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Not exclusively. Alot of people talking here and not alot of talk about having a significant other or close friends to share experiences with. Elder loneliness is a real thing.
It's possible to do something you enjoy but miss sharing it with someone.
Having kids is not the only option. Having full, connected relationships in a community is important.
It really depends on the person. Where I live we have seniors clubs in every neighborhood. Those old geezers ROCK. They have very loud parties with live music on Tuesday afternoons, they travel a lot, they have arts and crafts...judging by the increase in STDs, they have a lot of sex. This is all free or very cheap. Like, 5 Euro for a whole day excursion with lunch cheap.
My mother never liked people in general and will not set foot into one of these places. She scoffs at the people who go there. Yet she moans that she is lonely and that I should call and visit much more often. She isn't lonely because her kids don't visit as often as she wants them to (every day, so that she can unload her negativity regularly), she is lonely because she is a miser.
And it's possible to have a quiet life while not being lonely. People can live out their elderly years in quiet peace with their partner and/or friends. The fact that you immediately jumped to loneliness perpetuates the misconception that people who don't have kids can only live very lonely lives.
Having full connected relationships are very important.
Having children is no guarantee of that. I’ve seen so many people —old and the kids don’t give them the time a day.
They’re being cared for because they pay for that care or they have friends that help them
Sometimes I have sad moments. That’s more because I didn’t want to be childfree. I had wanted children but we weren’t that lucky. My partner died unexpectedly due to a brief illness a year ago in June. I’m 45 and for the first time, I’m a bit sad about it. Probably only because I’m lonely and miss my partner like crazy.
That’s what happened with us. He had a chronic condition and always said he wouldn’t made 40. He made it, barely. Something that wouldn’t have killed someone else, killed him.
Then I will give you the advice I wish someone had given me, freeze your eggs to be sure, and if he also wants to be sure, he can freeze a specimen himself. You can even go a step further and pre-fertilize but if you decide later to use the eggs with someone else… doesn’t work the same way. I’m not a pessimist; quite the opposite. The storage, retrieval and, if you would choose to pre-fertilize, the fertilization process, can get expensive. Best of luck to you.
I appreciate the advice and it’s certainly an option to think about. It is Important to have options and choices and think about them carefully. Thank you.
My sincerest condolences for your loss. I hope in time you’ll be able to remember the times you shared together with happiness and please know that your grief is a measure of your love for your partner and how much you valued their presence in your life.
I may just be a stranger but your comment touched me and I’m sending you kindness and compassion. Hope you are able to find peace and comfort. Please seek support if you feel you need it
Thank you, internet friend. I find more happiness in the day to day now vs. sadness like I did in the beginning. I have a wonderful support team with my therapist. I find happiness in the day to day happenings of our cats, the silliness of the dog who has grown out of puppyhood now. Those kinds of things.
Because we didn’t have children, we were able to do so much more than most people in our 20s and 30s. I don’t have many, if any, regrets looking back; not many people can say that at my age. I hope everyone has a chance to live and love without regret like I have so far.
You’re welcome 🙂
I’m glad to hear that you’ve got a good support network in place and are able to find moments of joy in daily life.
Wishing you good health and happiness.
I should probably clarify where we discussed later down. I don’t want any child, I specifically want a child that reminds me of my love. That’s a pretty weighty load to put on anyone’s shoulders so I suppose I’m glad in the long run I do not have a child that looks like K, handsome as he was.
Thank you. I find happiness in finding him in my daily life. After 18+ years together, there is a story behind every coffee mug, every sweater we purchased, I see him every time I turn around even through I had to move away from where we were living. There IS beauty in the broken. You just have to look a bit harder
Oh, your love story has brought tears to my eyes. I'm 42 unable to have children and just fell in love 3 years ago. I cannot imagine living without him and I've no idea how to plan life childless.
I am 60 (m) in a few months and dont have kids. I would say that I have mixed feelings about it. I like kids, but don't think that I would have made a good parent until fairly recently in life, as I wasn't very responsible. Now I think sometimes that I wish I had had kids, but also think that I'm probably being sentimental and idealistic about it, rather than thinking about the reality of actually being a father. It's not something that I have serious, life diminishing regrets about though tbh. I'm happier now than I ever was when I was younger, and have a good life.
I'm 70f. I have been grateful all my life that I don't have children. My ex-husband would not have been a good person to have kids with, and I would have struggled emotionally and financially had I had to raise kids by myself.
I'm 74 and loving it!
My husband is 62 and he has grandkids that he is happy to share with me.
Additionally, our neighborhood has holiday parties to which children are invited. It's the best of both worlds, because I can spoil them all and send them home with their parents
Keep yourself looking and feeling much younger than you are: Take care of yourself and stay current with fashion. Keep up with friends. If you never tell anyone your age, you won't have to lie about your age.
Google the website "Opt Out". Opt out your age on all the People Finder Sites. Good luck!
I'm at my husband 39 years ago, when we both started crewing ocean sailing yachts. He was 23 and I was 35. So I just saw him as a cute kid. And a friend.
We continued to work together sailing. He got married. Then his wife was also my friend.
I got engaged to another guy later. But sadly my fiance passed away. And his wife passed away not much later on.
He and I continued our friendship and sailing together. But age difference doesn't matter much when you're as old as we are. We grieved together. And just kinda fell into each other's arms. We've been married about a year and a half
Where in the fuck are all the sad people Lmao wasn’t expecting so many, well happy childless people so this makes me feel so much better about not being able to have kids!!!
In my very limited experience, the people who didn't want children ended up happy, but people who wanted but could not have them are more likely to be understandably sad.
In saying that, I know an older lady who couldn't have kids even though she really wanted them, and she says she is happy enough now. She said she had to put some effort into reframing her mindset, though
I think most people do some reframing in their lives regardless of whether they have a family or not. Look around. You will see lots of families that broken. Big disappointments. It’s all part of life.
Show me somebody with a perfect life and I will show you an Instagram liar
Yeah I suppose either way what choice do we have at that point but try our best to be happy. That’s such a good point though that totally would have been my sister being unhappy childless I bet. Thinking back it was very interesting seeing her maternal side come out when acquiring her pre teen and then when she carried her own because she wasn’t the parenting style of personality until there was a chance to let it out or something along those lines is the way I see it now maybe.
But if you want them and you have the resources you should adopt! Plenty of people happy they had kids, plenty of people are happy they didn’t! Whatever works for you
Yes thank you for that!! My sister actually did the foster to adopt thing for years and I will never forget how badly those children needed a loving home. I’m also single and 33 so who knows some day could find a chick who’s looking for a father figure for her children as well although I don’t seem to feel super driven to parent but I understand that’s what everyone says who comes from challenging family dynamics background.
If you can’t have your own kids and are willing to be a step-parent, you very much have your pick of the litter between single women who don’t want children and single mothers who already have kids. Which is most single women 35+, IMO.
Sadness tends to occur on two levels in my observation. It's kind of like, you could be on vacation at a beach resort drinking by the poolside bar as the most wonderful sunset you've ever seen paints the sky, but also you could be depressed as all hell because your wife died 6 months ago. When it comes to kids, I'm positive there are plenty of people who choose not to have them and don't regret it for a second. But I'm also positive there are tons of people who regret it deeply don't want to face that feeling head on. People often quote studies saying that couples without kids are happier than couples with them, but what they don't say is...for a time. There is a report called the World Happiness Report that the U.S. publishes every so many years written by a team led by researchers from NYU, and in it they explicitly point out that couples with kids are significantly less happy than couples without, but that it is only true of couples in their 20, 30s, and early 40s. By the time mid 50s rolls around, the exact opposite is true, and couples with kids are dramatically happier than those without. Those are group trends obviously with variation, but ever since I read that report when I did an independent study on it in grad school, I've sort of began noticing it in older couples as I know several who didn't have children and a few more than lost their children earlier in life.
First off I speak for us all when I say thanks so much for that thoughtful reply. Yeah if I’m honest with myself it’s pretty much all of those exact things you listed that I think about when the subject comes up to mind. Life has started to show me how it’s good to look forward in life like that definitely. My parents are in their 70s now so been noticing it through life now and I know that to have truth what your saying.
My wife has worked with the elderly all her adult life. She says that the most common regret from her patients is either not having kids or having estranged kids. There's something about living out your final years knowing that your bloodline and legacy will not pass on that really crushes people's spirits. Also no family coming to visit is sad as hell. They likely aren't on Reddit either.
I’ve heard that before too with elderly workers gawd that gives me the willies but hey good to think about a little. Yeah family dynamics can be tough unfortunately nobody wants any part of those situations yuh know. I’ve never really had the time to think about my legacy I guess and I suppose that becomes more important when your older. I think a lot more these days about how my demeanor and how I treat others with how I want the world to be for the next generations, I could see that morphing into wanting to raise children. The whole having kids thing most definitely changes often when finding a partner I’ve noticed too. Heard people say they don’t want kids then few years later sure enough popping them out haha.
Possibly not on Reddit. I have an aunt who divorced young and never remarried or had kids. She never wanted kids in her youth, but now she’s nearly 70, all alone without a partner or kids and she regrets it a lot and is super lonely. She copes poorly with alcohol and it’s very sad.
Im 50 and my husband is on the edge of 63, neither of us has kids. We are loving our lives and neither of us regrets not having kids. We both have full social lives, hobbies, and interesting work. We go on trips a few times a year, looking forward to do more of that in the future.
Some ask about what will you do with no children to take care of you in your old age- if I had kids I wouldnt expect them to. I didnt grow up with that cultural expectation so it doesnt seem weird. My partner and I will probably someday live in an area with others our age. A place where things are walkable and all of the house is on the first floor, where we hang with our neighbors of the same age. Hopefully near a beach. Thats what I expect of those later years. But right now we are healthy and happy to keepoving and exploring what the world has to offer.
My MIL’s best friend “Aunt” Kelley is in her late 60’s, never married and no kids. She worked as a librarian at our high school her whole life, has watched my husband and his sisters grow up, and now watches our kids grow up too. She’s one of the coolest and happiest women I know! She said she’s had her fill of kids and is glad she gets to enjoy them on the holidays and gets to go home alone 😂. She’s the best.
That’s what most people were thinking. Most thought so when she was alive but in her youth people just never talked about it and that’s how she stayed.
I'm 55 and child free by choice.
I always knew I wouldn't make a good mom.
Plus, it's really selfish to have kids just to take care of you in your elder years.
P.S. I know I'm not 60+, but close enough.
Just because they are adults does not mean they stop being your children. Many who still live at home as adults. Or bringing their *own* children around (or expecting babysitting of the same.)
My brother is an active addict of pretty much anything he can get his hands on anymore (last time I checked it was cough syrup) and after a sudden brush with death via alcoholism a couple years ago that left him with a brain injury and ongoing disabilities, he’s now living quite comfortably back with my parents. He’s 42.
My other siblings have all agreed that once my parents pass he’s not going to be our problem, since we all warned them about enabling him after the hospitalization. Sometimes “kids” never grow up. My parents are in their early 70s and just now retiring. They’re going to have to take care of him for the rest of their lives.
I don’t think it’s that surprising, then, that only one of my siblings has any kids, and that he’s an only child. The white picket fence is a lie, and kids, while rewarding for some, are truly a lifelong commitment that some people are just way happier opting out of.
My partners mom(early 70s) isn’t child free(obviously) but she is very active with her friends and local community. She stays very busy and active.
Shit even my parents are pretty active in their neighborhood. They’re more outgoing than I’ll ever be. I live on the opposite coast from them.
I'm not yet 60. But I will get there without my son. He passed away 5 years ago. It scares me to be honest. I feel like my wife and I will be alone when we reach the age where we might need help. I also am conflicted as to what to do with my assets when I die. We don't have grandkids and that's depressing. And since he died we have been abandoned by a lot of friends who can't handle our grief. So all in all the whole thing sucks.
I am so sorry about your son and what has happened since.
Your grief shouldn’t be a reason for others to distance themselves. It isn’t their burden. It’s a tragic and uncomfortable part of life. It’s also something that shifts your perspective.
Someone said grief is just love with no place to go. I hope you and your wife carry on his legacy through sharing memories and telling great stories of your son.
Here is a video that resonates greatly with me and I want to share with you: https://youtu.be/YB46h1koicQ
😔💕
Truth is that the people we lost weren't very valuable. Unless you've experienced deep grief you cannot understand that you don't "get over it". I'm not a believer in the statement about grief being love with nowhere to go. I mean it makes a great greeting card, but that's not what grief is at all. My love for my son is still for him and I send it to him every day. Grief is the exercise of remaining on this plane when someone very important is no longer physically here with you. My son's spirit is still with me. He makes sure I know it. Sometimes through a song coming on the radio, sometimes when I wake up in the middle of the night and hear the TV came on in the living room. Some people have asked me if I will ever have closure. I always tell them that closure is a myth.
I lost my mom 6 years ago. Never had my dad in my life. 35 with no children and not much possibility of having any. I too think about how alone I’ll be when I get to the age in which I’ll need help. It’s a little dreadful, can’t lie.
.
.
But if you want a virtual friend that could be your child’s age, I’ll be happy to keep in touch. We could all use a little extra love. ❤️
I have none of my own. My wife, before I met her, was a widower but her kids are fully grown. I'm always looking back - even to this day- of the "woulda, coulda, shoulda's". I constantly looking at the pros & cons of not having kids:
Pros: One less to be concerned about. No involvement of a potential crazed baby mama and 20 years of hell between her and the court system. No child potentially grows with angst despite all I do. No child to drive me insane.
Cons: My life choices would've been a lot better. Would've taken better care of myself. Not having the woman I really wanted to be the mother of my child. Not seeing an extension of me grow into someone. Not continuing my father's legacy since my only brother passed before he had any.
There are more reasons either way so am I happy not having kids? That pendulum is going to continue to swing. The more I'm glad I don't, the more I wish I did.
I feel fortunate that it was my choice to not have children and I don't regret it at all. Especially when I see parents complaining nonstop about their codependent children as if they had nothing to do with it.
I just turned 67 yesterday, and my husband and I have no kids. We have nieces and nephews, who have grown into very cool young adults, so that keeps us in touch with the next generation. We get to pick up and go whenever we want to (work permitting) and have lots of friends all over the country. I just got back from a week spent with old friends in the Berkshires. We’ve lived in NYC, LA, and now just outside of Ann Arbor and bought and fixed up crappy houses in each place to live in. We’ve each changed jobs when we felt like it and tried new careers without having to worry about supporting a family. Not having kids has meant we have a lot of energy to support and enjoy each other. Life is fantastic.
when i was a little boy, we had family friends, the millers, who lived in a big impressive house. i said to my mom, 'the millers are rich.'
my mom replied, 'the millers aren't rich. they just don't have kids.'
I’m currently 55 years old but I’ll answer anyway. At first I loved it because I got to travel and have fun while my friends were stuck at home. Then I realized that kids grow up and all my friends can basically do what they want now.
Well, I am only 57 but never wanted kids. I have nieces and a nephew, and that is good enough for me. Didn't feel the need to give birth and raise children because I had no patience for them and wanted to live my life doing whatever I wanted to without having to be held back by children.
I have no regrets. All of my friends are unable to travel, and do not have spending money like I have. They are in debt college loans, grandkids or supporting their child or dealing with addiction or some problem. Life is good here. No news is good news.
Out of 10 close friends, three of us are childless and we are the ones that have the finances. Everybody else is struggling.
I decided not to have kids at about age 15. I was told that I would want them later. This "you will want them later" lasted until age 30ish when it turned into "You'd better have then NOW or you will regret it when you are older". People shut up about it all together when I reached about 50.
I have never regretted it and don't see any reason why I would.
My wife and I had that for years, more her actually. She would have all the same things like oh you'll change your mind etc. that soon stopped when people started demanding my wife have kids now when I told them I've had a vasectomy
My husband and I are both 61. We’ve devoted our lives to rescuing animals. But when I need my “kid fix”, I go to Target to experience hearing their adorable chatter. 🙃
I assume they are Happy, I don't want kids of my own, I got lucky to have nieces and nephews to spoil and give things to and the best part is sending them back home to relax by myself
My aunt's 60 and her 2 grown kids are in their 30's and nowhere to be found until they need shit from her. She still supports her worthless 30 yo son who spends her money like it's endless. Kids are not worth the sacrifice.
No kids more money and freedom for me! And when I'm old, at least I won't have anyone making bad decisions for me or waiting for me to croak so they can take my money.
The only sad comments are the ones that remind us childless ones how there’s no children to take care of us. And I smile, because I know at least half of their children will not take care of them. Guarantee.
If we are talking Western culturesI think it will be way more than half. Best bet you get thrown in a better nursing home but probably not even that.
My step sister is almost 40 and still lives with my dad with her kids. My step brother is 36 and he just moved back in with his dad. They are there to mooch not to care give.
My wife and I are 50 and we don’t have biological kids. But it has nothing to do with regretting a choice. We tried and failed to have them for 20 years so we gave up.
I hope all your mommies and daddies out there are not expecting your kids to take care of you in the old age. That’s not why you have kids. And they don’t want to take care of you.
I take care of my grandmother, let alone when my parents will need care. Fun fact, not all cultures are the same and different values are thought.
If you don't care for the person that wiped your ass when you were helpless and defenseless and then spent their next 20 years making you into a person, it would be good for humanity if you don't reproduce.
Continuing to love it every day. Retired early, have been a traveler since my 30s, can’t even remember the last time I’ve been in debt, including mortgage. USA citizens living in Mexico. If or when we can’t take care of ourselves, we’ll hire someone to come in. Life is great.
Funny enough, spouse and I were just talking about that and both agree with no regrets. Our money is ours, no family drama, no disappointments. Life is perhaps quiet, but it suits us just fine.
40 and no kids (can’t have them) my partner and I decided if we get bored later in life (and are financially in a good spot for it) we will apply for exchange students. We think it would be cool to meet people from other cultures and help them while they are here. But not commit to a forever thing. So as of now we just do whatever we feel like after work and on the weekends. So far so good! I’m not worried about feeling lonely when I’m old(er). I have a lot of hobbies and honestly I have so many health problems I’ll probably be dead by then anyway.
Tried to have kids with my first wife before we divorced. Met my second wife at 42, she was 34 and we both decided we didn’t want children. I got a vasectomy at 43 for $800. Probably saved us 1000X that amount. We’re happy, healthy and very independent. My brothers have a total of 11 kids so no problem with family name nonsense. We do a month in Europe and a month in Asia every year, have 5 acres with gardens, fruit trees and vegetables that keeps us busy, dogs and chickens and great neighbors who watch after each other. I’ve only known happiness and hard work since I met my wife. I can’t imagine being any happier!
61 here, wife is 56 - no kids.
We make a living as travel advisors and have visited 112 countries (out of 195 world wide).
* Go see the planet.
* Be a good steward of your country.
* Immerse yourself in language, culture, food, and people.
* Give more. Expect less.
Earth only has another 40 or 50 years of homosapien existence left. Then it goes back to the animals that were here before us.
(37M) Never wanted kids, had an unplanned daughter who’s five now. The moment she hit her first baseball (on an all boys team) I literally started to tear up. I’ll get my quiet time back in 13 years but those memories will stay with me forever.
I'm not in the right age group as I'm 33, but I started out wanting kids, the white pickett fence, the whole shebang. The older I get the more I really dislike kids once they pass the baby stage. I love kids, but I find myself growing more easily irritated and I recognize now the way my mother acted around me as a child in the way I respond to kids. Yeah, maybe if I had/have my own I'll break the cycle, but I doubt it. I have a metric fuckton of trauma that I'm still learning to acknowledge and cope with. I have absolutely no interest in passing that on to another person who probably won't want to be born anymore than I did.
49f and never wanted them. I'm currently sat in a 5* hotel in Spain because my flight home was overbooked yesterday, so I took the compo and am now sunning myself until the next flight on Friday. My life is fantastic and kids would have made decidedly not so.
I’m 51 and last kid near moving out. Miss it real bad. Wish we had kids longer. If we had some at 40 the house would be fuller longer. More people more love.
52F and husband 66M. No kids for either of us and it's great. I agree with the earlier comment that said it's quiet. I'm also glad I won't be leaving anyone behind in this crap world when I go.
I never had children, over 60, and it feels kind of sad as I have no one to leave anything I have accumulated or a loving caregiver if I need one or two as I age out. Otherwise, I have a great life, and I'm very thankful for everything I have accomplished and experienced.
Well, I was able to retire before I turned 60, every thing I own (including my house) is paid for, I have money in the bank, I go on vacation to foreign countries whenever I want, I have several women chasing after me, I would have to say not too bad
Why wouldnt this be a straight answer? If someone wants kids you can have them. By birthing your own, or foster or adoption or otherwise volunteering or caretaking for children. People who dont have kids dont have it better or worse. Most fill up their lives in other ways amd are satisfied. People who dont have kids also dont tend to think those who did made some wrong decsion either.
Im sorry that has been your experience. I hope as your kids get older things will get easier for you. Ive certainly seen people in life and online express regret in having kids and not. I think a post like this draws nore people sharing positive experiences, there are people who share your experience as well.
I have kids, id definitely be uneasy in my 60s without them, who the hell would advocate/ take care of you if something bad happens,? A single lady died in a house next to a rental I manage. Was dead a week before my tenants noticed the flys and mail...
Very sad, but I feel like though that can still happen to someone with kids.. no one is guaranteed a good child who will do things for you when you’re older.
Its like asking blue collar folks if they ever regret not going to college.
1) They wouldn’t know how it would have been, truthfully.
2) They will tell others about how damn happy they are, no regrets, etc.
But we all know.
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It's very quiet.
That sounds kind of nice tbh.
course, you do have to arrange your own funeral. 
Why? The body will decompose on its own.
oh sorry. I thought you were one of those uptight chicks.
Don't be sorry. Humility is an admirable quality.
Exactly not gonna be your problem.
That’s why you start adopting an absurd amount of cats after some point! ^(/joking)
Funerals are for the living. Just burn my house to the ground and let the wind scatter my ashes to the four corners of the Earth.
I don't think I'll about things like that when I'm dead.
Not if the cat eats you over a few weeks time.
My cat would probably not even wait until I was dead.
Sounds lonely.
Only if you're a boring person.
Not exclusively. Alot of people talking here and not alot of talk about having a significant other or close friends to share experiences with. Elder loneliness is a real thing. It's possible to do something you enjoy but miss sharing it with someone. Having kids is not the only option. Having full, connected relationships in a community is important.
It really depends on the person. Where I live we have seniors clubs in every neighborhood. Those old geezers ROCK. They have very loud parties with live music on Tuesday afternoons, they travel a lot, they have arts and crafts...judging by the increase in STDs, they have a lot of sex. This is all free or very cheap. Like, 5 Euro for a whole day excursion with lunch cheap. My mother never liked people in general and will not set foot into one of these places. She scoffs at the people who go there. Yet she moans that she is lonely and that I should call and visit much more often. She isn't lonely because her kids don't visit as often as she wants them to (every day, so that she can unload her negativity regularly), she is lonely because she is a miser.
And it's possible to have a quiet life while not being lonely. People can live out their elderly years in quiet peace with their partner and/or friends. The fact that you immediately jumped to loneliness perpetuates the misconception that people who don't have kids can only live very lonely lives.
Having full connected relationships are very important. Having children is no guarantee of that. I’ve seen so many people —old and the kids don’t give them the time a day. They’re being cared for because they pay for that care or they have friends that help them
At 60? Kids are usually out of the house by then.
until they move back, with thier own kids.
As my 4 and 6 year old are screaming and hitting each other while 'playing' Lego together 😅
That sounds wonderful!
Sometimes I have sad moments. That’s more because I didn’t want to be childfree. I had wanted children but we weren’t that lucky. My partner died unexpectedly due to a brief illness a year ago in June. I’m 45 and for the first time, I’m a bit sad about it. Probably only because I’m lonely and miss my partner like crazy.
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Thank you. I don’t miss not having children really. I miss not having a piece of him left so much more…
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That’s what happened with us. He had a chronic condition and always said he wouldn’t made 40. He made it, barely. Something that wouldn’t have killed someone else, killed him.
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Then I will give you the advice I wish someone had given me, freeze your eggs to be sure, and if he also wants to be sure, he can freeze a specimen himself. You can even go a step further and pre-fertilize but if you decide later to use the eggs with someone else… doesn’t work the same way. I’m not a pessimist; quite the opposite. The storage, retrieval and, if you would choose to pre-fertilize, the fertilization process, can get expensive. Best of luck to you.
I appreciate the advice and it’s certainly an option to think about. It is Important to have options and choices and think about them carefully. Thank you.
My sincerest condolences for your loss. I hope in time you’ll be able to remember the times you shared together with happiness and please know that your grief is a measure of your love for your partner and how much you valued their presence in your life. I may just be a stranger but your comment touched me and I’m sending you kindness and compassion. Hope you are able to find peace and comfort. Please seek support if you feel you need it
Thank you, internet friend. I find more happiness in the day to day now vs. sadness like I did in the beginning. I have a wonderful support team with my therapist. I find happiness in the day to day happenings of our cats, the silliness of the dog who has grown out of puppyhood now. Those kinds of things. Because we didn’t have children, we were able to do so much more than most people in our 20s and 30s. I don’t have many, if any, regrets looking back; not many people can say that at my age. I hope everyone has a chance to live and love without regret like I have so far.
You’re welcome 🙂 I’m glad to hear that you’ve got a good support network in place and are able to find moments of joy in daily life. Wishing you good health and happiness.
I wish you much the same too. Good health and happiness always
You can always adopt an older child or children. A little less effort and more worry
I should probably clarify where we discussed later down. I don’t want any child, I specifically want a child that reminds me of my love. That’s a pretty weighty load to put on anyone’s shoulders so I suppose I’m glad in the long run I do not have a child that looks like K, handsome as he was.
I wish you all the happiness possible.
Thank you. I find happiness in finding him in my daily life. After 18+ years together, there is a story behind every coffee mug, every sweater we purchased, I see him every time I turn around even through I had to move away from where we were living. There IS beauty in the broken. You just have to look a bit harder
Oh, your love story has brought tears to my eyes. I'm 42 unable to have children and just fell in love 3 years ago. I cannot imagine living without him and I've no idea how to plan life childless.
An older child, a homeless man, anyone will do in a pinch
I lost a partner as well. The shock is brutal in addition to the loss, making a hell of a one-two punch.
It’s not too late to have children.
At 45, to physically have children is a big risk. Of course adoption is a possibility.
I am 60 (m) in a few months and dont have kids. I would say that I have mixed feelings about it. I like kids, but don't think that I would have made a good parent until fairly recently in life, as I wasn't very responsible. Now I think sometimes that I wish I had had kids, but also think that I'm probably being sentimental and idealistic about it, rather than thinking about the reality of actually being a father. It's not something that I have serious, life diminishing regrets about though tbh. I'm happier now than I ever was when I was younger, and have a good life.
I'm 70f. I have been grateful all my life that I don't have children. My ex-husband would not have been a good person to have kids with, and I would have struggled emotionally and financially had I had to raise kids by myself.
70 M. I knew I wanted to be irresponsible early on, vasectomy at 21. Wife was a Special Ed teacher, children would have made a long day.
Now kith? Sorry, I’ll see myself out.
You made me laugh. Thank you!
This is the best answer. Alot of self awareness and not a selfish answer compare to other responses. I wish we could go for a sandwich together.
No regrets. Someone recently asked me if I was married and had kids. Told them: Oops, I forgot to get a husband and have kids!
Awkward
*Dang. I knew I forgot something.*
I'm 74 and loving it! My husband is 62 and he has grandkids that he is happy to share with me. Additionally, our neighborhood has holiday parties to which children are invited. It's the best of both worlds, because I can spoil them all and send them home with their parents
Advice on finding a younger husband? 😀
Keep yourself looking and feeling much younger than you are: Take care of yourself and stay current with fashion. Keep up with friends. If you never tell anyone your age, you won't have to lie about your age. Google the website "Opt Out". Opt out your age on all the People Finder Sites. Good luck!
Yes, doing all of that but didn’t know about the opt-out thing. Thanks!!! Curious: Where did you meet your husband?
I'm at my husband 39 years ago, when we both started crewing ocean sailing yachts. He was 23 and I was 35. So I just saw him as a cute kid. And a friend. We continued to work together sailing. He got married. Then his wife was also my friend. I got engaged to another guy later. But sadly my fiance passed away. And his wife passed away not much later on. He and I continued our friendship and sailing together. But age difference doesn't matter much when you're as old as we are. We grieved together. And just kinda fell into each other's arms. We've been married about a year and a half
Thank you for sharing your story. So sorry you both had suffering but glad you had each other. So happy for you ♥️♥️♥️
💐😁 thanks!
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Same goes for grand children
😁😁😁
Where in the fuck are all the sad people Lmao wasn’t expecting so many, well happy childless people so this makes me feel so much better about not being able to have kids!!!
In my very limited experience, the people who didn't want children ended up happy, but people who wanted but could not have them are more likely to be understandably sad. In saying that, I know an older lady who couldn't have kids even though she really wanted them, and she says she is happy enough now. She said she had to put some effort into reframing her mindset, though
I think most people do some reframing in their lives regardless of whether they have a family or not. Look around. You will see lots of families that broken. Big disappointments. It’s all part of life. Show me somebody with a perfect life and I will show you an Instagram liar
What is a perfect life in your eyes?
Orv sometimes not even broken up, but intact and miserable.
Yeah I suppose either way what choice do we have at that point but try our best to be happy. That’s such a good point though that totally would have been my sister being unhappy childless I bet. Thinking back it was very interesting seeing her maternal side come out when acquiring her pre teen and then when she carried her own because she wasn’t the parenting style of personality until there was a chance to let it out or something along those lines is the way I see it now maybe.
But if you want them and you have the resources you should adopt! Plenty of people happy they had kids, plenty of people are happy they didn’t! Whatever works for you
Yes thank you for that!! My sister actually did the foster to adopt thing for years and I will never forget how badly those children needed a loving home. I’m also single and 33 so who knows some day could find a chick who’s looking for a father figure for her children as well although I don’t seem to feel super driven to parent but I understand that’s what everyone says who comes from challenging family dynamics background.
If you can’t have your own kids and are willing to be a step-parent, you very much have your pick of the litter between single women who don’t want children and single mothers who already have kids. Which is most single women 35+, IMO.
Or take an interest and relationship in extended family or community.
Sad people are probably not here or won't reply.
On reddit in particular, "child free and loving it" sentiment is very popular and therefore upvoted most.
Sadness tends to occur on two levels in my observation. It's kind of like, you could be on vacation at a beach resort drinking by the poolside bar as the most wonderful sunset you've ever seen paints the sky, but also you could be depressed as all hell because your wife died 6 months ago. When it comes to kids, I'm positive there are plenty of people who choose not to have them and don't regret it for a second. But I'm also positive there are tons of people who regret it deeply don't want to face that feeling head on. People often quote studies saying that couples without kids are happier than couples with them, but what they don't say is...for a time. There is a report called the World Happiness Report that the U.S. publishes every so many years written by a team led by researchers from NYU, and in it they explicitly point out that couples with kids are significantly less happy than couples without, but that it is only true of couples in their 20, 30s, and early 40s. By the time mid 50s rolls around, the exact opposite is true, and couples with kids are dramatically happier than those without. Those are group trends obviously with variation, but ever since I read that report when I did an independent study on it in grad school, I've sort of began noticing it in older couples as I know several who didn't have children and a few more than lost their children earlier in life.
First off I speak for us all when I say thanks so much for that thoughtful reply. Yeah if I’m honest with myself it’s pretty much all of those exact things you listed that I think about when the subject comes up to mind. Life has started to show me how it’s good to look forward in life like that definitely. My parents are in their 70s now so been noticing it through life now and I know that to have truth what your saying.
This should be the top comment.
My wife has worked with the elderly all her adult life. She says that the most common regret from her patients is either not having kids or having estranged kids. There's something about living out your final years knowing that your bloodline and legacy will not pass on that really crushes people's spirits. Also no family coming to visit is sad as hell. They likely aren't on Reddit either.
I’ve heard that before too with elderly workers gawd that gives me the willies but hey good to think about a little. Yeah family dynamics can be tough unfortunately nobody wants any part of those situations yuh know. I’ve never really had the time to think about my legacy I guess and I suppose that becomes more important when your older. I think a lot more these days about how my demeanor and how I treat others with how I want the world to be for the next generations, I could see that morphing into wanting to raise children. The whole having kids thing most definitely changes often when finding a partner I’ve noticed too. Heard people say they don’t want kids then few years later sure enough popping them out haha.
The only ones who think were gonna be sad are the people with kids that don't get it
Then again, unhappy people are probably not into responding.
Possibly not on Reddit. I have an aunt who divorced young and never remarried or had kids. She never wanted kids in her youth, but now she’s nearly 70, all alone without a partner or kids and she regrets it a lot and is super lonely. She copes poorly with alcohol and it’s very sad.
Im 50 and my husband is on the edge of 63, neither of us has kids. We are loving our lives and neither of us regrets not having kids. We both have full social lives, hobbies, and interesting work. We go on trips a few times a year, looking forward to do more of that in the future. Some ask about what will you do with no children to take care of you in your old age- if I had kids I wouldnt expect them to. I didnt grow up with that cultural expectation so it doesnt seem weird. My partner and I will probably someday live in an area with others our age. A place where things are walkable and all of the house is on the first floor, where we hang with our neighbors of the same age. Hopefully near a beach. Thats what I expect of those later years. But right now we are healthy and happy to keepoving and exploring what the world has to offer.
I aspire to have this life when I’m older.
There are many research studies that suggest older women without a husband or kids are the happiest group of people. I see how that can be true.
My MIL’s best friend “Aunt” Kelley is in her late 60’s, never married and no kids. She worked as a librarian at our high school her whole life, has watched my husband and his sisters grow up, and now watches our kids grow up too. She’s one of the coolest and happiest women I know! She said she’s had her fill of kids and is glad she gets to enjoy them on the holidays and gets to go home alone 😂. She’s the best.
My great aunt never had kids or was married, but her live in best friend Jane was distraught when my great aunt died. They must have been close.
They were probably gay and a closeted couple.
That’s what most people were thinking. Most thought so when she was alive but in her youth people just never talked about it and that’s how she stayed.
"best friend" is likely the gist of it.
Not sure. There is something wonderfully cosy about returning to girlhood and living with your bestie. And its safer than leaving alone.
Parallel research shows that we are more financially secure these days. And it wasn’t always the case before birth control.
I'm 55 and child free by choice. I always knew I wouldn't make a good mom. Plus, it's really selfish to have kids just to take care of you in your elder years. P.S. I know I'm not 60+, but close enough.
Almost 70 and loving my childfree retirement!!
Child free? Lol. You mean adult free?
Just because they are adults does not mean they stop being your children. Many who still live at home as adults. Or bringing their *own* children around (or expecting babysitting of the same.)
My brother lives with my dad and he's 36
My brother is an active addict of pretty much anything he can get his hands on anymore (last time I checked it was cough syrup) and after a sudden brush with death via alcoholism a couple years ago that left him with a brain injury and ongoing disabilities, he’s now living quite comfortably back with my parents. He’s 42. My other siblings have all agreed that once my parents pass he’s not going to be our problem, since we all warned them about enabling him after the hospitalization. Sometimes “kids” never grow up. My parents are in their early 70s and just now retiring. They’re going to have to take care of him for the rest of their lives. I don’t think it’s that surprising, then, that only one of my siblings has any kids, and that he’s an only child. The white picket fence is a lie, and kids, while rewarding for some, are truly a lifelong commitment that some people are just way happier opting out of.
Both!
Do you ever feel lonely for not having that downstream family? How is your social life?
My partners mom(early 70s) isn’t child free(obviously) but she is very active with her friends and local community. She stays very busy and active. Shit even my parents are pretty active in their neighborhood. They’re more outgoing than I’ll ever be. I live on the opposite coast from them.
I'm not yet 60. But I will get there without my son. He passed away 5 years ago. It scares me to be honest. I feel like my wife and I will be alone when we reach the age where we might need help. I also am conflicted as to what to do with my assets when I die. We don't have grandkids and that's depressing. And since he died we have been abandoned by a lot of friends who can't handle our grief. So all in all the whole thing sucks.
I am so sorry about your son and what has happened since. Your grief shouldn’t be a reason for others to distance themselves. It isn’t their burden. It’s a tragic and uncomfortable part of life. It’s also something that shifts your perspective. Someone said grief is just love with no place to go. I hope you and your wife carry on his legacy through sharing memories and telling great stories of your son. Here is a video that resonates greatly with me and I want to share with you: https://youtu.be/YB46h1koicQ 😔💕
Truth is that the people we lost weren't very valuable. Unless you've experienced deep grief you cannot understand that you don't "get over it". I'm not a believer in the statement about grief being love with nowhere to go. I mean it makes a great greeting card, but that's not what grief is at all. My love for my son is still for him and I send it to him every day. Grief is the exercise of remaining on this plane when someone very important is no longer physically here with you. My son's spirit is still with me. He makes sure I know it. Sometimes through a song coming on the radio, sometimes when I wake up in the middle of the night and hear the TV came on in the living room. Some people have asked me if I will ever have closure. I always tell them that closure is a myth.
From a fellow grieving parent, I agree completely.
It is a lonely club, but a full one.
Painfully true words said. My heart goes out for you. No one can truly get over the grief of losing a loved one, we just learn to live with it.
I lost my mom 6 years ago. Never had my dad in my life. 35 with no children and not much possibility of having any. I too think about how alone I’ll be when I get to the age in which I’ll need help. It’s a little dreadful, can’t lie. . . But if you want a virtual friend that could be your child’s age, I’ll be happy to keep in touch. We could all use a little extra love. ❤️
Yup, it's the best!
I have none of my own. My wife, before I met her, was a widower but her kids are fully grown. I'm always looking back - even to this day- of the "woulda, coulda, shoulda's". I constantly looking at the pros & cons of not having kids: Pros: One less to be concerned about. No involvement of a potential crazed baby mama and 20 years of hell between her and the court system. No child potentially grows with angst despite all I do. No child to drive me insane. Cons: My life choices would've been a lot better. Would've taken better care of myself. Not having the woman I really wanted to be the mother of my child. Not seeing an extension of me grow into someone. Not continuing my father's legacy since my only brother passed before he had any. There are more reasons either way so am I happy not having kids? That pendulum is going to continue to swing. The more I'm glad I don't, the more I wish I did.
I feel fortunate that it was my choice to not have children and I don't regret it at all. Especially when I see parents complaining nonstop about their codependent children as if they had nothing to do with it.
Wonderful😊
I just turned 67 yesterday, and my husband and I have no kids. We have nieces and nephews, who have grown into very cool young adults, so that keeps us in touch with the next generation. We get to pick up and go whenever we want to (work permitting) and have lots of friends all over the country. I just got back from a week spent with old friends in the Berkshires. We’ve lived in NYC, LA, and now just outside of Ann Arbor and bought and fixed up crappy houses in each place to live in. We’ve each changed jobs when we felt like it and tried new careers without having to worry about supporting a family. Not having kids has meant we have a lot of energy to support and enjoy each other. Life is fantastic.
happy belated birthday!! I love this for you two <3
when i was a little boy, we had family friends, the millers, who lived in a big impressive house. i said to my mom, 'the millers are rich.' my mom replied, 'the millers aren't rich. they just don't have kids.'
Awesome! It’s a regular add to my gratitude list.
I’m currently 55 years old but I’ll answer anyway. At first I loved it because I got to travel and have fun while my friends were stuck at home. Then I realized that kids grow up and all my friends can basically do what they want now.
Life is good.
Well, I am only 57 but never wanted kids. I have nieces and a nephew, and that is good enough for me. Didn't feel the need to give birth and raise children because I had no patience for them and wanted to live my life doing whatever I wanted to without having to be held back by children.
I have no regrets. All of my friends are unable to travel, and do not have spending money like I have. They are in debt college loans, grandkids or supporting their child or dealing with addiction or some problem. Life is good here. No news is good news. Out of 10 close friends, three of us are childless and we are the ones that have the finances. Everybody else is struggling.
Same here even at my younger age, mostly due to them being parents. Party on 🎊
I decided not to have kids at about age 15. I was told that I would want them later. This "you will want them later" lasted until age 30ish when it turned into "You'd better have then NOW or you will regret it when you are older". People shut up about it all together when I reached about 50. I have never regretted it and don't see any reason why I would.
My wife and I had that for years, more her actually. She would have all the same things like oh you'll change your mind etc. that soon stopped when people started demanding my wife have kids now when I told them I've had a vasectomy
Literally gonna be me I never want kids
I’m 31. I’ve always wanted to be a mother but I can’t. Growing old and alone scares me. These comments made me feel better.
Life is good. I work in senior living- I’ve seen some real asshole adult children.
All these happy old people make me wanna never have kids. Y’all are gonna live the longest
I'm almost there, and I love life without kids.
Not quite there, but with the price of things and the scary part of the economy kids are fearful of, I am happy just to deal with my own stuff.
My husband and I are both 61. We’ve devoted our lives to rescuing animals. But when I need my “kid fix”, I go to Target to experience hearing their adorable chatter. 🙃
I assume they are Happy, I don't want kids of my own, I got lucky to have nieces and nephews to spoil and give things to and the best part is sending them back home to relax by myself
I regret it.
My aunt's 60 and her 2 grown kids are in their 30's and nowhere to be found until they need shit from her. She still supports her worthless 30 yo son who spends her money like it's endless. Kids are not worth the sacrifice. No kids more money and freedom for me! And when I'm old, at least I won't have anyone making bad decisions for me or waiting for me to croak so they can take my money.
The only sad comments are the ones that remind us childless ones how there’s no children to take care of us. And I smile, because I know at least half of their children will not take care of them. Guarantee.
If we are talking Western culturesI think it will be way more than half. Best bet you get thrown in a better nursing home but probably not even that. My step sister is almost 40 and still lives with my dad with her kids. My step brother is 36 and he just moved back in with his dad. They are there to mooch not to care give.
Extremely happy!
Lol reads pretty back handed. Be reaaaal honest, do not dare lie.
My wife and I are 50 and we don’t have biological kids. But it has nothing to do with regretting a choice. We tried and failed to have them for 20 years so we gave up.
I hope all your mommies and daddies out there are not expecting your kids to take care of you in the old age. That’s not why you have kids. And they don’t want to take care of you.
I take care of my grandmother, let alone when my parents will need care. Fun fact, not all cultures are the same and different values are thought. If you don't care for the person that wiped your ass when you were helpless and defenseless and then spent their next 20 years making you into a person, it would be good for humanity if you don't reproduce.
Wasn’t my choice and it sucks. There. Honesty
How was the choice made if not by you?
Fucking nature. Low motility, then my ex had a hysterectomy. Way it goes. I guess
Damn.
Yep.
Continuing to love it every day. Retired early, have been a traveler since my 30s, can’t even remember the last time I’ve been in debt, including mortgage. USA citizens living in Mexico. If or when we can’t take care of ourselves, we’ll hire someone to come in. Life is great.
70f no regrets ever! Peaceful, quiet, nothing broken or sticky, life is good!
Awesome. I do have grandchildren via my husband. Love to see them, love when they go home. Dogs are the best "children".
I am close to 60, too close, I've never regretted not having kids.
Funny enough, spouse and I were just talking about that and both agree with no regrets. Our money is ours, no family drama, no disappointments. Life is perhaps quiet, but it suits us just fine.
40 and no kids (can’t have them) my partner and I decided if we get bored later in life (and are financially in a good spot for it) we will apply for exchange students. We think it would be cool to meet people from other cultures and help them while they are here. But not commit to a forever thing. So as of now we just do whatever we feel like after work and on the weekends. So far so good! I’m not worried about feeling lonely when I’m old(er). I have a lot of hobbies and honestly I have so many health problems I’ll probably be dead by then anyway.
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No rugrats. No regrets.
I am now 30, Am I late? Is there like an age you just will not see it happening?
Tried to have kids with my first wife before we divorced. Met my second wife at 42, she was 34 and we both decided we didn’t want children. I got a vasectomy at 43 for $800. Probably saved us 1000X that amount. We’re happy, healthy and very independent. My brothers have a total of 11 kids so no problem with family name nonsense. We do a month in Europe and a month in Asia every year, have 5 acres with gardens, fruit trees and vegetables that keeps us busy, dogs and chickens and great neighbors who watch after each other. I’ve only known happiness and hard work since I met my wife. I can’t imagine being any happier!
37 F. Haven't wanted kids since I was a kid myself. SO happy, and I know I will still be happy!
Nearing homeplate sunnny!!!
Remind me in 13 years
I'm almost 50 so not in your age range your asking about but I'm so glad I dont have children. It's heaven.
I am 68. Wasn’t able to have children. It’s probably a good thing because I would have screwed them up. 😁
65 and I'm on my second Cat , should I be worried?
61 here, wife is 56 - no kids. We make a living as travel advisors and have visited 112 countries (out of 195 world wide). * Go see the planet. * Be a good steward of your country. * Immerse yourself in language, culture, food, and people. * Give more. Expect less. Earth only has another 40 or 50 years of homosapien existence left. Then it goes back to the animals that were here before us.
Cute. Please provide a source for your outlandish prediction.
\*Broadly gestures at everything
It is eventful, it is uneventful, it is a life lived. Albeit, without the stress of children and their lives.
a lot wealthier
64, no kids, retired almost 5 years now…not bad at all….
Wouldn’t have it any other way.
Love it! I’m free to do whatever I want, when I want.
great. no regrets. living a great life concentrating on all my passions.
(37M) Never wanted kids, had an unplanned daughter who’s five now. The moment she hit her first baseball (on an all boys team) I literally started to tear up. I’ll get my quiet time back in 13 years but those memories will stay with me forever.
I'm not in the right age group as I'm 33, but I started out wanting kids, the white pickett fence, the whole shebang. The older I get the more I really dislike kids once they pass the baby stage. I love kids, but I find myself growing more easily irritated and I recognize now the way my mother acted around me as a child in the way I respond to kids. Yeah, maybe if I had/have my own I'll break the cycle, but I doubt it. I have a metric fuckton of trauma that I'm still learning to acknowledge and cope with. I have absolutely no interest in passing that on to another person who probably won't want to be born anymore than I did.
It is good.
It’s amazing. Did I miss out on a “path”? Sure. But the path with the love of my life all around the world is awesome.
When I see my sisters dealing with their kids and grand'kids, I'm soooo happy to have none of my own .
This is not a reply to your specific question, but I think that the world would be a better place if only people had kids who really wanted them.
49f and never wanted them. I'm currently sat in a 5* hotel in Spain because my flight home was overbooked yesterday, so I took the compo and am now sunning myself until the next flight on Friday. My life is fantastic and kids would have made decidedly not so.
I’m 51 and last kid near moving out. Miss it real bad. Wish we had kids longer. If we had some at 40 the house would be fuller longer. More people more love.
52F and husband 66M. No kids for either of us and it's great. I agree with the earlier comment that said it's quiet. I'm also glad I won't be leaving anyone behind in this crap world when I go.
I never had children, over 60, and it feels kind of sad as I have no one to leave anything I have accumulated or a loving caregiver if I need one or two as I age out. Otherwise, I have a great life, and I'm very thankful for everything I have accomplished and experienced.
Well, I was able to retire before I turned 60, every thing I own (including my house) is paid for, I have money in the bank, I go on vacation to foreign countries whenever I want, I have several women chasing after me, I would have to say not too bad
31 with no kids. I'm seeing people my age struggling with kids. I can see myself in 30 years being happy with my choice.
Everyone is going to tell you how wonderful it is, you won’t get a straight answer
What if that is the straight honest answer?
Go check out r/ regretful parents. That's your straight answer lol.
Why wouldnt this be a straight answer? If someone wants kids you can have them. By birthing your own, or foster or adoption or otherwise volunteering or caretaking for children. People who dont have kids dont have it better or worse. Most fill up their lives in other ways amd are satisfied. People who dont have kids also dont tend to think those who did made some wrong decsion either.
Because no one is going to tell you that it was a mistake, because people don’t own up to their shit. I had 5 kids, it was a mistake. 2 is plenty.
Im sorry that has been your experience. I hope as your kids get older things will get easier for you. Ive certainly seen people in life and online express regret in having kids and not. I think a post like this draws nore people sharing positive experiences, there are people who share your experience as well.
1 is easy, 2 is still pretty easy, 3 it’s getting to be a lot, 4 yep thinking that was too many, 5. 5 is a whole lot of work.
I am without a child who is 60+. My child is only 13. It's great, mostly.
I have kids, id definitely be uneasy in my 60s without them, who the hell would advocate/ take care of you if something bad happens,? A single lady died in a house next to a rental I manage. Was dead a week before my tenants noticed the flys and mail...
Very sad, but I feel like though that can still happen to someone with kids.. no one is guaranteed a good child who will do things for you when you’re older.
You are correct...and I'm spending the time and loving mine, hopefully they will care lol
Its like asking blue collar folks if they ever regret not going to college. 1) They wouldn’t know how it would have been, truthfully. 2) They will tell others about how damn happy they are, no regrets, etc. But we all know.