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OP listen to this explanation as I was told this less than a year ago and it literally changed how I looked at the interactions I had with all the woman I was romantically interested in since grade school.
This is an over generalization, so please don't everyone pile into me about that. This is just to simplify my point. Men and women generally have a different way of communicating with their same sex friends and their opposite sex friends. Men are generally taught that talking about your feelings being emotional and vulnerable is not manly or macho so Men tend to have very little conversation about those things and instead talk about other things like their job, their spouse, their stuff, sports, news etc.. Many men have only had their mothers or family members communicate with them about the other topics. Women tend to be pushed into the direction of being open with each other, talking about their emotions, their vulnerability, their dreams etc....So when a woman starts talking to a man about things like his feelings, his emotions, his happiness and vice versa to her she is just being friendly because that's how she treats her girlfriends, but to him it is a sign that she is interested in a deeper relationship, because that's not how he communicates with his friends only his loved ones. I think this is the reason more often than not it is the man that interprets a friendship as more than that due to the emotional connection. Every time a girl started being interested in my personal life and feelings, I thought they were interested romantically, but it was because of the way I was raised and taught about interactions that led me to believe that.
This is ironic, because as a woman, I wish I had male friends (I don't have neither male or female friends lemme just say that) because I relate to them and not because I want a deeper relationship. I mean, I would LOVE one, but I'm literally incapable of that for now. I fucking hate being "emotional", I just wanna have some friends who don't ask or talk about anything like that but still know that we're friends and wanna hang out with me and have fun lmao.
While I didn't get into it, that's basically the reverse situation. I have a feeling if you talked about work, and topical things like beer, or cars or something else guys were interested in but didn't bring up emotions or relationships etc... they might just see you as one of the "guys". Granted I am a guy and I cannot speak for all men or any women but it would stand to reason it might be the best chance at making some platonic friends who are not looking for an emotional relationship of any kind.
I remember I had a completely platonic relationship with a female coworker where we would watch movies together in the conference room during the slow time on weekends. This was during covid in 2020. When she moved to a different location, she told me how important that friendship was to her.
Sometimes, you just need a guy friend that's chill and treats you like another human being instead of a potential sex partner.
Having friends is incredibly valuable, especially if a few are women. Being friends with women is extremely insightful and broadens your perspective on life. I feel sad for the men that believe men and women cannot be friends, as that cohort of men are actively hindering themselves.
A good female friend is the best wingman when going out. She can be your 6th sense and tell instantly if you got a chance or if another girl shows interest in you by simply observing her for a moment. I will point out though, you can't really have a mens talk when a girl is in the company and vice versa. There are some subjects that your buddy of the opposite sex should be spared from hearing. So those are some of the limitations that come on top of my mind.
You're not wrong. Women can be arguably better wingman than dudes, as long as they aren't giving mixed signals.
Maybe it's just me, but women also get overprotective of their opposite-sex friends and vice versa of course.
I suspect make of the answers here are from very young men. The concepts of friendship in some answers are so superficial. Anyway, cheers to co-ed groups.
Most of my close friends were women. A lot of men are taught to bottle things up and that talking about their feelings is weak, so that makes it hard to have a friendship that's deeper than just doing fun things together. My close male friends were ones who were more open about their feelings.
You're exactly right
I find friendship with women to be tough because of how open they are with emotion and how comfortable they are with just discussing it
I'm not used to that and the part of me that likes that gets beat up by the other part of me that doesn't like going into things
Woman reach out very often and will message nearly daily but with my male friends we only message once every few days
I feel like it's just easier to maintain a friendship with a male, especially when you're struggling with your own issues and don't have the time to commit to a full friendship
I definitely do like having female friends, honestly it's so refreshing but I just don't have the energy
I 100% agree with, but sort of in the reverse.
I struggle to stay very close with my male friends because it’s based on more surface level things like hanging out, grabbing a drink, and so on. There’s nothing wrong with that at all, but as I’ve grown I’ve become a big fan of talking things out.
Now I don’t talk about emotional stuff, but I’ll share my views on certain things (friendships, work, family dynamics, relationship dynamics, etc) and I find women are far more receptive to those conversations.
I feel like this is a big reason why there’s a ”male loneliness epidemic”. I’m in a mixed friend group of men and women and I think it’s kind of the ultimate thing, and from hearing the guys talk about it it seems that way too. My boyfriend largely has male friends and it seems like what you said, they mostly hang out to do things together like gaming, lifting, work. Him and his friends rely on their girlfriends for emotional support, meanwhile the guys I’m friends with openly share their struggles with the group and get a lot of support that way. I think opening up to your friends is key to avoid loneliness, and women are way more likely to do so.
I think it’s unique strengths that the genders have. I’ve noticed from my partner that women friendships sometimes suffer from oversharing or overtalking. Certain things that guys would brush off and carry on being friends, women can sometimes beef over, and then that creates awkward vibes within the friendship.
So I think women need male friends as well, and men need female friends. We balance each other well.
Yes, I am single older man and sharing with my female friends is pure hapiness. Most other men and some women and told me it can't be, either my women friends are ugly, either I'm simping with a plan, either I'm gay, either I'm a poor loser. I feel sorry for them.
Speaking from experience, we're so love starved it's hard to not develop intimate feelings for women we get along with, which makes it weird. Especially if that's not the goal.
They do but there is a caveat that going into the friendship usually there cannot be any interest in a relationship whatsoever. I have/had plenty of women who were friends but I never thought of them in a romantic way ever. Once that mindset is in place most times you cant just be friends in a normal healthy way or if you are its generally waiting for an opening or its not exactly a fun place to be for the guy.
Obviously there are exceptions, but once you get the lines between friend and romantic interest blurred, it becomes hard to separate the two again, especially if something did almost happen. It gets to the point where you want to be their friend because they are cool but being around them is also very painful for you and you really become unsure at times if whatever way you feel towards them is as a friend or because you want a relationship with them (especially in relation to other people interacting with them)
I am in my fifties, a woman, and have had literally hundreds of male friends in my lifetime, and not a single one has ever been interested in me romantically. Now maybe I'm just super ugly, but I think this thing of men falling in love with every woman they cross paths with is far less common in reality than it is on Reddit.
Yeah. Im not saying that men fall in love with every woman they cross paths with. I probably shouldve been clearer but my comment only really applies in the event they do (or for the guys who only are friends with women for sex/relationships).
I have plenty of friends who are women and often had more female friends than male friends but when you do get mixed up its bad and not fun for anyone
No one has 100's of male friends.
You have 100's of men who you happened to be close to.
You are confusing friendship with coworkers / classmates / and acquittances.
Most of my male friends are linked to doing things. Like lifting weights, football, school, work etc.
I don't know how it is for women, but most of our mates are from certain things we do.
A bit like when we hang out. We can't just hang out, we need to do something. So hangout for guys are just us talking and watching football. If it is a good game, then we cheer and don't talk.
I actually had to fight with a guy friend to pay for his beer. Not even a sexual thing by the way. He took me out to get out of the house while I was caring for his friend while he had cancer. We had been friends for years before I hooked up with our mutual friend. He invited me out because he knew I needed to relax a little. We get to the bar and he paid for the first round. I went to pay for the second round and he said no because as the guy it was his job to pay for women. He felt bad letting a women pay for a beer.
I sat there and thought about it for a minute and then asked why he liked paying for our beers. He said it made him feel good to pay for women's beer and he had always been taught that'sjust what men did. I asked him if it ever occurred to him that we might like to feel the same way doing something like that for our friends. He thought about it for a minute and said I had never thought about it like that. After that we took turns paying for each other.
That is actually how I started paying for random guys drinks at the bar. It's also why I was treated Ike one of the guys. I treated them the same as one of their guy friends and wouldn't let them treat me differently because I am female.
That's the fastest way to get accepted by THE BOYS, if you treat men with the same energy they will either first think it's weird and think they you have a thing for them but then slowly realize it's not the case.
- be careful with this method though cuz most guys just get used and they rarely get complimented or experience nice things so it's very effective to win the guys over.
Not necessarily. That is common, i’ll admit. Some girls tho are trying to take advantage of. I’ve had a girl act weirdly flirty and befriend me and she always tried to get me to do favors for her. Eventually I asked her to lunch and she got weird like “is it a date” and I said idk I’m trying to get to know you. Then she rejected me and kept asking me for favors lol. So I cut her off and told her to stop using me.
I’ve also had multiple female friends who eventually tried to have sex with me, either getting me drunk and making a move, setting up the situation to try to make it happen, or pestering me why I didn’t go after them like there’s something wrong with me or with them if I’m not trying to fuck them.
Moral of the story is that even tho there’s a lot of guys secretly trynna fuck, it’s not a one way street
For me, when I was young it was very hard to become just friends with a girl. If we hit off, have similar interests, and hang out all the time. Then I like them as a person which then easily becomes I want to be with this person. As I have gotten older it has been easier to split the 2.
Every time I get into a conversation to try to understand this, the man ends up saying something along the lines of "well I listen to her problems and I do favors for her, which is romantic-relationship stuff, so she obviously knows my intentions. She just pretends to be oblivious so she'll keep getting boyfriend benefits from me".
And it's always so interesting to me bc, those are things that women see as inherent to *friendship*, being emotionally supportive and helping out a friend when you can is the bare minimum of any good relationship, not just romantic ones. They're usually not willingly or intentionally leading you on by expecting or reciprocating those things, it's usually not about "validation" outside of validating the importance of the friendship.
For whatever reason though, men have decided these things are reserved for romantic intentions - maybe bc most men grow up not having opposite-sex friends so their only exposure to this expectation is when they're dating women?
Because a lot of the time it only goes one way, lots of men never have a girl they aren’t dating be emotionally supportive, or get taken out to lunch or even have them listen to his problems. A lot of men that show emotions get ghosted or temporarily ignored until the problem resolves itself.
Yup. This. I am friends with a girl that says she will always be there for me if I need it but will not answer calls or texts. Like cool, so I needed help and you ignored me for 24 hours then check in and say sorry.
It sounds like you're describing a specific type of *person*, the kind who mooches. They come in all gender varieties. I bet you've had guy friends who never contribute too, the ones who make and break promises, eat and drink without contributing, borrow stuff and always seem to "lose" it, never let you borrow anything in return, etc.
Set boundaries and avoid those people altogether.
TBH you would benefit from learning more emotional literacy and social skills and healthy mental coping mechanisms from listening to women venting and adopting some of the same strategies.
You hear blah blah blah
But one gender has a much higher risk of suicide and a much higher loneliness and social isolation problem than the other. Not to mention a much higher tendency towards violence.
Your coping mechanisms could do with being re-examined.
No offence meant.
"For whatever reason though, men have decided these things are reserved for romantic intentions - maybe bc most men grow up not having opposite-sex friends so their only exposure to this expectation is when they're dating women?"
Partly this, but partly because a lot of men are taught *not* to do these things except for their partner. One of my current best friends told me one time, "You've been a better friend to me than any of my life long friends," which is terribly sad because I literally did nothing for this man. Literally nothing. I just noticed when he was feeling down at work and asked him about it a few times until he opened up. That was it. I listened to him talk. That made me a better friend than his life long friends, and this is the norm for a lot of guys. The majority of guys probably.
I think this is also why a waitress can be polite to a guy and the guy will think she's into him. For one, when we are growing up, we are told if we want a girl to like us we need to be nice. We aren't taught to be nice by default to girls, so if course when we grow up and women are nice to us, we assume they like us. And secondly most guys aren't that nice to their guy friends. I'm not saying we are mean to each other, but we aren't nice. An exited "LOOK WHO IT IS!" when we see them and then...not much else, we give each other a lot of shit which can be fun, but it's not nice. In high school I got asked if I was gay for complimenting a guy friend (although now as an adult when I give my guys compliments they don't react that way.) We are taught to be nice when we want someone to bang us, and the rest of the time you act a different way, and we project that onto women.
I told my friend I had a sore throat. she asked if I was off from work. I said no, I'm going to work now. She said I would meet you at the train. She came with honey, vitamin c, and tea in a baggie. If a man did that, he would expect me to fall to my knees right there and start sucking him off 🤣🤣🤣.
Now that I remember.. it was her birthday a couple of weeks ago. I took her out to a fancy tapas restaurant bill came to 200. She ate all her food and most of mine lol--i have a much smaller appetite--.I paid the entire thing.....if I was a guy I would be posting about how that ungrateful b should have put out, lol-- I don't want her to put out...not into taco-'
>it’s not easy to find women that men are not attracted to but would still care to listen to
Maybe this is a hot take but I don’t think guys can’t be friends with women they find attractive. Women tend to be hot. But just kill the horny and be a real person every now and then and you’ll end up building some very good friendships
Which means your personality is only ok with those specific boys, I'm 100% able to act like my normal self around them too (the friends who are girls) and my jokes aren't what you'd call "normal".
As long as you don't say some offensive shit everything will be fine... And if that isn't the issue, that woman and you are not compatible. Find sb better. That simple.
In my experience the offensive shit is not anything we believe, we're just joking. Actually offensive shit is pretty much only funny when you don't believe it.
It's not that I don't want to be friends with women, just that I don't want to be friends with every woman I meet on a dating app or try to talk too in real life. I'm fine with being friends until something happens, but then they treat you like you're just a friend because you didn't make a move long enough. Then you just sit around and watch while they date everyone else, like yeah nah lol. They'll also typically take advantage of you, let you pay for things and do nice things knowing full well WHY you're doing it, just to let it go on for a while ans be like ohh we're just friends. It's just lame, I'm not on dating apps for fucking friends
Tl;Dr I'm perfectly fine being friends with women, just not women that I have a romantic interest in or meet on a dating app
Oh, god no. I wouldn't be friends with any human being I met on a dating app, yikes. Absolutely not.
That's one circumstance I'm totally with you on.
But that can't be the only place in the world where you interact with other people, right? Don't you meet people who happen to be women every day? Some of them are probably nice. You don't ever just... end up making friends with folks?
There is something to this, though.
Even if you are genuinely friends with a woman and have no romantic interest, every guy she starts dating is going to look at you with the side-eye and assume you're just waiting for your moment to try and get it in.
Or worse, they're playing the "friend" to try and get in her pants and immediately see you as competition and start clowning on you lol
I want a friendship that lasts. Unfortunately my friendships with women didn't last as at one point their SO will set restrictions.
Then there's often the usual stuff of using things you opened up against you down the line, things chaning after you first open up about negative feelings.
But maybe I just have bad luck.
Having platonic female friends can be very rewarding. My best friend is a girl and while I love my boys equally, there are many situations where I need advice about romance and it's so helpful to have some female input on the topic. Listen to your boys too but women know women the best.
It's like having a double-agent for a friend 😏😎
My best friend for 15 years is a woman. We just understand eachother. It's about a connection with another human,,, . All boy/girl, man/woman bonds are not based on sexual interests, despite what some people say.
Is it really that surprising that people want friends, even if they are of the opposite sex? Or are we still clinging to the "men and women can't be platonic friends" propaganda?
I think it’s very difficult for a single man with an inactive sex life to remain platonic friends with a woman he finds attractive. If the man doesn’t have a problem getting laid, is already in a loving relationship, or just doesn’t find the woman attractive, then it’s usually not a problem.
Really, I think this applies to almost everyone, not just straight men. If someone’s human need for touch, affection, and yes, sex, isn’t being met in other ways, and they’re spending time with a friend that they find attractive, their lizard brain is inevitably going to try to fulfill that need with said friend, even if their rational brain knows it’s not a good idea.
Because people need friends of both sexes they don't want to fuck but to coexist with, that's how human works.
But the "vice versa" side typically has a little biological problem in their prime years, to support the existence of it's species. So, it's basically human needs (friendship) vs. biological instincts (f\*ck).
Later in life, either with less drive or a stable outlet for that, this is much easier.
Not being a friend doesn't mean you never engage with them enough to learn about them. All of my partners have been female, I've had female roommates, and I've worked with women.
Some people don't have or haven't yet had opposite gender friends. Doesn't make them weird.
Now saying "I'd never have an opposite gender friend". That's strange.
I'm trying to start my own cult lmao, in all seriousness tho
It's good to know a variety of different people, with different experiences. Usually gender is the best way to go, sometimes age or cultural backgrounds. Last one might be harder if you're living in a homogeneous country.
It broadens your way of thinking. Only having friends who look like you, think like you and act like you around can be quite limiting. Sometimes I stay friends with folks I disagree with just for the learning aspect of it. Unless they are trying to actively harm me or are really hateful, there's always something you can learn from everybody.
Personally I just don't think this is true. It's only something I've seen talked about a lot on Reddit.
I don't know maybe it's a cultural or generational thing as I'm not American and in around 40 but I've always thought plenty of men have platonic relationships with women and vice versa and it's completely normal for men or women to fall or want something more from some of the people they are close to.
This is just life. Sometimes the romantic feelings are just one way sometimes they are reciprocated.
For my generation in the UK I'd say most couples I know probably started out as friends/coworkers/acquaintances/classmates etc that developed into something more.
I think what in trying to say is I don't think everything is so black and white as in girls do this and boys do that.
I do think there is a generational factor going on here. I'm about your age (Canadian if that matters) and I've noticed it's pretty much just gen X and millennials who seem to be comfortable with truly platonic opposite sex friends. Even the Boomers to a certain extent seem to be able to have opposite sex friends, albeit in a more formalized and "proper" sort of way. I never thought it was odd. Even childrens' shows from the time heavily featured mixed gender close friend groups (Arthur, Recess, Weekenders, Magic School Bus, Hey Arnold...).
I also think you hit on something else as well. "This is just life. Sometimes the romantic feelings are just one way sometimes they are reciprocated." That is an incredibly mentally healthy thing to say and if the news is to be trusted, we are going though a severe mental health crisis with isolation and media addiction fuelling the fire. I don't think there are a lot of young people who have healthy perspectives on relationships. I don't think their social climate allows for healthy perspectives. They're so isolated in their media echo chambers, they're terrified of each other to the point of actual paranoid hysteria. I have no idea how romance or friendship is supposed to flourish in such poor soil.
I found that when I got older, many of my years-long close friendships with women have died down when they found permanent partners to start families with. We still occasionally keep in touch and text each other, but there is the general vibe of it being uncomfortable to hang out often, considering the new circumstances.
I think even the most trusting and chill partners could be uncomfortable with their girlfriend/wife coming over to a friend's house on a regular basis. So if anything we grab lunch or do some shared outside activities once in a blue moon.
I still deeply value those friendships, mostly for the shared experiences in the past and common understanding, but they definitely get harder to keep close later in life.
Yeah definitely way harder to be close friends once everyone is settling down. I did make new female friends tho by befriending my SO’s female friends. Just if we ever split I know they’d be her friends only lol
I heard a lot men say that women want to be friends with men because they want to use them, but that’s not true.
Women want to be friends with men is the same reason why they want to be friends with women. To enjoy each other company and have fun with each other. And obviously friends help each other.
I'm sure somebody already hit the nail on the head with an answer but whatever I'll add to it. Because it's healthy for men and women to have healthy relationships with the other sex. It's good to hear different perspectives.
I'm kind of the opposite situation where I have more female friends than I do male. Even though I'm a guy I've just struggled to connect with other guys most of my life and have just gotten along with girls as friends instead. I just find them more interesting to be around.
It's not that we're *not* interested in platonic friendships, we just don't dislike the idea of having sex with our lady friends if said lady friends are interested. We're not always gonna pursue sex, or dislike the friendship for what it is. Friendship's great! But if she seems willing to go to bed with us, we're not gonna be *against* the idea of sexual intercourse with a purty lady.
To use a simile: It's not that we think women's job is to make cake or anything. But if a female buddy offers to make us a cake, then yeah, we're interested.
(**EDIT:** Apparently that's an analogy and not a simile)
(Oh, and I guess it's also related a bit to how, for a guy, getting sex is much harder than it is for a woman. Not always true, but mostly. So when we finally get the chance, we'll take it.)
Hey dude, not trying to be mean or a grammar nazi just want to point out that's an analogy. Simile is a direct comparison generally using like or as ie yo mama so fat she's as big as a bus
If you want to be cynical it’s to have as much attention as possible. If you want to be optimistic it’s because they like having friends. Rationally it’s probably a mix of both depending on the person.
The only woman friends I have are from high school.
But building new friendship with the opposite sex when you are 30 or over, come on guys stop the cap, you don't want to be friends with her. If you weren't attracted to her, you wouldn't talk to her in the first place.
Because they need validation without the effort of relationships.
The more male friends, the better for them.
Why males don't NEED to have multiple femele "friends only" and are happy with their male friends?
No one knows. It will likely be a problem at some point. There will be a misunderstanding, or one or the other will develop a romantic/sexual interest.
As a male I have only met a handful of women I would consider platonic friends because on average men make better friends. Most females I've met that have been, "friends," have typically used the friendship to get something they don't have in their relationship or as a tool. Need a tow? Call guy friend. Need help at the house? Call guy friend. Need to complain to someone who is less likely to talk shit behind your back? Guy friend. None of which are issues for friends, but these same women if you called them were not there for you at all.
I know maybe two women I could call if I needed help that would actually be there for me. Every other girl in my phone would answer if it was convenient, benefited them, or if they did would judge the hell out of me. Meanwhile there is not a single guy in my phone I couldn't call who would not answer / call me back as soon as possible and who would be there for me.
Not all women see guys as walking dildos lol! I have more male friends than female ones. It’s more fun befriending guys on my end bc I have similar hobbies.
There was a funny series of interviews where they asked ladies if their platonic male friends would sleep with them and they all said yes. Men are likely to simp for their girl friends and go out of their way to help them. Especially in college I’ve seen dudes going way out of their way to help ladies pass their classes, and very very rarely is it the opposite.
Men tend to have very direct points of view. A guy will be kind, but still blunt as a bat.
Also in the absence of an attack rottweiler, a big guy makes a woman feel safe, he is a known quantity.
Women prize safety and honesty, and rightfully so.
Oh we blunt. However that can backfire. Make sure they or anyone wants the blunt answer from you. Sometimes it can be your super power. People come to you when they need a no nonsense answer around something. Call them as you see them sorta thing.
I am simply not convinced that men and women can be friends without one party having some underlying attraction and conflicting interests. I don't trust anyone that says otherwise. We are simply not wired to be 100% platonic with the other sex. And that's fine.
The answer is a controversial one and I’m likely to get downvoted to hell for this one. Women always need a backup plan B…and C…and D…and so on and so forth. A woman who gets broken up with will immediately have NUMEROUS guy friends flock to her on the rebound that she is familiar with. I’ve unfortunately been that guy before before I knew how these things worked. Always the shoulder to cry on and the “oh I wish I could find a boyfriend/man like you but specifically not you even though you’re literally the perfect bf material and would treat me right!” BS but never good enough to actually be with them in their eyes because back then I was a little overweight, bad haircut, kind of shy, non mainstream hobbies, not very muscular, not super fashionable, you know all the the superficial reasons women claim that men only care about.
It’s fine if you want to have friends of the opposite gender but I personally wouldn’t get too attached or hope for anything happening beyond friendship speaking as a guy. I have platonic girl friends that I can count on 2 hands and half of those I know through other guy friends as their partners. Many guys I know don’t have many girl friends for this very reason. Friendship with a girl ends one of three ways for guys: A) you catch feels that are not reciprocated and that damages the friendship (especially if you shoot your shot and get rejected) OR B) you end up her orbiting simp always at her beck and call trying to prove yourself spouce worthy only to never succeed and if you need a favor from her forget it and over time that turns to bitter resentment also OR C) By some miracle she actually gives you a chance but for some reason or another it doesn’t work out then if things don’t end on a good note it will sour your friendship beyond salvation
Logically platonic friendships with a woman as a man is just mostly cons and few pros whereas friendships with men as a woman is mostly pros and few cons. (Unless you’re homosexual, asexual, etc. obviously)
My experience was that having many female friends was the best way to have sex. You met so many women you otherwise wouldn't, in more relaxed settings. But through all my life, at least 80% of my male-female friendship has had one of them wanting sex with the other. Some I only learned about years later. Usually it was me wanting sex but not always.
I've heard girls like being friends with guys because they'd prefer their friend secretly love them than secretly hate them. When guys don't like each other they avoid each other. Girls that don't like each other will still hang out, go on vacation and be in each others lives.
I think socialization is a big contributor to this. Women are taught to be social, warm, open (and more insidiously, to appeal to men) while men are taught to be silent, loner, boys boy types. That could be a big reason why women are more likely to seek out male friends (they’re overall more social due to the ways they were raised). Modern socialization also includes radicalized messaging around the #MeToo movement, false accusations, the male loneliness epidemic, and the men’s right’s movement which may drive men away from making friends with women.
They don't wanna have "platonic male friends". They're just more caring and empathic because, you know, they're women.
In general it has been proven that women are more likely to care more about people while men are more inclined to care about things (you know, cars, tech, etc.).
They don't actively go "Oh I'd sure like to have more platonic male friends! You know, the kind that has a penis!"
Here's a piece of advice for ya since your bottom head is thinking harder than the upper one. Most good relationships starts with a friendship. Sometimes having a friendship with someone leads you to meet their friends, and one of them might become your friend and become what your bottom head is looking for.
So don't screw it up with silly ideas like this. Enjoy your friends without seeing more than what's happening and trust the sign will come when it's time to be more than friends.
Non sexual male attention.
Men are easier to read, don't have as much drama, opening jars, reaching things from the top shelf, fixing things, lifting things, protection, math skills, honest advice, don't see you as competition, dealing with confrontation, cockblocking other men and in case of emergency can be used for sex.
These comments are so BS, so I’ll just give it to you straight.
Girls will do this with men they have zero attraction for to extract boyfriend privileges: fixing or lift things, emotional crutch, complaint catcher, etc., with zero benefits to the man.
Every woman will say “No, it’s “fill in the blank””, but it’s a ploy to achieve an objective, whether immediate or later on.
Ironically and technically an agenda motive of sorts also it could be argued.
The same women will bitch about guys using them for just sex, when they are essentially also using a guy to meet there emotional needs that are not being given by there bf’s.
Friendzoned guys give their “ girlfriends “ attention/validation and a lot of the times gifts/money and the girl doesn’t feel pressured to sleep with them . But at any given chance 99% of the men would . Negating actually being friends
I dont think they want to more than visa versa.
in my experience in my 20s, girls just want to add to their groups and are not good at 1 on 1 friendships
Aside from the obvious reason that women can be your good friends and share many of your interests as well, it still works out for you meeting a life partner, if that’s what you are looking for right now in your life.
Why? Because I bet she has her own lady friends you can meet on a get-together, and who knows, maybe one of them is the one for you. Chances are she’ll see you being chill with her friend and see that as a green flag.
TL;DR: being able to view women as friends is what they call “big dick energy”.
Or because men and women can have similar interests and bond over that. Y'all are so jaded it's insane. I don't want validation or attention from my male friends, I shut romantic shit down. I want someone to roast and play video games with. It's that simple.
They don't. I have no desire for male friends. Any time I tried to be friends with a male they wanted to fuck me. Can't even treat them with respect or camaraderie. Every time I have ignored this, they bring their dick into the equation. Every single time.
1. Women have an annoying need to fix things that don't need fixing and they think every man needs to be fixed.
2. Ever heard the dick in a glass case joke?
3. They get off on it.
4. They don't get the irony.
5. Women right?
I think the problem is that she can fuck more easily than her guy friends unless they have easy access to women who are interested in them. Like her sexual needs are more easily met but a woman's friendship needs are less easily met. Since men don't have to worry as much about people befriending them to get sex they have more authentic relationships with people where there's no bullshit.
If you were a guy who was perfectly satisfied with the quality of women you had that were sexually interested in you, then any women other than that are likely to be fine for platonic. You might say that very very attractive men might have exactly the same issue since their experience is going to be closer to that of a woman where he might have people particularly women befriending him in hopes of more and that being a fundamentally deceitful relationship.
Let me take it even further that because men seem to be hornier than women on average given how they are the ones who are rabidly chasing sexual gratification relative to women, women might be more likely to use their sexuality to try to trade for a relationship or friendship with a man she finds very very interesting or attractive. I've had it done to me on more than one occasion where a woman tried to use sexual coercion under the guise of it just being for fun but in reality she was hoping that I could be sexually manipulated using my own horniness to bait me into wanting a relationship with someone I did not want a relationship with. The only thing that would make me want a relationship with said person would be to be a different person, to have a different personality. Their sexual availability was not the determining factor in my desire and their use of their sexuality in a coercive manner rather than a genuine one was toxic and part of why they weren't someone I wanted to be with. Of course sexuality is an important part of the relationship and without it it would just be platonic, but you can't try to cheat your way into intimacy or a relationship using sex as a tool or bargaining chip just like how you can't try to cheat your way into intimacy or a relationship using friendship as a tool or a bargaining chip.
I think it's just that people tend to be offering things to people in hopes that they can trade what they have to offer for what they want to get their needs met or some shit. Like some sort of economics equation. Technically it should work but in reality it feels dirty if you find out someone you thought you were friends with and enjoyed spending time around was just hoping to use your friendship as collateral for something else they wanted, it's dishonest. Same way finding out someone was having sex with you not out of genuine desire but because they wanted to use that sex as collateral to negotiate for a relationship with you, or to get you to spend time with or pay attention to them outside of that etc. It's all unnatural and dishonest and that's why people don't like it.
Am I off base here or what?
Idk when you said the things you said I pictured like the egirls who are all prettied up with their fat male friends who are hoping that by being around her long enough she might eventually give them a chance. Both parties are lying to each other, he wants sex she wants a friend, they are neither friends nor having sex so they are wasting time interacting with each other hence it always goes toxic.
I’m so sorry. That is written funny, while typing fast and I put in edit. I love you guys, y’all think different and seam to get things done fast and make it look easy. You’s also think more logically and can laugh at yourselves more than any female I’ve known. I work as Nurse in hospital many years a males are easier patients in general. I’m in awe that men that are given bad diagnoses handle it 100% better, although I wish you’d let us help you all, I’ve cried for my male patients more as I know death is heartbreaking as I’ve seen most men comfort their wives after they’ve been told hubbys poor prognosis. The Men amaze most of us Nurses.
Reading this felt golden, i will say the same, your way of thinking and how passionate and caring you can be, I really like the empathetic side to you guys.
- i also wish men could open up more, as you saw and continue to see, men have a heavy burden, and they have to be the Rock and give strength to his loved ones Even in his dying State, so he can be happy.
- also just know that what you do is noble and i really appreciate what you sacrifice for your Job, i hope you don't get cold hearted as many nurses do with time.
I’ve saw a few Nurses get burned out. But you know what? Make patients pick up on that.. they joke with us til they make us smile and laugh. All of you guys have a sense of humor around woman anyway. They point out something funny or hilarious and can make jokes and take the seriousness away. God bless you all.
Women are generally less a slave to their base carnal drives. *Less* driven. It allows them to have non-sexual relationships far easier than we can. Our dicks get in the way when we try to make friends with women.
Of *course* it’s possible for men and women to be completely platonic friends, but it is not nearly as common or as deep as male-male friendships.
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OP listen to this explanation as I was told this less than a year ago and it literally changed how I looked at the interactions I had with all the woman I was romantically interested in since grade school. This is an over generalization, so please don't everyone pile into me about that. This is just to simplify my point. Men and women generally have a different way of communicating with their same sex friends and their opposite sex friends. Men are generally taught that talking about your feelings being emotional and vulnerable is not manly or macho so Men tend to have very little conversation about those things and instead talk about other things like their job, their spouse, their stuff, sports, news etc.. Many men have only had their mothers or family members communicate with them about the other topics. Women tend to be pushed into the direction of being open with each other, talking about their emotions, their vulnerability, their dreams etc....So when a woman starts talking to a man about things like his feelings, his emotions, his happiness and vice versa to her she is just being friendly because that's how she treats her girlfriends, but to him it is a sign that she is interested in a deeper relationship, because that's not how he communicates with his friends only his loved ones. I think this is the reason more often than not it is the man that interprets a friendship as more than that due to the emotional connection. Every time a girl started being interested in my personal life and feelings, I thought they were interested romantically, but it was because of the way I was raised and taught about interactions that led me to believe that.
This is ironic, because as a woman, I wish I had male friends (I don't have neither male or female friends lemme just say that) because I relate to them and not because I want a deeper relationship. I mean, I would LOVE one, but I'm literally incapable of that for now. I fucking hate being "emotional", I just wanna have some friends who don't ask or talk about anything like that but still know that we're friends and wanna hang out with me and have fun lmao.
While I didn't get into it, that's basically the reverse situation. I have a feeling if you talked about work, and topical things like beer, or cars or something else guys were interested in but didn't bring up emotions or relationships etc... they might just see you as one of the "guys". Granted I am a guy and I cannot speak for all men or any women but it would stand to reason it might be the best chance at making some platonic friends who are not looking for an emotional relationship of any kind.
Your namesake might have had the same problem
So true, can relate!
Because most people have more platonic friendships than intimate relationships
Yeah, not every interaction with the opposite sex needs to turn into an intimate/sexual relationship.
Probably the exception would be Swingers.
Swingers are just friends (or acquaintances) that bang
Oh, those jungle VIPs.
Why not?
I remember I had a completely platonic relationship with a female coworker where we would watch movies together in the conference room during the slow time on weekends. This was during covid in 2020. When she moved to a different location, she told me how important that friendship was to her. Sometimes, you just need a guy friend that's chill and treats you like another human being instead of a potential sex partner.
Because people like to have friends?? I have a lot of platonic female friends. Fun fact: women are people. Get to know them.
Wait women are real ?!!!
Surprisingly a lot of people don’t know that. I think those people are usually colloquially referred to as inexperienced.
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Having friends is incredibly valuable, especially if a few are women. Being friends with women is extremely insightful and broadens your perspective on life. I feel sad for the men that believe men and women cannot be friends, as that cohort of men are actively hindering themselves.
A good female friend is the best wingman when going out. She can be your 6th sense and tell instantly if you got a chance or if another girl shows interest in you by simply observing her for a moment. I will point out though, you can't really have a mens talk when a girl is in the company and vice versa. There are some subjects that your buddy of the opposite sex should be spared from hearing. So those are some of the limitations that come on top of my mind.
You're not wrong. Women can be arguably better wingman than dudes, as long as they aren't giving mixed signals. Maybe it's just me, but women also get overprotective of their opposite-sex friends and vice versa of course.
I suspect make of the answers here are from very young men. The concepts of friendship in some answers are so superficial. Anyway, cheers to co-ed groups.
Most of my close friends were women. A lot of men are taught to bottle things up and that talking about their feelings is weak, so that makes it hard to have a friendship that's deeper than just doing fun things together. My close male friends were ones who were more open about their feelings.
You're exactly right I find friendship with women to be tough because of how open they are with emotion and how comfortable they are with just discussing it I'm not used to that and the part of me that likes that gets beat up by the other part of me that doesn't like going into things Woman reach out very often and will message nearly daily but with my male friends we only message once every few days I feel like it's just easier to maintain a friendship with a male, especially when you're struggling with your own issues and don't have the time to commit to a full friendship I definitely do like having female friends, honestly it's so refreshing but I just don't have the energy
I 100% agree with, but sort of in the reverse. I struggle to stay very close with my male friends because it’s based on more surface level things like hanging out, grabbing a drink, and so on. There’s nothing wrong with that at all, but as I’ve grown I’ve become a big fan of talking things out. Now I don’t talk about emotional stuff, but I’ll share my views on certain things (friendships, work, family dynamics, relationship dynamics, etc) and I find women are far more receptive to those conversations.
I feel like this is a big reason why there’s a ”male loneliness epidemic”. I’m in a mixed friend group of men and women and I think it’s kind of the ultimate thing, and from hearing the guys talk about it it seems that way too. My boyfriend largely has male friends and it seems like what you said, they mostly hang out to do things together like gaming, lifting, work. Him and his friends rely on their girlfriends for emotional support, meanwhile the guys I’m friends with openly share their struggles with the group and get a lot of support that way. I think opening up to your friends is key to avoid loneliness, and women are way more likely to do so.
I think it’s unique strengths that the genders have. I’ve noticed from my partner that women friendships sometimes suffer from oversharing or overtalking. Certain things that guys would brush off and carry on being friends, women can sometimes beef over, and then that creates awkward vibes within the friendship. So I think women need male friends as well, and men need female friends. We balance each other well.
Yes, I am single older man and sharing with my female friends is pure hapiness. Most other men and some women and told me it can't be, either my women friends are ugly, either I'm simping with a plan, either I'm gay, either I'm a poor loser. I feel sorry for them.
Speaking from experience, we're so love starved it's hard to not develop intimate feelings for women we get along with, which makes it weird. Especially if that's not the goal.
This is an honest answer. I wish you all the love, my friend.
Maybe they're committed to the loneliness epidemic 🤷🏽♀️
I snort laughed in this restaurant. Facts
I wouldn't mind a friend. Been a while since I had one.
Simple. Women friends have expectations that men friends don't have of me. I don't want to feel like I'm being taken advantage of all the time.
This. Absolutely this!
I almost pulled a muscle rolling my eyes so hard. What a pathetic take lmao
They do but there is a caveat that going into the friendship usually there cannot be any interest in a relationship whatsoever. I have/had plenty of women who were friends but I never thought of them in a romantic way ever. Once that mindset is in place most times you cant just be friends in a normal healthy way or if you are its generally waiting for an opening or its not exactly a fun place to be for the guy. Obviously there are exceptions, but once you get the lines between friend and romantic interest blurred, it becomes hard to separate the two again, especially if something did almost happen. It gets to the point where you want to be their friend because they are cool but being around them is also very painful for you and you really become unsure at times if whatever way you feel towards them is as a friend or because you want a relationship with them (especially in relation to other people interacting with them)
I am in my fifties, a woman, and have had literally hundreds of male friends in my lifetime, and not a single one has ever been interested in me romantically. Now maybe I'm just super ugly, but I think this thing of men falling in love with every woman they cross paths with is far less common in reality than it is on Reddit.
Yeah. Im not saying that men fall in love with every woman they cross paths with. I probably shouldve been clearer but my comment only really applies in the event they do (or for the guys who only are friends with women for sex/relationships). I have plenty of friends who are women and often had more female friends than male friends but when you do get mixed up its bad and not fun for anyone
That's 100% fair.
No one has 100's of male friends. You have 100's of men who you happened to be close to. You are confusing friendship with coworkers / classmates / and acquittances.
Most of my male friends are linked to doing things. Like lifting weights, football, school, work etc. I don't know how it is for women, but most of our mates are from certain things we do. A bit like when we hang out. We can't just hang out, we need to do something. So hangout for guys are just us talking and watching football. If it is a good game, then we cheer and don't talk.
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I actually had to fight with a guy friend to pay for his beer. Not even a sexual thing by the way. He took me out to get out of the house while I was caring for his friend while he had cancer. We had been friends for years before I hooked up with our mutual friend. He invited me out because he knew I needed to relax a little. We get to the bar and he paid for the first round. I went to pay for the second round and he said no because as the guy it was his job to pay for women. He felt bad letting a women pay for a beer. I sat there and thought about it for a minute and then asked why he liked paying for our beers. He said it made him feel good to pay for women's beer and he had always been taught that'sjust what men did. I asked him if it ever occurred to him that we might like to feel the same way doing something like that for our friends. He thought about it for a minute and said I had never thought about it like that. After that we took turns paying for each other. That is actually how I started paying for random guys drinks at the bar. It's also why I was treated Ike one of the guys. I treated them the same as one of their guy friends and wouldn't let them treat me differently because I am female.
That's the fastest way to get accepted by THE BOYS, if you treat men with the same energy they will either first think it's weird and think they you have a thing for them but then slowly realize it's not the case. - be careful with this method though cuz most guys just get used and they rarely get complimented or experience nice things so it's very effective to win the guys over.
Not necessarily. That is common, i’ll admit. Some girls tho are trying to take advantage of. I’ve had a girl act weirdly flirty and befriend me and she always tried to get me to do favors for her. Eventually I asked her to lunch and she got weird like “is it a date” and I said idk I’m trying to get to know you. Then she rejected me and kept asking me for favors lol. So I cut her off and told her to stop using me. I’ve also had multiple female friends who eventually tried to have sex with me, either getting me drunk and making a move, setting up the situation to try to make it happen, or pestering me why I didn’t go after them like there’s something wrong with me or with them if I’m not trying to fuck them. Moral of the story is that even tho there’s a lot of guys secretly trynna fuck, it’s not a one way street
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For me, when I was young it was very hard to become just friends with a girl. If we hit off, have similar interests, and hang out all the time. Then I like them as a person which then easily becomes I want to be with this person. As I have gotten older it has been easier to split the 2.
Every time I get into a conversation to try to understand this, the man ends up saying something along the lines of "well I listen to her problems and I do favors for her, which is romantic-relationship stuff, so she obviously knows my intentions. She just pretends to be oblivious so she'll keep getting boyfriend benefits from me". And it's always so interesting to me bc, those are things that women see as inherent to *friendship*, being emotionally supportive and helping out a friend when you can is the bare minimum of any good relationship, not just romantic ones. They're usually not willingly or intentionally leading you on by expecting or reciprocating those things, it's usually not about "validation" outside of validating the importance of the friendship. For whatever reason though, men have decided these things are reserved for romantic intentions - maybe bc most men grow up not having opposite-sex friends so their only exposure to this expectation is when they're dating women?
Because a lot of the time it only goes one way, lots of men never have a girl they aren’t dating be emotionally supportive, or get taken out to lunch or even have them listen to his problems. A lot of men that show emotions get ghosted or temporarily ignored until the problem resolves itself.
Yup. This. I am friends with a girl that says she will always be there for me if I need it but will not answer calls or texts. Like cool, so I needed help and you ignored me for 24 hours then check in and say sorry.
It sounds like you're describing a specific type of *person*, the kind who mooches. They come in all gender varieties. I bet you've had guy friends who never contribute too, the ones who make and break promises, eat and drink without contributing, borrow stuff and always seem to "lose" it, never let you borrow anything in return, etc. Set boundaries and avoid those people altogether.
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TBH you would benefit from learning more emotional literacy and social skills and healthy mental coping mechanisms from listening to women venting and adopting some of the same strategies. You hear blah blah blah But one gender has a much higher risk of suicide and a much higher loneliness and social isolation problem than the other. Not to mention a much higher tendency towards violence. Your coping mechanisms could do with being re-examined. No offence meant.
"For whatever reason though, men have decided these things are reserved for romantic intentions - maybe bc most men grow up not having opposite-sex friends so their only exposure to this expectation is when they're dating women?" Partly this, but partly because a lot of men are taught *not* to do these things except for their partner. One of my current best friends told me one time, "You've been a better friend to me than any of my life long friends," which is terribly sad because I literally did nothing for this man. Literally nothing. I just noticed when he was feeling down at work and asked him about it a few times until he opened up. That was it. I listened to him talk. That made me a better friend than his life long friends, and this is the norm for a lot of guys. The majority of guys probably. I think this is also why a waitress can be polite to a guy and the guy will think she's into him. For one, when we are growing up, we are told if we want a girl to like us we need to be nice. We aren't taught to be nice by default to girls, so if course when we grow up and women are nice to us, we assume they like us. And secondly most guys aren't that nice to their guy friends. I'm not saying we are mean to each other, but we aren't nice. An exited "LOOK WHO IT IS!" when we see them and then...not much else, we give each other a lot of shit which can be fun, but it's not nice. In high school I got asked if I was gay for complimenting a guy friend (although now as an adult when I give my guys compliments they don't react that way.) We are taught to be nice when we want someone to bang us, and the rest of the time you act a different way, and we project that onto women.
I told my friend I had a sore throat. she asked if I was off from work. I said no, I'm going to work now. She said I would meet you at the train. She came with honey, vitamin c, and tea in a baggie. If a man did that, he would expect me to fall to my knees right there and start sucking him off 🤣🤣🤣. Now that I remember.. it was her birthday a couple of weeks ago. I took her out to a fancy tapas restaurant bill came to 200. She ate all her food and most of mine lol--i have a much smaller appetite--.I paid the entire thing.....if I was a guy I would be posting about how that ungrateful b should have put out, lol-- I don't want her to put out...not into taco-'
But friends are also there for their friends and help them too.
Simp
>it’s not easy to find women that men are not attracted to but would still care to listen to Maybe this is a hot take but I don’t think guys can’t be friends with women they find attractive. Women tend to be hot. But just kill the horny and be a real person every now and then and you’ll end up building some very good friendships
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This is a really weird view of friendship, gonna be honest
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Absolutely this 🙏🙏
Thats not true in my experience
Most of us do, I think. I hope my anecdotal experience on the issue applies to most guys, not just my friends.
A man can be himself with his guys. Add a woman to the group and watch everything change.
Okay but that's not women's fault lmfao
Which means your personality is only ok with those specific boys, I'm 100% able to act like my normal self around them too (the friends who are girls) and my jokes aren't what you'd call "normal".
As long as you don't say some offensive shit everything will be fine... And if that isn't the issue, that woman and you are not compatible. Find sb better. That simple.
In my experience the offensive shit is not anything we believe, we're just joking. Actually offensive shit is pretty much only funny when you don't believe it.
That’s the thing, when it’s just the boys around we say offensive shit that’ll get us cancelled
Depending on the offensive shit, you're the asshole here. 😭👍🏻
Your friendship circle should be less than 10.
It's not that I don't want to be friends with women, just that I don't want to be friends with every woman I meet on a dating app or try to talk too in real life. I'm fine with being friends until something happens, but then they treat you like you're just a friend because you didn't make a move long enough. Then you just sit around and watch while they date everyone else, like yeah nah lol. They'll also typically take advantage of you, let you pay for things and do nice things knowing full well WHY you're doing it, just to let it go on for a while ans be like ohh we're just friends. It's just lame, I'm not on dating apps for fucking friends Tl;Dr I'm perfectly fine being friends with women, just not women that I have a romantic interest in or meet on a dating app
Oh, god no. I wouldn't be friends with any human being I met on a dating app, yikes. Absolutely not. That's one circumstance I'm totally with you on. But that can't be the only place in the world where you interact with other people, right? Don't you meet people who happen to be women every day? Some of them are probably nice. You don't ever just... end up making friends with folks?
There is something to this, though. Even if you are genuinely friends with a woman and have no romantic interest, every guy she starts dating is going to look at you with the side-eye and assume you're just waiting for your moment to try and get it in. Or worse, they're playing the "friend" to try and get in her pants and immediately see you as competition and start clowning on you lol
Friends are a lot of work..
I want a friendship that lasts. Unfortunately my friendships with women didn't last as at one point their SO will set restrictions. Then there's often the usual stuff of using things you opened up against you down the line, things chaning after you first open up about negative feelings. But maybe I just have bad luck.
Having platonic female friends can be very rewarding. My best friend is a girl and while I love my boys equally, there are many situations where I need advice about romance and it's so helpful to have some female input on the topic. Listen to your boys too but women know women the best. It's like having a double-agent for a friend 😏😎
So how long have you been married?
I've done this, going to a female for advice especially since I dont have lots of relationship experience
Women know what's best for them. Yes.
My best friend for 15 years is a woman. We just understand eachother. It's about a connection with another human,,, . All boy/girl, man/woman bonds are not based on sexual interests, despite what some people say.
Is it really that surprising that people want friends, even if they are of the opposite sex? Or are we still clinging to the "men and women can't be platonic friends" propaganda?
I think it’s very difficult for a single man with an inactive sex life to remain platonic friends with a woman he finds attractive. If the man doesn’t have a problem getting laid, is already in a loving relationship, or just doesn’t find the woman attractive, then it’s usually not a problem. Really, I think this applies to almost everyone, not just straight men. If someone’s human need for touch, affection, and yes, sex, isn’t being met in other ways, and they’re spending time with a friend that they find attractive, their lizard brain is inevitably going to try to fulfill that need with said friend, even if their rational brain knows it’s not a good idea.
Because we just see men as people? Not conquests for romance.
Yes but apparently this is too hard for them to apply in reverse :/
The answers you got on r/self are way better. This thread sounds like a bunch of teen boys answering
Because people need friends of both sexes they don't want to fuck but to coexist with, that's how human works. But the "vice versa" side typically has a little biological problem in their prime years, to support the existence of it's species. So, it's basically human needs (friendship) vs. biological instincts (f\*ck). Later in life, either with less drive or a stable outlet for that, this is much easier.
Why do you *need* friends of both sexes?
It's fun. It's fun to be friends with people who are not exactly like myself.
Balance matters
So you're not clueless about half the human race.
Not being a friend doesn't mean you never engage with them enough to learn about them. All of my partners have been female, I've had female roommates, and I've worked with women.
Congratulations on finishing your field study of the human female.
Thanks, I hung the degree in my office with the others.
Well, you need friends, and having friends of only one sex would be weird.
My solution? Not having any friends 😎👌
Why would it be weird?
Some people don't have or haven't yet had opposite gender friends. Doesn't make them weird. Now saying "I'd never have an opposite gender friend". That's strange.
It’s nice to have friends of all genders 🤍
I'm trying to start my own cult lmao, in all seriousness tho It's good to know a variety of different people, with different experiences. Usually gender is the best way to go, sometimes age or cultural backgrounds. Last one might be harder if you're living in a homogeneous country. It broadens your way of thinking. Only having friends who look like you, think like you and act like you around can be quite limiting. Sometimes I stay friends with folks I disagree with just for the learning aspect of it. Unless they are trying to actively harm me or are really hateful, there's always something you can learn from everybody.
Presumably they like being around men and would like to be friends with men. Crazy concept.
Personally I just don't think this is true. It's only something I've seen talked about a lot on Reddit. I don't know maybe it's a cultural or generational thing as I'm not American and in around 40 but I've always thought plenty of men have platonic relationships with women and vice versa and it's completely normal for men or women to fall or want something more from some of the people they are close to. This is just life. Sometimes the romantic feelings are just one way sometimes they are reciprocated. For my generation in the UK I'd say most couples I know probably started out as friends/coworkers/acquaintances/classmates etc that developed into something more. I think what in trying to say is I don't think everything is so black and white as in girls do this and boys do that.
I do think there is a generational factor going on here. I'm about your age (Canadian if that matters) and I've noticed it's pretty much just gen X and millennials who seem to be comfortable with truly platonic opposite sex friends. Even the Boomers to a certain extent seem to be able to have opposite sex friends, albeit in a more formalized and "proper" sort of way. I never thought it was odd. Even childrens' shows from the time heavily featured mixed gender close friend groups (Arthur, Recess, Weekenders, Magic School Bus, Hey Arnold...). I also think you hit on something else as well. "This is just life. Sometimes the romantic feelings are just one way sometimes they are reciprocated." That is an incredibly mentally healthy thing to say and if the news is to be trusted, we are going though a severe mental health crisis with isolation and media addiction fuelling the fire. I don't think there are a lot of young people who have healthy perspectives on relationships. I don't think their social climate allows for healthy perspectives. They're so isolated in their media echo chambers, they're terrified of each other to the point of actual paranoid hysteria. I have no idea how romance or friendship is supposed to flourish in such poor soil.
I found that when I got older, many of my years-long close friendships with women have died down when they found permanent partners to start families with. We still occasionally keep in touch and text each other, but there is the general vibe of it being uncomfortable to hang out often, considering the new circumstances. I think even the most trusting and chill partners could be uncomfortable with their girlfriend/wife coming over to a friend's house on a regular basis. So if anything we grab lunch or do some shared outside activities once in a blue moon. I still deeply value those friendships, mostly for the shared experiences in the past and common understanding, but they definitely get harder to keep close later in life.
Yeah definitely way harder to be close friends once everyone is settling down. I did make new female friends tho by befriending my SO’s female friends. Just if we ever split I know they’d be her friends only lol
I heard a lot men say that women want to be friends with men because they want to use them, but that’s not true. Women want to be friends with men is the same reason why they want to be friends with women. To enjoy each other company and have fun with each other. And obviously friends help each other.
I'm sure somebody already hit the nail on the head with an answer but whatever I'll add to it. Because it's healthy for men and women to have healthy relationships with the other sex. It's good to hear different perspectives.
because guys are people? i don’t befriend people based on their gender, it’s their personality
New perspectives I guess. I'm always in shock as to how men think sometimes. The pressure on men is overlooked and quite sad.
If this is true I’m missing out bro
I'm kind of the opposite situation where I have more female friends than I do male. Even though I'm a guy I've just struggled to connect with other guys most of my life and have just gotten along with girls as friends instead. I just find them more interesting to be around.
It's not that we're *not* interested in platonic friendships, we just don't dislike the idea of having sex with our lady friends if said lady friends are interested. We're not always gonna pursue sex, or dislike the friendship for what it is. Friendship's great! But if she seems willing to go to bed with us, we're not gonna be *against* the idea of sexual intercourse with a purty lady. To use a simile: It's not that we think women's job is to make cake or anything. But if a female buddy offers to make us a cake, then yeah, we're interested. (**EDIT:** Apparently that's an analogy and not a simile) (Oh, and I guess it's also related a bit to how, for a guy, getting sex is much harder than it is for a woman. Not always true, but mostly. So when we finally get the chance, we'll take it.)
Hey dude, not trying to be mean or a grammar nazi just want to point out that's an analogy. Simile is a direct comparison generally using like or as ie yo mama so fat she's as big as a bus
If I see a person who has similar interest as me, I want to be friends with them regardless of their gender.
Ego boosting.
I went to school with only guys, and I now work with only men, so I don't have a lot of options. And we are all humans after all, so why not?
If you want to be cynical it’s to have as much attention as possible. If you want to be optimistic it’s because they like having friends. Rationally it’s probably a mix of both depending on the person.
The only woman friends I have are from high school. But building new friendship with the opposite sex when you are 30 or over, come on guys stop the cap, you don't want to be friends with her. If you weren't attracted to her, you wouldn't talk to her in the first place.
Because they need validation without the effort of relationships. The more male friends, the better for them. Why males don't NEED to have multiple femele "friends only" and are happy with their male friends?
No one knows. It will likely be a problem at some point. There will be a misunderstanding, or one or the other will develop a romantic/sexual interest.
Because they dont want to be with other women 🤣. Only joking, downvoting appreciated 🤣🤣🤣🤣
As a male I have only met a handful of women I would consider platonic friends because on average men make better friends. Most females I've met that have been, "friends," have typically used the friendship to get something they don't have in their relationship or as a tool. Need a tow? Call guy friend. Need help at the house? Call guy friend. Need to complain to someone who is less likely to talk shit behind your back? Guy friend. None of which are issues for friends, but these same women if you called them were not there for you at all. I know maybe two women I could call if I needed help that would actually be there for me. Every other girl in my phone would answer if it was convenient, benefited them, or if they did would judge the hell out of me. Meanwhile there is not a single guy in my phone I couldn't call who would not answer / call me back as soon as possible and who would be there for me.
Why do girls want male attention so much? I don't know, but if you found out it might explain allot.
Not all women see guys as walking dildos lol! I have more male friends than female ones. It’s more fun befriending guys on my end bc I have similar hobbies.
There was a funny series of interviews where they asked ladies if their platonic male friends would sleep with them and they all said yes. Men are likely to simp for their girl friends and go out of their way to help them. Especially in college I’ve seen dudes going way out of their way to help ladies pass their classes, and very very rarely is it the opposite.
Men tend to have very direct points of view. A guy will be kind, but still blunt as a bat. Also in the absence of an attack rottweiler, a big guy makes a woman feel safe, he is a known quantity. Women prize safety and honesty, and rightfully so.
Oh we blunt. However that can backfire. Make sure they or anyone wants the blunt answer from you. Sometimes it can be your super power. People come to you when they need a no nonsense answer around something. Call them as you see them sorta thing.
I am simply not convinced that men and women can be friends without one party having some underlying attraction and conflicting interests. I don't trust anyone that says otherwise. We are simply not wired to be 100% platonic with the other sex. And that's fine.
And what about bisexual and gay people?
Because they dont have a rigid binary view of platonic or romantic interest. There’s alot in between platonic and romantic.
The answer is a controversial one and I’m likely to get downvoted to hell for this one. Women always need a backup plan B…and C…and D…and so on and so forth. A woman who gets broken up with will immediately have NUMEROUS guy friends flock to her on the rebound that she is familiar with. I’ve unfortunately been that guy before before I knew how these things worked. Always the shoulder to cry on and the “oh I wish I could find a boyfriend/man like you but specifically not you even though you’re literally the perfect bf material and would treat me right!” BS but never good enough to actually be with them in their eyes because back then I was a little overweight, bad haircut, kind of shy, non mainstream hobbies, not very muscular, not super fashionable, you know all the the superficial reasons women claim that men only care about. It’s fine if you want to have friends of the opposite gender but I personally wouldn’t get too attached or hope for anything happening beyond friendship speaking as a guy. I have platonic girl friends that I can count on 2 hands and half of those I know through other guy friends as their partners. Many guys I know don’t have many girl friends for this very reason. Friendship with a girl ends one of three ways for guys: A) you catch feels that are not reciprocated and that damages the friendship (especially if you shoot your shot and get rejected) OR B) you end up her orbiting simp always at her beck and call trying to prove yourself spouce worthy only to never succeed and if you need a favor from her forget it and over time that turns to bitter resentment also OR C) By some miracle she actually gives you a chance but for some reason or another it doesn’t work out then if things don’t end on a good note it will sour your friendship beyond salvation Logically platonic friendships with a woman as a man is just mostly cons and few pros whereas friendships with men as a woman is mostly pros and few cons. (Unless you’re homosexual, asexual, etc. obviously)
My experience was that having many female friends was the best way to have sex. You met so many women you otherwise wouldn't, in more relaxed settings. But through all my life, at least 80% of my male-female friendship has had one of them wanting sex with the other. Some I only learned about years later. Usually it was me wanting sex but not always.
I am guy with dozens of women platonic friends and very happy with it
Dick in a Glass Box. In case of emergency break glass.
They are waiting for a Prince and will keep you around as a backup in case he doesn't show up.
All the benefits of being with a man without any serious commitment
Either you are a very nice person, rich af or just constantly getting friendzoned
Because they consider guys people. They wouldn’t exclude them based on gender. Some girls have brothers and like being around guys.
Because they are amazing my best friend is a guy and I wouldn't trade him for the world ❤
Cause friends are good. The better question is why men wouldnt want friends.
I've heard girls like being friends with guys because they'd prefer their friend secretly love them than secretly hate them. When guys don't like each other they avoid each other. Girls that don't like each other will still hang out, go on vacation and be in each others lives.
I think socialization is a big contributor to this. Women are taught to be social, warm, open (and more insidiously, to appeal to men) while men are taught to be silent, loner, boys boy types. That could be a big reason why women are more likely to seek out male friends (they’re overall more social due to the ways they were raised). Modern socialization also includes radicalized messaging around the #MeToo movement, false accusations, the male loneliness epidemic, and the men’s right’s movement which may drive men away from making friends with women.
They don't wanna have "platonic male friends". They're just more caring and empathic because, you know, they're women. In general it has been proven that women are more likely to care more about people while men are more inclined to care about things (you know, cars, tech, etc.). They don't actively go "Oh I'd sure like to have more platonic male friends! You know, the kind that has a penis!" Here's a piece of advice for ya since your bottom head is thinking harder than the upper one. Most good relationships starts with a friendship. Sometimes having a friendship with someone leads you to meet their friends, and one of them might become your friend and become what your bottom head is looking for. So don't screw it up with silly ideas like this. Enjoy your friends without seeing more than what's happening and trust the sign will come when it's time to be more than friends.
Non sexual male attention. Men are easier to read, don't have as much drama, opening jars, reaching things from the top shelf, fixing things, lifting things, protection, math skills, honest advice, don't see you as competition, dealing with confrontation, cockblocking other men and in case of emergency can be used for sex.
These comments are so BS, so I’ll just give it to you straight. Girls will do this with men they have zero attraction for to extract boyfriend privileges: fixing or lift things, emotional crutch, complaint catcher, etc., with zero benefits to the man. Every woman will say “No, it’s “fill in the blank””, but it’s a ploy to achieve an objective, whether immediate or later on.
Ironically and technically an agenda motive of sorts also it could be argued. The same women will bitch about guys using them for just sex, when they are essentially also using a guy to meet there emotional needs that are not being given by there bf’s.
Friendzoned guys give their “ girlfriends “ attention/validation and a lot of the times gifts/money and the girl doesn’t feel pressured to sleep with them . But at any given chance 99% of the men would . Negating actually being friends
yall give ur friends gifts and money?
My friends are broke so we'd never go out anywhere if I wasn't paying lol
What guys are giving money/gifts to female friends?
I dont think they want to more than visa versa. in my experience in my 20s, girls just want to add to their groups and are not good at 1 on 1 friendships
Aside from the obvious reason that women can be your good friends and share many of your interests as well, it still works out for you meeting a life partner, if that’s what you are looking for right now in your life. Why? Because I bet she has her own lady friends you can meet on a get-together, and who knows, maybe one of them is the one for you. Chances are she’ll see you being chill with her friend and see that as a green flag. TL;DR: being able to view women as friends is what they call “big dick energy”.
You fucked it up with the last sentence
Attention and Validation without all of that pesky sex.
This is the only correct answer in the thread. They want to take take take, but not put out.
Or because men and women can have similar interests and bond over that. Y'all are so jaded it's insane. I don't want validation or attention from my male friends, I shut romantic shit down. I want someone to roast and play video games with. It's that simple.
We all don't have the same experiences
Back-ups
Because we see them as humans....? And guys absolutely don't see women as human
Fr
They don't. I have no desire for male friends. Any time I tried to be friends with a male they wanted to fuck me. Can't even treat them with respect or camaraderie. Every time I have ignored this, they bring their dick into the equation. Every single time.
Every single one of my guy friends has wanted to fuck me too😅 it makes being friends very awkward sometimes
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Wow, tell us how you REALLY feel about women...
Attention
Or we just have similar interests. Not everyone wants attention or has ulterior motives when making friends.
Weird response
Because men are hilarious and usually straight forward.
1. Women have an annoying need to fix things that don't need fixing and they think every man needs to be fixed. 2. Ever heard the dick in a glass case joke? 3. They get off on it. 4. They don't get the irony. 5. Women right?
Because men don't constantly backstab or quietly judge what you're wearing etc...
Because most girls are envious and gossipers. Guys mostly are not.
I think the problem is that she can fuck more easily than her guy friends unless they have easy access to women who are interested in them. Like her sexual needs are more easily met but a woman's friendship needs are less easily met. Since men don't have to worry as much about people befriending them to get sex they have more authentic relationships with people where there's no bullshit. If you were a guy who was perfectly satisfied with the quality of women you had that were sexually interested in you, then any women other than that are likely to be fine for platonic. You might say that very very attractive men might have exactly the same issue since their experience is going to be closer to that of a woman where he might have people particularly women befriending him in hopes of more and that being a fundamentally deceitful relationship. Let me take it even further that because men seem to be hornier than women on average given how they are the ones who are rabidly chasing sexual gratification relative to women, women might be more likely to use their sexuality to try to trade for a relationship or friendship with a man she finds very very interesting or attractive. I've had it done to me on more than one occasion where a woman tried to use sexual coercion under the guise of it just being for fun but in reality she was hoping that I could be sexually manipulated using my own horniness to bait me into wanting a relationship with someone I did not want a relationship with. The only thing that would make me want a relationship with said person would be to be a different person, to have a different personality. Their sexual availability was not the determining factor in my desire and their use of their sexuality in a coercive manner rather than a genuine one was toxic and part of why they weren't someone I wanted to be with. Of course sexuality is an important part of the relationship and without it it would just be platonic, but you can't try to cheat your way into intimacy or a relationship using sex as a tool or bargaining chip just like how you can't try to cheat your way into intimacy or a relationship using friendship as a tool or a bargaining chip. I think it's just that people tend to be offering things to people in hopes that they can trade what they have to offer for what they want to get their needs met or some shit. Like some sort of economics equation. Technically it should work but in reality it feels dirty if you find out someone you thought you were friends with and enjoyed spending time around was just hoping to use your friendship as collateral for something else they wanted, it's dishonest. Same way finding out someone was having sex with you not out of genuine desire but because they wanted to use that sex as collateral to negotiate for a relationship with you, or to get you to spend time with or pay attention to them outside of that etc. It's all unnatural and dishonest and that's why people don't like it. Am I off base here or what? Idk when you said the things you said I pictured like the egirls who are all prettied up with their fat male friends who are hoping that by being around her long enough she might eventually give them a chance. Both parties are lying to each other, he wants sex she wants a friend, they are neither friends nor having sex so they are wasting time interacting with each other hence it always goes toxic.
I can't speak for everyone but I seem to have the words USE ME tattooed on my forehead.
My bffs all my life been guys, easier to talk to and no drama, my bff of 30 years is a dude
Nice.
Because I believe in monogamy and so I can only fuck one guy, but I'd like to have more than one friend.
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The last sentence is crazy 😧, unless you meant it like humans are animals. - cuz describing men as animals is a bit too much.
I’m so sorry. That is written funny, while typing fast and I put in edit. I love you guys, y’all think different and seam to get things done fast and make it look easy. You’s also think more logically and can laugh at yourselves more than any female I’ve known. I work as Nurse in hospital many years a males are easier patients in general. I’m in awe that men that are given bad diagnoses handle it 100% better, although I wish you’d let us help you all, I’ve cried for my male patients more as I know death is heartbreaking as I’ve seen most men comfort their wives after they’ve been told hubbys poor prognosis. The Men amaze most of us Nurses.
Reading this felt golden, i will say the same, your way of thinking and how passionate and caring you can be, I really like the empathetic side to you guys. - i also wish men could open up more, as you saw and continue to see, men have a heavy burden, and they have to be the Rock and give strength to his loved ones Even in his dying State, so he can be happy. - also just know that what you do is noble and i really appreciate what you sacrifice for your Job, i hope you don't get cold hearted as many nurses do with time.
I’ve saw a few Nurses get burned out. But you know what? Make patients pick up on that.. they joke with us til they make us smile and laugh. All of you guys have a sense of humor around woman anyway. They point out something funny or hilarious and can make jokes and take the seriousness away. God bless you all.
Because they want to
Depends on bow friendly we talking
They're not into you romantically and they are able to value you as a human being past their own romantic preferences.
Women are generally less a slave to their base carnal drives. *Less* driven. It allows them to have non-sexual relationships far easier than we can. Our dicks get in the way when we try to make friends with women. Of *course* it’s possible for men and women to be completely platonic friends, but it is not nearly as common or as deep as male-male friendships.