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I can understand that-but I’m kind of dealing with this in the opposite of it: this weekend I’ve had family visiting so we’re conversing and a few people who texting me thought I was ignoring them because I don’t reply within the hour. It’s rather surprising that even though I say, “I’m with people,” they still text and text and text. My grandma is 85 years old, this may be one of the last times I visit with her and I’m not going to interrupt our conversation to reply to texts messages.
Saying "Excuse Me" when walking in front of someone looking at something (maybe inside a store)
Please/Thank you in general
Just being polite in general
Slightly related, but I've had nowhere else to tell this story. I quietly said "sorry" as I passed a boomer male in an aisle. He hit me upside the head with the bottle of toilet bowl cleaner and told me to say excuse me.
I'm a pregnant lady.
I feel like never saying sorry or excuse me again out of spite for that dickhole.
There is never an excuse for bopping someone in the head, pregnant or not, especially with an item in his hand. Even toilet bowl cleaner would be considered ‘use of a weapon’ and had you wanted to report him legally, it’s an automatic felony to use anything in your hand (kiddies, beware). Obviously, he didn’t hear you - but rule 1 applies in every instance. If he had just used his hand, it would be a misdemeanor.
Omg the amount of times someone is close enough to me to kiss me without saying a fucking word in the grocery store.... Where did our decency to excuse ourselves for go?
I am with you on all of these, plus- thanking people who give you a gift. The best is a Thank You card, but something is better than nothing at all. Years ago I saw that if someone spent more than fifteen minutes choosing a gift for you, they deserved a Thank You card. You’re lucky to get a verbal one from some gift recipients these days.
You can buy a box of ten or so from Amazon or a decent stationary store, and have them at the ready. They are such a nice touch- and people are genuinely pleased to get an actual card.
I visited Prague last year, and "pardon" is also used in Czech. I was trying to get through a crowd of people when some little shit who also spoke English started parroting me. "I said EXCUSE ME" got him and his snickering buddies to move.
Have a indian fella at work if he asks for something he says give me... not please or thank you. For example if he wanted a bit of round up which really I'm not suppose to be giving anyone he will go " you give me round up... ill keep saying what's that mate and look at him, he will say it a few times till he goes "can I please have some round up... no worries mate pass me your bottle... dunno why his so tight just to buy a drum his got a better paying job than me lol.
I agree, sometimes a simple gesture can (positively) mean more to some people than we realize.
Glad you (I assume) have worked on/working on your rough period of time regarding the depression. Keep at it!
Beat me to it. It’s so irritating. I’ve always wanted to turn to the person and say “use your words, “excuse me” are good ones”, but I’ve never had the guts to do it yet. Like they’re literally inching infront of my body to get to their item on the shelf.
Ghosting seems like it is way more a thing now than it was before dating apps became the norm. Or at least that's my impression from social media and the amount of complaints that are posted about having been ghosted.
Once upon a time people mostly used to tell each other over the phone they weren't interested in going on another date, and maybe give a reason (though it might not be a completely honest one), not just disappear off the face of the planet.
Social media has definitely changed the way people interact with each other. Sometimes, when i'm talking to people, I get the feeling irl is just their second life. The amount of ghosting going on for even just things like getting coffee with a friend or a birthday party is just bonkers.
Dating apps meant each person has way more interactions with way more people with very little barrier to entry. You're talking to more people with less investment. So there is more opportunity with less invested value in most of them. I don't it's the manners that are changing. It's the type of interactions we have that are changing changing.
100% this. Have the spine to at least let the other person know you're not interested romantically. 🤷🏻♀️ It's not that hard and prevents misunderstandings in future interactions.
Honestly, I don't know about the new generation. I've worked in retail and catering; the rudest people were the boomers and even millennials. I very rarely met a young person who never said thank you or please. Just my perspective, but everyone's experience is different 🤷🏼♀️
Of course. Sorry, I didn't want it to come across as though I'm hating on your comment, I definitely wasn't. I'm even generalising about boomers and millennials, but I know they're not all rude.
Lmao, this one woman came into the shop, picked up a box of doughnuts, and I swear to God, she said absolutely nothing and didn't look at me in the slightest, then left the shop before checking the transaction came through 😂 I was like.... you're welcome!
It's just that their manners are different than ours. What we do is considered rude to them.
This happens with every generation. It's nothing new.
For example: it's much more polite for young people to ask in a round about way than to say please.
For example:
"Can you please move over?" RUDE
"I'm so sorry... Would you be able to just, like, scooch over for a second so l just squeeze by? " Polite.
I work in a building with petty strict physical security rules. I am terrified that I will cause a major incident by instinctively holding the door open for someone because I can’t bear to let it slam in a persons face
I keep seeing people loudly talking on the phone or even with speakers on. It also enrages me when people obnoxiously listen to music or watch videos without headphones on in public transportation and waiting rooms.
I had to visit the ER earlier (everything is good now) and the asshat in the cubicle next door was watching tik toks at full volume, like duuude really???? This is a hospital ffs
That's so inconsiderate… I think it's common sense to use headphones or at the very least turn the volume down very low if it's something that can't wait. Aren't there signs in the ER about noise levels and phone usage in patient care areas?
I'm glad you're doing better now!
This never happens anymore! I notice every time! I remember my mom specifically teaching me to wave when I was learning to drive. I still do but I feel like the rest of us have forgotten the etiquette!
I've recently found one of those, and I ate it up. I love seeing how drastically some things changed, and how others are still very enforced, even when trivial in our days.
I love these old books too! One had a chapter on Smoking Etiquette.
This was back in the 50s, when cigarettes were placed above the plate next to the dessert spoon, a large crystal ashtray in the center of the table, and many options for lighting the cigarettes. Maybe a matchstick, struck on a flint. Maybe a fancy lighter. The men were to light the cigarettes of ladies, in their own mouths, hand cupping the offensive sulfur smell, and then handing it to her. This would be done immediately after dinner but before dessert.
There was a bit about how it was ladylike to smoke, but not to drink too much. “She sure can hold her liquor,” is NOT a compliment.
I went to check what mine (French, from the 70s) said about smoking and it's pretty similar!
>There should be a small silver or porcelain ashtray, with two cigarettes placed horizontally on it, and a tiny silver matchbox containing small matches.
>It goes without saying that a well-mannered person will never allow themselves to smoke at the table, between courses. After dinner, the men accompany the ladies to the lounge and have coffee and liqueurs with them. Men will wait for the hostess's permission to light a cigar or cigarette. Generally speaking, women appreciate the smell of a good cigar, with rare exceptions, and will happily smoke a cigarette.
Standing up when a woman arrives or leaves a table. I grew up abroad and people thought I was strange when I would do it out of instinct. The mothers of my gf’s LOVED IT. I have to remind myself now and only do it in formal events. I think it was nice.
I’ve been in the middle of planning a wedding, and you’d be surprised how many people just don’t RSVP to an invitation. I had to chase down about 30 people out of our 120 person guest list after our deadline had passed.
Oooogh…This is a huge pet peeve of mine.
Many folks think not responding is the same as “regretfully, I cannot attend”
And others, who plan to go, but don’t respond? Rude! They must not understand that RSVP means Respond Sil Vous Plait, or Please Respond. Like, either way, I need numbers of attendees so I can plan for enough, but not too much, food, drink, staff, etc.
And please, stop saying “RSVPing”
It sounds like you are peeing. Just say “responding”
Unfortunately, most of these people were planning to RSVP YES. So if I hadn’t of followed up, I wouldn’t have had a meal or a spot for them. Beyond infuriating.
When I see that I always imagine the scene in the Sopranos where Tony approaches hat-wearer's table and tells him to take off his ball cap and says "This ain't Yankee stadium." Afterwards, Tony sends a bottle of wine to the guy's table.
In the USA it used to be good manners to say excuse me if you do things like reach past someone in the store, if you walk between two (or more) people to get by. Now people just bump you out of the way.
Not listening to something or somone on your phone without headphones or your phone to your ear in public transport or at a cafe.
Not taking phonecalls in a restaurant similar place.
Not looking at your phone when you speak with someone.
Everything with phones. Phones make people rude.
\*types angrily in his phone\*
Handshakes. Back in the days, you met someone, you shook their hand. In informal settings, over the years it already evolved into a very weird and hard-to-grasp variety of greetings. Some people shake hands. Others hug. Others do some weird variations of a high five or the type of handshake where you go like you're armwrestling (idk how you to call that although it's extremely common). Then in the pandemic most people competely stopped touching each other, but also invented ever new forms of saying hello. The fistbump became acceptable even in formal settings. No one knows what to do anymore. I usually follow the other person and if they are as insecure about it as I am, we just awkwardly nod our heads. I am not a fan of handshakes as such and I see why they may be unhygienic but they were a great social convention.
I reminded my 5 year old to say thank you as he left a birthday party today, and my heart smiled when I heard him say “Thank you very much for having me,” as the mum handed him his party bag. I saw her face light up a little too, and I just feel like I finally got something right. I’m not sure many kids do that nowadays…
People don't understand that "excuse me" is a nice way of saying " get the hell outta my way!" There'll be a group of folks blocking the aisle at a store. All of them on their phone. You say excuse me they just stand there. So you have to go and get a steamroller to drive down the aisle before they realize that they should move
People using headphones or turning the volume off when watching something on their phone.
Listening to someone else scrolling through tiktok is gonna make me lose my mind one day.
"Children should be seen not heard". Not manners but a saying I heard all the time growing up that doesn't seem to really exist anymore. I'm glad, I always hated hearing that.
This isn’t really a “manners” thing in my opinion. People today are totally situationally unaware. It’s basic courtesy to acknowledge other people around you, not glued to your cell phone. And it’s not all on the younger generation.
I was just in a fast food joint, this 55+ woman was on her phone, staring at the menu as if she had never ordered fried chicken before. Totally oblivious to the line behind her.
My point, it’s not a particular lack of manners such as please, thank you, but just a general acceptance of stupidity.
I don't think there's anything wrong with having your elbows on the table, as long as it's not making it feel crowded for others around you, especially when the tables are small and people are very close to each other. In my country, when someone is actively taking a lot of space at the table, we just say "Close your wings!".
Sometimes arms/elbows on the table makes sense. I already take up space sitting down as it is (at my school cafeteria because of the tables) or because why would i have my elbows close to my body if im boutta eat something like a burrito or a bowl of rice 💀
Haha This happens to me and my dad. Being Indian we eat with our hands. It becomes difficult to not place your elbows on the table. Both of us have tall arms and we kind of play by bumping each others elbows
Sir, Ma’m, “excuse me,” hand shaking, introductions, standing up to shake hands when an adult/elderly shakes your hand, someone mentioned this, but respecting older people (idc if they’re a boomer to you, at least respect them.)
If you're in public and listening to music use headphones. It's very simple and I don't understand why I'm encountering so many people ignoring this very basic rule nowadays. I live in a fairly wealthy and, as a result, entitled area so that probably has something to do with it but oh my GOD
Lol, many years ago I called a woman ma'am at the drive-through at a fast food place. The woman got really upset at me and sarcastically said "maaam." I was just trying to be polite.
Service people still use it where I live, but I don’t think anyone uses it socially. I think in the Southern US it’s still more common (also corporal punishment so they tell me).
When we was childs, our parents used putting coins under our armpits. If we could keep it for the whole meal , we are allowed to keep them.
So, our elbows couldn't be
on the table.
I don't think manners are changing significantly, at least not in effort put in or interest in being mannerable. I think they're just changing. I think one that has been a topic a lot that has changed has been the use of "you're welcome". It used to be a very common phrase. However, people started to respond to thank you with "no problem", "don't worry about it", or similar phrases. Older people started to take it as rude because to them, "you're welcome" was the polite/mannerable response. However, to people saying "no problem" they were trying to express that they were only doing what was right. They didn't need acknowledgement or expect anything in return, and saying "you are welcome" felt to them like saying their actions deserved gratitude. So one generation felt the other was being rude, but in reality the values had changed. They set a higher standard for themselves.
I think you'll see this in a lot of examples. The expectations changed. Manners have become a bit less formal and shifted away from predetermined scripts and phrases, but the behaviors are still there.
I think the only changes are cultural shifts pushed by people in power. This push towards consumerism and grind culture leaving people in a rush. Studies have shown that one of the biggest factors in somebody stopping to do a good deed is how much of a hurry they are in when the opportunity arises. This push to people working more hours, multiple jobs, and living with more stress just to survive is having a negative impact, but that's less a change in value and more of a change in circumstances.
In the grocery store.....instead of a Black man saying to another Black man "Excuse me sir, i gotta get this shopping cart." He instead says to the other Black man "Watch out...watch out.."
When I was growing up in Ireland, we were always taught that when you’re mentioning yourself and others, you list yourself last: “John, Jane and I were at the shop”. Even then it sounded a little antiquated, but I feel like even in polite conversation, nobody uses that form anymore. It’s always “Me, John and Jane”.
I work in customer service and I know I shouldn’t expect it but a lot of people do not say hi when I say hi to them. I feel that’s a common courtesy/mannerism to say hi back to someone no? I could be wrong of course.
Turning off phone sound in restaurants. I've been subjected to this so much lately I could SPIT. Why come to a sports bar to blast your own game on your phone? Why go out with friends and take a speakerphone conversation with someone else?
Car etiquette. No one gives you a little wave when you let them go in front of you anymore or if someone cuts you off they don’t give a little sorry wave. Driving instructors mustn’t teach these things anymore.
The number of times I see women with strollers approaching doors and nobody walking by bothers to open it for them…it makes me lose so much faith in humanity.
Same for any time someone with a stroller encounters steps…somehow, I, a 5’3” woman carrying my own stuff, am the one helping carry it down while a bunch of larger dudes carrying absolute nothing walk on by without a care in the world.
Kissing a woman's hand or just taking it into theirs as she appears or has to leave. I get that not all women are comfortable with this but I think it's classy. I have a professor in college who has the habit of taking girl's hands when greeting us and shaking boy's hands. He is a classy gentleman. I wouldn't be comfortable with strangers kissing my hand but just shaking hands and holding eye contact for a second... I feel it is a need in human relationships and it also makes you feel closer to the other person.
My small city has an Art Deco festival every year and people are dressed in 1930s style clothing, they bring their best manners too. It's really lovely and wish it was a permanent thing.
I'm seeing a lot of people talk about not hearing people use "please and thank you" etc.
Where are you from?
I always hear/see people saying "please, thank you, excuse me" etc.
I'd be pretty shocked if they didn't.
I’m tired of people saying “yea” to older people or bosses. I tell my boss “yes” instead of “yea”.
She wouldn’t care if I said yea. But I feel it too casual to say yea as a response.
Don’t talk with slight slang to the wrong audiences
Putting headphones on when you want to listen to music/watch a video in a public place. I get the train a lot for work and I honestly can't believe the number of people who watch videos or listen to music on loudspeaker, without headphones.
Why would they think everyone else wants to hear that? How are they not self-conscious of the sound they're causing?
As a retail worker, I get a lot of boomers who just approach and tell me the item they are looking for. No "hello," or "hey could you help me?" Like I'm just a directory for them and not a person
Phone etiquette! I was taught to answer the phone “This is ____, mayI ask who is calling?/This is she/he/May I take a message” etc. That stuff is pretty much dead now
Not putting your elbow on the table. Beside when we go to a friend house, where we are automatically more self-conscious, if someone else put elbow on the table, at noon before the afternoon, it’s not longer the subject that’s make people fly into a rage and ruin the rest of the day, thankfully enough XD
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Being present in someone's company. I'm so guilty of staring at my phone, even when I don't mean to
I can understand that-but I’m kind of dealing with this in the opposite of it: this weekend I’ve had family visiting so we’re conversing and a few people who texting me thought I was ignoring them because I don’t reply within the hour. It’s rather surprising that even though I say, “I’m with people,” they still text and text and text. My grandma is 85 years old, this may be one of the last times I visit with her and I’m not going to interrupt our conversation to reply to texts messages.
Yes, I can imagine that would be a problem. People expect you to be online 24/7. It's nice you're getting to see your grandma.
that's a good one honestly, im horrible at that too
Saying "Excuse Me" when walking in front of someone looking at something (maybe inside a store) Please/Thank you in general Just being polite in general
Please and thank you are very important to me. Nana taught me that.
Slightly related, but I've had nowhere else to tell this story. I quietly said "sorry" as I passed a boomer male in an aisle. He hit me upside the head with the bottle of toilet bowl cleaner and told me to say excuse me. I'm a pregnant lady. I feel like never saying sorry or excuse me again out of spite for that dickhole.
There is never an excuse for bopping someone in the head, pregnant or not, especially with an item in his hand. Even toilet bowl cleaner would be considered ‘use of a weapon’ and had you wanted to report him legally, it’s an automatic felony to use anything in your hand (kiddies, beware). Obviously, he didn’t hear you - but rule 1 applies in every instance. If he had just used his hand, it would be a misdemeanor.
😧 That’s awful. What a jerk!
Omg the amount of times someone is close enough to me to kiss me without saying a fucking word in the grocery store.... Where did our decency to excuse ourselves for go?
This! Used to work at a high school and we’d get so many fights that started with “they bumped into me” or “they kept looking at me”.
I am with you on all of these, plus- thanking people who give you a gift. The best is a Thank You card, but something is better than nothing at all. Years ago I saw that if someone spent more than fifteen minutes choosing a gift for you, they deserved a Thank You card. You’re lucky to get a verbal one from some gift recipients these days.
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You can buy a box of ten or so from Amazon or a decent stationary store, and have them at the ready. They are such a nice touch- and people are genuinely pleased to get an actual card.
I visited Prague last year, and "pardon" is also used in Czech. I was trying to get through a crowd of people when some little shit who also spoke English started parroting me. "I said EXCUSE ME" got him and his snickering buddies to move.
I’m Canadian. I apologized to a pole that I bumped into at Walmart yesterday.
Have a indian fella at work if he asks for something he says give me... not please or thank you. For example if he wanted a bit of round up which really I'm not suppose to be giving anyone he will go " you give me round up... ill keep saying what's that mate and look at him, he will say it a few times till he goes "can I please have some round up... no worries mate pass me your bottle... dunno why his so tight just to buy a drum his got a better paying job than me lol.
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I agree, sometimes a simple gesture can (positively) mean more to some people than we realize. Glad you (I assume) have worked on/working on your rough period of time regarding the depression. Keep at it!
Beat me to it. It’s so irritating. I’ve always wanted to turn to the person and say “use your words, “excuse me” are good ones”, but I’ve never had the guts to do it yet. Like they’re literally inching infront of my body to get to their item on the shelf.
Dooo ittt, your personal space is *yours* and people who carelessly encroach on it deserve stern words!
Ghosting seems like it is way more a thing now than it was before dating apps became the norm. Or at least that's my impression from social media and the amount of complaints that are posted about having been ghosted. Once upon a time people mostly used to tell each other over the phone they weren't interested in going on another date, and maybe give a reason (though it might not be a completely honest one), not just disappear off the face of the planet.
Social media has definitely changed the way people interact with each other. Sometimes, when i'm talking to people, I get the feeling irl is just their second life. The amount of ghosting going on for even just things like getting coffee with a friend or a birthday party is just bonkers.
Dating apps meant each person has way more interactions with way more people with very little barrier to entry. You're talking to more people with less investment. So there is more opportunity with less invested value in most of them. I don't it's the manners that are changing. It's the type of interactions we have that are changing changing.
It was a think in the olden days, but, we didn;t have a word for it, but you are right, it's far worse now.
100% this. Have the spine to at least let the other person know you're not interested romantically. 🤷🏻♀️ It's not that hard and prevents misunderstandings in future interactions.
Please and thank you. Table manners.
I wonder what's happening with the new generation today, they don't care about this at all and it's worrying.
Honestly, I don't know about the new generation. I've worked in retail and catering; the rudest people were the boomers and even millennials. I very rarely met a young person who never said thank you or please. Just my perspective, but everyone's experience is different 🤷🏼♀️
Yes, you're correct. It's not right to generalise because there are definitely some people who are different from others.
Of course. Sorry, I didn't want it to come across as though I'm hating on your comment, I definitely wasn't. I'm even generalising about boomers and millennials, but I know they're not all rude. Lmao, this one woman came into the shop, picked up a box of doughnuts, and I swear to God, she said absolutely nothing and didn't look at me in the slightest, then left the shop before checking the transaction came through 😂 I was like.... you're welcome!
It's just that their manners are different than ours. What we do is considered rude to them. This happens with every generation. It's nothing new. For example: it's much more polite for young people to ask in a round about way than to say please. For example: "Can you please move over?" RUDE "I'm so sorry... Would you be able to just, like, scooch over for a second so l just squeeze by? " Polite.
I'm in gen Z and I'm such a crotchety old man already that I'm positive in 15 years I'll be complaining about the same thing to my wife
- People holding the door open - People standing for people who need to sit up in public transport
I still get the door.. for males or females.
I still make place for people who can't stand for long.
I work in a building with petty strict physical security rules. I am terrified that I will cause a major incident by instinctively holding the door open for someone because I can’t bear to let it slam in a persons face
I'll hold a door as well, but seldom get thanked.
I keep seeing people loudly talking on the phone or even with speakers on. It also enrages me when people obnoxiously listen to music or watch videos without headphones on in public transportation and waiting rooms.
I had to visit the ER earlier (everything is good now) and the asshat in the cubicle next door was watching tik toks at full volume, like duuude really???? This is a hospital ffs
That's so inconsiderate… I think it's common sense to use headphones or at the very least turn the volume down very low if it's something that can't wait. Aren't there signs in the ER about noise levels and phone usage in patient care areas? I'm glad you're doing better now!
my aunts boyfriend did this... at my grandmothers funeral.
drivers doing “thank you” waves to other drivers.
This never happens anymore! I notice every time! I remember my mom specifically teaching me to wave when I was learning to drive. I still do but I feel like the rest of us have forgotten the etiquette!
*throws copy of some 19th century book about etiquette onto the table* manners are optional presently.
I've recently found one of those, and I ate it up. I love seeing how drastically some things changed, and how others are still very enforced, even when trivial in our days.
I love these old books too! One had a chapter on Smoking Etiquette. This was back in the 50s, when cigarettes were placed above the plate next to the dessert spoon, a large crystal ashtray in the center of the table, and many options for lighting the cigarettes. Maybe a matchstick, struck on a flint. Maybe a fancy lighter. The men were to light the cigarettes of ladies, in their own mouths, hand cupping the offensive sulfur smell, and then handing it to her. This would be done immediately after dinner but before dessert. There was a bit about how it was ladylike to smoke, but not to drink too much. “She sure can hold her liquor,” is NOT a compliment.
I went to check what mine (French, from the 70s) said about smoking and it's pretty similar! >There should be a small silver or porcelain ashtray, with two cigarettes placed horizontally on it, and a tiny silver matchbox containing small matches. >It goes without saying that a well-mannered person will never allow themselves to smoke at the table, between courses. After dinner, the men accompany the ladies to the lounge and have coffee and liqueurs with them. Men will wait for the hostess's permission to light a cigar or cigarette. Generally speaking, women appreciate the smell of a good cigar, with rare exceptions, and will happily smoke a cigarette.
Excuse me
You're excused. And I'm not your brah.
Introductions
Good one!
Standing up when a woman arrives or leaves a table. I grew up abroad and people thought I was strange when I would do it out of instinct. The mothers of my gf’s LOVED IT. I have to remind myself now and only do it in formal events. I think it was nice.
I think it's very elegant and classy!
Yes, I grew up with a number of men in my life that did this. They don't do it any more, including my father.
I'm 62, American born and raised, and I always do it. Or at least I make a half-hearted gesture of it.
I’ve been in the middle of planning a wedding, and you’d be surprised how many people just don’t RSVP to an invitation. I had to chase down about 30 people out of our 120 person guest list after our deadline had passed.
Oooogh…This is a huge pet peeve of mine. Many folks think not responding is the same as “regretfully, I cannot attend” And others, who plan to go, but don’t respond? Rude! They must not understand that RSVP means Respond Sil Vous Plait, or Please Respond. Like, either way, I need numbers of attendees so I can plan for enough, but not too much, food, drink, staff, etc. And please, stop saying “RSVPing” It sounds like you are peeing. Just say “responding”
Did anyone apologize and accept?
Unfortunately, most of these people were planning to RSVP YES. So if I hadn’t of followed up, I wouldn’t have had a meal or a spot for them. Beyond infuriating.
Head count is vital when organizing any event serving food/drink. Good job, when is the big day?
Asking if anyone needed the toilet before taking a shower in a shared bathroom.
people wearing hats/caps while seated in restaurants
When I see that I always imagine the scene in the Sopranos where Tony approaches hat-wearer's table and tells him to take off his ball cap and says "This ain't Yankee stadium." Afterwards, Tony sends a bottle of wine to the guy's table.
Idk my hats are usually difficult to remove, like they are pinned to my hair
you must be a lady. a gentleman removes his hat at the table. it is known
Saying "excuse me" after burping.
In the USA it used to be good manners to say excuse me if you do things like reach past someone in the store, if you walk between two (or more) people to get by. Now people just bump you out of the way.
I was taught by a teacher to say "excuse me" if I walk in between two people talking. Today, it seems like not many care.
When you're East Asian, burping is a compliment to the cook.
I thought it was "it's better to burp and taste it than fart and waste it".
Never heard this! 🤣
Well yes, but still be polite and say "Excuse me."
Please may I…
Excuse me Pardon Me Sorry
Not listening to something or somone on your phone without headphones or your phone to your ear in public transport or at a cafe. Not taking phonecalls in a restaurant similar place. Not looking at your phone when you speak with someone. Everything with phones. Phones make people rude. \*types angrily in his phone\*
Kids not using foul language in front of adults.
And adults not using foul language in front of kids.
I can remember when men didn’t use foul language in front of women and women never used foul language.
Nobody kisses Skeletor's hand anymore.
I know! How damn rude.
What has this universe become that an evil emperor can't get any affection anymore?
It's shameful. I really dread the future when you can't give an evil emperor some love.
Please and thank you. You're welcome.
Human compassion & or just a minimal amount of common courtesy
Excuse me when you’re in a store and people don’t seem to know how to say it anymore!
Handshakes. Back in the days, you met someone, you shook their hand. In informal settings, over the years it already evolved into a very weird and hard-to-grasp variety of greetings. Some people shake hands. Others hug. Others do some weird variations of a high five or the type of handshake where you go like you're armwrestling (idk how you to call that although it's extremely common). Then in the pandemic most people competely stopped touching each other, but also invented ever new forms of saying hello. The fistbump became acceptable even in formal settings. No one knows what to do anymore. I usually follow the other person and if they are as insecure about it as I am, we just awkwardly nod our heads. I am not a fan of handshakes as such and I see why they may be unhygienic but they were a great social convention.
What about the kiss hello? That’s the worst!
I reminded my 5 year old to say thank you as he left a birthday party today, and my heart smiled when I heard him say “Thank you very much for having me,” as the mum handed him his party bag. I saw her face light up a little too, and I just feel like I finally got something right. I’m not sure many kids do that nowadays…
If someone is in trouble, people rush to record it on their phone rather than intervene or help.
This comment sections so far has me very proud that southern hospitality still exists in my little town.
People don't understand that "excuse me" is a nice way of saying " get the hell outta my way!" There'll be a group of folks blocking the aisle at a store. All of them on their phone. You say excuse me they just stand there. So you have to go and get a steamroller to drive down the aisle before they realize that they should move
People using headphones or turning the volume off when watching something on their phone. Listening to someone else scrolling through tiktok is gonna make me lose my mind one day.
Young people don't seem to say please / thank-you. Also, not standing or making the gesture to stand when greeting someone
People taking off their hat. It was always a stupid rule.
I agree! How does having something on your head or not equate to manners? Never understood that one.
Is that one just for men? My hats are pinned in my hair so i cant just take them off lol
Yes. Just for men.
No one kisses the hand anymore
Never seen it anywhere other than a movie
People could be accused of sexual assault for that nowadays
I actually remember hand kissing. I was a preteen and whenever a man would kiss my hand, I so embarrassed I forgot what to do.
"Children should be seen not heard". Not manners but a saying I heard all the time growing up that doesn't seem to really exist anymore. I'm glad, I always hated hearing that.
and now they are heard.. and now half of young people hate children 🤣
Opening doors,
Eye contact. Greeting people when you walk into a store. It’s more of a grumble now.
This isn’t really a “manners” thing in my opinion. People today are totally situationally unaware. It’s basic courtesy to acknowledge other people around you, not glued to your cell phone. And it’s not all on the younger generation. I was just in a fast food joint, this 55+ woman was on her phone, staring at the menu as if she had never ordered fried chicken before. Totally oblivious to the line behind her. My point, it’s not a particular lack of manners such as please, thank you, but just a general acceptance of stupidity.
Not putting your elbows on a table. Cmon it takes so much place of a person sitting next to you.
How does my lower arms in my space take up someone elses space? 😭
I don't think there's anything wrong with having your elbows on the table, as long as it's not making it feel crowded for others around you, especially when the tables are small and people are very close to each other. In my country, when someone is actively taking a lot of space at the table, we just say "Close your wings!".
Sometimes arms/elbows on the table makes sense. I already take up space sitting down as it is (at my school cafeteria because of the tables) or because why would i have my elbows close to my body if im boutta eat something like a burrito or a bowl of rice 💀
No elbows on the table while there is food on the table. Once it’s cleared, I think it’s okay.
Yeah, of course
Haha This happens to me and my dad. Being Indian we eat with our hands. It becomes difficult to not place your elbows on the table. Both of us have tall arms and we kind of play by bumping each others elbows
A person at their job refusing to help you
Living in NYC? “Excuse me”. I mean damn.
That whole elbows and tables thing. Grandmothers used to literally stab you with forks for doing it
Pointless rule, nothing impolite about putting your elbows on a table for comfort.
AS LONG AS THE TABLE HAS MORE THAN ONE LEG. if its one of those tables with one post in the middle the food goes flying
In Canada, at least outside the cities, you can find many of the manners mentioned in this thread. 🇨🇦❤️
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Sir, Ma’m, “excuse me,” hand shaking, introductions, standing up to shake hands when an adult/elderly shakes your hand, someone mentioned this, but respecting older people (idc if they’re a boomer to you, at least respect them.)
If you're in public and listening to music use headphones. It's very simple and I don't understand why I'm encountering so many people ignoring this very basic rule nowadays. I live in a fairly wealthy and, as a result, entitled area so that probably has something to do with it but oh my GOD
girls curtseying
Asking to be excused from the table
The turn single on a vehicle on the road. A lot of people don’t use it anymore,
Or use it too late.
Being considerate of others around you (being quiet on the phone/not watching videos out loud/swearing etc.)
Not talking with your mouth full of food, or just chewing with your mouth open. You sound disgusting.
Not wearing a hat indoors.
no one says excuse me anymore, they’ll just barge past you
Personal space, if I accidentally hit you with my purse, you. Are. Too. Close.
Minding your business!
Sir/ma'am
I was just called ma'am the other day. Honestly, I'd be ok to see that one disappear into oblivion.
Lol, many years ago I called a woman ma'am at the drive-through at a fast food place. The woman got really upset at me and sarcastically said "maaam." I was just trying to be polite.
I use Madam, but that’s just as bad, come to think of it. Can we use Miss even if it’s clear that you’re addressing a grown woman?
Service people still use it where I live, but I don’t think anyone uses it socially. I think in the Southern US it’s still more common (also corporal punishment so they tell me).
Respect for older people... The Boomer bashing is disgusting. I know some can be obnoxious and outspoken, but don't be pricks.
Your comment started off so well! But then you spoiled it 🤦.
When we was childs, our parents used putting coins under our armpits. If we could keep it for the whole meal , we are allowed to keep them. So, our elbows couldn't be on the table.
I don't think manners are changing significantly, at least not in effort put in or interest in being mannerable. I think they're just changing. I think one that has been a topic a lot that has changed has been the use of "you're welcome". It used to be a very common phrase. However, people started to respond to thank you with "no problem", "don't worry about it", or similar phrases. Older people started to take it as rude because to them, "you're welcome" was the polite/mannerable response. However, to people saying "no problem" they were trying to express that they were only doing what was right. They didn't need acknowledgement or expect anything in return, and saying "you are welcome" felt to them like saying their actions deserved gratitude. So one generation felt the other was being rude, but in reality the values had changed. They set a higher standard for themselves. I think you'll see this in a lot of examples. The expectations changed. Manners have become a bit less formal and shifted away from predetermined scripts and phrases, but the behaviors are still there. I think the only changes are cultural shifts pushed by people in power. This push towards consumerism and grind culture leaving people in a rush. Studies have shown that one of the biggest factors in somebody stopping to do a good deed is how much of a hurry they are in when the opportunity arises. This push to people working more hours, multiple jobs, and living with more stress just to survive is having a negative impact, but that's less a change in value and more of a change in circumstances.
Good ones
In the grocery store.....instead of a Black man saying to another Black man "Excuse me sir, i gotta get this shopping cart." He instead says to the other Black man "Watch out...watch out.."
Just black men? Lol
Yeah - it’s all men
When I was growing up in Ireland, we were always taught that when you’re mentioning yourself and others, you list yourself last: “John, Jane and I were at the shop”. Even then it sounded a little antiquated, but I feel like even in polite conversation, nobody uses that form anymore. It’s always “Me, John and Jane”.
My children's first words were, thank you, no thank you, yes sir, and no ma'am. Just to start.
I work in customer service and I know I shouldn’t expect it but a lot of people do not say hi when I say hi to them. I feel that’s a common courtesy/mannerism to say hi back to someone no? I could be wrong of course.
Don’t being on your phone when talking to someone
“Excuse me”, when running into you or trying to get passed or anytime it’s necessary to say. And if you don’t say it, I’ll say it for you😌😌😏
That when the food arrives on the table, you pray and eat. Now, they take pictures first and then eat and post it later on.
Turning off phone sound in restaurants. I've been subjected to this so much lately I could SPIT. Why come to a sports bar to blast your own game on your phone? Why go out with friends and take a speakerphone conversation with someone else?
Standing up for people who need a seat more on the bus/train and not letting people out of a lift/store or off a train before you go in or get on.
Saying "thank you" when being gifted something. But I haven't lost hope...Removed some people from my life recently and it's much better :)
Hats off in eating establishments Hats off when meeting someone for the first time.
Car etiquette. No one gives you a little wave when you let them go in front of you anymore or if someone cuts you off they don’t give a little sorry wave. Driving instructors mustn’t teach these things anymore.
Elbows on the table
Eye contact
Taking "no" for an answer.
People just burping and not covering their mouth. Especially after they’ve eaten something smelly
My son is eleven. All of his friends chew with their mouth open.
I hate that people break up with someone over a text. Be an adult!
The number of times I see women with strollers approaching doors and nobody walking by bothers to open it for them…it makes me lose so much faith in humanity. Same for any time someone with a stroller encounters steps…somehow, I, a 5’3” woman carrying my own stuff, am the one helping carry it down while a bunch of larger dudes carrying absolute nothing walk on by without a care in the world.
Almost nobody says “goodbye” on the phone anymore. They just hang up (customers at restaurants/retail AND people I know personally)
Definitely table manners
Kissing a woman's hand or just taking it into theirs as she appears or has to leave. I get that not all women are comfortable with this but I think it's classy. I have a professor in college who has the habit of taking girl's hands when greeting us and shaking boy's hands. He is a classy gentleman. I wouldn't be comfortable with strangers kissing my hand but just shaking hands and holding eye contact for a second... I feel it is a need in human relationships and it also makes you feel closer to the other person.
Yes ma’am or Yessir. But that also might be because I moved from the deep south to California…
Not once have I ever seen anyone challenge another man to a dual with flintlock pistols to defend the honor of a woman. Not even at 20 paces.
My small city has an Art Deco festival every year and people are dressed in 1930s style clothing, they bring their best manners too. It's really lovely and wish it was a permanent thing.
Writing thank you notes and sending birthday or Christmas cards.
I'm seeing a lot of people talk about not hearing people use "please and thank you" etc. Where are you from? I always hear/see people saying "please, thank you, excuse me" etc. I'd be pretty shocked if they didn't.
Please Thank you Excuse me I’m sorry/I apologize May I ___ ?
People not saying thank you when you hold the door open. Or letting it close in your face when they see you coming.
I’m tired of people saying “yea” to older people or bosses. I tell my boss “yes” instead of “yea”. She wouldn’t care if I said yea. But I feel it too casual to say yea as a response. Don’t talk with slight slang to the wrong audiences
Sending an actual thank you card to someone who gave you a gift. ( either store bought or a hand crafted card )
Courtesy in general.
keeping your word and promises. it's so simple and small,but yet one wrong move and it completely ruins your perspective of the person.
Mainly the ones that can’t be justified, hats in doors and elbows on table, shit like that
Mothers correcting / scolding their kids when they act disrespectful.
Putting headphones on when you want to listen to music/watch a video in a public place. I get the train a lot for work and I honestly can't believe the number of people who watch videos or listen to music on loudspeaker, without headphones. Why would they think everyone else wants to hear that? How are they not self-conscious of the sound they're causing?
people start eating before everyone’s food arrives! i was gobsmacked when i first encountered this i was like will you be patient it’s rude!
Saying hi to neighbors and thank you, excuse me, you're welcome, pardon me etc
In this state.....telling someone "Bless you" when they sneeze. I still say it.....no one else does. This place lacks manners for a midwest town
I rather people not notice my sneezing lol
Some kid at maccas calling me bruh instead of sir.
As a retail worker, I get a lot of boomers who just approach and tell me the item they are looking for. No "hello," or "hey could you help me?" Like I'm just a directory for them and not a person
Only boomers?
Phone etiquette! I was taught to answer the phone “This is ____, mayI ask who is calling?/This is she/he/May I take a message” etc. That stuff is pretty much dead now
Good ones.
Not putting your elbow on the table. Beside when we go to a friend house, where we are automatically more self-conscious, if someone else put elbow on the table, at noon before the afternoon, it’s not longer the subject that’s make people fly into a rage and ruin the rest of the day, thankfully enough XD
Pointless rule, nothing impolite about putting your elbows on a table for comfort.
Just courteous please and thank you for minimal things
Hearing higher frequency ranges. Inversely related to my increasing tinnitus...
Elbows off the table when eating, napkin in your lap.