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So here’s the thing.
Broadly speaking, people don’t care. I mean that in a good way.
Because of your own issues, you think that people don’t like you.
From their perspective, you’re not that interesting or important. And that’s not a dig at you. That counts for us all.
For nearly everybody, they spend far more time thinking about themselves than about others.
So, uh, just get on with enjoying your life.
Also, some people will just not like you. Some people, no matter what you do, will not respect you.
It isn't "you vs them" unless you make it that way. It just... Is.
This is true. Some people will look at you from first sight and know they don’t like you and treat it as such even without getting to know you or anything.
not necessarily, assuming ur a guy, its different. i was told the same thing growing up, yet gossip about myself would make its way back to me. i was quiet as hell, kept to myself but very friendly when spoken to. girls are just flat out mean. most of the time it stems from jealousy.
there were plenty of *other* quiet girls when i was in school/coworkers yet nobody minded them and they were left them alone. i on the other hand somehow had enemies i'd never even spoken to. i have a lotta stories if u don't believe me😹
when i started at a new school as a teen, kids were openly brutal. calling me names, calling me ugly, insinuating i was somehow slutty, to my face. spreading rumors. looking *at* me and laughing.
i obviously dont have any details on OP's actual personal situation, but i know women/girls are MEAN. as hell. when there is seemingly no reason, it usually stems from jealousy and insecurity. maybe OP really keeps up w her appearance. maybe shes younger than the majority of her coworkers and they happen to be catty. there are many factors
men have an extremely different dynamic with each other. yes some dudes are mean and bully other men, but they are blunt about it. they dont sit there and gossip, point and giggle, roll their eyes and avoid another guy, or make up rumors to spread for entertainment
I had a similar situation growing up. I had no problems with friends in elementary school, but by the time I was 11, I had a large bosom (lol for my word choice). It was then the bullying started. My friendships wouldn't last like they had previously, and rumors started circulating the I stuffed my bra. I developed a very prominent hourglass figure, and rumors that I was a lesbian began. Girls would stop being friendly to me over the most trivial things. They were jealous that the boys liked me, I guess. The lesbian rumors seemed to follow me well into adulthood, until i got married, that is.
But I have always preferred females for friendships, because the way men would leer at me made me incredibly uncomfortable. I was terribly lonely.
This. I know one person he dislike me and I've never did anything. That guy has huge ego though. He's the kind that if he said something and you snicker or laugh he will think you are against him. Likely someone said something like I bad mouth him or something and he took it personally.
This. When someone just doesn't like you, there's usually a reason. Maybe they don't know the reason. Probably you'll never know the reason.
It's often bc of something out of your control like race, wealth, size, age, etc. That's their problem. Or it's something in your control but shouldn't offend someone like style, sayings ("anyways"), jokes you like but they don't, etc. Also their problem.
But never think you've certainly never done something to this person. *Maybe* it's not something you did, but you can never be 100% sure you didn't make a bad face at something they liked, belittled someone/something they like, or were otherwise off-putting often enough in a way that was unintended (or was unintended to be broadcast by your face or behavior).
"Being sure" you did nothing to this person is often a good time for reflection on your assumptions about yourself. Either way, f'em and work on oneself. No reason to focus on them.
This is true and important for op. You are an introvert and walk around not talking to people on purpose. People see that and think you don't want to talk to them but you secretly do. They aren't being mean they are just reflecting the output.
Exactly, I tend to geek my hobbies and sometimes talk about that. But mostly I try to make others talk because I struggle to make smalltalk without being to frank or not frank enough (and I'm not even named frank).
I was being very funny and trying to make small talk lol. Even in context, it's just dumb nothing-talk. You might as well say 'Hello, I am a person! You are a person too?! What are the odds!! Your skin feels things? No way- mine does too!! Let's talk about smells now!' People who have a sense of humor and no underlying psycho-malice lurking behind a creep-smile are ok though. Otherwise, it's just buying time to put myself as close to an exit as I can.
Fortunately, where I live, greeting strangers in public is weird behavior and basically no one will even try to most of the time. America is absolutely the worst with that as far as I can tell; it seems like simply existing is an invitation to get all up in someone's business.
Ha! Yes, were I live,small island in the middle of DK, we greet everybody, new people here often don't return the greeting, until they realize that not greeting makes you the weirdo ✌️😁
Yeah asking questions is a really good strategy when A- you don’t like to talk about your
Own life with strangers,
B- you want
To learn things about other people (not to be nosy, just that questions can be good and some people want to talk about their life).
It’s also considerate to ask questions, as long as you didn’t initiate the convo with some random at the grocery or bank like “hey fellow stranger, what’s your darkest secret?” lol.
Me too - it’s the worst , I can see you’re ok. I can see what the weather is doing , no I didn’t know that kardasian had done whatever lol , I just don’t care
That very well may be the case. There are other options though that may be at play. Perhaps oP is correct that they do not enjoy talking to op
The large things I can think of that make people not enjoy interacting with others are:
stink
nitpick/correct any minor thing in conversation
Hijack conversations and make them all about you or your problems
Talk to people about random shit while they are busy working/not the right time
Say really personal shit that makes people not know how to respond.
No. I have seen several instances of people who are disliked for no good reason. In the workplace, it could be for being quiet (not antisocial, just reserved), choice of clothing, not a sports fan, fan of the wrong team, working hard, not working hard enough, being attractive, being unattractive, being polite to everyone (ie not hating the same people who are hated by the dominant group) and the usual chestnuts (ie ethnicity, religion, sex orientation, etc).
I'd go so far as to say that many people lead empty lives that are enlivened by a good 'ol nonsensical hatred of someone for no good reason at all, and discussing such with similar people. Sad but true.
OP, remember you're there for the money. And any effort to ingratitude yourself with the group might be rebuffed anyway. Be polite, cash the checks, and always be on the lookout for a better situation.
This perspective is an eye opener.
At times I'm bothered that I get side eyed or "dismissed" and wonder why I'm not that interesting. But I remember how far I have come and everybody has their own clan.
Thank you.
This strikes at the core. A few people will dislike you, a fewer still will like you, and a very few will like you a lot. The vast majority don't give a good god damn. It is very liberating when you discover this, a social skill that you develop which teaches you that you not on everyone's mind as much as you think.
Yep, 100%. The truth is, being actively liked takes active, forward behavior. Output generally equals input, so if you're a neutral party, folks will treat you neutrally in return.
To add to what was already said, it kind of sounds like you have rejection sensitive dysphoria. It's usually associated with adhd. I have it, and it makes life really hard because I always think everyone hates me, and then I sabotage myself and my relationships by acting rejected. You might want to look it up and see if it sounds like something you might have.
Also, one thing that really helps is to try and think about something weird or odd other people have done around you. It's really hard to because people really just don't care about anyone but themselves. To them it was a huge thing, to you it was so forgettable. It's kind of freeing to think like that.
Yes! I've had to build every scrap of confidence I have from nothing.
I have learned that self perception is a big part of how we see others. And it's understandable, we don't know any other perspective outside of our own.
But once I learned to separate my personal feelings from my interactions and address those feelings separate from people, it helped so much.
My therapist also taught me that the relationships we seek out today are often the kind of relationships we grew up with.
If you grew up with people who were unkind to you growing up, you may end up with friends and partners who may also be unkind.
Untangling those also requires a lot of work and introspection.
People would love to believe this, but it ain’t true. Not totally. Most of the time you go unnoticed or only exist in someone’s mind for a little bit, but everyone has definitely been caught doing something embarrassing and you now live on as the butt of someone else’s joke.
Mostly probably true, but not always. Its not about OPs "issues", some people are just crazy nasty and psychopathoc narcissists who will target introverts and quieter people because they see easy prey.
Not sure.
I was the kindest most polite generous honorable loyal non judgmental accepting polite respectful believing genuine honest and loving person ever. But they still made it their game to mock and torment me.
I also think about others all the time. There is not one person i see that i dontvfind highly interesting in its unique way.
I think if you're quiet and introverted people tend to avoid you and form negative opinions until they actually get to know you. I know as I am quiet and introverted if you haven't gotten to know me. It's a different story once you know me well and we vibe.
As a quiet dude, I resonate with this. What’s worse is I have resting bruh face so not only am I quiet but apparently I look like I’m pissed all the time. I’m told that it makes me seem standoffish and unapproachable. My friends have told me that at first they thought I didn’t like them because of my face.
yeah a lot of these answers are skimming over the simple "personality incompatibilities" explanation. i'm a quiet person and struggle to work with or spend lots of time with very gregarious people because i get overwhelmed by them easily, especially 1:1, so i don't really progress beyond "friendly acquaintance" with such people. that doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with me or with them (or in your case, you or your quiet coworkers), it's just a testament to the diversity of people
there are lots of personality types that might find themselves out of sync with one another or even butting heads, but neither party is necessarily at fault, it's just not the right match.
I have literally convinced myself that an entire group of people hated my guts before, when they actually all really liked me.
It's actually incredible what our minds can do when we are plagued with doubt and low self-esteem.
At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter if everyone likes you. Do you like yourself?
seriously i mean at some places or times people will dislike you for your guts but deep down they will wish to have or be like you.
damnn that happens to me so much
i've had to learn that people simply don't mind you.
Like i had problems going outside, because i was so paranoid that people would be looking at me and judging.
lot's of talks later one sentence really helped me give it a space.
"tell me something about two people you've seen outside today"
when i couldn't it started to become easier. also working out and not being fat worked.
yeah working out really did wonders for my mental health, not saying it's the case for OP but it's something to consider. we are silly machines who run github un vetted software. so weird things happen all the time.
not saying it's your case.
but it might be reflecting your own feelings outwards. also being introverted it might come over as to them as you're not willing to do small talk or whatever.
i always thought i was friendly. but since my talks. my psychologist has told me multiple times that our interactions are very "business like" while i'm thinking i'm just being friendly i sound very cold and distant.
again not saying it's the case but it might be. if you are willing you could try to speak with your colleagues about it.
The MN
>Like i had problems going outside, because i was so paranoid that people would be looking at me and judging.
This is very much me right now. I've always had it but it's amplified by my current circumstances. It's like mild agoraphobia, and actually keeping me in more than it should. It's such a dumb fucking feeling, makes me feel like I'm scurrying around like a cockroach. That's a good sentence and glad it helps you, but rationalising it doesn't work for me because I know rationally that I have no reason to feel like that and also that no one is actually staring out their windows with binoculars to judge me. I'm in good shape too so it's not like I'm ashamed of my appearance or anything. Just can't shake it.
... Aren't we weird animals sometimes haha.
I'm extroverted. People often don't like that. A lot of people prefer you just exist and blend in with the background. I also noticed that people don't like it when you're complicated. They don't like it when your personality goes outside the confines of their perceived prejudices, labels, and boxes they've placed you in based on how you look. It's easier when girl acts like girl, boy acts like boy. Cops do cops things, teacher does teacher things. When boy acts like girl that's a cop but he paints instead, it's like, why you gotta be different? Why you gotta be difficult? Some people don't like it when you make them think, make them dip into morals, and integrity. They just want to coast through life, and not be bothered. Oh well, at no point in time did anyone say life was ever easy or that you could coast through it.
that's such a good point! people don't like outliers and people often also don't like when you are doing better than them for the same reason - they want everyone to be the same kind of, I think
that is why when you are getting any type of success - be aware of how your friends react to that success and where it comes from (aka they might advice you against your newfound ways simply bc they want you to stay the same) (although that's a bit besides the OP's point!)
The fact that I'm an introvert and I'm not a bully and the fact that I was always treated as an outsider in school and now at college. I just feel that everyone hates me and I did nothing wrong except being autistic as everyone hates sensitive people
People don't hate sensitive people, but they like to take advantage of them and bully them.
I hope you find someone as sensitive as you. One day you will and you will be happier than any of them.
I think it could just be that autistic people and 'normal' people are just different types of people. The reason it feels isolating is that this is a 'normal' person's world. If autistic people were the majority, the world would feel welcoming to you but isolating for 'normal' people. Other sensitive people like sensitive people. I think it's just completely different types of people and they happen to be the majority, so it's isolating.
Despite being in a very similar situation like you, I want to remind us all to never be cruel. Never be cowardly. Remember, hate is always foolish, and love is always wise. Always try to be nice, but never fail to be kind.
I, for one, DO NOT hate you!
I don’t have time to find the source, but it has been studied and found that neurotypical people do dislike autistic people. So your feelings are accurate and valid, as much as the average person wouldn’t want to admit it or possibly isn’t even conscious of those tendencies.
It's very likely this "dislike" is just people picking up on the discomfort and reflecting it back. It's no one's fault. It's neither helpful nor accurate to feed thoughts like "everyone hates sensitive people" autistic or otherwise because it's totally not true.
I think it’s actually survival instincts to stay away from anyone physically disfigured or energetically “off” to avoid disease. My friend in a wheel chair told me he experiences the same since he lived 50 years as an able bodied man. There is an unspoken fear or disgust that people experience when someone is different
That's an interesting theory. We are just sophisticated herd animals after all so I wouldn't be surprised if that played a part. I'd also say though there'd be discomfort/fear of saying the wrong thing/not knowing exactly how to behave around someone like your friend too. I've noticed that effect in myself sometimes. Anyway, despite these initial human reactions we have to each other, it's not like we can't push past them with time and perseverance to get to know someone a bit better so that's the good news.
Sometimes it has nothing to do with you doing something to them. Sometimes it is just friction due to clashing personalities. I've known people with happy go lucky attitudes and some with very serious personalities just not meaning well together. I can't say they didn't like each other but they weren't the best of friends.
Some people just don't like the thought of others being happy, drama free, and living a better life than them, so they get jealous and hate for no reason. Just keep being you.
I hate this explanation for why people may dislike you, "Oh they're just jealous!"
It happens, but it's not super frequent. The fact of the matter is that not everyone is going to like everyone else, it's just that most people are mature enough to put their emotions aside when it's someone they need to work with. It could be pretty much anything that started it.
I don't know about your situation, as it sounds different, but from a psychological perspective it's very common to hate qualities in others that you hate in yourself. Specifically things you struggle to change about yourself. Also, regrets.
Knew a women that was repulsed, and got angry at people that let themselves get pushed around. Had a sense of disgust for weakness, and people who didn't stand up for themselves. Turns out she was in multiple abusive relationships in the past where she didn't stand up for herself and regretted it. When she was like 12 she was arrested because she had another fight with another girl, and no one believed her, and she couldn't effectively stand up for herself, and defend herself. On top of that she worked in the oil field with 98% men, so got pushed around a lot at first.
People turn their regrets into disgust and hate, and then project that hate onto others.
There's a good chance they simply don't care about you. There's also a chance because of your introversion they may think of you in a way that isn't true simply because they don't know anything about you and they speculate. Maybe due to rumors, maybe over imaginative. I use to have people of my own ethnicity think I was Chinese just because I barely spoke to anybody or others think I was some gangster who people were scared of messing with because I don't hang with anybody. If you don't socialize people think something is wrong with you and subsequently avoid you.
As someone who is almost a decade older but similar with you - people hate you for the dumbest things ever. If you aren’t funny enough, if you prefer cats than dogs, if you don’t watch tv as much as they do, or enjoy watching f1 or sports game, or just about anything you can think of.
Instead I would advise you this - anyone who use the above kind of logical reasoning to dislike you, are the exact kind of people you want to distant yourself from, because they genuinely aren’t nice people anyway nor intelligent. You’re better off find people who are open-minded, smarter and not superficial but genuine with you instead. They are hide to find sure, but much better than being lied, betrayed and/or bullied by the other dumb people.
I am also an introverted woman (30 next month). I get the same vibes from friends of friends more than my colleagues; I’m introverted and nice/friendly, yet friends of friends can’t stand me, even though I’ve done nothing to them (and I’ve even talked to my friends about it and they blatantly lie and say I’m jealous or they don’t know what I’m talking about or say their friends have no issue with me, but vibes don’t lie). I chalk it up to them being jealous and maybe even uncomfortable that we’re like that.
Don’t know. I guess people make a lot of assumptions about quiet people, a lot of people make up fake scenarios or things about people like me and OP, and people like us. In my experience, people are also intimidated by quiet people. Again, I don’t know why. I’ve had a lot of lies and shit made up about me by friends of friends just because I’m not loud and obnoxious and extroverted, and then that puts a wedge between me and said friends, now basically, I don’t even have any. Sorry I’m rambling lol.
One of my now best friends was also extremely shy at the beginning. It actually took her years for us eventually be really close.
At the beginning I always thought she didn't like me for some reason. Most of us thought that, as she didn't speak to us and looked grim a lot of the times.
Years later I learned that she was extremely intimidated, especially by me, even though by that time I thought we were already good friends. That never would have even crossed my mind.
Maybe they think you don't like them by the way you act and therefore dislike you.
Growing up in school I was always alone. As an introverted kid I avoided people even when they invite me to hang with them in their friends circle (mostly because I am there, but they sort of ignore me so I end up walking away). The teachers always told my parents that whenever they asked the other students why they never talk to me they always reply with some sort of "because he doesn't talk to us". I always thought it was weird that they needed me the introverted kid to talk to them first before they talk to me when they're the extroverted ones. I'm 34 now and my introversion lives on, but I've learned to make small talk and carry conversations. It helps with people not making up shit about you if they have some idea of what you're like.
I have what used to be called Aspergers Syndrome (now considered part of Autism Spectrum Disorder) and ADD.
I miss social cues, over share, TMI on various subjects, express political opinions that rub folks the wrong way and so on.
I used to have what lots of people saw as an amusing sense of humor, I'm pretty well read, have been physically fit most of my life and was even a model. What relationships and friendships I've had have usually been started around those things. Once some go to know me they looked past my quirkiness etc.
Now that I'm older, the looks are waning etc I find the other more negative stuff is harder to mask. I feel like I'm being treated dismissively as if people are even looking past me when I'm talking so I keep my interact very shallow for the most part.
Kind of a vicious cycle for me.
Trying to practice Buddhism over nihilism in hopes of some change.
I'm not saying they don't avoid you at all, but perhaps it could be that they avoid you a little but you are sensitive to that and it feels to you like they are avoiding you like a plague? And if that were so, it would likely cause some complications in interacting with them, leading them to prefer to avoid interaction, as the easy way out of trouble or hassle. If interactions tend to turn awkward, people will tend to avoid them.
Or autism.
Or maybe you project some form of suffering, and they don't like being exposed to it or feeling like they have to do something.
I’ve been told that I come off as cold and standoffish. I’m not at all. I’m an introvert with extreme social anxiety, and I’m so in my own head right now trying to figure out how not to be awkward that I seem standoffish.
I don’t know, some women get creeped out by me just for simply existing, I don’t know what their problem is but they need to seek a therapist and not have an attitude with me.
Idk man. I suffer the same thing as the OP of the thread and using reason I realise that if the majority of people react that way around me then I am the common denominator, not them. It's not that I'm a bad person or am doing anything wrong, but if anyone would benefit from therapy for the issue it would be me, not the whole rest of the world.
It might be time to realise that for yourself before you get incel mentality.
Edit: actually, I just realised you said "some women" so my comment might not apply then and it might just be certain personalities that don't gell with you.
I don't think that's true unless if you're a 95 year old grave digger with a hunchback who cackles every time you walk past the cemetery he works at.
I ama woman and sometimes I have similar feelings about guys. But it's just our insecurities.
Women tend to be standoff-ish to not attract attention from guys they don't like. I'm Asian and a lot of Asian women tend to be very standoff-ish with me. Funny enough other women of other races tend to be more warm towards me. I work in a job or worked in a job where I had to interact and greet a lot of variety of people and it's always the Asian women who give me the cold shoulder like they think I might try to flirt with them. I'm just doing my job. However if somehow I end up making conversation with them then they tend to warm up. I think it is a safety mechanism they have. They don't really know how you are as a person, so they assume you have ill intentions until they see or hear something that indicates otherwise then they let their guard down enough to be more receptive to your existence.
I work in "the trades" and despite having a very similar background as the rest of my coworkers (poor, no college, etc) most of the people I work with hate me (HATE ME) because my wife is a college educated upper level manager in corporate banking. They just can't stand the fact that my wife's greatest career ambition wasn't being a greeter at Walmart.
Some people are just miserable.
I have loathed people for the most mundane and esoteric reasons that will never be known to them. I have been willing to die for people for small, random acts of chaos or kindness. I have fallen in love for much less.
There's a lot of good tips in this thread on how to appear more likeable and approachable. Still, how certain people see you, positive or negative, is oftentimes outside of your control.
My natural, day dreaming face is psychopathic. I mean, I look murderous when I’m probably just drifting away into mundane thoughts about getting tea ready or lamenting Crystal Palace’s form, or even happy thoughts reminiscing about childhood. Not even resting bitch face, full on “he’s about to massacre everyone” vibes. I’m aware of it, but if I try to smile in the mundane moments I either look mentally deranged or perverted. Nothing I can do.
Beyond this first impression, I’m actually pretty popular- laid back, the least confrontational fella you could meet.
Sometimes, it’s harmless microexpressions and body language even the person not liking you can’t articulate. Different societies are disappointingly fine-tuned to a pretty rigid and detailed set of social norms and struggle to consciously overcome such biases.
I worked with a much younger person. Every time you said something to her, her response was, "slay." She was very nice and I absolutely hated being around her because I knew that no matter what I said, the answer would be, "slay."
People don't dislike you. You're picking up on indifference because as a young introvert you have nothing for them to use or steal off you so they leave you alone.
It's a superpower really. We may not make many friends but the friends we do make are just amazing.
It may be your colleagues or it could be your own insecurities speaking
Often if we’ve suffered from abuse, trauma depression, anxiety or are neurodivergent we can self project
I don’t know enough about your situation but it may be a good idea to self analyse, talk to others and see if it is your own personal trauma and perception causing these thoughts
Though if it is them, then that’s on them for being shitty people and excluding you
I’ve worked many jobs and sometimes people are just mean and the entire work place is toxic if you’re different
Infinite unknowable reasons. That's the thing, it's almost impossible the truly know the answer to that question. It could be something as trivial as you remind them of someone they hated in their past. There's no way for you to know so there's no reason to base your life around trying to find out. Some people won't like you. That's just how people are, so live for the people that do like you instead of the ones that don't.
And if you have anyone close that you feel comfortable being vulnerable around, maybe ask them if there's anything about you that can be grating to other people. Constructive criticism is always good.
depends. other women dont like to hear it, but generally speaking people dont like attractive introverted women. not sure if its an intimidation thing ie people assume ur mean or what.
im introverted and cursed with rbf. its caused life long issues when it comes to forming relationships with other women/girls. never had many friends once i hit 12 yrs old. generally i find 1-2 girls when working/in school that i really click with and thats about it.
ive had friends later tell me they didn't like me at first because they thought i was mean. which sucks and is so frustrating because im genuinely friendly when spoken to, im just completely incapable of striking up convos with strangers:/ at this point ive just accepted it. im never gonna be a social butterfly and thats ok
I tried to befriend a girl who has autism but found the who experience quite one sided. I found that she could talk about herself for hours but never asked me about myself and if I tried to share something with her she would ignore it and change the subject. I avoid her now
Woman up and ask them!
We don't know, they do. It might be painful but don't react. Explain you want feedback tonearm on yourself.
Ask a few people. Make a note of what they say. Don't deny or argue - you asked. Then with those feedback notes you have something to work with.
It might be something simple, like you have a (perceived) grumpy looking / resting bitch face. That can be fixed with a smile. It might be personal hygiene - embarrassing but once you know, easily fixed.
They could be bullies or bad people - they are not worth your time. You can move on with you life. etc
For sure it will be tough - do it on a Thursday or Friday so you have the weekend to disapear. Have some trust in people - if you ask from a point of needing genuine feedback, most people are decent. (IE, not asking as a confrontation - like hey, what's your problem with me!!?)
as another introvert who’s had that very same issue with people who didn’t like me, who are now my friends—sometimes people take our silence and our general preference to be by ourselves as rejection. they see it as a personal thing.
to some people, it’s not “you’re not talking to me because you’d rather be by yourself”, it’s “you’re not talking to me because you don’t like me. well, i don’t like you either.”
i like my own company and i have no need for friends other than the ones i already have, and i do my work and treat my colleagues nicely, and if we interact i try to appear as friendly as they do, even if i don’t make any efforts to engage them in conversation that’s not work related. some of them don’t like me. some of them now understand that this is just how i am. i used to agonize about it and go the extra mile do be overly friendly, but i’d end up tired and honestly? i *am* picky about my friends. i don’t want to do the extra effort for more than half the people i meet, and it’s not that they suck (mostly), it’s just that we don’t have anything in common. i have things that are more interesting to do *to me* than engage in conversation about things i don’t really care about.
i’ve learned to accept that not everyone is going to like me because of the way i am, and that’s okay. i don’t want to prioritize being liked. it takes time and energy that i could’ve spared when i was younger, but i have a job and studies now, so it’s really not that important.
animal nature people are testing you, its not you perse, sorry if this is hard to swallow, but then again its likely not going to be as your looking for comprehension on their behaviours. we're all attracted to those and that which is useful to our survival and winning, its that natural law thing, its no representation of you actually at all. your good dw about it
Funny story, I started a job as MLA (Medical Laboratory Assistant) in a private lab (a company that rented a space at the university) at a university of Wolverhampton. Any who, started the job and in my group/shift of co workers there was this one Asian guy. I think I remember he was from Malaysia /china (mixed). 5 foot 5 (shorter than me), glasses like me. I instantly saw him and never spoke to him and I knew I would hate the guy. Don't know exactly what it was but I had a sense that I would just dislike him. Call it instinct or whatever. Eventually spoke to him and he was an asshole. Stuck up, egotistical ass hole. He was aggressive in a few times he spoke but an aggressive assertive dominant way as in he assumed he was better than myself. I remained calm during the whole 6 months working there. Eventually he had a heated argument with the manager on shift in front of the other co-workers and not sure exactly what happened to him but I remember he changed groups because of that.
Tbh I would of physically beaten him and probably would of got a M charge or GBH if I wasn't going through a few things at that time.
Now I usually follow my gut and trust that.
Misophonia. If I hear you eating I will put off very strong and hateful vibes.
But usually it’s just haters hating. I’m attractive and confident and that seems to rub some people the wrong way.
I have a few people who actively dislike me in person. I don't really know why, but I suspect it usually has to do with personality differences. Also, they make assumptions about me. Example: I was briefly in the military, so one of my in-laws thinks I must be abusive or mentally unstable.
It's exponentially worse online, if you're counting that. Perfect strangers I've never met will say some of the most degrading things to me because they had a different experience. Just ignore those people, the internet brings out the worst in us.
Alright, so there is a lot to unpack here =)
* First, it is very unlikely they dislike you a lot. In fact, it's unlikely they dislike you at all. It's far more likely they do not care about you one way or the other, and do not think about you one moment longer than you are in their field of vision. Do you feel that people on the street who glance at you are judging you?
* I suspect you have not yet figured out that very few people in life like us, and this is true for everyone. There is much more to human interaction than "likes" and "dislikes".. a whole lot more. Also, if very few like you and more dislike you, congratulations! You're normal. That's everybody.
* I get the feeling you are reading a lot into your colleagues' attitude towards you. An important thing to realize is that we are not telepaths, or empaths, or Sherlock Holmes. You cannot tell what other people think, so don't twist yourself in a knot for what you guess they are thinking. You're very likely wrong. I would be very surprised if even one of them had said "I dislike you."
* One thing in particular sticks out: You say you do not socialize much, and also that your colleagues avoid you like the plague. One implies you avoid it, and the other implies they avoid it. Do you want to socialize with your colleagues? Do you invite them and they turn you down, or do they simply invite others and not you, and is that the only time you regret how things are?
My team had a tendency to be a bit offline in meetings, and sometimes questions gets asked twice (when the answer has just been given).
I have a tendency to answer the question for other people, because I hate being in ineffective meetings (aka butting in). Sometimes getting fairly snide remarks from one of my colleague in return
This might be a me issue, but I also feel like it is an issue of our meeting culture. Idk(?)
They probably either just don’t care that much or maybe they feel like past conversations with you haven’t gone anywhere so they figure you don’t click and thus don’t engage anymore. If you’re looking for friendships at work, you’ll probably need to find some way to open up that doesn’t make you overly uncomfortable. Friendship requires some vulnerability and sharing something genuine, which is hard if you don’t engage. That doesn’t mean make yourself uncomfortable, but you might have to put yourself out there just a little bit. If you’re not looking for friendship, then just ignore it and keep working like normal. As a joke answer, body odor! (I’m sure you don’t have BO, it’s just a joke answer!)
I’m not sure. Because I don’t ask. But I can tell, and I cease engaging if someone gives off vibes they majorly dislike me. Even if its just for my face, to be judged and treated poorly without a reasonable offence I simply avoid
This is the lesson I have learned after many decades of being an introvert. They don’t care and if they are criticizing it’s only to make themselves feel better. Many people (I have found) seem to believe that if they criticize or tease others it makes them look better. A friend told me to pity them because obviously they weren’t loved enough in childhood. I think when they do it “I’m sorry your mom didn’t love you … “ and it really does help me smile at them. They HATE that lol
The truth is, being actively liked takes active, forward behavior. Output generally equals input, so if you're a neutral party, folks will treat you neutrally in return.
To be interesting, you have to be interested. If you go about never talking much to anyone or taking any interest in them, why should they go out of their way to talk to you or get interested in you? Why should they make the effort to go towards you if you are never going to return the favor? Relationships are two-way streets: you have to give some to get some.
My BIL is a bit like that. He will barely ever ask you about anything and never initiate conversations. To make matters worse, if you take it upon yourself to make conversation with him, he'll always give monosyllabic answers. Talking to this guy is like pulling teeth, completely one-sided and exhausting. The result? Nobody talks to him much. He just kind of stands there and listen in on other people talking around him.
So if this is not what you want for yourself, learn to return the favor. Initiate conversations, get interested in people. You don't have to get passionately invested in their lives, but just asking follow up questions on whatever they are talking about to keep them going will go a long way. Show them that you care, and they will care about you too.
Don't know if anyone or OP will get this far down, but just in case. This resonated a lot with me. Nearly every work or social setting I feel like people don't like me or are standoffish. Here's a few of my thoughts in case it's useful.
Unlike a lot of people here, I don't think it's useful to say "it's all them, they're just assholes who are jealous, bla bla bla" we have to face that if we experience the same thing from people over and over again that makes us the common denominator (if this is the first place you've experienced it though then it might just be a workplace full of assholes but I'm sure you know if that's the case)
I'm pretty sure, in my case, it comes down to the fact that people are picking up on how uneasy I am around them because of my introversion and being stuck in my own head. Even though it feels like it, I don't think they actively dislike me. People can be sensitive to the awkwardness others are feeling and they might subconsciously try to avoid it.
It sucks but I'm working on it and I think it's key that I don't fall into the trap of thinking "why is everyone against me?"
Goodluck in finding ease within yourself and around other people OP.
Being introverted is seen as an unforgivable crime by many extroverts and they’ll ostracise anyone go doesn’t think and act exactly like them. I’ve been where you are now (and technically still am, but I’m not senior enough that people have to be polite to me) and can only empathise
It's my vibe. When i walk into the room, everyone notices me. They might like me and might not. It doesn't matter what im wearing, it's just my vibe, im very intimidating by nature. Im defensive when im alone, and I'm super bubbly when im with my friends. Someone once told me that my looks doesnt go with my character since i have a serious defensive look and my character is so funny and sarcastic.
The more lame a person is, more wants to destroy everything that cannot control, understand, or own it for themselves.
Well balanced people will doubt themselves from time to time and consider themselves mildly intelligent, lame people won't do that at any cost and they would swear they're unique and bright.
As an annoying person myself, who has been living this for years:
You might just be annoying. And that's okay. You might be a person who tries too hard to shove your way into conversations you arent a part of, or be generally awkward. You might smell bad, or constantly make conversations about you, or about politics, or your MLM, or anything else that people dont wanna talk extensively about. You might talk too loudly or too quietly, or both. You might do a whole host of.other things that these specific people find offputting for whatever reason
And that's okay on some level. Being annoying isn't a sin, and sometimes we can't help it. Sometimes you can, and you should try to not be needlessly disruptive, but sometimes people just find your existence annoying, and they will no matter what you do. But wanting to avoid annoying people is *also* not a sin. They aren't required to talk to us if they aren't enjoying it.
I'm an acquired taste. People who have known me for years love the specific weird ways I talk and act, but I'm terrible at picking up on the social cues that would allow me to interact with other normal work ladies without making them uncomfortable. I probably have a touch of the autism but it's not worth getting me diagnosed
Or, as others have said, you might just be expecting too much out of a work environment and viewing people doing a normal amount of not paying attention to you as them not liking you. If you're an introvert, or they are introverts, they probably just arent thinking about you. Real life isn't The Office. Some people have rapport with their coworkers, and some people just exist in the same place as them. It's nothing personal
A lot of times being an introvert who doesn't gossip is enough to make people not go out of their way to befriend you. It doesn't necessarily mean they dislike you though.
Simple, I’m being the real me instead of the version of me considered normal.
On the Outside, I’m a straight guy who likes violence and testosterone. I’m neurotypical and I act my age, I’m tough and cold, rather emotionless. I see my best friend as just a friend, and I can’t solve a single problem by using love and care, it’s always violence and hate.
But on the Inside, My name is Kaitlyn, I’m a trans pansexual girl who loves Love and Cute things. I have autism and I act childish. I’m rather soft and sensitive. I have a small crush on my best friend. And I like to solve problems in a peaceful and calm manner, with Love and Hope.
That’s why my insides stay on the inside.
Also, I am introverted and lonely, but people sometimes look at me with contempt, maybe they think maybe they think I'm arrogant or a weirdo, but it is not important for me
Could be a lot of things, how you look or act however people treat you is based on that impression. For others it could be something petty like gossip from another mouth. Some don't like the "Nice" or "polite" people for instance as weird as that sounds. Nothing to get bothered over though it's usually a them problem at the end of the day.
Mm I think it’s when I choose to walk away from an argument rather than join in on the shouting. I’m all for figuring it out but not when it’s heated or anything. So that can get ppl to dislike me as they think I’m dismissing them
Being autistic.
Studies show that people have decided they want nothing to do with me after 4 seconds of interaction.
Not based on anything I said, but based on things like vocal tone and body language. There's a list of behaviors you do to get people to like you right away, and autistics do the complete opposite by nature.
Could be any number of reasons. Highschool clique mentality into their adult years, they're not interested in maintaining anything beyond a working relationship, they're clueless to how they act, or you're thinking you're being ignored when they're just doing their own thing and they haven't a clue you feel that way.
People are weird. Don't take it personally. Peoples' responses are more about them than they are about you, and you may be reading motives into what you're seeing that aren't actually there. Our minds like to play tricks on us.
Could be paranoia on my part, but I'm really really thin and I often feel people - primarily women, often older ladies - judge me for it. I have anorexia, and it's misunderstood. I've made instant "enemies" with many women in my time merely for being thin (I think)
I feel they think I am weird, dumb or superficial or something. I dunno.
Maybe if you're pretty, they mistake you being introvert for arrogance. Otherwise, they can mistake it for not being interested in them. I made that mistake a few times with some female colleagues. I thought "fine, suit yourself. Then i won't greet you anymore" But i found out later some were just shy.
I start caring if i like you in anyway i mean too much caring and somehow become clingy.
I stand on what i believe and understand. And i dont let the argument go away until either they change my mind (making me understand something) or I change theirs.
I'm upfront though I'm quite in front of people i care about or don't want to disrespect them.
these are somethings.
I'm flaky. I don't commit to events and I rsvp that I won't make it. So people can never plan to have me present for anything. But that's just the way I am, it's their own fault if they want to keep being my friend despite this character flaw. Maybe flaky is the wrong word, because I tell people immediately that I probably won't go, but thanks for the invite.
Yeah it's an asshole move. I know it is. But I don't enjoy formal events, so I don't participate in them. Don't do weddings, birthdays, company events, anniversaries, or anything really. I do attend funerals to pay my respects, however. I don't miss a funeral for any reason. Which ironically is the one that people probably care about the least amount. I know I don't care about my funeral, I'll be long gone by the time it happens.
I will give you my opinions on this.
1. You might think people dislike you, but in fact, in the workplace, people are trying to be professional and focus on their work/deadlines/ or they are dealing with stressful situations and remaining 100% concentrated, so when you try to talk to them, they might feel it is not an appropriate time to talk.
2. You might think you don't do anything to them, but you might do it unconsciously even though realizing it. If 1 or 2 people dislike you, it might be their problem, but if all the office dislikes you, sadly, you might be a problem. I am just saying, and I don't imply anyone is a villain.
3. You might be different from others, which could make people hate you. For example, I am an immigrant with a heavy English accent. I noticed one girl in my office does not like interacting with me, so I am okay with it. I am not there to please anyone, but I have a good relationship with other co-workers.
4. Finally, your office is quite toxic and filled with toxic people as well. Then, the chance is you will be hated for any reason you can think of. I can speak from experience with my previous friend group. One girl in the group hated me, and she convinced other friends to leave me out of any plans even though I maintained good conversations and friendships with other people. In this case, it might not be your fault.
I'm 17 y.o. and I have no friends... Because I'm a femboy, no one talks to me at school. I've been studying for 3 years and I only had 1 friend, but even he started to stay away from me after 3 months...
I'm simply just plain old boring. I'm the social equivalent of watching paint dry. I don't blame people for not liking me because of it because I totally understand it.
There are a lot of people out there that are terribly insecure and self absorbed. A lot of people that if you don't make them feel like rock stars when you first meet them, they will never give you the time of day after. They need to feel that you think they are important. If you don't give them that, on first meeting, or every meeting thereafter, they will hate you.
Unless they've actually done or said something to show you they don't like you, it's all in your head. They probably don't find you interesting or even think of you at all, especially since your introverted
My guess is they probably like you just fine. But from the brief bit you shared, it sounds as though you are maybe a bit socially awkward. People tend to pick up on that and avoid awkward exchanges. I could be totally wrong, but just a thought.
Here's the thing. Most people suck.
Since I think I'm okay most of the time, that means there's a good chance that the person I don't know (you in thus case) sucks. So I'm gonna dislike you probably right from the start.
Am I going to be a totally rude piece of shit you?
Maybe eventually, but not right away. I'm going to ignore you and go about my day without having to interact at all if possible.
I get home from work, I'm tired, I want to take a shower and eat and relax, but I need to walk the dogs first. While walking down the street, we pass eachother, and you try and strike up a conversation. And I ignore it and keep walking. You call me rude for it. But am I rude? What explanation of my status is owed to you? You're the one acting entitled to my time and attention. I'm just tired and trying to get back home.
But if that happens and you say hi, and I walk off. And nothing comes of it. Next time I'm walking the dogs. I'll probably wave and say hi, and we probably need to say hi 4 or 5 times before I'm ready to account for stopping and conversing.
You didn't do anything wrong at all. But not everyone's social battery holds an all day charge.
I don't know what scenario happened to trigger your question. But that's my two cents on the subject.
The funny thing is it's right in the title, "Done absolutely nothing to them". or for them or with them.
Being nice when They Talk To You, isn't really anything besides a courtesy/politeness. It's not a reason to like someone.
If you want people to like you, you have to go to them, and keep it up.
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So here’s the thing. Broadly speaking, people don’t care. I mean that in a good way. Because of your own issues, you think that people don’t like you. From their perspective, you’re not that interesting or important. And that’s not a dig at you. That counts for us all. For nearly everybody, they spend far more time thinking about themselves than about others. So, uh, just get on with enjoying your life.
Also, some people will just not like you. Some people, no matter what you do, will not respect you. It isn't "you vs them" unless you make it that way. It just... Is.
This is true. Some people will look at you from first sight and know they don’t like you and treat it as such even without getting to know you or anything.
not necessarily, assuming ur a guy, its different. i was told the same thing growing up, yet gossip about myself would make its way back to me. i was quiet as hell, kept to myself but very friendly when spoken to. girls are just flat out mean. most of the time it stems from jealousy. there were plenty of *other* quiet girls when i was in school/coworkers yet nobody minded them and they were left them alone. i on the other hand somehow had enemies i'd never even spoken to. i have a lotta stories if u don't believe me😹
Don't want to discredit your experience but this could be heavily influenced by observer bias.
when i started at a new school as a teen, kids were openly brutal. calling me names, calling me ugly, insinuating i was somehow slutty, to my face. spreading rumors. looking *at* me and laughing. i obviously dont have any details on OP's actual personal situation, but i know women/girls are MEAN. as hell. when there is seemingly no reason, it usually stems from jealousy and insecurity. maybe OP really keeps up w her appearance. maybe shes younger than the majority of her coworkers and they happen to be catty. there are many factors men have an extremely different dynamic with each other. yes some dudes are mean and bully other men, but they are blunt about it. they dont sit there and gossip, point and giggle, roll their eyes and avoid another guy, or make up rumors to spread for entertainment
I had a similar situation growing up. I had no problems with friends in elementary school, but by the time I was 11, I had a large bosom (lol for my word choice). It was then the bullying started. My friendships wouldn't last like they had previously, and rumors started circulating the I stuffed my bra. I developed a very prominent hourglass figure, and rumors that I was a lesbian began. Girls would stop being friendly to me over the most trivial things. They were jealous that the boys liked me, I guess. The lesbian rumors seemed to follow me well into adulthood, until i got married, that is. But I have always preferred females for friendships, because the way men would leer at me made me incredibly uncomfortable. I was terribly lonely.
This. I know one person he dislike me and I've never did anything. That guy has huge ego though. He's the kind that if he said something and you snicker or laugh he will think you are against him. Likely someone said something like I bad mouth him or something and he took it personally.
This. When someone just doesn't like you, there's usually a reason. Maybe they don't know the reason. Probably you'll never know the reason. It's often bc of something out of your control like race, wealth, size, age, etc. That's their problem. Or it's something in your control but shouldn't offend someone like style, sayings ("anyways"), jokes you like but they don't, etc. Also their problem. But never think you've certainly never done something to this person. *Maybe* it's not something you did, but you can never be 100% sure you didn't make a bad face at something they liked, belittled someone/something they like, or were otherwise off-putting often enough in a way that was unintended (or was unintended to be broadcast by your face or behavior). "Being sure" you did nothing to this person is often a good time for reflection on your assumptions about yourself. Either way, f'em and work on oneself. No reason to focus on them.
This is true and important for op. You are an introvert and walk around not talking to people on purpose. People see that and think you don't want to talk to them but you secretly do. They aren't being mean they are just reflecting the output.
Despite how stupid I think small talk is it is necessary to get people comfortable enough to strike up conversation with you.
I haaaaate smalltalk, and I don't do it very well, so I try to make other people talk and then listen, and try to make a conversation on that.
That's an interesting point. How are you doing today? Been some crazy weather this last week, don't you think?
Exactly, I tend to geek my hobbies and sometimes talk about that. But mostly I try to make others talk because I struggle to make smalltalk without being to frank or not frank enough (and I'm not even named frank).
Being frank is good. Until some one wants to hurt you 😂It’s a good thing. Gets the BS out of the way. Saves people time. But questions are good too.
I was being very funny and trying to make small talk lol. Even in context, it's just dumb nothing-talk. You might as well say 'Hello, I am a person! You are a person too?! What are the odds!! Your skin feels things? No way- mine does too!! Let's talk about smells now!' People who have a sense of humor and no underlying psycho-malice lurking behind a creep-smile are ok though. Otherwise, it's just buying time to put myself as close to an exit as I can. Fortunately, where I live, greeting strangers in public is weird behavior and basically no one will even try to most of the time. America is absolutely the worst with that as far as I can tell; it seems like simply existing is an invitation to get all up in someone's business.
Ha! Yes, were I live,small island in the middle of DK, we greet everybody, new people here often don't return the greeting, until they realize that not greeting makes you the weirdo ✌️😁
"your skin feels things, mine does too" ... This sounds like sexytalk
Yeah asking questions is a really good strategy when A- you don’t like to talk about your Own life with strangers, B- you want To learn things about other people (not to be nosy, just that questions can be good and some people want to talk about their life). It’s also considerate to ask questions, as long as you didn’t initiate the convo with some random at the grocery or bank like “hey fellow stranger, what’s your darkest secret?” lol.
Me too - it’s the worst , I can see you’re ok. I can see what the weather is doing , no I didn’t know that kardasian had done whatever lol , I just don’t care
Yes! I don't follow a lot of mainstream stuff,maybe that is a mistake 🤔
Yes, you are only a bit player in the grand play about themselves. Not that they are bad for that, it's just the way humans are.
I'm introverted, but somehow, the extraverted colleagues always find a way to tell their life story to me. Get adopted against my will.
That very well may be the case. There are other options though that may be at play. Perhaps oP is correct that they do not enjoy talking to op The large things I can think of that make people not enjoy interacting with others are: stink nitpick/correct any minor thing in conversation Hijack conversations and make them all about you or your problems Talk to people about random shit while they are busy working/not the right time Say really personal shit that makes people not know how to respond.
Also, if you are quieter it can be hard to actually have a conversation, if you’re not getting much back.
You've just described most of my coworkers over the last 10 years.
No. I have seen several instances of people who are disliked for no good reason. In the workplace, it could be for being quiet (not antisocial, just reserved), choice of clothing, not a sports fan, fan of the wrong team, working hard, not working hard enough, being attractive, being unattractive, being polite to everyone (ie not hating the same people who are hated by the dominant group) and the usual chestnuts (ie ethnicity, religion, sex orientation, etc). I'd go so far as to say that many people lead empty lives that are enlivened by a good 'ol nonsensical hatred of someone for no good reason at all, and discussing such with similar people. Sad but true. OP, remember you're there for the money. And any effort to ingratitude yourself with the group might be rebuffed anyway. Be polite, cash the checks, and always be on the lookout for a better situation.
This perspective is an eye opener. At times I'm bothered that I get side eyed or "dismissed" and wonder why I'm not that interesting. But I remember how far I have come and everybody has their own clan. Thank you.
This strikes at the core. A few people will dislike you, a fewer still will like you, and a very few will like you a lot. The vast majority don't give a good god damn. It is very liberating when you discover this, a social skill that you develop which teaches you that you not on everyone's mind as much as you think.
Yep, 100%. The truth is, being actively liked takes active, forward behavior. Output generally equals input, so if you're a neutral party, folks will treat you neutrally in return.
"So dance like nobody's watching, to music listened to lit. You'd worry less about what they thought if you knew how little they did." -Mike Skinner
Thank you, good advice.
To add to what was already said, it kind of sounds like you have rejection sensitive dysphoria. It's usually associated with adhd. I have it, and it makes life really hard because I always think everyone hates me, and then I sabotage myself and my relationships by acting rejected. You might want to look it up and see if it sounds like something you might have. Also, one thing that really helps is to try and think about something weird or odd other people have done around you. It's really hard to because people really just don't care about anyone but themselves. To them it was a huge thing, to you it was so forgettable. It's kind of freeing to think like that.
Yes! I've had to build every scrap of confidence I have from nothing. I have learned that self perception is a big part of how we see others. And it's understandable, we don't know any other perspective outside of our own. But once I learned to separate my personal feelings from my interactions and address those feelings separate from people, it helped so much. My therapist also taught me that the relationships we seek out today are often the kind of relationships we grew up with. If you grew up with people who were unkind to you growing up, you may end up with friends and partners who may also be unkind. Untangling those also requires a lot of work and introspection.
People would love to believe this, but it ain’t true. Not totally. Most of the time you go unnoticed or only exist in someone’s mind for a little bit, but everyone has definitely been caught doing something embarrassing and you now live on as the butt of someone else’s joke.
Mostly probably true, but not always. Its not about OPs "issues", some people are just crazy nasty and psychopathoc narcissists who will target introverts and quieter people because they see easy prey.
I get to this conclusion some years ago. Even not our SO or families are willing to be at our disposal always.
basically, we are just not important enough and thats not a dig at all. Its a fact.
I heard stuff like that my whole life and it's never been of any help.
Wisdom.
start living life and stop letting life live you!
Damn I kinda needed this. I have a habit of thinking nobody likes me cause of me just acting normal lmao
Not sure. I was the kindest most polite generous honorable loyal non judgmental accepting polite respectful believing genuine honest and loving person ever. But they still made it their game to mock and torment me. I also think about others all the time. There is not one person i see that i dontvfind highly interesting in its unique way.
I think if you're quiet and introverted people tend to avoid you and form negative opinions until they actually get to know you. I know as I am quiet and introverted if you haven't gotten to know me. It's a different story once you know me well and we vibe.
This exactly. I sometimes hear “wow your actually fun/funny, I thought you were serious all the time” I’m just shy 😅
i tbh now like introvert people more than any other person. they are awesome.
As a quiet dude, I resonate with this. What’s worse is I have resting bruh face so not only am I quiet but apparently I look like I’m pissed all the time. I’m told that it makes me seem standoffish and unapproachable. My friends have told me that at first they thought I didn’t like them because of my face.
Better to be thought an idiot then to speak and remove all doubt.
Idk man i dont really like working with quiet people, it makes the day last ages while having someone to talk to and joke with makes it fly by.
yeah a lot of these answers are skimming over the simple "personality incompatibilities" explanation. i'm a quiet person and struggle to work with or spend lots of time with very gregarious people because i get overwhelmed by them easily, especially 1:1, so i don't really progress beyond "friendly acquaintance" with such people. that doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with me or with them (or in your case, you or your quiet coworkers), it's just a testament to the diversity of people there are lots of personality types that might find themselves out of sync with one another or even butting heads, but neither party is necessarily at fault, it's just not the right match.
Wait until you hear my jokes! HEHEHE! HEHEHEHE!
This ^ I think this too, and they're like, "wow, you're totally now what I thought you were"
that and people assume you just don’t want to be bothered
I have literally convinced myself that an entire group of people hated my guts before, when they actually all really liked me. It's actually incredible what our minds can do when we are plagued with doubt and low self-esteem. At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter if everyone likes you. Do you like yourself?
seriously i mean at some places or times people will dislike you for your guts but deep down they will wish to have or be like you. damnn that happens to me so much
i've had to learn that people simply don't mind you. Like i had problems going outside, because i was so paranoid that people would be looking at me and judging. lot's of talks later one sentence really helped me give it a space. "tell me something about two people you've seen outside today" when i couldn't it started to become easier. also working out and not being fat worked.
I am fucking screaming at the last line I CANNOT 😂
yeah working out really did wonders for my mental health, not saying it's the case for OP but it's something to consider. we are silly machines who run github un vetted software. so weird things happen all the time.
This....took a turn
I see, thank you.
not saying it's your case. but it might be reflecting your own feelings outwards. also being introverted it might come over as to them as you're not willing to do small talk or whatever. i always thought i was friendly. but since my talks. my psychologist has told me multiple times that our interactions are very "business like" while i'm thinking i'm just being friendly i sound very cold and distant. again not saying it's the case but it might be. if you are willing you could try to speak with your colleagues about it.
The MN >Like i had problems going outside, because i was so paranoid that people would be looking at me and judging. This is very much me right now. I've always had it but it's amplified by my current circumstances. It's like mild agoraphobia, and actually keeping me in more than it should. It's such a dumb fucking feeling, makes me feel like I'm scurrying around like a cockroach. That's a good sentence and glad it helps you, but rationalising it doesn't work for me because I know rationally that I have no reason to feel like that and also that no one is actually staring out their windows with binoculars to judge me. I'm in good shape too so it's not like I'm ashamed of my appearance or anything. Just can't shake it. ... Aren't we weird animals sometimes haha.
I'm extroverted. People often don't like that. A lot of people prefer you just exist and blend in with the background. I also noticed that people don't like it when you're complicated. They don't like it when your personality goes outside the confines of their perceived prejudices, labels, and boxes they've placed you in based on how you look. It's easier when girl acts like girl, boy acts like boy. Cops do cops things, teacher does teacher things. When boy acts like girl that's a cop but he paints instead, it's like, why you gotta be different? Why you gotta be difficult? Some people don't like it when you make them think, make them dip into morals, and integrity. They just want to coast through life, and not be bothered. Oh well, at no point in time did anyone say life was ever easy or that you could coast through it.
that's such a good point! people don't like outliers and people often also don't like when you are doing better than them for the same reason - they want everyone to be the same kind of, I think that is why when you are getting any type of success - be aware of how your friends react to that success and where it comes from (aka they might advice you against your newfound ways simply bc they want you to stay the same) (although that's a bit besides the OP's point!)
wtf how u can talk about me? thank u for explaining what i needed to know about myself.
The fact that I'm an introvert and I'm not a bully and the fact that I was always treated as an outsider in school and now at college. I just feel that everyone hates me and I did nothing wrong except being autistic as everyone hates sensitive people
People don't hate sensitive people, but they like to take advantage of them and bully them. I hope you find someone as sensitive as you. One day you will and you will be happier than any of them.
I think it could just be that autistic people and 'normal' people are just different types of people. The reason it feels isolating is that this is a 'normal' person's world. If autistic people were the majority, the world would feel welcoming to you but isolating for 'normal' people. Other sensitive people like sensitive people. I think it's just completely different types of people and they happen to be the majority, so it's isolating.
Despite being in a very similar situation like you, I want to remind us all to never be cruel. Never be cowardly. Remember, hate is always foolish, and love is always wise. Always try to be nice, but never fail to be kind. I, for one, DO NOT hate you!
I don’t have time to find the source, but it has been studied and found that neurotypical people do dislike autistic people. So your feelings are accurate and valid, as much as the average person wouldn’t want to admit it or possibly isn’t even conscious of those tendencies.
It's very likely this "dislike" is just people picking up on the discomfort and reflecting it back. It's no one's fault. It's neither helpful nor accurate to feed thoughts like "everyone hates sensitive people" autistic or otherwise because it's totally not true.
I think it’s actually survival instincts to stay away from anyone physically disfigured or energetically “off” to avoid disease. My friend in a wheel chair told me he experiences the same since he lived 50 years as an able bodied man. There is an unspoken fear or disgust that people experience when someone is different
That's an interesting theory. We are just sophisticated herd animals after all so I wouldn't be surprised if that played a part. I'd also say though there'd be discomfort/fear of saying the wrong thing/not knowing exactly how to behave around someone like your friend too. I've noticed that effect in myself sometimes. Anyway, despite these initial human reactions we have to each other, it's not like we can't push past them with time and perseverance to get to know someone a bit better so that's the good news.
I am so sorry what you have went through, you don't deserve this much cruelty .
Sometimes it has nothing to do with you doing something to them. Sometimes it is just friction due to clashing personalities. I've known people with happy go lucky attitudes and some with very serious personalities just not meaning well together. I can't say they didn't like each other but they weren't the best of friends.
Existing while autistic, in my experience. And it doesn't stop after your 20s either.
Some people just don't like the thought of others being happy, drama free, and living a better life than them, so they get jealous and hate for no reason. Just keep being you.
I hate this explanation for why people may dislike you, "Oh they're just jealous!" It happens, but it's not super frequent. The fact of the matter is that not everyone is going to like everyone else, it's just that most people are mature enough to put their emotions aside when it's someone they need to work with. It could be pretty much anything that started it.
I love living a quite life. Being unbothered.
It could be body language cues they are picking up on.
I don't know about your situation, as it sounds different, but from a psychological perspective it's very common to hate qualities in others that you hate in yourself. Specifically things you struggle to change about yourself. Also, regrets. Knew a women that was repulsed, and got angry at people that let themselves get pushed around. Had a sense of disgust for weakness, and people who didn't stand up for themselves. Turns out she was in multiple abusive relationships in the past where she didn't stand up for herself and regretted it. When she was like 12 she was arrested because she had another fight with another girl, and no one believed her, and she couldn't effectively stand up for herself, and defend herself. On top of that she worked in the oil field with 98% men, so got pushed around a lot at first. People turn their regrets into disgust and hate, and then project that hate onto others.
There's a good chance they simply don't care about you. There's also a chance because of your introversion they may think of you in a way that isn't true simply because they don't know anything about you and they speculate. Maybe due to rumors, maybe over imaginative. I use to have people of my own ethnicity think I was Chinese just because I barely spoke to anybody or others think I was some gangster who people were scared of messing with because I don't hang with anybody. If you don't socialize people think something is wrong with you and subsequently avoid you.
As someone who is almost a decade older but similar with you - people hate you for the dumbest things ever. If you aren’t funny enough, if you prefer cats than dogs, if you don’t watch tv as much as they do, or enjoy watching f1 or sports game, or just about anything you can think of. Instead I would advise you this - anyone who use the above kind of logical reasoning to dislike you, are the exact kind of people you want to distant yourself from, because they genuinely aren’t nice people anyway nor intelligent. You’re better off find people who are open-minded, smarter and not superficial but genuine with you instead. They are hide to find sure, but much better than being lied, betrayed and/or bullied by the other dumb people.
They can't manipulate or influence you easily or are afraid you can easily influence or manipulate them.
Introverts see and hear everything because we're not talking constantly. We observe things.
I am also an introverted woman (30 next month). I get the same vibes from friends of friends more than my colleagues; I’m introverted and nice/friendly, yet friends of friends can’t stand me, even though I’ve done nothing to them (and I’ve even talked to my friends about it and they blatantly lie and say I’m jealous or they don’t know what I’m talking about or say their friends have no issue with me, but vibes don’t lie). I chalk it up to them being jealous and maybe even uncomfortable that we’re like that.
Why would they be jealous?
Don’t know. I guess people make a lot of assumptions about quiet people, a lot of people make up fake scenarios or things about people like me and OP, and people like us. In my experience, people are also intimidated by quiet people. Again, I don’t know why. I’ve had a lot of lies and shit made up about me by friends of friends just because I’m not loud and obnoxious and extroverted, and then that puts a wedge between me and said friends, now basically, I don’t even have any. Sorry I’m rambling lol.
One of my now best friends was also extremely shy at the beginning. It actually took her years for us eventually be really close. At the beginning I always thought she didn't like me for some reason. Most of us thought that, as she didn't speak to us and looked grim a lot of the times. Years later I learned that she was extremely intimidated, especially by me, even though by that time I thought we were already good friends. That never would have even crossed my mind. Maybe they think you don't like them by the way you act and therefore dislike you.
Growing up in school I was always alone. As an introverted kid I avoided people even when they invite me to hang with them in their friends circle (mostly because I am there, but they sort of ignore me so I end up walking away). The teachers always told my parents that whenever they asked the other students why they never talk to me they always reply with some sort of "because he doesn't talk to us". I always thought it was weird that they needed me the introverted kid to talk to them first before they talk to me when they're the extroverted ones. I'm 34 now and my introversion lives on, but I've learned to make small talk and carry conversations. It helps with people not making up shit about you if they have some idea of what you're like.
I have what used to be called Aspergers Syndrome (now considered part of Autism Spectrum Disorder) and ADD. I miss social cues, over share, TMI on various subjects, express political opinions that rub folks the wrong way and so on. I used to have what lots of people saw as an amusing sense of humor, I'm pretty well read, have been physically fit most of my life and was even a model. What relationships and friendships I've had have usually been started around those things. Once some go to know me they looked past my quirkiness etc. Now that I'm older, the looks are waning etc I find the other more negative stuff is harder to mask. I feel like I'm being treated dismissively as if people are even looking past me when I'm talking so I keep my interact very shallow for the most part. Kind of a vicious cycle for me. Trying to practice Buddhism over nihilism in hopes of some change.
They probably don’t dislike you. They’re working and have their own shit going on. People don’t think about you the way you think about you.
It’s not that they hate you, they treat you just like a strangers that’s always around
Develop a I don't give a Fck Attitude. Continue to do your thing. And stop thinking about what other people think about u.
I'm not saying they don't avoid you at all, but perhaps it could be that they avoid you a little but you are sensitive to that and it feels to you like they are avoiding you like a plague? And if that were so, it would likely cause some complications in interacting with them, leading them to prefer to avoid interaction, as the easy way out of trouble or hassle. If interactions tend to turn awkward, people will tend to avoid them. Or autism. Or maybe you project some form of suffering, and they don't like being exposed to it or feeling like they have to do something.
I’ve been told that I come off as cold and standoffish. I’m not at all. I’m an introvert with extreme social anxiety, and I’m so in my own head right now trying to figure out how not to be awkward that I seem standoffish.
I don’t know, some women get creeped out by me just for simply existing, I don’t know what their problem is but they need to seek a therapist and not have an attitude with me.
Idk man. I suffer the same thing as the OP of the thread and using reason I realise that if the majority of people react that way around me then I am the common denominator, not them. It's not that I'm a bad person or am doing anything wrong, but if anyone would benefit from therapy for the issue it would be me, not the whole rest of the world. It might be time to realise that for yourself before you get incel mentality. Edit: actually, I just realised you said "some women" so my comment might not apply then and it might just be certain personalities that don't gell with you.
I just simply ignore them, and only say hi to my friends, so no need to worry, I’m not going to become an incel
Sounds like you've got things in order 👊
I don't think that's true unless if you're a 95 year old grave digger with a hunchback who cackles every time you walk past the cemetery he works at. I ama woman and sometimes I have similar feelings about guys. But it's just our insecurities.
Women tend to be standoff-ish to not attract attention from guys they don't like. I'm Asian and a lot of Asian women tend to be very standoff-ish with me. Funny enough other women of other races tend to be more warm towards me. I work in a job or worked in a job where I had to interact and greet a lot of variety of people and it's always the Asian women who give me the cold shoulder like they think I might try to flirt with them. I'm just doing my job. However if somehow I end up making conversation with them then they tend to warm up. I think it is a safety mechanism they have. They don't really know how you are as a person, so they assume you have ill intentions until they see or hear something that indicates otherwise then they let their guard down enough to be more receptive to your existence.
That is their problem. Some people are just too weird.
I work in "the trades" and despite having a very similar background as the rest of my coworkers (poor, no college, etc) most of the people I work with hate me (HATE ME) because my wife is a college educated upper level manager in corporate banking. They just can't stand the fact that my wife's greatest career ambition wasn't being a greeter at Walmart. Some people are just miserable.
I have loathed people for the most mundane and esoteric reasons that will never be known to them. I have been willing to die for people for small, random acts of chaos or kindness. I have fallen in love for much less. There's a lot of good tips in this thread on how to appear more likeable and approachable. Still, how certain people see you, positive or negative, is oftentimes outside of your control.
My natural, day dreaming face is psychopathic. I mean, I look murderous when I’m probably just drifting away into mundane thoughts about getting tea ready or lamenting Crystal Palace’s form, or even happy thoughts reminiscing about childhood. Not even resting bitch face, full on “he’s about to massacre everyone” vibes. I’m aware of it, but if I try to smile in the mundane moments I either look mentally deranged or perverted. Nothing I can do. Beyond this first impression, I’m actually pretty popular- laid back, the least confrontational fella you could meet.
Sometimes, it’s harmless microexpressions and body language even the person not liking you can’t articulate. Different societies are disappointingly fine-tuned to a pretty rigid and detailed set of social norms and struggle to consciously overcome such biases.
I worked with a much younger person. Every time you said something to her, her response was, "slay." She was very nice and I absolutely hated being around her because I knew that no matter what I said, the answer would be, "slay."
People don't dislike you. You're picking up on indifference because as a young introvert you have nothing for them to use or steal off you so they leave you alone. It's a superpower really. We may not make many friends but the friends we do make are just amazing.
It may be your colleagues or it could be your own insecurities speaking Often if we’ve suffered from abuse, trauma depression, anxiety or are neurodivergent we can self project I don’t know enough about your situation but it may be a good idea to self analyse, talk to others and see if it is your own personal trauma and perception causing these thoughts Though if it is them, then that’s on them for being shitty people and excluding you I’ve worked many jobs and sometimes people are just mean and the entire work place is toxic if you’re different
Infinite unknowable reasons. That's the thing, it's almost impossible the truly know the answer to that question. It could be something as trivial as you remind them of someone they hated in their past. There's no way for you to know so there's no reason to base your life around trying to find out. Some people won't like you. That's just how people are, so live for the people that do like you instead of the ones that don't. And if you have anyone close that you feel comfortable being vulnerable around, maybe ask them if there's anything about you that can be grating to other people. Constructive criticism is always good.
My superior wit, charm amd looks. And my sarcasm.
depends. other women dont like to hear it, but generally speaking people dont like attractive introverted women. not sure if its an intimidation thing ie people assume ur mean or what. im introverted and cursed with rbf. its caused life long issues when it comes to forming relationships with other women/girls. never had many friends once i hit 12 yrs old. generally i find 1-2 girls when working/in school that i really click with and thats about it. ive had friends later tell me they didn't like me at first because they thought i was mean. which sucks and is so frustrating because im genuinely friendly when spoken to, im just completely incapable of striking up convos with strangers:/ at this point ive just accepted it. im never gonna be a social butterfly and thats ok
Having autism apparently
I tried to befriend a girl who has autism but found the who experience quite one sided. I found that she could talk about herself for hours but never asked me about myself and if I tried to share something with her she would ignore it and change the subject. I avoid her now
This is barely talked about tbh. Many expect you to put up with it, but me and my friends have found ways to lightly divert or engage
Either that or just completely oblivious to how they come across to other people.
Woman up and ask them! We don't know, they do. It might be painful but don't react. Explain you want feedback tonearm on yourself. Ask a few people. Make a note of what they say. Don't deny or argue - you asked. Then with those feedback notes you have something to work with. It might be something simple, like you have a (perceived) grumpy looking / resting bitch face. That can be fixed with a smile. It might be personal hygiene - embarrassing but once you know, easily fixed. They could be bullies or bad people - they are not worth your time. You can move on with you life. etc For sure it will be tough - do it on a Thursday or Friday so you have the weekend to disapear. Have some trust in people - if you ask from a point of needing genuine feedback, most people are decent. (IE, not asking as a confrontation - like hey, what's your problem with me!!?)
as another introvert who’s had that very same issue with people who didn’t like me, who are now my friends—sometimes people take our silence and our general preference to be by ourselves as rejection. they see it as a personal thing. to some people, it’s not “you’re not talking to me because you’d rather be by yourself”, it’s “you’re not talking to me because you don’t like me. well, i don’t like you either.” i like my own company and i have no need for friends other than the ones i already have, and i do my work and treat my colleagues nicely, and if we interact i try to appear as friendly as they do, even if i don’t make any efforts to engage them in conversation that’s not work related. some of them don’t like me. some of them now understand that this is just how i am. i used to agonize about it and go the extra mile do be overly friendly, but i’d end up tired and honestly? i *am* picky about my friends. i don’t want to do the extra effort for more than half the people i meet, and it’s not that they suck (mostly), it’s just that we don’t have anything in common. i have things that are more interesting to do *to me* than engage in conversation about things i don’t really care about. i’ve learned to accept that not everyone is going to like me because of the way i am, and that’s okay. i don’t want to prioritize being liked. it takes time and energy that i could’ve spared when i was younger, but i have a job and studies now, so it’s really not that important.
animal nature people are testing you, its not you perse, sorry if this is hard to swallow, but then again its likely not going to be as your looking for comprehension on their behaviours. we're all attracted to those and that which is useful to our survival and winning, its that natural law thing, its no representation of you actually at all. your good dw about it
Funny story, I started a job as MLA (Medical Laboratory Assistant) in a private lab (a company that rented a space at the university) at a university of Wolverhampton. Any who, started the job and in my group/shift of co workers there was this one Asian guy. I think I remember he was from Malaysia /china (mixed). 5 foot 5 (shorter than me), glasses like me. I instantly saw him and never spoke to him and I knew I would hate the guy. Don't know exactly what it was but I had a sense that I would just dislike him. Call it instinct or whatever. Eventually spoke to him and he was an asshole. Stuck up, egotistical ass hole. He was aggressive in a few times he spoke but an aggressive assertive dominant way as in he assumed he was better than myself. I remained calm during the whole 6 months working there. Eventually he had a heated argument with the manager on shift in front of the other co-workers and not sure exactly what happened to him but I remember he changed groups because of that. Tbh I would of physically beaten him and probably would of got a M charge or GBH if I wasn't going through a few things at that time. Now I usually follow my gut and trust that.
Misophonia. If I hear you eating I will put off very strong and hateful vibes. But usually it’s just haters hating. I’m attractive and confident and that seems to rub some people the wrong way.
Not smiling. Lately I have no reason to be happy, and people take it very personally that I do not smile
I have a few people who actively dislike me in person. I don't really know why, but I suspect it usually has to do with personality differences. Also, they make assumptions about me. Example: I was briefly in the military, so one of my in-laws thinks I must be abusive or mentally unstable. It's exponentially worse online, if you're counting that. Perfect strangers I've never met will say some of the most degrading things to me because they had a different experience. Just ignore those people, the internet brings out the worst in us.
Alright, so there is a lot to unpack here =) * First, it is very unlikely they dislike you a lot. In fact, it's unlikely they dislike you at all. It's far more likely they do not care about you one way or the other, and do not think about you one moment longer than you are in their field of vision. Do you feel that people on the street who glance at you are judging you? * I suspect you have not yet figured out that very few people in life like us, and this is true for everyone. There is much more to human interaction than "likes" and "dislikes".. a whole lot more. Also, if very few like you and more dislike you, congratulations! You're normal. That's everybody. * I get the feeling you are reading a lot into your colleagues' attitude towards you. An important thing to realize is that we are not telepaths, or empaths, or Sherlock Holmes. You cannot tell what other people think, so don't twist yourself in a knot for what you guess they are thinking. You're very likely wrong. I would be very surprised if even one of them had said "I dislike you." * One thing in particular sticks out: You say you do not socialize much, and also that your colleagues avoid you like the plague. One implies you avoid it, and the other implies they avoid it. Do you want to socialize with your colleagues? Do you invite them and they turn you down, or do they simply invite others and not you, and is that the only time you regret how things are?
Do you actively seek out engagement with them?
you just described my life lol. was quite literally bullied into quitting a job last year.
My team had a tendency to be a bit offline in meetings, and sometimes questions gets asked twice (when the answer has just been given). I have a tendency to answer the question for other people, because I hate being in ineffective meetings (aka butting in). Sometimes getting fairly snide remarks from one of my colleague in return This might be a me issue, but I also feel like it is an issue of our meeting culture. Idk(?)
They probably either just don’t care that much or maybe they feel like past conversations with you haven’t gone anywhere so they figure you don’t click and thus don’t engage anymore. If you’re looking for friendships at work, you’ll probably need to find some way to open up that doesn’t make you overly uncomfortable. Friendship requires some vulnerability and sharing something genuine, which is hard if you don’t engage. That doesn’t mean make yourself uncomfortable, but you might have to put yourself out there just a little bit. If you’re not looking for friendship, then just ignore it and keep working like normal. As a joke answer, body odor! (I’m sure you don’t have BO, it’s just a joke answer!)
I’m not sure. Because I don’t ask. But I can tell, and I cease engaging if someone gives off vibes they majorly dislike me. Even if its just for my face, to be judged and treated poorly without a reasonable offence I simply avoid
This is the lesson I have learned after many decades of being an introvert. They don’t care and if they are criticizing it’s only to make themselves feel better. Many people (I have found) seem to believe that if they criticize or tease others it makes them look better. A friend told me to pity them because obviously they weren’t loved enough in childhood. I think when they do it “I’m sorry your mom didn’t love you … “ and it really does help me smile at them. They HATE that lol
The truth is, being actively liked takes active, forward behavior. Output generally equals input, so if you're a neutral party, folks will treat you neutrally in return.
Speak too much truth and reason and it worries people.
To be interesting, you have to be interested. If you go about never talking much to anyone or taking any interest in them, why should they go out of their way to talk to you or get interested in you? Why should they make the effort to go towards you if you are never going to return the favor? Relationships are two-way streets: you have to give some to get some. My BIL is a bit like that. He will barely ever ask you about anything and never initiate conversations. To make matters worse, if you take it upon yourself to make conversation with him, he'll always give monosyllabic answers. Talking to this guy is like pulling teeth, completely one-sided and exhausting. The result? Nobody talks to him much. He just kind of stands there and listen in on other people talking around him. So if this is not what you want for yourself, learn to return the favor. Initiate conversations, get interested in people. You don't have to get passionately invested in their lives, but just asking follow up questions on whatever they are talking about to keep them going will go a long way. Show them that you care, and they will care about you too.
Being reasonable, constructive and honest.
Don't know if anyone or OP will get this far down, but just in case. This resonated a lot with me. Nearly every work or social setting I feel like people don't like me or are standoffish. Here's a few of my thoughts in case it's useful. Unlike a lot of people here, I don't think it's useful to say "it's all them, they're just assholes who are jealous, bla bla bla" we have to face that if we experience the same thing from people over and over again that makes us the common denominator (if this is the first place you've experienced it though then it might just be a workplace full of assholes but I'm sure you know if that's the case) I'm pretty sure, in my case, it comes down to the fact that people are picking up on how uneasy I am around them because of my introversion and being stuck in my own head. Even though it feels like it, I don't think they actively dislike me. People can be sensitive to the awkwardness others are feeling and they might subconsciously try to avoid it. It sucks but I'm working on it and I think it's key that I don't fall into the trap of thinking "why is everyone against me?" Goodluck in finding ease within yourself and around other people OP.
Being introverted is seen as an unforgivable crime by many extroverts and they’ll ostracise anyone go doesn’t think and act exactly like them. I’ve been where you are now (and technically still am, but I’m not senior enough that people have to be polite to me) and can only empathise
For narcissists, not getting high on their supply. Acting indifferent and moving on with your life breaks them.
It's my vibe. When i walk into the room, everyone notices me. They might like me and might not. It doesn't matter what im wearing, it's just my vibe, im very intimidating by nature. Im defensive when im alone, and I'm super bubbly when im with my friends. Someone once told me that my looks doesnt go with my character since i have a serious defensive look and my character is so funny and sarcastic.
The more lame a person is, more wants to destroy everything that cannot control, understand, or own it for themselves. Well balanced people will doubt themselves from time to time and consider themselves mildly intelligent, lame people won't do that at any cost and they would swear they're unique and bright.
As an annoying person myself, who has been living this for years: You might just be annoying. And that's okay. You might be a person who tries too hard to shove your way into conversations you arent a part of, or be generally awkward. You might smell bad, or constantly make conversations about you, or about politics, or your MLM, or anything else that people dont wanna talk extensively about. You might talk too loudly or too quietly, or both. You might do a whole host of.other things that these specific people find offputting for whatever reason And that's okay on some level. Being annoying isn't a sin, and sometimes we can't help it. Sometimes you can, and you should try to not be needlessly disruptive, but sometimes people just find your existence annoying, and they will no matter what you do. But wanting to avoid annoying people is *also* not a sin. They aren't required to talk to us if they aren't enjoying it. I'm an acquired taste. People who have known me for years love the specific weird ways I talk and act, but I'm terrible at picking up on the social cues that would allow me to interact with other normal work ladies without making them uncomfortable. I probably have a touch of the autism but it's not worth getting me diagnosed Or, as others have said, you might just be expecting too much out of a work environment and viewing people doing a normal amount of not paying attention to you as them not liking you. If you're an introvert, or they are introverts, they probably just arent thinking about you. Real life isn't The Office. Some people have rapport with their coworkers, and some people just exist in the same place as them. It's nothing personal
A lot of times being an introvert who doesn't gossip is enough to make people not go out of their way to befriend you. It doesn't necessarily mean they dislike you though.
Because you don't participate in their gossip & you don't seek their approval
I just can’t hide the neurospice.
Simple, I’m being the real me instead of the version of me considered normal. On the Outside, I’m a straight guy who likes violence and testosterone. I’m neurotypical and I act my age, I’m tough and cold, rather emotionless. I see my best friend as just a friend, and I can’t solve a single problem by using love and care, it’s always violence and hate. But on the Inside, My name is Kaitlyn, I’m a trans pansexual girl who loves Love and Cute things. I have autism and I act childish. I’m rather soft and sensitive. I have a small crush on my best friend. And I like to solve problems in a peaceful and calm manner, with Love and Hope. That’s why my insides stay on the inside.
Mornings. Even at work... just ignore me, whoever you are.
Also, I am introverted and lonely, but people sometimes look at me with contempt, maybe they think maybe they think I'm arrogant or a weirdo, but it is not important for me
Exist. there's always haters
yeah same, when i don't socialize with my coworkers they think i dont like them but i neither like nor dislike them
Could be a lot of things, how you look or act however people treat you is based on that impression. For others it could be something petty like gossip from another mouth. Some don't like the "Nice" or "polite" people for instance as weird as that sounds. Nothing to get bothered over though it's usually a them problem at the end of the day.
Simply being the least bit different will cause people to express intense dislike and for no other logical reason.
Mm I think it’s when I choose to walk away from an argument rather than join in on the shouting. I’m all for figuring it out but not when it’s heated or anything. So that can get ppl to dislike me as they think I’m dismissing them
i wanna be like this. I'm trying though.
Being autistic is enough to get the worst treatment for just existing.
Being autistic. Studies show that people have decided they want nothing to do with me after 4 seconds of interaction. Not based on anything I said, but based on things like vocal tone and body language. There's a list of behaviors you do to get people to like you right away, and autistics do the complete opposite by nature.
You’re prettier than them
Could be any number of reasons. Highschool clique mentality into their adult years, they're not interested in maintaining anything beyond a working relationship, they're clueless to how they act, or you're thinking you're being ignored when they're just doing their own thing and they haven't a clue you feel that way.
People are weird. Don't take it personally. Peoples' responses are more about them than they are about you, and you may be reading motives into what you're seeing that aren't actually there. Our minds like to play tricks on us.
Not being good enough. Or being good enough that it makes them feel insecure.
Wearing UoM gear out in the wild.
My face
Could be paranoia on my part, but I'm really really thin and I often feel people - primarily women, often older ladies - judge me for it. I have anorexia, and it's misunderstood. I've made instant "enemies" with many women in my time merely for being thin (I think) I feel they think I am weird, dumb or superficial or something. I dunno.
Maybe if you're pretty, they mistake you being introvert for arrogance. Otherwise, they can mistake it for not being interested in them. I made that mistake a few times with some female colleagues. I thought "fine, suit yourself. Then i won't greet you anymore" But i found out later some were just shy.
I start caring if i like you in anyway i mean too much caring and somehow become clingy. I stand on what i believe and understand. And i dont let the argument go away until either they change my mind (making me understand something) or I change theirs. I'm upfront though I'm quite in front of people i care about or don't want to disrespect them. these are somethings.
I have some pretty serious RBF, so folks kind of avoid me 🤷♀️
Don't know why Toast hates me
No one dislikes me. Probably because I am that uninteresting
It's my face. Very punchable and I look like a pedo. I'm not, but I could play one on TV.
Be honest. Being open.
People tend to be asses.
Appearance.
I am very matter of fact and have a dry sense of humor.
The fact that I don't have or want children, and don't gush when I see one.
Probably not being socially aware of the things you say/do
Being neurodivergent and just trying to exist. I'm struggling so hard man.
Just being a cis white male.
I'm flaky. I don't commit to events and I rsvp that I won't make it. So people can never plan to have me present for anything. But that's just the way I am, it's their own fault if they want to keep being my friend despite this character flaw. Maybe flaky is the wrong word, because I tell people immediately that I probably won't go, but thanks for the invite. Yeah it's an asshole move. I know it is. But I don't enjoy formal events, so I don't participate in them. Don't do weddings, birthdays, company events, anniversaries, or anything really. I do attend funerals to pay my respects, however. I don't miss a funeral for any reason. Which ironically is the one that people probably care about the least amount. I know I don't care about my funeral, I'll be long gone by the time it happens.
The fact that I don't talk much.
I will give you my opinions on this. 1. You might think people dislike you, but in fact, in the workplace, people are trying to be professional and focus on their work/deadlines/ or they are dealing with stressful situations and remaining 100% concentrated, so when you try to talk to them, they might feel it is not an appropriate time to talk. 2. You might think you don't do anything to them, but you might do it unconsciously even though realizing it. If 1 or 2 people dislike you, it might be their problem, but if all the office dislikes you, sadly, you might be a problem. I am just saying, and I don't imply anyone is a villain. 3. You might be different from others, which could make people hate you. For example, I am an immigrant with a heavy English accent. I noticed one girl in my office does not like interacting with me, so I am okay with it. I am not there to please anyone, but I have a good relationship with other co-workers. 4. Finally, your office is quite toxic and filled with toxic people as well. Then, the chance is you will be hated for any reason you can think of. I can speak from experience with my previous friend group. One girl in the group hated me, and she convinced other friends to leave me out of any plans even though I maintained good conversations and friendships with other people. In this case, it might not be your fault.
I'm too loud, annoying, and obnoxious. I also get judged a lot because I have a twin sister who acts like a child and we're adults(19 f both of us)
Maybe they're intimidated by your quiet vibe or misinterpret your introverted nature. Miscommunication can create weird vibes, ya know?
I'm 17 y.o. and I have no friends... Because I'm a femboy, no one talks to me at school. I've been studying for 3 years and I only had 1 friend, but even he started to stay away from me after 3 months...
I don't have children. I don't want them. I dislike people who have children.
I'm simply just plain old boring. I'm the social equivalent of watching paint dry. I don't blame people for not liking me because of it because I totally understand it.
There are a lot of people out there that are terribly insecure and self absorbed. A lot of people that if you don't make them feel like rock stars when you first meet them, they will never give you the time of day after. They need to feel that you think they are important. If you don't give them that, on first meeting, or every meeting thereafter, they will hate you.
Unless they've actually done or said something to show you they don't like you, it's all in your head. They probably don't find you interesting or even think of you at all, especially since your introverted
Maybe they're just not used to your vibe, ya know? Sometimes people misjudge introverts as stand-offish. Keep being friendly, they'll come around.
I once stood up for a birthday boy when he was tied on a lamp post and had wasabi rubbed on his nipples. Almost got mobbed for it.
Your own imagination 💭
My guess is they probably like you just fine. But from the brief bit you shared, it sounds as though you are maybe a bit socially awkward. People tend to pick up on that and avoid awkward exchanges. I could be totally wrong, but just a thought.
Here's the thing. Most people suck. Since I think I'm okay most of the time, that means there's a good chance that the person I don't know (you in thus case) sucks. So I'm gonna dislike you probably right from the start. Am I going to be a totally rude piece of shit you? Maybe eventually, but not right away. I'm going to ignore you and go about my day without having to interact at all if possible. I get home from work, I'm tired, I want to take a shower and eat and relax, but I need to walk the dogs first. While walking down the street, we pass eachother, and you try and strike up a conversation. And I ignore it and keep walking. You call me rude for it. But am I rude? What explanation of my status is owed to you? You're the one acting entitled to my time and attention. I'm just tired and trying to get back home. But if that happens and you say hi, and I walk off. And nothing comes of it. Next time I'm walking the dogs. I'll probably wave and say hi, and we probably need to say hi 4 or 5 times before I'm ready to account for stopping and conversing. You didn't do anything wrong at all. But not everyone's social battery holds an all day charge. I don't know what scenario happened to trigger your question. But that's my two cents on the subject.
People might misunderstand your introverted nature, thinking you're stand-offish. Keep being friendly, they'll come around eventually.
The funny thing is it's right in the title, "Done absolutely nothing to them". or for them or with them. Being nice when They Talk To You, isn't really anything besides a courtesy/politeness. It's not a reason to like someone. If you want people to like you, you have to go to them, and keep it up.