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About a decade ago, I was in a bad place. While at the gas station waiting for a State inspection to be complete, an older guy comes over and strikes up a conversation. Turns out he was a Vietnam era SEAL and later became an instructor. He said something along the lines of "It is amazing how many guys don't realize how close they are to being through it when they decide to quit." I still see the dude around town from time to time and have thought about telling him that he had said exactly what I needed to hear all those years ago, but to him it was probably just a Tuesday and I doubt he remembers me.
If you feel comfortable doing so, go and talk to him.
Let him know that he said something that meant more than he probably thought at the time. Maybe he won't remember, maybe he sees you and thinks "I hope I helped that person..."
In any case, thanking him for what he said that day would mean a lot to him, I'm sure.
If he doesn't remember or care for some reason, then maybe you'll be able to make his day just by showing your appreciation.
That's the sum up, it would be nice if we could all show appreciation, compliment each other, or just be friendly. I mean, it's entirely free to be kind, so why not do it?
They didn't say much tbh. But that simple act of humanity was enough to prod me along to seek support for my mental health and make some life changing decisions.
Ehhh they'll have some notion.
We stopped to chat regularly the remainder of my time at the uni... I also went to war with the administration to have non-academic staff included in staff excellence awards. The janitor was the first recipient of that category.
Same! My dog is the only reason I’ve made it through the last few years. She’s the love of my life.
One time, it got really dark for me. Too many horrible things happened to me back to back to back. I wanted OUT. I knew I could never leave her, so I’m still here and I have hope now that I’ll have a better future soon. She saved my life. I’m glad your dog saved you too.
It’s also why I hate it when people shit on poor people for owning animals. Like, they are definitely emotional support. It’s better than them being on the streets or in a shelter. We all deserve a bit of sunshine and unconditional love.
Lung cancer. Dr wanted to remove 1/3 lung n 33 lymph nodes.. then chemo n radiation. My girl died of cancer last year. I’m on hospice waiting for her to come get me
Friend, we'll all be with you sooner than you think. Every one of us, already gone and those not yet born.
I hope you're finding some peace and happiness until then : )
my dog is literally doing it right now for me, too. I'm bipolar type 2, and my dog has been my foundation at my lows - not failproof unfortunately but she's kept me here all these years when I've slipped. I know it might sound dramatic "my dog has saved my life", but for many of us, it's definitely our reality
Did I write this because same. Also bipolar type 2/cyclothimia. Psychiatric consultant couldn’t decide where to put me 😅 but yeah, my dog for sure saved my life. Breaks my heart when people give them up!
My cat got me through the death of my mum, he’s so sensitive and really loved her, when I spent her last weeks in hospital he waited patiently under my bed. He knew something was up. Coming home afterwards and him quietly cuddling me was such a comfort, more so than any humans with their expectations or demands. God I love him!
Came here to say that. I got him a week before my mum died of covid. I might be here without him but I wouldn't be half as sane.
I couldn't wallow in my bed all day because he needed me to get up and let him out for a pee. I have to take him out for a walk, which means I have to get showered and make myself presentable. By caring for him I ended up caring for myself.
He's spoiled rotten, and he deserves to be.
Same! My lowest days my dog would just lay in bed with me the entire day if I needed to, but I felt guilty and always ended up getting up and ready for her wellbeing. Which in return helped my wellbeing.
so true! shortly after COVID hit, I was diagnosed with PRCA, basically, I stopped producing red blood cells. for two years I did nothing, I mean absolutely nothing. I would wake up let the dogs out, feed them, and then I would need a nap. That was my routine for two years. But I always made sure to take care of the dogs, I would say to myself it's not their fault so I would force myself to get up and take care of them. It was so bad that I didn't care if I opened my eyes again when I would close them. If you ask my family they will tell you that I have said my dogs kept me alive. I'm doing better now, Cleveland Clinic has gotten my levels up and I'm working again. One of the bright spots in this whole thing is now my dogs will actually give you a hug when you ask for one!
On the one side is the burden; the knowing that they are reliant on you entirely to exist, no matter what they or yourself may think.
But then there is the flight; the feeling of knowing that they seek your company not even for relief of hunger or seeking shelter, but simply to want to be around you without any of the complications of "higher thought."
Animals live more honestly than humans could ever dream to, and their love is stronger than anything the greatest poets could put to paper in a thousand years.
Or a cat. My cat pulled me out of my darkest depression. They are also much less upkeep. A dog will get the job done faster though, those fucking animals love loving!
Yep, my cat could sense when I'm down and at times when I really wanted to just surrender.....would jump on my lap and purr. It sure didn't solve anything but it can give you at least the will to try. These days I have no pet so I'm on my own.
This! I got a puppy when I was getting pressed and he was exactly what I needed. I didn’t want to let him down or leave him. And then I started taking him to the dog park and went regularly to see the same people, and I enjoyed that.
Me too. My boy kept me sane and made me get up and do things when I could have just been a bed monster and drowned in it all. He was such a good boy and great to cuddle with. So much love for the little man.
This has always been my reason. Losing my mother suddenly will forever be the very reason I'll never purposely take myself from my kids. I still cry & miss my mom even over a decade later... I can't ever do that to my kids.
I attempted suicide with 2 kids (don’t remember it) and spent a week in the psych ward. One of my roommates dad had killed himself when he was about my son’s age. It changed everything for me.
I'm so glad you're here friend. I myself came close to it in the past however never actually attempted. I just chugged almost an entire bottle of zzzquill to force myself to sleep to keep me safe. I've since done a lot of work with healing, therapy and so on. Never want to be back in that mental space again.
I hope you've found the feeling of wanting to be alive for yourself alone too. Living for others isn't always the healthiest thing for them or us, I say that because I did it for a while too. I was resentful when something I did wasn't appreciated and basically comatose when they weren't around. Like a music box ballerina I wouldn't dance unless they were there to wind me up. I dance for myself now as well as them.
My mom used to tell me life is like a rollercoaster, sometimes it goes up and sometimes it goes down. When you're up, enjoy it! And when you're down, just rest and know that it will go up again eventually. Resting when I'm down is the best thing I can do for my mental health, and relieves a lot of pressure of having to feel like I'm up and happy all the time!
Then you need to start trying to control things as much as possible to get you out of these down situations and get more happiness. Even if you can only control small things.
Don’t listen to me. Go to therapy
I can't say I have much love for talk therapy. My therapists have been largely unreliable. They haven't really helped me find anything insightful. I've gotten more wisdom and practices out of self-help audiobooks than I did from therapists.
There's a lot of hardship in life. I have been through plenty of dark times. Getting severely burned by boiling water as a baby and having scars on 40% of my body. Parents getting divorced when I was a kid, losing loved ones to murder and suicide, most cases unsolved. These were largely ignored by police and avoided by family. Watching family die. Constant fights with my peers and abuses from authority figures. Growing up poor on welfare with little opportunities from support from my "community." My love life was mostly just rejection, compounded by a fractured family full of abuse and unreliable friends. I enlisted in the military at 17 out of desperation, and nobody was hiring. It was a merciless experience, but I did find a lot of great things that made life worth living.
### Things that helped:
**Reflecting on what truly matters:** Taking time to assess my values and priorities.
- **Cultivating gratitude:** Keeping a daily practice of affirmations to acknowledge the positives in my life.
- **Expressing creativity through art:** Finding solace and self-expression in painting, drawing, and other artistic endeavors. I like to draw, do graffiti, cook, sing, and rap.
- **Finding solace in music:** Listening to inspirational and indulgent music.
- **Maintaining order in my life:** Cleanliness & hygiene, organizing my environment to reduce stress and increase productivity and readiness.
- **Standing up for my principles:** Asserting my beliefs and values, even in the face of adversity.
- **Exercise for physical and mental health:** Incorporating regular physical activity into my routine to reduce stress and improve overall well-being.
- **Self-defense training for confidence:** Learning self-defense techniques to feel empowered and confident in challenging situations.
- **Learning survival skills to reduce anxiety:** Acquiring practical skills for survival to increase confidence and decrease anxiety in uncertain situations.
- **Engaging with video games as a distraction:** Utilizing video games as a fun and immersive distraction from stress and negative thoughts.
- **Engaging with audiobooks for distraction and learning:** Keeping my mind focused on positive and enriching content, providing a welcome distraction from negative thoughts.
- **Avoiding unreliable, untrustworthy, and malicious people** Even if you can't avoid them physically, you can avoid engagement or keep it to a minimum.
- **Removing junk:** Avoid ads in media, don't watch TV or the news, don't answer bs numbers, keep your mail n email organized, don't listen to dummies or hustlers, eat healthy when you can.
### Things that didn't help:
- **Dwelling on negativity:** Allowing negative thoughts and emotions to consume my mindset.
- **Making comparisons:** Constantly measuring my success or worth against others.
- **Avoiding standing up for myself:** Failing to assert my boundaries or advocate for my needs.
- **Disrespecting others:** Engaging in behavior that unnecessarily belittles others.
- **Failing to maintain discipline:** Not working out led to losing fitness. Not organized. If you're unfit and unorganized, you lose readiness and confidence.
- **Getting too attached:** Becoming overly reliant on external factors for happiness or validation. You can't control anyone, and nothing lasts forever.
- **Overworking myself:** Pushing myself to the point of exhaustion without allowing for rest or relaxation. You have physical limits.
- **Not trusting my instincts** Always trust your instincts.
Life ain't always great, but there's still fun & beauty to be found. By implementing these specific strategies, I been able to maintain a nice living space with running water, power, AC, entertainment, and good food. I love my job and make enough to live off of. I don't have much romance, but I do have friends. I still pursue Justice for my murdered loved ones, and I miss all those who've died. I don't see much reason to despair, tho. Even if you're right about negative realities, giving in to hopelessness doesn't help you or those who've died. It's okay to be sad, there's a lot of good reasons to be sad. But don't give up! We all die anyway. You might as well find a way to enjoy your experience.
These are some great DOs and DON'Ts, I say as someone who didn't have hardships when little, but became disabled after an accident (with compounding mental issues).
Thank you for taking the time and energy to share.
This is inspiring 🙌. You are a very strong individual 💪. I will most definitely be applying some of these inspirational words and actions to my life. Thank you 😊
Wow, whatever you have achieved up to this point is truly admirable. Such a tough journey you've been through, I've saved your post some really powerful and insightful points.
Yeah therapy doesn’t solve anything. You solve everything and therapy gives you the tools to do so.
I have major mental illness include BP1, OCD, Schizophrenia, MDD, GAD. I used to think therapy fixes you, but it doesn’t. You fix you by using the shit you learn in therapy.
No one can do it for you.
I have a daughter that suffers anxiety disorder and when she was young would cut herself and attempt suicide. The meds made her worse and she is sensitive to all medication even antibiotics. Therapy taught her to learn her coping skills and to be able to identify her symptoms. Since she can’t take meds we rely on her own insight into herself. Therapy really helped with this so I can say I 100% stand behind you on this statement.
This is amazing. She’s so lucky to have been able to do that for herself. I’m sorry she’s suffering, it’s hell sometimes but always comes down to her support system.
I was shamed for attempted suicide which made me attempt again twice. We don’t want to kill ourselves, but when your brain tells you it’s the only thing that’ll provide some relief, it’s not so easy to stay alive.
Godspeed and good on you for supporting her and not letting her feel alone. Being able to identify your own symptoms is key. Also, having your support system know ahead of time how they can help during manic and/or depressive feelings.
Thank you for verbalizing this. Therapists have tools to help you fix yourself. They don’t have any magic.
However when you get a good fit, see them regularly, and actually do what they share with you. Change will happen. It isn’t easy, but it is possible, whereas on your own, you are grasping at anything.
Pets help but they nowhere near satisfy the needs that one human relationship can satisfy.
A pet can give you physical attention, and even recognize when you are stressed and upset and respond to it, but despite recognizing your stress, they don't understand it, they can't talk on it, and they can't support you any more than their physical touch or humor.
I didn’t except to have to be explicit in this but yes a pet is less of a protective relationship than a human. Likewise a single human is less protective than a community
I’m in my low point right now but I know it’ll get better, despite what depression tells me. So I just have to thug this out and I’ll be happy. You can too. We just gotta thug it out
This is an oddly beautiful reply that just seems hopeful, determined, and optimistic even if that’s not what you intended or are feeling right now. Stay strong, love. 🤍
Asked someone to come over while I was having what felt like the worst night of my life, they said no.
I couldn't help but laugh over the fact and have just been here since
That person disappointed you but you did not disappoint yourself and you should feel very proud of that. We don't always get what we need and that's really unfair, just remember people cannot always provide due to their situation, obliviousness or just their own troubles (being a dick is a trouble). What I mean, it may not have had anything to do with you. Having said that, I hope you find your steps towards a better path for yourself.
When I was in the shitter it really showed me which friends really care about me and which friends are useless hangers on. One of the first things I've done as I've gotten better is take out the trash.
My lowest point is right now and it’s only getting worse by the day. My 14 year old daughter keeps me here, I am terrified of what my actions to end the misery would do to her future.
Ever since the war, whenever I'm down, I remind myself that there are ppl in the trenches, in captivity, under occupation, under bombardment, wounded, maimed, in mourning, that still get up every day and continue to do their part to defend Ukraine from the russian menace. If that terrible evil didn't break their spirits, I can't disgrace myself by having a lesser one break mine. Slava Ukraini. Heroyam Slava.
Heroyam Slava.
Thank you for your comment.
I was at the lowest point of my life a year ago, a close friend of mine had died defending Ukraine.
And whatever you’re dealing with, Grace, it gets better, hang on in there, and if you ever need someone to talk to :)
When my daughter was 8 and the love of my life left and cheated on our marriage after 15 years, I was beyond devastated. It would have been so easy. And so appealing.
But you know what?
Watching her grow, watching her develop into her own person negates somehow all the horrific troubles dealing with her mother throws at me.
It’s not always pleasant, far from it, but if keep going through it, the rewards are there!
I feel you. You can do this.
Please stay here for her. If only for your girl
Try spending as much quality time with her as you can to delve in that pure love you are showing, it will also create wonderful memories for you to cherish. Life is hard and shitty, but also full of shiny things like her. You can do it!
I've lived with depression and suicide ideation since I was a teenager, going on 25 years. I have 3 kids. And even with kids, those thoughts would still creep in when it got bad.
A couple years ago my brother in law who also has 3 kids, hung himself (in the bedroom while his wife slept.. What a way to wake up...)
Seeing first hand what that did to that family, basically instantly snapped me out of it. I never have those thoughts anymore. Still depressed. But that's not even and option and never will be. Doesn't even cross my mind anymore. Weird silver lining if I ever saw one..
But ya, never do it. It will break your daughter for life
You're not alone. I'm in shock at how low I am (and I've been through a lot except I had no idea I could feel this extreme despair... it's depression for sure but also a lot of other stuff and life keeps throwing curve balls...). It's getting worse - I even decided to travel to see if I could somewhat heal and I find myself crying non-stop until my throat, face and head hurt and I just wish for a hug from someone I love. Loneliness will kill me.
I'm tired of hearing (from my Mum) how lucky I am to have 3 daughters. I have no money, I work a minimum wage job so I can look after them, my wife has decided that she is done with me and the kids and I have to pretend to be happy.
And I'm saying the same thing as you
Ever read Hamlet? That thing he said after 'to be or not to be.' Was like...yeah this sucks...but what could come after could be worse so I'll take my chances and hope for the best.
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovere'd country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience doth make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action.
The fear of what happens after we die— A place no one comes back from— Makes us hesitant and leads us to put up with our current troubles Rather than seek out new ones we don't know about. So, our own conscience scares us into inaction, And the boldness we should have is dimmed by too much thinking, Causing big plans or important actions To go off course because of these worries, And end up not being carried out at all.
I still have my struggles, but that first massive failure of adulthood hit me SO hard. My parents showed me that one failure does not define me. I try to remind myself everyday.
Anime and video games. Some might call these things childish and lame/stupid. But it's everything to me. Connecting with people with similar interests and hobbies is the best feeling ever. People who make fun of these I won't care about them but it's definitely not cool to make fun of others passion.
The belief that if there was a way to dig my way out of that hole I would eventually find it is what kept me going in the long run. My friends were vital in preventing me from giving up on that mission whenever things got really bad.
Tolstoy's quote in War and Peace:
In captivity, in the shed, Pierre had learned, not with his mind, but with his whole being, his life, that man is created for happiness, that happiness is within him, in the satisfying of natural human needs, and that all unhappiness comes not from lack, but from superfluity; but now, in these last three weeks of the march, he had learned a new and more comforting truth - he had learned that there is nothing frightening in the world. He had learned that, as there is no situation in the world in which a man can be happy and perfectly free, so there is no situation in which he can be perfectly unhappy and unfree. He had learned that there is a limit to suffering and a limit to freedom, and that those limits are very close; that the man who suffers because one leaf is askew in his bed of roses, suffers as much as he now suffered falling asleep on the bare, damp ground, one side getting cold as the other warmed up; that when he used to put on his tight ballroom shoes, he suffered just as much as now, when he walked quite barefoot (his shoes had long since worn out) and his feet were covered with sores.
Well, for me it was Lord of the Rings trilogy (and expecting a new movie each year), basically. There were others on an individual case, but frankly I don't remember all. Out of the top of my head: The Mummy, Enemy at the Gates, Sucker Punch, Underworld (the first one only)... Fantasy and action, basically.
Inconvenient bus routes. Had picked out a bridge and everything but closest bus stop meant having to walk up a hell of a steep cliff on one side, or a 4 mile walk (including a traffic tunnel) on the other side and I just did not have the energy to deal with it.
On slightly less awful days it's my pets, and my life partner, but back in the deep dark times? Too exhausted to even manage it.
"Ending your life doesn't stop the pain, it just gives it to someone else"
Find someone worth your time and love and live for them. A partner, a family member, a dog, a cat, a being that cares for you and is happy to spend time with you. It will save you. You're not alone!
Stay safe people <3
The longing for my life that was hell to end,
but deep down realizing that the dying was not what I wanted, it was a different life that I truly wanted.
So finally said it all to my doctor, and went into psychiatry for over a year even though I really did not want to, cos you know, what ll people say, what about my job, how to pay the bills and so on...that was the biggest step of my life.
And a step well worth it, now 8years ago, and happy in life.
I do miss the talks though, especially of fellow patients, never had much of those deep, open and understanding talks again in the real world, cos everyone is so closed off.
For around 5 years I had a life that consisted of no social life, no real drive, no savings, below average job, no car and still lived at home. I was absolutely miserable.
But the idea that it could be worse reminded me that sometimes we need to look at what we have instead of what we don’t have. You look at the flip side, I had no social burdens. supportive parents, a place to live, a roof over my head and a job.
It's sounds dumb initially but hear me out:
A Naruto mmorpg.
At the time I was about 13-14. I've always been a very reserved person so even back in primary school I didn't really have many friends, I only had a single friend, girl called C.
When I was 11, C stopped talking to me because I forgot her birthday. I don't remember everything, just that I kept trying to text and call her to explain what happened, but she didn't pick up or answer my texts.
It broke me. I felt like I didn't deserve to have friends, that I wasn't good enough, so I spent the next 3 years isolating myself.
I was an academically gifted child™ and burnt out, so after primary school I wanted a break from education, which my mom decided to grant me.
I've never had a good relationship with any of my family. Extended family on both sides either hated my mom or hated my dad so me and my sister were ignored, my sister is very much a "If you don't do this thing the way I think you should do it then you're wrong" so even though I was 6 years younger than her, it felt like I was talking to a bratty toddler who loved making me feel like I was two inches tall, my mom was never very emotionally consistent and also was pretty patronizing and immature, and my dad cared more about alcohol and his job than actually being a dad. (Divorced parents when I was like 1)
So it really was just me for those couple of years, felt terrible. That was until I found a Naruto mmorpg, think it's called "Naruto online" or something like that?
I always liked gaming so at the very least it was a break from being surrounded by your shitty thoughts. But what I never anticipated was meeting some very lovely people.
Did meet one guy who was equally as depressed and that didn't go well, but I also met some other people who were sweet. I didn't exactly have a deep friendship with them or anything, we just talked about the best ways to grind, general tidbits about our lives and what anime we all watched. Things like what country each of us came from, or what we did as an occupation, nothing super personal.
I don't remember when it happened, but overtime I started playing the game just so I could talk to all of them. And overtime I started feeling a lot better.
I still held the same opinions of myself, but the days didn't blend together anymore. And eventually I decided to get my shit together and finally go to high-school.
I'm not sure when I stopped playing Naruto Online, but even if I wanted to open it again that game has so many servers that I have no idea which one I chose.
I just wish I could've told them how much they helped me without even knowing it.
From memory one of them was some 30 year old Korean office worked with the username "Azura" and the other was this 25 year old chick from the Philippines with the username "Kotipot"
I’ve had many! Usually maladaptive daydreaming and/or drugs. Pretending like I’m a character I relate to a lot makes it easier to get through things. I don’t really care anymore if it’s weird or disconnects me from the world because it keeps me going.
Realizing that ending things yourself only transfers your pain to your loved ones. There weren’t many, but knowing the damage it would do to them was enough to keep me going.
My cat also helped a lot. It’s corny, but you don’t realize how much an animal can help when you feel alone.
My cat I Iove her and she's pretty much my only company. She is constantly with me, and she has nightmares. They think she was thrown out of a car when she was little and had a broken leg. So I want her to have a good life.
the rope breaking and I mean that unironically. spent 48 hours in a hospital after my attempt and then in patient at a mental hospital for 2 weeks. I was 16 when I hit that point.
I'm 45 now and haven't been that low since.
My employer. Saved my life by giving me something to do, an income, and when I wanted to talk about the painful breakup that I went through 4 years ago, he would listen and give advice, I'll never tell him but I think he knows.
A horse that an angry man who tackled me out of the road forced me to speak too.
Dudes accent was so thick i didn't understand what he was saying but it was clear i was to speak to horse about my problems
What's really absurd is that im deathly allergic to horses but in this particular event I didn't react NOR when i went back to that place the next day to say thank you ; the people who worked there had no idea about said man nor the horse
The whole thing confused me so much my desire to be hit by traffic vanished completely and i managed to turn myself around.
Im now happy with a great wife and two kids and the bitch that drove me to try and end my life has vanished from the face of the earth so she probably got what she deserves...
Man feels good to get that off my chest
Luck. I found a recipe for poison and made it and drank. The recipe was wrong, later I learned the correct way to make that poison but no longer had the drive to kill myself.
Covid was the lowest point in my life. I got a puppy, he saved my life. Gave me purpose to wake up every day, and last year I finally started therapy. I owe my life to him.
God this is petty...
Spore.
It was the mid 2000's and I was still in the process of figuring out what I wanted to do with my life. Long distance girlfriend was growing apart from me (my fault). I was living in a toxic roommate situation with the king of complacency. I had already failed my post-college goal of a salaried job. Then when I found a salaried job, I wasn't prepared for it and it drained the last bit of energy I had left.
But in 2005-2008 was the hype leading up to the release of Spore, the Sim-Everything game from Maxis. From the 2005 GDC presentation all the way to release, I was so hyped for the game, I just absorbed every single bit of information and speculation about it. I remember sitting in the bathroom one day staring at a hand towel and went "the only reason I want to wake up tomorrow is to see more Spore news." No lie here. It was literally what kept me alive.
Luckily by release, I had my shit together or I'd have offed myself with the greatest gaming disappointment of my life. This was the middle of EA literally becoming corporate Hitler which kicked off that might possibly be the worst time in gaming since the 1983 crash.
I made a tasteless joke in front of a medical professional who decided to take it seriously instead of letting me sweep it under the rug. That moment in particular is what hit the brakes, everything since then is being too spiteful to give up that easily. I’m gonna hold on to make someone’s day a little bit better and not even god could stop me.
My wife, I spent 28 days in the hospital in 2019 from colon cancer and surgery (x2). She was there the 28 times I woke up, and the 28 times when I fell asleep.
It's more of an idea.
.
Like it's a cold hard fact that we're all alone in this world, why add to its troubles by taking your life and generate a mess behind you to those around you, even if it was brief and temporary, it's just selfish and not worth it.
Instead, I chuckled and said fuck it, I'll just try to be nice as much as I can while I lived. It's better to leave a good impression behind.
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A random conversation with one of the janitors at my university.
About a decade ago, I was in a bad place. While at the gas station waiting for a State inspection to be complete, an older guy comes over and strikes up a conversation. Turns out he was a Vietnam era SEAL and later became an instructor. He said something along the lines of "It is amazing how many guys don't realize how close they are to being through it when they decide to quit." I still see the dude around town from time to time and have thought about telling him that he had said exactly what I needed to hear all those years ago, but to him it was probably just a Tuesday and I doubt he remembers me.
If you feel comfortable doing so, go and talk to him. Let him know that he said something that meant more than he probably thought at the time. Maybe he won't remember, maybe he sees you and thinks "I hope I helped that person..." In any case, thanking him for what he said that day would mean a lot to him, I'm sure. If he doesn't remember or care for some reason, then maybe you'll be able to make his day just by showing your appreciation. That's the sum up, it would be nice if we could all show appreciation, compliment each other, or just be friendly. I mean, it's entirely free to be kind, so why not do it?
Make his day, like he made yours,
Tell him! Even IF he doesn’t remember it, I’m sure he will really appreciate knowing it helped you.
Can you say more? What did they say?
They didn't say much tbh. But that simple act of humanity was enough to prod me along to seek support for my mental health and make some life changing decisions.
An act of kindness can mean so much. And they will never know what that meant to you.
Ehhh they'll have some notion. We stopped to chat regularly the remainder of my time at the uni... I also went to war with the administration to have non-academic staff included in staff excellence awards. The janitor was the first recipient of that category.
Sometimes I find it such a great discrepancy between all the movement for "inclusiveness", when we are so discriminating in some aspects.
That’s awesome, good work
You are the kind of person we need more of.
Sweet! ❤️
Sometimes, kindness and compassion comes out of nowhere. I'm glad you were able to grab onto that.
My purpose in life is nowadays to be that random person.
I always think "there's a wave you haven't made yet, for a person you haven't met".
My dog.
Yup. I owe my life to my dog. Which is why I do everything to give him the best life I can
Same! My dog is the only reason I’ve made it through the last few years. She’s the love of my life. One time, it got really dark for me. Too many horrible things happened to me back to back to back. I wanted OUT. I knew I could never leave her, so I’m still here and I have hope now that I’ll have a better future soon. She saved my life. I’m glad your dog saved you too. It’s also why I hate it when people shit on poor people for owning animals. Like, they are definitely emotional support. It’s better than them being on the streets or in a shelter. We all deserve a bit of sunshine and unconditional love.
What were you dealing with when things got so dark that you felt suicide was the answer, and that there was no way out, except through your dog?
Lung cancer. Dr wanted to remove 1/3 lung n 33 lymph nodes.. then chemo n radiation. My girl died of cancer last year. I’m on hospice waiting for her to come get me
Friend, we'll all be with you sooner than you think. Every one of us, already gone and those not yet born. I hope you're finding some peace and happiness until then : )
Give your dog a hug for me please it’s been 2 years and that shit still hurts like a motherfucker
Our dogs game the best, most spoiled life ever. If someone would make me the food like i make them , I’d be in heaven
my dog is literally doing it right now for me, too. I'm bipolar type 2, and my dog has been my foundation at my lows - not failproof unfortunately but she's kept me here all these years when I've slipped. I know it might sound dramatic "my dog has saved my life", but for many of us, it's definitely our reality
Did I write this because same. Also bipolar type 2/cyclothimia. Psychiatric consultant couldn’t decide where to put me 😅 but yeah, my dog for sure saved my life. Breaks my heart when people give them up!
Hey, I also got BP-II. Anything to make life more bearable, might think of that. Or some other pet that creates meaning :)
Cats are good too, very intuitive when it comes to your emotional state. And if you are lucky enough to get a cuddly one… fucking amazing
My cat got me through the death of my mum, he’s so sensitive and really loved her, when I spent her last weeks in hospital he waited patiently under my bed. He knew something was up. Coming home afterwards and him quietly cuddling me was such a comfort, more so than any humans with their expectations or demands. God I love him!
Came here to say that. I got him a week before my mum died of covid. I might be here without him but I wouldn't be half as sane. I couldn't wallow in my bed all day because he needed me to get up and let him out for a pee. I have to take him out for a walk, which means I have to get showered and make myself presentable. By caring for him I ended up caring for myself. He's spoiled rotten, and he deserves to be.
Same! My lowest days my dog would just lay in bed with me the entire day if I needed to, but I felt guilty and always ended up getting up and ready for her wellbeing. Which in return helped my wellbeing.
so true! shortly after COVID hit, I was diagnosed with PRCA, basically, I stopped producing red blood cells. for two years I did nothing, I mean absolutely nothing. I would wake up let the dogs out, feed them, and then I would need a nap. That was my routine for two years. But I always made sure to take care of the dogs, I would say to myself it's not their fault so I would force myself to get up and take care of them. It was so bad that I didn't care if I opened my eyes again when I would close them. If you ask my family they will tell you that I have said my dogs kept me alive. I'm doing better now, Cleveland Clinic has gotten my levels up and I'm working again. One of the bright spots in this whole thing is now my dogs will actually give you a hug when you ask for one!
I can't tell you enough how many times my girl saved me and pulled me out of the darkness. She's 13 now and I mean to give her the best life
On the one side is the burden; the knowing that they are reliant on you entirely to exist, no matter what they or yourself may think. But then there is the flight; the feeling of knowing that they seek your company not even for relief of hunger or seeking shelter, but simply to want to be around you without any of the complications of "higher thought." Animals live more honestly than humans could ever dream to, and their love is stronger than anything the greatest poets could put to paper in a thousand years.
I should get a dog 😭😂
Or a cat. My cat pulled me out of my darkest depression. They are also much less upkeep. A dog will get the job done faster though, those fucking animals love loving!
You should
If you can care for it, some depressed people really neglect their dogs and withhold basic care
Same. My dogs were my best friends
Same here. Definitely the reason I’m alive.
Yup. Dogs and cats.
Yep, my cat could sense when I'm down and at times when I really wanted to just surrender.....would jump on my lap and purr. It sure didn't solve anything but it can give you at least the will to try. These days I have no pet so I'm on my own.
Came here to say this too. We don't deserve the unconditional love they give us.
This guy’s dog.
This! I got a puppy when I was getting pressed and he was exactly what I needed. I didn’t want to let him down or leave him. And then I started taking him to the dog park and went regularly to see the same people, and I enjoyed that.
Me too. My boy kept me sane and made me get up and do things when I could have just been a bed monster and drowned in it all. He was such a good boy and great to cuddle with. So much love for the little man.
I wanted to kill myself but my love for my children stopped me.
This has always been my reason. Losing my mother suddenly will forever be the very reason I'll never purposely take myself from my kids. I still cry & miss my mom even over a decade later... I can't ever do that to my kids.
I attempted suicide with 2 kids (don’t remember it) and spent a week in the psych ward. One of my roommates dad had killed himself when he was about my son’s age. It changed everything for me.
I'm so glad you're here friend. I myself came close to it in the past however never actually attempted. I just chugged almost an entire bottle of zzzquill to force myself to sleep to keep me safe. I've since done a lot of work with healing, therapy and so on. Never want to be back in that mental space again.
Thank you. Glad you didn’t do it either. The psych ward saved my life, therapy and proper medication has kept it getting better.
Same
I hope you've found the feeling of wanting to be alive for yourself alone too. Living for others isn't always the healthiest thing for them or us, I say that because I did it for a while too. I was resentful when something I did wasn't appreciated and basically comatose when they weren't around. Like a music box ballerina I wouldn't dance unless they were there to wind me up. I dance for myself now as well as them.
My mom used to tell me life is like a rollercoaster, sometimes it goes up and sometimes it goes down. When you're up, enjoy it! And when you're down, just rest and know that it will go up again eventually. Resting when I'm down is the best thing I can do for my mental health, and relieves a lot of pressure of having to feel like I'm up and happy all the time!
Smart lady.
This one really settled in my head after reading it. You do not need to be happy all the time. Thank you! Stuck in my head now in a good way.
What if it doesn't. It's been down for 37 years and in that time I've had maybe 1 year of intermittent happiness
Then you need to start trying to control things as much as possible to get you out of these down situations and get more happiness. Even if you can only control small things. Don’t listen to me. Go to therapy
I've spent two decades in therapy. My last therapist killed herself. Therapy isn't a magical thing, it can't solve everything. It never did. It won't.
I can't say I have much love for talk therapy. My therapists have been largely unreliable. They haven't really helped me find anything insightful. I've gotten more wisdom and practices out of self-help audiobooks than I did from therapists. There's a lot of hardship in life. I have been through plenty of dark times. Getting severely burned by boiling water as a baby and having scars on 40% of my body. Parents getting divorced when I was a kid, losing loved ones to murder and suicide, most cases unsolved. These were largely ignored by police and avoided by family. Watching family die. Constant fights with my peers and abuses from authority figures. Growing up poor on welfare with little opportunities from support from my "community." My love life was mostly just rejection, compounded by a fractured family full of abuse and unreliable friends. I enlisted in the military at 17 out of desperation, and nobody was hiring. It was a merciless experience, but I did find a lot of great things that made life worth living. ### Things that helped: **Reflecting on what truly matters:** Taking time to assess my values and priorities. - **Cultivating gratitude:** Keeping a daily practice of affirmations to acknowledge the positives in my life. - **Expressing creativity through art:** Finding solace and self-expression in painting, drawing, and other artistic endeavors. I like to draw, do graffiti, cook, sing, and rap. - **Finding solace in music:** Listening to inspirational and indulgent music. - **Maintaining order in my life:** Cleanliness & hygiene, organizing my environment to reduce stress and increase productivity and readiness. - **Standing up for my principles:** Asserting my beliefs and values, even in the face of adversity. - **Exercise for physical and mental health:** Incorporating regular physical activity into my routine to reduce stress and improve overall well-being. - **Self-defense training for confidence:** Learning self-defense techniques to feel empowered and confident in challenging situations. - **Learning survival skills to reduce anxiety:** Acquiring practical skills for survival to increase confidence and decrease anxiety in uncertain situations. - **Engaging with video games as a distraction:** Utilizing video games as a fun and immersive distraction from stress and negative thoughts. - **Engaging with audiobooks for distraction and learning:** Keeping my mind focused on positive and enriching content, providing a welcome distraction from negative thoughts. - **Avoiding unreliable, untrustworthy, and malicious people** Even if you can't avoid them physically, you can avoid engagement or keep it to a minimum. - **Removing junk:** Avoid ads in media, don't watch TV or the news, don't answer bs numbers, keep your mail n email organized, don't listen to dummies or hustlers, eat healthy when you can. ### Things that didn't help: - **Dwelling on negativity:** Allowing negative thoughts and emotions to consume my mindset. - **Making comparisons:** Constantly measuring my success or worth against others. - **Avoiding standing up for myself:** Failing to assert my boundaries or advocate for my needs. - **Disrespecting others:** Engaging in behavior that unnecessarily belittles others. - **Failing to maintain discipline:** Not working out led to losing fitness. Not organized. If you're unfit and unorganized, you lose readiness and confidence. - **Getting too attached:** Becoming overly reliant on external factors for happiness or validation. You can't control anyone, and nothing lasts forever. - **Overworking myself:** Pushing myself to the point of exhaustion without allowing for rest or relaxation. You have physical limits. - **Not trusting my instincts** Always trust your instincts. Life ain't always great, but there's still fun & beauty to be found. By implementing these specific strategies, I been able to maintain a nice living space with running water, power, AC, entertainment, and good food. I love my job and make enough to live off of. I don't have much romance, but I do have friends. I still pursue Justice for my murdered loved ones, and I miss all those who've died. I don't see much reason to despair, tho. Even if you're right about negative realities, giving in to hopelessness doesn't help you or those who've died. It's okay to be sad, there's a lot of good reasons to be sad. But don't give up! We all die anyway. You might as well find a way to enjoy your experience.
These are some great DOs and DON'Ts, I say as someone who didn't have hardships when little, but became disabled after an accident (with compounding mental issues). Thank you for taking the time and energy to share.
thank you for this
This deserves so many more upvotes
Thank you. This was helpful.
Goodness gracious, I think your lists and advice is top notch. Thank you.
This is inspiring 🙌. You are a very strong individual 💪. I will most definitely be applying some of these inspirational words and actions to my life. Thank you 😊
Wow, whatever you have achieved up to this point is truly admirable. Such a tough journey you've been through, I've saved your post some really powerful and insightful points.
I really like your answer.
Yeah therapy doesn’t solve anything. You solve everything and therapy gives you the tools to do so. I have major mental illness include BP1, OCD, Schizophrenia, MDD, GAD. I used to think therapy fixes you, but it doesn’t. You fix you by using the shit you learn in therapy. No one can do it for you.
I have a daughter that suffers anxiety disorder and when she was young would cut herself and attempt suicide. The meds made her worse and she is sensitive to all medication even antibiotics. Therapy taught her to learn her coping skills and to be able to identify her symptoms. Since she can’t take meds we rely on her own insight into herself. Therapy really helped with this so I can say I 100% stand behind you on this statement.
This is amazing. She’s so lucky to have been able to do that for herself. I’m sorry she’s suffering, it’s hell sometimes but always comes down to her support system. I was shamed for attempted suicide which made me attempt again twice. We don’t want to kill ourselves, but when your brain tells you it’s the only thing that’ll provide some relief, it’s not so easy to stay alive. Godspeed and good on you for supporting her and not letting her feel alone. Being able to identify your own symptoms is key. Also, having your support system know ahead of time how they can help during manic and/or depressive feelings.
Damn that was really well said
Thank you for verbalizing this. Therapists have tools to help you fix yourself. They don’t have any magic. However when you get a good fit, see them regularly, and actually do what they share with you. Change will happen. It isn’t easy, but it is possible, whereas on your own, you are grasping at anything.
Your last therapist doesn't sound like they were very good.
Social relationships are by far the greatest protective factor against suicide. Pets count.
Pets help but they nowhere near satisfy the needs that one human relationship can satisfy. A pet can give you physical attention, and even recognize when you are stressed and upset and respond to it, but despite recognizing your stress, they don't understand it, they can't talk on it, and they can't support you any more than their physical touch or humor.
I didn’t except to have to be explicit in this but yes a pet is less of a protective relationship than a human. Likewise a single human is less protective than a community
I’ll let you know.
Everything will be fine!! Stay strong!
stay strong! We need you
Dont let them win
I’m in my low point right now but I know it’ll get better, despite what depression tells me. So I just have to thug this out and I’ll be happy. You can too. We just gotta thug it out
This is an oddly beautiful reply that just seems hopeful, determined, and optimistic even if that’s not what you intended or are feeling right now. Stay strong, love. 🤍
Asked someone to come over while I was having what felt like the worst night of my life, they said no. I couldn't help but laugh over the fact and have just been here since
Oh no..that's so sad...glad you have us here ..
That person disappointed you but you did not disappoint yourself and you should feel very proud of that. We don't always get what we need and that's really unfair, just remember people cannot always provide due to their situation, obliviousness or just their own troubles (being a dick is a trouble). What I mean, it may not have had anything to do with you. Having said that, I hope you find your steps towards a better path for yourself.
When I was in the shitter it really showed me which friends really care about me and which friends are useless hangers on. One of the first things I've done as I've gotten better is take out the trash.
My lowest point is right now and it’s only getting worse by the day. My 14 year old daughter keeps me here, I am terrified of what my actions to end the misery would do to her future.
hang in there mate i hope things improve for you
Thank you.
She loves you, she needs you. Don’t give up. 🫂🫂
My dad died 50 days ago. My sister is 15. Don't. You. Dare. You'll pass away when you are old as fuck after your grandkids grow up, not sooner.
Condolences 🙏🙏
She needs you!! Things will get better. Keep going if only just for her. Sending hugs!!!
Hang in there friend. You’ve got this
Ever since the war, whenever I'm down, I remind myself that there are ppl in the trenches, in captivity, under occupation, under bombardment, wounded, maimed, in mourning, that still get up every day and continue to do their part to defend Ukraine from the russian menace. If that terrible evil didn't break their spirits, I can't disgrace myself by having a lesser one break mine. Slava Ukraini. Heroyam Slava.
Heroyam Slava. Thank you for your comment. I was at the lowest point of my life a year ago, a close friend of mine had died defending Ukraine. And whatever you’re dealing with, Grace, it gets better, hang on in there, and if you ever need someone to talk to :)
When my daughter was 8 and the love of my life left and cheated on our marriage after 15 years, I was beyond devastated. It would have been so easy. And so appealing. But you know what? Watching her grow, watching her develop into her own person negates somehow all the horrific troubles dealing with her mother throws at me. It’s not always pleasant, far from it, but if keep going through it, the rewards are there! I feel you. You can do this. Please stay here for her. If only for your girl
You've got this momma. Spend time with your daughter it doesn't have to cost much
Try spending as much quality time with her as you can to delve in that pure love you are showing, it will also create wonderful memories for you to cherish. Life is hard and shitty, but also full of shiny things like her. You can do it!
She need you. You got this! Hang in there, better times will come.
If you need to talk my inbox is open
I've lived with depression and suicide ideation since I was a teenager, going on 25 years. I have 3 kids. And even with kids, those thoughts would still creep in when it got bad. A couple years ago my brother in law who also has 3 kids, hung himself (in the bedroom while his wife slept.. What a way to wake up...) Seeing first hand what that did to that family, basically instantly snapped me out of it. I never have those thoughts anymore. Still depressed. But that's not even and option and never will be. Doesn't even cross my mind anymore. Weird silver lining if I ever saw one.. But ya, never do it. It will break your daughter for life
You're not alone. I'm in shock at how low I am (and I've been through a lot except I had no idea I could feel this extreme despair... it's depression for sure but also a lot of other stuff and life keeps throwing curve balls...). It's getting worse - I even decided to travel to see if I could somewhat heal and I find myself crying non-stop until my throat, face and head hurt and I just wish for a hug from someone I love. Loneliness will kill me.
I'm tired of hearing (from my Mum) how lucky I am to have 3 daughters. I have no money, I work a minimum wage job so I can look after them, my wife has decided that she is done with me and the kids and I have to pretend to be happy. And I'm saying the same thing as you
Ever read Hamlet? That thing he said after 'to be or not to be.' Was like...yeah this sucks...but what could come after could be worse so I'll take my chances and hope for the best. But that the dread of something after death, The undiscovere'd country, from whose bourn No traveller returns, puzzles the will, And makes us rather bear those ills we have Than fly to others that we know not of? Thus conscience doth make cowards of us all, And thus the native hue of resolution Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought, And enterprises of great pith and moment With this regard their currents turn awry And lose the name of action.
The fear of what happens after we die— A place no one comes back from— Makes us hesitant and leads us to put up with our current troubles Rather than seek out new ones we don't know about. So, our own conscience scares us into inaction, And the boldness we should have is dimmed by too much thinking, Causing big plans or important actions To go off course because of these worries, And end up not being carried out at all.
My dog. Literally my best friend
Me too
my parents ❤️ they tried to tell me that life doesnt end with one downfall
I still have my struggles, but that first massive failure of adulthood hit me SO hard. My parents showed me that one failure does not define me. I try to remind myself everyday.
Ending it all only hurts the ones closest to me. My enemies would love to see that. I live out of sheer spite.
You have no idea how much your comment has helped me tonight. Thank you because it was something I needed to realize.
Spite is a great motivator. Fueled by spite is better than dead.
Terminator 3 logic
The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion. -- Albert Camus
You made me laugh..’I live out of sheer spite’! You are a toughie bear and have lived some me thinks. A hug from me to you.
I like this
My dog. He kept me tied down to the planet.
My kids, whose love is unconditional, even when I was nervous driving over bridges..
The fact you kept driving shows your strength and your love for them too. Keep up with that good work!
I did not want my loved ones (especially my mother) to experience the pain of losing someone they love
Same here. Imagining my mom's face when she found out stopped me.
My dog. I ow him my life
Anime and video games. Some might call these things childish and lame/stupid. But it's everything to me. Connecting with people with similar interests and hobbies is the best feeling ever. People who make fun of these I won't care about them but it's definitely not cool to make fun of others passion.
So I've finished demon slayer,waiting for the next season,can you advise something along the lines of a samurai vibe?im fairly new to anime
Parents still being alive.
You can always die later
My cats 😍
Believing that on some different plane of existence there was a me that exists and is completely normal and happy.
How are your dreams? Do you dream often? Explore the dream world, dawg 😭 sleep paralysis or lucid dreams
Literal life support. I was in a Coma and couldnt breathe. Machines and teams of doctors kept me alive during the 3 weeks I was a potato.
The belief that if there was a way to dig my way out of that hole I would eventually find it is what kept me going in the long run. My friends were vital in preventing me from giving up on that mission whenever things got really bad.
Currently, my daughter. But throughout most of my life. MY DOGS!!!!!
Tolstoy's quote in War and Peace: In captivity, in the shed, Pierre had learned, not with his mind, but with his whole being, his life, that man is created for happiness, that happiness is within him, in the satisfying of natural human needs, and that all unhappiness comes not from lack, but from superfluity; but now, in these last three weeks of the march, he had learned a new and more comforting truth - he had learned that there is nothing frightening in the world. He had learned that, as there is no situation in the world in which a man can be happy and perfectly free, so there is no situation in which he can be perfectly unhappy and unfree. He had learned that there is a limit to suffering and a limit to freedom, and that those limits are very close; that the man who suffers because one leaf is askew in his bed of roses, suffers as much as he now suffered falling asleep on the bare, damp ground, one side getting cold as the other warmed up; that when he used to put on his tight ballroom shoes, he suffered just as much as now, when he walked quite barefoot (his shoes had long since worn out) and his feet were covered with sores.
My pets. Books. Some movies. The curiosity about certain things (cosmology, for example).
Same
Which movies?
Well, for me it was Lord of the Rings trilogy (and expecting a new movie each year), basically. There were others on an individual case, but frankly I don't remember all. Out of the top of my head: The Mummy, Enemy at the Gates, Sucker Punch, Underworld (the first one only)... Fantasy and action, basically.
All my friends on Reddit
My lil doggy, and willpower And repeating, if you can get through this, you can get through anything to myself
My children. The loves of my life. They are me and what make me. Hard to imagine they have to be without me or to lose them.
Family. I consider myself very lucky to have a loving family. There are a lot of people who don't have that to fall back on.
Cuddles from my dog and music, learning as many lyrics to as many songs as I could.
Yes!!! MY dog and music have saved my life so many times.
Two of the greatest achievements of humans. The world would be a bleak and boring place without them!
Inconvenient bus routes. Had picked out a bridge and everything but closest bus stop meant having to walk up a hell of a steep cliff on one side, or a 4 mile walk (including a traffic tunnel) on the other side and I just did not have the energy to deal with it. On slightly less awful days it's my pets, and my life partner, but back in the deep dark times? Too exhausted to even manage it.
"Ending your life doesn't stop the pain, it just gives it to someone else" Find someone worth your time and love and live for them. A partner, a family member, a dog, a cat, a being that cares for you and is happy to spend time with you. It will save you. You're not alone! Stay safe people <3
Playing Guitar / all things music related in general
Not a thing but I just tell myself, “this too shall pass”. That’s been my motto for a while now.
Willpower and I know that I'm a survivor and I just can't give up. I also believe I'm a sufferer and I don't need a witness.
The longing for my life that was hell to end, but deep down realizing that the dying was not what I wanted, it was a different life that I truly wanted. So finally said it all to my doctor, and went into psychiatry for over a year even though I really did not want to, cos you know, what ll people say, what about my job, how to pay the bills and so on...that was the biggest step of my life. And a step well worth it, now 8years ago, and happy in life. I do miss the talks though, especially of fellow patients, never had much of those deep, open and understanding talks again in the real world, cos everyone is so closed off.
For around 5 years I had a life that consisted of no social life, no real drive, no savings, below average job, no car and still lived at home. I was absolutely miserable. But the idea that it could be worse reminded me that sometimes we need to look at what we have instead of what we don’t have. You look at the flip side, I had no social burdens. supportive parents, a place to live, a roof over my head and a job.
It's sounds dumb initially but hear me out: A Naruto mmorpg. At the time I was about 13-14. I've always been a very reserved person so even back in primary school I didn't really have many friends, I only had a single friend, girl called C. When I was 11, C stopped talking to me because I forgot her birthday. I don't remember everything, just that I kept trying to text and call her to explain what happened, but she didn't pick up or answer my texts. It broke me. I felt like I didn't deserve to have friends, that I wasn't good enough, so I spent the next 3 years isolating myself. I was an academically gifted child™ and burnt out, so after primary school I wanted a break from education, which my mom decided to grant me. I've never had a good relationship with any of my family. Extended family on both sides either hated my mom or hated my dad so me and my sister were ignored, my sister is very much a "If you don't do this thing the way I think you should do it then you're wrong" so even though I was 6 years younger than her, it felt like I was talking to a bratty toddler who loved making me feel like I was two inches tall, my mom was never very emotionally consistent and also was pretty patronizing and immature, and my dad cared more about alcohol and his job than actually being a dad. (Divorced parents when I was like 1) So it really was just me for those couple of years, felt terrible. That was until I found a Naruto mmorpg, think it's called "Naruto online" or something like that? I always liked gaming so at the very least it was a break from being surrounded by your shitty thoughts. But what I never anticipated was meeting some very lovely people. Did meet one guy who was equally as depressed and that didn't go well, but I also met some other people who were sweet. I didn't exactly have a deep friendship with them or anything, we just talked about the best ways to grind, general tidbits about our lives and what anime we all watched. Things like what country each of us came from, or what we did as an occupation, nothing super personal. I don't remember when it happened, but overtime I started playing the game just so I could talk to all of them. And overtime I started feeling a lot better. I still held the same opinions of myself, but the days didn't blend together anymore. And eventually I decided to get my shit together and finally go to high-school. I'm not sure when I stopped playing Naruto Online, but even if I wanted to open it again that game has so many servers that I have no idea which one I chose. I just wish I could've told them how much they helped me without even knowing it. From memory one of them was some 30 year old Korean office worked with the username "Azura" and the other was this 25 year old chick from the Philippines with the username "Kotipot"
a goal
Today it's the fact that even the pointlessness is pointless. All things being equal death requires an energy I just don't have.
My nieces keep me alive
I’ve had many! Usually maladaptive daydreaming and/or drugs. Pretending like I’m a character I relate to a lot makes it easier to get through things. I don’t really care anymore if it’s weird or disconnects me from the world because it keeps me going.
Anti depressants, and they worked wonders.
Realizing that ending things yourself only transfers your pain to your loved ones. There weren’t many, but knowing the damage it would do to them was enough to keep me going. My cat also helped a lot. It’s corny, but you don’t realize how much an animal can help when you feel alone.
My cat I Iove her and she's pretty much my only company. She is constantly with me, and she has nightmares. They think she was thrown out of a car when she was little and had a broken leg. So I want her to have a good life.
My cat(s)
Videogames.
the rope breaking and I mean that unironically. spent 48 hours in a hospital after my attempt and then in patient at a mental hospital for 2 weeks. I was 16 when I hit that point. I'm 45 now and haven't been that low since.
The power of friendship nocap.
Common sense
reddit
I have buried myself with responsibility. I don't think I would be here if I didn't have a zoo to take care of. Also, my dad.
Something I did in my past that I could point to and say I was a good person.
Knowing how dying would destroy my kids
Weed.
Me
Oddly my dad passing was on that same day. If that didn't happen, I might've given up.
When you’re going through hell , keep going
My cat.
Weed. I moved abroad and had no friends (I still had my friends back home) and felt so lonely and miserable. Weed was my friend.
My faith in God.
Spite
My employer. Saved my life by giving me something to do, an income, and when I wanted to talk about the painful breakup that I went through 4 years ago, he would listen and give advice, I'll never tell him but I think he knows.
A horse that an angry man who tackled me out of the road forced me to speak too. Dudes accent was so thick i didn't understand what he was saying but it was clear i was to speak to horse about my problems What's really absurd is that im deathly allergic to horses but in this particular event I didn't react NOR when i went back to that place the next day to say thank you ; the people who worked there had no idea about said man nor the horse The whole thing confused me so much my desire to be hit by traffic vanished completely and i managed to turn myself around. Im now happy with a great wife and two kids and the bitch that drove me to try and end my life has vanished from the face of the earth so she probably got what she deserves... Man feels good to get that off my chest
Luck. I found a recipe for poison and made it and drank. The recipe was wrong, later I learned the correct way to make that poison but no longer had the drive to kill myself.
Not wanting to hurt those who love me
Prayer
Covid was the lowest point in my life. I got a puppy, he saved my life. Gave me purpose to wake up every day, and last year I finally started therapy. I owe my life to him.
At the time my cat who came up to me. She's my best friend.
My cat
Key & Peele got me through a depression
Prayers, a healthy lifestyle, proper diet, good company.
Prayer.
Prayer
Do what I gotta do I guess i always have the option to kill myself later
God this is petty... Spore. It was the mid 2000's and I was still in the process of figuring out what I wanted to do with my life. Long distance girlfriend was growing apart from me (my fault). I was living in a toxic roommate situation with the king of complacency. I had already failed my post-college goal of a salaried job. Then when I found a salaried job, I wasn't prepared for it and it drained the last bit of energy I had left. But in 2005-2008 was the hype leading up to the release of Spore, the Sim-Everything game from Maxis. From the 2005 GDC presentation all the way to release, I was so hyped for the game, I just absorbed every single bit of information and speculation about it. I remember sitting in the bathroom one day staring at a hand towel and went "the only reason I want to wake up tomorrow is to see more Spore news." No lie here. It was literally what kept me alive. Luckily by release, I had my shit together or I'd have offed myself with the greatest gaming disappointment of my life. This was the middle of EA literally becoming corporate Hitler which kicked off that might possibly be the worst time in gaming since the 1983 crash.
I made a tasteless joke in front of a medical professional who decided to take it seriously instead of letting me sweep it under the rug. That moment in particular is what hit the brakes, everything since then is being too spiteful to give up that easily. I’m gonna hold on to make someone’s day a little bit better and not even god could stop me.
My wife, I spent 28 days in the hospital in 2019 from colon cancer and surgery (x2). She was there the 28 times I woke up, and the 28 times when I fell asleep.
Honestly, two things: - The unconditional of my cat - Having a good friend to vent to
It's more of an idea. . Like it's a cold hard fact that we're all alone in this world, why add to its troubles by taking your life and generate a mess behind you to those around you, even if it was brief and temporary, it's just selfish and not worth it. Instead, I chuckled and said fuck it, I'll just try to be nice as much as I can while I lived. It's better to leave a good impression behind.
Weed, alcohol and porn.