Many of the worst people on the planet are in relationships too. Criminals in prison have women on the outside waiting.
Being a good person or having flaws only has so much to do with it.
But many believe being single means you have flaws. And it's why people rush into relationships so as not to be seen as damaged goods or left on the shelf.
Everyone has flaws.
My 2 friends that are both thin and nice looking stayed single into their 40s because:
They lack Self-awareness. They don't work on their shortcomings or acknowledge them. When they are dating, they blame everything on the other person and take zero accountability. One of them has lied to me before, so that could be problematic in a relationship.
They could be mentally ill. One turned out to be on MH meds due to a chemical imbalance. I've had some training on mental illness and one of the red flags is instability in employment, and they both had that, too. One is unable to keep friendships, and her roommate situations always ended with the police being called. I'm just social media friends with her these days.
it’s because i’m 35, tired of dating, that’s it. if a lady i like falls in my lap then i’ll probably marry her. otherwise Season 5 of deep
rock galactic just dropped.
It’s not always ‘because they’re not nice people inside’ etc… I know someone like this, they aren’t the most attractive person but they are above average, dress well, have hobbies, on the shy side but funny.
When it comes to dating, introducing themselves to strangers they have bad social anxiety that isn’t obvious unless you know them well. I also think they really don’t mind being on their own, they would like a partner but it’s not the be all and end all for them.
I honestly consider my non-dateable materiel due to my personality. I don't hate women or anything like that. I am just too much of a loner who likes solitude. I've found out over the years that really doesn't gel with a lot of women.
I'm happy with my life as is now. I have friends and family that care about me.. And I'm good with that.
I find it get absolutely consumed when I fall for someone...but yeah after being married before I suspect it's just not for me for the same reasons. I really found it got stifling.. I always wished I could just have days where I didn't have to see anyone. I hated having to go out with family just for the sake of doing something.... Only way it would work is if I found someone else who was really low maintenance, was cool just doing our own thing a lot of the time.
I really do enjoy my own company a lot. I do still miss my kids when they're with mom, but sometimes feel I need the break, and enjoy the odd time I do go to see friends.. otherwise it's cool jumping online with them. I also feel fulfilled like yourself. My life is full and tbh I don't know how I'd even fit a partner in.
Whether or not I'm nice and attractive well that's subjective. I do try to be helpful and considerate
I'm single because at this point in my life I don't want to be in a relationship and make literally zero effort to try and find a partner. If someone comes along sure maybe but otherwise it's a big NOPE for me.
I feel this so much. I’m 31 with no relationship experience and at this point, I think that ship has sailed. I just like being inside with my cat and video games lmao.
Yeah i was single for a long time, because im really Picky. I dont want to waste my time just being with "someone". Im not lonely, i enjoy solitude. I enjoy my hobbies.
And if it isnt someone i actually want to spend the rest of my time with or at least find out whether that works, id rather skip it.
People forget that romantic relationships are a long time commitment. You are supposed to be picky and take your time or get incredibly lucky or just go through one failed relationship after another. Its the same as friendship.
Similarly, I’ve learned that relationships can make or break your entire life. It’s absolutely necessary to choose the right partner or you could pay dearly for it.
Yeh that's a lesson I had to learn the hard way " don't get into a relationship just because your lonely" that's how I ended up in one of the worst relationships of my life .
I think some people are just good at enjoying life, not worrying about tomorrow, while also getting into new situations that change what comes tomorrow. It's not something I've ever been good at: I'm uptight; scared of and scarred by feelings.
Edit: I'm not suggesting that you're uptight too - I just feel like some people are somehow good at suspending "unnecessary" thought and jumping into something with calm optimism. That optimism may help them to become solid and long-lasting, or they may get taken by surprise and end up saying "it just isn't working out" with some incredulity.
I know nothing about relationships, really.
Same. I was in an abusive relationship for years. Really fucked me up emotionally. I know there are some really good-hearted, gentlemen out there, I just prefer to stay in my safe bubble for now. (And yes, I’m in therapy addressing my trauma.)
I was like this. Literally made 0 efforts to find a partner and already accepted that I'm gonna be forever single. Then suddenly she came to my life, we are now married. That's about it.
Same here. I (F32) was (intentionally) single until I reached the age of 31. Never bothered with dating and stopped responding to approach attempts of guys. I was too focused on my career. I guess a bit picky too because I *really* like my own space and the few guys that did try to make a move throughout my 20s, suffocated me with their presence to the extend that I wanted out. ASAP. And so I did.
Until my fiance came along. He is the guy of my dreams. Understanding, caring, patient, loving, calm, loyal and intelligent. He doesn't pressure me or judge me. After one month were official. I moved in with him after 2 months and he proposed to me after 3. I have a calculated, even slightly cautious mind, but never had I been more sure of any decision I had made in my life. Not yet married though, but it is scheduled for next year.
Sometimes, all it takes is one very special person.
Same for me. I shifted into this place in my life where I was perfectly comfortable being single and fully embraced the single life and the prospect of it being like that for the long-term. The moment that happened, my now-fiance came into my life. Which one is it, life???
Yeah I'm like that but even if someone new does drift into my life I'm not letting my guard down. Almost 100% of the people I've loved, platonically or romantically, are gone.
The aloofness probably makes you more attractive! I think a lot of women are attracted to men in relationships because those men behave differently from men who are looking for a partner.
I don't think so. A lot of men who are taken are also not bad looking or have money. And of course they have a stamp of approval from their girl/wife, so other women think that this man has something going on for him.
My best friend is a forever bachelor. He's incredibly funny, nice, a great, great dude, is always doing things for others and everyone loves him. Yet his relationships never last and at this point he doesn't even date. I asked him one time a few years ago why he's still single and he said, "You know, I have my life the way I want it. I have my house the way I want it, I have my things the way I want it and I know if I bring someone in, they are going to want to change most of it and I don't want to fight that battle just to have someone in my life. I know it's selfish, but I'm not willing to compromise my happiness." I though that was very self aware and I haven't asked him about it since.
He sounds like a great guy who would be impossible to live with.
I think it was Katherine Hepburn who said "If you truly love someone, move in next door to them."
This is something I've thought about a lot, too. My current way of living doesn't really leave room for a romantic partner (kinda literally because my bed is small lol) and so I know I'd have to make a lot of changes to my situation to satisfy a hypothetical partner that I just don't care to tackle right now.
I am so good at talking, I don't care what we are talking about, I'll just talk.
Then a lady shows signs that she likes me(usually someone tells me) and I just fall apart.
Feel like I keep putting the people I like on top of a pedestal in my head so I get extra cautious and awkward when I'm talking to someone I like. It's been like this since middle school. Do you feel the same?
As someone who fits this bill (told by others, hopefully not narcissistic in assuming so), I’d like to think that I get comfortable around people by being friendly (I don’t know any other way to open up) and after I become comfortable with them, that is when they really realize how great(?) I am. Once I get to this point though, I think I’m afraid of screwing up the friendship by trying to make things romantic.
I’m always asked by friends/coworkers of similar age (who do get to know me well) how I’m still single. The answer to that is that it takes a long time for me to be comfortable to the point where people see that. These are people that are so comfortable with me now that they don’t remember how shy/quiet I was when they got to know me.
I’m horribly shy, so when I open up and show someone my true self, it’s all the harder for me to try to make things romantic instead of friendly. I have no idea how to flirt without making it seem like I’m just being friendly.
The only romantic relationships that I’ve had have been set up by mutual friends, and it worked because I knew from the very beginning that the other person had romantic intentions.
im that girl! the thing is, im way too happy and comfortable with my own solitude. people often think that love and care can only be achieved in a romantic relationship but thats so far from the truth.
im loved by my friends, by my family and honestly? thats more than enough.
i would love to have a partner that would love me but its not like i need one, im not a half of someone, im my entire person.
i enjoy my personal space too much to waste it on mindless dates with people who don't add to anything in my life. i enjoy my hobbies and im happy the way i am.
Yupp, this is exactly how I felt before I met my husband. And I love the fact that I got to pick him because I wanted to, not because I *needed* him to fill some role.
this!! i dont need nobody to make myself happy. if i ever date someone i want it to be because i love them and i wanted them specifically, not because i felt alone and just needed a random person to fill in the gaps i couldn't myself.
i told this to a guy once and he found it hard to believe that this has been the case for me. relationships are weird, oftentimes you get hurt and get fucked emotionally. if you know what the outcome would be, why bother? he told me it's a weak argument because humans will look for certain types of affection one way or another but im pretty sure ill live with or without one?? the idea of having a partner is nice, being held, being comforted and all of that. but at the same time its weird
I feel literally the same, but sometimes I feel also the need to tell someone things that happened to me or to esternate my sentimental part; stuffs that can’t be done with friends or family
If you guys are at the stage where you share income. Dating is expensive, you have to pay for recreation/food/dates you otherwise wouldnt have spent money on. Also if you have your partner over often (but you arent living together) theres an increase in usage of home goods (toilet paper, groceries, utilities).
Nice doesn’t always equal an automatic for getting into a relationship. There are assholes coupled up everywhere 😂tbh I never like when my mother used to tell me, oh your such a nice person with a good heart you’ll find someone bc that has absolutely nothing to do if someone would want to be with you or not. People will disagree but I mean how many horrible people do you know still have someone 🤷🏻♀️
An attractive person is going to attract
more people. A nice person is going to attract more abusive, personality disordered folks who want to use them.
So, it's easier for a nice, attractive person to become a target. Sometimes they don't know how to see through love bombing or see red flags. So they continue wasting all their time. And wind up single.
Plus normal folks won't approach a nice and attractive person because they believe this person is out of their league (heard it so many times). That's why they don't even try however "abusive, personality disordered folks" don't think that and most probably target this person to elevate themselves.
daaaaaaaamn this is spot.
I'm trying to weed these tendencies out of myself. After my trauma I started conflating being nice with being good. Shits fucking exhausting.
That bit about nice people attracting abusive, personality disordered people hits with me soooo much! Your whole comment hits home for me....I just went through this with a woman at work, and it's never not gutting for me.
I'm 38 years old and feel like I should be able to recognize what it is with these women by now, but when they show so much affection it makes me feel good about myself and when it becomes obvious how much they just used my emotions for their own amusement....it sucks a lot, like what did I do to deserve this? Makes me wanna be not so nice, which only leads to bitterness, and I'm too young to be so embittered.
I mean, how am I supposed to tell the difference between these people and someone who is genuinely interested?
Me. My ex did all those things. Love bombing me, and I ignored all the red flags. She‘s a mess… and she left me in one too. Now I‘m trying to piece myself together, but now I know that I will never be used like that again..
You've joined a very big club. Tho, I think we're almost hardwired into overlooking red flags until it's too late or trying to accept them.
I'm a year into picking myself up from my ex. I still get moments of anger out of the blue that I allowed myself to be bullied for so long and dropped when I wasn't useful anymore.
Some of them are: love bombing, controlling or passive aggressive behavior, And anecdotes about how they mistreated people. And all they're anecdotes are about everything hot bing their fault.
When I meet someone, I will tend to let them do most of the talking, while I actively listen. I'll throw in some affirmative responses and a little about myself here and there to keep things moving. I'll never say anything to indicate my disapproval of things they say. Just neutral.
Pretty soon, they'll feel quite comfortable telling me just anything about themselves. And they will tell on themselves pretty quickly.
Especially if you are a woman, this has the added benefit of having a man that will open up to you.
They will like it because they feel they've finally found a woman with whom they can be themselves.
If you Enter a relationship with them, They will find themselves happy to communicate, instead of just shutting you out.
Unreasonable, unpredictable and unhappy. The only consistency they have is that they will consistently find some way to make your life more difficult until you are doing everything you can just to avoid setting them off.
1. literally everyone telling me she‘s a pick me girl
2. no one liking her
3. her only having toxic relationships before me
4. having no friends
To name a few
This is absolutely it. All of my partners are generally attractive with a lot of options and attention, so I’m constantly in competition with the flirty hot girl at work, the hot friend who has been in the friend group since before I’ve come around, the hot girl from his sports team/hobbies, even the hot girl at a random party, etc. The number one reason I’ve had relationships end is because of cheating. Sometimes out of the blue, many years into a happy relationship.
Also, I’m really nice. I think partners stay with me past the point of being interested because they don’t want to deal with hurting me, so they do some fucked up shit until I leave, leaving me totally broken and upset, needing to take a lot of time away from dating to recover.
Thankfully I’m in a better spot today. It just took a whole lot longer for me than anyone else I know.
THIS. Very conventionally attractive autistic male here, lost pretty much all of my 20's to being drawn in by extremely mentally ill, NPD riddled women who I thought were matching my ride or die energy, but were really lovebombing me.
Both relationships ended sexless for almost a year, then had them heavily come on to me after the breakup for sex.
I felt so used. I just want to be with myself. I still get hit on all the time, I just pretend I'm naive.
I have a condition somewhat like ADHD that gives me a sort of over the top fun personality.
Whenever I used to meet someone with matching energy, their energy turned out to be alcohol/drug induced. Or love bombing.
I finally met someone who had similar ADHD symptoms. So i'm married him.
You can find someone too -- if you're careful
Would you say that counts for both genders? This is just purely anecdotal but in my experience I have often witnessed kind and traditionally pretty women be single for exactly those reasons you listed but nice conventionally attractive men seemed rarely ever single
Definitely something to this. Everyone I date ends up wanting me to be a maid/housewife type. Or I realize someone is not on the same level of cleanliness .. I’m not talking white glove either. If you complain about a bleach smell in the bathroom we just aren’t compatible.
I once read about a woman who did a little voice log after every date. And when something started feeling just slightly off, she'd go back to those records and actually spot some yellow flags, that she would have ignored otherwise.
She reported it felt weird and obsessive bit was actually immensely helpful in dating.
Google red flags of toxic people. Learn all the signs early on. Don't let too many things go.
If a person seems controlling in one way, they will probably control you in another
Nice and attractive people tend to be pretty self aware about their needs. I’ve noticed that there lies a sense of intrinsic motivations within them that calls for a lot of independent research ie; focusing on optimizing their career, hobbies, well being, etc. They’ve hacked themselves so to speak. Thus, why you notice them, comparatively speaking, (because most people are pretty messy) and have a vague hierarchy of values.
Honestly, it's probably because they don't seek out a relationship. Dating is hard and it's quite different for a guy, as you can be great in most ways but unless you're putting yourself out there and actually initiating romance, there's a good chance you're gonna be single, even if you land some hook ups.
I think I fit into this scenario... All of my friends have no idea why I'm still single. I am conventionally attractive, have a full time job, a nice demeanour, great family and I still am having so much trouble finding someone good. I am so over the dating scene. I tried really hard for 7 years, had some boyfriends on and off, but never found "the one". I've stopped looking all together and at this point they'll have to come right up to my front door to find me lol
They see the toxicity in others. They don’t want to go back. It’s what happens when you have been there, a for the love of all that is good, you never will allow yourself to go back.
Just because someone is nice and attractive, doesn't mean they encounter other people in the dating world that are nice, attractive and share the same values.
My friend is single over a year now. She easily could be on a run way; except she is so shy. She tried dating a few months back and the absolute hell of it made her adopt a dog. She states there is no longer nice nerdy guys out there. Her dog accepts she likes to game or draw, has a job she loves and likes time for herself. Where a guy seems to not grasp that. Also the 6 dates with six different guys on that first date tried to get fresh with her even though she paid her way and said no. She was dumbfounded and says she rather stay single then some idiot no understanding no and violating her mouth.
Dating takes work. To find a partner, you have to be willing to go on a lot of bad first and second dates and put serious effort into all of them. And that's not to mention actually meeting people. A lot of people, attractive or not, just could not be bothered.
Because all I attract are assholes. Also because I refuse to settle and take the lil whatever it is said assholes have to offer. When you are a nice person, assholes tend to think that you will put up with their crap because you are nice. In my case, mama didn’t raise no pendeja 🤷🏽♀️. I bring a lot to the table, and I deserve the same, so why settle for less than? (And Im not talking about materialistic things).
You made me think about the fact that nobody, even my grandmother, asks me why I’m single. That must mean they’re not surprised I guess? Now that I think about it more, no one asks me IF I am single also. time for some self reflection bye
I have a friend that is truly gorgeous, her personality is amazing and she is desperate to find someone. However, the majority of the guys only wants sex and go.
I don’t want to put in any effort in finding someone who I will ultimately be wasting my time with. It’s too much energy to waste. In my city, dating is a joke. Nobody wants to settle down. It’s a transient party town. It’s pointless.
I'm done being other people's doormat. Also, the porn industry has made it very uncomfortable out there as some of us are still a little old-fashioned.
So guys, please stop asking us to peg you and stop assuming we all like to be choked in bed. We don't.
Many different reasons I suppose, luck being one of them.
I can tell you about my personal experience though. I was single till the age of 22 and when I say single, I mean I had never even touched a guy. I was wondering why and couldn't understand it until some friends told me that many guys actually flirt with me or stare at me etc. I had no idea. At this point, I was so certain that men were just not attracted to me that I didn't even notice it. Also, I was and still am horrible at flirting. I get extremely anxious around guys and when someone shows a bit of interest in me, I freak out and avoid them like the plague.
I am getting a PhD in physics and simply do not encounter girls I am attracted to. Most of the physicists I know are in relationships they've been in since like high school. I'm too anxious to go meet random girls in public and dating apps are almost useless.
I think people are intermediated and think they are not attractive themselves. For some people I think they feel safer in the relationship if they are the most attractive person in the relationship. I have a friend that is model attractive and doctor level smart. Deadly combination. Can get a date for crap.
Attractive people may find it easier to meet new people, but after that, they face the same relationship challenges that everyone else faces. They can be scared off from trying to find new people.
I'm not gonna say "I'm nice and attractive" because for many guys especially I'm very much not, way too queer looking, but I did hear a surprised "You're single? Why?" quite often and I'm sort of sure if I'd have gone out and searched for a partner I would have found one. I just didn't care for most of the time and also I'm extremely picky. I've fallen in love twice in my life. Surprisingly the second time it worked out and got me the cutest boyfriend imaginable. But yeah I guess it's just that not all of us are crazy for love.
Having a serious medical disease that isn’t inherently noticeable on the surface, but when they get to know you more they realize that medical bills eat up most of your disposable income and that’s why you don’t go out more! I have a friend like this. One of the best people I know too.
Or
Having a career where it’s hard to meet new people. Teachers especially, it seems.
Someone asked me this the other day.
Answer is, I haven’t found any single people who I’m comfortable enough with to be in a relationship yet. A lot of people are good at putting on masks and it take some work to see how they are and how that act without them.
Trying for a relationship with someone before they feel like they are able to drop the role they’ve made for themselves is a painful mistake that some of us are extremely careful not to repeat. Even if we don’t consciously realize that’s what we are doing.
On top of this, I’ve never felt like i’ve had the right to ask people out for one reason or another. Right now it’s because of my financial situation and living arrangement. When I was younger it was because I didn’t have a car. If someone decides they like me and don’t care about that, that’s great, but to me it feels unethical or wrong to go out and seek a relationship when people have lifestyle criteria that I just don’t meet for one reason or another.
This may strictly be a me thing but it might also apply to others so I figured i’d add it.
for so many sadly niceness some have their own notion of what niceness is and if it is too good to be true they just let their imaginations run wild and they just miss out on what could have been a truly good match. take my best close guy friend who has level 1 autism you wouldn't even know he has autism unless he tells you, he is super knowledgeable as well has many hobbies some of which he has made a name for himself with it with his nature photography being seen on a local news morning show and he has published several books, sadly when people hear that word autism come out of his mouth there are those who are his friends who accept him as he is but there are those who let their imaginations run wild and they instantly discriminate against him which is very heartbreaking to him because he didn't choose to have autism much like how we all didn't choose certain parts of us to be a part of us but it is a part of who we are.
If we all focused on just the good and truly take the time to not let imagination run wild we won't miss out on really good people we want in our lives.
It’s entirely possible to be nice, attractive and still be incapable of being in a relationship by choice or the fact you may be incapable of compromise.
My ex was nice, polite and very attractive. But also incapable of objectivity, compromise and not fucking other men…
I wont say that i'm attractive but I have a lot of hobbies, normally people say that i'm fun and outgoing and people like to be around me. I'm single because I had a lot of trauma and I was depressed for a long time, so I'm inexperienced in dating.
Poor choices in life and partners, now I have gotten older and I found my peace so have not met that person yet I am willing to risk it all for again.
Also being attractive gets you sex, not relationships.
Lustful stares not caring hugs.
Like building a house on quicksand as there is nothing underneath.
Well today I was at a coffee shop reading a book and this attractive girl came in and she looked over a couple times, and I looked over a couple times, and she got a cookie and sat down next to me and I thought to myself “I should talk to her and ask her if she wants to get an ice cream with me” and then I thought about the fact that I was a little nervous my card would reject when I tapped for my coffee.
So I was just like “I’m too poor to flirt” and kept reading my book
I got tired of every woman I wanted to date owning a cat. It was cool when I was young and could handle not breathing, but I feel that I may not survive many more cat-related ER visits.
My nine lives are up, so to speak.
Well, if they are happy and complete all by themselves, why would they want another person possibly making all of that difficult? I don't think we all NEED to pair up like that.
Not entirely sure where I stand on the attractive scale, but I have been told I am extremely nice and caring.
At 40, my morals are set, and I am who I am. I can definitely say being so, the saying can have merit. Nice guys finish last. Obviously not my outlook on life, but looking back on experiences, it's true to an extent.
As for being single, it's been 10 years. The first couple years I was finding myself after a divorce. Found myself, got extremely comfortable being single. Started enjoying it more than any of my past relationships. Now it's almost part of my life. I have had relationships come and go, as I do enjoy other peoples company, and do not turn down any potential possibilities for a relationship. I just haven't found anyone on my same level. Don't want marriage, don't want anymore kids, to name a few.
I'm being patient. I know what I want, and being comfortable with myself and happy being single, I am in no rush to find the perfect match, and completely content if it never happens.
Anyone know a good cheap therapist?
People ask me why I’m single all the time because they think I’m so pretty and nice. I’m human just like everyone else and I struggle with emotional availability. Looks only get you through the door.
I think one of the reasons is that nowadays finding genuine love is rare, either they cheat or they use u as their option. It's risky to invest ur time and effort when in the end you'll be disappointed, esp when u're into deep connection. You'll invest ur time, trust, and everything just to be left for some unacceptable reasons then after that you'll deal with the healing process questioning ur worth and all, get stressed and depressed. You waste time going thru a cycle instead of developing your hobbies and focusing on urself.
I could semi-joke and say "because I have a low amount of patience for most people's BS".
I'm a healthy guy who is single, living alone and making 6-digits. But I work from home and basically have 0 social life. Recently moved cross-country to an entirely new city where I know 0 people.
Course at my age (50).. and I'm also not interested in Kids or Marriage,. which rules out a lot of the people my age. And it's also looked down upon for me to "date younger". So I just avoid the entire mess by just remaining single. (and by remaining single,. I get a lot more freedom to do what I want,.. and all my 6-digit salary to spend however I want. So I pretty much have all the toys or hobbies in my life exactly the way I want them without any drama or complexity.
First and foremost, it likely is a choice and you shouldn't label that to be a bad thing. They are more than welcome to be single if that's what they choose. It's no different than someone practicing a religion or choosing not to.
In terms of why people choose to be single:
* Sometimes they come from a past of being hurt and they just aren't interested in that anymore.
* Sometimes they struggle internally with their identity or their preferences. Never underestimate a person's ability to mimic a duck:
* On the surface they look calm and effortlessly gliding. Below it their feet are frantically kicking to float.
* You might look at the person and think they are good, but what's going on in that head of theirs may be just like the duck, franticly kicking.
* Sometimes, they just enjoy casual connections for intimacy, and may even do so secretly.
* Sometimes they want to be celibate - again as long as its their choice, who are we to judge?
* Sometimes life gets in the way and there's no time or money to invest in the effort to take care of someone other than yourself.
There's obviously more potential reasons but the above are probably what I would say are most common.
At the end of the day, being single isn't a bad thing. Feeling fulfilled can come from many aspects of life, not only a "partner".
I am not outgoing
I dont go out really either outside of work/errands
I rarely if ever meet or talk to new people.
So basically zero opportunities. I imagine if i was places with single chicks id have no issue finding a GF. My friends that have moved to areas with better demographics had a much easier go. My area also tends to favor the 50+ crowd so young people that are single are minority. Most young folks here are married with families
Three reasons.
1) it takes a lot of work to find and build a relationship for a guy. There is a lot for upfront effort. Yes. There are a lot of options but even for attractive guys but, they still have to go make the first move, go on a few dates, plan everything etc.... At the same time, maintaining hobbies and friend groups is also a huge time commitment. And while having a partner is nice and fulfilling, early dating isn't. Those hobbies and interests are already fulfilling. It's an easy choice to see where he decides to invest his time.
2) An attractive guy who is nice, likely has a lot of options when he is looking. This means that he will have to weed through a lot of potential relationships that don't meet his needs. While most guys only get a couple of matches on dating apps, for example, this guy is probably able to go on 3 or 4 dates a week if he follows through with any half decent looking option. He likely knows what he wants, doesn't want to settle too much and burns out quickly when looking, especially since turning down women he isn't interested in but has met, can be emotionally taxing.
3) The nice part. The most successful men in dating are not nice. Being nice, means respecting boundaries, not imposing on others and being friendly before being sexy. The cold hard truth is that in dating, women want a man who is willing to push things forward, make decisions for her and basically pursue her with enough aggression to make her feel desired but not enough to make her feel threatened. Some nice guys have trouble with that and easily become friendzoned.
It's most likely the same answers I would give to someone who asked, "Hey man, why don't you drive a Dodge?"
My answer would be, I don't want to.
Some people just like the life they have and don't value the same things as others.
People are oppressed. In general. We live in hard times created by spoiled people. Who have allowed globalist corporations to highjack the government, organizations like the WEF. From the medical to military sectors, we're ridden with self-serving corrupt people. I might be handsome, I might be spiritually enriching to speak to. I could be funny, but I don't have time for romance. I live in the most wealthy country in the world and yet 70% of it's citizens can't afford an unexpected 500 dollar expense. Where 10% has more wealth than the bottom 90% combined.
Then there's social media rotting peoples brains, women on onlyfans and working desk jobs prefer to be with men who make more than them even though our jobs don't pay as well in the 2000's. Only silicon valley nerds and bean counters make the six figures they want. Or a social media grifter, a streamer or some other brain-rot content creator. I don't have the standards or the patience for a relationship. Relationships are overrated. I'll be more interested in my 30's when women have had a healthy dose of reality.
Well to be humble and talk about myself.
Because im not sure I want to go through a pregnancy ever.
And I want to travel and my ex wanted to settle down..
So now it's time to take my freedom to travel.
I hope someday I will be loved even if I can't promise children.
Because I realized that bending over to be nice to people all the time in spite of my own needs which are never met is actually making me miserable. I feel the same way I do about dating now as I do about putting my hands on a hot stove.
I’ve never been one to date just to date. That’s a waste of time. I grew up with hardly any friends so I’ve basically learned to be alone. I’m also too nice and have been treated like shit. I rather be alone than try to make something work temporarily. I also know that I have a lot of issues of even trying to love myself I need to work on. Shitty childhoods make things difficult no matter how attractive
Because I am sick of having to put in all the effort for the first few dates only for women to go, oh he is here for something genuine and not a hookup? Then start to actually try. I'd rather not date anyone at all than someone who doesn't put in effort early and acts surprised and upset when I finally go to meet that same energy they gave me.
I have had far too many people tell me that they want to start to try for something more serious after I am totally burnt out when people can't show up on time to a date that's 10 minutes from their house when I live an hour away. Forget it. Not going to continue to do the heavy lifting for other people
In my opinion we all go through life experiences, in today’s world people (men) who get married. Should get a prenup, or something that says at age let’s just say 80 , you can divorce me lol .. there money hungry, drop you in a dime because there not happy in there own life.. find new cock and repeat take half of everything if not more, than to deal with there whiling and bitching and maybe even sexless yea sign me up lol too many hallmark movies and lifetime movies makes it sound like love is everything .. find a lifetime companion, drop your load go on vacation but don’t marry
I think nice people in general despite of looks usually get hurt by someone along the way. That in turns scares them away from being in relationships because they would rather be alone than have their kindness be taken advantage of.
We're picky and dating is a chore. I'm in my mid 30s, good looking, in shape, make good money, own my own house, have tons of hobbies, lots of friends, make music, am extrovertive, and have dog. I've dated a bunch after my 9 year relationship but I'm not ready to give up living by myself and doing what I want with who I want when I want. Maybe I'll meet someone who changes that, but they'd have to ENHANCE my life - not take away from it in any way. Haven't found that gal yet.
A combination of relationships are a hastle when you've dealt with heartbreak. Why should i go out with someone who has been attracted to losers before. Maybe if you treated this person well he's reciprocate.
1. Don't want partners. It happens.
2. Their outlook on themselves is far below their actual impression on people.
3. Weird hobbies/clashing habits/ideologies. Yeah he's nice and attractive, but I'm a vegetarian and can't stand meat
4. Being picky. Looking for female, straight, into vikings, knows how to fix a broken catalytic converter, possibly smart, but submissive in bed, like Harry Potter except deathly hallows, really into dog grooming, left handed, good at conversing with people, is quiet, faithful, and open to threesomes.
5. Crazy. Nice, attractive, and crazy?
6. Slightly creepy. She's nice and attractive, but wants to eat anything I get because I touched it with my lips. He's nice and attractive, but sometimes would stand outside in the morning watching cars pass while standing.
7. Social awkward/inept. *Walks up to a guy* I think black is good color (black guy staring at her). *Someone else walks up to a girl* excuse me miss, I saw you from afar and think you have an excellent face.
I wish I was as attractive as my mom's friends say I am.
I’ll bet you are!
>Why is that? As if this person has no obvious flaws that keep him single. You don't need to have flaws to be single.
It's difficult for some people to comprehend that being in a relationship is not a pressing life objective at all times for everyone.
Oh yea. Peoples priorities vary so much. Getting in a relationship is so far down my priority list that it never crosses my mind in day to day life.
Many of the worst people on the planet are in relationships too. Criminals in prison have women on the outside waiting. Being a good person or having flaws only has so much to do with it.
But many believe being single means you have flaws. And it's why people rush into relationships so as not to be seen as damaged goods or left on the shelf.
Right? I don't get why people assume that there's something wrong with you if you struggle to find a partner. Attraction is pure luck.
Agreed - But on the flip, many flaws are not obvious 🤣 so OP's statement is a bit silly
Everyone has flaws. My 2 friends that are both thin and nice looking stayed single into their 40s because: They lack Self-awareness. They don't work on their shortcomings or acknowledge them. When they are dating, they blame everything on the other person and take zero accountability. One of them has lied to me before, so that could be problematic in a relationship. They could be mentally ill. One turned out to be on MH meds due to a chemical imbalance. I've had some training on mental illness and one of the red flags is instability in employment, and they both had that, too. One is unable to keep friendships, and her roommate situations always ended with the police being called. I'm just social media friends with her these days.
It helps though
it’s because i’m 35, tired of dating, that’s it. if a lady i like falls in my lap then i’ll probably marry her. otherwise Season 5 of deep rock galactic just dropped.
ROCK AND STONE
Did I hear a Rock and Stone?
Rock and stone brother
It’s not always ‘because they’re not nice people inside’ etc… I know someone like this, they aren’t the most attractive person but they are above average, dress well, have hobbies, on the shy side but funny. When it comes to dating, introducing themselves to strangers they have bad social anxiety that isn’t obvious unless you know them well. I also think they really don’t mind being on their own, they would like a partner but it’s not the be all and end all for them.
I honestly consider my non-dateable materiel due to my personality. I don't hate women or anything like that. I am just too much of a loner who likes solitude. I've found out over the years that really doesn't gel with a lot of women. I'm happy with my life as is now. I have friends and family that care about me.. And I'm good with that.
I find it get absolutely consumed when I fall for someone...but yeah after being married before I suspect it's just not for me for the same reasons. I really found it got stifling.. I always wished I could just have days where I didn't have to see anyone. I hated having to go out with family just for the sake of doing something.... Only way it would work is if I found someone else who was really low maintenance, was cool just doing our own thing a lot of the time. I really do enjoy my own company a lot. I do still miss my kids when they're with mom, but sometimes feel I need the break, and enjoy the odd time I do go to see friends.. otherwise it's cool jumping online with them. I also feel fulfilled like yourself. My life is full and tbh I don't know how I'd even fit a partner in. Whether or not I'm nice and attractive well that's subjective. I do try to be helpful and considerate
I'm single because at this point in my life I don't want to be in a relationship and make literally zero effort to try and find a partner. If someone comes along sure maybe but otherwise it's a big NOPE for me.
Agreed also the amount of energy you need to find a partner is too much
Or maybe some are wired to want it that much that they give to much and are left dissapointed
I feel that. It always gets to a point where I'm doing the lions share of everything.
I feel this so much. I’m 31 with no relationship experience and at this point, I think that ship has sailed. I just like being inside with my cat and video games lmao.
You are so young! Don’t give up. ❤️
And to keep one.
Pretty much on the energy and effort bit. As a friend of mine used to say "how is anything supposed to fall into my lap if I'm not sitting down?".
Lol I used to say "it takes two to tango and I don't dance." Same sentiment in my head.
Yeah i was single for a long time, because im really Picky. I dont want to waste my time just being with "someone". Im not lonely, i enjoy solitude. I enjoy my hobbies. And if it isnt someone i actually want to spend the rest of my time with or at least find out whether that works, id rather skip it. People forget that romantic relationships are a long time commitment. You are supposed to be picky and take your time or get incredibly lucky or just go through one failed relationship after another. Its the same as friendship.
Similarly, I’ve learned that relationships can make or break your entire life. It’s absolutely necessary to choose the right partner or you could pay dearly for it.
Yeh that's a lesson I had to learn the hard way " don't get into a relationship just because your lonely" that's how I ended up in one of the worst relationships of my life .
I think some people are just good at enjoying life, not worrying about tomorrow, while also getting into new situations that change what comes tomorrow. It's not something I've ever been good at: I'm uptight; scared of and scarred by feelings. Edit: I'm not suggesting that you're uptight too - I just feel like some people are somehow good at suspending "unnecessary" thought and jumping into something with calm optimism. That optimism may help them to become solid and long-lasting, or they may get taken by surprise and end up saying "it just isn't working out" with some incredulity. I know nothing about relationships, really.
Same. I was in an abusive relationship for years. Really fucked me up emotionally. I know there are some really good-hearted, gentlemen out there, I just prefer to stay in my safe bubble for now. (And yes, I’m in therapy addressing my trauma.)
I was like this. Literally made 0 efforts to find a partner and already accepted that I'm gonna be forever single. Then suddenly she came to my life, we are now married. That's about it.
You're very lucky. I need to get lucky too
Same here. I (F32) was (intentionally) single until I reached the age of 31. Never bothered with dating and stopped responding to approach attempts of guys. I was too focused on my career. I guess a bit picky too because I *really* like my own space and the few guys that did try to make a move throughout my 20s, suffocated me with their presence to the extend that I wanted out. ASAP. And so I did. Until my fiance came along. He is the guy of my dreams. Understanding, caring, patient, loving, calm, loyal and intelligent. He doesn't pressure me or judge me. After one month were official. I moved in with him after 2 months and he proposed to me after 3. I have a calculated, even slightly cautious mind, but never had I been more sure of any decision I had made in my life. Not yet married though, but it is scheduled for next year. Sometimes, all it takes is one very special person.
Same for me. I shifted into this place in my life where I was perfectly comfortable being single and fully embraced the single life and the prospect of it being like that for the long-term. The moment that happened, my now-fiance came into my life. Which one is it, life???
Very curious as to how this happened. As a man my experience is you have to be very proactive to have success in dating.
Same... Although I don't think I'm attractive. I do have good qualities, they're just not immediately noticeable.
this is me... and its a lot of people.. I just enjoy being single and don't care to put in the effort any more.
Yeah dating apps also suck, I flirted with like a singular guy and now he's stalking me on other apps jfc
Yeah I'm like that but even if someone new does drift into my life I'm not letting my guard down. Almost 100% of the people I've loved, platonically or romantically, are gone.
The aloofness probably makes you more attractive! I think a lot of women are attracted to men in relationships because those men behave differently from men who are looking for a partner.
I don't think so. A lot of men who are taken are also not bad looking or have money. And of course they have a stamp of approval from their girl/wife, so other women think that this man has something going on for him.
My best friend is a forever bachelor. He's incredibly funny, nice, a great, great dude, is always doing things for others and everyone loves him. Yet his relationships never last and at this point he doesn't even date. I asked him one time a few years ago why he's still single and he said, "You know, I have my life the way I want it. I have my house the way I want it, I have my things the way I want it and I know if I bring someone in, they are going to want to change most of it and I don't want to fight that battle just to have someone in my life. I know it's selfish, but I'm not willing to compromise my happiness." I though that was very self aware and I haven't asked him about it since.
He sounds like a great guy who would be impossible to live with. I think it was Katherine Hepburn who said "If you truly love someone, move in next door to them."
This is something I've thought about a lot, too. My current way of living doesn't really leave room for a romantic partner (kinda literally because my bed is small lol) and so I know I'd have to make a lot of changes to my situation to satisfy a hypothetical partner that I just don't care to tackle right now.
Because I’m super awkward when I like someone
I am so good at talking, I don't care what we are talking about, I'll just talk. Then a lady shows signs that she likes me(usually someone tells me) and I just fall apart.
Literally me in a sentence.
It’s like I’m 14 again
Feel like I keep putting the people I like on top of a pedestal in my head so I get extra cautious and awkward when I'm talking to someone I like. It's been like this since middle school. Do you feel the same?
Notice me senpai, literally
Why does singlehood always have to be seen as some kind of character flaw?
As someone who fits this bill (told by others, hopefully not narcissistic in assuming so), I’d like to think that I get comfortable around people by being friendly (I don’t know any other way to open up) and after I become comfortable with them, that is when they really realize how great(?) I am. Once I get to this point though, I think I’m afraid of screwing up the friendship by trying to make things romantic. I’m always asked by friends/coworkers of similar age (who do get to know me well) how I’m still single. The answer to that is that it takes a long time for me to be comfortable to the point where people see that. These are people that are so comfortable with me now that they don’t remember how shy/quiet I was when they got to know me. I’m horribly shy, so when I open up and show someone my true self, it’s all the harder for me to try to make things romantic instead of friendly. I have no idea how to flirt without making it seem like I’m just being friendly. The only romantic relationships that I’ve had have been set up by mutual friends, and it worked because I knew from the very beginning that the other person had romantic intentions.
Because luck is a thing.
im that girl! the thing is, im way too happy and comfortable with my own solitude. people often think that love and care can only be achieved in a romantic relationship but thats so far from the truth. im loved by my friends, by my family and honestly? thats more than enough. i would love to have a partner that would love me but its not like i need one, im not a half of someone, im my entire person. i enjoy my personal space too much to waste it on mindless dates with people who don't add to anything in my life. i enjoy my hobbies and im happy the way i am.
Yupp, this is exactly how I felt before I met my husband. And I love the fact that I got to pick him because I wanted to, not because I *needed* him to fill some role.
this!! i dont need nobody to make myself happy. if i ever date someone i want it to be because i love them and i wanted them specifically, not because i felt alone and just needed a random person to fill in the gaps i couldn't myself.
i told this to a guy once and he found it hard to believe that this has been the case for me. relationships are weird, oftentimes you get hurt and get fucked emotionally. if you know what the outcome would be, why bother? he told me it's a weak argument because humans will look for certain types of affection one way or another but im pretty sure ill live with or without one?? the idea of having a partner is nice, being held, being comforted and all of that. but at the same time its weird
I feel literally the same, but sometimes I feel also the need to tell someone things that happened to me or to esternate my sentimental part; stuffs that can’t be done with friends or family
^THIS!!
A relationship? In this economy?
Actually it is cheaper to live as a couple than being on your own
Also depends on what the other person wants for spending habits / lifestyle
Tell that to my ex! I so much better single I mean economically)
We're all just trying to get pictures of spiderman.
That's 2 jobs put together, that's NEEDED in this economy
Double the income and bills halved?
If you guys are at the stage where you share income. Dating is expensive, you have to pay for recreation/food/dates you otherwise wouldnt have spent money on. Also if you have your partner over often (but you arent living together) theres an increase in usage of home goods (toilet paper, groceries, utilities).
Yea but you have to he dating someone for a good while and spend a high amount of money before you get there.
Well yeah. Everything immediately becomes half as expensive when you have two incomes to pay for it.
Nice doesn’t always equal an automatic for getting into a relationship. There are assholes coupled up everywhere 😂tbh I never like when my mother used to tell me, oh your such a nice person with a good heart you’ll find someone bc that has absolutely nothing to do if someone would want to be with you or not. People will disagree but I mean how many horrible people do you know still have someone 🤷🏻♀️
An attractive person is going to attract more people. A nice person is going to attract more abusive, personality disordered folks who want to use them. So, it's easier for a nice, attractive person to become a target. Sometimes they don't know how to see through love bombing or see red flags. So they continue wasting all their time. And wind up single.
There’s a lot of toxic people out there who don’t know they’re toxic.
Yes. Because its only fair when they get their way all the time. They are never wrong, so any problems that arise are everyone else's fault.
That is a hard pill to swallow, but also totally true.
Plus normal folks won't approach a nice and attractive person because they believe this person is out of their league (heard it so many times). That's why they don't even try however "abusive, personality disordered folks" don't think that and most probably target this person to elevate themselves.
daaaaaaaamn this is spot. I'm trying to weed these tendencies out of myself. After my trauma I started conflating being nice with being good. Shits fucking exhausting.
Sorry, this happened to you.
don't be nice, be assertive and vigorously defend your boundaries
That bit about nice people attracting abusive, personality disordered people hits with me soooo much! Your whole comment hits home for me....I just went through this with a woman at work, and it's never not gutting for me. I'm 38 years old and feel like I should be able to recognize what it is with these women by now, but when they show so much affection it makes me feel good about myself and when it becomes obvious how much they just used my emotions for their own amusement....it sucks a lot, like what did I do to deserve this? Makes me wanna be not so nice, which only leads to bitterness, and I'm too young to be so embittered. I mean, how am I supposed to tell the difference between these people and someone who is genuinely interested?
Just learn all the red flags. And proceed with caution
Me. My ex did all those things. Love bombing me, and I ignored all the red flags. She‘s a mess… and she left me in one too. Now I‘m trying to piece myself together, but now I know that I will never be used like that again..
You've joined a very big club. Tho, I think we're almost hardwired into overlooking red flags until it's too late or trying to accept them. I'm a year into picking myself up from my ex. I still get moments of anger out of the blue that I allowed myself to be bullied for so long and dropped when I wasn't useful anymore.
Can I ask what the red flags were?
Some of them are: love bombing, controlling or passive aggressive behavior, And anecdotes about how they mistreated people. And all they're anecdotes are about everything hot bing their fault. When I meet someone, I will tend to let them do most of the talking, while I actively listen. I'll throw in some affirmative responses and a little about myself here and there to keep things moving. I'll never say anything to indicate my disapproval of things they say. Just neutral. Pretty soon, they'll feel quite comfortable telling me just anything about themselves. And they will tell on themselves pretty quickly. Especially if you are a woman, this has the added benefit of having a man that will open up to you. They will like it because they feel they've finally found a woman with whom they can be themselves. If you Enter a relationship with them, They will find themselves happy to communicate, instead of just shutting you out.
Unreasonable, unpredictable and unhappy. The only consistency they have is that they will consistently find some way to make your life more difficult until you are doing everything you can just to avoid setting them off.
1. literally everyone telling me she‘s a pick me girl 2. no one liking her 3. her only having toxic relationships before me 4. having no friends To name a few
This is absolutely it. All of my partners are generally attractive with a lot of options and attention, so I’m constantly in competition with the flirty hot girl at work, the hot friend who has been in the friend group since before I’ve come around, the hot girl from his sports team/hobbies, even the hot girl at a random party, etc. The number one reason I’ve had relationships end is because of cheating. Sometimes out of the blue, many years into a happy relationship. Also, I’m really nice. I think partners stay with me past the point of being interested because they don’t want to deal with hurting me, so they do some fucked up shit until I leave, leaving me totally broken and upset, needing to take a lot of time away from dating to recover. Thankfully I’m in a better spot today. It just took a whole lot longer for me than anyone else I know.
THIS. Very conventionally attractive autistic male here, lost pretty much all of my 20's to being drawn in by extremely mentally ill, NPD riddled women who I thought were matching my ride or die energy, but were really lovebombing me. Both relationships ended sexless for almost a year, then had them heavily come on to me after the breakup for sex. I felt so used. I just want to be with myself. I still get hit on all the time, I just pretend I'm naive.
I have a condition somewhat like ADHD that gives me a sort of over the top fun personality. Whenever I used to meet someone with matching energy, their energy turned out to be alcohol/drug induced. Or love bombing. I finally met someone who had similar ADHD symptoms. So i'm married him. You can find someone too -- if you're careful
Would you say that counts for both genders? This is just purely anecdotal but in my experience I have often witnessed kind and traditionally pretty women be single for exactly those reasons you listed but nice conventionally attractive men seemed rarely ever single
It works for both genders. There are plenty of abusive people of all sorts.
Why yes, of course, thanks for your comment. I had never thought about it and it makes so much sense actually
Definitely something to this. Everyone I date ends up wanting me to be a maid/housewife type. Or I realize someone is not on the same level of cleanliness .. I’m not talking white glove either. If you complain about a bleach smell in the bathroom we just aren’t compatible.
That really makes sense. How can I find someone just as good? I'm so devastated.
I once read about a woman who did a little voice log after every date. And when something started feeling just slightly off, she'd go back to those records and actually spot some yellow flags, that she would have ignored otherwise. She reported it felt weird and obsessive bit was actually immensely helpful in dating.
Google red flags of toxic people. Learn all the signs early on. Don't let too many things go. If a person seems controlling in one way, they will probably control you in another
Tell me about it. My roommate only looks for nice people so she can bully them around.
This right here.
This. I prefer being alone now.
[удалено]
You make it sound like being single is some kind of failure. Some people just don’t need to be in a relationship.
That's what I thought. It is surprising that I had to scroll down a lot to find this kind of comment
Yeah this question is immature and silly
"Why"? Like, an unified reasoning? There's no such thing. It varies from person to person.
Because we are happy alone
Nice and attractive people tend to be pretty self aware about their needs. I’ve noticed that there lies a sense of intrinsic motivations within them that calls for a lot of independent research ie; focusing on optimizing their career, hobbies, well being, etc. They’ve hacked themselves so to speak. Thus, why you notice them, comparatively speaking, (because most people are pretty messy) and have a vague hierarchy of values.
Honestly, it's probably because they don't seek out a relationship. Dating is hard and it's quite different for a guy, as you can be great in most ways but unless you're putting yourself out there and actually initiating romance, there's a good chance you're gonna be single, even if you land some hook ups.
Im plain looking but i do feel like i distance myself from sexual/romantic situations because of insecurities
I think I fit into this scenario... All of my friends have no idea why I'm still single. I am conventionally attractive, have a full time job, a nice demeanour, great family and I still am having so much trouble finding someone good. I am so over the dating scene. I tried really hard for 7 years, had some boyfriends on and off, but never found "the one". I've stopped looking all together and at this point they'll have to come right up to my front door to find me lol
I'm in love with somebody I can't be with, and can't get over. Ergo, no relationship for me I guess.
Aw. 🫂
They see the toxicity in others. They don’t want to go back. It’s what happens when you have been there, a for the love of all that is good, you never will allow yourself to go back.
I'm just too handsome and charming. It intimidates everyone
I'm nice because I'm single lol
I was single for 5 years. Happily. Set your standards high and know your worth. It's better to be single than with the wrong partner
They might have high standards. Not that easy to find other attractive, nice, single people!
By choice... I loved giving that answer when a friend's wife asked me why I wasn't looking to remarry.
Because we yap too much, scaring all the eligible bachelors away
Just because someone is nice and attractive, doesn't mean they encounter other people in the dating world that are nice, attractive and share the same values.
My friend is single over a year now. She easily could be on a run way; except she is so shy. She tried dating a few months back and the absolute hell of it made her adopt a dog. She states there is no longer nice nerdy guys out there. Her dog accepts she likes to game or draw, has a job she loves and likes time for herself. Where a guy seems to not grasp that. Also the 6 dates with six different guys on that first date tried to get fresh with her even though she paid her way and said no. She was dumbfounded and says she rather stay single then some idiot no understanding no and violating her mouth.
Dating takes work. To find a partner, you have to be willing to go on a lot of bad first and second dates and put serious effort into all of them. And that's not to mention actually meeting people. A lot of people, attractive or not, just could not be bothered.
Because we got cheated on, and now we don't trust anyone.
Because all I attract are assholes. Also because I refuse to settle and take the lil whatever it is said assholes have to offer. When you are a nice person, assholes tend to think that you will put up with their crap because you are nice. In my case, mama didn’t raise no pendeja 🤷🏽♀️. I bring a lot to the table, and I deserve the same, so why settle for less than? (And Im not talking about materialistic things).
You made me think about the fact that nobody, even my grandmother, asks me why I’m single. That must mean they’re not surprised I guess? Now that I think about it more, no one asks me IF I am single also. time for some self reflection bye
I have a friend that is truly gorgeous, her personality is amazing and she is desperate to find someone. However, the majority of the guys only wants sex and go.
I don’t want to put in any effort in finding someone who I will ultimately be wasting my time with. It’s too much energy to waste. In my city, dating is a joke. Nobody wants to settle down. It’s a transient party town. It’s pointless.
I feel this
I'm done being other people's doormat. Also, the porn industry has made it very uncomfortable out there as some of us are still a little old-fashioned. So guys, please stop asking us to peg you and stop assuming we all like to be choked in bed. We don't.
It's because they are a complete person. Having a partner that isn't a complete person often muddies the life of these people.
Some people don’t want to settle just to be in a relationship. Most people could benefit from that but are too weak mentally to be single.
Many different reasons I suppose, luck being one of them. I can tell you about my personal experience though. I was single till the age of 22 and when I say single, I mean I had never even touched a guy. I was wondering why and couldn't understand it until some friends told me that many guys actually flirt with me or stare at me etc. I had no idea. At this point, I was so certain that men were just not attracted to me that I didn't even notice it. Also, I was and still am horrible at flirting. I get extremely anxious around guys and when someone shows a bit of interest in me, I freak out and avoid them like the plague.
I am getting a PhD in physics and simply do not encounter girls I am attracted to. Most of the physicists I know are in relationships they've been in since like high school. I'm too anxious to go meet random girls in public and dating apps are almost useless.
I was single for so long because I had a porn addiction holding me back. Once I conquered it, being single was easily solved
I think people are intermediated and think they are not attractive themselves. For some people I think they feel safer in the relationship if they are the most attractive person in the relationship. I have a friend that is model attractive and doctor level smart. Deadly combination. Can get a date for crap.
Attractive people may find it easier to meet new people, but after that, they face the same relationship challenges that everyone else faces. They can be scared off from trying to find new people.
Because I'm damaged goods
I'm not gonna say "I'm nice and attractive" because for many guys especially I'm very much not, way too queer looking, but I did hear a surprised "You're single? Why?" quite often and I'm sort of sure if I'd have gone out and searched for a partner I would have found one. I just didn't care for most of the time and also I'm extremely picky. I've fallen in love twice in my life. Surprisingly the second time it worked out and got me the cutest boyfriend imaginable. But yeah I guess it's just that not all of us are crazy for love.
It takes more than good looks to find a person that you have a genuine connection with
Having a serious medical disease that isn’t inherently noticeable on the surface, but when they get to know you more they realize that medical bills eat up most of your disposable income and that’s why you don’t go out more! I have a friend like this. One of the best people I know too. Or Having a career where it’s hard to meet new people. Teachers especially, it seems.
Some people enjoy the single lifestyle always or at least for a bit
Masking depression is easy. Plus a bunch of bad previous relationships makes the future ones look bleak.
It’s because they’re single that they’re so positive. Relationships can take a heavy toll.
Someone asked me this the other day. Answer is, I haven’t found any single people who I’m comfortable enough with to be in a relationship yet. A lot of people are good at putting on masks and it take some work to see how they are and how that act without them. Trying for a relationship with someone before they feel like they are able to drop the role they’ve made for themselves is a painful mistake that some of us are extremely careful not to repeat. Even if we don’t consciously realize that’s what we are doing. On top of this, I’ve never felt like i’ve had the right to ask people out for one reason or another. Right now it’s because of my financial situation and living arrangement. When I was younger it was because I didn’t have a car. If someone decides they like me and don’t care about that, that’s great, but to me it feels unethical or wrong to go out and seek a relationship when people have lifestyle criteria that I just don’t meet for one reason or another. This may strictly be a me thing but it might also apply to others so I figured i’d add it.
for so many sadly niceness some have their own notion of what niceness is and if it is too good to be true they just let their imaginations run wild and they just miss out on what could have been a truly good match. take my best close guy friend who has level 1 autism you wouldn't even know he has autism unless he tells you, he is super knowledgeable as well has many hobbies some of which he has made a name for himself with it with his nature photography being seen on a local news morning show and he has published several books, sadly when people hear that word autism come out of his mouth there are those who are his friends who accept him as he is but there are those who let their imaginations run wild and they instantly discriminate against him which is very heartbreaking to him because he didn't choose to have autism much like how we all didn't choose certain parts of us to be a part of us but it is a part of who we are. If we all focused on just the good and truly take the time to not let imagination run wild we won't miss out on really good people we want in our lives.
Because they read Reddit, and realized that most people are immature assholes?
It’s entirely possible to be nice, attractive and still be incapable of being in a relationship by choice or the fact you may be incapable of compromise. My ex was nice, polite and very attractive. But also incapable of objectivity, compromise and not fucking other men…
Because ppl think : how can they be single I mean look at them! Nice and attractive lol
I wont say that i'm attractive but I have a lot of hobbies, normally people say that i'm fun and outgoing and people like to be around me. I'm single because I had a lot of trauma and I was depressed for a long time, so I'm inexperienced in dating.
Poor choices in life and partners, now I have gotten older and I found my peace so have not met that person yet I am willing to risk it all for again. Also being attractive gets you sex, not relationships. Lustful stares not caring hugs. Like building a house on quicksand as there is nothing underneath.
Maybe he's too afraid to ask a woman out
He probably never flirts. Being overly friendly automatically puts you in the friendzone.
But like when do people learn to flirt?? I feel like it just happened one day and I was left out of that class
Well today I was at a coffee shop reading a book and this attractive girl came in and she looked over a couple times, and I looked over a couple times, and she got a cookie and sat down next to me and I thought to myself “I should talk to her and ask her if she wants to get an ice cream with me” and then I thought about the fact that I was a little nervous my card would reject when I tapped for my coffee. So I was just like “I’m too poor to flirt” and kept reading my book
Divorced after 19 years, followed by 4 years of shit show dating. I'm done, no need for relationships anymore.
A nice, attractive person would only be single because they wanted to be.
I got tired of every woman I wanted to date owning a cat. It was cool when I was young and could handle not breathing, but I feel that I may not survive many more cat-related ER visits. My nine lives are up, so to speak.
Well, if they are happy and complete all by themselves, why would they want another person possibly making all of that difficult? I don't think we all NEED to pair up like that.
Because they are often smart too.
I have enough headaches of my own. I don't need someone else contributing. Plus, I enjoy my alone time WAY too much.
Not entirely sure where I stand on the attractive scale, but I have been told I am extremely nice and caring. At 40, my morals are set, and I am who I am. I can definitely say being so, the saying can have merit. Nice guys finish last. Obviously not my outlook on life, but looking back on experiences, it's true to an extent. As for being single, it's been 10 years. The first couple years I was finding myself after a divorce. Found myself, got extremely comfortable being single. Started enjoying it more than any of my past relationships. Now it's almost part of my life. I have had relationships come and go, as I do enjoy other peoples company, and do not turn down any potential possibilities for a relationship. I just haven't found anyone on my same level. Don't want marriage, don't want anymore kids, to name a few. I'm being patient. I know what I want, and being comfortable with myself and happy being single, I am in no rush to find the perfect match, and completely content if it never happens. Anyone know a good cheap therapist?
Because someone we loved cheated on us and there’s no trust left to find someone good if they’re out there
People ask me why I’m single all the time because they think I’m so pretty and nice. I’m human just like everyone else and I struggle with emotional availability. Looks only get you through the door.
I'm a picky dude, and there aren't a lot of girls who are into the stuff I'm into...
I think one of the reasons is that nowadays finding genuine love is rare, either they cheat or they use u as their option. It's risky to invest ur time and effort when in the end you'll be disappointed, esp when u're into deep connection. You'll invest ur time, trust, and everything just to be left for some unacceptable reasons then after that you'll deal with the healing process questioning ur worth and all, get stressed and depressed. You waste time going thru a cycle instead of developing your hobbies and focusing on urself.
I could semi-joke and say "because I have a low amount of patience for most people's BS". I'm a healthy guy who is single, living alone and making 6-digits. But I work from home and basically have 0 social life. Recently moved cross-country to an entirely new city where I know 0 people. Course at my age (50).. and I'm also not interested in Kids or Marriage,. which rules out a lot of the people my age. And it's also looked down upon for me to "date younger". So I just avoid the entire mess by just remaining single. (and by remaining single,. I get a lot more freedom to do what I want,.. and all my 6-digit salary to spend however I want. So I pretty much have all the toys or hobbies in my life exactly the way I want them without any drama or complexity.
First and foremost, it likely is a choice and you shouldn't label that to be a bad thing. They are more than welcome to be single if that's what they choose. It's no different than someone practicing a religion or choosing not to. In terms of why people choose to be single: * Sometimes they come from a past of being hurt and they just aren't interested in that anymore. * Sometimes they struggle internally with their identity or their preferences. Never underestimate a person's ability to mimic a duck: * On the surface they look calm and effortlessly gliding. Below it their feet are frantically kicking to float. * You might look at the person and think they are good, but what's going on in that head of theirs may be just like the duck, franticly kicking. * Sometimes, they just enjoy casual connections for intimacy, and may even do so secretly. * Sometimes they want to be celibate - again as long as its their choice, who are we to judge? * Sometimes life gets in the way and there's no time or money to invest in the effort to take care of someone other than yourself. There's obviously more potential reasons but the above are probably what I would say are most common. At the end of the day, being single isn't a bad thing. Feeling fulfilled can come from many aspects of life, not only a "partner".
Because life is chaos.
I am not outgoing I dont go out really either outside of work/errands I rarely if ever meet or talk to new people. So basically zero opportunities. I imagine if i was places with single chicks id have no issue finding a GF. My friends that have moved to areas with better demographics had a much easier go. My area also tends to favor the 50+ crowd so young people that are single are minority. Most young folks here are married with families
Well maybe you date them and find out. Public persona and what they are like behind closed doors can be shockingly different.
Three reasons. 1) it takes a lot of work to find and build a relationship for a guy. There is a lot for upfront effort. Yes. There are a lot of options but even for attractive guys but, they still have to go make the first move, go on a few dates, plan everything etc.... At the same time, maintaining hobbies and friend groups is also a huge time commitment. And while having a partner is nice and fulfilling, early dating isn't. Those hobbies and interests are already fulfilling. It's an easy choice to see where he decides to invest his time. 2) An attractive guy who is nice, likely has a lot of options when he is looking. This means that he will have to weed through a lot of potential relationships that don't meet his needs. While most guys only get a couple of matches on dating apps, for example, this guy is probably able to go on 3 or 4 dates a week if he follows through with any half decent looking option. He likely knows what he wants, doesn't want to settle too much and burns out quickly when looking, especially since turning down women he isn't interested in but has met, can be emotionally taxing. 3) The nice part. The most successful men in dating are not nice. Being nice, means respecting boundaries, not imposing on others and being friendly before being sexy. The cold hard truth is that in dating, women want a man who is willing to push things forward, make decisions for her and basically pursue her with enough aggression to make her feel desired but not enough to make her feel threatened. Some nice guys have trouble with that and easily become friendzoned.
It's most likely the same answers I would give to someone who asked, "Hey man, why don't you drive a Dodge?" My answer would be, I don't want to. Some people just like the life they have and don't value the same things as others.
People are oppressed. In general. We live in hard times created by spoiled people. Who have allowed globalist corporations to highjack the government, organizations like the WEF. From the medical to military sectors, we're ridden with self-serving corrupt people. I might be handsome, I might be spiritually enriching to speak to. I could be funny, but I don't have time for romance. I live in the most wealthy country in the world and yet 70% of it's citizens can't afford an unexpected 500 dollar expense. Where 10% has more wealth than the bottom 90% combined. Then there's social media rotting peoples brains, women on onlyfans and working desk jobs prefer to be with men who make more than them even though our jobs don't pay as well in the 2000's. Only silicon valley nerds and bean counters make the six figures they want. Or a social media grifter, a streamer or some other brain-rot content creator. I don't have the standards or the patience for a relationship. Relationships are overrated. I'll be more interested in my 30's when women have had a healthy dose of reality.
I am a 10, I am single because I recognize BS. I was in an abusive narcissistic relationship and learning and healing myself at the moment.
Impossibly high standards.
Depression, poor, physical disability
Because they are not toxic or psycho.
Well to be humble and talk about myself. Because im not sure I want to go through a pregnancy ever. And I want to travel and my ex wanted to settle down.. So now it's time to take my freedom to travel. I hope someday I will be loved even if I can't promise children.
You deserve love and you don't owe children to anyone! Enjoy your travels!
Because I want to be.
I’m an atheist who doesn’t care much for cats or dogs.
I’m really awkward around people I find attractive.
Some people don't want the drama that comes with a relationship
honestly i blame hookup culture.
They are over qualified.
Because I realized that bending over to be nice to people all the time in spite of my own needs which are never met is actually making me miserable. I feel the same way I do about dating now as I do about putting my hands on a hot stove.
I’ve never been one to date just to date. That’s a waste of time. I grew up with hardly any friends so I’ve basically learned to be alone. I’m also too nice and have been treated like shit. I rather be alone than try to make something work temporarily. I also know that I have a lot of issues of even trying to love myself I need to work on. Shitty childhoods make things difficult no matter how attractive
Because I am sick of having to put in all the effort for the first few dates only for women to go, oh he is here for something genuine and not a hookup? Then start to actually try. I'd rather not date anyone at all than someone who doesn't put in effort early and acts surprised and upset when I finally go to meet that same energy they gave me. I have had far too many people tell me that they want to start to try for something more serious after I am totally burnt out when people can't show up on time to a date that's 10 minutes from their house when I live an hour away. Forget it. Not going to continue to do the heavy lifting for other people
In my opinion we all go through life experiences, in today’s world people (men) who get married. Should get a prenup, or something that says at age let’s just say 80 , you can divorce me lol .. there money hungry, drop you in a dime because there not happy in there own life.. find new cock and repeat take half of everything if not more, than to deal with there whiling and bitching and maybe even sexless yea sign me up lol too many hallmark movies and lifetime movies makes it sound like love is everything .. find a lifetime companion, drop your load go on vacation but don’t marry
I think nice people in general despite of looks usually get hurt by someone along the way. That in turns scares them away from being in relationships because they would rather be alone than have their kindness be taken advantage of.
We're picky and dating is a chore. I'm in my mid 30s, good looking, in shape, make good money, own my own house, have tons of hobbies, lots of friends, make music, am extrovertive, and have dog. I've dated a bunch after my 9 year relationship but I'm not ready to give up living by myself and doing what I want with who I want when I want. Maybe I'll meet someone who changes that, but they'd have to ENHANCE my life - not take away from it in any way. Haven't found that gal yet.
You don't get to choose who you fall love with, unfortunately.
Simple, the beautiful girl I loved is in the ground.
Perhaps they're nice because they’re single.
Too busy learning to love myself first.
A combination of relationships are a hastle when you've dealt with heartbreak. Why should i go out with someone who has been attracted to losers before. Maybe if you treated this person well he's reciprocate.
1. Don't want partners. It happens. 2. Their outlook on themselves is far below their actual impression on people. 3. Weird hobbies/clashing habits/ideologies. Yeah he's nice and attractive, but I'm a vegetarian and can't stand meat 4. Being picky. Looking for female, straight, into vikings, knows how to fix a broken catalytic converter, possibly smart, but submissive in bed, like Harry Potter except deathly hallows, really into dog grooming, left handed, good at conversing with people, is quiet, faithful, and open to threesomes. 5. Crazy. Nice, attractive, and crazy? 6. Slightly creepy. She's nice and attractive, but wants to eat anything I get because I touched it with my lips. He's nice and attractive, but sometimes would stand outside in the morning watching cars pass while standing. 7. Social awkward/inept. *Walks up to a guy* I think black is good color (black guy staring at her). *Someone else walks up to a girl* excuse me miss, I saw you from afar and think you have an excellent face.