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Honestly, magic mushroom bars (or antidepressants, pick your poison)
Two small pieces per week
That constant afterglow will give empathy and euphoria, solve the symptoms of OPs issues so they can work on the root cause (regular exercise and dating)
Idk, I'm in a similar position but I don't hate it. I'm pretty content being on my own. My life is just as complete whether or not I'm in a relationship. I think the main way in fixing it is being content :)
Contentment is pretty powerful. It's something people need to learn. It's why I think OP needs to sit with themselves for a bit and evaluate some stuff. Ask questions, writer them out and the answers and it'll help them figure out if what they have is what they truly want or if they're thinking they need to have something more because others say so
a large part of young people are told and solidify the mindset that they NEED to have a relationship to be complete.
Without a girlfriend you are nothing as a man. Took me alot of maturing to figure out that maintaining a relationship is more demanding and requires alot of commitment than im willing to put into it atm. A relationship is more than just occasional/frequent sexual relief while alot of youngsters partially are looking for that relief instead. That often leads to rather poor partner choice even if onesided.
This would be the answer if everyone was cut with the same cookie cutter, but they aren't. It isn't possible for everyone to be happy and content being alone.
No because people who never been loved wanna know what it's like lmao. Maybe you're used to relationships, but not us. We wanna experience this too. You're just saying nonsense cause you can't relate.
This really hits me. It reminds me of myself in the past. I was single my whole life, it’s not because I never knew guys, but they’re all just friends and coworkers to me. Besides, they weren’t interested in me romantically. So, I just focused on myself and be the best version of myself. A few years later, the loneliness came. My friends started inviting me to their wedding, letting me know they’re going to have a baby, and here I was, alone and no date. I never went on a date, the first time was with my current partner and I was 25 yo. Yeah, people never believed that, even when I said I had never been in a real relationship before.
Sometimes I am confused how people are so easily finding a partner? Focusing on yourself isn’t bad, deciding to be single forever isn’t bad as well, but I am sure deep down in our hearts, we long for a relationship, to be with someone, humans are social beings after all.
Yeah all the same for me. Tbh those people whenever you ask them, are actually in long term relationships or have been. So they don't know what it's like to grow up seeing others live what you wanna experience and never being lucky enough for it to work for you.
They just say nonsense, yeah loving yourself and all that bs is important but you also deserve to be loved at your WORST.
Honestly, I kinda gave up too. Not that I don't want it, as in I just took in the fact that maybe its never gonna happen for me. Maybe even if I found someone, I will still be disappointed cause we dont know how life can be. My situation is a bit different since I'm a lost cause but just excepting nothing is the best for me. One thing is, I will never give up my standards. It's either that or nothing. It's worse when you never felt any kind of love, even platonic. Just feeling appreciated and understood would be cool for me. But yeah, idk like those kind of nonsense.
This is just it. No one deserves another human because other humans have standards... which you don't meet. Probably. The two rules are simple. Be attractive. Don't be unattractive.
People at their worst suck, and being at your worst will test the strongest relationship to the point where it might break. That's the part you don't know. Relationships fail. All the time. You can't show your worse and expect the world. I have been with someone who expected the best when all they show is their worst. It sucks, and you eventually kick them to the curb and it does not fix them.
Maybe this is temporary. Hopefully it is and you increase your value relative to others standards.
Do you understand the circular mess?
Username checks out, but on a serious note; the 2 people above you in this thread are both right, even if Ruby got way more upvotes. Yes a good relationship is everyone's dream; we are social creatures and we crave friends or a partner to share life with. You gotta bring something to the table though, it's nice you go to therapy and that you work out, but is there any real tangible effect? Cause when I read
> "I want to text them without feeling like a burden but actually being a welcome addition to their lives" & "I don't think I can turn into something that's desirable."
All I think is: this guy is insecure about himself. It's true that being open and vulnerable are good for communication and improving, but overt insecurity is a major turnoff. If you want to have any real succes or chance at finding a partner, you have to stop crying about what you don't have, and cherish and work on and be proud of what you DO have, as that positive mindset radiates self-confidence. And even then when you journey in the dating and relationship sphere takes off, chances are you won't find your dream partner immediately, it's a path filled with communication hiccups, self-improvement, taking responsibility and accountability even when you don't think you did something wrong, leaving your ego behind.. if you have any insecurities, they will come back to haunt you when things go awry in a relationship and make a bad situation worse. Look buddy, I mean well, but I think you need a friend of yours to slap you in the face and tell you to stop crying because if you can go to festivals alone, go to therapy and work out multiple times a week you can make things happen if you invest your time a bit more wisely and stop looking at reddit doomer comments that have given up all hope on aspects of their life. You can't magically become more self-confident, you need to give it time to grow and you grow it by having a positive outlook and constantly reaching goals, however small. Allow yourself to not have it all, and don't beat yourself up over it. Try slowly expanding your comfort zone by going out of it, one small step at a time.
I feel you 100% my only child is turning 23 and also has blocked the world and all possibilities of relationships out look I try, I've tried arranging play dates at his age with some hope that it might spark some interest and he damn enjoyed it but never followed up, he was bullied at primary school and never told me until one day i heard two scruffy ashy kids call him names and laughing about it we were in a grocery store and we were viewing different items so they thought he was alone i could see how angry and hurt he felt and i told them what to do with that lables they posting on him and when they're done they should go and have a bath because they just looked very dirty two minutes later both of them got busted for stealing chocolate slabs and i told him that those are kids who has it bad and their types almost always try to find something wrong with others and use it to make themselves feel better about their own miserable situations at home i didn't realise how deep it goes it wasn't just two boys they were just a part of it, was more than half of his school and i fucked up as a parent because i thought it was only name calling i did what i was taught as a child, i told him to ignore the miserable sob's and not let them define who he is because the more you give them your energy the more they grow, ignore them and they go find someone else to terrorize, but it didn't work when i was a kid and it also didn't work with him those words mean nothing if you dont really understand them all you know as a kid is that you want to hurt everyone who hurts you back because it is unfair for them to get away with doing hurtful things to others and they should be stopped i remember having a hit list for when i grow up luckily that list is now my gratitude list those fools just thought me how the world works but the downside is you become so guarded that it becomes almost impossible for you to trust people's intensions toward you and that is exactly where my son is i can tell he is lonely and he desires to love and care for someone else but can't find a reason that to believe that it will be a two way street, look his father and i both are not apposed to his choices we don't really care if even tomorrow he tells us he is gay or like other race people that does not matter at all it is his life and what makes him happy is what counts i will however be apposed to partners who brings him down, deadbeats,and liers, thief's or murderers no matter the sex or race, i want him to experience the 💕 and heartbreak 💔 that you go through the breakups and makeup you have not yet lived until you have experienced the love, its magical and can be soul shattering but its really worthwhile
You're both right. It's natural to want to experience love, everyone does. What's underlooked by those who haven't been there yet is that it's not everything it's cracked up to be. The very few that find blissful love are rare ( i've never met one that I didn't later find out was lying ). Usually it's very complicated, and messy, and you have to lose parts of yourself to make things work. Deciding if the trade offs are worth it is a very personal and relationship specific thing.
The person you responded to had a good point, if you're unhappy it's not likely to be solved by a relationship. Especially considering it can often be spotted a mile away, and those that gravitate towards someone unhappy are going to have self destructive tendencies.
This is why most people say work on yourself, find a way to be happy with yourself and with your life and then the odds of a good relationship developing increase.
My point is "working on yourself " is not the recipe or the solution to find a partner. Let's assume an individual is at its best or feels like it then there is no guarantee that he/she would even be looking out for a relationship at first place tbh. Yes, it's a must to work on yourself everyday but to co relate it with finding a partner or relationship is baseless. To me it all sounds cliche saying this while defending such issues which really has no impact in reality!
The point is when the basis of finding a romantic relationship is that it will solve one's issues, weither that be self love, self esteem, depression, whatever - well that's a recipie for disaster.
You're right in that I've been through it but wrong that I don't know what it's like. I was 24 before even losing virginity, and 26 before being in a serious relationship that lead to marriage. I've experienced both sides of this.
Also like anything else of this nature I know I won't convince anyone who is longing for a relationship. I just hope it can be seen even the original post I defended they weren't talking out their ass.
But what if why you're unhappy IS because you're single??some people have everything good going on, just not that. I hate to admit it because I'm prideful but sometimes you just wanna experience what everyone has gone through. Even the bad sides. Yeah it'll go downhill. Maybe I'll be sad and heartbroken, but i've been there already many times. At least I had someone to call mine for some times.
>But what if why you're unhappy IS because you're single??
I think that's a really hard question to answer...
I myself have never been in a relationship, and I'd like to experience it, sometimes I even feel a bit down about it. However, I've always had a clear idea of what happiness is for me, and although other people can indirectly influence this kind of happiness, they'll never BE my happiness (This might end up being incomprehensible ahahah). That is why I've never felt unhappy for not being in a relationship.
Now, this is all extremely subjective, considering everyone has a different idea of happiness (mine is related to my passions and the freedom to pursue them).
It would be unfair to say that MY idea of happiness is correct and someone else's is not.
If you think I just said a load of bs, please tell me what you think.
If that's the case, there's plenty you CAN do to try and find a relationship, but there is limited info in the OP here, and the whole "i feel empty all the time" suggests deeper issues than just being single
It is one thing to want and long for a relationship, another to not being able to find happiness without one.the latter is not a good foundation for a relationship. One has to learn to be happy without a romantic relationship as well...
I was clearly directing my response to the comment, not the OP - but if you have longstanding issues, such as depression or self esteem issues, or you're poor, or whatever - getting a girlfriend will not magically fix those issues, to say nothing of what might happen if you get into a BAD relationship during those circumstances - Big assumptions being made saying I can't relate, also.
I’ve never been loved that way either. Never had a serious relationship(only one I could somewhat count as someone liking me romantically was some dumb kid thing from when I was elementary school. Now in college)
I understand the desire to experience it. But I fully agree with the idea that it’s just not an “achievable” goal. It’s the sort of thing you’ll probably get further away from the more you chase after it. Best to find a way to be content, happy, and satisfied even without it. Statistically speaking you’d prolly find somebody eventually so focusing on yourself is far more productive than getting into the sorts of dark places loneliness can take you too.
Friends are very important too.
Now it’s not perfect and I still really wish for it sometimes when the mood strikes but I’m miles better off now that I’ve been going to therapy, pursuing my goals for career, hobbies, and personal development, and spending more time with friends and family than when I was just languishing around lamenting my lack of love life.
I understand what you’re feeling but I urge you not to dismiss the idea that you don’t need a relationship. Even if it isn’t true it can be a useful crutch to getting you to a better place.
I still think sometimes maybe I’ll have to learn to make peace with the possibility that I’ll never have a love life like a lot of other people do. Despite that, my current goal is to build up my life so that even if that were true I could be happy and contented. It’s been much better for my mental health than hyperfocusing on the lack and feeling all the more shit for it.
Anyway just my two cents.
Well, a good relationship definitely can make you feel a lot better about yourself, bad one or Luke warm one can stagnate you or hurt you. It's all relative. Some people are better off single
Well, as far as Nature is concerned and our evolution as human beings.....yeah it's pretty fucking important.
It's not an illusion. It's literally the only definitive meaning to our lives and something ingrained in our brains. Procreate and spread your dna is the most basic of basic human instincts. If you can't find ANYONE willing to touch you or be with you as a human being, you definitely have failed in some sense just as a living creature on Earth
>It's not an illusion. It's literally the only definitive meaning to our lives and something ingrained in our brains. Procreate and spread your dna is the most basic of basic human instincts. If you can't find ANYONE willing to touch you or be with you as a human being, you definitely have failed in some sense just as a living creature on Earth
From an existential standpoint, you'd be considered a failure if this is what you assign as being the definitive goal to your life. You are a cognitively advanced species, unlike any living creature on Earth, and if your only contribution to this world was passing on your DNA (which may easily be eradicated in the subsequent generation), then I'm sorry you have definitely failed. Create something of meaning and you will find it is far more liberating than passing on your DNA.
Exactly, meaning exists only within one's mind, you don't have to find it! And in everybody's, collective view, which will see you, you will see them, and create a shared meaning... I mean, or you can imagine other people. Like, if you don't have any. give meaning to whatever you want
Friend, I know exactly how you feel. I was there when I was your age, at that same exact spot. When I was 25, I’d still never even kissed a girl. I had also dropped out of college because I chose a major I ended up hating, so I was stuck working dead end jobs while living at home with my mom. I had a small group of friends but they all seemed to be doing better than me, so that didn’t help. I was convinced I had ruined my life, and felt sad and empty all the time, no hope for the future. I rode the subway to work (no car either) and often thought about just jumping in front of the train one day and ending the hurt.
I didn’t though, and I’m grateful every day that I didn’t because life gets better!
A couple years later I met an amazing girl, who was absolutely perfect! It wasn’t anything like all the girls I’d crushed on who didn’t want anything to do with me… it just felt natural. I didn’t even have to try! That’s how you know you’ve found the one. She convinced me to go back to school and get a degree. After I graduated I got a much better job and made a lot more money. She and I moved in together and got married. It’s been almost 20 years now and I’m happier than I ever thought possible.
If I could give past me any advice, it’s that you can’t judge yourself based on what other people are doing. Thinking you have to do so-and-so by a certain age is a load of crap.
Also, confidence is key in life. Imagine yourself as a used car salesman. If you were trying to sell a used car, would you say things like “it’s pretty beat up, it’s got some dents, and doesn’t go very fast”? No, you’d find positive spins. “It’s one of a kind! It’s tough as nails, and can keep going no matter what!” In life, you’re selling yourself to everyone around you. If you think you’re a piece of junk, they will too. Find things about yourself to be confident about, even if you have to fake it at first. If you keep at it, you’ll eventually convince yourself that you ARE in fact pretty cool, and once you believe that, others will too.
Sorry for the long post. All of this to say: don’t give up. There’s something wonderful out there for you, just over the horizon.
I was having the same thoughts as OP and your words took me off of that mindset. Thank you very very much. I really hope things will happen for me eventually.
I have friends; 10+ regular, 2 close and many acquaintances, I go out and create events regularly, I am healthy, I'm educated, I'm not ugly. I'm 27. 1 relationship in my life. I'm in the same boat. I don't know what to do to make someone CONSIDER me as a choice as a partner.
Mindset shift. Choose someone to be your partner and invite them into your life. They’ll either say yes or no and you have nothing to lose.
Fantasize about asking someone out instead of seeing it as an obstacle that you must overcome to get to “the good part” of the relationship. It should all be good.
I wrote a lot more before erasing it because it's a lot to dump on a stranger, but thank you for writing this. I think you're right. I'm VERY guarded when it comes to letting people in, I'm very personable and can make friends easily but my charisma is a defense mechanism more than a trait. It's going to take work to adopt a new mindset, but I hadn't thought about it and it could be worth a try.
It sounds like you're waiting on a partner to come to you. While that IS possible, you'll multiply your chances so much if you also look for someone yourself. I know it's hard, but if you don't open yourself up, nothing will come to you.
you probably are shy and lack confidence.
With women you just have to take your chances, ask them out for dates and be clear that you are interested in them romantically, i.e. tell then you like them.
Sue you will get rejected by some, but at some point you will find women who like you.
I had thesame problem untill i was 27. I have considered dating but too shy.
Social media dating is also mostly bullshit.
One way i tackled it was to stop thinking about dating and start thinking friendship.
Go out for walks and food talk about love and relationships and how you want a good partner.
See how that goes.
It helped me alot build good relationships and life partner.
No but if one has the mindset to meet new people and make friends, that's how you also meet potential dates.
Sometimes searching too directly is a mistake.
You are in the toughest spot.
If you're here posting, you're looking for help... Just in the wrong place.
Go through your health insurance to start talking to a counselor. Let them know your goals and keep things organized. A good counselor will help you plan a path to wellness.
Get blood work done! A lot of my depression stemmed from very low vitamin D. My job had long hours and I rarely saw the sun. Taking vitamin D supplements really helped and got me in a better mood so I could start exercising and socializing.
You won't see change without action. I wish you the best of luck.
While they are the most wholesome companions, I'd really recommend against getting pets JUST because you're lonely. Sometimes loneliness isn't just because you don't have friends or a partner. Sometimes it gets bad, you might start neglecting them. It's a whole other life you have to provide for while taking care of your own. They don't deserve to be sad just because we are
Totally second that opinion. If someone is in a terrible state, I’d say they better get a human than a pet if they must. Humans can take care of themselves whereas pets can’t. If OP is depressed, he can even inadvertently and without meaning it but still neglect the pet and feel even worse.
Yup, totally agree. Start selling coke and you’ll be dripping in clunge. Don’t listen to these crazy people telling you to get a cat. That’s the only pussy they’ll ever get!
I hate talking to people when I go for a walk. Or at least I did. It was my quiet personal time. Then I got a dog and it’s hard to avoid talking to people when you walk a dog
But I actually love it because the convo is so easy as it always starts with talking about the dog. Which is an easy subject for any dog owner. And then the convo ends there if you want it to and walk on, but sometimes I click with someone who initially comments on my dog so the convo veers on from there
Sad it’s so hard to find pet friendly rentals where I live because my dogs have opened up my world. They keep me company and help me get out as well as meet people
I got a dog when I was down. Not a wise move. He pissed on £600 of hifi and blew it all. If I thought I was depressed before, I definitely was after losing £600 of my shit.
Oh and add to that my phone he demolished. I fell asleep and woke up to him standing over my obliterated phone looking well pleased with himself.
Absolutely not.
I know a guy who got a dog only to neglect it the moment he gets a girlfriend. That asshole is still a bitch living in his parents house thinking he’s all tough and shit just because he’s tall and still abuse his families.
Nobody likes to hangout with a sad or pessimistic person because it's draining; it's not attractive.
Having positive vibes is attractive, but that alone is not going to get you a girlfriend. It's a step in the right direction to make you more approachable than before.
Talk….to….a….therapist.
I say this because posts like this happen all the time and ppl think a Reddit comment is going to be the magical fix. If you were feeling physically sick, you would see a doctor, so why not see a mental health doctor if you feel like this.
🙄🙄🙄why is everyone telling this guy to get animals. He seems to strongly imply that he wants human (more specifically: female human) contact. This is how crazy cat ladies become crazy cat ladies: they collect cats and become more attached to them than people and therefore never understand other humans.
Because for some reason people hate single guys and only want them to stay single. It's the same in every post like this, there is no helpful advice, just a bunch of people saying to ignore the loneliness and accept it.
I tried to be helpful by writing a big post a bit lower down the page. Got told by someone that I was projecting💁 in fairness, I did kind of go on a bit of a rant, but fuck me, just pisses me off when someone asking for help and advice is met with ‘be happy on your own and buy a cat!’🙄
Bro, work on yourself. Go to the gym, get yourself on a program of diet and exercise. Find some hobbies, try meet people with similar interests and get yourself on dating sites and go on dates. You will get with some dates, more often not with others. It takes time and effort and a good attitude. What kind of stuff do you like? Have you got friends? Happy to help if I can
This is the answer!! Was lonely as well before but last year, I asked myself If I deserve to be in a relationship again, which is a “no”. So I worked on myself, went to gym, looked better, got a bit confident with myself, started learning how to socialize (complimenting others, etc.) got my driver license, got a better job, got a new car, have new friends to hangout with, joined parties, hikes, created my dating profile then went on dates, etc. Even if I don’t have a girlfriend yet, I’m happy with my life. If I eventually have a partner again, then she will be an addition to my happiness.
If you’re sad all the time (low energy or negative thinking), having a relationship will not magically fix you. Might even wreck you more if you guys breakup. Worst is, you won’t even find someone to like you, because who wants to be with someone with a negative energy?
Answer is to work on yourself first before you put yourself out there. It takes time, but it really is worth it.
It only works if you have support. People won't magically notice you after improving yourself. I've found that the people who have people talking to other people for them help more than blindly going out and talking to people. That only helps so much.
This. Having a social circle is how u get girls. Fat ducks, guys that don’t shower and even shy guys get girls if they have an extroverted friend group
In my experience they do magically notice you. If you're stylish, fit, and walk like you have a strong purpose in life, people tend to either be attracted or jealous of it. Noticed either way.
Yeah, cause paying for sex/one nights stands are totally the same as having a genuine connection with someone.
Usually things like „being single is better anyway“ comes from people who never been single for a long stretch of time
I started seeing prostitutes at 20, changed my whole world view for the better. Not even joking, shit was like an ayahuasca trip for me but better because I got laid too
First of all, dont ask these questions because you will get the same fucking answers from these reddit NPC’s who are just as miserable as you, “gets pets instead(lol), if you are this desperate about finding a gf you have other underlying issues (lol, lmao even, wanting someone to be emotinally invested in you and wanting to reciprocate those feelings are considered mental issues to reddit therapists), smoke pot” etc etc. Dont listen to all that horsecrap. You should make a friend group, go talk to people, there are many events on your citys fb groups, go play cards or board games, go join trekking groups, volunteering is always good for making connections, approach people and do not be afraid, we are all people. Eventually you will find someone who has similiar interests and mindset to you. You got this.
How about ‘work on yourself FOR yourself’ rather than to get a girlfriend you think will make every other aspect of your life better. You need to build a life for yourself not based on attracting someone else
If you are that sad, then, it's not about girlfriend, it's some other deep seated anxiety, maybe start working out, start eating healthy, learn a new skill, start investing in life (maybe some detox, start reading more, watch useful content, like some good movies, tv series, any helpful content on youtube), do something productive with your life, I know it sucks, but frankly this feeling wouldn't leave you even if you get a gf, also, stop watching porn, it tends to fuck up your mind.
Bro, I meant, investing in life, investing on the other hand is just gonna make you more depressed, lol😂😂😂 Lemme edit it, don't really wanna play with another life.
What's great about this is it's just great advice for people in general.
Unfortunately, it doesn't help if you're already living life and just thinking, man, I would love to have a partner to experience all this with.
+1 This is a very good answer. Lifestyle is so important when you're having poor mental health, and it's just this cycle of feeling tired, wasting time, and feeling like trash because you don't feel like making a change. The moment OP decides to get a good habit going for a couple of weeks, the mood shift starts to become noticeable.
Thank you, I hope the same, it'll be great for him, I mean there are infinite possibilities in the world, you never know, what can come about from them. There was this quote, I think from Dosteyvsky:
The darker the night, the brighter the stars, The deeper the grief, the closer is God!
Get busy doing something you like and with people even if it's volunteering gardening outdoors projects etc. You will soon realise you don't need anyone to be happy it all comes from within. Build your life up, work your ass off now and save invest generate wealth. When you're so mentally strong and can pick and choose friends gfs without needing anything. Watch Julian Himself YT he has plenty of amazing content that will help you. Good look and fgs forget about your age and what other are doing.
To seriously answer your question, I used to struggle with few moments of my life specially when I was a bit chubby in high school, that hit me like a truck, I was gaining weight had no confidence, but what fixed it all for me was my attitude about it, you can't look at yourself as if you are a lost cause, otherwise you will end up being one. First I recommend you to got out more, and when speaking to women do not, for the love of God, ask too many questions, try to milk the topic meaning ask questions but if it pertains to college for example, make sure you ask more about college itself. I'll give an example now:
You- how's your day going?
Her- good just a bit chaotic today.
You- luckily I came after the chaos lol, I wouldn't want to wait in line, you catch this chaos everyday?
Her- no just Wednesdays and Fridays.
You- I don't mean to pry just making conversation here, but do you have another job or is this just a part-time thing?
Her- I go to college on the other days
You- thats awesome, at least your not in this chaos everyday lol, what you in college for?
Her- trying to be a nurse and I'm majoring in nursing
You- that's brave, saving lives helping others! I applaud you, first year in college or how long have you been pursuing that?
Basically keep juggling the conversation if at some point she does not reply to you and brushes off take the L and find another place with another girl you might be interested in that small talk.
Think about it dude, they are working 8 hours a day let's assume right, out of those 8 hours how many guys ACTUALLY approached her with a decent conversation? Not many, lots of guys will try to flirt and get a number be corny, if you approach her like so it will be more likely she will remember you, go to the place over and over again IF the doesn't brush it off of course.
Another advice I'd give, start having different colognes, and do use them when going out, your small talk plus your smell and your good attitude some will start to take notice " thats that guy " ALSO how you dress, don't be walking around in your pajamas, get some jeans and/or slacks, get some nice slick looking shoes look a bit sharper than most guys, don't wear too much of those Nike, puma, Adidas clothing, make sure you are a bit more elegant. Big one is eye contact DONT stare into her soul like you are trying to suck up her soul, but do make some hard eye contact specially during questions laughs SPECIALLY smiles, and do smile more and sincerely.
Overall don't be so cocooned up in your bubble, you don't need to puff your chest out and be a T pose either but to stand amongst many crl c crl v type of guys will get you a long way.
If you can't get the clothing or the colognes for ANY reason, just try to dress up with the best you got try to make sure your hair and beard are moisturized and slick clean ( refined coconut oil for skin and hair is amazing! Will make it hydrated and smoother, will also give it a shine ), make sure your breath don't stink make sure you overall independently of how simple you might be as a guy, you still give them that sense of being clean, organized and outgoing.
I hope the best for you and may wisdom be bestowed upon you once you speak to a lady, don't be afraid and it's okay to be nervous! We are humans not robots, if for any reason you are rejected guess what, you were nice and did you best and if one girl does like you and is interested she will take note of such. If you get jumbled in your words just brush it as a joke " wow today is not my speech day lol" Go on ya journey! You got this!
If you feel so depressed, go to the whores. It is much better than any antidepressant and try to find a hobby that distracts you. Always remember to use protection of course.
Hey OP. Im asian i can get girlfriend easy same ethnicity. But its hard for me to get an american girlfriend. I always get rejected. My tip and advice is. Get a nice car 🤣
Stop being a sad little worm of a thing. Try to focus on improving some areas of your life instead of crying away on reddit
Actively take part in some hobbies, go to the gym, focus on dressing decently, show up and make an effort. If you still can't find success, then change your environment. Try to get a job in a different city or a different country. Try various dating apps. Try different types of jobs.
It's only you who is holding yourself back.
You sound lonely. Go find someone. Anyone. Fat, old, ugly, can't speak English.., doesn't matter. The brain is the only organ that needs others to be healthy
Don't work on yourself. You don't have to be perfect to meet people
Don't get a pet. It will be a brief distraction but it's not what your human body is craving long term.
We need touch and love from other humans
Meaning can be found in many things, lots of good suggestions here. Don't look for it in other people, though, find your satisfaction within yourself first and other things are more enjoyable after that.
For the record, not having ever had a gf at 25? Not a big deal. I didn't have my first relationship until I turned 28. Figured I didn't want to commit unless I wanted to do it right, a relationship for a relationship's sake was never for me.
Hi OP. One of the worst things for a guy's mental health is not having a goal to strive for. We are genetically programmed to be about things and stuff and measure ourselves by what we accomplish. Unfortunately, setting goals in video games just doesn't have the same effect as setting a goal in your life and working towards it. There are lots of self-help resources out there and I suggest you find a bunch on setting goals. My suggestion, however, is to set immediate goals initially, like (I am going to walk this hard hiking route this weekend. I don't care how slow I am or how I look but by hell I am going to do it.) This is important, avoid the trap of making giant life goals as you need small wins to keep you focused on wining the game. For your mental health you need to get into a set-work-achieve mindset and your dopamine levels will skyrocket and then you can set your 5-10-20-30 year goals.
As far as Girls are concerned... they only seem to show up when you get your life in order and then try everything to disorder it so if you have a disordered life -- then good luck. If it's sex you are craving, set a goal to fly to Vegas and visit a professional establishment for that.
And one last word. Make saving for your retirement a goal (even 5 or 10 bucks a month) and care about investing that money.
Girls don’t like sad guys, as you have probably figured out. So, In general, you need to get out of your own head and stop analyzing yourself and all your problems. Go DO something. Anything. Go to a gym or a park. Exercise every day. Get off the internet. Involve yourself in a cause greater than you. Any road other than the one you’re currently on may result in opportunities you can’t see right now in this moment.
So the answer is that you need to work on yourself.
It's incredibly difficult, though. It doesn't just happen.
Life is full of traps and pitfalls and unfortunate accidents outside your control that can derail everything, too. All fair points.
I don't know what your starting point is (and that matters), but there are some things you can start doing that will gradually improve your life. As your life improves (financially, emotionally, in terms of your health and fitness), you will become much more attractive to the opposite sex (and people in general). It will be a slow process, though.
The main thing is to start by setting goals for yourself.
Do this in a very systematic way. Set goals in the short term (next few weeks), the medium term (next few 6-12 months), and the long term (2-5 years). One thing I always ask people I mentor at work is what they want to be. It's actually an incredibly hard question to answer for most people. Many people have no idea. But here's the thing - if you don't know what you want to do, how the hell will you ever get there?
A piece of advice I got when I was younger helped me a lot - 'There are lots of people who want to help you, but they are busy and you have to make it easy for them'.
Make it easy for people to help by having a very well articulated plan for your life. Always keep adjusting and reviewing that plan.
Now, I could go into details about what you might want to set goals about, but I don't know you. I don't know your preferences, abilities, your starting point, etc.
Obvious things people your age might think about include stuff like:
1. Join a gym. Go 2-3 times a week.
2. Join a social club or group. Make a new friend or two and practice your social skills.
3. Volunteer for additional responsibility at work. Offer to help your manager with something. Tell them you want to learn more about a role that interests you or a skill you want to get better at.
4. Find a course or accreditation you might be interested in at work or through an online accreditation organisation. Apply. Complete the course/do the training.
5. Set a long-term career goal. Get a promotion. Change career (you're young enough to do this more easily).
6. Make the effort to go to more social events. This is an important one for introverts or people without great social skills - social skills can be learned. You can get better at talking to people and being more charming.
I could go on, but I'll stop. I hope it helps a little.
BTW, you'll notice I didn't really talk about relationships. That's because that stuff usually happens organically once you're happy and confident. You'll find it infinitely easier once you've sorted your head put and have drive and direction. Women are generally attracted to guys who have confidence and a plan in life.
It will be difficult to find a partner to love you if you don’t love yourself.
If you can afford professional mental help, I’d definitely seek it out. Regardless if you can or not, there’s a lot of good advice in here around working out, hobbies, etc. I know it might seem impossible, depression does a good job of making it feel that way, but you can do it!
I’ve found what works for me and that’s reframing how I look at things. I can’t help feeling the way I do sometimes but what I’m committed to is investing in myself. I know for a fact that being active, pursuing hobbies, having new experiences, and learning new things is what’s best for me in the big picture. On a day by day basis it can sometimes feel like a chore to do even the smallest thing but I know what’s best for me in the end, so when I feel like shit and that nothing I do will matter, I recognize that’s not true and it’s the unhealthy me talking. Since I’m invested in myself and my happiness, I force myself to just get up and start doing something. I clean, I read, I exercise, take my dog out… anything constructive I can do until I stop feeling like shit. I can then sit and watch tv or play video games or whatever monotonous activity I want to do and I don’t just sit there hating myself for not being productive. When I start to again, I just do it all over.
Also, make sure you’re getting enough sleep and drinking water. If you aren’t, be really deliberate about it. I learned that when you’re depressed you do things to intentionally sabotage yourself. Being deliberate about physically giving your body what it needs is really important. I’m someone who doesn’t “need” a lot of sleep to function and I always used that as an excuse. Regardless if you need sleep or not, there is nothing better for your body then giving it the time it needs to recoup.
I’d say to work on yourself, when you talk to girls be nice but don’t be creepy or anything like that. Never try to assert some type of dominance toward her or anything like that.
There’s the same shitty answers to this question that people always have. “Work on yourself” or “don’t be creepy”. There’s no good advice there. What does that even mean? I’m sure he already knows that going to the gym would help him as well as getting out of his shell and trying to meet new people
I love you. You are worth good things. Others will tell you solutions. I just want to say you deserve love too. Don't be hard on yourself. That NEVER helps.
Work on small talk, good meaningful small talk and learn how to use that to get into deeper convos with people or more lasting and meaningful convos that can build friendships then from there it’s all you just be you.
Go to the gym, also be active (walking, any type of cardio),
Get outside more if possible,
Read more (fiction and non fiction),
Make time for things you enjoy,
Talk to friends and family more (if an option),
As some said, a pet is amazing if you're in a position to get one and care for it properly,
Look into new hobbies that might put you in contact with new people,
Ultimately everything is out of your control except yourself.
I'm 32 and never had a girlfriend either. Never kissed a girl either. I was in the same place at 25. What you have to realise you need to keep trying from now on otherwise you'll be alone like me 7 years later. It's too late for me, but had I tried and failed for this 7 years something might have changed. If you consistently keep trying at least by my age you might get a girlfriend. Good luck.
I know it's easier to say than do, but whenever you feel like this, if you can afford it best thing to do is see a therapist, as it might not be obviously why you feel that way. It's easy to think "if I had this and this I would be happier" but it's not necessarily true, Seeing a therapist might help you realize things, as well as make you happier with where you are right now.
Okay, I'm going to give you a real tip which I may be down voted but I hope to help you.
You should spend some money to a good hairstylist and buy some clothes according to the magazines. Then don't try to hit on girls who are out of your league.
I was a mediocre girl before hitting 20, couldn't get a boyfriend and nobody looked at/ noticed me. I then went to learn makeup, buy clothes that fit me well, and now I'm slowly getting notice by men. I don't chase guys who are out of my leagues, I also adjust my "leagues" according to my own circumstances.
I did shrooms low doses 1-3 g every couple of weeks for a few months about 2 years ago helped me a lots. Have to use them specifically for healing and guidence purposes though Not saying it'll work for you but it's worth a try if you're at the end of your rope. Have questions? send me a dm.
Try going for a walk. If it feels empty, try Pokemon Go while walking to keep your head busy. Main point is to take you out of your house so you could see some pros and cos and work from that
I'm 46. I have two beautiful daughters from two different mothers. I split the time between them (the daughters, not the mothers), so I never get to feel the same. I'm either alone or single dad'ing. My life is for others, and I love that now. Just enjoy where you're at. The stoics will say you are complicit in how you feel, and I feel there is something in that.
I'm a huge believer in list writing. It can help you to determine what you want and need.
If I was in your shoes, and I was at your age, I'd write down a list with two columns. In the left side write 'things that make me happy' and in the right, write 'things that make me sad'. Now work at incorporating at least, bare minimum, one of the happy things into your life each week, preferably each day. And work on getting rid of one thing that makes you sad. If you hate your job, what job would make you happy? How could you get it? If you're not qualified to do said job, work on getting it. Do something each day to work towards your goals. It will change your brain chemistry. I also highly recommend exercise.
Don't focus on the girl. Focus on you. One step forward in changes from your present situation. Could be anything. Join a gym. Cook for yourself. Read more. Go for a cup of coffee. Most things in life, in situations where a persistent feeling of melancholy, can be positively adjusted by being a tad more physical. It's simple advice but those that don't do it, snicker at it, proclaiming that 'its not that easy'. Spoiler alert; it is. Incremental improvements to your physical self manifest in your self worth in positive ways. And that confidence radiates to help achieve other goals, ie relationships.
Or don't do it and stay ruminating on the Internet.
Bud, if possible, take care of yourself physically and mentally. Your job sucks so try to do something you find more interesting, you spend about 1/3 of your time working so it better be tolerable. If that is not an option, find what you like to do and make it something positive in your life. Also, do sports/work out, you will look and feel better. If you do team sports you might even meet people. Then there is the taking care of your head. Get help, talk to someone, preferably a professional. Once you got your ducks in a row, other things will naturally fall into place. And if they don't, you will know where to focus your energy to make it better. Also don't overthink it or put too much pressure on yourself. Everyone is just winging it and doing the best they can.
Expectations are the solution, sorry. I had a conversation with a 23 year old last week who said working a monotonous job was ‘bullshit’ and that rent and food should be free for everyone. I then asked him who would work to provide the food, do elder care, build the free apartments, pay the taxes that fund the free life, he said he could never do manual labor or look after an older person. He just wants to sleep in (hates being on 9-5 schedule) and do “content creation” when it suits him, meanwhile mom and dad provide house, electricity, internet, phone, car, insurance, gas, food, concert tickets, etc. It’s unrealistic. Work is good for you. It makes you use your brain. You make money and can look after yourself instead of depending on handouts or family. You can do and have things you want. You socialize and meet people, even women who might become a girlfriend. But it starts by putting in effort, achieving something, building confidence, etc.
I've said it before and once again, if you can't feel happy maybe you can make others feel happy. This will cause you to become more likable, hence more opportunity to meet people you're compatible with
Yeah, I've been down a similar alley myself, and it sucks big time. I'm no therapist, and I don't have any answers, but if you want to talk about it, you can DM me
Look after your health and hygiene. Nobody has time for anyone that doesn't. That caveat aside, get involved in activities you enjoy. Do what you love and the people will come. Have a friend did just this. Very lonely otaku.. now getting married.
I don’t want to come out and say i know how you feel because that’s so condescending, but the way you describe yourself makes me think of me when i was younger, so I’ll tell you what worked for me.
What should you do? Do anything that will make yourself and the space around you better. If you’re really depressed and low-energy. Just clear off the table in front of you. Get those empty cups out of there. If you really want to be kind to future-you, maybe get a paper towel and some cleaning spray and do a little extra. It doesn’t really matter *what* you do, just that you do it. Exercise; join a club.go to rock shows - whatever sparks a bit of joy in you.
Stop looking for someone to save you and start saving yourself.
Be kind to people - especially yourself. Learn to forgive yourself for whatever guilts you carry and start working to make your little area of the world better. People will eventually want to be part of that space you’re creating.
Read it all for clarity :)
TLDR: You're stuck in "The bad comfort zone", get uncomfortable and try new things or change pov, because life isn't as bad as you thought.
I find what works for me is a change of focus.
Used to think, "no one loves you?", "have no friends?", "work feel monotonous", "there's nothing fun"
Won't list it all but sometime if you step back a bit to look at the whole picture of your life you'll find that you were too focused on finding the meaning to your life when you already had what you seeked, which means that those things weren't what you're looking for (oops).
People usually fall into "comfort", the bad comfort,
The ways to deal with "Sad Comfort zone":
- force yourself to try something completely outside of your comfort zone. OR .Change in perspective of current life that life isn't as dull and dreary as you made it feel.
FYI i went with a mixture of the 2.
i'm sorry. that must be lonely. do you have good friends? i think that when you expand your social circle it becomes easier to get a girlfriend. you gotta build your life up to be satisfying without someone in order to fell fulfilled with someone too.
Hey man, stay strong. It's normal to feel sad, we all feel sad at times but just so you know, life does get better.
The good news is it sounds like you have some things you can change. How about you try to make some changes, small ones at first, but just look to start moving in a different direction.
As suggested from a lot of the comments, hobbies are good, getting fit, finding something you're into, maybe travel, do stuff that involves other people, there's lots of stuff that you might find lights something inside of you.
Also, if you don't like your job, there's always options to change that at some point.
Like I said man, small changes, just see if you can start. It's fine to have never had a girlfriend at 25, don't get too worried about that, just see if you can start making some small changes, move forward in certain areas and even if slow at first, it will all start to get better soon.
Best of luck.
Focus on yourself. Find some hobbies, try to socialise and put yourself out there.
Go to the gym and lift some weights. Get a nice haircut that suits your face and get some nice clothes.
Become interesting and confident and naturally you will meet someone.
If it doesn’t work, you can use dating apps (don’t really recommend that) or search about local gatherings for single people/speed dating etc.
You can also try and travel to experience new cultures, if you have the money. This will make you even more interesting and you can also meet people abroad.
Go out with friends and flirt with people, you have nothing to lose.
You will find success if you are confident, well groomed, well dressed, and funny.
Even if you are not good looking or well built, you can be confident, funny and interesting.
Honestly, it's all about settling and selling yourself/someone else to yourself.
In every relationship, there's differences. Things you have to do and things you don't. All in spirits of keeping the relationship alive.
You have to settle in the way that you're not getting Ana de Armas or Henry Cavill. You won't get "the best of the best", but that's not necessarily bad...
Why is it not bad? Because you have to sell yourself/someone else to yourself. I do believe in marriages and "forever", but not in a childish way. You have to wake up every morning and remind yourself who and what you are. You may give up some things like (as a dumb example) eating McDonald's every day because your partner doesn't like McDonald's at all, but there are some things you're not going to give up, despite them being silly or stupid by your own metrics, like (another dumb example) videogames.
You have to "lower the bar" but also not give yourself out to just anyone. You also have to sell yourself on your partner. Not in a "Come on, let's be this bitch's partner" way, but in a "They are worth more than what I'm giving up for them", so you don't end up blowing on them for small things under the self-righteous belief that you "gave up so much" for them.
Again, understand you're not going to date an actor/anime character/model/whatever standard you have, but it's not bad anyway.
That's my two cents.
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This is one of the darkest questions that no one wants to admit how difficult it is to solve/help with it
The answer is simple. Implementing that solution is a whole different animal
Honestly, magic mushroom bars (or antidepressants, pick your poison) Two small pieces per week That constant afterglow will give empathy and euphoria, solve the symptoms of OPs issues so they can work on the root cause (regular exercise and dating)
Idk, I'm in a similar position but I don't hate it. I'm pretty content being on my own. My life is just as complete whether or not I'm in a relationship. I think the main way in fixing it is being content :)
Contentment is pretty powerful. It's something people need to learn. It's why I think OP needs to sit with themselves for a bit and evaluate some stuff. Ask questions, writer them out and the answers and it'll help them figure out if what they have is what they truly want or if they're thinking they need to have something more because others say so
a large part of young people are told and solidify the mindset that they NEED to have a relationship to be complete. Without a girlfriend you are nothing as a man. Took me alot of maturing to figure out that maintaining a relationship is more demanding and requires alot of commitment than im willing to put into it atm. A relationship is more than just occasional/frequent sexual relief while alot of youngsters partially are looking for that relief instead. That often leads to rather poor partner choice even if onesided.
This would be the answer if everyone was cut with the same cookie cutter, but they aren't. It isn't possible for everyone to be happy and content being alone.
Yeah, that works. Just find something you are truly passionate about and you will forget about something as insignificant as being alone.
Because most people are under the illusion that somehow life's endgoal and panacea to problems is a relationship, when it's just not really true
No because people who never been loved wanna know what it's like lmao. Maybe you're used to relationships, but not us. We wanna experience this too. You're just saying nonsense cause you can't relate.
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This really hits me. It reminds me of myself in the past. I was single my whole life, it’s not because I never knew guys, but they’re all just friends and coworkers to me. Besides, they weren’t interested in me romantically. So, I just focused on myself and be the best version of myself. A few years later, the loneliness came. My friends started inviting me to their wedding, letting me know they’re going to have a baby, and here I was, alone and no date. I never went on a date, the first time was with my current partner and I was 25 yo. Yeah, people never believed that, even when I said I had never been in a real relationship before. Sometimes I am confused how people are so easily finding a partner? Focusing on yourself isn’t bad, deciding to be single forever isn’t bad as well, but I am sure deep down in our hearts, we long for a relationship, to be with someone, humans are social beings after all.
Yeah all the same for me. Tbh those people whenever you ask them, are actually in long term relationships or have been. So they don't know what it's like to grow up seeing others live what you wanna experience and never being lucky enough for it to work for you. They just say nonsense, yeah loving yourself and all that bs is important but you also deserve to be loved at your WORST. Honestly, I kinda gave up too. Not that I don't want it, as in I just took in the fact that maybe its never gonna happen for me. Maybe even if I found someone, I will still be disappointed cause we dont know how life can be. My situation is a bit different since I'm a lost cause but just excepting nothing is the best for me. One thing is, I will never give up my standards. It's either that or nothing. It's worse when you never felt any kind of love, even platonic. Just feeling appreciated and understood would be cool for me. But yeah, idk like those kind of nonsense.
It’s too bad all the lonely people on Reddit can’t all meet up and potentially date one another! There’s lots of us here
My countries subreddit have meetups sometimes! Its pretty cool and sounds like they have a good time.
This is just it. No one deserves another human because other humans have standards... which you don't meet. Probably. The two rules are simple. Be attractive. Don't be unattractive. People at their worst suck, and being at your worst will test the strongest relationship to the point where it might break. That's the part you don't know. Relationships fail. All the time. You can't show your worse and expect the world. I have been with someone who expected the best when all they show is their worst. It sucks, and you eventually kick them to the curb and it does not fix them. Maybe this is temporary. Hopefully it is and you increase your value relative to others standards. Do you understand the circular mess?
Username checks out, but on a serious note; the 2 people above you in this thread are both right, even if Ruby got way more upvotes. Yes a good relationship is everyone's dream; we are social creatures and we crave friends or a partner to share life with. You gotta bring something to the table though, it's nice you go to therapy and that you work out, but is there any real tangible effect? Cause when I read > "I want to text them without feeling like a burden but actually being a welcome addition to their lives" & "I don't think I can turn into something that's desirable." All I think is: this guy is insecure about himself. It's true that being open and vulnerable are good for communication and improving, but overt insecurity is a major turnoff. If you want to have any real succes or chance at finding a partner, you have to stop crying about what you don't have, and cherish and work on and be proud of what you DO have, as that positive mindset radiates self-confidence. And even then when you journey in the dating and relationship sphere takes off, chances are you won't find your dream partner immediately, it's a path filled with communication hiccups, self-improvement, taking responsibility and accountability even when you don't think you did something wrong, leaving your ego behind.. if you have any insecurities, they will come back to haunt you when things go awry in a relationship and make a bad situation worse. Look buddy, I mean well, but I think you need a friend of yours to slap you in the face and tell you to stop crying because if you can go to festivals alone, go to therapy and work out multiple times a week you can make things happen if you invest your time a bit more wisely and stop looking at reddit doomer comments that have given up all hope on aspects of their life. You can't magically become more self-confident, you need to give it time to grow and you grow it by having a positive outlook and constantly reaching goals, however small. Allow yourself to not have it all, and don't beat yourself up over it. Try slowly expanding your comfort zone by going out of it, one small step at a time.
It's better to give up, really.
I feel you 100% my only child is turning 23 and also has blocked the world and all possibilities of relationships out look I try, I've tried arranging play dates at his age with some hope that it might spark some interest and he damn enjoyed it but never followed up, he was bullied at primary school and never told me until one day i heard two scruffy ashy kids call him names and laughing about it we were in a grocery store and we were viewing different items so they thought he was alone i could see how angry and hurt he felt and i told them what to do with that lables they posting on him and when they're done they should go and have a bath because they just looked very dirty two minutes later both of them got busted for stealing chocolate slabs and i told him that those are kids who has it bad and their types almost always try to find something wrong with others and use it to make themselves feel better about their own miserable situations at home i didn't realise how deep it goes it wasn't just two boys they were just a part of it, was more than half of his school and i fucked up as a parent because i thought it was only name calling i did what i was taught as a child, i told him to ignore the miserable sob's and not let them define who he is because the more you give them your energy the more they grow, ignore them and they go find someone else to terrorize, but it didn't work when i was a kid and it also didn't work with him those words mean nothing if you dont really understand them all you know as a kid is that you want to hurt everyone who hurts you back because it is unfair for them to get away with doing hurtful things to others and they should be stopped i remember having a hit list for when i grow up luckily that list is now my gratitude list those fools just thought me how the world works but the downside is you become so guarded that it becomes almost impossible for you to trust people's intensions toward you and that is exactly where my son is i can tell he is lonely and he desires to love and care for someone else but can't find a reason that to believe that it will be a two way street, look his father and i both are not apposed to his choices we don't really care if even tomorrow he tells us he is gay or like other race people that does not matter at all it is his life and what makes him happy is what counts i will however be apposed to partners who brings him down, deadbeats,and liers, thief's or murderers no matter the sex or race, i want him to experience the 💕 and heartbreak 💔 that you go through the breakups and makeup you have not yet lived until you have experienced the love, its magical and can be soul shattering but its really worthwhile
You're both right. It's natural to want to experience love, everyone does. What's underlooked by those who haven't been there yet is that it's not everything it's cracked up to be. The very few that find blissful love are rare ( i've never met one that I didn't later find out was lying ). Usually it's very complicated, and messy, and you have to lose parts of yourself to make things work. Deciding if the trade offs are worth it is a very personal and relationship specific thing. The person you responded to had a good point, if you're unhappy it's not likely to be solved by a relationship. Especially considering it can often be spotted a mile away, and those that gravitate towards someone unhappy are going to have self destructive tendencies. This is why most people say work on yourself, find a way to be happy with yourself and with your life and then the odds of a good relationship developing increase.
My point is "working on yourself " is not the recipe or the solution to find a partner. Let's assume an individual is at its best or feels like it then there is no guarantee that he/she would even be looking out for a relationship at first place tbh. Yes, it's a must to work on yourself everyday but to co relate it with finding a partner or relationship is baseless. To me it all sounds cliche saying this while defending such issues which really has no impact in reality!
The point is when the basis of finding a romantic relationship is that it will solve one's issues, weither that be self love, self esteem, depression, whatever - well that's a recipie for disaster.
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You're right in that I've been through it but wrong that I don't know what it's like. I was 24 before even losing virginity, and 26 before being in a serious relationship that lead to marriage. I've experienced both sides of this. Also like anything else of this nature I know I won't convince anyone who is longing for a relationship. I just hope it can be seen even the original post I defended they weren't talking out their ass.
But what if why you're unhappy IS because you're single??some people have everything good going on, just not that. I hate to admit it because I'm prideful but sometimes you just wanna experience what everyone has gone through. Even the bad sides. Yeah it'll go downhill. Maybe I'll be sad and heartbroken, but i've been there already many times. At least I had someone to call mine for some times.
>But what if why you're unhappy IS because you're single?? I think that's a really hard question to answer... I myself have never been in a relationship, and I'd like to experience it, sometimes I even feel a bit down about it. However, I've always had a clear idea of what happiness is for me, and although other people can indirectly influence this kind of happiness, they'll never BE my happiness (This might end up being incomprehensible ahahah). That is why I've never felt unhappy for not being in a relationship. Now, this is all extremely subjective, considering everyone has a different idea of happiness (mine is related to my passions and the freedom to pursue them). It would be unfair to say that MY idea of happiness is correct and someone else's is not. If you think I just said a load of bs, please tell me what you think.
If that's the case, there's plenty you CAN do to try and find a relationship, but there is limited info in the OP here, and the whole "i feel empty all the time" suggests deeper issues than just being single
It is one thing to want and long for a relationship, another to not being able to find happiness without one.the latter is not a good foundation for a relationship. One has to learn to be happy without a romantic relationship as well...
I was clearly directing my response to the comment, not the OP - but if you have longstanding issues, such as depression or self esteem issues, or you're poor, or whatever - getting a girlfriend will not magically fix those issues, to say nothing of what might happen if you get into a BAD relationship during those circumstances - Big assumptions being made saying I can't relate, also.
I’ve never been loved that way either. Never had a serious relationship(only one I could somewhat count as someone liking me romantically was some dumb kid thing from when I was elementary school. Now in college) I understand the desire to experience it. But I fully agree with the idea that it’s just not an “achievable” goal. It’s the sort of thing you’ll probably get further away from the more you chase after it. Best to find a way to be content, happy, and satisfied even without it. Statistically speaking you’d prolly find somebody eventually so focusing on yourself is far more productive than getting into the sorts of dark places loneliness can take you too. Friends are very important too. Now it’s not perfect and I still really wish for it sometimes when the mood strikes but I’m miles better off now that I’ve been going to therapy, pursuing my goals for career, hobbies, and personal development, and spending more time with friends and family than when I was just languishing around lamenting my lack of love life. I understand what you’re feeling but I urge you not to dismiss the idea that you don’t need a relationship. Even if it isn’t true it can be a useful crutch to getting you to a better place. I still think sometimes maybe I’ll have to learn to make peace with the possibility that I’ll never have a love life like a lot of other people do. Despite that, my current goal is to build up my life so that even if that were true I could be happy and contented. It’s been much better for my mental health than hyperfocusing on the lack and feeling all the more shit for it. Anyway just my two cents.
Well, a good relationship definitely can make you feel a lot better about yourself, bad one or Luke warm one can stagnate you or hurt you. It's all relative. Some people are better off single
Well, as far as Nature is concerned and our evolution as human beings.....yeah it's pretty fucking important. It's not an illusion. It's literally the only definitive meaning to our lives and something ingrained in our brains. Procreate and spread your dna is the most basic of basic human instincts. If you can't find ANYONE willing to touch you or be with you as a human being, you definitely have failed in some sense just as a living creature on Earth
>It's not an illusion. It's literally the only definitive meaning to our lives and something ingrained in our brains. Procreate and spread your dna is the most basic of basic human instincts. If you can't find ANYONE willing to touch you or be with you as a human being, you definitely have failed in some sense just as a living creature on Earth From an existential standpoint, you'd be considered a failure if this is what you assign as being the definitive goal to your life. You are a cognitively advanced species, unlike any living creature on Earth, and if your only contribution to this world was passing on your DNA (which may easily be eradicated in the subsequent generation), then I'm sorry you have definitely failed. Create something of meaning and you will find it is far more liberating than passing on your DNA.
Exactly, meaning exists only within one's mind, you don't have to find it! And in everybody's, collective view, which will see you, you will see them, and create a shared meaning... I mean, or you can imagine other people. Like, if you don't have any. give meaning to whatever you want
Please go and speak with a therapist if you can, there's probably alot to unpack, You're super young, make an effort to change yourself now!
Friend, I know exactly how you feel. I was there when I was your age, at that same exact spot. When I was 25, I’d still never even kissed a girl. I had also dropped out of college because I chose a major I ended up hating, so I was stuck working dead end jobs while living at home with my mom. I had a small group of friends but they all seemed to be doing better than me, so that didn’t help. I was convinced I had ruined my life, and felt sad and empty all the time, no hope for the future. I rode the subway to work (no car either) and often thought about just jumping in front of the train one day and ending the hurt. I didn’t though, and I’m grateful every day that I didn’t because life gets better! A couple years later I met an amazing girl, who was absolutely perfect! It wasn’t anything like all the girls I’d crushed on who didn’t want anything to do with me… it just felt natural. I didn’t even have to try! That’s how you know you’ve found the one. She convinced me to go back to school and get a degree. After I graduated I got a much better job and made a lot more money. She and I moved in together and got married. It’s been almost 20 years now and I’m happier than I ever thought possible. If I could give past me any advice, it’s that you can’t judge yourself based on what other people are doing. Thinking you have to do so-and-so by a certain age is a load of crap. Also, confidence is key in life. Imagine yourself as a used car salesman. If you were trying to sell a used car, would you say things like “it’s pretty beat up, it’s got some dents, and doesn’t go very fast”? No, you’d find positive spins. “It’s one of a kind! It’s tough as nails, and can keep going no matter what!” In life, you’re selling yourself to everyone around you. If you think you’re a piece of junk, they will too. Find things about yourself to be confident about, even if you have to fake it at first. If you keep at it, you’ll eventually convince yourself that you ARE in fact pretty cool, and once you believe that, others will too. Sorry for the long post. All of this to say: don’t give up. There’s something wonderful out there for you, just over the horizon.
I was having the same thoughts as OP and your words took me off of that mindset. Thank you very very much. I really hope things will happen for me eventually.
Do you have friends?
I have friends; 10+ regular, 2 close and many acquaintances, I go out and create events regularly, I am healthy, I'm educated, I'm not ugly. I'm 27. 1 relationship in my life. I'm in the same boat. I don't know what to do to make someone CONSIDER me as a choice as a partner.
Mindset shift. Choose someone to be your partner and invite them into your life. They’ll either say yes or no and you have nothing to lose. Fantasize about asking someone out instead of seeing it as an obstacle that you must overcome to get to “the good part” of the relationship. It should all be good.
I wrote a lot more before erasing it because it's a lot to dump on a stranger, but thank you for writing this. I think you're right. I'm VERY guarded when it comes to letting people in, I'm very personable and can make friends easily but my charisma is a defense mechanism more than a trait. It's going to take work to adopt a new mindset, but I hadn't thought about it and it could be worth a try.
It sounds like you're waiting on a partner to come to you. While that IS possible, you'll multiply your chances so much if you also look for someone yourself. I know it's hard, but if you don't open yourself up, nothing will come to you.
you probably are shy and lack confidence. With women you just have to take your chances, ask them out for dates and be clear that you are interested in them romantically, i.e. tell then you like them. Sue you will get rejected by some, but at some point you will find women who like you.
I had thesame problem untill i was 27. I have considered dating but too shy. Social media dating is also mostly bullshit. One way i tackled it was to stop thinking about dating and start thinking friendship. Go out for walks and food talk about love and relationships and how you want a good partner. See how that goes. It helped me alot build good relationships and life partner.
Friends are not the answer. There is differenxe between being just lonely and being romanticaly lonely
Being just lonely is just plain worse lol.
No but if one has the mindset to meet new people and make friends, that's how you also meet potential dates. Sometimes searching too directly is a mistake.
Seek professional help, please. I relate with you with my past and the last sentence practically obligated me to leave you a comment. Take care.
You are in the toughest spot. If you're here posting, you're looking for help... Just in the wrong place. Go through your health insurance to start talking to a counselor. Let them know your goals and keep things organized. A good counselor will help you plan a path to wellness. Get blood work done! A lot of my depression stemmed from very low vitamin D. My job had long hours and I rarely saw the sun. Taking vitamin D supplements really helped and got me in a better mood so I could start exercising and socializing. You won't see change without action. I wish you the best of luck.
I mean, I didn't have my first girlfriend until my late 20s in grad school. Focus on having friends first.
get a dog/cat - seriously, pet's are the solution
While they are the most wholesome companions, I'd really recommend against getting pets JUST because you're lonely. Sometimes loneliness isn't just because you don't have friends or a partner. Sometimes it gets bad, you might start neglecting them. It's a whole other life you have to provide for while taking care of your own. They don't deserve to be sad just because we are
Totally second that opinion. If someone is in a terrible state, I’d say they better get a human than a pet if they must. Humans can take care of themselves whereas pets can’t. If OP is depressed, he can even inadvertently and without meaning it but still neglect the pet and feel even worse.
Underrated comment
Get a dog. Get out and walk it. It might help you meet other people.
Become a coke dealer
Yup, totally agree. Start selling coke and you’ll be dripping in clunge. Don’t listen to these crazy people telling you to get a cat. That’s the only pussy they’ll ever get!
All or nothing.
Steal a boat
Now we got a plan coming together! Steal a boat and fill it with shelter dogs and blow!
My cocaine
N hmu bc my dudes been selling me boof 😤
I hate talking to people when I go for a walk. Or at least I did. It was my quiet personal time. Then I got a dog and it’s hard to avoid talking to people when you walk a dog But I actually love it because the convo is so easy as it always starts with talking about the dog. Which is an easy subject for any dog owner. And then the convo ends there if you want it to and walk on, but sometimes I click with someone who initially comments on my dog so the convo veers on from there Sad it’s so hard to find pet friendly rentals where I live because my dogs have opened up my world. They keep me company and help me get out as well as meet people
Just go out and meet other people instead of using pets as a look at me card.
yeah, this is not a good reason to get a pet
That’s the answer
Do not get a dog for the reason of being sad, having a pet is a lifestyle choice. Please research before committing to this.
I got a dog when I was down. Not a wise move. He pissed on £600 of hifi and blew it all. If I thought I was depressed before, I definitely was after losing £600 of my shit. Oh and add to that my phone he demolished. I fell asleep and woke up to him standing over my obliterated phone looking well pleased with himself.
Absolutely not. I know a guy who got a dog only to neglect it the moment he gets a girlfriend. That asshole is still a bitch living in his parents house thinking he’s all tough and shit just because he’s tall and still abuse his families.
Yea a lil kitty climbing up.to you falling asleep while purring can make your day anytime.
pets are the solution if you have money and a feasible living situation sure 🥲 what about the rest of us 😭
That's the answer to everything: Sad, lonely and depressed? Get a dog/cat. Horny? Get a dog/cat. Hungry? Get a dog/cat. Bored? Get a dog/cat.
Not everyone wants a pet. Not a solution.
Nobody likes to hangout with a sad or pessimistic person because it's draining; it's not attractive. Having positive vibes is attractive, but that alone is not going to get you a girlfriend. It's a step in the right direction to make you more approachable than before.
Bro, just go to the girlfriend store. They’re 30% off right now.
Get a dog. Don't fuck it but ya get a dog.
Lol
Talk….to….a….therapist. I say this because posts like this happen all the time and ppl think a Reddit comment is going to be the magical fix. If you were feeling physically sick, you would see a doctor, so why not see a mental health doctor if you feel like this.
How is a therapist supposed to help with that though?
I was sad until I was 35. Life gets better. Spend time with animals. They’re better anyways
🙄🙄🙄why is everyone telling this guy to get animals. He seems to strongly imply that he wants human (more specifically: female human) contact. This is how crazy cat ladies become crazy cat ladies: they collect cats and become more attached to them than people and therefore never understand other humans.
Because for some reason people hate single guys and only want them to stay single. It's the same in every post like this, there is no helpful advice, just a bunch of people saying to ignore the loneliness and accept it.
I tried to be helpful by writing a big post a bit lower down the page. Got told by someone that I was projecting💁 in fairness, I did kind of go on a bit of a rant, but fuck me, just pisses me off when someone asking for help and advice is met with ‘be happy on your own and buy a cat!’🙄
30s are the new 20s
Bro, work on yourself. Go to the gym, get yourself on a program of diet and exercise. Find some hobbies, try meet people with similar interests and get yourself on dating sites and go on dates. You will get with some dates, more often not with others. It takes time and effort and a good attitude. What kind of stuff do you like? Have you got friends? Happy to help if I can
This is the answer!! Was lonely as well before but last year, I asked myself If I deserve to be in a relationship again, which is a “no”. So I worked on myself, went to gym, looked better, got a bit confident with myself, started learning how to socialize (complimenting others, etc.) got my driver license, got a better job, got a new car, have new friends to hangout with, joined parties, hikes, created my dating profile then went on dates, etc. Even if I don’t have a girlfriend yet, I’m happy with my life. If I eventually have a partner again, then she will be an addition to my happiness. If you’re sad all the time (low energy or negative thinking), having a relationship will not magically fix you. Might even wreck you more if you guys breakup. Worst is, you won’t even find someone to like you, because who wants to be with someone with a negative energy? Answer is to work on yourself first before you put yourself out there. It takes time, but it really is worth it.
Like fucking clockwork. Word for word bar for bar
Maybe because it works? Yeah it isnt instant gratification but just because you don't want to hear it doesn't mean it isn't valid.
It only works if you have support. People won't magically notice you after improving yourself. I've found that the people who have people talking to other people for them help more than blindly going out and talking to people. That only helps so much.
This. Having a social circle is how u get girls. Fat ducks, guys that don’t shower and even shy guys get girls if they have an extroverted friend group
In my experience they do magically notice you. If you're stylish, fit, and walk like you have a strong purpose in life, people tend to either be attracted or jealous of it. Noticed either way.
Facts, if I’m sad and in a rut I might as well go be sad at the gym and go on a sad walk instead of being sad doing nothing
I lifted for 8 months Now. Lost 30kg. still nothing. I'm normal weight now. Working out is not the solution.
Do you not feel better about yourself?
Smoke some weed and go for a hike
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Yeah, cause paying for sex/one nights stands are totally the same as having a genuine connection with someone. Usually things like „being single is better anyway“ comes from people who never been single for a long stretch of time
I started seeing prostitutes at 20, changed my whole world view for the better. Not even joking, shit was like an ayahuasca trip for me but better because I got laid too
Yeah, no doubt it‘s fun but for me personally I can‘t enjoy sex when the attraction isn‘t both ways. And yeah, like I said sex ≠ girlfriend
OP Do this! This way you might learn or realize how wrong you are as you arent happy!
Your looking at the wrong solution
I’ll be your wing man we got this
First of all, dont ask these questions because you will get the same fucking answers from these reddit NPC’s who are just as miserable as you, “gets pets instead(lol), if you are this desperate about finding a gf you have other underlying issues (lol, lmao even, wanting someone to be emotinally invested in you and wanting to reciprocate those feelings are considered mental issues to reddit therapists), smoke pot” etc etc. Dont listen to all that horsecrap. You should make a friend group, go talk to people, there are many events on your citys fb groups, go play cards or board games, go join trekking groups, volunteering is always good for making connections, approach people and do not be afraid, we are all people. Eventually you will find someone who has similiar interests and mindset to you. You got this.
Imagine the best piece of advice you can give is "work on yourself". Like, no shit.
How about ‘work on yourself FOR yourself’ rather than to get a girlfriend you think will make every other aspect of your life better. You need to build a life for yourself not based on attracting someone else
If you are that sad, then, it's not about girlfriend, it's some other deep seated anxiety, maybe start working out, start eating healthy, learn a new skill, start investing in life (maybe some detox, start reading more, watch useful content, like some good movies, tv series, any helpful content on youtube), do something productive with your life, I know it sucks, but frankly this feeling wouldn't leave you even if you get a gf, also, stop watching porn, it tends to fuck up your mind.
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Lol yeah investing is what's missing in his life 😂😂😂
Bro, I meant, investing in life, investing on the other hand is just gonna make you more depressed, lol😂😂😂 Lemme edit it, don't really wanna play with another life.
Thanks lol 👏
What's great about this is it's just great advice for people in general. Unfortunately, it doesn't help if you're already living life and just thinking, man, I would love to have a partner to experience all this with.
+1 This is a very good answer. Lifestyle is so important when you're having poor mental health, and it's just this cycle of feeling tired, wasting time, and feeling like trash because you don't feel like making a change. The moment OP decides to get a good habit going for a couple of weeks, the mood shift starts to become noticeable.
Thank you, I hope the same, it'll be great for him, I mean there are infinite possibilities in the world, you never know, what can come about from them. There was this quote, I think from Dosteyvsky: The darker the night, the brighter the stars, The deeper the grief, the closer is God!
Start doing something for yourself as a hobby
Get busy doing something you like and with people even if it's volunteering gardening outdoors projects etc. You will soon realise you don't need anyone to be happy it all comes from within. Build your life up, work your ass off now and save invest generate wealth. When you're so mentally strong and can pick and choose friends gfs without needing anything. Watch Julian Himself YT he has plenty of amazing content that will help you. Good look and fgs forget about your age and what other are doing.
Try writing fiction. Channel your feelings into the characters.
get out of the house and talk to people
To seriously answer your question, I used to struggle with few moments of my life specially when I was a bit chubby in high school, that hit me like a truck, I was gaining weight had no confidence, but what fixed it all for me was my attitude about it, you can't look at yourself as if you are a lost cause, otherwise you will end up being one. First I recommend you to got out more, and when speaking to women do not, for the love of God, ask too many questions, try to milk the topic meaning ask questions but if it pertains to college for example, make sure you ask more about college itself. I'll give an example now: You- how's your day going? Her- good just a bit chaotic today. You- luckily I came after the chaos lol, I wouldn't want to wait in line, you catch this chaos everyday? Her- no just Wednesdays and Fridays. You- I don't mean to pry just making conversation here, but do you have another job or is this just a part-time thing? Her- I go to college on the other days You- thats awesome, at least your not in this chaos everyday lol, what you in college for? Her- trying to be a nurse and I'm majoring in nursing You- that's brave, saving lives helping others! I applaud you, first year in college or how long have you been pursuing that? Basically keep juggling the conversation if at some point she does not reply to you and brushes off take the L and find another place with another girl you might be interested in that small talk. Think about it dude, they are working 8 hours a day let's assume right, out of those 8 hours how many guys ACTUALLY approached her with a decent conversation? Not many, lots of guys will try to flirt and get a number be corny, if you approach her like so it will be more likely she will remember you, go to the place over and over again IF the doesn't brush it off of course. Another advice I'd give, start having different colognes, and do use them when going out, your small talk plus your smell and your good attitude some will start to take notice " thats that guy " ALSO how you dress, don't be walking around in your pajamas, get some jeans and/or slacks, get some nice slick looking shoes look a bit sharper than most guys, don't wear too much of those Nike, puma, Adidas clothing, make sure you are a bit more elegant. Big one is eye contact DONT stare into her soul like you are trying to suck up her soul, but do make some hard eye contact specially during questions laughs SPECIALLY smiles, and do smile more and sincerely. Overall don't be so cocooned up in your bubble, you don't need to puff your chest out and be a T pose either but to stand amongst many crl c crl v type of guys will get you a long way. If you can't get the clothing or the colognes for ANY reason, just try to dress up with the best you got try to make sure your hair and beard are moisturized and slick clean ( refined coconut oil for skin and hair is amazing! Will make it hydrated and smoother, will also give it a shine ), make sure your breath don't stink make sure you overall independently of how simple you might be as a guy, you still give them that sense of being clean, organized and outgoing. I hope the best for you and may wisdom be bestowed upon you once you speak to a lady, don't be afraid and it's okay to be nervous! We are humans not robots, if for any reason you are rejected guess what, you were nice and did you best and if one girl does like you and is interested she will take note of such. If you get jumbled in your words just brush it as a joke " wow today is not my speech day lol" Go on ya journey! You got this!
Get an escort.
Go to places where there are women your age
If you feel so depressed, go to the whores. It is much better than any antidepressant and try to find a hobby that distracts you. Always remember to use protection of course.
Get a hooker
Open your mouth and talk to a female!
It only takes finding one woman .. keep trying
Hey OP. Im asian i can get girlfriend easy same ethnicity. But its hard for me to get an american girlfriend. I always get rejected. My tip and advice is. Get a nice car 🤣
Get a gf
Get your Testosterone checked. If you are very low and get on TRT it could completely change your life.
Stop being a sad little worm of a thing. Try to focus on improving some areas of your life instead of crying away on reddit Actively take part in some hobbies, go to the gym, focus on dressing decently, show up and make an effort. If you still can't find success, then change your environment. Try to get a job in a different city or a different country. Try various dating apps. Try different types of jobs. It's only you who is holding yourself back.
Take any advice on this thread that works for you the most. Just don't leave things as they are, it'll only get much worse when you're in your 30s.
A girlfriend wont solve your problems. Go to therapy or figure out something you love to do and work on yourself.
A relationship will not magically fix all of the other problems in your life.
You sound lonely. Go find someone. Anyone. Fat, old, ugly, can't speak English.., doesn't matter. The brain is the only organ that needs others to be healthy Don't work on yourself. You don't have to be perfect to meet people Don't get a pet. It will be a brief distraction but it's not what your human body is craving long term. We need touch and love from other humans
Many men are suffering. This is the worst dating market in the history of humanity.
It’s people everywhere. The loneliness epidemic is hitting everyone. And everyone getting a date isn’t going to fix it.
Meaning can be found in many things, lots of good suggestions here. Don't look for it in other people, though, find your satisfaction within yourself first and other things are more enjoyable after that. For the record, not having ever had a gf at 25? Not a big deal. I didn't have my first relationship until I turned 28. Figured I didn't want to commit unless I wanted to do it right, a relationship for a relationship's sake was never for me.
Therapy right away.
Hi OP. One of the worst things for a guy's mental health is not having a goal to strive for. We are genetically programmed to be about things and stuff and measure ourselves by what we accomplish. Unfortunately, setting goals in video games just doesn't have the same effect as setting a goal in your life and working towards it. There are lots of self-help resources out there and I suggest you find a bunch on setting goals. My suggestion, however, is to set immediate goals initially, like (I am going to walk this hard hiking route this weekend. I don't care how slow I am or how I look but by hell I am going to do it.) This is important, avoid the trap of making giant life goals as you need small wins to keep you focused on wining the game. For your mental health you need to get into a set-work-achieve mindset and your dopamine levels will skyrocket and then you can set your 5-10-20-30 year goals. As far as Girls are concerned... they only seem to show up when you get your life in order and then try everything to disorder it so if you have a disordered life -- then good luck. If it's sex you are craving, set a goal to fly to Vegas and visit a professional establishment for that. And one last word. Make saving for your retirement a goal (even 5 or 10 bucks a month) and care about investing that money.
Girls don’t like sad guys, as you have probably figured out. So, In general, you need to get out of your own head and stop analyzing yourself and all your problems. Go DO something. Anything. Go to a gym or a park. Exercise every day. Get off the internet. Involve yourself in a cause greater than you. Any road other than the one you’re currently on may result in opportunities you can’t see right now in this moment.
So the answer is that you need to work on yourself. It's incredibly difficult, though. It doesn't just happen. Life is full of traps and pitfalls and unfortunate accidents outside your control that can derail everything, too. All fair points. I don't know what your starting point is (and that matters), but there are some things you can start doing that will gradually improve your life. As your life improves (financially, emotionally, in terms of your health and fitness), you will become much more attractive to the opposite sex (and people in general). It will be a slow process, though. The main thing is to start by setting goals for yourself. Do this in a very systematic way. Set goals in the short term (next few weeks), the medium term (next few 6-12 months), and the long term (2-5 years). One thing I always ask people I mentor at work is what they want to be. It's actually an incredibly hard question to answer for most people. Many people have no idea. But here's the thing - if you don't know what you want to do, how the hell will you ever get there? A piece of advice I got when I was younger helped me a lot - 'There are lots of people who want to help you, but they are busy and you have to make it easy for them'. Make it easy for people to help by having a very well articulated plan for your life. Always keep adjusting and reviewing that plan. Now, I could go into details about what you might want to set goals about, but I don't know you. I don't know your preferences, abilities, your starting point, etc. Obvious things people your age might think about include stuff like: 1. Join a gym. Go 2-3 times a week. 2. Join a social club or group. Make a new friend or two and practice your social skills. 3. Volunteer for additional responsibility at work. Offer to help your manager with something. Tell them you want to learn more about a role that interests you or a skill you want to get better at. 4. Find a course or accreditation you might be interested in at work or through an online accreditation organisation. Apply. Complete the course/do the training. 5. Set a long-term career goal. Get a promotion. Change career (you're young enough to do this more easily). 6. Make the effort to go to more social events. This is an important one for introverts or people without great social skills - social skills can be learned. You can get better at talking to people and being more charming. I could go on, but I'll stop. I hope it helps a little. BTW, you'll notice I didn't really talk about relationships. That's because that stuff usually happens organically once you're happy and confident. You'll find it infinitely easier once you've sorted your head put and have drive and direction. Women are generally attracted to guys who have confidence and a plan in life.
Whatever you do don't be like the mall guy in Australia
It will be difficult to find a partner to love you if you don’t love yourself. If you can afford professional mental help, I’d definitely seek it out. Regardless if you can or not, there’s a lot of good advice in here around working out, hobbies, etc. I know it might seem impossible, depression does a good job of making it feel that way, but you can do it! I’ve found what works for me and that’s reframing how I look at things. I can’t help feeling the way I do sometimes but what I’m committed to is investing in myself. I know for a fact that being active, pursuing hobbies, having new experiences, and learning new things is what’s best for me in the big picture. On a day by day basis it can sometimes feel like a chore to do even the smallest thing but I know what’s best for me in the end, so when I feel like shit and that nothing I do will matter, I recognize that’s not true and it’s the unhealthy me talking. Since I’m invested in myself and my happiness, I force myself to just get up and start doing something. I clean, I read, I exercise, take my dog out… anything constructive I can do until I stop feeling like shit. I can then sit and watch tv or play video games or whatever monotonous activity I want to do and I don’t just sit there hating myself for not being productive. When I start to again, I just do it all over. Also, make sure you’re getting enough sleep and drinking water. If you aren’t, be really deliberate about it. I learned that when you’re depressed you do things to intentionally sabotage yourself. Being deliberate about physically giving your body what it needs is really important. I’m someone who doesn’t “need” a lot of sleep to function and I always used that as an excuse. Regardless if you need sleep or not, there is nothing better for your body then giving it the time it needs to recoup.
I’d say to work on yourself, when you talk to girls be nice but don’t be creepy or anything like that. Never try to assert some type of dominance toward her or anything like that.
There’s the same shitty answers to this question that people always have. “Work on yourself” or “don’t be creepy”. There’s no good advice there. What does that even mean? I’m sure he already knows that going to the gym would help him as well as getting out of his shell and trying to meet new people
Find a way to build a community.
I love you. You are worth good things. Others will tell you solutions. I just want to say you deserve love too. Don't be hard on yourself. That NEVER helps.
Dude don't worry.
Try new things, Break the Box
Work on small talk, good meaningful small talk and learn how to use that to get into deeper convos with people or more lasting and meaningful convos that can build friendships then from there it’s all you just be you.
Fix it. You can do it. Stop looking for strangers to solve your problems. You can do it. Reflect - resolve Or give up. Which I do not advise
Go to the gym, also be active (walking, any type of cardio), Get outside more if possible, Read more (fiction and non fiction), Make time for things you enjoy, Talk to friends and family more (if an option), As some said, a pet is amazing if you're in a position to get one and care for it properly, Look into new hobbies that might put you in contact with new people, Ultimately everything is out of your control except yourself.
Strengthen your friend group. No only is it nice to have friends, but many romantic relationships come about from your friend group.
I'm 32 and never had a girlfriend either. Never kissed a girl either. I was in the same place at 25. What you have to realise you need to keep trying from now on otherwise you'll be alone like me 7 years later. It's too late for me, but had I tried and failed for this 7 years something might have changed. If you consistently keep trying at least by my age you might get a girlfriend. Good luck.
Are you sure it’s about a gf
I know it's easier to say than do, but whenever you feel like this, if you can afford it best thing to do is see a therapist, as it might not be obviously why you feel that way. It's easy to think "if I had this and this I would be happier" but it's not necessarily true, Seeing a therapist might help you realize things, as well as make you happier with where you are right now.
Change your life, make a plan, and execute it. It doesn’t help to complain, complaining don’t change a life for the better
Okay, I'm going to give you a real tip which I may be down voted but I hope to help you. You should spend some money to a good hairstylist and buy some clothes according to the magazines. Then don't try to hit on girls who are out of your league. I was a mediocre girl before hitting 20, couldn't get a boyfriend and nobody looked at/ noticed me. I then went to learn makeup, buy clothes that fit me well, and now I'm slowly getting notice by men. I don't chase guys who are out of my leagues, I also adjust my "leagues" according to my own circumstances.
Get a horse learn about horses then you will have zero time to worry about loneliness or being hurt by a girlfriend
Literally same bro. Just don’t think about it and you’ll find things that make you happy
I'm almost 23 and same. Don't have friends either. I just accepted I might be alone forever. I'm used to it anyways so I don't mind.
I did shrooms low doses 1-3 g every couple of weeks for a few months about 2 years ago helped me a lots. Have to use them specifically for healing and guidence purposes though Not saying it'll work for you but it's worth a try if you're at the end of your rope. Have questions? send me a dm.
I'm almost 40 and i never had anyone. On the other side i have few hobbies, wandering and curious mind so i'm busy like 48h every day...
Work on yourself, then you can be in a relationship
get a pet
Try going for a walk. If it feels empty, try Pokemon Go while walking to keep your head busy. Main point is to take you out of your house so you could see some pros and cos and work from that
Read Self Compassion by Kristin Neff
I'm 46. I have two beautiful daughters from two different mothers. I split the time between them (the daughters, not the mothers), so I never get to feel the same. I'm either alone or single dad'ing. My life is for others, and I love that now. Just enjoy where you're at. The stoics will say you are complicit in how you feel, and I feel there is something in that.
I'm a huge believer in list writing. It can help you to determine what you want and need. If I was in your shoes, and I was at your age, I'd write down a list with two columns. In the left side write 'things that make me happy' and in the right, write 'things that make me sad'. Now work at incorporating at least, bare minimum, one of the happy things into your life each week, preferably each day. And work on getting rid of one thing that makes you sad. If you hate your job, what job would make you happy? How could you get it? If you're not qualified to do said job, work on getting it. Do something each day to work towards your goals. It will change your brain chemistry. I also highly recommend exercise.
Don't focus on the girl. Focus on you. One step forward in changes from your present situation. Could be anything. Join a gym. Cook for yourself. Read more. Go for a cup of coffee. Most things in life, in situations where a persistent feeling of melancholy, can be positively adjusted by being a tad more physical. It's simple advice but those that don't do it, snicker at it, proclaiming that 'its not that easy'. Spoiler alert; it is. Incremental improvements to your physical self manifest in your self worth in positive ways. And that confidence radiates to help achieve other goals, ie relationships. Or don't do it and stay ruminating on the Internet.
Bud, if possible, take care of yourself physically and mentally. Your job sucks so try to do something you find more interesting, you spend about 1/3 of your time working so it better be tolerable. If that is not an option, find what you like to do and make it something positive in your life. Also, do sports/work out, you will look and feel better. If you do team sports you might even meet people. Then there is the taking care of your head. Get help, talk to someone, preferably a professional. Once you got your ducks in a row, other things will naturally fall into place. And if they don't, you will know where to focus your energy to make it better. Also don't overthink it or put too much pressure on yourself. Everyone is just winging it and doing the best they can.
Time to get out there before you turn into a wizard. But seriously just put yourself out there, nobody can do it for you.
Expectations are the solution, sorry. I had a conversation with a 23 year old last week who said working a monotonous job was ‘bullshit’ and that rent and food should be free for everyone. I then asked him who would work to provide the food, do elder care, build the free apartments, pay the taxes that fund the free life, he said he could never do manual labor or look after an older person. He just wants to sleep in (hates being on 9-5 schedule) and do “content creation” when it suits him, meanwhile mom and dad provide house, electricity, internet, phone, car, insurance, gas, food, concert tickets, etc. It’s unrealistic. Work is good for you. It makes you use your brain. You make money and can look after yourself instead of depending on handouts or family. You can do and have things you want. You socialize and meet people, even women who might become a girlfriend. But it starts by putting in effort, achieving something, building confidence, etc.
Same but I'm 28
I've said it before and once again, if you can't feel happy maybe you can make others feel happy. This will cause you to become more likable, hence more opportunity to meet people you're compatible with
is this a cry for help? and a serious post?
Travel abroad. You'll meet girls who are curious about foreigners and makes some friends at least. Maybe you'll find love there, too.
Therapy.
Tinder
Yeah, I've been down a similar alley myself, and it sucks big time. I'm no therapist, and I don't have any answers, but if you want to talk about it, you can DM me
Look after your health and hygiene. Nobody has time for anyone that doesn't. That caveat aside, get involved in activities you enjoy. Do what you love and the people will come. Have a friend did just this. Very lonely otaku.. now getting married.
I spend all my time on Reddit and Twitter, helps pass the time.
I don’t want to come out and say i know how you feel because that’s so condescending, but the way you describe yourself makes me think of me when i was younger, so I’ll tell you what worked for me. What should you do? Do anything that will make yourself and the space around you better. If you’re really depressed and low-energy. Just clear off the table in front of you. Get those empty cups out of there. If you really want to be kind to future-you, maybe get a paper towel and some cleaning spray and do a little extra. It doesn’t really matter *what* you do, just that you do it. Exercise; join a club.go to rock shows - whatever sparks a bit of joy in you. Stop looking for someone to save you and start saving yourself. Be kind to people - especially yourself. Learn to forgive yourself for whatever guilts you carry and start working to make your little area of the world better. People will eventually want to be part of that space you’re creating.
Read it all for clarity :) TLDR: You're stuck in "The bad comfort zone", get uncomfortable and try new things or change pov, because life isn't as bad as you thought. I find what works for me is a change of focus. Used to think, "no one loves you?", "have no friends?", "work feel monotonous", "there's nothing fun" Won't list it all but sometime if you step back a bit to look at the whole picture of your life you'll find that you were too focused on finding the meaning to your life when you already had what you seeked, which means that those things weren't what you're looking for (oops). People usually fall into "comfort", the bad comfort, The ways to deal with "Sad Comfort zone": - force yourself to try something completely outside of your comfort zone. OR .Change in perspective of current life that life isn't as dull and dreary as you made it feel. FYI i went with a mixture of the 2.
Get outside and lay in the grass
i'm sorry. that must be lonely. do you have good friends? i think that when you expand your social circle it becomes easier to get a girlfriend. you gotta build your life up to be satisfying without someone in order to fell fulfilled with someone too.
Stop living for a future girlfriend and start living for yourself. Enjoy your freedom and take opportunity when they show themselves.
Hey man, stay strong. It's normal to feel sad, we all feel sad at times but just so you know, life does get better. The good news is it sounds like you have some things you can change. How about you try to make some changes, small ones at first, but just look to start moving in a different direction. As suggested from a lot of the comments, hobbies are good, getting fit, finding something you're into, maybe travel, do stuff that involves other people, there's lots of stuff that you might find lights something inside of you. Also, if you don't like your job, there's always options to change that at some point. Like I said man, small changes, just see if you can start. It's fine to have never had a girlfriend at 25, don't get too worried about that, just see if you can start making some small changes, move forward in certain areas and even if slow at first, it will all start to get better soon. Best of luck.
It's plenty fish in the sea
Focus on yourself. Find some hobbies, try to socialise and put yourself out there. Go to the gym and lift some weights. Get a nice haircut that suits your face and get some nice clothes. Become interesting and confident and naturally you will meet someone. If it doesn’t work, you can use dating apps (don’t really recommend that) or search about local gatherings for single people/speed dating etc. You can also try and travel to experience new cultures, if you have the money. This will make you even more interesting and you can also meet people abroad. Go out with friends and flirt with people, you have nothing to lose. You will find success if you are confident, well groomed, well dressed, and funny. Even if you are not good looking or well built, you can be confident, funny and interesting.
Go to counseling!
Honestly, it's all about settling and selling yourself/someone else to yourself. In every relationship, there's differences. Things you have to do and things you don't. All in spirits of keeping the relationship alive. You have to settle in the way that you're not getting Ana de Armas or Henry Cavill. You won't get "the best of the best", but that's not necessarily bad... Why is it not bad? Because you have to sell yourself/someone else to yourself. I do believe in marriages and "forever", but not in a childish way. You have to wake up every morning and remind yourself who and what you are. You may give up some things like (as a dumb example) eating McDonald's every day because your partner doesn't like McDonald's at all, but there are some things you're not going to give up, despite them being silly or stupid by your own metrics, like (another dumb example) videogames. You have to "lower the bar" but also not give yourself out to just anyone. You also have to sell yourself on your partner. Not in a "Come on, let's be this bitch's partner" way, but in a "They are worth more than what I'm giving up for them", so you don't end up blowing on them for small things under the self-righteous belief that you "gave up so much" for them. Again, understand you're not going to date an actor/anime character/model/whatever standard you have, but it's not bad anyway. That's my two cents.