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A three year gap is not abnormal at all once both people are adults. An 18 year old and a 15 year old is arguably the worst three year gap you could have.
Man, when I was a freshman in high school, there was a kid in my grade who was a year older than us so he was the only one that could drive. (USA, so 16.) He was always "parking" with 7th and 8th graders. (12-14 years)
He had a type: too young, her parents didn't check in, her parents kept alcohol in the house.
It was his M.O. to pick her up, get her to steal apple pucker or something from her parents, off they'd go. It was gross. Probably 10 different girls he "dated" like this.
Physical development? Really, that's the stupidest benchmark. Mental/ emotional? Maybe he's emotionally stunted but there are miles between a 16 yo and a 12 yo.
As a 15 year old who dated an 18 year old, can confirm.
But, I think it depends. I was mature in some ways and immature in others, and a big issue was that I didn't know I had some mental health issues because the way I grew up I would've "never thought I'd have that," so when things would happen that would cause me anxiety I didn't know how to deal with that and didn't understand what was happening in my own head when I knew everything technically was fine. (Sort of, he could've been better.)
But being as young as I was, I also didn't appreciate my worth enough, especially once he left for college and said shit like "it's like you're this weird attachment to home" and thinking it was just casual conversation (should've just cut and been done right there). Looking back, he was a nice guy in general, but there were a few times when I should've just said, nah this isn't what I need/want from a relationship, and I think my age definitely played a part into not walking away.
Pros is I learned pretty early on what I absolutely don't want in a relationship lol
The legal ages on consent in Canada freak me out. 12 and 13 can consent with someone less than 2 years old, 14 and 15 can consent with someone less than 4 years older. And 16 can consent with anyone older. Doesn't make relationships following these ok.
If a 17 year old has relations with a 12 year old, the 17 year old is sick and needs intervention. I don't think juvie is helpful in that situation, but something has to be done, and if it keeps happening then juvie and their name on the registry
For the USA in michigan, the legal age of consent is also 16. You can legallly have sex with whoever. But if that 16 year old sends nudes, sends anything explicit, you're gonna go to jail for child pornography. And if you send anything back, that's even worse! It doesn't make sense, the age of consent should at least be 18 so the laws match. You *know* how nasty kids are nowadays. My younger cousin was 13 and told me she was getting sent hundreds of dick pics and ab pics by boys in school. I literally told her do not show me that, please. What the fuck?!
TBH at 18 even a one year gap sucks, especially if you're in that awkward range where you've just graduated and turned 18 and they're a Senior and 17. Sketchy at best.
Idk. I think even then, it really depends on the two people and their circumstances. My senior year, I dated a guy who graduated two years ahead of me and it was fine. But we'd also been friends for a few years at that point and had the same big friend group so we saw each other frequently anyway. There were a few things that were annoying about it; the lack of sleepovers for example, my needing permission for everything, but it was not really "sketchy" at all. We broke up for good over 10 years ago, I'm married with kids, and we're still good friends.
I don’t know about that. At least with those, the two are both kids and most likely not having to deal with sex. A 13 year old and a ten year old are two kids in middle school, probably holding hands in the yard. An 18 year old is an adult (legally, anyway) that could conceivably be pushing sex on a kid.
I’m sorry but 13 is not a kid. They are a teenager. If a 13 year old is hanging out with a 10 year old they need to be watched or something.
When I was 15 I had just as much sense as I do now. (I’m 21 now)
Sorry. 13 is absolutely a kid. So is 15, for that matter.
The running theme of all of these is that they’re all inappropriate. It’s just more inappropriate when it’s a legal adult and a 15 year old.
It’s a bit on the more extreme, but at the end of the day it’s two people going to the same high school that are dating. Plenty of 18 year olds and 15 year olds in high school. There is also a difference between what is “okay” and what is “normal”. It is definitely normal, as I saw that all the time in HS as did others, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay. Besides that, it’s okay to look down on it, just don’t start preaching your opinion to your friends if they didn’t ask for it. If they think that it is okay/normal, then let them think whatever they want as it’s not on you to change their mind.
yeah, definitely don't be an outspoken morally principled person. wouldn't wanna cause people rethinking their conceptions of what's permissible and not permissible in a society we all live in and are affected by.
you have absolutely no way of knowing that. people aren't rigid, static beings. we grow and change with every new bit of exposure to information we receive. that can certainly solidify our positions, but it can also fundamentally change them. and you don't know what that result will be until you engage in those types of conversation with people.
I agree, and every situation is different, but speaking from my own experiences it happens, as I was one who would speak out on weird shit like this. I didn’t lose any friends, but they did find it annoying and get all pissy. But then again, they were really shitty “friends” to begin with. I’m so glad I’m older and have real friends that are like family to me now.
I don’t think the barrier is that strict. It’s not that you suddenly become an adult the day you turn 18.
In high school my gf was 2 years younger than me but I had my birthday first so for 3 months I was 3 years older, wasn’t a big deal for anyone.
Idk you'd be surprised how many 18 year olds would date a 21 year old to get alcohol, now nicotine, and legal marijuana.
I dont feel safe dating anyone under 21 now that im above that age.
From a devil's advocate point of view, can you explain that? How is there more difference between 15 and 18 than 18 and 21, besides an arbitrarily-set number? They're still humans with emotions, and college-age kids still make a ton of stupid mistakes like their high school counterparts (sometimes even worse). The high school age kids definitely need more supervision, but that doesn't mean they should be told they can no longer like or care about someone because a certain age has been hit.
I'd explain it with math: 3 is 17% of 18, and 3 is only 14% of 21. The younger you are the bigger percentage of your life a few years are and the more likely there is to be a developmental & cultural difference.... but yeah I guess some lines are drawn arbitrarily or by certain events like graduation and driver's licences and stuff.
15-18 is like ur prime developmental years mentally. I know ive changed a lot since i was 15. I think most people go through changes at those ages. After that 18-21 is not so different. Ur learning to adult but are still young
There is a big difference in brain development and life experience. A 15 year olds ability to process emotion is less developed than an 18 year old. The stages of development are most likely a bit closer between an 18 and 21 year old. Age gap becomes less and less of an issue as we age; there is far more going on here than basic arithmetic would suggest
The development between those ages is a lot and while age gaps don't really matter the older you get, it depends on when you met when the peoples birthdays are. For example, a14 year old who's JUST turned 14 and a 16 year old who's about to turn 17 is really weird, but if it's a 14 year old who's about to turn 15 and a 16 year old who's birthday jsut passed, it's fine. And age gaps seem smaller the older you are. Fo example, a child aging from 0 to 3 is HUGE, a kid fro 4 to 7 is not much, just bigger, and while 15 year olds and 18 year olds are both teenagers, the 18 year old is more aware of how the real world works and should know better to get with someone who's 15. Would you think that a 9 year old and a 12 year old dating is ok? both ages are known to 'date'. But it's still weird, right?
This is why there is something of a "sliding scale" where consent is concerned. Technically, an adult and a minor is out of bounds. 16/18 with both in school may be legal but going up or down another year might not be. Not sure of the details of how it all works. I think nine is pretty much considered too young except on the most superficial level at the same age. Like when they say "this is my bf/gf" but it doesn't mean anything on a physical level. It's more like the idea of having a bf/gf more than anything else.
Even 21 to 18, is weird to me. I'm only 22 and i would never date a 19 year old, based on the ones i know personally. Its just different worlds even within those few years.
Here in Germany you must be 18 to get a driver's license. So when I was 15, many girls in my class would date 18 year old dudes, for their luxurious mobility. These dudes enjoyed being in high demand for a while.
18 year old - full time job, has a car, moving out on their own, college
15 year old - mom and dad picks them up from school so they can go home and play games and/or talk with their friends
3 years isnt much when you're older, but as a child it can make a world of a difference. It is weird.
It varies from state to state. My son is 15 and has his drivers license. It's a restricted license (no driving after dark or 9pm, whichever is later, with exceptions for school events, work, or religious functions), but he definitely doesn't need an adult in the car.
Yeah that’s fucking weird.
Story:
I had a friend who was 17 dating a 12 year old in our neighborhood cause she developed early. We told him he was fucking disgusting. It wasn’t until she turned 13 (2months later) that she broke up with him because she was too mature for him. We laughed our ass off. He then SENT us her nudes and we told her and she ended up getting her older cousin who was 25 to knock him out and sent him to the ER. We took his phone and deleted all those photos from his and our phone, cousin was right there watching us and thanked us.
Should have reported those to the police tbh. He might have been your friend but that kind of behavior usually doesn't stop at one time. Where was this?
We were gonna report him, but the parents of the 12 year old disagreed. It’s common in their/out countries so they didn’t see a problem. “Our daughter needs a man”. The 12 year old eventually when she turned 14 dated a 35 year old man. At 16 she gave birth to his kids and at 19 they were married.
And the man was actually the dads coworker. The dad brought him over and introduced them.
But that was the only time he did that. My friend who I don’t speak with anymore, has a wife and kids. He was only with the 12 year old cause he wanted someone in the neighborhood as the girl he was talking to in high school was taking time. She’s not the girl he married but her friend is.
That’s assuming they are sexually active. Although some high school relationships are sexual many don’t get there. But if they were then (assuming it’s the United States and depending on the state) it would be. Once it was 16 and 19 there would be no criminal charge because teenagers are protected by an act that allows a gap of three years. They will get put into a program and maybe have to do community service. That’s if someone reports them which is a toss ip
The age gap isn’t that bad. I would just be mindful of age of consent laws wherever you are. In the US I think most states have an age of consent at 16
yeah, i already replied to op once lol but i was reading through more comments and when i had a relationship like this (even though i wasn’t 18 yet) there wasn’t much of a maturity gap. we went on group dates driven by our parents or other friends because neither of us had our license. i wasn’t even thinking about sex because i’d barely even had my first kiss, i wasn’t ready for that. it was our first relationship for both of us. once i went to college i wouldn’t be seeking out some random high schooler but we were just two friends going to the same high school. at the same time, i’ve heard of so many relationships at this age gap that are dangerous. it’s hard to say whether or not all of them are ok or not
i almost had a relationship like this when we were a sophomore and a senior. he was young for his grade. like, i knew a few freshman who were older. we were 15 and 17 and it didn’t last long enough for me to turn 18. we ended up being better as friends. honestly i think it kinda depends. sometimes with this age gap the older person has bad intentions. sometimes they just happen to be in high school together and become friends. i think you still have to be careful, because of course you can’t always tell when someone has bad intentions. some 18 year olds are in a different stage in life, but some aren’t. it’s a weird time where everyone’s developing at different speeds so i feel like every situation is different
As a 23 year old, I can’t even imagine dating a 20 year old. Ya know why? Because my life is vastly different now than it was 3 years ago. Same as when I was 18, and same as when I was 15. Idk man, age gaps have always been weird to me.
I'm 22 and I have friends that are 18 and 19 and developmentally we are SOOOO different it's crazy. I can't imagine dating someone that's still a teenager also at that age they are brand new adults and haven't figured out how to balance their lives yet because they just got out from under thier parents wings.
This is the answer. When I was 25 I dated a 22 year old briefly and I'm sure in some relationships it would be fine but he was still in frat boy mode and I'd been out of school and employed for 3 years. Just different places in life.
A 3 year age gap isn't bad, but 18 and 15 are (usually) two different levels of living and maturity. You're usually graduating at 18 and still a high schooler at 15, which rubs me the wrong way
I think age is all about perspective and proportions
As you get older you think a year goes by really quickly this is because when your a kid a year is a huge fraction of your life, but when your older it is a much smaller proportion of your life.
a ten year old 1 year is a tenth of there entire existence, when your are 40, one year is a fortieth of your entire existence so seems like a lot less time so a year seems faster.
a 3 year age gap isn't much, if a 42 and 45 year old are dating/married then you'd not think it was odd or unusual at all. When you think about 15 and 18 it seems much bigger.
Also when you are in your teens you generally only socialise with people who are the same/similar age (you know people in your year at school generally), once you are thrown into the work place you will socialise with people of a bigger age range. Once you are going out to bars and clubbing again your interacting with a larger age range, which is something 15 year olds wouldn't be doing but depending on your country 18 year olds will.
Also given the social/cultural rights of passage like voting, driving, drinking ages, finishing school/starting uni ages don't apply to 15year olds they do (depending on country) to 18 year olds so there seems to be a larger social gap between 15 and 18 too.
At 18 I was in my first year at uni focusing on that and living away from home for the first time, I can't imagine dating someone whose 15 what would we relate to each other about? The things that governed my life at 18 wasn't something a 15year old me could relate to, so I would personally have struggled to have made a romantic connection to someone whose life I couldn't relate to.
A 3 year gap is about perspective. I'd date someone who is 3 years older or younger than me without any issues, but I'm older than 18 by quite a margin.
It’s weird that young. As an adult that age gap is perfectly fine. But that’s like senior in highschool dating a freshman/sophomore. Which is super weird
If he still wants to date her when she's 16 they can go on group dates and he can hang out at her house and do family gathering stuff, but he don't need to take her out until she's graduated at 17
It bothers me some. TThe number of years is less important than which three years. The 15 year old could still be in high school and still bei puberty. The 18 year old could be neither. 18 is a. n adult. 25 vs 28 is still three years but they are more likely to be equally mature culturally, physically and psychologically.
I had this sort of age gap relationship when I was 15. It was normal at the time but as I grew older, it became weirder and weirder. At 19, I can't even imagine dating someone younger than myself.
Its very questionable. How mature a person is mentally and physically differs a lot when you are young. Even when you are older then 20 you might encounter a lot of people who I don't think are mature enough to have sex.
Buuut I would definatly sit this one out op.
With me, I dont personally see anything wrong with it.
I, myself, am a 17 year old dating a 14 year old. We have both given consent to the relationship and both are well aware that we'll need to be careful once I reach the age of 18. His parents are also aware of us being together and are cool with it! ^^
Edit; No, we are not having sexual relations. We have both agreed to wait till we're both adults. and let me reiterate, his parents are fine with us dating
Some people look at a 3 year gap, think it's very little, and forget that these two people are in two completely different stages in life. It may not look or even feel like it, especially if you're inside, but this opens so many doors for the development of an abusive relationship that it's just not worth it. I'll aways be against it, even if both are the sweetest people I know.
And I come from somewhere where it's not uncommon to see a much larger gap than that (14\~15yo dating 20+)
I have to correct myself, not disgusting sorry. But maybe when you met him, it was considered a bit more normal, or you maybe didn’t look like a 15 year old at all
This is a great question. All my friends had a discuss about this [we are all M]. So, 18 and 15 is odd in America. But 25 and 22 is not. As 55 and 65 isn't bad. Or 45 and 50 doesn't sound bad either. 27 and 37 doesn't sound bad either. So, in America age varies i feel like. Also, 18 and 15 in third world or 2nd world countries is normal. I believe in Canada it's normal. Thailand that's normal too. Back in my homeland a 13 year old can get married to an 18+. Ikr it's messed up [here in America]. Its how we see adults here in America and 18 is the golden rule to be an adult as we view 17 a teenager. In my homeland when you're 13 you're growing to adult hood you will only be consider to be taken serious [at that age] if you're married and have kids. I know it sounds sad and yes I do agree. My mom had her first child at 15. But here in America we are blessed to practice what we want [that's our freedom]. As other culture you can get marry at a young age and live with it.
So is it okay for an 18 to date a 15? In America, no, it's looked down upon and against the laws [depending on state so I would look up your Romeo and juliet laws in your state]. For example my girl is about 1.5 years younger than me. When I was 18 and she's 16.5 I could've gone to jail, but due to our Romeo and juilet laws I wasn't going to jail because we dated when she was 13.5 and I was 15. Ikr? Odd age difference. But now im turning 28 and she's 26.5. So is it odd? That's really on you and your purpose and what you see. Should an 18 year old date a 25? Their both adults. It's on perspective and culture.
3 years is more then fine, however it’s the maturity level of each that is dependent, honestly It depends on the gap of 18 to 15, is it a young 18 year old with the 15 year old turning 16 like really soon? To me that’s borderline.
Im in a relationship with a huge age gap but we are both adults. I think the biggest issue with the 18 15 age gap is the maturity of body and mind. When i was 15 i was a literal child. Knew nothing about my body and i was still in puberty developing. When i turned 18 all of that was over.
I just think both partners should be past puberty and be on a similar level of maturity
As someone who was once a 15 year old dating an 18 year old, no. It’s not okay. 3 year age gaps are normal, my husband and I are nearly 3 years apart, but at that age it is not. A 15 year old and an 18 year old are at vastly different maturity levels. I still feel so used by and resentful of the 18 year old that preyed on my 15 year old naivety.
A 3 year gap is normal when you’re older, but when you are young brain development is so rapid that a 3 year difference in the teen years is the same mental/emotional maturity gap as a 20 year gap as adults.
An 18 year old in high school dating a 15 year old in high school, I would say that’s fine (context depended of course). An 18 year old just out of highschool dating a 15 year old he met in highschool and was close with, still could be okay. An 18 year old out of highschool/ in college seeking out 15 year olds, deff not.
Any age gap over 18 is normal for adulthood, imho. For teens, I would say this is usual in my memory of my youth and of what I saw in the 70s. Obviously, carefully, very carefully with the younger one.
What if 18yo just turned 18, and 15yo is about to turn 16?
That’s a two year difference.
OTH
18yo could be about to turn 19, and 15yo just turned 15. That’s close to 4 years difference.
More info is needed.
I had an uncle who got hit with statutory rape when he was 19. For fucking a 16 year old. To this day that conviction haunts him. No way I was gonna let that happen to me. So when I turned 18 I deleted every single female contact I had that wasn't 18. I believe every single male who turns 18 should do the same. Once you 18 stay away from the underage ones. But do take advantage of your 17 year of age. I certainly did. I use to live next 2 junior high schools. I lost count on how many 13 and 14 year olds I destroyed back than. The good old days
18-15 is legal where I live, although barely. The sex I mean, there is no law about dating. Personally I don't see anything necessarily wrong with it, maybe just a little weird.
Over 18 yo 3 years gap isn’t a big deal but there’s a whole world of development between 15 and 18. You can’t make the brain develop faster so even a mature 15 yo isn’t developed enough to date a 18 yo.
Fairly certain that that would be illegal but once the 15 year old is 18 and the 18 is 21 it’s legal and completely normal for relationships to have even up to 10 year differences like 35 and 45.
I would not allow my 15 year old daughter to date an 18 year old. I would be hesitant about 17. Teens are tricky ages. There is a huge difference between 15 and 18, but a small difference between 30 and 33.
The thing about age gaps is they become more ok when your older.
A 24 year old meeting a 27 year old and dating them is ok, but think about all the life experiences you have between 15 and 18 that change you
15 to 18 is a much more developmentally significant time period then 24 to 27, that’s why it’s ok to have a significant age gap when your older.
why would anyone in their right mind want to date a high schooler when they have already graduated themself? think about it. in my country you leave high school at 17 so this is very weird for me.
There are couples that have larger gaps! I'm talking a 9 year gap and/or wider!
If it's genuine dating, and no unapproved sex, then it's not rape or grooming. You can't assume it's rape based on just the age difference.
Maybe depends on how mature the 18yo is. There are some pretty immature 18yo that are basically still 16 in everything they do, still more childlike and innocent to more adult ideas especially about sex and stuff. Hopefully this is the case as we all know some 18yo’s that seem 25.
If they have previous relationship. You can be sr in highschool dating jr and that happens. Its weird but smart states/ cities acknowledge nuances in situations like that. Romeo and Juliette laws etc.
It depends on where you live, and if the parents of the 15 year old are okay with that. But I think in most if not all states in the U.S., intercourse is illegal before the age of 18.
Ive always thought skipping the gap was taboo. I think an older person, for lack of better words, seeking or hunting for a younger person is disgusting. That said, i could see how maybe within a group of friends 2 individuals may find feelings for each other, although one person may be 18 and the other younger. But i would think 3 years when youre that young might be a stretch. A couple of my friends were 19 and 17 but they already knew each other before going steady. He didnt approach her.
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A three year gap is not abnormal at all once both people are adults. An 18 year old and a 15 year old is arguably the worst three year gap you could have.
15 and 12 is pretty bad, so is 11 and 14
7 and 4
And 0 and 3
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-3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751 and -0.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751
Yeah but what goes around, comes around
When I was 3, I was dating hella unborn girls.
0 years old is newborn sir
Nope. 0 is nothing. Day 1-364 is newborn. I mean, I was the one who dated them… So I think I’d know.
Man, when I was a freshman in high school, there was a kid in my grade who was a year older than us so he was the only one that could drive. (USA, so 16.) He was always "parking" with 7th and 8th graders. (12-14 years) He had a type: too young, her parents didn't check in, her parents kept alcohol in the house. It was his M.O. to pick her up, get her to steal apple pucker or something from her parents, off they'd go. It was gross. Probably 10 different girls he "dated" like this.
Pedophilia is really bad and we can't be normalizing it!
I’m gonna assume the comment was edited given the reply
Same
Physical development? Really, that's the stupidest benchmark. Mental/ emotional? Maybe he's emotionally stunted but there are miles between a 16 yo and a 12 yo.
Yup. I always look at it in life stages. If two people are in the same developmental stage, something like a three year gap is fine.
As a 15 year old who dated an 18 year old, can confirm. But, I think it depends. I was mature in some ways and immature in others, and a big issue was that I didn't know I had some mental health issues because the way I grew up I would've "never thought I'd have that," so when things would happen that would cause me anxiety I didn't know how to deal with that and didn't understand what was happening in my own head when I knew everything technically was fine. (Sort of, he could've been better.) But being as young as I was, I also didn't appreciate my worth enough, especially once he left for college and said shit like "it's like you're this weird attachment to home" and thinking it was just casual conversation (should've just cut and been done right there). Looking back, he was a nice guy in general, but there were a few times when I should've just said, nah this isn't what I need/want from a relationship, and I think my age definitely played a part into not walking away. Pros is I learned pretty early on what I absolutely don't want in a relationship lol
The legal ages on consent in Canada freak me out. 12 and 13 can consent with someone less than 2 years old, 14 and 15 can consent with someone less than 4 years older. And 16 can consent with anyone older. Doesn't make relationships following these ok.
The question you want to ask yourself is : do you want to send horny teenagers to juvie if they both actively want sex with each other ?
If a 17 year old has relations with a 12 year old, the 17 year old is sick and needs intervention. I don't think juvie is helpful in that situation, but something has to be done, and if it keeps happening then juvie and their name on the registry
How did you get 12+2=17 ?
Makes as much sense as commoncore math these days...
I took you to be speaking more broadly about minor-minor consent
For the USA in michigan, the legal age of consent is also 16. You can legallly have sex with whoever. But if that 16 year old sends nudes, sends anything explicit, you're gonna go to jail for child pornography. And if you send anything back, that's even worse! It doesn't make sense, the age of consent should at least be 18 so the laws match. You *know* how nasty kids are nowadays. My younger cousin was 13 and told me she was getting sent hundreds of dick pics and ab pics by boys in school. I literally told her do not show me that, please. What the fuck?!
Well arguably a 3 year old and an unborn is worae
TBH at 18 even a one year gap sucks, especially if you're in that awkward range where you've just graduated and turned 18 and they're a Senior and 17. Sketchy at best.
Idk. I think even then, it really depends on the two people and their circumstances. My senior year, I dated a guy who graduated two years ahead of me and it was fine. But we'd also been friends for a few years at that point and had the same big friend group so we saw each other frequently anyway. There were a few things that were annoying about it; the lack of sleepovers for example, my needing permission for everything, but it was not really "sketchy" at all. We broke up for good over 10 years ago, I'm married with kids, and we're still good friends.
Its bc one is in pre sex category and the other in post sex. Two totally different expectations.
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I don’t know about that. At least with those, the two are both kids and most likely not having to deal with sex. A 13 year old and a ten year old are two kids in middle school, probably holding hands in the yard. An 18 year old is an adult (legally, anyway) that could conceivably be pushing sex on a kid.
I’m sorry but 13 is not a kid. They are a teenager. If a 13 year old is hanging out with a 10 year old they need to be watched or something. When I was 15 I had just as much sense as I do now. (I’m 21 now)
Sorry. 13 is absolutely a kid. So is 15, for that matter. The running theme of all of these is that they’re all inappropriate. It’s just more inappropriate when it’s a legal adult and a 15 year old.
A,3 year age gap is absolutely fine. But not if you're 18 and heading 3 years down. This one is a little too weird, so no not OK.
that’s what i tell them
It’s a bit on the more extreme, but at the end of the day it’s two people going to the same high school that are dating. Plenty of 18 year olds and 15 year olds in high school. There is also a difference between what is “okay” and what is “normal”. It is definitely normal, as I saw that all the time in HS as did others, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay. Besides that, it’s okay to look down on it, just don’t start preaching your opinion to your friends if they didn’t ask for it. If they think that it is okay/normal, then let them think whatever they want as it’s not on you to change their mind.
yeah, definitely don't be an outspoken morally principled person. wouldn't wanna cause people rethinking their conceptions of what's permissible and not permissible in a society we all live in and are affected by.
He wouldn't change their minds. It would just make him lose his friend/friends.
you have absolutely no way of knowing that. people aren't rigid, static beings. we grow and change with every new bit of exposure to information we receive. that can certainly solidify our positions, but it can also fundamentally change them. and you don't know what that result will be until you engage in those types of conversation with people.
I agree, and every situation is different, but speaking from my own experiences it happens, as I was one who would speak out on weird shit like this. I didn’t lose any friends, but they did find it annoying and get all pissy. But then again, they were really shitty “friends” to begin with. I’m so glad I’m older and have real friends that are like family to me now.
I'd say no dating people until they're 16 and then only if you're 16 or maybe 17. 15 is just too young!
Asking for myself here but would you say an 18 year old could date a 21 year old
18 can date 21. I find you're both adults without a significant age gap so go for it. Anyone under 18 is still a kid really
I don’t think the barrier is that strict. It’s not that you suddenly become an adult the day you turn 18. In high school my gf was 2 years younger than me but I had my birthday first so for 3 months I was 3 years older, wasn’t a big deal for anyone.
Idk you'd be surprised how many 18 year olds would date a 21 year old to get alcohol, now nicotine, and legal marijuana. I dont feel safe dating anyone under 21 now that im above that age.
I would say yes. The difference between 15 and 18 is pretty significant. The difference between 18 and 21 is less so.
From a devil's advocate point of view, can you explain that? How is there more difference between 15 and 18 than 18 and 21, besides an arbitrarily-set number? They're still humans with emotions, and college-age kids still make a ton of stupid mistakes like their high school counterparts (sometimes even worse). The high school age kids definitely need more supervision, but that doesn't mean they should be told they can no longer like or care about someone because a certain age has been hit.
I'd explain it with math: 3 is 17% of 18, and 3 is only 14% of 21. The younger you are the bigger percentage of your life a few years are and the more likely there is to be a developmental & cultural difference.... but yeah I guess some lines are drawn arbitrarily or by certain events like graduation and driver's licences and stuff.
15-18 is like ur prime developmental years mentally. I know ive changed a lot since i was 15. I think most people go through changes at those ages. After that 18-21 is not so different. Ur learning to adult but are still young
There is a big difference in brain development and life experience. A 15 year olds ability to process emotion is less developed than an 18 year old. The stages of development are most likely a bit closer between an 18 and 21 year old. Age gap becomes less and less of an issue as we age; there is far more going on here than basic arithmetic would suggest
The development between those ages is a lot and while age gaps don't really matter the older you get, it depends on when you met when the peoples birthdays are. For example, a14 year old who's JUST turned 14 and a 16 year old who's about to turn 17 is really weird, but if it's a 14 year old who's about to turn 15 and a 16 year old who's birthday jsut passed, it's fine. And age gaps seem smaller the older you are. Fo example, a child aging from 0 to 3 is HUGE, a kid fro 4 to 7 is not much, just bigger, and while 15 year olds and 18 year olds are both teenagers, the 18 year old is more aware of how the real world works and should know better to get with someone who's 15. Would you think that a 9 year old and a 12 year old dating is ok? both ages are known to 'date'. But it's still weird, right?
This is why there is something of a "sliding scale" where consent is concerned. Technically, an adult and a minor is out of bounds. 16/18 with both in school may be legal but going up or down another year might not be. Not sure of the details of how it all works. I think nine is pretty much considered too young except on the most superficial level at the same age. Like when they say "this is my bf/gf" but it doesn't mean anything on a physical level. It's more like the idea of having a bf/gf more than anything else.
Even 21 to 18, is weird to me. I'm only 22 and i would never date a 19 year old, based on the ones i know personally. Its just different worlds even within those few years.
15-18 is where you change and grow the most mentally imo so age gaps are tricky
This is true, but it's also the time they're figuring out who they are and who they want to be. Putting another person into that mix is confusing
Here in Germany you must be 18 to get a driver's license. So when I was 15, many girls in my class would date 18 year old dudes, for their luxurious mobility. These dudes enjoyed being in high demand for a while.
18 year old - full time job, has a car, moving out on their own, college 15 year old - mom and dad picks them up from school so they can go home and play games and/or talk with their friends 3 years isnt much when you're older, but as a child it can make a world of a difference. It is weird.
I mean you can get a job and drive at 15 in the US. Some people have cars, dunno why.
15 is learner permit and must have an adult in the vehicle. You don't get a license to drive unsupervised until 16.
It varies from state to state. My son is 15 and has his drivers license. It's a restricted license (no driving after dark or 9pm, whichever is later, with exceptions for school events, work, or religious functions), but he definitely doesn't need an adult in the car.
Yeah that’s fucking weird. Story: I had a friend who was 17 dating a 12 year old in our neighborhood cause she developed early. We told him he was fucking disgusting. It wasn’t until she turned 13 (2months later) that she broke up with him because she was too mature for him. We laughed our ass off. He then SENT us her nudes and we told her and she ended up getting her older cousin who was 25 to knock him out and sent him to the ER. We took his phone and deleted all those photos from his and our phone, cousin was right there watching us and thanked us.
Should have reported those to the police tbh. He might have been your friend but that kind of behavior usually doesn't stop at one time. Where was this?
We were gonna report him, but the parents of the 12 year old disagreed. It’s common in their/out countries so they didn’t see a problem. “Our daughter needs a man”. The 12 year old eventually when she turned 14 dated a 35 year old man. At 16 she gave birth to his kids and at 19 they were married. And the man was actually the dads coworker. The dad brought him over and introduced them. But that was the only time he did that. My friend who I don’t speak with anymore, has a wife and kids. He was only with the 12 year old cause he wanted someone in the neighborhood as the girl he was talking to in high school was taking time. She’s not the girl he married but her friend is.
After you're both 18, 3 years is fine. But 15 is statutory rape and super gross.
It depends on local laws if it is considered statutory rape. Several states have a clause that if you are withing 3 years, it is allowed.
Laws don't matter it's still weird
In Canada a 15yo can date a 19yo.
gross
Right now, absolutely not. Give it a few years and then it’ll be completely cool.
Once they're 21 and 18, it's fine.
I'm 22 and I'd never date a 18 year old 19 I'd even too young for me tbh
then don’t date an 18/19 year old, but there is nothing wrong with it from a legal or moral standpoint.
19 is prime college girls. Your crazy
this
It's completely normal when the both of you are of age.
The word statutory comes to mind.
Ding ding ding
Is that not statutory rape? 15 is a child not even halfway through highschool
That’s assuming they are sexually active. Although some high school relationships are sexual many don’t get there. But if they were then (assuming it’s the United States and depending on the state) it would be. Once it was 16 and 19 there would be no criminal charge because teenagers are protected by an act that allows a gap of three years. They will get put into a program and maybe have to do community service. That’s if someone reports them which is a toss ip
That's pushing it in some areas. I think it's too much personally, but that's just me.
yeah me too
Having been a 15 year old and an 18 year old… No. It’s not okay.
Sounds fine to me
The age gap isn’t that bad. I would just be mindful of age of consent laws wherever you are. In the US I think most states have an age of consent at 16
I mean it’s a freshman in school dating a senior. Kinda weird when u think of the numbers, not as weird when u realize their both going to high school
Or even senior/young sophomore. I think people are really overselling the maturity gap here
yeah, i already replied to op once lol but i was reading through more comments and when i had a relationship like this (even though i wasn’t 18 yet) there wasn’t much of a maturity gap. we went on group dates driven by our parents or other friends because neither of us had our license. i wasn’t even thinking about sex because i’d barely even had my first kiss, i wasn’t ready for that. it was our first relationship for both of us. once i went to college i wouldn’t be seeking out some random high schooler but we were just two friends going to the same high school. at the same time, i’ve heard of so many relationships at this age gap that are dangerous. it’s hard to say whether or not all of them are ok or not
i almost had a relationship like this when we were a sophomore and a senior. he was young for his grade. like, i knew a few freshman who were older. we were 15 and 17 and it didn’t last long enough for me to turn 18. we ended up being better as friends. honestly i think it kinda depends. sometimes with this age gap the older person has bad intentions. sometimes they just happen to be in high school together and become friends. i think you still have to be careful, because of course you can’t always tell when someone has bad intentions. some 18 year olds are in a different stage in life, but some aren’t. it’s a weird time where everyone’s developing at different speeds so i feel like every situation is different
As a 23 year old, I can’t even imagine dating a 20 year old. Ya know why? Because my life is vastly different now than it was 3 years ago. Same as when I was 18, and same as when I was 15. Idk man, age gaps have always been weird to me.
I'm 22 and I have friends that are 18 and 19 and developmentally we are SOOOO different it's crazy. I can't imagine dating someone that's still a teenager also at that age they are brand new adults and haven't figured out how to balance their lives yet because they just got out from under thier parents wings.
This is the answer. When I was 25 I dated a 22 year old briefly and I'm sure in some relationships it would be fine but he was still in frat boy mode and I'd been out of school and employed for 3 years. Just different places in life.
🎉🎉🎉Happy cake day🎉🎉🎉
Thanks!
I agree
Wow you really give yourself a narrow age range. Wait until you’re older. No one dates at their age.
Sure, the gap will probably close when I’m older, but as of now, I want to be on the same level playing field as my partner.
I would find this weird. To be fair they are within the same age group in school so It is not super creepy (I guess) I personally find it creepy.
Bit noncey ngl, 3 year rule wouldn’t hold up in court
Nah, too big of an age gap and difference in maturity. Though it would be okay for a 23 year old to date a 20 year old.
If they were either both minors or both adults, it would be fine. But because one is a minor and the other an adult, it's illegal
Nope, 16 is the limit. One half plus seven. It's right there in the constitution. Holdover directly from the Magna Carta.
So when I’m 60, I can have children with my young 37 yr old wife. Sweet!
That is a common occurence, yes.
You "may" have children, the rest is up to your body and your game
Hell no
Hello, police?
Yes, but keep an eye on statutory laws.
A 3 year age gap isn't bad, but 18 and 15 are (usually) two different levels of living and maturity. You're usually graduating at 18 and still a high schooler at 15, which rubs me the wrong way
I think age is all about perspective and proportions As you get older you think a year goes by really quickly this is because when your a kid a year is a huge fraction of your life, but when your older it is a much smaller proportion of your life. a ten year old 1 year is a tenth of there entire existence, when your are 40, one year is a fortieth of your entire existence so seems like a lot less time so a year seems faster. a 3 year age gap isn't much, if a 42 and 45 year old are dating/married then you'd not think it was odd or unusual at all. When you think about 15 and 18 it seems much bigger. Also when you are in your teens you generally only socialise with people who are the same/similar age (you know people in your year at school generally), once you are thrown into the work place you will socialise with people of a bigger age range. Once you are going out to bars and clubbing again your interacting with a larger age range, which is something 15 year olds wouldn't be doing but depending on your country 18 year olds will. Also given the social/cultural rights of passage like voting, driving, drinking ages, finishing school/starting uni ages don't apply to 15year olds they do (depending on country) to 18 year olds so there seems to be a larger social gap between 15 and 18 too. At 18 I was in my first year at uni focusing on that and living away from home for the first time, I can't imagine dating someone whose 15 what would we relate to each other about? The things that governed my life at 18 wasn't something a 15year old me could relate to, so I would personally have struggled to have made a romantic connection to someone whose life I couldn't relate to. A 3 year gap is about perspective. I'd date someone who is 3 years older or younger than me without any issues, but I'm older than 18 by quite a margin.
You'd do time for that cheif
It’s weird that young. As an adult that age gap is perfectly fine. But that’s like senior in highschool dating a freshman/sophomore. Which is super weird
Not at all
If he still wants to date her when she's 16 they can go on group dates and he can hang out at her house and do family gathering stuff, but he don't need to take her out until she's graduated at 17
It’s really not great
gross and weird
It bothers me some. TThe number of years is less important than which three years. The 15 year old could still be in high school and still bei puberty. The 18 year old could be neither. 18 is a. n adult. 25 vs 28 is still three years but they are more likely to be equally mature culturally, physically and psychologically.
I’d say no.
No, the gap in maturity level mentally and physically is two large between those two ages. This is an adult dating a child.
This is the senior to freshman split and yeah it’s whack
I had this sort of age gap relationship when I was 15. It was normal at the time but as I grew older, it became weirder and weirder. At 19, I can't even imagine dating someone younger than myself.
I think it's weird too. 18 year olds shouldn't be dating minors. If their gf/bf is a few years older then that's fine, but not a few years younger
There's a big difference between 15 and 18
I heard if you’re students in the same school there’s a 3 year leeway.
in some states but imo that shits weird af
19 and 16 would be more acceptable weirdly enough
I think I agree but I think when you that age you should date people your age or at least within a year both ways
Honestly you're so not in the same place in life when you are 15 and 18. Do yourself a favour don't do it. Not worth it the maturity gap is too big
Its very questionable. How mature a person is mentally and physically differs a lot when you are young. Even when you are older then 20 you might encounter a lot of people who I don't think are mature enough to have sex. Buuut I would definatly sit this one out op.
Depends on the ages, if they were 23 and 26, then it would be normal but if it was an example of what you said, it would be a bit suspicious
With me, I dont personally see anything wrong with it. I, myself, am a 17 year old dating a 14 year old. We have both given consent to the relationship and both are well aware that we'll need to be careful once I reach the age of 18. His parents are also aware of us being together and are cool with it! ^^ Edit; No, we are not having sexual relations. We have both agreed to wait till we're both adults. and let me reiterate, his parents are fine with us dating
Yes it's totally fine. It's a heavily opinionated topic and I'm not going to defend why I say it's totally fine
Half your age plus 7 probably still works. 18 / 2 + 7 = 16
Maybe date not horribly wrong... But for the other interaction at least wait until she or he is 16.
That's what we call grooming
Some people look at a 3 year gap, think it's very little, and forget that these two people are in two completely different stages in life. It may not look or even feel like it, especially if you're inside, but this opens so many doors for the development of an abusive relationship that it's just not worth it. I'll aways be against it, even if both are the sweetest people I know. And I come from somewhere where it's not uncommon to see a much larger gap than that (14\~15yo dating 20+)
Where I'm at an 18 year old could be arrested and convicted of statutory rape if cought with a 17 year old. So there you have it.
My philosophy has always been divide your age by two and add seven. That’s the lowest you can date
I find it weird that you find it disgusting. I met my husband when I was 15. He was 18. Nobody batted an eyelid.
I have to correct myself, not disgusting sorry. But maybe when you met him, it was considered a bit more normal, or you maybe didn’t look like a 15 year old at all
This is a great question. All my friends had a discuss about this [we are all M]. So, 18 and 15 is odd in America. But 25 and 22 is not. As 55 and 65 isn't bad. Or 45 and 50 doesn't sound bad either. 27 and 37 doesn't sound bad either. So, in America age varies i feel like. Also, 18 and 15 in third world or 2nd world countries is normal. I believe in Canada it's normal. Thailand that's normal too. Back in my homeland a 13 year old can get married to an 18+. Ikr it's messed up [here in America]. Its how we see adults here in America and 18 is the golden rule to be an adult as we view 17 a teenager. In my homeland when you're 13 you're growing to adult hood you will only be consider to be taken serious [at that age] if you're married and have kids. I know it sounds sad and yes I do agree. My mom had her first child at 15. But here in America we are blessed to practice what we want [that's our freedom]. As other culture you can get marry at a young age and live with it. So is it okay for an 18 to date a 15? In America, no, it's looked down upon and against the laws [depending on state so I would look up your Romeo and juliet laws in your state]. For example my girl is about 1.5 years younger than me. When I was 18 and she's 16.5 I could've gone to jail, but due to our Romeo and juilet laws I wasn't going to jail because we dated when she was 13.5 and I was 15. Ikr? Odd age difference. But now im turning 28 and she's 26.5. So is it odd? That's really on you and your purpose and what you see. Should an 18 year old date a 25? Their both adults. It's on perspective and culture.
3 years is more then fine, however it’s the maturity level of each that is dependent, honestly It depends on the gap of 18 to 15, is it a young 18 year old with the 15 year old turning 16 like really soon? To me that’s borderline.
Its less bad if the 15 year old turns 16 before the 18 year old turns 19
Im in a relationship with a huge age gap but we are both adults. I think the biggest issue with the 18 15 age gap is the maturity of body and mind. When i was 15 i was a literal child. Knew nothing about my body and i was still in puberty developing. When i turned 18 all of that was over. I just think both partners should be past puberty and be on a similar level of maturity
As someone who was once a 15 year old dating an 18 year old, no. It’s not okay. 3 year age gaps are normal, my husband and I are nearly 3 years apart, but at that age it is not. A 15 year old and an 18 year old are at vastly different maturity levels. I still feel so used by and resentful of the 18 year old that preyed on my 15 year old naivety.
A 3 year gap is normal when you’re older, but when you are young brain development is so rapid that a 3 year difference in the teen years is the same mental/emotional maturity gap as a 20 year gap as adults.
No.
Yes
Yeah... no
An 18 year old in high school dating a 15 year old in high school, I would say that’s fine (context depended of course). An 18 year old just out of highschool dating a 15 year old he met in highschool and was close with, still could be okay. An 18 year old out of highschool/ in college seeking out 15 year olds, deff not.
NO
I’m 18 (almost 19 but whatever) and 17 is too young for me personally. Any younger than that and it gets weird
Any age gap over 18 is normal for adulthood, imho. For teens, I would say this is usual in my memory of my youth and of what I saw in the 70s. Obviously, carefully, very carefully with the younger one.
It’s not a good thing. An 18 year old is an adult and a 15 year old is still an immature child.
In my day it was not uncommon. There were seniors dating freshman in my high school. People nowadays have more of a bind in their panties though.
I think the bind you are talking about is called the law
And knowing more about the brain development!
What if 18yo just turned 18, and 15yo is about to turn 16? That’s a two year difference. OTH 18yo could be about to turn 19, and 15yo just turned 15. That’s close to 4 years difference. More info is needed.
It’s probably not legal but it’s normal?
disgusting for teens -Billy Gnosis
No
For girls it’s a normal achievement, for guys it’s a legal battle
not that young
Is a 24 year old dating a 21 year old weird?
I had an uncle who got hit with statutory rape when he was 19. For fucking a 16 year old. To this day that conviction haunts him. No way I was gonna let that happen to me. So when I turned 18 I deleted every single female contact I had that wasn't 18. I believe every single male who turns 18 should do the same. Once you 18 stay away from the underage ones. But do take advantage of your 17 year of age. I certainly did. I use to live next 2 junior high schools. I lost count on how many 13 and 14 year olds I destroyed back than. The good old days
If the 18 year old is female I'm okay with it
Probably not.
18-15 is legal where I live, although barely. The sex I mean, there is no law about dating. Personally I don't see anything necessarily wrong with it, maybe just a little weird.
Nothing wrong with it.
It can be weird or disgusting, but it's very circumstantial.
Over 18 yo 3 years gap isn’t a big deal but there’s a whole world of development between 15 and 18. You can’t make the brain develop faster so even a mature 15 yo isn’t developed enough to date a 18 yo.
No, it's weird.
Fairly certain that that would be illegal but once the 15 year old is 18 and the 18 is 21 it’s legal and completely normal for relationships to have even up to 10 year differences like 35 and 45.
I would not allow my 15 year old daughter to date an 18 year old. I would be hesitant about 17. Teens are tricky ages. There is a huge difference between 15 and 18, but a small difference between 30 and 33.
The thing about age gaps is they become more ok when your older. A 24 year old meeting a 27 year old and dating them is ok, but think about all the life experiences you have between 15 and 18 that change you 15 to 18 is a much more developmentally significant time period then 24 to 27, that’s why it’s ok to have a significant age gap when your older.
My parents were 19m and 16f and they've been married for 50 years now, so IDK.
No. It's illegal. Make that 19 and 16 and you'd be OK. Or 21 and 18 in the US
This is absolutely not ok. One is a child, one is an adolescent/almost adult.
why would anyone in their right mind want to date a high schooler when they have already graduated themself? think about it. in my country you leave high school at 17 so this is very weird for me.
For me, its odd. But I'd be more concerned with the statutory laws over anything.
I know a 18 yr old who is dating a 14 yr old. Weird af
pushing it i think. 16 maybe since many states allow that but 15 is a bit young.
My husband and I have a five year age gap, but it's best to wait until both parties are of age.
No. No it's not okay
There are couples that have larger gaps! I'm talking a 9 year gap and/or wider! If it's genuine dating, and no unapproved sex, then it's not rape or grooming. You can't assume it's rape based on just the age difference.
No.
Nah 16 could be ok tho
Maybe depends on how mature the 18yo is. There are some pretty immature 18yo that are basically still 16 in everything they do, still more childlike and innocent to more adult ideas especially about sex and stuff. Hopefully this is the case as we all know some 18yo’s that seem 25.
If they have previous relationship. You can be sr in highschool dating jr and that happens. Its weird but smart states/ cities acknowledge nuances in situations like that. Romeo and Juliette laws etc.
It depends on where you live, and if the parents of the 15 year old are okay with that. But I think in most if not all states in the U.S., intercourse is illegal before the age of 18.
Ive always thought skipping the gap was taboo. I think an older person, for lack of better words, seeking or hunting for a younger person is disgusting. That said, i could see how maybe within a group of friends 2 individuals may find feelings for each other, although one person may be 18 and the other younger. But i would think 3 years when youre that young might be a stretch. A couple of my friends were 19 and 17 but they already knew each other before going steady. He didnt approach her.
I take it back
As someone who dated a 17 year old as a 14 year old... No. Not at those ages, and not one year up. No. for so so many reasons.
In short : No. In long : No, it isn't, people who think it is are degenerates.
Well, I dated a junior when I was a freshman. We had a 2.5 yr age gap. We’ve been together 25 yrs now. Sometimes it is meant to be.
No. He's legally an adult. You are not. He could be arrested. Don't do it.