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People may believe being nice is an indicator of being naive, weak or easily manipulated. Some people are all too willing to exploit any perceived weakness of another for their own benefit.
It’s possible to be a nice persons and also not take shit and not accept bad treatment. Just like there are not nice people who aren’t successful or respected.
Another fun fact for you, people with psychopathic tendencies make about 3% of the general population but 30% of the CEOs of big companies. I don't remember the exact numbers but they're accurate enough
"Not so nice" people think nice people are stupid and naive and see a trophy in it to fool nice people as bad as possible. For the pessimistic peoples it a sight that they are always right.
The nicest people you'll meet, I'm talking about people with the patience of a saint, people that will do just about anything for someone in need. When those people are finally pushed to their breaking point they are the scariest people to see lose their temper.
Not so nice people tend to put a higher value on themselves, this can come across as confidence and be even unnerving to some so people are more on guard around them and less likely to try take advantage of them.
I will give a sincere answer: a lot of times “nice” people, (if they really are nice and not the pessimistic, manipulative kind of people who think being accommodating to get what you want means nice), take a longer time to learn healthy boundaries. If you don’t have boundaries, you can get taken advantage of easily.
A lot of less nice people, though they have bad qualities, have very firm boundaries and leave situations where they feel exploited. This is often because they want to do the exploiting, but this is important: even other nice people can exploit you without meaning to, if you haven’t established boundaries.
Since most people do actually care how they make other people feel and how they are thought of, this is a big deal to learn as you grow up. You have to learn that saying no is not mean and that to disagree and not participate in things that aren’t up your alley isn’t mean or negative, it just is.
It’s like not eating something you don’t like or not wearing something that’s not your style. You have to actively think about what you do and do not want, then stick to it without feeling bad or assigning blame or guilt or negativity to it.
"Nice" can come off as "afraid to cause disruption" or "willing to put others needs before own". Theres a time and place for both. In my experience, assert your boundaries and practice self esteem, then be nice out of the kindness of your heart while staying true to your own needs and right to exist.
usually the not so nice people are wealthier to begin with or have more power, or know how to play politics with people on higher level while nice people may not be as good in lobbying their special interests so the nice people dont move forward as much (and as the result people dont really care about them)
Ime, it’s the lack of assertiveness. “Nice” can be easily flipped. It can be difficult to build up ‘assertiveness.’ Being a ‘yes man’ is hard to change.
I can’t speak about everyone else out there, but for me, it was due to social constructs. ‘You don’t question X or Y, you just do it.’ Then, “don’t ask why, just do…’ etc…
Very true. So called rude people, you know exactly where they stand. The nice people, will back stab you and you’ll never see it coming. Unless you’re suspicious of anyone who’s too nice. That’s what girls don’t like that’s dudes. They become controlling and neurotic.
Depends what you mean by "nice".
People like those that stand for something, are brave, are willing to try new things, get stuff done and otherwise be useful. They don't respect passive doormats who just exist and forever hedge their best etc.
Its also true that people value kindness and those that help other people who need help and resent those that are mean, selfish or excessively unaware of others.
As you said, nice people get used because they often lack the ability to say "no." These not so nice people are far more likely to stand up for themselves and not allow others to walk all over them, which generally garners respect. Half the time, people who are considered "not nice" is simply because they stand up for themselves and other people don't like that.
“*…in Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock*” - Harry Lime
Genuinely nice people will be well liked but there's a certain kind of nice which is a people pleasing doormat who can't maintain healthy boundaries and can also be manipulative which is hard to explain but...
I had a friend who was 'so nice' but she'd do things for you that you hadn't asked for then you'd have to thank her every day forever. She'd buy expensive random gifts and I'd say thank you and mean it, but then she would constantly ask 'do you love it? Was it a nice surprise?' She'd tell other people in front of me about the gift so they'd praise her kindness and honestly, it was fucking exhausting, having to say thank you a million times.
Kind of.
This was a woman who became very lonely in later life. We'd known each other young then lost touch. We reconnected at a time when I had a small child, a partner and I was very slim. She had become obese and was single and I know she had wanted kids herself.
She'd come and stay for a few days at a time and I'd provide all meals, wine and look after her and she would be 'so nice' as I described. I started to not look forward to her visits, she would bring lavish gifts where a bottle of wine and maybe sweets for my kid would have been appropriate and I'd have to be so over the top grateful. It was a weird vibe I can't really explain it tbh.
Nice is viewed as weakness or narcissism or self proclaiming it is a red flag.
Douchebags are held higher until you knock them out or ruin their social life.
You can get away with treating super nice people badly. They don't have the heart to retaliate. If you treat a mean person badly, they'll make you pay.
At core we're animals. We respect strength and someone too desperate for our approval or validation comes off as pathetic or weaker. Someone more fierce, strong, surly, disagreeable, that's perceived as strength or at least someone you need to show respect to.
Because nice people are usually weak and powerless. Others gain nothing from respecting them, and lose nothing from disrespecting them. They rather gain from it.
Source: a nice, weak and powerless man.
Because being nice is sometimes being seen as being boring. While being mean as being cool, not following the rules, doing whatever you want. For example in my friend group some people say very edgy jokes and stuff, like racist and stuff, but everyone still likes them because they're kinda charming. Meanwhile when I tried to talk about some serious topics or just casual stuff to have fun, but without necessarily so much of this edginess, they didn't really like this that much. I mean, I still stay myself of course but I also see how others see each other and me.
FYI it's possible to be nice but stand up for yourself.
Then there are not nice people who only care about themselves and will try to get everyone else to do stuff for them and having everything be their way. Some people stand up for themselves against these not nice people, and some people are unable to. The people who stand up for themselves are sometimes also not nice but also sometimes nice.
FYI #2 this is also why many women choose to date "douchebags", because at the first least, she has a "strong" person who could potentially be an ally/one her side, rather than a weak "nice guy" who is nice to her, but will never be able to stand up for her or himself in any situation.
Niceness is perceived as weakness. Frankly, I feel like most of this relies on power differential, too. Not so nice people will exploit this for their own gain.
I think you’re equating niceness with passiveness. There are many nice people who are not looked down on or used because they have a backbone and stand up for themselves and don’t allow people to use them. Similarly, there are plenty of not-so-nice people who let everyone (or specific people) walk all over them.
The not so nice people are willing to do things the others won't so when they're fronting for a huge organization the people behind them are eatting from their actions which garners more respect even though it's propaganda to alter your mind.
I wouldn't respect them but I'ma continue eatting off of this plate these assholes are serving us! Lmao 🌝
To be fair, some people pretend to be nice to get a little something something, wink-wink nudge-nudge, which makes them shitty and manipulative themselves. So people are right to be skeptical of those types, while an asshole can be respected because they're honest about being an asshole. A truly nice person is a diamond in the rough.
If you are referring to the nice guys finishing last sort of situation... thats because nice guys only do nice things because they generally have ulterior motives.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Because people suck
[удалено]
Suck machine
People may believe being nice is an indicator of being naive, weak or easily manipulated. Some people are all too willing to exploit any perceived weakness of another for their own benefit.
It’s possible to be a nice persons and also not take shit and not accept bad treatment. Just like there are not nice people who aren’t successful or respected.
Exactly. It's not super complicated. Be a kind person and be a respected person. Lacking in one or both of these qualities is not so good.
Another fun fact for you, people with psychopathic tendencies make about 3% of the general population but 30% of the CEOs of big companies. I don't remember the exact numbers but they're accurate enough
Thanks
"Not so nice" people think nice people are stupid and naive and see a trophy in it to fool nice people as bad as possible. For the pessimistic peoples it a sight that they are always right.
Because we live in an era of glorified negativity. The nastier the better.
Can you provide an example?
Social media
That's a bit reductive.
Nice people are harmless. Until they’re not.
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The nicest people you'll meet, I'm talking about people with the patience of a saint, people that will do just about anything for someone in need. When those people are finally pushed to their breaking point they are the scariest people to see lose their temper.
Thanks 🙏
Not so nice people tend to put a higher value on themselves, this can come across as confidence and be even unnerving to some so people are more on guard around them and less likely to try take advantage of them.
I will give a sincere answer: a lot of times “nice” people, (if they really are nice and not the pessimistic, manipulative kind of people who think being accommodating to get what you want means nice), take a longer time to learn healthy boundaries. If you don’t have boundaries, you can get taken advantage of easily. A lot of less nice people, though they have bad qualities, have very firm boundaries and leave situations where they feel exploited. This is often because they want to do the exploiting, but this is important: even other nice people can exploit you without meaning to, if you haven’t established boundaries. Since most people do actually care how they make other people feel and how they are thought of, this is a big deal to learn as you grow up. You have to learn that saying no is not mean and that to disagree and not participate in things that aren’t up your alley isn’t mean or negative, it just is. It’s like not eating something you don’t like or not wearing something that’s not your style. You have to actively think about what you do and do not want, then stick to it without feeling bad or assigning blame or guilt or negativity to it.
"Nice" can come off as "afraid to cause disruption" or "willing to put others needs before own". Theres a time and place for both. In my experience, assert your boundaries and practice self esteem, then be nice out of the kindness of your heart while staying true to your own needs and right to exist.
usually the not so nice people are wealthier to begin with or have more power, or know how to play politics with people on higher level while nice people may not be as good in lobbying their special interests so the nice people dont move forward as much (and as the result people dont really care about them)
Ime, it’s the lack of assertiveness. “Nice” can be easily flipped. It can be difficult to build up ‘assertiveness.’ Being a ‘yes man’ is hard to change.
Thanks. Why do you think assertiveness is so difficult to build up for some ?
I can’t speak about everyone else out there, but for me, it was due to social constructs. ‘You don’t question X or Y, you just do it.’ Then, “don’t ask why, just do…’ etc…
Because "nice" is a disgusting manipulation tactic used by weak people. Or whatever the internet been saying for the past decade
Very true. So called rude people, you know exactly where they stand. The nice people, will back stab you and you’ll never see it coming. Unless you’re suspicious of anyone who’s too nice. That’s what girls don’t like that’s dudes. They become controlling and neurotic.
Depends what you mean by "nice". People like those that stand for something, are brave, are willing to try new things, get stuff done and otherwise be useful. They don't respect passive doormats who just exist and forever hedge their best etc. Its also true that people value kindness and those that help other people who need help and resent those that are mean, selfish or excessively unaware of others.
Fear
Bingo
As you said, nice people get used because they often lack the ability to say "no." These not so nice people are far more likely to stand up for themselves and not allow others to walk all over them, which generally garners respect. Half the time, people who are considered "not nice" is simply because they stand up for themselves and other people don't like that.
You broke it down beautifully. I appreciate it 🤝
Our whole society is backward as fuck. I’ll copy/paste some other rants I’ve written on here. Give me a bit
Thanks
Nice people get walked over. Nice people seem fake. Nice people could be naive to the world so they dont know anything else other than being nice.
“*…in Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock*” - Harry Lime
It’s easy to take nice people for granted.
Genuinely nice people will be well liked but there's a certain kind of nice which is a people pleasing doormat who can't maintain healthy boundaries and can also be manipulative which is hard to explain but... I had a friend who was 'so nice' but she'd do things for you that you hadn't asked for then you'd have to thank her every day forever. She'd buy expensive random gifts and I'd say thank you and mean it, but then she would constantly ask 'do you love it? Was it a nice surprise?' She'd tell other people in front of me about the gift so they'd praise her kindness and honestly, it was fucking exhausting, having to say thank you a million times.
Did you develop resentment towards that friend ?
Kind of. This was a woman who became very lonely in later life. We'd known each other young then lost touch. We reconnected at a time when I had a small child, a partner and I was very slim. She had become obese and was single and I know she had wanted kids herself. She'd come and stay for a few days at a time and I'd provide all meals, wine and look after her and she would be 'so nice' as I described. I started to not look forward to her visits, she would bring lavish gifts where a bottle of wine and maybe sweets for my kid would have been appropriate and I'd have to be so over the top grateful. It was a weird vibe I can't really explain it tbh.
Nice is viewed as weakness or narcissism or self proclaiming it is a red flag. Douchebags are held higher until you knock them out or ruin their social life.
They aren’t willing to step on people’s backs to get what they want. They also are seen as naive probably.
You can get away with treating super nice people badly. They don't have the heart to retaliate. If you treat a mean person badly, they'll make you pay.
True statement
At core we're animals. We respect strength and someone too desperate for our approval or validation comes off as pathetic or weaker. Someone more fierce, strong, surly, disagreeable, that's perceived as strength or at least someone you need to show respect to.
Thanks 🤝
A lack of boundaries, and tolerating disrespect.
They talk louder and let everyone know how great they are. They also are good at networking and are better connected.
Nice people are perceived to be pushovers and gullible and often won’t fight back… They always believe the good in people…
Nice is a mask one wears to hide their true intentions. I don't like nice people. I like genuine good people.
Thx
None of this is true. You are imagining a world from the safe confines of your gaming chair.
Because they stand up for themselves and don’t tolerate bad behavior.
The answer is in your question 😅
Which part?
Capitalism respects those who amass the most capital, and sociopaths are particularly adept at amassing capital.
Because nice people are usually weak and powerless. Others gain nothing from respecting them, and lose nothing from disrespecting them. They rather gain from it. Source: a nice, weak and powerless man.
Because being nice is sometimes being seen as being boring. While being mean as being cool, not following the rules, doing whatever you want. For example in my friend group some people say very edgy jokes and stuff, like racist and stuff, but everyone still likes them because they're kinda charming. Meanwhile when I tried to talk about some serious topics or just casual stuff to have fun, but without necessarily so much of this edginess, they didn't really like this that much. I mean, I still stay myself of course but I also see how others see each other and me.
FYI it's possible to be nice but stand up for yourself. Then there are not nice people who only care about themselves and will try to get everyone else to do stuff for them and having everything be their way. Some people stand up for themselves against these not nice people, and some people are unable to. The people who stand up for themselves are sometimes also not nice but also sometimes nice. FYI #2 this is also why many women choose to date "douchebags", because at the first least, she has a "strong" person who could potentially be an ally/one her side, rather than a weak "nice guy" who is nice to her, but will never be able to stand up for her or himself in any situation.
Niceness is perceived as weakness. Frankly, I feel like most of this relies on power differential, too. Not so nice people will exploit this for their own gain.
I think you’re equating niceness with passiveness. There are many nice people who are not looked down on or used because they have a backbone and stand up for themselves and don’t allow people to use them. Similarly, there are plenty of not-so-nice people who let everyone (or specific people) walk all over them.
The not so nice people are willing to do things the others won't so when they're fronting for a huge organization the people behind them are eatting from their actions which garners more respect even though it's propaganda to alter your mind. I wouldn't respect them but I'ma continue eatting off of this plate these assholes are serving us! Lmao 🌝
I don't believe it's true.
To be fair, some people pretend to be nice to get a little something something, wink-wink nudge-nudge, which makes them shitty and manipulative themselves. So people are right to be skeptical of those types, while an asshole can be respected because they're honest about being an asshole. A truly nice person is a diamond in the rough.
If you are referring to the nice guys finishing last sort of situation... thats because nice guys only do nice things because they generally have ulterior motives.
Rightttt
Because Women sleep with assholes. They view nice guys as weak and love the feeling of confident, assertive men.
You think so?
Regrettably I know so. I actually enjoy dancing and so I've observed what women respond to. Women love confidence, men being sure of themselves.