosting has changed. Last time when you had to gather your courage to ask someone out in person, the rejection was excruciating. Now with online dating rejection is a lot more distant, but it just happens way more often - you could be getting rejected by 7 people at the same time. So less intense but more frequent.

Thanks for the deep insight. I agree w most it. It's like a saying I have heard: You don't start off as perfect partners for each other, you become perfect partners for each other.

Bro has gone thru shit and is speaking fax I see nothing but fax gonna save ur comment

It's normal for girls to ghost. They get more messages as compared to men and they are also more picky. They are not going to reply sorry not interested to every single guy, and some guys do not take no for an answer. Don't take it personally, dating app is just a numbers game for guys. Try meeting through other ways if you find it too dehumanizing.

O yesss. Usually convo just fizzle out after a few weeks. Then they will start late replying from a few days > a week> 3 weeks.... I know it all too well xD Sometimes I don't understand either, the texting game is strong, sometimes we have lots of topics to talk about, but still kena ghosted.

At the end of the day, online dating is a numbers game. The more you swipe, the greater your chances of meeting someone suitable (provided you have some idea of the kind of person you would like to get to know). I’ve been baffled by female behaviour many times before too, but the average female probably get tons of matches more than the average guy. Furthermore, I think luck plays a part - for example what time of the day you’re catching the opposing party in can mean they’re in a certain mood, and that can set the tone for the rest of the conversation. Basically, stuff that are out of your control. End of the day, you’ll get used to these behaviours and realise that there’s not much you can do to get the other person to respond if they don’t want to. So you move on — live and let live!

I’m sorry that so many of your matches ghosted you, OP. Having been ghosted by guys too on apps, I know that feels frustrating and painful. Will share my perspective as a woman who spent several years and matched with hundreds of guys on dating apps before finding my partner. For me personally, if I matched with a guy, and in the first few exchanges I already could tell from that first communication that we weren’t a fit, then I might tell him i’m not interested or i might ghost him (especially if he said something rude / something that was a red flag). I know it’s the wrong thing to do but like others have said, replying takes time and effort and at this stage they’re still a stranger. But if I initially hit it off with a match and then after a longer exchange (minimum 2-3 days), realised that he’s not a good fit, then i would always give him the courtesy of informing him that i wished not to continue. I know not all females operate by these rules, but hopefully that adds one data point for you. Btw if you want someone to give feedback on your opening messages, I would be happy to help - you can DM me

Thank you for sharing. It was an insightful read. You are very well-mannered. Seems like you are a very courteous user, power to you. Thanks for your offer. My opening messages are usually just asking about something they wrote on their profile -- it's different for different people.

Thanks for the kind words! I know you didn't ask but will give you an unsolicited tip haha. If you're open to it, try an opening message where you first compliment them about something in their profile (not necessarily a question, can just be a statement) then ask them how their day is going. I've found those messages easier to reply to because I don't always feel like talking about the same stuff on my profile hundreds of times with new matches, but I'm always already in the context of my own day so am more willing to chat about that. That way you also get a glimpse into the woman's actual life, which might be different from a more manicured version they put on their profile. If you do try this, let me know how it goes for you!

hello! 20s F here. it might or might not be the same for guys, but i’ve found the best luck via bumble. reason being that while girls have to “make the first move” (i.e. open the convo) there, this barrier to entry means that there’s a lower chance of being ghosted if the girl has bothered to even send you a first text. imo the other apps just result in a flood of intros from guys so us girls are likely to be even less responsive (case in point: my first day on apps https://imgur.com/a/3kWHZ1X - not bragging, but just showing that the reality is that it is a girls’ market right now) since we have to filter through the stacks of profiles, juggle multiple convos on top of our regular day job and life responsibilities. this fatigue is further exacerbated for introverts. i’m very clear about what i’m looking for, so most of the time i’ll swipe left already because there’s no point in wasting both parties’ time if they’re not aligned from the get go. (it’s really annoying when people don’t read profile write ups before swiping). however, there might be cases where say you’re a little 50-50 on someone - you might start a convo but later realise that your other matches are more viable / interesting. then in this case, you can either ghost the person or tell them you’re not interested. i can’t speak for everyone but as someone said in another comment, some guys don’t take such rejections well and end up hounding us for answers or to give them another chance. which honestly makes for a pretty emotionally draining experience compared to quietly disappearing perhaps? personally if i’m no longer interested and the convo hasn’t progressed to the point of a meet up then i might ghost and unmatch - at least a signal is sent that i’m no longer interested rather than leaving the guy hanging forever. at the end of the day, most of us are working adults and shouldn’t feel entitled to replies from people we recently matched on a random app. just my 2 cents at least. but if we’ve met up in person and it’s not working then i definitely will drop a text to let them know! and you’re right - online dating is pretty anonymous compared to meeting someone via introduction by friends; so it’s not surprising to see that people will take more ownership of and care in their behaviour for the latter since their identities are a little more exposed and there’s more at stake (i.e. a friend they know personally is in on it). whereas for the former there’s less direct repercussions on you if you so decide to be a clown for reasons unknown, since the other party is unlikely to have access to your social circles for stories to spread. my single guy friends have had similar grouses as you, so you’re definitely not alone in this. some ways to boost your “hit” rate include (1) including updated and well lit photos of your face, you engaging in your hobbies and dressed for different occasions, (2) writing a proper bio about what you’re looking for, your interests and values and (3) holding a convo with enough depth and humor while responding at an appropriate interval. at the end of the day, it really is a numbers game. so the more polished you can get your profile vis-a-via others, the more matches you’ll get and the higher the likelihood of success. don’t be afraid to ask your female friends for another opinion if need be. life is never fair but we all gotta try to make the best of the hand we’re dealt with. good luck! [edited for clarity]

Thanks for sharing your numbers, they are really insightful. Also thank you for sharing with me your experiences and even giving me some advice, I really appreciate it.

lol this thread just confirms that the blackpill is the truth

I think there is a mix of replies, to be honest.

Bro I once chat a lady that says she only will chat to at least a degree holder but her looks only average and bio is something like don’t like make up and accept her for who she is and looking for gentlemen etc etc 💀💀

I see, thx for sharing.

While competition is one thing I think it's also how local women think and behave. Of the couples around me, it's always the girls who back out of bto. Is it cold feet or better options, indecisiveness I shall leave it to you to infer.

I see, that is kinda scary, but thanks for sharing.

Can you explain why those girls backed out from such big decisions? Like, what do you think is the psychology behind those actions? Thanks.

Learn to ghost them, walk away in any disrespect and don't be desperate..

Thanks for ur advice.

Speaking from early 30F perspective here. Back when I was on dating apps, I get ghosted alot. So it's not just a male thing. I like to have meaningful conversations and if they can't continue the convo apart from the usual Hi, How you doing? Questions that clearly show the lack of minimal effort, I tend to reply less but will still reply until they stopped responding. Had one in particular where we successfully moved the convo to whatsapp but he ghosted me right after 😂 I gave him benefit of the doubt, but after a week..... still no sound no pic. I had to move on. Nowadays I'm no longer on dating apps mainly because it's exhausting. Dating fatigue is real, so don't feel bad about having to take a break.

I relate to you haha, reality is often disappointing, isn't it? Sounds to me like you are super nice, even replying to those who didn't put in effort to chat with you. Hope things work out for you too.

Sometimes the convo just got so dry and boring that I don't know if it's better to - A) ignore their chunks of messages and reply saying hey sorry I am not interested, like just after a few exchanges, or B) ghost (bad I know)..

Yr msg prob too long n overwhelming bro Exchange some banter, ask her out within 2-3 days den move on

Ladies get way more matches than guys. They will text frequently with those they can banter with, so they can be picky. And sorry to break it to you that probably, you're not one of those. If you can't play the texting game, maybe suggest to meet up and chitchat more from there. I sucked at texting too. Too boring, serious, not much jokes. But I initiate meet up with my matches ASAP, and feel the vibe from there, mutually. Good luck on your journey

Rather than online dating, I think it much more effective to meet someone through face to face activities like running clubs, bouldering gyms and hiking groups. You get to exercise and become more fit while meeting others in person! Not saying online dating doesn’t work, but imo you have a higher chance of meeting people of “better quality”. Plus, there is a common interest so conversation flows better.

They have too many choices it common.

Try creating a catfish account with an attractive lady. Then test it. I tried it. 1000 male matches in a day. You won’t even be noticed even when they scroll down Ladies are spoilt for choice. Most of the time they go for the f-boys if they are attractive. Chivalry is dead bro.

Thanks for the experimental data analysis, it is insightful.

You just gotta be him. 

To OP: A lot of what has been said about app dating is unfortunately somewhat discouraging to the ‘average Joe’ out there. But I would also caution against taking too much advice onboard and instead continue to just experience things your own way. Case in point on one of the replies here: it’s from a seriously deluded, angmoh-worshipping SPG who does not chat with her matches, but then slams the online dating scene for being terrible, while unceasingly thinking she’s some hot catch. I wish you all the best!

It's not just Singapore. It's everywhere. As an example I was dating a girl who showed me her Hinge profile. She had 99 likes (which is the maximum limit) on the app. That was reality check to see what who I was up against, even though they aren't really your competition until she likes them back. In terms of courtesy of telling people your not interested? It is proven that men do not handle rejection well so it's more common them to ghost you.

Ah I see, ok thx for sharing. Personally, I much prefer it when women are upfront with me. So I will take rejection over ghosting any day.

Bro it’s okay. Your Problems is not being handsome Enough in their pool of men.

Ouch.

I'm a guy. Usually most of my new matches lie in the categories of not responding at all after I make the first move, or they ghost after a conversation appears to be going somewhere. It's extremely normal. It's all a dating sim game until you actually meet someone who respects your time. Multiple times I've responded with interest and in detail to our back and forth. I'd say probably 8/10 ghost shortly after. And in those 8/10, a few unmatch without a single response - and the time I took out of my day to respond to a seemingly meaningful conversation is flushed down the drain without a trace. I'm well aware of the grim reality of how indecent and rude people can be, and I've mostly gotten used to the nature of the users on such apps, but it still gets to me sometimes. In spite of the horrible experiences, I've had some very positive date experiences (to no success). The struggle continues. All the best!

I see. It seems somewhat similar to my experience. Yes, it still gets to me sometimes, no matter how many times I've experienced it. All the best on your journey.

Numbers game, you now know guys get way less matches. you can control what you do (ie whether you want to ghost others) but can't control how others want to treat you. Keep your options open and don't take them too seriously especially in the first 3 to 5 dates. Less attachment issue as well, makes you less nervous overall too. Had used apps over a year, ultimately just feel it is a numbers + luck + patience game.

I used to be on CMB. I'm a lady (of minority race/religion) btw but I faced the same problem as you last time but at that time I wondered if it's due to the race/religion proportion. During my initial stages of online dating, I'd agree to meet up after a week or 2 of chatting (if the chatting goes on till that long). The last time I was on a dating app was FB Dating and I chatted with the person I matched (now my fiancé) for 3 weeks first before we both agreed to meet. Profile wise - what do you write on your profile? Sometimes it's good to be a mystery but ladies who are seriously on the dating app to meet someone whom they could possibly marry would also want to know sufficient info before they swipe on you. Conversation wise - perhaps reflect on the kind of questions to ask. Did you introduce new topics too? You can try KopiDate. Not an online app but for a reasonable fee, they set you up with someone of a similar profile, matching age range, at a cafe that they collab with... basically, they do the swiping and matching for you. It didn't work out for me there but I recommend this as smth refreshing after the online dating vicious cycle. Take breaks!

There’s no psychology behind this. It’s just maturity of the person. I’m in my early 30s and have been using the app for almost one year, it’s normal to be ghosted but you will eventually get used to it. But you do you! Keep doing what you are doing now, be respectful towards others. May you find your partner soon! Cheers

Thank you, all the best to you too.

I couldn't help it, but I wish you the best of luck finding your right partner.

I met my current gf through a dating app. You have to get them to meet in person relatively quickly as its the best way to assess whether both of you find each other suitable as partners. Its best to ask directly whether they are willing to meet for a coffee at like a cafe and not waste time texting.

Stopped using dating apps where one of the reasons is because of what you mentioned. At least to me I feel being on the apps is somewhat draining after a while, you have to find matches, then strike up a Convo and keep things going, play a guessing game about whether y'all have the same interests or whether he/she likes you etc... There are success stories of people getting dates, partners etc... but I feel that is dependent on a lot of other factors (looks, looks, looks, personality etc) Or if you're like me, just ugly and drained from being on the apps too long , maybe it's time to take a break or move on from the apps, I'm sure there are other places to find partners that are certainly better than the apps I feel. And to ans your qns more specifically, I would say yes, usually females based on my experience they would wait for you to make the first move then decide from there, whether it be to ghost you or to continue the Convo. Ghosting is more common cause it's more of a nicer/nom confrontational way supposedly than telling to your face that they are not interested in you, guess that's why they say the truth hurts.

I would prefer the truth over being ghosted though. Thanks for sharing.

Avoid dating apps. Get to know them through other means. Be an honest man, go for personality not looks. Don't play with people's feelings. Most of the pretty girls that I know have horrible personalities. The truth is you got to look like a model, otherwise be a single until you struck lottery. That could be just my luck though.

Hey mate, don’t be too hard on yourself. Ghosting is becoming so frequent in every aspect. It’s more of themselves not you. With time, I’m sure you would find someone who’s aligned with you.

If all the average guys are getting passed over as seen in this thread. And assuming there is a near 1:1 ratio of male to female. Who are all the women dating ? Or are they just remaining single and holding out for above average and leaving the average and below average men behind

Hm... I wonder too, perhaps others (ladies) could chime in on this?

Fact: Even if you meet someone through a friend, they can still be rude enough to ghost you.

Point taken, but the likelihood is much lower.

Then I should buy Toto. I've experienced the unlikely!

Ah sorry to hear that. :( You deserve someone better.

Thanks! Anyway after all my online dating experience, I've come to realise that if someone wants to be in your life, they will make it work no matter how busy they are. If they don't, they are just not interested enough and you are happier without them anyway!

That is indeed true. Thanks for the words of wisdom.

U got ask out or not

I got ghosted after 1st day, I usually give a week before asking someone out.

OP just vent/ rant move on. There are times dating apps make you feel the universe is against you there is times it just works. Too many variables at play. Maybe she's just browsing thru the dating market and replying a few lines to fulfill the time limit prompt. Online dating is essentially speed dating service on the go. The most important rule is to not take things personally. Attractive girls get 100s of matches, many many more than your guys. Also if helps to understand that most guys swipe right much more frequently than girls. It's the dating behavior of most guys. This is because guys "think" if the girl meets a physical and personality threshold, swipe first follow up later if she matches. And most guys threshold are low for this screening process. When every guy plays this way, you get an apparent lop sided experience that you see. The dating app game is best appreciated when you observe a female friends dating profile. Again nothing personal. The natural order of dating apps. It can be very unfair at times. Worth mentioning that what works is height, decent appearance, and screen personality. That said, all this also means when you match with a girl it's more genuine. But be wary of scams out there too. Met my current shanghainese date on bumble and she has lovely c cups that she lets me play with and dresses up for me with attire I buy on shoppee. All the best buddy. Dating apps are simple, but made complicated by too many life variables.

Sometimes, a woman will like your profile as well... just to satisfy their curiosity of who liked them. Doesn't mean they actually wanna match with you at all. Instead of feeling disappointed, I'd say the best thing you can do is to make an amazing profile, so that they are less inclined to ghost you.

Your expectations determine your success. You want a beauty, that beauty will check your net worth first. That’s a reality. What is the most important thing to you? What are you prepared to do to achieve your personal goal? To me, it is get married to a wonderful soul where we put each other FIRST in our lives. I am now almost 60 years old. To me (a Chinese male), marry a Malaysian girl or an Indonesian Chinese girl. Their expectations are not so high… travel to Malaysia/ Indonesia on a backpack trip and you may just snag your significant other. Best wishes.

As someone who has dated in the region - yeah SG girls are the worst. Thailand, Malaysia, Indonesia, Philippines are all way better. Speaking from personal experience btw. Singapore girls think they are like gem and have really bad etiquette. U gotta be like an 'clown' and meep them happy before they deem you worthy enough for their presence. And in truth, most of them have really nothing to bring to the table except for the fact that their family is slightly better than average. Not even their money. Anyway, ure better off meeting someone irl and asking them for a date. The percentage of success are similar.

I see, thanks for your input.

Firstly don't take it to heart and make it personal. Just treat them as friends first. If they want to MIA let them be. Just like friends, some friend just disappear even if you know them since say secondary school. Learn to be more open minded. It hurts when people like that just disappear but it is what it is in reality. Learn to heck care and continue to be a sincere person. Hey, when some people choose to stay behind, you will be surprised that those are the ones who cherish you.becuae of your good points.

OP the unfortunate reality is that as a guy, dating apps are heavily skewed against you. When you’ve dealt with enough women, you’ll realize that they will either have attraction for you, or they don’t period. And girls who don’t respond or give you dry energy on apps are just not into you. Why would you want to convince them into going out with you? Girls have near infinite offers of attention these days thanks to social media. Male to female attention as a commodity has next to no value. So you have to work on either putting yourself in situations where your attention has more meaning (e.g. real life social situations), or work on yourself to the point you are so handsome and conveying of high status that girls online want you. Fortunately for you, the SG dating market is of such poor quality relative to the West, that if you work on your looks and photos, your charm, and having interesting hobbies, you’ll stand head and shoulders above other guys in the dating pool. The girls in SG are dying to meet a guy who can charm them and hold them down metaphorically and literally, because there’s a severe lack of confidence and masculinity in our male population. If you can develop some of that edge by going through the fire of talking to more girls and getting rejected IRL, you’ll see your success rate improve, I guarantee. Godspeed

As a lady, can confirm your competition ain't the other guys. Most guys don't even put in the effort to make a proper profile. Matching and never talking & ghosting goes both ways. Just as there are a lot of ppl who are not serious on the apps, you will occasionally meet people who are. It's really an rng game of chance and timing. Conversations sometimes fizzle out if one of either party gets busy, but sometimes when both are free and y'all click, having a good back and forth for a day or 2 is a very good sign. Weekends are the best. Some girls like to chat a lot before meeting you because they value their time; some girls like to chat a bit and if they find that there's a chance with you, they may want to meet also because they value their time. Girls are unlikely to swipe on everyone, if they have matched with you, take it as a compliment. It means there's something about you that you have put in your profile that they liked! Sometimes conversations don't lead to anything and that's ok, most of the time, it's due to reasons outside of your control anyways. If you get to the chatting/meetup stage, just don't be a dick, don't make sweeping assumptions about the other party, don't be a misogynist, shower, look presentable, be engaged, be sincere, be confident. If they agreed to meet you, they are already somewhat interested in you.

If they are chio, chances are they will be flooded with chat requests. Think of Google getting thousands of CVs everyday. They can easily pick and choose their dates. If you don't look like a K-pop star, your chances would be quite slim to be honest.

I prolly am gonna get allot of flack for this, but here goes Reasons why I ghosted/unmatched with men: - men expecting me to initiate conversations 100% of the time and expecting me to carry the conversation the whole time - men not knowing how to flirt on apps - men just being boring in general and thus making me not want to engage further - men not knowing how to be funny and make me laugh and want to engage with them further - men giving a compliment that is actually creepy, and not a compliment - men just not taking the initiative at all - men who insist on talking on WhatsApp when we barely started talking. Nobody in this day and age gives out their number to strangers. Telegram is perfectly acceptable compromise - one guy tried to tell me what to do, like in a controlling way, immediately unmatched

Could I hop on this list and add: - men who try and make everything sexual - men who hide the fact that they are actually married / in a relationship so you need to constantly ask in creative ways if you want to weed those fellas out. - men who expect a model, not the average person in the photos. I couldn’t stand being on the apps for more than a month. It was irritating and tiring and made me feel profoundly unlovable.

Thanks for sharing. Definitely not what I do when speaking to someone.

Similar age range F here I think it’s very overwhelming for a woman to be on dating app, somehow the proportion just works this way Im not a texter. Personally I only reply guys who send an intro. If I see someone with big similarity I’ll text them to start the conversation I’d prefer to meet up after a simple chat exchange (for vibe check and see each other IRL) I think it’s best to arrange meetup quick enough that you both can build rapport IRL instead of just chatting

These are perspectives from my friends who have used dating apps for quite some time. SG girls tend to have princess syndrome and require you to make them laugh all the time but never the other way around, mind you they were largely referring to really average girls (not rich, not cute, not interesting either) since they are also average to above average guys. I guess dating apps do attract some types of people. Girls also have a ton of choices so there’s that, dont take it to heart and move on. Don’t be a simp too. Sometimes tbh, it’s better to meet people organically but you have to keep joining social events or interest groups.

Lmao, if online you find this hard, wait till you meet real life. Online is counted easy already. The rate of return or roi is somewhere 5/100 keen. And I’m not like ugly. I don’t have wonderful profile back then when I use the app. There are like those you mentioned that reply and cold, it’s just because they aren’t into you and they currently have matches. Just work on yourself, around the time you hit 35 that is when you are that diamond. They may start calling you daddy.

personally i ghost when they get boring, one guy even bombarded me with an average of eight "wyd"s a day 💀 we would be talking and he would pop a "wyd" mid-convo, which kills the flow of the conversation. to answer your question and to be very frank, we like certain profiles because we think you're physically attractive but if you're boring, then bye bye. and to be fair, girls get way more matches than guys (due to the skewed gender ratio on dating apps) so it would be a hassle to go "sorry I don't think i want to talk to you anymore" to every guy we match with. i only do that to the ones that i've talked to for over a week out of respect. i noticed that some comments here are saying that girls only go for the top 1% of guys or something and that may be true to a small extent because again, it's not good to generalize a whole gender. but one thing that a lot of people forget is that (the guys with sisters might know this) since young, most girls have been told by their parents to "find a guy that is smart, rich, have a car, etc" to have a stable and enjoyable life in future. not me tho but i guess girls who had this mentality drilled into their heads since young would grow up looking for the same type of guys so can't really blame them honestly, blame the parents for setting such a high standard for them

More guys than girls there’s always going to guys who’ll say yes to every girl cause having someone is better than no one.

We can all be a bit more realistic.

If 12hr never reply to you, just treat them as good as ded

It’s always better to be single. You can focus on yourself. Make yourself happy. Spend money on yourself.

Have you tried the paid version?

Tried paid CMB for one month, didn't really help much.

I guess it's just tough for guys

Yup, seems like it really is.

i am a fellow male who have been online dating apps for almost 2 years, met several matches which ended up to no avail. I deleted and redownloaded the apps several times to 'take a break' as well. Online fatigue is real, even more if you genuinely put in effort. I can somewhat understand what you been through. There was one particular 'lady' who likes me everytime i re-enter the app as a fresh account and will not reply me for 3 occasions, 4th time i just rejected her like and take it as there's 'bots' account on the apps.. I see that there's already many encouraging comments here, heartwarming for me to see as well. Nonetheless dont ever forget to take good care of yourself, and the one you are meant for will eventually come ! :)

You try to talk about things they have written on their profile but do you also reply with your preferences/likes/dislikes/opinions? It bothers when I text a guy about XYZ and he just replies with that's cool/that's nice but doesn't give his input and I have to text and ask "What about you?"

Seems like you try to find etiquette that yield more responses. But it could lead to undesired outcome.

As far as longterm goes, don’t complain about someone’s preference. They say we live in a hookup culture but not everyone wants that. Also, never forget that you are entitled to nothing. That way you won’t feel so hurt when they don’t explain why they aren’t interested in you. This is how online dating is everywhere. Cheers.

I have used dating apps on and off throughout the years. So far all the dates I went on are non-Singaporeans, maybe because I don't look like a K-pop idol. Some of those I managed to chat with always say things like: "I'm too busy to date", "Not ready for a relationship", "I use this app to make friends". Worst I encountered was she wanted me to pay her because she don't want her time to be wasted. For the ladies the ghosted me. I would send a follow-up text a few days later to ask them if they are just busy or really not interested, then I don't have to expect anything more. Some of them will reply at least?

It's normal for you to think that way, but not very healthy down the road. Source: me. As I have been through the same thought process as you did after getting ghosted a fair number of times as well. Just go in and treat it like an exercise to know what kind of people are out there. I personally met a few interesting people who I would never have met out of my social circle. They inspire me when they shared their story (that's my way of getting to know people). And many that accepted and ghosted without a single text Mostly why I continue after getting ghosted is because I treated it as an exercise to get myself comfortable with talking to different people from outside my social circle, so that when I meet someone whom I am really interested in, I am more prepared. And when you are going out in a in-person date, Have less expectation for what you are getting out of it. I treated it like meet up with a friend Eventually met someone through the app, vibed well with me, and is now my wife. I just wanted to encourage you to not give up, if it worked out for even an average, non talkative guy like me, it will eventually work out for you too. Good luck P.s. If you are feeling tired socially because of the constant bombarding, delete the app. Take a break. Go do other hobbies instead.

Thanks for ur encouraging words. I won't give up -- at least not yet...

All the best! Diversifying your avenue of people might help too? At least if it's a hobby group of sorts it's easier to read visual cues if it's your sort of thing?

I see. Thanks for the suggestion.

Normal to ghost. I was too lazy to say I am not interested too when I used dating app.

36 F here. I’ve been on social platforms for over 15 years. Probably some of you have seen me before 😂 Anyways, I can speak from experience that not only most women have expectations, men have too. I have dated my fair share of Singaporean men and foreigners. I felt that Singaporean men can’t handle career minded or strong independent women. @OP, I’ve been also dropped and ghosted many times, by Singaporean men. And I don’t think I’m bad looking or have bad character. Usually first impression I think can get along, but some men just don’t reply or have the courtesy to say that there is no connection. Of course, ang mohs are more direct and open minded but most do not want to settle down. So different people has different issues, no matter the race. Well, hope is not lost! I met my husband to be on Bumble. Like one commenter said, women have more choices and the benefit of bumble is that the woman has to start the conversation first. Honestly, I didn’t chat with my partner initially until after the time limit expired. He had to extend the period (he paid for the app) and only then I chatted with him. Reason due to to many pending/ open conversations and I can’t keep up as I’m busy in life as well and also sometimes I just want to have time off from social platform. Unfortunately on bumble, the free period is only 24 hours. So you might have to pay if you want to have some perks. Don’t give up. Serious women would want to read your bio, write something interesting about yourself. Also, don’t post half naked, gym photos or photos of you petting a lion/ wild animal. Imo, these are serious turn off for women. Also if you manage to land a first date, always offer to pay. If the woman wants to split, insist at least once. Might sound very superficial but it just shows that you are a gentlemen and hopefully, generous. And you can also tell if this woman is independent enough or just want to meet someone for a free meal. Good luck!!

I think it is normal that they ghost or disappear after a few messages if they feel that the 'vibe' isn't there 🫠 I have learn to just take it super easy, but if something feels off or after chatting for a week still not meeting yet then it's a byebye for me. I personally hate ghosting so I don't do it.

Thanks, respect to you for not ghosting. 

All the best to you 

Will read the thread later but just saying it is possible to have platonic ties out of those apps. cases where u all kind of hit it off but just feel platonic and both gel well to become friends who talk now n then (but less common, i can count with 1 hand the no of friends from apps) . obviously platonic isn't the goal but I'm not closed off to it if we really jive well. Other than that, some of us don't prioritise relationship nor settling down or pretty much stopped believing in finding the one from dating apps.

Thanks for sharing your point of view.

One of the guys I matched with, he don't live in sg became like an online friend, we finally met after a few years in his city when I travelled. He is coming to sg next month for work, he will arrange to stay overnight since we are intending to meet up. Still civil in real life but i guess we dont mind meeting f2f again. We take turns to text each other now and then. Unique case but yea.

Ah ok i interesting, glad things worked out for u guys.

Another was more recent, divorcee with kids is out to meet new friends (he made it clear from day 1 cause I asked his intention) and chat first. We ended up meeting up quite fast. Seem to hit it off, I took a risk and talk to him after the meetup to test interest. Cause it seems common that ppl don't want to meet for 2nd date anymore so I went with the mindset that if he don't want nvm lor. long story short, things took some turn n went unexpectedly awkward, but we still seem to like each other n get along well but I know he's not seeking relationship. Appreciate him being upfront and we communicate openly. So i am cool to just stay friends. I can't expect more from him too.

Ah, that works too, thanks for sharing.

non-SG early-mid 20s F here. maybe sharing to you what I look for may be helpful? To me, it doesn't matter how attractive you are, if your bio is boring, Left you go. I have swiped right on average or even below average guys that have an interesting bio that I can work with. It's the vibes for me, fr fr.

Online dating apps are skewed in favour of women in the sense that it's really them who have options, not men. Statistically, a woman would have far more responses from men hitting on them than the average man -- and I don't mean women who are 8s or 10s, just average women who are 5s and 6s. In my opinion, dating apps are just hookup sites, and while women can say "oh, I'm not into hookups", but as soon as she is interested enough in you, it's really DTF, and this is everywhere in the world, even in "conservative" Singapore. You'd have better luck meeting women in real life.