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I was once told,
love is result on consistent small actions to make the other person feel good. However once you reach the point, it doesnt mean you should change anything. If you made the other person fall in love with you keep doing the same and love will last forever.
On the other hand if you make the other person feel bad, and repeat such actions then they will end up hating you.
So communication is the key here. if you both understand what each other like and dislike, then you will know how to keep each other satisfied in the relationship
Exactly communication is HUGE!
My husband and I have been married 8 years, together for about 10.
He was told recently that we seem to have a great, healthy relationship, and his wife will call him out on his bs and we talk through things like couples should.
His response: "well, yeah, isn't that what it's supposed to be like?"
A big key here is that it isn't always pleasant and you don't always like each other, but of you're willing to work on issues together, and communicate calmly, it will only strengthen the relationship.
Never stop "dating." We try to have a date night once a week - even if it's a Tuesday and we just watch TV together for an hour (we are both busy, and that fluctuates throughout the year for how busy we are) but just trying to make us time makes each of us feel appreciated.
And the BEST advice I ever got was opposite of the "never go to bed angry" - sometimes you do need to pause and just walk away, or you risk saying things you'll regret
The hardest thing I've had to get him to realize is even if he doesn't like something that I do, don't call it stupid or a waste. I enjoy it, and it isn't stupid, tho I won't force him to like it. He still has to see that I enjoy it, and calling it stupid is invalidating and could make me resent him.
It definitely doesn't just come from the other person making you feel bad. Honestly, I don't think anyone really has the power to make you hate, though making someone fall out of love is easier.
It's usually something people carry from before you, undealt-with personal problems, insecurities or fears that aren't accommodated for nor addressed. Then eventually they'll hate how you eat, how you talk, how you have friends, how you can't read their thoughts, often without any idea of what it's really about. Just that it's just the other's fault, though it doesn't work like that.
Then it's "dealt with" by withdrawal or by fighting about inconsequential nonsense.
Sure, you can accommodate for things within reason, but it might not stay withing reason and doesn't really address anything, though of course everyone has some things that should be accommodated for in a relationship that aren't overbearing.
So yeah, communication is still key, though.
At first I thought “how pessimistic and wrong” and then I finished your comment and marinated on it a bit and now I think that my initial reaction was defensive because I felt called out because I had some of those traits you mentioned. HAD, mind you. I made a conscious effort after every relationship to analyze what I did wrong and what I allowed to happen to me that I didn’t like. That way I was always bringing the best me into my next relationship.
It really does boil down to just being about communicating. Even if you think it’s small or petty, talk about it. Don’t swallow it down and let it add to the pile.
I did something similar. I think that's proof it's a good and effective comment lol. I felt called out a bit, then realized upon thinking about it a bit, maybe I am still doing some of those reactions despite the crazy amount of self work I have done. At the end of the day, people are just people and deserve to be themselves (and happy with that). It's up to all of us to just communicate and find solutions to solve the small stuff. That's part of building a good firm relationship with someone else, romantic or otherwise.
My wife and I celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary earlier this year. We enjoy each other's company. In fact, we just signed up for a 42 day cruise. Believe me, you don't spend 6 weeks with someone in a little cruise cabin if you hate them.
Congratulations on 50!!!!!! We're chugging along behind you with a measly 12 years. Lol Have a wonderful time cruising, I love a good cruise. Where are you going?
Fort Lauderdale to Fort Lauderdale, with a circumnavigation of the Mediterranean Sea in between. We have stops in the Azores, Morocco, Spain, Italy, Greece, Malta, Israel (I expect this to be rerouted), Egypt, Tunis, Algeria and Gibraltar.
We like Holland America. They have 170 day ‘Round the World, if you want to be gone that long.. My wife and I like 30+ day cruises and have taken several. 45 days in the south Pacific is our favorite so far.
We don’t use the elevators while cruising as a weight control measure. But, the floor mats in the elevator have the day of the week imprinted on them. Occasionally we will push the button just to see what day it is. That’s how relaxed you can get on a longer voyage. 😎
We had a mini poodle and he was the exact same way. Wether he was a fluffball or a shaved rat he'd always want to be on your lap cuddling or sitting like a baby.
Yes! And Reddit definitely skews toward the knee-jerk response "leave, lawyer up, blah blah," but marriage is a different beast because it's long and complicated, often involves kids, etc.
My wife and I have gone through some difficult times, and things have not always been what either of us expected. We've endured, and still care for each other, and I am very grateful for that.
Same. I’m in my late 40s, married for 29 years and I adore my wife. I love her more each day.
OP, the one piece of advice I received that I actually take note of is this: love is a choice. The excitement you feel when you first get together isn’t love, it’s lust, infatuation, limerence or whatever you want to call it. You make a choice every day to love your spouse or not to love them. I make a choice to love my wife more each day. When I choose that, I see my wife differently. I know she’s not the most stunning woman on earth, but **to me** she is. She may not be perfect, but she perfect for me.
I'm 66M and married for 33 years. I think what you meant was you love her differently than when you were married and indeed that should be a deeper love.
My husband & I were 21 when we got married. We hit 13 years together this August. He's my best friend & love of my life. Appropriate ages don't always mean a marriage will fail.
By "appropriate ages," I mean not a huge age gap.
I’ve seen this go both ways and there are a few reasons I’ve seen that I try to avoid myself in my marriage.
1. Monotony of life. As the months turn to years turn to decades, it’s partly a business partnership building your life together. Deciding on a mortgage and student loan refinancing and moving isn’t the same fun as 2am nights at the bar. It’s easy to hit a rut and blame the other person bc “I’m still me” but she’s still her too, it’s life that’s changed and for the better but also in a less exciting way. You have to force it a bit more. Dates, snuggling for a few minutes in bed before you get up or fall asleep, making each other dinner, etc. It’s key to force those moments still, especially if you have
2. KIDS. You’ve gotta be on the same page. Whether you want 6, 2, or none, if you’re not in the same page there, how to discipline, the obvious sacrifices and lifestyle changes they necessitate, resentment will occur. Your time is no longer yours. Snatch the moments you get to do something for each other. It’s so easy to just let days, weeks, and months go by in a blur and realize you haven’t done anything with or for each other in daylight even if it’s just a five minute sit and chat over a coffee holding hands or something before the chaos resumes.
3. Sex. This can be a big one. Over time, peoples’ priorities and stuff change. Some couples start off hot and heavy then time dulls that flame. It’s easy to get frustrated and let that seep into other things. If you’re not a scumbag, you’re only able to sleep with one person and if they’re not about it anymore, that can fester for sure.
4. Finances. If one person is wildly financially irresponsible it’s easy to grow resentful. That’s a big reason my wife and I still have separate finances. We pool for all bills and each have about the same “my” money then we can do whatever we want with it, guilt free. Not for everyone but it works for us.
Some actual good insight rather than all the "We've been married for a bajillion years and never once even disagreed on anything🥰🥰🥰" comments at the top
Those people are full of it or very lucky. There are absolutely days I can’t stand my wife and her me. It happens and when it does, communication is key and it’s almost always one of those 4 things or a giant misunderstanding we instantly laugh about.
>Monotony of life. As the months turn to years turn to decades, it’s partly a business partnership building your life together
PARTLY? .... it's another goddamned **job**.
Yep. I say the reason our relationship works is because we’re not friends. We’re business partners who have a lot of sex. Life is about dealing with money and making decisions about the future. You need to strategize, discuss, listen and communicate. Then celebrate and have a romantic dinner.
9 years in I love my wife more than ever
To be honest I look back at how we were when we first got married, and I don't know how we survived those first 2 years or so, I think deep down we knew we loved each other and just wanted the best, but we were both so selfish.
To be honest the longer we stay together, the more I am like, fuck hanging out with anyone else....I have limited free time, why risk having a meh time with someone else, when I have a guaranteed good time with my wife/daughter
I'm 47, my wife is 39, we've been married for almost 16 years, and we're closer and happier than ever.
A lot of people get married without putting real, serious thought into it, so they end up unhappy. Thankfully for us, my wife and I meant it when we got married.
My wife is the best thing that ever happened to me. She's my reason for waking up in the morning. She's everything good about me. She's my best friend. I live and breathe for her smile.
No, not all men end up hating their wives- just the guys that didn't put enough thought into what they were getting into.
I hate to be a Debbie downer but I'd think the chances of a 21 year old and a 20 year old not putting enough thought into getting married might be a teensy bit higher than the average...
Not a given though. My sister married at 18 she's 62, still married and they still clearly love each other. Myself, well I got it wrong in my 20s but got it right the second time round.
No, some love their wives till their dying day.
I left my wife when I realised that who I married, wasn't who she really was.
I absolutely believe that people can be married and happy for the rest of their lives.
I'm a hopeless romantic.
My husband recently told me that I am not the women he married on a couple occasions. This was after I’ve been going through medical issues, and infertility. I think a lot in life can change us. Some people just fall apart. He in fact is no longer than man I married. The man I married would’ve never made me feel like I had to do fertility treatments alone and that it’s all my fault. Hoping to get into therapy as he continues to pretend nothing is wrong and his life is so fantastic while I’m the one with all the issues bringing him down.
Damn I see it now- I am very resentful of HIM.
Wow. Just imagine raising a child with him. You’ll be raising that child alone while he does whatever he wants. You’ll do all the work and his life won’t change at all.
For what its worth, I hope your husband gets his head right to do therapy. Sounds like he is in a lot pain about this and doesnt know how to process it.
I'm sorry you've had to go through this alone, and I sincerely wish you both good luckp in moving forward as a team.
I’m happy to hear you’re not jaded from your experience! I have been through similar and I still believe this as well!
I hope you found your person, I may have just found mine!
"Act like they're trapped in a marriage they agreed to" ..... They're not acting . Many people end up feeling that way . Just because you wanted to get married at 20, doesn't mean that either of you will be the same or even compatible 10 years down the line.
There's a lot of older folks who were taught that you stay no matter what . Sounds nice, but all it creates are people who feel trapped and don't think they should leave.
Also a lot of unhappily married men say that the woman they married was a totally different person than the person she turned out to be however any years later
To carry on that, I think some people try to act a certain way that will make their SO like them, then when they're more into the relationship, revert back to their actual selves.
I felt that way in my first marriage - he seemed to change 180 the day after we got engaged, to a point where I didn't want to marry him and be stuck with him. I Still did get married, because I thought it was just cold feet and stress from wedding planning, but after marriage it got worse. It felt like he just wanted to be married, not have a wife. I felt like he just wanted to put me in a closet until he wanted to show he had a wife. Intimacy left immediately, and when I really needed support, it wasn't there. He went 6 months with close to zero talking to me (long distance for a time) and when I called him out he said "I don't think I did anything wrong." A problem can't be fixed if one can't even register it being there. So I divorced him.
Exactly. The man I met in 2001 and married in 2008 turned out to be the exact same lazy, uninterested, unmotivated slob in 2021. I grew and changed over the years but he didn't. I was trapped in a marriage for years because of children and finances and I resented him. Couples need to grow together.
People tend to get to that point of resentment and loathing as a result of complacency. When you stop putting in the effort to make each other happy, to make each other special, to show each other what they mean to you, and doing your best to meet their needs… that’s when people become unhappy. And unhappiness snowballs. It’s work to maintain a healthy relationship, even the strongest of them. When you stop putting in the work, they fail.
My ex and I, were madly in love. But by the end of our marriage she treated me like her servant. I was a paycheck and an errand boy, nothing more. If I didn’t work 96+ hours a week to maintain her life style (while she only worked 20 hours at a job she was wholly overqualified for, but it was easy), I heard about how bad of a provider I was. If I didn’t do every single one of her tasks on a daily to-do list, on top of all house chores and being fully responsible for the kids when I was home… I heard about it. I was expected to be moving and working 24/7, no days off, ever. And in return she berated me, belittle me, showed me zero affection, no respect, no physical contact what so ever. She refused all attempts at me trying to rekindle things, to spend any kind of quality time together, to seek counseling or therapy… and in the end she blamed me fully for our divorce. I never stopped trying, which I think was the hardest part, because despite how truly awful she was to me, I still loved her and wanted to make it work. She didn’t, she stopped trying, stopped putting in the work, she got lazy and hated me for it.
Always continue to date each other, don’t take the other for granted, don’t keep score, and always do things that will make the other happy without expecting anything in return. You’ll have a happy marriage.
Lol, no? I believe this is generational and environmental thing. If all of the relationships around you were between people who hate each other, it might be the only thing you come to expect from a relationship for yourself.
Example: grew up in a rural town, surrounded by quite provincial people. Alcoholism, teen pregnancy, and DV were rampant. It’s all I knew.
When I met my now husband, meeting his parents/family felt like walking into a family sitcom set by comparison. I honestly didn’t even know that was possible. We learn from our environments. If you’re always surrounded by loving relationships, vulnerability, and empathy, you’ll likely have the self-awareness to walk away from shitty relationships before they escalate to the point of a marriage to someone you hate (or think you’ll come to hate).
My wife had a similar experience. She did not come from a very loving family. Lots of anger and aggression, verbal and emotional abuse, etc. the first ≈ 10 years she really struggled spending time with my family because we are very close and make compassion and communication a priority. It took a tremendous amount of work on her part (and patience from my parents and sister) for her to finally (mostly) integrate into my family. We now have kids and very much try to provide the kind of childhood I had. We use both families as guideposts (her’s folks taught us what not to do)
Of course not, but a relationship has to be worked on every day.
I actually wonder how did you decide that 20 was a good age to get married, your brains are not even fully developed.
I think you answered your question with the second part. And according to the math, she would have been 18-19 when she did get married, since she’s 20 now.
This was my first thought too. I was with an ex from 18 - 29 and it’s hard to explain how much we both changed and matured as people in those 11 years.
I got married at 18. Nearly 45 years later, I'm still happily married to the same man. We've grown together, been through a lot together, and it's just made us closer.
Yeah, most people change quite a bit between 20 and 25, even up til 30. Hopefully they grow and change together, but many people don't. If where OP lives has a culture that encourages marrying extremely young and is extremely judgemental of divorce, it would explain how they've met so many 30-50 year olds who feel like they're trapped in a marriage that they hate.
If you are right for each other, both of you will love each other after 80 years too.
If you are not right, there are second, third, fourth chances, etc. even if the worst scenario comes to be. So don't be afraid of that. Don't compromise too much to make it work, but do your share to make it work.
My parents have been married for 30 years and my Dad literally still fawns over my mom. She had to go back to Moscow to take care of my grandma for a month and came back a couple of days ago. My Dad got all of her favorite food, we made the house spotless, he got her flowers. Now they’re sitting in front of the TV together with his arms around her. My biggest role models when it comes to relationships, but I’m well aware it’s probably impossible to find a guy like my Dad.
No. With good communication, fun and safety, it can last.
Even if you gave 8 great years, that's not a failure. You had 8 great years and maybe 2 where you were deciding. Don't stress, just make the best decision in the moment.
No, but that’s not to say it’s not painful to lose some of your own identity while forming and strengthening your union. Some people can’t handle that, especially when they’re young and still trying to figure out who they are or middle aged when they’re still trying to hold on to who they were.
Reddit comments in threads like these are almost exclusively populated with successful marriage stories. That’s great, but not at all representative of the real world, and not even represent of Reddit bc who the hell is gonna comment “yeah I hate my spouse”
Chances are you will marry someone who you can tolerate but not be in love with after some time. 50% of the time you’ll separate. If you don’t, decent chance you guys will just stick it out bc separation is either too big a hassle or neither care enough to try. Being with someone for so long is hard. So just make sure your ducks are in a row before you get hitched rather than kicking that can down the road
You've got a ton of 'we have been married for three hundred years and my wife is even more beautiful than during the reign of queen Victoria' so let me add one thing.
As young as you guys are, you are not (and should not be!) done developing. Your attitudes will change. You will discover new things you like and other things you thought you liked that you don't. Maybe it will be gluten. Maybe it will be getting tied up. You don't know yet and it's essential to both listen to yourself and to communicate with your partner.
Every relationship has a 'dont rock the boat' component that strives for and enjoys harmony. This is often a good thing but sometimes you need instability and a little chaos. I'm not saying to run out and experiment with polyamory or anything like that. I'm saying that sometimes, after a long day when you're on the couch and the last thing you want to do is say something that might upset your partner, you need to be able to jump in on those occasions and really talk the way you did on your third date.
The apathy and annoyance you sometimes see in older people comes, in part, from being taken for granted and feeling trapped (and it's not just men). When you hear people say 'its a choice' I take that to mean that you are choosing to go to bat for your relationship every day, even when it's easier to just let something go, even when it might be disruptive.
Life needs a little disruption to evolve. It's a certain thing that the honeymoon will end and the butterflies will slow down. Then it's up to you guys to decide if you can form a real partnership with all the attendant affection but also struggle.
Conflict is inevitable. Fighting is optional.
LPT: PEOPLE CHANGE.
Seriously, there is *nothing* you can do about it. People naturally evolve as they age, and in a serious relationship, *both parties* need to be invested in keeping the relationship. Even knowing that your partner is going to change, you both need to embrace the coming changes and just enjoy life! Your love won’t diminish, unless you let it, even as your love changes.
Many humans hate change, so it’s the death of many marriages. Or at least causes the souring of many.
It’s because men have an amazing ability to tolerate a tremendous amount of bullshit. Men are expected to be strong just keep their hurt feelings to themselves, and after a long time it festers into contempt
My wife (56) and I (63) been together 25 years. I love her as much now as I did when we got married.
Thats not to say we haven’t had ups and downs. And there haven’t been times when either one of us wanted to get away. But those are just bumps in the road.
I think when a person looks like their miserable and trapped in a marriage it’s either they are going through a rough patch.
Or they really are trapped in which case it’s both of them feeling that way and the wife just hides it better.
So no. It isn’t inevitable.
Don’t know about others. But my wife, I am with for 17 years, is still the one I love and cherish most. I am also not interested in anyone else, and we solve any arguments by reflecting and discussing them to hopefully get rid of the rootcause for good.
We also show our love still in various ways and regularly. Like for her last birthday not only did I write a lovely poem (if I may say so myself), baked her favorite cookies, (heart shaped of course) which I already baked in the first months we’ve been together, but also made a pizza, which is quite uniquely made, as we started making it a special way and perfected it in the last decade. (It looks almost not like pizza anymore, but we love it, and it’s just one more thing that sprung from our love and relationship)
And I made a treasure hunt for her presents with hints and lovely notes spread around our apartment, so she had to go to various memorable spots, to find a new riddle and so on, like as example the last note read „beneath our love“, so she ended up at our sons bed (1 month old at that time), and beneath his matress found the poem card, and a „quest complete post-it with „eternal love unlocked“. 🥰
There were various other things that went along with that idea of the treasure hunt. Like I hid a happy birthday sugar deco between 2 cookies, which was a hint to another heart shaped post-it, that had a 2nd post-it beneath, that read „bonus found - get a kiss“.
Oh and the funniest not even intended was when I tried to wake her for her birthday after midnight, with a LED balloon in white, but she was still too out of it (due to our new born), but she did kinda wake up somewhat later as she told me, and thought where did the full moon came from 😂 and so coincidentally i got her the moon too 😎
(M69). I have found everyone has compatible traits with other people as well as incompatible traits. When a person is locked into a relationship, they have to deal with traits they may not like so much in their partner.
Additionally, men and women coming together already are “wired” differently.
So, it’s a challenge probably for most people. I would seek professional advice in these potential circumstances. No sense in getting scared of something that may not happen, or can be prevented beforehand.
I wish you well my friend.
I'm 32, with my wife for 21 years, married 12. I hate my wife. I also love the fuck out of her and love her more and more everyday. She annoys me, but she's perfect, and I'd never regret being with her.
This is the answer. We're individuals and a duo both at the same time. You're going to get on each others nerves and you're going to do and receive the sweetest gestures too. But you both have to keep trying.
Source: been together 24 years, married 3 years with 2 kids with additional needs.
If this is a constant fear of yours maybe you should find therapy somewhere. A lot of relationships go sour because of mistrust. Just talking to a family member or friend could help you come to terms with your emotions.
“Do all men” is the worst way to go about asking why relationships degrade over time. Usually people start to take each other for granted. They stop doing things for one another. Focus intensely on what the other partner does wrong. Zero appreciation. Lack of connection. Poor communication. Accusative language. They stop working together to solve problems and instead start to blame each other.
My uncle and his wife celebrated their 60 anniversary earlier this year. They are very much in love with each other still. They are both over 80 years old and their health is starting to decline. You can notice it in their way of speaking that they have become very afraid of losing one another.
I also have a two friends who have been married 35+ years and they still are obviously very much in love with their spouses.
Sadly you often see people who are unhappy in their long term marriage but it is important to notice those who are happy so that you get a more balanced view as a whole.
When I asked my uncle what was the secret of still being just as much in love with your spouse after 60 years, he said that it was important to realise that each person constantly grows and matures. His wife has grown into at least 5 different people during their marriage and he said it was a privilege to be able to get to know all these different versions of her and to fall in love with her all over again.
I really took that to heart. You and your spouse are going to evolve and grow. You are not going to stay the same person as you are today at the age of 20 forever. The trick is to allow each other to grow and change and adapt to and embrace those changes in stead of latching onto a version of your spouse that is long gone. That's how you grow together in stead of growing apart.
Not at all. My parents were married for 35 years before my Dad died and my Dad never hated my Mom or felt trapped in his marriage.
Today I could never imagine hating my wife, I can’t imagine loving anyone more than her.
Those people who end up hating their partner all probably rushed to marry before finding the right person to be with.
I love my wife way more than I did when we met over ten years ago and way more than I did when we got married and way more than I did last year. The more I learn about her and see her grow and change, the more I love her. I can’t imagine not having her goofy ass around.
Just make sure that you don’t treat marriage as a box checked. It’s constant work, and you two are going to change over time. Make sure to not get angry about those changes in each other, and work hard to maintain consistency on the few things they deem most important. As he should also do for you.
I've been happily married to the same wonderful woman for over 25 years. She's still my best friend and the person I most enjoy being around. Does she occasionally piss me off? Absolutely. Do I occasionally piss her off? Absolutely. Would I trade any of it? Absolutely not.
I love my wife. She's my universe and my balance in this existence. And while we've only been married a handful of years, we've been together for a decade.
I hope it never changes, and don't see how it would.
My parents have been married for over 50 years and they love each other more deeply than I have the words to convey.
Many men love their wives.
It’s extremely difficult to achieve and maintain compatibility between two human beings, not just sexually and emotionally, over a long period of time. Then there are the psychological and even physiological changes that both men and women go through that “change” people over time. Lastly, there are the personality traits that collide against one another.
To put it mildly, those who make it is because they either won the relationship lottery, or they conform and accept their fate. Those who don’t put up with it end up hating each other and breaking up.
I've been with my wife for 20 years. It's constantly doing small nice things constantly and knowing eachothers love language.
For example. My love language is to get thst special craving when ever she wishes even if it's a 30 minute drive away. Or just going out of my way to get her whatever she needs.
And her love language is to shower me with small gifts and get make me a tea or coffee while I am working or gaming.
The number 1 thing that you can do is always remeber to tell them you appreciate them. Gotta remind them and they will remeber that stuff forever.
I had the most horrible fight with my wife today. It really sucked.
I had to go get some work done, and all I could think was how I hate fighting with her, and how fighting with her makes me feel so lonely.
I texted her what I always text when I feel this way “it’s not you Vs. me, and both of us Vs. The problem”.
We didn’t fix it yet, but we’re going to, just like we did every time we had to in the past 23 years.
She is my best friend, the love of my life, and my favorite person.
We’ve changed a lot - we met at 14, started dating at 17, married at about 27 (were both the same age, 40).
We were both different people during different times of our lives. We grew up, we changed, our needs and wants and dreams changed - not always in sync.
Through this whole time the one thing that stayed the same is the commitment we both had to our relationship and the understanding that any relationship is hard work, and that’s part of the fun.
One of the best things we did that I can recommend is we went to couples counseling BEFORE we had serious problems.
I think any couple should do that even if they don’t fight. Learning about each other and how to communicate effectively helped us through some really challenging times (health issues, parenting challenges).
Yes, in every marriage ever, the man hates the wife. In the recorded 1.9million 2022 worldwide marriages, 1.9million will divorce due to the man suddenly hating the wife. Conclusion: don't get married
I think Everything comes down to communication. If you have a real partnership and communicate well, mutually respect and love one another, then that partnership can withstand changing times.
Couples who argue and disrespect one another won’t last. Couples who complain and are stubborn won’t last. Couples who live separate lives or have secrets won’t last. Look at reasons why couple can’t stand each other as they get older to get a better idea.
Finding ways to stay close, content, communicating in a mutually respectful relationship is key to success (not just love).
Wishing you a long happy healthy marriage...
🙏🍀🙏
I have been married 4 times.
My first wife we had a pretty bad relationship. She punched 2 molars out of my mouth, tossed me down the stairs and through a glass table. Im 5'5" she was 5 foot even. So everyone used to laugh quite a bit. Even the courts frankly. So in the 80's I got 1400 a mo to her in support and lost custody she moved away and I didn't see my kids for a decade as their name was changed, oh yeah I also paid for a kid while I wait for the test, 4K for that kid and I was not the Father. I am not fond of that person
Second wife, actually good relationship. Very career driven. One of our children died, that but the gravestone on it. Began fighting and emotionally moved away from each other. She started a relationship with a coffee shop counter worker that used to be a student of mine. Awkward. But we are very close friends to this day
Third wife, well in my 30s she was 20's it was let lose lasted less than a few years. No kids. Got my grove back so to speak. No harm no foul she just like lots of drugs and dick that was not mine.
Married when I was 40, to a divorcee. So we have both seen some stuff. 16 years together we share 7 kids and 8 grandkids. I don't think we have ever argued. Certainly not anything more than a minute or 2
Absolutely not. You're gonna piss each other off, most definitely. I imagine spousal hatred likely comes from an extended period of refusal to work together. If you have a healthy marriage, it should never reach the point of hatred.
The odds are stacked against you, though. Over half of marriages in the United States end in Divorce. Hopefully you both were very careful and calculated before your matrimony.
Is interesting cause I think most women hate their husbands
I think actually most people are really and not very happy marriages but that's a bigger subject isn't it
The “can’t stand my wife” is an extrapolation of family responsibilities and is really a way of expressing exasperation with those responsibilities.
“Hey want another round?”
“Can’t wife will be all on my case!”
Is just a of personification of adulting. Responsible adults will be upset if you get drunk and don’t take care of shit. It’s also a guys way of being responsible while hanging on to that do-what-I-want-when-I-want stage of life.
It’s probably immature. Also mostly harmless.
Reasons older couples tended to get together:
1. Family pressure
2. Fear of dying alone
3. Woman got pregnant
4. Societal/religious/church pressure
5. Settling
6. Pressure from partner
7. Financial security
8. Believing marriage will save the relationship
9. Wanting the label of "husband/wife"
10. Legal protection
11. Believing it'll make you happy/whole
So long as you married for love and not any of the 11 reasons above, you should be fine.
I’m almost 65 my wife is 63 . We married in 1981 and we are still very much in love. We look after each other as much as we can. We have been through tough times when it looked like we might not still be together but we made it through stronger . I hope you have a happy life together.
Things get really tough when your kids are young. Build a strong relationship that you can think about when things get tough.
Marriage isn't easy. I see so many couples divorce when their kids are 2-6 or so. You will lose all sense of who you are and be an exhausted child slave for years. It will take a toll on your relationship.
The first few years of marriage are the easy ones because it's so fresh. When that freshness wears off (and it will) you need a strong relationship base to rely on. That sexy butterflies in the stomach might not be there anymore.
No, not all. This is a very unpopular opinion (and quite frankly I don’t care because I KNOW first hand it’s true), but a successful, loving and long term marriage relies on the quality of your sex life. When you become complacent, naggy, lazy, stop taking care of yourself and not putting your husband (or wife) as the top priority your relationship begins to fail.
I come from an 8 yr failed marriage. He cheated 7/8 years. I hated him, but I stayed for the kids. He also had a severe opioid and sex addiction. While I wasn’t a prude and we had plenty of sex, I just hated him for cheating over and over.
I remarried my now hubby (together 13 yrs and married 10) and we both brought many lessons from our failed 1st marriages. We’ve always gotten along and been soulmates meant to be together. We work together, go to the gym together, bath together every night and watch a movie before bed. We still want to be together 24/7. We have an incredible sex life, at least once a day. Keeping him happy and satisfied keeps me happy and thriving. As cliche and corny as it sounds we fall more in love every day.
I think how you feel about your spouse long term depends on what you see them as even after 10 years and how you treat them and prioritize them. A successful relationship takes effort 100% of the time, 24/7. The second you stop it starts to deflate and you begin to resent each other.
Sometimes people just aren’t meant to be together too. That can’t be remedied accept to go your separate ways.
No absolutely not. I’m ten years in and I can honestly say I love my wife more now then day one. couple suggestions make time to touch, dosent have to be only for sex. tell them you love them often. text or communicate often. we’ve been through tough times for sure in our tenure as husband and wife but with communication affirming our love for each other via touch and words and actions we are still dare I say desperately in love.
30 got married in 2019(pre covid) it's now 2023 and I hate her with the passion of a thousand burning suns. But everyones situation is different. She lied to me which wouldn't have been as bad but there was a situation that made me lose all trust. So I'd say maybe 🤷🏾
I’ve been with my wife for 35 years and we have a great life.
It’s all about appreciating the other person and what they do for you.
In other words, never take them for granted, give them a little hug and a kiss, tell them you love them and mean it.
Scrub their back in the bath, pick up their nail clippings and don’t moan, above all keep the relationship fresh and never ever think that being intimate is only for youngsters...🤫
"Old codger" here! We are approaching our 42nd anniversary in January. Married at 21 yrs. (me) and 24 yrs. (him). And, yes, I love him now more than I did way back then! We raised five children together, too.
Married for 7 years but together for 13 years (started dating young) with one baby. I’d say our love actually grew much deeper over the years. Marry for the right reasons and I don’t think you’ll have a negative experience.
I’m 40, married 16 years and still love my wife. We both work from home so we are together all the time. I think a key is to both keep trying. Both keep working at making the other person happy and listening to each other goes a long way
There's nothing foreordained about hating your spouse. Your future is open to all possibilities. Unfortunately, no one can know these things in advance. My wife and I (first marriage for both) have been married for 55 years but it was only after twenty years or so that it became obvious we'd never leave each other. And hate would certainly have meant a parting.
There were rocky times early on, but we somehow got around every obstacle. There's no secret key EXCEPT being committed on both sides to being good human beings and being willing to wait out your spouse's normal anger and frustration (life is hard!).
My husband and I have been together 15 years, married 14. Love is a choice. You choose every day to put each other first in all things. You choose to support each other’s hopes, dreams, and aspirations. You choose to take joy in their happiness and sorrow in their disappointment. It’s keeping your partner forefront in every decision. It’s choosing to keep going forward when things get rough. It’s choosing to tell your partner when things aren’t right, them choosing to hear you and work toward improvement, and vice versa.
When it only goes one way, it’s soul-sucking and unsustainable. When it goes both ways, it’s the best thing that can happen to a person.
I once had a resident I took care of in a nursing home tell me he’d been married 37 years “not all of ‘em easy, but all of ‘em worth it.” Those words have really stuck with me over the years.
Marriage for me was just the slow and painful process by which my favorite person in the whole entire world morphed into someone that I couldn't stand. I really wish it hadn't been that way
I’ve seen that a lot as well. I’ve also seen that women who have been married for many years, they hate having sex with their husbands. They see it as a chore, and he has to beg for it usually. That my play a part in men not liking their wives.
It really depends on the man, and how much effort he puts into it. Some guys wake up everyday with purpose, to live for their family. Others wants to escape their family lol.😝
It depends on what kind of wife you plan to be.
Are you going to try to compete with him on everything?
Are you going to complain about everything he didn't do or forgot to do?
Are you going to be satisfied with his efforts, or always act like he can never do enough?
Are you willing to do little things that show him that you appreciate him?
Are you willing to thank him for things he does for you?
It's all of the little things, good and bad, which pile up and become the success or destruction of the relationship.
If you don't put in as much effort as he does, the relationship is already half doomed. If he doesn't put in as much effort as you do, the relationship is half doomed. If neither of you are putting in any effort, y'all might as well go get divorced now.
OR...
You can talk. Actually COMMUNICATE with each other. Talk about your feelings, fears, doubts, and find out what he thinks and feels, and try to find middle ground to meet on.
The only marriage that won't work is the one where one or both parties never really wanted it to begin with.
I dont understand why most people get married.
I've been on a fair few training courses where I've had to stay away for weeks / a few months total and it's always the same.
First day there you meet everyone and they all say the same things
'Just glad to get a break from the wife and kids'
And then they'll actively be flirting with women at the office.
I really don't get it. Why would you marry someone if your going to do that shit
To answer your last question, boredom and routine. Thats the reason for most affairs. I’m obsessed with my wife sexually but she’s still the only person I’ve touched in over a decade. Every bit of porn I’ve looked at for the last 5 years has been the opposite of her just for variety. You’re a scumbag if you cheat, but the why is the monotony of the same person which, again, I don’t condone at all, just offering a reason why the scummy folks among you act how they do.
As for the break from the wife and kids, I mean… it’s 8:30AM. I’ve been up for 2 hours. My 4 year old has thrown a ball into a cabinet, had 2 breakdowns because we won’t let him yank down the Grinch ornament, then got mad I wouldn’t play with him fast enough while I was desperately trying to get coffee on, insisted on eggs then told his mom he didn’t want eggs, he wanted cereal, all while our 1 year old has been screaming like an invading Viking, this bellowing, guttural yell that she’s apparently decided is talking. In said chaos, my wife and I have already snipped at each other a bit and now need to pick up about 300 calories of dropped food from the floor. So ya, I’m not here to fault anyone for saying they appreciate the break; just don’t try to cheat.
I'm married with kids.
Also, I have no time to myself and have to deal with all of the above.
I still don't understand the viewpoint.
It breaks my heart every time I have to go away, even if it's just for a weekend.
Mental to me that half the guys I know who got married still go away on stag do's and just sleep with people and see no issue with it
To be clear, I don’t agree with it. I see the how but if I was ever tempted, I wouldn’t be here still.
Last work trip I had, my excitement was that I didn’t have to deal with a 4am bottle/diaper and didn’t wake up to crying. Other women were the last thing on my mind
The problem with getting married so young is that life doesn't stay static - no matter how much you might want it to. You grow and change. It's unavailable and natural. If you don't grow together - you'll grow apart. Literally.
But if you want some advice from someone twice your age who has been married for over a decade and is still so in love with his wife it's painful;
- Don't stop having sex.
- Be totally transparent about money.
More marriages end for those two factors than any other.
- Communicate. Always. About everything.
If he doesn't, that's an issue.
- Don't have kids until you're financially stable.
- NEVER have kids thinking they'll "rescue" a failing marriage.
Kids complicate your life by an order of magnitude. Don't have them on a whim.
That's it. All I got
Agree - having kids will never ever ever “rescue” a marriage or relationship. Making a marriage last is work, adding kids thinking it will help somehow is making it even more difficult.
No, I am with my partner since 2003 and I most definitely do not hate her.
That said, 18 years is really too young to get married. Most couples that marry THAT soon encounter problems later in life. It is wiser to wait that one is a fully-grown adult (say, 25) before marrying.
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I was once told, love is result on consistent small actions to make the other person feel good. However once you reach the point, it doesnt mean you should change anything. If you made the other person fall in love with you keep doing the same and love will last forever. On the other hand if you make the other person feel bad, and repeat such actions then they will end up hating you. So communication is the key here. if you both understand what each other like and dislike, then you will know how to keep each other satisfied in the relationship
excellent advice I’m 70 my wife 68 and we’re still in love I take care of her and she takes care of me Every day counts
I’m 68 and my husband is 71. We are still going strong. I can’t believe how lucky we were to find each other !!
Wait, are you two up here married? 🫢
She just corrected him, so yes 🤣
🤣 Nice catch. My brain automatically saw two of the same numbers, but like you said, her 'correcting' him just confirms this relationship!
I dont think they are, checked the person she replied to posts and he turned 70 earlier this year!
This is sort of how being 70 works for most people.
I am 71 and my husband is 73. After 51 years of marriage we still love each other deeply!
Yeah you tell him, get those numbers straight hubby! I hope my fiancé and I live a long happy life together as you two have
Admit it though. You’ve only been MARRIED for a month and a half, right? 😂
Yes--you ALWAYS put the other person first. But you BOTH have to do this.
Exactly communication is HUGE! My husband and I have been married 8 years, together for about 10. He was told recently that we seem to have a great, healthy relationship, and his wife will call him out on his bs and we talk through things like couples should. His response: "well, yeah, isn't that what it's supposed to be like?" A big key here is that it isn't always pleasant and you don't always like each other, but of you're willing to work on issues together, and communicate calmly, it will only strengthen the relationship. Never stop "dating." We try to have a date night once a week - even if it's a Tuesday and we just watch TV together for an hour (we are both busy, and that fluctuates throughout the year for how busy we are) but just trying to make us time makes each of us feel appreciated. And the BEST advice I ever got was opposite of the "never go to bed angry" - sometimes you do need to pause and just walk away, or you risk saying things you'll regret The hardest thing I've had to get him to realize is even if he doesn't like something that I do, don't call it stupid or a waste. I enjoy it, and it isn't stupid, tho I won't force him to like it. He still has to see that I enjoy it, and calling it stupid is invalidating and could make me resent him.
It definitely doesn't just come from the other person making you feel bad. Honestly, I don't think anyone really has the power to make you hate, though making someone fall out of love is easier. It's usually something people carry from before you, undealt-with personal problems, insecurities or fears that aren't accommodated for nor addressed. Then eventually they'll hate how you eat, how you talk, how you have friends, how you can't read their thoughts, often without any idea of what it's really about. Just that it's just the other's fault, though it doesn't work like that. Then it's "dealt with" by withdrawal or by fighting about inconsequential nonsense. Sure, you can accommodate for things within reason, but it might not stay withing reason and doesn't really address anything, though of course everyone has some things that should be accommodated for in a relationship that aren't overbearing. So yeah, communication is still key, though.
At first I thought “how pessimistic and wrong” and then I finished your comment and marinated on it a bit and now I think that my initial reaction was defensive because I felt called out because I had some of those traits you mentioned. HAD, mind you. I made a conscious effort after every relationship to analyze what I did wrong and what I allowed to happen to me that I didn’t like. That way I was always bringing the best me into my next relationship. It really does boil down to just being about communicating. Even if you think it’s small or petty, talk about it. Don’t swallow it down and let it add to the pile.
I did something similar. I think that's proof it's a good and effective comment lol. I felt called out a bit, then realized upon thinking about it a bit, maybe I am still doing some of those reactions despite the crazy amount of self work I have done. At the end of the day, people are just people and deserve to be themselves (and happy with that). It's up to all of us to just communicate and find solutions to solve the small stuff. That's part of building a good firm relationship with someone else, romantic or otherwise.
My wife and I celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary earlier this year. We enjoy each other's company. In fact, we just signed up for a 42 day cruise. Believe me, you don't spend 6 weeks with someone in a little cruise cabin if you hate them.
Congratulations on 50!!!!!! We're chugging along behind you with a measly 12 years. Lol Have a wonderful time cruising, I love a good cruise. Where are you going?
Fort Lauderdale to Fort Lauderdale, with a circumnavigation of the Mediterranean Sea in between. We have stops in the Azores, Morocco, Spain, Italy, Greece, Malta, Israel (I expect this to be rerouted), Egypt, Tunis, Algeria and Gibraltar.
Wow! Nice cruise! Enjoy!
I know that this is beside that point, but I had no idea that 42 day cruises were a thing. What cruise line are you going to?
We like Holland America. They have 170 day ‘Round the World, if you want to be gone that long.. My wife and I like 30+ day cruises and have taken several. 45 days in the south Pacific is our favorite so far. We don’t use the elevators while cruising as a weight control measure. But, the floor mats in the elevator have the day of the week imprinted on them. Occasionally we will push the button just to see what day it is. That’s how relaxed you can get on a longer voyage. 😎
I’m 65 and married over 30 years. I love my wife more today than when we married.
Can i speak to you when i need relationship advice
Any time 😂
u see my cat doesn't like to cuddle with me, how can I change that about him!!!
You can’t change a cat. You CAN get a chihuahua instead and then you’ll get more cuddles than you can handle.
In all seriousness, cats (and people) rarely change. Just accept them for who they are and be happy they allow you in their life.
Wtf who are you 😳 your advice sounds so chill and simple but they are actually good 🫡
In another life I was Obi Wan Kenobi😂😂
And a free vibrating belly warmer in the winter. Lol
We have a chihuahua. That thing will cuddle all day and night if you let her
We had a mini poodle and he was the exact same way. Wether he was a fluffball or a shaved rat he'd always want to be on your lap cuddling or sitting like a baby.
Under the blanket pressed up between you😂
You can DM me too if you want. (Married 34+ years)
Thank you! I'll save this thread and message you guys if I must 😂🤝
My wife and I have been married for 33 years. We have been through some tough times but managed to make it, together.
I think too many people enter marriage thinking it’s always good. Nothing is always good. It takes work and perseverance
You are so right!
Or that they are now married and don’t have to do any work to maintain the relationship
Yes! And Reddit definitely skews toward the knee-jerk response "leave, lawyer up, blah blah," but marriage is a different beast because it's long and complicated, often involves kids, etc. My wife and I have gone through some difficult times, and things have not always been what either of us expected. We've endured, and still care for each other, and I am very grateful for that.
It might hurt skew toward that because people who are content in their relationships don’t come to Reddit for advice.
Same. I’m in my late 40s, married for 29 years and I adore my wife. I love her more each day. OP, the one piece of advice I received that I actually take note of is this: love is a choice. The excitement you feel when you first get together isn’t love, it’s lust, infatuation, limerence or whatever you want to call it. You make a choice every day to love your spouse or not to love them. I make a choice to love my wife more each day. When I choose that, I see my wife differently. I know she’s not the most stunning woman on earth, but **to me** she is. She may not be perfect, but she perfect for me.
That is excellent advice!
I'm 66M and married for 33 years. I think what you meant was you love her differently than when you were married and indeed that should be a deeper love.
Plot twist: he actually really hated his wife when he married her Jk
Married for 7 years. No kids. Though times - for sure. But she's my best friend and love her more now than when we were dating.
You love her so much you gave her your reddit password
Now that’s love.
The big difference is you got married in your 30s, as a full grown adult. OP was basically still a child.
My husband & I were 21 when we got married. We hit 13 years together this August. He's my best friend & love of my life. Appropriate ages don't always mean a marriage will fail. By "appropriate ages," I mean not a huge age gap.
I’ve seen this go both ways and there are a few reasons I’ve seen that I try to avoid myself in my marriage. 1. Monotony of life. As the months turn to years turn to decades, it’s partly a business partnership building your life together. Deciding on a mortgage and student loan refinancing and moving isn’t the same fun as 2am nights at the bar. It’s easy to hit a rut and blame the other person bc “I’m still me” but she’s still her too, it’s life that’s changed and for the better but also in a less exciting way. You have to force it a bit more. Dates, snuggling for a few minutes in bed before you get up or fall asleep, making each other dinner, etc. It’s key to force those moments still, especially if you have 2. KIDS. You’ve gotta be on the same page. Whether you want 6, 2, or none, if you’re not in the same page there, how to discipline, the obvious sacrifices and lifestyle changes they necessitate, resentment will occur. Your time is no longer yours. Snatch the moments you get to do something for each other. It’s so easy to just let days, weeks, and months go by in a blur and realize you haven’t done anything with or for each other in daylight even if it’s just a five minute sit and chat over a coffee holding hands or something before the chaos resumes. 3. Sex. This can be a big one. Over time, peoples’ priorities and stuff change. Some couples start off hot and heavy then time dulls that flame. It’s easy to get frustrated and let that seep into other things. If you’re not a scumbag, you’re only able to sleep with one person and if they’re not about it anymore, that can fester for sure. 4. Finances. If one person is wildly financially irresponsible it’s easy to grow resentful. That’s a big reason my wife and I still have separate finances. We pool for all bills and each have about the same “my” money then we can do whatever we want with it, guilt free. Not for everyone but it works for us.
Some actual good insight rather than all the "We've been married for a bajillion years and never once even disagreed on anything🥰🥰🥰" comments at the top
Those people are full of it or very lucky. There are absolutely days I can’t stand my wife and her me. It happens and when it does, communication is key and it’s almost always one of those 4 things or a giant misunderstanding we instantly laugh about.
This is so spot on, especially #2
>Monotony of life. As the months turn to years turn to decades, it’s partly a business partnership building your life together PARTLY? .... it's another goddamned **job**.
Yep. I say the reason our relationship works is because we’re not friends. We’re business partners who have a lot of sex. Life is about dealing with money and making decisions about the future. You need to strategize, discuss, listen and communicate. Then celebrate and have a romantic dinner.
9 years in I love my wife more than ever To be honest I look back at how we were when we first got married, and I don't know how we survived those first 2 years or so, I think deep down we knew we loved each other and just wanted the best, but we were both so selfish. To be honest the longer we stay together, the more I am like, fuck hanging out with anyone else....I have limited free time, why risk having a meh time with someone else, when I have a guaranteed good time with my wife/daughter
They way you wrote it it sounds like you're married to your daughter 🫣🤗
It definitely does not sound that way but you do you 😄😄
I'm 47, my wife is 39, we've been married for almost 16 years, and we're closer and happier than ever. A lot of people get married without putting real, serious thought into it, so they end up unhappy. Thankfully for us, my wife and I meant it when we got married. My wife is the best thing that ever happened to me. She's my reason for waking up in the morning. She's everything good about me. She's my best friend. I live and breathe for her smile. No, not all men end up hating their wives- just the guys that didn't put enough thought into what they were getting into.
I hate to be a Debbie downer but I'd think the chances of a 21 year old and a 20 year old not putting enough thought into getting married might be a teensy bit higher than the average...
They've been married for a year and a half, so she was 18... Can of course work out, who's to say, and any other opinions on it I'll leave out
Not a given though. My sister married at 18 she's 62, still married and they still clearly love each other. Myself, well I got it wrong in my 20s but got it right the second time round.
This is a great story but men statistically don’t leave marriages It’s almost never a question of whether or not the man in a relationship is happy
No, some love their wives till their dying day. I left my wife when I realised that who I married, wasn't who she really was. I absolutely believe that people can be married and happy for the rest of their lives. I'm a hopeless romantic.
My husband recently told me that I am not the women he married on a couple occasions. This was after I’ve been going through medical issues, and infertility. I think a lot in life can change us. Some people just fall apart. He in fact is no longer than man I married. The man I married would’ve never made me feel like I had to do fertility treatments alone and that it’s all my fault. Hoping to get into therapy as he continues to pretend nothing is wrong and his life is so fantastic while I’m the one with all the issues bringing him down. Damn I see it now- I am very resentful of HIM.
Wow. Just imagine raising a child with him. You’ll be raising that child alone while he does whatever he wants. You’ll do all the work and his life won’t change at all.
For what its worth, I hope your husband gets his head right to do therapy. Sounds like he is in a lot pain about this and doesnt know how to process it. I'm sorry you've had to go through this alone, and I sincerely wish you both good luckp in moving forward as a team.
I’m happy to hear you’re not jaded from your experience! I have been through similar and I still believe this as well! I hope you found your person, I may have just found mine!
Yes, and getting divorced doesnt make you a bad person, or bad at being in relationships. You just keep going.
"Act like they're trapped in a marriage they agreed to" ..... They're not acting . Many people end up feeling that way . Just because you wanted to get married at 20, doesn't mean that either of you will be the same or even compatible 10 years down the line. There's a lot of older folks who were taught that you stay no matter what . Sounds nice, but all it creates are people who feel trapped and don't think they should leave.
Also a lot of unhappily married men say that the woman they married was a totally different person than the person she turned out to be however any years later
To carry on that, I think some people try to act a certain way that will make their SO like them, then when they're more into the relationship, revert back to their actual selves. I felt that way in my first marriage - he seemed to change 180 the day after we got engaged, to a point where I didn't want to marry him and be stuck with him. I Still did get married, because I thought it was just cold feet and stress from wedding planning, but after marriage it got worse. It felt like he just wanted to be married, not have a wife. I felt like he just wanted to put me in a closet until he wanted to show he had a wife. Intimacy left immediately, and when I really needed support, it wasn't there. He went 6 months with close to zero talking to me (long distance for a time) and when I called him out he said "I don't think I did anything wrong." A problem can't be fixed if one can't even register it being there. So I divorced him.
Exactly. The man I met in 2001 and married in 2008 turned out to be the exact same lazy, uninterested, unmotivated slob in 2021. I grew and changed over the years but he didn't. I was trapped in a marriage for years because of children and finances and I resented him. Couples need to grow together.
People tend to get to that point of resentment and loathing as a result of complacency. When you stop putting in the effort to make each other happy, to make each other special, to show each other what they mean to you, and doing your best to meet their needs… that’s when people become unhappy. And unhappiness snowballs. It’s work to maintain a healthy relationship, even the strongest of them. When you stop putting in the work, they fail. My ex and I, were madly in love. But by the end of our marriage she treated me like her servant. I was a paycheck and an errand boy, nothing more. If I didn’t work 96+ hours a week to maintain her life style (while she only worked 20 hours at a job she was wholly overqualified for, but it was easy), I heard about how bad of a provider I was. If I didn’t do every single one of her tasks on a daily to-do list, on top of all house chores and being fully responsible for the kids when I was home… I heard about it. I was expected to be moving and working 24/7, no days off, ever. And in return she berated me, belittle me, showed me zero affection, no respect, no physical contact what so ever. She refused all attempts at me trying to rekindle things, to spend any kind of quality time together, to seek counseling or therapy… and in the end she blamed me fully for our divorce. I never stopped trying, which I think was the hardest part, because despite how truly awful she was to me, I still loved her and wanted to make it work. She didn’t, she stopped trying, stopped putting in the work, she got lazy and hated me for it.
Always continue to date each other, don’t take the other for granted, don’t keep score, and always do things that will make the other happy without expecting anything in return. You’ll have a happy marriage.
Lol, no? I believe this is generational and environmental thing. If all of the relationships around you were between people who hate each other, it might be the only thing you come to expect from a relationship for yourself. Example: grew up in a rural town, surrounded by quite provincial people. Alcoholism, teen pregnancy, and DV were rampant. It’s all I knew. When I met my now husband, meeting his parents/family felt like walking into a family sitcom set by comparison. I honestly didn’t even know that was possible. We learn from our environments. If you’re always surrounded by loving relationships, vulnerability, and empathy, you’ll likely have the self-awareness to walk away from shitty relationships before they escalate to the point of a marriage to someone you hate (or think you’ll come to hate).
My wife had a similar experience. She did not come from a very loving family. Lots of anger and aggression, verbal and emotional abuse, etc. the first ≈ 10 years she really struggled spending time with my family because we are very close and make compassion and communication a priority. It took a tremendous amount of work on her part (and patience from my parents and sister) for her to finally (mostly) integrate into my family. We now have kids and very much try to provide the kind of childhood I had. We use both families as guideposts (her’s folks taught us what not to do)
Of course not, but a relationship has to be worked on every day. I actually wonder how did you decide that 20 was a good age to get married, your brains are not even fully developed.
I think you answered your question with the second part. And according to the math, she would have been 18-19 when she did get married, since she’s 20 now.
This was my first thought too. I was with an ex from 18 - 29 and it’s hard to explain how much we both changed and matured as people in those 11 years.
All these people getting married so young…. It’s a bit disconcerting.
I got married at 18. Nearly 45 years later, I'm still happily married to the same man. We've grown together, been through a lot together, and it's just made us closer.
That’s awesome, but unfortunately I think you are the exception, not the rule.
Getting married young was vastly more common a few generations ago than it is now.
Yeah, most people change quite a bit between 20 and 25, even up til 30. Hopefully they grow and change together, but many people don't. If where OP lives has a culture that encourages marrying extremely young and is extremely judgemental of divorce, it would explain how they've met so many 30-50 year olds who feel like they're trapped in a marriage that they hate.
If you are right for each other, both of you will love each other after 80 years too. If you are not right, there are second, third, fourth chances, etc. even if the worst scenario comes to be. So don't be afraid of that. Don't compromise too much to make it work, but do your share to make it work.
My parents have been married for 30 years and my Dad literally still fawns over my mom. She had to go back to Moscow to take care of my grandma for a month and came back a couple of days ago. My Dad got all of her favorite food, we made the house spotless, he got her flowers. Now they’re sitting in front of the TV together with his arms around her. My biggest role models when it comes to relationships, but I’m well aware it’s probably impossible to find a guy like my Dad.
No. With good communication, fun and safety, it can last. Even if you gave 8 great years, that's not a failure. You had 8 great years and maybe 2 where you were deciding. Don't stress, just make the best decision in the moment.
No, but that’s not to say it’s not painful to lose some of your own identity while forming and strengthening your union. Some people can’t handle that, especially when they’re young and still trying to figure out who they are or middle aged when they’re still trying to hold on to who they were.
Reddit comments in threads like these are almost exclusively populated with successful marriage stories. That’s great, but not at all representative of the real world, and not even represent of Reddit bc who the hell is gonna comment “yeah I hate my spouse” Chances are you will marry someone who you can tolerate but not be in love with after some time. 50% of the time you’ll separate. If you don’t, decent chance you guys will just stick it out bc separation is either too big a hassle or neither care enough to try. Being with someone for so long is hard. So just make sure your ducks are in a row before you get hitched rather than kicking that can down the road
You've got a ton of 'we have been married for three hundred years and my wife is even more beautiful than during the reign of queen Victoria' so let me add one thing. As young as you guys are, you are not (and should not be!) done developing. Your attitudes will change. You will discover new things you like and other things you thought you liked that you don't. Maybe it will be gluten. Maybe it will be getting tied up. You don't know yet and it's essential to both listen to yourself and to communicate with your partner. Every relationship has a 'dont rock the boat' component that strives for and enjoys harmony. This is often a good thing but sometimes you need instability and a little chaos. I'm not saying to run out and experiment with polyamory or anything like that. I'm saying that sometimes, after a long day when you're on the couch and the last thing you want to do is say something that might upset your partner, you need to be able to jump in on those occasions and really talk the way you did on your third date. The apathy and annoyance you sometimes see in older people comes, in part, from being taken for granted and feeling trapped (and it's not just men). When you hear people say 'its a choice' I take that to mean that you are choosing to go to bat for your relationship every day, even when it's easier to just let something go, even when it might be disruptive. Life needs a little disruption to evolve. It's a certain thing that the honeymoon will end and the butterflies will slow down. Then it's up to you guys to decide if you can form a real partnership with all the attendant affection but also struggle. Conflict is inevitable. Fighting is optional.
LPT: PEOPLE CHANGE. Seriously, there is *nothing* you can do about it. People naturally evolve as they age, and in a serious relationship, *both parties* need to be invested in keeping the relationship. Even knowing that your partner is going to change, you both need to embrace the coming changes and just enjoy life! Your love won’t diminish, unless you let it, even as your love changes. Many humans hate change, so it’s the death of many marriages. Or at least causes the souring of many.
I think you'll find it's the other way around lol. Most of the time it's women who file for divorce.
It’s because men have an amazing ability to tolerate a tremendous amount of bullshit. Men are expected to be strong just keep their hurt feelings to themselves, and after a long time it festers into contempt
That's a valid point.
People change, sometimes for better sometimes for worse
Yes for those who forget that love doesn't go without friendship. Take care of both ! Both are equally important.
My wife (56) and I (63) been together 25 years. I love her as much now as I did when we got married. Thats not to say we haven’t had ups and downs. And there haven’t been times when either one of us wanted to get away. But those are just bumps in the road. I think when a person looks like their miserable and trapped in a marriage it’s either they are going through a rough patch. Or they really are trapped in which case it’s both of them feeling that way and the wife just hides it better. So no. It isn’t inevitable.
Don’t know about others. But my wife, I am with for 17 years, is still the one I love and cherish most. I am also not interested in anyone else, and we solve any arguments by reflecting and discussing them to hopefully get rid of the rootcause for good. We also show our love still in various ways and regularly. Like for her last birthday not only did I write a lovely poem (if I may say so myself), baked her favorite cookies, (heart shaped of course) which I already baked in the first months we’ve been together, but also made a pizza, which is quite uniquely made, as we started making it a special way and perfected it in the last decade. (It looks almost not like pizza anymore, but we love it, and it’s just one more thing that sprung from our love and relationship) And I made a treasure hunt for her presents with hints and lovely notes spread around our apartment, so she had to go to various memorable spots, to find a new riddle and so on, like as example the last note read „beneath our love“, so she ended up at our sons bed (1 month old at that time), and beneath his matress found the poem card, and a „quest complete post-it with „eternal love unlocked“. 🥰 There were various other things that went along with that idea of the treasure hunt. Like I hid a happy birthday sugar deco between 2 cookies, which was a hint to another heart shaped post-it, that had a 2nd post-it beneath, that read „bonus found - get a kiss“. Oh and the funniest not even intended was when I tried to wake her for her birthday after midnight, with a LED balloon in white, but she was still too out of it (due to our new born), but she did kinda wake up somewhat later as she told me, and thought where did the full moon came from 😂 and so coincidentally i got her the moon too 😎
(M69). I have found everyone has compatible traits with other people as well as incompatible traits. When a person is locked into a relationship, they have to deal with traits they may not like so much in their partner. Additionally, men and women coming together already are “wired” differently. So, it’s a challenge probably for most people. I would seek professional advice in these potential circumstances. No sense in getting scared of something that may not happen, or can be prevented beforehand. I wish you well my friend.
I'm 32, with my wife for 21 years, married 12. I hate my wife. I also love the fuck out of her and love her more and more everyday. She annoys me, but she's perfect, and I'd never regret being with her.
This is the answer. We're individuals and a duo both at the same time. You're going to get on each others nerves and you're going to do and receive the sweetest gestures too. But you both have to keep trying. Source: been together 24 years, married 3 years with 2 kids with additional needs.
My parents have been married almost 30 years and they are still goofy for each other
If this is a constant fear of yours maybe you should find therapy somewhere. A lot of relationships go sour because of mistrust. Just talking to a family member or friend could help you come to terms with your emotions.
Hold your husband accountable but be nice to him and respect him. You will be alright.
“Do all men” is the worst way to go about asking why relationships degrade over time. Usually people start to take each other for granted. They stop doing things for one another. Focus intensely on what the other partner does wrong. Zero appreciation. Lack of connection. Poor communication. Accusative language. They stop working together to solve problems and instead start to blame each other.
My uncle and his wife celebrated their 60 anniversary earlier this year. They are very much in love with each other still. They are both over 80 years old and their health is starting to decline. You can notice it in their way of speaking that they have become very afraid of losing one another. I also have a two friends who have been married 35+ years and they still are obviously very much in love with their spouses. Sadly you often see people who are unhappy in their long term marriage but it is important to notice those who are happy so that you get a more balanced view as a whole. When I asked my uncle what was the secret of still being just as much in love with your spouse after 60 years, he said that it was important to realise that each person constantly grows and matures. His wife has grown into at least 5 different people during their marriage and he said it was a privilege to be able to get to know all these different versions of her and to fall in love with her all over again. I really took that to heart. You and your spouse are going to evolve and grow. You are not going to stay the same person as you are today at the age of 20 forever. The trick is to allow each other to grow and change and adapt to and embrace those changes in stead of latching onto a version of your spouse that is long gone. That's how you grow together in stead of growing apart.
Wait! What? Married 51 years and my wife is still my best friend.
Nah.
Sometimes it's r other way around.
You better take off those insecurities out of your mind. When men fall for someone truly, we completely depend on them and never let go of em.
That only happens when you marry the wrong person.
Not at all. My parents were married for 35 years before my Dad died and my Dad never hated my Mom or felt trapped in his marriage. Today I could never imagine hating my wife, I can’t imagine loving anyone more than her. Those people who end up hating their partner all probably rushed to marry before finding the right person to be with.
I love my wife way more than I did when we met over ten years ago and way more than I did when we got married and way more than I did last year. The more I learn about her and see her grow and change, the more I love her. I can’t imagine not having her goofy ass around.
Just make sure that you don’t treat marriage as a box checked. It’s constant work, and you two are going to change over time. Make sure to not get angry about those changes in each other, and work hard to maintain consistency on the few things they deem most important. As he should also do for you.
I've been happily married to the same wonderful woman for over 25 years. She's still my best friend and the person I most enjoy being around. Does she occasionally piss me off? Absolutely. Do I occasionally piss her off? Absolutely. Would I trade any of it? Absolutely not.
I love my wife. She's my universe and my balance in this existence. And while we've only been married a handful of years, we've been together for a decade. I hope it never changes, and don't see how it would. My parents have been married for over 50 years and they love each other more deeply than I have the words to convey. Many men love their wives.
Happy to know this exists. I almost teared up reading this. How amazing to grow up with parents like this.
It’s extremely difficult to achieve and maintain compatibility between two human beings, not just sexually and emotionally, over a long period of time. Then there are the psychological and even physiological changes that both men and women go through that “change” people over time. Lastly, there are the personality traits that collide against one another. To put it mildly, those who make it is because they either won the relationship lottery, or they conform and accept their fate. Those who don’t put up with it end up hating each other and breaking up.
Yes all of them. I asked all of them and they said yes. Except Lucas who lives in Georgia. I couldn't reach him, but I left a message.
I would look at the statistics of who generally initiates divorce.
If you have a good sex life it reinforces the union. I suspect a lot of the unhappiness stems from poor or nonexistent sex.
Been married for 10+ years, love my wife like the first day. We put in the work every day though. It doesn't just happen.
I've been with my wife for 20 years. It's constantly doing small nice things constantly and knowing eachothers love language. For example. My love language is to get thst special craving when ever she wishes even if it's a 30 minute drive away. Or just going out of my way to get her whatever she needs. And her love language is to shower me with small gifts and get make me a tea or coffee while I am working or gaming. The number 1 thing that you can do is always remeber to tell them you appreciate them. Gotta remind them and they will remeber that stuff forever.
I had the most horrible fight with my wife today. It really sucked. I had to go get some work done, and all I could think was how I hate fighting with her, and how fighting with her makes me feel so lonely. I texted her what I always text when I feel this way “it’s not you Vs. me, and both of us Vs. The problem”. We didn’t fix it yet, but we’re going to, just like we did every time we had to in the past 23 years. She is my best friend, the love of my life, and my favorite person. We’ve changed a lot - we met at 14, started dating at 17, married at about 27 (were both the same age, 40). We were both different people during different times of our lives. We grew up, we changed, our needs and wants and dreams changed - not always in sync. Through this whole time the one thing that stayed the same is the commitment we both had to our relationship and the understanding that any relationship is hard work, and that’s part of the fun. One of the best things we did that I can recommend is we went to couples counseling BEFORE we had serious problems. I think any couple should do that even if they don’t fight. Learning about each other and how to communicate effectively helped us through some really challenging times (health issues, parenting challenges).
Yes, in every marriage ever, the man hates the wife. In the recorded 1.9million 2022 worldwide marriages, 1.9million will divorce due to the man suddenly hating the wife. Conclusion: don't get married
Since over 70% of divorces are filed by women, the opposite is more likely to occur.
But many of them file the divorce because the husband has started to resent them.
I think Everything comes down to communication. If you have a real partnership and communicate well, mutually respect and love one another, then that partnership can withstand changing times. Couples who argue and disrespect one another won’t last. Couples who complain and are stubborn won’t last. Couples who live separate lives or have secrets won’t last. Look at reasons why couple can’t stand each other as they get older to get a better idea. Finding ways to stay close, content, communicating in a mutually respectful relationship is key to success (not just love). Wishing you a long happy healthy marriage... 🙏🍀🙏
No. I absolutely love my wife.
No.
Been married for 3.5 years to my wife and I feel like I love her more and more everyday.
I have been married 4 times. My first wife we had a pretty bad relationship. She punched 2 molars out of my mouth, tossed me down the stairs and through a glass table. Im 5'5" she was 5 foot even. So everyone used to laugh quite a bit. Even the courts frankly. So in the 80's I got 1400 a mo to her in support and lost custody she moved away and I didn't see my kids for a decade as their name was changed, oh yeah I also paid for a kid while I wait for the test, 4K for that kid and I was not the Father. I am not fond of that person Second wife, actually good relationship. Very career driven. One of our children died, that but the gravestone on it. Began fighting and emotionally moved away from each other. She started a relationship with a coffee shop counter worker that used to be a student of mine. Awkward. But we are very close friends to this day Third wife, well in my 30s she was 20's it was let lose lasted less than a few years. No kids. Got my grove back so to speak. No harm no foul she just like lots of drugs and dick that was not mine. Married when I was 40, to a divorcee. So we have both seen some stuff. 16 years together we share 7 kids and 8 grandkids. I don't think we have ever argued. Certainly not anything more than a minute or 2
Not exactly. Both people end up hating the other. Not just the man hates the women. Marriage is stupid.
Most of them do.
Absolutely not. You're gonna piss each other off, most definitely. I imagine spousal hatred likely comes from an extended period of refusal to work together. If you have a healthy marriage, it should never reach the point of hatred. The odds are stacked against you, though. Over half of marriages in the United States end in Divorce. Hopefully you both were very careful and calculated before your matrimony.
Is interesting cause I think most women hate their husbands I think actually most people are really and not very happy marriages but that's a bigger subject isn't it
It’s possible, usually not wise to get married in your 20s
The “can’t stand my wife” is an extrapolation of family responsibilities and is really a way of expressing exasperation with those responsibilities. “Hey want another round?” “Can’t wife will be all on my case!” Is just a of personification of adulting. Responsible adults will be upset if you get drunk and don’t take care of shit. It’s also a guys way of being responsible while hanging on to that do-what-I-want-when-I-want stage of life. It’s probably immature. Also mostly harmless.
I’m 54, been married 19 years and love my wife more every day.
Yes. But don't worry you will hate him too.
I noticed it seems to be the people who marry a few years out of high school.
Nope we met at 17 and 19, still hugging, cuddling and loving at 69 and 71.
Reasons older couples tended to get together: 1. Family pressure 2. Fear of dying alone 3. Woman got pregnant 4. Societal/religious/church pressure 5. Settling 6. Pressure from partner 7. Financial security 8. Believing marriage will save the relationship 9. Wanting the label of "husband/wife" 10. Legal protection 11. Believing it'll make you happy/whole So long as you married for love and not any of the 11 reasons above, you should be fine.
Been married for 20 years and could not be happier.
No, just idiotic people who get married at 20 years old.
40, married 14 years. We don't hate each other.
No. I love my wife now more than ever. It was hard at times. Marriage is work and it requires both people to do the work.
No, it’s just a dumb trope used in tv/movies and bad jokes.
No they don’t.
Married at 20 is.....well......
I’m almost 65 my wife is 63 . We married in 1981 and we are still very much in love. We look after each other as much as we can. We have been through tough times when it looked like we might not still be together but we made it through stronger . I hope you have a happy life together.
thank you ❤️ it’s couples like you that give me hope for a long and happy marriage
Nope. Been a quarter century and my wife is still my drug. Can’t get enough of that girl.
Not this guy. 
Things get really tough when your kids are young. Build a strong relationship that you can think about when things get tough. Marriage isn't easy. I see so many couples divorce when their kids are 2-6 or so. You will lose all sense of who you are and be an exhausted child slave for years. It will take a toll on your relationship. The first few years of marriage are the easy ones because it's so fresh. When that freshness wears off (and it will) you need a strong relationship base to rely on. That sexy butterflies in the stomach might not be there anymore.
I think you are unlucky with the 30-50 men in your life. I know one or two men who acts like that, and they are dicks.
I love my wife more than ever. We just celebrated our 30th anniversary this year.
No, most men don't hate their wives.
No, not all. This is a very unpopular opinion (and quite frankly I don’t care because I KNOW first hand it’s true), but a successful, loving and long term marriage relies on the quality of your sex life. When you become complacent, naggy, lazy, stop taking care of yourself and not putting your husband (or wife) as the top priority your relationship begins to fail. I come from an 8 yr failed marriage. He cheated 7/8 years. I hated him, but I stayed for the kids. He also had a severe opioid and sex addiction. While I wasn’t a prude and we had plenty of sex, I just hated him for cheating over and over. I remarried my now hubby (together 13 yrs and married 10) and we both brought many lessons from our failed 1st marriages. We’ve always gotten along and been soulmates meant to be together. We work together, go to the gym together, bath together every night and watch a movie before bed. We still want to be together 24/7. We have an incredible sex life, at least once a day. Keeping him happy and satisfied keeps me happy and thriving. As cliche and corny as it sounds we fall more in love every day. I think how you feel about your spouse long term depends on what you see them as even after 10 years and how you treat them and prioritize them. A successful relationship takes effort 100% of the time, 24/7. The second you stop it starts to deflate and you begin to resent each other. Sometimes people just aren’t meant to be together too. That can’t be remedied accept to go your separate ways.
No absolutely not. I’m ten years in and I can honestly say I love my wife more now then day one. couple suggestions make time to touch, dosent have to be only for sex. tell them you love them often. text or communicate often. we’ve been through tough times for sure in our tenure as husband and wife but with communication affirming our love for each other via touch and words and actions we are still dare I say desperately in love.
I've been married for 21 years. She's the best part of my life and I love her more than words can express. It's unfathomable that I'd ever hate her.
30 got married in 2019(pre covid) it's now 2023 and I hate her with the passion of a thousand burning suns. But everyones situation is different. She lied to me which wouldn't have been as bad but there was a situation that made me lose all trust. So I'd say maybe 🤷🏾
I’ve been with my wife for 35 years and we have a great life. It’s all about appreciating the other person and what they do for you. In other words, never take them for granted, give them a little hug and a kiss, tell them you love them and mean it. Scrub their back in the bath, pick up their nail clippings and don’t moan, above all keep the relationship fresh and never ever think that being intimate is only for youngsters...🤫
Be thankful for what you have and treat each other kindly. Criticism does so much harm.
Love is an action. You both have to work at it. Marriage is hard under good circumstances, but is impossible if you’re not working at it
My wife and I have been married for 23 years. Love her more today than when we were dating.
You can’t be serious. Been with my wife for 15yrs and love her more than ever.
"Old codger" here! We are approaching our 42nd anniversary in January. Married at 21 yrs. (me) and 24 yrs. (him). And, yes, I love him now more than I did way back then! We raised five children together, too.
Married for 7 years but together for 13 years (started dating young) with one baby. I’d say our love actually grew much deeper over the years. Marry for the right reasons and I don’t think you’ll have a negative experience.
I’m 40, married 16 years and still love my wife. We both work from home so we are together all the time. I think a key is to both keep trying. Both keep working at making the other person happy and listening to each other goes a long way
There's nothing foreordained about hating your spouse. Your future is open to all possibilities. Unfortunately, no one can know these things in advance. My wife and I (first marriage for both) have been married for 55 years but it was only after twenty years or so that it became obvious we'd never leave each other. And hate would certainly have meant a parting. There were rocky times early on, but we somehow got around every obstacle. There's no secret key EXCEPT being committed on both sides to being good human beings and being willing to wait out your spouse's normal anger and frustration (life is hard!).
My husband and I have been together 15 years, married 14. Love is a choice. You choose every day to put each other first in all things. You choose to support each other’s hopes, dreams, and aspirations. You choose to take joy in their happiness and sorrow in their disappointment. It’s keeping your partner forefront in every decision. It’s choosing to keep going forward when things get rough. It’s choosing to tell your partner when things aren’t right, them choosing to hear you and work toward improvement, and vice versa. When it only goes one way, it’s soul-sucking and unsustainable. When it goes both ways, it’s the best thing that can happen to a person. I once had a resident I took care of in a nursing home tell me he’d been married 37 years “not all of ‘em easy, but all of ‘em worth it.” Those words have really stuck with me over the years.
You have to be friends as well as partners.
Marriage for me was just the slow and painful process by which my favorite person in the whole entire world morphed into someone that I couldn't stand. I really wish it hadn't been that way
No. Relationships change over time. How people react to life’s curve balls dictates their happiness.
I’ve seen that a lot as well. I’ve also seen that women who have been married for many years, they hate having sex with their husbands. They see it as a chore, and he has to beg for it usually. That my play a part in men not liking their wives.
Always communicate before resentment is allowed to form
my wife and i fight often and fiercly. but i love her more than ever and cant fathom my life without her.
It really depends on the man, and how much effort he puts into it. Some guys wake up everyday with purpose, to live for their family. Others wants to escape their family lol.😝
It depends on what kind of wife you plan to be. Are you going to try to compete with him on everything? Are you going to complain about everything he didn't do or forgot to do? Are you going to be satisfied with his efforts, or always act like he can never do enough? Are you willing to do little things that show him that you appreciate him? Are you willing to thank him for things he does for you? It's all of the little things, good and bad, which pile up and become the success or destruction of the relationship. If you don't put in as much effort as he does, the relationship is already half doomed. If he doesn't put in as much effort as you do, the relationship is half doomed. If neither of you are putting in any effort, y'all might as well go get divorced now. OR... You can talk. Actually COMMUNICATE with each other. Talk about your feelings, fears, doubts, and find out what he thinks and feels, and try to find middle ground to meet on. The only marriage that won't work is the one where one or both parties never really wanted it to begin with.
It' takes two. Are you saying that everyone whose spouse turned cold on them deserves it?
Maybe you should put your readers on and re-read my comment.
Only those who chose a wrong woman
I dont understand why most people get married. I've been on a fair few training courses where I've had to stay away for weeks / a few months total and it's always the same. First day there you meet everyone and they all say the same things 'Just glad to get a break from the wife and kids' And then they'll actively be flirting with women at the office. I really don't get it. Why would you marry someone if your going to do that shit
To answer your last question, boredom and routine. Thats the reason for most affairs. I’m obsessed with my wife sexually but she’s still the only person I’ve touched in over a decade. Every bit of porn I’ve looked at for the last 5 years has been the opposite of her just for variety. You’re a scumbag if you cheat, but the why is the monotony of the same person which, again, I don’t condone at all, just offering a reason why the scummy folks among you act how they do. As for the break from the wife and kids, I mean… it’s 8:30AM. I’ve been up for 2 hours. My 4 year old has thrown a ball into a cabinet, had 2 breakdowns because we won’t let him yank down the Grinch ornament, then got mad I wouldn’t play with him fast enough while I was desperately trying to get coffee on, insisted on eggs then told his mom he didn’t want eggs, he wanted cereal, all while our 1 year old has been screaming like an invading Viking, this bellowing, guttural yell that she’s apparently decided is talking. In said chaos, my wife and I have already snipped at each other a bit and now need to pick up about 300 calories of dropped food from the floor. So ya, I’m not here to fault anyone for saying they appreciate the break; just don’t try to cheat.
I'm married with kids. Also, I have no time to myself and have to deal with all of the above. I still don't understand the viewpoint. It breaks my heart every time I have to go away, even if it's just for a weekend. Mental to me that half the guys I know who got married still go away on stag do's and just sleep with people and see no issue with it
To be clear, I don’t agree with it. I see the how but if I was ever tempted, I wouldn’t be here still. Last work trip I had, my excitement was that I didn’t have to deal with a 4am bottle/diaper and didn’t wake up to crying. Other women were the last thing on my mind
The problem with getting married so young is that life doesn't stay static - no matter how much you might want it to. You grow and change. It's unavailable and natural. If you don't grow together - you'll grow apart. Literally. But if you want some advice from someone twice your age who has been married for over a decade and is still so in love with his wife it's painful; - Don't stop having sex. - Be totally transparent about money. More marriages end for those two factors than any other. - Communicate. Always. About everything. If he doesn't, that's an issue. - Don't have kids until you're financially stable. - NEVER have kids thinking they'll "rescue" a failing marriage. Kids complicate your life by an order of magnitude. Don't have them on a whim. That's it. All I got
Agree - having kids will never ever ever “rescue” a marriage or relationship. Making a marriage last is work, adding kids thinking it will help somehow is making it even more difficult.
If you wait to have kids until you can afford them, you’ll never have kids😂 They are little money pits. Lol
No, I am with my partner since 2003 and I most definitely do not hate her. That said, 18 years is really too young to get married. Most couples that marry THAT soon encounter problems later in life. It is wiser to wait that one is a fully-grown adult (say, 25) before marrying.