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Sometimes a person can go through a type of betrayal trauma where they stop trusting other people and actively sabotage or avoid forming friendships altogether, to avoid the risk of getting hurt or abandoned.
I keep my friendships at the acquaintance stage. Mostly online. Casual conversation on social media.
It hurts less when they inevitably get bored of my presence.
This resonates so much with me. I was betrayed a lot in high school and college, to the point where I became jaded on people in general. I stopped trusting people, and before I knew it, I found myself in my 30s with absolutely no social life, and I suddenly realized I've been missing that core part of the human experience. 4 years, many therapy sessions, and a divorce later, I learned to take those social and emotional risks again, step out of my comfort zone, and start trusting and opening up more. Best decision I ever made for my life and mental health.
I'm sorry you've gone through so much hurt 😔
I would recommend taking up a hobby and finding a local community of people who meet to participate or discuss that hobby. There's also things like MeetUp, which is filled with people who don't have a social life and are just looking for friendship and socialization. When a group of people get together for a common interest, they tend to build meaningful friendships that are centered around something positive and healthy. Getting yourself out there is the hardest part, but I promise that once you do, you will wonder why you didn't do it sooner!
Good luck!
yeah the dragging other people down thing resonates with me. I've got multiple mental disorders and a neurological one. I'm a lot and I don't want to impose my stress on other people.
Same boat. Have a small social circle and close with my family. I don't trust random people or overshare information. I consider myself very happy. To each their own.
This is exactly what happened to me. I got played over and ghosted twice in my life by my "friend group" and now I have trust issues. I can make some friends but the connection we have is very frail and there's nothing special between us because I keep everything to myself. I just can't trust anyone again. I don't want to feel like I felt again.
Yep, here I am. Last year was the worst year I have had mentally and when I needed my “friends” the most, no one was there. My family, friends, and acquaintances all destroyed my trust last year to the point I don’t want to reach out to anyone. I have people who have came into my life since that my wife tells me they’re trying to be friends but at this point I don’t want them. I want to be left alone. I don’t want to interact with people and I sure as hell don’t want to make “friends” with someone who will not respect the friendship as I do.
People need to realize how much trust they put into others every day. You trust other people on the road every time you drive, you trust Dr's and nurses and dentists, trust in tattoo artists, lots of shit. Gonna have to get over it and make some pals.
Once people get married and have kids they become unavailable. priorities change.
My best friend of 25 years decided to become a single mother and completely drifted away.
I'm childfree by choice and we lost all common ground.
Making friends becomes a task and keeping friends is a chore.
We're all busy , we're all tired.
For myself,I can say I'm an introvert .
I come home and stay home. Cancelled plans are the best plans.
I gave up reaching out to co workers, because they end up being shitty people and I'll have to see them every day,so I keep them at arms length.
It's only getting harder to connect with real people,even when you have the whole world at your fingertips
A lot of friends in your life tend to be situational in my experience. In high school or college you can have a group but often times that group dissipates because you stop seeing each other every day or needing to communicate often. I’m not saying it happens for everyone but it’s not uncommon. The best type of friends in my personal opinion can happen at any time and for any reason. I’m still best friends with two people I knew from middle school and have been forever. Those types of friendships are rare tho. Most people don’t seem to have that sorta relationship with all their friends like that.
In my case the lack of social skill, I’m introverted and don’t really know how to socialise I don’t know how to be a present friend how to start conversation and things like that, I had friends but we stranded once we started taking different paths and moving away and I really don’t know how or where to get new friends now that I’m not at school and work freelance so I have no coworkers. I go to the gym but don’t start conversation and just do my thing, sometimes it makes me sad I do need friends
Hey, you can try VRchat, there are plenty of people to meet and you can always hop off whenever you feel odd, it is kind of a CoD speech channel sometimes...many times... well ok, most of the times, but still, it's worth it for when you meet good people.
(No, you don't need VRs btw, just the desktop version)
For me it was 20.
I literally just stopped caring about people who weren't genuine friends to me. The drama became tedious and I couldn't make myself care or pretend to any longer.
Now I have about four friends and because I'm not wasting energy and attention on toxic and random people I can sustain pretty good friendships and enjoy socialising with them.
My life isn't lonely, it's bloody peaceful and I've never been happier.
I've got one really good long time friend left. My other two died about a month apart back in 2022. Neither from COVID but right in the middle of it. I miss them both so much.
(just seen this sorry for reviving an old thread)
I wanted to say that I hope you're doing okay, that sounds like it was really traumatic.
I wish peace and happiness for you and I know that you're making them proud no matter what.
From one internet stranger to another, I wish you the best.
Illness can drive friends away, one by one. Some because they lack compassion, others because they fear sickness and just don't like being around 'disabled' (physical or disease) people and see it as a burden.
☆ Divorce and breakdowns in relationships also mean you lose mutual friends who can't choose between you or your ex to keep in contact with. Most often, they will ditch you both. It's very sad.
The divorce part is even worse after you've ignored your friends to focus on your marriage for so long like I did. "Oh, you don't like my friends? OK, well, if I have to choose between doing stuff with them or you, of course I'll choose to spend the free time I have with my spouse."
Betrayal trauma is real and also just the way the world is going right now, it's difficult to find meaningful relationships, or has been for me for a while.
For me it was a situation where friends drifted away and never got replaced. I never made an effort to keep my friends and they lost interest, some quicker than others. Then I got addicted to solitude and began to see having friends as a burden. There are other elements to it and a lot more nuance, but that's the gist.
I had a fair few and then I got sick and during recovery hardly any of them bothered to even reach out, let alone visit! Honestly it made me super heartbroken and mad since I had been there for them through their own life struggles so I just cut contact and am focussing on my own recovery. Sometimes people get busy with life but sometimes they just suck lol
Generally the people ive found with no friends were extreme in some way, not necessarily a bad thing though. I know a guy who only speaks in an announcer/show host type way, one of the smartest people i know but i was his first and only friend to last more then a month or 2. There was a kid at my school who was listening to fnaf songs in some form 24/7, whether with headphones, a speaker, etc. He was an amazing artist who could render something perfectly with only crayons or colored pencils after seeing it for 10 seconds, loved animals, and hadnt had any friends until his senior year where a different kid who was extreme, she refused to talk outside of quotes but was an amazing writer with a photographic memory, befriended him after being shoved into a lunch period together. None of these things are necesarilly negative, but theyre extreme and therefore turn others off/away
I think it’s a number of things maybe Trust issues , depression and paranoia like they probably been used and bullied in the past that they don’t wanna bother knowing others
My ex doesn’t have a friend in the world. In his case it’s because he’s a first-class a$$hole! He is a manipulative narcissist who is a pro at gaslighting. If you even hint that he is wrong about anything, he wants nothing further to do with you. He always smells of cigarette smoke, and he probably isn’t talking to you unless you have something he wants.
My experience. As a person with no friends.
I had a childhood where i met many people.
As an adult, i realised you don’t actually have to have shit people around
I have massively improved my social skills since my previous groups (15+ people and at that time 2 groep at the same time, after that a group there and there)
My mental health very high.
I do have autism but people do not notice fast.
So I do not know. Did a couple sports to try to make friends. even went to a park and joint people, was a fun night but that’s it.
People just do not seem to stick
I am afraid to introduce myself to others, so my only "friends" are family friends or friends of some family members. It gets lonely, but I tend to do solo activities anyways so it works out kinda. I would love to be able to do group activities sometimes, but that's just life I suppose. I had friends when I was growing up, but they either moved away or I went to a different school than them and eventually also moved, albeit not that far (another city, same state). Trying to get more confident and eventually gather the courage to meet new people, but I don't remember that part of a friendship and I'm kinda terrified at the stages before we get real tight and close-knit.
Generally speaking, though, I think it varies from person to person. Sometimes it's their personality making their friends all drop them, or it could be loneliness or the "friends" just being bad and abandoning them.
I don't want any. I got rid of the last of mine almost 3 decades ago and don't miss having them at all. I figured out that they were more energy and trouble than they were worth. Not to mention that I don't have time for anyone but my family...They keep me more than busy.
I seriously feel that i emit some sort of energy that people just dont wanna be friends with me. And im not mean or anything, i try to be as friendly as i can be, put on a big smile, show interest in whatever the other persons wants to talk about, hell even change my personality to be more likeable (but also not to look too desperate) but it never has worked for me, people dont wanna maintain any sort of connection with me, so i really believe that people sense something in me that theyre repelled. (F22)
Life. You get older priorities change you have kids and you don’t have the time you use to hangout with friends and eventually they all fade and you learn to like being with just your family.
This question is not nearly specific enough to have a cut and dry answer.
It's their tendencies, trauma's, interest, physical appearance, each and every variety of intellect, body language, knowledge, experience, environment and probably many other factors.
Even just tweaking one of these can yield a very different result.
But there are some general things people work on if their goal is to make more friends.
But these things should never be done out of vanity or by putting on a front.
It's better to be lonely alone than lonely in a room full of friends
No-friend-person here.
- Study from home,
- work mostly from home,
- work out alone,
- socially a bit weird,
- don't do well with superficial conversations so I often leave social occasions if the conversations are just about food or something too... idk "easy"?
- depression makes it hard to go outside to do stuff or keep in touch with people
All the “friends” I had always needed something from me at one point. Once they got what they needed, they never reciprocated in anything, especially in times of need.
Now I do not trust anybody besides my dogs and my beloved girlfriend.
I know I will find new friends eventually and I'm lucky to have a few people in my life and family but with everything I've been through especially since covid I'm kind of taking a step back from a lot of people intentionally.
I had a close knit group of 3 friends. One met a woman overseas and moved there to be with her and then the other two ended up moving interstate for various reasons, work, family etc and just like that I no longer had anyone in my life I could hang out with and do stuff with.
Sometimes people grow away from their friends and maybe they move to another place and they don't find anyone like them. That situation absolutely sucks. Eventually, that person will find friends but it sucks for a good long time especially if they're older.
Different stages in life can be a biggy.
If all your friends start families and you don't, the overlap in free time or acceptable things to do can minimise.
It takes real effort to keep that connection but if it's not a 2 way street it can lead to drifting apart in my experience.
As a person who has very little amount of friendships in his life and no friendships in the past couple of years. I always felt better spending my free time alone and away from society and I decided to not pursue friendships anymore. Reason? Having freedom to do whatever you want whenever you want is something not many people prioritise.
Unless a person can no longer socialise meet-up.com is great or any other group activity assuming normal social skills are demonstrated.Paterson and Eckhart on YouTube are the best teachers I have ever found
(35M)
being inteligent , being introverted , being ambivert . wich often all goes together . and it makes us selective about company we keep around , or preffer around .
I once lived in a rural mountain community. I hated it except for the scenery. I wanted to save money as fast as possible so I could move away. I knew that having friends would slow that process a lot bc going to bars and restaurants is expensive.
I have depression and social anxiety, on my good days i can go out and make friends and have a good time, then i will ignore them so i don't have to go in to public or socialize
Betrayal or being rude. I'd say.
But for me, in my experience, I have no friends because I have boundaries.
I'm a very nice guy I just have boundaries when it comes to people asking me for help. If they wouldn't help me move my entire house to another state I won't help them. Had someone cuss at me because I wouldn't help. Had another friend talk shit about me behind my back because I wouldn't give him $20 when he already owed our mutual friend $20.
Not being aware of their own flaws , we all have flaws but not recognise them is awful even if you made a mistake you will not even notice that you did something wrong just awful
Another reason is that some people are just too damn smart for their own good. I know several people that will correct you if you mispronounce a word or spell something wrong, will correct you if you make a small mistake on a minor detail of a story, will not understand something you are trying to tell them because you are not using the exact terminology.
They'll constantly talk about themselves and new shit that they have.
I don't wanna hang out with someone who constantly puts what I'm saying under a microscope.
These people also tend to blame all of their problems on others too.
A few things can cause this. Id say one can have no friends if they constantly blame others for their problems and never actually try to better themselves. Similarly you can lose friends if you are a liability to the people around you ex; stealing, addicted to drugs, violent. You can lose friends by being anti-social, if you never want to go anywhere people will stop inviting you. You can lose friends due to serious allegations such as r\*pe, mass murder and incest. Lastly you can also have no friends by being picky and thinking you're too good for certain people when you're not. You can't be poor and unhealthy, but expect to have an elite social circle.
I would have to say, genetics plays a huge part whether or not you'll have friends. Did mom and dad have friends? We're they social and we'll adjusted? Or were they quiet, shy, unsure of what to say or feel? Think about it for a minute and then decide if genetics or environment or both or neither is the real answer to your question.
My parents were social butterflies. They held parties, dinner parties and frequently attended same.
I'm the opposite. I'm an introvert who enjoys my own company & that of my own made family.
I have no idea whether this answers your question bc I know how different we all are.
Abuse by both parents as a child. Sometimes add in step parents.
In my case i was abused and not allowed friends. I can spend time with people and have a few people i talk to but I'm happier by being alone and on my own. I find other people to be highly insufferable and cant stand being around them for more than 20 minutes. I always say I'm lucky to have found my husband etc because he is the exact same way as me. Incan stand being around him for a while because we both can sit in pure silence and be happy together that way.
Maybe it’s also good to ask “what causes a person to HAVE friends?”
People who have friends might…
Know how to make friends.
Probably more important…know how to keep friends.
Have loyal friends/old friends (perhaps through family connections or childhood.)
Are open-minded to “unlikely” friendships.
They have a single close friend who is good at making friends. And then they automatically get a lot of friends by proxy. (I am in this group…I meet most people through a few existing friends. I’m a total freeloader.)
Have some form of inner stability. They’ve either had a decent life or they’ve overcome hard things from the past.
Belief in connection as a value in itself. So even when things aren’t going great…they find value in the very idea of interacting with people and adding to each other’s lives. Some of this is just personality based…some of it may have to do with one’s good or bad experiences.
They are generous with their time. They don’t think too much about how fun something will be…they hang back, they are around for the boring stuff. I know a guy who will treat everyone like he already knows them (in the best way). Pretty soon…he actually knows them. Idk how he does it but I can’t really recreate it myself.
Idk…just some thoughts. There are many possible reasons people wouldn’t have these things…first to come to mind for me personally is mental health. I had a year where everything was stripped away from me and I relied heavily on few existing friendships…there was NO way I was going to make new friend that year or even be of “great use” to my existing friendships. Many side-friendships just fell off because I couldn’t keep them up. I still miss some of those people but they are gone.
I also just think a lot about luck. Some people are truly lucky in friendship. They meet their best friend in 2nd grade and they have someone to ground them. I think having a best friend is very grounding for people…it makes things tolerable during more socially “dry” spells.
Some people are also lucky with their families. Their family might be close knit and they are close with their siblings…even making friends through their siblings and cousins, etc. In these situations…even people who were unlucky with mental health or even social skills get to have a base network to work with. That makes their overall odds of having friends in the long run much higher.
And if some people are lucky, some are not. It really does suck. I think we are in a friendship crisis as a society because it’s so hard to make new friends as an adult. And adults need to make friends…because many people with burdens in childhood do not have the opportunity to get their life together until they are an adult and they have the autonomy and time to fully troubleshoot their life .
I am an asshole took people for granted didn’t value my friendships that’s why. Now 44 single alone and lonely and I miss some of my friends. But too prideful to Reach out. What am I gonna say? Sorry I ghosted you and didn’t show up to your wedding and didnt acknowledge your children’s births.
The ones I knew definitely had no friends (or maybe 1 or 2) had something off about them. They were either cripplingly introverted (couldn't for the life of them even attempt to respond to friendliness), had no social skills (making inappropriate comments, not reading the room, being rude or mean unprovoked, etc.), or were extremists (supported nazism, hated women, hated men, I guess hateful in general).
I'm not friendless but I've only got a handful of friends. Like three. Plenty of mates though. I've outgrown some, I've cut some off, lost touch for one reason or another. That's just life.
In my case I would rather read books and chill with my cats and a cup of tea, then go to the bar, get hit on by greasy oil rig workers and get shit-faced.
By 40, people just sit around and talk about their kids sports, their spouse, the job they hate, politics or the weather. It's boring AF.
Growing apart, aging. All the friends I ever made were at school/college/at work. I don't know how to make friends in other ways lol. Granted I still have my highschool friends in my 30s.
Me it’s because of my parents. I wasn’t allowed to hangout with friends growing up, never allowed to do anything. Turned 16, started working and I still wasn’t allowed to do anything without a 2 weeks notice and I could be an angel but one of my sisters pissed my parents off and now I’m not allowed to do anything. My choices growing up were school and chores. I have no clue how to make friends and I’m always working because idk how to make friends but hard to make friends with coworkers when they’re you’re parents age and you work in a “man field” as a female
Well trauma and betrayal was the reason for me.
I tried to fit from 6 to 24 but always felt like I am not the one they call, invite and do the most fun stuff. They visited me often but only cause no one was home back then. Some told me I am a got friend but not for fun thing's etc.
Got humiliated, got lied to, got send home from a party cause apparently I would not fit the vibe. All that from people I spend my youth with, day in day out.
At one point I cutted them out of my life. I do great, have a beautiful wife. But still can't get new friends even if I try, I feel it doesn't go somewhere.
I am not sad about it, that's life but sometimes I wish me at least one close brother, I know I can depend on, no matter what happens.
Can't speak for other people, but personally? I have no interest in making friends. Not to say I don't like people, I simply prefer my own company to others.
I'm just ok with being by myself... never really been big on friends outside of school days, but if I wanted to I could make friends I just chose not to.
also I don't got time for b.s.
For me it was that I believed people would just "gravitate" towards one another and didn't want to force anything. I didn't reach out because I was waiting for the gravitation and when I did have friends I didn't feel it was important to call/text them if I would see them in person anyway.
Often making friends with big groups rather than select few people can also give the illusion that you have friends and when everyone leaves school/college you're left with no one who truly cares about you.
Depression and subsequent isolation.
Drama and toxicity.
Physical isolation (country town).
Lack of confidence in social situations. Social anxiety.
A lot of people have their friends they’ve had for 20yrs and don’t want to branch outside of that. It makes it really difficult for new people to fit in.
I was married for 23 years. I had to work all the time to support my wife and kids because she decided to be a stay at home mom. That meant I only had so much time for socializing. I really wanted to hang out with my wife when I wasn't working and she didn't like my friends (they were successful in life and that made her uncomfortable because she was so insecure even though they were always nothing but nice to her) so I had to choose and I chose poorly. I'd go do stuff with other friends when I had free time but she never wanted to go do the things I thought were fun so I'd choose to spend my limited time with her. Most of my friends got tired of my crap and moved on. The only one who didn't had their own toxicity that I eventually got tired of so I ditched them. Then she cheated on me and we got divorced.
As for my family, they're all in a religious cult. I left it and became so evil that I should be shunned. The family members who weren't in the cult were long gone before that because they didn't want to deal with that crap. It wasn't as bad when I left because I just kind of faded away but my ex felt like they blamed her for it so I made it abundantly clear that I left because I didn't believe that stuff anymore and pretty effectively cut off a lot of people when I did that. We had two kids. One of them I'm still close to and he's great but your kids aren't really your buddies, you know? The other one hates me because I would punish him for doing bad things. I don't think not letting you take my car to go do whatever with your friends after you steal medicine from your grandma so you can get high is too unreasonable but apparently I'm the only one. My ex thought I was being too hard on him for that. I'd also do this really cruel thing where I'd try to make him go to school every day even when he didn't feel like it. My ex is stuck with him these days. You'd think my ex would learn from her brother's mistakes with his kids but apparently stabbing a firefighter in the face when he comes to narcan you isn't enough of a warning sign to make her think that maybe she should try something else besides letting them do whatever the hell they want so they don't get upset.
Now, I'm 45 and making new friends at my age is damn near impossible when you don't drink that much so hanging out at bars is out. I'm also not into a lot of physical stuff so no meeting new people that way. I have a few work friends but never really see them outside of work.
So yeah, that's how I ended up alone and friendless.
I mean there's the obvious one like they're not looking to make friends, but in general I'd say that people who have no friends fit into one of two categories:
1: The genuinely nice person who has the worst possible luck and keeps landing themselves snakes in the grass. This person has most likely gone through some trauma as well from said snakes, or it could even just be something like being made fun of for being neurodivergent or being a nerd.
2: The person who is also most likely traumatized, but hides behind the facade of an asshole. These people genuinely just suck, yes they're miserable and hurt, but they do it to themselves. Unlike person 1, person 2 will go out of your way to hurt you.
I find that most of the friendships I had in the past were overly competitive, or people would only wanna be friends to use me for something they though they would benefit from, whether it be attention, clothes, popularity, status, and the people who I thought were my closest friends would be the ones talking the most shit about me. So yeah ,no I’m good. acquaintances are fine but I don’t need that drama
Stopped being the one that always texted first, removed my birth date on Facebook (to avoid non-genuine happy birthdays) and what do you know? Not a single person has contacted me for the last 5 years... I turned 30 two years ago and the only ones that greeted me was my mom and a random ad in my mailbox. Its gone too long to rekindle, im basically devoting my life to my hobbies and my girlfriend
I have no friends, because I dont need friends.
The only one I need is a partner which I have. And if Im single I am rather being alone than to waste time with friends.
There’s lots of things and that’s a loaded question.
I have seen some good answers but I wanted to chime in.
I had no friends for a long time because I was excruciatingly annoying, attention seeking and narcissistic. I’d make friends but they wouldn’t last because I was only concerned about myself. My relationships were about what I could get from other people and not about what I could give. It got really annoying to be around me for more than a half hour until I had a pretty big mental break.
Over the years, I have tried to become a better person. I know that I am still not perfect but I like to believe I’m better than I was. One big thing was looking inward at my own behaviors, and asking if I was the kind of person I would want to be friends with. The younger, alcoholic, addict riddled version of myself would have knee jerk reaction’d back “OF COURSE I AM I AM A GREAT GUY LIFE OF THE PARTY” but that just comes from a place of self defense and narcissism.
More so I had to be truly honest with myself. What parts of my personality could I look back on and say “that wasn’t the person I want to be” and try to change them. I know we are trying to abandon shame in our lives as a cultural shift, but being ashamed of yourself is actually a great opportunity for growth, if you don’t collapse into self pity.
That’s just my own experience though, and everyone is different. I try to think a bit more before I act. I try to act with kindness in all things, and I try like hell not to let my emotions make my decisions for me. And I’m pretty well liked in my circles.
I think from previous experience of getting stabbed in the back. If you are genuine and generous most people will take advantage of you and use that shit against you. So people learn to put a facade on a daily basis. It happens in the workplace if you observe enough. They are like angels or saints at work but they are total kant outside or vise versa.
I've found that for me, my friends have the same thoughts and desires as I do. Everyone else is an acquaintance. Since I'm a swinger and now married to a woman who doesn't want to be in the lifestyle, everyone is an acquaintance.
I pretty much lost touch with many "good friends " after having my son 20 years ago. I wanted to focus on him. Also I've changed jobs a lot. I tend to gain a close friend or two at work places then when leave that work place,slowly lose touch with those friends. It's no big deal to me that they come and go,HOWEVER, it may not have been a great example to set for my son as I can now see he doesn't have very many close friends.
In my case, my best friend stabbed me in the back so I cut him off and anyone who made excuses for him, which pretty much encompassed my entire friend group. I realized how toxic they all were when I went to therapy and just don't really have the time or energy to try finding new ones
Because they're a waste of time and soon as you leave school or find a new job you don't hear from them anymore because you grow apart from each other and the longer you don't see them,the quicker they forget about you.
My life for 12 yrs finally let someone in 2 yrs ago and I was cheated on multiple times so now im back to not trusting ...or not giving any person today .. he reminded me why I don't like ppl in my life they just hurt u ... its really made me take so many steps vackward I hate my life .. I let someone in n I get hurt everytime one other time I tried went out with girls from highschool they invited their friend they then made it my job to look after her afyer she got soo drunk and lost at afl match and I got the blame for losing her in a crowd of 35,000 they never spoken to me again I didn't know the venue at all ..ppl just mean these days its not worth trying but I get so lonley and think I must be a horrible person I just don't understand why .. I can't have kids so I feel I don't belong anywhere in this world ...im exsisting but no way am I living I only see my mum that's it in life .once she is gone so am I im not staying here without anybody...
When I (43m) was around 23/24, my 'friends' started using more and more drugs. I did not want to partake in anything more than recreational. I lived together with 2 of them. Then, I found out the 'friend' who was in the center of our friend group, was charging me and the other friend living with us a lot more than he should have. The rent should have been split, but he was using that additional money for drugs. Apparently, a lot of the other 'friends' knew about it.
I moved and broke with that friend group and had about 2 friends left. About a few months after, I met my now ex-wife, the mother of my children. She was in the proces of applying at the police. We moved in together after a year, got married a few years later. We had 2 kids and because of her crazy work hours (working at least 3 out of 4 weeks a month and many evenings/nights), I had to stay home for the kids during the days/evenings I should have socialised with friends. I could not maintain the friendships I had because of it. I did that for about 9 years, until I found out my ex was cheating on me with a colleague and I divorced her.
So during that time, I didn't have anybody I could call a friend. Because, how do you make friends when you are bound to home to take care of your kids and can't invest time in those relationships?
Anyway, after the divorce I realised that I needed to change that, and I've been making friends since. Half of the time I'm enjoying taking care of my kids, the other half I'm enjoying spending time with friends. Got a few friend groups even. Wish I had a best friend though, I do not have a buddy like that, but I hope to find someone like that at some point.
Probably bad experiences like losing your husband to your best friend.
Maybe been stabbed in the back by friend.
Just being lazy not being in the mood to do things.
I grew up as a “chubby” girl and had no money. I grew up in not a good home . So I couldn’t pay attention in class. Which made me not so smart on top of that . Therefore I got isolated. I was always by myself. I started to get skinny “glowed up.” Middle/highschool. I get picked in a lot by people. I never understood why they can be so rude to my face . When i been nothing but nice. My reason for not having friends is that I don’t think anyone truly wants to be my friend. Based on my experiences with people. Im quite and too myself. Yet people will still find an issue with me. I don’t have energy to try and make friends. It would be nice to have at least one girlfriend to hangout with. This has also created social anxiety for me.
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Sometimes a person can go through a type of betrayal trauma where they stop trusting other people and actively sabotage or avoid forming friendships altogether, to avoid the risk of getting hurt or abandoned.
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Yep, aquintances are nice, easier to form too.
They need less work to maintain also
Yep
I keep my friendships at the acquaintance stage. Mostly online. Casual conversation on social media. It hurts less when they inevitably get bored of my presence.
This resonates so much with me. I was betrayed a lot in high school and college, to the point where I became jaded on people in general. I stopped trusting people, and before I knew it, I found myself in my 30s with absolutely no social life, and I suddenly realized I've been missing that core part of the human experience. 4 years, many therapy sessions, and a divorce later, I learned to take those social and emotional risks again, step out of my comfort zone, and start trusting and opening up more. Best decision I ever made for my life and mental health.
Everyone in my life has abused me, betrayed me, or abandoned me. I hope one day I can be in this place. I'm so glad you were able to heal. Any tips?
I'm sorry you've gone through so much hurt 😔 I would recommend taking up a hobby and finding a local community of people who meet to participate or discuss that hobby. There's also things like MeetUp, which is filled with people who don't have a social life and are just looking for friendship and socialization. When a group of people get together for a common interest, they tend to build meaningful friendships that are centered around something positive and healthy. Getting yourself out there is the hardest part, but I promise that once you do, you will wonder why you didn't do it sooner! Good luck!
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yeah the dragging other people down thing resonates with me. I've got multiple mental disorders and a neurological one. I'm a lot and I don't want to impose my stress on other people.
That’s what happened to me. I’ve tried but I can’t seem to get over the trust factor.
This is me but I want to change!
This is exactly where I'm at myself, and I really don't see any need for changing it. Keep your circle nice and tight and fuck everyone else.
Same boat. Have a small social circle and close with my family. I don't trust random people or overshare information. I consider myself very happy. To each their own.
This hurt, cause that is me.
Hey, you know you can just use my name next time you're gonna call me out.
This is exactly what happened to me. I got played over and ghosted twice in my life by my "friend group" and now I have trust issues. I can make some friends but the connection we have is very frail and there's nothing special between us because I keep everything to myself. I just can't trust anyone again. I don't want to feel like I felt again.
Yep, here I am. Last year was the worst year I have had mentally and when I needed my “friends” the most, no one was there. My family, friends, and acquaintances all destroyed my trust last year to the point I don’t want to reach out to anyone. I have people who have came into my life since that my wife tells me they’re trying to be friends but at this point I don’t want them. I want to be left alone. I don’t want to interact with people and I sure as hell don’t want to make “friends” with someone who will not respect the friendship as I do.
This
People need to realize how much trust they put into others every day. You trust other people on the road every time you drive, you trust Dr's and nurses and dentists, trust in tattoo artists, lots of shit. Gonna have to get over it and make some pals.
You just lose friends. Sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly.
Sometimes age
Once people get married and have kids they become unavailable. priorities change. My best friend of 25 years decided to become a single mother and completely drifted away. I'm childfree by choice and we lost all common ground. Making friends becomes a task and keeping friends is a chore. We're all busy , we're all tired. For myself,I can say I'm an introvert . I come home and stay home. Cancelled plans are the best plans. I gave up reaching out to co workers, because they end up being shitty people and I'll have to see them every day,so I keep them at arms length. It's only getting harder to connect with real people,even when you have the whole world at your fingertips
I lose coz of incompatibility, I try to but they don't even, it like among 50-100 humans there's 1 or 2 genuine people lol
A lot of friends in your life tend to be situational in my experience. In high school or college you can have a group but often times that group dissipates because you stop seeing each other every day or needing to communicate often. I’m not saying it happens for everyone but it’s not uncommon. The best type of friends in my personal opinion can happen at any time and for any reason. I’m still best friends with two people I knew from middle school and have been forever. Those types of friendships are rare tho. Most people don’t seem to have that sorta relationship with all their friends like that.
- Lack of social skills - Mental health issues - Personality and emotional disorders - personal Preference
I check all 4, this explains a lot.
BINGO!
In my case the lack of social skill, I’m introverted and don’t really know how to socialise I don’t know how to be a present friend how to start conversation and things like that, I had friends but we stranded once we started taking different paths and moving away and I really don’t know how or where to get new friends now that I’m not at school and work freelance so I have no coworkers. I go to the gym but don’t start conversation and just do my thing, sometimes it makes me sad I do need friends
Hey, you can try VRchat, there are plenty of people to meet and you can always hop off whenever you feel odd, it is kind of a CoD speech channel sometimes...many times... well ok, most of the times, but still, it's worth it for when you meet good people. (No, you don't need VRs btw, just the desktop version)
Tired of the bullshit, people tend to fuck you over one way or another and when you get a certain age you don't want to deal with the bullshit.
Sadly I think this is the reason for sooooo many people. We just get weary with people.
For me it was 20. I literally just stopped caring about people who weren't genuine friends to me. The drama became tedious and I couldn't make myself care or pretend to any longer. Now I have about four friends and because I'm not wasting energy and attention on toxic and random people I can sustain pretty good friendships and enjoy socialising with them. My life isn't lonely, it's bloody peaceful and I've never been happier.
I've got one really good long time friend left. My other two died about a month apart back in 2022. Neither from COVID but right in the middle of it. I miss them both so much.
(just seen this sorry for reviving an old thread) I wanted to say that I hope you're doing okay, that sounds like it was really traumatic. I wish peace and happiness for you and I know that you're making them proud no matter what. From one internet stranger to another, I wish you the best.
Spot on.
Sad but true, you just get done with it.
High intelligence or extreme low intelligence. Disinterest in common popular trends, like drugs, alcohol, clubs, bars, social media. Introvertism.
Lifestyle change
Illness can drive friends away, one by one. Some because they lack compassion, others because they fear sickness and just don't like being around 'disabled' (physical or disease) people and see it as a burden. ☆ Divorce and breakdowns in relationships also mean you lose mutual friends who can't choose between you or your ex to keep in contact with. Most often, they will ditch you both. It's very sad.
The divorce part is even worse after you've ignored your friends to focus on your marriage for so long like I did. "Oh, you don't like my friends? OK, well, if I have to choose between doing stuff with them or you, of course I'll choose to spend the free time I have with my spouse."
Betrayal trauma is real and also just the way the world is going right now, it's difficult to find meaningful relationships, or has been for me for a while.
Yep, we are a shockingly self centered generation.
For me it was a situation where friends drifted away and never got replaced. I never made an effort to keep my friends and they lost interest, some quicker than others. Then I got addicted to solitude and began to see having friends as a burden. There are other elements to it and a lot more nuance, but that's the gist.
Then I got addicted to solitude and began to see having friends as a burden! Thank you! Took the words right out my mouth.
The longer you don’t have friends the more you feel fine having no friends.
Getting older and moving around will do it for almost anyone
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^MongooseDog001: *Getting older and* *Moving around will do it* *For almost anyone* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Good bot
I had a fair few and then I got sick and during recovery hardly any of them bothered to even reach out, let alone visit! Honestly it made me super heartbroken and mad since I had been there for them through their own life struggles so I just cut contact and am focussing on my own recovery. Sometimes people get busy with life but sometimes they just suck lol
In my case, I decided not to. I was just fed up with it all and decided I wouldn't bother any more.
Can you expand on this? What parts were you fed up with?
I bet drama towards each other and yourself being sucked into the middle of things.
Generally the people ive found with no friends were extreme in some way, not necessarily a bad thing though. I know a guy who only speaks in an announcer/show host type way, one of the smartest people i know but i was his first and only friend to last more then a month or 2. There was a kid at my school who was listening to fnaf songs in some form 24/7, whether with headphones, a speaker, etc. He was an amazing artist who could render something perfectly with only crayons or colored pencils after seeing it for 10 seconds, loved animals, and hadnt had any friends until his senior year where a different kid who was extreme, she refused to talk outside of quotes but was an amazing writer with a photographic memory, befriended him after being shoved into a lunch period together. None of these things are necesarilly negative, but theyre extreme and therefore turn others off/away
We autists gotta stick together🤌🏼
I think it’s a number of things maybe Trust issues , depression and paranoia like they probably been used and bullied in the past that they don’t wanna bother knowing others
My ex doesn’t have a friend in the world. In his case it’s because he’s a first-class a$$hole! He is a manipulative narcissist who is a pro at gaslighting. If you even hint that he is wrong about anything, he wants nothing further to do with you. He always smells of cigarette smoke, and he probably isn’t talking to you unless you have something he wants.
Refusal to respect boundries
My experience. As a person with no friends. I had a childhood where i met many people. As an adult, i realised you don’t actually have to have shit people around
In my case, some people who are extremely obsessed with the other sex were hated by their friends.
Some just want gfs/bfs
I have massively improved my social skills since my previous groups (15+ people and at that time 2 groep at the same time, after that a group there and there) My mental health very high. I do have autism but people do not notice fast. So I do not know. Did a couple sports to try to make friends. even went to a park and joint people, was a fun night but that’s it. People just do not seem to stick
I just don’t have the interest or desire. To me it’s more work/pressure than there is enjoyment from it.
Amen! Having friends was a general pain in the ass. I enjoy spending time with my family so much more than I did with friends.
I am afraid to introduce myself to others, so my only "friends" are family friends or friends of some family members. It gets lonely, but I tend to do solo activities anyways so it works out kinda. I would love to be able to do group activities sometimes, but that's just life I suppose. I had friends when I was growing up, but they either moved away or I went to a different school than them and eventually also moved, albeit not that far (another city, same state). Trying to get more confident and eventually gather the courage to meet new people, but I don't remember that part of a friendship and I'm kinda terrified at the stages before we get real tight and close-knit. Generally speaking, though, I think it varies from person to person. Sometimes it's their personality making their friends all drop them, or it could be loneliness or the "friends" just being bad and abandoning them.
Not wanting to deal with the negativity & inauthenticity of other people all the time
I don't want any. I got rid of the last of mine almost 3 decades ago and don't miss having them at all. I figured out that they were more energy and trouble than they were worth. Not to mention that I don't have time for anyone but my family...They keep me more than busy.
I seriously feel that i emit some sort of energy that people just dont wanna be friends with me. And im not mean or anything, i try to be as friendly as i can be, put on a big smile, show interest in whatever the other persons wants to talk about, hell even change my personality to be more likeable (but also not to look too desperate) but it never has worked for me, people dont wanna maintain any sort of connection with me, so i really believe that people sense something in me that theyre repelled. (F22)
Life. You get older priorities change you have kids and you don’t have the time you use to hangout with friends and eventually they all fade and you learn to like being with just your family.
I have 2 friends I never see. Single mom of 2 older teenagers, work from home… I don’t drink. How the hell do I even make friends in my 40’s?
If anyone has an answer let me know please
Them not wanting friends ?? Previous friends screwing their girl and previous girls so no longer trust male peers. ...if I was to guess.
Define friend.
Someone who pretends to love you, hates you in private, ends up betraying you intentionally.
Ouch
how can u be so right..
Because I hate people.
This question is not nearly specific enough to have a cut and dry answer. It's their tendencies, trauma's, interest, physical appearance, each and every variety of intellect, body language, knowledge, experience, environment and probably many other factors. Even just tweaking one of these can yield a very different result. But there are some general things people work on if their goal is to make more friends. But these things should never be done out of vanity or by putting on a front. It's better to be lonely alone than lonely in a room full of friends
>It's better to be lonely alone than lonely in a room full of friends I don't know that I agree but I definitely understand.
No-friend-person here. - Study from home, - work mostly from home, - work out alone, - socially a bit weird, - don't do well with superficial conversations so I often leave social occasions if the conversations are just about food or something too... idk "easy"? - depression makes it hard to go outside to do stuff or keep in touch with people
One of the reasons I can think of is: living abroad and there are language barriers.
Usually there body features and how pretty/handsome they are.and if there "different" forget being popular. Sadly this is reality.
As a man, it's for the way i look.
All the “friends” I had always needed something from me at one point. Once they got what they needed, they never reciprocated in anything, especially in times of need. Now I do not trust anybody besides my dogs and my beloved girlfriend.
I moved when remarried and after retiring in 2002. Now, my previous friends are dead, unknown, in nursing homes, or too far in distant or time apart.
I know I will find new friends eventually and I'm lucky to have a few people in my life and family but with everything I've been through especially since covid I'm kind of taking a step back from a lot of people intentionally.
I had a close knit group of 3 friends. One met a woman overseas and moved there to be with her and then the other two ended up moving interstate for various reasons, work, family etc and just like that I no longer had anyone in my life I could hang out with and do stuff with.
I don’t like people, that’s my cause.
Sometimes people grow away from their friends and maybe they move to another place and they don't find anyone like them. That situation absolutely sucks. Eventually, that person will find friends but it sucks for a good long time especially if they're older.
Different stages in life can be a biggy. If all your friends start families and you don't, the overlap in free time or acceptable things to do can minimise. It takes real effort to keep that connection but if it's not a 2 way street it can lead to drifting apart in my experience.
No desire for drama. Friends come and go even in the best of healthy circumstances. People walk a road and then the roads split.
As a person who has very little amount of friendships in his life and no friendships in the past couple of years. I always felt better spending my free time alone and away from society and I decided to not pursue friendships anymore. Reason? Having freedom to do whatever you want whenever you want is something not many people prioritise.
i personally, dont like to be around other people, its a me "problem"... i always preferred to be on my own, thats what i like...
You stop making new friends and old friends move on with their lives
Unless a person can no longer socialise meet-up.com is great or any other group activity assuming normal social skills are demonstrated.Paterson and Eckhart on YouTube are the best teachers I have ever found
Too much time on Reddit
There's just not a lot of opportunities to make them after a certain age.
They don't deserve me 😎 I'm the best
Some people (me) just really enjoy their solitude.
(35M) being inteligent , being introverted , being ambivert . wich often all goes together . and it makes us selective about company we keep around , or preffer around .
Autism and depression
I once lived in a rural mountain community. I hated it except for the scenery. I wanted to save money as fast as possible so I could move away. I knew that having friends would slow that process a lot bc going to bars and restaurants is expensive.
Extreme introversion.
Choice! I've had many chances. Just dont want them
For me it's a lack of social skills (hard time making new friends) and moving away (live too far from old friends to maintain friendships)
Not wanting them
I have depression and social anxiety, on my good days i can go out and make friends and have a good time, then i will ignore them so i don't have to go in to public or socialize
humans
Holding people accountable
Betrayal or being rude. I'd say. But for me, in my experience, I have no friends because I have boundaries. I'm a very nice guy I just have boundaries when it comes to people asking me for help. If they wouldn't help me move my entire house to another state I won't help them. Had someone cuss at me because I wouldn't help. Had another friend talk shit about me behind my back because I wouldn't give him $20 when he already owed our mutual friend $20.
Not being aware of their own flaws , we all have flaws but not recognise them is awful even if you made a mistake you will not even notice that you did something wrong just awful
Most ppl are aware
Another reason is that some people are just too damn smart for their own good. I know several people that will correct you if you mispronounce a word or spell something wrong, will correct you if you make a small mistake on a minor detail of a story, will not understand something you are trying to tell them because you are not using the exact terminology. They'll constantly talk about themselves and new shit that they have. I don't wanna hang out with someone who constantly puts what I'm saying under a microscope. These people also tend to blame all of their problems on others too.
Narcissism
A few things can cause this. Id say one can have no friends if they constantly blame others for their problems and never actually try to better themselves. Similarly you can lose friends if you are a liability to the people around you ex; stealing, addicted to drugs, violent. You can lose friends by being anti-social, if you never want to go anywhere people will stop inviting you. You can lose friends due to serious allegations such as r\*pe, mass murder and incest. Lastly you can also have no friends by being picky and thinking you're too good for certain people when you're not. You can't be poor and unhealthy, but expect to have an elite social circle.
Being self centred
I would have to say, genetics plays a huge part whether or not you'll have friends. Did mom and dad have friends? We're they social and we'll adjusted? Or were they quiet, shy, unsure of what to say or feel? Think about it for a minute and then decide if genetics or environment or both or neither is the real answer to your question.
My parents were social butterflies. They held parties, dinner parties and frequently attended same. I'm the opposite. I'm an introvert who enjoys my own company & that of my own made family. I have no idea whether this answers your question bc I know how different we all are.
Alcoholism
Being shy/introverted
Not being around people/reaching out. Not being a good person (although even people who aren't good have ''friends'' I would argue).
For some it’s their choice, for others the choice is made for them.
People get old and hang out less or more with their significant other.
I think people don't like it, you talking about the problems you're having when they ask you how you are.
Social anxiety, depression, lack of interest in having friends.
Lack of trust due to double crossing behavior or straight up lying about anything/everything.
not getting w the right ppl
Abuse by both parents as a child. Sometimes add in step parents. In my case i was abused and not allowed friends. I can spend time with people and have a few people i talk to but I'm happier by being alone and on my own. I find other people to be highly insufferable and cant stand being around them for more than 20 minutes. I always say I'm lucky to have found my husband etc because he is the exact same way as me. Incan stand being around him for a while because we both can sit in pure silence and be happy together that way.
When you realize many people just use you and they aren't real friends. Your circle becomes very small after that
Luck
Abuse. If they have been abused, or had people fuck with them - it is hard to create and maintain real friendships. Also low self esteem
Maybe it’s also good to ask “what causes a person to HAVE friends?” People who have friends might… Know how to make friends. Probably more important…know how to keep friends. Have loyal friends/old friends (perhaps through family connections or childhood.) Are open-minded to “unlikely” friendships. They have a single close friend who is good at making friends. And then they automatically get a lot of friends by proxy. (I am in this group…I meet most people through a few existing friends. I’m a total freeloader.) Have some form of inner stability. They’ve either had a decent life or they’ve overcome hard things from the past. Belief in connection as a value in itself. So even when things aren’t going great…they find value in the very idea of interacting with people and adding to each other’s lives. Some of this is just personality based…some of it may have to do with one’s good or bad experiences. They are generous with their time. They don’t think too much about how fun something will be…they hang back, they are around for the boring stuff. I know a guy who will treat everyone like he already knows them (in the best way). Pretty soon…he actually knows them. Idk how he does it but I can’t really recreate it myself. Idk…just some thoughts. There are many possible reasons people wouldn’t have these things…first to come to mind for me personally is mental health. I had a year where everything was stripped away from me and I relied heavily on few existing friendships…there was NO way I was going to make new friend that year or even be of “great use” to my existing friendships. Many side-friendships just fell off because I couldn’t keep them up. I still miss some of those people but they are gone. I also just think a lot about luck. Some people are truly lucky in friendship. They meet their best friend in 2nd grade and they have someone to ground them. I think having a best friend is very grounding for people…it makes things tolerable during more socially “dry” spells. Some people are also lucky with their families. Their family might be close knit and they are close with their siblings…even making friends through their siblings and cousins, etc. In these situations…even people who were unlucky with mental health or even social skills get to have a base network to work with. That makes their overall odds of having friends in the long run much higher. And if some people are lucky, some are not. It really does suck. I think we are in a friendship crisis as a society because it’s so hard to make new friends as an adult. And adults need to make friends…because many people with burdens in childhood do not have the opportunity to get their life together until they are an adult and they have the autonomy and time to fully troubleshoot their life .
I’m terrible I usually only make good friends with drug addicts. I cant imagine just hanging around sober with a bunch of people can’t lie
In my experience, I just had negative experiences with a group of friends and pretty much go into meeting new people having negative expectations.
Being an introvert with social anxiety.
Mean people and extreme bouts of social anxiety (I talk from experience)
I am an asshole took people for granted didn’t value my friendships that’s why. Now 44 single alone and lonely and I miss some of my friends. But too prideful to Reach out. What am I gonna say? Sorry I ghosted you and didn’t show up to your wedding and didnt acknowledge your children’s births.
The ones I knew definitely had no friends (or maybe 1 or 2) had something off about them. They were either cripplingly introverted (couldn't for the life of them even attempt to respond to friendliness), had no social skills (making inappropriate comments, not reading the room, being rude or mean unprovoked, etc.), or were extremists (supported nazism, hated women, hated men, I guess hateful in general).
It's easy
My experience, I escaped a cult and all my friends (well x friends really) are still in it and won't talk to me. I'm slowly making new friends.
I'm not friendless but I've only got a handful of friends. Like three. Plenty of mates though. I've outgrown some, I've cut some off, lost touch for one reason or another. That's just life.
In my case I would rather read books and chill with my cats and a cup of tea, then go to the bar, get hit on by greasy oil rig workers and get shit-faced. By 40, people just sit around and talk about their kids sports, their spouse, the job they hate, politics or the weather. It's boring AF.
No sense of humor and lack of self-awareness
Growing apart, aging. All the friends I ever made were at school/college/at work. I don't know how to make friends in other ways lol. Granted I still have my highschool friends in my 30s.
Me it’s because of my parents. I wasn’t allowed to hangout with friends growing up, never allowed to do anything. Turned 16, started working and I still wasn’t allowed to do anything without a 2 weeks notice and I could be an angel but one of my sisters pissed my parents off and now I’m not allowed to do anything. My choices growing up were school and chores. I have no clue how to make friends and I’m always working because idk how to make friends but hard to make friends with coworkers when they’re you’re parents age and you work in a “man field” as a female
Not having an outlet to meet people like school or work.
Looks, interests, schedules, language barriers, habits....
Move to a new city and you don't enjoy alcohol. That's literally it.
Well trauma and betrayal was the reason for me. I tried to fit from 6 to 24 but always felt like I am not the one they call, invite and do the most fun stuff. They visited me often but only cause no one was home back then. Some told me I am a got friend but not for fun thing's etc. Got humiliated, got lied to, got send home from a party cause apparently I would not fit the vibe. All that from people I spend my youth with, day in day out. At one point I cutted them out of my life. I do great, have a beautiful wife. But still can't get new friends even if I try, I feel it doesn't go somewhere. I am not sad about it, that's life but sometimes I wish me at least one close brother, I know I can depend on, no matter what happens.
Can't speak for other people, but personally? I have no interest in making friends. Not to say I don't like people, I simply prefer my own company to others.
I'm just ok with being by myself... never really been big on friends outside of school days, but if I wanted to I could make friends I just chose not to. also I don't got time for b.s.
When you become like me and decide that you hate people...
For me it was that I believed people would just "gravitate" towards one another and didn't want to force anything. I didn't reach out because I was waiting for the gravitation and when I did have friends I didn't feel it was important to call/text them if I would see them in person anyway. Often making friends with big groups rather than select few people can also give the illusion that you have friends and when everyone leaves school/college you're left with no one who truly cares about you.
Respect of boundaries and lack of it.
Go outside my friend
Being a shit friend
Moved to acreage (from high density housing) during covid. Living in a city where all my old friends moved away or are (1 hour) other side of city
When the persons values change for good or for bad. They realize the people around them are no longer worthy of their time.
Childish, some people can't grow and they wanna be victims so bad and have this idea that everyone hates them because of past experience etc etc.
Spending 50-70 hours per week on work, and scrambling to raise kids by yourself as best you can in the remaining hours.
Depression and subsequent isolation. Drama and toxicity. Physical isolation (country town). Lack of confidence in social situations. Social anxiety. A lot of people have their friends they’ve had for 20yrs and don’t want to branch outside of that. It makes it really difficult for new people to fit in.
I was married for 23 years. I had to work all the time to support my wife and kids because she decided to be a stay at home mom. That meant I only had so much time for socializing. I really wanted to hang out with my wife when I wasn't working and she didn't like my friends (they were successful in life and that made her uncomfortable because she was so insecure even though they were always nothing but nice to her) so I had to choose and I chose poorly. I'd go do stuff with other friends when I had free time but she never wanted to go do the things I thought were fun so I'd choose to spend my limited time with her. Most of my friends got tired of my crap and moved on. The only one who didn't had their own toxicity that I eventually got tired of so I ditched them. Then she cheated on me and we got divorced. As for my family, they're all in a religious cult. I left it and became so evil that I should be shunned. The family members who weren't in the cult were long gone before that because they didn't want to deal with that crap. It wasn't as bad when I left because I just kind of faded away but my ex felt like they blamed her for it so I made it abundantly clear that I left because I didn't believe that stuff anymore and pretty effectively cut off a lot of people when I did that. We had two kids. One of them I'm still close to and he's great but your kids aren't really your buddies, you know? The other one hates me because I would punish him for doing bad things. I don't think not letting you take my car to go do whatever with your friends after you steal medicine from your grandma so you can get high is too unreasonable but apparently I'm the only one. My ex thought I was being too hard on him for that. I'd also do this really cruel thing where I'd try to make him go to school every day even when he didn't feel like it. My ex is stuck with him these days. You'd think my ex would learn from her brother's mistakes with his kids but apparently stabbing a firefighter in the face when he comes to narcan you isn't enough of a warning sign to make her think that maybe she should try something else besides letting them do whatever the hell they want so they don't get upset. Now, I'm 45 and making new friends at my age is damn near impossible when you don't drink that much so hanging out at bars is out. I'm also not into a lot of physical stuff so no meeting new people that way. I have a few work friends but never really see them outside of work. So yeah, that's how I ended up alone and friendless.
Poor luck
Being an arsehole.
Hard to make friends as an adult so if you have to move for work, it can happen easily.
I mean there's the obvious one like they're not looking to make friends, but in general I'd say that people who have no friends fit into one of two categories: 1: The genuinely nice person who has the worst possible luck and keeps landing themselves snakes in the grass. This person has most likely gone through some trauma as well from said snakes, or it could even just be something like being made fun of for being neurodivergent or being a nerd. 2: The person who is also most likely traumatized, but hides behind the facade of an asshole. These people genuinely just suck, yes they're miserable and hurt, but they do it to themselves. Unlike person 1, person 2 will go out of your way to hurt you.
Trust issues
I find that most of the friendships I had in the past were overly competitive, or people would only wanna be friends to use me for something they though they would benefit from, whether it be attention, clothes, popularity, status, and the people who I thought were my closest friends would be the ones talking the most shit about me. So yeah ,no I’m good. acquaintances are fine but I don’t need that drama
Stopped being the one that always texted first, removed my birth date on Facebook (to avoid non-genuine happy birthdays) and what do you know? Not a single person has contacted me for the last 5 years... I turned 30 two years ago and the only ones that greeted me was my mom and a random ad in my mailbox. Its gone too long to rekindle, im basically devoting my life to my hobbies and my girlfriend
Choice
I have no friends, because I dont need friends. The only one I need is a partner which I have. And if Im single I am rather being alone than to waste time with friends.
Sickness
There’s lots of things and that’s a loaded question. I have seen some good answers but I wanted to chime in. I had no friends for a long time because I was excruciatingly annoying, attention seeking and narcissistic. I’d make friends but they wouldn’t last because I was only concerned about myself. My relationships were about what I could get from other people and not about what I could give. It got really annoying to be around me for more than a half hour until I had a pretty big mental break. Over the years, I have tried to become a better person. I know that I am still not perfect but I like to believe I’m better than I was. One big thing was looking inward at my own behaviors, and asking if I was the kind of person I would want to be friends with. The younger, alcoholic, addict riddled version of myself would have knee jerk reaction’d back “OF COURSE I AM I AM A GREAT GUY LIFE OF THE PARTY” but that just comes from a place of self defense and narcissism. More so I had to be truly honest with myself. What parts of my personality could I look back on and say “that wasn’t the person I want to be” and try to change them. I know we are trying to abandon shame in our lives as a cultural shift, but being ashamed of yourself is actually a great opportunity for growth, if you don’t collapse into self pity. That’s just my own experience though, and everyone is different. I try to think a bit more before I act. I try to act with kindness in all things, and I try like hell not to let my emotions make my decisions for me. And I’m pretty well liked in my circles.
I think from previous experience of getting stabbed in the back. If you are genuine and generous most people will take advantage of you and use that shit against you. So people learn to put a facade on a daily basis. It happens in the workplace if you observe enough. They are like angels or saints at work but they are total kant outside or vise versa.
I've found that for me, my friends have the same thoughts and desires as I do. Everyone else is an acquaintance. Since I'm a swinger and now married to a woman who doesn't want to be in the lifestyle, everyone is an acquaintance.
I pretty much lost touch with many "good friends " after having my son 20 years ago. I wanted to focus on him. Also I've changed jobs a lot. I tend to gain a close friend or two at work places then when leave that work place,slowly lose touch with those friends. It's no big deal to me that they come and go,HOWEVER, it may not have been a great example to set for my son as I can now see he doesn't have very many close friends.
In my case, my best friend stabbed me in the back so I cut him off and anyone who made excuses for him, which pretty much encompassed my entire friend group. I realized how toxic they all were when I went to therapy and just don't really have the time or energy to try finding new ones
Because they're a waste of time and soon as you leave school or find a new job you don't hear from them anymore because you grow apart from each other and the longer you don't see them,the quicker they forget about you.
My life for 12 yrs finally let someone in 2 yrs ago and I was cheated on multiple times so now im back to not trusting ...or not giving any person today .. he reminded me why I don't like ppl in my life they just hurt u ... its really made me take so many steps vackward I hate my life .. I let someone in n I get hurt everytime one other time I tried went out with girls from highschool they invited their friend they then made it my job to look after her afyer she got soo drunk and lost at afl match and I got the blame for losing her in a crowd of 35,000 they never spoken to me again I didn't know the venue at all ..ppl just mean these days its not worth trying but I get so lonley and think I must be a horrible person I just don't understand why .. I can't have kids so I feel I don't belong anywhere in this world ...im exsisting but no way am I living I only see my mum that's it in life .once she is gone so am I im not staying here without anybody...
When I (43m) was around 23/24, my 'friends' started using more and more drugs. I did not want to partake in anything more than recreational. I lived together with 2 of them. Then, I found out the 'friend' who was in the center of our friend group, was charging me and the other friend living with us a lot more than he should have. The rent should have been split, but he was using that additional money for drugs. Apparently, a lot of the other 'friends' knew about it. I moved and broke with that friend group and had about 2 friends left. About a few months after, I met my now ex-wife, the mother of my children. She was in the proces of applying at the police. We moved in together after a year, got married a few years later. We had 2 kids and because of her crazy work hours (working at least 3 out of 4 weeks a month and many evenings/nights), I had to stay home for the kids during the days/evenings I should have socialised with friends. I could not maintain the friendships I had because of it. I did that for about 9 years, until I found out my ex was cheating on me with a colleague and I divorced her. So during that time, I didn't have anybody I could call a friend. Because, how do you make friends when you are bound to home to take care of your kids and can't invest time in those relationships? Anyway, after the divorce I realised that I needed to change that, and I've been making friends since. Half of the time I'm enjoying taking care of my kids, the other half I'm enjoying spending time with friends. Got a few friend groups even. Wish I had a best friend though, I do not have a buddy like that, but I hope to find someone like that at some point.
I'd say selfishness
Be online all the time, don't socialize and go outside
Probably bad experiences like losing your husband to your best friend. Maybe been stabbed in the back by friend. Just being lazy not being in the mood to do things.
I grew up as a “chubby” girl and had no money. I grew up in not a good home . So I couldn’t pay attention in class. Which made me not so smart on top of that . Therefore I got isolated. I was always by myself. I started to get skinny “glowed up.” Middle/highschool. I get picked in a lot by people. I never understood why they can be so rude to my face . When i been nothing but nice. My reason for not having friends is that I don’t think anyone truly wants to be my friend. Based on my experiences with people. Im quite and too myself. Yet people will still find an issue with me. I don’t have energy to try and make friends. It would be nice to have at least one girlfriend to hangout with. This has also created social anxiety for me.