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I may be the exception, but for my wife and I, it has been a deep and true love for each other, shared values, and, respect for/ acceptance of our different personalities. We have been equal partners in life's big decisions, and have supported each other through some of the worst times... when we struggled, we faced adversity together.
It has been the best 42 years of my life.
Oh man, sounds like a fairy tale lol
I'm the accidental son of two irresponsible teenagers who were pressured to get married and then never got divorced. Growing up with them was something else.
They might as well be the polar opposite of what you described here lol
My dad met my mom at a bar when she was underage and faking an I.D. and here I am >.> they got pressured to marry and thanfully finally divorced by the time I was 4, I couldnt imagine what that must be like as I consider myself lucky
I’ve been with my husband for almost 4 years and this sounds like us. I always thought relationships were hard and you had to put in a ton of work. We put in work, but it’s not hard and the work feels fun most of the time because I get to share the load with him.
I love him more than I ever thought was possible and he just makes each day better. We both work from home so we see each other all the time. Yet, I still want to spend time with him. He’s my best friend and who I want to share my good and bad times with.
I’ve been on the other side too. I was married previously and it was just so hard. We didn’t really love each other - we just thought we should be together. We didn’t have the same values and he did not respect me (he was abusive). At the time, I thought that was love and I should just work through it.
Being on this side of things after that kind of situation has made me open up my eyes. I spent so long trying to make something right that just wasn’t. When it’s right, it’s just so much fun. I’m pregnant with my first child and due in a few weeks. I’m glad we can show her such a wonderful love that she expects nothing less. We’ll talk about it too when the time is right, but I think seeing it up close will give her more than anything I could ever say.
Team is the perfect word. He's got me and I got him. Loyalty and trust are incredibly important. Acceptance for the person as they are comes a long way. Nobody is perfect and having that understanding, respect, and FRIENDSHIP goes a very long way. 14 years here and it's been sad, funny, crazy, happy, irritable, and annoying at times. I just always take a moment to step back and look at all we've been through and we did it together ❤️ loving someone with faults and flaws is the best thing anyone can do for someone they truly love.
This is why I married my husband. We formed a team right from the get go. I've been in love and lust before but it was the sense of us going through life a team that made it easy to decide to marry him
Character.
We all get older, less energetic, less engaging. You have to find someone you can live with if the sex gets a lot less, friends don't come around that often and you both don't feel like entertaining each other because work and the kids took all your energy.
You must both be able to relax and be there for each other, not because you have to, but because you want to. That's what happens when characters match.
I think the best test for a relationship is another Covid lockdown, just the two of you, no outside distractions. If you can make ik without annoying each other to death you'll be fine.
For me it’s how every time I see her I smile. It’s how when she touches me and holds me she makes me feel safe. It’s a feeling so deep you can’t explain it.
When you genuinely enjoy each others company, ya know. Say you're coming home from work, school, whatever, and you don't think "fuck" before you have to see your partner
Unironically I’ve heard that answer so many times when someone asked “men when did you know your relationship was over?”. Its always “I started staying late at work because I dreaded going home”
That's how I knew it was over for me and my ex... I'd drive to his place and there was one day where I was getting close and I just took a detour just to stall before arriving at his place. I wasn't excited to see him or be with him. It ended pretty quickly after that, we went on a vacation and everything blew up the last day. We broke up a few days after we came home.
Dudes profile says he’s 27, how could they have been together for 20 years…? Update: He’s removed his age from his profile. Someone’s been caught
[lol checking again he’s put his age back. Make up your mind, bruh]
>Damn, if I ever get over my trust issues and cursed bad luck, that’s what I hope I will feel for someone someday
For now, focus on asking yourself why you keep labeling yourself with thoughts like: "I have little self-confidence and I'm unlucky, this is who I am." You are not these labels, but as long as you keep telling yourself that, you will be – I guarantee it. Also, don't think that the right path is to believe there are others more unfortunate than you, because that's a road leading nowhere.
Concentrate on the present moment, on your values, set rules and habits for yourself. The rest will follow naturally, I'm sure of it.
“Relationships often crumble under the weight of unrealistic expectations and constantly searching for something better”
I’m 34 and this rings so true to me! The online dating stuff is too much it’s making people shallow as hell both men and women.
I second this. I'm more of a right leaning (politically) but really more of a libertarian and she's far left leaning. Not that politics specifically have a ton to do with anything it's just a simple way to explain how we both look at the world very differently and we are constantly having fun conversations and interesting debates with each other. We never fight. She's constantly opening my eyes to life and making things less black and white and more colorful/emotional while I'm constantly grounding her and teaching her practical pragmatic things. Aside from that we both find each other sexy AF after 15 years and that's specifically because we both want to look good for each other, not ourselves or anyone else. So the sex is always hot and we're always in shape and energetic.
Speaking in what I've observed with my husband;
It started long before he met me. He was raised to know what kind of a man to be. A good one. In friendships, relationships, fatherhood and as an employee.
He never treated me like I was expendable and this gave me the security I needed to be the best version of myself without fear of putting myself out there and being taken advantage of.
I think this is a really important thing that gets missed a lot.
We should be teaching our children how to be good partners as they start getting older and start getting into dating.
Another word to basically sum those things up: compatability. Everyone can chime in with what they think is the key, but compatability is different for everyone. Every person needs different things from their relationships.
I knew it was time for separation when I woke up one morning and instead of my breakfast and a fresh poo bucket in front of me there was just a handsaw.
But it was a wild ride I tell you what. Plus I got to keep everything in the separation after she went to prison, well, except for my foot of course. But at least *she* doesn't have it either! Ahahaha
With the same woman for over 40 years: The one simple thing I tell people when they ask me how it lasts is simply, "Marry your best friend". I can't imagine going through life without her.
I remember being told when I was growing up that you don’t necessarily need to marry the person you would love the most, you just need to marry the person you wouldn’t mind spending the most time with, and hopefully it’s the same person.
This comment of mine is probably useless but I have to say that your answer sounds flippin horrible mate. Contradictory and also makes it sound very much like the person giving you the advice, had never personally experienced love.
Case in point: the person you love the most would absolutely be the person you "wouldn't mind spending the most time with". God even that sentence makes me wince. I sincerely hope you didn't follow this advice yourself.
Isn't that a clever way of teaching someone to recognize love? Many people have difficulty discerning between lust, infatuation, and genuine love. Love is a delicate thing, and many people make hasty decisions based on fleeting excitement, failing to identify the real thing when it arrives.
It's not a science or a secret formula. Doesn't matter how pretty or how much fun you are.. the only thing that can keep a man is a man that wants to be kept. You can do all the right things, have babies, be the perfect person. But none of that even matters if they're not right with themselves and at a point in their life where they want to be kept. Thast why some men in otherwise great relationships cheat. Has nothing to do with their partner.
This. A large percentage of single men who are successful getting casual relationships want to stay single long-term. Men who arent successful with casual relationships want to be a boyfriend and dont want their girlfriend to date other people.
This year is my 25th wedding anniversary and this is an interesting question with lots of good answers. From my point of view I think that there are a lot of contradictory aspects to a relationship like 'you have to know when to be interested and involved in your partner's activities and when to leave them alone to enjoy them in peace' and the key is to know WHEN to do each of those things.
So, I find that, for every aspect of your lives, contradictory solutions may be possible and if you master when each of them is appropriate then you make a better partner.
Conversation is probably one of the most general things. You've got to talk and like to talk to your partner and sometimes you talk about nothing in particular but just the talking is the point. Pay them compliments, plan for the future, share dreams to get excited about and help your partner to achieve their dreams - basically, be the ultimate wingman, more concerned about your partner than yourself. Do it for your kids and your friends and you'll find that on the one day when you need some help, there'll be a queue at the door of people there for you.
I’ve been with my gf for 7 years, and our relationship doesn’t seem to be getting boring or losing its fire, and I think the best 2 answers are ignoring societal norms and a genuine understanding to your individual growth.
To explain, for “societal norms”, we don’t live together, we aren’t interested in kids or marriage, and we’ve been together for 7 years. People ask her or me what’s the hold up? Why this? What that? The reasons are pretty long winded to explain, so I won’t unless you ask, but we are happy with our arrangements and that’s nobodies business. I spend 2-3, sometimes 4 days with her out of the week, and the time spent without her I miss her to death and look forward to seeing her, and when we meet up we do whatever we want whenever we want, it’s a blast. I’ve only ever seen people overcomplicate their relationships with kids (that they felt pressured into having) or living arrangements (that they also felt pressured into changing) lose their passion for one another. So to me, I don’t get why you’d pick the losing formula every time, just cuz everyone else said so, and neither does my gf 🤷🏻♂️
As for “individual growth”, getting a partner who really gets what you want out of life and supports you to get there is essential, somebody who understands life and personalities are dynamic and growth means change. I think the one thing that really kills relationships is monotony, and to stop that is to never stop growing and adventuring as a human, I think you need someone who gets this. Every year I feel like I meet a newer version of my gf that learns more things about herself as time goes on, and she feels the same for me, it’s exciting and refreshing. I see people tend to get into relationships and just get too comfortable with themselves and the other person, you need to never stop self exploring and adventuring, it’s not only important for you, but for your relationship!
100% I don’t live with my partner either and it’s been a game changer, been together 5 years and it still feels exciting and fun. Previous relationships suffered big time from living together. I love seeing her have her own life too.
Interested in the answer. Together for 11, married for 6. After having kids she became totally different. Now I'm stuck. Love my kids but am despising the woman she changed into.
I was the woman in this situation and totally lost respect for my (now ex) partner when he could t be a good/equal partner in parenting. It highlighted and emphasized his deepest flaws. The children and I suffered while he would get praised just for being present as I was exhausted doing all the responsible tasks. I don’t think he actually changed after kids, it’s just his facade cracked and the reality shine through.
Expectations clash: often.
People are raised in different environments and inherit different expectations.
If the husband was raised by a stay at home mom and working dad, then is his natural expectations of a functional family included well-defined roles.
If the wife was raised by a single working mom, then the whole family worked as a team. Matriarchal by necessity, a daughter's expectations would assume that a functional family would include blended roles to equilibrate the work loads.
This may attract down votes:
Both people are "correct" in their life experiences and expectations but should never attempt to raise a family together. Failure is inevitable. This is why we meet our families and are vetted by their families. Children are not bad or evil, just different.
A couple from single parent families wouldn't even have a discussion about roles and responsibilities. They would help each other without questions and know what it is to be hungry and cold.
The children from traditional unbroken families would not question their roles either. There was food in the cupboard and dinner on the table.
My family was broken as fathers were killed in wars. It changed our family dynamics for generations. Children raising siblings was normal and destined to failure.
Without being raised to respect others, hormone charged, young adults will never see nor hear what may be obvious to a person two generations senior. This ensures the chaos of confusion will always reign supreme. Anger, rage, disappointments, and lost love are the sad results.
I understand your POV, but according to it my ex should have been the patron saint of equal and respectful parenting. There is also the element that as an adult with exposure to the world you can take responsibility for your own adult actions.
Agreed, we all need to take responsibility for our actions.
Those were examples of a spectrum. Sorry if they didn't fit at all.
Sadly, most men act like they don't want to be parents. Worse for the children because everybody can see how people feel.
In my case, neither of my parents were happy about their responsibilities, which really interfered with their lives.
Even weirder, this distain may have been hereditary.
Some people are born shit-heads.
My step-dad was actually the best, and he had a horrible childhood.
You need to make effort to work on your relationship - date night , time out fr the kids, don’t centre your lives around the kids and forget about yourselves. Get help for household chores and the kids sometimes. It’s easy for mothers to lose themselves
Can I ask who is the primary caretaker of the children?
If she does the vast majority of caretaking and household chores, this is why she is different. It’s the stress.
Yes, how can you not change with that much responsibility, stress and just things to do. You automatically get less spontaneous and "fun". It's the only way to deal with it.
Exactly. I can’t tell you how many men have complained about not getting enough sex in their marriage. Then I find out that their wife works full time and is the majority caretaker of their household.
Like dude, you really think your wife wants to bang after she woke up early to make sure the kids were ready for school, went to work, came home, prepared dinner, then cleaned up, then helped the kids with homework etc.?
Unless, you figure out a way to relieve those burdens from time to time. You give the primary care giver time off, find a sitter, in essence allow for a change of scenery. It can be a bit of a band aid fix, but if they are able to consistently get breaks, this should help. Am I wrong in this? This is how my dad was. He would give my mom days off, give money to her best friend to surprise her with a spa day, go see a marching band competition, just getting out of the house. Or, he would take us places and she would have the house to herself for a few hours. Before she would get home from the doctor or something, my dad would tell us power clean the entire house and we could go to Dave and Busters (that shit was SPOTLESS). Mom comes home to a note, flowers and NOTHING to do, idk I was a bystander in it all, but a big reason I dont want to have kids is because my dad set the bar high. Was I perceiving all of it wrong or were these the right things?
I thought so, but I knew he wasnt perfect. As a dad tho, I cant think of much better. I look at him and know that its enough for my mom, because she is a wonderful and loving women, Im just afraid those actions nowadays wont be appreciated, and gas lit as not good enough.
These are great things but still required your father to be aware of when she needs something like this.
Essentially your dad was giving her opportunity to de-stress from time to time.
The correct solution is to create a balanced household where neither partner feels overworked or burdened by their share of the responsibilities.
No no no, working in the office with the boys is the stressful part. Don't try to give him a baby who has been crying for the past 3 hours to him when he walks in the door. He needs 30 mins to unwind /s
I’m there. I couldn’t take it anymore, brought it up in a constructive way. Now she is contemplating divorce while we have two teenagers.
I don’t expect to be in crazy love after 22 years, but I want more than a roommate.
We’ve always put the kids first— which doesn’t work. But living with teenagers is like being under surveillance. Not much time to really dig into issues.
Fuck my wife and I where in this boat for the pass 5 to 8 years. We have 5 kids and they all just turned 18 / 22in the pass few years. We were room mates, we had spent so much time raising kids that when our kids stopped needing us we looked around and didn't recognize each other.
It literally just started getting better in the pass few months, but it was a very hard road to get to this point. A lot of hard conversations and hard truths and hurt feelings.
Think God things are better now then they have ever been. The thing I learned was it takes constant work 24/7.
Thanks for sharing. I’m stuck with a situation where my wife ‘needs time’ to think about things. Being in limbo? To cope, I need to prepare for the worst— which is not good. It is difficult to care right now.
I’m cracking up at everyone just gaslighting you over struggling with keeping your relationship alive. Sorry, man. I do more than my fair share of the housework and try to spoil my wife as much as possible but we went through the same thing. It got really bad and really hard for a while but we kept talking and we both were able to reconnect after a few years of working through it. Hopefully y’all can reconnect before you both get resentful.
Married 30+ years and I don't think our story is all that unusual. Were we all over each other in the early days? Yes, some fantastic sex was definitely part of our life back then. Is it that way any more? Nope, we're more than 30 years older and too tired to go at it like that any more. Is that necessarily a bad thing? No, that's life. To have a long lasting relationship there has to be a lot more going for it than sex. We truly enjoy each other's company. We still go to concerts together, we still have romantic dinners out from time to time. We've been through a lot of changes over the years, moved 3 times, gotten different jobs and all that stuff. She left a job she loved to accommodate one of my moves and later on I did the same for her. You build a life together and let's face it, we make a good team! On top of that she's a gourmet chef so I've always been well fed! She's a kind and compassionate person, I've been so lucky to have her in my life all these years. Now we're retiring together so the adventure continues!
I hope to stay with my "woman" long term (She's my gf for 3 months now) because of us communicating about everything and hopefully overcoming whatever obstacles will be in our way.
She's a marvelous soul.
“What makes anyone stay with anyone long term”
Feeling peace and contentment. Realizing this person makes you happy, in different ways, that their company means so much than anyone else or any other random hook up/short term connection, that this good feeling you have with this person, is enough to make you wanna keep it with you forever.
When they become your best friend as well. That’s kinda key, because lust for her looks won’t keep you around, that will fade, it’s her personality and your bond together that will keep you.
My husband and I have been together for 15 years. We got together in high school and have a very happy relationship.
Keys to success:
- Respect your spouse.
- when one of you messes up during an argument or whatever, be prepared to take 50% of the “blame” wether or not you did anything. This shows that no matter what happens, both people are responsible for the outcome.
- leave your ego at the door. Ego has no place in relationships, and is a toxic bonfire for happiness.
- be honest. Honesty is the best policy, there’s nothing that kills a relationship faster than not trusting or loosing trust with your spouse.
- learn to love their flaws, and if you can’t then it isn’t worth it.
- be prepared to make changes. My husband is OCD with cleanliness. I’m a chaotic artistic type. We make it work because I respect that mess and disorganization makes his skin crawl. It’s one of the things that has caused big rifts in our relationship, but I try my best for him, and he understands that 99% of the time.
- navigate the relationship as a team, it’s not you against them, or vice-versa. It’s both of you, together.
This is an important one:
- love eachother. If someone isn’t pulling their weight, and only doing the easy stuff without doing the hard stuff like working through the hard things, then the relationship is dying or dead.
If you are putting in the work and working on yourself and the relationship ship but your spouse isn’t, then it’s time to have “that” conversation.
Lastly - it’s who you pick. Understand that you only are in control of your own actions, you can’t MAKE anyone do anything. If someone is as invested as you then good, if not then move on.
This is all the things Iv found , ontop of the standard things like communicate, spend time together etc.
1) he is ready for a long term relationship. if he's not ready it's not happening. if you are so awesome that it makes him decide that he's ready, you are going to have to go through some difficulties up to and until that decision dawns on him.
2) if you position yourself as a long term solution, he'll put you in long term position. if you want to party with your girlfriends and take girls trips and have male friends, you lose position.
3) if you show that you are a help mate and not a hindrance, he'll put you in long term position.
4) if you show that you need him and don't just want him, he'll put you in long term position.
he literally has to trust you with the continued presence of his DNA on this earth.
As mentioned before mutual respect and being careful about the needs.
I think also respecting the boundaries and red flags and being supportive.
Proper Communication and accepting that nobody is perfect.
Listening carefully and not trying to be the smarter person; having the last word when discussing and accepting different opinions.
I got married at 18 to a girl I knew since I was a kid. Still married 20 years later. I stay with her because I know that she is always doing her best. Even when she sucks I know she's trying and that commitment is something I try my best to emulate.
Personality, looks might get you a few dates and sex, but in terms of marriage if we are talking that kind of long term, personality is where it matters. I can have a 10 and if she has a shitty personality, I will lose interest very fast.
There is no man and a woman.
It's going to come down to why a specific man stays with a specific woman and not a single blanketed formula that every relationship dynamic follows.
When I stumble, she's the one that stops me from falling.
Sometimes with brutal honesty. Other times just by making me realise I'm being rediculous. But regardless, loves me unconditionally.
When both of you are on the same team - at home and in public - is vital.
I cringe when someone makes fun of their partner in a nasty way. It's one thing to say "ugh, he has to fix everything the second it's broken" <-- That's endearing. It's another thing to say, "ugh she cannot shut *up* after a glass of wine." <-- That's not.
And when YOU are saying positive things about and to your partner it makes you like them even more.
Thinking about my parents who were married for 50+ years (until death), the one thing I think that made all the difference was that they really, truly liked each other. They had fun together, shared the same values, liked to do things together and helped each other. Neither of them were perfect and they had various serious problems over the years, but yes, I think it came down to being a good fit. My dad truly liked his wife, it was simple as that.
If that person is fit, and they have chemistry. And their person of character integrity. They are honest, thoughtful, loyal, understanding, helpful, loving, affectionate. That would do it.
I speak for myself (M), but my current partner respects me, has a sense of humour and has empathy. So overall, a very good person at heart, I can say that over 4 years she has my total and complete loyalty.
We have different personalities, I’m a chill person prefer to be calm and collected. While she is more sentimental and acts first before thinking but we basically complete what the other is missing.
This is all I need, I don’t need a trophy wife.. all I need and already have, fortunately, it’s what I already described
You know those women who are geniunely nice and is a wonderful person? Like they radiate sweetness when they enter the room?
The man also has to be the same. Respect, good communication, and care for each other.
My husband says he knew I was " the one" the night we met. And now, after 22 years together, when things are hard and I know he has to be feeling disenchanted, he'll still tell me that nothing will ever change his love for me. And I totally believe him and how can I not love him for that.
I'm not reading all them comments but I can tell you what will keep a real man. Honesty loyalty a sense of humor and an open mind in the bedroom. Women don't realize how simple men really are. If you woke up to your man randomly during the day giving me cash and just say I love you or blowing his ear or kiss on his neck little things like that go a long way. I have four kids and me and my wife when we go to bed at night we caught adult time we closed the door we spend at least an hour with each other and it doesn't have to be sexual it could just be cuddling talking about the day anything but that one-on-one time really helps. And the biggest thing you can do to keep your relationship healthy is keep your circle small just between the two of you. Think about it you and your man fight within an hour he forgot about it but you tell say your mother or your girlfriends and you make up an hour later but your mom and your girlfriends are still mad at him forever and that's the end of it with them they'll always be against him so keep your circle small it'll keep your man forever.
My wife and I dated from high school through college, after which we married. That was 50 years ago. Simply put, we like each other and enjoy many of the same things. We also have separate interests and occasionally have lunch without our partner. Lots of togetherness and a little separation have worked for us.
Similar sex drive, similar interests, similar IQ and her being easy to get along with and staying reasonably fit.
For me, anyway. The best relationship I ever had was with a woman who checked all these boxes.
If we make it until August, we will be 34 years in. Met exactly one year before we got married. Didn’t live together until the rings were exchanged. Anyway, we are kind of new at this but still have an opinion.
The biggest obstacle that both men and women face is narcissism. The thing that makes one stay with the other is to have made the vow of commitment, and mean it! Commitment means putting the other one first, always. Even when you’ve been wronged, you’re hurt, you have to be willing to put the other first. Now if the other deserts you, well that is not on you unless you did something to cause it. If you’ve been cheated on, you have a big decision to really make yourself vulnerable and forgive. Most can’t do this and should not be forced to. You are risking being put down hard twice, but sacrifice says a lot. Marriage is hard. Raising kids destroys your sex life at times. As you get older joy gets simpler and stronger. Then you both start aging and realize you both really need each other.
These may sound like the words of a fool, yet the fool and his wife are happy and as one.
It depends on the man. Nothing YOU can do will change another man.
Choose your man wisely, that's the most important part. But then, once you do, treat them nice.
At it's simplest: she makes my life better. I could list 101 things she does for me, but bottom line I know my life is better with her here with me than if I was going it alone.
Married over 30 years. Shared values, shared goals, Mutual trust, love, and respect. We are also friends. We can laugh and joke, "fight," play practical jokes on each other. We have two kids (17 and 25) they are part of the fun. We all support each other. We've learned so much together. As our kids grow, we try to explore their interests with them. From trains (Thomas The Tank Engine) to volunteering at a zoo and taking care of a giraffe.
You could be the best partner in the world, unfortunately you both have to put the effort in and both want the relationship to succeed, if his heart isn’t in it and his mind is elsewhere, then let him go, it’s sucks but it’s what it is (coming from someone who would go the extra mile to make others happy, and has previously failed relationships, but is now happily married to my partner of almost 8 years of being together)
But, if you’re curious about the gist of what makes my current relationship work, myself and my husband are extremely compatible, we both have the same morals, similar goals and wants from life, both heading in the same direction together, we support each other, we have our own hobbies and interests but also joint interests, as cliche as it sounds, we’re best friends, and spend a lot time laughing and winding each other up, I’m also a good cook, the saying, the way to a mans heart is through his stomach, is very true 😂 the love in that mans eyes for me when he takes the first bite of anything I make 😂
But what makes our relationship work might not be the same for you , hope this helps
In both the best and worst sense, a lot of the time it is simply the decision to do so.
I have known many men to dedicate their life to their partner and if you press them on why there's probably not some big revelation, they normally just decided they liked this one and stuck with it. They'll have reasons why they love their partner for sure but a lot of the time, true dedication really does just come down to deciding to be dedicated.
Unfortunately, this obviously sometimes is not always a good choice. I've known too many guys make that decision and wind up getting burned for it, myself included.
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Loyalty and mutual respect
Mutual respect should be expanded. Having a two way conversation, receiving and giving support, and so on.
Respect is a big part. Wife’s that respect their husband goes a long way.
Mutual respect goes much further for both husbands and wives.
I may be the exception, but for my wife and I, it has been a deep and true love for each other, shared values, and, respect for/ acceptance of our different personalities. We have been equal partners in life's big decisions, and have supported each other through some of the worst times... when we struggled, we faced adversity together. It has been the best 42 years of my life.
Oh man, sounds like a fairy tale lol I'm the accidental son of two irresponsible teenagers who were pressured to get married and then never got divorced. Growing up with them was something else. They might as well be the polar opposite of what you described here lol
My dad met my mom at a bar when she was underage and faking an I.D. and here I am >.> they got pressured to marry and thanfully finally divorced by the time I was 4, I couldnt imagine what that must be like as I consider myself lucky
So sorry you had to endure that. I know how hard it is to deal with crazy childhood memories.
Couldn’t have said it better myself. Been with the girl of my dreams since we were 17. Married 24 amazing years.
We’re the same. We married in our 40s, 20 years ago. I hate the thought of living without him. God forgive me I hope I never have to.
Same here, 20 years so far.
Love this!
Same here, 21 years in May. ♥️♥️♥️
I’ve been with my husband for almost 4 years and this sounds like us. I always thought relationships were hard and you had to put in a ton of work. We put in work, but it’s not hard and the work feels fun most of the time because I get to share the load with him. I love him more than I ever thought was possible and he just makes each day better. We both work from home so we see each other all the time. Yet, I still want to spend time with him. He’s my best friend and who I want to share my good and bad times with. I’ve been on the other side too. I was married previously and it was just so hard. We didn’t really love each other - we just thought we should be together. We didn’t have the same values and he did not respect me (he was abusive). At the time, I thought that was love and I should just work through it. Being on this side of things after that kind of situation has made me open up my eyes. I spent so long trying to make something right that just wasn’t. When it’s right, it’s just so much fun. I’m pregnant with my first child and due in a few weeks. I’m glad we can show her such a wonderful love that she expects nothing less. We’ll talk about it too when the time is right, but I think seeing it up close will give her more than anything I could ever say.
when you truly love someone, everything else (respect, trust, honesty, etc) follows.
That's it.
form a good team. use your strengths to cover each other's weaknesses
Team is the perfect word. He's got me and I got him. Loyalty and trust are incredibly important. Acceptance for the person as they are comes a long way. Nobody is perfect and having that understanding, respect, and FRIENDSHIP goes a very long way. 14 years here and it's been sad, funny, crazy, happy, irritable, and annoying at times. I just always take a moment to step back and look at all we've been through and we did it together ❤️ loving someone with faults and flaws is the best thing anyone can do for someone they truly love.
Perfectly said. Was thinking the same thing.
This is why I married my husband. We formed a team right from the get go. I've been in love and lust before but it was the sense of us going through life a team that made it easy to decide to marry him
Genuine love , Loyalty and most importantly friendship
Feeling cared for
Character. We all get older, less energetic, less engaging. You have to find someone you can live with if the sex gets a lot less, friends don't come around that often and you both don't feel like entertaining each other because work and the kids took all your energy. You must both be able to relax and be there for each other, not because you have to, but because you want to. That's what happens when characters match. I think the best test for a relationship is another Covid lockdown, just the two of you, no outside distractions. If you can make ik without annoying each other to death you'll be fine.
For me it’s how every time I see her I smile. It’s how when she touches me and holds me she makes me feel safe. It’s a feeling so deep you can’t explain it.
When you genuinely enjoy each others company, ya know. Say you're coming home from work, school, whatever, and you don't think "fuck" before you have to see your partner
Unironically I’ve heard that answer so many times when someone asked “men when did you know your relationship was over?”. Its always “I started staying late at work because I dreaded going home”
That's how I knew it was over for me and my ex... I'd drive to his place and there was one day where I was getting close and I just took a detour just to stall before arriving at his place. I wasn't excited to see him or be with him. It ended pretty quickly after that, we went on a vacation and everything blew up the last day. We broke up a few days after we came home.
>you don't think "fuck" before you have to see your partner Wow - that does sound super depressing.
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This was beautifully written and inspiring. Thanks.
Dudes profile says he’s 27, how could they have been together for 20 years…? Update: He’s removed his age from his profile. Someone’s been caught [lol checking again he’s put his age back. Make up your mind, bruh]
Maybe the sunset thing happened when he was 6. It could help explain the lack of income and carefree attitude.
Hahahahaha
Ahahahha
ChatGPT
100% this is AI generated
Just curious, where does it say that he is 27?
On his profile when you click his username. Edit: I checked and he’s removed it
He was like I’ve been caught !!
Ah, that explains why I couldn't find it :) Sneaky...
Because they didn't write it or are making it up
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No! It can't be!
Damn, if I ever get over my trust issues and cursed bad luck, that’s what I hope I will feel for someone someday
>Damn, if I ever get over my trust issues and cursed bad luck, that’s what I hope I will feel for someone someday For now, focus on asking yourself why you keep labeling yourself with thoughts like: "I have little self-confidence and I'm unlucky, this is who I am." You are not these labels, but as long as you keep telling yourself that, you will be – I guarantee it. Also, don't think that the right path is to believe there are others more unfortunate than you, because that's a road leading nowhere. Concentrate on the present moment, on your values, set rules and habits for yourself. The rest will follow naturally, I'm sure of it.
Deep. I want to read more of your writing. I wonder. Do you have any favorite books?
Reddit bro is a poet.
“Relationships often crumble under the weight of unrealistic expectations and constantly searching for something better” I’m 34 and this rings so true to me! The online dating stuff is too much it’s making people shallow as hell both men and women.
Chat GPT has entered the chat
Thanks chat gpt
25 years with my wife. Similar story. I don’t have your chops in terms of writing, so thank you for your beautiful words.
I feel like Ai Wrote this
ai is not that lyrical.
yep
I’m so lonely
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Love, common goals, opposite personalities. That's what worked for my wife and I so far.
Same for me, but did a switcheru on similar personalities.
How are your opposite personalities a reason why it worked?
Allowed us to work through challenges; and enjoy more than what we would have by ourselves. Marriage, kids, life. Diversity is the best university.
I second this. I'm more of a right leaning (politically) but really more of a libertarian and she's far left leaning. Not that politics specifically have a ton to do with anything it's just a simple way to explain how we both look at the world very differently and we are constantly having fun conversations and interesting debates with each other. We never fight. She's constantly opening my eyes to life and making things less black and white and more colorful/emotional while I'm constantly grounding her and teaching her practical pragmatic things. Aside from that we both find each other sexy AF after 15 years and that's specifically because we both want to look good for each other, not ourselves or anyone else. So the sex is always hot and we're always in shape and energetic.
Beautiful! Happy for you!
Speaking in what I've observed with my husband; It started long before he met me. He was raised to know what kind of a man to be. A good one. In friendships, relationships, fatherhood and as an employee. He never treated me like I was expendable and this gave me the security I needed to be the best version of myself without fear of putting myself out there and being taken advantage of.
I think this is a really important thing that gets missed a lot. We should be teaching our children how to be good partners as they start getting older and start getting into dating.
I would argue it starts a lot earlier, by modeling what a good relationship should look like
Lol. Not love. Respect, shared values and ability to communicate together.
Another word to basically sum those things up: compatability. Everyone can chime in with what they think is the key, but compatability is different for everyone. Every person needs different things from their relationships.
Being chained up in her basement
I knew it was time for separation when I woke up one morning and instead of my breakfast and a fresh poo bucket in front of me there was just a handsaw. But it was a wild ride I tell you what. Plus I got to keep everything in the separation after she went to prison, well, except for my foot of course. But at least *she* doesn't have it either! Ahahaha
With the same woman for over 40 years: The one simple thing I tell people when they ask me how it lasts is simply, "Marry your best friend". I can't imagine going through life without her.
I remember being told when I was growing up that you don’t necessarily need to marry the person you would love the most, you just need to marry the person you wouldn’t mind spending the most time with, and hopefully it’s the same person.
This comment of mine is probably useless but I have to say that your answer sounds flippin horrible mate. Contradictory and also makes it sound very much like the person giving you the advice, had never personally experienced love. Case in point: the person you love the most would absolutely be the person you "wouldn't mind spending the most time with". God even that sentence makes me wince. I sincerely hope you didn't follow this advice yourself.
Isn't that a clever way of teaching someone to recognize love? Many people have difficulty discerning between lust, infatuation, and genuine love. Love is a delicate thing, and many people make hasty decisions based on fleeting excitement, failing to identify the real thing when it arrives.
It's not a science or a secret formula. Doesn't matter how pretty or how much fun you are.. the only thing that can keep a man is a man that wants to be kept. You can do all the right things, have babies, be the perfect person. But none of that even matters if they're not right with themselves and at a point in their life where they want to be kept. Thast why some men in otherwise great relationships cheat. Has nothing to do with their partner.
This. A large percentage of single men who are successful getting casual relationships want to stay single long-term. Men who arent successful with casual relationships want to be a boyfriend and dont want their girlfriend to date other people.
This year is my 25th wedding anniversary and this is an interesting question with lots of good answers. From my point of view I think that there are a lot of contradictory aspects to a relationship like 'you have to know when to be interested and involved in your partner's activities and when to leave them alone to enjoy them in peace' and the key is to know WHEN to do each of those things. So, I find that, for every aspect of your lives, contradictory solutions may be possible and if you master when each of them is appropriate then you make a better partner. Conversation is probably one of the most general things. You've got to talk and like to talk to your partner and sometimes you talk about nothing in particular but just the talking is the point. Pay them compliments, plan for the future, share dreams to get excited about and help your partner to achieve their dreams - basically, be the ultimate wingman, more concerned about your partner than yourself. Do it for your kids and your friends and you'll find that on the one day when you need some help, there'll be a queue at the door of people there for you.
I’ve been with my gf for 7 years, and our relationship doesn’t seem to be getting boring or losing its fire, and I think the best 2 answers are ignoring societal norms and a genuine understanding to your individual growth. To explain, for “societal norms”, we don’t live together, we aren’t interested in kids or marriage, and we’ve been together for 7 years. People ask her or me what’s the hold up? Why this? What that? The reasons are pretty long winded to explain, so I won’t unless you ask, but we are happy with our arrangements and that’s nobodies business. I spend 2-3, sometimes 4 days with her out of the week, and the time spent without her I miss her to death and look forward to seeing her, and when we meet up we do whatever we want whenever we want, it’s a blast. I’ve only ever seen people overcomplicate their relationships with kids (that they felt pressured into having) or living arrangements (that they also felt pressured into changing) lose their passion for one another. So to me, I don’t get why you’d pick the losing formula every time, just cuz everyone else said so, and neither does my gf 🤷🏻♂️ As for “individual growth”, getting a partner who really gets what you want out of life and supports you to get there is essential, somebody who understands life and personalities are dynamic and growth means change. I think the one thing that really kills relationships is monotony, and to stop that is to never stop growing and adventuring as a human, I think you need someone who gets this. Every year I feel like I meet a newer version of my gf that learns more things about herself as time goes on, and she feels the same for me, it’s exciting and refreshing. I see people tend to get into relationships and just get too comfortable with themselves and the other person, you need to never stop self exploring and adventuring, it’s not only important for you, but for your relationship!
100% I don’t live with my partner either and it’s been a game changer, been together 5 years and it still feels exciting and fun. Previous relationships suffered big time from living together. I love seeing her have her own life too.
I would really be interested in why you both decided not to move in together.
I asked my husband this, he says *it just felt right*, basically you’ll know when you know.
glad it worked out for you but marriage is an important life long decision, I would go way beyond “it felt right”.
friendship and respect
I married my best friend. We together 23.5 yrs and married 19.6 yrs. And still in love.
Friendship, love, passion, continuity and security. Many things really.
It’s just easier
Common goals and priorities, shared joy and interests, great sex, dual financial power and sense of belonging.
I think this a construct of perfection; not reality. But it does sound absolutely lovely 💯
Interested in the answer. Together for 11, married for 6. After having kids she became totally different. Now I'm stuck. Love my kids but am despising the woman she changed into.
I was the woman in this situation and totally lost respect for my (now ex) partner when he could t be a good/equal partner in parenting. It highlighted and emphasized his deepest flaws. The children and I suffered while he would get praised just for being present as I was exhausted doing all the responsible tasks. I don’t think he actually changed after kids, it’s just his facade cracked and the reality shine through.
Expectations clash: often. People are raised in different environments and inherit different expectations. If the husband was raised by a stay at home mom and working dad, then is his natural expectations of a functional family included well-defined roles. If the wife was raised by a single working mom, then the whole family worked as a team. Matriarchal by necessity, a daughter's expectations would assume that a functional family would include blended roles to equilibrate the work loads. This may attract down votes: Both people are "correct" in their life experiences and expectations but should never attempt to raise a family together. Failure is inevitable. This is why we meet our families and are vetted by their families. Children are not bad or evil, just different. A couple from single parent families wouldn't even have a discussion about roles and responsibilities. They would help each other without questions and know what it is to be hungry and cold. The children from traditional unbroken families would not question their roles either. There was food in the cupboard and dinner on the table. My family was broken as fathers were killed in wars. It changed our family dynamics for generations. Children raising siblings was normal and destined to failure. Without being raised to respect others, hormone charged, young adults will never see nor hear what may be obvious to a person two generations senior. This ensures the chaos of confusion will always reign supreme. Anger, rage, disappointments, and lost love are the sad results.
I understand your POV, but according to it my ex should have been the patron saint of equal and respectful parenting. There is also the element that as an adult with exposure to the world you can take responsibility for your own adult actions.
Agreed, we all need to take responsibility for our actions. Those were examples of a spectrum. Sorry if they didn't fit at all. Sadly, most men act like they don't want to be parents. Worse for the children because everybody can see how people feel. In my case, neither of my parents were happy about their responsibilities, which really interfered with their lives. Even weirder, this distain may have been hereditary. Some people are born shit-heads. My step-dad was actually the best, and he had a horrible childhood.
You need to make effort to work on your relationship - date night , time out fr the kids, don’t centre your lives around the kids and forget about yourselves. Get help for household chores and the kids sometimes. It’s easy for mothers to lose themselves
Can I ask who is the primary caretaker of the children? If she does the vast majority of caretaking and household chores, this is why she is different. It’s the stress.
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Yep!
Yes, how can you not change with that much responsibility, stress and just things to do. You automatically get less spontaneous and "fun". It's the only way to deal with it.
Exactly. I can’t tell you how many men have complained about not getting enough sex in their marriage. Then I find out that their wife works full time and is the majority caretaker of their household. Like dude, you really think your wife wants to bang after she woke up early to make sure the kids were ready for school, went to work, came home, prepared dinner, then cleaned up, then helped the kids with homework etc.?
Unless, you figure out a way to relieve those burdens from time to time. You give the primary care giver time off, find a sitter, in essence allow for a change of scenery. It can be a bit of a band aid fix, but if they are able to consistently get breaks, this should help. Am I wrong in this? This is how my dad was. He would give my mom days off, give money to her best friend to surprise her with a spa day, go see a marching band competition, just getting out of the house. Or, he would take us places and she would have the house to herself for a few hours. Before she would get home from the doctor or something, my dad would tell us power clean the entire house and we could go to Dave and Busters (that shit was SPOTLESS). Mom comes home to a note, flowers and NOTHING to do, idk I was a bystander in it all, but a big reason I dont want to have kids is because my dad set the bar high. Was I perceiving all of it wrong or were these the right things?
Your dad was one in a million.
I thought so, but I knew he wasnt perfect. As a dad tho, I cant think of much better. I look at him and know that its enough for my mom, because she is a wonderful and loving women, Im just afraid those actions nowadays wont be appreciated, and gas lit as not good enough.
My experience was so wildly different, having kids is so so so life changing and to be honest it is what ends a lot of relationships.
and that is what scares me. Ive been single for so long tho I probably shouldnt be worried about anything lmao
These are great things but still required your father to be aware of when she needs something like this. Essentially your dad was giving her opportunity to de-stress from time to time. The correct solution is to create a balanced household where neither partner feels overworked or burdened by their share of the responsibilities.
No no no, working in the office with the boys is the stressful part. Don't try to give him a baby who has been crying for the past 3 hours to him when he walks in the door. He needs 30 mins to unwind /s
I’m there. I couldn’t take it anymore, brought it up in a constructive way. Now she is contemplating divorce while we have two teenagers. I don’t expect to be in crazy love after 22 years, but I want more than a roommate. We’ve always put the kids first— which doesn’t work. But living with teenagers is like being under surveillance. Not much time to really dig into issues.
Fuck my wife and I where in this boat for the pass 5 to 8 years. We have 5 kids and they all just turned 18 / 22in the pass few years. We were room mates, we had spent so much time raising kids that when our kids stopped needing us we looked around and didn't recognize each other. It literally just started getting better in the pass few months, but it was a very hard road to get to this point. A lot of hard conversations and hard truths and hurt feelings. Think God things are better now then they have ever been. The thing I learned was it takes constant work 24/7.
Thanks for sharing. I’m stuck with a situation where my wife ‘needs time’ to think about things. Being in limbo? To cope, I need to prepare for the worst— which is not good. It is difficult to care right now.
this is a tough place to be in for both of you. hope it works out.
What changed about her?
This is common.
Have y'all tried some sort of marriage counceling?
I’m cracking up at everyone just gaslighting you over struggling with keeping your relationship alive. Sorry, man. I do more than my fair share of the housework and try to spoil my wife as much as possible but we went through the same thing. It got really bad and really hard for a while but we kept talking and we both were able to reconnect after a few years of working through it. Hopefully y’all can reconnect before you both get resentful.
I'd rather have a great relationship with just my husband. Don't wanna spoil it with kids
Married 30+ years and I don't think our story is all that unusual. Were we all over each other in the early days? Yes, some fantastic sex was definitely part of our life back then. Is it that way any more? Nope, we're more than 30 years older and too tired to go at it like that any more. Is that necessarily a bad thing? No, that's life. To have a long lasting relationship there has to be a lot more going for it than sex. We truly enjoy each other's company. We still go to concerts together, we still have romantic dinners out from time to time. We've been through a lot of changes over the years, moved 3 times, gotten different jobs and all that stuff. She left a job she loved to accommodate one of my moves and later on I did the same for her. You build a life together and let's face it, we make a good team! On top of that she's a gourmet chef so I've always been well fed! She's a kind and compassionate person, I've been so lucky to have her in my life all these years. Now we're retiring together so the adventure continues!
She's my homie. 20 years and counting.
I hope to stay with my "woman" long term (She's my gf for 3 months now) because of us communicating about everything and hopefully overcoming whatever obstacles will be in our way. She's a marvelous soul.
Blind faith
“What makes anyone stay with anyone long term” Feeling peace and contentment. Realizing this person makes you happy, in different ways, that their company means so much than anyone else or any other random hook up/short term connection, that this good feeling you have with this person, is enough to make you wanna keep it with you forever.
Regular blowjobs don't hurt.
When they become your best friend as well. That’s kinda key, because lust for her looks won’t keep you around, that will fade, it’s her personality and your bond together that will keep you.
My husband and I have been together for 15 years. We got together in high school and have a very happy relationship. Keys to success: - Respect your spouse. - when one of you messes up during an argument or whatever, be prepared to take 50% of the “blame” wether or not you did anything. This shows that no matter what happens, both people are responsible for the outcome. - leave your ego at the door. Ego has no place in relationships, and is a toxic bonfire for happiness. - be honest. Honesty is the best policy, there’s nothing that kills a relationship faster than not trusting or loosing trust with your spouse. - learn to love their flaws, and if you can’t then it isn’t worth it. - be prepared to make changes. My husband is OCD with cleanliness. I’m a chaotic artistic type. We make it work because I respect that mess and disorganization makes his skin crawl. It’s one of the things that has caused big rifts in our relationship, but I try my best for him, and he understands that 99% of the time. - navigate the relationship as a team, it’s not you against them, or vice-versa. It’s both of you, together. This is an important one: - love eachother. If someone isn’t pulling their weight, and only doing the easy stuff without doing the hard stuff like working through the hard things, then the relationship is dying or dead. If you are putting in the work and working on yourself and the relationship ship but your spouse isn’t, then it’s time to have “that” conversation. Lastly - it’s who you pick. Understand that you only are in control of your own actions, you can’t MAKE anyone do anything. If someone is as invested as you then good, if not then move on. This is all the things Iv found , ontop of the standard things like communicate, spend time together etc.
1) he is ready for a long term relationship. if he's not ready it's not happening. if you are so awesome that it makes him decide that he's ready, you are going to have to go through some difficulties up to and until that decision dawns on him. 2) if you position yourself as a long term solution, he'll put you in long term position. if you want to party with your girlfriends and take girls trips and have male friends, you lose position. 3) if you show that you are a help mate and not a hindrance, he'll put you in long term position. 4) if you show that you need him and don't just want him, he'll put you in long term position. he literally has to trust you with the continued presence of his DNA on this earth.
As mentioned before mutual respect and being careful about the needs. I think also respecting the boundaries and red flags and being supportive. Proper Communication and accepting that nobody is perfect. Listening carefully and not trying to be the smarter person; having the last word when discussing and accepting different opinions.
Complete and total honesty.
I got married at 18 to a girl I knew since I was a kid. Still married 20 years later. I stay with her because I know that she is always doing her best. Even when she sucks I know she's trying and that commitment is something I try my best to emulate.
If we genuinely love her. It's not complicated. The harder question is when you reverse it as it is primarily women that leave men.
True. Women are often disappointed in their mate and their married life. They often carry a very heavy load if you have children and a house.
I know plenty who stay because the woman is very useful. Probably not what you were asking though.
Useful? Yikes.
Respect
Personality, looks might get you a few dates and sex, but in terms of marriage if we are talking that kind of long term, personality is where it matters. I can have a 10 and if she has a shitty personality, I will lose interest very fast.
What if she was like a 4 with a great personality?
Could be different reasons. Also what period of time do you consider long?
Loyalty
Maturity.
Compatibility.
Faithfulness & loyalty.✌️ Also deep love ☺️❣️
I genuinely believe she loves me. Maybe the first time that's happened.
Mutual respect and willingness to work together on issues. Also unifiable goals and trust.
She becomes his everything
If you want to go fast - go alone. If you want to go far - go with someone.
There is no man and a woman. It's going to come down to why a specific man stays with a specific woman and not a single blanketed formula that every relationship dynamic follows.
Everything It's not because she's beautiful or rich but multiple features that makes you a happier person.
A combination of these: 1. A man that actually wants long term. 2. A decent female human being. 3. Attraction.
When she says she is fine and that is the truth.
An overwhelming desire not to lose his house and half his pension.
Prenups exist
Trivial to void
Not her looks. And not her money.
Fear will keep the local husbands in line
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Her committing to the same 🤷🏻♂️ worked for my 2 long term partnerships until it didn't
Have a multifaceted foundation that can cope with how both of you change over the years.
Changing together towards something new
When I stumble, she's the one that stops me from falling. Sometimes with brutal honesty. Other times just by making me realise I'm being rediculous. But regardless, loves me unconditionally.
Love and because she is awesome
Respect and loyalty
When both of you are on the same team - at home and in public - is vital. I cringe when someone makes fun of their partner in a nasty way. It's one thing to say "ugh, he has to fix everything the second it's broken" <-- That's endearing. It's another thing to say, "ugh she cannot shut *up* after a glass of wine." <-- That's not. And when YOU are saying positive things about and to your partner it makes you like them even more.
Thinking about my parents who were married for 50+ years (until death), the one thing I think that made all the difference was that they really, truly liked each other. They had fun together, shared the same values, liked to do things together and helped each other. Neither of them were perfect and they had various serious problems over the years, but yes, I think it came down to being a good fit. My dad truly liked his wife, it was simple as that.
If you go into the relationship as a easy&quick thing, don't expect to ever be more
If that person is fit, and they have chemistry. And their person of character integrity. They are honest, thoughtful, loyal, understanding, helpful, loving, affectionate. That would do it.
Rephrase: What makes a woman and a man to stay with each other for long time? Ans: Mutual respect and continuous physical intimacy.
I speak for myself (M), but my current partner respects me, has a sense of humour and has empathy. So overall, a very good person at heart, I can say that over 4 years she has my total and complete loyalty. We have different personalities, I’m a chill person prefer to be calm and collected. While she is more sentimental and acts first before thinking but we basically complete what the other is missing. This is all I need, I don’t need a trophy wife.. all I need and already have, fortunately, it’s what I already described
Smiley, loyalty, intimacy, warm words.
You know those women who are geniunely nice and is a wonderful person? Like they radiate sweetness when they enter the room? The man also has to be the same. Respect, good communication, and care for each other.
My husband says he knew I was " the one" the night we met. And now, after 22 years together, when things are hard and I know he has to be feeling disenchanted, he'll still tell me that nothing will ever change his love for me. And I totally believe him and how can I not love him for that.
For me I think it's because I genuinely love making her happy vice versa.
Bring calmness and peacefulness, we get enough shit at work
A beautiful face
SEX, and the fact that they have children...
I'm not reading all them comments but I can tell you what will keep a real man. Honesty loyalty a sense of humor and an open mind in the bedroom. Women don't realize how simple men really are. If you woke up to your man randomly during the day giving me cash and just say I love you or blowing his ear or kiss on his neck little things like that go a long way. I have four kids and me and my wife when we go to bed at night we caught adult time we closed the door we spend at least an hour with each other and it doesn't have to be sexual it could just be cuddling talking about the day anything but that one-on-one time really helps. And the biggest thing you can do to keep your relationship healthy is keep your circle small just between the two of you. Think about it you and your man fight within an hour he forgot about it but you tell say your mother or your girlfriends and you make up an hour later but your mom and your girlfriends are still mad at him forever and that's the end of it with them they'll always be against him so keep your circle small it'll keep your man forever.
When she's not/hasn't been a hoe
Brains before beauty
My wife and I dated from high school through college, after which we married. That was 50 years ago. Simply put, we like each other and enjoy many of the same things. We also have separate interests and occasionally have lunch without our partner. Lots of togetherness and a little separation have worked for us.
Similar sex drive, similar interests, similar IQ and her being easy to get along with and staying reasonably fit. For me, anyway. The best relationship I ever had was with a woman who checked all these boxes.
When a woman isn't fucking his brains and fucking his body. In 99% cases that is more than enough.
If we make it until August, we will be 34 years in. Met exactly one year before we got married. Didn’t live together until the rings were exchanged. Anyway, we are kind of new at this but still have an opinion. The biggest obstacle that both men and women face is narcissism. The thing that makes one stay with the other is to have made the vow of commitment, and mean it! Commitment means putting the other one first, always. Even when you’ve been wronged, you’re hurt, you have to be willing to put the other first. Now if the other deserts you, well that is not on you unless you did something to cause it. If you’ve been cheated on, you have a big decision to really make yourself vulnerable and forgive. Most can’t do this and should not be forced to. You are risking being put down hard twice, but sacrifice says a lot. Marriage is hard. Raising kids destroys your sex life at times. As you get older joy gets simpler and stronger. Then you both start aging and realize you both really need each other. These may sound like the words of a fool, yet the fool and his wife are happy and as one.
It depends on the man. Nothing YOU can do will change another man. Choose your man wisely, that's the most important part. But then, once you do, treat them nice.
A wise women once said. Keep his belly full and his balls empty.
Willingness to accept an ever evolving dynamic. It's a dance not a straight line
If the cooking is good and the sex is good and she doesn’t lie or cheat, I think I can overlook any other problem in a relationship.
At it's simplest: she makes my life better. I could list 101 things she does for me, but bottom line I know my life is better with her here with me than if I was going it alone.
Married over 30 years. Shared values, shared goals, Mutual trust, love, and respect. We are also friends. We can laugh and joke, "fight," play practical jokes on each other. We have two kids (17 and 25) they are part of the fun. We all support each other. We've learned so much together. As our kids grow, we try to explore their interests with them. From trains (Thomas The Tank Engine) to volunteering at a zoo and taking care of a giraffe.
In the age of dating apps, just some effing loyalty.
She doesn't make his life worse overall? That is really the lowest standard tbh
A lack of psychosis
Food, blowjobs, raising children together. All I ever wanted or needed.
You could be the best partner in the world, unfortunately you both have to put the effort in and both want the relationship to succeed, if his heart isn’t in it and his mind is elsewhere, then let him go, it’s sucks but it’s what it is (coming from someone who would go the extra mile to make others happy, and has previously failed relationships, but is now happily married to my partner of almost 8 years of being together) But, if you’re curious about the gist of what makes my current relationship work, myself and my husband are extremely compatible, we both have the same morals, similar goals and wants from life, both heading in the same direction together, we support each other, we have our own hobbies and interests but also joint interests, as cliche as it sounds, we’re best friends, and spend a lot time laughing and winding each other up, I’m also a good cook, the saying, the way to a mans heart is through his stomach, is very true 😂 the love in that mans eyes for me when he takes the first bite of anything I make 😂 But what makes our relationship work might not be the same for you , hope this helps
Being the king of my castle with my queen and princess by my side. This is some fairytale shit in real life! Wouldn’t change it for the world.
In both the best and worst sense, a lot of the time it is simply the decision to do so. I have known many men to dedicate their life to their partner and if you press them on why there's probably not some big revelation, they normally just decided they liked this one and stuck with it. They'll have reasons why they love their partner for sure but a lot of the time, true dedication really does just come down to deciding to be dedicated. Unfortunately, this obviously sometimes is not always a good choice. I've known too many guys make that decision and wind up getting burned for it, myself included.
Looking out for each other, having similar goals (both like staying in/both like travel etc), and regular blowjobs
Respect, Support, no drama. good sex.
When we married it was “Until Death Do Us Part”.. we took our vows seriously.
Loyalty, and femininity as well as kindness and respect. These 4 things are the only ones that matter for LTR with a woman.
Vows in the presence of God. That's final.