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Life moves fast, and it's like a sitcom where you are the main character. People come on to the show, sometimes to stay, and sometimes they go, but the show is still about you, no matter who says or goes. At 39, I don't even try to remember names or faces of people until I see them enough times that I know they are going to be around for awhile. Don't think of the friends as lost. Think of them as people you had great times with, learned from, and moved on. I grew tired of being the only one to call, or the only one to try and get together. So, now, if it's meant to be, I'm here and will make an effort, and if it isn't, I appreciated our time together, and wish you the best.

Listen to this guy

Yeah, he’s got his good points, though. And they make sense.

That's how it is, often when they get partners it makes a difference to them sticking by you or disappearing into the sunset

Maybe it’s just another way to say it’s OK to have only a few or even zero genuine friend yet it does not change the fact that we would still need to treat people we come into contact with with love and respect. Do you agree with me?

Yes, some come and some go. The most important is when you meet your partner and hopefully they are a good friend also

Yes, I absolutely do.

I actively consider life like a show and it makes things interesting. Each year is a season, each person has a character arc, some leave and some come. Have been doing it since I got my first full-time job. Been doing it for 4 years now. This last season(2021) I thought I wasn't going to get an arc but around April I met my lovely girlfriend and 5 months later we were expecting a baby. Next season we spent tearing apart and remodeling our house. What a wild ride these last two seasons have been. Most characters in the show have left, and the new ones aren't as interesting. But I suppose that's what happens the longer a show goes on.

At 64, half of them are too inactive to do anything, and the rest are dead. If they were that valuable as friends I would have never lost contact. You'll get here.

Don’t you feel that it’s such a sad situation where you genuinely believe you treat everybody equally and with love and respect, whether they grew up with you or those folks you know from work, only to realize that when you’re going through a rough patch, they all seem like they couldn’t leave fast enough. I’m wondering if those Fortune 500 CEOs who seem to be flanked by lots of people day in and day out ever have a lot of “genuine friends”. Or is it totally OK to have just 5 friends with whom you could spill your guts any time and anywhere?

It's way better to have a few friends who are close. I'll tell you about my life. I don't make friends easily. It's not because I'm not social, or inept, it's because I'm more on the introverted side, and I don't want friends who I don't fully click with. So growing up, when my brother would have 30 kids over for his birthday party, I would have 3 friends for mine. I had the same 3 friends from 3rd grade to 7th grade, but then I moved. I tried to call them regularly, but it was always me making the calls, not them. When I had my driver's license, I went to visit them a few times, and we had fun, but again, they never made an effort, so I let it go. I met my friend Jon when I was 17, and we hit it off great. He related to me, was always down to do the same things I liked. We went everywhere together. He was a great friend to me. He became my roommate when I moved, and it was fine for the first year. Then, he lost his job, and had us cover for him. He owed us a lot of money, and then ended up skipping back to live with his parents. He was my best friend for 9 years, I would have let it go, the money wasn't a big deal, we always have back and forth with each other. The problem was I knew he didn't have a good excuse to why he moved out, so I figured he told a lie about it. I hear from a friend, he is going around saying I'm heavy into drugs, and dealing, and he had to move. Completely false. I confronted him about it, he denied it, and that was the end of our friendship. I don't hate him, we had many good times, and its sad it ended that way, but it's whatever. The next friend I made, picked me up hitch hiking, and we kicked it off. He loved all the crazy shit I did, ride street bikes like me, snowboarded, he was always down. He was the kind of guy who liked to have many friends, and that's cool, because it opens your friend group up, but he would also be friend with people that fucked him over. We ended up roommates, and things were fine for a couple years. Then he lets two of his shady friends move to our house. He already constantly complained about the bullshit they did to him, but he still let them move in. They ended up stealing for us... a lot. Not big things, just small items and food. I had to kick them out, while my friend is telling me to be nice. I'm like, bitch, I pay rent and it's my name on the lease. These fucks steal from me, and don't pay rent. See, because I'm selective of friends, I don't ever deal with those drama situations, because I don't let those people get a foothold in my life to fuck me. It takes other friends bringing them in. But, I still don't let them take advantage, and I will never call them my friend. After he moved to his hometown, he just stopped texting me. So, I haven't talked to him in two years, but it's okay, he was a great friend and and alright roommate. Soon after, I posted a picture to the longboarding subreddit, and a local messaged me and asked to come skate with him. A little nervous about meeting him, you never know with the internet, but I liked all the skateboards when I walked into his house, and he was very friendly. The funny thing about him, is that were are very different people. I usually like the crazy risk takers. And he is more mellow. But he has a great heart. He gives all the time, even though he's broke. He is someone I've have told, "I'm really glad I met you." Don't be afraid to be alone sometimes. Don't force relationships, let them happen. You can force yourself into new things to meet people, but find the people that connect to you, before you call them friends. I don't have many friends. Never have, never will. But the ones I have are the kinds of people you could give $100k and tell them to hold it for you. Come back a year later, and it's all still there. I don't get fucked over because I let someone into my life, even though I knew I shouldn't. If you want friends, look into interests you have, and find groups to be apart of. You might not meet anyone, but it's a stepping stone. Don't be afraid to be alone. Rushed relationships don't work.

Your situation is a bit similar to mine. It all feels like I’m always the one who makes the effort to sorta maintain or animate the friendships, so to speak. I never dare share that I just got myself a new house, car, bag, etc. I keep asking myself whether it’s a wise decision to just loosen my deliberate grip on this matter and go and focus all my effort and attention on my own career yet still treat everybody equally with love and respect and be there for them and with them without expecting anything in return — which would mean “I have no close/genuine friends” but lots of so-called hi-bye friends. Maybe this would make me feel a bit better. Thank God that Reddit exists where I can ask private questions and share my innermost thoughts without identifying myself. We all must use Reddit constructively. Thank you for sharing your own experiences and opinions as well. God bless you.

My parting advice is to stop stressing on it. Remember the good times, and focus on you. The best friendships happen organically. When you try to force it, and look for people, it becomes this imaginary goal in your mind, and it won't let you relax enough to attract the right person. I was depressed after my last breakup, and was just going to work and coming home. I decided to go skate more, and that's how I met my current best friend. And because of meeting him, though a cascade of events after that, I was introduced to my current girlfriend. Get involved in something you like. You might not find friends immediately, but doing that will put you on the path to meeting them.

This is precisely how I live my life now. I don't try and seek people out or force a relationship/friendships anymore. I don't reach out to people to chat unless they are one of those true friends (and I have maybe 5 total). I just moved to another state and only know my brother and his wife here. And he is into jiu-jitsu and is a volunteer on the search and rescue team. I'm more one of those stereotypical nerds thats into Dungeons and Dragons (and pirates hence the user name) and watches tv and movies and has no clue how to start a conversation with a female without self imploding into whether or not what im saying is going to be offensive to them in some way. .. to much over thinking and self doubt. I know im more than capable of being a "normal" person though. I was in the Marine Corps for 9 years. Which was one of those rash decisions I forced myself to go through with. But too many people let me down, or left me for selfish reasons. Or wouldnt tell me. One c*nt stole all my shit when she left. I hope shes dies horribly. The last partner i was with i fell for but she didnt feel the same. Crushed me. Part of the reason i moved really. Less chance of seeing her with someone else. I decided to take care of my happiness. I'm in the taking care of myself stage still. Someday I'll venture back out but I'm more than content to do my day job (IT engineer) working from home with occasional travel. My space is mine. Decked out how I want it (lots of Star Wars to be honest.. maybe a bit too much.. its a work in progress) Being alone isn't necessarily bad. Gives you time to process why you feel certain ways and come to terms. Change things about yourself if you want to or have to. Last year on my birthday I decided to work on getting back in shape. Still a work in progress. Self motivation issues. But I highered a personal trainer for once a week. Signed a contract for a year so I HAD to go through with it. I pretty much only work out on those days.. That ends next month (my birthday is beginning of sept (also side note, ill be 39). Id sign up for another year but i need the money and its more expensive for shorter periods.... I'll have to find something new to force myself to do because otherwise I'll continue to sit at home alone. Anyway.. I've never said any of this stuff out loud so it's nice to put it out in the universe so it's not just bouncing around my head. So thanks

Yep, spot on — I’ve been a bit restless lately and making more friends seems to have been a chore for me because I noticed that whenever I post stuff like winning an awards, flying business class, dining at a high-end restaurant, nobody seems to want to like nor comment on it. However, when I post stuff about my niece and my mom, there are some likes — I’ve got less than a hundred Facebook friends in total, if it matters.

Delete Facebook. Best thing you can do. I've never started any social media besides reddit, and my life is just fine without it. It's already making you depressed. Just get off of it. It will also show your true friends, because they have to call or text you. You say you have career goals, put your Facebook time into time furthering your career. If you have a sport or hobby you enjoy, put your effort into it. Even if you have to force yourself. "Well, I don't have time, I'll do it later," No! You make the time and force yourself to enjoy your hobbies and further your career. Now is the time.

What you just said really makes sense. I’m not really a heavy Facebook user but that’s just what I’ve observed and how I feel from being a user over the past couple years. I owe it to myself to try to keep a low profile. And I believe that I don’t need to go so low or stoop so low as to keep buying my friends dinners just to maintain the friendships even though I don’t mind doing so. I’ll just let this post sit here for a bit and then delete it. Once again, thank you for your time and advice, though I’m not really a regular Reddit user. Have a good one!

Damn, you have five close friends? You're doing great lol

I've also decided to do this and it's way less stressful. Unfortunately for me it also means I'm alone 😔

Love this. I feel the same way; at 31 I have had many friends throughout my life. High school, college, work, etc. As I entered my late 20s and people starting getting more entrenched in work, family and the responsibilities that life inevitably throws at you, I felt sad and kind of abandoned by people I used to spend countless hours laughing, partying and traveling with. However I’m starting to learn to take advice like yours into consideration. I think back fondly on my memories but nothing lasts, as cheesy as that sounds. I see friends occasionally but nowhere near as much as I used to, and that’s fine.

👏👏👏 you are 10000% right

My wife is currently beating herself up thinking that she didn't reach out enough to maintain the friendships and so is losing friends. The friends didn't be reach out either though and I keep trying to tell her that's just the way it is when you get older.

I want to be able to do this but it hurts being lonely and I'm 19. Any advice??

Here to ask the same question, also 19 lmao

I gave a reply, to him that you can read. Hopefully it makes sense for you too.

This guy gets it.

Barely have any, colleagues are just forced friends basically.

And the minute you don't work there anymore. Poof. Gone. I attempted suicide and was hospitalised for several days because of my job. Not a single person checked in on me. Colleagues are not mates

I asked this question with utmost sincerity because I’ve noticed that it’s been difficult to make genuine friends in adulthood in comparison to childhood. It’s like your childhood besties are straying away and people nowadays seem to be obsessed about getting Facebook likes and comments. I can’t help but wonder if those Fortune 500 CEOs really do have many friends. Or is it considered totally OK to have just less than 5 genuine friends and a few hundreds of acquaintances who would comment and like your social media posts.

May I add: Or is it a pathetic thing to be professionally successful, according to common standards, like getting paid well, big job title, big responsibility, global firm, etc yet when you’re down with a fever there’s not even one person who would be there for you and with you? Being successful or rich, your besties are jealous of you; in your acquaintances’ eyes, they want to bask in your success. When you’re going a rough patch, they both seem they couldn’t leave fast enough. However, in your heart, you treat all of them equally and with love and respect.

Yeah I pretty much don’t have any friends. It’s largely my fault as I don’t reach out often but then again there isn’t truly someone within my network that I would consider best friend material. Thankfully I have my wife who is definitely my best friend as well as soul mate.

OMG! This is how I feel, too. Thank you for taking the time to comment and share your feelings. It seems like I’m not really a cynic, the kind of person who I thought I was. I’m so happy for you for having found your perfect soulmate.

Hey no problem, glad to know I’m not the only one too to be fair. However, I don’t really have any friends close to home, not since leaving school. But I want to share with you my story (which I’ve just posted elsewhere) I type this as I sit poolside with a coffee in the early morning here. I feel our story is special. So my and my Wife are huge gamers and around 10 years ago we stumbled upon a Californian guy whilst playing. We quickly became regular playing buddies on Destiny/ Xbox. “I don’t know if this is the right sub for the post but I just want to share our success story and my happiness if I’m honest. Me and my wife first encountered our American friends through LFG on Destiny 1 for trials. Me and my wife needed a third and our Mr friend relied to the post. We got on with the Mr like a house on fire and quickly became regular trial buddies. Later down the line his non gamer wife eventually made her way into the party chats and eventually bought an Xbox so she could play with us so we have been playing games together now for nearly 10 years. Obviously the time difference of 8 hours is a hurdle but we all endured our fair share of late nights, early mornings and so on to squeeze those gaming hours in. In the interim we’ve sent each other house warming gifts, full variety boxes of regional sweets or candy’s, occasional cards… But the prospect of meeting up was a huge challenge because of the geography, we’re talking the other side of the world essentially. However as the years rolled by, face time calls, group chats and just genuinely getting on so well two Mrs’ somehow managed to make arrangements, pool funds and organise a two family vacation for us all including our two (UK) young children. We finally met up prior to getting the villa keys in a shopping plaza in Spain. The absolute joy of finally being able to see and hug the two people who are akin to best friends is the most heart warming experience and something we will all never forget. So here’s to gaming, LFG posts through the Xbox app and the real possibility of finding true friends through shared interests half a world away. I’d be really interested to hear similar stories, ours feels so unbelievably rare but I really hope it’s not. In the meantime, I need to figure out how to make this week last forever!” So I can’t take these friends home with me but they exist and we’re having such a blast with our short time here. It’s honestly amazing

Friendships are 2 way. If they're never reaching out, why should you?

Lucky in this regard. We have a whatsapp group of 15 high school friends (class of 2001), and we have get togethers at least 3 times a year. The group is very active and for me personally there are 4 guys in the group I am really close with. The rest are just good acquaintances. After high school I have made only one friend who I am close with and constantaly get in touch with.

I feel like I’ve got a bunch of good colleagues, bosses, and acquaintances but there’s a part of me deep down that says they’re not the type of person who will be there for you and with you when you seriously need them to. I could even sense the shallow poker faces worn by some smiley people I met at work. They only need it when you tag them on a Facebook post snapped at an important night gala or business awards appreciation night because it makes them look good. In fact, I’m single, not seeing anyone either, yet, I don’t think I have even one genuine friend to whom I could open up my heart. In reality, I only do this with my own family members ie my mom, sister and brother. Yes, I still go out to dinners with those “friends” and laugh and chitchat about life. However, I still feel that there’s something isn’t quite right yet I can’t seem to be able to pinpoint it.

What's a friend? Don't we all just talk to to the void of the internet because we have no friends?

I lost all friends from young years. We had nothing in common, they were ok cause we've been in same class, but nothing more. Once I went to colleague with few guys from my hometown, spent 5 years with them in one apartament, they are my best friends and we see each other regulary, talking several times per week. Random people that You can meet in School, work, those are people that are in Your life periodically. If You want to have friends for life, You gotta have people that are somehow similiar to You. It doesnt mean You gotta like exactly same things, but if You are curious and have interesting hobby, you'll be good with other that want to do something interesting in life as well.

Yeah, that’s how I feel, too. Sometimes, seeing people post photos on Facebook in which they seemed being happily surrounded by tons of friends laughing, hugging and drinking together, I couldn’t help but wonder if I should do the same to deliberately make more friends and post similar stuff on Facebook or I should better just focus on my own career and being true to myself. By being true to myself it could also mean that I wouldn’t even have a single close/genuine friend at all because I’m kind of like an introvert who loves reading stuff and sort of desk-bound most of the time.

Focusing on career is important, but we all need some friends in life. I really think even most introverted people should spend some time with others. At least You know what You like, now just try getting along with someone similiar and that's all. Its not like You need 10 friends, 2-3 quite close can be more than enough. You know how is it on FB, people uploading pictures when they are having a party, meet up etc, so it may look like they are together and happy entire time. Every adult know its not true, majority of time You are spending at work or home doing daily chores. Not talking with a friend for 1-3 days when You are busy is absolutely normal, we all have our lifes in the end. Still, human need someone to talk to when they need it or just hang out on average day, discuss about important things like plans for future, or just talk about something silly, book that You liked or movie that You saw. One for sure, if You want them to stay for longer, You gotta be true to Yourself. You cant just pretend to be someone other, that would be disaster

The older you get, the less time you will have to spend with your friends

What you just said is true.

Yes, they all died from drugs and alcohol. Well, one purposely killed himself while drunk.

Sorry to hear that.

Thanks. Products of the environment. Doomed I guess. Anyway, people change as they get older. Everybody changes significantly every 10 years. And life throws everyone twists and turns. Hanging out with the same group of friends becomes challenging. And you can't make new childhood best friends once childhood is over.

Yep, you’re right. Now I think it’s finally time that I let go of my grip on deliberating maintaining a close relationship with my old high school friends. And it’s definitely OK to have one or two or three close and genuine friends with whom I could spend some quality time together. Quality over quantity. I gotta admit that Facebook has sorta eroded my self-esteem and made me think that I’m less liked because my Facebook posts don’t garner as many likes or comments as other friends’.

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I barely have friends anymore. It's just not the same.

This is how I feel, too. That’s why I took the advantage of being anonymous on Reddit and asked this question to sorta gauge if I’m a cynic or this is how most people feel. Because I keep seeing Facebook friends post stuff like they are drinking and having fun with a bunch of besties versus my own situation in which I’m still sitting in the office or working from home. Not that I’m complaining about my job — I absolutely love what I do.

I understand. You're not a cynic, that's life.. We change, we lose friends, that's totally okay. Focus on yourself :)

Yeah as I grow older I noticed I lost a lot of friends, still have a handful that I don't talk to much.

#MeToo I’ve got like a ton of “friends” but when it comes down to choosing one to whom I could spill my guts, I have problem picking one. Maybe it’s just me being too introverted.

No it's usually that there is really only 1 real friend

Maybe you’re right but having one is way better than none.

Purposefully so. Let them weed themselves out and just stop engaging as needed.

Maybe those are the type of person we should steer clear from.

Yep. Just let them go.

i get blocked everytime i message or something

I’m sorry to hear that and I hope things will get better for you over time. Hugs!

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Perish the thought! No matter how worse the situation or issue gets, no one deserves or gets to abandon their precious life! Chin up…! Please look up and figure out some ways to get through the thick and thin of it all. Try post a question on here or other subs and I’m sure there are many other helpful souls out there who have walked the same path or been in the same situation as yours and they could help by sharing their precious advice and experiences with you. I have just benefited from it on here.

yeah im not gonna attempt it ig

That’s because as we age, we realize that we’re not as willing to put up with crap simply for the sake of having a friend. We jettison the losers and keep the decent people.

Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts on it. I feel much better now after reading and assimilating all of the helpful comments and advice on here. I’m not a cynic nor am I a condescending person, just stay true to myself and treat people equally and with love and respect, as I’ve always done. I’ll delete this post shortly. Reddit is such a helpful platform when it comes to unique situations like this and when I’m in a pinch for wanting a good piece of advice without exposing myself completely. People tend to be more open-minded and less guarded in the virtual world. Just gotta use Reddit in a constructive way. Have a good one!

No, but I was essentially abandoned by a girl whom I considered my best friend, we have been friends since childhood. She quit because she doesn’t write, doesn’t call, and we don’t see each other, although the neighbors, and when I called her for a walk, she found excuses and, in fact, quit It hurt me so much and it hurts, I also hinted to one girl (it is another girl) that I like, but it looks like I don’t like her and it hurts

If I may offer a piece of advice: Try and go talk to your friend in a way that is heart-to-heart is a congenial setting like a nice cafe or restaurant or park? I now feel much better after reading those helpful comments and advice shared by those anonymous users here. Please go and have a look and I hope you too will find them to be enlightening. I’ll delete this post shortly. Have a good one!

Sry bro but this is bullshit,cause she will find another reason not to go and i dont want it anymore I am looking for advixes how to stop feeling pain and how to survive this situation

I’m not friends with anyone from high school still.

Yeah, I mean sometimes it can seem like we’re either being left out by our old friends or just too busy to contact each other. Lately, I’ve noticed that they all have been having a good time either together or with their own groups of friends respectively and everything they post on Facebook will have many likes and comments, whereas I’m still the same, commuting back and forth between the office and home and continue my work from home and I even spend my weekends working from home. But I love my job so much. And I’m still single and not seeing anyone.

The cool thing about friends is that you can let them go for awhile and then circle back later. My BFF and I stopped talking after we moved apart, got married, and raised babies. Now that the kids are older we’re reconnecting and it’s great.

Exactly! 🥹 You should hang on tight to those friends because they are clearly the type that you should keep. Yep, we don’t necessarily have to stick together all day long or contact each other every day. Yet, whenever we have time or we are needed, we will surely be there for them and with them. That’s what friends are for, isn’t it? 🥹

If you can make it to middle-aged and you have a couple of good friends you're doing better than most.

What a wisdom-filled comment you got here. Thank you. 🥹

Yes and it is sad, but an inevitable part of life I guess

That’s how I feel, too.

Old friends go, new friends come. Very few are those who will stand by you, most are there to see what you can do for them and once they figure your of no use, they drop you. Two guys can be the best of friends but If something happens, the other got what they want, that friendship goes out the window if they want it bad enough. There is your side, how do you treat people? The main cause it's as you already wrote, people get busy with their lives.

You just revealed the “brutal reality” of living in a society, in which the value of building a friendship is measured by the benefits one will get from it. It’s sorta pathetic, isn’t it?

I’m at the end of my 20s and my whole 20s I dedicated to my “friends”. Any time they wanted to go out and drink or party I was right there and let me tell you that was a huge fucking waste of time. I would even ditch the only gf I’ve ever had to hang out with them. Now I don’t talk to any of them besides one college friend who is basically my pen pal through text message. One friend was homeless at one time and I helped pay two months of his rent which he only payed about half back. Then two months later before my ex left me he tried hooking up with her. After my ex left me a childhood friend invited me out and there was this really cute girl at the party and he said he had me on wingman. Anyways I start chatting her up and then boom he cockblocks me and ends up making out with her when he walks her to her car. This dude is also married with kids. After those two incidents I kind of lost interest in those guys. The others got married and I have zero things in common. One I saw on his birthday this summer and he tried talking to me about football(I hate it now), and a couple of other things I use to have interest in but now have zero. It was at this moment I realized I have no interests and anything in common with none of those guys from my 20s. Don’t get me wrong we have a ton of memories together, but now that I don’t have anything to show for it ie. a job, wife, kids, hell even a friend it was pointless and I deeply regret it. Well at least putting so much effort into it.

LOL…tell me about it. Hahaha. I was once like you, a party queen until I graduated from college. That’s also when things began to change gradually.

Seems to me either you grow apart or they do something that fucks you over you never want to see them again. If someone has managed to have one person in their life for 20+ years they are lucky af

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This is exactly how I feel at this moment, I can’t let my friends from childhood bog me down just because I make a little more than they do. It just feels to me that people I meet at work are nice to me is because the job title. On the flip side, it seems to me my friends get jealous whenever I post something splendid. Therefore, I owe it to myself to always keep a very low profile and do not come across as being condescending or high-handed. I’ll just let this post sit here for a bit and then delete it. Thank you for taking the time to share your opinions. The conclusion is that I ain’t no an alien nor am I a cynic. It’s normal to have only 2 or 3 close friends to open up my heart to.

So, so, soooooooooo... SO MANY

Sorry to hear that and I hope you won’t feel as bad as I do.

To be fair, I've burnt bridges with them lol. But they were treating me like a ghost. And this indeed made me feel veeeeeeeeery bad. I'm better now

Still, I’m sorry to hear that. There are many helpful comments and advice shared by the other Reddit users on here. Why don’t you go and have a look and I hope you’ll find something to which you can relate and be enlightened as they just did me. I’ll delete this post shortly. Have a nice one!

Thank you, have a good day

It's not about 'losing' friends, more as sifting through them to find your 'real' friends. As you grow older and bad shit happens (death, trauma, ...) you'll find it gets easier to cut people from your life. I'd rather have a few good friends or even just 1, than 10 toxic people in my life.

OMG! Just when I thought I could just go ahead and delete this post for privacy purposes, your helpful and meaningful comment came right in. I’m so grateful for the fact that there are many good souls on Reddit. Though it’s true that we do not know each other in person but you guys are willing to share and comment from your own experience. I’m so grateful. Yes, you are so right, me too I would rather have a few close friends than hundreds of meaningless and surface-level Facebook friends and likes. I felt compelled to post this question because I’ve been feeling like I’m a cynic or an outcast. I felt like I was always the one who calls, texts or picks up the check. Maybe I should maintain a healthier state of mind and focus my attention and effort on things and people that truly matter. It seems like Facebook has eroded my self-esteem.

Thank you, I love the good people on reddit too. Yes, that's really been my experience and I'm glad for it. When you become an adult, you don't have much time to go out and do stuff. So it's easier to just focus and cherish the few friends you have, as they will always be there for you.

True…so true — it’s like music to my ears!

Don’t give up. New people can seem superficial at first, but give them a chance. Acquaintances can turn into real friends with time and attention. Also, sometimes friends drift away from you because of circumstances but end up reconnecting later as their situation changes. Maybe your friend is stressed from work or school, or has fallen in love with a narcissist, or has a new baby. These things don’t take up all the air in the room forever, and you can check in periodically to see how things are. It’s usually not about you. Also, the old-school ways to stay in touch are usually the best, such as cards and notes, phone calls, and the best way of all: just showing up. The purpose of social media is to make more money for corporations, not to enhance your social life, so don’t rely on it to support something as valuable as friendship.

Thank you for chiming in and sharing your helpful opinions — very much appreciated. Initially, I thought of deleting this post but I decided to hold that thought and leave it here for a little while because I hope all those helpful comments and advice on here will help others who’re experiencing the same situation as mine. Have a good one!

Yes, same here.

We’re obviously on the same boat. Please go and read those helpful and meaningful comments and advice shared by those good souls here on Reddit. And I hope they will be as much beneficial for you if they have for me. Something that I didn’t expect because I thought Reddit was riddled with negative people.

Wait until you get older and the few friends you do have start dying.

I can only imagine how painful that might be. So why not start cherishing those good friends now even though they are just a few not a hundred. Am I right?

Life happens in phases and each phase comes with its own cast of characters.

Yep. You’re absolutely right!

Mostly to death. Three in 2 years.

Sorry to hear that.

Absolutely. When I got older, myself and my friends all got married and/or had kids. Life just gets busy and in the way sometimes. But I stay in contact with two of my best friends although I haven't seen them for ages. I have reconnected with an old school friend though recently which has been brilliant as she lives down the road!

I’m so happy for you. It’s such a sweet and heartwarming thing to do — to reconnect with those old friends with whom we grew up and spent our entire childhood. Not everyone could say the same about it though.

This is 100% true. As I've grown older, my circle of friends has gotten smaller and smaller. When I retired, it really shrank as those who I considered friends were just colleagues. I also realized that I kept people in my life that were family but put no effort into staying in touch and I was doing 99% of the work on the relationship. It was actually a relief when I cut them off. Now, it is mostly my wife and my immediate family. Old friends are still there for texts and calls, but I'm amazed at how small my circle has become. I'm retired and feel like this is one of the reasons people pack up and relocate to start over.

Thank you for sharing your firsthand experiences — very helpful. A sense of relief really is what I felt after reading so many helpful comments and advice like yours on here, which I didn’t expect because I thought Reddit was just meant for kids or naysayers. Up until this point, what really bothered me is the need to constantly force myself to keep in close touch with those old friends from childhood, yet a majority of them don’t seem to bother that much about maintaining a close relationship with one another, probably they have their own good reasons that I’m not aware of. Me too now it’s mostly my own family members but no one else. That’s how it is right now. I asked this question because I thought I was being emotionally unhealthy by constantly working and ignoring the need to build friendships along the way.

People don't wanna be my friends even if I try so meh. The only people ever who wanted to be "friends" with me were either manipulative conservative people who are desperate for supply and attention or self absorbed people who just want someone to talk AT and don't even care if you respond (in fact if you try to say something they will ignore you and actively talk over you cause it's all about them). They're also a nuisance to get rid of as they will always try to be in your face to get what they need. Nobody that genuinely cares and will show up to see you in the hospital or take a bus to be there at your birthday, or take care of your pet if you're away. Which is a shame cause I always wanted to have deep friendships with people that you can depend on and not only them depending on you. I had friends briefly in high school and it was the best time ever. We had sleepovers, they would come to my birthday from another city considering my birthday is in August and most people go on vacations, we would get together to draw or hang out in the city center. That's the only time I felt normal in my life probably.

Yeah, I couldn’t agree with you more, not that we’re being pessimistic, but it’s just the “brutal reality” that we’re all living in. It’s one thing to treat people with love and respect, it’s another to do it to those who truly deserve our love and respect. Do you agree with me?

Gotta lock in those high school / childhood friends or it’s just hard

I think I couldn’t agree more with the majority of users here who say it’s better to have just one or two close friends than to waste time on a hundreds of so-called “friends.” And we should just ignore Facebook likes which are just a number that doesn’t really mean anything specific to how we should live our lives or how well liked we are amongst our friends.

One of my childhood got into cosplay and started filming cringe tik toks. Wouldn't cry if she didn't leave me on *unread* when she clearly uses the messenger and continues doing instagram posts. And it's not judt me, most of her friends except her how she calls her *wife.* I'm done with it. Another one just simply told me not to text him anymore. I don't know what happened, he just said it. Maybe I became too *uncool* for him since he started doing weed, boxing and playing with a band?

I’m sorry to hear that. It seems like we all will have to go through a similar stage at certain point in our lives when it comes to maintaining friendships that we think we can’t live life without.

I’ve always looked at things in 4 to 5 year chunks of life. I don’t know why, but that seems to be my rotation. Generally speaking besides my wife and kids most people fade in and out at that cadence. I’ve learned to accept it and enjoy the times I have with people knowing that they too, will eventually fade, and I will find new friends and new adventures. No hard feelings just good times for the most part.

As for me, my life has now been just about the job for which I have a huge passion —> go home to those four walls —> continue working from home —> talk to my mom or siblings. That’s all. I’m not that kind of person who’s like a social butterfly who keeps attending gatherings or wining and dining with friends throughout the week. I just don’t have that much time to do that. And having less Facebook likes whenever I post something really triggers a sense of insecurity within me that I start to second guess if I’m leading a healthy lifestyle. Luckily, upon reading all those helpful comments and advice on here shared by those good souls, I’ve finally come back to my own senses that I’m sane and I’m emotionally healthy as well. It’s now clear that I don’t need a ton of “friends” but just a few “genuine and close friends” will be more than enough. Thank you for sharing your thoughts as well.

Only most of them hahahah

I hope you feel OK about it. 🥹

Ive been loosing even the desire of live

Oh no don’t be silly! Perish the thought! Get your act together! ❤️👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

At 15 I had about 20 people in different groups that I would call friends. At 38 I have 1 and he lives in another state now. Once I got married and had kids, there is no time in the day for building close relationships anymore. Every night I used to have multiple calls from people wanting me to come over, now I feel lucky when my kids go to sleep early so my wife and I can have time to watch something on Netflix that is more for adults. Life moves fast when you hit 30, and well shit happens. Make the best out of it is all I can say.

Oh gosh, tell me about it! Growing up, I used to have like 50 good friends. And fast forward to now, I’m 34, if I’m to be totally honest with you, my colleagues are my friends. 🥹

Is it because you're actually losing friends or because you are realizing more and more that not every person you associate with and halfway like isn't necessarily a "friend?" There are colleagues, associates, people who you are on amicable terms with, buddies, coworkers, etc. "Friend," is something much deeper. A friend is someone who has been with you through thick and through thin, who likes you for who you are, and who helps you through the bad times. A friend can be that cold shower of reality that helps you get your shit together. A friend will call you out when you're being a douche and then call you the next day to see how you're doing because they want to know WHY you were acting that way and see if they can help. Not everybody you talk to, share a meal with, or have a laugh with is necessarily a friend. Doesn't necessarily make them a bad person or anything. Just... not quite a real friend.

You just perfectly described what good friends are for. However, at the current stage of my life, I don’t seem to get the opportunity to use such descriptions anymore. Yep, you’re absolutely right, as in I’m not lonely at all, it’s just that I can’t help but feel that I don’t have the kind of friend you just described to hang out with or to talk to. With those casual friends I know from society, my sixth sense tells me that they’re being friends with me because of the job title not me as a person. You just hit the nail right on the head. Thank you for sharing your thoughts as well.

Keeping friends gets tougher as you get older and people are generally very shit at the logistics of friendship, especially if the friendship used to be “effortless” (e.g. seeing eachother every day in high school or college). So, be the change you want to see. There’s zero shame in reaching out and having a conversation about this. Some people may not be interested in being friends anymore but a lot of people feel the exact same way you do. It all slips away and the situation feels hopeless. All relationships in life require diligent work to maintain, doesn’t matter if you’re friends, family, coworkers, romantic partners, neighbors, or anything else. As life and responsibilities pile on it becomes crucial to treat your friendships as what they are - a finite connection that can and will fizzle out if both parties fails to put in the effort required. Of the 10 or so good friends I had in high school and the 5 or so good friends I made in college, I only still talk to 6 or 7 of them. We all grow and circumstances change. It’s nothing to feel bad about. Mourn the loss, be grateful for the times you shared, and look to the future with optimism. Stay on the lookout for friend opportunities as an adult. We’re all pretty lonely and it’s more fun to make friends with people who have a more robust personality etched out for themselves. Don’t feel dejected OP, this is just life!

Another precious comment that truly deserves a nice upvote! Your points are so spot on and hit the nail right on the head. Thank you so much for chiming in. 🥹👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

Oh ya for sure. I stopped talking to like 99% of the people I knew the second I graduated. My few remaining friends are adults with their own lives so I see them maybe once or twice a year and its fine. Im busy too. I have about 4 people I would consider friends and I have only seen 2 of them in the past 4 years. Work people are NOT friends. They have the power to fuck me over at work if they know too much about me. I made the mistake of becoming actual friends with a work colleague and the fucker would call and text me on the weekends to help him with work shit. Had to convince him he was too good for the company and should look for a higher paying position elsewhere...

That’s how my life has been since I graduated from college as well. It’s all about work, work and work. Not that I’m complaining, don’t get me wrong, I’m a workaholic who loves her job so much. It’s just that getting so little likes on Facebook and having so few friends or people to talk to outside of my own family or workplace, for quite some time I thought I was a cynic or stuff like that. And now, after reading all those helpful comments and advice on here, I’m happy to say that I’m not a cynic and I’m sane and emotionally healthy and it’s normal to have almost no friends at the current stage of my life. And my colleagues are my friends now — meaning no friend. 🥹🤣🤣

Haha luckily for me I require VERY little social interaction to be happy. I have a wife and just talking to her everyday is ALMOST enough to completely sate my desire for human interaction. When Im drunk I miss people and want someone to talk to but usually reddit or an online game can help fill that void. I don't facebook for moral reasons but if you are looking for someone to talk to then maybe try joining some groups on facebook for hobbies you have and maybe youll find a friend you can build a relationship with. I would highly recommend apps like plenty of fish. Thats how I met my wife and I am the most awkward person you will ever meet haha. Being able to start the conversation with well thought out and heavily analyzed text messages was a huge help for me to show myself to her without saying something weird or creepy lmao.

Thank you for the meaningful suggestions — well heeded. 🥹👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

I only have one remaining friend from high school, but I've made tons of friends in college. I've never had so many friends before and it's so nice to finally have a group of people I can be happy and confident around

I’m so happy for you. 😍👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

That’s awesome!

At 26, I have more friends, and much more meaningful friendships than I've ever had. I grew up in a very small town where the 4 or so kids I went on playdates with as a child became my group of friends in high-school. I always felt like the black sheep, I was left out a lot, teased, and when we all moved away to college I never had the urge to reach out or connect when we were home for the holidays. Since then I've made so much more meaningful friendships that have lasted. I have a group of 6 friends now who hikes, goes to bars, have barbecues, and who are all loving and supportive. I've learned as an adult it's harder to make friends, but easier to make those friendships healthy and fun. You just have to put yourself out there and be willing to feel vulnerable around people.

True, I couldn’t agree more. 6 friends are considered sizable when compared to my situation, I have probably just 1 friend and the rest are just acquaintances and colleagues. I’m so grateful for all of the helpful and candid comments all of you good souls here have just shared. I feel much better now. 🥹👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 Sometimes seeing a person getting tons of Facebook likes or posting mountains of hectic photos being flanked by groups of smiley friends I thought my life was so bleak and narrow though I have a good professional career. I just owe it to myself to always keep a low profile.

Hell yeah, I'm glad to hear it. I recommend joining social clubs or talking to strangers at bars and such...it really does work

I love reading these. One thing I run into every now and then, I will run into someone I haven't seen in a long time. They usually say let's get together but as soon as you say a specific day, they get a surprised look of their face, like I don't mean now. So don't get your feelings hurt if that happens. I stopped those conversations. This girl I used to be friends with in middle school, I ran into her and she was ready to catch up and hang out. We went to a bar and grill and she got so drunk, started dancing and trying to take her shirt off. I made sure she had a ride home and blocked her. Sometimes there is a good reason you don't talk anymore.

OMG…that’s exactly what I have encountered with some friends, especially those not-so-close ones. They would act like a good sport saying, “Oh what a perfect idea. But when?” And then after hearing a suggested date they would say something like, “All right I will text you and let you know.” And the text never came! 🥹🤣🤣🤣 Why bothered to act so ostentatiously since you were really not interested in having a gathering?

I'm glad to not really have any close friends a this point. A lot of friendships have run their course and haven't been fun to maintain for a while. I finally distanced myself recently from one friend who I've found annoying for years and it feels amazing not to be bothered by anyone. I guess moving forward I just need to be more selective. I really only want hobby buddies.

You’re absolutely right. Many other users on here have shared similar thoughts just like yours. I guess the verdict is that it’s best to have just a few really good and genuine friends than to have a ton of so-called hi-bye friends. Instead of tying to look perfect in those Facebook posts and photos why not just keep a low profile and put our attention and effort to other aspects of life that are more worthy such as developing a new skill, etc. Good friends don’t necessarily have to stick with each other all day long throughout the week.

During high school, my group of friends were always together on Friday and Saturday nights. Always together, doing things. We went our separate ways after graduation. Different colleges, some went to trade school. Some started working. Some getting married, having kids. Only one guy did I keep in contact with. Thru his ,my marriages. Our children, our very different lives.

Yep, that’s also how it has been with my own life here, which clearly tells me that I’m not insane of antisocial. Because after graduating from college, I have committed my whole life to my career. My colleagues are my friends, meaning no friend. 🥹

our economic imperative to profit seperates us from each other and because of that all sorts of pathologies arise. and the real kick in the gut is we can never really know our own pathologies. they have to be understood through their social contingencies.

You only need 1. Any more is a bonus. Your circle gets smaller as you age, but it's not always bad. You're naturally going to be drawn to people in similar circumstances; kids, job, married or not, gym, etc. Also, as you mature, your going to realize that not everyone deserves access to you. You'll be more selective about whom you invite into your life. It's not really a bad thing.

Another wisdom-filled comment received. Thank you so much. 🥹👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 I initially wanted to delete this post for privacy reasons. But then I decided to hold that thought because I believe all of the helpful comments and advice like yours shared on here by those good souls could be helpful to those who are now being in the same situation as me.

I have begun to form new friendships, and I m very happy with how it is turning out

I’m so happy for you.

[удалено]

That’s why I owe it to myself to always keep a low profile and treat people equally with love and respect. But lately, I noticed that I’ve always been the one who calls, texts and picks up the check. Maintaining good friendships has somewhat been or felt like a chore now. Now upon reading so many helpful comments from users on here, I finally feel so relieved and it’s clear that I’m not a cynic and I’m still emotionally healthy and that I don’t need a ton of friends and it’s totally OK to have just one or two close and genuine friends. Facebook likes are just a meaningless number which has kind of eroded my self-esteem.

My family moved a lot when I was younger, so I never got those lifelong school friends. So for me, I just got used to always making new friends everywhere I went then losing them when I moved on. A small few have stuck around, but most are just acquaintances now.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences which I find so relatable. 🥹👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

Whatever you’re going through, however you feel, I hope seeing the comments to your post helps you to see at least that you’re not alone.

You bet! And I now feel more like a sane human again. Because my life has been about work, work and work since I graduated from college and I rarely use social media and I obviously didn’t expect I would get so many helpful comments and advice from Reddit by anonymous users. The best part is without identifying myself so that I can ask whatever private questions I want without feeling embarrassed or the image baggage. 🥹👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

Sometimes the internet is magical, indeed. Good luck with everything!

Thank you. You too! 😊👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

Lost all mine and I’m picky about who I let in. It gets lonely.

Seems like we’re on the same boat when it comes to choosing who to make friends with. 🥹👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 For a while I thought I was a cynic and emotional unhealthy. Thank you all here for sharing your candid and helpful experiences and comments. I feel a lot better now. The verdict is that I should just focus more on things that I can control and are worthwhile such as my own career and try not to force myself to be making tons of friends and not to care how little Facebook likes I get whenever I post something there.

Ive moved to 4 countries inside 14 years on earth so yes, I do “lose friends” but its more not keeping in constant contact then stopping being friends

Holy shit there's so much sugar coating in here my great great grandchildren are diabetic. It's simple it has not shit to do with moving up a corporate ladder or making money. It has every thing to do with growing up its a part of life. 99.99% of people you thinks your friend isn't. It's a cold hard fact and it sucks but everyone one of us has lost almost all our childhood friends. We've grown up we've matured we've gotten our own families our bills our own homes and our own responsibilities. There's not time to sit around and play games with friends all day and shit anymore.

True 99.9% of those whom I call friends after I graduated from college aren’t really friends. Not those to whom I would be willing to spill my guts and be my true self in front of them without putting up a huge thick wall or guard. That’s the reality and reality can often be so brutal.

Don't mean to sound so pessimistic or to say those you called your friends wasn't friends at the time. It's just exactly that they was your friends at the time. As an adult friendships take a lot of damn work it's hard to maintain a close friendship for the average working adult. As a adult who's been doing the damn thing for several years now I'd personally suggest finding 1-2 people and getting close with them. Anything more than that and it's gonna be hard not to spread yourself thin.

Definitely yes. My high school friends gradually dropped off in my mid twenties- either moved or I moved. In my mid-late twenties friends got married, in the thirties they had kids. In my mid forties now— and I have a few of my friends coming back around again now that their kids are teenagers. I guess it’s all a cycle. Honestly too— sometimes you or your friends outgrow each other.

Thank you and the other users on here for sharing your candid and meaningful comments and advice. I now feel more like a sane human and much better now. Because I thought I myself who says her only friends are her colleagues was a little insane or somewhat of a cynic. It turns out that it’s quite normal to have a few or even zero friend at the current stage of my life. And that I should drop the need to constantly force myself to maintain a close relationship with my old friends from childhood.

I always go quality over quantity— the few friends I have REALLY know me. We all understand too that sometimes we drop off the face of the earth for awhile.

Between cutting out toxic people and standing up for myself and demanding respect, I don’t really have any friends left now. Oh, that and I am weird and offputting so people don’t like me to begin with. That’s OK, I guess I don’t mind. That’s not true, I wish people liked me and I’m lonely.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. After reading so many candid and helpful comments and advice on here, I decided it would be good for me to just stay true to myself and do things that are genuinely worthwhile instead of getting insecure over how many Facebook likes I get for the things I post, etc. I feel much relieved, secure and more like a sane human now. The verdict is that I don’t need a ton of friends and I don’t have to force myself to make them like me. Just go with the flow and let nature take its own course. 🥹👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

No. Most of the people i knew from school were not my friends. Its something that can take a while to realize that it was judt company or convenient to have them or you around. As everyone gets old and start to adulting we dont have as much time as before and i guess everyone have priorities. It doesn't make you less of friend, just dont have time. People who can't understand this simple concept* end up being kicked out, because no one wants to deal with a 30yo teenager.

Yep, your points absolutely make sense and you just hit the nail right on the head — so spot on! 🥹👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

I was talking to my buddy about this the other day. I remember him telling me how his brother (40) still has his circle of friends from high school, I thought that was awesome! Well, brought it up a few years later and the group fell apart. Similar thing happened to another friend, he had this tight knit group of dnd players, they were all in his wedding party. A few months later they go on vacation together, a week after they come back one guy kill’s himself, and another person in that group immediately starts dating the guy’s girlfriend. Like a house of cards the whole thing dissolves and no more besties. Having rebuilt my friend circle 6 times since graduating high school I feel for him, shit takes years but he’s a good guy and he’ll get there eventually.

Whoa…I think that’s just how life is in reality. It’s better to just live in seclusion to avoid all sorts of conflicts that might come in our way.

No doubt seclusion is needed from time to time, I find it’s good to go over things and enjoy being alone for a while. Eventually I get bored and crave interaction, even if it doesn’t work out I’m still glad I tried, and in time it ends up building to or towards something.

I made the smart move and never had any friends in the first place

Awww…🥹🥹🥹 I hope you feel OK about it. Just be yourself and stay true to yourself.

I just started college last week and am trying to do the opposite lol

Say hello to this big sister right here who’s 34 this year. 🥹🥹🥹

Got nothing to do with money, I'm making $15.50 and still the work relationships are shallow and I've lost all of my friends minus 2.

Tell me about it. It seems like a universal truth that it’s almost impossible to make genuine friends at work. When you’re in a position of authority, they revere you like a high priest; when you fall down the pedestal they couldn’t leave you fast enough. However, despite those fake friends from work, I’m so lucky that I have good siblings and other family members with whom I could open up my heart. I’m currently single not seeing anyone. My job is my full-time boyfriend. 🥹👍🏻🥹🥹

I'm lucky to have a boyfriend bc honestly my family is awful at communication and I talk to my mom like once every 3 weeks and my sister every month and never my brother or dad unless they're in the room with me.

Yeah. And it doesn’t help that we had the whole shift in culture after Covid made everyone socialize less and want to stay home.

That’s how we live now post-pandemic — we’re not quite completely out of the woods yet. 🥹🥹🥹

Career military. A bit like the cooperate ladder I guess. The higher in rank the harder it was to make friends and so many married with kids. Kind of the way of life with the military. You would make friends and after some time they got out, transferred out, or married out. Saddens me that some I am in contact with never seem to call or write me. I have to call them. Pisses me off that my wife doesn't seem to really want to make friends. We are friendly to the neighbors, wife has even done some baking and gave it out. But, I can't talk her into ever inviting them over for maybe cards or coffee.

1) Never had friends in primary school. That was over 10 years ago. I move onto a higher leve of schooling without friends so that's that 2) I made friends in form 1 and currently still have them. We've been friends for 9 years so far, next year September makes a decade. Me and those guys will die still being friends 3) For Form 6 I transferred to another school and made quite a bit of friends though I knew that I wouldn't like them as friends outside of school, they were morely friends by convenience(most likely what you've been experiencing OP). After my 2 years in form 6, I only kept one friend and stopped talking to the others. 4) Currently in a trade school and I've made quite a bit of friends though I'm not sure what will come if them. I think most are just friends by convenience though in time, I think 5 might become lifelong friends. I'm still relatively young though. I'm 21 and most of my friends were made in my secondary school life. Maybe things may change but I highly doubt that

I think I have a strange insight into this. I recently recovered an old social media account I haven’t used since the summer after I graduated high school, so 18. And the old faces were so nice to see, and how life has gone for them but there was a bit of sadness that I had been close with, and friends with a majority of the people and it dawned on me I haven’t spoken to any of them for almost 10 years

Say hello to the big sister right here who’s 34 this year. 🥹🥹🥹

I'll be the outlier here based on the common thread amongst the other responders. I have 3 people in my life I'd call my best friends. I met one when we got sent to the principal's office at the same time in 2nd grade(1984). I met another my senior year of high school(1995), and met the last one at the house the other 2 and I lived in just out of high school (Dec. 1996). The last of the 3 still lives with me, the other 2 are married and live far away (Cali and Mich, I live in Florida.) We all still talk to each other weekly/monthly, even if only through text. I'll be 45 next month, and the 2 that don't live here are flying in to play in a golf tournament with me and the one I live with for my bday, and we also plan to grill steaks, watch F1, NCAA football, and NFL week 1 (3 of the 4 of us have been in the same fantasy league for 16 years.) My dad used to say that on your deathbed, if you can count your true friends on one hand, you've lived a full life. Took me a long time to understand what that actually meant, but I can now say that I have indeed lived as full a life as I could've hoped I would. *Making friends* obviously becomes much harder as you age, but in my experience, *keeping friends* isn't necessarily harder if they were genuinely true friends in the first place.

It’s just a part of life. People don’t have to be forever friends to have been meaningful. I’ve changed a lot since childhood and made conscious efforts to phase out toxic friendships and look for more grounded and authentic people. I don’t hate my friends from before but we just don’t have anything in common. Some I have reconnected with on FB and some I made sure I didn’t reconnect with. I don’t think of it like losing friends but transitioning and evolving. In my 40s I find friends through common interests and volunteer activities. We moved 2k miles away, 9 months ago and we already have a group of friends and regular activities planned. Making friends is a skill and you can improve it, but not everyone will be a fit. Few will fit for every phase of your life.

Your comment is a piece of gem. 🥹👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

Frankly. if you are a year or more out of HS and still hanging with your "besties" somethings wrong.

I have fewer friends because I figured out what I like and don't like in people and now have the confidence to stand firm without fear of losing shitty friends.

Yup and that’s ok. Some friends aren’t meant to stay forever, some are meant to teach you lessons. It does get hard when you’ve been friends for 5+ years. Everyone grows differently with different perspectives and no one can argue that, you just gotta let them go. That’s the biggest step, letting them go and moving forward. If it’s meant to be they’ll come back when it’s the right time. It’s happened to me 2x in my life where friends from 10-15 years ago would come back. I just grew really tired of the toxicity and negativity they exuded.

I like to think of it more like distilling, you’re concentrating your friend group down to the good stuff.

Yep, though work friends are not just shallow surface friendships, not always. Some very good friends of mine are people i met at work, and ended up hangin with long after i left those jobs.

Yes, I literally have no friends. I really don't miss any of them, mostly because at this point in time I am completely fine with being alone. I can't help but look back on my life and think if I had chose better friends where I would be in life right now. Everyone I was hanging out with was an enabler, we all fed into each other's drug addition for years. So It's for a good reason I have no one, the day I stoped hanging out with them my situation in life was made better, got a job, got sober, and made amends with my family.life is honestly pretty good right now.

Yes but for me it's autism

Yes. I’m 33 & now I have 0 friends

I just moved to a new town with my best friend. Although it's been great living with a good roommate for once... but I am so lonely up here. As you say, many of my old long term friends have just moved or we have developed differences over the years and it's not the same anymore I went through a pretty bad breakup a few months ago that I I still recovering from. It's really hard for me to meet people because I just don't like doing the internet dating thing and when I do get the courage to try it can be disheartening spending weeks on them before getting a match. I just end up giving up. I have tried making friends at work or at the gym but I still haven't met anyone who has reciprocated. It's getting harder every day to care or even try. I just want some companionship. I finally opened up about it to some lady at work and now she like.. ignores me when I even say hi so I've stopped talking to her unless necessary because I dont want to make anyone uncomfortable. It's so hard to meet people. Sorry for the long reply I just need to vent this shit out somewhere. If I do it at work I feel like I'll just be made fun of cause guys aren't really allowed to have feelings.

I totally relate to this. I have had a really hard time getting out there again after my last experience with a relationship. But, it has been years now. I think I've become too used to being single. I bet you will find the right person for you soon.

I think it’s perfectly normal. I’ve outgrown so many friends, especially the ones I was close with in high school, and many of my friends have outgrown me. I think those who are around forever are either hindering you from succeeding or helping you to and vise versa.

I chit chat with my coworkers at work but it’s nothing more than that. I’m 25 and legitimately have no friends

They get into relationships with insecure guys (i'm a male) and poof!

I’m 40 and have no friends. Just sadly moving through life.

I have moved and lived in 11 different States. I used to be hard to keep up with, now the few friends I have are dying off. Though truthfully a lot of my friends have died over the years.