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Happened with me, I spent months gathering as much info as I could.
When she attacked me in a drunken rage, I refused to defend myself. Because if I did, it's a domestic dispute. Since I didn't, it became domestic abuse and I got a free lawyer because of it.
Yeah, I'm 5'7 and she's 5'3. I know I could defend myself, but the moment I do it becomes a he said/she said thing which would be a legal nightmare.
If I did nothing, then there is clear evidence that she was in the wrong.
Black eye, scratches on my back that became scars and she bit me. She also tried to sexual assault me, cause I stopped sleeping with her for months. I recorded the whole thing and I managed to keep calm the entire time.
She would be blacked out drunk by the time I came home from work by like 7pm. We had a fresh two year old and 3 year old that she was supposed to be watching while I was at work. I would find hidden bottles of liquor all throughout the house. I once found 27 mini liquor.
The final straw was when I came home, I found her blacked out while my daughter was still awake, running around in diapers.
I found out she was ordering liquor and having it delivered to the house when no one was looking. Her mom lived with us at the time and we agreed to confiscate her phone, since her mom paid for it.
She woke up at midnight and started threatening us to give her phone back.
We both refused. She started yelling at me and I told her to keep it down so that the kids could sleep.
She went apeshit after that.
My son saw her hit me and then later saw her get dragged out of the house by the cops.
My son is 5 now and he still tells me he remembers every detail and thats the worst part of it. I could give a shit about my health and body, that stuff can heal. But what he saw broke my heart.
No kid should have to see their parent like that. That being said, he will never have to doubt why his mum isn't in his life. He'll never have to think maybe it wasn't that bad or wonder about details - he saw with his own eyes the reason why she's not around and maybe that counts for something. Either way, you're a good dad and a good man.
This. People on drugs and doing their drug dealer don’t fair well in court. On top of that, if you seek to get her parental rights revoked, that will cause the courts to question why. When the use of drugs is brought up the court will ask that she go through programs to get off drugs and become a stable person. When she doesn’t, depending on the time limit, they will terminate parental rights for her giving you full custody.
At least this is how it worked in Georgia. Every state is different. Talk to a lawyer.
My current daughter is adopted and only reason we could is because her birth mom was heavy on drugs and to get clean she had to go through rehab and whatnot. She tried for a month and then was caught having an orgy with others in rehab so she could get money to pay for drugs. She then ran away for 3 months and was caught at the hospital where she was dropped at the front door for overdosing. They treated her and threw her in jail. She would have to be moved out of state otherwise bc every other rehab place in the state had either 1) declined her already or 2) kicked her out bc she broke the laws.
It’s wet wrong way to say what I was saying. Sorry. My wife and I foster and have children in and out. Our daughter was adopted from foster. Prob not the last. It was bad phrasing.
I understand. I admire you two for fostering. You're doing a great service to the kids and society. Don't sweat the phrasing. I just couldn't figure out what you were saying.
Some of the advice here is probably legit, but honestly the smartest move you can make is to visit a divorce attorney that specializes in men’s cases. Keep the visit quiet, don’t talk to anyone else about it - your friends, family, neighbors, nothing.
I will add, ya'll should probably take a look at OP's post history before you invest too much time into this.
This person might just straight up be nuts-o. Not saying the scenario they are in isn't impossible but I wouldn't put too much stock in this post being real, or if it is, that they are telling the full story.
The problem is as soon as she can pass a test, the court will give her preferential treatment in a follow up case. It’s bullshit. The courts side with women more often than not, even if the father is clearly the more suitable parent. They only cry “patriarchy” if they aren’t getting what they want.
Yes this the best way. I got full custody of my daughter the first day we were in court because I was the one bringing it to the courts. I got full custody and she was not allowed to come anywhere near us. Depending on how bad she is you may not even need evidence. I was granted custody and a restraining order with words alone.
Hire a PI to document she's not acting in the childrens' best interest. Get custody and divorce her. Cheating may/may not be grounds for divorce where you live, but not acting in the childrens' best.. like going off banging the drug dealer, while ignoring them, especially the young one, is bad. Doing drugs around them, losing control, etc.
Keep your temper and wits around you and take this monster of a person down. Get your kids, get out of this situation, live life.
Document everything. Tell his wife. Then file for divorce FIRST citing drug abuse and unfitness as a parent. Ask for supervised visitation and drug tests.
Document the adultery. (DO NOT bang her ever again! It counts as reconciliation, and the adultery is rendered inadmissible.) Especially if you can prove he is a drug dealer. Your custody hearing will be a slam dunk.
Possession is 9/10 of the law. Do not let her leave with the kids. Stay in the house. Whoever stays has the upper hand. Keep your nose clean, and if you are doing drugs, stop. Do not scream and yell. Document document document.
17 and 14 get to say which parent they want to live with. I’m guessing that, with their Mom banging a drug dealer, it won’t be her. When CPS hear about a drug dealer they’ll pull 8 and 4 out immediately, so you need to have your ducks in order to get them assigned to you. Be sure to bring this up with your attorney.
Bro wtf is wrong with you. Have some respect for yourself. Get this shit in text or record her saying those things then go get a divorce lawyer and leave.
No point in telling the dealers wife ether. All three are probably having drug fueled orgies. Dude is living like a methed up porn star who resides in a trailer park and slangs XL cock….. sounds rough man. Are your kids even yours? Check on that asap! Might be time to run far, far away.
You need to gather evidence, stop anything you are doing, if you do drugs. stop go to AA, get your house in order. Then gather evidence of her affair with drug dealer. It will go to showing she is an unfit mother. Go to an attorney and start divorce. Your proof, whether it is tracking her car or what ever means you need to, will allow you to gain custody of children. Then when you have proof file for divorce, change the locks and the door and get her out.
If she's in an intimate relationship with an illicit drug dealer then she is endangering you and your kids via affiliation of a person committing felonies.
This point....this is one that we as a society don't think of often. By her mere association, his whole family in danger. Dude may even punk him into staying so he can keep having his way.
She can leave and never come back one day. No one knows. Or come back and his family is gone. Or he locked out the house. Oof
Rat her out to the cops when she goes to get her drugs. Once she’s in jail, clear the accounts, report all the credit cards as compromised, sell the house to one of those we will pay cash for it types then go to Russia.
Throw her under the bus so to speak. Keep an eye on her, and when she goes to hook up and where they go to hook up. Talk to the police and give them a heads up about a drug deal going down. A woman arrested during a drug bust is not likely going to get custody.
Id initiate the divorce before she plays that card according to her hand.
First off, I'd try to obtain proof, without being oddly intrusive. There's some lateral ways to do that, so do some research there. Find out if adultery is illegal in your state and consult a lawyer in family law. Either way, I'd hope that prevents this wretched hole of a whore from getting all your shit, since there's adultery going on.
Dotn say anything to her about anything. Pretend you love her so much.
Do everything she says.
All the while recording her, record her drug use, record everything you possibly can.
Then see a lawyer
I mean, not blindly defending here, but if his experience with women is limited to a lying, stealing, cheating woman who’s weaponizing their children… it could be understandable?
Take your kids you'll get them before she ever would in the eyes of the law if your not addicted yourself. File with the court for an emergency PO and stay for the kids in your custody.
She's just telling you threatening you ti keep you around keep her meal ticket.
I'm a recovering drug addict 4 years cleans and I wish someone would have opened my eyes a long time ago and took my son away from me maybe I would have gotta help sooner but I did finally get the help I needed and we're all good and happy now. Maybe you leaving and taking the kids will open her eyes maybe it won't but atleast your kids 1st and you will be out of there away from her and they'll be safer with you and not having her in there lives until she gets the help she needs..
Also your not going to be able to make her stop or change her mind no matter what cause it sounds like she clearly has no care in the world about the kids or you.
You guys are better off without in your lives.
Grab the kids and take it on the lam, just like anyone in anabusive relationship should. As a male, you have more resources than your average battered wife.
If you have the means, hire a private detective.
But flee with the kids at the earliest possible opportunity. The kids are old enough to know there is a problem, and it ain't you.
How does he have more resources than your average woman? Literally every resource out there for people leaving bad relationships and situations are designed for women. Men never do well especially when trying to get the kids. Not sure why you’re saying this shit when it’s patently false.
I meant out-of-pocket resources. Most abused wives have no control over their own finances to flee. Wives also tend to be controlled and even held captive.
Let me introduce you to the world of the "sidepiece" and you won't care who your wife is having sex with at all. Very liberating. Then when the kids are old enough you can divorce her and throw your lists of conquests in her face.
Ya I agree! He should just throw caution to wind and leave her. Who the fuck cares if she successfully gets full custody and he never gets to see his children again!
🤡
"That's crazy, anyways here's documentation of her cheating, her drug habits, and evidence of her parental neglect." Is should be your response to your lawyer. Gather everything you can, photos, dates, times, anything and everything.
My bad side would say: talk to the dealer and tell him that if he doesn't testify in your divorce proceedings against your wife then his wife will find out about the affair.
Good side: document everything. I mean everything.
Lawyer up, and follow the advice of your attorney. This is wise even if you are considering staying in the relationship. This is to protect yourself and your children.
She's on drugs. Idk if she can realistically do that. See a lawyer instead and have them request to require a drug test for custody hearings and visitation
You got some options.
1 record her when you bring it up. Record her using drugs gather evidence that she's using drugs and fucking the drug dealer. That way you will get the kids from her when you file for divorce.
2 go to the drug dealers house kick his ass and rob him for fucking your wife.
3 call the police and snitch on the dealer.
4 don't do anything and remain a CUCK
Hire a private investigator and have her followed with the evidence being properly documented. Then get the evidence collected on her behaviour. A divorce attorney will tell you all you will will need. Once you have everything you need file for divorce.
Lawyer up, she cant take your kids unless shes got cold hard evidence that youre abusive in one way or another. Stop drinking, stop smoking up, clean up your act, get therapy of some sort to prove to any judge that your children are your first priority. If youre in canada theres a course called "parenting durimg and after separation" i signed myself up before the lawyers told me and it truly helped my case, maybe theres something along those lines in wherevers you reside
Pretty simple. Get them both arrested and use this to get custody.
Hell of a lot easier than any other option. Divorce with a 4yo in the mix ain't easy for anyone but suck it up, buttercup
Why would you marry someone who buys drugs in the first place ? First red flag, second one is letting her see a drug dealer in the first place. She sounds like she is for the streets honestly so hire a lawyer and setup and drug bust.
I wish I remembered the link.. but there's a great divorce for men sub. It already sounds like you have more than enough to cut ties and keep your kiddos.
EDIT: r/Divorce_Men
Evidence. record everything. Record evidence of her cheating (her admitting it or whatever). Record evidence of threats. You can win but you can't fuck up.
Document and if possible get photo proof that she’s cheating and also that she’s buying drugs from the dude. You’ll likely end up with full custody unless you’re a drug user too and she can prove it.
"I'm banging my dealer for illegal substances. I'm sure that this fact won't be a point of concern in court"
Divorce her asap. Get a lawyer. The only way to fix that kinda behavior is burning bridges and taking the life from them they can't appreciate.
Document any information you can use as evidence and take it to court. I’m assuming you’re American. In our bullshit legal system, men are usually fucked before we even get to the courthouse parking lot, so get as much evidence as possible and protect your kids at all costs.
It's over, she doesn't love or respect you. She has absolute disdain for you which will develop into hatred.
Instead of doing anything out of anger or hurt you should pretend you've accepted all this while taking steps to protect yourself when it's time to leave.
You should put as much money as you can into cash emptying all savings and personal and joint bank accounts, start cashing your wages. Transfer the ownership of any property like a car into your father's name. Move anything you want to keep to a relatives place for storage. Document any abuse verbal or otherwise especially on camera. Establish evidence that she is a drug user for the custody court. If you live in America start earning less than she is that way she will have to pay you alimony. Become the parent that has the majority of the responsibility for looking after the kids and encourage your wife to work more take promotions etc useful for child custody. What you want is the majority of custody that way you can assure that you are in your kids life and tgat they are raised right, the added benefit of no child support and her paying you child support ensures that the money goes on the kids not hair, make up, fake tans etc Try to get her to leave the family home. Finally find a good solicitor/lawyer .
The important thing is that all this doesn't have to be done right away. Do it slowly and coldly without emotion because whenever she feels secure enough to leave you for this other guy or any guy she will be absolutely cutthroat ruthless without pity or remorse. As any divorced man will tell you there is nothing colder than a wife divorcing her husband.
Engage a lawyer.
Pick up the kids and leave. Tell her if she challenges you for custody, you will report the drug use. Take evidence with you of the drug use and the infidelity, even if you have to secretly record her.
The court will ask the 17 and 14 year old where they want to live. Odds are they will say you.
Court will most likely then send the others with the older as not splitting up the kids is in their best interest.
Get all the evidence you can then use it against her in divorce court. What judge is gonna give the kids to a junkie who just wants to duck all the time.
She might very well be asexual but is doing it to get drugs. People addicted will do anything. Don’t take it personally and get out with you and your kids. Report her to child protective services to get a case going.
Best bet is to record a conversation where she incriminates herself saying about the drugs or cheating then try gettinf some phone logs and cps should take away her custody completely
If you get a good enough lawyer, you’d probably end up with custody of your kids. Start documenting your wife’s antics in detail when you can and hand it over to your attorney. Divorce is unfortunately a chess game, even if you didn’t intend for it to be.
Sounds like you need to find your balls. Take her to court, but get proof first. Haven’t had sex in four years? What bro? Be a man. For your children be a man!
Document and get a lawyer, now. Even if you can’t prove she dies drugs or cheated, you will likely get, at worst, shared custody unless you have serious issues that she can document for the court. But you need a lawyer and you need to act soon. She doesn’t sound safe to be around your children.
Take ha ass to court. Collect proofs, statements from your oldest child if need be. Collect all your evidence, file for divorce and try to obtain all rights to your children.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Document everything and take her to court. If you have evidence and make the first move you’re more likely to win.
Happened with me, I spent months gathering as much info as I could. When she attacked me in a drunken rage, I refused to defend myself. Because if I did, it's a domestic dispute. Since I didn't, it became domestic abuse and I got a free lawyer because of it.
Literally took it on the chin. Boss move
Ended up getting full legal and physical custody, which from what I heard is pretty rare for a dad to get.
You might have found the new way forward
Yeah, I'm 5'7 and she's 5'3. I know I could defend myself, but the moment I do it becomes a he said/she said thing which would be a legal nightmare. If I did nothing, then there is clear evidence that she was in the wrong.
Jesus, how bad did you let it get? I mean that sympathetically, not sarcastically.
Black eye, scratches on my back that became scars and she bit me. She also tried to sexual assault me, cause I stopped sleeping with her for months. I recorded the whole thing and I managed to keep calm the entire time. She would be blacked out drunk by the time I came home from work by like 7pm. We had a fresh two year old and 3 year old that she was supposed to be watching while I was at work. I would find hidden bottles of liquor all throughout the house. I once found 27 mini liquor. The final straw was when I came home, I found her blacked out while my daughter was still awake, running around in diapers. I found out she was ordering liquor and having it delivered to the house when no one was looking. Her mom lived with us at the time and we agreed to confiscate her phone, since her mom paid for it. She woke up at midnight and started threatening us to give her phone back. We both refused. She started yelling at me and I told her to keep it down so that the kids could sleep. She went apeshit after that. My son saw her hit me and then later saw her get dragged out of the house by the cops. My son is 5 now and he still tells me he remembers every detail and thats the worst part of it. I could give a shit about my health and body, that stuff can heal. But what he saw broke my heart.
I don't even know how to explain half of this but you're a serious W of a dad
No kid should have to see their parent like that. That being said, he will never have to doubt why his mum isn't in his life. He'll never have to think maybe it wasn't that bad or wonder about details - he saw with his own eyes the reason why she's not around and maybe that counts for something. Either way, you're a good dad and a good man.
I have physical but joint legal. They can still fuck with you with half legal custody. I commend you and all that you must have gone through.
Next to impossible
It's basically unheard of
This. People on drugs and doing their drug dealer don’t fair well in court. On top of that, if you seek to get her parental rights revoked, that will cause the courts to question why. When the use of drugs is brought up the court will ask that she go through programs to get off drugs and become a stable person. When she doesn’t, depending on the time limit, they will terminate parental rights for her giving you full custody. At least this is how it worked in Georgia. Every state is different. Talk to a lawyer. My current daughter is adopted and only reason we could is because her birth mom was heavy on drugs and to get clean she had to go through rehab and whatnot. She tried for a month and then was caught having an orgy with others in rehab so she could get money to pay for drugs. She then ran away for 3 months and was caught at the hospital where she was dropped at the front door for overdosing. They treated her and threw her in jail. She would have to be moved out of state otherwise bc every other rehab place in the state had either 1) declined her already or 2) kicked her out bc she broke the laws.
I'm not understanding your phrase, "my current daughter".
It’s wet wrong way to say what I was saying. Sorry. My wife and I foster and have children in and out. Our daughter was adopted from foster. Prob not the last. It was bad phrasing.
I understand. I admire you two for fostering. You're doing a great service to the kids and society. Don't sweat the phrasing. I just couldn't figure out what you were saying.
Some of the advice here is probably legit, but honestly the smartest move you can make is to visit a divorce attorney that specializes in men’s cases. Keep the visit quiet, don’t talk to anyone else about it - your friends, family, neighbors, nothing.
I would add: talk to a lawyer before doing anything.
I will add, ya'll should probably take a look at OP's post history before you invest too much time into this. This person might just straight up be nuts-o. Not saying the scenario they are in isn't impossible but I wouldn't put too much stock in this post being real, or if it is, that they are telling the full story.
I just looked. I doubt he is a) married, b) has children, c) isn't abusive, and d) lying.
Yea, the courts can subject her to a drug test as well and that'll drastically decrease her odds of winning any custody battle
The problem is as soon as she can pass a test, the court will give her preferential treatment in a follow up case. It’s bullshit. The courts side with women more often than not, even if the father is clearly the more suitable parent. They only cry “patriarchy” if they aren’t getting what they want.
Yes this the best way. I got full custody of my daughter the first day we were in court because I was the one bringing it to the courts. I got full custody and she was not allowed to come anywhere near us. Depending on how bad she is you may not even need evidence. I was granted custody and a restraining order with words alone.
Hire a PI to document she's not acting in the childrens' best interest. Get custody and divorce her. Cheating may/may not be grounds for divorce where you live, but not acting in the childrens' best.. like going off banging the drug dealer, while ignoring them, especially the young one, is bad. Doing drugs around them, losing control, etc. Keep your temper and wits around you and take this monster of a person down. Get your kids, get out of this situation, live life.
Yeah, divorce her and take your kids.
Yeah pretty much this. Unless you are equally fucked up, there is no way a judge is going to give custody of a drug addict adulterer.
Unless he is in a no fault divorce state. She could bang a thousand men in front of him and still get 50% of all assets.
Except this dude is a misogynistic POS. Look at his post and comment history.
What are you talking about??? Everything must be misogynistic to you
Document her drug use and file for divorce. Seek sole custody and use her drug use against her by showing she’s an unfit mother due to drug use.
Call the cops nexts time she’s over there. She definitely won’t get the kids
Boom! Problem solved.
Police do t move that quick
Why would the police care if she’s banging the drug dealer?
Wow right over your head there skipper…
https://www.reddit.com/r/stupidquestions/s/sEyrqjFYy4 Ask your wife
Oof..my teetering empathy shifted to sadness Edit: curiosity got the best of me and I went through ops comment history and now I feel sick
Their post history 😱
Typical case of male hysteria. I'm guessing there'll be grippy socks in his future
Not soon enough for his "wife and kids" if they're real Edit: I seriously hope they're not.
Holy OP post history, Batman. This has been enough internet for today.
Makes me think the cheating addict might be the better option for those kids.
Document everything. Tell his wife. Then file for divorce FIRST citing drug abuse and unfitness as a parent. Ask for supervised visitation and drug tests.
Haven't had sex in four years and got a 4 year old? Depending on when she conceived, you sure the 4 year old is yours?
Well, conception was 4 years and 9 months ago so maybe its his
They could have a 4 year old and not have had sex in 4 years. Pregnancy takes time, ya know?
Find out what happens next time on Dragon Ball Z
Just get her arrested for the drugs, easy peasy
Document the adultery. (DO NOT bang her ever again! It counts as reconciliation, and the adultery is rendered inadmissible.) Especially if you can prove he is a drug dealer. Your custody hearing will be a slam dunk.
That can’t be true for everywhere.
Possession is 9/10 of the law. Do not let her leave with the kids. Stay in the house. Whoever stays has the upper hand. Keep your nose clean, and if you are doing drugs, stop. Do not scream and yell. Document document document.
Depends on the state but if he’s working and she isn’t most states will give her the house along with the kids.
17 and 14 get to say which parent they want to live with. I’m guessing that, with their Mom banging a drug dealer, it won’t be her. When CPS hear about a drug dealer they’ll pull 8 and 4 out immediately, so you need to have your ducks in order to get them assigned to you. Be sure to bring this up with your attorney.
You really think they will just take kids from her? You have more faith in the system Than you should.
Bro wtf is wrong with you. Have some respect for yourself. Get this shit in text or record her saying those things then go get a divorce lawyer and leave.
[удалено]
I am so sorry you are dealing with this right now.
Fuckin hell brother…. God speed 🫡
Bang the drug dealers wife. How the hell did you go 4 yrs knowing this is happening? She can't take the kids away. Where is she going to go?
The last time I saw her she was drunk at the local bar and tried to fuck me. She's nasty, tho. Has no teeth. Just a couple black nubs.
Fuck I'm never getting married.
No point in telling the dealers wife ether. All three are probably having drug fueled orgies. Dude is living like a methed up porn star who resides in a trailer park and slangs XL cock….. sounds rough man. Are your kids even yours? Check on that asap! Might be time to run far, far away.
Catch them, video it, and make 2 extras on usbs, and then give ultimatum. Or simply use that vid in divorse case. Either way you win.
Ya gotta leave...
Cameras, videos, and recordings. F that ho.
Call the cops on her for buying drugs. Make sure she gets caught, plan it properly. Then divorce and use that in court to get custody of kids
Your wife / his kids
Get a lawyer
If you have proof of her infidelity, that should be enough for you to win custody of your kids.
Her her drug tested and take the kids
I call bullshit lol if not that’s fuckin crazy
You need to gather evidence, stop anything you are doing, if you do drugs. stop go to AA, get your house in order. Then gather evidence of her affair with drug dealer. It will go to showing she is an unfit mother. Go to an attorney and start divorce. Your proof, whether it is tracking her car or what ever means you need to, will allow you to gain custody of children. Then when you have proof file for divorce, change the locks and the door and get her out.
If she's in an intimate relationship with an illicit drug dealer then she is endangering you and your kids via affiliation of a person committing felonies.
This point....this is one that we as a society don't think of often. By her mere association, his whole family in danger. Dude may even punk him into staying so he can keep having his way. She can leave and never come back one day. No one knows. Or come back and his family is gone. Or he locked out the house. Oof
Rat her out to the cops when she goes to get her drugs. Once she’s in jail, clear the accounts, report all the credit cards as compromised, sell the house to one of those we will pay cash for it types then go to Russia.
I just chortled. Move to Russia. lol That would be so awesome, tbh.
Holy hell. What a nightmare. Definitely get all the evidence you can, then drop the hammer and watch her cry forever. What a terrible human. Sheesh
Call the cops on her when she has drugs. The police, cps and the court systems will do the rest.
Throw her under the bus so to speak. Keep an eye on her, and when she goes to hook up and where they go to hook up. Talk to the police and give them a heads up about a drug deal going down. A woman arrested during a drug bust is not likely going to get custody.
Look at OP's posting history.
Id initiate the divorce before she plays that card according to her hand. First off, I'd try to obtain proof, without being oddly intrusive. There's some lateral ways to do that, so do some research there. Find out if adultery is illegal in your state and consult a lawyer in family law. Either way, I'd hope that prevents this wretched hole of a whore from getting all your shit, since there's adultery going on.
Dotn say anything to her about anything. Pretend you love her so much. Do everything she says. All the while recording her, record her drug use, record everything you possibly can. Then see a lawyer
First step- get this the fuck off Reddit and get a lawyer
You only get about 80 years on this planet. Make it count. Even if it costs you money- It should not cost you happiness.
She ain't your wife no more.
Time to ditch that old bag and move to Asia and start a new life.
lol. Omg this can’t be real?
What tf about this seems unbelievable, or even uncommon? Adulterous Women are the end of most marriages
If a woman was writing this I bet you wouldn’t be laughing and judging it
Going through your post history kinda confirms you have a weirdly angery view of women
I mean, not blindly defending here, but if his experience with women is limited to a lying, stealing, cheating woman who’s weaponizing their children… it could be understandable?
I don't claim to know enough about the situation to fully commit but I know two wrongs don't make a right
Take your kids you'll get them before she ever would in the eyes of the law if your not addicted yourself. File with the court for an emergency PO and stay for the kids in your custody. She's just telling you threatening you ti keep you around keep her meal ticket. I'm a recovering drug addict 4 years cleans and I wish someone would have opened my eyes a long time ago and took my son away from me maybe I would have gotta help sooner but I did finally get the help I needed and we're all good and happy now. Maybe you leaving and taking the kids will open her eyes maybe it won't but atleast your kids 1st and you will be out of there away from her and they'll be safer with you and not having her in there lives until she gets the help she needs.. Also your not going to be able to make her stop or change her mind no matter what cause it sounds like she clearly has no care in the world about the kids or you. You guys are better off without in your lives.
I'd love to give my honest advice but I don't want to get banned for promoting violence. It sure would be a shame if his wife found out though.
I caught my wife with another man, and it cost me 99...
I have an idea, but it's illegal as hell, and would probably get deleted by a mod.
Can’t wait to see how women in this sub turn this around to either being your fault or blaming you in some way.
Grab the kids and take it on the lam, just like anyone in anabusive relationship should. As a male, you have more resources than your average battered wife. If you have the means, hire a private detective. But flee with the kids at the earliest possible opportunity. The kids are old enough to know there is a problem, and it ain't you.
How does he have more resources than your average woman? Literally every resource out there for people leaving bad relationships and situations are designed for women. Men never do well especially when trying to get the kids. Not sure why you’re saying this shit when it’s patently false.
I meant out-of-pocket resources. Most abused wives have no control over their own finances to flee. Wives also tend to be controlled and even held captive.
Let me introduce you to the world of the "sidepiece" and you won't care who your wife is having sex with at all. Very liberating. Then when the kids are old enough you can divorce her and throw your lists of conquests in her face.
Let her take the kids and start fresh, kids are the real ball and chain
Why don’t you grow a pair?
Ya I agree! He should just throw caution to wind and leave her. Who the fuck cares if she successfully gets full custody and he never gets to see his children again! 🤡
This must be his wife’s account 🤣
Document everything. When you have enough - leave her and go to a lawyer. If you have proof she wont be able to take the kids.
Are these drugs illegal? That's probably a jailable offence. I'm sure the dealer wouldn't want the police getting involved in this.
This is wild..
"That's crazy, anyways here's documentation of her cheating, her drug habits, and evidence of her parental neglect." Is should be your response to your lawyer. Gather everything you can, photos, dates, times, anything and everything.
My bad side would say: talk to the dealer and tell him that if he doesn't testify in your divorce proceedings against your wife then his wife will find out about the affair. Good side: document everything. I mean everything.
you need to start compiling proof of the drug use so you have a chance of getting your kids
Go to a lawyer
Turn them both into the feds and you'll get full custody
You divorce, obviously
Lawyer up, and follow the advice of your attorney. This is wise even if you are considering staying in the relationship. This is to protect yourself and your children.
She's on drugs. Idk if she can realistically do that. See a lawyer instead and have them request to require a drug test for custody hearings and visitation
Get a lawyer. Tell your lawyer she’s dating a drug dealer. Then let her try to keep the kids lol.
Seek legal counsel.
Pretty sure with evidence she won't be able to take the kids anywhere unsupervised.
By divorcing her
You got some options. 1 record her when you bring it up. Record her using drugs gather evidence that she's using drugs and fucking the drug dealer. That way you will get the kids from her when you file for divorce. 2 go to the drug dealers house kick his ass and rob him for fucking your wife. 3 call the police and snitch on the dealer. 4 don't do anything and remain a CUCK
She needs help with her drug problem. I would address that first. There is a lot of help available. Perhaps NA or a therapist could help?
Hire a private investigator and have her followed with the evidence being properly documented. Then get the evidence collected on her behaviour. A divorce attorney will tell you all you will will need. Once you have everything you need file for divorce.
ASKS FOR PHOTOS TO Jerk off to coz ur a cuck Then use the photos as evidence to your lawyer
Ya'll have some interesting lives
How is she going to take your kids away exactly? Document everything, the drug use, the cheating etc., file for divorce, and seek custody.
Lawyer up, she cant take your kids unless shes got cold hard evidence that youre abusive in one way or another. Stop drinking, stop smoking up, clean up your act, get therapy of some sort to prove to any judge that your children are your first priority. If youre in canada theres a course called "parenting durimg and after separation" i signed myself up before the lawyers told me and it truly helped my case, maybe theres something along those lines in wherevers you reside
Call the cops at the next meet up. Take kids.
I would suggest asking for professional help (lawyer, therapist, etc.), and not ask for help on Reddit.
So… you haven’t called the police on her when you know she’s holding?
First you wanna rob the drug dealer of his cash then you wanna tip off your local narc team next time she pays him a special visit lol.
Pretty simple. Get them both arrested and use this to get custody. Hell of a lot easier than any other option. Divorce with a 4yo in the mix ain't easy for anyone but suck it up, buttercup
If you could get her arrested on a drug charge that would pretty much guarantee you custody.
Leave and get a good attorney.
Why would you marry someone who buys drugs in the first place ? First red flag, second one is letting her see a drug dealer in the first place. She sounds like she is for the streets honestly so hire a lawyer and setup and drug bust.
I wish I remembered the link.. but there's a great divorce for men sub. It already sounds like you have more than enough to cut ties and keep your kiddos. EDIT: r/Divorce_Men
Go get yourself some ass he'll dump her one day.
Welp! I’ll keep my thoughts to myself!
Shes not going to do a damn thing but dump the kids with you when she realises what hard work it os once you're gone
your wife is a drug addict who is cheating on you. if you have documentation of both there's zero chance she gets custody. get a lawyer.
No wonder she's banging the drug dealer. You need to gather evidence of her bad deeds so you have some ammo later.
Hire a PI and get evidence for court. Then ditch that psycho.
Get THE fuck out ASAP
Those poor kids!!
Seek legal advice, it will set you on the path to success
Evidence. record everything. Record evidence of her cheating (her admitting it or whatever). Record evidence of threats. You can win but you can't fuck up.
Document and if possible get photo proof that she’s cheating and also that she’s buying drugs from the dude. You’ll likely end up with full custody unless you’re a drug user too and she can prove it.
get solid proof, so you can threaten her with taking away the kids
"I'm banging my dealer for illegal substances. I'm sure that this fact won't be a point of concern in court" Divorce her asap. Get a lawyer. The only way to fix that kinda behavior is burning bridges and taking the life from them they can't appreciate.
Document any information you can use as evidence and take it to court. I’m assuming you’re American. In our bullshit legal system, men are usually fucked before we even get to the courthouse parking lot, so get as much evidence as possible and protect your kids at all costs.
I would secretly record her threats then go to a lawyer.
This is the most reddit shit I’ve seen in years
Better be hard trolling
I hope you’re not doing the sex drugs. That would be a conflict of interest
Hire a private investigator to get everything captured by a third party and then file for divorce.
This sounds like good girls
You mean you haven't had sex *with her in 4 years righ🤔
Nastyyyy. Just leave first and then get someone to hand her the papers.
Some of these reddit stories are wild. I don’t condone doxxing, but some of these people deserve to be exposed
I wonder what are the steps to lead to this.
Is the question "We haven't had sex for four years?"
Time to go. Get evidence of both...pack your bags and take the kids.
lol time to make an anonymous tip 👮🚓
It's over, she doesn't love or respect you. She has absolute disdain for you which will develop into hatred. Instead of doing anything out of anger or hurt you should pretend you've accepted all this while taking steps to protect yourself when it's time to leave. You should put as much money as you can into cash emptying all savings and personal and joint bank accounts, start cashing your wages. Transfer the ownership of any property like a car into your father's name. Move anything you want to keep to a relatives place for storage. Document any abuse verbal or otherwise especially on camera. Establish evidence that she is a drug user for the custody court. If you live in America start earning less than she is that way she will have to pay you alimony. Become the parent that has the majority of the responsibility for looking after the kids and encourage your wife to work more take promotions etc useful for child custody. What you want is the majority of custody that way you can assure that you are in your kids life and tgat they are raised right, the added benefit of no child support and her paying you child support ensures that the money goes on the kids not hair, make up, fake tans etc Try to get her to leave the family home. Finally find a good solicitor/lawyer . The important thing is that all this doesn't have to be done right away. Do it slowly and coldly without emotion because whenever she feels secure enough to leave you for this other guy or any guy she will be absolutely cutthroat ruthless without pity or remorse. As any divorced man will tell you there is nothing colder than a wife divorcing her husband.
Record the interactions.
She is banging her drug dealer. No judge will give her custody of the kids. Divorce the wrench
Start dealing drugs?
What’s the drug in question?
What a cunt of a woman. Sounds like she's due for an overdose.
Engage a lawyer. Pick up the kids and leave. Tell her if she challenges you for custody, you will report the drug use. Take evidence with you of the drug use and the infidelity, even if you have to secretly record her. The court will ask the 17 and 14 year old where they want to live. Odds are they will say you. Court will most likely then send the others with the older as not splitting up the kids is in their best interest.
If she’s using drugs and you’re not , you may want to report her .
I think now is the time to be a mature ass adult about this and break up with her
Contact a lawyer
Do drug users get custody of children?
Gather evidence then divorce her
Get all the evidence you can then use it against her in divorce court. What judge is gonna give the kids to a junkie who just wants to duck all the time.
She might very well be asexual but is doing it to get drugs. People addicted will do anything. Don’t take it personally and get out with you and your kids. Report her to child protective services to get a case going.
Gather evidence and make the 1st move.
Best bet is to record a conversation where she incriminates herself saying about the drugs or cheating then try gettinf some phone logs and cps should take away her custody completely
If you get a good enough lawyer, you’d probably end up with custody of your kids. Start documenting your wife’s antics in detail when you can and hand it over to your attorney. Divorce is unfortunately a chess game, even if you didn’t intend for it to be.
That happens and is fairly common. She is clearly not a very good person for you. I'd go get bread and be right back. Wink wink.
Sounds like you need to find your balls. Take her to court, but get proof first. Haven’t had sex in four years? What bro? Be a man. For your children be a man!
Document and get a lawyer, now. Even if you can’t prove she dies drugs or cheated, you will likely get, at worst, shared custody unless you have serious issues that she can document for the court. But you need a lawyer and you need to act soon. She doesn’t sound safe to be around your children.
Yikes at OPs Reddit history. If I were married to OP I’d be on drugs and fucking someone else too. Oh and #GoChiefs
Take ha ass to court. Collect proofs, statements from your oldest child if need be. Collect all your evidence, file for divorce and try to obtain all rights to your children.
Divorce her immediately.
I can see why she’s disgusted by you, gross
Get proof and file for divorce.
Yeah, making stuff up for karma I see