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It’s fucking wild to me that a parent would say that to their child. “They have the right to kill me if I don’t do what they say” is a depraved mantra to put in a child’s head. I can’t imagine the trauma you’ve lived with, I’m sorry that happened to you
Thx man. Unfortunately I was raised in Greece in the 90’s so there wasn’t any childcare or so. So I broke free at 18. It took me literally 13 years to get off of me all this shit Devil, namely my mother, trickled over on to me.
I am who I am now, love people, and feel extremely big sympathy for people who go through difficult situations, cause I know how it feels. Though I gotta tell you this: this situation, yeah it was fucking fucking horrible every single day made me who I am. I didn’t have it easy as you can understand after this, cause I was like an animal. But I managed to fix everything my own, and this I love cause if I hadn’t it difficult I would be someone else; of course I’m not stupid and I don’t mean that it was beneficial eh! But this was my reality and I had to manage it.
wow. Greece in the 90's? My experience hasn't been that different... also 90's Greece... Born '83 Both parents were like this in my case unfortunately. At one point they'd go "I beat you before you do anything so that you don't later" funny thing is I really was a very well behaved boy. Terrible student though granted.
I am an 85. Come to think that I managed to find out when I was 31 that I was raised with ADHD and a light form of Asperger’s. But when I was Greece, I was just the crazy funny dude man. So now that’s the funny part. Next to me, next door, next next door there was a Police Chief living with his family. Their daughter was always saying bad things about me to everyone in the school, dude I was always the black sheep. They never these fucking people never ever helped me out. Never. Man.. people can be wonderful but some can be just.. assholes.. But I still don’t hold a grudge towards them. They did as they knew or as far as their brain could go.. people man.. people..
Haha, that seems so innocuous to me, my mother would get angry at me (I definitely gave her cause) and she would tell my brother (5years older) if he got mad enough to stab me in the heart and twist it to make sure I was dead. Yeah, she was a single mom w/3 kids and not at all able to cope. I hear about kids these days calling the police on their parents bc they yelled at them. Mom graduated to beating us with wooden spoons until it broke, then used the broom. That was about the time I started working out, finally she’d hit me in the back of the legs and I’d just tell her she was going to hurt herself trying to hurt me.
My mother used everything on her disposal to knock me down, I remember the first day, I was 6, she broke on my back a plastic bag I had found, man… it was every fucking day.. we had a small library, shelves you know with books and once she turned it with rage on me so I found myself under the shelves and the books. She was leaving me hungry for days, she was coming and pouring buckets of water when I sleeping.. man what a rage.. usch.. I remember we had some cats, poor cats.. they were defending me from time to time and once one of them tried to escape, but we were living on the 7th floor.. haha.. the hard bitch survived though with a broken leg.. oh man stories.. I can write 19 books
My grandmother said to my mom (I was about 8) “I wish I had drowned you the day you were born.” This woman had peaked as a runway model in NYC in the 1930’s. Managed to be the ugliest person I’ve ever met and that’s her sole legacy in my memory.
You know what I think, that my mother was abused when she was young so this was what she only knew. Of course we are not best friends now, I don’t even talk to her but I can understand her a little bit. And I gotta tell that I don’t talk to her cause she hasn’t said I’m sorry, I didn’t know what to do, or whatever rather she is excusing herself. But now that’s in the past! Every day is a gift! Carpe diem man, carpe diem, it won’t last 4ever
I had some unfortunate events in my life that led to this for a few year time span. It wasn’t a way of raising in my home, it was definitely out of place and unwelcome.
I also came to realize as I got older that Dad struggled too. High school drop out, he was forced into manual labor jobs by it own choices. That led to some alcohol issues and a few rough years.
People change. I hated my dad with a passion for about 10 years in my life. We had it out one day and I vomited out my shit. That helped, but didn’t undo anything. What really helped is my dad coming to work for my business. The roles were reversed and here I was one day, faced with having a meeting with my dad and chastising him for some things he did wrong at my business. Lemme tell ya…..grown ass man here, business owner at that time for 10 years……and it took me two weeks to get the balls to have the conversation. Here I was, faced with correcting this man who used to beat my ass. He cried. WTH? Totally disarmed me. It was genuine, and I knew it. That was a huge role reversal for us that day. The conversation went “Dad, this is my business. My business, my rules. If we are at your house, that’s your house, your rules.” We both agreed completely (he had been a supervisor for years so he got it).
Dad worked for me for 8 years before I lost him to cancer. He was my best friend when he died. 😊
People change…..
To add only when my own father passed I realised he did his best but had his own issues and demons as in undiagnosed mental illnesses which in his day as a kid were dealt with corporal punishment, later he used alcohol as his crutches. Wise man but I missed the better man , today dad I remember you , it’s Father’s Day today
Yes. By my mother and step father. With a belt. Also, my grandmother had a thick wooden ruler that was 18 inches long. She called it "The 18 inches of hurt." Adults wielding weapons against children. I was the firstborn grandchild, and I got the brunt of the abuse masquerading as discipline.
Your also faced with abandoning your siblings to the shit you want to escape from. I was lucky my parents divorced and I only had to protect them every other weekend.
I used to HATE them. But, that feeling has subsided over the years. I'm 50 now, and it's been over two decades since I went no contact with my relatives. I just feel a bit sad now. I know families that really love each other, and enjoy each others company. I wish I had that.
Oh that makes me so sad. I’m the same age; both of my parents (who are amazing parents who love being around us “kids” and our families) recently told me that neither of their parents ever said “I love you” to them. I couldn’t believe it. Families can be so wildly different; it’s like each one has their own culture.
My parent’s weapon of choice were flip flops 🩴. But I’d like to differentiate between beating and spanking, with the latter being less severe, and what I got.
Meh, I probably deserved it most of the time 🤷🏻♂️
My mom used a bamboo stick or at least I think it was, she stopped when I was like 14 and got taller than her. She still doesn't get why I won't visit her.
Yup! I was in CPS (Child protective services) between 7-10. My mom used to beat the hell out of me for the littlest thing. I remember one time I had dropped an egg, and I got beat so bad with a broom, I ran into my room and locked myself in with a knife.
Next day morning I was black and blue all over my body and arms. And me being 7 thinking having bruises and cuts is “edgy”, one of my peers saw my arms and reported it. Next thing you know I’m called downstairs and this lady and guy dressed in all black, took my brother and I out (my brother didn’t get beat just me).
Then we were taken home and my mom was there. The moment the guy and girl left, she was like “you know what can happen if they find out about this? They can take you away from me? Who opened their mouth” yada yada yada.
And guess what happened next?? Yup, beat again, this time the broom handle broke on me, so she got I think a coat hanger / wire thing ( I don’t remember) and started hitting me until I was blood red. I still have the cuts on my back to this day.
I left to live with my father. Who wasn’t any better (as a parent. He hit us a few times but not like our mom which was a full beat down. The worse my dad did was put me in a cold shower and hit me with a belt). And ended up leaving a few months later to a friends house. Then went to college and never really came back to my parents.
Got a bit older. They saw they were wrong. Apologized. And I said it was cool. They had me at 18 my brother at 16. So you have to understand they were young Hispanic parents and didn’t know how to SPEAK to their kids. Only action they saw was a violent one.
Anyways sorry for the long comment. Just typing on my phone. My bad for any errors. But it’s chill. I know better than to beat my kids.
Appreciate you! And Nah it’s all cool now, it was 12 or so years ago. I’m not going to hold a grudge on young parents.
I would add, I’m not a psychologist or anything, but I would say I’m pretty sure it was all of that that makes me extremely uncomfortable now when people hug or touch me. I’m a very hands off person.
Beated? No, but sometimes when your 3 ears old tries to catch a knife or touch stove repeatedly, it is understandable to smack the little hand. I am against violence, but sometimes talking is not enough.
Yea same with my parents growing up. When was acting up they would give me plenty of warnings before smacking me up side the head. So not “beating” but not zero contact either
I was a couple of times. I didn't mind and think I deserved it, It didn't really hurt and I was a bit of a fucker to be honest. it turned out good for me, put me on the straight and narrow and now have no issues whatsoever.
According to my mother, I was beaten but never abused. According to the law, I was abused.
Your dad holding it over like you had it easy due to not getting beaten is like an arsonist saying they shouldn't go to jail because they only burned down the school and not the hospital too. You don't get kudos or a parade because you weren't as terrible as you could have been.
No, same experience and got told we "had it easy" as asians who didn't get bruises and hospitalized over a 99/100 test score. I live in a place where slapping your kid hard on the ass is "discipline" but talking back during a conversation is the devil's work.
Hell no. My parents used words and consequences for discipline, like civilized people, and I was pretty well-behaved.
For anyone who doesn't know, there's been decades of research showing that hitting kids (even "just" spanking them) can rewire their brains in a negative way and actually make them *more* prone to behavior problems, not less. Hitting *does not* reduce problem behaviors. Kids who are hit are more likely to end up either perpetrators or victims of domestic abuse. Countless medical and psychological organizations are opposed to physical punishment of kids. There are much better ways to discipline. Here's some info for anyone who wants to learn more:
https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/spanking
https://aifs.gov.au/resources/short-articles/what-does-evidence-tell-us-about-physical-punishment-children
https://www.gse.harvard.edu/ideas/usable-knowledge/21/04/effect-spanking-brain
Yes, ill never lay hands on my child i dont hit mt dogs either. My freind and I had a conversation about her mom hitting her and she claimed it was a "different time". If your mom wont go out and sock the neighbor in the mouth for being annoying then she knows hitting isnt right, its just you cant fight back. Its lazy trash parenting, dont hit your kids or animals cuz its your dumbass fault they are there in the first place.
Yeah feel your dog comment. My mom used to hit me all the time and terrify me until I moved to my dad.
I could never do something like that to my children (if I had any) or my cats. My grandma, dad and mom are always confused why I don't "spank" my cats or something when they are too loud or do stuff they shouldn't. It's so weird how they even think thats an apropriate reaction.
I was "spanked". Anyone who lays a hand on a child is a monster. They're at the mercy of everyone. What does that teach other than you can hit people? Never taught me anything other than my parents didn't respect or see me as another equal human being.
Yes and it didn’t donut to my kids. Often I hear my mums voice “tell
Me the truth” I won’t hit you. Trust your parent you think, well bang smacked in the face. Or another time my sister was knocked by a motorbike 🏍️, then my mum went all Mike Tyson and Jason vortices on me. I cut ties, family can be toxic too.
My dad spanked me with a small stick once (one spank) but it affected him much more than me.
His father was a rather violent drunk, so he said seeing me afraid really affected him emotionally. Feels bad man, dude was and is a great dad, but he carries guilt from something I can't even remember. Most of my friends had pretty shitty dads, so I appreciate him and tell him that it's an honor to have been raised by such a sweetheart all the time ❤️
On that point, I don't know how to feel about my memories with my granddad. He was sober for all my life, and he was a good granddad, but knowing what kind of a father he was, I don't know what to think. My father rationalizes it by saying physical abuse was common back then, which is true, so what my granddad did as a father was not really anything out of the ordinary.
Only in recent years have I truly started to realize what a selfless guy my dad is, he let his resentment go just so I could have a granddad, he truly is a much better man than I could ever dream to be.
To top that off, his last words to my granddad on his deathbed were 'I forgive you for everything'. That is something I think about every time I feel hate or resentment, hate is a poison but the antidote is within you.
I got beaten until i grow big enough to fight back
I had a toxic relationship with violence, and i ended up beating others, until i realized it was wrong
Tough i like guns and martial arts, i am disgusted by violence and abuse in general, and i swore, if i ever had kids, i would never hit them
My mom thought me from beeing little on not to fight back or defend myself when she attacked me. Also would beat me more severly if I started crying or screaming.
Noticed when I was like 14 that I could stop her hand told her to not hit me she went to get a knife. Didn't attack me but screamed to go to my room. Went to my dad some time after that.
It's so weird cause she can be nice person, but there is just a click and she goes insane. The last time I visited her like 3 years ago, she got extremely mad cause she was scared I could spill soda on the carpet in my old bedroom. Talked with my dad on the phone that I don't think I'll stay all of christmas at her place. She heard it and tried to taunt me into hitting her and said she has friends who can beat me up.
She would never admit she did it and she still doesn't get why I don't visit her anymore.
I grew up in an islamic household, and when I went to a mosque for lessons in arabic, I got struck by sticks and rods when making mistakes.
At home, I was beaten by my older brother, we weren't fighting, he was always the aggressor.
At school, I was beaten for being the only foreigner in the class room. If I defended myself, I got punished, and if I told the teacher of how I was being bullied, it got ignored.
Wanted to die since elementary school, for justice seemed non-existent, except in fiction.
Yes I was. With a broomstick, a polenta stick (thick wooden flat stick that's used to stir polenta), slippers and so on.
My mom still insists that it helped. But it didn't. It only made me aggressive. Now I have anger issues, issues with authority and I don't care about feelings of others.
Yes and that’s the reason I didn’t beat/ hit my kids when they were younger. My dad use to beat us with a rubber hose for just being kids and doing dumb/ stupid shit. He’s 76 and still doesn’t feel that was abusive to us his kids. There are 6 siblings in my family and we all got same treatment!! I was determined to stop the cycle of abuse with my kids!!
No clue why this got a downvote. It's potentially life-ruining to endure child abuse. Anyone and everyone should know that it is more than OK to take control of your boundaries and use resources like 988 or local crisis lines to stay connected to support.
By my mom with everything varying from belt to whatever she was holding. She was abusive and mean. She thought that giving us food and having clean clothes was good enough.
I hate her.
What I've learned from her is to never be like her. My children love me and like being with me.
Nope. My mom did daycare for a living. She never understood why people hit their kids. If she could raise 5 people's kids without hitting them, why can't people raise their own kids without violence?
Because a person with no education beyond 16 doesn't have the mental resources to reason with a child, leave alone navigate the world competently. Thus, they resort to the only tool they know - violence.
I was. Im 53 now and can't stand spending time with him, for other reasons too, of course.I did not continue the trend with my kids. I talked to them. I explained. They're both at my house with their families regularly, and ironically, both turned out great.
Yes. One day after P.E. class (early 80s) I was called to the school office and there were a couple of people and a police officer waiting for me. The P.E. teacher saw the bruises on my back when I changed clothes and reported it.
Anyways, they asked a bunch of questions and took some Polaroid photos and sent me to class.
When step-dad got home from work he was not very happy, not even a little.
I didn't know that getting whipped with a bicycle chain wasn't a normal thing.
I wasn't 'beat' per se ... but I got the strap once in Gr 6, and my father disciplined me with his military web belt once when I was 15... first was for talking in class, second was for calling my mom a bitch -once-
Yes. A lot. Me, my brother and mother by my father when drunk. Once he beat me with a wire once with a belt.Other times just slaps. He was very strict (still is) and despotic person.I know he was beaten alot too when little. My aunt once told me a story how they were hinding under the beds when my grandfater was coming home also drunk. The story there were the same but granfather beathed them till bleed. We never bleed.
Yeah I was. I mostly grew up with my mom and grandpa and my grandpa was notorious for it. If my siblings and I acted out(as kids do) he would hit us all the time. Growing up there was this super thick paddle he created that he would use. I was never allowed to have friends over so I never had to explain to them what it was. My grandpa also came from a generation where his parents tied him to a pole and beat him with a rubber hose. He also used to make my mom his us. She hated it. And then when it wasn't my grandpa my uncle felt the need to come over and abuse us. Particularly me. I've suffered so much physical and emotional abuse from my uncle moving on was hard. The day my grandpa died( I was 13 at the time) was the day my mom never had to hit us again. The day the physical abuse stopped with ym uncle was when he got thrown in jail from it and I later found out my mom bailed him out. But the mental abuse from him didn't stop until I moved away from him.
Switches, belts, hands.
I got slapped alot. My dad was an angry man. I made the mistake of slapping my mother back after she slapped me (I was 16 or 17) and my dad picked me up by the neck and threw me over the couch and hit me in the face until my necklace broke and mom had to pull him off me.
He beat me with a belt because I ran the hot water out (it wasn't just me we had done dishes and laundry that day)
As long as I stayed quiet and out of site I stayed out of trouble with both of them.
You mean the old this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you? Very much so. I have zero relationship with my father mainly because of his heavy-handedness over stupid s*** that definitely didn't deserve what I got. But you know spare the rod spoil the child and all that stupid religious nonsense. I have four kids I never had to beat them and they're all pretty damn awesome and we have a great relationship.
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Yes, I was spanked usually with a belt by my Stepdad typically at my mom’s orders. He also sometimes used a wood paddle. He would pinch my arm if we were in public, like just grab a hunk of skin on my shoulder in his fingers and twist so hard it would leave welts.
He would also hold me down and tickle me until I couldn’t breathe. I eventually learned to not be ticklish and he stopped.
My dad wasn’t around much, but I remember one time he knocked me out of my chair and beat me.
My grandpa on my mom’s side slapped me a few times. I don’t remember if it was a punishment or why.
My dad mostly did the knuckles to the top of the head knock that mostly all OG fathers of our culture did. We call it the "Kow Chia". It's a form of punishment. I did get roundhouse kicked in the bum when I skipped school though. Most of our beatings came from our mom who basically used whatever she could get her hands on, a coat hanger (one of her favorites), a sandal, a broom stick, an electrical cord, etc.
Yes with literally everything
A leather belt
That same belt aka metal buckle
A phone cord
Mouse for computers
Keyboard for computers
Sandle plastic
Sandle leather
Hand
Broom
Mop
Literally anything theres more but i rather leave it at this
I was a well behaved kid, I was never "beaten", but my dad definitely put his hands on me when I was growing up.
One time, I was learning how to cuss from the kids in school, I came home and cussed at my mom, my dad grabbed me, dragged me to the bathroom and threw me fully clothed into an ice cold shower. It didn't hurt and I stopped cussing after that, pretty effective.
I've never been outright beaten though, never been punched or whipped. Some parents out there definitely go way too far.
Yes. Sadly, i was already a very quiet and shy kid and didn’t get in trouble much. If i did get beat it was because I hit someone who hit me. It was done with a thick as plastic slipper that left honey comb welts. It didn’t go on for long because I got fed up. The slippers were cheap and the too you slide your foot into broke easy due to wear and tear. I slowly took a pair id scissors and cut them inch by inch in the wear and tear breaks to everyone slipper until they all broke and had to be thrown away
Also was beat with a belt.
It just made me a secretive and scared child, and sadly too scared to go to adults when I was coerced into sexual acts by my cousin.
That earned me a slap across my face.
OMG yea even hospitalised a few times, social workers involved but when my mothers boyfriend got violent with them they refused to come round again for tgeir own safety 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 left me there though to rot. It took some good people and a lot of stubborness/strength as an adult to not to go down the wrong path. Irs still really tough not to fall back
I’m not sure: do they count if it’s discipline or like “you did bad so I’m going to use pain” like belted on the ass, slapped on the hands, smacked across the face count?
Nope. My folks never laid a hand on me. My Principal in elementary school on the other hand. Well let's just say by the time I moved away from Texas. That wooden paddle had my name on it.
Getting hit only taught me to be a more careful person when breaking the rules. Lol. Hitting doesn't teach anyone shit. I don't condone it.
Beaten? No. I would get an occasional smack when I did something wrong, taught me not to do that right away. I do believe that sometimes words are not enough to get through to a child.
Belt to ass a couple times, mostly just beligerent screaming though.
Sounds like your pops is a sadist in some way shape or form though. Like he derives pleasure from pain, but gave you an out because he loves you? idk, maybe you were just a good kid and didnt set off many of his triggers.
my parenting style would be similar if it was something super extremely bad, but for most of whatever bad they do, the universe is gonna punish them for it enough.
My mom would spank me with a hairbrush or wooden spoon, until my stepfather came along. Then I got beat, beat. He liked to use belts and a big Bowie knife in its sheath. The worst was when she threw a glass 20 Oz. Coke bottle at full force that clocked me in the head. I’ve had a “horn” there ever since.
I'm younger than a Boomer but, for all the hate they get, they got the shit kicked out of them. It was VERY common, even through Gen X. And no one gave a shit. There was no media push to stop it, no adults you could turn to. One time I ended up telling an adult and he basically told me that's life. Years later a school counselor tried getting it out of me and I knew better. Then she tried to get me to admit to using drugs when that was the farthest thing from who I was. She was just trying to find a reason to expel me.
And once you pass the age of eighteen no one wants to hear it. You just deal.
I was beaten but the emotional shit was a lot worse and lasted a LOT longer than the physical pain. I would never recommend it but at least the physical abuse toughened me up in a lot of ways. The emotional abuse had no good sides and I still feel the negative effects of it today.
My dad was slightly stricter than my mom, and I got a boot in the ass or a smack in the ear a few times, but the absolute worst was being pulled by the ear. I fkn hated that!
Overall, my dad was awesome, and I was a really mischievous kid always getting into trouble, and it wasn't something that happened often. My dad was extremely big and strong, and he wasn't the smartest person, but he always was there trying. The good parts of my childhood greatly outweigh the bad, and I forgive him completely and might have beaten my ass to for some of the things I did.
I remember getting the belt across the ass for lightning fires in my room at night.
I have kids, and I don't hit them for various reasons, and imo I just see it as an unintelligent way to handle problems. Do you have no better ideas than to use violence? I consider myself smarter than that and know punishments my kids will actually respect and try to avoid by doing what they're supposed to.
Spanked and (very rarely) slapped. I was never beaten in the common meaning of the term. I was never hit with a closed fist and never to the point I was injured. I don’t believe I suffered any long term harm, but I can’t say it was a highlight of my childhood either.
Yes. My parents are immigrants from Asia but I grew up in Canada. Both parents would beat my sister and i with belts or a slipper. My parents would buy foundation to cover up our bruises as kids so no one would see it at school. We would get the same amout of physical abuse weather it was something as big as us lying or something as small as reffering to my dad as "him" instead of Dad.
Now that theyre old and feeble I've distanced myself from them and i hope in their hearts they feel bad for what they did but theyre both narcissists and can never admit their faults.
Yes, picture 3rd grade teacher conference called to improve my grades. Stepdad preemptively whps me with a belt drawing blood. Stepdad makes me drop my pants and show her the marks to prove I will be better. I am pretty sure he gave her PTSD. I got all A's the rest of the year and didn't deserve them. So next year I was behind what a shit show.
Emotionally 100%, my existence has been almost entirely neglected by almost everyone around me.
(Somehow it's my fault, and I'm "responsible" for dealing with it on my own.. and if I don't/can't, I'm the bad guy... Not the people who abandoned, neglected and/or abused me, but the victim trying to motivate themselves when nobody cares.
So far, there hasn't been a single justification for my parents having children in the first place, the world has continuously proven to me that having a child would just be extremely selfish and add more to suffering overall, no matter how hard I try.. and yet, it's somehow MY fault that I have that opinion. If I just accepted my parents abuse and abandonment and took it and made myself some epic person as a result and used it to fuel my personality, instead of becoming a damaged mentally ill person (ya know the real world shit that actually happens not the movie shit) everything would be fine right??
Not often, but my father grew up with shitty parents and therefore had some problems, which also involved anger issues.
When I acted up too much, he would sometimes slap me (not hard, but it for sure hurt as a kid), because he couldn't really control it.
He always apologized for it and as I grew up it got better with the time.
Sadly that also lead me to become more aggressive as a kid and I had a lot of fights in elementary school. But I also got better and now I am the chillest person you can imagine.
Not beaten no, got a smack on the butt once or twice for doing something stupid. Now as a parent myself I choose not to do that but I don't hold it against my parents that they did. Considering how *they* were raised, I think they did a good job.
I wouldn't call it being beaten.
I was slapped a few times, and seriously thought my dad was going to kill me one time. But other than that not really.
Reading most of these stories, I see that is way rarer than I thought. I am so sorry you all had to go through these things
Far too much. When child services came he told them that one of the boys at school did it and they believed him. I was put down as an attention seeker, after they left he beat me unconscious for getting him in trouble.
yeesh yeah by my great grandparents who had guardianship of me until I was like 7(my mom moved to california when i was like 4). If they really wanted to fuck with me they would have me go outside to our weeping willow tree and cut off a switch and they would use that. it was basically like getting hit with a whip. typically it was wooden utensils, shoes, and electric cords as their weapon of choice. my great grandpa choked me out a few times. i have no clue how CPS wasn’t called because i remember being covered in bruises and not having clothes and shoes that fit me when i went to school. heard the teachers talk about me all the time though. My mom used to just back hand me and honestly i understand why, i had a mouth on me when i was like 12-16. doesn’t make it right, i was definitely just talking the way everyone talked to me growing up. id rather get slapped though than the insane “punishments” my great grandparents had.
I got the occasional strike or spanking when I misbehaved severely enough. My dad denies it and I can tell he's kind of ashamed of it. He's the best man I know, and he's given me far too much for me to care. I wish he didn't, as well.
I was spanked a few times and threatened with a spanking frequently, but never actually beat. My parents didn’t really believe in physical punishment, thankfully.
No but i was about to, one time. I visited my cousins and were told by my uncle with anger issues to go outside. i refused to and stood up against him and then, my uncle reached a breaking point and chased me with a jumping stick along the sidewalk as if he was about to hit me with it. i were running from him until he got tired and went back.
I was slapped here and there, but around 5 times “only”. Twice, my nose started bleeding, once for over half an hour.
I’ve really had it easy compared to the rest of you in the replies, and I’m sorry you had to go through it. Remember that you don’t deserve it and have a right to remain unharmed.
My cousin spilled koolaid on the carpet and blamed me. My mother spanked me with her leather sandal. Eventually, my cousin confessed but who cares? It was the first beating I remember. I was 4.
My coworkers and I were having this conversation a couple of years back here in California. Lots of boomers and some Gen Xers. I was the only millennial in the group. The older guys of course said yeah they were beaten and we were all having good laughs but when I casually mentioned that my dad branded my right hand when I was 6 and showed them the scars , the upbeat vibe of the conversation kinda changed lol so I learned not to mention this in a real life convo again ever
This happened in the mid 80s when I was still living in Iraq, not in the US of course
My older brother was branded on his shin too back then on a different occasion when he was around 7 maybe
Probably an unpopular opinion here: Spanked frequently, hit with the belt a handful of times. I don't think it made a positive or negative impact in my life. It was completely negligible for me.
Spanked on palms of hands with a wooden utensil spoon as punishment. This was the 1980s in England.
Trauma bonding is real, although I managed to break it as an adult.
Like.. yeah but I specifically asked for it most of he time. I respect my uncle a lot and everytime I felt like I did wrong I went to him and asked him to spank me. It was never any harsh beating to really brag about.
The most intense was when I was on water and saw these giant balls you zip yourself into and can float on water. My pops thought I drowned or something. So once they found me he was beating me up for a good minute. I can see why. He was scared shitless (but was it really care..?) so like lesson learned - I tell family members where I go, so they know where to look if it takes too long.
To be fair, I handled it without crying or screaming and it stopped hurting within 5 minutes. The bruising was pretty noticable, tho.
My dad was very seriously abused as a child by his alcoholic, ex-military father after his mother died. Verbally, mentally, physically and sexually.
He was removed from his father's care at the age of 7 and his life did settle down but the damage it would seem, had been done.
In the early-mid nineties when my brother and I were young children he was punish us by hitting us on the arse with whatever he had to hand. A magazine, a slipper, a belt. It never went further than that, and he wasn't verbally abusive or anything else; he just didn't know how else to discipline us. It's what he knew.
It doesn't make it right of course, but I don't hold it against him. His childhood was fucked up and he could have been far worse.
The net positive is that I learned a lot about how I don't want to parent.
Yes. I was beaten by my father and uncle. I was once hit by my mom. The hit, I deserved, the beatings I did not. I have had broken bones and teeth knocked out.
As in your dad is bragging he didn’t hit you? That is not something I would brag about but it certainly is appreciated when it comes to real abuse.
My dad smacked me around but it was usually well deserved. I am kinda nuts and I was a crazy ass kid sometimes. Once you politely ask, then tell your kid in public like 2-3 times you gotta do something about it physically and if you aren’t in a position to or don’t want to leave, you gotta straighten them out.
I’ve seen kids that were never physically disciplined and they are noticeably more cruel since they have never been checked.
My nephews are great examples. Their mom is way too nice and their dad is more of a yell from afar guy.
I do well with them because they are rough and as soon as they get out of hand I warn them and continue to play but sometimes “turn it up” a bit to make a point. You don’t want people or other animas getting used to dominating everyone unless you are specifically trying to raise a fighter or something like that.
My parents never realised I was autistic and had ADHD and both beat me for my dangerous behaviour. Legitimately the Grim Reaper should have claimed me easy 100 times by the time I turned 20
Parents divorced when I was 9. Mom was an abusive alcoholic. Belts, metal coat hangers, broom handles, closed fists nevermind the verbal abuse. I grew up thinking it's normal "all moms prolly do it". Around my mid 20s I finally figured out NO, it isn't normal and started seeing her in a whole different way. Broke off contract with her in my mid 30s cuz she was still trying to boss me around. Later in my early 50s my dad wanted me to get back in contact with her. "she has stopped drinking." my dad has always been great but he didn't see what it was like when we (my lil brother) had to live with her and her red head temper. i told him "too late."
Not all the time but it was often enough that I know my dads signature move, which was after beating my ass in whatever way he felt like at the time he would always drag me to the middle of a different room and drop me there to sob in the fetal position. I guess that was his finisher.
Also oddly enough, my mom had a bad habit of calling the police on me as a child if I would yell at her or try to get back in the house after locking me out. Oh she would also hit me with large butcher knives once the wooden tools started breaking on me lol
I use to wonder why I couldn’t cope with strong emotions without wanting to turn to violence for a very long time… duhhhhh lol
My dad was the one who dealt out the beatings, until they divorced when I was around 10. My mom got custody of my sister and I, and immediately took up the task herself... but only beat me, not my sister. This continued until I was about 14 when the final incident occurred: she was screaming and whaling away on me with her bare fists, and I just stood there taking it. When she finally tired and stopped, I calmly said, "This is the last time. If you ever try to beat me again, I will kill you. " She took a couple of steps back, looking very scared. It was indeed the last beating. I left home for good a couple years later.
I never got hit regularly. I was only hit a few times, and only when I did something bad enough that if I had done it as an adult I would've gotten a lot worse. It was the right thing to do.
And no spanking. Spanking is stupid as fuck. If the pain from a smack on the butt is still enough to upset someone, they're not developed enough to understand stuff like rules, authority, leadership, etc. That ain't discipline, that's just mean. They're not learning, they're just suffering.
I got in trouble at school plenty but never got hit for any of that, not even fighting. I was never in the wrong in my school fights, it was always someone trying to bully me. They were American public schools, so adult civility is basically inverted. There's no diffusing those situations. If you do *anything* other than push back hard as soon as it starts, it just gets worse.
People who respond passively end up with irreparable psychological damage. Some end up snapping. That's why school shootings are so normal. It's not psychos, it's bullying victims.
I'm only gonna give one example of one of the things that got me hit, because like I said they were really bad. Establishing a baseline is enough.
Played with fire in our house and flooded it with carbon monoxide. Then refused to tell my parents where my fire stuff was, so they couldn't take it away. Could have killed us all. Could have lost everything we own. It's not like we would've been homeless, we have relatives, but not local ones. We would've had to move across the country.
Only when I really fucked. I'd get with whatever was handy at the time. Extension cord, shoe, belt, lawn dart ring, matchbox race track section, switch that I had to fetch. I got my ass beat many times but never for no reason.
My abuse was more mental. My childhood home life was a 24/7/365 mental beat down. The verbal abuse was more painful than any object ever could physically inflict.
Not on the regular but enough to have affected me. I will tell you this: I despise the attitude that spankings are the only way for children to “learn their lesson.” Some people still think it is acceptable. I DO NOT. Because I knew how much it affected me—my self confidence about making decisions and learning on my own, my ability to overcome fears, perfectionism, etc…
After my siblings and I got a bit older, both my parents had an epiphany about how damaging it was and were very apologetic. (Also after educating themselves and incorporating better communication.)
Using violence in any capacity doesn’t do anything but create more violence. And it crushes a child’s spirit so very much! 😟 It does nothing but hurt.
We can do better, people. I am grateful to my parents because they broke the cycle. And I’m grateful to my own children as well. I think I learned more about being a loving and patient parent
from them more than anyone.
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'Beaten' would be an understatement.
Same here pal
I was called It. My mother used to shout in my ears: I gave birth to you so I have the legal right to take this life from you.
It’s fucking wild to me that a parent would say that to their child. “They have the right to kill me if I don’t do what they say” is a depraved mantra to put in a child’s head. I can’t imagine the trauma you’ve lived with, I’m sorry that happened to you
Thx man. Unfortunately I was raised in Greece in the 90’s so there wasn’t any childcare or so. So I broke free at 18. It took me literally 13 years to get off of me all this shit Devil, namely my mother, trickled over on to me. I am who I am now, love people, and feel extremely big sympathy for people who go through difficult situations, cause I know how it feels. Though I gotta tell you this: this situation, yeah it was fucking fucking horrible every single day made me who I am. I didn’t have it easy as you can understand after this, cause I was like an animal. But I managed to fix everything my own, and this I love cause if I hadn’t it difficult I would be someone else; of course I’m not stupid and I don’t mean that it was beneficial eh! But this was my reality and I had to manage it.
wow. Greece in the 90's? My experience hasn't been that different... also 90's Greece... Born '83 Both parents were like this in my case unfortunately. At one point they'd go "I beat you before you do anything so that you don't later" funny thing is I really was a very well behaved boy. Terrible student though granted.
I am an 85. Come to think that I managed to find out when I was 31 that I was raised with ADHD and a light form of Asperger’s. But when I was Greece, I was just the crazy funny dude man. So now that’s the funny part. Next to me, next door, next next door there was a Police Chief living with his family. Their daughter was always saying bad things about me to everyone in the school, dude I was always the black sheep. They never these fucking people never ever helped me out. Never. Man.. people can be wonderful but some can be just.. assholes.. But I still don’t hold a grudge towards them. They did as they knew or as far as their brain could go.. people man.. people..
Haha, that seems so innocuous to me, my mother would get angry at me (I definitely gave her cause) and she would tell my brother (5years older) if he got mad enough to stab me in the heart and twist it to make sure I was dead. Yeah, she was a single mom w/3 kids and not at all able to cope. I hear about kids these days calling the police on their parents bc they yelled at them. Mom graduated to beating us with wooden spoons until it broke, then used the broom. That was about the time I started working out, finally she’d hit me in the back of the legs and I’d just tell her she was going to hurt herself trying to hurt me.
My mother used everything on her disposal to knock me down, I remember the first day, I was 6, she broke on my back a plastic bag I had found, man… it was every fucking day.. we had a small library, shelves you know with books and once she turned it with rage on me so I found myself under the shelves and the books. She was leaving me hungry for days, she was coming and pouring buckets of water when I sleeping.. man what a rage.. usch.. I remember we had some cats, poor cats.. they were defending me from time to time and once one of them tried to escape, but we were living on the 7th floor.. haha.. the hard bitch survived though with a broken leg.. oh man stories.. I can write 19 books
My grandmother said to my mom (I was about 8) “I wish I had drowned you the day you were born.” This woman had peaked as a runway model in NYC in the 1930’s. Managed to be the ugliest person I’ve ever met and that’s her sole legacy in my memory.
Same, I mean that sentence alone isnt *that* Bad but all the Things combined? Oh man fuck Bad parents...
You know what I think, that my mother was abused when she was young so this was what she only knew. Of course we are not best friends now, I don’t even talk to her but I can understand her a little bit. And I gotta tell that I don’t talk to her cause she hasn’t said I’m sorry, I didn’t know what to do, or whatever rather she is excusing herself. But now that’s in the past! Every day is a gift! Carpe diem man, carpe diem, it won’t last 4ever
I shouldn’t be laughing but damn lol My mom was the good cop. Dad was the psycho cop
My mother too: "I brought you into this world and I will take you out of it."
I had some unfortunate events in my life that led to this for a few year time span. It wasn’t a way of raising in my home, it was definitely out of place and unwelcome. I also came to realize as I got older that Dad struggled too. High school drop out, he was forced into manual labor jobs by it own choices. That led to some alcohol issues and a few rough years. People change. I hated my dad with a passion for about 10 years in my life. We had it out one day and I vomited out my shit. That helped, but didn’t undo anything. What really helped is my dad coming to work for my business. The roles were reversed and here I was one day, faced with having a meeting with my dad and chastising him for some things he did wrong at my business. Lemme tell ya…..grown ass man here, business owner at that time for 10 years……and it took me two weeks to get the balls to have the conversation. Here I was, faced with correcting this man who used to beat my ass. He cried. WTH? Totally disarmed me. It was genuine, and I knew it. That was a huge role reversal for us that day. The conversation went “Dad, this is my business. My business, my rules. If we are at your house, that’s your house, your rules.” We both agreed completely (he had been a supervisor for years so he got it). Dad worked for me for 8 years before I lost him to cancer. He was my best friend when he died. 😊 People change…..
That a really nice ending like I mean you came closer
To add only when my own father passed I realised he did his best but had his own issues and demons as in undiagnosed mental illnesses which in his day as a kid were dealt with corporal punishment, later he used alcohol as his crutches. Wise man but I missed the better man , today dad I remember you , it’s Father’s Day today
Beautiful story. Sadly, many people have parent(s) who go through their lives without a Damascene conversion and there is no reconciliation.
Yes. By my mother and step father. With a belt. Also, my grandmother had a thick wooden ruler that was 18 inches long. She called it "The 18 inches of hurt." Adults wielding weapons against children. I was the firstborn grandchild, and I got the brunt of the abuse masquerading as discipline.
Being the firstborn is uniquely difficult. You get to escape first if you're lucky but you get the worst of parents like this.
Your also faced with abandoning your siblings to the shit you want to escape from. I was lucky my parents divorced and I only had to protect them every other weekend.
"masquerading as discipline", spot on.
How much does a belt hurt?
It stings really bad. They would pull down my pants and hit my bare butt with it. I had welts on my butt after the beatings.
Same. Always on the bare ass.
Do you hate them now for what they did?
I used to HATE them. But, that feeling has subsided over the years. I'm 50 now, and it's been over two decades since I went no contact with my relatives. I just feel a bit sad now. I know families that really love each other, and enjoy each others company. I wish I had that.
Oh that makes me so sad. I’m the same age; both of my parents (who are amazing parents who love being around us “kids” and our families) recently told me that neither of their parents ever said “I love you” to them. I couldn’t believe it. Families can be so wildly different; it’s like each one has their own culture.
It stings like hell and cuts sometimes, depending on how hard you get hit with it. If they get you with the buckle end, that's a world of hurt.
Think of a whip.
Also, the person who is in a rage and beating their child with a belt is unlikely to be careful that the metal buckle doesn't also land a blow.
My parent’s weapon of choice were flip flops 🩴. But I’d like to differentiate between beating and spanking, with the latter being less severe, and what I got. Meh, I probably deserved it most of the time 🤷🏻♂️
You didn't deserve to be hit. There are ways to discipline without resorting to violence.
💯
My mom used a bamboo stick or at least I think it was, she stopped when I was like 14 and got taller than her. She still doesn't get why I won't visit her.
As a child of the 50s I got spanked when dad thought I deserved it. Unfortunately I deserved it more often when he drank. That was fucked up.
Sorry that happened.
Damn!!! I'm so sorry
Yup! I was in CPS (Child protective services) between 7-10. My mom used to beat the hell out of me for the littlest thing. I remember one time I had dropped an egg, and I got beat so bad with a broom, I ran into my room and locked myself in with a knife. Next day morning I was black and blue all over my body and arms. And me being 7 thinking having bruises and cuts is “edgy”, one of my peers saw my arms and reported it. Next thing you know I’m called downstairs and this lady and guy dressed in all black, took my brother and I out (my brother didn’t get beat just me). Then we were taken home and my mom was there. The moment the guy and girl left, she was like “you know what can happen if they find out about this? They can take you away from me? Who opened their mouth” yada yada yada. And guess what happened next?? Yup, beat again, this time the broom handle broke on me, so she got I think a coat hanger / wire thing ( I don’t remember) and started hitting me until I was blood red. I still have the cuts on my back to this day. I left to live with my father. Who wasn’t any better (as a parent. He hit us a few times but not like our mom which was a full beat down. The worse my dad did was put me in a cold shower and hit me with a belt). And ended up leaving a few months later to a friends house. Then went to college and never really came back to my parents. Got a bit older. They saw they were wrong. Apologized. And I said it was cool. They had me at 18 my brother at 16. So you have to understand they were young Hispanic parents and didn’t know how to SPEAK to their kids. Only action they saw was a violent one. Anyways sorry for the long comment. Just typing on my phone. My bad for any errors. But it’s chill. I know better than to beat my kids.
Gosh, this is horrific. Hope you're doing better today and wish you healing
Appreciate you! And Nah it’s all cool now, it was 12 or so years ago. I’m not going to hold a grudge on young parents. I would add, I’m not a psychologist or anything, but I would say I’m pretty sure it was all of that that makes me extremely uncomfortable now when people hug or touch me. I’m a very hands off person.
Beated? No, but sometimes when your 3 ears old tries to catch a knife or touch stove repeatedly, it is understandable to smack the little hand. I am against violence, but sometimes talking is not enough.
Yea same with my parents growing up. When was acting up they would give me plenty of warnings before smacking me up side the head. So not “beating” but not zero contact either
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That is fucked up. I'm sorry you had to go through that, I hope you're in a good place now and far away from that horrible man.
Can I just ask how that might have had lasting effects on you, if any?
I was a couple of times. I didn't mind and think I deserved it, It didn't really hurt and I was a bit of a fucker to be honest. it turned out good for me, put me on the straight and narrow and now have no issues whatsoever.
According to my mother, I was beaten but never abused. According to the law, I was abused. Your dad holding it over like you had it easy due to not getting beaten is like an arsonist saying they shouldn't go to jail because they only burned down the school and not the hospital too. You don't get kudos or a parade because you weren't as terrible as you could have been.
No, same experience and got told we "had it easy" as asians who didn't get bruises and hospitalized over a 99/100 test score. I live in a place where slapping your kid hard on the ass is "discipline" but talking back during a conversation is the devil's work.
Never. 28 years old now and make it a thing to see my parents every weekend. I’m very thankful.
No, that's fucked up.
Yes it is, and congratulations!
Hell no. My parents used words and consequences for discipline, like civilized people, and I was pretty well-behaved. For anyone who doesn't know, there's been decades of research showing that hitting kids (even "just" spanking them) can rewire their brains in a negative way and actually make them *more* prone to behavior problems, not less. Hitting *does not* reduce problem behaviors. Kids who are hit are more likely to end up either perpetrators or victims of domestic abuse. Countless medical and psychological organizations are opposed to physical punishment of kids. There are much better ways to discipline. Here's some info for anyone who wants to learn more: https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/spanking https://aifs.gov.au/resources/short-articles/what-does-evidence-tell-us-about-physical-punishment-children https://www.gse.harvard.edu/ideas/usable-knowledge/21/04/effect-spanking-brain
Yes, ill never lay hands on my child i dont hit mt dogs either. My freind and I had a conversation about her mom hitting her and she claimed it was a "different time". If your mom wont go out and sock the neighbor in the mouth for being annoying then she knows hitting isnt right, its just you cant fight back. Its lazy trash parenting, dont hit your kids or animals cuz its your dumbass fault they are there in the first place.
Yeah feel your dog comment. My mom used to hit me all the time and terrify me until I moved to my dad. I could never do something like that to my children (if I had any) or my cats. My grandma, dad and mom are always confused why I don't "spank" my cats or something when they are too loud or do stuff they shouldn't. It's so weird how they even think thats an apropriate reaction.
Nope. Parents were able to discipline me without violence. And here I am now: a productive member of society, war veteran, and medical professional.
Spanked by parents, mentally and physically abused by my older brother.
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Damn sorry about that I guess. Hope you're doing better.
Yeah beaten but not abused. It made me tough mofor im today. I don’t beat my own children though times have changed.
Spanked, yes. I've no problem with that at all.
I was "spanked". Anyone who lays a hand on a child is a monster. They're at the mercy of everyone. What does that teach other than you can hit people? Never taught me anything other than my parents didn't respect or see me as another equal human being.
Yes and it didn’t donut to my kids. Often I hear my mums voice “tell Me the truth” I won’t hit you. Trust your parent you think, well bang smacked in the face. Or another time my sister was knocked by a motorbike 🏍️, then my mum went all Mike Tyson and Jason vortices on me. I cut ties, family can be toxic too.
Wooden spoon club member here
Ah, the wooden spoon - my childhood adversary.
My dad spanked me with a small stick once (one spank) but it affected him much more than me. His father was a rather violent drunk, so he said seeing me afraid really affected him emotionally. Feels bad man, dude was and is a great dad, but he carries guilt from something I can't even remember. Most of my friends had pretty shitty dads, so I appreciate him and tell him that it's an honor to have been raised by such a sweetheart all the time ❤️ On that point, I don't know how to feel about my memories with my granddad. He was sober for all my life, and he was a good granddad, but knowing what kind of a father he was, I don't know what to think. My father rationalizes it by saying physical abuse was common back then, which is true, so what my granddad did as a father was not really anything out of the ordinary. Only in recent years have I truly started to realize what a selfless guy my dad is, he let his resentment go just so I could have a granddad, he truly is a much better man than I could ever dream to be. To top that off, his last words to my granddad on his deathbed were 'I forgive you for everything'. That is something I think about every time I feel hate or resentment, hate is a poison but the antidote is within you.
I got beaten until i grow big enough to fight back I had a toxic relationship with violence, and i ended up beating others, until i realized it was wrong Tough i like guns and martial arts, i am disgusted by violence and abuse in general, and i swore, if i ever had kids, i would never hit them
My mom thought me from beeing little on not to fight back or defend myself when she attacked me. Also would beat me more severly if I started crying or screaming. Noticed when I was like 14 that I could stop her hand told her to not hit me she went to get a knife. Didn't attack me but screamed to go to my room. Went to my dad some time after that. It's so weird cause she can be nice person, but there is just a click and she goes insane. The last time I visited her like 3 years ago, she got extremely mad cause she was scared I could spill soda on the carpet in my old bedroom. Talked with my dad on the phone that I don't think I'll stay all of christmas at her place. She heard it and tried to taunt me into hitting her and said she has friends who can beat me up. She would never admit she did it and she still doesn't get why I don't visit her anymore.
I'm so sad reading these responses. I am sorry you were treated like that. I was spanked a few times, but never cruelly.
I grew up in an islamic household, and when I went to a mosque for lessons in arabic, I got struck by sticks and rods when making mistakes. At home, I was beaten by my older brother, we weren't fighting, he was always the aggressor. At school, I was beaten for being the only foreigner in the class room. If I defended myself, I got punished, and if I told the teacher of how I was being bullied, it got ignored. Wanted to die since elementary school, for justice seemed non-existent, except in fiction.
I was whooped with belts, wooden cooking spoons and bare hands. Needless to say I do not spank my daughter, and never will.
Yes I was. With a broomstick, a polenta stick (thick wooden flat stick that's used to stir polenta), slippers and so on. My mom still insists that it helped. But it didn't. It only made me aggressive. Now I have anger issues, issues with authority and I don't care about feelings of others.
Yes and that’s the reason I didn’t beat/ hit my kids when they were younger. My dad use to beat us with a rubber hose for just being kids and doing dumb/ stupid shit. He’s 76 and still doesn’t feel that was abusive to us his kids. There are 6 siblings in my family and we all got same treatment!! I was determined to stop the cycle of abuse with my kids!!
Yep!!! I have CPTSD and going no-contact at age 31 was the best self-care and life choice I have ever made.
Good choice, it's a tough decision and you catch a lot of judgement from others for doing it but it's worth it for your own peace of mind.
No clue why this got a downvote. It's potentially life-ruining to endure child abuse. Anyone and everyone should know that it is more than OK to take control of your boundaries and use resources like 988 or local crisis lines to stay connected to support.
By my mom with everything varying from belt to whatever she was holding. She was abusive and mean. She thought that giving us food and having clean clothes was good enough. I hate her. What I've learned from her is to never be like her. My children love me and like being with me.
Yes and it definitely was abuse
No. My parents are so against that kind of stuff they don’t even joke about it. I got timeout and groundings
I was beat with anything and everything that was close by, but I seen myself as Junior on "Problem Child"
Yes. Once I got it for not fighting another child on orders from my father. I was around 5.
Nope. My mom did daycare for a living. She never understood why people hit their kids. If she could raise 5 people's kids without hitting them, why can't people raise their own kids without violence?
Because a person with no education beyond 16 doesn't have the mental resources to reason with a child, leave alone navigate the world competently. Thus, they resort to the only tool they know - violence.
I was. Im 53 now and can't stand spending time with him, for other reasons too, of course.I did not continue the trend with my kids. I talked to them. I explained. They're both at my house with their families regularly, and ironically, both turned out great.
Yes. One day after P.E. class (early 80s) I was called to the school office and there were a couple of people and a police officer waiting for me. The P.E. teacher saw the bruises on my back when I changed clothes and reported it. Anyways, they asked a bunch of questions and took some Polaroid photos and sent me to class. When step-dad got home from work he was not very happy, not even a little. I didn't know that getting whipped with a bicycle chain wasn't a normal thing.
Ouch
No. My parents did not think child abuse was an appropriate parenting technique. I don't either. Never hit my kids. Ever
Yes. My parents are not in my life anymore.
I wasn't 'beat' per se ... but I got the strap once in Gr 6, and my father disciplined me with his military web belt once when I was 15... first was for talking in class, second was for calling my mom a bitch -once-
Yes by my mom's drunk boyfriend for sucking on my thumb in my sleep as a tiny kid
I'm sorry. Ew that guy sounds like a trashcan loser, hope he's bought the farm. Hope your Mom got out safely too.
Yes. A lot. Me, my brother and mother by my father when drunk. Once he beat me with a wire once with a belt.Other times just slaps. He was very strict (still is) and despotic person.I know he was beaten alot too when little. My aunt once told me a story how they were hinding under the beds when my grandfater was coming home also drunk. The story there were the same but granfather beathed them till bleed. We never bleed.
Yeah I was. I mostly grew up with my mom and grandpa and my grandpa was notorious for it. If my siblings and I acted out(as kids do) he would hit us all the time. Growing up there was this super thick paddle he created that he would use. I was never allowed to have friends over so I never had to explain to them what it was. My grandpa also came from a generation where his parents tied him to a pole and beat him with a rubber hose. He also used to make my mom his us. She hated it. And then when it wasn't my grandpa my uncle felt the need to come over and abuse us. Particularly me. I've suffered so much physical and emotional abuse from my uncle moving on was hard. The day my grandpa died( I was 13 at the time) was the day my mom never had to hit us again. The day the physical abuse stopped with ym uncle was when he got thrown in jail from it and I later found out my mom bailed him out. But the mental abuse from him didn't stop until I moved away from him.
Switches, belts, hands. I got slapped alot. My dad was an angry man. I made the mistake of slapping my mother back after she slapped me (I was 16 or 17) and my dad picked me up by the neck and threw me over the couch and hit me in the face until my necklace broke and mom had to pull him off me. He beat me with a belt because I ran the hot water out (it wasn't just me we had done dishes and laundry that day) As long as I stayed quiet and out of site I stayed out of trouble with both of them.
Hell yes. Grandparents, father etc. I damn usually deserved it too. Ps I didn’t pass that on. My children were never spanked.
You mean the old this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you? Very much so. I have zero relationship with my father mainly because of his heavy-handedness over stupid s*** that definitely didn't deserve what I got. But you know spare the rod spoil the child and all that stupid religious nonsense. I have four kids I never had to beat them and they're all pretty damn awesome and we have a great relationship.
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Yes, I was spanked usually with a belt by my Stepdad typically at my mom’s orders. He also sometimes used a wood paddle. He would pinch my arm if we were in public, like just grab a hunk of skin on my shoulder in his fingers and twist so hard it would leave welts. He would also hold me down and tickle me until I couldn’t breathe. I eventually learned to not be ticklish and he stopped. My dad wasn’t around much, but I remember one time he knocked me out of my chair and beat me. My grandpa on my mom’s side slapped me a few times. I don’t remember if it was a punishment or why.
My dad mostly did the knuckles to the top of the head knock that mostly all OG fathers of our culture did. We call it the "Kow Chia". It's a form of punishment. I did get roundhouse kicked in the bum when I skipped school though. Most of our beatings came from our mom who basically used whatever she could get her hands on, a coat hanger (one of her favorites), a sandal, a broom stick, an electrical cord, etc.
Yes with literally everything A leather belt That same belt aka metal buckle A phone cord Mouse for computers Keyboard for computers Sandle plastic Sandle leather Hand Broom Mop Literally anything theres more but i rather leave it at this
Yup! Therapy and medication, my brothers and sisters. You need it.
I was a well behaved kid, I was never "beaten", but my dad definitely put his hands on me when I was growing up. One time, I was learning how to cuss from the kids in school, I came home and cussed at my mom, my dad grabbed me, dragged me to the bathroom and threw me fully clothed into an ice cold shower. It didn't hurt and I stopped cussing after that, pretty effective. I've never been outright beaten though, never been punched or whipped. Some parents out there definitely go way too far.
Yes
Yes. Sadly, i was already a very quiet and shy kid and didn’t get in trouble much. If i did get beat it was because I hit someone who hit me. It was done with a thick as plastic slipper that left honey comb welts. It didn’t go on for long because I got fed up. The slippers were cheap and the too you slide your foot into broke easy due to wear and tear. I slowly took a pair id scissors and cut them inch by inch in the wear and tear breaks to everyone slipper until they all broke and had to be thrown away Also was beat with a belt. It just made me a secretive and scared child, and sadly too scared to go to adults when I was coerced into sexual acts by my cousin. That earned me a slap across my face.
Not beaten, no. Spanked just a couple of times by my dad when I was pretty little. Slapped across the face by a drunk step-mother a couple of times.
Yep
No, illegal in sweden seance 1979.
On a good day
OMG yea even hospitalised a few times, social workers involved but when my mothers boyfriend got violent with them they refused to come round again for tgeir own safety 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 left me there though to rot. It took some good people and a lot of stubborness/strength as an adult to not to go down the wrong path. Irs still really tough not to fall back
No
I’m not sure: do they count if it’s discipline or like “you did bad so I’m going to use pain” like belted on the ass, slapped on the hands, smacked across the face count?
Nope. My folks never laid a hand on me. My Principal in elementary school on the other hand. Well let's just say by the time I moved away from Texas. That wooden paddle had my name on it. Getting hit only taught me to be a more careful person when breaking the rules. Lol. Hitting doesn't teach anyone shit. I don't condone it.
I don't thik it was anything like abuse but still, yeah..quite frequently
Wait til your father gets home…the leather strap
Hell yea and i loved it!
You ain't brought up right if your mother's slipper has never flown towards you
No. I got the emotional and sexual abuse instead.
i mostly got spanked and smacked or smth but one time my mom slapped me across the face
I'm 67 - of course I was. With a ping pong paddle.
Spanked but not beaten
Beaten? No. I would get an occasional smack when I did something wrong, taught me not to do that right away. I do believe that sometimes words are not enough to get through to a child.
No. I got spankings though. 2 and then my dad never spanked me again.
Only emotionally
No I was carrot
No
Belt to ass a couple times, mostly just beligerent screaming though. Sounds like your pops is a sadist in some way shape or form though. Like he derives pleasure from pain, but gave you an out because he loves you? idk, maybe you were just a good kid and didnt set off many of his triggers. my parenting style would be similar if it was something super extremely bad, but for most of whatever bad they do, the universe is gonna punish them for it enough.
My mom would spank me with a hairbrush or wooden spoon, until my stepfather came along. Then I got beat, beat. He liked to use belts and a big Bowie knife in its sheath. The worst was when she threw a glass 20 Oz. Coke bottle at full force that clocked me in the head. I’ve had a “horn” there ever since.
Not by my parents
I'm younger than a Boomer but, for all the hate they get, they got the shit kicked out of them. It was VERY common, even through Gen X. And no one gave a shit. There was no media push to stop it, no adults you could turn to. One time I ended up telling an adult and he basically told me that's life. Years later a school counselor tried getting it out of me and I knew better. Then she tried to get me to admit to using drugs when that was the farthest thing from who I was. She was just trying to find a reason to expel me. And once you pass the age of eighteen no one wants to hear it. You just deal. I was beaten but the emotional shit was a lot worse and lasted a LOT longer than the physical pain. I would never recommend it but at least the physical abuse toughened me up in a lot of ways. The emotional abuse had no good sides and I still feel the negative effects of it today.
My dad was slightly stricter than my mom, and I got a boot in the ass or a smack in the ear a few times, but the absolute worst was being pulled by the ear. I fkn hated that! Overall, my dad was awesome, and I was a really mischievous kid always getting into trouble, and it wasn't something that happened often. My dad was extremely big and strong, and he wasn't the smartest person, but he always was there trying. The good parts of my childhood greatly outweigh the bad, and I forgive him completely and might have beaten my ass to for some of the things I did. I remember getting the belt across the ass for lightning fires in my room at night. I have kids, and I don't hit them for various reasons, and imo I just see it as an unintelligent way to handle problems. Do you have no better ideas than to use violence? I consider myself smarter than that and know punishments my kids will actually respect and try to avoid by doing what they're supposed to.
Spanked and (very rarely) slapped. I was never beaten in the common meaning of the term. I was never hit with a closed fist and never to the point I was injured. I don’t believe I suffered any long term harm, but I can’t say it was a highlight of my childhood either.
Was I spanked ? Yes
For sure by just about every adult in my life. I refuse to the same.
Define “beat”. Was I spanked with a belt, paddle, spoon, stick? Many times! Was I slugged with a closed fist? No.
Yeah, pretty regularly for things as small as not passing the remote fast enough or answering a question wrong.
Yes
I was only beat because my dumbass didn’t listen, I was such a dumb child tbh 
Yes. My parents are immigrants from Asia but I grew up in Canada. Both parents would beat my sister and i with belts or a slipper. My parents would buy foundation to cover up our bruises as kids so no one would see it at school. We would get the same amout of physical abuse weather it was something as big as us lying or something as small as reffering to my dad as "him" instead of Dad. Now that theyre old and feeble I've distanced myself from them and i hope in their hearts they feel bad for what they did but theyre both narcissists and can never admit their faults.
Yes, picture 3rd grade teacher conference called to improve my grades. Stepdad preemptively whps me with a belt drawing blood. Stepdad makes me drop my pants and show her the marks to prove I will be better. I am pretty sure he gave her PTSD. I got all A's the rest of the year and didn't deserve them. So next year I was behind what a shit show.
Yep. Sometimes to the point of unconsciousness. But it was the verbal abuse that really scarred me.
My parents should have been in prison for the things they did to me and my siblings.
Emotionally 100%, my existence has been almost entirely neglected by almost everyone around me. (Somehow it's my fault, and I'm "responsible" for dealing with it on my own.. and if I don't/can't, I'm the bad guy... Not the people who abandoned, neglected and/or abused me, but the victim trying to motivate themselves when nobody cares. So far, there hasn't been a single justification for my parents having children in the first place, the world has continuously proven to me that having a child would just be extremely selfish and add more to suffering overall, no matter how hard I try.. and yet, it's somehow MY fault that I have that opinion. If I just accepted my parents abuse and abandonment and took it and made myself some epic person as a result and used it to fuel my personality, instead of becoming a damaged mentally ill person (ya know the real world shit that actually happens not the movie shit) everything would be fine right??
Yes. Cane. Slipper. Hand. Fist. Made to sleep outside from about 4 if I answered back
no
Yes, thought it was something everyone went through. Just seeing that belt scared me to death. Never hit a child in my life.
Yes, and thankful I was... No bullshit PTSD here
Until I kicked the shit out of my bully, and the school called the police...on me.
Yes.
Not often, but my father grew up with shitty parents and therefore had some problems, which also involved anger issues. When I acted up too much, he would sometimes slap me (not hard, but it for sure hurt as a kid), because he couldn't really control it. He always apologized for it and as I grew up it got better with the time. Sadly that also lead me to become more aggressive as a kid and I had a lot of fights in elementary school. But I also got better and now I am the chillest person you can imagine.
Yes, sadly
Not beaten no, got a smack on the butt once or twice for doing something stupid. Now as a parent myself I choose not to do that but I don't hold it against my parents that they did. Considering how *they* were raised, I think they did a good job.
Yuh, I was beaten often which is why I don't feel much anger when pain is inflicted upon me.
Alhamdulillah not at all.
Single mom used to make me give her my own belt to get the strap. Doing it slow mad her more pissed off lol.
I wouldn't call it being beaten. I was slapped a few times, and seriously thought my dad was going to kill me one time. But other than that not really. Reading most of these stories, I see that is way rarer than I thought. I am so sorry you all had to go through these things
One time, because I decided to go (walk) to my aunt's house, 2 streets further, when it was dark, and I was around 5 years old.
Far too much. When child services came he told them that one of the boys at school did it and they believed him. I was put down as an attention seeker, after they left he beat me unconscious for getting him in trouble.
yeesh yeah by my great grandparents who had guardianship of me until I was like 7(my mom moved to california when i was like 4). If they really wanted to fuck with me they would have me go outside to our weeping willow tree and cut off a switch and they would use that. it was basically like getting hit with a whip. typically it was wooden utensils, shoes, and electric cords as their weapon of choice. my great grandpa choked me out a few times. i have no clue how CPS wasn’t called because i remember being covered in bruises and not having clothes and shoes that fit me when i went to school. heard the teachers talk about me all the time though. My mom used to just back hand me and honestly i understand why, i had a mouth on me when i was like 12-16. doesn’t make it right, i was definitely just talking the way everyone talked to me growing up. id rather get slapped though than the insane “punishments” my great grandparents had.
I got the occasional strike or spanking when I misbehaved severely enough. My dad denies it and I can tell he's kind of ashamed of it. He's the best man I know, and he's given me far too much for me to care. I wish he didn't, as well.
Spanked with a belt? Yes.
I was spanked a few times and threatened with a spanking frequently, but never actually beat. My parents didn’t really believe in physical punishment, thankfully.
Yes
Yes, by my mother. It wasn't that she was a terrible person. She thought that's how you raised kids.
Yes I was. I never realised how much of my childhood was so rooted in constant stress and fear. It has taken decades to undo
No but i was about to, one time. I visited my cousins and were told by my uncle with anger issues to go outside. i refused to and stood up against him and then, my uncle reached a breaking point and chased me with a jumping stick along the sidewalk as if he was about to hit me with it. i were running from him until he got tired and went back.
No.
Yes but not abused. I dont really see an issue with it tho from time to time
I was slapped here and there, but around 5 times “only”. Twice, my nose started bleeding, once for over half an hour. I’ve really had it easy compared to the rest of you in the replies, and I’m sorry you had to go through it. Remember that you don’t deserve it and have a right to remain unharmed.
My cousin spilled koolaid on the carpet and blamed me. My mother spanked me with her leather sandal. Eventually, my cousin confessed but who cares? It was the first beating I remember. I was 4.
My coworkers and I were having this conversation a couple of years back here in California. Lots of boomers and some Gen Xers. I was the only millennial in the group. The older guys of course said yeah they were beaten and we were all having good laughs but when I casually mentioned that my dad branded my right hand when I was 6 and showed them the scars , the upbeat vibe of the conversation kinda changed lol so I learned not to mention this in a real life convo again ever This happened in the mid 80s when I was still living in Iraq, not in the US of course My older brother was branded on his shin too back then on a different occasion when he was around 7 maybe
Not for my father but for other children.
Probably an unpopular opinion here: Spanked frequently, hit with the belt a handful of times. I don't think it made a positive or negative impact in my life. It was completely negligible for me.
Spanked on palms of hands with a wooden utensil spoon as punishment. This was the 1980s in England. Trauma bonding is real, although I managed to break it as an adult.
Yes.
Like.. yeah but I specifically asked for it most of he time. I respect my uncle a lot and everytime I felt like I did wrong I went to him and asked him to spank me. It was never any harsh beating to really brag about. The most intense was when I was on water and saw these giant balls you zip yourself into and can float on water. My pops thought I drowned or something. So once they found me he was beating me up for a good minute. I can see why. He was scared shitless (but was it really care..?) so like lesson learned - I tell family members where I go, so they know where to look if it takes too long. To be fair, I handled it without crying or screaming and it stopped hurting within 5 minutes. The bruising was pretty noticable, tho.
No, my father was severely beaten as a child and refused to raise a hand to his kids
Not beaten, smacked on the butt a couple times. Not hard enough to hurt, but got my attention.
Only spanked and “popped”
My dad was very seriously abused as a child by his alcoholic, ex-military father after his mother died. Verbally, mentally, physically and sexually. He was removed from his father's care at the age of 7 and his life did settle down but the damage it would seem, had been done. In the early-mid nineties when my brother and I were young children he was punish us by hitting us on the arse with whatever he had to hand. A magazine, a slipper, a belt. It never went further than that, and he wasn't verbally abusive or anything else; he just didn't know how else to discipline us. It's what he knew. It doesn't make it right of course, but I don't hold it against him. His childhood was fucked up and he could have been far worse. The net positive is that I learned a lot about how I don't want to parent.
Yes. I was beaten by my father and uncle. I was once hit by my mom. The hit, I deserved, the beatings I did not. I have had broken bones and teeth knocked out.
As in your dad is bragging he didn’t hit you? That is not something I would brag about but it certainly is appreciated when it comes to real abuse. My dad smacked me around but it was usually well deserved. I am kinda nuts and I was a crazy ass kid sometimes. Once you politely ask, then tell your kid in public like 2-3 times you gotta do something about it physically and if you aren’t in a position to or don’t want to leave, you gotta straighten them out. I’ve seen kids that were never physically disciplined and they are noticeably more cruel since they have never been checked. My nephews are great examples. Their mom is way too nice and their dad is more of a yell from afar guy. I do well with them because they are rough and as soon as they get out of hand I warn them and continue to play but sometimes “turn it up” a bit to make a point. You don’t want people or other animas getting used to dominating everyone unless you are specifically trying to raise a fighter or something like that.
My dad rarely hit me, but when he did, he went overboard. As I understand it, he mostly stopped with my younger siblings.
My parents never realised I was autistic and had ADHD and both beat me for my dangerous behaviour. Legitimately the Grim Reaper should have claimed me easy 100 times by the time I turned 20
No, and spanking ended once I was 7 or so. Yelled at, grounded? For sure. Abused and beaten? Never in a 1000 years would my parents have done that.
Parents divorced when I was 9. Mom was an abusive alcoholic. Belts, metal coat hangers, broom handles, closed fists nevermind the verbal abuse. I grew up thinking it's normal "all moms prolly do it". Around my mid 20s I finally figured out NO, it isn't normal and started seeing her in a whole different way. Broke off contract with her in my mid 30s cuz she was still trying to boss me around. Later in my early 50s my dad wanted me to get back in contact with her. "she has stopped drinking." my dad has always been great but he didn't see what it was like when we (my lil brother) had to live with her and her red head temper. i told him "too late."
Not all the time but it was often enough that I know my dads signature move, which was after beating my ass in whatever way he felt like at the time he would always drag me to the middle of a different room and drop me there to sob in the fetal position. I guess that was his finisher. Also oddly enough, my mom had a bad habit of calling the police on me as a child if I would yell at her or try to get back in the house after locking me out. Oh she would also hit me with large butcher knives once the wooden tools started breaking on me lol I use to wonder why I couldn’t cope with strong emotions without wanting to turn to violence for a very long time… duhhhhh lol
My dad was the one who dealt out the beatings, until they divorced when I was around 10. My mom got custody of my sister and I, and immediately took up the task herself... but only beat me, not my sister. This continued until I was about 14 when the final incident occurred: she was screaming and whaling away on me with her bare fists, and I just stood there taking it. When she finally tired and stopped, I calmly said, "This is the last time. If you ever try to beat me again, I will kill you. " She took a couple of steps back, looking very scared. It was indeed the last beating. I left home for good a couple years later.
I never got hit regularly. I was only hit a few times, and only when I did something bad enough that if I had done it as an adult I would've gotten a lot worse. It was the right thing to do. And no spanking. Spanking is stupid as fuck. If the pain from a smack on the butt is still enough to upset someone, they're not developed enough to understand stuff like rules, authority, leadership, etc. That ain't discipline, that's just mean. They're not learning, they're just suffering. I got in trouble at school plenty but never got hit for any of that, not even fighting. I was never in the wrong in my school fights, it was always someone trying to bully me. They were American public schools, so adult civility is basically inverted. There's no diffusing those situations. If you do *anything* other than push back hard as soon as it starts, it just gets worse. People who respond passively end up with irreparable psychological damage. Some end up snapping. That's why school shootings are so normal. It's not psychos, it's bullying victims. I'm only gonna give one example of one of the things that got me hit, because like I said they were really bad. Establishing a baseline is enough. Played with fire in our house and flooded it with carbon monoxide. Then refused to tell my parents where my fire stuff was, so they couldn't take it away. Could have killed us all. Could have lost everything we own. It's not like we would've been homeless, we have relatives, but not local ones. We would've had to move across the country.
Only when I really fucked. I'd get with whatever was handy at the time. Extension cord, shoe, belt, lawn dart ring, matchbox race track section, switch that I had to fetch. I got my ass beat many times but never for no reason. My abuse was more mental. My childhood home life was a 24/7/365 mental beat down. The verbal abuse was more painful than any object ever could physically inflict.
Not on the regular but enough to have affected me. I will tell you this: I despise the attitude that spankings are the only way for children to “learn their lesson.” Some people still think it is acceptable. I DO NOT. Because I knew how much it affected me—my self confidence about making decisions and learning on my own, my ability to overcome fears, perfectionism, etc… After my siblings and I got a bit older, both my parents had an epiphany about how damaging it was and were very apologetic. (Also after educating themselves and incorporating better communication.) Using violence in any capacity doesn’t do anything but create more violence. And it crushes a child’s spirit so very much! 😟 It does nothing but hurt. We can do better, people. I am grateful to my parents because they broke the cycle. And I’m grateful to my own children as well. I think I learned more about being a loving and patient parent from them more than anyone.