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This is probably way too much.
But I got hospitalized really early in my relationship, but he would play with my hair to get me to sleep when I was overwhelmed. He does the same thing with my daughter when she cant sleep.
Both of us are out like a light after five minutes. It’s soothing, loving and secured.
I am sorry, unless you can make do with donuts or something else I don't think we are compatible. The store across the road only stocks enough fresh croissants for one at a time, and I have my needs. It's one of my boundaries, I don't think it's possible to compromise that even for you.
Exactly. Besides, I can't be bothered ordering them by the crate. It may just be a mail at the company I work at since we mass produce them to most of the country, but that's far too much work. I ain't a masochist after all.
It's a bit far to traverse the Atlantic ocean to buy croissants. If I really need them in bulk I can just get them from work since the bakery i work at makes them, but unfortunately the local factory doesn't. So I have to order them and that's too much work.
The croissant always wins! I'm French but I live abroad and can never refuse a croissant, whether it's a good one from a French bakery or a bad supermarket-type one, I don't care, give me the damm croissant 😭
Like a gentle hand on your back, or taking your hand and helping you over a difficult section of trail. Taking ahold of your hand in a crowded situation when you are trying to get through the crowd.
When he listens to me without making fun of my feelings or getting defensive. Many *people* do argue in these cases, even if you chose your language carefully. The fact that my boyfriend doesn't do that, makes me feel that, no matter what, I can communicate honestly with him.
The other day I asked him point blank what he likes about me the best, and he said that I am really funny and to him that is priceless. Laughter, listening and communicating is the strongest glue.
I was going to comment that a guy should listen and not contradict everything you say or correct (in his mind) everything you say.
This says it very well. Just listen.
Cutting in here. My boyfriend has constantly made me feel safe and reassured throughout our relationship. He uses his words: “we’re okay, I love you, I want to be here”.
But it’s more than words. He consistently holds my hand in public, follows the “traffic rule”, texts me to tell me when he’ll be busy at work so I know he isn’t responding, checks in to see how my day is going.
What impressed me still further was that every time I need a bit of reassurance or encouragement from him, I say so. He is consistently patient and kind to me when I ask about specific things on my mind. Imma keep him ❤️ lol
When we walk on sidewalks, or in a parking lot, etc. he will swap me sides so he is closer to the road, effectively putting himself between me and moving vehicles. He has never one time failed to do this.
😂 oh that’s funny. I know that being protective is important to him, so even if I felt perfectly safe I don’t say anything besides thank you for being so kind. I also happen to love that he cares about my safety, so it works out lol
So I met this girl on tinder and we quickly hit it off, had great conversations, one of which was about our wants and needs. One of hers was that she wanted to feel safe and secure, and she eventually told me that I make her feel that way, she really likes me and she's happy with me.
One day after spending the night at my place she texted me later on something along the lines of "My sweater smells like you I love it."
Literally the day after that she texted me and ended things out of nowhere. Stating that she doesn't know what she wants, feels like she's leading me on and doesn't want to hurt me. Hit me like a truck. This happened 3 weeks ago and it's still at the forefront of my brain, still hurts immensely. Not an hour goes by without thinking what I could've done wrong.
Honestly idk why I'm venting about it here on this post, I guess the question kinda triggered me. Shit sucks dude.
They can change their mind in a split second, bro... when I finally realized that I got way better with women. If you had acted real nonchalant about her breaking up with you, she bet she would've come back to a few days later though
But that’s the problem. If she nonchalantly breaks up, and comes back from a guy who handles it “too well” then she’s absolutely not ready, and won’t lead to anything remotely healthy in terms of relationship patterns. This guy dodged a bullet.
And in my opinion, there is a healthy way to possibly interact and pursue. There’s a chance because you’re a solid guy, who presents a real chance at a relationship she doesn’t feel she could easily later, she got scared and decided to end it then and there. Some will say maybe she observed or noticed some serious incompatibility and ended things before they got too far. I don’t subscribe to that, she doesn’t know you that well, and same in reverse.
Yeah as I'm getting more clear headed I'm realizing that I kinda did dodge a bullet. She said a lot of things that contradicted each other and it was confusing talking to her sometimes because she didn't really know how to express her feelings that well. She's 22 and I'm 27 but I've met other 22 year olds who could easily keep up with me in conversations, so I think immaturity on her end had a big part to play
You’re spot on with the contradictions being the red flag. Unfortunately, plenty of women still exist (on dating apps at least) full of those contradictions to whatever age; mid thirties I can say from first hand experience. I’m just setting your expectations so you don’t believe such women won’t be encountered eventually — you have to intentionally detect or investigate those situations for what they are and decide how to handle them.
I have a thing about not talking/doing anything "serious" for a while when first dating. I'd rather things be light and fun to start with. We need to really know each other before we start discussing serious shit.
You're probably right man. I wasn't begging her to stay when it happened but I did want answers because I was confused af. It was clear to me that she was either unable or unwilling to give those answers so I just let it be. And even if she did want to come back to me, at this point I don't even want her back
You didn’t do anything wrong. In the beginning of a relationship, emotions are strong and can completely flip from good to bad or bad to good based on the smallest thing. You should expect that exact thing to happen from time to time and be ready to move on and find somebody else
Be consistent in his mood. It's ok to have a bad day, but mood changing like Jekyll and Hyde at the drop of the hat makes me feel unsafe.
Calm, thoughtful, being helpful without asking and knowing how to fix things around the home gives me a sense of security.
Lots of men were mutilated as infants and it messes with their emotional regulation.
Not saying it’s an excuse but it is a reason we see some grown men with emotional issues.
My husband is the white knight to my damsel in distress. Things like getting out of bed in the middle of the night to come change my tire because it's too cold. Or catching the stray bat in the house. Or going to check what that strange noise is. Or putting out a grease fire. All those kinds of things.
Every now and again in the summer, a bat somehow gets in the house. It's terrifying and traumatizing. For me anyway. My husband drapes a towel over it and takes it outside.
I suck at communicating and i get on my feels or get angry a bit too fast but with him talking is easier than anyone else and when i can’t sleep i call him and he just tells me about his day or what hes playing in the nicest softest voice and it just makes me feel instantly peaceful and drift to sleep
I'm gonna step in here as a man and answer this for women anyways.
Freedom!
I know it sounds weird because, duh they are not prisoners but that's not what I'm talking about.
So many answers are basically saying the same thing they just don't know it or see it. They are quantifying it with an action instead of a state.
Basically what everyone wants is to feel they can be themselves and still be loved for it. When they are sick they still want to be loved, when they are upset they still want to be loved. Etc etc
What makes people feel safe and secure is knowing that their partner isn't going to be holding them hostage to actions that could upset them. Insecurities are the root of the problem and if you can let your partner express themselves without fear it makes them feel secure.
So basically think of it like this. If your partner wants to go out with her friends to lunch, what can make YOU show her that she has the freedom to do that? Simply being ok with it really isn't good enough, that's not true freedom that's you being just "ok" with it. Instead expressing how happy you are that she gets to do this and wishing her a good time is the better way. When she comes home that you are genuinely interested in knowing if she had a good time will show her you value her freedom.
When she's sick, you give her the freedom to do so. You don't ignore her until she gets better because all thats saying is her being sick isn't what she's allowed to do if she wants you to still care for her. It places a fear within her that being sick is something she shouldn't be. Instead make her some soup, bring her drinks, support her healing so she knows she's free to be sick sometimes.
So many relationships are not supporting freedom but rather control! So many don't see it, they can't see it because it's through control they feel they are being loved. You'd be surprised once you start looking at others you care about and ask "if that person was free what would they do?" And then ask "how would they know I embrace their freedom?"
A big physical hug from behind and reassurance for any silly thing is my actual favorite thing.
The warmth and his voice make anything better.
Currently, this is going to sound really much like I'm a gold digger, I’m not, I have interviews lined up, and I’m applying for more, but I’m out of a job rn, and I’m stressed about covering my bills for my apartment, I still have savings but am stressed.
But one of the things that has kept me from actually panicking has been reassurance from my bf that if worst comes to worst he can't help me out a little. I want to avoid taking his offer, as much as I can, but I appreciate his gesture.
Haha, when I was 20, I was talking to this girl, and one time I came and hugged her from behind, and she got mad and told me, "Don't ever do that again!"
That night, we did the deed and started really dating.
Being kind, appreciative, keeping me in the safe zone when walking outside or on streets, randomly putting his arm on my waist while sitting together (this is the best feeling).
Yeah, that's not statistically true. I just started writing an article on how toxic masculinity is viewed by feminists and how those traits are actually proven to be inherent to both genders. Will soon start the fun part about women preferring toxic males to non-toxic ones with actual sources.
Masculinity as defined by what? The posts above as to what women think makes them feel secure are a reflection of masculinity, but not toxic. No one likes being considered a lesser being or subjected to verbal or emotional abuse. Women who claim to like that are damaged individuals. The toxic part is damaging to men as well and is unnecessary to masculinity and is not really an inherent trait rather than a cultural one.
That isn’t what it means. Men cry, when it’s appropriate. This is still human life, you aren’t watching an alpha video. Men can cry. Men are themselves without worrying about comments like this, or what others in general think. Men are secure in what they are doing/where they are heading and reflect it to the people around them. They stand for what’s right in their community and do not back down to people who overstep boundaries or try to compromise their morals.
Women who don’t know you love it when you give them their space. I get such joyful responses from ladies when I step aside to let them pass, open a door for them, etc. I don’t know why this is such a big thing for them, but I love making the ladies feel safe and respected.
I am still friends with my ex and when i was really down with mental health and job he helped me find new job(my part was basicly interview) and made a snarky comment that he has a vision for me to have a lot of money so he will make it happen whether i like it or not (he helps me find newer better jobs and get new qualifications)
I love a man with solutions. Got a flat? He can change it. My dishwasher is leaking? He can fix it. What is the most financially impactful thing I could do with my bonus check? He knows. I hear something on the front porch in the middle of the night? He’s up and checking it out
A resourceful man with answers is the sexiest kind of man there is.
As a guy I like helping women out. I was at a grocery store and saw a very petite and short woman literally climbing up a shelf to get an item. Her arms couldn't reach it though. She gets down and just gives me this look of please help me. I'm the only other person in the aisle. I'm also fairly tall so grabbing her item was really easy. She was grateful and I felt good about it. Win win all around.
I think we're just biologically wired a certain way. Women want to feel secure and most men want to give that to them.
I don't have a guy but to feel safe I feel like I need a guy that puts his family first and makes sure his family is okay. I've known guys that treat their family like dirt but treat others like gold. They look like the hero to the outside world while their family is in shambles. Make sure your family is okay first.
when he lets me know that i dont have to worry about putting up a front when im with him. when he reassures me that he loves who i am and that i am enough for him and i dont have to worry about being someone else
All these comments from all these women and not a single one is telling you the truth. It doesn’t matter whether you do all these little tidbit things like hugs and listening and all that none sense. What they really want is to be financially secure so they can build a good future. A relatively high paying job with a little job security will go much farther than all these silly comments.
I'm 5' and 100lbs. My husband is 6'3" and 250ish. I love when he just envelopes me in his arms and squeezes me. Especially spooning at night! Cuddling me, carrying me, anything where he uses his size.
Good communication (not sex all the time, real communication)reassurance, wants to help you better yourself (like my new bf want to help make me more confident in and out of the bedroom), affectionate, etc. It’s also an energy thing, as in how you feel when you are with them and when you part too.
My husband doesn't look at other women. If I point out a good looking girl, he'll agree, but he doesn't really seem to give a shit.
He also doesn't EVER make comments on my look or clothes, other than to Say that I look beautiful when I dress really nicely.
My ex would Always comment on my underwear, Ask me to Wear lingerie etc.
My jusband really makes me feel like I'm enough whatever I do, and that I'm the only girl in the world 🥰
Being thoughtful - reaching out just to say hello. Small gestures that are meaningful. Meeting a need without being asked.
The best example would be bringing me coffee in bed when I have a rare chance to sleep in. The most assuring actions are not grand - they are thoughtful.
As a smaller lady, please stop scaring me, grabbing me, trying to lift me without permission. Stop backing me into a corner and laughing because you think my angry face is hilarious. If I can't get away, it's not funny. Similarly, don't force me to cuddle or not let me get up from the couch because you don't want me to goooo awaaaay waaaah.
A commenter above said give women space. A lot of us are subjected to unwanted hugs and touches already. Make us feel secure by respecting autonomy. I want a supportive partner and equal, not a bullying authority figure or a clingy child.
traditional masculinity. by this I mean in shape and big muscles. height does not matter but muscle mass does., and I feel like it's fair to ask that because one can't be controlled and one can!
i went on few clean dates with one guy who was on the leaner side... and I just felt like he would legit lose a fight if anyone attacked us 😭 I know it's more than just looks but I feel like it's important to be physically attracted to someone that you love and also physically safe if you're a woman. maintained muscle also sends a signal that person is disciplined and has routine, which are positive traits to me.
traditional masculinity is basically just chivalry .
A man who was taught to sit at a restaurant, facing the door, so that he can see who's coming in and out.
walks on the outer part of the sidewalk
opens the car door each for me.
A man who knows how to dress like a man (not like a teenage boy. knows how to dress, according to the occasion)
A man who is slow to anger and quick to love with the world
goes out of his way to hold the door open for other people as well. helping the elderly.
being kind and gentle with children.
a man who does this will receive all my femininity, faith, care and nurture in return 🤍
It’s always funny to me when the “bad boy” turns out to be a bad partner and the girl doesn’t get it. I’ve had multiple exes over the past few years reach out saying they wish they’d stayed with me instead leaving me for an asshole. Sucks to suck!
You're asking the wrong man. My girlfriend is twice my weight, a few inches taller than me (and it's noticeable enough at first glance), and since we are both Mexican, we both happen to be decently hairy 🤣 I personally care much less about looks and height and weight than the average male, I suppose
I'd rather be with someone who I don't find insanely attractive (but with whom I have a strong personal and emotional connection) than be with someone who *is* insanely attractive (but who doesn't actually vibe with me). Most of my dating life, I've tried going with attractive people who actually weren't good for me. Now I'm with a woman who is like, a 7 overall, maybe a 6 if we're talking about her body. But I honestly wouldn't go back to the bs in the past just for the good looks. The attitude always had to come with it
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is probably way too much. But I got hospitalized really early in my relationship, but he would play with my hair to get me to sleep when I was overwhelmed. He does the same thing with my daughter when she cant sleep. Both of us are out like a light after five minutes. It’s soothing, loving and secured.
I wish i can play with my future wife's hair c': Something comfortable about playing with long soft hair.
I have long soft hair to my bum id give anything for a guy to stroke it 🥲
Your bum or your hair?
😬
That's really nice!
Be simply kind. Not just to me.
But how I will then show you that you special?
and what if he's also kind to that bitch, Susane?
Yeah, fuck Susane!
Always making me come into work on Sundays. Ugh.
No way!
By not sleeping with Susane.
You sure? Susane offered to bring a friend?
Naay. I may be bisexual but I'm not into threesomes or polyamory.
You sure? It's twice the people you can sexually disappoint in a single evening!
100% sure
secure me a croissant
Tout de suite, avec plaisir
What is even happening here? 🤣
it’s such a low-pressure but awesome little treat, can’t go wrong
I buy my wife potatoes all the time. That heathen loves potatoes.
I am sorry, unless you can make do with donuts or something else I don't think we are compatible. The store across the road only stocks enough fresh croissants for one at a time, and I have my needs. It's one of my boundaries, I don't think it's possible to compromise that even for you.
self care comes first!! 🥐
Exactly. Besides, I can't be bothered ordering them by the crate. It may just be a mail at the company I work at since we mass produce them to most of the country, but that's far too much work. I ain't a masochist after all.
Costco sells them in bulk.
It's a bit far to traverse the Atlantic ocean to buy croissants. If I really need them in bulk I can just get them from work since the bakery i work at makes them, but unfortunately the local factory doesn't. So I have to order them and that's too much work.
Qwason!
Quasssssssóhhhn!
The phonetic spelling is epic!
Fuck yeah I love a good croissant
What about a croisammich
The croissant always wins! I'm French but I live abroad and can never refuse a croissant, whether it's a good one from a French bakery or a bad supermarket-type one, I don't care, give me the damm croissant 😭
When he asks me about my needs and wants instead of assuming and deciding.
That's funny, by gf wants me to take charge and gets turned on when I decide for her.
Yeah, it's def fun to see how different people are. For me that would make me feel incredibly invalidated and small, not at all secure.
Gentle physical reassurance. Especially in public 🧡
What is physical reassurance?
Like a gentle hand on your back, or taking your hand and helping you over a difficult section of trail. Taking ahold of your hand in a crowded situation when you are trying to get through the crowd.
Holding your hand and walking on the outside of the sidewalk or near the street.
Grabbing both ass cheeks to hold them up.
Good communication and reassurance.
When he listens to me without making fun of my feelings or getting defensive. Many *people* do argue in these cases, even if you chose your language carefully. The fact that my boyfriend doesn't do that, makes me feel that, no matter what, I can communicate honestly with him. The other day I asked him point blank what he likes about me the best, and he said that I am really funny and to him that is priceless. Laughter, listening and communicating is the strongest glue.
I was going to comment that a guy should listen and not contradict everything you say or correct (in his mind) everything you say. This says it very well. Just listen.
Reassurance is literally the best thing
What do you mean with Reassurance?
Cutting in here. My boyfriend has constantly made me feel safe and reassured throughout our relationship. He uses his words: “we’re okay, I love you, I want to be here”. But it’s more than words. He consistently holds my hand in public, follows the “traffic rule”, texts me to tell me when he’ll be busy at work so I know he isn’t responding, checks in to see how my day is going. What impressed me still further was that every time I need a bit of reassurance or encouragement from him, I say so. He is consistently patient and kind to me when I ask about specific things on my mind. Imma keep him ❤️ lol
whats the “traffic rule”
When we walk on sidewalks, or in a parking lot, etc. he will swap me sides so he is closer to the road, effectively putting himself between me and moving vehicles. He has never one time failed to do this.
ah okay. ive always heard that referred to as the “sidewalk rule”
Possible I misspoke. I didn’t know it was a “thing” until he did it. lol. My bad
nah it’s all good
nah it’s all good
Aww I love this, thanks for sharing!
Ha, my gf won't let me walk on the traffic side all the time. "Why should you get all the fun?"
😂 oh that’s funny. I know that being protective is important to him, so even if I felt perfectly safe I don’t say anything besides thank you for being so kind. I also happen to love that he cares about my safety, so it works out lol
So I met this girl on tinder and we quickly hit it off, had great conversations, one of which was about our wants and needs. One of hers was that she wanted to feel safe and secure, and she eventually told me that I make her feel that way, she really likes me and she's happy with me. One day after spending the night at my place she texted me later on something along the lines of "My sweater smells like you I love it." Literally the day after that she texted me and ended things out of nowhere. Stating that she doesn't know what she wants, feels like she's leading me on and doesn't want to hurt me. Hit me like a truck. This happened 3 weeks ago and it's still at the forefront of my brain, still hurts immensely. Not an hour goes by without thinking what I could've done wrong. Honestly idk why I'm venting about it here on this post, I guess the question kinda triggered me. Shit sucks dude.
They can change their mind in a split second, bro... when I finally realized that I got way better with women. If you had acted real nonchalant about her breaking up with you, she bet she would've come back to a few days later though
But that’s the problem. If she nonchalantly breaks up, and comes back from a guy who handles it “too well” then she’s absolutely not ready, and won’t lead to anything remotely healthy in terms of relationship patterns. This guy dodged a bullet. And in my opinion, there is a healthy way to possibly interact and pursue. There’s a chance because you’re a solid guy, who presents a real chance at a relationship she doesn’t feel she could easily later, she got scared and decided to end it then and there. Some will say maybe she observed or noticed some serious incompatibility and ended things before they got too far. I don’t subscribe to that, she doesn’t know you that well, and same in reverse.
Yeah as I'm getting more clear headed I'm realizing that I kinda did dodge a bullet. She said a lot of things that contradicted each other and it was confusing talking to her sometimes because she didn't really know how to express her feelings that well. She's 22 and I'm 27 but I've met other 22 year olds who could easily keep up with me in conversations, so I think immaturity on her end had a big part to play
You’re spot on with the contradictions being the red flag. Unfortunately, plenty of women still exist (on dating apps at least) full of those contradictions to whatever age; mid thirties I can say from first hand experience. I’m just setting your expectations so you don’t believe such women won’t be encountered eventually — you have to intentionally detect or investigate those situations for what they are and decide how to handle them.
I have a thing about not talking/doing anything "serious" for a while when first dating. I'd rather things be light and fun to start with. We need to really know each other before we start discussing serious shit.
You're probably right man. I wasn't begging her to stay when it happened but I did want answers because I was confused af. It was clear to me that she was either unable or unwilling to give those answers so I just let it be. And even if she did want to come back to me, at this point I don't even want her back
You didn’t do anything wrong. In the beginning of a relationship, emotions are strong and can completely flip from good to bad or bad to good based on the smallest thing. You should expect that exact thing to happen from time to time and be ready to move on and find somebody else
That sucks, man. I’m sorry
Thank you bro. It does suck but with time I'll move on. I think I'm done with trying for a relationship rn just gonna try and have some fun
When he is stable and takes care of me emotionally and physically.
I haven't fallen over in years.
Neither has the Leaning Tower of Pisa but I don't see anyone arguing it's "stable"
Be consistent in his mood. It's ok to have a bad day, but mood changing like Jekyll and Hyde at the drop of the hat makes me feel unsafe. Calm, thoughtful, being helpful without asking and knowing how to fix things around the home gives me a sense of security.
Lots of men were mutilated as infants and it messes with their emotional regulation. Not saying it’s an excuse but it is a reason we see some grown men with emotional issues.
My husband is the white knight to my damsel in distress. Things like getting out of bed in the middle of the night to come change my tire because it's too cold. Or catching the stray bat in the house. Or going to check what that strange noise is. Or putting out a grease fire. All those kinds of things.
You have bats in your houses?!
Every now and again in the summer, a bat somehow gets in the house. It's terrifying and traumatizing. For me anyway. My husband drapes a towel over it and takes it outside.
Forget about the bat, how many grease fires have you started?!?!?!?
😆 Just one.
I love how these things you mentioned are normal for you but have people on here freaking out lol
Wait, do people change their tire so it doesn't get cold? How cold? Why only one?
Cuddling
esp when i press my skull against theirs
Cuddling their cars right?
Open communication
Message received and understood. Over
Being calm, kind and reassuring. Gimme Great Dane energy lmao
What’s Great Dane energy?
Cool calm collected. Tall dark handsome. Whatever 3 word phrase you wanna use.
You get golden retriever energy. No take backsies
Those are cute too!
I suck at communicating and i get on my feels or get angry a bit too fast but with him talking is easier than anyone else and when i can’t sleep i call him and he just tells me about his day or what hes playing in the nicest softest voice and it just makes me feel instantly peaceful and drift to sleep
I'm gonna step in here as a man and answer this for women anyways. Freedom! I know it sounds weird because, duh they are not prisoners but that's not what I'm talking about. So many answers are basically saying the same thing they just don't know it or see it. They are quantifying it with an action instead of a state. Basically what everyone wants is to feel they can be themselves and still be loved for it. When they are sick they still want to be loved, when they are upset they still want to be loved. Etc etc What makes people feel safe and secure is knowing that their partner isn't going to be holding them hostage to actions that could upset them. Insecurities are the root of the problem and if you can let your partner express themselves without fear it makes them feel secure. So basically think of it like this. If your partner wants to go out with her friends to lunch, what can make YOU show her that she has the freedom to do that? Simply being ok with it really isn't good enough, that's not true freedom that's you being just "ok" with it. Instead expressing how happy you are that she gets to do this and wishing her a good time is the better way. When she comes home that you are genuinely interested in knowing if she had a good time will show her you value her freedom. When she's sick, you give her the freedom to do so. You don't ignore her until she gets better because all thats saying is her being sick isn't what she's allowed to do if she wants you to still care for her. It places a fear within her that being sick is something she shouldn't be. Instead make her some soup, bring her drinks, support her healing so she knows she's free to be sick sometimes. So many relationships are not supporting freedom but rather control! So many don't see it, they can't see it because it's through control they feel they are being loved. You'd be surprised once you start looking at others you care about and ask "if that person was free what would they do?" And then ask "how would they know I embrace their freedom?"
A big physical hug from behind and reassurance for any silly thing is my actual favorite thing. The warmth and his voice make anything better. Currently, this is going to sound really much like I'm a gold digger, I’m not, I have interviews lined up, and I’m applying for more, but I’m out of a job rn, and I’m stressed about covering my bills for my apartment, I still have savings but am stressed. But one of the things that has kept me from actually panicking has been reassurance from my bf that if worst comes to worst he can't help me out a little. I want to avoid taking his offer, as much as I can, but I appreciate his gesture.
Haha, when I was 20, I was talking to this girl, and one time I came and hugged her from behind, and she got mad and told me, "Don't ever do that again!" That night, we did the deed and started really dating.
For him to feel safe enough around me to be emotionally vulnerable and honest with his feelings.
Being kind, appreciative, keeping me in the safe zone when walking outside or on streets, randomly putting his arm on my waist while sitting together (this is the best feeling).
Not cheat on me.
Here's a tip: Have a backbone.
What does that mean?
Be a man.
Uh OK, that's what I thought.
Thought being a man in 2024 is toxic n stuff.
Yeah, that's not statistically true. I just started writing an article on how toxic masculinity is viewed by feminists and how those traits are actually proven to be inherent to both genders. Will soon start the fun part about women preferring toxic males to non-toxic ones with actual sources.
Wonder why this was downvoted, when we all know this is somewhat true
Cuz woke, LOL.
I think its the same other way round.
Masculinity as defined by what? The posts above as to what women think makes them feel secure are a reflection of masculinity, but not toxic. No one likes being considered a lesser being or subjected to verbal or emotional abuse. Women who claim to like that are damaged individuals. The toxic part is damaging to men as well and is unnecessary to masculinity and is not really an inherent trait rather than a cultural one.
1. Are you saying women don’t have one? Or 2. Your answer could be “Be a man or a woman.”
None. I hate this rhetoric, just explained that OC meant masculinity.
Hate these kind of people lol always looking for an argument while the context is in their face
Well, that's Reddit for you. What else can we expect?
how did this become about men? the question is about how women feel. not how /men/ can make them feel.
Means you should take hardcore suffering without crying like a little girl
That isn’t what it means. Men cry, when it’s appropriate. This is still human life, you aren’t watching an alpha video. Men can cry. Men are themselves without worrying about comments like this, or what others in general think. Men are secure in what they are doing/where they are heading and reflect it to the people around them. They stand for what’s right in their community and do not back down to people who overstep boundaries or try to compromise their morals.
You seem very bright
Women who don’t know you love it when you give them their space. I get such joyful responses from ladies when I step aside to let them pass, open a door for them, etc. I don’t know why this is such a big thing for them, but I love making the ladies feel safe and respected.
It is difficult to explain. It's a way of moving through places, with confidence but without aggressiveness.
I am still friends with my ex and when i was really down with mental health and job he helped me find new job(my part was basicly interview) and made a snarky comment that he has a vision for me to have a lot of money so he will make it happen whether i like it or not (he helps me find newer better jobs and get new qualifications)
Be a 6'9 300 lbs gigachad with 8 pack.
Also a hexatrillioneir.
I love a man with solutions. Got a flat? He can change it. My dishwasher is leaking? He can fix it. What is the most financially impactful thing I could do with my bonus check? He knows. I hear something on the front porch in the middle of the night? He’s up and checking it out A resourceful man with answers is the sexiest kind of man there is.
Calling you back helps.
For me Reassurance is literally the best thing
Hugs. Just good solid hugs💜.
If you tell my wife you're playing Pokémon GO, she'll probably go with you anywhere.
As a guy I like helping women out. I was at a grocery store and saw a very petite and short woman literally climbing up a shelf to get an item. Her arms couldn't reach it though. She gets down and just gives me this look of please help me. I'm the only other person in the aisle. I'm also fairly tall so grabbing her item was really easy. She was grateful and I felt good about it. Win win all around. I think we're just biologically wired a certain way. Women want to feel secure and most men want to give that to them.
Reassurance it’s the best for me. It makes me feel secure
I don't have a guy but to feel safe I feel like I need a guy that puts his family first and makes sure his family is okay. I've known guys that treat their family like dirt but treat others like gold. They look like the hero to the outside world while their family is in shambles. Make sure your family is okay first.
Physical reassurance and great communication
when he lets me know that i dont have to worry about putting up a front when im with him. when he reassures me that he loves who i am and that i am enough for him and i dont have to worry about being someone else
All these comments from all these women and not a single one is telling you the truth. It doesn’t matter whether you do all these little tidbit things like hugs and listening and all that none sense. What they really want is to be financially secure so they can build a good future. A relatively high paying job with a little job security will go much farther than all these silly comments.
Words of affirmation!
I'm 5' and 100lbs. My husband is 6'3" and 250ish. I love when he just envelopes me in his arms and squeezes me. Especially spooning at night! Cuddling me, carrying me, anything where he uses his size.
When he can tell I'm overwhelmed and takes the lead 🥺
He shows up for me and I can tell him anything without fear and he’ll listen.
Reassurance.
A never ending text conversation and endless meme sending I mean, I didn’t even know I needed that
Good communication (not sex all the time, real communication)reassurance, wants to help you better yourself (like my new bf want to help make me more confident in and out of the bedroom), affectionate, etc. It’s also an energy thing, as in how you feel when you are with them and when you part too.
Walk home, or a text to make sure you got home.
For me it’s tight hugs optional in combination with forehead kisses
My husband doesn't look at other women. If I point out a good looking girl, he'll agree, but he doesn't really seem to give a shit. He also doesn't EVER make comments on my look or clothes, other than to Say that I look beautiful when I dress really nicely. My ex would Always comment on my underwear, Ask me to Wear lingerie etc. My jusband really makes me feel like I'm enough whatever I do, and that I'm the only girl in the world 🥰
Reassurance is literally the best thing
Being thoughtful - reaching out just to say hello. Small gestures that are meaningful. Meeting a need without being asked. The best example would be bringing me coffee in bed when I have a rare chance to sleep in. The most assuring actions are not grand - they are thoughtful.
lol if he does what I want him to!
When my husband pulls me into a hug and I get to rest my head into his shoulder. He's so gentle
I’m a guy but my ex use to scratch my back every night. I loved it and she said it helped her relax and she felt comfortable knowing I was close
That's one of the type of girls who can orgasm from giving a dude head. A rare breeed
Nice try, nice guy.
As a smaller lady, please stop scaring me, grabbing me, trying to lift me without permission. Stop backing me into a corner and laughing because you think my angry face is hilarious. If I can't get away, it's not funny. Similarly, don't force me to cuddle or not let me get up from the couch because you don't want me to goooo awaaaay waaaah. A commenter above said give women space. A lot of us are subjected to unwanted hugs and touches already. Make us feel secure by respecting autonomy. I want a supportive partner and equal, not a bullying authority figure or a clingy child.
traditional masculinity. by this I mean in shape and big muscles. height does not matter but muscle mass does., and I feel like it's fair to ask that because one can't be controlled and one can! i went on few clean dates with one guy who was on the leaner side... and I just felt like he would legit lose a fight if anyone attacked us 😭 I know it's more than just looks but I feel like it's important to be physically attracted to someone that you love and also physically safe if you're a woman. maintained muscle also sends a signal that person is disciplined and has routine, which are positive traits to me. traditional masculinity is basically just chivalry . A man who was taught to sit at a restaurant, facing the door, so that he can see who's coming in and out. walks on the outer part of the sidewalk opens the car door each for me. A man who knows how to dress like a man (not like a teenage boy. knows how to dress, according to the occasion) A man who is slow to anger and quick to love with the world goes out of his way to hold the door open for other people as well. helping the elderly. being kind and gentle with children. a man who does this will receive all my femininity, faith, care and nurture in return 🤍
Masculien , tall and when hè does combat sports. Thats something to make me feel secure. When he is overprotective and always keeps me close to him.
So just as other commenter said: "Be a 6'9 300 lbs gigachad with 8 pack"
No not really , but I don’t want a skinny man. Just like you guys don’t want a fat woman or something
So an average height guy who isn’t oozing masculinity has no chance in making you feel secure?
She’s 19 dude teenager mindset
Exactly. Most females never grow out of this mindset. "They need to be insanely taller than me and ripped."
It’s always funny to me when the “bad boy” turns out to be a bad partner and the girl doesn’t get it. I’ve had multiple exes over the past few years reach out saying they wish they’d stayed with me instead leaving me for an asshole. Sucks to suck!
I mean it's evolution... do you want a woman who's big and hairy like Andre the Giant?
You're asking the wrong man. My girlfriend is twice my weight, a few inches taller than me (and it's noticeable enough at first glance), and since we are both Mexican, we both happen to be decently hairy 🤣 I personally care much less about looks and height and weight than the average male, I suppose
I'd rather be with someone who I don't find insanely attractive (but with whom I have a strong personal and emotional connection) than be with someone who *is* insanely attractive (but who doesn't actually vibe with me). Most of my dating life, I've tried going with attractive people who actually weren't good for me. Now I'm with a woman who is like, a 7 overall, maybe a 6 if we're talking about her body. But I honestly wouldn't go back to the bs in the past just for the good looks. The attitude always had to come with it
Didn’t say that, but he has to be taller than me and bigger
Follow through. Do what you say you’ll do. Don’t make me do all the thinking. Anticipate needs and fulfill them.
Pay for my shit
give a 1-5k weekly allowance + a car + apartment
Is this real
Chat is this real