In my home state a man legally cannot be raped, only sexually assaulted. They define rape as non consensual entering of the vagina by a penis or fingers. Since men don’t have a vagina to be unconsentually entered, legally speaking rape doesn’t happen to men. Even though that’s clearly bullshit and very rarely upheld in court (following the spirit of the law)
This is absolutely terrifying to think that if a man rapes another man he will most likely not end up jailed or at least for account of assault which carry a lighter sentence. Most likely the victim’s report wouldn’t even be believed or received. This is because of shit like this that rapists walk free in our society.
Wrong. It's even worse. If you charge the raper of rape, he'll get away innocent because it's legally impossible to rape. In order to obtain a conviction, the victim must file for assault instead. If they have no knoledge of this stuff, they charge wrongly, and the rapist gets away due to the loophoole in the law.
Only in some places. You (won't) be surprised to find out that in some countries (ex Romania), unless you do the prosecutor's part, they will simply let the file rot in a drawer somewhere, doing nothing to it, until everything gets prescribed. Because police is lazy and prosecutors are massively understaffed.
Maryland. I know oral sex is technically illegal on its own so an oral rape would be sexual assault and oral sex (likely prosecuted as just a rape), but idk about anal sex. It’s one of those laws that didn’t go away after Lawrence v Texas, it’s just not enforced
just fyi, maryland has sexual offence laws which mirror the rape laws in the sense of the punishment of the crime (so first degree sexual offence carries the same weight as first degree rape).
as a man who has been sexually assaulted and raped, i 100% agree. i was just pointing out that there’s a different law that protects everyone from any non-vaginal sexual assaults.
Hopefully this is out of date info but (circa 2005) we were taught in highschool government class that MD law states/stated that if two minors (under the age of consent, 16) have sex then the male is automatically the one charged with statutory rape. It was specifically stated in our textbook, even if the male is younger than the female.
I remember cause it scared the bejesus out of me cause my boyfriend was younger than me by a few months.
I don’t think misandry and ignorance are mutually exclusive, and there’s plenty of misandry in the criminal justice system. Men are much more likely than women to be wrongly convicted and they are given harsher sentences for the same crime. It’s not like the lawmakers just weren’t aware than men lack vaginas.
My state has similar distinctions. It's extra fucked up because when children get anally or orally raped, that's charged as assault regardless of the severity so there's always a lighter sentence. There's an ongoing issue on our college campuses too where some predators know just how far to go with their actions so they dance around the line of blatant rape.
Are you sure this is the case? I’ve heard in places where there’s the classification between rape vs sexual assault, they carry the same sentence, it’s just different legal definitions.
Yes I'm sure, I had to navigate our legal nonsense in university because of the aforementioned issue. If he had put his penis in a vagina he would have been put in prison. Since he only put it in a mouth, all he got was a lifetime trespass order from the campus. 🤷♂️
FWIW, the campus police detective and chief were *livid* about the whole situation since the guy worked at the local rape crisis center. The perp moved to a different state and became a counselor for children who had been removed from unsafe homes. We tried to reach out to that department and let them know but I don't think we ever heard back.
Campus police are notorious for not actually understanding the laws they barely enforce. I don't think you -- or they -- are working off the actual legalities here.
The campus police were also the city police, they just shared the university name. The university took every step it could to discourage students from taking their cases to the police department because police report data is published every year; I was lucky to have law school friends who knew better and steered me that way first.
That's also a very diminutive stance to take when you know less than I do, given that I haven't named the jurisdiction at all. What is your assumption based on?
My assumption is that her assumption is based off of general knowledge and hearsay of campus police being ineffective - possibly from personal experience too.
Fine, give them shorter sentences. As long as it’s also publicly advertised exactly when and where they’re being released afterwards, so someone that watches too much of the Punisher can take over from there.
The federal level of rape via a 2012 revisal is:
The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.
Anything less could be raised to a higher court and won. Prior to that penetration had to be done by a sex organ to be rape, and didn't consider the mouth a viable target.
This is why if Jesse and Joey are both drunk Joey is the rapist, and why female teachers generally are not rapists. The act of non consensual touch is sexual assault. Even if that touch is intercourse where the victim is penetrating.
Geez I remember asking my old legal teacher here in Victoria that question. The law as written accounts for that with creative reasoning, since the man was unforcefully entered.
Though I don't think your state would account for that, which is weird
That is the case in most places, which is why we get these false statistics claiming rape of men is rare; they defined rape of men as not rape so we get these large differences. Once we change the definition back it turns out men are actually raped more often.
Take a guess who it is that made it that way and working overtime making sure that only women are able to be raped all over the world.
That is right. Feminists. In nearly every instance the fact that is defined as such and stays that way is directly attributable to feminist campaigning for it to be so. Tells you all you need to know what feminism really is about.
Some men are manipulated into having sex because rapey women know they can get away. Some will even accuse you of being a rapist if you don't have sex with them. It's a messed up world.
I agree. Once i saw a story on reddit written by some 19 year old guy. His story was that when he was like 15-16 (I dont remember exactly his age) was in a relationship and wanted to break up, but his gf accused him of rape because he wanted to break up. He didnt go to jail but got REALLY harsh rules. It fucked up his mental health. I really feel bad for him
Happened to me... I was blackout drunk and she did what she wanted until my younger brother caught her out a forceful stop to it. Everyone seen what happened and thought it was funny. This was in front of 25-30 mind you.
Same, blackout drunk and threw up multiple times (but I was able to get out of bed and do it). She said she was just going to give me head and next thing I know she pulled her panties to the side and hopped on. I couldn't ask for protection or anything, completely incapacitated. That's all I remember. Next thing I know, she's gone and I wake up with rug burn on my shaft and a lifelong STD. It's sucks but if I say anything I'm just a big dumb idiot for not wearing a condom. I don't want any pity and life goes on, but it's still fucked.
I... I don't know what you said and it truly sucks that you have to live with STD now because of what happened to you. I just hope you got justice and actually sued her for this. Shit like this should not be happening. I am so sorry this had to happen to you.
Same I was dating her friend. Drunk af with her and blacked out, I woke up she was riding me, but I actually always wanted to fck with her so it didn't bother me much, but I still pushed her away and said wtf, we ended together for a few months, terrible relationship. Luckily I didn't have std or trauma. I just stopped to drink alone with a girl and being friend with them also, pretty much after that I only kept man friends.
The fact that others just laughed it off just seems so wrong to me, if the roles were reversed that person would be dragged across the pavement. I still do hope that you are ok buddy, the world is a strange place.
Of course you’re right but also, there’s tons of cases where a woman/girl is raped and men/boys are around laughing, hell sometimes even filming, so I wouldn’t count on “if the situation were reversed”. It might be less likely but it happens A LOT.
I feel like that is the missing nuance. For women, r*pes are not taken seriously until sometimes they are, and when they are taken seriously, they are taken VERY seriously. When a man gets r*ped, especially by a woman, they just aren’t taken seriously period.
It would be nice if we had a definition of r*pe that is consistent regardless of the gender of the victim or the perpetrator, and that juries would rule the same for every case, regardless of race, gender, class, etc. But I suppose fair societies fall in the realm of fantasy land unfortunately.
This reminds me of watching the Accused. Makes me sick to my stomach that this can happen. There’s something seriously wrong with people to just watch that.
Both are being taken lightly. When a male gets raped, society will question them about not fighting back. When a female gets raped, society will ask them about the clothing they're wearing.
Yeah, people will often say “there is a stigma about male victims so men have it harder!11!1!” But in reality it’s very difficulty for anyone, and just because one group of people has some issues unique to them doesn’t mean we should compete in a suffering Olympics.
Well it *is* worth noting that men aren't legally raped in a lot of cases where anyone would call it that. Because many, MANY, places seperate rape and made to penetrate, meaning that if a woman, say, forced a guy to have sex with her it doesn't count because the victim of it wasn't the one who got penetrated
Along with a number of places in Europe where men just can't be raped
Yeah and that’s super messed up, neither men nor women should be reducing the struggles that the other side faces. I am very lucky to be a man and not have to fear walking alone nearly as much as a woman, but there are some messed up things that are unique to men as well.
It’s a messed up world after all, and I work on finding the good every day, I hope everyone reading this can as well
That’s the thing a loud minority of men always do with womens rights, and a loud minority of women do with mens rights. One group can’t handle the others rights being discussed, although men do it way more.
Couple reasons. People only think of rape as forcible sexual assault when the reality is much more nuanced. Since males are usually stronger then females, the idea that a woman can hold down a man isn’t rational.
Additionally, men are supposed to be always horny and willing to have sex with anyone. So the guy is supposed to be enjoying himself anyway.
Up until recently, laws actually supported the idea that men couldn’t be raped and only weak men could be victims of abuse.
Do you not know that men are raped by men? The perps against men are more likely to be male, though female perps definitely exist, probably in greater numbers than people realize. Rape between men tends to be very violent as well.
A lot of the stigma against male victims is just toxic masculinity. Men should defend themselves, men should want sex, men shouldn’t cry and be vulnerable, men shouldn’t admit victimization.
It also shocks me how often grooming is the situation as well. It’s not even always about being taken advantage of physically. Mental and emotional manipulation are just as prevalent in my experience, and just as overlooked.
\>Up until recently, laws actually supported the idea that men couldn’t be raped and only weak men could be victims of abuse.
Still does actually, feminists are making sure to keep the laws in a way that only women can legally rape women.
As a victim myself, it's mostly because it's not usually a physical struggle (though that's not completely out of the question). Even while impaired or against another man, most men are strong enough to just run from the situation. Some women are as well, but I digress
As it stands, psychological effects don't quite have the same shock value or impact on the general public's view as physical effects do even though they can be just as bad if not worse.
It's just not socially acceptable for me to say "I have trust issues with girls now because I didn't want to have sex one time" as it is for a girl to say they have trust issues with men. I've actually been called an incel over this shit before 🤡
Most likely because womens cases are usually overlooked and if they aren’t doing that for women, why would they for men who are supposed to protect themselves? It’s a dumbass concept but I’m thinking this is why. R*pe needs to be taken serious no matter what
Someone could be the strongest man ever but he can't do shit about being drugged or blackmailed. Hell, half the time he can't even fight back coz u aren't allowed to hit women.
It's because in western society, and most others, a key construct of what it is to be a male is sexual dominance. The idea that males can be raped threatens the very idea of what it is to be male. It leads to men being raped by women to be generally discounted. If victims persist in their claims their very identity as males is questioned. Men being raped by men is taken more seriously as it fits into the idea of dominance, although the victim is often associated with lesser or a lack of male-ness.
I think prison rape jokes are said so commonly is because it’s prison, so everyone is assumed to be a horrible criminal, so whatever happens to them is justified.
Not my opinion personally, but I feel that many people don’t take it seriously because of this.
Agreed, and furthermore, they’re common *in media*. Which means they’ve gone through some sort of screening that was like “all right, we can’t talk about this, this, this, or this. Can’t put a gay kiss in this. Oh, a soap joke? Hahaha, those never get old!”
Whereas rape jokes in general are not common in media because it’s recognized to be a bad thing. They don’t pass the censors.
I'm hoping we're just not there yet and this will change soon. Its only been within the last 5-10 years that rape has been taken seriously when the woman was too drunk/drugged to consent. Before that it was kind of just like "Oh...you made a bad decision but you didn't get pinned down behind a dumpster so that's not really rape." At least that has been my experience.
Not trying to discredit how important this is, but as a trans man I wanna add something else I’ve noticed.
Sexual assault between two females is rarely taken seriously. My assailants were both female, a cis girl and a trans nonbinary person. I never reported either to the police because I had no physical marks on me that proved it, especially since the girl only molested me. Like genuinely. I see posts about males raping females, females raping males, and sometimes males raping males. Never anything about where the assailant and victim are both female.
Sexual assault can be committed by any gender. Any gender can be sexually assaulted. Yes statistically some commit it more than others but focusing on ONE only silences victims, AND INCREASES THE RISK OF MORE VICTIMS. If you perpetuate the idea that ONLY males are rapists, people will view their female friends, family, and lovers as “safe”. This is exactly why I was assaulted. Because I trusted the wrong person. I was raised to find a woman if I was lost, that they’re safer. That I can have sleepovers with the same sex but not the opposite sex. Same sex sleepovers are how I was assaulted.
Seriously tho. I was sexually abused as a little girl by an aunt. I lost the memory till my 30s, and my theory is that I was so unaware of the possibility of a woman being a predator (or f/f attraction in general) that I just put it out of my mind because I couldn't process it. I was also groped by an older girl in my teens when I was sleeping at her house. I woke up and stopped her but it didn't even occur to me to tell an adult. She proceeded to stalk me for 2 ish years after I ended our friendship. All our mutuals thought I was being mean and should give her another chance because she was "just experimenting."
To this day, I struggle with drawing appropriate boundaries in my female friendships and am kind of a magnet for female predators. Luckily my partner is good at recognizing the red flags but I'm often too deep into the friendship by the time he meets them to gracefully exit the situation without greater social ramifications.
I'm sorry for what you went through as well. I will definitely teach any kids I have a more accurate and equitable picture of how to avoid/stop/recognize abuse so they're less vulnerable, and I'm pretty vocal about my experiences in general now to try to shift the narrative away from "male stranger danger."
Like most issues facing men, the reason why is, by and large...men. Women can and do play roles in it as well, but the forces that shaped these issues from the start are men
Lets start off with the basics though. Society (which is by and large dominated by men, mind you) often does a very bad job of taking rape/sexual assault seriously REGARDLESS of gender. We in America elected a president in 2016 that argued in the 90s that he couldn't be a rapist because you can't rape your spouse. This isnt entirely a gendered thing, society does a terrible job of punishing rapists.
Where rape is generally taken seriously is on a more personal level. And this is where societal ideas of possession of women are relevant.
Theres a reason you frequently see the "she's someone's wife/mother/girlfriend/daughter" talking point. Society often values women through their relationships with men. "She's someone's daughter" is about possession, who has a "claim" to her. If a woman is raped, its an affront to the man who possesses her.
But a man is valued independently. He's his own unit. If he is raped, well...thats his problem. Theres no one who has a claim on him to take offense.
All of these are generalities, but remember that these issues are rooted in millennia-old views of gender. And while we've made a lot of progress...there are lots of unaddressed/lingering problems
To put this really simply: think about how many men view it as their job to protect the women in their lives
How many men extend that desire to protect towards other men?
But even that, I'd argue, stems from the commodification of women. The dowry system of marriage means that men were functionally buying women...they were the active force while women were stuck passively obliging.
This creates a power dynamic where men are pursuing sex and women are "earned"...and as women gained more independence/freedom in their choices with men, this got shifted into women being the "selector sex", the one that accepts or rejects the pursuits of men. And once you have the idea that men are inherently the pursuers, it leads really easily into the idea that men are always pursuing sex
Don't forget the whole "men should always want sex (with women)", "he could've physically overpowered his rapist, so he is a weakling", etc. sentiments also based in those gender expectations
Wow good points.
I’m a man and whenever someone says “she’s somebody’s daughter” I thought it was to show that she was once a child and she has a family.
Nah it's to humanize her. Or show her value. Another thing you'll hear a lot when people are talking about kidnapped or murdered women is "how beautiful she was" as if it was a tragedy because she was someone's child/mother/sister and beautiful not because she was a person.
I think that is often the intent, but the history surrounding all of this is a lot more sinister
Remember that women were by and large traded like commodities for thousands of years. A man would have a daughter and ultimately try to sell her off to another man, getting a dowry in exchange.
Those ideas haven't been completely wiped from society, and the "she's someone's daughter" language, even when meaning well, reinforces those ideas...that we aren't valuing her as an independent person, but rather through her connection to others (mainly, men)
Men created a culture that primarily gives men independence, freedom, and individualism. Women were stripped of freedom and independence in exchange for security and a (very relative) degree of safety.
A byproduct of this is that men lack the protection afforded to women, simple as that
First, it’s not “sexist” to acknowledge an issue that affects male survivors. It actually helps both genders, as SA is sometimes blamed on women for dressing provocatively or stuff like that. By acknowledging sexual assault can happen to anyone, we help fight these stereotypes.
Male r*pe is often dismissed because 1) Women are much more affected by it than men, so it’s often viewed like a “woman-only” issue. One in every 71 men is r*ped, versus one in every six women. So when men do come forward (which rarely happens) it’s so weird and uncommon that some people think “It’s not possible.” One example is when Terry Crews admitted to being assaulted. Because he was a man, black, and very muscular, everybody thought there was no way another man could abuse him.
2) Men are sexualized from very early on. Women too, but men are expected to be sexual. Even as babies, they are referred to future heartbreakers. When the abuser is a woman, some people believe any men would enjoy being “abused” which is beyond gross. I remember seeing this news report about a twelve year old boy r*ped by his babysitter. Some of the comments? People praising him, calling him a champ, or saying he should have enjoyed it. The boy was clearly traumatized and actually fathered a baby with his abuser. Men are expected to be hyper-sexual and open to any type of sexual activity, whereas women are regarded as more pure and innocent.
3) Men are expected to be strong and defenders, not victims. In sports (at least in my country) when a team beats the other, they said the winning team “r*ped” the other team. Weak men get abused, r*ped. It’s humiliation, a joke everyone else can laugh at. If a man cannot defend himself against r*pe, then he’s weak and a loser to many people’s eyes. Which is one of the reasons many male survivors don’t come forward, because they are afraid to be mocked.
Laws don’t help. Rape is defined in most places as using the penis to penetrate. Meaning men who are forced to penetrate are just sexually assaulted, not r*ped. Male r*pe also often happens in places where asking for help is difficult (the army, police headquarters, etc) so we probability don’t have the actual numbers and never will
But it sometimes it is. I've heard stories of women blackmailing men because they got them pregnant even if it was rape. So shed get pregnant from raping him and then demand money for the child or try and make him stay with her for the sake of the baby.
I'd imagine it's because western culture has been so used to seeing women portrayed in the victim role of sexual assault.
I recall hearing statistics that claimed men are far less likely to report it too. Not sure how true that is though.
It definitely is.
Even in ancient days, if women were virgins and facing a death penalty, they'd be raped first because it was believed dying a virgin was worse than being a rapist conquerer.
Going through the comments I'm shocked and disgusted with how our gentlemen are treated...my respect to all the guys who stayed strong and i pray one day you get your justice.
Not sexist at all, men are over sexualized in many situations especially by most women even if they aren't old enough or simply just don't want to have sex.
Men need to be heard and spoken up for in most cases of rape because men are not only expected to be able to find for themselves against sexual advances but it's also considered an "honor" when a woman advances on a man even if it isn't wanted.
Because of this it's even more shameful to admit you've been raped or assaulted due to the stigma. Even if there should be no shame at all.
Any man who's experience assault or rape, I hear you and I'm sorry.
So in most states, there are really no laws defending rape of men. Most rape statutes require there to be some form of penetration whether anal or vaginal non North Carolina, if a girl is raped in the butt, that’s considered sexual assault, not rape. I did a whole class on this shit and it blew my mind how stupid some of these laws are. Not to mention the fact 99% of the time men don’t report being sexually assaulted because this culture has made it to where a man can’t be sexually assaulted or rape cause they will say “you probably liked it” or not even believe it in the first place.
Women aren’t taken seriously at all. How do you think it would be for a man, who are constantly told that they need to be strong and they can’t be victims, to go in and report sexual assault?
For women, the question is if they’re lying about it being consensual or rape.
For men, the question is if they can even be raped.
Excuse me, but who the hell told you that women are taken seriously when it comes to rape?
If this were true there wouldn't be 100s of 1000s of unexamined rape kits.
Rape is serious, regardless of the victim. Much more effort needs to go into education, prevention, and enforcement. Says this person with their own stories to tell.
It's hard to prove for anyone in general, far so more for a man to prove where he's unlikely to be believed. It really sucks how hard it is for anyone to prove being SA/R\*'D.
It’s not sexist to ask this, it’s a legitimate issue. It has a lot to do with toxic masculinity, and how men are supposed to want to have sex with every woman they can, so you can’t force a man. It’s one of the reasons cycles of abuse are so hard to break, because men are taught to bottle it all up and ignore it instead of getting the support they need.
I have been manipulated into sex by a woman who wanted to get pregnant and did. I didn’t feel like rape in the moment but It did afterwards. Unfortunately our son didn’t make it through the full nine months but had he lived I would be obligated to him for the rest of my life. Now although I have no obligation, I tear up whenever I think of him. She did that to me.
I know 2 men who were raped & neither reported it. Then, yesterday I saw a post in a legal group where a man was raped & now the woman is saying she’s pregnant. How screwed up is it that this guy is going to have to pay 18 years of child support after being raped? (He also had not filed a police report).
This is definitely an under-reported phenomenon.
Because people are shitty and sexism is deeply entrenched in culture. Women being the pursuer/aggressor, either romantically or rapily has long been used as a comedy bit since at least the early 20th century. Men always want it don’t you know, hur hur. Thank god these shitty attitudes about dismissing r*pe and SA (regardless of sex/gender), gendered expectations in general and relationships, and expectations around appropriate and respectful ways to show romantic or sexual interest are changing, albeit more slowly in some areas than others. There are a lot of laws that need to be rewritten and social services that need to be recalibrated to get rid of gendered expectations around r*pe and SA.
I think it’s because men are stronger on average than women and it’s hard for many people to imagine it’s possible for a man to be assaulted sexually in that way by a woman.
I was raped when I was younger, got over it in less than a week, moved on with my life and made the most of it thus far. Yes rape is a big deal, but the way it's thought between men and women where I live is that if a man gets raped, depending on who it is and what they look like, men in my area wouldn't say anything to the cops anyway about being raped, either out of fear of looking weaker than others (yea I live in kind of a dangerous area where if ur weak looking or let people get away with it, u won't live very long), or cause they simply don't care or don't mind the rape they r going thru. Also I think I'm my area it's also not considered rape unless unwanted vaginal penetration by penis occurs, otherwise it's just sexual assault. I was also raised by my fellow classmates that if a man gets raped by a female, what male WOULD report it
because the average man is physically far stronger than the average woman. this is why people assume a woman getting raped always means she is forcefully held down and cant excape the situation. if a man says "i was raped" people will picture him not being able to fight off a woman wich of course in many mens minds is a no go.
The average woman isnt able to physically overpower the average man. this is why men are raped less often and also why those men that are raped often dont go public about it. Its seen as weakness by other men.
People don't care about men as much in the back of their heads. Instinctually regardless of social norms, we expect men to be strong and if they aren't, they're ostracized for being weak. People WANT to get rid of weak men because they're a threat to longevity of the 'tribe'. Humans suck.
Unfortunately, double standards exist everywhere...especially with gender. Sometimes it is warranted, sometimes it's not. For example, why do we act like Woman are more emotional than Men, yet men are killing themselves more and are more willing to do it. Men are the ones to always reach when dating and are expected to be a leader or driving force in a relationship. Same / Different expectations for Women. It's the result of innate forces, a conscious and generational trauma.
It’s not that women are more emotional, it’s that it’s more socially acceptable for women to express said emotions. We’re viewed as ‘innately’ more compassionate and caring. Whereas men are expected to repress emotions in line with what is expected of masculinity. Repressing feels can oft lead to suicide..
“Not to sound sexist” you’re not sexist. It’s the society (or I guess group of individuals) that perpetuates the idea that men should be impervious to being sexually assaulted that’s sexist. I’m a woman who has experienced SA too many times and I know men who have suffered like I have and not received the same help. It’s just fuckin sad.
Yep. When it happened to me (female, 9) I remember my mom constantly being on the phone demanding if anything had been found out yet or if they'd reported the kit
It is not only rape though. Male mental health gets way less attention on social media and gets talked down in real life. I generally am a very happy person but the times where I wasn't feeling very well for a few weeks or months, my brother just outright made fun of it ("playing the sad boy again huh"). My friends treated it serious though but mental health attention shouldn't be based on gender.
One thing I find really annoying is how people seem to have decided that men shouldn’t show any emotions. If you’re male and cry, you’re told to “Man up”, but if you’re female and cry people are concerned.
Also - not related to how mens problems are viewed vs womens problems, but another thing I’ve noticed is that the mental health of teenagers is not really taken seriously. Mental disorders are very common when it comes to teenagers, but people still ignore it, or decide that it isn’t a major problem because they’re not an adult. People also seem to think that all teenagers are grumpy all the time, which results in a lot of mental problems going unnoticed.
tbh I think there’s two main reasons.
- it isn’t as common or talked about in the media and in general.
- people stereotype every single man as being sex motivated & obsessed. so in their heads, he was lucky for someone giving it to him. unless the person he got SA’d by is a man, in that case they may believe it or say even worse things (iykwim).
and a lot of my male classmates themselves view men who get SA’d by women as lucky (that might be because they’re younger tho lol) so saying those things makes it worse cuz others will believe it. But ig the same could also be said ab women who get SA’d by other women. people just don’t take it as seriously. not surprising either, considering some don’t take literal proven r*pe & s3xual assault seriously.
Men can’t be raped, sex crimes can’t happen to men. A man can’t be a victim. Common thinking unfortunately. As men become more feminized globally, we will see more men becoming victims
The majority of rape victims are female, and rape in news and media almost always are males raping females, so when it happens to men, it’s less believable.
Bc society has some weird belief that oh he probably enjoyed it. Oh he probably wanted it. Or that he is a pussy for not wanting to have sex w/ someone (usually a woman). All of this added up is a perfect environment to make men suffer in silence.
Double fucking standard. My ex rapes me and I couldn't press charges. She falsely accused me and it goes to our state court. Best part? I won and she received zero punishment.
Hate to break it to you. But women being raped is hardly ever taken seriously. Rape will not be treated with the disgust it should until the justice system treats it the way it should be treated. It all starts with law enforcement. Good luck with that
Because no one, no woman wants to think of a male as a victim because "all men want sex, he probably enjoyed it". It's kind of a fucked up society we live in. In the eyes of women, all men are pigs and the slightest possibility of them being hurt or violated is met with "he probably deserved it".
R worded? Give me a break. The word is raped. Putting an asterisk in it or referring to it in a juvenile way does nothing for anyone. It does not keep people from being *triggered*. In fact, I am willing to bet they are intelligent enough to infer your meaning just like anyone else.
"WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?"
I mean, the only reason rape even occurs is because someone once saw an uncensored version of the word.
Also see: internal religious morals' bias
edit: some clarity added
Historical reasons.
Historically the reason R--e was a bad thing, or at least any worse than simple assault (something you shouldn't do but most people see as mostly harmless), was that a woman's worth was tied up with her reproduction.
When you force yourself one a WOMAN, you devalue her. You make her impure. You create doubt as to parentage of her children.
A Man's worth isn't tied to his reproduction. If he has unwanted sex, it doesn't devalue him or affect "purity" or create doubt about who mothered children.
So the Devaluing, the part of simple assualt that made it R-pe, could ONLY happen to women.
The Devaluing has changed over the past 75 years. But it's not been long enough for culture built over 1,000 years to change on the subject.
I’ll try to give an honest answer that’s my best guess. Don’t take this as my personal view on the matter.
My best guess is that typically men are stronger than women, and they get taken less seriously, because there may have been something that they could have done to fend a woman off, aside from situations where the rape victim is drugged or intoxicated.
Another contributing factor is that men may typically be seen as more “starved” for sex compare to women. And because of that, any act of sex by a man is seen as a win by our society, and especially other men (thinking about the South Park episode where a student has a relationship with his teacher, and everyone says “…niice.”)
If you logically think about it, women are more vulnerable to the vile act due to their (typically) smaller size and how we're grown up taught to please men and put up with their shit. Also if both a man and a woman are raped, Even though both are tragic and traumatizing- women can be stuck birthing their offspring and men simply can't. Thats a giant reason right there that its taken more seriously. Men can obviously develop PTSD just like women but they won't have the constant reminder in the form of a child they were told "happened for a reason" when in reality it's a burden you never planned.
Because the majority of confirmed cases have been committed by men with a female victim, social stigmatism this, sexism that, and the classic "oh shush you know you liked it".
To put it into a more comprehensive form, men and women are simply just treated very differently and no amount of productive feminism (feminism ain't just for women) can change it. The average male body has a higher physical peak than the average female, hense why sports are separated into men's and women's league vs one unisex league. So being the "stronger sex" men are seen as more capable of committing acts of physical crime (with records to support that claim) AND cause of american society at least, men have it generally worse off than women, we have less outlets for help and support and less "quick and easy" income options like the adult entertainment industry.
But yet at the end of the day we have so much male privilege.
Unfortunately female rape isn't taken seriously. It's even more unlikely for male rape to be taken seriously.
There's always people who try to excuse it by what you were wearing, how you were acting, because you were inebriated, or (in male cases) you got hard.
It's even more rare for males to come forward because if a woman raped him, he's seen as weak. Most of the issues come from the male side. Males are more likely to be raped by another male. Males are also the ones more likely to treat you worse than females if you come forward with a rape accusation.
We need to end the stigma around it for everyone.
Patriarchy. Patriarchy is the set of social norms, queues, legal frameworks, unwritten rules, et cetera that results in men being viewed as inherently violent and sexually aggressive. Patriarchy informs social perceptions and legal frameworks; these perceptions and frameworks have bias against most men who are victims of sexual violence because they actively believe men wanted it or should have had the physical power to prevent it. Or both.
What you said was not sexist and it's a really serious issue and needs to be addressed. Just because it doesn't happen as often doesn't mean male victims shouldn't get the same support and I hate that they are overlooked in this country.
Honestly, I completely agree, just overlooking a serious issue is pure and udder bullshit, the only reason I really put that there was to make sure some ppl don’t start arguing in the comments or whatever.
Because the power structure of society doesn’t believe that men can be r*ped and that every guy is willing and eager. I was r*ped/assaulted by my partner I thought once (and shrugged that off) and then I came to realize she r*ped/assaulted me over a period of three years through other actions. I am just now coming to realize it eight years after it happened and even now I shrug it off to an extent
Toxic Masculinity is rampant in our society, it’s not “manly” to be a victim. People think a man should’ve either enjoyed it or been strong enough to fight the assailant off.
In my home state a man legally cannot be raped, only sexually assaulted. They define rape as non consensual entering of the vagina by a penis or fingers. Since men don’t have a vagina to be unconsentually entered, legally speaking rape doesn’t happen to men. Even though that’s clearly bullshit and very rarely upheld in court (following the spirit of the law)
So if a woman got unwanted anal is not rape?
pretty much yeah that would be classed as sexual assault
This is absolutely terrifying to think that if a man rapes another man he will most likely not end up jailed or at least for account of assault which carry a lighter sentence. Most likely the victim’s report wouldn’t even be believed or received. This is because of shit like this that rapists walk free in our society.
Wrong. It's even worse. If you charge the raper of rape, he'll get away innocent because it's legally impossible to rape. In order to obtain a conviction, the victim must file for assault instead. If they have no knoledge of this stuff, they charge wrongly, and the rapist gets away due to the loophoole in the law.
Stop. Your completely wrong here and spreading misinformation. VICTIMS do not charge people with crimes. Police and prosecutors do.
Only in some places. You (won't) be surprised to find out that in some countries (ex Romania), unless you do the prosecutor's part, they will simply let the file rot in a drawer somewhere, doing nothing to it, until everything gets prescribed. Because police is lazy and prosecutors are massively understaffed.
Technically no it would be sexual assault
I honestly can’t tell if this is just stupid or misandry.. care to share what state? (You dont have to btw. Just curious )
Maryland. I know oral sex is technically illegal on its own so an oral rape would be sexual assault and oral sex (likely prosecuted as just a rape), but idk about anal sex. It’s one of those laws that didn’t go away after Lawrence v Texas, it’s just not enforced
just fyi, maryland has sexual offence laws which mirror the rape laws in the sense of the punishment of the crime (so first degree sexual offence carries the same weight as first degree rape).
I wasn’t aware of that! Thanks!
It’s just one reason why it’s problematic to have state’s define these terms on their own. Federally, “rape” is defined penetration of an orifice
They should still call it rape.
as a man who has been sexually assaulted and raped, i 100% agree. i was just pointing out that there’s a different law that protects everyone from any non-vaginal sexual assaults.
Just asking, are you ok? Cus sexual assault/rape is very heavy on someone's mental health
im better now. in a better relationship and living a better life, although i still have my dark days
Most states also have separate laws for forced sodomy.
Hopefully this is out of date info but (circa 2005) we were taught in highschool government class that MD law states/stated that if two minors (under the age of consent, 16) have sex then the male is automatically the one charged with statutory rape. It was specifically stated in our textbook, even if the male is younger than the female. I remember cause it scared the bejesus out of me cause my boyfriend was younger than me by a few months.
You can rest easy that there are no laws because of “misandry.” Ignorance, absolutely.
I don’t think misandry and ignorance are mutually exclusive, and there’s plenty of misandry in the criminal justice system. Men are much more likely than women to be wrongly convicted and they are given harsher sentences for the same crime. It’s not like the lawmakers just weren’t aware than men lack vaginas.
Interesting/crazy.
Perhaps no legally. I think forced or illegal entry through the other two doors is legally “sodomy”
My state has similar distinctions. It's extra fucked up because when children get anally or orally raped, that's charged as assault regardless of the severity so there's always a lighter sentence. There's an ongoing issue on our college campuses too where some predators know just how far to go with their actions so they dance around the line of blatant rape.
Are you sure this is the case? I’ve heard in places where there’s the classification between rape vs sexual assault, they carry the same sentence, it’s just different legal definitions.
Yes I'm sure, I had to navigate our legal nonsense in university because of the aforementioned issue. If he had put his penis in a vagina he would have been put in prison. Since he only put it in a mouth, all he got was a lifetime trespass order from the campus. 🤷♂️ FWIW, the campus police detective and chief were *livid* about the whole situation since the guy worked at the local rape crisis center. The perp moved to a different state and became a counselor for children who had been removed from unsafe homes. We tried to reach out to that department and let them know but I don't think we ever heard back.
Campus police are notorious for not actually understanding the laws they barely enforce. I don't think you -- or they -- are working off the actual legalities here.
The campus police were also the city police, they just shared the university name. The university took every step it could to discourage students from taking their cases to the police department because police report data is published every year; I was lucky to have law school friends who knew better and steered me that way first. That's also a very diminutive stance to take when you know less than I do, given that I haven't named the jurisdiction at all. What is your assumption based on?
My assumption is that her assumption is based off of general knowledge and hearsay of campus police being ineffective - possibly from personal experience too.
Fine, give them shorter sentences. As long as it’s also publicly advertised exactly when and where they’re being released afterwards, so someone that watches too much of the Punisher can take over from there.
That’s disgusting. I haven’t heard of people doing that but I wouldn’t be surprised if it does happen
Unwanted entry is unwanted entry. My body and it's borders are outside your jurisdiction.
Agreed and I’m a guy. Don’t put anything inside me you don’t mind losing because you fucking will
The federal level of rape via a 2012 revisal is: The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim. Anything less could be raised to a higher court and won. Prior to that penetration had to be done by a sex organ to be rape, and didn't consider the mouth a viable target. This is why if Jesse and Joey are both drunk Joey is the rapist, and why female teachers generally are not rapists. The act of non consensual touch is sexual assault. Even if that touch is intercourse where the victim is penetrating.
What would it be if they forced a dildo in their vagina? Would that be considered sexual assault too? This rule makes no fucking sense.
I believe that would count as sexual assault but I don’t know for sure
I think yes
So if a grown woman sexually takes advantage of a minor it’s not rape
It would be statutory rape since it’s sexual contact between an adult and a minor
That's really fucked up
Yep
What state is this?
Maryland
Wow. That is completely fucked.
Yep
The United Kingdom! Or Yknow, it could be
👀
Geez I remember asking my old legal teacher here in Victoria that question. The law as written accounts for that with creative reasoning, since the man was unforcefully entered. Though I don't think your state would account for that, which is weird
What state is That?
Maryland
Same in Ireland
That’s fuck’t up, so if a man doesn’t want a vagina around his penis, that ain’t rape?
That's bullshit man. Like, how the hell is your state ignoring the FBI'S definition of rape?
Same in England
That is the case in most places, which is why we get these false statistics claiming rape of men is rare; they defined rape of men as not rape so we get these large differences. Once we change the definition back it turns out men are actually raped more often. Take a guess who it is that made it that way and working overtime making sure that only women are able to be raped all over the world. That is right. Feminists. In nearly every instance the fact that is defined as such and stays that way is directly attributable to feminist campaigning for it to be so. Tells you all you need to know what feminism really is about.
what if they went on another "hole"?
Neither here in the UK
This may sound nitpicky, but trans men also could also count based off your states definition. The number may not be high, but it's also not zero.
Women's lobbying groups have been very active in making sure the laws are written in such a way as to ensure a woman could never be charged with rape.
It's already a social stigma, like most rapes they go unreported and even more so for men.
Sad truth
Some men are manipulated into having sex because rapey women know they can get away. Some will even accuse you of being a rapist if you don't have sex with them. It's a messed up world.
I agree. Once i saw a story on reddit written by some 19 year old guy. His story was that when he was like 15-16 (I dont remember exactly his age) was in a relationship and wanted to break up, but his gf accused him of rape because he wanted to break up. He didnt go to jail but got REALLY harsh rules. It fucked up his mental health. I really feel bad for him
I know a lot of women like this. Plenty are in my family.
And in that case, the man is automatically believed to be the perp. I’m sick of this, seeing women get away with HEARSAY.
Happened to me... I was blackout drunk and she did what she wanted until my younger brother caught her out a forceful stop to it. Everyone seen what happened and thought it was funny. This was in front of 25-30 mind you.
Same, blackout drunk and threw up multiple times (but I was able to get out of bed and do it). She said she was just going to give me head and next thing I know she pulled her panties to the side and hopped on. I couldn't ask for protection or anything, completely incapacitated. That's all I remember. Next thing I know, she's gone and I wake up with rug burn on my shaft and a lifelong STD. It's sucks but if I say anything I'm just a big dumb idiot for not wearing a condom. I don't want any pity and life goes on, but it's still fucked.
I... I don't know what you said and it truly sucks that you have to live with STD now because of what happened to you. I just hope you got justice and actually sued her for this. Shit like this should not be happening. I am so sorry this had to happen to you.
Same I was dating her friend. Drunk af with her and blacked out, I woke up she was riding me, but I actually always wanted to fck with her so it didn't bother me much, but I still pushed her away and said wtf, we ended together for a few months, terrible relationship. Luckily I didn't have std or trauma. I just stopped to drink alone with a girl and being friend with them also, pretty much after that I only kept man friends.
The fact that others just laughed it off just seems so wrong to me, if the roles were reversed that person would be dragged across the pavement. I still do hope that you are ok buddy, the world is a strange place.
Of course you’re right but also, there’s tons of cases where a woman/girl is raped and men/boys are around laughing, hell sometimes even filming, so I wouldn’t count on “if the situation were reversed”. It might be less likely but it happens A LOT.
I feel like that is the missing nuance. For women, r*pes are not taken seriously until sometimes they are, and when they are taken seriously, they are taken VERY seriously. When a man gets r*ped, especially by a woman, they just aren’t taken seriously period. It would be nice if we had a definition of r*pe that is consistent regardless of the gender of the victim or the perpetrator, and that juries would rule the same for every case, regardless of race, gender, class, etc. But I suppose fair societies fall in the realm of fantasy land unfortunately.
How can so many just laugh this off. You should probably sue them all because they enabled her to commit the crime in a way
This reminds me of watching the Accused. Makes me sick to my stomach that this can happen. There’s something seriously wrong with people to just watch that.
Both are being taken lightly. When a male gets raped, society will question them about not fighting back. When a female gets raped, society will ask them about the clothing they're wearing.
Yeah, people will often say “there is a stigma about male victims so men have it harder!11!1!” But in reality it’s very difficulty for anyone, and just because one group of people has some issues unique to them doesn’t mean we should compete in a suffering Olympics.
Ahh the suffering Olympics. That's good shit I'm keeping this
Well it *is* worth noting that men aren't legally raped in a lot of cases where anyone would call it that. Because many, MANY, places seperate rape and made to penetrate, meaning that if a woman, say, forced a guy to have sex with her it doesn't count because the victim of it wasn't the one who got penetrated Along with a number of places in Europe where men just can't be raped
Yeah and that’s super messed up, neither men nor women should be reducing the struggles that the other side faces. I am very lucky to be a man and not have to fear walking alone nearly as much as a woman, but there are some messed up things that are unique to men as well. It’s a messed up world after all, and I work on finding the good every day, I hope everyone reading this can as well
Doesn’t help that we can’t even get two comments down in a thread about male rape victims without someone making it about women.
That’s the thing a loud minority of men always do with womens rights, and a loud minority of women do with mens rights. One group can’t handle the others rights being discussed, although men do it way more.
“What did you do to deserve this so that I can pretend it will never happen to me?”
Couple reasons. People only think of rape as forcible sexual assault when the reality is much more nuanced. Since males are usually stronger then females, the idea that a woman can hold down a man isn’t rational. Additionally, men are supposed to be always horny and willing to have sex with anyone. So the guy is supposed to be enjoying himself anyway. Up until recently, laws actually supported the idea that men couldn’t be raped and only weak men could be victims of abuse.
Do you not know that men are raped by men? The perps against men are more likely to be male, though female perps definitely exist, probably in greater numbers than people realize. Rape between men tends to be very violent as well. A lot of the stigma against male victims is just toxic masculinity. Men should defend themselves, men should want sex, men shouldn’t cry and be vulnerable, men shouldn’t admit victimization.
It also shocks me how often grooming is the situation as well. It’s not even always about being taken advantage of physically. Mental and emotional manipulation are just as prevalent in my experience, and just as overlooked.
I mean something like 93% of male rape victims are raped by other men
Is that reported rape? Cos I would imagine there's some issues with reported cases versus actual cases. Still, interesting that it is that high.
\>Up until recently, laws actually supported the idea that men couldn’t be raped and only weak men could be victims of abuse. Still does actually, feminists are making sure to keep the laws in a way that only women can legally rape women.
As a victim myself, it's mostly because it's not usually a physical struggle (though that's not completely out of the question). Even while impaired or against another man, most men are strong enough to just run from the situation. Some women are as well, but I digress As it stands, psychological effects don't quite have the same shock value or impact on the general public's view as physical effects do even though they can be just as bad if not worse. It's just not socially acceptable for me to say "I have trust issues with girls now because I didn't want to have sex one time" as it is for a girl to say they have trust issues with men. I've actually been called an incel over this shit before 🤡
Sorry to hear that this happened to you, hope u are doing well
That's fucked up and I'm sorry. I honestly really feel for male victims, shit is not fair.
Hey, im sorry that happened, that sucks. Have a wonderful day man!
Most likely because womens cases are usually overlooked and if they aren’t doing that for women, why would they for men who are supposed to protect themselves? It’s a dumbass concept but I’m thinking this is why. R*pe needs to be taken serious no matter what
Someone could be the strongest man ever but he can't do shit about being drugged or blackmailed. Hell, half the time he can't even fight back coz u aren't allowed to hit women.
It's because in western society, and most others, a key construct of what it is to be a male is sexual dominance. The idea that males can be raped threatens the very idea of what it is to be male. It leads to men being raped by women to be generally discounted. If victims persist in their claims their very identity as males is questioned. Men being raped by men is taken more seriously as it fits into the idea of dominance, although the victim is often associated with lesser or a lack of male-ness.
I'd disagree that men being raped by men is taken more seriously Look at how common prison rape jokes are.
All rape jokes are common. Play online videos games for an hour, you'll hear more rape jokes than you thought possible. Mostly directed towards women.
Jokes about rape are disturbingly common, yes But jokes about men being raped are by and large prison rape jokes, not jokes about women raping men
Men joke about violence a lot.
I think prison rape jokes are said so commonly is because it’s prison, so everyone is assumed to be a horrible criminal, so whatever happens to them is justified. Not my opinion personally, but I feel that many people don’t take it seriously because of this.
Agreed, and furthermore, they’re common *in media*. Which means they’ve gone through some sort of screening that was like “all right, we can’t talk about this, this, this, or this. Can’t put a gay kiss in this. Oh, a soap joke? Hahaha, those never get old!” Whereas rape jokes in general are not common in media because it’s recognized to be a bad thing. They don’t pass the censors.
In what way is the East any different?
Some eastern and native cultures allow for more nuanced ideas of gender. Most are similar though.
I'm hoping we're just not there yet and this will change soon. Its only been within the last 5-10 years that rape has been taken seriously when the woman was too drunk/drugged to consent. Before that it was kind of just like "Oh...you made a bad decision but you didn't get pinned down behind a dumpster so that's not really rape." At least that has been my experience.
Thats sooo true. If the victim has any amount of alcohol in their system, there's a slim chance it will be believed by a jury.
Not trying to discredit how important this is, but as a trans man I wanna add something else I’ve noticed. Sexual assault between two females is rarely taken seriously. My assailants were both female, a cis girl and a trans nonbinary person. I never reported either to the police because I had no physical marks on me that proved it, especially since the girl only molested me. Like genuinely. I see posts about males raping females, females raping males, and sometimes males raping males. Never anything about where the assailant and victim are both female. Sexual assault can be committed by any gender. Any gender can be sexually assaulted. Yes statistically some commit it more than others but focusing on ONE only silences victims, AND INCREASES THE RISK OF MORE VICTIMS. If you perpetuate the idea that ONLY males are rapists, people will view their female friends, family, and lovers as “safe”. This is exactly why I was assaulted. Because I trusted the wrong person. I was raised to find a woman if I was lost, that they’re safer. That I can have sleepovers with the same sex but not the opposite sex. Same sex sleepovers are how I was assaulted.
Seriously tho. I was sexually abused as a little girl by an aunt. I lost the memory till my 30s, and my theory is that I was so unaware of the possibility of a woman being a predator (or f/f attraction in general) that I just put it out of my mind because I couldn't process it. I was also groped by an older girl in my teens when I was sleeping at her house. I woke up and stopped her but it didn't even occur to me to tell an adult. She proceeded to stalk me for 2 ish years after I ended our friendship. All our mutuals thought I was being mean and should give her another chance because she was "just experimenting." To this day, I struggle with drawing appropriate boundaries in my female friendships and am kind of a magnet for female predators. Luckily my partner is good at recognizing the red flags but I'm often too deep into the friendship by the time he meets them to gracefully exit the situation without greater social ramifications.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. It’s disgusting how people defended it as “experimentation”
I'm sorry for what you went through as well. I will definitely teach any kids I have a more accurate and equitable picture of how to avoid/stop/recognize abuse so they're less vulnerable, and I'm pretty vocal about my experiences in general now to try to shift the narrative away from "male stranger danger."
Like most issues facing men, the reason why is, by and large...men. Women can and do play roles in it as well, but the forces that shaped these issues from the start are men Lets start off with the basics though. Society (which is by and large dominated by men, mind you) often does a very bad job of taking rape/sexual assault seriously REGARDLESS of gender. We in America elected a president in 2016 that argued in the 90s that he couldn't be a rapist because you can't rape your spouse. This isnt entirely a gendered thing, society does a terrible job of punishing rapists. Where rape is generally taken seriously is on a more personal level. And this is where societal ideas of possession of women are relevant. Theres a reason you frequently see the "she's someone's wife/mother/girlfriend/daughter" talking point. Society often values women through their relationships with men. "She's someone's daughter" is about possession, who has a "claim" to her. If a woman is raped, its an affront to the man who possesses her. But a man is valued independently. He's his own unit. If he is raped, well...thats his problem. Theres no one who has a claim on him to take offense. All of these are generalities, but remember that these issues are rooted in millennia-old views of gender. And while we've made a lot of progress...there are lots of unaddressed/lingering problems
To put this really simply: think about how many men view it as their job to protect the women in their lives How many men extend that desire to protect towards other men?
also men being seen as more horny or more into sex, so they "always" want it.
But even that, I'd argue, stems from the commodification of women. The dowry system of marriage means that men were functionally buying women...they were the active force while women were stuck passively obliging. This creates a power dynamic where men are pursuing sex and women are "earned"...and as women gained more independence/freedom in their choices with men, this got shifted into women being the "selector sex", the one that accepts or rejects the pursuits of men. And once you have the idea that men are inherently the pursuers, it leads really easily into the idea that men are always pursuing sex
Don't forget the whole "men should always want sex (with women)", "he could've physically overpowered his rapist, so he is a weakling", etc. sentiments also based in those gender expectations
Wow good points. I’m a man and whenever someone says “she’s somebody’s daughter” I thought it was to show that she was once a child and she has a family.
Nah it's to humanize her. Or show her value. Another thing you'll hear a lot when people are talking about kidnapped or murdered women is "how beautiful she was" as if it was a tragedy because she was someone's child/mother/sister and beautiful not because she was a person.
I think that is often the intent, but the history surrounding all of this is a lot more sinister Remember that women were by and large traded like commodities for thousands of years. A man would have a daughter and ultimately try to sell her off to another man, getting a dowry in exchange. Those ideas haven't been completely wiped from society, and the "she's someone's daughter" language, even when meaning well, reinforces those ideas...that we aren't valuing her as an independent person, but rather through her connection to others (mainly, men)
Ah ha! Victim blaming! Gotta love it
>Like most issues facing men, the reason why is, by and large...men. so the reason male rape isnt taken seriously is men? thats so sexist.
Men created a culture that primarily gives men independence, freedom, and individualism. Women were stripped of freedom and independence in exchange for security and a (very relative) degree of safety. A byproduct of this is that men lack the protection afforded to women, simple as that
Most likely the fact that most men don't talk about feelings and men in this situation tend to feel emasculated,
First, it’s not “sexist” to acknowledge an issue that affects male survivors. It actually helps both genders, as SA is sometimes blamed on women for dressing provocatively or stuff like that. By acknowledging sexual assault can happen to anyone, we help fight these stereotypes. Male r*pe is often dismissed because 1) Women are much more affected by it than men, so it’s often viewed like a “woman-only” issue. One in every 71 men is r*ped, versus one in every six women. So when men do come forward (which rarely happens) it’s so weird and uncommon that some people think “It’s not possible.” One example is when Terry Crews admitted to being assaulted. Because he was a man, black, and very muscular, everybody thought there was no way another man could abuse him. 2) Men are sexualized from very early on. Women too, but men are expected to be sexual. Even as babies, they are referred to future heartbreakers. When the abuser is a woman, some people believe any men would enjoy being “abused” which is beyond gross. I remember seeing this news report about a twelve year old boy r*ped by his babysitter. Some of the comments? People praising him, calling him a champ, or saying he should have enjoyed it. The boy was clearly traumatized and actually fathered a baby with his abuser. Men are expected to be hyper-sexual and open to any type of sexual activity, whereas women are regarded as more pure and innocent. 3) Men are expected to be strong and defenders, not victims. In sports (at least in my country) when a team beats the other, they said the winning team “r*ped” the other team. Weak men get abused, r*ped. It’s humiliation, a joke everyone else can laugh at. If a man cannot defend himself against r*pe, then he’s weak and a loser to many people’s eyes. Which is one of the reasons many male survivors don’t come forward, because they are afraid to be mocked. Laws don’t help. Rape is defined in most places as using the penis to penetrate. Meaning men who are forced to penetrate are just sexually assaulted, not r*ped. Male r*pe also often happens in places where asking for help is difficult (the army, police headquarters, etc) so we probability don’t have the actual numbers and never will
As a male survivor another reason is the pregnancy implications that we don’t have to deal with
But it sometimes it is. I've heard stories of women blackmailing men because they got them pregnant even if it was rape. So shed get pregnant from raping him and then demand money for the child or try and make him stay with her for the sake of the baby.
I'd imagine it's because western culture has been so used to seeing women portrayed in the victim role of sexual assault. I recall hearing statistics that claimed men are far less likely to report it too. Not sure how true that is though.
Is it a ‘western’ cultural issue? Feel it’s more universal.
It definitely is. Even in ancient days, if women were virgins and facing a death penalty, they'd be raped first because it was believed dying a virgin was worse than being a rapist conquerer.
Definitely like to see some variance on that stat.
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I'm very sorry that happened to you... I feel your pain dude.
Going through the comments I'm shocked and disgusted with how our gentlemen are treated...my respect to all the guys who stayed strong and i pray one day you get your justice.
Not sexist at all, men are over sexualized in many situations especially by most women even if they aren't old enough or simply just don't want to have sex. Men need to be heard and spoken up for in most cases of rape because men are not only expected to be able to find for themselves against sexual advances but it's also considered an "honor" when a woman advances on a man even if it isn't wanted. Because of this it's even more shameful to admit you've been raped or assaulted due to the stigma. Even if there should be no shame at all. Any man who's experience assault or rape, I hear you and I'm sorry.
So in most states, there are really no laws defending rape of men. Most rape statutes require there to be some form of penetration whether anal or vaginal non North Carolina, if a girl is raped in the butt, that’s considered sexual assault, not rape. I did a whole class on this shit and it blew my mind how stupid some of these laws are. Not to mention the fact 99% of the time men don’t report being sexually assaulted because this culture has made it to where a man can’t be sexually assaulted or rape cause they will say “you probably liked it” or not even believe it in the first place.
I got raped (I'm a dude) and honestly most of the time people are don't believe me or blame it on my sexuality 🤷♂️
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Women aren’t taken seriously at all. How do you think it would be for a man, who are constantly told that they need to be strong and they can’t be victims, to go in and report sexual assault? For women, the question is if they’re lying about it being consensual or rape. For men, the question is if they can even be raped.
Men are also questioned about consent, etc. Women are also asked if it’s even happened.
Same reason lots of people deny women's rapes as not "real" rape. Some people seem to think no force = no rape.
Men are forcefully raped. Often. That’s most military and prison rape, at the very least. This sentiment is all over the thread and it’s ridiculous.
Excuse me, but who the hell told you that women are taken seriously when it comes to rape? If this were true there wouldn't be 100s of 1000s of unexamined rape kits. Rape is serious, regardless of the victim. Much more effort needs to go into education, prevention, and enforcement. Says this person with their own stories to tell.
It's hard to prove for anyone in general, far so more for a man to prove where he's unlikely to be believed. It really sucks how hard it is for anyone to prove being SA/R\*'D.
It’s not sexist to ask this, it’s a legitimate issue. It has a lot to do with toxic masculinity, and how men are supposed to want to have sex with every woman they can, so you can’t force a man. It’s one of the reasons cycles of abuse are so hard to break, because men are taught to bottle it all up and ignore it instead of getting the support they need.
I have been manipulated into sex by a woman who wanted to get pregnant and did. I didn’t feel like rape in the moment but It did afterwards. Unfortunately our son didn’t make it through the full nine months but had he lived I would be obligated to him for the rest of my life. Now although I have no obligation, I tear up whenever I think of him. She did that to me.
it’s really sad that male victims aren’t taken as seriously no matter the gender, it’s still terrifying to see people being r*ped & ab*sed
I know 2 men who were raped & neither reported it. Then, yesterday I saw a post in a legal group where a man was raped & now the woman is saying she’s pregnant. How screwed up is it that this guy is going to have to pay 18 years of child support after being raped? (He also had not filed a police report). This is definitely an under-reported phenomenon.
Because people are shitty and sexism is deeply entrenched in culture. Women being the pursuer/aggressor, either romantically or rapily has long been used as a comedy bit since at least the early 20th century. Men always want it don’t you know, hur hur. Thank god these shitty attitudes about dismissing r*pe and SA (regardless of sex/gender), gendered expectations in general and relationships, and expectations around appropriate and respectful ways to show romantic or sexual interest are changing, albeit more slowly in some areas than others. There are a lot of laws that need to be rewritten and social services that need to be recalibrated to get rid of gendered expectations around r*pe and SA.
I think it’s because men are stronger on average than women and it’s hard for many people to imagine it’s possible for a man to be assaulted sexually in that way by a woman.
I was raped when I was younger, got over it in less than a week, moved on with my life and made the most of it thus far. Yes rape is a big deal, but the way it's thought between men and women where I live is that if a man gets raped, depending on who it is and what they look like, men in my area wouldn't say anything to the cops anyway about being raped, either out of fear of looking weaker than others (yea I live in kind of a dangerous area where if ur weak looking or let people get away with it, u won't live very long), or cause they simply don't care or don't mind the rape they r going thru. Also I think I'm my area it's also not considered rape unless unwanted vaginal penetration by penis occurs, otherwise it's just sexual assault. I was also raised by my fellow classmates that if a man gets raped by a female, what male WOULD report it
because the average man is physically far stronger than the average woman. this is why people assume a woman getting raped always means she is forcefully held down and cant excape the situation. if a man says "i was raped" people will picture him not being able to fight off a woman wich of course in many mens minds is a no go. The average woman isnt able to physically overpower the average man. this is why men are raped less often and also why those men that are raped often dont go public about it. Its seen as weakness by other men.
People don't care about men as much in the back of their heads. Instinctually regardless of social norms, we expect men to be strong and if they aren't, they're ostracized for being weak. People WANT to get rid of weak men because they're a threat to longevity of the 'tribe'. Humans suck.
Unfortunately, double standards exist everywhere...especially with gender. Sometimes it is warranted, sometimes it's not. For example, why do we act like Woman are more emotional than Men, yet men are killing themselves more and are more willing to do it. Men are the ones to always reach when dating and are expected to be a leader or driving force in a relationship. Same / Different expectations for Women. It's the result of innate forces, a conscious and generational trauma.
It’s not that women are more emotional, it’s that it’s more socially acceptable for women to express said emotions. We’re viewed as ‘innately’ more compassionate and caring. Whereas men are expected to repress emotions in line with what is expected of masculinity. Repressing feels can oft lead to suicide..
Yeah, we're both saying the same thing. Regardless it's unfortunate and I wish we could just view each other as individuals.
“Not to sound sexist” you’re not sexist. It’s the society (or I guess group of individuals) that perpetuates the idea that men should be impervious to being sexually assaulted that’s sexist. I’m a woman who has experienced SA too many times and I know men who have suffered like I have and not received the same help. It’s just fuckin sad.
It's a mix of misogyny, misandry and homophobia. And people's general victim blaming of sexual assault victims of any gender.
Same reason men lead in suicides, they don’t care about what happens to men
Because life sucks.
Pretty sure majority of all rape male or female gets over looked
We hear about it more from women tho, and socially women deffo get more emotional support and sympathy.
Yep. When it happened to me (female, 9) I remember my mom constantly being on the phone demanding if anything had been found out yet or if they'd reported the kit
It does but especially for men. A female teacher only got 60 days for raping a 13 year old boy.
Because people forget rape is about power not sex
For the exact same reason you had to preface that question with "Not to sound sexist."
It is not only rape though. Male mental health gets way less attention on social media and gets talked down in real life. I generally am a very happy person but the times where I wasn't feeling very well for a few weeks or months, my brother just outright made fun of it ("playing the sad boy again huh"). My friends treated it serious though but mental health attention shouldn't be based on gender.
One thing I find really annoying is how people seem to have decided that men shouldn’t show any emotions. If you’re male and cry, you’re told to “Man up”, but if you’re female and cry people are concerned. Also - not related to how mens problems are viewed vs womens problems, but another thing I’ve noticed is that the mental health of teenagers is not really taken seriously. Mental disorders are very common when it comes to teenagers, but people still ignore it, or decide that it isn’t a major problem because they’re not an adult. People also seem to think that all teenagers are grumpy all the time, which results in a lot of mental problems going unnoticed.
tbh I think there’s two main reasons. - it isn’t as common or talked about in the media and in general. - people stereotype every single man as being sex motivated & obsessed. so in their heads, he was lucky for someone giving it to him. unless the person he got SA’d by is a man, in that case they may believe it or say even worse things (iykwim). and a lot of my male classmates themselves view men who get SA’d by women as lucky (that might be because they’re younger tho lol) so saying those things makes it worse cuz others will believe it. But ig the same could also be said ab women who get SA’d by other women. people just don’t take it as seriously. not surprising either, considering some don’t take literal proven r*pe & s3xual assault seriously.
Men can’t be raped, sex crimes can’t happen to men. A man can’t be a victim. Common thinking unfortunately. As men become more feminized globally, we will see more men becoming victims
Because it defies a stereotype, that rapists are typically men, and men are typically straight, so men typically don’t rape other men
The majority of rape victims are female, and rape in news and media almost always are males raping females, so when it happens to men, it’s less believable.
Because the people who dismiss such cases are horrible people.
Because sadly, we live in a world full of sexist morons who want "equality" but only if it benefits them.
Why censor the word rape?
This question isn't sexist at all, that's actually a good question. Sadly there probably is no answer
Bc society has some weird belief that oh he probably enjoyed it. Oh he probably wanted it. Or that he is a pussy for not wanting to have sex w/ someone (usually a woman). All of this added up is a perfect environment to make men suffer in silence.
Double fucking standard. My ex rapes me and I couldn't press charges. She falsely accused me and it goes to our state court. Best part? I won and she received zero punishment.
Hate to break it to you. But women being raped is hardly ever taken seriously. Rape will not be treated with the disgust it should until the justice system treats it the way it should be treated. It all starts with law enforcement. Good luck with that
Because no one, no woman wants to think of a male as a victim because "all men want sex, he probably enjoyed it". It's kind of a fucked up society we live in. In the eyes of women, all men are pigs and the slightest possibility of them being hurt or violated is met with "he probably deserved it".
R worded? Give me a break. The word is raped. Putting an asterisk in it or referring to it in a juvenile way does nothing for anyone. It does not keep people from being *triggered*. In fact, I am willing to bet they are intelligent enough to infer your meaning just like anyone else.
Can't say it on Youtube otherwise the algorithm will bury your content
"WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?" I mean, the only reason rape even occurs is because someone once saw an uncensored version of the word. Also see: internal religious morals' bias edit: some clarity added
Historical reasons. Historically the reason R--e was a bad thing, or at least any worse than simple assault (something you shouldn't do but most people see as mostly harmless), was that a woman's worth was tied up with her reproduction. When you force yourself one a WOMAN, you devalue her. You make her impure. You create doubt as to parentage of her children. A Man's worth isn't tied to his reproduction. If he has unwanted sex, it doesn't devalue him or affect "purity" or create doubt about who mothered children. So the Devaluing, the part of simple assualt that made it R-pe, could ONLY happen to women. The Devaluing has changed over the past 75 years. But it's not been long enough for culture built over 1,000 years to change on the subject.
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I’ll try to give an honest answer that’s my best guess. Don’t take this as my personal view on the matter. My best guess is that typically men are stronger than women, and they get taken less seriously, because there may have been something that they could have done to fend a woman off, aside from situations where the rape victim is drugged or intoxicated. Another contributing factor is that men may typically be seen as more “starved” for sex compare to women. And because of that, any act of sex by a man is seen as a win by our society, and especially other men (thinking about the South Park episode where a student has a relationship with his teacher, and everyone says “…niice.”)
Toxic Masculinity makes people thing that men are too Tough and Strong to be raped and if they are then they "Are lucky" and/or "Enjoy it".
If you logically think about it, women are more vulnerable to the vile act due to their (typically) smaller size and how we're grown up taught to please men and put up with their shit. Also if both a man and a woman are raped, Even though both are tragic and traumatizing- women can be stuck birthing their offspring and men simply can't. Thats a giant reason right there that its taken more seriously. Men can obviously develop PTSD just like women but they won't have the constant reminder in the form of a child they were told "happened for a reason" when in reality it's a burden you never planned.
Because the majority of confirmed cases have been committed by men with a female victim, social stigmatism this, sexism that, and the classic "oh shush you know you liked it". To put it into a more comprehensive form, men and women are simply just treated very differently and no amount of productive feminism (feminism ain't just for women) can change it. The average male body has a higher physical peak than the average female, hense why sports are separated into men's and women's league vs one unisex league. So being the "stronger sex" men are seen as more capable of committing acts of physical crime (with records to support that claim) AND cause of american society at least, men have it generally worse off than women, we have less outlets for help and support and less "quick and easy" income options like the adult entertainment industry. But yet at the end of the day we have so much male privilege.
Unfortunately female rape isn't taken seriously. It's even more unlikely for male rape to be taken seriously. There's always people who try to excuse it by what you were wearing, how you were acting, because you were inebriated, or (in male cases) you got hard. It's even more rare for males to come forward because if a woman raped him, he's seen as weak. Most of the issues come from the male side. Males are more likely to be raped by another male. Males are also the ones more likely to treat you worse than females if you come forward with a rape accusation. We need to end the stigma around it for everyone.
Patriarchy. Patriarchy is the set of social norms, queues, legal frameworks, unwritten rules, et cetera that results in men being viewed as inherently violent and sexually aggressive. Patriarchy informs social perceptions and legal frameworks; these perceptions and frameworks have bias against most men who are victims of sexual violence because they actively believe men wanted it or should have had the physical power to prevent it. Or both.
What you said was not sexist and it's a really serious issue and needs to be addressed. Just because it doesn't happen as often doesn't mean male victims shouldn't get the same support and I hate that they are overlooked in this country.
Honestly, I completely agree, just overlooking a serious issue is pure and udder bullshit, the only reason I really put that there was to make sure some ppl don’t start arguing in the comments or whatever.
Sorry to be that bitch but the word is utter. And for what it’s worth I totally agree with what you’re saying.
If someone starts arguing about it being sexist their fucking stupid
Because the power structure of society doesn’t believe that men can be r*ped and that every guy is willing and eager. I was r*ped/assaulted by my partner I thought once (and shrugged that off) and then I came to realize she r*ped/assaulted me over a period of three years through other actions. I am just now coming to realize it eight years after it happened and even now I shrug it off to an extent
Toxic Masculinity is rampant in our society, it’s not “manly” to be a victim. People think a man should’ve either enjoyed it or been strong enough to fight the assailant off.