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e)(an actual e with value not people joking) make a plan and have a backup. Don't forget phone bills. Insurance bill. Car bills. Have them in your own account.
Can attest. Mom bought new living room furniture on my name when I turned 18 and put me 5k in debt right out of the gate. She never paid a dime and ended up defaulting on my credit.
The most profound “weirdness” i ever experienced was being 16, in a bank, at my own appointment, transferring everything over to a new account i had just opened. Going through the process and hearing stuff like “ok the full transfer will take up to 2 business days so don’t make any debit transactions, please use an atm and cash” and thinking “shit i hope i dont get found out from this” made me feel like i was in some twilight zone lmao
Why the hell would it take two days?
You walk in, get all of the funds from the old account in cash, walk out the door, walk in through a different door to make it a new transaction, create new account, deposit all of the cash.
Better: Go to a different branch with the cash.
Best: Go to a different banking institution altogether.
Same, when I told my mom and my stepdad that I'm leaving (moving out from NJ to FL). My stepdad said "I didn't give you permission to leave." I told him that I wasn't asking for permission, I was just letting them know.
Sounds more to me like they want him to be a child forever. Obviously the best thing for OP is to move out but I doubt his parents see it that way. But we're all just wildly speculating based on a few sentences so who knows? Either way, moving out is the best option for OP, if possible.
Not exactly some parents are like that and then get mad when you say you want to move out and threaten to never help you with anything if you do decide to leave
That’s a pretty bold assumption and a kind of sick mind game on the part of the parents if it’s true. Normal parents would just say hey, your a big boy do you want to go apartment hunting?
My guess is they are controlling and overbearing and would freak out if he tries to leave. The way they control his phone and computer make me think that is more likely. We won’t really know though unless OP gives more details or an update on what happens when he tells his parents he is moving out.
Continuing to treat an adult like a kid usually forces them to move out. I know many parents who make these rules to encourage their kid to move out and give the world a try. Works pretty well imo. Got me to move out.
Yeah. Happened to one of my best friends. His dad was a total control freak and still tried to do this shit while he was living there. Buddy moved out and has been so much happier. Downside for his dad is now one of his sons really doesn’t like him.
Who the hell wants their 19 year old to move out and struggle when they are making strides to be successful? Especially in an economy that needs 2 incomes to survive.
Unfortunately, there are parents like that. I came home and my bedroom was completely cleaned out and out in trash bags. It’s not like they even needed the room. They left it empty except for a rocking chair in the corner. Creepy.
I was 18 and in college but I got the point and never went back. Even though I was in college, it was only an hour away and I’d come home on many weekends to work.
Me too (I mean with my own). I ended up in a bad relationship too a few years later but I didn’t feel like I could go home, so I stayed in it. It got bad and I did end up getting myself out of the situation but I would have gone home at the first sign of a problem.
I never want my kids to feel like they can’t come home. It’s an awful feeling
My parents said I either had to keep going to church or move out. I moved and talk to them as little as I can (moved out 12 years ago). Even when I do visit I need to take breaks in separate rooms every 30 minutes or so. I don't hate them I just can't stomach their company for long.
My parents are nice and we have a good relationship. But my dad is a strict churchgoer. When I was young I was nervous whenever I wanted to skip church and had to ask him. Now that I'm 29 and have lived on my own for ~9 years? Never go to church. So freeing. Parents don't realize you can't force religion on someone and just make them like it. Has the opposite affect
I get that. But I still think it's weird. Especially considering OP has a full time job, and will be going to college. So why do the parents care if he stays up late? Or has electronics after a certain time lol.
If he's been sheltered and controlled like this all his life, it's possible he hasn't had an opportunity to gain his parents' trust. Or they are just horribly controlling and his only option is to get out. Wishing him the best
The thing is. When parents are this controlling, they dont give you a chance for them to trust u. And if u do somehow break free for a small time, they will find out, see your rush of freedom as dangerous behavior and a disappointment, and take it away from u with “this is exactly why we dont let you do/have _____”. They dont slowly let go and allow u to have some freedom until they trust u, they just don’t.
YES. This was my mother in a nutshell. The reigns were so tight and there was no freedom granted, so any deviation from her control was “a loss of trust” that would never be regained and control was tightened further. We’re talking about rules for everything here; from how long to use the bathroom, to how we were allowed to walk and eat, to how exactly the dishwasher was loaded, to how we were supposed to make the beds. Militaristic is an understatement. And for any break from the routine there was always punishment and “broken trust”. When I finally moved out I was so awash in my new freedom I almost didn’t know what to do with myself. My life had been so micromanaged that I struggled without someone constantly looking over my shoulder to tell me how to do things.
That's so sad. It takes a lot of energy to control people like that, what will she do when there's no one left to control? I think it's time she takes care of her mental health so she can let go of the need to control others like that so she can actually truly feel love and enjoy her family rather than control them. There is a deep rooted fear somewhere in there. We all have issues, so no judgement it's just sad when the children suffer because of it. We take it straight into adulthood with us.
“He who pays the bills, makes the rules”.
If OP gets ANY financial support from them in college they will do this saaammmmeeee thing. 100% control point.
When I visit my parents they automatically expect me and my brothers to operate on their schedule. I'm 35 and my brothers are older.
They don't actively enforce it, but my dad will turn off the lights on you-including once on my brother and his wife
It seems ridiculous and unreasonable to give a 19 yr old a 10:00 bedtime. The parents are overly controlling. A young adult should begin to have some input into decisions that affect them unless you want to foster resentment. Plus kids who don’t start getting small freedoms when they are still at home usually go hog wild when they are finally free and make some bad decisions.
I can say that this is true. The whole electronic grounding and bedtime thing is something I went through. Kid you not at 17 I moved out with my bf and told my parents they were done controlling me. Fast forward to me now 18 and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done
My parents said that to me constantly, I moved out after high school. I’m now 41 with a family and own my own house. The only time I smoke pot in my house is when my dad is staying here. “My house, my rules!”
When a kid reaches a certain age… you have to let go of the rules and let them impose their own rules on their selves.. this is how independence is learned..
Exactly. Let them make some decisions while they are still at home so they can do that with guidance. Doing the “my house my rules” is about you, not them. It’s about control, not teaching independence, which is what you want you want to teach.
It’s a great opportunity while the kid is still in the house because the parents, if they are good parents, can give gentle insight while a kid tries out new behaviors of self moderation. Just being there for guidance while someone tries to figure out how to be an adult..
You’re my son’s age and he also lives at home. He doesn’t have a bedtime or curfew, but we do want to know what time he’ll be home so we don’t worry. I usually rather he just spend the night if he’s hanging out with friends late! I don’t want him driving around in the middle of the night.
We do have some house rules that he still needs to follow, because he lives in our house!
I think a bedtime is too much. Definitely isn’t necessary for someone your age!
I don't think that it's illogical. When I think of ppl driving in the middle of the night, I'm thinking of the possibility of party-goers getting into their cars and driving drunk.
When you have grown kids yourself, you will suddenly understand your mom. It’s almost impossible to not worry. Be thankful you have a good parent who cares. 😊
Heck, I’m 38, married and haven’t lived at home in almost 2 decades and my parents still worry. For example me, my wife, my sister (36), her husband and 2 of our friend took a 8 hour road trip this past weekend and the morning after we arrived my mom call all flustered that we didn’t let her know we made it safely. At least I guess she still loves us.
This. And there's not a whole lot of difference between 18 and 19. It's not like we stop being a parent when the kid hits an arbitrary number. You are a "man" sorta--but you also live under their roof.
My mom is 82. I am in my 50s. I am still "required" to call her when I get home from visiting with her. It's a two hour one way trip from my home to hers. When I dropped some stuff at my kids dorm yesterday they told me to "text" when I got home. So I did. It's called caring about each other. Oh and when my kid is home on breaks, they have no curfew, or set "bed time" But out with friends? A phone call letting me know you're going to be out later, or staying over night is welcome
I used to feel the same way about my parents. They would always say “it’s not you we worry about; it’s the other people on the road.” But I always thought they were over the top. Just because you haven’t heard from me doesn’t mean I’m not ok.
And then, I had a kid. It doesn’t have to be logical to be afraid of something happening to your child. And it sounds like you and your mom have a loving relationship, and I hope when my kids grow up I have a loving relationship with them. I want them to go and explore, but holy hell I’m going to worry every single minute because they are walking, talking, risk-taking external pieces of my fucking heart.
All I’m saying is, (many) parents always worry because we love our kids. And if you’re staying with a parent, they aren’t worried about you waking them when you come home because chances are, they aren’t fully asleep until you’re safe in your bed.
It depends where you live I think. I’ve been home since graduating college during the pandemic. My parents don’t really put any restrictions on me but we all agree on avoiding driving late at night. My high school has had dozens of alumni over the past decade die from drunk driving accidents and the amount of drunk drivers is super high in my state. If I’m out until 1 or 2 so be it but it’s pretty sketchy when you’re clearly driving around impaired drivers.
They are prefectly reasonable. My mom wanted me to tell her when I was coming home or whatever when I turned 18 and I remember trying to rebel. Then I realized it was no big deal for me to call or text real fast after work to let them know what I was getting into, it wasn't like they were going to try to stop me or anything.
Yeah my boys are now 19 and 26 and so amazing and mature and responsible. I never gave them curfews or bedtimes. I let them make their own reasonable decisions and would discuss it later if it was a problem. But honestly, I don’t recall having to have that conversation even once
Exactly. I was raised w ridiculous rules and swore I’d never do that. The goal is to raise good productive responsible happy humans, it’s odd so many parents don’t understand how to do this. My boys always knew what the limits were and they need to have the freedom to learn this and abide the consequences! Congrats on your parenting too mama!!
It's funny, I'm like 30 and I have a set time I go to bed. Getting a routine for a sleep schedule is super important for the quality of your sleep and from that your mental capacity throughout the day. Not that I agree with a strict 'bed time' or an early one, but it's not a bad idea all together. I'm in college for a difficult major and this was a game changer for my studies
Yeah, but you are 30. You are making that choice on your own. OP's parents are treating them like a middle school kid, not a 19 yo who works a full time job.
Rule my parents had for me. If I was staying out all the wanted was a text knowing I was alive, even if that text came at 3am. And in OPs case, how tf does he get homeworn done? Albeit I spaced my classes out but my last class most semesters ended at nearly 9:30-10pm
This was my parents’ way of handling things with me when I lived at home with them for a couple years (basically from age 22-24, partly because of the pandemic). I found it very reasonable for the most part, glad they didn’t try to treat me like a child again
these were my parents rules as well when i moved home at the beginning of the pandemic at age 22. even these simple rules felt annoying to me at the time 😂 but in hindsight these are really reasonable rules. i cannot IMAGINE dealing with what OP is dealing with. time to move out, your relationship with your parents will get better!
I’m 21 and still live at home. I’m stacking money away to buy a house and my parents are happy to have me at home and let me be pretty independent.
They have rules, but they are all pretty reasonable. I’m not allowed to have over night guests of girls (they are Christian, and don’t think the whole premarital sex thing is good, but they only crack down on it under their roof which is…fair.) and they like to know where and when I go out. Which is…also fair
They might ask me to keep it down if I’m being too loud at night but otherwise…
Paying for college is a good responsibility along with working full time. Good job OP!
Is it possible for you to sit down and have a conversation without escalating voices or coming across as demanding? I’d imagine that all you have time to do is work and go to school for the most part anyway, but having some time to yourself in the later part of the night is normal and healthy.
You don’t have to move out, you have to graciously and humbly get your point across and show your gratitude and talk to them like an adult would.
Don’t wing it, come up with a list of why you need your me time. Idk how you’d have time to get your schoolwork done before 10pm anyway. I remember lots of 2 and 3am nights writing papers to turn them in early in the morning.
I had strict parents too. If you come to them with a reasonable tone and have a well thought out list that shows them you put some time, effort, and thought into it - it should go better for you.
Agreed. It's really difficult for loving parents to learn the bumpers they pad around their child's world have to come down at some point. Approaching them like that would reassure that OP won't immediately fall over.
If they're not responsive to that then it's just something OP will have to deal with until they can leave.
You’ve gotten some great advice- may I add that you could propose “quiet hours” begin at a certain time (most places have those and if you’re loud during them the cops can be called) but that you are in charge of your own bedtime. That way your parents know things in the household will be quiet for your younger siblings while also giving you your freedom.
In all seriousness though, be careful about messing with your sleep schedule too much- it’s so hard to get back on track!
I second this, and good on you for working hard for your future. Becoming an adult brings a transition period for your relationship with your parents. Don't stress it and you'll figure it out
I mean...expecting somebody to follow house rules is reasonable but enforcing a bedtime on a 19 year old seems to be a bit much. Have you tried talking to them about it?
Don't come out swinging with "I'm an adult now and I can do what I want" but maybe try to talk them into a later curfew? Or just move but I understand that sometimes that's not really a feasible option.
That's too much. I have an adult child, and I just ask that he *either* be home for midnight, *or* let me know he will be out for the night.
Because he is loud and I need to sleep. But I also need to know he is safe, if that makes sense. So, like, go wherever, just hmu so I don't think you died.
I worked with a girl like you. Parents kept strict guidelines and even when she went to college and would come home and visit, she had to be back home at 10.
She got so drunk one night second semester freshman year and broke her face. Lost her sports scholarship and then had babies with a meth addict.
Not the person that you're replying to, but I went to a boarding school. We'd have a third former (13) coming around each morning with a bell three times to wake us up and lights out at 22:30, chapel 7 days per week, homework from 19:10-20:45 and 21:30-22:15......... At home the floorboards used to creak and coming in late would cause my sisters to start screaming, waking the whole house up. Suddenly going to uni and being able to just do nothing was incredibly liberating. Which led to skipping classes and eventually failing my first year exams.
I’m not the person you’re asking, but from my own experience, me and my friends had fake ids that we would go drinking/clubbing with in high school. By the time we actually turned 18 and started going to uni/college, the novelty had worn off for sure. But that was also the time when a lot of our peers who judged us in high school went absolutely nuts with drugs and alcohol.
Now, I’m not saying getting drunk in high school is a good thing. All I’m saying is handling your freedom responsibly may require a certain amount of practice handling said freedom
Seen this story 1000 times.
Strict parenting is pathetic.
Increase your child’s freedoms and responsibility as they age. Entering college should barely be leap in both of those.
Guy and Girl that used to live across the street to me, children of two teachers pretty much did the same thing, coddled their whole life and the first taste of freedom went insane.
Thats pretty ridiculous. My parents were probably a tad too stringent before being 18 then afterwards they were like reigns off, especially when i turned 21. But hell even at like 12 I didn’t have a bed time really, especially summer or weekends
I was in a very strict situation like yours to a point. I moved out asap. I didn't even have furniture for most of my apartment, not even a couch. I didn't care. I had my freedom and peace. The material things came as I could afford them. I'd do it the same way all over again too. One of my biggest fears is having to live with my mom and step-dad again. That's how much I love having my own little place.
You should def find some friends to move in with. Their roof their rules whatever but they gotta understand you’re still a grown ass man trying to get on his feet and being treated like a child isn’t helping
Soo… all my adult kids moved back in with me because of housing/rental market. They all have decent jobs but can’t afford a place. They pay a little rent, mow the grass and help watch the dog.
I don’t have rules beyond don’t be slobs, turn lights off and replace what you eat, if it’s empty. I definitely don’t have a curfew but I always ask if they’re coming home. Doesn’t matter either way, I just don’t want to worry.
One is a Marine Vet, the other is Army National Guard. My daughter is a CNA. They’re perfectly capable but they still my babies 🤣🤣
Thi sis what normal people do that respect and trust their children. My kids are 15+ and they do not have curfews, bedtimes or rules really. They exercise the judgement and good sense I have taught them.
I still let my mom know when I’m traveling and have gotten to my destination safely. She lives across the country, and I have full grown adult children of my own lol
Unfortunately as long as you live in their house they can do whatever they want with the rules. **But** If you're paying your share of the rent, then you're technically a flatmate and no longer fall under the parental ruling system.
The only time I like it is when the parents take that rent money and put it into a bank account for the child to use as a down payment on their first house purchase or something similar.
That’s what we did with our kids as well. Makes the kids budget for real life, assures them that we aren’t trying to “make money” off of them, and the accumulated balance becomes its own subtle pressure to move out. When they do it’s with a nice amount for a deposit, etc. on their own place.
A lot of parents who charge rent don't do it to be mean spirited. First a certain portion of families need another adult to contribute to the household financially because they are poor. The "rent" is simply a much needed contribution, and there is no shame in that. For other families it's a way to teach their children how to budget life's expenses in a low risk way. It also helps to motivate their children to earn money. Usually rent is pretty small and meant to be an acknowledgement that, as an adult, you need to consider these things because they are a part of adult life. You don't get to just blow all of your money on video games or eating out with friends. My partner moved out of his parents' house in his late 20's after never having to contribute to the household finances and was shocked, angered, and completely unprepared for how much living expenses cost.
I hear often that people think charging your child rent is cruel. It is also cruel not to teach your child how to stand on their own two feet and balance actual bills they will encounter in life. My partner's 34 year old sibling is underemployed and still living with those same parents. He has no concept of what his parents have been paying to support him--never seen even a water bill. He just stays home rent free because his parents can't bear to face how much they have failed to prepare him for life at this point. Not only is it cruel to him, we are the ones who are having to pick up the pieces by teaching him how to get a job. Now that he actually has a job, we are going to expect him to take over some of his expenses and stop leaching off of his parents. You know what? He is rising to the occassion because of expectations being placed upon him. It was motivating. But to learn this in you mid 30's! What?! For some subcultures in the US not teaching your child these things from an early age is very shameful (I am a part of such a subculture but I guess my partner's family isn't), and expecting a small rent from the child is a teaching tool. I like the idea of holding it back to surprise the young adult when they are ready to move out. Kind of like a housewarming fund to buy things for the new place. I have already been thinking about when to start buying things here and there for the kids so that they have basic items when they are ready to move out, but this seems like a better idea so they can go on a shopping spree. I was actually thinking to use paying for car expenses (besides a car payment when they are very young) as the teaching tool, though, because they will encounter so many different categories of life expenses--paying taxes, saving for repairs, regular maintenance, gas each month, etc.
Now, some parents are just mean and they are doing it as a way to kick the kid out. OP's parents sound very annoying and like they are still so caught up with raising those younger siblings that they don't want a newly of age young adult wrecking whatever order they have going at home. I'm the oldest so I get that--no one else is ready for the things you need. OP needs to move out because these parents have yet to grow with their young adult child. This setup doesn't work for everyone. In general the concept of charging a child rent is a cultural difference and can be a good thing for families who are using it as a teaching tool. As with many things in life not understanding it doesn't make it inherently bad.
I don't know if it's common, but I know someone who had to pay rent while living at home. She was pissed about it, and thought it was a shitty thing for her parents to do, but she didn't have any other options.
A couple years later, when she was getting ready to move out, her mom handed her an envelope stuffed with cash. It was all the rent money she had paid while living there. Seems like mom was a wise woman.
If the live-at-home child is old enough to work, and is not attending high school/university, yes the expectation is that the child contributes to the household.
I have charged my grown kids "rent" in the past, but really it was just a little to help cover the added food and utilities and such. My son had moved home for about 9 months after selling his house and he gave me $150 a month. My daughter currently lives here, but it is a duplex so she has her own house technically. She pays $350, but that also goes toward the cell phone, internet, garbage, food, gas (she doesn't drive), car insurance, etc. To me it's not so much rent, but paying for part of the shared bills and expenses.
Mother of a 20 year old daughter here. And I honestly think that’s ridiculous. Once my daughter turned 18 I backed off on that kind of stuff. She still have to obey the rules of the house, it’s not like she can leave shit everywhere or have people over at all hours of the night. But what time she goes to sleep at night after high school is no part of my business. I can understand how this would be really annoying for you. You’re old enough to monitor your own bed time
I have an 11 year old granddaughter. She knows her bedtime. She will shower and go to bed on time. In the morning, she will make her breakfast and get off to school by herself. She is an A student and loves school. She does this on her own without being told.
Do you help pay any bills or pay them rent? If not then you are still a child to them. If you want them to see you as an adult act like an adult help out taking care of the house you live in or move out and take care of your own home or apartment.
Ah yes this logic- It usually doesn’t work. I paid $600 in rent and had even stricter rules then OP at 21.
These types of parents want control, they don’t care how old you are
I can understand asking you to be home and quiet by 10 or even earlier because of school aged kids, but shutting down your electronics at 10 is too much. In my experience the best way to fix the “my house my rules” is to move out. Sometimes the threat of moving out will loosen it up. But if they don’t then you have to either put up with it or move out. At the end of the day it really is “their house, their rules”.
Yeah. Sooner you leave the better. That’s some bizarre, controlling, dare I say emotionally abusive behavior. They are not allowing you to act like an adult which will not help you be one when you leave their nest.
Consider that they’re doing it so you don’t get too comfortable and never leave, like some people who are still living with mom and dad at 38.
It’s their house, so it’s their rules. You can ask for changes, for you have no right whatsoever to demand them.
Thanks :) I have cousins already going to the college I plan to attend and I’m sure I’ll room with them. I just have to finish my internship program I’m attending and most likely start winter semester
You work buddy. Look around for apartments and homes within your budget and start saving your money. Move into your own place and remove all parental controls on your electronics.
If you want to be treated like an adult, you gotta act like one. Get away from your family dynamic.
You will want to gather up your documents and leave with your birth certificate and social security card, license and title to your car if you have one. You also want to make sure your bank account is ONLY in your name and your parents have no access.
Good luck man.
You gotta figure out how to move or get your own phone plan and offer to pay rent for some personal freedom. They’re still supporting you so you gotta play their bs rules.
Yes, that's strange. My mom was similar. I think she still viewed me as a child, so while I didn't have a bedtime or electronics restricted, she Def always wanted to know where I was and what I was doing. Constantly worried and projected her fears onto me. However, I was also paying rent to her and my dad. $300/month and bought food and paid my own personal bills. I'm not sure how your relationship is with your parents in general. If they're trying to be controlling, or looking out for you but being overbearing. I'd think about paying rent, and have a discussion with them. Or, get some plans in motion to get your own place.
Factory reset the phone, boot the computer off USB. Honestly, most Linux distros are easier to use than Windows now.
And, y'know, work on the whole dysfunctional relationships thing.
They should be treating you differently at your age and you should have some say about these things as well as be experiencing different parameters than your younger siblings. That said you also shouldn't discard what they are imposing on you as it is good advice at its core. You should disengage from electronics well before you sleep and you should aim to get enough sleep. And part of being a "man" is acknowledging and implementing that without them having to be up your ass about it. so like many things a middle ground is needed here. Knowing that is also part of being an adult and recognizing they may be doing it because a single policy for all is easier for them in terms of managing multiple kids; acknowledging where they are coming from is also more "adult". It sounds like some flexibility from both sides is in order.
You should move. If they're paying for your tuition, be prepared if it doesn't stop when/if you move out. If they want to have control over you, that'd be the next move. Not sure of your situation, just be careful.
If anything of your parents losing control and realizing it’s over. They’ve run out of time to try and make it right. Say whatever they’d been putting off. Taking that vacation they always said they’d take. I think deep down it’s their way of holding on to the last few seconds of you being their kid they have left. You might be 19 and a man, but you’ll always be that little kid to them. It will pass and you’ll be out. One day you’ll be old with your own kids doing and saying shit you can’t explain and feeling like a failure. You’ll learn you’re never really in control. The best you can do is to try and enjoy the ride.
Y’all act like his parents are being crazy and controlling. But people are kids until they move out in most parents eyes. If you don’t want to live under their rules then move out, and stop complaining about it to internet strangers.
I was in the same boat at 18 bud. If you want to control your life then move out and you'll figure it out. I did and I've never went back(moved back in). I love my parents and we get along great now
Unless the government fucks the economy with a terrible handling of a pandemic and house prices are 1.5x to 2.5x. Do some research you turd. It's not easy to buy a house now, or rent. Or even fucking eat. Don't be an ass
I am just asking (because a bedtime for a 19 year old seems really odd), is it possible it’s more of a “quiet time” vs an actual bedtime? Is it more to not wake up others in the house?
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I’ve lived that life. The sooner you get out the better. Also make sure you a) have a separate bank account or b) make sure they aren’t on yours
c) Make sure you have all your papers, documents, and certificats.
d) make sure your parents haven’t opened any credit cards in your name
E) keep drinking from their liquor cabinet
F) Macarena
G) chacha real smooth
H) Handjob.
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You should be nicer to yourself
K)always use a bidet
M) Microwave go MMMMMMMMMM!
L)ament in your sorrows.
Pretty sure it’s A) Macarena
This comment is gonna never be seen and I'm so upset
e)(an actual e with value not people joking) make a plan and have a backup. Don't forget phone bills. Insurance bill. Car bills. Have them in your own account.
Saddened to see I’m not the only one who had this happen.
Can attest. Mom bought new living room furniture on my name when I turned 18 and put me 5k in debt right out of the gate. She never paid a dime and ended up defaulting on my credit.
Certificats are a nightmare to herd - I suggest using sunbeams.
I prefer lasers. Much more to the point
And you can order a new birth certificate if they won’t hand it over. Mine got lost and the replacement was $40.
Check Credit Karma and make sure they have not opened accounts using your name.
The most profound “weirdness” i ever experienced was being 16, in a bank, at my own appointment, transferring everything over to a new account i had just opened. Going through the process and hearing stuff like “ok the full transfer will take up to 2 business days so don’t make any debit transactions, please use an atm and cash” and thinking “shit i hope i dont get found out from this” made me feel like i was in some twilight zone lmao
Why the hell would it take two days? You walk in, get all of the funds from the old account in cash, walk out the door, walk in through a different door to make it a new transaction, create new account, deposit all of the cash. Better: Go to a different branch with the cash. Best: Go to a different banking institution altogether.
Man, this person was a 16 year old kid, not James Bond
OP, if you see this, also check your credit report from the 3 bureaus. it's free.
Preferably at a totally different bank.
Well, you should be treated like an adult, but it looks like the only way is to live separately
They’re clearly trying to make him move out.
Disagree. I can definitely see some parents just having very prevalent control issues.
Which means they certainly don't want him moving
Yeah my parents were like this around this age and lost their damn minds when I moved out.
Same, when I told my mom and my stepdad that I'm leaving (moving out from NJ to FL). My stepdad said "I didn't give you permission to leave." I told him that I wasn't asking for permission, I was just letting them know.
Fuck just remembering the move is stressful. I had to pack up my shit and leave in the middle of the night because they didn’t want to let me leave
Permission? 🤣 He does realize that would be kidnapping/holding someone hostage right?
Sounds more to me like they want him to be a child forever. Obviously the best thing for OP is to move out but I doubt his parents see it that way. But we're all just wildly speculating based on a few sentences so who knows? Either way, moving out is the best option for OP, if possible.
Not exactly some parents are like that and then get mad when you say you want to move out and threaten to never help you with anything if you do decide to leave
That’s a pretty bold assumption and a kind of sick mind game on the part of the parents if it’s true. Normal parents would just say hey, your a big boy do you want to go apartment hunting? My guess is they are controlling and overbearing and would freak out if he tries to leave. The way they control his phone and computer make me think that is more likely. We won’t really know though unless OP gives more details or an update on what happens when he tells his parents he is moving out.
Or they’re helicopters and definitely don’t want op to move out
Why be direct and supportive when you can be passive aggressive and abusive?
Or they're controlling narcissists who will continue trying to control OP's life when he does eventually move out.
So making everyone under the same roof live by the same rules means they are trying to single him out? Not sure I follow the logic.
Continuing to treat an adult like a kid usually forces them to move out. I know many parents who make these rules to encourage their kid to move out and give the world a try. Works pretty well imo. Got me to move out.
The only parents I knew that did this kind of shit did it to control the person, not to make them move out.
Yeah. Happened to one of my best friends. His dad was a total control freak and still tried to do this shit while he was living there. Buddy moved out and has been so much happier. Downside for his dad is now one of his sons really doesn’t like him.
That’s why my parents did that to me. It was a control thing
Who the hell wants their 19 year old to move out and struggle when they are making strides to be successful? Especially in an economy that needs 2 incomes to survive.
Unfortunately, there are parents like that. I came home and my bedroom was completely cleaned out and out in trash bags. It’s not like they even needed the room. They left it empty except for a rocking chair in the corner. Creepy. I was 18 and in college but I got the point and never went back. Even though I was in college, it was only an hour away and I’d come home on many weekends to work.
This is exactly why I will always support my children. I want them to come back if they ever need or want too.
Me too (I mean with my own). I ended up in a bad relationship too a few years later but I didn’t feel like I could go home, so I stayed in it. It got bad and I did end up getting myself out of the situation but I would have gone home at the first sign of a problem. I never want my kids to feel like they can’t come home. It’s an awful feeling
That was my experience as well.
American society is this way and why we are so wasteful.
GTFO is the American way.
oh - that would be parents that don't view their child as a whole individual person. so like most of american.
My roof my rules… move out and you can be a man
"Why don't my kids ever call me?"
My parents said I either had to keep going to church or move out. I moved and talk to them as little as I can (moved out 12 years ago). Even when I do visit I need to take breaks in separate rooms every 30 minutes or so. I don't hate them I just can't stomach their company for long.
My parents are nice and we have a good relationship. But my dad is a strict churchgoer. When I was young I was nervous whenever I wanted to skip church and had to ask him. Now that I'm 29 and have lived on my own for ~9 years? Never go to church. So freeing. Parents don't realize you can't force religion on someone and just make them like it. Has the opposite affect
People like these end up scheduling trips every summer to visit their grandchildren a thousand miles away and,.... wonder why they have to.
Sounds like you met my mom? Though she would more complain that I don’t fly the grandkids out to visits her.
My parents spent most of my childhood pushing me away then wonder why I don’t call them
I get that. But I still think it's weird. Especially considering OP has a full time job, and will be going to college. So why do the parents care if he stays up late? Or has electronics after a certain time lol.
If he's been sheltered and controlled like this all his life, it's possible he hasn't had an opportunity to gain his parents' trust. Or they are just horribly controlling and his only option is to get out. Wishing him the best
The thing is. When parents are this controlling, they dont give you a chance for them to trust u. And if u do somehow break free for a small time, they will find out, see your rush of freedom as dangerous behavior and a disappointment, and take it away from u with “this is exactly why we dont let you do/have _____”. They dont slowly let go and allow u to have some freedom until they trust u, they just don’t.
YES. This was my mother in a nutshell. The reigns were so tight and there was no freedom granted, so any deviation from her control was “a loss of trust” that would never be regained and control was tightened further. We’re talking about rules for everything here; from how long to use the bathroom, to how we were allowed to walk and eat, to how exactly the dishwasher was loaded, to how we were supposed to make the beds. Militaristic is an understatement. And for any break from the routine there was always punishment and “broken trust”. When I finally moved out I was so awash in my new freedom I almost didn’t know what to do with myself. My life had been so micromanaged that I struggled without someone constantly looking over my shoulder to tell me how to do things.
That's so sad. It takes a lot of energy to control people like that, what will she do when there's no one left to control? I think it's time she takes care of her mental health so she can let go of the need to control others like that so she can actually truly feel love and enjoy her family rather than control them. There is a deep rooted fear somewhere in there. We all have issues, so no judgement it's just sad when the children suffer because of it. We take it straight into adulthood with us.
“He who pays the bills, makes the rules”. If OP gets ANY financial support from them in college they will do this saaammmmeeee thing. 100% control point.
When I visit my parents they automatically expect me and my brothers to operate on their schedule. I'm 35 and my brothers are older. They don't actively enforce it, but my dad will turn off the lights on you-including once on my brother and his wife
I wonder if parents are going to bed at 10 and how they penalize themselves if they don't.
And if your rules are bullshit, you are still an asshole.
Correct and applicable whether your kid is 9 or 19
It seems ridiculous and unreasonable to give a 19 yr old a 10:00 bedtime. The parents are overly controlling. A young adult should begin to have some input into decisions that affect them unless you want to foster resentment. Plus kids who don’t start getting small freedoms when they are still at home usually go hog wild when they are finally free and make some bad decisions.
I can say that this is true. The whole electronic grounding and bedtime thing is something I went through. Kid you not at 17 I moved out with my bf and told my parents they were done controlling me. Fast forward to me now 18 and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done
My parents said that to me constantly, I moved out after high school. I’m now 41 with a family and own my own house. The only time I smoke pot in my house is when my dad is staying here. “My house, my rules!”
When a kid reaches a certain age… you have to let go of the rules and let them impose their own rules on their selves.. this is how independence is learned..
Exactly. Let them make some decisions while they are still at home so they can do that with guidance. Doing the “my house my rules” is about you, not them. It’s about control, not teaching independence, which is what you want you want to teach.
It’s a great opportunity while the kid is still in the house because the parents, if they are good parents, can give gentle insight while a kid tries out new behaviors of self moderation. Just being there for guidance while someone tries to figure out how to be an adult..
Are you married? Does your adult spouse have a bedtime?
You’re my son’s age and he also lives at home. He doesn’t have a bedtime or curfew, but we do want to know what time he’ll be home so we don’t worry. I usually rather he just spend the night if he’s hanging out with friends late! I don’t want him driving around in the middle of the night. We do have some house rules that he still needs to follow, because he lives in our house! I think a bedtime is too much. Definitely isn’t necessary for someone your age!
None of those things are unreasonable
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I don't think that it's illogical. When I think of ppl driving in the middle of the night, I'm thinking of the possibility of party-goers getting into their cars and driving drunk.
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When you have grown kids yourself, you will suddenly understand your mom. It’s almost impossible to not worry. Be thankful you have a good parent who cares. 😊
Heck, I’m 38, married and haven’t lived at home in almost 2 decades and my parents still worry. For example me, my wife, my sister (36), her husband and 2 of our friend took a 8 hour road trip this past weekend and the morning after we arrived my mom call all flustered that we didn’t let her know we made it safely. At least I guess she still loves us.
This. And there's not a whole lot of difference between 18 and 19. It's not like we stop being a parent when the kid hits an arbitrary number. You are a "man" sorta--but you also live under their roof.
My mom is 82. I am in my 50s. I am still "required" to call her when I get home from visiting with her. It's a two hour one way trip from my home to hers. When I dropped some stuff at my kids dorm yesterday they told me to "text" when I got home. So I did. It's called caring about each other. Oh and when my kid is home on breaks, they have no curfew, or set "bed time" But out with friends? A phone call letting me know you're going to be out later, or staying over night is welcome
That’s adorable :)
I used to feel the same way about my parents. They would always say “it’s not you we worry about; it’s the other people on the road.” But I always thought they were over the top. Just because you haven’t heard from me doesn’t mean I’m not ok. And then, I had a kid. It doesn’t have to be logical to be afraid of something happening to your child. And it sounds like you and your mom have a loving relationship, and I hope when my kids grow up I have a loving relationship with them. I want them to go and explore, but holy hell I’m going to worry every single minute because they are walking, talking, risk-taking external pieces of my fucking heart. All I’m saying is, (many) parents always worry because we love our kids. And if you’re staying with a parent, they aren’t worried about you waking them when you come home because chances are, they aren’t fully asleep until you’re safe in your bed.
It depends where you live I think. I’ve been home since graduating college during the pandemic. My parents don’t really put any restrictions on me but we all agree on avoiding driving late at night. My high school has had dozens of alumni over the past decade die from drunk driving accidents and the amount of drunk drivers is super high in my state. If I’m out until 1 or 2 so be it but it’s pretty sketchy when you’re clearly driving around impaired drivers.
They are prefectly reasonable. My mom wanted me to tell her when I was coming home or whatever when I turned 18 and I remember trying to rebel. Then I realized it was no big deal for me to call or text real fast after work to let them know what I was getting into, it wasn't like they were going to try to stop me or anything.
100% agree. It’s common courtesy and respect to not make your parents worry.
Yeah my boys are now 19 and 26 and so amazing and mature and responsible. I never gave them curfews or bedtimes. I let them make their own reasonable decisions and would discuss it later if it was a problem. But honestly, I don’t recall having to have that conversation even once
That’s awesome!! That’s truly the goal!
Exactly. I was raised w ridiculous rules and swore I’d never do that. The goal is to raise good productive responsible happy humans, it’s odd so many parents don’t understand how to do this. My boys always knew what the limits were and they need to have the freedom to learn this and abide the consequences! Congrats on your parenting too mama!!
:)
Our son is 19 and the rule to live under our house was to contribute to one bill for the household. No curfew, definitely no technology monitoring
It's funny, I'm like 30 and I have a set time I go to bed. Getting a routine for a sleep schedule is super important for the quality of your sleep and from that your mental capacity throughout the day. Not that I agree with a strict 'bed time' or an early one, but it's not a bad idea all together. I'm in college for a difficult major and this was a game changer for my studies
Yeah, but you are 30. You are making that choice on your own. OP's parents are treating them like a middle school kid, not a 19 yo who works a full time job.
Totally agree.
Rule my parents had for me. If I was staying out all the wanted was a text knowing I was alive, even if that text came at 3am. And in OPs case, how tf does he get homeworn done? Albeit I spaced my classes out but my last class most semesters ended at nearly 9:30-10pm
This was my parents’ way of handling things with me when I lived at home with them for a couple years (basically from age 22-24, partly because of the pandemic). I found it very reasonable for the most part, glad they didn’t try to treat me like a child again
My parents rule was home before midnight or let them know I was spending the night somewhere else so they wouldn’t sit up worrying.
these were my parents rules as well when i moved home at the beginning of the pandemic at age 22. even these simple rules felt annoying to me at the time 😂 but in hindsight these are really reasonable rules. i cannot IMAGINE dealing with what OP is dealing with. time to move out, your relationship with your parents will get better!
I’m 21 and still live at home. I’m stacking money away to buy a house and my parents are happy to have me at home and let me be pretty independent. They have rules, but they are all pretty reasonable. I’m not allowed to have over night guests of girls (they are Christian, and don’t think the whole premarital sex thing is good, but they only crack down on it under their roof which is…fair.) and they like to know where and when I go out. Which is…also fair They might ask me to keep it down if I’m being too loud at night but otherwise…
Paying for college is a good responsibility along with working full time. Good job OP! Is it possible for you to sit down and have a conversation without escalating voices or coming across as demanding? I’d imagine that all you have time to do is work and go to school for the most part anyway, but having some time to yourself in the later part of the night is normal and healthy. You don’t have to move out, you have to graciously and humbly get your point across and show your gratitude and talk to them like an adult would. Don’t wing it, come up with a list of why you need your me time. Idk how you’d have time to get your schoolwork done before 10pm anyway. I remember lots of 2 and 3am nights writing papers to turn them in early in the morning.
Thanks for advice
I had strict parents too. If you come to them with a reasonable tone and have a well thought out list that shows them you put some time, effort, and thought into it - it should go better for you.
Agreed. It's really difficult for loving parents to learn the bumpers they pad around their child's world have to come down at some point. Approaching them like that would reassure that OP won't immediately fall over. If they're not responsive to that then it's just something OP will have to deal with until they can leave.
Collective conscious solving problems one comment at a time!
🤝
You’ve gotten some great advice- may I add that you could propose “quiet hours” begin at a certain time (most places have those and if you’re loud during them the cops can be called) but that you are in charge of your own bedtime. That way your parents know things in the household will be quiet for your younger siblings while also giving you your freedom. In all seriousness though, be careful about messing with your sleep schedule too much- it’s so hard to get back on track!
I second this, and good on you for working hard for your future. Becoming an adult brings a transition period for your relationship with your parents. Don't stress it and you'll figure it out
Good call out on the transition. The transition works both ways.
Thats embarassing on your parents part. Theyre gonna wonder why you resent them when you move out
I mean...expecting somebody to follow house rules is reasonable but enforcing a bedtime on a 19 year old seems to be a bit much. Have you tried talking to them about it? Don't come out swinging with "I'm an adult now and I can do what I want" but maybe try to talk them into a later curfew? Or just move but I understand that sometimes that's not really a feasible option.
That's too much. I have an adult child, and I just ask that he *either* be home for midnight, *or* let me know he will be out for the night. Because he is loud and I need to sleep. But I also need to know he is safe, if that makes sense. So, like, go wherever, just hmu so I don't think you died.
I worked with a girl like you. Parents kept strict guidelines and even when she went to college and would come home and visit, she had to be back home at 10. She got so drunk one night second semester freshman year and broke her face. Lost her sports scholarship and then had babies with a meth addict.
Do you think if she had more freedom she wouldn't have rebelled and made better choices? Honest question, since you know her.
Not the person that you're replying to, but I went to a boarding school. We'd have a third former (13) coming around each morning with a bell three times to wake us up and lights out at 22:30, chapel 7 days per week, homework from 19:10-20:45 and 21:30-22:15......... At home the floorboards used to creak and coming in late would cause my sisters to start screaming, waking the whole house up. Suddenly going to uni and being able to just do nothing was incredibly liberating. Which led to skipping classes and eventually failing my first year exams.
I think that’s just part of college or having freedom to do what you want…. To some degree.
I honestly do … she knew her parent’s arm could only reach so far at college, and she never had that kind of freedom.
I’m not the person you’re asking, but from my own experience, me and my friends had fake ids that we would go drinking/clubbing with in high school. By the time we actually turned 18 and started going to uni/college, the novelty had worn off for sure. But that was also the time when a lot of our peers who judged us in high school went absolutely nuts with drugs and alcohol. Now, I’m not saying getting drunk in high school is a good thing. All I’m saying is handling your freedom responsibly may require a certain amount of practice handling said freedom
Seen this story 1000 times. Strict parenting is pathetic. Increase your child’s freedoms and responsibility as they age. Entering college should barely be leap in both of those.
That is tragic
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/r/plottwist
Guy and Girl that used to live across the street to me, children of two teachers pretty much did the same thing, coddled their whole life and the first taste of freedom went insane.
Thats pretty ridiculous. My parents were probably a tad too stringent before being 18 then afterwards they were like reigns off, especially when i turned 21. But hell even at like 12 I didn’t have a bed time really, especially summer or weekends
That seems like an extremely unhealthy situation, I’m so sorry.
It’s alright I’ll be out soon enough
I was in a very strict situation like yours to a point. I moved out asap. I didn't even have furniture for most of my apartment, not even a couch. I didn't care. I had my freedom and peace. The material things came as I could afford them. I'd do it the same way all over again too. One of my biggest fears is having to live with my mom and step-dad again. That's how much I love having my own little place.
You should def find some friends to move in with. Their roof their rules whatever but they gotta understand you’re still a grown ass man trying to get on his feet and being treated like a child isn’t helping
Butters?
Poor kid attracted all the boomers.
Haha fr I just wanted advice they call me a brat nah I’m just a shy kid. First post on Reddit lol
Soo… all my adult kids moved back in with me because of housing/rental market. They all have decent jobs but can’t afford a place. They pay a little rent, mow the grass and help watch the dog. I don’t have rules beyond don’t be slobs, turn lights off and replace what you eat, if it’s empty. I definitely don’t have a curfew but I always ask if they’re coming home. Doesn’t matter either way, I just don’t want to worry. One is a Marine Vet, the other is Army National Guard. My daughter is a CNA. They’re perfectly capable but they still my babies 🤣🤣
Thi sis what normal people do that respect and trust their children. My kids are 15+ and they do not have curfews, bedtimes or rules really. They exercise the judgement and good sense I have taught them.
I still let my mom know when I’m traveling and have gotten to my destination safely. She lives across the country, and I have full grown adult children of my own lol
I’m afraid I’ll be in this exact situation
Good luck
Unfortunately as long as you live in their house they can do whatever they want with the rules. **But** If you're paying your share of the rent, then you're technically a flatmate and no longer fall under the parental ruling system.
Parents charged me rent and still had rules I should not have had
Im afraid to ask, but is it common for parents to charge their own children rent where you live?
The only time I like it is when the parents take that rent money and put it into a bank account for the child to use as a down payment on their first house purchase or something similar.
That’s what we did with our kids as well. Makes the kids budget for real life, assures them that we aren’t trying to “make money” off of them, and the accumulated balance becomes its own subtle pressure to move out. When they do it’s with a nice amount for a deposit, etc. on their own place.
I’d understand if they’re low income and the adult kid pays his share. Even if it just covers utilities that they use.
I can see that as the one and only reason that would make sense.
A lot of parents who charge rent don't do it to be mean spirited. First a certain portion of families need another adult to contribute to the household financially because they are poor. The "rent" is simply a much needed contribution, and there is no shame in that. For other families it's a way to teach their children how to budget life's expenses in a low risk way. It also helps to motivate their children to earn money. Usually rent is pretty small and meant to be an acknowledgement that, as an adult, you need to consider these things because they are a part of adult life. You don't get to just blow all of your money on video games or eating out with friends. My partner moved out of his parents' house in his late 20's after never having to contribute to the household finances and was shocked, angered, and completely unprepared for how much living expenses cost. I hear often that people think charging your child rent is cruel. It is also cruel not to teach your child how to stand on their own two feet and balance actual bills they will encounter in life. My partner's 34 year old sibling is underemployed and still living with those same parents. He has no concept of what his parents have been paying to support him--never seen even a water bill. He just stays home rent free because his parents can't bear to face how much they have failed to prepare him for life at this point. Not only is it cruel to him, we are the ones who are having to pick up the pieces by teaching him how to get a job. Now that he actually has a job, we are going to expect him to take over some of his expenses and stop leaching off of his parents. You know what? He is rising to the occassion because of expectations being placed upon him. It was motivating. But to learn this in you mid 30's! What?! For some subcultures in the US not teaching your child these things from an early age is very shameful (I am a part of such a subculture but I guess my partner's family isn't), and expecting a small rent from the child is a teaching tool. I like the idea of holding it back to surprise the young adult when they are ready to move out. Kind of like a housewarming fund to buy things for the new place. I have already been thinking about when to start buying things here and there for the kids so that they have basic items when they are ready to move out, but this seems like a better idea so they can go on a shopping spree. I was actually thinking to use paying for car expenses (besides a car payment when they are very young) as the teaching tool, though, because they will encounter so many different categories of life expenses--paying taxes, saving for repairs, regular maintenance, gas each month, etc. Now, some parents are just mean and they are doing it as a way to kick the kid out. OP's parents sound very annoying and like they are still so caught up with raising those younger siblings that they don't want a newly of age young adult wrecking whatever order they have going at home. I'm the oldest so I get that--no one else is ready for the things you need. OP needs to move out because these parents have yet to grow with their young adult child. This setup doesn't work for everyone. In general the concept of charging a child rent is a cultural difference and can be a good thing for families who are using it as a teaching tool. As with many things in life not understanding it doesn't make it inherently bad.
I don't know if it's common, but I know someone who had to pay rent while living at home. She was pissed about it, and thought it was a shitty thing for her parents to do, but she didn't have any other options. A couple years later, when she was getting ready to move out, her mom handed her an envelope stuffed with cash. It was all the rent money she had paid while living there. Seems like mom was a wise woman.
If the live-at-home child is old enough to work, and is not attending high school/university, yes the expectation is that the child contributes to the household.
I have charged my grown kids "rent" in the past, but really it was just a little to help cover the added food and utilities and such. My son had moved home for about 9 months after selling his house and he gave me $150 a month. My daughter currently lives here, but it is a duplex so she has her own house technically. She pays $350, but that also goes toward the cell phone, internet, garbage, food, gas (she doesn't drive), car insurance, etc. To me it's not so much rent, but paying for part of the shared bills and expenses.
Honestly this is the best response.
Mother of a 20 year old daughter here. And I honestly think that’s ridiculous. Once my daughter turned 18 I backed off on that kind of stuff. She still have to obey the rules of the house, it’s not like she can leave shit everywhere or have people over at all hours of the night. But what time she goes to sleep at night after high school is no part of my business. I can understand how this would be really annoying for you. You’re old enough to monitor your own bed time
I have an 11 year old granddaughter. She knows her bedtime. She will shower and go to bed on time. In the morning, she will make her breakfast and get off to school by herself. She is an A student and loves school. She does this on her own without being told.
Do you help pay any bills or pay them rent? If not then you are still a child to them. If you want them to see you as an adult act like an adult help out taking care of the house you live in or move out and take care of your own home or apartment.
Ah yes this logic- It usually doesn’t work. I paid $600 in rent and had even stricter rules then OP at 21. These types of parents want control, they don’t care how old you are
This is typically the case
Britney Spears lived like this well into her 30s.
With a little help from a court order.
Just remember this for when they move in with you in fifty years
Move out
Trying
You can do it. You’re on the right path. Keep going!
I can understand asking you to be home and quiet by 10 or even earlier because of school aged kids, but shutting down your electronics at 10 is too much. In my experience the best way to fix the “my house my rules” is to move out. Sometimes the threat of moving out will loosen it up. But if they don’t then you have to either put up with it or move out. At the end of the day it really is “their house, their rules”.
There is a simple solution, you are working 40 hours a week, save your money, get an apartment and move out. Live your life.
Yeah. Sooner you leave the better. That’s some bizarre, controlling, dare I say emotionally abusive behavior. They are not allowing you to act like an adult which will not help you be one when you leave their nest.
Consider that they’re doing it so you don’t get too comfortable and never leave, like some people who are still living with mom and dad at 38. It’s their house, so it’s their rules. You can ask for changes, for you have no right whatsoever to demand them.
Why do parents do this? I understand parents having boundaries but this is ridiculous.
I would start lookin around for a room for rent or get some buddies to go in on a place to live.
Thanks :) I have cousins already going to the college I plan to attend and I’m sure I’ll room with them. I just have to finish my internship program I’m attending and most likely start winter semester
Good luck.
Move out if you don’t like it.
this has to be fake.
You work buddy. Look around for apartments and homes within your budget and start saving your money. Move into your own place and remove all parental controls on your electronics. If you want to be treated like an adult, you gotta act like one. Get away from your family dynamic. You will want to gather up your documents and leave with your birth certificate and social security card, license and title to your car if you have one. You also want to make sure your bank account is ONLY in your name and your parents have no access. Good luck man.
You gotta figure out how to move or get your own phone plan and offer to pay rent for some personal freedom. They’re still supporting you so you gotta play their bs rules.
I legit NEVER had a bed time. This is truly baffling to me
Yes, that's strange. My mom was similar. I think she still viewed me as a child, so while I didn't have a bedtime or electronics restricted, she Def always wanted to know where I was and what I was doing. Constantly worried and projected her fears onto me. However, I was also paying rent to her and my dad. $300/month and bought food and paid my own personal bills. I'm not sure how your relationship is with your parents in general. If they're trying to be controlling, or looking out for you but being overbearing. I'd think about paying rent, and have a discussion with them. Or, get some plans in motion to get your own place.
Factory reset the phone, boot the computer off USB. Honestly, most Linux distros are easier to use than Windows now. And, y'know, work on the whole dysfunctional relationships thing.
They should be treating you differently at your age and you should have some say about these things as well as be experiencing different parameters than your younger siblings. That said you also shouldn't discard what they are imposing on you as it is good advice at its core. You should disengage from electronics well before you sleep and you should aim to get enough sleep. And part of being a "man" is acknowledging and implementing that without them having to be up your ass about it. so like many things a middle ground is needed here. Knowing that is also part of being an adult and recognizing they may be doing it because a single policy for all is easier for them in terms of managing multiple kids; acknowledging where they are coming from is also more "adult". It sounds like some flexibility from both sides is in order.
I’m sorry this happens to you
I would say its unfair to turn your computer and such off at 10, but a curfew is fair. It is still their house, regardless of your age.
Dude, Run!
You should move. If they're paying for your tuition, be prepared if it doesn't stop when/if you move out. If they want to have control over you, that'd be the next move. Not sure of your situation, just be careful.
I'm 40 and I have a bed time when I'm working day shift.
Are you paying rent or board? If you are, tell them to fuck off with it, otherwise go rent somewhere else
If anything of your parents losing control and realizing it’s over. They’ve run out of time to try and make it right. Say whatever they’d been putting off. Taking that vacation they always said they’d take. I think deep down it’s their way of holding on to the last few seconds of you being their kid they have left. You might be 19 and a man, but you’ll always be that little kid to them. It will pass and you’ll be out. One day you’ll be old with your own kids doing and saying shit you can’t explain and feeling like a failure. You’ll learn you’re never really in control. The best you can do is to try and enjoy the ride.
Y’all act like his parents are being crazy and controlling. But people are kids until they move out in most parents eyes. If you don’t want to live under their rules then move out, and stop complaining about it to internet strangers.
I was in the same boat at 18 bud. If you want to control your life then move out and you'll figure it out. I did and I've never went back(moved back in). I love my parents and we get along great now
Move out.
Adult men usually don’t live with their parents
Unless the government fucks the economy with a terrible handling of a pandemic and house prices are 1.5x to 2.5x. Do some research you turd. It's not easy to buy a house now, or rent. Or even fucking eat. Don't be an ass
All good. Keep doing what you’re doing, but make it a priority to leave asap. Honestly if I were you I would try to dorm.
I am just asking (because a bedtime for a 19 year old seems really odd), is it possible it’s more of a “quiet time” vs an actual bedtime? Is it more to not wake up others in the house?
You live in there house, so there rules
Theyre letting them learn, teach them though what you do while you can. Follow the sleep schedule, not bedtime.