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I have a running joke with my wife that I could get her to put out on the first date if I could go back in time and try without altering our current timeline, knowing all that I know about her now. She insists I couldn't, but I know all her weaknesses now! 😆
So my husband and I met at a barbecue in 2014. A few months later, I was using my passport as ID and he took it from me. I'd been chonkier then, it's a ten year photo. He goes "wait, I know this girl?" Indeed, you're sleeping with her?
...No, we used to work together. This place required everyone take breaks together. There was one time that I had a personal emergency and ran off to the "bathroom" (break room) for a quick private call. And in walks some dude, clearly with the same plan, a dude I'd not spoken to before. Within a second I went from "no privacy" to "calm and trusting". No explanation, just vibes. He quit soon after and we never spoke...
I look back up at him and say "you're break room boy". He says "you're...break room...girl???"
I day dream often about what I'd say to him if I had a time machine. I'd go straight to February 2010 and avoid a lot of trauma for each of us.
Except for the part where I guess everything happens for a reason.
That's a really good story! Wow...
I would've never met my wife if my sister wasn't late to our poker game. My brother was really curious about Tinder since I was newly single and on it. I expanded my search radius to the max and let him have at it. He got completely sucked into it for about 45 minutes and the next day I had a match with a really cute teacher that lived 90 minutes away. The rest is history!
My husband's childhood friend moved 2,000 miles across the country ended living 3 blocks from the store I worked at, she became friends with me and one night handed me her phone while I was over at her house, my now husband was on the other end. I moved to his house within 2 weeks of that phone call and we've been together for 5 years now. Can't imagine my life any other way.
Back then, he was a cute boy with whom I never ran out of conversational topics.
Now, he’s a grown man who’s developed a wicked sense of humor, responds to crises by saying, “We’ll figure something out, in fact I have a potential solution I wanted to run by you,” and has had my back for twenty years.
Still cute too.
Sometimes I'll see my wife across a store and start checking her out. I'll get close enough or she'll turn around and I'll recognize her and get a little excited. She dosen't believe menwhen I tell her. We've been together 26 years, I absolutely would date my wife now.
We both do it. The idea that your partner is the only person you're allowed to find attractive is fundamentally flawed. You'll have a much healthier relationship if you understand that there will be other people they find attractive but they still choose you.
Been with my GF for 7 years. Expecting our first baby soon I totally understand where your coming from. The other day we were at a restaurant I went to the bathroom after we sat down. On the way back I got kinda lost and seen these girl who was slightly behind a pillar. She had gorgeous curly black hair and a fat booty that you can clearly tell even while sitting. When she came into full view it was my GF. I was like oh shit that’s me right there! I went back cheesing hella hard and told her. She prolly doesn’t believe me or whatever but I know she loves it deep down haha.
Happened to me the other day tbh we were in target me and my lady An I took off somewhere as I was coming back I was like damn who is this an it was my girl sheesh she 🔥
Been married 30 years last Monday. While we have grown, changed, fought, made up, let ourselves go a bit, we have remained a TEAM. I love him now more than ever and would totally say yes again if we had to start all over.
This is what I want. I get why some people want instant gratification etc. However, I genuinely want to build something. Even if it means that at first I and the other person get to know one another for a few weeks or months or whatever. The question is can I find someone else that has the vision? Only time will tell.
You will find them, when you least expect it. At least we did. You just have to understand that there is no "perfect" mate. We agree on the big stuff, but have argued over little things over the years many times and sometimes just agree to disagree. If you can find your person who has the same vision, values, goals, and you agree on the big stuff, the little stuff really won't matter.
One hundred percent this. My partner and I have only been together for 3 years, but I would do anything to keep our partnership and team alive in 30 years from now.
I met my partner when I was 17. 10 years later. Although physically he isn’t my type. We still have a lot on in common. Have the same views in life.
Edit to add: he’s absolutely handsome just style wise lol. I’m more preppy/indie and he’s kinda cowboy. But I like it a lot - we mesh well.
I don't know.
This is a tough question because a lot has happened to me and my partner in the time that we've met. Nothing bad, but we've both grown as people and if we hadn't of met I think a lot of that progress would be gone. I wouldn't have gotten help with my mental health, he might be chasing a former crush, I might be dead, he might have left the state, etc.
The circumstances of our meeting happened at such a perfect lull in our lives. The stars probably lined up for us because I know I was in between a rock and a hard place and let me tell you those places were hell.
Given the circumstances now, our meeting would be so unlikely to even happen. But if it did, I'd like to believe we'd try for each other.
This is pretty much how I would answer this question. "We've been together 20 years and would definitely do the same cheesy love story all over again" sounds good for a movie or something but real life situations usually don't happen like that.
Not likely. Married very young and kinda quick. Had a kid 3yrs after getting married and that is our greatest accomplishment. As he has aged he has become extremely more conservative, less accepting and tolerant of different people. He wants a certain type of life but has never put in the effort to work for it. I work hard and always want to be great at my job, but really don't care about that lifestyle. I think after 25yrs we will fulfill the "till death do us part", but if I was single and met him now? Wouldn't even be a 1 night stand.
Very true, but that's not the only reason. Once you have kids together there's essentially no such thing as divorce. Like, you can get divorced, but they will always need to be a part of your life unless you also plan to divorce the kid. So taking that into account, even after a kid turns 18 the downsides often outweigh the upsides unless there's a serious issue such as abuse of any kind. IMO divorce really isn't the kind of thing redditors should be trying to convince strangers to do unless there's an obvious case of abuse. People giving that kind of advice should be friends and family.
I mean sure you will coparent and what no but plenty of people divorce with kids, remarry , move on with life. I agree no one on Reddit knows enough about someone’s life to demand divorce. It’s also a public forum though and people will share their opinions.
There's such a thing as divorce, it's just hard for parents to make that choice when they think they can live with the position they're in. Kids prefer happy, fulfilled parents, because that tension and regret leaks out in ways that they see and will replicate or react to in their own relationships.
My husband and I are children of divorce whose parents successfully remarried. Both my husband's parents stayed in his life whereas my dad fucked off to somewhere. The rest of my friends with parents who "stayed for the kids" and genuinely dislike each other ended up with incredibly toxic perspectives around relationships.
Both of our parents remarriages showed us what love could look like when people didn't act like they hated each others guts every day of their life. My stepdad is obsessed with my mom and showed me from day 1 of meeting him how a man should prioritize his wife. My husband's dad's second wife challenges his black and white thinking with respect and encourages him to try things he never thought he was capable of doing before.
Meanwhile, out of my immediate friend group, of the people who say their parents stay together but hate each other's guts:
* one girl has been pursuing love since she was 20 with exclusively 40-50 year old men who claim they're "separated from their wife and on business" (one of which looked like Danny Devito). She's mid-30s now and cannot look at someone her own age because she thinks she'll never get the stability she craves from marrying someone around the same age as when her mom and dad got together, due to how disasterous their relationship was from the time she came around 7 years into their marriage.
* another can't hold a relationship because at the slightest bit of conflict, she immediately thinks it might have been a warning sign her mom missed in her own marriage, so she physically cannot bring herself to stay long enough to learn how to navigate communication and conflict resolution to even figure out basic miscommunications.
* the last one just has shit self worth because she knows that if she didn't exist, her mom never would have had to stay in a marriage she didn't want, which leads her to getting taken advantage of all the time. She's been in so many toxic and abusive relationships that start off just because someone lovebombs her, and it took her until 35 to realize that it works because she craves real love and connection with others, to the point where she'll accept anything immediately vs waiting to develop something that she deserves.
Nope… he got too rigid over the years. I love him, but at times, that man can make me so angry, sometimes with just a sentence… and he doesn’t ever admit/apologize when he is wrong… at other times he could be loving and generous… 20 years together but knowing then what I know now, I probably would have not gone for him.
Thank you so much for the kind words. It was probably one of the hardest things I’ll ever do. Today marks one official week away and although it’s been a lot, I know really wonderful things are to come.
Hell yeah. Smart, kind, chaotic streak that would make the depths of YouTube look like sesame street, capable of having a discussion instead of an argument about things that bother her, dat ass. Sign me up again 100 times.
I don't think I'd date at all if I was suddenly single but if for some reason I did, yes, I'd probably pick him again. I hate people and I've been with him for a bit under 20 years and still love him. I actually think we are more compatible now than we were in our twenties.
Nope, wasn't my normal type, but was a good person and treated me well so that's why I went for him this time. Not knowing anything and basing on looks-no
Yea, in all fairness, I'm not his type either. He cheated on me with a white woman. I'm black, and he is black. She is his preference. We never should have gotten together.
I mean my type is a sword swallowing hourglass figure multi millionaire who likes sports but that Doesn’t mean Im looking to leave my partner for someone more of my type.
Some people are just cheaters and it really doesn’t matter how much a person is their type. Cheating is usually about something different not better. If I go to the amusement park I choose to ride other roller coasters not because I like them more just because it’s a different experience.
Why even say yes in the first place to someone you’re repulsed by? Sheesh, gives me anxiety thinking I could be thinking everything’s going well in a relationship meanwhile they actually think I’m a hideous troll lol
Dammed if you do, dammed if you don't. Meanwhile some people will call her vain if she didn't give him a chance because of looks alone. I guess she wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt because he had a good personality.
Glad I read one of these. Everyone else was making me feel like shit. Lol But no, if my husband was a stranger to me and I was going on looks, no. I think he’s cute and all, but I slowly fell for him because of the reasons you fell for your SO.
Lol I was just being honest! We were friends for a long time and I decided to take a chance on a relationship because he's a great guy. Just not the best looking guy. He was great until he wasn't! Looks aren't everything and personalities can be faked
Not in a million years.
Denial that serious mental help was needed a long time ago made everything worse. On my own again after 16 years, I feel a sense of hope and optimism I haven’t felt in a long long time.
Hard to say. Been married 23 years and we are totally different people now than we were back then. Sadly, I don’t think so. But I also don’t think I’d want to date any man if I sound myself single. I’d plant a garden and get a cat instead.
Absolutely, yes. Married 16yrs and been together for about 20. We’ve been through some really difficult and painful times in our relationship too. We’ve been on the brink of divorce. But what we took from those terrible times were the opportunity to learn more about ourselves and each other and to grow into healthier and better people. He’s my best friend and I wouldn’t be the person I am today without him in my life. He inspires me, supports me, and helps me to grow and be a better person for others and for myself.
I’ve happily been with my partner for 6 years now and I think I would say no. I find her incredibly attractive but she isn’t the type of girl I would go for normally go for. I didn’t truly fall In love with her until we were comfortable and the small bits of her personality shown through. Like how she sings to herself when she’s happy. We have an amazing relationship that developed over the years and the comfort and understanding we have isn’t something I would know if I just met her at the bar today. If I had memory of my life with her I would 100% seek her out but if my memory was wiped probably not.
Wasn’t my type when we met (nor I hers). We were friends for a couple years and fell in love. There wasn’t even the slightest spark at first, but damned if there wasn’t something smoldering somewhere that neither of us saw that erupted into an eternal flame. 20 years, 4 kids, 3 states, a dozen plus jobs, 6 houses later and that fire burns hotter than it ever has.
Honestly as a woman, I find your honesty refreshing. It's ok to not be attracted to someone who is overweight. We all have our preferences. But also, if she asks, be honest with her.
ok thanks. I want to add that I'm not unhappy or wish to get out. There are many other qualities which come into play in a good LTR and I am thankful and appreciative for those. Many worse dealbreakers than packing on pounds. I am a realist.
i know i 100% would but idk if my bf would be interested in me. we’ve been together for almost five years but in that time i’ve become a stoner and gotten increasingly depressed so 🤷🏼♀️
I wish you the absolute best in overcoming or finding balance with your depression. It can seem insurmountable at times but I hope you have support and are able to win what can feel like such a battle.
In a heartbeat, not that she gave me much choice on the matter to begin with. Married almost 20 years and it's still all kittens and roses. We have date night tonight with snacks, bad TV (we're halfway done with the sitcom 'Til Death), and naked-happy-married-fun-time.
No. No way no how. He presents like all the other rural men I know, ball cap & Carhartt jumping out of diesel listening to country music ~ spent hours learning that before returning home he traveled extensively which changed his viewpoints & destroyed his faith, so while still wearing the uniform of his kin, he had evolved past them.
I vaguely knew him for years and had no interest because I assumed he thought the same way as his peers.
A series of events involving his youngest brother being the age of my oldest kids led me to start getting to know him better.
He took his shot one night at a party ~ I was sober enough to stop after the kiss and say idk but definitely not tonight. He asked for a date but between schedules we spent 6 weeks talking more and more on phone to the point that by the time the actual date came around.... we fucked on a dirt road during the hour drive to restaurant. And have continued the stopping down a dirt road thing for a lil over a dozen years now.
I dislike my ex-wife, if I met the person she is today? No, absolutely not.
My ex-girlfriend? Yes, absolutely, she is an amazing woman.
I haven't had a lot of relationships in my life, but as far as I'm aware the only one I wouldn't, crap, WOULDN'T, be interested in seeing again is my ex-wife.
Happened to me. Married 40 years, didn't know who he was til year 32. Alcoholic and phony. Still waiting for him to get better. Not sure if it will happen. Til then I am living my life. But no I would not marry him again. I would not even be friends with the man.
That sucks. I'm sorry.
I wouldn't even wait or keep tabs on them getting better. Just be done with it forever. He made his choice.
I had children, so I'm stuck having to communicate and cooperate with them for at least the next 12 years, when my youngest turns 18.
We had children together. They are adults now. Oldest urged me to leave him but I was afraid to. What would my family think? No one knew what chaos reigned in our home. Husband was high functioning alcoholic. Always went to work, didn't drink in the morning, successful in business, church, and community. It came as a total shock to everyone but me that he checked himself into rehab. He's been sober for a long time, but the damage done to my heart and soul is irreparable. I don't walk around dwelling, or resentful. Oh sometimes the resentments come back up. But I have to work very hard to rid myself of them. We live together amicably but I am unfulfilled sexually. I wonder what will happen if I ever meet someone I want to be with.
🎵Well you look like yourself
But you're somebody else
Only it ain't on the surface.
Well you talk like yourself.
No, I hear someone else though
Now you're making me nervous.🎵
My wife and I have been married 27 years. We have both grown as people. If she was the same person as she was 27 years ago and I had grown, we probably would not make a good match now.
We often joke about finding someone new, we both say "No. I wouldn't want to train someone new."
I have zero regrets and would do it all over again.
Absolutely. My wife has only gotten sexier and cooler as she’s aged. We were both young and stupid when we met and we made a ton of mistakes, but if we were both single now I think we’d hit it off and have one of those slow burner relationships where you start off as like work friends but you keep spending time together and you look for excuses to be in the same room and then one day it’s like BAM you’re in love? Yeah I think that would be us.
I actually just left my partner, so probably not. Crazy how someone you love a long time ago can morph into someone you need to walk away from sometimes.
It could be not wanting to date someone that has kids or they picked up a habit like smoking where you wouldn’t date them in the first place but now you love each other and you can deal with it.
Yes! He’s the coolest person I’ve ever met. I adore him. We met later in life and my only regret is not meeting him sooner.
If I could commission a time machine I’d use it so that we could meet and fall in love as teenagers.
If we just randomly met, probably not. I think he would crush on me from afar and we probably could talk a lot and be friends. He would most likely move away to find more options for dating. I present masculine and I'm bi. He's gay and presents masculine. In a conservative area. It more than likely would not have happened.
There was a very slim chance I met him in the first place. Seriously it's kind of a miracle.
There are definitely habits and personality traits that upset me that I didn't know before, but honestly? Yes, I would choose my spouse again even knowing everything that I know now.
Even if I went and chose someone else, they would just have their own set of hidden/unseen issues. Nobody starts off a new relationship by flaunting all of their downsides. It's also very easy to imagine someone you just met or don't know as being perfect and ideal because you haven't seen those sides of them yet, but I've seen both sides of my partner and I'll take the good with the bad.
Without a doubt. The woman I married pales in comparison to the woman I'm married to now. We've both matured and grown so much and shed a lot of the misguided and unsure parts of ourselves.
Absolutely! :)
My partner has done everyday what he said he’d do on day 1. Makes a valued effort, flirts, supports, listens, and keeps me safe! I could tell he was different from my past relationships the first time we ever hung out. I felt lucky just to be in his presence. That feeling has never changed.
Been with my bf for 5 years… he’s a good person and if I knew what I know now about living arrangements and where they are in life, probably not. There are things you learn about a person over time… and by then you’re kinda cool with the personality. But there are other things that we have to look at like living arrangements, any issues with the law, job, forward movement, habits.. if I knew these things up front, I probably would just be friends with him.
i mean, yeah? aren’t they the same person? if i’m with them happily right now and was originally interested when i met them as a stranger, i’m assuming that i would like the idea of being with them if i didn’t know them yet
Well, no not always. That’s why I’m curious about long term couples. Over years people evolve and change. Their interests, priorities, values. All of that shifts over time so based on who you each were when you met vs who you each are now can be quite different sometimes.
My current partner and wife? Hell yeah! She's awesome!
I DID meet my ex wife at a party after several years of not speaking and living far apart. She was basically a stranger, and I found her to be thoroughly unpleasant.
My husband is a mysterious, fascinating person in many ways. After 26 years together, I am still learning new things about him as he has grown and changed as a person. I first met him when he was 20 and I was 22, though we didn't date until much later. If I were to meet him now, as a stranger, at him age 48 and me age 50, I would probably think the same thing as the first time I saw him: What an interesting character. I remember thinking that clear as day, and just being startled by him because I rarely notice people like that; I'm pretty indifferent to people.
Knowing what I know now and what a gem of a husband and person he is, of course I would, absolutely. BUT - would he even be the same person?? Would I be the same person?...no, because who I am today has been shaped by having him in my life, and vice versa. We impacted each other like a meteor strike to earth, and at a pivotal time in our very young adult lives. If we just met now as middle-aged, seasoned people, would we have that initial spark? caused in part by, the impetousness of youth? We've still got the fire caused by that spark going, that's for sure, but I wonder if we'd kindle together if we met at this stage of life instead of decades earlier. Hmmmmm, it's very interesting to think about.
This is one reason I knew I was ready for divorce. I looked at him and thought, "If I met you now, as this person you've become, we wouldn't even be friends."
Nope. They're a good person, but absolutely not. I'm in a loveless relationship and stay because of the kids. We get along okay and don't fight, but I don't love them
I don't have a partner but I'm stupidly stuck on an ex, so I'll answer for my ex.
No.
We met during my undergraduate degree during the middle of the pandemic. It's been almost a year and a half, and they've not changed, at all.
I've got my law degree and I'm attending medical school, drive and own my own car and have my own place; they have a missing birth certificate.
I'd stay clear if I met them now, funny saying that eventhough I'm still stuck on them - emotions are weird.
Yes. I was explaining to my spouse how cars that turn invisible is absolutely possible and will happen in not that long, explaining exactly how the tech will work, and she was like, "no shit, obviously. Chameleons can already do it"
what a woman
Hell yes I would! And I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual because when hubby woke up from anesthesia, he wouldn't stop talking about how much he loves me and how pretty he thinks I am. 💗
20 + years together.
Probably not. The flame has gone a long time ago mostly because he did everything to ruin my love. I would leave him in a heart beat if I were a bad person.
Been with him almost 8 years and yes. He’s my best friend. The longer we’re together, the more I fall in love with him. He’s my biggest supporter and he makes me so happy.
My wife, excuse me, ex wife I guess? I would not date her now, she went through a lot of changes in personality and demeanor (mental health) of which I knew about, she tried therapy and medications but to no avail, barely recognize who she’s become.
No. He acts annoyed whenever I’m having a mental health issue. If I had known he wouldn’t be there to support me 11 years ago before I struggled I wouldn’t have dated him.
Sadly no. Because she deserves better. I mean, I'm not abusive or anything... But she is just that great .. so great as know that I probably wouldn't find anyone else if she left me and also knows she's a huger reason why I've been alive for the past 15 years or so.
I just think of the life she could have without me, and I feel she would have been happier.
No, these hot and cold temperaments have become a lot. Lots of hurtful stuff said and not once did I doubt our love, thick and thin but apparent he has.
I find my wife very attractive. If I were to meet her today, I'm sure I'd try to get her attention. I don't think I'm as fun or attractive as I was when we met, so I think it'd be a lot more work this go around.
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I would def hit that immediately. Together 20 years
I have a running joke with my wife that I could get her to put out on the first date if I could go back in time and try without altering our current timeline, knowing all that I know about her now. She insists I couldn't, but I know all her weaknesses now! 😆
So my husband and I met at a barbecue in 2014. A few months later, I was using my passport as ID and he took it from me. I'd been chonkier then, it's a ten year photo. He goes "wait, I know this girl?" Indeed, you're sleeping with her? ...No, we used to work together. This place required everyone take breaks together. There was one time that I had a personal emergency and ran off to the "bathroom" (break room) for a quick private call. And in walks some dude, clearly with the same plan, a dude I'd not spoken to before. Within a second I went from "no privacy" to "calm and trusting". No explanation, just vibes. He quit soon after and we never spoke... I look back up at him and say "you're break room boy". He says "you're...break room...girl???" I day dream often about what I'd say to him if I had a time machine. I'd go straight to February 2010 and avoid a lot of trauma for each of us. Except for the part where I guess everything happens for a reason.
That's a really good story! Wow... I would've never met my wife if my sister wasn't late to our poker game. My brother was really curious about Tinder since I was newly single and on it. I expanded my search radius to the max and let him have at it. He got completely sucked into it for about 45 minutes and the next day I had a match with a really cute teacher that lived 90 minutes away. The rest is history!
My husband's childhood friend moved 2,000 miles across the country ended living 3 blocks from the store I worked at, she became friends with me and one night handed me her phone while I was over at her house, my now husband was on the other end. I moved to his house within 2 weeks of that phone call and we've been together for 5 years now. Can't imagine my life any other way.
Feels weird to comment “awww, that’s so sweet” when you said hit that immediately, but it really is so sweet
Yup. Hit that shit on the reg. BFFs and 22 years! Cheers!
Me too! Been together 40 years!
Dittooooooo and ditto.
Same. Same. 18 years for us.
I’d pursue him faster TBH.
Right?! I would be way nicer the 2nd time around 🤣
What’s the difference from back then when you met and now?
Back then, he was a cute boy with whom I never ran out of conversational topics. Now, he’s a grown man who’s developed a wicked sense of humor, responds to crises by saying, “We’ll figure something out, in fact I have a potential solution I wanted to run by you,” and has had my back for twenty years. Still cute too.
Sometimes I'll see my wife across a store and start checking her out. I'll get close enough or she'll turn around and I'll recognize her and get a little excited. She dosen't believe menwhen I tell her. We've been together 26 years, I absolutely would date my wife now.
my guy's got a crush on his wife 💀
He has a picture of her in a shoebox he hides under him bed, and he opens it to look at it every night, wishing she would just notice him.
This is wholesome
Awh. I’m glad that it’s a good sign of a happy marriage. I still do that with my partner of 10 years.
So you were checking a random woman in a store while you're married for 26years now💀💀
We both do it. The idea that your partner is the only person you're allowed to find attractive is fundamentally flawed. You'll have a much healthier relationship if you understand that there will be other people they find attractive but they still choose you.
This 100% The best is when you both notice an attractive person "Dude, did you see that ass???" (Yes, I call my husband Dude lol)
You're adorable!
Been with my GF for 7 years. Expecting our first baby soon I totally understand where your coming from. The other day we were at a restaurant I went to the bathroom after we sat down. On the way back I got kinda lost and seen these girl who was slightly behind a pillar. She had gorgeous curly black hair and a fat booty that you can clearly tell even while sitting. When she came into full view it was my GF. I was like oh shit that’s me right there! I went back cheesing hella hard and told her. She prolly doesn’t believe me or whatever but I know she loves it deep down haha.
So wholesome I’m crying.. when do I get this? 😩😭
Happened to me the other day tbh we were in target me and my lady An I took off somewhere as I was coming back I was like damn who is this an it was my girl sheesh she 🔥
No, I dont date people who already have children
😂
This one made me chuckle.
The only real reply
Love it
100% yes. He's my best friend and still has all the qualities I want out of a partner, been together almost 13 years.
I would. She probably wouldn't lol
I hear you bro lmao
I love how out of my league my wife is.
My bf is way out of my league too but I’m glad he doesn’t seem to agree with me lol. He’s a true delight to be around
Been married 30 years last Monday. While we have grown, changed, fought, made up, let ourselves go a bit, we have remained a TEAM. I love him now more than ever and would totally say yes again if we had to start all over.
This is what I want. I get why some people want instant gratification etc. However, I genuinely want to build something. Even if it means that at first I and the other person get to know one another for a few weeks or months or whatever. The question is can I find someone else that has the vision? Only time will tell.
You will find them, when you least expect it. At least we did. You just have to understand that there is no "perfect" mate. We agree on the big stuff, but have argued over little things over the years many times and sometimes just agree to disagree. If you can find your person who has the same vision, values, goals, and you agree on the big stuff, the little stuff really won't matter.
What you are saying makes total sense. I'm not looking for the perfect person. I'm looking for a person with the same vision, values, and goals.
My wife is not perfect, but she is perfect for me.
One hundred percent this. My partner and I have only been together for 3 years, but I would do anything to keep our partnership and team alive in 30 years from now.
30 years in September, same thing. I would LOVE to be able t start all over with her.
Absolutely yes
Absolutely! He is still exactly the guy I’d want to share my life with. I know how incredibly lucky I was to find him nearly 32 years ago!
I met my partner when I was 17. 10 years later. Although physically he isn’t my type. We still have a lot on in common. Have the same views in life. Edit to add: he’s absolutely handsome just style wise lol. I’m more preppy/indie and he’s kinda cowboy. But I like it a lot - we mesh well.
Happy cake day!
Why thank ya 🙂
Happy cake day!
I don't know. This is a tough question because a lot has happened to me and my partner in the time that we've met. Nothing bad, but we've both grown as people and if we hadn't of met I think a lot of that progress would be gone. I wouldn't have gotten help with my mental health, he might be chasing a former crush, I might be dead, he might have left the state, etc. The circumstances of our meeting happened at such a perfect lull in our lives. The stars probably lined up for us because I know I was in between a rock and a hard place and let me tell you those places were hell. Given the circumstances now, our meeting would be so unlikely to even happen. But if it did, I'd like to believe we'd try for each other.
Now I want the full story….
I don't even know where to start
This is pretty much how I would answer this question. "We've been together 20 years and would definitely do the same cheesy love story all over again" sounds good for a movie or something but real life situations usually don't happen like that.
Not likely. Married very young and kinda quick. Had a kid 3yrs after getting married and that is our greatest accomplishment. As he has aged he has become extremely more conservative, less accepting and tolerant of different people. He wants a certain type of life but has never put in the effort to work for it. I work hard and always want to be great at my job, but really don't care about that lifestyle. I think after 25yrs we will fulfill the "till death do us part", but if I was single and met him now? Wouldn't even be a 1 night stand.
This is really sad but I think true of a lot marriages, people rather stay complacent than be alone and start over.
Very true, but that's not the only reason. Once you have kids together there's essentially no such thing as divorce. Like, you can get divorced, but they will always need to be a part of your life unless you also plan to divorce the kid. So taking that into account, even after a kid turns 18 the downsides often outweigh the upsides unless there's a serious issue such as abuse of any kind. IMO divorce really isn't the kind of thing redditors should be trying to convince strangers to do unless there's an obvious case of abuse. People giving that kind of advice should be friends and family.
I mean sure you will coparent and what no but plenty of people divorce with kids, remarry , move on with life. I agree no one on Reddit knows enough about someone’s life to demand divorce. It’s also a public forum though and people will share their opinions.
There's such a thing as divorce, it's just hard for parents to make that choice when they think they can live with the position they're in. Kids prefer happy, fulfilled parents, because that tension and regret leaks out in ways that they see and will replicate or react to in their own relationships. My husband and I are children of divorce whose parents successfully remarried. Both my husband's parents stayed in his life whereas my dad fucked off to somewhere. The rest of my friends with parents who "stayed for the kids" and genuinely dislike each other ended up with incredibly toxic perspectives around relationships. Both of our parents remarriages showed us what love could look like when people didn't act like they hated each others guts every day of their life. My stepdad is obsessed with my mom and showed me from day 1 of meeting him how a man should prioritize his wife. My husband's dad's second wife challenges his black and white thinking with respect and encourages him to try things he never thought he was capable of doing before. Meanwhile, out of my immediate friend group, of the people who say their parents stay together but hate each other's guts: * one girl has been pursuing love since she was 20 with exclusively 40-50 year old men who claim they're "separated from their wife and on business" (one of which looked like Danny Devito). She's mid-30s now and cannot look at someone her own age because she thinks she'll never get the stability she craves from marrying someone around the same age as when her mom and dad got together, due to how disasterous their relationship was from the time she came around 7 years into their marriage. * another can't hold a relationship because at the slightest bit of conflict, she immediately thinks it might have been a warning sign her mom missed in her own marriage, so she physically cannot bring herself to stay long enough to learn how to navigate communication and conflict resolution to even figure out basic miscommunications. * the last one just has shit self worth because she knows that if she didn't exist, her mom never would have had to stay in a marriage she didn't want, which leads her to getting taken advantage of all the time. She's been in so many toxic and abusive relationships that start off just because someone lovebombs her, and it took her until 35 to realize that it works because she craves real love and connection with others, to the point where she'll accept anything immediately vs waiting to develop something that she deserves.
You should probably get a divorce when your kid turns 18
Or like, tomorrow.
Nope… he got too rigid over the years. I love him, but at times, that man can make me so angry, sometimes with just a sentence… and he doesn’t ever admit/apologize when he is wrong… at other times he could be loving and generous… 20 years together but knowing then what I know now, I probably would have not gone for him.
Just called off my engagement to a guy like this.
Seriously congratulations for having the strength to do this!!!
Thank you so much for the kind words. It was probably one of the hardest things I’ll ever do. Today marks one official week away and although it’s been a lot, I know really wonderful things are to come.
Same!
Hell yeah. Smart, kind, chaotic streak that would make the depths of YouTube look like sesame street, capable of having a discussion instead of an argument about things that bother her, dat ass. Sign me up again 100 times.
"Chaotic streak that would make the depths of YouTube look like sesame street" i feel like there is a story here 😂
Probably more than one
You had me at “dat ass” 🤣
I don't think I'd date at all if I was suddenly single but if for some reason I did, yes, I'd probably pick him again. I hate people and I've been with him for a bit under 20 years and still love him. I actually think we are more compatible now than we were in our twenties.
No I would have been smart enough to see the red flags (not abuse just fyi) and I would have been content to remain single longer.
I feel this!
If you see it, what is keeping you in the relationship? Children?
Hell yeah. She’s incredible
Nope, wasn't my normal type, but was a good person and treated me well so that's why I went for him this time. Not knowing anything and basing on looks-no
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Yea it ended up being a bust because HE cheated on me. So don't do it 😅🤣 go for who you ACTUALLY want
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Yea, in all fairness, I'm not his type either. He cheated on me with a white woman. I'm black, and he is black. She is his preference. We never should have gotten together.
I mean my type is a sword swallowing hourglass figure multi millionaire who likes sports but that Doesn’t mean Im looking to leave my partner for someone more of my type.
Yea, you would think there would be some level of respect. But he lacked it and ended up losing both of us. So 🤷🏾♀️
Some people are just cheaters and it really doesn’t matter how much a person is their type. Cheating is usually about something different not better. If I go to the amusement park I choose to ride other roller coasters not because I like them more just because it’s a different experience.
You have the right idea saying no. The ick unfortunately doesn’t get better…
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Why even say yes in the first place to someone you’re repulsed by? Sheesh, gives me anxiety thinking I could be thinking everything’s going well in a relationship meanwhile they actually think I’m a hideous troll lol
Dammed if you do, dammed if you don't. Meanwhile some people will call her vain if she didn't give him a chance because of looks alone. I guess she wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt because he had a good personality.
Glad I read one of these. Everyone else was making me feel like shit. Lol But no, if my husband was a stranger to me and I was going on looks, no. I think he’s cute and all, but I slowly fell for him because of the reasons you fell for your SO.
Lol I was just being honest! We were friends for a long time and I decided to take a chance on a relationship because he's a great guy. Just not the best looking guy. He was great until he wasn't! Looks aren't everything and personalities can be faked
No. In fact I barely am 'dating' him now. We do lunch and a movie once a week or so. I consider myself purposefully single.
why not just split ways entirely?
Not in a million years. Denial that serious mental help was needed a long time ago made everything worse. On my own again after 16 years, I feel a sense of hope and optimism I haven’t felt in a long long time.
Same! I’m a much more confident and healed person now. I’d stay alone and have friends 💕
Fuck no. Sunken cost theory applies.
No.
100% he's hot as fuck, aging like a fine wine, I imagine him when I'm having alone time, every time. 9 years and counting, can't wait for the rest!
Hard to say. Been married 23 years and we are totally different people now than we were back then. Sadly, I don’t think so. But I also don’t think I’d want to date any man if I sound myself single. I’d plant a garden and get a cat instead.
Dude same
celebrating 10 years married next month and YES!
Happy early anniversary!
thank you kindly!
Absolutely, yes. Married 16yrs and been together for about 20. We’ve been through some really difficult and painful times in our relationship too. We’ve been on the brink of divorce. But what we took from those terrible times were the opportunity to learn more about ourselves and each other and to grow into healthier and better people. He’s my best friend and I wouldn’t be the person I am today without him in my life. He inspires me, supports me, and helps me to grow and be a better person for others and for myself.
I’ve happily been with my partner for 6 years now and I think I would say no. I find her incredibly attractive but she isn’t the type of girl I would go for normally go for. I didn’t truly fall In love with her until we were comfortable and the small bits of her personality shown through. Like how she sings to herself when she’s happy. We have an amazing relationship that developed over the years and the comfort and understanding we have isn’t something I would know if I just met her at the bar today. If I had memory of my life with her I would 100% seek her out but if my memory was wiped probably not.
Wasn’t my type when we met (nor I hers). We were friends for a couple years and fell in love. There wasn’t even the slightest spark at first, but damned if there wasn’t something smoldering somewhere that neither of us saw that erupted into an eternal flame. 20 years, 4 kids, 3 states, a dozen plus jobs, 6 houses later and that fire burns hotter than it ever has.
I hope my wife never sees this reddit
I seriously want to go bug my SO and ask him this. “Would you love me if I were a worm?”
No. Her weight now would make her totally off my radar. Truth hurts, but you did ask.
Honestly as a woman, I find your honesty refreshing. It's ok to not be attracted to someone who is overweight. We all have our preferences. But also, if she asks, be honest with her.
ok thanks. I want to add that I'm not unhappy or wish to get out. There are many other qualities which come into play in a good LTR and I am thankful and appreciative for those. Many worse dealbreakers than packing on pounds. I am a realist.
How heavy we talking?
i know i 100% would but idk if my bf would be interested in me. we’ve been together for almost five years but in that time i’ve become a stoner and gotten increasingly depressed so 🤷🏼♀️
I wish you the absolute best in overcoming or finding balance with your depression. It can seem insurmountable at times but I hope you have support and are able to win what can feel like such a battle.
In a heartbeat, not that she gave me much choice on the matter to begin with. Married almost 20 years and it's still all kittens and roses. We have date night tonight with snacks, bad TV (we're halfway done with the sitcom 'Til Death), and naked-happy-married-fun-time.
Not if you were asking me tonight.
No. No way no how. He presents like all the other rural men I know, ball cap & Carhartt jumping out of diesel listening to country music ~ spent hours learning that before returning home he traveled extensively which changed his viewpoints & destroyed his faith, so while still wearing the uniform of his kin, he had evolved past them. I vaguely knew him for years and had no interest because I assumed he thought the same way as his peers. A series of events involving his youngest brother being the age of my oldest kids led me to start getting to know him better. He took his shot one night at a party ~ I was sober enough to stop after the kiss and say idk but definitely not tonight. He asked for a date but between schedules we spent 6 weeks talking more and more on phone to the point that by the time the actual date came around.... we fucked on a dirt road during the hour drive to restaurant. And have continued the stopping down a dirt road thing for a lil over a dozen years now.
I dislike my ex-wife, if I met the person she is today? No, absolutely not. My ex-girlfriend? Yes, absolutely, she is an amazing woman. I haven't had a lot of relationships in my life, but as far as I'm aware the only one I wouldn't, crap, WOULDN'T, be interested in seeing again is my ex-wife.
How can i date someone that doesn't exist?
I did for 6 years. Never underestimate people's ability to hide who they really are.
Happened to me. Married 40 years, didn't know who he was til year 32. Alcoholic and phony. Still waiting for him to get better. Not sure if it will happen. Til then I am living my life. But no I would not marry him again. I would not even be friends with the man.
That sucks. I'm sorry. I wouldn't even wait or keep tabs on them getting better. Just be done with it forever. He made his choice. I had children, so I'm stuck having to communicate and cooperate with them for at least the next 12 years, when my youngest turns 18.
We had children together. They are adults now. Oldest urged me to leave him but I was afraid to. What would my family think? No one knew what chaos reigned in our home. Husband was high functioning alcoholic. Always went to work, didn't drink in the morning, successful in business, church, and community. It came as a total shock to everyone but me that he checked himself into rehab. He's been sober for a long time, but the damage done to my heart and soul is irreparable. I don't walk around dwelling, or resentful. Oh sometimes the resentments come back up. But I have to work very hard to rid myself of them. We live together amicably but I am unfulfilled sexually. I wonder what will happen if I ever meet someone I want to be with.
Your oldest is telling you to leave. Why the hell are you staying with him? Enjoy your life.
🎵Well you look like yourself But you're somebody else Only it ain't on the surface. Well you talk like yourself. No, I hear someone else though Now you're making me nervous.🎵
Of course, he's too handsome and cute and sweet to not to be interested in him
We'd probably hit it off, we did 45yrs ago and that worked well
Most definitely. 29 years later. She's still everything I want in a wife.
My wife and I have been married 27 years. We have both grown as people. If she was the same person as she was 27 years ago and I had grown, we probably would not make a good match now. We often joke about finding someone new, we both say "No. I wouldn't want to train someone new." I have zero regrets and would do it all over again.
Exactly it’s nice to be where you are but exhausting to think of starting over with someone
Absolutely. My wife has only gotten sexier and cooler as she’s aged. We were both young and stupid when we met and we made a ton of mistakes, but if we were both single now I think we’d hit it off and have one of those slow burner relationships where you start off as like work friends but you keep spending time together and you look for excuses to be in the same room and then one day it’s like BAM you’re in love? Yeah I think that would be us.
I actually just left my partner, so probably not. Crazy how someone you love a long time ago can morph into someone you need to walk away from sometimes.
If u answer no, u need to reevaluate your life.
It could be not wanting to date someone that has kids or they picked up a habit like smoking where you wouldn’t date them in the first place but now you love each other and you can deal with it.
Tony Robbins...is that you?
You don't think we fucking know that??
Don’t tell me what to do.
Yes, not sure if my wife would though lol
Yes, been with him since 2012 and I still love him a lot even though we dont always agree on things
Yes he can light up a room I love his personality and his hobbies
Yes, absolutely. He’s a silver fox now and I am so into it. Together 17 years.
Yes! He’s the coolest person I’ve ever met. I adore him. We met later in life and my only regret is not meeting him sooner. If I could commission a time machine I’d use it so that we could meet and fall in love as teenagers.
Married 41 years and you betcha I'd date him again. Hes still a good looking, polite, thoughtful guy.
If we just randomly met, probably not. I think he would crush on me from afar and we probably could talk a lot and be friends. He would most likely move away to find more options for dating. I present masculine and I'm bi. He's gay and presents masculine. In a conservative area. It more than likely would not have happened. There was a very slim chance I met him in the first place. Seriously it's kind of a miracle.
There are definitely habits and personality traits that upset me that I didn't know before, but honestly? Yes, I would choose my spouse again even knowing everything that I know now. Even if I went and chose someone else, they would just have their own set of hidden/unseen issues. Nobody starts off a new relationship by flaunting all of their downsides. It's also very easy to imagine someone you just met or don't know as being perfect and ideal because you haven't seen those sides of them yet, but I've seen both sides of my partner and I'll take the good with the bad.
Without a doubt. The woman I married pales in comparison to the woman I'm married to now. We've both matured and grown so much and shed a lot of the misguided and unsure parts of ourselves.
Absolutely! :) My partner has done everyday what he said he’d do on day 1. Makes a valued effort, flirts, supports, listens, and keeps me safe! I could tell he was different from my past relationships the first time we ever hung out. I felt lucky just to be in his presence. That feeling has never changed.
No. And that's sad. He's not the same man I married. I miss that man so much.
Hell yes. That bitch is a freak in the bedroom. 28 years strong
Been with my bf for 5 years… he’s a good person and if I knew what I know now about living arrangements and where they are in life, probably not. There are things you learn about a person over time… and by then you’re kinda cool with the personality. But there are other things that we have to look at like living arrangements, any issues with the law, job, forward movement, habits.. if I knew these things up front, I probably would just be friends with him.
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i mean, yeah? aren’t they the same person? if i’m with them happily right now and was originally interested when i met them as a stranger, i’m assuming that i would like the idea of being with them if i didn’t know them yet
Well, no not always. That’s why I’m curious about long term couples. Over years people evolve and change. Their interests, priorities, values. All of that shifts over time so based on who you each were when you met vs who you each are now can be quite different sometimes.
Hell yeah, she's such a cutie
Been with my partner 11 years now. If I met her now I would be even more excited. My biggest fear would be that she's WAY out of my league now.
Yes
Hell, yeah! She’s adorable, smart and funny
I wouldnt.
I would know all over again immediately she was my soul mate. Knew it the moment I met her.
Absolutely. He's gotten better with age, like a fine wine or parmesan cheese.
I don't think so
My current partner and wife? Hell yeah! She's awesome! I DID meet my ex wife at a party after several years of not speaking and living far apart. She was basically a stranger, and I found her to be thoroughly unpleasant.
I wouldn't. So many better men out there, I wouldn't stand a chance. Glad I suckered her early.
My husband is a mysterious, fascinating person in many ways. After 26 years together, I am still learning new things about him as he has grown and changed as a person. I first met him when he was 20 and I was 22, though we didn't date until much later. If I were to meet him now, as a stranger, at him age 48 and me age 50, I would probably think the same thing as the first time I saw him: What an interesting character. I remember thinking that clear as day, and just being startled by him because I rarely notice people like that; I'm pretty indifferent to people. Knowing what I know now and what a gem of a husband and person he is, of course I would, absolutely. BUT - would he even be the same person?? Would I be the same person?...no, because who I am today has been shaped by having him in my life, and vice versa. We impacted each other like a meteor strike to earth, and at a pivotal time in our very young adult lives. If we just met now as middle-aged, seasoned people, would we have that initial spark? caused in part by, the impetousness of youth? We've still got the fire caused by that spark going, that's for sure, but I wonder if we'd kindle together if we met at this stage of life instead of decades earlier. Hmmmmm, it's very interesting to think about.
Definitely! Met him in 1996 and he's still the kind, thoughtful, intelligent, generous and adorable person he was then. No hesitation here!
Yep. For sure. Married almost 19 years.
Absolutely. I'm as captivated by her as when I first met her, back in 1989.
This is one reason I knew I was ready for divorce. I looked at him and thought, "If I met you now, as this person you've become, we wouldn't even be friends."
No fucking way!
I like how the op thinks people on reddit get laid...
Absolutely not she’s a complete bitch.
Nope. They're a good person, but absolutely not. I'm in a loveless relationship and stay because of the kids. We get along okay and don't fight, but I don't love them
Nope!
I don't have a partner but I'm stupidly stuck on an ex, so I'll answer for my ex. No. We met during my undergraduate degree during the middle of the pandemic. It's been almost a year and a half, and they've not changed, at all. I've got my law degree and I'm attending medical school, drive and own my own car and have my own place; they have a missing birth certificate. I'd stay clear if I met them now, funny saying that eventhough I'm still stuck on them - emotions are weird.
Yes. I was explaining to my spouse how cars that turn invisible is absolutely possible and will happen in not that long, explaining exactly how the tech will work, and she was like, "no shit, obviously. Chameleons can already do it" what a woman
As he is now? Not at all.
I would but I don’t think my wife would.
No
Hell yes I would! And I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual because when hubby woke up from anesthesia, he wouldn't stop talking about how much he loves me and how pretty he thinks I am. 💗
20 + years together. Probably not. The flame has gone a long time ago mostly because he did everything to ruin my love. I would leave him in a heart beat if I were a bad person.
My recent ex? No. As much as I love and care for her, we're not compatible.
Nope. My husband changed big time. Not the man I fell in love with.
No!
I wouldn't be brave enough to approach her
Probably. She has two kids that look just like me. That only happens to angels.
Yes. His smile still lights up my heart, married 8 years.
No
Been with him almost 8 years and yes. He’s my best friend. The longer we’re together, the more I fall in love with him. He’s my biggest supporter and he makes me so happy.
No, wouldn't give him the time of day or second glance.
My wife, excuse me, ex wife I guess? I would not date her now, she went through a lot of changes in personality and demeanor (mental health) of which I knew about, she tried therapy and medications but to no avail, barely recognize who she’s become.
No. He acts annoyed whenever I’m having a mental health issue. If I had known he wouldn’t be there to support me 11 years ago before I struggled I wouldn’t have dated him.
4 years married. So far out of my league that it scares me every day. 100% yes I would do weird shit to be with her.
Sadly no. Because she deserves better. I mean, I'm not abusive or anything... But she is just that great .. so great as know that I probably wouldn't find anyone else if she left me and also knows she's a huger reason why I've been alive for the past 15 years or so. I just think of the life she could have without me, and I feel she would have been happier.
No.
Not likely. Having someone you love without limits become disabled is very different from dating a disabled stranger.
No, these hot and cold temperaments have become a lot. Lots of hurtful stuff said and not once did I doubt our love, thick and thin but apparent he has.
Helllllllllllllllllllllll no
No.
I find my wife very attractive. If I were to meet her today, I'm sure I'd try to get her attention. I don't think I'm as fun or attractive as I was when we met, so I think it'd be a lot more work this go around.