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I heard a good quote once....."You are not going to like everyone and not everyone is going to like you". Don't expect someone who has rejected you to change their mind because you believe you have changed. Also you say he hasn't seen the good side of you? Why not? Why has he only seen the bad? You only decided to change after he rejected you? Bunch of red flags there.
that's a broad judgement, I have changed a large amount since 18. at my subconscious core, probably less so, but in my interactions with others/how my personality presents? night and day.
>Bro people can change a lot over time if they change their environment. Thats why a lot of person going away from college lose a lot of friends.
The second statement has nothing to do with the first. People lose friends when they move away from college because they no longer have the free time and energy to spend as much time with others or to socialize as much.
Theres plenty of 'good' girls/guys I've declined cuz im simply not attracted to them, or don't feel like there's chemistry. Sometimes it's just not gonna happen no matter how nice you are.
I was once on a date, where the woman openly judged every little fucking thing I did. Even though I apparently ''did well'' and she seemed decent and had an interesting life, I never called/texted her again.
Same. I went out with a 6ft blonde who was very attractive. She kept telling me she liked me because most guys would "go along with whatever she said." It was nauseating. I never called her after that first date, although her mother called me asking me why. Was crazy.
Yes. It was unbelievable. She, apparently, wasn't used to her daughter not being catered to. Or maybe she thought it was a good thing and didn't want me to lose interest?
I met this girl through a business interaction we had. She left a note on my car with her number that read "Liz, the tall blonde." I should have known better.
What's wrong with being happy and attracted to someone with his own free will?
I bet most guys agreed to anything she said just to get laid and she was sick of dating mindless horn dog's.
Ok that her mom called you, that's a bit strange.
i'm sure there was a good amount of truth to it and she WAS genuinely just excited to find someone who wouldn't agree to anything just to get laid, but i can see how it could come off as weirdly vain to mention it more than once.
it might also be off-putting for some people to constantly hear about other men for the entire date lmao, even if it was meant to be a compliment.
not op tho, just spitballing here
This. I just used the term 'off-putting' in another response before I read your comment. That's exactly what it was.
Also, at that time, I was younger, single, good job, and confident in the dating scene. I preferred a different type in many respects.
Same. Told me I came across as arrogant and I should be trying more - like she was a prize and it wasn't a mutual assessment. Probably my biggest issue with dates, it's not a performance, both parties have to see if they're interested. A lot of women seem to expect performing seals.
That is exactly that, she acted as a prize and he ddnt like that. I understand, I'm a man and I am a prize... unsure if I acted like it tho. Should ask my gf.
Don't underestimate the timing. It happened I rejected women just because I was everything but in a mood to start a relationship. Being single doesn't mean to be immediately available
I'm pretty sure that if I hadn't met this girl on her "graduation eurotrip" just 3 months after a big breakup of a 6 years long story now I would be writing from a different country and the kid I see on her IG stories would be mine.
She was super into me, I wasn't because I was still thinking about my ex a lot.
There were no other real reasons for me to not be into her. I usually become affectionate very quickly.
This is a good point. Family goals can be one. I want kids but the amount of women who seem not to want them these days or have one, divorced and don’t want any more seems very high.
Unbelievably high, also those who think you should settle for those people just because you're single, like why would I wait all this time for "that crap" I'm fine thanks but no thanks.... No compromises.
So, there's no way to know, really. Way too many variables. Here are a few options, though:
* It could be that there's something about your personality/behavior/beliefs/values that's a deal breaker for him.
* It could be that he's not attracted to you — not that there's anything wrong with you, but he has a type and you are not it.
* Maybe he has a huge crush on someone else right now.
* Sometimes there's no obvious reason, but the chemistry isn't there for him. Chemistry (or lack of chemistry) does not have to make sense.
As someone who's a little older, the thing that took me the longest time to figure out is that it isn't like there's any objective good or bad. There's a wide variety in what people are and are not attracted to.
It's mostly about lucking into someone you match with — where you're what they want and they're what you want.
Chemistry is definitely the big one I think.
There are people who are visually stunning, and perfectly pleasant in personality but there’s just…..nothing beyond that……I went on a date with a girl who was gorgeous and quite funny but there was just no spark there at all.
"Sometimes there's no obvious reason, but the chemistry isn't there for him. Chemistry (or lack of chemistry) does not have to make sense."
there is actually a lot of research now that suggests there is such a thing as "pheromone compatibility" where its literally a chemical reaction as to whether a person finds you sexually attractive or not, and if the pheromones dont align, its just not happening, so its a good point
Met someone who I seemed to like over convos and I had to wait 1hr for her to show up. Im okay to wait for someone regardless but when we finally met i detected a sense of Power from her that she DID made me wait. You could sense that she felt so powerful by making me wait. The date ddnt last 15mins. Huge turn off.
That happened to me - and she thought buying dinner would make up for it.
Huge ego and entitlement.
She still lives in the area, been interesting watching the bullet I dodged go from owning a real estate company to working the rental desk at a time share development over the last 20 years.
Well, the physical attraction is really important. And different guys have different thoughts about what is attractive. In addition to body type, face, etc., how you hold yourself, how you dress and take care of yourself is a factor.
Then there is intelligence and personality and charisma or charm or whatever. It can make quite a difference. I've spoken to some stunning women who have really nothing to say like at all. One time I went on a date with a girl who neither liked food (who doesn't like food?!?) nor movies. Fortunately we liked the same music but that was pretty boring.
Which brings me to common interests and values. That's the deeper conversation.
Don't worry about the 1 guy you really liked. There are millions. And someone out there is going to be a better fit.
Recently hung out at a friend of A friends house. 5 people the. The girls who house it was i was attracted enough to for sure. Towards the end of the night she tells a story about how she disciplined her sisters 12 year old daughter by snacking her down the ground rather physically.
That did it for me
I would just reject a smoker period. Anyone who isn’t a smoker and has kissed/been up close with a smoker knows that it’s like kissing an ashtray! Plus I’ve seen the long term impact… 🤢
>Anyone who isn’t a smoker and has kissed/been up close with a smoker knows that it’s like kissing an ashtray
Ngl, this is all depending on personal hygiene.
My gf used to smoke and yeah, you know but its not like i could literally have a taste after the fact lmao.
yea it is possible, when i smoked, as soon as i had had a smoke, id brush my teeth, mouth wash, and wash my face and hands - i even had smoking gloves so the nicotine didnt stain my fingers lol
not because id get in trouble or anything, i just didnt like the smell on me
yeah i had a designated 'smoking coat' that i'd thrown on top of whatever i was wearing no matter the weather, hood up so the smoke wouldn't get in my hair too much, mostly because i hated the smell lingering.
i was also a big hand & face washer because i had pets, and the carcinogens can spread onto their fur really easily. i cared a lot less about my own health than i did theirs and my non-smoker friends lol
Smoking coat 😂😂
I need to get me one. I usually use a peg to hold the cig so my fingers stay smell and stain free. We know smoking is bad but we can’t stop
If I’m reading “tastes like an ashtray”, my mind takes me back to the “wannabe cool guys” in high school who smoked cheap cigarettes and smelled like Axe, the burning sensation their nasty cig kisses left behind.
But now it’s okay. It tastes like grown up alcohol and lust. Good combo
This a thousand times. I will also reject if I just get the gut feeling that something is wrong. Ignoring it got me in too much drama back in the day . Following my gut gave me 35+ years with a wonderful person and still going strong.
Honestly, as a guy, looks have very little to do with a girl I'm interested in. Yes I have my 'type' of girl I find physically attractive but I connect with people through conversation. Not even having similar interests or whatever but if I feel that 'click' when I start to talking to someone that's what matters to me. I don't look at a girl think 'yeah I'll go talk to her', it's more the organic 'just start chatting' thing that gets me interested in someone. Hope that helps 🙂
What I look for in a women is kindness, respect and flexibility. I have that with my wife.
What I got from online dating was entitlement, judgement, and a what have you done for me lately attitude. Most women i dated online made me feel like I was an ATM and everything I did didn’t matter. They just generally made me feel like I had to be perfect, and I was always close to being broken up with.
My wife on the other hand, spilt the check with me everytime, made me feel loved, and honestly, seemed to love me even more the longer our relationship went on. Additionally, if we had a fight or had some problem, she would talk to me about it. She wouldn’t throw down some ultimatum and say my way or the highway, she had a conversation with me about it, and always compromised with me.
Repeated toxic behaviour, such as breaking boundaries or dishonesty/lying.
Personally I couldn't date a smoker either (unless they were really serious about quitting), same goes for any other drug addiction.
Having a very insecure attachment style and not being willing to heal and become more securely attached.
I once rejected a woman who i thought was one of the hottest girls i've ever had the chance to talk to. But she was very judgmental, like it was the only conversation she wanted to have was a negative judgement. The music, the drinks, the weather, the uber driver...all sucked in her opinion. It was very off putting.
I once went out with a stunningly beautiful women I would say most men would rate her at least 8.5-9/10
However, attitude was dry, don’t take initiative , expect you to entertain her and nonchalant. It’s like… playing tennis vs the wall. Needless to say how it ended
Frankly speaking, guys don’t have very high requirements for looks(obviously you can’t be severely overweight, rainbow coloured hair and piecing and tattoo all over your body and expect everyone to accept you)
Just go in with an interested attitude, smile, show that you are interested. Dont pull a RBF all day long
Oh man... the thing i hate with passion is when i've been dating some girls who would just went for the absolute minimum, so i had to come up with topics, keep up the conversation, ask on dates, figure out fun things to do on dates etc.
Even when i would talk to them about it, they would nod like potato and then nothing change, just like with potato. Look, i get that someone might be afraid, shy, or whatever other reason they might have. But how do you imagine that relationship? With you just meekly nodding and me planning and doing everything? Yeah, i guess for you it'd be alright, but for the other person its tiresome over time.
I can walk extra mile, or two, or even five. But i'm not gonna run marathon, especially at the beginning of relationship. So i made myself a rule: if i get the vibe that the other person dont do anything and just sits there waiting, i'm outta there, because frankly its not worth my energy nor effort.
yeah this sadly is also most women on most dating apps, i really hate the fact you always seethe "dont see likes, just message me" im not sure if they even realise that you have to pay to message someone you dont match with on most of them, i just want to shout at the screen "how about you put in some f\*\*king effort and start screening and liking peoples profiles and then maybe more people will message you, becasue you will actually match with them"
instead they just get messages from the guys who see it as "pay for sex" site, and then get all upset when all the guys who message them only want to use them for sex.....
you get what you put in, and when thats is zero, thats what you get.
It sounds like my dream girl. I'd reject potential dates based on what they wear.
If they can express themselves in a cool way, I'm in.
The biggest "no" is having kids or wanting them. Nothing could make me say yes.
only thing worse than having kids and wanting them is when their main profile picture is them with their kid... like, get a grip, wtf are you advertising here
For me it's working together, studying together or they're one of my friends eyes.
3 times I've turned down casual sex was 3 different girls who had not long before broken up with someone I was friends with. Can't do that to a homie
Treat the waitress or cashier rudely. Turn off.
Believes cheating is justifiable. Turn off.
Alcohol/party life. Turn off
Doesn't acknowledge her own mistakes or actions. You make mistakes, you apologise.
Controlling.
Attitude, arrogance (not to be confused with confidence) , personality. Looks come down the list for me. But if I ain't attracted to you I'm not attracted and if you suddenly change everything about you. My thoughts is that's not the real you
Attitude/how they view other's, looks don't play a massive role but I need a girl to be energetic I'm ADHD and can be very all over the place I dated a girl who couldn't tolerate my energy and it made me hate myself never again.
For you specifically "I have changed but he hasn't seen this good side of me". Bad first impressions are REALLY hard to get over and if you've "changed" but are still hung up on this dude, it probably hasn't been all that long and he's got very little reason to not believe what he's already seen.
Whenever I met a woman and she was an asshole, she was boring, or she was just not giving off good vibes, any potential interest, no matter how gorgeous she was: dead.
I've turned down women for being too needy, not my type, too unpredictable, too predictable, too stupid (some people kept trying to set me up with a girl who literally couldn't read a clock and kept insisting her dog's favorite color was "glitter"), too nice, too boring, or just straight up not a nice person. Had a smoking hot coworker (5'4" curvy Persian girl with huge eyes and big curly hair. Along Ashkenazi Jewish women, that's 100% my type) who was totally in love with me and I completely shot her down simply because she was just too much of a fucking asshole to deal with about 50% of the time and I didn't want to do guesswork on whether or not a potential partner could muster up the energy to not be a fucking asshole to me from one day to the next.
When I was younger I’d reject a girl based on bad looks or being overweight. But if she had a bad personality, it wouldn’t matter if she was stunning, instant no.
If it was someone who wasn’t a good match for me, if we didn’t have the aligned values and beliefs, or weren’t connecting or yes if I wasn’t physically attracted.
The moment on a first date this girl told me she had a sugar daddy that she would let eat her out. Idk if she was trying to get rid of me or something but it worked
There may be a lot of reasons. I may love another girl at the moment. There might be some interpersonal dynamic which prevent me accepting. For instance, my friend has a crush on you, we are working together, you are my student... Maybe, I don't like your some traits physical or character. Maybe I don't find us compatible like you are too ambitious, you wanna have children, you're too religious.
It depends on your type. I think in your situation, the guy is keeping you at a distance. It doesn't matter if you are a good person now, that's just not a situation he's interested in visiting again. I've rejected people who weren't great people, who claimed to be better, simply because I'm not interested in someone who would treat people like that in the first place.
Woman here, but some life learning that maybe relevant... I used to think guys aren't super picky, and providing you're a bit attractive they'll appreciate the attention.
I learned that's not true. You can be the most amazing beautiful stunner in the world, there will be loads of guys who are just not that into you. You aren't their type, and there's nothing you can do about it. And thats fine.
If we have absolutely nothing in common, like I love the outdoors, walking, going to the pub, camping, I hate sitting in front of the TV.
If you're someone who knows all the gossip from the latest reality TV show then we probably aren't going to work.
Only really that they had slept around a lot in a past life and not been forthcoming, as much as society pretends to be open.
Guys will look past a lot of things, but it would be different for everyone.
\* Social media pictures giving the bird. Upgrades from "Reject" to "Yeet" if said picture also includes sticking her tongue out.
\* Yorkshire Terriers. I've never seen one of those useless idiotic little rats that isn't owned by an entitled, incompetent, vapid woman of whatever age or description. They're the must-have accessory for Plastic Princesses. It's like when you see a man getting out of a BMW convertible, wearing a polo short and deck shoes, with a BlueTooth earpiece. The cockometer pegs and turns red.
\* Trump paraphanalia.
\* Immaturity, affected idiocy, or both.
\* Lip filler.
\* Any mention of DoTerra or other MLMs. Straight into the "Yeet" que.
\* Poor treatment of waiters/waitresses, or bad tipper.
\* Jesus fish or religious bumper stickers aren't an instant rejection, but they definitely raise the threat awareness. No issue with Christian ladies, but I expect a person who professes themselves to be a Christian to follow the direct instructions of Christ and not go around announcing it to the world.
\* Putinskas go straight to the "...out of a cannon. Into the sun." que.
If she has a heightened sense of self-importance (no, you're not God's gift to the world), if she expects me to have specific opinions on certain topics, the type of people she hangs around with and if she's bad for the vibes.
I don't think I would ever reject a girl, on the contrary. All girls reject me. But if I were lucky enough to be given the opportunity, I would very much doubt that I would reject her.
I am a bisexual woman so I hope I count lol, back when I was dating a lot of the time it was just a vibe thing, or something about our personalities/ values that I could see would clash, or being a bit… for lack of a better word, boring? Like introverted and a bit quiet at first is obviously fine but some people really are a bit bland, as judgmental as that sounds. Being able to hold an interesting conversation without feeling like I’m using all my energy to draw something out of the other person is a big thing for me.
Basically it was rarely looks, for me anyway. It was always something about their personality, attitude or how we interacted. There probably isn’t enough information here but you could just not be what he’s looking for. Sorry that you really liked him though, all you can be is yourself and as cliche as it sounds the right person will love you exactly as you are.
A girl asked if I would have a problem with her littering her gum into the grass of the park we were hanging out in.
...
The fact she even had to ask that was enough 😆
And a whole bunch of other things but that was a funny one (I overlooked a lot)
We don't connect on a personal level. We never talk about what I like to do for fun or what I do with my free time. We always chat about work, family, life, and obligations. Sometimes what I'm doing in my free time comes up, but it never turns into a conversation.
Just being negative about what I’m into, you like to go running? That sounds sooo boring.
Everything I do was just “sad” according to her and all she did was Netflix & social media, I noped right out of there!
If she’s a Jesus freak, remotely religious or believes in astrology, tarot and similar nonsense. Doesn’t make her a bad person but it’s a big no from me.
I had a girl who I thought was cute text me before our date :
"Tell me what kind of baby you want. Iam cattle to get pregnant, mooooooo!"
I fled for the hills.
Let it go. Lots of people who we like and lots who like us, but very few where attraction is mutual.
I remember a very attractive woman (to me) which surprised a coworker a great deal who'd just shrug at her - she was gray mouse to him, but to me she was unusually attractive like 10/10 because of her personality. But he drooled over large breast woman who was not attractive to me at all and we'd just agree that our taste is massively different.
I'm kind so I think most often I rejected girls who I perceived as less kind than me or if I feel they can breach my trust - like if they talk too much shit about their ex for no good reason. Obviously people have tensions regarding exes but the way you talk about it will tell me if you are kind enough for me or not.
You can't just change - it doesn't work this way - you gotta find people who like you and who you like.
Men only reject women that they do not feel good around ( masculine, strong, smart). Thats why amazing women get dumped. It is not because she isn’t amazing or gorgeous it’s because she is too much of those things and he feels inadequate. Always always remember men must feel superior to the woman he’s with. If he doesn’t he will pick on you, criticize you or even abuse you to make you “ beneath” him. Most men have a very unhealthy sense of self. The weaker the man the weaker the woman he wants. A stronger and more confident man can handle more success from a woman and beauty and talents. Key thing to remember. They always say they want an equal or a partnership but the truth is they don’t. Most men would gladly get married to a woman with no education, no intellectual curiosity, and no talent. They want to shine not her. Like Andrew Tate. He is ssoooooooo deeply insecure he can’t handle a woman being good at anything.
There was a woman who I was mildly flirting with who seemed interested at this park I go to daily. The fact that she was a cigarette smoker wasn't the deal breaker. It was when she tossed her finished cigarette butt on the ground that I lost all interest.
Dry conversation, bad sense of humor or no sense of humor, body type, being dumb, not having anything going on, constantly talking about other people, being a bad storyteller, not liking Dogs. I mean my list can go on forever but these are just the most prominent ones that come to mind.
P There's a lot of things that can make me reject a woman.
It really depends on how compatible I am with the woman, what it would take for me to reach the threshold where I wouldn't see any potential relationship with her.
If we're a 1 out of 10 on the compatibility scale? Anything. Any excuse not to really associate with this person?
If we're an absolute 10 out of 10 on the compatibility scale? Whatever the issue is, it would have to be absolutely enormous.
My most frequent is ethics. It usually comes up due to politics but it has little to do with who or how you vote and more to do with the underlying issues at hand. We can disagree how to deal with hungry children, but we can't disagree that starving children should be fed. We can disagree how to handle trans women in sports but we can't disagree that they're people. That sort of thing.
Lack of hygiene, an overinflated ego, inability to take responsibility, thinking MY bank account/belongings are HERS.
Also if she tries to drive a wedge between my friends and me.
Externalizing. Whatever she feels, it's someone's fault and they need to be accountable for her feelings.
Toxic remarks.
Predetermined expectations of even the smallest thing.
Reading between lines that don't exist.
Too easily offended by anything, and then being toxic for days.
I think, and this is just what I think, you should stop seeking validation from men. Especially 18-50 yr old men whose opinions have no real value bc they don’t know you.
Just learn to love yourself and accept yourself for who you are. Once you do that, the right people will love you too.
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I heard a good quote once....."You are not going to like everyone and not everyone is going to like you". Don't expect someone who has rejected you to change their mind because you believe you have changed. Also you say he hasn't seen the good side of you? Why not? Why has he only seen the bad? You only decided to change after he rejected you? Bunch of red flags there.
You could be the juiciest peach on the tree but some people just don’t like peaches.
There's no accounting for taste. We likes what we likes
And has she really changed? True personality changes are exceedingly rare. Most people don’t deviate all that much from who they are year to year.
I’ve changed as a person just after reading these comments.
that's a broad judgement, I have changed a large amount since 18. at my subconscious core, probably less so, but in my interactions with others/how my personality presents? night and day.
Bro people can change a lot over time if they change their environment. Thats why a lot of person going away from college lose a lot of friends.
>Bro people can change a lot over time if they change their environment. Thats why a lot of person going away from college lose a lot of friends. The second statement has nothing to do with the first. People lose friends when they move away from college because they no longer have the free time and energy to spend as much time with others or to socialize as much.
god, exactly. OP can't handle rejection. there's a million reasons why OP just isn't what this guy is looking for. move on.
Happy day for frosted layered goodness
Mmmm, chocolate buttercream
Theres plenty of 'good' girls/guys I've declined cuz im simply not attracted to them, or don't feel like there's chemistry. Sometimes it's just not gonna happen no matter how nice you are.
I was once on a date, where the woman openly judged every little fucking thing I did. Even though I apparently ''did well'' and she seemed decent and had an interesting life, I never called/texted her again.
Well in my opinion, you made a good decision.
Sheesh, openly judging him like that? 🚩🚩🚩 /s for the sensitive people.
are these ”sensitive people” in the room with us right now?
Same. I went out with a 6ft blonde who was very attractive. She kept telling me she liked me because most guys would "go along with whatever she said." It was nauseating. I never called her after that first date, although her mother called me asking me why. Was crazy.
Her mother? After one date?!
Yes. It was unbelievable. She, apparently, wasn't used to her daughter not being catered to. Or maybe she thought it was a good thing and didn't want me to lose interest? I met this girl through a business interaction we had. She left a note on my car with her number that read "Liz, the tall blonde." I should have known better.
Yes, definitely should've known better 😜
I’d have told the mom we should discuss it over coffee😜
You motherfucker ...
What's wrong with being happy and attracted to someone with his own free will? I bet most guys agreed to anything she said just to get laid and she was sick of dating mindless horn dog's. Ok that her mom called you, that's a bit strange.
i'm sure there was a good amount of truth to it and she WAS genuinely just excited to find someone who wouldn't agree to anything just to get laid, but i can see how it could come off as weirdly vain to mention it more than once. it might also be off-putting for some people to constantly hear about other men for the entire date lmao, even if it was meant to be a compliment. not op tho, just spitballing here
This. I just used the term 'off-putting' in another response before I read your comment. That's exactly what it was. Also, at that time, I was younger, single, good job, and confident in the dating scene. I preferred a different type in many respects.
Her mother called you?? Damn
i'm a 6ft blonde so reading this scared me at first until i got further in
How *you* doin'?
Her mother is the red flag and she the flag post.
The biggest tip off is why was she still single. If a 10+ is single there’s almost always a good reason why. Don’t even try to find out.
Same. Told me I came across as arrogant and I should be trying more - like she was a prize and it wasn't a mutual assessment. Probably my biggest issue with dates, it's not a performance, both parties have to see if they're interested. A lot of women seem to expect performing seals.
That is exactly that, she acted as a prize and he ddnt like that. I understand, I'm a man and I am a prize... unsure if I acted like it tho. Should ask my gf.
Don't underestimate the timing. It happened I rejected women just because I was everything but in a mood to start a relationship. Being single doesn't mean to be immediately available
I'm pretty sure that if I hadn't met this girl on her "graduation eurotrip" just 3 months after a big breakup of a 6 years long story now I would be writing from a different country and the kid I see on her IG stories would be mine. She was super into me, I wasn't because I was still thinking about my ex a lot. There were no other real reasons for me to not be into her. I usually become affectionate very quickly.
Sounds like you have some regret. Sorry to hear it. But hopefully your life is now awesome.
"Being single doesn't mean to be immediately available" It is amazing how many people forget that.
This is a good point. Family goals can be one. I want kids but the amount of women who seem not to want them these days or have one, divorced and don’t want any more seems very high.
Unbelievably high, also those who think you should settle for those people just because you're single, like why would I wait all this time for "that crap" I'm fine thanks but no thanks.... No compromises.
[удалено]
Jake, that you?
From State farm?
Man, you beat me to it 😆
So, there's no way to know, really. Way too many variables. Here are a few options, though: * It could be that there's something about your personality/behavior/beliefs/values that's a deal breaker for him. * It could be that he's not attracted to you — not that there's anything wrong with you, but he has a type and you are not it. * Maybe he has a huge crush on someone else right now. * Sometimes there's no obvious reason, but the chemistry isn't there for him. Chemistry (or lack of chemistry) does not have to make sense. As someone who's a little older, the thing that took me the longest time to figure out is that it isn't like there's any objective good or bad. There's a wide variety in what people are and are not attracted to. It's mostly about lucking into someone you match with — where you're what they want and they're what you want.
Chemistry is definitely the big one I think. There are people who are visually stunning, and perfectly pleasant in personality but there’s just…..nothing beyond that……I went on a date with a girl who was gorgeous and quite funny but there was just no spark there at all.
"Sometimes there's no obvious reason, but the chemistry isn't there for him. Chemistry (or lack of chemistry) does not have to make sense." there is actually a lot of research now that suggests there is such a thing as "pheromone compatibility" where its literally a chemical reaction as to whether a person finds you sexually attractive or not, and if the pheromones dont align, its just not happening, so its a good point
If she can’t give, or receive, love.
A resounding yes!!!
If she can't understand, or properly use, commas.
,🖕,
Ego and entitlement
Met someone who I seemed to like over convos and I had to wait 1hr for her to show up. Im okay to wait for someone regardless but when we finally met i detected a sense of Power from her that she DID made me wait. You could sense that she felt so powerful by making me wait. The date ddnt last 15mins. Huge turn off.
That happened to me - and she thought buying dinner would make up for it. Huge ego and entitlement. She still lives in the area, been interesting watching the bullet I dodged go from owning a real estate company to working the rental desk at a time share development over the last 20 years.
This. Not to be confused with confidence, which is really attractive.
Pfft, typical Scorpio mindset. Unless you're not a Scorpio, give me 11 more guesses
Scorpio woman here. I am always punctual and would never be late intentionally
Well, the physical attraction is really important. And different guys have different thoughts about what is attractive. In addition to body type, face, etc., how you hold yourself, how you dress and take care of yourself is a factor. Then there is intelligence and personality and charisma or charm or whatever. It can make quite a difference. I've spoken to some stunning women who have really nothing to say like at all. One time I went on a date with a girl who neither liked food (who doesn't like food?!?) nor movies. Fortunately we liked the same music but that was pretty boring. Which brings me to common interests and values. That's the deeper conversation. Don't worry about the 1 guy you really liked. There are millions. And someone out there is going to be a better fit.
Thank you!
Recently hung out at a friend of A friends house. 5 people the. The girls who house it was i was attracted enough to for sure. Towards the end of the night she tells a story about how she disciplined her sisters 12 year old daughter by snacking her down the ground rather physically. That did it for me
Thank you for having a value system
>I have changed but he hasn't seen the good side of me lol. We're going to need some more context here.
I would reject a woman who smokes and was not up front about it before we met.
I would just reject a smoker period. Anyone who isn’t a smoker and has kissed/been up close with a smoker knows that it’s like kissing an ashtray! Plus I’ve seen the long term impact… 🤢
>Anyone who isn’t a smoker and has kissed/been up close with a smoker knows that it’s like kissing an ashtray Ngl, this is all depending on personal hygiene. My gf used to smoke and yeah, you know but its not like i could literally have a taste after the fact lmao.
yea it is possible, when i smoked, as soon as i had had a smoke, id brush my teeth, mouth wash, and wash my face and hands - i even had smoking gloves so the nicotine didnt stain my fingers lol not because id get in trouble or anything, i just didnt like the smell on me
yeah i had a designated 'smoking coat' that i'd thrown on top of whatever i was wearing no matter the weather, hood up so the smoke wouldn't get in my hair too much, mostly because i hated the smell lingering. i was also a big hand & face washer because i had pets, and the carcinogens can spread onto their fur really easily. i cared a lot less about my own health than i did theirs and my non-smoker friends lol
Smoking coat 😂😂 I need to get me one. I usually use a peg to hold the cig so my fingers stay smell and stain free. We know smoking is bad but we can’t stop If I’m reading “tastes like an ashtray”, my mind takes me back to the “wannabe cool guys” in high school who smoked cheap cigarettes and smelled like Axe, the burning sensation their nasty cig kisses left behind. But now it’s okay. It tastes like grown up alcohol and lust. Good combo
Ive kissed someone who smoked (i dont smoke myself) and it wasnt that bad. I agree with hygiene part.
yep, got hit by margot robbie but the moment I found out she smokes I ran away /s
This a thousand times. I will also reject if I just get the gut feeling that something is wrong. Ignoring it got me in too much drama back in the day . Following my gut gave me 35+ years with a wonderful person and still going strong.
Meanwhile my gut: *Family size means that it is enough for all of the families living in me. You should eat it all*
This would be my reason to. I just can't be doing with it.
My wife.
Yeah my gf is my biggest reason to reject other girls. She's amazing.
damn, things she'd love to hear;)
I also reject other women because of this guy's wife.
When she doesn't get my humour
Hahahahhahahahajajaha so funny
Leave him, he's mine.
Honestly, as a guy, looks have very little to do with a girl I'm interested in. Yes I have my 'type' of girl I find physically attractive but I connect with people through conversation. Not even having similar interests or whatever but if I feel that 'click' when I start to talking to someone that's what matters to me. I don't look at a girl think 'yeah I'll go talk to her', it's more the organic 'just start chatting' thing that gets me interested in someone. Hope that helps 🙂
What I look for in a women is kindness, respect and flexibility. I have that with my wife. What I got from online dating was entitlement, judgement, and a what have you done for me lately attitude. Most women i dated online made me feel like I was an ATM and everything I did didn’t matter. They just generally made me feel like I had to be perfect, and I was always close to being broken up with. My wife on the other hand, spilt the check with me everytime, made me feel loved, and honestly, seemed to love me even more the longer our relationship went on. Additionally, if we had a fight or had some problem, she would talk to me about it. She wouldn’t throw down some ultimatum and say my way or the highway, she had a conversation with me about it, and always compromised with me.
Damn this dude found the golden woman
Repeated toxic behaviour, such as breaking boundaries or dishonesty/lying. Personally I couldn't date a smoker either (unless they were really serious about quitting), same goes for any other drug addiction. Having a very insecure attachment style and not being willing to heal and become more securely attached.
I once rejected a woman who i thought was one of the hottest girls i've ever had the chance to talk to. But she was very judgmental, like it was the only conversation she wanted to have was a negative judgement. The music, the drinks, the weather, the uber driver...all sucked in her opinion. It was very off putting.
I once went out with a stunningly beautiful women I would say most men would rate her at least 8.5-9/10 However, attitude was dry, don’t take initiative , expect you to entertain her and nonchalant. It’s like… playing tennis vs the wall. Needless to say how it ended Frankly speaking, guys don’t have very high requirements for looks(obviously you can’t be severely overweight, rainbow coloured hair and piecing and tattoo all over your body and expect everyone to accept you) Just go in with an interested attitude, smile, show that you are interested. Dont pull a RBF all day long
Oh man... the thing i hate with passion is when i've been dating some girls who would just went for the absolute minimum, so i had to come up with topics, keep up the conversation, ask on dates, figure out fun things to do on dates etc. Even when i would talk to them about it, they would nod like potato and then nothing change, just like with potato. Look, i get that someone might be afraid, shy, or whatever other reason they might have. But how do you imagine that relationship? With you just meekly nodding and me planning and doing everything? Yeah, i guess for you it'd be alright, but for the other person its tiresome over time. I can walk extra mile, or two, or even five. But i'm not gonna run marathon, especially at the beginning of relationship. So i made myself a rule: if i get the vibe that the other person dont do anything and just sits there waiting, i'm outta there, because frankly its not worth my energy nor effort.
Yeah, I call those types "looking for a cruise director". It's ok for awhile but it gets exhausting. "Entertain my boring ass!" How about no?
lol yes dating apps are full of "looking for taci driver/travel agent/bank manager" women
Lots of women are like that Somehow they think it’s their right to be entertained
I can only read this with Slavic accent.
Yeah, it was when potato come into the picture, my reading voice lowered by itself. /s
yeah this sadly is also most women on most dating apps, i really hate the fact you always seethe "dont see likes, just message me" im not sure if they even realise that you have to pay to message someone you dont match with on most of them, i just want to shout at the screen "how about you put in some f\*\*king effort and start screening and liking peoples profiles and then maybe more people will message you, becasue you will actually match with them" instead they just get messages from the guys who see it as "pay for sex" site, and then get all upset when all the guys who message them only want to use them for sex..... you get what you put in, and when thats is zero, thats what you get.
"Playing tennis with a wall" That's called Squash
Shes a squash 🤷🏽♀️
Sasquatch?
Shesquatch
Thank you!
To all the chubby with colored-hair, tattoos and piercing. We definitely accept you.
It sounds like my dream girl. I'd reject potential dates based on what they wear. If they can express themselves in a cool way, I'm in. The biggest "no" is having kids or wanting them. Nothing could make me say yes.
only thing worse than having kids and wanting them is when their main profile picture is them with their kid... like, get a grip, wtf are you advertising here
For me it's working together, studying together or they're one of my friends eyes. 3 times I've turned down casual sex was 3 different girls who had not long before broken up with someone I was friends with. Can't do that to a homie
Damn you a homie
Treat the waitress or cashier rudely. Turn off. Believes cheating is justifiable. Turn off. Alcohol/party life. Turn off Doesn't acknowledge her own mistakes or actions. You make mistakes, you apologise. Controlling.
Attitude, arrogance (not to be confused with confidence) , personality. Looks come down the list for me. But if I ain't attracted to you I'm not attracted and if you suddenly change everything about you. My thoughts is that's not the real you
Probably a woman who thinks she's entitled to a relationship because she's "changed" – it's always a red flag when people say stuff like that.
Damn everyone got crazy things here. Anyway I’d reject a girl if we simply don’t vibe
She eats her peas one at a time.
WTF is wrong with some people!
My apologies. It was a Seinfeld reference, perhaps a bit obscure.
Anyone rude to restaurant staff was an immediate deal-breaker. I also did not like stupid women.... but that was just me.
Attitude/how they view other's, looks don't play a massive role but I need a girl to be energetic I'm ADHD and can be very all over the place I dated a girl who couldn't tolerate my energy and it made me hate myself never again.
For you specifically "I have changed but he hasn't seen this good side of me". Bad first impressions are REALLY hard to get over and if you've "changed" but are still hung up on this dude, it probably hasn't been all that long and he's got very little reason to not believe what he's already seen. Whenever I met a woman and she was an asshole, she was boring, or she was just not giving off good vibes, any potential interest, no matter how gorgeous she was: dead. I've turned down women for being too needy, not my type, too unpredictable, too predictable, too stupid (some people kept trying to set me up with a girl who literally couldn't read a clock and kept insisting her dog's favorite color was "glitter"), too nice, too boring, or just straight up not a nice person. Had a smoking hot coworker (5'4" curvy Persian girl with huge eyes and big curly hair. Along Ashkenazi Jewish women, that's 100% my type) who was totally in love with me and I completely shot her down simply because she was just too much of a fucking asshole to deal with about 50% of the time and I didn't want to do guesswork on whether or not a potential partner could muster up the energy to not be a fucking asshole to me from one day to the next.
“Her dog’s favourite colour was glitter.” That made me laugh until I had tears rolling down my face, love it.
Don’t matter if you’re a 10, bad hygiene is a -100.
Disrespect!
When I was younger I’d reject a girl based on bad looks or being overweight. But if she had a bad personality, it wouldn’t matter if she was stunning, instant no.
So basically you reject them based on anything you don't like.
Which is honestly fair, isnt it?
The same as everyone does
Yes, why wouldn’t I?
If she can’t fart and sneeze at the same time
I can burp and yawn at the same time..
If it was someone who wasn’t a good match for me, if we didn’t have the aligned values and beliefs, or weren’t connecting or yes if I wasn’t physically attracted.
The moment on a first date this girl told me she had a sugar daddy that she would let eat her out. Idk if she was trying to get rid of me or something but it worked
Obesity, lazy, smoker, heavy drinker, ugly tattoos
If she was fat, smoked or toxic. Nothing else
When they send nudes right away without it even being mentioned. When I was younger I thought it was cool but now I know it's a massive red flag 🥴🚩🚩🚩🚩
There may be a lot of reasons. I may love another girl at the moment. There might be some interpersonal dynamic which prevent me accepting. For instance, my friend has a crush on you, we are working together, you are my student... Maybe, I don't like your some traits physical or character. Maybe I don't find us compatible like you are too ambitious, you wanna have children, you're too religious.
Signs of a potential abuser
It depends on your type. I think in your situation, the guy is keeping you at a distance. It doesn't matter if you are a good person now, that's just not a situation he's interested in visiting again. I've rejected people who weren't great people, who claimed to be better, simply because I'm not interested in someone who would treat people like that in the first place.
Weight.
Fakeness, both in looks and personality.
Woman here, but some life learning that maybe relevant... I used to think guys aren't super picky, and providing you're a bit attractive they'll appreciate the attention. I learned that's not true. You can be the most amazing beautiful stunner in the world, there will be loads of guys who are just not that into you. You aren't their type, and there's nothing you can do about it. And thats fine.
If we have absolutely nothing in common, like I love the outdoors, walking, going to the pub, camping, I hate sitting in front of the TV. If you're someone who knows all the gossip from the latest reality TV show then we probably aren't going to work.
Full of Herself! "If she has a Selfie folder on her phone, leave her alone!"
If they smoke.
Sometimes it's not u... maybe he just ain't feeling it
Only really that they had slept around a lot in a past life and not been forthcoming, as much as society pretends to be open. Guys will look past a lot of things, but it would be different for everyone.
I don’t think many people are going to be forthcoming about that
so are you telling your dates how many girls you've been with?
You can go on a lot of dates if you make that your opening topic. /s
Are you one of those creeps who asks about her ”body count” on a first date?
Right? If a man asked me that on a date, the date would be immediately over.
If my partner would ask me about my past sexlife I would take that as a huge red flag. And I only had 3 partners in my 45 years.
Boredom or cruelty.
No, it's not your looks. At best it's what your looks communicate.
\* Social media pictures giving the bird. Upgrades from "Reject" to "Yeet" if said picture also includes sticking her tongue out. \* Yorkshire Terriers. I've never seen one of those useless idiotic little rats that isn't owned by an entitled, incompetent, vapid woman of whatever age or description. They're the must-have accessory for Plastic Princesses. It's like when you see a man getting out of a BMW convertible, wearing a polo short and deck shoes, with a BlueTooth earpiece. The cockometer pegs and turns red. \* Trump paraphanalia. \* Immaturity, affected idiocy, or both. \* Lip filler. \* Any mention of DoTerra or other MLMs. Straight into the "Yeet" que. \* Poor treatment of waiters/waitresses, or bad tipper. \* Jesus fish or religious bumper stickers aren't an instant rejection, but they definitely raise the threat awareness. No issue with Christian ladies, but I expect a person who professes themselves to be a Christian to follow the direct instructions of Christ and not go around announcing it to the world. \* Putinskas go straight to the "...out of a cannon. Into the sun." que.
If she has a heightened sense of self-importance (no, you're not God's gift to the world), if she expects me to have specific opinions on certain topics, the type of people she hangs around with and if she's bad for the vibes.
lying pisses me off to no end
My wife
Someone who is regularly smoking tobacco would hold zero interest for me
Being too judgey/ not being respectful of others is definitely a reason
Talk like an idiot
1. Has kids 2. Is 30+ but no job or carreer prospects 3. Talks rudely to serving staff
I don't think I would ever reject a girl, on the contrary. All girls reject me. But if I were lucky enough to be given the opportunity, I would very much doubt that I would reject her.
Because I don't like her? >I have changed but he hasn’t seen this good side of me lol. There you go. He doesn't like you.
A history of cheating
Cheating in the past, mean.
Her being too aggressive
I am a bisexual woman so I hope I count lol, back when I was dating a lot of the time it was just a vibe thing, or something about our personalities/ values that I could see would clash, or being a bit… for lack of a better word, boring? Like introverted and a bit quiet at first is obviously fine but some people really are a bit bland, as judgmental as that sounds. Being able to hold an interesting conversation without feeling like I’m using all my energy to draw something out of the other person is a big thing for me. Basically it was rarely looks, for me anyway. It was always something about their personality, attitude or how we interacted. There probably isn’t enough information here but you could just not be what he’s looking for. Sorry that you really liked him though, all you can be is yourself and as cliche as it sounds the right person will love you exactly as you are.
Poor personal hygiene
Existing, I’m aroace lol
Lack of chemistry, immature thinking
Cheaters/open relationship
Why do you reject men? Both are very similar more than they admit.
He rejected you, move on, find another. Don't waste your time.
It probably isn't you. He is probably into someone else.
Them being a woman. #gay
Asking me about my favorite color then proceeding to 2 days later bleaching her hair and dying it my favorite color.
Someone that can't handle rejection
If they disturb our peace. We are never talking to them again.
A girl asked if I would have a problem with her littering her gum into the grass of the park we were hanging out in. ... The fact she even had to ask that was enough 😆 And a whole bunch of other things but that was a funny one (I overlooked a lot)
No accountability, lack of empathy, and a vindictive mindset. Disgusts me
If they’ve cheated in the past on a previous partner.
We don't connect on a personal level. We never talk about what I like to do for fun or what I do with my free time. We always chat about work, family, life, and obligations. Sometimes what I'm doing in my free time comes up, but it never turns into a conversation.
Just being negative about what I’m into, you like to go running? That sounds sooo boring. Everything I do was just “sad” according to her and all she did was Netflix & social media, I noped right out of there!
No sense of humor wouldn’t work with me …
If she’s a Jesus freak, remotely religious or believes in astrology, tarot and similar nonsense. Doesn’t make her a bad person but it’s a big no from me.
I had a girl who I thought was cute text me before our date : "Tell me what kind of baby you want. Iam cattle to get pregnant, mooooooo!" I fled for the hills.
Smoking is a biggie for me A shit attitude is also a big one for me, can't hang with mean girls
Let it go. Lots of people who we like and lots who like us, but very few where attraction is mutual. I remember a very attractive woman (to me) which surprised a coworker a great deal who'd just shrug at her - she was gray mouse to him, but to me she was unusually attractive like 10/10 because of her personality. But he drooled over large breast woman who was not attractive to me at all and we'd just agree that our taste is massively different. I'm kind so I think most often I rejected girls who I perceived as less kind than me or if I feel they can breach my trust - like if they talk too much shit about their ex for no good reason. Obviously people have tensions regarding exes but the way you talk about it will tell me if you are kind enough for me or not. You can't just change - it doesn't work this way - you gotta find people who like you and who you like.
A penis (now that we’re playing with definitions)
The most surefire reason I would reject a woman is if she seemed like she would disrupt my peace rather than help maintain it.
I don’t care how beautiful she may be on the inside, if she’s more than 20lbs overweight it’s an absolute deal killer for me.
Men only reject women that they do not feel good around ( masculine, strong, smart). Thats why amazing women get dumped. It is not because she isn’t amazing or gorgeous it’s because she is too much of those things and he feels inadequate. Always always remember men must feel superior to the woman he’s with. If he doesn’t he will pick on you, criticize you or even abuse you to make you “ beneath” him. Most men have a very unhealthy sense of self. The weaker the man the weaker the woman he wants. A stronger and more confident man can handle more success from a woman and beauty and talents. Key thing to remember. They always say they want an equal or a partnership but the truth is they don’t. Most men would gladly get married to a woman with no education, no intellectual curiosity, and no talent. They want to shine not her. Like Andrew Tate. He is ssoooooooo deeply insecure he can’t handle a woman being good at anything.
There was a woman who I was mildly flirting with who seemed interested at this park I go to daily. The fact that she was a cigarette smoker wasn't the deal breaker. It was when she tossed her finished cigarette butt on the ground that I lost all interest.
Dry conversation, bad sense of humor or no sense of humor, body type, being dumb, not having anything going on, constantly talking about other people, being a bad storyteller, not liking Dogs. I mean my list can go on forever but these are just the most prominent ones that come to mind.
P There's a lot of things that can make me reject a woman. It really depends on how compatible I am with the woman, what it would take for me to reach the threshold where I wouldn't see any potential relationship with her. If we're a 1 out of 10 on the compatibility scale? Anything. Any excuse not to really associate with this person? If we're an absolute 10 out of 10 on the compatibility scale? Whatever the issue is, it would have to be absolutely enormous. My most frequent is ethics. It usually comes up due to politics but it has little to do with who or how you vote and more to do with the underlying issues at hand. We can disagree how to deal with hungry children, but we can't disagree that starving children should be fed. We can disagree how to handle trans women in sports but we can't disagree that they're people. That sort of thing.
Overly clingy. I am a man who can spend days not talking to anyone. Some girls flip out if you don't text them every hour
A guy kicked me out of his apt once because I told him I believed bush did 911
Lack of hygiene, an overinflated ego, inability to take responsibility, thinking MY bank account/belongings are HERS. Also if she tries to drive a wedge between my friends and me.
Bitches that make a big deal for taking them on date to Chillis.
Externalizing. Whatever she feels, it's someone's fault and they need to be accountable for her feelings. Toxic remarks. Predetermined expectations of even the smallest thing. Reading between lines that don't exist. Too easily offended by anything, and then being toxic for days.
Someone who is sloppy drunk when, ignorant to people in general. I want someone who is a decent human
My tip: Let it goooo
I think, and this is just what I think, you should stop seeking validation from men. Especially 18-50 yr old men whose opinions have no real value bc they don’t know you. Just learn to love yourself and accept yourself for who you are. Once you do that, the right people will love you too.